Living an Intentionally Full and Authentic Life with Darrin Johnson

0:0010 years ago, I made the decision to build my personal brand that was elevated, yet approachable, and reflected who I was, not just what I did. I created my website with ShowIt because it's true drag and drop freedom so you can easily build and update your site. Plus, their real human support team, game changer. Want to try it for yourself? Head to jasminestar.com forward slash show it for a 14-day free trial and first month free when you subscribe.

0:40Do you have the courage to go all in on something, even when it feels uncomfortable and uncertain? Hey there, I'm Whitney, Content Director for Jasmine Starr and Social Curator. In this episode that originally aired on the I Dare You podcast, Jasmine walks through the challenges and contributions that led to where she is today. And let me tell you, even if you've heard her story before, listen in. I promise you'll feel inspired and ready to take action after this episode. Welcome to the I Dare You podcast. I can't wait to get to know Jasmine Starr a little bit more. I've been following her for years and I've been inviting her or pursuing her to be in the podcast for some time.

1:20She is here. I cannot believe it. Jasmine, welcome to the podcast. It's really good having you here. You know what? I believe in perfect timing and now is that moment. Thank you for the honor and privilege of this great conversation. I appreciate you. I'm looking forward to it. So Jasmine, many people know who you are. You have a massive following. You've touched thousands of lives all around the world with your philosophy and your approach, your coaching and your perspective. For those who don't know, take us back. How did you land in your current vocation? I can't wait. So I'm going to give the nutshell version.

1:51And as the conversation progresses, I think we can tap at different areas to what you think is going to best serve listeners. And so the main takeaway, it's like, I always like to start like those film noir. I like to start with the end at the beginning. So where I am right now, I want everybody to listen and be able to find themselves somewhere in the story because the conversation is not about me, Darren. And it's not even about you, even though you're amazing podcast hosts. It's about the person who's listening. If we don't serve them, if we don't compel them, if we don't incite them to change motivation or inspiration, well, this conversation doesn't do much for them.

2:22And so I want to start there. My goal is to simply share a story of somebody who was unqualified, unfunded, unconnected, and uneducated. So for all intents and purposes, I should not have started a business. And yet here I am. So I dropped out of law school when my mom had a relapse with brain cancer. And it was at that time that I started realizing that life is short. And what did I actually want to do? If I had all the money and all the time and all the resources in the world, what would I actually do? And the answer to that question was to become a photographer. And when I told my husband, who I just married at that time, what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.

2:57He said, okay, but you don't have a camera. And I looked at it across the room and I was like, I know I don't have a camera, but I think if I got it, I could do something with it. And it's with that boldness and stupidity and audacity and courage that I have faced every single iteration of my career. So yes, I started off as a photographer. And then I started teaching other photographers how to grow businesses. And then I started creating ways to teach other creative entrepreneurs and how to start a business. And then I started creating digital assets. And then I started creating content. And then I was being paid to create content for other companies that would create compelling stories.

3:32And then I was invited to consult with these companies on how they could pursue marketing and branding. And then I realized I didn't want to have an agency. So then I started creating digital courses, which created another revenue stream for me and opened my eyes to how big the difference was between creating an online business and a business online. Those are two very different things. And so then thereafter, I created a membership for ongoing education and motivation and how to build a brand and market it on social media. And in 2020, knowing nothing about development, knowing nothing about code, knowing nothing about what it means to actually grow a tech department, decided to create a SaaS offering, which is Social Curator.

4:09We are our own tech platform, and we are integrated with every social platform to empower business owners to market their business and build a brand online. And so that's the nutshell version. And anywhere along that process, people will be like, that was a lot. And I'm like, it is. But I think life is short. And so how much can we get in and how long can we be uncomfortable is going to be the goal, how I want to play the game. Thank you for that. And a lot of bold moves. I mean, why are you doing what you're doing? You could do a lot and you have done a lot, but why are you doing this? I think for so long, I lived a much quieter life with a much quieter perspective.

