Turn Your Dreams into Reality: How to Avoid Dead-End Questions and Create Possibilities

0:0010 years ago, I made the decision to build my personal brand that was elevated, yet approachable, and reflected who I was, not just what I did. I created my website with ShowIt because it's true drag-and-drop freedom, so you can easily build and update your site. Plus, their real human support team, game changer. Want to try it for yourself? Head to jasminestar.com forward slash showit for a 14-day free trial and first month free when you subscribe.

0:37Welcome to an episode of the Jasmine Starr Show, where today I'm getting real and I'm talking about asking questions. Now, before we think it's going to be super esoteric and very deep or even philosophical, I am just telling you that your girl is real simple. and the questions I try to avoid are dead end questions, questions that leave you nowhere and get you stuck. Oh, okay. Before we get there, I should probably start with a moment of real talk. Like this podcast has become a space for me to be 100 % myself, unapologetically me and share my journey in a different way, in a very different way if I was being honest than how it comes across on social media.

1:19Social media is highly visual and there's written form And there's a lot of curation. And on the podcast, I do have notes, but a lot of it, because it's just my voice, it's just me. And I feel like I'm safer here. And I feel like podcast listeners, y 'all are just, y 'all roll deep. Y 'all be the folks out on like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. Y 'all just are, y 'all are my people. And first and foremost, I wanna say thank you for being here. And then thank you for giving me the space for me to speak my truth. So I can't explain when it happened, but it definitely happened. for a while, I probably wouldn't have admitted to it, but it's when I look back, I did.

1:58I did stop sharing an inside look on what was happening in my business. And I slowly stopped sharing my personal perspective because I did it because, and this is something I only realize now, I don't think it was intentional. It was very subconscious, but I ended up making subconscious decisions that manifested in a very conscious way. But it was only now that I started doing a lot of deep diving. And the reason that I stopped sharing a personal perspective on what was happening in the business is because I felt uncertain with how I was doing things. Now, I didn't feel uncertain with what I was doing, but how.

2:34And to be very clear, I didn't know how to run a tech company. So I felt really exposed, very exposed. And I felt like I had a lot more to lose primarily because we had a team. And so it was no longer me sharing my vulnerabilities to be like, I'm a solo entrepreneur and I'm taking a risk. It was, can I be this open and lead people effectively? That was a big question. Now, I knew I was doing things wrong, but I didn't know how to do it right. And so I wanted to figure out how to do it privately. I started investing in courses, in academies, in mentorship, And I was doing so much of that behind the scenes.

3:19And the more I did, the more unveiled how much I didn't know. Now, it's very normal for people to do that. It's very normal for people to keep things behind the scenes. But it's actually not very me. Like, I've always been so proud to share the good, the bad, and the oh so ugly. I started my business that way. I started a blog in 2007 about this desire of taking a risk to become a photographer, and I didn't know how to become a photographer. I didn't know how to be a photographer. And so I talked about it blatantly, flagrantly, flagrantly about what I didn't know, flagrantly doing it wrong. And because I was so open, it allowed people the opportunity to jump in and put their story in my story.

4:07And then we had our story. So it was all of us doing this thing together. And it was such a great experience. And that's actually how I built the strongest brand. I will tell you still to this day, like the people who were on the photography journey, that was my first career. The people who were joining me on that first career, so many of them are ride or die. And I don't think that they're ride or die because of the industry or the nature of being a creator. It was that I shared everything that was happening in real time and gave people such a passenger seat on this crazy car ride that we were on.

4:39So I had been proud of how the brand was built. But then as my business grew, I felt extraordinarily vulnerable. And I retracted into a very private space. At the start of 2023, I made a big decision to change. I began being very intentional about sharing my journey. In fact, every week I send a candid and very open look at my business to people who subscribe to my newsletter. So if you're interested, you can find that at jasminestar.com forward slash subscribe. Now, I know that sounds like a very QVC, but wait, you should do this. No, I'm just saying that there are places that I feel safer and that might not be on really large public social platforms, but I am distinctly sharing my journey on my newsletter and my podcast.

