The BEST Networking Secrets to Grow Your Business with Jen Gottlieb

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0:39Welcome to the Jasmine Star Show, a place where you talk about life, business, and everything on the in-between. I am here in Miami, Florida, or as like my grandmother always says, Miami. We are here because I couldn't be more excited to bring to you another series of our co-hosted podcast. Today, I'm going to introduce, for people who don't know, and reintroduce one of my favorite all-time podcast guests, Jen Gottlieb. Thank you for returning to the Jasmine Star Show. I'm honored. I'm grateful. Favorite place to be. Okay. So as a recap of what we've been doing with the show starting in 2023, every so often I bring in a kind, brilliant, hustling, amazing person who will then select a group of guests to come on.

1:25So my co-host is curating a handful of guests. And last night, very typical of us, I'm texting you. It's probably like 1130. And I'm like, Jen, we're focusing on a theme. Now, here's the thing about Jen and I, we are co-creators, we're co-dreamers, we're co-collaborators. And so when I invited Jen, we had conversations while she was in New York City. A few changes have happened since then. Can't wait to talk about that. But I said, Jen, who can we bring into our orbit our lives and who can we serve other entrepreneurs and big dreamers and other big collaborators? And so then last night I text and I'm like, we're gonna be talking about a theme.

2:02The theme of this series with all of Jen's guests and Jen as my co-host. So Jen, what is our theme for this co-host series? You texted me this last night, like right before I went to bed. And I was like, I'm gonna put this phone down and I'm not gonna think about the theme right now. I'm gonna sleep on it and I'm gonna allow it to marinate. I'm just gonna ask the universe, universe, can you please tell me what my theme is when I wake up in the morning? And I woke up and I was thinking about all of these guests and what is the underlying theme? Like, what do they all have in common? And that's hard to find because they're all very different.

2:32Yes. All amazing. Like, I mean, Jen, I mean, when you sent me your guest list, I was like, oh, we're doing the dang thing. Like Miami, Miami's probably shaking right now. Like, I mean, all these people descending here in this city because of what you've done. So thank you for that. But let's go back to the theme. Yeah, they're very different. But they all started something before they felt ready to start. They all took imperfect, messy action when they were just getting started. And I've been hearing this theme a lot in questions I'm getting asked whenever I do like my Instagram lives where I'm like doing get ready with me and Q &A.

3:05How do I just start? How do I just begin? I don't know the plan. I'm not clear on what to do or what next step to take. And I always think back to the most successful people or the most interesting people or the people that have done the thing that they eventually want to do. I always find that they just start without knowing the plan. And all of these guests had a moment in time where they just had to say, you know what? I'm not quite sure how this is going to turn out. I don't even know, but I know that I need to just take action and I need to be courageous enough and brave enough to just take a step and do something.

3:37And the guests or the listeners will hear as we go, you guys will hear that usually the story doesn't pan out how they initially thought it would, but usually it's so much better. And I find that when you take messy, imperfect action, it's always that way. For me, when I connect the dots looking backwards in my story, I could have never in a million years would have told you a couple of years ago that I would be sitting here with you right now doing this like ever, ever. Like I would say you're absolutely nuts. But when I look backwards, all of those little crazy action steps that I took along the way, like, oh, sure, I'm going to do that.

4:12I have no idea how it's going to pan out, but I'm just going to do it even though I'm afraid, even though I'm unsure of what it's going to be, even though like I don't even know if this will like be a step that will move me towards the goal that I think I have. All the dots connect in a way that always makes sense in the end. And these guests all have that in common. I love that. So we're talking about imperfect action starting before you're ready. Even if you feel the fear, the doubt, the resistance around those things, which is a very much a common theme that I've seen. You are an action taker.

