Stop Being Afraid to Talk About Money: Building Wealth, Confidence, and a Business

18:32Tori Dunlap:You are a Chalamet super fan. And some might say psycho fan, but we'll leave that for a different show. Okay. So a lot of people will often say, well, it could be this or this. Yeah. And in that situation, if that's the majority of how people answer, which it is, I say, which one lights you up the most when you talk about it? So if you say, I could talk about X and Y for 15 minutes, but you know what? Y really lights me up. Awesome. Now, when you talk about Y, who in your life is asking you questions about Y? So what we just did, what we just did is took inventory of first doing and finding something you actually like, because we can get you into, oh, how to become a financial planner.

19:15But if If you don't like that, there's no way you're going to win. So we start with, what is something you're already good at? What lights you up? What do people ask you about? That right there, those three questions, all of a sudden, I promise you, because right now they're watching, maybe they're taking notes, maybe they're sitting in like the carpool line. And tomorrow when it hits you, you're going to be like, huh, I never saw that. Because we're all so magical. But the problem is we're so close to our magic, we can't see it.

19:42Tori Dunlap:Yeah. And it isn't until we step further back that we say, that's a unique skill set. I, something comes natural to me and they want to know about it. How could I share it? Yeah. And I think about all the time, just the random things that people do to, you know, they make businesses out of stuff you never would have expected. Like I remember seeing, I think it was about a year or two ago. There's a woman who has a multi six figure business decorating people's like stoops or their front porches. For like Halloween, Thanksgiving. Yes. And they like do it in Texas where like that's a big thing. And like they make 120 ,000.

20:19Tori Dunlap:Seven figures. Yes. More than that. Yeah. For Christmas, for Halloween, for Valentine's Day. Some people really care about that. Yep. And they want the decoration, but they don't want to do it themselves. Like boom, business idea. Seven figures here in Orange County, putting up Christmas lights. Yeah. Putting up Christmas lights. Seven figures. Yeah. So all of these things are possible. And I love that you're saying, like, identify the things that you love, but also the things that somebody will eventually pay you for because people are already coming to you for your expertise. Absolutely. So we're talking about how action is so crucial here.

20:54Tori Dunlap:And you're very clear that waiting for clarity just keeps people stuck. So why does clarity only come after you take action? Prior to the action, everything is a hypothesis. Yeah. It's a hypothetical. It's just a guess. It's just a guess. So early on, I would spend most of my life guessing what the outcome could be. And the distance between guessing and then taking action, the more I've matured as a woman and as an entrepreneur, is I guess much less. The longer I wait guessing, the least amount of time I have to take action. So if we go back to the start of this conversation, is I take action only because it's a test.

21:33I'm going to test this. I'm going to test this. I'm going to test this. And I have no attachment to the outcome because the test doesn't mean anything about me. It means something about the thought I had. Sometimes it's a great thought. Sometimes we need to think different thoughts. And in both those situations, sometimes it's not great for the ego, but you want to know what? That's entrepreneurship.

21:51Tori Dunlap:That's entrepreneurship. I think sometimes the only way you figure out it was the right or wrong decision is by making the decision. Absolutely. And it's like, yeah, you can play out that hypothetical all you want, but you will not know until you know. I've seen death by hypotheticals so many times in my career. and it's just like you get started and then you think about everything that could go wrong and I get that but in the beginning now I don't think about what could go wrong I'm just like we're going to deal with that when we get there but I'm not going to spend any energy behind it but in the beginning I started tethering it by okay I can think about everything that can go wrong especially when I was new and I felt like everything so you know I'm daughter of an immigrant first generation Latina I'm the first in my family like in my second year of business I made more than my dad.

22:33And my dad has five children and a stay-at-home wife. That money to me was so mind-boggling that we can go out to a Mexican restaurant and I'm telling everybody, order soda. We're not ordering water. Get your own burrito. We're not cutting them in half anymore. And that was such mind-bending money. And I think to myself that we all have the possibility to step into that if we don't hold attachment to the outcome of our small micro tests.