5:26So if you're on podcast, definitely join the newsletter because there's two cups of tea coming your way every week. Okay. So anyway, I want to share a few things that happened in early 2023 that shaped my perspective for bearing it all again online. Okay. So first up, I was invited to be part of an invite-only mastermind last January in Napa, California. Now, I created a podcast about it. I shared about that. Now, it was a dream to be invited. And I was really, really humbled at that opportunity. I had seen bits and pieces of that mastermind happen on social media in previous years. And it was such a foreign idea that I would get an invitation that I actually didn't wish to go.

6:06It was like, wow, that's a cool thing. That's not for me. And so when I got an opportunity, I was like, oh, wow. So I did talk about the podcast. You can definitely check those out in earlier podcast episodes. But if you've been around for a while, you have heard me talk about those experiences and those people and what I learned. But I want to focus on something that I didn't talk about. And that was a private conversation that I had with JD. JD is my husband and he's my business partner. We were both invited to the mastermind, but JD offered to be with Luna while I attended so I could be fully present and focused.

6:42Now, in past years, JD and I did masterminds together. So it was very natural that the both of us were invited. He decided to make the biggest sacrifice. and this was so generous and it was so kind. But then like this crazy thought crossed my mind and this crazy thought, I'm embarrassed. I hate even saying it. The thought that crossed my mind was, what would people think or say seeing my husband and my business partner babysitting our daughter while I spent all day at the event? And I was grappling with feelings of selfishness, ego, and guilt. I felt guilty that I was not being a full-time mom.

7:25I felt guilty that I wasn't being a full-time wife. And then like, what would people think? Like, it's totally crazy that I am traveling with my toddler. And here's the thing. A lot of times people would naturally look at us and think, why is your husband and daughter going to a mastermind with you if they're not even participating in the mastermind? Why would they just not stay at home? And the very selfish, I can be honest, The very selfish thing is they make me better. JD and Luna, just, they make me better. I feel safe with them. I've expressed plenty of times on the podcast. I'm a very high introvert.

8:02And, you know, a lot of good therapy. Be like, Jasmine, are you codependent? Listen, listen, Latinos as a people, okay? Like as a whole tribe of people, we're very dependent. It's like what we do. We're very familial. We're very tribal. We're very like, we do things in groupings. And so I absolutely could have gone to this mastermind on my own. I didn't want to. So when he said that he would babysit and be with our daughter, and then I asked if they would come, he said, absolutely. Now, I wanna be very clear. I am very, very proud of caring very little about what people think or say about me. But this was the first year that I was traveling extensively and professionally as part of my business.

8:48One afternoon, JD and I, we were driving to my parents' house and I expressed my concerns. Like, I'm gonna be traveling a lot. What does this mean? What does this mean for us? What does it mean for the business? What does it mean for our daughter? And it's crazy because, and I'm sharing this with permission, he turned to me and he admitted that he was thinking those same limiting thoughts. He called them limiting thoughts. He thought, what does it mean for us? What does it mean for our family? What does it mean for our business? Is it even possible? Is this right? Is it wrong? And then he reminded me of a conversation that we had in early 2022.

9:23We sat together at the time our daughter had just turned two years old. And we sat together and we dreamt up the type of future we wanted to create as business partners and a family. We sat together and we wrote down exactly what we wanted. And even before that, in 2019, before we had a daughter, we created a vision for our future and what it looked like for our business. So we dreamt of traveling together. We dreamt of showing her a world that was unknown to us until we dared to dream. There are parts of the United States that we have been to that we would never be able to go to. I am talking about Montana.

10:15I'm talking about Idaho. I'm talking about Ohio. I'm talking about Massachusetts. I'm talking about places that sound great on the US map, but were never available to us. There wasn't a reason to until all of a sudden we started careers and we started dreaming and we started getting to places. We got to see this beautiful, amazing country we call home. And then we got to see international places around the world. And we thought to ourselves, we are daring to dream this big. And the world was first unknown. can this unknown world be known to not just the two of us, but to three of us? We dreamt in 2019 that we're going to throw away the conventional norms.

