How to Become a Better Speaker and Communicator

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0:38Welcome to the Jasmine Starr Show, where we discuss life and business and marketing and thinking a little bit different. And on that note, today's episode is a little different. I wanted to share with you my insights on what I really believe is a crucial skill for any entrepreneur. And it might not be what you think. Okay. But before I get there, I should let you know. My husband, JD, he is my business partner. And I have to tell you, this man loves being sold to. I mean, he just loves when somebody looks at him and can basically see like blinking money signs above this brother's head. He loves the art of it.

1:19Actually, he enjoys the experience of being sold to. Like if you could describe my husband's love language, picture this, he's in a steakhouse and the waiter comes up and sells him on the rarest type of steak. And then he says, it's for a limited time. And tonight only you could add shrimp or scallops done however you choose. And oh, don't forget the Roquefort butter special tonight. And just for you, sir. We can also add a loaded baked potato. Now you'd have to pay extra for the prosciutto and this French cheese we're putting on top of it. My husband would sit there and be like, yes, all of it.

2:07And there's more. Yes. You know what? Make two of them. Okay. And then I, on the other side of, I don't know, the dinner table and life, I am skeptical of every situation. Well, not situation. I'm skeptical of every suggestion in any situation. Okay. But when I am convinced of confidence, clear explanations, and yeah, okay, a little bit of showmanship, I am an obscene tipper. And I'm one of those people that like, I love leaving really generous tips. And I also like leaving notes on receipts. So I want to know this person's name. I want to cite specific things that they did to make our meal magical.

2:50I am one of those people. But I'm going to tell you that as somebody who spent almost seven years serving tables, and I should also mention that I was employee of the month for the entire organization of a series of steak and rib houses. Now, maybe someone might hear that and believe that I have the capacity to do that, but I'm a vegetarian, right? I could sell you a steak and ribs and I had never tasted it. And not only could I sell you on that steak and ribs, I would have you upsize it for an additional$9. And oh, you know what? I'm going to stop you in the middle of it to say this makes a phenomenal lunch.

3:30But what you can't eat for lunch tomorrow is our made nightly only banana cream pie served in a mason jar. Speaking of mason jars, would you like our back house strawberry lemonade? We grind up our own strawberries here and sweeten with a little agave and fresh lime up on the top. I'm telling you, your girl could rack up receipts, okay? So you can just imagine, I am a little bit skeptical when somebody wants to sell me. However, what I am not skeptical of is somebody who confidently can make a suggestion and gives clear explanations or differences as to why the option is superior. And yeah, has that little bit of showmanship.

4:16Okay, there you go. Bring it all in, bring it all in. So at the start of 2023, I made it a personal goal to get serious about honing my skill as a speaker. And you're gonna be like, okay, why are you talking about rib houses and being employee of a month when you're a vegetarian and now you're talking about being a speaker? Yes, I know. So I had spoken on stages, but everything that I had learned up into the top of 2023 was through trial and error. I had spent years speaking to groups of five or 10 people and I did it all without being paid. And I speak, but what I am actually learning was to value and practice how to have that lean in moment, the lean in moment.

4:56So when I am standing on a stage, the same way that I was taking somebody's order, I knew where to apply a pressure and a bit of showmanship when they leaned in. So I don't know if you've ever been in a conversation and you begin to tell a story and it becomes really engaging and they lean in to hear a little bit more, or you're getting to the apex of a story and someone's like, no, that like connection, body language, as people lean in, that is an indication that people want to hear more or learn more. And so what does this mean as being a waitress? What does this mean standing on stage? what does this mean as a business owner?

5:32Because whether you're pitching, presenting into clients, or networking at events, effective communication mixed with self-awareness, man, it's going to make a big difference in the impression that you leave on people in the room. Okay. So you know that I love this podcast. I love sharing how-tos and tips, but I really want to discuss why speaking skills are important for all entrepreneurs and not just the entrepreneurs who are considering speaking out on stages. Okay. So wherever you are, let's dial in. First, these skills, the skills that you develop as a waitress, as a speaker, it's going to help you handle objections and close sales, right?