22:59Tori Dunlap:the messages I get a lot and I imagine you do too are this belief that you and I have something that the person listening or watching doesn't like and if somebody is messaging me it is a conscious thought but I think often it's more subconscious which is like I don't have that in my DNA yeah like there's something about them that they're able to do this and I'm not Debunk that for me. Well, what you believe to be true is. It just is. Yeah. And then, so I've done a lot of work in therapy, and I've never been the person who could like think positive thoughts. I can't think my way into positivity.

23:44I can't think my way into a different outcome. That's just not my hard wiring. So what we've discovered is to try on different phrases that might feel enough true to get me to action.

23:53Tori Dunlap:Do you feel like that's because of your background of being an immigrant? like probably like there are people who can easily believe like i can become the president yeah you know it's like that just never white men yeah well it's just never resonated with me because i'm like uh no you probably won't like it just wasn't there so what is the second can i what is the second thought after oh you probably won't is it these are the reasons or is it like more like identity based it depends like if we're using the example of like a president i probably wouldn't get into the reasons why but for a long time it was like do you believe you can build an eight-figure business.

24:28And I was like, I'm not sure. So I spent a lot of time exploring what were the beliefs I had specifically, surprise, surprise, money.

24:36Tori Dunlap:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Money. That I became my own ceiling every single time. I was like - Because you were scared of making more money? I don't think, I honest to God, don't think it was fear. Okay. I just, I think the narrative, if I'm being honest, the narrative I chose was, you don't have what it takes because you weren't raised yeah you didn't know it probably wasn't shown to you it wasn't modeled so there was no way you could even dream that that was i was 25 years old and i never imagined in my life that i could start a business yeah i it never never occurred to me like the idea that i would get paid to hold a camera or be a consultant or speak on a stage.

25:22Like that was so foreign. I didn't believe it. It was like a mind, but like you can be an astronaut, right? You could start your own business. Those are the equivalent. So the ones that actually started to stick with me, I would ask myself like, wait, why? What happens here? But that was after like a lot, like a lot of maturity as a person, a lot of maturity around money stories, a lot of maturity with therapy. But for me, when we go back to that, I always think to myself, okay, what can you believe about this situation? So somebody is watching, they're just like well they're just built different that's not for me okay if you said it you believe it and it's true yeah there's a different story maybe you don't think you can build an eight-figure business okay maybe that's your truth that's that's the limitation you want to fight for awesome no problem do you think that you can make an extra four thousand dollars a month yeah because it starts somewhere yeah belief is built on history and reputation prove to yourself that you can make 400 extra dollars and then 500 and then a thousand and then 2000.

26:20And the minute you look back and say, I've proven to myself that I can make$750 more off a digital product a month. My children's lives have changed. I have autonomy. I can take my family out to eat. I could save for the Disney cruise. You do that game over. You've proven to yourself, but you're talking yourself out of an eight figure dream because you can't make eight sense on your own. Start small. What do you believe? Fight for that. Also, your path is not

26:46Tori Dunlap:going to look the same. My path isn't the same as yours. Yours isn't the same as mine. But we are living proof that it is possible. 100%. So rather than thinking, oh, they have it so I can't, or that person is a photographer so I can't be one, or they have something I don't, think about all of the things that we might have or we might have had when we were starting that you also have. You have the hope and the want to do this. You have a certain skill set. You hopefully will get to at least the belief in yourself. Like we are living testament that these things are possible. They're not going to look the same.

27:32Tori Dunlap:There are privileges that all of us have that are unique, but it is so easy to look at a dream that someone else is living and go well that's not possible for me no it is they're living proof that it is i always call them like frame breakers who's gonna break your frame because whenever i look at somebody else doing something like we and you and i were having a conversation before we started recording and a really cool opportunity comes your way there you i you will be hard pressed to find another woman to be like yes girl you're gonna own it you're gonna rock their room you're gonna melt their faces off let's go you're a way maker and a frame breaker for me.