10:53We're going to do it different. We knew we were. We dreamt of ways that we could play by our own rules. And so within three years later, at the beginning of 2023, JD turned to me in the car and he said, even though we went back and forth about, well, what are people going to say with us traveling with our daughter? What are they going to say about these events that I'm taking to speak professionally and having my husband and my daughter travel with me? What will they say? What will it mean? How will it come across? And JD turned to me in the car and he said, I refuse to apologize for our vision.

11:32We dreamt up these possibilities and now they're happening. We should never apologize or shy away from the wishes that become a reality. Y 'all, I was sitting on the 605 freeway driving towards Los Angeles. And he said, I refuse to apologize for our vision. And I was like, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Y 'all, I was like, yes, sir. Yes, sir. That's right. That's right. That's right. I will not apologize for living into a vision. I will not back down from saying we want to break the rules and do it our own way. I refuse to apologize to be taking a three-year-old to Napa, California where it's pouring rain and her and her dad get to go and experience homemade pasta and at Napa Public Library.

12:24I refuse to apologize to be able to go during a midday break to go and give her a kiss and put her down for a nap. I refuse to apologize at the end of a long mastermind day I get to walk back up to a room. I get to read her books. I get to help her get dressed so her and her dad can go and enjoy a dinner. And while I am at a mastermind dinner, my husband is texting me photos and videos of them on their dates. I refuse to apologize for the vision we dare to dream.

12:53So driving in the car with my husband, and then I smiled. Then I repeated to myself, I will not apologize for my vision becoming a reality. And I said it again and again. And ever since January, I have refused to pay attention to what other people say on the internet about our travel schedule or our business decisions. I will not apologize for our vision becoming a reality. Now, being a mom is kind of crazy. The decisions y 'all make. The decisions we all make. And up until now, I haven't really talked about the impact that my daughter has had in my business. And I actually don't talk about it very much because, let's be real, quite frankly, I am trying to figure it out.

13:38And I think that whenever somebody talks about it, they're like, oh, I talk about it because I know it. And I want to be very clear. Here's the caveat. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I am a first-generation Latina, first-generation entrepreneur, first-generation CEO mother. I am a self-taught business owner. So then when you add a toddler to the mix, well, I'm going to tell you, it has been interesting. Okay, that's all I'm going to say. I am tired in new ways. Like, y 'all, my tiredness is tired. I am less productive. And I hate admitting it, but it is just the truth. And I feel like I will never catch up.

14:17Like, my to-do list is longer than a CVS pharmacy receipt. Those receipts that are like 18 miles long. Yep. Yep. My to-do list. Okay. My daughter, Luna crashes my zoom meetings and she just doesn't come in and say, hi, mommy. Hola, mommy. No, no, no. She comes in with like a guitar in her hand and she's smashing play-doh in her hair with the other. And she's like, I'm ready to rock and roll. And she scribbles on every y 'all. She scribbles on every piece of paper on my desk. Like she pulls out a pen and writes on whatever. So I had a contract that was supposed to be signed. She scribbles all over it.

14:49I'm like, oh, oh, oh, not this one. She is the type of brilliant, amazing, fantastic, vivacious child who will insist because this is just her world and we live in it. She insists on morning dance parties in the kitchen. Y 'all, this girl loves to dance. She loves her avocado toast. She loves her bubble baths. We read four books. She gets a nightly massage. And y 'all, I'm on day four of dry shampoo and three layers of eye concealer. You know, I mean, but baby girl, baby girl is going to do it. She's happy. So when she's happy, I couldn't be happier. It doesn't make any sense. On the outside, it makes no sense.

15:31We out here are being crazy. And I love it. I have strengthened just about every mental muscle to find a way to maintain sustainable work levels and the business continues to grow, right? Like it just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense that while I feel myself being less productive and less quote unquote on top of things, the business continues to grow. And I believe it's because when you love something and someone, you find new ways to do the things that you used to do in old ways. A few months ago, JD and I scheduled a date and we were going to talk about my travel plans for this year.

