How to Build a Powerful Connection with Your Audience with Laura Belgray

0:0010 years ago, I made the decision to build my personal brand that was elevated, yet approachable, and reflected who I was, not just what I did. I created my website with ShowIt because it's true drag and drop freedom so you can easily build and update your site. Plus, their real human support team, game changer. Want to try it for yourself? Head to jasminestar.com forward slash show it for a 14-day free trial and first month free when you subscribe.

0:37Y 'all, ladies and gentlemen, there is nobody else on this podcast. I do believe that there are people who are listening right now who actually own a t-shirt emblazed with the words present because y 'all are fighting for the position for a president of this woman's fan club. She is a fan favorite here on the Jazz and Star podcast. This is going to be her third appearance. I think she is the only person in podcast history to come back three times. And she always over delivers. Like I am just like, you must come back. So ladies and gentlemen, if you're a longtime listener of this podcast, you'll likely remember this woman from our 2020 episode, copywriter extraordinaire, Laura Belgray.

1:16Now, for those of you guys who want to do the search, her episode, How to Get Paid to Be You. Okay. How to be paid to be you is one of the most downloaded episodes and for good reason. Laura is real. She is hilarious. These conversations always move me from the inside out. And like, she's one of those people who's so good at what it is she does that people will sign up for an old school, get it down and dirty email because she has a really cool way of mixing her life into everything that she does. She is getting paid to be her, Laura Belgray. Welcome back to the Jasmine Star Show. Gosh, thank you, Jasmine.

1:55I promise you right now, nobody is going to top that intro. No podcast I'm on is going to top that. So it's all downhill from here. Well, you know, it just comes from the heart, Laura Belgray. It comes from my heart and I want to be very clear. So we're going to start, I always spit the truth. So have people know what they're getting into from the beginning. And so this is the real life story of why I invited Laura back to the show. So Laura decided to get extra paid for being her by writing a book. And here's the thing. This is why I am not just a podcaster who wants people to be on like a book train.

2:33I like Laura. I follow Laura. I'm an avid reader. And I like the way that she's navigating her life, her stories, and monetizing, creating a business around it. So just imagine my surprise when I was not one of the tightly knit circles that Laura hit up to say, can you pre-buy my book? And can you get me on your podcast? She didn't say that. I saw on her stories that you could pre-buy her book. And so I marched my little fingers on over to Amazon. I bought her book. I paid my own dang money. I didn't get a press kit. I wanted to support what it is she's doing. and I loved it so much that I'm like, number one, I'm offended.

3:11I wasn't asked to be a part of it. Number two, thank you for not asking me to be a part of your book tour. And number three, will you come on and not just talk about your book, but let's have an extension of where you are now as a hardcover book author. Like, uh, you are doing it all. You're doing it all. Thank you. Hold on. Hold on. We have to backtrack. The reason, the reason I asked you late in the game, when you were like, you think I didn't already pre-order that? Because I am last minute Laura. That's when I asked anybody, anyone big, I was actually probably procrastinating asking you because I was like, oh, now I've waited too long and she's gonna think I'm a big procrastinator, which I'm admitting to you now.

3:55I think I waited till after I asked you to ask some other people who are enormous. And of course I started stressing about it all way early on. Like I was so ahead of the curve, stressing about it and what I was going to have to do. And then when it came time to ask people, can I be on your podcast? And can I send you a galley? They were like, I already pre-ordered it. Well, that says a lot about you. That says a lot about you. And last minute, Laura, you're about to jump right in Jasmine. Because one of the things that I was really attracted to is you actually wrote an Instagram post about this.

4:27And you said the worst way to write, and I substitute write with create. So any business owner, like substitute what it is you do. So the worst way to be a coach, the worst way to be a photographer, the worst way to be a writer is to wait until you're inspired. And so can you speak to the creative entrepreneur or any entrepreneur, if they've identified as creative or not, who is saying, yeah, but that feels impossible. Like when I write, when I create, when I post, when I take a photo, when I'm not inspired, I get nothing. So it feels like a waste of time. Like what do you say to the people who are looking at what it is you're doing and saying, well, I can never do that in my own way.

