How to Live Out Your Bucketlist Life

25:23I wish I would have stayed in contact with friends is a top regret of the dying. So we think we have all this time. And then something happens like a family member has a stroke or you have a near-death experience or someone in your life gets cancer and you hear these stories all the time like everything changed once this person passed away or once i got cancer it's because you're faced with death and you're you you are reminded of your mortality and that's why the question we ask people, and the question we asked ourselves 17 years ago is, what do you want to do before you die? Because death was the only thing that shook us enough to realize what was important.

26:04And we don't keep death close enough in our life. We don't internalize the fact that every second that goes by, we will never have back. And ultimately, there's this clock that is ticking that we can't see that will expire. And you could look at that and say, that's depressing. I don't want to look at that. That's scary. And it is a little bit, but it's more liberating because it puts things in perspective and it shows you, if you look through that filter, what's important in your life. And that's how you need to live. And it's very difficult to live every day like that. And it doesn't mean that you quit your job and you just jump in an RV with your friends for 10 years, crossing things off your list.

26:45But what it does mean, I believe, is that you need to take time to think about what those things are in your life and write them down so they're not thoughts and they become real and talk about them so you build accountability you don't forget about them you have people keeping you accountable and you take action instead of waiting to feel inspired to take action and you create action through movement by creating momentum and you move through the fear that should not stop you which is the fear of what other people think or this fear of failure, which is the number one thing that stops people from achieving or going after their dreams is the fear of failure or the fear of what other people think.

27:25How about this? I want to go in three different directions. You pick what you believe is guiding you to the thing we should talk about. Because I'm such a storyteller, people are looking that you had essentially built this really successful business with three other guys. Who were your friends? People like you really loved, appreciated. And so then you start being called to speak professionally. And so there's like a shift in that relationship. So what is the conversations that you're having with that? What is the exit plan for that in like a business term? Also, I had heard you speak, I believe you called it like an action bias or something along those lines.

27:58It's like, I think that people who are listening here, they see you and hear you take action towards something and action builds action, but it's that first one. So like, what are advice frameworks for us moving to that? And what are practical ways to keep death close? Yeah. So, I mean, I know. I'm going to answer all of them. Okay. First, we had this now company, right, with my three friends. And I think this is really important because from my experience, from seeing friends go through this, there's oftentimes a seven-year cycle with relationships, okay? Romantic relationships with businesses.

28:39is. I feel like I pivot every six or seven years or pivot, not in a change direction, but like I have to add something because I'm in a place of stasis. So this is like science. I believe it is. And I'm going to say something that you can not quote me on, but I believe that every cell in your body, every seven years, every cell is completely new. So, right. So you're kind of a new person. Yes. So it makes sense that after seven years, if there's three people, everybody is a new person. Chances are that you're going to be going in different directions. And that's okay. That is just the way that humans are wired to grow, right?

29:16So they're not necessarily going to grow in the same direction. That's why relationships, not all relationships work. So what we did was we, thankfully, we encouraged everyone to follow their own path, right? So one person wanted to go back to school. He wanted to finish his master's and then his PhD. And we were like, okay, this is hard, but if that's what you want to do, that's the right thing to do. So he left into that. And then there were three of us. And so we were open and honest about what we wanted. And ultimately, I had that very tough conversation, which was like, guys, we made it. We're about to get investment, but I don't think I can do this.

29:52I'm not the right person to lead this production company. And guess what? One of the other guys said, I really want to do it. Perfect. You take it. We're out. We had to have hard conversations about what that looked like on the back end. but we figured it out and I started to do this other thing again talk with them what feels right and I think that and again I've seen a lot of friends go through this with businesses they start with friends that didn't they weren't intending to be businesses right they started something for fun yes it hit and all of a sudden five years later it's this big business and they didn't set it up properly to be a business or they didn't communicate like you should when you're in a business partnership.

30:35And I look at business partnerships just like romantic relationships. Like when you're in a relationship with a partner, you know if something's bugging you, you have to talk about it, right? Like this is just what we've brought up that you have to communicate. Well, in a business relationship, those small things that are bugging you, if you don't have the experience, you don't really talk about those things. You're like, you know what? Yeah, it's pissing me off, but whatever. I'll just kind of like push it down and continue to charge forward. Well, those little things over time, they add up. And seven years of those things, you're probably going to have an explosion.

