The 4 Things My Brain Did to Keep Me Stuck - and How I Overcame Them

0:0010 years ago, I made the decision to build my personal brand that was elevated, yet approachable, and reflected who I was, not just what I did. I created my website with ShowIt because it's true drag and drop freedom so you can easily build and update your site. Plus, their real human support team, game changer. Want to try it for yourself? Head to jasminestar.com forward slash ShowIt for a 14-day free trial and first month free when you subscribe. Welcome back to the Jasmine Starr Show where we talk about business, mindset, and your brain. My favorite topic, y 'all. I nerd out about brains. Now, before you roll your eyes and you're like, oh, brain, here she goes again, I have to tell you that the best business investment.

0:38Yes, listen, here's the thing. I'm not even going to edit that out. If you're watching this video, y 'all, I have to stay hydrated during these podcasts. I got a protein smoothie. I got coffee. I got water. Y 'all, here's your reminder. Drink up. Okay. I have to tell you that the best business investment I have made in my business has been my brain, not in new tools, not in coaching. The more time I spent studying my brain, the more results I got in my business and my life. When I began learning how to control my brain, train my brain, and empower my brain, I began to look at my business in massively different ways.

1:11I cannot fully explain how powerful the differences are. This is probably because I am in the middle of it. Maybe later on in my life, I'm going to look back and be like, dang, these were the reasons why. But what I can tell you right now in the present, I feel lighter, stronger, and sharper. Nothing has actually changed in my business, at least not yet, but I could feel it coming deeply. I feel it so deeply and so palpably that it makes like those really hard days less hard. And it makes those really dark days a little bit brighter. And I want to share with you what I am learning so that you can apply it to yourself.

1:45And the only reason I'm doing this is because the minute your brain believes in your future success, the rest falls gracefully into place. This is exactly why in this episode, we're diving deep into some of the tricks that our brain can play on us. and then better yet, how you can overcome those tricks to take better, better, and more decisive action. Okay. And you're going to start to notice that when these kind of like negative thoughts, doubtful thoughts, they start popping up again, and we're going to squash them because the brain knows what it's looking for. But first, I would love to read some kind words from a friend and podcast listener who goes by Arctic Fox M03.

2:21They gave it a five-star rating and they said, I've been learning from Jasmine for years, 10 out of 10. She's helpful. She's personable. She's relatable and her experience and expertise is priceless. Thank you, Jasmine, for all that you give. That was very awkward for me to say, but it would be more awkward for me not to acknowledge the positive words and reviews that y 'all are leaving. Those reviews make a difference and I read all single one of them. So thank you. They mean a lot to the team and I. Okay, so let's get back to your brain. I'm going to list four cognitive biases first before we dive in.

2:53And then, you know, like my note takers, y 'all be listening, taking notes. So here we go. Number one is a spotlight effect. Spot light effect. I'm going to say that twice. Number two is the illusion of control. Number three is the over optimism trap. And number four is the confirmation bias. Y 'all, I want to make sure that you stay until the very end because I've seen this last one derail so many businesses and I'm going to share some powerful strategies and stories for overcoming it. So let's dive in. Let's start with number one, the spotlight effect. And I'm going to pause here for a second.

3:25I know I said it at the start of the show, but I'm going to say it again. The best thing that you can do for your business is learn how to train your brain. Train your brain. Train your brain like it's an Olympic athlete. Train your brain to not think about the way that you were trained as a child, but train the brain the way you want your brain to act today. I didn't know this was possible. So breaking down these four cognitive biases, number one, the spotlight effect. Now, this is a tendency that most of us have until we intentionally reframe it. This is when we overestimate how much attention people are paying to us.

4:01It's like that feeling as though it's like there's a spotlight shining directly on you, highlighting every little thing you do or say, when in reality, most people are way too busy or preoccupied with their own lives to notice every detail about you. Fear of failure and fear of success can also play into this cognitive bias because it's a big part that the fear is failing and succeeding in public. And that kind of adds an additional layer of responsibilities, expectations, and judgment. Now, perhaps the best example of this would be when business owners stop themselves from showing up online because they're afraid, oh, well, what are other people gonna say about me?

