How to Become a More Effective Leader [Growth Challenge: Day 3]

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0:33I can't wait to see you there. Welcome to day three of our five-day growth challenge. We're halfway through our celebration of our 500th episode in our fifth podcast anniversary. Today's episode is about building your emotional intelligence. This is an underrated skill for thriving both in business and life. If you're ready to up-level your ability to connect, lead, and make better decisions, you're in the right place. And don't forget, leaving a review during this challenge enters you into winning$500. So be sure to stick around for your action step at the end. this is how we make the challenge work for us.

1:05Let's get into the Goldman framework. This framework developed by Daniel Goldman breaks down EI into five key areas. Hallelujah. Let's go. Okay. Starting with number one, self-awareness. This is the foundation of emotional intelligence. And there are three main ways that you can improve this. Number one, know where you are in this area, what to work on and the how. So we're going to get to that a little bit later. Number two, seek feedback. Ask your team members and mentors for honest input. Number three, reflect. Regularly ask yourself what went well in different scenarios and what you could improve on.

1:41Okay, let's get into your journaling prompt. Describe a recent situation where you felt a strong emotion like anger, frustration, or excitement. What triggered this emotion? How did you react? Now for this second area of this framework, we have self-regulation. This refers to your ability to manage your emotions in a positive way. Something I like to do is practice a simple breathing exercise for two minutes. I inhale for a count of four, I hold for four, and then I exhale for eight. So let's do this. We're going to practice right now on the podcast. I am going to be counting you down. You're going to inhale for four, hold for four, and exhale for eight.

2:24I am telling you, this has changed my freaking life. I'm gonna count us down in three, two, one. Inhale, four, three, two, one. Hold, two, three, four. Exhale, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. that breathing cycle you do that four to ten times this naturally calms your nervous central system y 'all repeat this cycle a few times to continue to calm your mind and regulate your emotions i know it sounds so simple but it is life-changing but i understand okay this might not be doable or it's like that's really awkward are you just deep breathing yes okay some people are like i can't do that in a meeting i can't do it on a call but i wouldn't ask you to do what i have not done and I still do.

3:22I'll be honest when I tell you that having conversations around tech gives me anxiety. I am talking about off the Richter scale, off a freaking high rise, high anxiety. When I started a tech company, I had zero tech experience. When I would sit in tech meetings, it felt like everybody was speaking another language because they were. I cannot tell you how many times I'd sit around this big conference table and I would silently do breathing exercises like inhale, hold while people are talking, exhale for eight. I am doing this because my nervous system was panicking because I did not know what the heck was going on.

4:02But the panic stopped me from thinking or understanding. So the minute I regulated my nervous central system, it opened my brain to actually see what was going on. In fact, I started training myself to take deep, huge breaths before asking a question so that my nervous system was regulated. Now, I own my awkwardness. I am a better leader because of it. But, you know, if you're not quite there yet, here are three things you could do. Focus on your senses. What can you see? Hear? Touch? Taste? Smell? Okay, grounding yourself in your senses is actually proven to help you detach from overwhelming emotions.

4:43Now, let's talk about engaging with your relaxation response. Unclench your jaw. Soften your forehead. Remove your tongue from the roof of your mouth. All of these things tell your mind everything's okay. And the last tip to help you self-regulate is to find gratitude. Think of three things you're truly grateful for and allow yourself to actually experience gratitude in your body. Okay, so now for your journaling prop. Think of a time when you reacted not so great due to strong emotions. How could you have used like deep breathing or another technique to manage your emotions in the moment? I want to pause here and just like take a second for what we just went through.

5:27We're talking about emotional intelligence, but we're also talking about how it manifests itself in anxiety, stress, and in our bodies. So what we just went through was taking a few seconds to regulate our central nervous system. Why? So we can understand the emotions that other people are experiencing. Why? so that we could lead from a place of empathy because we understand what it means and feels like in an anxious body to be in the workplace. Ooh, we, let's move on to a little bit more zen. I wanna move on to key area number three, motivation. Actually, I wanna take this a step further and say intrinsic motivation.