4:44And I didn't see any issue with living in the shadows. I'm an introvert. I grew up wildly overweight. I'm the daughter of an immigrant. I was homeschooled until high school. I was always, and still wildly remain, a wallflower. And then all of a sudden, I realized that after watching my mom go through the battle that she went through, and after her second brain surgery, it was New Year's Eve, and the doctors did not give her a good prognosis. What she spent most of her time doing was talking about the things that she had not done with her life, not the things she had done. And I thought to myself, I was 25 years old and she was 50.

5:19And I thought, if I die in 25 years, what do I want to say I have at least tried? And then all of a sudden, through the process of trying something and failing, I used to call it failures. I now truly believe they're lessons. And that's not like the Disney Hallmark version of what I should actually be calling. I literally will look back at my life and think that my lowest point, my biggest quote unquote failure was actually the greatest lesson to teach me everything I needed to do later on in my career. So I believe that through and through. And so to be able to make those decisions to embrace that you will never be successful 100 % of the time.

5:55And quite often, it's 99 % of the failures that will lead you to your 100 % success. And so I started embracing those things. And all of a sudden, by doing that, I started realizing that I was living a wildly purposeful life. And it was as if my world went from black and white to technicolor. And then all of a sudden, on the other side of Oz, I come back to the gray land of like Oklahoma, and I'm like, there's something different and there's something better. And could we not just be a little bit uncomfortable to see how much of a change that we can create in our lives, how much more of a purpose, how we can leave this, our families, our legacy, this world better than how we found it.

6:30And so now I'm just this crazy Latina who's shouting from the rooftops, like, can you make a 1 % change for 2x difference? If we could do that, then man, we have lived a great life. That is a great perspective for sure. And you talked about, by the way, you are so what I would call more vulnerable and very candid about some of those learnings you've had in life. What was your lowest point that really taught you the most looking back on it that's led you to this point? I think that this podcast isn't long enough for that. Because what happens is, I think as humans, we're naturally hardwired to feel the softest part of the bruise, the most recent bruise we got.

7:10So if I were to talk about early things in my career, if I were to go back to 2008, when I felt like, oh, this is the biggest thing. This is the worst failure. And so if you were to ask me right now, I would literally go back to, well, there was a couple of things that happened in 2023 as it's like the most recent. I've got a few. Of course. Of course. And we all do. And we all do. So I don't think that one is greater than the other. But what I do think is that success leaves clues and proof stacks upon itself. And what I can only say is after every devastating stomach punch, after every time you've been just on your back, staring at the stars, being like, I can't get any lower than this, is the ability to get back up and the ability to say, I choose this again.

7:54The ability to get back into the ring and say, I am against an opponent that is wildly bigger, stronger, better funded. I mean, this is a Rocky Balboa story. And the reason why we love Rocky is because he didn't give up, right? He had all the odds stacked against him. The game was technically unfair and yet he won. And so if that story compels to us and it's so beautiful and we root for him deeply and desirously, why would we not do that for ourselves when we are the own Rocky of our story? And so when you talk about like the worst thing and I'm like, I think it's less it's the situation and more making the decision after every single one of those situations.

8:32So when they're like, this is it, this is the final thing. This is the thing that took me out. And now we sit here and it didn't. Okay. Then that's going to be the lesson that we walk away with. Yeah. Great. You know, I was just, just minutes ago, I was on the phone with a leader. She's an entrepreneur and she's an amazing leader. Jasmine, if you met her, I mean, just, she's doing all the right things. And yet she just got done with a, she has a bruise, a recent setback. And she's struggling to get back up and doesn't know if she wants to get back up. And so I was doing my best to coach her through that.

9:03And truly, I mean, we help people help themselves. So we'll see where she goes with this, but I'd love for your take, you work with so many entrepreneurs. What do you find gets in people's way from taking that as a learning and getting back up and getting back into the fight, what do you see? Well, if I have to convince somebody of something, I've already lost. So I simply say, whatever you choose, this setback, this bruise, what I don't want you to say, it was they, them, that. Because what happens is when we point at other things, we allow those other things to be in control and contain power over our lives.