31:14So you need to talk about those grievances proactively when you're in a business relationship. But also, it's okay to recycle your career. And this is a great conversation I had with my uncle when I was like, I built this production company with my friends and we put so much time and energy. And now it's working. and if I leave, I'm giving all that up. He's like, no, you're not. You're taking what you learned and you're pivoting and you're recycling your career and everyone should recycle their career if they feel called to because you're taking what you learned and moving to this new thing. And that's what I did.

31:45I just pivoted. And so the takeaways are talk about the things that are bugging you proactively or they're going to bite you down the road. Be honest about what you want and how you're changing and that's okay. it's okay to leave a relationship it's okay to end a chapter right it's okay to recycle your career and and so that's what we were able to do after honestly now at that point it had been about 10 years right okay your second question yeah action bias so so this is how do we get how do we take the first thing because i heard you speak before that action begets action yeah so how do we get to the place where it's like, it seems like when I look at your career, it's like action, action, action.

32:30But that first one, two action steps, man, it feels like you're pushing a boulder uphill. Well, you are. You have to think about like what. Well, you are. Yeah. It's like you think about, I don't think you're pushing a boulder uphill, but you're pushing a boulder. So like, if you think about a boulder and to move it, it takes so much force just to get it moving. Cause you have to start the momentum, but once it starts to move, it's easier to push. You've got that momentum. So think about it that way. The first step is always hard. And mainly it's because of the fear. If fear is the biggest thing that stops us, fear of what other people think, fear of failure, you have to look at those two fears.

33:07The fear of what other people think. Well, the truth is people just aren't really thinking about you as much as you think they are. Amen. Fear of failure, as long as you have your basic needs met, right, and this is important, so you're not risking your safety or the safety or the well-being of your family. shelter food well-being if those are met then this fear of failure it could be ego-driven so you want to look at like what is the risk not the fear what's at risk and so if you can list out the risks versus the fears you can start to think really understand what this fear is coming from and it might not be warranted.

33:48You may just not want to look bad. You may just not want to fail. And failure is just a pivot to success. That's where you learn. That's where you grow. And so I like analogies. So if you think about this, either the boulder or you think about, so action begets more action because it's really like compounding interest. So if you think about investing a dollar a day into a compounding interest account over time, slowly, it's going to grow. It's the same with action. If you take small steps of action, and that's what people don't understand. It's like you don't need to take a huge leap. You just need to do the smallest, easiest thing so that you can start that momentum.

34:32And when you take those tiny, tiny, easy steps every day, they compound over time. And eventually - The compounding action. It's compounding action. Eventually you'll look back and be like, wow, I've moved. Like I'm closer or something will happen one day where you're in the right place at the right time. Opportunity knocks and it's because you've been taking the small action and it's hard because it doesn't feel like you're moving. Sometimes it feels like you're going backwards, but you just need to know that this is part of the process. And anyone that you look up to, they did that. Anyone that you think is better than you, they're not.

35:11They just started moving. and taking action and they didn't give up. And it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of time. But as I said in the beginning, it's the long game. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. So now I know that anything I want is possible. I just have to make sure it aligns with my authentic self, what I really want, what I value. And I have to be prepared to do the work to get there. so action is the key it's it's i i just am creating this course called powered by purpose okay this is so good this is so good wait wait wait let's play a game yeah i'm on the outside yeah this is the first time that we're actually meeting yeah and i want to play a game to see if i know the structure that is the current ben nipton business that is the personal brand and then you're going to tell me how close or off I am.

36:09Love it. So you leave the production company, you do a TED talk, you get invited to start speaking. Then you go from 20 to 30 to 150 speaking events a year being named, let us not forget, top two most motivational speaker of like current history. Bravo. Job all done. So I've definitely done my homework, but I want to make sure that, oh, by global gurus, I want to make sure that I state the source. Okay, great. So there's this. And then all of a sudden, now this is only from what I've seen in the industry. Yeah. So now we're in the business. This is the business that has been in the industry. The most successful speakers who are commanding the most are essentially trading hours for dollars.