28:05So I have to find it in me to celebrate this because it creates expansion in my life to be like, she goes first, watch me be second. Totally. But not just in this particular situation. No, but I talked to you nine months ago

28:14Tori Dunlap:about something that I was trying to launch that you've already done. And I had the same thought for you where I'm like, oh, that would be really cool. She has a cool thing that I want. And there is a moment where maybe it's envy or jealousy. And we've talked a lot on this show about how actually those are the most powerful tools in your toolbox to figure out what you want. Ooh. Right? Because if you are jealous, if you're envious, if you're like, oh, gosh, I really wish I had that. And in no way am I like, oh, this other person can't have that because I want it. Right. It's more just like, oh, I want that, too.

28:43Tori Dunlap:Great. It means you want it. So jealousy is wanting what somebody else has. Envy is not wanting them to have it. So ladies and gentlemen, be jealous. Yeah. It's a good thing. It tells you a lot. It tells you a lot. It teaches you. It teaches you what you want. And so many people, when I talk to students and abortioning entrepreneurs, I'm like, what do you want? They can't tell you. A lot of people can't tell you. So if people are having a hard time verbalizing what they want when they're jealous, highlight. What is it? What is that? And identify it. Name it. Focus on it. Where your attention goes, your energy flows.

29:20Tori Dunlap:Yeah. When somebody is thinking, yep, okay, I'm ready to start this business. Yes. Let's say they do steps one, two. Where do they get stuck? Of what? If we're being honest, every step. Sure. I mean, every step. Yeah. So that's just the misnomer is that new levels, new devils. Like when you ask - Ooh, right? I've never heard that one. Oh, good. Oh, good. New levels, new devils. So you have expansion slated big time in 2027. 2026, yes. And then even mega in 2027. So you're going to be facing challenges in 2027 that the 2026 version isn't even prepared for. But what you go through this year is going to prepare you for what's happening in 2027.

30:04So we have to know that every wall that you hit, because surprise, surprise, Tori hits walls. Crazy. Crazy is that we say I'm one rep closer to my PR. So I want to be very clear that every step will be hard. Now, now, because we're super into data and analytics, we can tell. So we get established business owners who want to get consistent revenue to 10K a month. And then we take bordering new photographers, I mean photographers, new business owners who want to build businesses and every step. But I will tell you, the first one big time is who do you want to serve? I want to serve women. Okay.

30:43Tori Dunlap:Not specific enough. Not specific enough. And so we see like first thing is like, well, if I identify, if it gets too close and I'm like, no, no, no. Now, in today's day and age, the closer you get to your dream customer, against all odds, you attract more. But it's because you're very clear and you're unafraid to say who you serve. Yes. Now, the next big one, because we actually have people talk to customers and they're like, admit in public, I want to do something. Yes, baby. We're teaching you how to talk about your business. We're teaching you how to put yourself out there. You're practicing here.

31:13So in the real world, when you get knocked down, you're like, I've been here before. I'm stronger now. And then the second big hurdle is the minute they've identified their offer, their proposition, who it's for. We green light the offer. It is going out and what we say is like a seed launch. This is beta testing. Yeah. Small baby subs. Let's see how much money you can make by your immediate audience. And the biggest hurdle. It's like, now it's time to post. Post?

31:37Tori Dunlap:People are going to make fun of me. A hundred percent. They're going to talk about me behind my back. They're going to tell me I'm cringe. Oh, yeah. And my cousins, like, what are they going to say? They're going to go, who do you think you are? And my husband's embarrassed because this is my third time trying something. I've tried other things before. Also, if your husband's embarrassed, get a new husband. I have no patience for unsupportive partners. I'm like, no, get out of here. No, but I, yeah, it's so, it's the, oh, I actually have to put my money where my mouth is. I have to go out and be vulnerable, which is what it is.

32:06Tori Dunlap:It is a handout and asking of like, please maybe see me and see what I'm trying to do. That's very scary. But I mean, I always think, but I flip the energy. and I know you're not saying, hey, please see me. It's what we've identified with messaging is you have a problem. Yes, and I'm solving it. And I have a solution. Yes, totally. And so you don't have your hand out saying, ladies, see me. No, totally. You're saying you're struggling with your finances. Nope, that's a great reframe. You know what you're doing. And so to me, it's a place of power. You're not begging for alms, baby. You have the secret sauce.

32:34Yeah. Are you willing to put it out?