4:38So what do you do when you're feeling anxious or nervous about making a decision, putting yourself out there, or taking a risk in public? Here is a simple framework to help you rewire your thoughts around the spotlight effect. Step one, remind yourself that everyone is dealing with their own thoughts, worries, and insecurities. Think about it this way. When you're laying in bed at night thinking, and maybe overthinking, are you thinking about the negative thoughts about other people, like what they did or what they said or what they wore that day? Or are you thinking about yourself and the things you did that day?

5:11You're probably thinking about you just the same ways that other people are thinking about themselves. Now, step two of the spotlight effect framework of getting over it is focus on your goals and deciding why you're doing this to begin with. For the business owner who is feeling that spotlight effect when showing up online, I'd encourage you to focus on the fact that you have an opportunity to get your business visible online by thousands of people, even millions of people. And you get to do all this for free. I want to encourage you that if you feel like the spotlight effect, everybody's looking at me, they're going to have an opinion, they're going to judge me, I'm doing it in public, to focus on the impact that you want to make and the value you're going to bring to your audience.

5:53Step three of the spotlight effect, because we're going to say we're no longer in the spotlight. Step three of doing this is reframe your thinking. Instead of dwelling on what could go wrong, focus on what could go right. Instead of thinking, who's going to laugh at me? Who's going to talk at me? What if they think I look like an idiot or a fool? Think, who needs to hear what I have to say today? Who is going to be inspired to make a change after seeing this piece of content, even if I feel awkward or dumb or stupid? Ask yourself, who's going to be ready to take the next step with me and my offer because I posted this?

6:23Okay. So now we're going to pause. Cognitive bias number one was a spotlight effect. And then we went through a three-part framework of overcoming that. Let's rewire our brain. Now we're going to move on to cognitive bias number two, and that's the illusion of control. Ooh, this was me right here. Ding, ding, ding. This is mine. The illusion of control is when we believe we have more influence over outcomes than we actually do. It's literally an illusion that makes us feel like, oh, I have 100 % of control of my time and my life and my business and that we, I, am able to dictate every turn. And when in reality, there are so many external factors outside of your control, outside of my control.

7:02So let me give you an example. Imagine you've planned a meticulously perfect marketing campaign for a new product. And everything seems perfect. Not a comma is out of place until, oh, until you realize that your email service provider unexpectedly experienced deliverability issues. Now, this is not just any example. This is my example. We had one of the largest launches to date with tens of thousands of people signed up for promotion. And we were like, oh my God, this is huge. It's going to be massive. It's a tidal wave. And on the day of the launch, we could not send emails. For the next four days, we sat in the painful reality that our most effective marketing arm, which is our email list, just wasn't going to work as planned.

7:48Oh, God. Do you want another personal example? Because remember how I said this cognitive bias is like my thing, this illusion of control? Oh, here's another example. So back in 2021, the Apple iOS updated that it was going to restrict access to user data. Now, this probably doesn't mean a lot to you in terms of marketing, but it was one of the greatest marketing strategies we leveraged at the time. Okay. So you see, we would be able to retarget our ads based on what people were engaging with. Now, once that data was restricted by Apple, our meta Facebook, Instagram ads, they were just not like expensive.

8:21They were way more expensive and then they were also not as effective. So we were paying more for results that we weren't really getting. So this unfolded during a three-week promotional period that we were in. And then it just felt like a sucker punch to the gut. So what is the moral of the story? Despite your best efforts, you cannot control external factors. Now, I truly believe there's only one thing that you can do when this happens. Like, well, besides preparing yourself that the unexpected will always happen. And the main thing is that you have to accept it. I've said it once and I'll say it again.