36:45There are only so many events that you could take at a certain pay grade. Yeah. And after that, it's you have to have more events to make more money or you have to charge more. But when you're in the top 1 % of the 1%, it kind of seems like there's this level of, OK, this is generally where most of the top big dogs play. And so when you start realizing that I'm trading hours for dollars and I want to build another revenue stream and I don't want to wait to be picked to be the speaker, I must be in control of a destiny they don't want to create. And so if I understand it correctly, you are a New York Times bestseller.

37:16Bravo. So you create a book that is a line of revenue. You create a journal, a powerful journal to people accomplishing goals. I have it here for the all watching the video, the bucket list journal. Ben walked me through what this journal is. And it's crazy. I mean, as a journaler myself, I loved it. Like I loved it. It wasn't even a planned plug, but I was like, please, we have to talk about this. It was a very generous gift. And it's really smart from a business perspective. So we have the book, we have the journal. There is now a course. Is the course going to be a live launch? Is it going to be evergreen?

37:50Like who here is? To me, I look at you, the personal brand, as the center part of a wheel. And every arm of the wheel is pointing back to you, but it's also a revenue stream. And so when you look at what the course is going to do, where do you want people entering the flywheel? They see you on stage, they buy a journal, they buy the course. Are you going after the same person in regards to target demographic? Explain to me the nitty gritty of the business. Yeah, totally. No, this is great because, you know, I'm in the thick of this right now. So there are things that I've been putting a lot of thought into because as you mentioned, and you're right, you know, there's only so many keynotes I can do.

38:26And I don't actually want to be doing 120 keynotes a year because that means I'm gone 200 days a year. and I have a partner and I want to start to take that next step in our relationship. And I want to be home and I want to be, you know, building relationships with friends and that type of thing. So, but I love the act of speaking that's the travel that is tough. Yeah. And the speaking world, by the way, is a wild industry. I mean, it's like, you're right. There is this level where you get to the top and it's kind of this, a bit of a ceiling, But, you know, actually there really is no ceiling with the fees you can command as a speaker because it's about the impact you make.

39:06So you don't actually need to be a household name to command the fees that household names command in speaking if you really move people. So that's what's cool about it is that it's actually an agent for real change because you're with people in the room and you can transform them. And so that's just, you know, I think a lot of people have a message and it's a great avenue to deliver that message. And there's a lot of places to speak, right? There's associations, there's companies, there's private events, right? I think we see these sort of motivational conferences, but that's like a 1 % of the actual, the opportunity, right?

39:50So it is a very, I didn't know about this business. I got into seven years ago, you know, and, you know, you can command 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 K a talk, no problem. As you start to move into making that type of impact. So with that being said, I don't want to travel that much. So what's next? Well, you're right. The journal was the first move because not only is that something that I think will be impactful for people in the room that I'm speaking to, because it takes the things I talk about and puts them into action. If my whole thesis is around creating inspiration through action, I should create a tool that creates accountability for more action.

40:25So good. So that's what the journal is. But also for people that can't see me speak, they have the tool to do that as well. So that's why I was trying to figure out, okay, how do I make a product that's half book, half journal? Because I need to educate people enough so they understand they're bought in, they trust this process, and then actually have the tool to execute the process. so that has been really cool just to create something from nothing and that's by the way just because we're on the business side we source that overseas and from A to Z kind of own that whole process so it's not like self-publishing where I do it with a partner but like in Asia found the factory found the person to run that process ship it on a container right boat to LA and then distribute it through a 3PL here and that's the way to do it for me because most of my sales are through the speaking engagements to 500 people, a thousand people.

41:20So as part of your speaking fee, they'll also do a book buy or a journal buy? It's not essential, but a lot of times because it's that value add, they'll get it. Because the marketing halo from that is like people leave the conference or leave the event and they can be putting it on social or they take it home to their families or maybe they experience this amazing thing and they give it to a friend. That's so good. People will get it for their families or in the talk, I'll give people the opportunity to learn about it and then they can get it after if they don't have it. So that's great. But still, I'm still trading hours for dollars.