4:45And so we think about the first steps. I wanna talk about our first interaction. I had mentioned it briefly in a previous podcast, But what I would like to do is add a little bit more color because when we talk about starting before you're ready, we're actually looking at you in a new chapter, your life, your business, your home. And we're going to get to that in a second. But you and I met years ago when you and Chris, your husband, but at the time he was your boyfriend, went to Los Angeles. And I received, I believe it was an email. It was an email. I received an email. you're like my husband and I Chris oh my boyfriend and I Chris uh we're hosting a dinner in Los Angeles it was at Fig and Olive it was in West Hollywood yeah and you said we're getting a group of people together you didn't say who was on the guest list and I just knew that I would be able to trust that you would put together the right group of people so I drove I didn't know anyone you and I had maybe in passing gotten to know each other it was very light it was very like at a distance so I walk into Fig and Olive and there's a group of people in the back room and you and Chris so perfectly curated the night.

5:50And it wasn't a lot of people. If my memory serves me correct, it was probably 25 or 30 people in LA at the time. And the flow of the dinner was so intentional. So if we can go back to my version of walking in the room and then your version of putting that room together. And the reason I'm asking this question is because as people are listening, they are in either a new city or the city that they've never left since their childhood. but what they know they want to do is create a new network or an elevated network of people that will help them achieve their dreams big city small town it doesn't matter and so when i talk and when i think about starting before you're ready you embody that but i want to use this particular story and then parlay that to where we are today so you and chris decide we're going to host dinners like go back to the why the how how did you get started doing that so somebody can listen can say wow she wasn't that much different or far ahead than i was but she took action yeah i didn't know half the people in that room.

6:45I did not know. I was a fangirl of them. And just so you know, we knew each other lightly. We knew each other lightly. I felt like I knew you so well because I followed you. I've been following you forever. You're my friend in my head. Like I loved your content. When you walked into the room, I was like, Jen, start. That's funny. Cause when I walked into the room, I was like, Jen, you never know. Like you never know what, what other, the other person's thinking. And I was just fanning over you. And those dinners started actually, Chris used to do them before he met me and he would do them on a much smaller scale and he's known as the super connector.

7:17And he really got to where he is today. And we're going to interview him today by connecting people, by being the connector. And I would watch him and I would see if this guy has built his network and his career, like Chris is my husband, but he's my greatest mentor by being a connector, by serving, by helping others, not by going around and figuring out what he can get, but more so how can I connect you to somebody else and make a relationship happen for you and create magic in a room. And I was like, there is something so powerful to this, but I'm an introvert at heart. I know it doesn't seem like that.

7:49I love being on stage. Like that's my happy place, but in a room full of people, I never really want to go. I'm always happy I went, but I always, and it's so funny. Well, we'll talk about this later, but we did a dinner last night and pretty much everybody in the room was like, I didn't really want to go. I was nervous. I was scared because I don't like, I'm kind of introverted and the act of going to an event or a dinner where I don't know a lot of people makes me really nervous. But I'm so happy I'm here. So when we were doing these dinners together, Chris was like, we should really, every city we go to, gather people together and connect them and host these parties.

8:20No, hold on. This was like a few years ago. Do you remember why you were in LA at the time? Such a good question. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It was for something. So what we would do is whenever we would, it was probably for an event or some kind of a mastermind or some kind of thing. and we would tag these dinners on wherever, whatever city we were going to. This was pre-COVID. And I had never, I don't think I had ever done one before that with him, maybe a smaller scale one. And so I was nervous. Talk about starting before you're ready. And we're putting together this wishlist of people that some of them he knew, some of them I kind of knew, some of, a lot of them I didn't know yet.

8:55And some of my friends that he didn't know yet. And we're like, all right, here we go. And something that Chris and I do is we're both like quick starts on the Kobe scale. I don't know if you know, or the, like I'm a nine quick start and he's a 10. Okay. So when we get an idea. We'll pause, we'll pause. Yeah. So the Colby scale, it's like an assessment that you can take. And so we take them within our teams. And I'm sure you've taken them in your teams. Because you want to know if you're a quick start, that means that you will jump in and you'll figure it out before you go. Yes. And there's not a right or wrong or a better or worse.

