Who Do You Need to Become to Reach the Next Level?

0:00I left that keynote and I was forced to ask myself, who do I need to be to build to the next level? Not what do I have to do? The question is, who do I need to be? Let's start at the end and then work our way back here to the now. If you're a leader starting something new, you will likely feel behind, stupid, lost, and completely out of sort until one day you don't anymore. And I say this as somebody who has gone to law school, became a world-renowned photographer, started selling PDFs online in a digital shop I created having never built a digital shop before, created millions of dollars in courses, millions of dollars for memberships, and millions of dollars from a tech company.

0:41And I don't say this for any other reason than one thing. I know what it's like to start from nothing. I know what it's like to start with nothing. I also know what it feels like to think I'm nothing. But here's the truth. I didn't stay in like that nothing space for too long. I wanted to drop out of law school, so I did. I said I wanted to become a photographer, so I did, but I didn't even own a camera. I said I wanted to start a tech company and I had never written a line of code and I still have it, but I did. I am proof that you can take nothing and turn it into something. Something really amazing, if I am totally being honest with you.

1:21So allow me to take you back a few months ago when I was invited to a mastermind in Vermont called the Eight Figure Founder Boardroom, hosted by Cole Gordon. Now, I hate traveling without my family, so I invited JD and Luna with me and we weighed our way to Vermont for the very first time. When we arrived at the Albany Airport, I, for the first time, okay, y 'all, this is terrible, For the first time, I am in Vermont, and then I looked at the itinerary, and I realized that the shuttle, the event arranged for us, was waiting outside, and it was going to be almost a two-hour drive from Albany to Manchester, Vermont.

1:59Okay, normally, that would not have been an issue, but I was traveling with a six-year-old who had been awake since 3 a.m. that morning and flown in two planes for six and a half hours, and now we were going to get in a shuttle with 15 other strangers. I wanted to die. Like my husband and I are silently communicating to ourselves being like, OMG, this is bad. And I was so nervous that our daughter was going to have a meltdown. And the last thing a group of eight figure entrepreneurs want to do is ride with a kid who's having a meltdown. So y 'all, I prayed a million prayers and I gave her anything she wanted.

2:37Like I probably would have given her a pony. You want a pony, you get a pony. But the great news is that she is our travel champion heavyweight of the world. She was an absolute angel. Shout out God. Okay, so here's the first lesson I learned going to an eight-figure mastermind. If you are going to take your child, arrange for your own transportation. Okay, so here's the crazy thing. The shuttle arrived about 30 minutes before the gala started. Yes. Is it gala or gala? I don't know. If I'm fancying with say gala. I'm like, gala, we had a gala. Okay. So it was like 30 minutes before this gala arrived and I had never been to a mastermind where they hosted a gala.

3:15Like this was the first. And as if that wasn't like hard enough, they said that the dress code was, and I quote, Alpine chic winter out, end quote. And if you're sitting here and you're wondering like, what does that even mean? me too. So of course I was panicked while I was packing, but by the time we arrived at the hotel and I was going to be late to the gala, I just quickly got dressed and I walked downstairs to the ballroom. It was filled with gorgeous people in gorgeous clothes in a gorgeous venue. And I did not know a single person, not one, zero. I walked into the room and let me state, if you're listening to the podcast, if you want to check out the video on YouTube, I'm going to be showing photos and videos of behind the scenes, including my outfit, complete with an over-the-top vintage fur coat.

4:07I did not come to play. Okay. They said Alpine chic. And all I heard was give them 1970s shimmer of fur, baby. Okay. So I walked into the room and I immediately felt stuck. I did not know what to do. Like literally everyone was engaged in conversations. Everybody knew like they knew each other. And I stood in the center of the cocktail area with literally nothing to do. So I walked to the bar, but I am not so much of a drinker. Like I might have a glass of wine or a glass of champagne here and there, but I am not like a casual drinker. I just don't go to alcohol to be like, you fit in girl. So I needed to do something.