6:09So if somebody says, no, I don't want the full rack of ribs. What I'm going to do is handle the objection and give you reasons why the ribs taste better the next day. How to prepare the ribs with scrambled egg, warm them up, put them over a salad or strip them to the bone, put them on a piece of Hawaiian bread. Let's go, right? What am I doing? I'm handling objections and I'm going to close that sale. And I want you to remember your job is to think of every objection people might have before they have it. And then I want you to think of a way and a reason to overcome that objection. So you're selling something from the stage or you're selling something on a sales page.

6:46Why would they not buy? Boom. Answer it right there for them. If I'm giving a presentation or if I'm pitching, I come across confident, not because I'm naturally confident, like not at all. I am not a naturally confident person, but what makes me confident, that is thinking through every objection that I need to address. And it is so helpful because you're able to show empathy and understand your customers' concerns and objections while clarifying features, benefits, and the transformation your business provides. That, my friends, thinking through all that, handling objections and closing sales, the skills that you learn there apply to you actually growing your business.

7:25Second, it helps you lead and build relationships with your team members. Okay. So like how can being a good speaker help you with like lead your team? I get it. But when you effectively convey the vision, the goals and the strategies, your team will be able to align their efforts and understand the role they play bringing it to life. Sometimes, sometimes, I'm gonna be a little real right now. Sometimes I get so good at casting a vision for the future that I need to tether myself to a timeline because I'm really good. I actually had one of my team members say this. She's like, Jasmine, you're really good at selling me in the future.

8:03And I get so caught up in the future that I begin to feel frustrated in today. And I was like, man, that is such a good point. I didn't realize how good I was at selling a future vision. So now what I do is I cast the vision and then I root it in the reality of where we are today. And I root it in the reality of how long it might take for us to get to the future. But when I say that, when I effectively convey a vision of the future, man, they know where they play with it. They know where they fit. And I believe solid speaking skills can also help you communicate your ideas, expectations, instructions.

8:41I mean, when you can effectively communicate how to be more productive, what you're going to do is you're going to create a more productive and collaborative culture. So another little tidbit here. I wasn't always great at explaining my thoughts, right? I wasn't always good at casting a vision for the future. I got better with it over years because teammates would like pour into me. But what is still maintained over years is the team now uses the words. so what I hear is, right? So I'll go through and I'll say X, Y, and Z. And then they'll say, so what I hear you say is this project needs to be done in two weeks.

9:15And I'm like, oh, no. Is that what you heard? So what happens is encouraging the team to say what I heard is allowed me to look at what I was saying and how I was saying it to become a clear speaker. And so my barometer of how I know I'm getting better at using persuasive skills while being clear is the less the team has to say, so what I hear is, right? So it allows me to clarify and see where my communication gaps are. Okay. And the third reason how speaking publicly or these type of skills that you develop are going to help you with your negotiation and your business deals. That's the third reason why this is important.

9:53And I want you to hear this. And third, learning public speaking skills is going to help you with negotiation and your business deals. So I don't know about you, but I've had multiple businesses and negotiation is part of business. Like day in, day out, it's better to become stronger at it and not wait. And I have interviewed hundreds of people and I can say that asking for what you deserve and then backing it up with easy to understand reasoning is so important. And it applies to everybody, but I want to take a second and it applies especially to women. Now I have talked to you and I have interviewed and I have dissected and I have studied multiple female entrepreneurs.

10:34And what I can say from my perspective and experience is that women are less likely to state clearly what they want. They are less likely to negotiate and they are less likely to come into an interview with a plan on how they will create their own ROI, their own return on investment. I wanted to mystify this process. It is normal that this is something you should do. When you are going after a job, when you're qualified for a job, this should be par the course for you. You never have to agree on what is being stated. Anything and everything could be a negotiation. So this is a real life example of a situation that happened in the business.