9:21It's just the type of person that you are. And so if you can get a team of people with mixed skill sets. So my quick start is not as high as Jen's. Like I'm like more of like a seven. And so it takes me longer to get a quick start. But what I want to do is like the minute I get enough details, then I'm off to the races. So you and Chris are both quick starts. So if you're listening and you're a quick start or not, it doesn't mean it's better or worse. You're just like, we can decide it's a dinner. Let's go. Yep. Okay. So we decided we're doing it and we're like, let's figure it out. And like the dinner we did last night, which we did another one last night.

9:50It was like a week before we planned it. And we had all these people in a room. And we do curate these dinners really specifically to make sure that connection happens. So it's not just a dinner where you put a bunch of people in a room and you're like, okay, everybody have fun and talk to each other. That's great. But when you have people, and what I've found is most people are a little bit nervous to walk into a room like that. So when you put people in a room that don't know each other, they're coming by themselves. Yes. We find that you want to do a little bit of curation, a little bit to make people feel comfortable and to incentivize connection.

10:19Because what we found is you're always one connection away from getting the thing that you want, or maybe from something really cool. Okay, pause. You're one connection away from getting what it is you want. Always. I want to hold space for that because we go back to the why. Like, why is it so hard to get started? And then why is it so important to host these dinners? And the answer through this whole conversation so far has been your one connection away from getting what it is you want. So if you are in Alabama, Wisconsin, New York, Miami, Seattle, Los Angeles, if you're anywhere, what things are people looking for?

10:55Because you're like, we can't really curate it. But I'm like, Jen, I want to get in your head. Yeah. What are like one or two considerations of getting the right people into the room? Yeah. So sometimes we will find somebody in that city that we know that's awesome. And we'll say to that person, Hey, do you know anybody that's great that we should know? So good. Because we don't know everybody. Even like when we came here to Miami last night, we know a bunch of people here, but we didn't know everybody. So there's a few people that we really like and we like their vibe. We like their energy. We know that they're going to bring amazingness to the room.

11:23We know that they must know cool people because like attracts like. So there's a few people who are like, Hey, do you know anybody in Miami that you think I should know? Can you invite them to this dinner? We're hosting it. We're paying for everything. We just want to invite great people. And so I had a couple of people introduce me to people and this happened in the LA one too. So there was people that I didn't even know that Chris didn't even know. So a really great tip for you guys, if you're hosting a dinner somewhere and you don't know a lot of people, grab one person. So if I came out to where you live in California, I'd be like, Hey Jasmine, we want to host a dinner.

11:53And I love Jasmine and I know Jasmine's got to know cool people. can you invite two or three people? And so it's almost like you have a co-host and that person then connects me to a couple of new people and I can be connected to those people and then create connections in the room. So that's how you fill the room by partnering up with a few people, having to invite some folks. And then what we do is we always have place cards and place settings. And that's really important because it lets the guests know that we're super intentional about who we think that they should know. And it's, it's another give.

12:21The whole thing is a gigantic give. And I learned this man really from from chris and i'm really excited about our interview with him Because he did this experiment a while back when he was restarting his life and like really restarting his business Where he went and met with one person every single day and asked them what they needed help with and figured out how he could help them And he found out through that process that the key to Growing and getting everything that you want is by making connections and the best way to make connections Is to help people and to figure out how you can provide value So we just wanted this dinner to be a massive give.

12:55So for people to leave and be like, wow, like I feel so filled up. I met somebody amazing. I got an amazing opportunity. So we've got place cards and we intentionally put people next to each other that we think should know each other. So last night, I know we're talking about the L.A. dinner, but we did a dinner last night, you guys, just to catch you up. And we had three people that I found out were all going to Joe Dispenza. They were all going to this event tomorrow. And I'm like, oh, well, we're sitting those three people right next to each other. And they were like, oh my gosh, I have a new friend at the event tomorrow.

13:23And they had the best time chatting. And a bunch of people made incredible business connections and personal connections. And the other thing that we do at these dinners, which is really important. I want to go back and I have to give a breakdown. A breakdown of how to create connections because you're just one connection away from what it is you want. Number one, set up the event like a give. You're not telling yourself this is networking for my business. This is growth. This is how can I give? And then if it's in your city or you're going to a new city, find at least one person who you think is cool that connects you to two or three other people.

