How to Increase Your Net Worth by Increasing Your Self-Worth with Jamie Kern Lima

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0:39Welcome back to the Jasmine Star Show, a place where we get to talk about business and marketing and mindset. And today, a topic very near and dear to my heart because somebody opened my eyes and actually forced me to have a conversation about worthiness, what it means to be worthy. Now, I know, not a topic I normally talk about because I just kind of keep it in my little Pandora box of my soul. And I had the luxury and the honor and the privilege to hang out in Tennessee with today's guest. And I sat in a room with her and I heard her speak so passionately about her life's work and her life's purpose.

1:15And I saw a future version of myself accepting and stepping into the person I want to be. So without any further ado, Jamie Kern Lima, welcome to the Jasmine Starr Show. Jasmine, thank you so much for having me. I am so fired up. I'm so excited. the way you just described that little Pandora's box in your soul, every single person listening with big business dreams, with ideas, with like entrepreneurial spirit, with big dreams on their heart, every single one of us has that Pandora's box of am I worthy of my business goals and dreams? Am I worthy of a healthy relationship? Am I worthy of soaring to the levels of my successes?

1:55And a lot of us don't realize, and I believe I'm so passionate, I'm going to get it fired up right off the top that that Pandora's box you so beautifully described, that is where the key is to all of it. Because like, oh, you want to double your success. Okay, double your self-worth. Like you want to double your net worth, double your self-worth because your self-worth is your ceiling. Your self-worth is your ceiling. And it is very different from self-confidence, which is important. It's very different from growing and contributing. It's very different from all these other things. and I just feel like for so long, I did not understand the difference between self-worth and self-confidence.

2:34I thought I needed more self-confidence. What I really needed was more self-worth because when we do not believe we are worthy of something, it will not happen. We'll hit a ceiling or we'll go for it and sabotage it along the way or the best case is we'll go for it and get it and still feel like it's not enough, still feel like we're not enough. So our self-worth is our ceiling. It is why I wrote Worthy. I am fired up today, excited to be here with you. So honored for that one person just listening to you and me right now who's like, Jasmine just mentioned her Pandora's box and her soul. I have that too.

3:10And I'm telling you right now, that is the key to business, to everything, right? You want to double your success, double your self-worth. So if you see me and my eyes are looking down, I take notes, Jamie. It's how I learn and how I disseminate. So please know for people who are listening and or watching, I write down the things my friends say. And a Moleskine journal, I have 2023, my journal here. And then I have 2024 journal here. And in the 2023 journal, I was writing down what you were talking about. Now, I want to be very clear. I'm giving people like a front row seat to what it feels like to be in a room with very brilliant people.

3:51And we weren't talking about the context of the book. We were talking about this idea of the business of a book. And yet when Jamie was talking about the book, I kept on asking myself questions. What does worthiness disguise itself as? What do I get confused with? Because prior to us sitting in that room, I didn't think I struggled with worthiness. And so talk to me about your distillation between people who are like, I don't wake up and think I'm not worthy. But what does worthiness disguise itself as? Because you had said, I used to think you with self-confidence. Can we tap here? Because I really want to bring people into that side of the conversation.

4:28Yes. And so powerful. And by the way, for the person listening who is like, I'm crushing it on the outside. Everyone thinks I've got it all. I don't know that I have a worthiness thing. Right now, 80%, 80 % of women do not believe they're enough. 75 % of female executives deal with imposter syndrome. It is a thing. And sometimes, Jasmine, to use your beautiful analogy. It's in a Pandora's box deep inside. We think it's not messing with anything, but when it is there, when it is there. So here's how it looks like in our lives, and here's how it disguises itself as. And this one distinction has changed everything for my life because here's the deal.

5:10Let me just position this by saying right now, as we are talking live, I am more ambitious than I have ever been in my entire life. And I also feel more enough than I ever have. And what I did not realize though, most of my life, and I think for anybody who is an achiever, who's listening to you and me right now, I believe the lie that if I achieve enough, then I'll finally feel enough. Then I'll finally be enough. And in the pursuit of achievement of things. I believe it's an important part of life because we are so often building self-confidence in the pursuit or building, we're growing, we're often contributing to something greater than ourselves.