11:18We put out a job description and a job listing for a particular role in our organization. And we interviewed who got through the final interview. So our CTO was interviewing people. And then we get to the final three candidates, myself and our COO. And what we're basically screening for is culture fits. And so we interview two men and one woman for this role. And both of the gentlemen came in and they had a clear plan how they were going to say, I am requesting this much. And I know it's more than the job listed price, but I am going to be doing X, Y, and Z, which would quantify me getting paid more because I know that I can do more and go above and beyond of what's being asked based on my credibility and education.

12:03Both of the guys came in and asked for more. And then we interviewed a woman and she was on paper more qualified than the other two men. And then when we asked what she wanted to get paid, even though the job listing had stated the minimum, she said, I would be open to what you thought was fair. And I want to say that that doesn't happen and that was like a rare case, but I will tell you the differences between myself and our COO interviewing quite honestly hundreds of people over the last few years has been that women have a tendency to accept, not negotiate, and feel less likely to come in with a clear plan of how they're going to deliver more than what they're getting paid in the business.

12:49Now, I just wanted to point that out as a way for us to understand and like really demystify what it means as females when we're interviewing for jobs, when we are applying for loans, and when we are talking with investors. We must have strong speaking skills because it will help with our negotiation and those business deals. Okay, so I can go on and on about how developing speaking skills is gonna help you with media interviews, help you with conversations, networking, content, and probably a billion other things, but I know you're ready now to hear how. Okay, so let's move on to some strategies that are gonna help you overcome speaking anxiety because this is the thing that stops most people from even having kind of like hard or wonky conversations.

13:36This is what stops people going live. This is what stops people from making social media content. this is what stops people speaking on stages big and small. It is absolutely and totally, obviously, completely normal to be anxious before you speak. And even experienced speakers, like I'll have conversations and they are nervous too. I mean, have I ever told you I'm an introvert? I use my being an introvert to my advantage, but that is a conversation for another episode. But what I want you to know is that being an introvert speaking, and then especially speaking on stage is not normal, but it is a skill that I have honed because I know that clear communication in front of an audience is a fast track to growth.

14:19And I am more interested in growing than I am being comfortable. And I want you to really hear what I'm about to say. The more action you take, the better you'll become at public speaking. You know how people say, practice makes perfect. Well, what's practice? It's intentional action. Now you can start with smaller speaking opportunities to build your confidence gradually. That's what I did. But until you've got a few speeches under your belt, you can manage those anxious feelings by being prepared with breathing techniques, with mantras. Okay, like if you are a mantra person like me, like just like to repeat things, you know, your girl loves a good sticky note on a mirror.

15:00You know, like, come on, anybody. Sometimes I'll get a sticky note, I'll stick it in my wallet. So when I crack it open, I am reminded that money flows to me I am reminded that money doesn't own me. I am reminded that I have exactly what I need in this very moment. Okay, so I sometimes will say a few things that you can borrow so that you can say before you go into a conversation, before you create content, before you go live, before you speak on a stage, before you have a conversation or an interview. While these mantras, while you're saying them, visualize, visualize the thing you want. Visualize a very powerful interview.

15:32Visualize a great live. Visualize you speaking on a stage and then feel the satisfaction that boom, You're doing it. I want you to feel or hear applause, right? Like I actually want you to see you starting it in the middle of it and ending it. Recently, I had a conversation with a team member and I knew that the conversation was gonna be great. But when it comes to pay and compensation, sometimes people feel a little uncomfortable on that. And I don't want that culture at all in our organization. And so what I did is I pictured myself having the conversation and it was fruitful. And it was light and it was forward and it was inspiring.

16:11And it felt like we were both on the same page. And lo and behold, that actually came a reality. So what are some of the things that I say before I have a conversation, before I step on a stage? Well, a few things that you could just use right now. I'm just gonna share five. My voice is strong and my message is important. Or I am in control of my nerves. They do not dictate my energy. or I bring value to others. This audience is here so we can learn together or every word I speak helps other people get closer to their success or I'm grateful for this opportunity to share what I know. Any one of those five, go on, try them on for size, borrow them, say whatever you need to say to get you taking action.