9:49And anytime something, someone, an event, a circumstance, a situation has power over you, then the word that you become embodied is powerless. And when you are powerless, you are so much more inclined to falling into the footsteps of feeling like a victim, that it was unjust and it was unfair. And while all of those things are true, and while I'm so desperately sorry that this situation happened to her or anyone listening, I am truly sorry for it. I wish it didn't happen, but it did. And so in order for us to regain our power, we must say, I am choosing not to get back in the ring. I am choosing not to continue building my business.

10:30And that is okay. You remain powerful in that decision, but you cannot say, I'm not sure what I want to do. And then stay in that state because what happens is resentment begins to foam. And then we say, if that deal had just closed, if that client hadn't said that one thing, if that business loan had gone through, if I just stood in investors and they saw my VC capital, if then, then we remain powerless to remain powerful and simply say, I don't want to get back in the ring and I'm going to find the next best thing for me. So in that case, if she decides to get back in the ring, well, let's have a conversation.

11:04Let's talk about the tools that you need to get back up and get Hitton's gut again. But to me, my biggest takeaway in any one of these situations is to own your decision so that you maintain your power. When you're powerful, whatever you do next, you're going to be better suited for. Yeah. That's a wonderful reminder because you can't want it more than someone else does. Absolutely. Absolutely. So tell me more. What have you seen on that? Because I see it as a pitfall for so many leaders. I think that if I am not empowering somebody in my community, a client, if I sit on an advisory board, on my team, in my family.

11:39If I am not empowering them or they don't feel like they're living to their best, then it is my objective not to say, I really see this for you. You got it. I need to ask them, what is it you feel called to do? Where are you feeling your highest self? Because if I can facilitate or help them get to there, and then they see a small result, then what my objective is as a coach, as a family member, as a friend, as a team leader, is to stack proof, even if the proof is small. So let's take this down in a very granular, simple example. If somebody wants to make a change in their life, they want to have a better relationship, they want to make more money, they want to make better decisions, then we can start off with something as small to build the ability to stack proof that you're capable of making changes when you say you're going to and follow through with them.

12:22And it could be as simple as, I'm going to wake up 10 minutes earlier than I want to every single day for 30 days. And most people say, well, that's silly. And then it goes back to the, I'm going to make my bed every day. You making your bed every day does not set you on the path to becoming a millionaire. Not at all. It is the act that you can follow through on something you say you're going to do. And so waking up early or making your bed or choosing a better thing to eat for lunch every day, these small things stack proof. And the more proof that you stack, the bigger decisions you make along the way.

12:51And it is just small micro decisions that you make that ultimately lead to big grand decisions that lead you to greater success. And so my goal always is to go back and say, well, what is it that is going to get you to start stacking proof again? And then over time, we get to stack proof, get them what they want, stack more proof, get them bigger results. Very good. I love your podcast, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. Great podcast. I was listening to one of your recent episodes. I believe it was November 28th. And the topic was showing up bigger in life. And one of the things you talked about right away was how some of us are living a life, not that we want, but it's a life that someone else has designed for us or thinks that we should have.

13:31And you encourage us to really look at our purpose and our passion. Why was that the lead point of that? So if I want to play bigger, but I'm living a life as someone else thinks that I should live, tell me a little bit more about that. Well, it takes different forms. So sometimes we have people in our lives or even things, ideas that make us feel we should live one way or we You should be making certain decisions. And sometimes it's very blatant. You can have a very strong partner who has the opinions about what you should do, a life partner, a business partner, a parent, a child who is telling you these things.

14:04And then you think that that's who you should become because they see something in you that maybe perhaps you don't see yourself. Or sometimes it takes the form of the should. I should be doing this. I feel responsible in this way. And what happens is if we don't start living true to ourselves, then we can't be a living manifestation for what is possible for those around us. So even if we have a strong partner, parent, child, person, friend who sees something, if it is not in our truest self, we will always feel less than or never be able to make that markup. But if we first define who is it that I want to be, what do I want to do?