4:47So I went to the bartender and I asked for a club soda in a glass with a lime and a short straw. Why? Because I wanted to make it look like it was like an ambiguous cocktail. So I walked back to the cocktail hour armed with what appeared to be liquid courage. I walked up to a group of guys standing next to two girls and then I introduced myself to them and I just said the truth. Okay, so it's awkward, but it is what it is. And I was like, you're either going to stand in the center of the room and not talk, or you're just going to make yourself an awkward introduction. So I went up to these two girls that were standing with a group of guys and I said, hi, my name is Jasmine Starr and I have nobody to talk to.

5:24can I join y 'all? It was awkward. It just totally was. But here's the good news. They were so kind. They welcomed me. They invited me to stay and eat at their table that night. And y 'all like, that was just like, that was just a little God wink because I was so exhausted. And then I left the gala right after dinner so I could start the next day nice and fresh. It was about 30 degrees and snowing. So I was happy that the hotel and the event, they were all in one location. So after breakfast, I grabbed a seat in the front row and then I waited for the event to begin. I should probably mention that JD asked how I was feeling before I walked out of our hotel room.

6:07And I said, I'm nervous, intimidated, and I'm very out of my element. Now this wasn't because I thought I was like dumb or incapable. It was simply because everything was new. Like the way they spoke, the way they thought, the way they laughed, like rich guys on a yacht and like the way they dressed. Okay. Here's one thing. Here's one thing. People are gonna be like, oh, she's talking trash. I'm not talking trash. I just didn't understand it. So let me describe it to you. Let me see if you understand it. So they had this event sponsor and the event sponsor was there because the guys, guys and girls could get fitted for custom suits.

6:44Okay. Now this vendor was from Ireland and they were creating all these really fancy suits. So everybody who was there, like all of the people who were hosting the event and then some of the other attendees, they looked like they were styled by like the UFC champ, Conor McGregor. You know, Conor McGregor and he walks in with his suits. That's how all these guys were walking around. I was like, did somebody say there was prom around here? Cause I'm out here just in like a shirt and pants and it's like, I'm going to be the UFC champ. Okay. So I tried my best to like blend in. I tried to use industry language, but this was very new to me.

7:17So this event focused on businesses with large scale sales teams. Okay. So I'm brand, brand, brand stinking new to the world of creating a sales team. So like if you're in the know and you speak in acronyms and like shortcuts, and I was like, um, I didn't know what many of them were talking about. So when they asked me what I did, I tried explaining it a few times, but judging how their eyes just kind of like glassed over, I quickly learned, I'm just going to say, I'm in media. That's what I said. I'm in media. I know. You and I both know I should have and could have explained it better. I should have used my words, but honestly, I just didn't care.

7:59I didn't need them to like me or think I was valuable or think I was important or think I was a baddie, I literally didn't care. Now pause. There was a time that I did. There was a time that I felt really insecure and I just felt unsure of myself, my career. So I would use and try to like say like who I was. And I would try to use all of my energy to convince somebody that I belonged in the room. And now I'm at a point in my life that I have been unqualified, unfunded, unconnected and uneducated. And I have still found my way to get into rooms. So now I'm like, I'm going to let my actions dictate my future.

8:35So if you don't get me and I don't know how to explain it, it's all good. Instead of listening, how about you just watch me? So I didn't care. I wasn't there to be homecoming queen. I was there to scale my business. Can I get an amen? So I just kept quiet and I just listened. I listened to everything they were saying. So there were three keynotes, but my favorite one was from Cole Gordon. He was the host of the event, so obviously it was going to be good. He walked through the last six years of his business and he gave a totally candid, open, and raw talk about rapid growth. He grew really fast and he talked openly about his mistakes and what he learned.

9:12And I found it inspiring. But it was also a reality check because building this type of business in this industry is for a different level of entrepreneur. That was hard for me to understand, but I got it. I left that keynote and I was forced to ask myself, who do I need to be to build to the next level? Not what do I have to do? The question is, who do I need to be? And Cole gave a great blueprint for what is required to lead a team past multiple eight figures. Now, the other speakers were great. They were awesome. Then we headed off to an evening networking event and families were invited to that event because it was hosted at a nearby ski resort.