32:35Tori Dunlap:No, but I think that is the reframe because I think my version is what people are thinking, which is like, I have to beg people to take me seriously. No, no, no. No, no, no. There is no begging. You are worth your weight in gold. Add tax. Yeah. Okay. So that one, the charge what you're worth, because a lot of people follow me, talk about pay equity, talk about negotiating, and charging is such a black box. What do I charge? How do I charge? Am I charging too much? Am I charging too little? Tell me how to figure that out? And I know that's a big question, but for somebody who's just starting the business, how do they figure out?

33:17Tori Dunlap:Yeah. Okay. I don't have a ton of experience yet, but also I also know my value. I mean, listen, you can take the girl out of the hood. You can't take the hood out of the girl. I start at like a swap meet philosophy. Yeah. When you're getting started, you might be so overqualified and have family connections and have investments, but the market's never wrong. The market doesn't care who your daddy is. They don't care about your trust fund. They care about the solution to their problem. And if it's an untested solution, we all have to have the humility to put something out there. And the more demand there is for that, the faster you raise your price.

33:52So I always suggest start at a baseline and then every increase thereafter, you could be raising it. So for instance, when I first started as a photographer, 10 hours of wedding coverage for$1 ,000 and included, and included, and included all of the images. I was unproven. I was unproven. But every three clients, every three clients I booked, I raised my prices$300. It was a 33 more or less percent increase. Which is huge. In one year, I was charging$5 ,000 a wedding. And when I ended my career, I was charging$30 ,000 a wedding. The market's not Wrong. When we launch the consistent 10K, we launch it at a beta.

34:39I know my reputation. I know our programming. I know our coaches. I know our accountability. But guess what? It's new. I'm not going to cash in on equity from something else. This is unproven. Yeah. So the people who joined early, we've now raised the price like three or four times. Yeah. Because the organic results. Exactly. So people are like, where do I start? As low as you can go, babe.

34:58Tori Dunlap:Yeah. And the market will push up the price. Yeah. And this is where I tell people, if you are starting a business, and this is where we might actually disagree, I think starting as a side hustle is so crucial. Yes, I agree. Well, I think there's two kinds of entrepreneurs. I think there's the leap in the net will appear entrepreneur, which you might be more of than I was. I was the, I need the ducks in the row and then the backup ducks and then the backup net. I needed all of that before I quit and still the universe made the decision for me. I did not quit on my own. And I think it's so much easier to grow a business when you are not dependent on that business to survive like in the early days And it's also easier to pussy step the things you need to do because you have your paycheck Yeah, so I I am a full believer in side hustle until it's a real thing Yeah, i've done that in every single parts of my career.

35:48I've never once not like oh i'm fingers crossed There's always been a strategy behind it. But I also knew that if I waited too long, it would be slower to take action. My husband and I, we say, burn the boats. The boats that took you to the new island, if they're out in the water, you will want to swim back to them because they feel safe. But going back, there's no land from which you came. It doesn't exist anymore. You can't go back to your old job. You're not the same person. So what you once tolerated and once had you fulfilled, even if you go back because you quote unquote failed at this thing, you're no longer the same.

36:19you have tasted the nectar and ambrosia so you better find something else or make this thing

36:23Tori Dunlap:work so i'm a little bit more pushy in that way but i mean it's like we're mexicans i put her eat cans like we believe in can like none of this can't stuff so i totally agree and for me it was more that i got to make strategic choices in my business like i killed we were talking about this on your show like i was coaching people one-on-one i killed that and in on paper that was a terrible decision because immediately like you know a couple thousand dollars of revenue dried up but i was like this is not sustainable if i want to grow this business and i think if i had quit too early i probably stayed too late but if i had quit too early it would not have been yeah it would not have been helpful but i do love the idea of at some point like you will never feel ready oh yeah like ready is a decision not a feeling oh yeah yeah 100 i think that people think like when I'm confident, I'll take action.

37:17Yeah. It's you take action to feel confident.