13:59Yep, exactly. And then thirdly, whoever that guest list is, four people, 14 people, or 44 people, you're being intentional about where you're placing people because you want to ensure that number one, it shows that you care. And then number two, that you're going to create synergies of their life and their business. That's right. Fourth step. Okay. I want to add this one in before I add the last one in. Okay. Have a photographer always. Yeah. Okay. Well, girl, you know, I built my career as being a photographer. Yes. And yes. And yes. Well, first of all, we're always documenting to create content.

14:30So why are we, we're not creating, we're documenting. So that is so much content, but here's where it's really important to have a photographer. And I remember this moment with you in LA. I remember it. I remember it like it was yesterday because I remember looking at the photo. The best way to follow up is with value. The most important part about building a relationship is not necessarily the meeting. It's the follow up. It's how creatively you follow up. It's how you because a lot of people follow up wrong. Let's say they follow up bad. Like they just I get so many follow ups. It's like, well, can I pick your brain for coffee one day?

15:00Yes. When you follow up with somebody that you meet that you want to build a relationship with, please follow up with a give with remembering something specific about them. Something that you maybe you were very interested in them and you're very curious during the conversation and you found out something about them. something that they needed, something that they were interested in, a restaurant that they like, the type of food that they like, that their kid was really interested in art, you know, and you can send a gift afterwards, or you can ask a question about that. For us, when we do these dinners, a really great way for us to follow up is to send a really beautiful photo of that person to themselves or to them.

15:31So I remember after our LA dinner, looking at all the pictures from the night from this professional photographer that was just snapping shots like at a wedding and I saw this picture of you and it was like you were glowing. It was the most gorgeous shot of you. I hope you still have it. I remember. I'm going to go to my, I'm going to go back and go find it. It would be awesome to put in the B-roll of this video. And I remember sending it to you and saying, this is the most beautiful photo of you. I hope you had a great time. And that's a great way to follow up because it's following up with a give.

16:00Somebody remembers it, then they post, then they tag, they talk about the dinner, they talk about you. It's a great way to connect and be social. So always hire a photographer. I love that. Last night when we were texting, I was like, Jen, I'm so jealous. I mean, obviously you were so kind. You invited me, couldn't leave LA with the right amount of time to make the dinner. And I asked, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm like, I can't even imagine who was at dinner. And like 30 seconds later, you sent me a professional photo from the group. And I was like, of course, of course, Jen sent me a professional photo from a professional photographer within an hour of their dinner.

16:36Yes, she did. That's another tip. I'm giving you guys all the good. Let's go. Make sure that when you hire your photographer, you say, can you airdrop me the photos immediately? That's right. We can't wait 24 hours for the photos because you have to post them in real time. So I know that Chris is up there getting all the rest of them and editing them and making them good and getting the post out there now. Yes. Immediate. Because if it's two days later, if it's one day later, people forget. You have to really go with the vibe. But can I tap there for a second? Yeah. I mean, this is from a photographer's perspective, from a content producer's perspective, and then from a business strategist perspective is people are looking to share and or document what they're doing, especially if that thing is cool, exciting, worth talking about.

17:16But if they end up creating their own content and they share it, they're disincentivized from sharing somebody else's content. Yes. Even if it's better, even if it's produced differently. So what our objective is when you're being strategic, as I am, I'm literally taking notes because I thought to myself, I'm going to host one of these dinners. So right now you've shared five tips and go into the six, but I really want to hone in on the importance of making sure that the content is ready within, I know it sounds crazy, an hour of somebody leaving, because when you're the forerunner of creating that content, you incentivize them to share and repost your content and add tagging instead of them being the content creators and producers.

17:57So just to kind of like drive home that point a little bit more. So true. And I didn't even think of that. Yeah. Because all those people are like, Oh, I have my photos that I'm going to share, but we got to beat them to it. So they share our photos. Absolutely. Exactly. Totally. Makes complete sense. So the last piece of the puzzle is, and this is very specific how this is done. I cannot believe I'm giving you guys all these goods. This is like how to do this. When we get there and we arrive, we tell the wait staff. So we always get a private room. So it's quiet. We have messed up with that before.