9:52and we were able to go snow tubing. Okay, so let me give you behind the scenes kind of like look at what was going on. My daughter Luna, she was afraid to go on the snow tubing, but I was like, come on girl, like we do courageous things. We're scared all the time, but we're gonna do it anyway. So I told her, I'm gonna go with you snow tubing. Okay, and so in my mind and literally what I thought that we would be able to go on one snow tube together. So we go up like this kind of like a people mover. It's kind of like an escalator to go up the mountain and then we get up there And then they tell me at the time when she's about to go down, no, you can't sit on the tube with her.

10:27She has to go by herself. So my daughter, I'm looking at her trying to summon courage that she didn't have. And I was terrified. I was like, oh my God, you are the worst mom. You're going to send your daughter down this hill while all these other adults are screaming bloody murder because it's so sharp. And I was like, oh my God, oh my God. And other people are like, hey, calm down. You know, like other kids have gone down this. And I was like, yes, I know. But my daughter, like my daughter's precious. Okay. and she has like the worst luck. Me and my daughter have the worst. If there's like a one in one million chance that you're gonna like trip on some random shoe left in the street and chip your front tooth, she and I are the people who are like the one in the million.

11:01So I'm looking at this tube and I'm like, oh my God. And so I just looked at her and I promised her something I couldn't promise myself. You're gonna be okay. I'm gonna go down with you. So I went to this other person who was at the front of their line. There was three lines. And I said, hey, can I please go down with my daughter? I just need to make sure everything's okay. They were like, really? Yeah, of course. so we both sit and I'm smiling at her and on the inside I'm like oh my god we're both gonna chip our teeth right about now so we're going down and because I'm larger and heavier than her my tube is going down before hers and I have this ability to look back at her and I begin to spin like rotations and all of a sudden it's like I'm gonna chip my tooth and I'm going to vomit and my daughter's going to plummet to the depths of my despair and I descend I get to the bottom I have a chance to look back at her and she's white.

11:49Now my baby girl, she already, she's definitely lighter. She's definitely lighter than her mama, but she went from like white to neon glow in the dark. Her eyes were as big as saucers. And I was like, you are the worst mom in this moment. She lands safely right next to me in the next lane. And she goes from sheer panic to elation. I went from being the worst mom in the history of all time to the freaking best. That's how we do. That's how we do, y 'all. So this is a story of courage, and this is a story of panic, and this is getting to the end. May we all survive. Okay, so that was like a side note that nobody cared about, but let me just tell you that she embodied the fear that I had simultaneously to be her mom, to do something scary, and the same fear that I had waking up the next day to go to the second day of the mastermind.

12:36Oh, can we just pause there? Did you guys like how we kind of said, I'm scared, I need courage. Now we're at second day of the mastermind? Y 'all, podcasting. Okay, so now let's get to the real real. Now it's time for the second full day of mastermind programming. But the morning was used for snow activities. Okay, like skiing, snowboarding. So we'll pause. This is an eight-figure boardroom mastermind. And part of it is like, ladies and gentlemen, go skiing, snowboarding, snowmobiling, go snow off-roading with a Range Rover in the mountains. Yes, the activity was to go in a Range Rover through the mountains.

13:08You can go dog sledding. Do you think that I did any of that? Heck no. Your girl is brown and I prefer warm weather anytime. I'm what you'd call indoorsy. So if you want me to go outside, I'll only do it if it's warmer by like 74 degrees and I need to wear sunscreen. Yes and amen. So instead of doing the cold activities I worked out, I worked for a minute, a little bit in the hotel and I had breakfast with my family. Then I went to the mastermind events again. So here's the real, real. At this time, I felt like I was drowning in information. There was so much to consider. There were so many new ideas.