37:19Tori Dunlap:Literally, you build your confidence in running a business over time. Like again, the I want the Jenna Kutcher business. It's like I did not have the skills to run the Jenna Kutcher business and I got them and I'm still, you know, I still learn from her all the time. Like I got them by putting my reps in. That's right. Yeah, absolutely. That's right. What is a common busy work task people mistake for progress when building a business? Posting on social media without a strategy. Yeah. Like, so people will spend on average. So part of what we do on the SaaS companies, we have data and analytics and we're constantly surveying people and people on average are spending between 42 and 47 minutes on a single post.

37:59Yes. Yes. Yes. I almost threw up.

38:03Tori Dunlap:oh wow it's a long time it's a long time and so this is why that time is a waste of time because it could it could literally be cut down by three-fourths if you just decided this is going to be like what you had even mentioned before it's like this is the theme or what we call content pillars yep this is the content pillar i'm going to show up i'm going to take action and done is better than perfect another one of your lines too yeah and it's like i didn't come up with it but yes right it is but it's a mantra and so people will say like oh and then they go down that the scrolling, the doom scroll.

38:32Right, right, right. And then they go and see who's other things. And so you get super distracted on something, which is the name of the game on social media. It is a device. It is a platform that is intended to distract and dissuade you. Yep. So yes, I want you posting on social media, but you got to show up with a plan and a strategy. Yeah, I would agree with that. I would also say the other one is,

38:50Tori Dunlap:oh, I got to get the right like brand colors or like the right logo and the right website. Like that is the one that everybody thinks is progress. They're like, well, I can't launch it. I don't have the right logo. Okay. Has anybody told you they haven't started a business? I need my mission statement. Yes. What? I need my 45-page business plan. No. No. No, no. If you looked back at the business I launched that turned into her first 100K, it is the ugliest website you've ever seen. Of course. It is a logo I designed myself on Canva. Of course. That I also took probably like two hours to find the right template for.

39:26Tori Dunlap:And it's terrible. But like I launched it. We got it up. That's right. We got it up. The market will always fix it. Yeah. The market's never wrong. We are. And my own experience. Yes. Like after six months, I'm like, yeah, that's not a great logo. We're going to fix it. Oh, I want to redesign this thing on my website. You're able to do that because the thing already exists. You don't have to tinker until it's perfect because it won't be. It will never be perfect. You said that your first business is often a bridge, not the final destination. why is it such an important reframe for beginners oftentimes people have myself included had this attachment that this was the end-all be-all and it's easy when you get to like a destination and exactly yeah i would often call my business my baby my baby but when you actually think about it a baby requires 24 7 attention the baby is mercurial the baby can't speak you can't speak to the baby because the baby doesn't understand.

40:24The baby runs the schedule. The baby demands, supersede your demands. And I started thinking, I don't know if I want my business to be my baby. I want my business to be a fountain, a machine. I was going to say the kid off at college, but I like the fountain even better. I hear from you twice a year. Okay. Have fun. We want this thing that gives us life. Totally. That pours back into us, that we run it. It serves us. Right. And And so that's where I kind of am just like, the bridge was the thing that will take me to the next evolution of me. When I first started my business, I could never imagine sitting in this chair, in this spot, speaking to you.

41:04My reality is so much bigger and greater than my dreams could ever be. So if I continue to think that where I'm at right now, like the consisting 10K is my destination.

41:15Tori Dunlap:No, baby, it's just a wider bridge. It's taller and it's wider to get you to the next thing. to get you to the next thing. And when I take my last breath, may I say that the destination was never the business. It was the purpose. Yeah. And I think the dreams that we're talking about, there are people out there who are going, oh my God, 10K a month. That's so crazy. I want everybody listening to go back to what you said, which is maybe it's just$400 extra. $40. Let's play that game. Yeah. What would$400 mean to you today? It would be massive for almost everybody listening. That's what I'm saying.

41:52Yep. And so we say, I don't know if$10 ,000 a month from a digital product could ever be on my alley.

41:57Tori Dunlap:And also, I'm so scared of my own dreams. Like, I don't have the capability for that. Yeah, you might not right now. Right, but you haven't been taught. Right. You don't know. Right, you haven't put in your reps. No. If I go try to deadlift 300 pounds, yeah, it's not going to work. Right. It's not going to work. I deadlift 30. That's right. And if I tried playing the tuba, I wouldn't know. I'm not going to be like, oh, you're incapable of fool. It's literally the example I give all the time. For me, it's literally speaking Italian and playing the tuba. Those are the two examples I give all the time.

