Mindset Changes You Can Make Today that Will Change Your Tomorrow with Megan Hyatt Miller

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0:38Welcome to an episode of the Jasmine Starr Show. I have to tell you that generally a hard and fast rule on this podcast is I have conversations with people I know on a personal level and I decided to bend the rules a little bit only because we're separated by one person who is the biggest fan of today's guest. So my good friend, she's been on this podcast before, Amy Porterfield. Well, we spill the tea. We spill the tea often. And Amy has been talking about this woman for such a long time that when I had the opportunity to have her on the podcast, it was a yes. But when Megan dropped a book, which here's the thing, I have been talking and loving mindset for so long.

1:19So just imagine this title kind of popples by. Mind Your Mindset, The Science That Shows Success Starts With Your Thinking. Okay, that alone, and I'm like, I'm sold. I'm hook, line, and sinker. I'm getting this book. And then lo and behold, Amy Porterfeld tells me that it is written by somebody we have on the podcast today. Y 'all, I just want to give a very warm welcome to Megan Hyatt Miller. Megan, I'm so happy you're here today. I'm so happy to be here. That was like the best intro of all time. Well, we have to give it. We have to give credit to where credit is due. Amy has just said the most glorious things about you.

1:56A big fan of your work, you know, first and foremost, and then having this opportunity here today, we're going to get super granular and people know that I really kind of stay away from like the book podcast tours, love them. But what I really want to have is a conversation and the conversation happens to be centered around a book. And so all of this is true. It's authentic. It is integrity to what it is that I do. So So Megan, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having this conversation. More than anything, we like to have practical tips, takeaways, we wanna get people to taking action.

2:25And oftentimes the thing that I know is that action is always desirable, but then we let sometimes things get in the way of that. So as we start, I'm kind of like a no nonsense, we just dive right in, you know? So, okay, great, okay, okay, okay, okay. So I wanna go back and we're gonna get to origin story and all that good stuff, but I wanna get somebody right now. Like we wanna take the mask off. We have a real conversation of asking if there was a specific moment in your own story that you realized you were just not going to hit your goals without changing your mindset. When did this journey start for you?

2:55Well, this is kind of a vulnerable story to tell, but I feel like this is the right place to tell it. Yes, I love it. I had a debilitating fear of public speaking. And some of you guys listening can relate to this. Maybe nobody knows about it, which is true for me. Nobody but my husband knew about this. It began when I was in high school. I watched a good friend deliver a presentation in front of the class, and she had an anxiety attack mid-presentation, ran out, found her sobbing in the bathroom on the floor. And my brain did what brains do, and it saw the situation and subtly developed a story that said speaking is dangerous.

3:35It can lead to total humiliation, to losing control of your body, and you should avoid it at all costs. And so I didn't know this was happening. I mean, this is like happening in my subconscious and I go on throughout my life and I'm in my 20s, you know, at this point. And I'm saying no to professional opportunities that might involve having to be in front of people, even things, small things like being in front of a board and delivering a presentation to a board. Like I didn't want to do that. So I passed up that opportunity or I thought about writing a book at one point and I decided not to do that because I knew I'd have to do things like this, you know, be on a podcast or do speaking events.

4:10And so fast forward in the company that now I lead as CEO with my dad, Michael Hyatt. It's called Full Focus. A number of years ago, I was in the COO role at that time. And my team came to me and said, hey, you know, it's the funniest thing. We have just noticed we've never had you keynote before. And we have this great idea for a live event. There's going to be 800 people. It'll be fabulous. We want you to keynote. And in my heart, I was like, oh my gosh, this is my worst nightmare. I'm going to be exposed. I'm going to be humiliated. None of my team knew that I had this fear. My dad didn't know that I had this.