8:55I can control my efforts. I can't control the outcome. By detaching myself from the outcome and expecting and accepting that some things are out of your control, you're gonna get better results and you're gonna be able to think clearly and focus your efforts on what you can control. So what can you control? Well, you can control your marketing strategy, your execution rather than fixating on the outcome. So we're gonna pause here because I have to tell you that the minute that you can release disappointment from not getting a result, you become faster at fixing what can happen. So for so many years, if something went wrong, I just sat in the rut and this is how I knew I was becoming a stronger entrepreneur.

9:34The amount of time that I sat in the rut got less and less and less and now I go into things being like, dang, that sucks and I'm so bummed that it happened but we got to move fast and we got to fix it however much we can. So the first cognitive bias, as a little reminder, was the spotlight effect and the second was the illusion of control and now number three is the over-optimism trap. Now this is not something, these people are like, Jasmine, you're not optimistic, you pessimistic. No baby, I'm a realist. I don't struggle with this but a lot of people do. This is what the over-optimism trap is where people excessively believe in the likelihood of positive outcomes.

10:08Not a bad thing, but this leads to a point of underestimating the risks or the potential challenges. I want you to think of it as like, oh, I'm wearing rose-tinted glasses that make everything look brighter and better than what it really is. And as entrepreneurs, this is not a good thing. It could be really costly to be over-optimistic when it comes to operating a business. Here's an example. Imagine you're launching a new product and you're incredibly optimistic about its success. You're convinced that your idea, oh, it's revolutionary and your product's going to fly off the shelves and your business will become an overnight sensation.

10:40When in fact, you're so focused on the potential rewards that you overlook potential pitfalls or challenges. I'll never forget back in 2022, we developed an in-app social media challenge for a social curator. The promotion was focused on the challenge itself, but the tech team and I, well, we worked on this for over six months, eight months. I think it was a lot of time. And I was so confident about the challenge that I didn't normally do what I always do. Beta test it. Huge mistake. Huge. I ended up stopping the challenge three days into it because people were overwhelmed. And because they were overwhelmed, they didn't know where to go.

11:14They didn't end up taking action. And if you're not taking action, you're not using the feature. And they didn't know how to actually start. And I have to tell you, my God, I was humiliated. I wanted to punch myself in the face for being way too optimistic. when that is not my likelihood, and then without even testing the idea before we released it. So how do you overcome the over-optimism trap? I have two tips for you. Number one, know your desired level of success is more than possible for you. Trust it. It's true. You should be excited about the future you're creating. I'm excited about my future, but plan on it taking longer than you think.

11:51We must expect setbacks and delays along the way, and we have to learn to embrace them as opportunities for growth. By setting realistic expectations and a long-term perspective, you're gonna become a person that you need to become in order to build the business and life that you deserve. Now, tip number two is to balance optimism and realism. It's important to recognize that while your goals are achievable, they're also gonna be anything but easy. And that is okay. It will not be easy. And that's okay. It's not supposed to be easy. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. And look around you, baby.

12:30Really, there are few people who are brave enough to build like you. Congratulations. You are the rare. You are the special. You might also be a little bit crazy, but aren't we all? We're doing it because it's hard. And when we do hard things, we become stronger. And though it might be hard, we're harder. Let's go. All right. So we're going to move on to cognitive bias number four, which is the confirmation bias. You might've also heard this called the anchoring bias. Now it's when we seek out and it's when we interpret and it's when we remember information that confirms our existing beliefs or hypothesis while ignoring evidence that contradicts them.

13:07Like you're looking for evidence to be like, oh, it proves my point, proves my point. Like in other words, we're wired to look for evidence that supports what we already think or believe rather than objectively considering all of the available information. This is like a typical conversation that I have like with my husband. When I am trying to be right, I will be like, let me give you all of the evidence as to why this is my spot on the sofa. When in actuality, what I should be looking at is it is a sofa. Anybody can sit here. Can I see it from his perspective? Well, the cognitive bias is like, no, absolutely not.