5:02It feels like it's a waste. Yeah, which I get because I used to be a big wait for inspiration person myself. And I would go like go in a sprint of posting or blogging every day back when I was, you know, when blogging was my thing and be on a roll. And then one day run out of things to write about, but just not feel it or skip a day. And then one day turned into two and two days turned into three. And people would say, where's your blog? I haven't gotten one in a while. I haven't seen one. And I'd say, yeah, I'm just waiting for some ideas to come along. and no ideas would come along because the less you create, the less ideas you have.

5:40And the more you create, the more ideas you have. And the more you create, the more you write, the more you write, the more you, the more snaps you take, the more snaps you take and want to take. And I always love to quote Seth Godin on this one. We all Seth Godin, the marketing hero, author extraordinaire. He's been blogging for, I don't know how many years since the dawn of the internet and a post every single day, like rain or shine, hell or high water, he posts every single day. And he has said that 50 % of his posts are below average. And he's not saying that he's a below average writer by any means.

6:19He is saying that's what average means. 50 % are below average, 50 % are above average. So if you want to create more that is above average, you have to create a lot more. And we all know that like that one thing that you sit there and polish and hone and you're like, this is the one, this is the, this is the thing I'm inspired to do. And this is the one that's going to hit big and go viral and probably get me on TV because it's the post that went viral. You post it and it's like chirp, chirp. And you know, like, is, is this thing on, Is my router broken? Like, is the wifi down? Let me look up spectrum.

7:02And no, it's not. And then the thing that you just kind of throw out there, you're like, this is no good, but gosh, I got to post something. That's the one that everyone's like, this. Like, really? This? Yeah, this. Because it's that thing you didn't put that much weight on. You held it lightly. You just, you know, even though you weren't inspired, you didn't think it was inspired. somehow it just hits home because there's less effort in it and less weight to it. And so I think there's a lot of merit to just being prolific, putting a lot out there, like creating and creating and creating, even when you're not inspired and especially when you're not inspired.

7:44I'm going to pause and I need that to like completely sink in because if you're a photographer, you shoot more when you don't feel like shooting. And when you are a fitness influencer, you're posting or you're a fitness coach, you're posting when you don't want to post. And when you are a DJ, you're mixing when you don't want to mix. And when you're a baker, it's not your piece de resistance. That's going to be a 15 layer cake. That's going to make you go viral. It's going to be those homespun cookies that you used to make at your grandma's kitchen table that really resonates with people. And so the more we do, the more we get creative.

8:22And so anybody who's listening, that's the main takeaway. Obviously, Laura and I come from the same school of thought that more is more, but it's not for the sake of doing things that we don't want to do. We do it as a sacrifice so that when inspiration hits, we know how to apply ourselves. And so for those of you who aren't going to do the due diligence, we will link back in our show notes to Laura's other episodes, but I want to just give a little bit of context. Laura has written and writes for some of the biggest names in the industry. She's also written for NBC and Bravo and HBO. Like these are the type of clients that she's working with.

8:58And I really want to go back and tie this into how Laura is getting paid to be her and how she talks and educates other people to get paid for being them. Now, um, when we talk about creating to create, when we don't feel like creating, can we get practical? Like, can you give us an example or a story? Like, how does this look for you? Do you sit down? Do you set a timer? Or are you just like, I'm just going to write however I can? Like, give us like a framework so somebody's like, I think I can do that. Yeah. I have had times when I'm so resistant to sitting down and writing something or writing what I have to write.

9:30You know, maybe I'm on a deadline, I pitched something to a publication and so I owe it to them. Most of the stuff is that I do, it's on me. Like, I don't have to post anything. It's just on me. But when I have a deadline and I'm just so resistant and I don't know how to start it or anything like that, I'll do the Pomodoro. Like there's one that's free online. It's called the Marinara timer. It's a free version of the Pomodoro method. And I will use that. And like, I close all the windows on my laptop, all the socials. I have used an app called Freedom, which I haven't used in a long time, but that can be helpful.