4:48Nobody knew other than my husband. And I reluctantly said yes and went on a six-week journey of looking this fear in the face. And Jasmine, what I knew was I didn't want to live in a small story anymore. I knew that I was being limited. You know, I was beyond in many ways, professionally this fear, but it felt so true and it felt so threatening. And so I went on a journey of retelling that story so that I would ultimately have access to different actions, like hiring a speaking coach and anxiety coach, a life coach. I mean, I did it all. I got medicine for my doctor. I did all the things so that I could at the end, tell a better story that would enable me to stand up in front of those 800 people.

5:31and despite the panic I had, the panic attack I had the day before the event, I got up on that stage and I wasn't nervous. It was truly fun and it changed my life. And so that's really kind of the genesis of this book from my perspective and my story with regard to mindset. It's all about changing your story. So there's a couple of things that came up for me. And so if you're listening audio, this is perfect. If you happen to be watching the video, you'll see me looking down a lot. I told Megan, like I didn't want it to be a peer rude, But as a podcast host, I actually take notes. Taking notes is how I learn.

6:04And so Megan's talking and people are like, Jasmine's being so rude. No, no, no. I got my notebook. And one of the things that I really loved is like, I didn't want to live a small story anymore. And I think that's such a powerful form of ownership because we say, oh, that's not me or this is me. Or could you not just say that's a small story and I choose to embrace it or not. And so I kind of just want to start there and talk about how on the outside, people see here's a COO and now you're a CEO of this amazing, big, thriving company. They would never know that you were choosing a small story and how many of us are volitionally choosing a small story.

6:42You know, that's when I wrote a new story. And so I'm going to get practical. I want to lay out the getting started with mindset. And so for me, I have been on a big journey here on the podcast. We talk about mindset and I think it's kind of like this nebulous idea and I'm working through it and I'm studying it and I'm absolutely geeking out. Now, there are people who are just getting started in business. And we're going to kind of talk about different types of business owners on this journey. But if you're advanced, if you're making tens of millions, or you're just getting started with your first 10 ,000, like there's people who are starting a business and they haven't yet made sales and they're unsure.

7:13Like, am I good enough? Is this going to work? I see this a lot, regardless of the size of the business. So if a person were to come to you and say, Megan, what's my first step? Like, how do I start focusing on mindset? It seems like this big thing. What do you say? Where do we start? Well, I love that you pointed that out, Jasmine, because I think you're right. It does feel like this big, squishy thing that some people just maybe magically get and maybe you feel like there are people that don't get it. The good news is that's actually not true, despite how it might feel. So what's happening for all of us is that our brain takes the facts of our lives, maybe the fact that you haven't made a sale yet or the fact that you've done 10 ,000 or the fact that you've done 10 million, whatever that number is for you.

7:48And then it tells us a story about what that means because our brain likes to make meaning. It likes to give us interpretations that ultimately are going to keep us safe and protected. And so that's where really the self-doubt comes from because our brain doesn't want us to try new things. It doesn't like it when we're out of our comfort zone and all of that. So really the first step in starting to think about mindset is to realize that you have this character that we call the narrator in your head, really just your brain, but we personify it, who is interpreting the events of your life all the time and telling you what they mean.

8:24And it does that in the form of a story. Like I always, I could never, this is how this works. This usually comes out as statements about how the world works, how you are, or how other people are. So those are kind of the three categories that generally these statements, these stories present themselves in. And so the first step is really just identifying the story that you're telling around something where you feel stuck or where you want to go to the next level, but maybe that feels out of reach for you. And if you can just begin to be aware of the story, then you're really set up for the next step, which is to interrogate the story.

8:59And at this point, we want to kind of shake loose what happens in our lives or what the facts are from the story that our narrator is telling us about those facts. Because once you start to loosen those things up, and you realize they're actually two different things. There's facts and then there's the fiction or the story we put on top of it. Then you're set up for step number three, which is to imagine a better story. What I see people do with mindset sometimes is they try to leapfrog from identifying a story that they're telling that they know is really contributing to them playing small. And they try to leapfrog to a bigger, better story without interrogating it.