13:45There were so many ways to do things. And I was genuinely struggling, like, what do I choose to focus on? And what do I let go of? I'm incredibly thankful because I am a client of Cole Gordon. I'm not talking about his program because I'm an affiliate or I get a kickback or any of that. I am a full paying client. And I'm talking about my experience because I hired his team to help me build out my sales department and my account manager was at the event. So an account manager is basically like a coach, somebody who's accountable to you, depending on how much you paid. So I've worked with Sue for almost a year and she has single handedly reshaped my thinking.

14:23She's held me to an impeccably high standard. I love her. It's probably unprofessional to say, but I just do. I don't even care. So we ate lunch together one day and she passed on a very valuable lesson. She reminded me that I will get it done and it will happen the way I want it, but it might not happen when I want it. That unlike life and business, the best things take time. So it was with that perspective that I ended the day with a new commitment to end the event on my own terms. So the next day, so this day three, I set time aside to play with my daughter in the snow. So we built castles and snow angels, and I told her how lucky I was to be her mom and how lucky we were to travel together.

15:10That was me ending it on my terms. That was the last day. So before the conference started up again on that third day, I went back to the hotel room and I recorded a video. It is a real honest look at where I was energetically, professionally, and emotionally. So I recorded it and then before recording this particular podcast, I debated whether or not I was going to share it But this show has always been created for documenting my journey And giving people an inside look to being an entrepreneur and giving people like a front row seat to what it takes to build a big business In small ways I think it's tempting to come to events like this and walk away with like a thousand things that I want to do Uh, I lost my voice.

15:53Listen, I am a latina from california You put me in Manchester, Vermont in the cold. Your girl is, my body is like, girl, get us back to the sun. This is not for you. The snow is not for you. But what I will say, it is beautiful and it has been life changing. And I know that it sounds a little bit crazy, but I'm going to talk about it from a personal and professional way. So coming here, I thought I had one big question to ask. and then being here in a room with so many successful people and listening to so many brilliant speakers is that I came in wanting to ask a question but the truth of the matter is I needed to ask myself a question and this is really hard for me to actually say and record I would much rather keep it private I would rather keep it close to my chest because it involves people on my team.

16:48And the question that I needed to answer is whether or not, all right, I'm just going to talk about me. The real answer became whether or not I deeply believed that I needed to step in and run our sales department. And that's the last thing I want to do. That is like the most dead last thing I want to do because I feel like I don't, I mean, I don't know what I'm doing. I am not a trained professional. I am going through training. I'm obviously here. I'm obviously investing in other programs, learning it. And so what we decided to do was to hire somebody to lead the sales team. And then there's like been a knowing inside of me.

17:32I worked with a recruiter. We have a 90-day period. And something in me is knowing that it's not a fit. And I keep on telling myself, well, maybe it's you. Maybe you haven't led things well. Maybe there hasn't been enough onboarding. maybe you haven't made yourself available and when I go through the lens and I'm just keeping it 100 with myself and I'm asking I have three mentors I'm asking them all can I do anything better to facilitate and if all three of them say no and I think in my heart I there's nothing more I can do then it's not going to be a fit number one I don't want to let a person go because I don't like how it makes me feel but my job is not to go towards my feelings is to go towards a fact and if this person stays factually I think it will do long-term damage to the growth of the company not because they're not a an amazing kind um powerful person but for our team and our ambition and our way of doing things it's not going to be a fit and so what I want to do because especially I'm here at this conference what I want to do is I want to start networking I want to start asking does anybody know of us good sales manager to hire and what became deeply apparent here is like my truth with a capital T.

18:42I need to sit in this department, not because I think I am like some sales guru, but I know the product best. I know the customer best. I am hands on with marketing. I know that I should be and can, and I am, it is an honor to create synergies across the companies in the way that I believe I can. I don't want to do it because my time has already spread so thin. But what I came to this morning, we're on day three of this conference, it's the last day. And when I sat down with my husband and my business partner, and I said, there are things I don't want to do in this business, but I need to first prove to myself that this product, that this offer, that this team, that this coach, that that transformation that people are buying is locked in.