16:59Okay, so let's chat about what's probably going to make you feel the most prepared. Ah, and that is gonna be writing an outline or a script. What I do first is I decide which is gonna be the best for me depending on what I'm doing, an outline or a script. Now, an outline is more of a guide and it kind of follows a specific structure, flow, main topics. And if you're gonna do an outline, this is gonna be best if you're, number one, really well-versed in that subject. Like, you know what, you could speak 15 minutes nonstop about that subject, an outline's gonna be great for you. Number two, maybe you need room for flexibility depending on the audience, if you're a feeler, right?

17:39If you feel like the energy's changing, then maybe you need a little bit of room for flexibility. Number three, if they said you can talk anywhere from 40 to 70 minutes and you don't have like a strict timeline, then you probably use an outline because it'll give you time to riff where you want. Number four, maybe you want an outline because you are really great at thinking on your feet and you're very witty. and, you know, with an outline, you have more room for improvisation. Why can I say that word? Improvisation. Improvisation. You know what? You can use an outline if you want a little bit of room for flow and improvisation.

18:16There you go. Thank you. And fifth point, why you would want an outline? Maybe you're looking for like a little bit of a less polished natural delivery, right? Like maybe an outline would be great for you if you're really confident saying the word improvisation. Definitely not ma stroke. I'll tell you that much. I am more of a script kind of girl, but let's break that down. A script is going to be detailed and it's kind of like a document that has exactly what you're going to say during your presentation. When I say a script, I'm not saying that you read the script per se, but I am saying it's very detailed with very clear points that are going to move you down that presentation very clearly.

18:56And so in it, You're going to be including like antidotes, stories, the transitions that are included, conclusions. And so you're going to be including a more robust presentation or keynote because, you know, maybe you need to focus on precise wording. If you need to focus on precise wording, having that word or that cadence or that specific line of text on a slide so that you nail it, then that's going to be a perfect presentation of times that you would be using a script that build out that keynote. or maybe two, you're dealing with complex or sensitive topics and you're like, I need to really follow and watch my P's and Q's, then a more robust like script-like keynote is gonna help you.

19:38Maybe you want to ensure that you're covering specific points as planned. Maybe there's a lot of steps or there's a lot of distinct pathway. Well then, you know, using a lot of visuals and slides for a keynote with specific points, that's gonna help. Four, maybe you need to hit a certain timeframe. This is why if you've ever watched a TED Talk, like set a cadence, they will tell you that the slides are set at a certain amount of time per slide because you have to finish your TED talk in 20 minutes. Ah, now we get to see why. And then five, maybe you're being paid for the delivery or someone else is paying, you know, for you to give this speech.

20:14Well then when a lot more money is involved, you have to be really in control of the timing, the delivery and those key points. So that's just going to be a little bit of a difference. Now, I used to do a mix of both an outline and like script, but what I've really leaned into, like I just get very busy. And at the time of this recording today, I gave four presentations to four different communities, one for the social curator community, one for a photography community, one for a healthcare community, one for a children hardware community. So it was really important for me to have a very detailed keynote because my mind is in a thousand places and I wanna make sure that I'm sticking to my points, sticking to my timeline and showing up very professionally.

20:58So something that you want to consider after, like, hey, what am I gonna do? Is it gonna be a script? Is it gonna be outline? And I want you to really consider duration. A lot of times when people are inviting you to speak or a lot of times if you are setting up a meeting with your boss or you're setting up a meeting with your employee, there's a calendar invite and that calendar invite would be 15 minutes or 30 minutes, or sometimes you're invited to speak on a stage for 45 minutes or an hour long training. Here are two tips that have helped me and my team in these situations. Tip number one is consider your speaking pace.