41:53And so yes, but now if they do the book buy and your speaking fee, you're making more per hour. So, okay. Are you direct to consumer? Are you selling them also like on Amazon? On Amazon. Okay. Yeah. Do you prefer DTC? Do you want people going to your site and buying the journal? It's funny. So I actually I prefer Amazon because it's easier and I don't actually take too much of a cut. So I do make less, but I sell more. You know what I mean? So because it's one click and prime, the volume is so much higher and it outweighs the hit I take by giving that percentage to Amazon. So now I just push everyone to Amazon.

42:35can we brainstorm about why i want you to be ddc is specifically when it comes to the course because in all the course yes yeah but like just think about this like your ltv the lifetime value of a follower somebody who buys from you can increase tenfold so let's just say you're on a stage and instead of saying people qr code to amazon or say you find it on amazon you put a qr code they scan it they go to your shop now what you have is all the customer data and information to somebody who's spending, how much is the journal? More or less? $35. $35. And then on a cart bump up, you're like, would you like to add the book?

43:09And if you buy it in the next 15 minutes, it's 50 % off. You can bundle where they're not doing the upsell bundles on Amazon, but specifically you get them into email communication, text message communication. You can create a campaign on social to be like, are you journaling? How's it going? Do you want to take this one step further? And so the essential model of your product line would likely be journal, book, or inverse. Then you have a funnel to upsell them into the course. So somebody buying a$35 journal could essentially turn into, how much is the course? TBD, but it'll be, yeah. We'll say, let's just say, let's just say for math's sake,$1 ,000.

43:43We're taking a$35 customer and turning them into an$1 ,100 customer. And that doesn't exist on Amazon. It's true. This is unsolicited advice, but this is what we do. This is what we do. Oh, so good. Because what I do is I do a text opt-in in the keynote. And then that pushes to email to get the resources. So I do have all their information, but it's true. I can't upsell through Amazon. I can't bundle. So when I only had one product, and by the way, my book is owned by a publisher, so it actually doesn't make sense to bundle that because it's going to go through them anyways. But the course is another story.

44:19And through the course, the journal comes with the course. That's all right. Um, so, but leading to the course, the other thing that has been a constant kind of pain point is that like, I show my speaking schedule. I'm like, I'm in Dallas. I'm in Atlanta. I'm in New York. I'm in Orlando. And everyone's like, oh, can I come in Orlando? Can I come? It's like, sir, you can't because it's a private end. No one can come to my talks because they're all corporate private events. So when I was thinking about the course, I was like, okay, what if I include my keynote in this course? And so I built the course to one of the first videos you watch is like a custom 60-minute virtual keynote that energizes people around this idea just like my in-person keynote does.

45:10it starts to educate them on these steps, just like my in-person keynote. And it removes all these unconscious bias so people have the mindset. But then once you watch that, then you start to go through and take the action and build accountability and move through the fear and do the work. And there's a community that starts to create accountability. So every time you take action, you do it in the community and you start to feel that inspiration by taking action. But But then you have that group of people that are all going down this road at the same time because you start at the same time. And you've identified the most important goal in your life and you're moving towards it.

45:51And then you're also taking action every day, right, towards that goal. But you're taking action every day towards a better mindset through gratitude, appreciation, and these practices. Okay. So whenever I look at an offer that is a course, I'm looking mostly at two things. I'm looking at the transformation and I'm looking at the problem. If I understood it correctly, the transformation when somebody finishes the course is they have accomplished a goal. The pain point is they don't know how or they don't have accountability or fear of stopping them. Or they don't know what the goal is. They just know they're meant for more.

46:23And that's why this framework of breaking down your goals in these different categories, right? And starting to think about these five regrets of the dying, which is from Bronnie Ware's book, the top five regrets of the dying and looking at like, okay, how do I reverse engineer my life so I don't die like most people with these regrets, which is heartbreaking. And you start to sort of tease out what are things in my life that would contribute to me having this regret? And how can I take action today to not have that regret? So I think a lot of people feel this, just this nagging like, ah, there's something more for me.