5:54But in the pursuit of all those things, which is very important to part of our lives, none of that actually builds self-worth, which is really, really different. And so I want to distinguish the two and then I'm going to answer that question of like, how does it disguise itself? How does it show up? Because for the person listening right now, if this is the one thing you take away from the episode. I'm telling you right now, for me, this has been life-changing. So our self-confidence, which is so important in our lives, it is an internal trait, but it is based so much on the external. It's how we assess our skills and abilities.

6:27It's our willingness to try and go for it. It's how much of the world's definition of success we think we have. It's how we feel we stack up and measure and compare to others. And it fluctuates and it's fragile. And studies show when the athlete wins, they're 30 % more confident, right? It fluctuates. It's fragile. When we, for a lot of us, think, oh, we're often raised, and maybe I can ask this question to the one person just who is with you and me right now. If you imagine a big goal or dream that you've had your whole life and you thought, when I finally get that thing, then I'm going to feel legit, made in the shade.

7:04I'm going to feel happy and fulfilled. And for some people, it's when my business hits this number or when I get this job title or when I get this many followers online or when I get married or when I get the six-pack abs or when I get the dream car, right? We have these. And then we arrive at that thing. And for some of us, we work decades to get that thing or years or months. And we arrive at that thing thinking, I'm going to finally feel fulfilled and happy and enough. And for a lot of us, we get at that thing. And we're happy for a minute. And before we know it, we're back to feeling like something's missing, like it's not enough, like we're not enough.

7:44And so our answer is, oh, I've just got to work harder. I just got to hustle. I'll go to the next level, the next level. And it becomes this perpetual cycle to nowhere because in the pursuit of all those things, we're building a lot of confidence, which is important. And we're building, you know, we're growing, we're contributing. Those are all important. But none of those things actually build self-worth, which is different. Self-worth is the deep internal knowing that you are worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are. Not as your past mistakes or failures or regrets, not as the amount of success the world tells you you have, but exactly, innately as who you are.

8:26And our self-confidence is almost like the house we're building with the rooms and the art and all the things. but our self-worth is the foundation beneath that house. And our house will only ever be as stable and secure as that foundation beneath it. And a lot of people say, well, wait a minute, I'm super ambitious. If I believe I'm enough, am I going to lose my edge? Am I going to lose my ambition? It's like, oh no, actually it's the opposite. When you raise your ceiling of self-worth because your self-worth is your ceiling and you learn to believe you're enough, you actually become more ambitious and more fearless because you know, oh, even if I go for the thing and I fall flat on my face, it might shake my confidence for a minute, but it cannot touch my self-worth.

9:15And so here's the thing to answer your question on what does it come disguised as, right? Because for me, most of my entire life, I thought self-confidence, self-worth are the same thing. And by the way, who cares what's the difference? Well, oh, it's a big freaking deal because I was in that achiever trap forever of thinking if I achieve enough, I'm going to feel enough and arriving at it and not feeling fulfilled, not enjoying my life, not feeling like I was enough in the process and still sabotaging other stuff in my life. Okay? Because here's the thing. When you are one of the 80 plus percent who do not believe you're enough, you might crush it in one area, but you sabotage another area.

10:02Like underneath it all, right? So, and I can share a story with you in a second, but let me share how it like really, I'm so fired up, Jasmine, and I love you so much. That's why I'm like, I'm like jumping out of my chair. Oh, Jamie, like Jamie. Okay. So as a side note, I want, I'm going to be talking to Jamie in a slightly different way, but I need her to say this, because if I am putting myself in the listener's shoes. I feel simultaneously wildly drawn to this powerful unicorn of a creature. It's as if I could just have 1 % of what that woman has embodied and bottled. And then there is another person or another side of the same person who says, I will never have that.