19:29And the minute I can move X amount of units every single month consistently is when I'm going to bring somebody in and say, you, if I knowing nothing about sales or running, how to run a sales team, if I can get this sales team to move these many units per month, I'm going to ask you to do the same. And if you can't do the same, I'm going to have enough courage. I'm going to have the ganas to say, I can do it. I'm expecting you with experience and know-how to at minimum keep what I'm doing. And I can't say in all fairness that I am asking somebody to do something without me having done it a thousand percent again and again.

20:12So I'm in the middle of it. It's the messy middle and it's hard, but we're going to do it and we're going to build the systems and we're going to hire somebody. And I have made the decision during this trip to go even deeper with this program. I'm working with an account manager, somebody who's guiding us in building out the sales team. And I decided to go even deeper in the Cole Gordon universe of learning how to build a sales team. So that feels good. It's an investment, but I also know I got to learn how to do it so I can expect somebody else to do it. That's the personal, that's the professional front.

20:52And on the personal front, I kind of felt like I'm at a good place in my life to where there were a couple times during the event, I just put, I put my, I put my pen down. I was like, girl, you need to stop writing because all these people, they have some really great ideas and you are so excited and oh, they sound good. You ain't going to do them. You ain't going to do them. Like right now, the conversation is not what should we be doing? We know what we need to do. What we need to do is to focus on keeping the main thing, the main thing and that is to solidify this sales team and understand how and why we are doing what it is we're doing all the other stuff that's like beautiful sexy stuff that looks so much fun i am not doing that i'm gut focusing on here so then last night they had this amazing dinner and like bourbon by the fire and everybody's vibing and i walked in and i was like i am not supposed to be here i don't need right now to do more networking i don't need more connections i don't need more ideas I'm straight up burnt out I'm straight up intimidated like I'm not intimidated by people I'm literally intimidated by the amount of work and conversation I need to go home and have a conversation and I need to let somebody go that is not fun but that is what's best for the business I need to go home and I need to step into a sales team and I need to tell this sales team that we're playing a different game there's a different sheriff in town and we're gonna do it up and we're going to blow each other's damn minds.

22:16Okay. So last night I decided I wasn't going to go to the networking thing. Now out here in Manchester, bless its heart. There's no Uber and there's the occasional taxi. If the taxi driver, the town taxi driver decides he wants the work. Yes, it's he. And I called and then I called and I called because there's no, like number one, we're staying in a hotel that was built in the 1700s. Like I hand to heaven, Mary Todd Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln's wife, this was her favorite hotel. It's like a union meetings that were happening in Manchester, bless it all. But guess what? There, there is no wifi. There is no internet out here.

22:54And so I'm trying to text my husband and I'm like, where are you at? Like, I want to leave here. I'm going to call a taxi. I'm going to find out. I don't hear anything. I don't hear anything. And I'm like, okay, because I know there's out here in the mountains, there's nothing. So then I call a taxi. I like eight times in a row, eight times in a row. And he finally picks up it's a Friday night okay I'm sure he doesn't want to take anybody out as I said can you please take me can you pick me up from the Equinox Hotel he says yes we'll pick you up so listen I am not gonna say I am fully vibing like on an energetic level with my husband but yesterday we were driving through town and he's like look at that place it's called Ye Old Tavern it's like an English tavern like listen listen where brown is all get out but there's like a little bit of English in the both of us and he's like I would love to go there and have shepherd's pie I don't I don't know what British people eat okay and it's like uh shepherd's pie I would love to have uh what is that like prime rib the way the Inc Brits do it with like horseradish and I was like okay and so then we come back here and then I get in the taxi and he's like where can I take you and you want to know what in my heart in mi corazón I was like I knew we're gonna go to ye olde tavern in Manchester so he takes me there and I'm calling my husband I'm trying to get through and it's going directly to voicemail because they're here again, Manchester equals no Wi-Fi.