10:10It doesn't let you open anything that you've put in there. So, which I need very much because I don't even know I'm doing it when I type like, you know, I into the browser that like Instagram is going to pop up. I don't even know I'm doing it. And then it's there. So I'm putting the phone in another room. Yeah. So that's a great way of doing it. Sitting down with a timer, say, you know, I'm going to write for 20 minutes. You can, it can be 30 minutes. I wouldn't say an hour. I think that's probably too long. And then if you, you know, if you hit an hour and you're, or you hit 50 minutes and the timer goes off and you want us to keep creating, you can keep creating, but make it easy for yourself.

10:53Don't make it so that you can't hit that mark. And I think that that's a great way to do it. I also use 750words.com, which is my, that's my journaling app of choice. I can't handwrite anything anymore. My hand doesn't work. So I can barely sign my name. So I use 750words.com and I just free write into that. That's how I start most of my mornings. And I try to do it every day. Sometimes I don't, but it, it has a word count at the bottom that keeps going and it hit, it turns green when you hit 750 words. And that's when you know, you're, you're done with your words for the day. And that just gets the synapses firing and makes you realize, oh, I do have things to write.

11:39I do have things to say today. I didn't think I did. Even if it's just your thoughts from, you know, the same repeating thoughts that you have over and over and over, which I've spent many days doing, like, I can't write this book. I can't write this book. I can't write this book. I'm going to miss my deadline. Same thoughts over and over. Or it might be what I had for dinner last night, but that just gets things rolling and makes me realize I've got plenty to say, even just about the steak that I ordered that came well done instead of medium rare. So I want to tap here for a second, because when I look back at the peaks and valleys of my career and like kind of like pushing up after a pivot, during a pivot and pre-pivot, one of the things that I would always go back to would be content.

12:27I've been banging the same drum for over 14 years, but where I feel like maybe I have detoured at different points of my career. And at the time of this recording, I am so distinctly hardcore going back to that. It is framing everything with a story. And as humans, we're so story driven, but as entrepreneurs, what we want to be is business driven. So either it's conscious or subconscious that we're leading with the thing that we feel the most insecure about. Like the story about my steak. I mean, I'm a vegetarian. So like the story about my tofu is really boring, but it's actually the thing that's really connected.

13:01So on that note, the practicalities of talking and sharing your stories, like you shared one story and it was an email a little bit from last year. And it was a really simple story about how people kept on noticing you on your regular walking route. It wasn't like they recognized somebody famous. It was just that you recognize somebody who walked consistently and then you like, they would comment about it. So in your email, you told a story and then it tied into the idea of consistency and the power of staying on top of your mind for your clients and customers. How do you do this? Do you just sit down and this story comes to you?

13:31I know. So what happens is you just like, oh, I can write about my steak. And people are like, great. She writes about her steak. And then here I am telling you like, dude, this story of you walking in your neighborhood has stayed with me almost a year. Maybe it's been a year. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, how, how are you bridging things you do daily to what you write about in business? And so I'm coming at this from the context of not just a writer. So people who are listening, it would be like a life coach. This would be a videographer. This would be a baker. And they think to themselves, okay, my story in the carpool line at school is really boring.

14:02This is what I tell myself. I'm like, I am a, an astounding boring person. So how are you getting the steak you ordered for dinner, the route you take, what's the linchpin? How are you working here? Okay. So when I do that, when I sit down and I'm like, I have a story to tell, I feel like talking about this today. Usually I write it and try to come to a conclusion, some sort of a segue, some sort of a takeaway or point, or maybe it's something I'm selling by the time I finish writing it. Like sometimes it doesn't happen. Sometimes I'm like, what is the point of this story? Like I write it for the fun of it and try to make it entertaining and pull them in.

14:45And then I have to come up with, what is the takeaway here? And I had to do this when I was writing my book and it was way harder writing my book because I had all these stories I wanted to tell. And on their own, I thought they were good enough to tell. Like I've been telling them, I've been dining out on this story of like a foursome with a world renowned filmmaker for, you know, 30 years since it happened and a near failed foursome. But as I had to grapple with, what is the point of this? What is the, my editor said, what are you trying to say here? What is the point of view? What is the perspective?