10:43I'm going to be sharing a couple of things professionally and personally that I know about Jamie that's going to help you radically change the way that you see this woman because she's not just talking the talk, she's walking the walk. So I wanted to pause there. And worthiness looks like a deep internal knowing that you are deserving just who you are, just you in this moment. And worthiness looks like a foundation of belief. And regardless of how ambitious you are, you could raise the ceiling of your worthiness and your ambitions can grow alongside them. And then you were pivoting just a bit to talk about what it disguises itself as.

11:20Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I love that you shared that Jasmine and maybe someone is thinking, oh, wow, that girl built a billion dollar business. Like I can't. You just saw my thunder. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, y 'all. There are people who just listen to this and she just casually went over that. I have to tell you, she is a co-founder of It Cosmetics, a company she started in her living room and sold to L 'Oreal for$1.2 billion. dollars. So when you hear her talk about when I get there, it will be enough. I don't know if everybody knows the story that for all intents and purposes, she will reach multiple platitudes and levels of enoughness and then it wasn't enough.

12:00So if there's a person who could sit here and say that there was the 1 % of the 1 % of the 1 % who was on the earth who could do what she has just done and then talk about the worthiness needed in each one of those levels, we're talking to this person. So for the person who pushed the end zone line and push the marathon winning line, and for people who redefined what enough was, like, please, we're talking to a person who went through it on multiple levels. And so if there is a person who could talk about raising the ceiling to ambition, but also talk about understanding that she got to a point where she realized something needs to change, I want something more, before we get to that part, the disguising.

12:36Yeah. And thank you for sharing that. My hope and prayer for the person listening to you and me right now too, is that they come out of this conversation way more fired up and ambitious than they've ever been. Amen. And also with tools on how to freaking enjoy it every step of the way and believe they are enough every step of the way. Because when you do not believe you are enough, it is a lie, right? And my first book, Believe It, was like my story of learning to believe in myself. But Worthy is the playbook on how do you believe in you. And it's packed with 20 tools on not just what do you need to learn?

13:10It's like, oh no, what do you need to unlearn? Because worthiness is a journey of we are all exactly what you just said. Every single one of us is fully worthy exactly as we are. I do not care what you have done in your past, your past mistakes, the shame you're carrying, the things that you think you got wrong, the number of times you failed or fell flat on your face. I do not care. You are fully worthy exactly as you are. And this is a journey about unlearning those lies that lead to self-doubt, right? And reigniting the truths that wake up worthiness. And so that's sort of how I wrote the book Worthy was all of these lies that I have believed that have led me to be doubting myself out of my destiny in certain areas of my life.

13:51And even in moments when I was achieving what the world said looked like, all of it, right? Selling the business for a billion dollars, the Forbes list, all those things. I was still sabotaging friendships I didn't believe I was worthy of having. Our self-worth becomes our ceiling. We will sabotage things we don't think we're worthy of. Here's the three big disguises, the way that this shows up for someone listening going, oh gosh, I thought I need more self-confidence, which we all do our whole lives. It's so important. But a lot of us, we think we need more self-confidence. What we actually need more self-worth and then it's different.

14:26Here's the three disguises that it often shows up as. So when we have really, really, really low self-worth, it can look like, and by the way, let me just say this one more time, you could be crushing it into the outside world in your business or in your health and fitness goals or in the popularity and depth of your friendships. You could be crushing it in certain areas, but if underneath it all, you're struggling with self-worth. Here's what that often looks like. And it gets disguised, right? It's easy to disguise stuff when we have stuff all around us that looks like we got it all together.

14:58When you have low self-worth, it often looks like you are stuck and you don't know why. And that might mean, you know you have a book inside of you to write, but you don't know why you haven't written it. Or you are working in a business, but you know you were born to run one and you don't know why you're not taking the leap, or you want a partner in your life, but you're not getting on the dating app, or you're not going and socializing at church or somewhere else during the week. And we tell ourselves stories like, oh, I just need to get more experience or build more skill sets. And that might be true, but often, often the real reason we're stuck with something is because deep down inside, underneath it all, we do not believe we are worthy of the thing.