13:38Because do you see like the gluteus maximus part here? It is this side of the couch is shaped for me. Therefore, it's proof that I belong there. No, that is cognitive bias. Now, the worst part is that we do this unconsciously. We don't actually know that we're looking for evidence. So let's do this through way of an example. So imagine you're conducting market research to set a price for your new product. But here's the thing. You have a preconceived idea that a higher price point is going to attract higher end customers and generate more revenue. So you gather data and feedback from potential customers.

14:12And then you focus on information that supports your belief like, oh, higher price point, higher money, win-win. Now, you might selectively interpret responses or customer feedback to see what you want to see while overlooking any indications that, you know, customers for that specific product are price sensitive, or maybe they're hesitant to pay for more. The confirmation bias could lead you to set a price that's too high for market demand, which limits your product's potential sales. No thank you. So how do we overcome the confirmation bias? Well, here's a quick framework. First, seek opposing views.

14:49Like actively, intentionally seek out feedback and perspectives that challenge your assumptions. Intentionally talk to people who disagree with you or have a different viewpoint. Like I have to also remind you, our brains are wired to want to seek people who agree with us, who relate with us, who see the world the way that we do. So this is gonna be a challenge. So I'm gonna pause here. Every time I make a business decision, I go to the two people who are most likely to disagree with you. Shout out to JD, my husband and business partner, and shout out to Jade, our COO. I trust them because they come so hard with data and analytics that would be counter opposite to what I want.

15:30Now, if I can adequately accept that data and reinterpret it and present it to them and we're all on the same page, we're on a place to win. If I can convince them with different data set and interpret it differently, then we're the same page and when, if I cannot convince people who see differently and present data, then I have to submit to their wisdom and advice. I surround myself with people who disagree with me. Now, the second thing you can do is really, it's kind of kissing cousins to that first point, which is to embrace data, not anecdotes. This means basing your decision on numbers and evidence from different sources.

16:05Not like, oh, my personal experience, my hypothesis. I have a story. I once looking for stories or ideas that confirm what you already believe. We need data. Now, the third thing that you can do to overcome your confirmation bias is to question yourself. Ask yourself, am I only looking at information that confirms my beliefs? Now, recognizing this bias, it really seems simple, but it is such an important step to overcoming it. It makes you so much stronger. So now, because my love of the brain, my love of what I'm learning, and I can tell you that every single one of these confirmation biases can be and has been anchored by a personal experience where I'm like, if I had just known that I was going through this cognitive bias, my result would have been different.

16:49That is why I'm sharing it with you. Now we're going to go through a quick review. Number one was the spotlight effect. This is we're overestimating how much attention other people pay to us, which ends up stopping us from taking action. Nobody's thinking about you as much as you are thinking about yourself. Number two is the illusion of control. Believing we have more influence on outcomes than we actually do. We are in control of the effort. We are not in control of the outcome. Number three is the over-optimism trap. Like excessively believing it, positive outcomes, manifest, it's gonna be perfect.

17:21And then we underestimate the risks and potential challenges. And number four is the confirmation bias. Seeking and remembering information that confirms our existing beliefs or ideas while completely ignoring contradictory data-driven evidence. I want to say thank you for listening to The Jasmine Starr Show. It is an honor and a privilege to create these shows for you and share what I am learning about my brain as it relates to business. This year has been a big year for me. 2024 has been the year of me. Now, I have to tell you, my word of the year is independence. Not independence doing it on my own.

17:57Independent doing it my own way. And so for me to do things my own way, I have been over-indexing on my health, my body health and my brain health. I can't wait to share more of that journey and the things that I'm learning. But before we actually get about optimizing your brain, I wanna strengthen you at figuring out how your brain is working, what is getting in your way of business growth and then removing those things, seeing them becoming stronger and then finally getting the results that you want. Y 'all, if you would be so kind and leave a review for the show, I ask for it often. If you've heard me ask more than twice, this is y 'all sign it is time to leave a review blessings take care thank you for listening and growing your brain on the jasmine star show