42:25Tori Dunlap:Yeah, if I tried to go and, I don't know, order food at an Italian restaurant in Italian, they're going to be like, okay. But we tried. But in this situation, you don't pick up a tuba and you say, you bloody fool. Like, what an idiot. How dare you? Come on. Can't you do better? You had no idea. And yet, people start a business and then what they say is, you idiot. How dare you try? How stupid. Do you know how dumb you look? What in the world? You're so bad at that. Of course you're so bad at it. Of course. Of course. Of course. And as the business grows, you continue to stay bad. If you don't have the stomach to be bad at everything for a long time, you will never find your way to success.

43:01Tori Dunlap:Yeah. That's the game. I just want to tell people, we get into business to change our life in terms of personal development and change our legacy and change our futures. But every step of it comes at the cost. Yeah. It comes at the cost of uncomfortability, feeling dumb, questioning the decisions you make. and what you say is what used to be my PR is now my warm-up that's the game and the thing that we might have that somebody listening doesn't you know to answer that before of like what do they have that I don't is that resiliency of like yep I'm gonna be stupid about this and we have a lot of stuff figured out again I'm still googling things all the time all the time what was that acronym that somebody just said I don't know like it's so so common I'm having conversations in our business right now.

43:46Tori Dunlap:We're trying to solve this problem. We don't know how to solve it. We're going to figure it out. We'll figure it out. But it's going to be uncomfortable for a while. That's right. What is the simplest first offer someone could create? You modeled it perfectly in your business model. Perfectly. Hey, thanks, friend. It's literally a small group of people paying a small amount of money to work with you so that you figure out your messaging, figure out the common points, figure out how you get somebody a transformation. So people always say, well, when they hire a photographer, they're getting photographs.

44:17When they hire a coach, they're getting the coaching. No, they're not. They're getting the transformation. Jinx. Okay. And so in the beginning, you have an idea. In the beginning, you think you know how they're going to get a transformation. It will never happen the way that you think. Like it will, it will never, because it was, when you're in the middle of it, you're like, oh, that's not working the way that, that I thought it would. And then all of a sudden, the more people, the more reps that you go through, clients or customers, the more you realize, oh, this is how we standardize the transformation.

44:45This is how we guarantee. This is how we can create an ROI guarantee because we know the system is so good. So I believe the easiest way is to get paid for something you know and do it again and again and again and then get bigger over time.

44:57Tori Dunlap:Yeah. That is the perfect example for people who don't have like the large audience because that's the other thing. It's like, oh, I have to have even 10 ,000 followers on Instagram. I want to like, I'm right down the barrel with you all here. I had 4 ,000 Instagram followers when I quit my job to run my business full-time. 4 ,000. Like, that was enough. But now, but even now, so even somebody says that, yeah, but Tori, you're X. Okay, fine. But let's just use like actual like quant and facts. Is that the algorithm now is not indexing on followers. No. It's indexing on interest. It has actually never been a better time to be a small creator.

45:32A hundred percent. Because the more niche and specific you get around a particular person's problem and your solution is drilled down for it, the algorithm is so good, it's going to be sending it to dream customers. were. In the past, we were hoping that the right followers who were following us at the right time would see the right post for the conversion. Now, you don't need that the way that you needed it then. It's different. It's never been a better time to create an offer online and sell it.

45:54Tori Dunlap:Have you seen the woman who is a manager at a Ace Hardware who just films herself as customers come in and they're like, oh, she's like, what can I help you find today? And they're like, oh, I'm looking for this kind of wire. And she's like aisle 12 halfway down on the second shelf. this video goes on for like two minutes she posts the same kind of videos i watch the whole thing the whole thing and i'm like what's the fascination i think it's she's so good at her job like i love watching people be competent she's just like it's like competency porn it's like oh she's like oh she knows exactly where it is she's like super friendly people like the interaction she has with customers it's like a little tv show and i'm like it's so smart she's doing what she's already doing and she's filming herself doing it.