21:30People often tell me that I talk fast. I'm not gonna listen, I'm not gonna listen. People honestly will leave podcast reviews or send me like Instagram DMs and they're just like, you talk too fast, I have to slow your podcast down. And I'm like, oh, I'm so glad they have that technology now because maybe you listen slow. I don't know. Anyway, so I do though, I do consider this at the pacing and cadence of how I'm creating keynote. Like generally speaking, if somebody was asking for advice, I would suggest if you have a very detailed keynote to change your slide every minute of the presentation.

22:03So if you have a 30 minute presentation, you should have around 30 minutes of slides because that's gonna be enough to cue you. But because I, I don't know, people say I talk fast, I know that I need to have change my slide every 30 seconds. And that means an average keynote for a 30 minute presentation is going to be around 60 slides because I get in more words than the average person. Okay. The reason why I make these suggestions is because I want you to avoid rushing and I want you to avoid dragging, right? So if you're going to do like making a script at a highly detailed keynote, you can simply Google how many words is a 30 minute speech.

22:43If you're using an outline, you can estimate how much time you're going to need for each segment. And then one tip that I have learned, if you are gonna do like an outline, it's gonna be a little bit loose, you're gonna say, this is my three-part framework, or here are four steps to X. And then you could say to keep yourself and everybody in the audience on the same page, I'm gonna talk about each of these frameworks for five minutes. So the bulk of the presentation will be 15 minutes, and then we'll have another 10 minutes at the end for Q &A. When you prepare your audience, They're more adapt to actually follow you with the flow.

23:13Okay. Tip number two is to consider for content density. I know, sounds fancy. I need to understand the complexity and the depth of the topics that I'm covering. So, you know, if you want to deep dive into certain topics or maybe just there's some things that you don't want to touch at all, well then for anything that you are not comfortable talking about, you want to make sure that you're leaving like more of like a wider scope, right? An idea or a path to learn more. So here's a perfect example. Oftentimes, I am invited to talk about marketing and business growth. And so as I'm preparing now, I was hired to go to an event and speak about business and wealth.

23:52And so I know that my lane isn't really wealth. I do more business. I know how to make money. And it has just been a very recent transition for me to really discuss and think, how do I turn my money into wealth? And so because it's still so new for me, I don't want to stand on this stage and speak with utmost authority on how to build wealth. I can speak with a lot of authority on how to build businesses because I've done it for myself, but I also teach other people how to do it and they get these massive results. So what I decided to do was when we get to the topic of wealth, I am going to give key takeaways that I've learned up until this point, but then I'm going to give them a pathway to learn from people who I'm learning from.

24:31So the vast majority of that presentation is going to be about business growth, then certain segment, I'm going to downshift, right? The density of like business growth, marketing, building out funnels, transitioning followers into customers. How do you cultivate leads outbound, inbound? I could talk about that all day, every day. And that will be the bulk of the presentation. When we get to wealth, I'll give away a few tips, lessons, and then a pathway to learn more. Okay. So what I want to do is now focus a little bit on foundations, right? And I understand that I've talked about why being a stage presenter or being a waitress or a business owner, like why these skill sets are important.

25:10I get that. But what I don't want to get confused at all is that I believe everybody should speak on stage. Not at all. However, you are speaking to your team. And I've come to believe that even just today, even just today. We're working on creating, should I say it? Should I say it? We have not publicly said it. Hey, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to say here on the podcast. And then just like, y 'all are going to know we have done no outbound messaging. We have not announced it. People in the social curator community don't even know about it, but Hey, you're a podcast listener. So we're working on launching a course that I am so proud of already.

25:47And it is for a high level entrepreneur. I'm so freaking excited for the way that this content is going. We reached out to people who we really respect to add on tutorials and bonuses. And everybody has said yes, which makes me feel like we're so in alignment. So many people see a need. It doesn't exist in the market. And I'm very excited. As we're going through the content, I made a note on week one and I said, I love this content, but we need to resell the people who made this decision. So I am going to be spending a bit of that time in week one reselling. They've already given us their credit card, right?