16:09And there was a lot of speaking invitations and it is done with intention, but I did not want to be away from my family. And so instead of asking, why do I have to say no to these opportunities? Because we looked at the schedule like, this is a little bit crazy. And instead of saying, why do I have to say no? I asked, is there a way we can make it work? That's it. So one of the best business lessons I learned is to ask better questions. Now I've noticed. Now I have an intention that I now ask questions that invite possibilities and creative thinking instead of dead end questions. Now we asked each other what we need to make it work.

16:51Like what would have to happen? What would have to be true for us to make it work? And then we brainstormed and then we decided to commit to traveling as a family for 12 months. We felt like, let's give this a good year's try. And like, does it sound a little crazy? Yeah. But does it make us excited to create our own path and make memories and do it our own way? Yeah. But this podcast is just not about me. You know, whenever we make this podcast, I'm always thinking about you. Like, how does this pertain to you? So I want to chat about how we can avoid dead end questions and find a way to live out your vision fully.

17:28So number one, a dead-end question leaves you feeling dread, resentment, and victimized. Instead, ask questions that challenge you, that force you to get creative and then invite your imagination to go into overdrive. So what's a dead-end question? Why does this always happen to me? How do you answer that question? That's a dead end. We don't actually know. But how could you ask this question in a way that opens possibilities? Instead of asking, why does this always happen to me? You could ask, what can I do to change things in the future? Oh, we can answer that. And even if we don't know the answer is correct, at least we have something to map to and continue innovating and growing along the way.

18:18Number two, dead-end questions don't have logical answers. They're fraught with like emotions and fictionalized outcomes Instead ask questions that appeal to logic and can correspond with a set of actions to take And no, you're not going to play out your worst case scenarios So a dead-end question might be what if I never figured this out? Okay, uh, how do you answer that? That's purely emotion. That's not logic How might we approach this from a logical way that give us actions? So a dead-end question from, what if I never figure this out? We can ask a question full of possibilities. What new approach can I take to figure it out?

19:00Huh, what if I never, oh, poor you, to what new approach? Atta kid. I was gonna say at a girl, but you might be a guy. Atta boy, atta girl, atta kid, let's go. Number three, dead-end questions can easily be answered by your past mistakes or your missteps. Now, what we're going to do is essentially, you are going to defer to using the past to define the future. So instead, ask questions that empower you to act like your future self. What questions could you ask that get you closer to your future goals, not your past mistakes? Okay, so let's break this down by an example. A dead-end question is, who would ever buy from me without experience?

19:43Now, a better question that invites possibilities would change from, who would ever buy from me without experience to how can I show my professionalism apart from my experience level? Okay. Those are three ways that your brain can start mapping away from dead end questions into asking questions that invite possibilities. So, you know, as we kind of like tie things up and I've, you know, having a moment of full candor people, uh, a lot of people have sent messages and emails about my parenting choices. Like, let me just tell you, you want to rile people up? Get them talking about sleep schedules while traveling, mobile devices, sugar content, car seats and rental cars, and more.

20:31Oh my. Like, listen, I'm going to be very honest. I appreciate people's concern. I genuinely believe it's coming from the right intentions, But I should also state that J.D. and I are okay making decisions according to the questions we ask ourselves. At the end of the day, I am just a girl trying to follow my dream and raise a daughter to do the same. And not to steal J.D.'s thunder, but I will. I refuse to apologize for my vision becoming a reality. Thank you so much for listening to The Jasmine Star Show. wherever you're listening or wherever you're watching from today, can you subscribe? I create and I produce and I make these shows for you.

21:17And so when you subscribe, you help push us forward. We have these podcasts that are completely ads free because I believe in it and I believe in you. And when you leave a review that literally takes less than 25 seconds, leave me a 25 second review. Y 'all I'm telling you game changers, the people who are part of this community, we can then go out and leverage it and invest in creating in bigger and better ways when you subscribe and leave a review. It's proof that the difference we're making is helping your vision come to life. I really, really appreciate you.