46:39And do you know that Ace Hardware, what do you think? Like they're paying nothing for it and the halo effect of that marketing. Oh, she should get

46:44Tori Dunlap:a brand deal. She should get, she's making money off the platforms, just posting that. Like that's the perfect example of like, like yeah, on paper, does she have the skills needed to be a business owner? Like actually she does as a, like a manager and everything, but that is a perfect example of she is making something out of like seemingly nothing. Yes. And do I watch it every time? Absolutely, I do. Absolutely, I do. And it's my little, I'm like, oh, my show's on. Here we go. I'll find her because I got to show, I got to credit her in the caption. It's so good. Okay. You describe entrepreneurship as creating options, not just income.

47:18Tori Dunlap:What is the first option business ownership gave you? Maybe it was full burrito and a soda for your family, but like what made you realize this is so much bigger than money? when I became in control of how I spent my day. And that was, I didn't have to, I'm born and raised in Southern California. And so like an average commute here is an hour each way. And the fact that you could choose to no longer do that, the fact that you could choose to work at six o 'clock in the morning and then take a three hour break in the middle of the day and live life on your own terms. And then the second optionality was to tell my family when we go out to eat, you don't pay for the bill.

47:53And when people say like, what does success feel like? I mean, Tori, you're living, you're sitting in like a dream of mine. This is not success. The success is being able to sit with my family and every single time we got the bill. We got the bill. And that just is like, it's power. It feels so good.

48:12Tori Dunlap:Yeah. That is the difference that I found with talking with women, educating them about money, educating them about growing businesses, like the stereotypical entrepreneurship content that's really just focused at men is about stockpiling and is about your investment gains and is about like how much money can you rake in and like that's the fun of it. But for women, every single woman I talk to, it is everything you just said. The money's fine, but the money is what gives you the flexibility to have a scholarship at your college, have the ability to take your parents on a nice trip, to donate to causes you believe in, to stand up and say, no, I'm not going to accept this kind of treatment, even if you're paying me X amount and being able to walk away.

49:03Tori Dunlap:That is the actual feeling that entrepreneurship and just financial freedom generally give you. and people want to look at my story and, you know, oh, it's because she budgeted. Like, yeah, my first 100K was about budgeting. It was about saving. It was about investing. And like, I did all the financially right things. Yes, I continued those and that's why I've been able to keep my money. But the reason I went from 100K at 25 to multi-millions at 27 and all of that money afforded me, that was entrepreneurship. That was the only thing. The investing helped? Absolutely. That's right. But it was starting the business.

49:41That's it. That's it. That's it. And I think that that is the biggest misnomer is that we have aspirations to grow within an organization, which is awesome, which is awesome.

49:50Tori Dunlap:And you can become a millionaire that way. Of course. But you're not listening to this if you don't want to be a business owner. So I'm talking to those people. Yeah. Yeah. And oftentimes, being a business owner doesn't have to look the same wait for everybody. I keep on going back. It's like, what is an extra$2 ,000 or$4 ,000 mean? No, I think it's worth hearing 17 times. It has the capacity to transform your life. Absolutely. Yep. Absolutely. What if, let's just pretend, let's just pretend that you put 50 % of what have you made from your side hustle into a Roth IRA or into investment? Or paying off debt.

50:25Yes. Yeah. 100%. What does that do for your life? Yep. What does it do for your family?

50:30Tori Dunlap:Yep. everything. Optionalities mean I don't have to agree based on everybody else's timeline and everybody else's rules. When you have money, the game changes. Yes. Period. The end. Yep. Absolutely. When we think about someone who feels stuck at a job that they've outgrown, how can entrepreneurship expand their sense of possibility without requiring a massive leap? I mean, this is you do as much as you can, however you can, when you can. Yeah, that's it. And so what happens are people like, I'm so exhausted from my job. That's that's real. And this is specifically, I mean, even more so for single moms.