9:36And it just doesn't stick because it's kind of like your brain says, yeah, right. you know, because it feels so true that story and the facts together, you know? And so you've really got to go through the interrogation process. So you set the stage for the new story taking root. Okay. So can we pause there for a second? Yes. Okay. So I'm CEO of social curator and I work with small business owners and I decided at the start of 2023 to go through a four week mindset program. Now this is not a promotion because it's closed. So I'm in the middle. And this morning I taught session number two of four.

10:11And what has been really fascinating is that it's interactive. I'm teaching it live. It's a cohort and people are writing in the chat. And to me, this is like the most phenomenal R &D to understand the journey of a small business owner and then distilling it and being like, what could I create to get people past this point? Now, the thing that I have noticed, and I'm gonna present this because in case people on the podcast are listening, you had said, identify the story, interrogate the story, apply a new story. That sounds amazing. but people get stuck on applying, like on assessing the story.

10:38You could go back to immediately, oh, anxiety ridden as a result of public speaking. You knew the story so you can interrogate it. People have a hard time identifying what happened to make me feel or second guess or pause or stay stuck today. How do they find that story? Yeah. Well, first of all, try to think about what are the sentences kind of just in my head? Because stories really present themselves like statements. So what am I saying? And then start to ask yourself the question, this is part of the interrogation, would somebody else with a different set of experiences, would they interpret that set of facts, the girl in the bathroom crying after having anxiety from the event at the school, would they have come to the same conclusion that speaking was dangerous, that speaking would lead to humiliation?

11:26Or might they have come to another conclusion like, she needs some more practice or maybe she's really introverted or who knows? I mean, you can come up with like a whole list of things. I, by the way, am quite introverted myself. So that's not to say that you can't speak if you're introverted. But, you know, you want to try to just, it's almost like you're trying to peel your fingers back from the grip on that story that makes it feel so true by asking, would somebody else see it that way? What else could be true? can we really verify that story as being a fact or is that a subjective interpretation of those facts?

12:01And I did this actually with a group the other day and they were struggling with a new system that was being rolled out in their business. And they really weren't excited about it. They didn't think the team that was going to be doing it was the ideal team. They wanted to be able to do it themselves. They thought they had more expertise. And the interesting thing is that when you have a story that feels like facts, but it's not, it directs the actions that you take, which ultimately deliver the results that you're getting in your life. And so, for example, if you think a team who is working on something in your company is incompetent or they're not as good as you would be at doing it, how you show up to try to implement what they're going to suggest is going to be very different than if you think they're great at what they're doing or they're really smart.

12:45And that's ultimately going to affect the success of that project. And that's true in so many areas of our life, which is why this is so powerful. So can we get a little bit more granular? Yeah. Okay. So, uh, top two limiting beliefs or the stories that people are repeating as fact that I've seen is I don't know how, like, I don't know the first step. I don't know how, and I don't have time. So we all have different stories that led us to this belief, but could you give us an example of how I don't have time? Like what story could have predated that for us to have that as our narrative as an example?

13:22Well, I mean, you know, for example, like I'm a mom of five kids. I have five children ages 21 to three, and I have a business. And I had to make a really big decision when my middle boys, they're adopted from Uganda. When they came home, they had a lot of traumatic experiences and needed a lot of hands-on, you know, parenting to help them heal. And as I was kind of ascending in my career, I made the decision that I was going to be done every day at three o 'clock because I needed to be present for them. And so instead of thinking to myself, I don't have time to do everything I need to make this business succeed, which by the way, is the first thought I have.

13:59Your brain's always going to give you kind of these self-protective negative thoughts. So don't worry about that. You're not doing anything wrong. If that happens, you're just congratulations. You're normal. I said to myself, wait a second, Is that really true? Is it really true that I can't get everything done that I need to get done to make this business grow? No, I mean, I couldn't. There's not like a list of here's all the things you have to do exactly other than the list I'm making for myself. In fact, what if I have exactly enough time to get the most important things done and I can ultimately build a team to do the things that I don't have time to do?