47:05Like I don't know what it is, but I'm just not doing it. I'm not fulfilling the full potential that I have. And I just don't even know what it is. And you just need to start to take action to learn what that thing is, because it's not an intellectual game. It's a feeling. It's an energy, which is what I was saying before, you need to just, your list is like a testing ground. You're starting to try things, to collect data, to figure out what gives you energy. And if it gives you energy, you do more of that. And that's the road you go down. And that's, if you step back, that's what people have done to build businesses out of passion is they just started doing something because they loved it and it just gave them energy and they loved it more.

47:52And then all of a sudden it started to lead them down this path that they would never have expected that led them to a business. Yeah, that's right. Or, by the way, it doesn't need to be your business. It doesn't. You know, there's drawbacks, many drawbacks to turning your passion into your business, right? And we can talk about those, but you just need to carve out time to do that thing that energizes you to be who you are so you can show up at work, so you can show up as a husband, as a daughter, as a mother, as a friend. and ultimately unlock the gifts that only you have. And there's this great quote from Les Brown, who's a famous speaker and thought leader, who says, and it's something like this, but imagine you're on your deathbed.

48:39Okay, you're in your last week of life. And on your deathbed, all these ghosts start to come by your side of your bed. And it's the ghosts of the dreams you never acted on, or the ideas you never followed through on, or those gifts that you have that you didn't sort of actualize. All these things that you'd always wanted to do, but you never did. those ghosts come to your side of your bed and they say we came to you when you were alive and only you had the power to bring us to life and you didn't and now we come to die with you forever that is how most people die and that is why 76 of the population their biggest regret is I wish I would have lived for me.

49:37Because what those ghosts are, are your true self. And you regret not living that true expression and unlocking those gifts that you have, that only you have. And I believe you have a responsibility, and we all have a responsibility to act on those because we are the only ones that possess them. And your purpose is to give those gifts away. And so you don't need to make money off of it. You don't need to be afraid of failing because if you fail, that's okay. At least you tried. And you don't have to end your life regretting not trying. And you can say on your deathbed, I gave it my all. And it didn't work out the way I wanted or the way I thought.

50:25But I learned something about myself and now I know. that at least I tried. And that's all I'm saying is that you need to take action just to know. If anything for your future self, it's not about you. It's not about the people around you. It's about your future self so that you don't have to be in that position. That would be such a heartbreaking moment to realize too late that you fucked up. And I think that it's not as hard as you think, to do that, you just need to take that easy step. You just need to enroll people in your life so they support you. Be around people that want you to win and that can keep you accountable.

51:11Talk about it so that people can help you and know that it's a long game. Oh, you say that again. So if I follow what I know to be true, is that our impact is somewhat correlative to the value that we bring to somebody. And it doesn't have to be monetary value. It's just a value that we bring to somebody. Our worth is not determined by our value, but the relationship we build, the legacy that we have. And so when I see your business, and when other people who are watching and listening look at the business that is personal brand, that is speaking, that is product, I can't help but think, oh my God, Ben, you provide so much value for people, how do we then extend the value?

51:56And my brain always, for better or for worse, I'm the person that goes to a restaurant. I count the tables. I count the servers. What's the over-right? Like I look at planes. How full is this plane? Like what is the profitability here? It's like, I'm hardwired for business. And so when I hear that there is a demand, I want to see you in Dallas. I want to see you in Atlanta. And you're like, I'm so sorry. It's a private event. I do think that when you have this community and they're all about each other, that the community becomes around the mission. That is the goal. Less about Ben, but they become very emboldened because you became their leader.

52:24And what they want to do is take their online experience into an offline experience. I do think there's an opportunity, not even for you, but for anybody who's watching is you always think of how can we create layers and more value to more people because people will actually pay for value. So if they go through the journal, perhaps the book, they get into the course, they are a part of the community, they're staying, gaining goals. And then there is a conference that you would be able to broker or negotiate tickets at a discounted for your community, but you can bring in 30, 50, 500 people to that event.