51:08That's a real thing. I just spoke with somebody after a speaking engagement and she's a single mom. She's a realtor. She's with a brokerage, but she's like, I want to get my own leads on social media. I want to go out on my own. And I looked at her and I said, OK, it's too risky for you to leave the brokerage because they're leaving. They're giving you leads. so when you are at the brokerage nine to five it's ten toes down they're paying you you do it right if this requires you to get up another 40 minutes in the morning and stay up 40 minutes at night for 12 months in order to have the pathway out it will suck but it's the way we get out yeah and so we have to acknowledge we have to do things that we're uncomfortable with but we're going to do

51:49Tori Dunlap:what we can however we can when we can it might not be as much as we want but it's something and that something's better than nothing. Well, and if that is your dream, like I absolutely do not think hustle culture is great nor sustainable. There are periods of hustle. There are seasons. Absolutely. There is seasons. I had Jenna, the first time she came on the show, we talked about this. Like when I wanted to be a business owner so bad, I was willing to sacrifice some nights and weekends because that for me was my goal. When I wanted to be a New York Times bestselling author, like I went too far and I won't do it again.

52:22Tori Dunlap:But like I learned a lot during that period of like I wanted to put everything out in the field so that when I woke up, a couple weeks after the book had come out, I could say, yep, I did everything that I could do. And then what's going to happen is going to happen. But I did everything I could. That's right. Now, a prolonged season of that is not sustainable nor healthy. Agreed. But I do think that if you have a dream or have a goal, it will take sacrifice. it just will for a woman listening to start a business but feels behind underqualified or overwhelmed what is the first step you'd want her to take this week well first and foremost i'd look at her and say welcome to the club you are one of us there are more of us than there are not and then the first step i would go back to say there's going to be days that it's very hard yeah and there's going to be harder days and there are easier days and there's gonna be days where you find yourself working alone.

53:21And then there'll be days that you find yourself questioning whether or not the work that you're doing is good enough because you have enough taste to know what good is and enough sobriety to look at what you're doing and know that it's not it. And the chasm between what is good and what you're doing is so great that you wonder, can I ever achieve that? That is all normal. But the thing that you have to go back and do every single day is to start with why. Why are you doing this? And it's okay if you're doing it for$1 ,000 a month. That's beautiful. That's amazing. But let's go a little bit deeper.

53:48What does a thousand dollars mean? What does it do? And I think that every time it gets like so rough, see, I start talking about my daughter. Dang, it just hits. I can't get one sentence out. I just think that my entire life, my capacity as an entrepreneur, like what I'm building and what I have capacity for, the minute she entered my life, everything changed because I'm like, oh, it's no longer about this. It is about what you are building and showing her. So when I take her to places, said mama never had this access and you do you will stand on my shoulders but beyond anything else make sure you're putting people on top of yours yep and so to me when I go back and say those late nights and those weekends that you don't want to work and when you get a lot of hate online or when you just feel so exhausted when you feel like you've made the wrong decision again 17 times in a row you think to yourself I might not be doing it for me yeah but I'm going to do it for her to show her what resilience means and I'm going to do it to show it to myself that I'm doing it for her.

54:44Game over. You can't beat me because I'm not doing it for myself. I'm doing it for her and all of the other little girls who never believe that they can start a business. See, I talk about her and then I cry.

54:57Tori Dunlap:See, it's like - Well, I'm crying too. We have the crying sandwich today. You got me at the beginning. You got me at the end. No, that's what it's about. Yep. And I think whenever you have a goal, you are going to hit the times where you don't want to keep going and you have to remember why you care. Like, why are you doing this? Because that is the only thing, even psychologically, that's going to keep you moving. A hundred percent. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Plug away, my friend. Where can people learn more about you? Plug away. I answer in my own DMs. So shoot me a DM.

55:30At Jasmine Star. Say hello. If you are interested in learning more about the Consistent M-K, send me a DM. It says method. M-E-T-H-O-D. People are going to love this episode. Thank you. I appreciate you. Anything we didn't talk about you want to talk about? No, just I'm happy that this came here today. Now I'm happy to welcome you into my home. I'm happy for us to celebrate what it is we do together and hopefully other women look at it and they see what's possible for them. I really mean that. Thank you.

55:54Tori Dunlap:Thanks.