15:43And I talk about this in the book Worthy about how we do not soar to the levels of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. We don't rise to what we believe is possible. We fall to what we believe we're worthy of. And so low self-worth often will disguise itself as we're stuck and we tell ourselves it's for all these other reasons. If you have low to medium self-worth, the second big way, it'll disguise itself. And maybe this is you listening right now and you're like, oh, I thought I needed more skillset and more confidence, but actually I don't think I'm worthy of this level in my business.

16:18And here's what that looks like. If low to medium self-worth, that looks like we'll go for the thing. We'll put ourselves out there. We'll launch the business, but we hit a ceiling and we think, oh, I really want a six figure business, but we're at a ceiling at four figures or five figures. We don't know why. It looks like we hit a ceiling or we go for the thing and we sabotage it along the way, right? So we write the manuscript to our book, but we don't send it. We scroll Instagram for eight hours a day instead. Or we meet a potential partner and they're amazing, but then we decide for some reason we're just not attracted to them and we put them in the friend zone.

16:58We will sabotage things that deep down inside we don't believe we're worthy of. or here's the most common, especially for high achievers, is we'll go for the thing. Then we'll actually crush it. We'll actually get that thing we're going for. We'll arrive at the goal. We'll hit that number. We'll get that job title. We'll get all the marriage, the kids, whatever those big things are. But then we arrive there perpetually unfulfilled, feeling like something's missing, feeling like it's not enough and like we're not enough. And that is what low self-worth will do. It will lie to us all day long. And it is just truly the one thing that changes everything.

17:41And Jasmine, you know this story, but a lot of people don't know this story. You know, I am launching my show for the first time ever, the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Oprah is my first guest on the show. You're starting small, Jamie. I mean, you really need to aim higher. Like you just do. Well, here's what's wild. is it almost did not happen. I almost doubted myself out of my own destiny. And I have so many times, I have doubted myself out of my own destiny. And my question for the person sharing this with you and me right now, listening to us live, watching this live with you and me right now is what are you doubting yourself out of right now that should be part of your destiny?

18:23Because what a lot of people don't know is like, okay, I was a little girl watching Oprah in my living room. I dreamed of meeting her. I prayed and dared to believe it might one day happen, which made no sense for a girl being raised in a suburb of Washington State and doesn't know anyone who knows anyone. But I just had that feeling, that knowing. And then my whole career was shaped around – I would watch her growing up alone in my living room a lot, watch her interview other people. And I was like, one day I'm going to share other people's stories of the world. Like it's why I got into television.

19:00I just thought my whole career, that's what I would do. And that was my hero growing up. And so fast forward, I'm 39 years old. And through the most wildest of things, I got this opportunity to meet her. And I met her. And after that, wrote her this big old email because I regretted everything I didn't say in that meeting. Long story short, I ended up out of a one in a billion and a one in a billion and a one in a billion. It had to be divinely orchestrated thing. she invited me to lunch at her house. And so imagine this, right? Jasmine, you know the story, but my whole life, this is what I dreamed of.

19:36And at this moment that I go to Oprah's house for a three-hour lunch, I am very confident, okay? And this is what I want everyone to take away from this. I was very self-confident, but I did not have high self-worth. And I did not yet know the difference. And I was, you know, crushing it in business and in all the things. I go to her house. We have a three-hour lunch. It went so great. And at the end of it, she hands me her cell phone number and she says, you can call me anytime. Call me anytime. And from that day forward, I did not call her for four years. For four years. And this is what self-worth will do.

20:19In that four-year window, I told myself stories like, oh, I just need the right thing to say, then I'm going to call her. Or I'm going to prove everyone wants something from her. I'm going to prove to her I do not need nothing. I told myself these stories until four years later, I realized the real reason I did not call her is because deep down inside, I didn't believe I was worthy of being her friend. And our self-worth is our ceiling. And in this case, I sabotaged something because I didn't, even though I had a lot of self-confidence, I just didn't have a lot of self-worth. And they're very different.