24:09So I get out of the cab and you guys, it is like, this town is so beautiful. It's so cute. I feel like I'm walking through a Hallmark Christmas special. I am literally like, somebody's going to come out and like propose to me on a bended knee because it's just that cute. Like there should be mistletoe under every single door. I mean, I'm literally across the street staring at this beautiful church that has chimes that goes off every single hour. I'm literally expecting like to see Santa Claus at the grocery store. So imagine I get out of the cab which is not really a cab it's a red minivan i get out of the red minivan and the window to the restaurant this little alcove well i'm gonna show a picture or a post where my husband and daughter were sitting they were right in front of a window i pull out of the taxi cab and it's cinematic quality i look through the window and they look through the window they don't know i'm gonna be there i don't even know if we're there and we see each other and it's just like camera A zooms in on my face.

25:04Camera B zooms in on JD's face. And then camera C does a little rotation of the table. And then I walk in and I literally feel like the queen of England could have been dining at this place. It's so cute. Like revolutions were probably built at a restaurant, ye olde tavern. So we have the sweetest dinner together. I did not need to go to another networking event because I did not need more ideas. I needed more quiet. So on a personal front, I feel like I have progressed and I have elevated to be the type of person to say, not every event is for me and not every timing is for me. I know what needs to get done.

25:42And instead of adding more or telling myself a story that I need to be in all things to maximize this event, the truth of the matter is I needed to get real quiet. And it was in getting quiet and it was in sleeping and it was with prayer. And I did a meditation this morning too. And I just said you know what needs to get done it's simple it's not easy but it will happen so one day i'm gonna look back at this video and i'm going to say that i have tasted the goodness of life despite how hard things can feel this morning i went out and i played with my daughter in the snow we made snow angels we built snowmen and people are like well no wonder you lost your voice listen I don't need an opinion.

26:25I'm living my life. I will go without my voice. So baby girl will be able to say that her and her mom in Manchester, Vermont played in the snow and we built things, we built forts. And so in this moment, I'm filled with gratitude. It is simple. It is not easy. Do you hear that? Do you hear this? Oh my gosh. Hang on. Do you hear the bells? for whom the bell tolls. Today, they toll for Jasmine Starr. I went to the eight-figure boardroom mastermind with questions and expectations. And while I got answers, I mostly walked away with a clear decision and a conversation I needed to have. And then I needed to take a courageous step into a role in my organization that I had never done before.

27:18At the time of this recording, I've been sitting as manager of the sales department for over two months, and I have a surprise for you. I love it. I really, really love it, and I'm shocked. I worked with a recruiter to hire the sales manager, and when we went back to the hiring process, I paused, and then I decided that in order for me to hire the best of the best, I needed to get the department to where it needs to be. I needed to create a baseline. I needed to create SOPs. And I needed to build an airtight system to ensure that the foundation of our business is locked in. And I had to create a culture that said, if I am not creating a culture of the top sales teams, I'm not doing it right.

28:05Now, if I had to guess, I'll sit as a manager for a couple more months because I want to hand select the best setters, closers, and a future manager that will help build what will become one of the best coaching programs in the industry. Did I just say that out loud? Yeah. Yes, I did. If I can't say that now as my ambition, I am not playing big enough. And I am here to do something different that makes me so uncomfortable that will require me to make just as courageous of a decision that my daughter made as she went down that snow tubing event, that level of courage. So before I end, I want to show you how I ended the event.

28:44I was invited to a VIP networking event where we were surprised with an ice sculpting challenge. Okay. So like, just as a side note, like I go to this eight figure mastermind and I'm thinking, oh, we're just going to mastermind all day. And they're like, welcome. You are going to carve ice. So I was paired with Mike. He is a CFO from a financial consulting firm that he runs with his twin brother from Philadelphia. We worked together for 30 minutes to sculpt this drawing. Okay. And I don't want to brag. I think we killed it. Maybe I'm just a homeschooler and I think that everything I do is like so creative and awesome, but I think we killed it.