15:22And it's sometimes it's really hard to do that because you're like, I don't know. It's just a funny story, but that's not satisfying to your reader. They want to know why they just read this. So I will sit down and say and ask myself if it doesn't come right away. Why am I telling this story? What are some things that you could pull out of this? What is a pattern here that you also see in the business world or in life or something that mirrors what we do in life? If I were just telling a story about the steak and that I still remember that it was, you know, the wrong temperature when it came out.

15:56I don't know the conclusion might be that we tend to focus on the negative. Like, I don't remember the dessert. I don't remember this or that. Or, you know, there are different lessons that you can pull out of a wrongly done steak and being the crazy walking girl in, you know, in a small town. So I'll do it that way. Sometimes if like, if I'm promoting something like a course, I will think, I'll do it the reverse way. I think, what are some stories that demonstrate the power of, you know, if I'm promoting, say, Inbox Hero, what are some stories that demonstrate the power of showing up in somebody's inbox over and over and being top of mind?

16:39And then I might say, oh, like when I'm walking around town and everybody knows who I am because they've seen me day in, day out, like doing strange laps up and down the street. Okay. So I'm going to repeat back what I think I heard and correct me. so when it comes to storytelling and in integrating it with your business which I'm a big advocate of and the more stories that I intersperse in my business development the more I get engagement the more I get followers the more I get customers so story matters and so the way that you're looking at this is a two-prong approach story first I know that I want to talk about this one instance, but the story that is funny, great, inspiring to you doesn't mean anything unless the reader knows the benefit or the takeaway.

17:27So you start with a great story, but before writing it, you have to know what is the main takeaway. What do I want them to know? Once you have the story and the takeaway, then you fill in the middle. The second approach is a lot more strategic when it comes to business. You have the lesson or the point that you want to make. This is the pressure you want to apply on a desire or the pressure you want to apply on somebody's desired solution. And you start with they must need Inbox Hero because it's important to show up in the inbox. How then can you talk about the importance of consistency and doing something so you stay on top of mine?

18:03So one starts with story, then gets to the point. One starts with the point, and then you find a story to correlate the two. I remember a couple weeks ago, I was in Texas and I did something like a rally car race. I don't even know. I don't know. Maybe I was drinking when I signed up for this event. I don't even know why, but I remember going there and being so uncomfortable. And then as they were training us to learn how to become rally car drivers, I remember thinking there is a lesson here. Like I immediately, I'm listening to this coach talk to us before we get in the cars. And I thought, oh my God, the lesson is how racing rally car is similar to starting a business.

18:41So I started off with the benefit to the reader and then I reverse engineered with the story. And now my weekly newsletters are always this exact approach that I didn't know that I was doing. Story, benefit, or of a specific angle with a story to reverse engineer that. Thank you. That's so, so, so good. So good, Laura. Thank you for summing up. I want to just go back to one thing that you said, which is that you find the point of the story and then you write the story. You don't write the story until you know the point of it. And I would not say that. I would say write the story and the point will come.

19:14It might not come super easily or immediately, but don't wait until you know the point to sit down and write the story, because that will just stop you in your tracks and you'll say, well, I don't know the point yet, so I'm not going to write the story. Remember that writing a story or telling a story gets the ideas firing in your head and you might discover it on the page or as you're telling it. And so don't stop yourself because you don't know the point yet. This is so good because this is to the photographer. If you really want to capture the perfect sunset photo, this is not dreaming up that sunset photo before you actually hit the photo.

19:47It's the series of sunset photos that you will take until you truly understand what you want to see in a photo. This is for the baker, not imagining the taste of the cookie without multiple iterations of that cookie. So this is us doing our discipline. This is us coaching. This is us singing. This is us writing poems until we figure out the nature of it and then take away for the reader, the listener, the watcher. Amazing. Okay, so I am always like as a law school dropout, I'm always looking for where are the holes? Where are people going to doubt or have questions? And so this is gonna come from somebody who's listening, the yes but.