18:23And we've gotten a table at a restaurant and it's just too loud. And it's difficult to have these conversations that we want to have in a really loud room. So if you're doing this, I highly recommend that you grab a quiet private room, a place where you can close the door and it can be quiet and not have a lot of loud music. And then we talk to the wait staff and we say, listen, we're going to have everybody sit down and place their order. And once the order is placed, we're going to do this exercise. And please, nobody serve. The only reason I know this is because we've made the mistake before.

18:48And it's not good when somebody's standing up talking and they're serving food. Yes. So we say, please don't serve any food until everybody's done with this exercise. Then you can serve the first course. I love this exercise. Oh my God. So everybody stands up. So we, and we tell everybody what to do. So I stand up first and I'm like, all right, this is what we're going to do. We want everybody to be able to connect really deeply here. And we have found that the more vulnerable you are in how you show up in the world, the more deeply you connect. So we're not going to have everybody just stand up and say great things about themselves.

19:17Like that's wonderful. You can do that. But I want everybody here to take a second, stand up, say who you are, what you do. And then one thing you need help with right now. Who you are, what you do, and one thing you need help with. Because oftentimes you and I have sat in way too many rooms at way too many conferences where people say who they are, what they do, and then what makes them important, what makes them cool, what makes them matter in the world, the thing that it is they're selling. But what happens is it becomes a broadcast instead of a place of receipt. And this was the first time in my entire life and career where I stood in front of a group of strangers and I asked for what I needed.

19:53And I I admitted, I need help. And everybody at that table said who they were, what they did. And then they said, I need help. Yep. It's such a beautiful way to break down walls. It really is. And then the entire dinner, everyone's got a topic because everyone's trying to figure out how to help each other. Yes. So then somebody from the end of the table goes to the other end. They're like, I have help for you. Yes. And they wouldn't have maybe talked to that person. And like, oh my gosh, I know this person that you need to know. And it's going to help you get what you need to get. It's magical.

20:19And here's another really cool thing that happens when you do that. I've seen some of the most successful people that I've met in my life stand up and say for the first time ever, I finally really want to meet the love of my life. Or I just need friends or get really vulnerable. And it makes everybody else feel less alone in their shit. It's like, oh, that person that has a million followers says they need friends. Yeah. I feel less alone. And it really creates connection. I had a couple of people last night that came up to me. They're like, I've never experienced being able to be that vulnerable in front of a group.

20:55And when you create that safety in a space, it creates deep connection. And it's really awesome. And then the other thing, you just have to make sure that people say what really what they need, because sometimes people will make up. Like I say this now, I'm like, don't say like I need to find a parking spot for my Ferrari kind of a thing. You know what I mean? Like, don't say that. Don't like do a little brag with like a pretend ass. Really what's going on? One girl last night said, I really want to learn how to play guitar. I need a guitar teacher. You know, one guy stood up and he's like, I'm ready to find my wife.

21:28She's like this. And he described her as if anybody knows. And we had business asks, but we mostly it's always a lot of the times it's personal asks. I have to tell, though, as an introvert going to your event, I went by myself. I didn't know anybody in the room. and everything that you just described, the hand selection, the placing of the placement cards, your distinct follow-up after. But one of the things that I thought was really cool is I actually, I know people wouldn't believe this about you or I, but I have a hard time getting into conversations. I can't help but feel just like really like I exude awkwardness.

22:01So I find myself being super quiet. And so what happened was when somebody asked for something, it gave me a very clear way to introduce and interject myself into a place of service of somebody else. And so as we were going around the table, I was making notes, make an intro to this person, make an intro to this person so that after dinner, I would go up to these people and like, I'm going to follow up with you because the thing that you asked for, and it gave me a very clear way to offer value without expectation. And so I just kind of wanted to explain that from my perspective as being there with you, how you open the doors for that.