14:41And then we follow through those things that people around us begin to say, when he, when she, when they say that, they do that and they become that. You must show people who you truly are and who you can be on your own before they start telling you who they think you should be. And the more we listen to others, the less we step into who we should truly be. Like, what is our true power? Who are we purposely intended to be? How do we step up to our greatest strengths? Well, first, we must identify it for ourselves before anybody else do that for us. You know, I like how you use the word power and your definition of power.

15:14At least I think I know what you mean by power. But power is not a negative term. It can be used in a negative way. But it feels like the way you use power is more about something that stepping into who you truly are and don't give it up. Don't ever give up your power. Tell me more about what do you mean by owning your power? There is this beautiful strength and competence. And I don't know, Darren, have you ever met someone and you know that they are 100 % unabashedly themselves, regardless if they're your cup of tea? it doesn't mean that somebody being themselves appeals to everybody in fact they might be polarizing they might not be your cup of tea but there is this way and beauty of being able to see somebody who says i'm okay with me and the energy that that emits from other people if you were to walk into a room now here's the thing darren when i walk into a room i want people to like me i don't care if they do i want to add value i don't care if they want to hear it from me More than anything, a person values another human being that they can trust.

16:21So when I walk into a room, I want you to trust me more than I want you to like me. And how then do you trust me in the fastest way when I am 100 % who I am? Because then you could start cataloging. This is what humans do. We look at other humans and we size each other up. We first determine, are we safe with this person? What are the intentions of this person? What is the view of this person? So we go all through this so quickly as humans. And so my goal is, let me just cut the smoke and mirrors. This is who I am. You're going to determine how much you trust me. All I need is 1 % because what do I do?

16:51I stack. I stack proof that if you trust me that 1%, okay, let's try on the 2%. And then that 2%, let's get it to 4%. 4%, let's get to 8%. All I'm trying to do is be 100 % me because that is powerful because it allows people to distill who you are, the value you add, your perspective on the world, and how you fit into their lives. And I think when I talk about power, it's being 100 % you and being okay with that. in standing in your purpose. That is powerful. We see it in others. Why do we not give ourselves the permission to possess it ourselves? Yeah. Profound question. Why don't we give ourselves permission?

17:23You talk about standing in your purpose. For someone who's listening, who may be drifting a little bit in life and not quite sure what next steps to take, especially as you go into this new year, how does someone really step into their purpose? Give us a couple of action steps. I want to be very careful because the last thing I want somebody listening to believe is that I wake up and I'm like, ding, I got my purpose. I know my purpose. And what I can share, Darren, is that people find their purpose by way of action. You will never wake up and know your purpose out of the blue. So first preliminary steps, if you're desperately searching for the thing that's going to light you up or what you believe your purpose is, is by first looking at one of two people, people who inspire you.

18:12You look at them, you love the way they live their life or their career or how they vacation or what they're doing with charitable organizations or how they make investments. You're inspired by them. But also equally as important is to look at people who you are envious of because envy is a signal that they are doing something deep down. you think you know you can do or should be doing and you're not so case in point i don't look at lebron james and feel envious i admire my goodness what a talented basketball player and businessman and family man but envy comes from me believing that i can actually be an nba player that i can actually possess the same thing he does now i might look at somebody else like maybe i look at you and your podcast.

18:56I get a little envious that, wow, here he is, a coach of other entrepreneurs with a successful podcast. A family man can look out his window and see beautiful snow in Idaho. I might look at that, but there's something about what it is you're doing that I believe I can or should be doing and I'm not letting myself. So when at first you're kind of like a little bit lost, make a list of people who inspire you. Make a list of people who you might be envious of. Okay. Just state it for what it is. And then find out what exactly about them inspires you or makes you envious. And then you ask yourself, what things could I do?

19:32AKA, what actions could I take to see if how they actually are pairs up with what I want to do? You know, only one of two things happen. You either really, really like what it is they do. I might see what it is you do. I might start a podcast. I might start consulting with other entrepreneurs. And in the middle of it, I might say, oh, it's not exactly what I wanted. No problem. But now you're one step closer to figuring out the next thing. Or you really like it. Now you know what to double down on. And the more you do the things that light you up, the more clear you become on your purpose. So we started this conversation and I just said, I just love telling people that life is short.