14:34Well, that all of a sudden radically changes how I approach that situation. And I was doing that, by the way, at a time when our team was very small. My kids are much older now when I had a lot fewer resources than I had today. But I chose to embrace the constraints. And so, for example, you might say, I don't have enough time to do everything, but I do have enough time to do the most important things. And so that's what we call a paradoxical framing of a story where you don't totally discount your original story because there probably is a grain of truth in it. And I think it's not helpful to kind of completely dismiss it in some cases, but you can twist it.

15:12You know, my time is limited, but I have all the time I need to do the most important things. And I think that changes how you're thinking about the actions you're going to take, because now you're going to become like I did way choosier about the decisions that you're making, what you choose to invest your time in. You're not going to be jumping on Facebook or Instagram unless it's for professional purposes. You know, you're going to be like really focused and very choosy about what you invest in. And that's going to change your results. Oh, so good. Thank you for diving deep there and adding so much clarity.

15:45So a person who is here and they hear, well, CEO, five kids having time for the most important assembling teams. And that was on the origins of mindset. And then there's always the skeptic, which I appreciate. And I applaud. I am naturally a skeptic. And then many people are like, well, I don't see how this mind stuff, like stuff, it kind of like works for me. Like whenever I have a problem, I just go and solve it. I take action. I figure it out. I don't really need to focus because adding mindset just makes it more like another layer. Okay. So would you say that mindset work is for everybody?

16:14Or do you think there's more people who are like more akin to it? Where do you go? I think there are probably people who are more naturally open to it, but there's not any research that would suggest that some people are going to get better results with mindset or, you know, they're just like naturally hardwired to really benefit from mindset work while others won't. Here's what I would say to that person, because I totally relate to you. And my husband, who is our chief product officer and was very instrumental in the research of this book, would naturally be in that camp and has really made a lot of progress over time as he's delved into the research on this.

16:46Because here's the thing, your brain is, if you're action biased, which I mean, I can tell Jasmine you are, I am, it's like, let's go get it done, right? But when you have an action bias, the actions that you're taking are limited by the story that you're telling. So a story that says, I could never, or this is not possible, there's no way I could go from$10 ,000 that I made last year to$100 ,000 this year. There's just no way that could happen. Well, your brain is going to do that thing where it starts sorting for solutions that are congruent with your story. It's kind of like if you bought a Tesla, all of a sudden you would think everybody in your town bought a Tesla.

17:27In fact, you just started noticing them because you got one yourself. Same thing with our actions and the solutions that we have access to. So if you want to have access to the kind of actions that are going to get you the results you want, then you have to go further upstream and you have to tell a story that's going to kind of point your brain in the direction of the solutions that are going to be helpful instead of getting you more of what you're already getting. So that's why this matters. You just can't think the thoughts you need to think to get where you want to go unless your brain is predisposed to look for the solutions you need.

18:01So how might somebody do that? Can you give us like a super granular example? Like when you're like, you have to go upstream. Like I get this, but there might be somebody who's listening to be like, well, what does that actually mean? Okay. So for example, I, um, I have been a person who's really prioritized my health for a long period of time. I had a rare heart attack. There's nothing to do with lifestyle. It has some kind of freaky heart attack that almost nobody ever has for young, active women in their forties. That's who gets this heart attack. It's called a scat heart attack. So I had this about a year and a half ago.

18:30And my doctor said, you also have some genetic risks for other heart disease. I think that you should really try to focus, you know, at an even higher level on reducing your risk by losing weight. And I was like, okay, you know, I'm not real excited about that. But I had some early success with some lifestyle stuff. And then I hit a wall and I just wasn't making progress. And so, you know, my natural instinct would be, I need to be more consistent. Maybe I need to add 15 more minutes of walking every day. Maybe, you know, whatever, just those little tweaks. In reality, that wasn't going to get me where I needed to go.