52:53You then become the broker that is offline, online. The LTV of that customer, because you're getting a percentage of that ticket sale, extends from now what we're talking about, 1 ,100. Well, now it's like 1 ,600. Now, is there possibilities for you to get your favorite? And this is stuff you've already done. Get Levi's. Get the version of Palm Pilot that is today. Have them host your events. Bring your people together. I think that the business that is you is so wildly untapped, and I'm begging you, spread the value. And this is not just for you. It's for people who are listening or building personal brands, be the connector, create the value.

53:25Having said that, we started the conversation around your dad and his very recent stroke. And when I talked and I heard, and I was studying about the relationships you have with your parents, but there's also this story and forgive me if I get the details wrong, but they took you to Greece and your parents were musicians and you're a child while they're playing music? What impact does this have on you? And when you see the life that your dad has lived and so thankful that he's pushing through, but if Friday was that last moment, what is he looking at? What are you thinking of in terms of how you were raised?

54:01I'm thinking, you know, I wish I would have taken that trip to New Orleans with him that we had to push because of COVID. One of his dreams is to go to New Orleans because he's a musician and see the music and, you know, experience it. And I, for his 70th birthday, you know, gave him, sort of surprised him with this trip with my friend and his dad, we were all going to go together and just before COVID. And obviously we had to push and, and as things opened up, We had another date on the books and it was just like a little too much travel and it didn't work out. And I thought, I haven't done that trip with him that was just him and I.

54:52And I still plan to do that trip. But that was my, one of my thoughts was, oh no, like I hope I get to do that trip with him. In hindsight, I probably could have made it happen. I probably could have just made it happen. My other thought was that he's lived such a full life. He's probably lived more life than most people have lived in two lifetimes. He just has so much love around him, and he's brought so many people together through music and laughter. and so he definitely has lived a full life but I you know that that trip I think is representative of wanting to spend more quality time with him and so those are the places where I was going.

55:45Thank you for that like real life example because I think that it's easy to look at somebody and be like you're on a pedestal you've always made the right decisions you always say yes to the proverbial trip to New Orleans and so thank you for sharing this because I think it's really cool so that when we do see that trip, if you decide to share it with your dad, far or close by, whatever he is able to do, that we get to celebrate you being the embodiment of the example of living a very full life. Where do people go to connect with you by the time the show airs? Congratulations, your course will be out into the ether.

56:17Blessing and changing lives. Where do they go for all of this? Instagram was the best place. That's just where I'm most active. And that's the platform I like the most. so that's a great spot and linkedin is also a place where i do more long form okay so for those of you guys who are interested ben nempton on instagram yeah and let's give a shout out to your website because if people would like and this is what i'm gonna push hard people be so annoyed with me i know buy the journal on his website so that the advice that i'm sharing with him can follow you on the interwebs. You can go through the course and the book and perhaps one day be able to meet Ben at an event that he is hosting that's fully sponsored by the fanciest, manciest brands out there around people who want to change their life.

57:03Ben, thank you for blessing us being here at the Jasmine Star Show. I appreciate you. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm so excited to have people experience, you know, this course because the keynote is something that I believe in so much and I know that it works. And so to give people the opportunity to experience that and then also supplement that with that action and the community. And my goal is that the community becomes, that's actually the X factor where it's the supportive place where you feel buoyed to go after those things in your life that you love. And if you fail, it's okay because you're in this space where you're going to continue to be pushed forward.

57:45And it's called the one-step formula because of that compounding action where it's like you can't lose if you take that consistent action every day. You can't. The hard part is sticking with it. And so that's why the accountability is key and creating that flywheel so that you just stay in movement. and if you do that, you're going to win. Okay, so where do they go to find it? What's your website? BenNempton.com. That's beautiful. I'm going to do a brief recap around the lessons that I've learned in the frameworks and that was number one, to surround yourself with inspiring people and number two, to talk to those inspiring people and stay accountable, to maintain and take acts of courage or creativity, to have a list of action items and to be really focused on a result.

58:35How do you know that you've won? And it's not winning compared to anybody else. It's winning on what your terms are and how you want to live your life and be lightened up by it. And lastly, to always remember to keep death close. May we not have the ghost by our bed whispering what could have been, but may they look at us and cheer us on into the next. Thank you for watching and listening to The Jazz and Star Show.