20:19So in an Instagram post, you admitted that the best part of a vacation is coming up with all the TV shows that you want to catch up with, you want to watch. And like, people are like, wow, that's amazing. And you talk about being yourself and talking about those things. What about like the doctor, the lawyer who thinks that showcasing too many of their personal stories or personal life makes them appear less professional in a, when they show off too much of their personal personalities. Right. I get it. They want to be taken seriously. I mean, one thing that I might not show about my personality, if I were to say a doctor, is that I don't know what I'm doing half the time or that I fake my expertise.

20:59I might not admit things like that, but if you are maybe a mess and maybe even have trouble following your own advice, I think that that is fine to admit, showing that you're human and saying like, ever noticed that a lot of like doctors who tell you to stop smoking, then go out and come back in with cigarettes on their breath? like, yeah, we're a bunch of hypocrites. I mean, I think it's fine to say things like that, as long as you are not discrediting yourself as an expert who knows how, like in whatever profession it is, you know, don't reveal something that specifically discredits you. But if you think that it reveals too much of your humanity, I think that you're wrong.

21:43And that's a great thing to do. And people will be more attracted to you. They will feel like attracted to you in a business sense, to compel to work with you. And they'll feel like they know you. We all know that we buy from or work with people we know, like, and trust. And the more you reveal about yourself and the more human you are and real you are, you know, in that public facing way, the more people who don't know you will feel like they do know you and they like you and they trust you because you're being real. And it also gives them permission to be more of themselves. and I think that's a huge gift to give to people.

22:22I listened to an author who I love, who I just, I think is so brilliant. Her name is Sam Irby. And in fact, I went to see her last night for her new book and I listened to her on the podcast. I think it was Glennon Doyle's podcast talking about how she just can't with the news. Like she doesn't know anything that's going on in the world. And that's a big thing to admit to a really like aware, woke activist audience. And I loved her for it. She was just like, I don't know anything. I'm ignorant. I just watch trash TV and cannot keep up with what's going on for the life of me. I can't remember where she, you know, she got her news from like some Instagram feed that was all Bravo based or something.

23:09So, which is where I get my news to these days. So I think it's, you're giving someone the gift of relief, like, oh, it's okay to be myself and it's okay to be real. And I don't have to be buttoned up and present this fake facade of perfection to get people to take me seriously. I think perfection doesn't create connection. Mm. Perfection doesn't create connection. Was there any part of your book where you were kind of like on the fence about, should I put this story in? Do you feel like it revealed too much? I, you know, I put a lot in there. Um, as you know, if you've even peeked at the table of contents and I did not worry about my audience, like anyone in my audience reading it or outside my audience reading it.

24:02I didn't worry about people saying like, oh, I wouldn't do business with her. I would never go, you know, take a course from her at all. I just worried about my mom reading it. And actually the dedication says, mom, you know, maybe skip chapter nine. And dad, if you're up there, you too. Okay. So you are very okay with that. But for somebody who's just like, well, I don't want to shock my audience. Like I'm afraid of shocking. How did they get a little bit closer to where you are? Yeah. I mean, you don't have to, you don't have to go as far as I did. I get off on TMI. I'm a TMI queen and like, and, and most people who are listening to this are probably considering writing some sort of prescriptive expert book, right?

24:52Rather than a memoir. I mean, this is a memoir and essays. It's a very personal book. and it's not a self-help book. It's not a how-to, it's more of a how not to. Though I think a lot of people who've, our early readers have said that it helped them, help them feel more of themselves or have permission to be who they are and take their time, feel less behind. But it is a very personal book intentionally. So you don't have to go that far. I think you want to include parts of your life. You want to tell personal stories in there and make them super specific, Make the details specific so that it's uniquely your story, not just some vague story that everybody tells that feels cliche.

25:36Like your specific details will bring it to life and feel personal and revealing in a way that doesn't reveal too much. You don't have to pull back the curtain on all the dirty, messy stuff. But some of it, we like to see messy. That's what makes it compelling. We like to see the things that you are afraid to reveal. So I encourage you to reveal those, but you don't, you don't have to talk about your sex life. You don't have to talk about, you know, any parts of your body. You don't have to talk about any of, you know, your most shameful stories, the time you shoplifted, if it has nothing to do with what you're writing about.