20:56And that was the day I picked up the phone and called her. That was the day I became obsessed with studying self-worth. That was only three years ago, only three years ago. And when I sit here right now, and this is not about me, this is about the one person listening to you and me right now, because I sit here and I go, oh, wow. Okay, my first episode of the Jamie Kremle show is a three-hour interview with Oprah. But guess what? It almost didn't happen because I almost did not call. I didn't call her for four years. And the number of things in my life that self-doubt has cost me, I'm sick of it.

21:36And it's why I wrote Worthy. It's for anyone who has some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, who's sitting here with you and me right now going, okay, what have I also doubted myself out of? And what could be possible in my business, in all areas of my life, if I learn to believe I'm truly worthy of it? That is the thing. Okay, wait, wait, wait. So we have two minutes. We have two minutes together. And somebody who's listening, Jamie said, doubting myself out of my destiny. My question to you and And the question that Jamie has for you is, what are you doubting yourself out of right now?

22:16I want you to pause the video, pause the podcast, and ask yourself, what am I doubting myself of? And Jamie, I know in the book there's 20 tools. Can you give us two tools that the person once they've identified what they are doubting themselves out? What are two things they can do, a quick win, and then follow up with you and all that other stuff? What can we do? Oh, my gosh. Well, there's a whole other book that is now just a chapter in this book because I didn't want to wait two and a half years for it to come out. And this applies to every entrepreneur, every person in their business. It is a chapter.

22:45It's chapter two. It's called When You Change Your Relationship with Rejection. You change your entire life. And I go through how to reveal your current definition of rejection and failure in your life right now, how to redefine it, how to revisit past rejections and failures that They're actually taking root in your self-worth because you're letting them believe that you're a failure or you're a reject and how to completely transform your relationship with rejection. You know, in the journey of building a cosmetics, there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of no's, rejections, setbacks. And I had to learn this tool in order to become literally fearless.

23:30I got a lot of other issues in my life, Jasmine, as you know, but fear of rejection and failure is not one of them. It's not one of them. And for every entrepreneur or person putting their art or their ideas or their offerings or their services or their soul out there in the world, you have got to be so good at completely changing your relationship with rejection and failure in order to not doubt yourself out of your own destiny. So that is a big one. The other, oh my gosh, there's so many. There's over 20 in here. I want to go off on all of them. No, no, no. But here's the thing. Here's the thing.

24:03That was enough of a juicy teaser because I want people to join me in reading the book. I know that Jamie didn't write the book for me, but I'm just going to pretend that she did because after that conversation, I knew deep down that I was the number thing, the number three thing that the disguise came in. It's like, we'll get the goal. And then we perpetually feel unfulfilled. And I thought to myself, that's your problem. It's what is enough? Capital E, what is enough? And so Jamie has been a good friend, a confidant and somebody who's just been pushing me. to change. So as you're listening now, Jamie, where do people go?

24:35Like, let's talk about supporting small, small bookstores. If you are local to a small bookstore, let's support those mom and pop bookstores. And if you are not, no problem. Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, all the major retailers are carrying Worthy. And then Jamie, where do people go to continue on this journey and watch you on your show and you continue to change the world? Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah. Worthybook.com will link you to all the independent bookstores, all the places out Yeah, lots of fun stuff on there as well. You know, I'm donating 100 % of the proceeds from the book. And so this is just like, yeah, I saw nothing on my site.

25:10It's just all just like we're all in this together. Yeah, my purpose. And then jamiecurrenlima.com slash show is where you can go to the Jamie Currenlima show. Jamie Currenlima show, which I'm so excited about. And just so I'm so fired up. And yeah, I'm just and thank you to you. I am Jasmine. I want to show you this part in this, in the very back of the book that I just imagine every girl, every woman, every business owner, every entrepreneur, my hope and prayer is when they read worthy that when they're done, when they're done, I did this library card, old school in the back for them to literally put another woman's name and pass your book along to her.