19:03And so because I said, I don't know how to get a breakthrough here, but I'm certain there is a solution. I just have to find it. Okay. So that's my story. I don't know how to get a breakthrough here, but I'm sure there's a solution if I can just find it. Well, I ended up finding an amazing regenerative medicine doctor out in California who does a lot of work with peptides. And there's been a lot in the news about some new peptides that have come out that have been helpful. and I've lost 50 pounds in the last about eight months and dramatically lowered my heart disease risk in the future. And the reason I was able to get different results is because I took different actions, but the only way I had access to different actions is because I had a story that set my brain up to go find that solution because our brain's gonna go answer the question that we give it.

19:53And if we give it unproductive or unhelpful questions, it'll find those answers, but they're not going to help you. And in my case, this was a big breakthrough. Okay, girl. It's like, you just take the high level stuff and I'm like, I get it. I get it. And then you add a practical real life example and I'm like, poof. Okay. So, um, part of the reason why I was really excited for this conversation and I'm going to say an interview because I truly think that I'm just, we're connecting and you speak my love language. That is mindset. But then you speak my second love language, which is productivity.

20:25And like, I think there's this like beautiful, distinct intersection between the two. And I think we can think of one or we think of the other, but when did you first start to realize that the two of them could and are actually are intersected? I think it was really when I faced this crossroads of my career's taking off. I want to be able to do big things in my business, but the needs of my family are increasing. And so am I going to compromise my career so that I can really be present for my family or am I going to compromise the needs of my kids so that I can go chase this professional dream?

20:59And I got to the place of saying like, that stinks. I don't like either one of those choices. You know, what I want is both. And so when I started thinking about not just how do I get it all done? Because we all know, like there literally is not enough time to get it all done. Like there are always going to be more things to do than we could ever have time for. I don't care how much time you have. And we all have the same amount of time, really. Instead, I said, OK, I don't have time for everything, but I do have time to get the right things done. And so how can I go further upstream when I think about my productivity to thinking about what's my highest leverage contribution?

21:37What are the things that only I can do in my business? And if I focus on those things that I'm most passionate about and that deliver the biggest results in my business. We have a whole model for this. We call the freedom compass. And that little sweet spot of passion and proficiencies, we call it, is the desire zone. If I focus on my desire zone, then that's going to mean that I'm way more efficient. I can spend proportionally fewer hours to get way bigger results. And that's the magic. I mean, the only way we can, you know, have what we want in terms of personal margin is we have to achieve more, but do less.

22:12And the only way to do that is to get clearer and clearer on your own contribution. And that's really a mindset thing more than anything else. I mean, it's not tactical, you know? Oh, this is so interesting. Okay. So when you talk about mindset, when you talk about productivity, when you talk about this idea of being done with work at 3 PM and you wanted the both and, and I'm like, yes, there's so many people are like, I too want that. And then I go through and I add the layer of, you had mentioned earlier that your husband was head of product. And I didn't know that. I thought that was pretty interesting.

22:42So then my mind started like flittering around with, you are the CEO, your father had started the company, and then there was a transition and your husband. So it's a family affair. And then I started thinking, well, how then does this look like in layered productivity? Does your husband leave work at 3 p.m. with you? Or what does that look like? And how have you guys both applied the mindset? You said he did a lot of the research, which I'm loving. I wish I was in, I wish I was at your kitchen table for dinner. Like, I want to hear about how all this happened. What is that intersection now? What does it look like for you bar hearing CEO, what does that life mindset productivity actually look like?

23:13Yeah. Our, you know, our kids are like, mom and dad, can you please stop talking about the brain? You know, their eyes are glazing over their teenagers for the most part. This is not their idea of great dinnertime conversation, but that's okay. Hopefully it'll pay off at some point. So yeah. So Joel, uh, does leave work pretty much every day at three o 'clock. Uh, one of the cool things about working together, both being executives and all that, which, you know, like I grew up with parents who are wonderful, but had a very traditional arrangement in their marriage. My dad worked, my mom stayed home.