20:09And could we not make a 1 % change to get a 2x difference? I'm saying that 15 years now. Was that my purpose when I first picked up a camera? Was that my first, was that my purpose when I first started consulting with businesses? Absolutely not. Your purpose changes with you, but the more work and actions you take, the clearer you become on what your purpose is in that moment. So defining your purpose, what I'm hearing is it is just a continual process. It's not an event. It's just something that you're always, you were a work in progress and owning that and being okay with that. Absolutely. You know, this episode about play bigger in life and really, really some great thoughts.

20:47One thing I did not see coming though, is you made a really strong point about being able to say no. You call yourself the queen of no. You're not the queen of anything, except for you're the queen of no. I'll speak for myself and many people listening. No, it is so tough. So I want to play bigger coming up in this next year. But I really want to start saying yes to things, Jasmine. I mean, it's all about saying yes to opportunities. And now you're telling me to say no, help me out. So yes, I am the queen of Noville. And the reason I got to this point, now probably the caveat I should have added to that episode is there was a time in my life, in my career where I was saying yes.

21:28I was saying yes to everything because I was still trying to figure out my purpose, my career, what I was doing. And then all of a sudden I started realizing that I was overextended. And my good friend Rory Vaden says, when you have diluted focus, you get diluted results. And so I got to a point in my career, a year four, year five, where I was not getting the same results because I kept on adding different revenue streams, different projects to my business. And so all of a sudden, I realized that saying yes was good up until a certain point that I needed to say no to other things that were going to distract me on what was actually working in my business.

22:04Even though I wanted it, and even though it was a revenue stream, There were times where I said no because I needed to have more space to double down on what I felt could grow or scale. And so at this point in my career, the fortuitous, amazing, luxurious position for me to say, I have opportunities come to me now that I would have given my right arm for seven years ago. But they are not in alignment. And so saying no leaves me the biggest opportunity to say yes when I know it will move me forward in not one way. I'm talking about taking two X leap forwards. And if I don't think that that opportunity is in alignment, I will say no.

22:44And so far, so far, saying no and saying yes has come at such a great distinction that I am learning to trust my intuition a lot more. because when I say yes, those yeses have had the biggest, most transformative, greatest results in my career. So what do we do? We stack proof. Let me trust that if I say no, and it doesn't make sense that I am saying no to this, that when I find the next opportunity to say yes to, and it comes to fruition in the way that I anticipated, I'm going to start trusting my intuition a lot more. Thank you for that. And the art of saying no, one of the things I'm trying here, and I think I'm not alone in this.

23:25Let me back up on this. The art of saying no, to be able to practice saying no, because there's such guilt in saying no, though, Jasmine, when I say no to something, I'm letting someone down. And so if I really want to practice this, how do I say no the right way that allows me to still have my power and not feel guilty or shame? Where would I go? So this goes back to what I mentioned earlier. When somebody can trust you, Your no becomes not about them, but about you. And so I would rather somebody be disappointed, upset, not like me for 100 % of my truth than being a carbon copy of who they think I should be and respond in the way that they think is favorable.

24:12Because at the end of the day, if I feel so obliged or so guilty that I say yes and I don't show up 100%, I am doing both of us a disservice. And so while I would say perhaps no, I simply just speak my truth. And my truth could be a million things right now. I am straddling the line between entrepreneurship and motherhood. So if anything compromises the time that I'd set aside with my husband or my daughter, it's a no. And if somebody would like to be upset about that, I completely understand. But it doesn't matter to me because my priority list is my family above a podcast interview, a press interview, or an investment opportunity.

24:48That is the decision that I made. There are also other ways that I have found to be really great solutions to open doors for other people. So can we create a win-win-win? So Kacen, for example, if I was invited to speak at an event and I'm only doing paid speaking events at this point in my career, but for so long in my career, over a decade, I would speak for free. I felt like it was a great opportunity for me to sharpen my teeth and expand my brand. But now that I have enough experience and street credibility, I'm now charging for my time. Now, there are events that come my way and they really do express the value.