6:05This is the deep-seated desire to do something because you find it fulfilling. Y 'all, I could write a whole podcast episode on this topic, like alone, but I'm going to leave you with three statistics I found while researching this topic. Intrinsically motivated employees are 43 % more productive than those driven by external rewards alone. This is according to Gallup. Employees who report high levels of intrinsic motivation are more likely to stay with their company, aka retention. That was also according to Gallup. Organizations that foster a culture of intrinsic motivation see higher levels of innovation and creativity.

6:46That was according to NCBI. Now, okay, for your journaling prompt, remember this episode is all about taking action. How do you develop emotional IQ? How do you become a leader? What are your own personal motivators? How can you align your leadership style to better motivate your team members based on their unique needs? For example, I have a deeply intrinsic desire to empower entrepreneurs to scale their businesses. I also deeply believe in the power of beating the odds, especially for underrepresented business owners. I can honestly say that every person on our team is deeply motivated in the same way for the same reason.

7:22Now, it doesn't have to be to the same extent as mine, not at all, but they're motivated in the same way, which helps retention, execution and getting results. So here's a quick review of where we're at. Key area number one was self-awareness. Key area number two was self-regulation. And key area number three was motivation. Now let's move on to key area number four, empathy. During your next team meeting, I want you to choose one person and focus on actively listening to them, both verbally and non-verbally. Pay attention to their body language, the tone of their voice. Try using the tell me more technique.

7:57So when a team member expresses a challenge, ask clarifying questions with the intent to understand. Instead of offering solutions immediately, use phrases like, huh, tell me more about that. Or how can I support you? Or what do you need from me? Most of the time, they're able to solve their own problems themselves, but they just want to feel supported. They want to know that you understand how difficult it is for them. Okay, so now for your journaling prompt. Think about a recent interaction with a team member. Did you actively listen to their concerns? How could you have demonstrated a greater empathy in that situation?

8:30Now let's move on to key area number five, which is social skills. Here is one super, and I mean super simple way that you can start to improve in this area. Using positive reinforcement. Catch somebody on your team doing something right. Take a minute to offer a public thank you, highlighting their specific contribution. Now, I'm telling you, trust me, it will fuel them. I'm going to pause here for a second because so often we think that it has to be something really big, but oftentimes it's the small details that make it feel really big. I concluded teaching a live course experience called Your Biggest Launch Ever, and it was co-created with the president of Social Curator, Katie.

9:11Now, Katie and I built this thing from the ground up, and she was so integral in making sure that we built out a community and people felt supported. She was legitimately taking care of people one-on-one. So at the end of the course, I stopped and I said, I can't end this course without taking the time to publicly thank Katie. And all of these students were doing a live course experience and were teaching it in Zoom. And they're like, the chat went wild for her and people were clapping on video. And I think the entirety of it took maybe less than a minute. And she took the time to send me a message after and said, I just want to say thank you.

9:48It felt so rewarding. Wow, y 'all, 60 seconds so that we say, I see you. and it changes the way that the team shows up for the big vision. So now I want to focus on your final journaling prompt. Recall a situation where you provided real-time, highly personalized, positive feedback. What was that response? How did other team members react? Now, I want you to remember that emotional intelligence is a continuous journey. I mean, you can't brush your teeth for eight hours on January 1st and say, oh, wow, I'm good for the year. Like, I'm done. Okay, so same thing for emotional intelligence. By incorporating these tactics and journaling your prompts into your daily routine, you're going to become a more highly intelligent emotional leader.

10:32I want you to create a more productive, safe work environment for your team. And I want you to hit your goals faster. Emotional intelligence is truly the foundation for strong relationships, effective leadership, and a resilient mindset. Your action step today is to practice active listening to your next conversation. Pay attention not just to the words, but to the emotions behind them. And don't forget, if you leave a review during this challenge, you are in the running for$500. You get the chance to win. So join me tomorrow for day four. We'll explore the power of restarting. You're doing great.

11:05Keep the momentum going in this challenge because everything is conspiring in your favor.