Why Fear Means You’re On the Right Path

0:00If you've been feeling stuck in your business and wondering if you're the reason it's not growing faster, I have something for you. I'm hosting a free, no-pitch, live class called Three Money Beliefs That Made Me Millions. And I'm sharing the exact mindset shifts that helped me go from million-dollar years to million-dollar months. This isn't fluff. It is a surprising strategy that changed everything for me, and I want to share it with you. Like I said, no pitch, no fluff, just you and me talking about how we shift our beliefs around money to make you millions. Save your seat now at jasminestar.com forward slash millions.

0:32I can't wait to see you there. Hey there, and welcome to the Jasmine Starr Show, where we're spotlighting a powerful moment from one of Jasmine's favorite past conversations that deserves its own episode. Today's clip comes from an interview Jasmine did with Ken Coleman, aka America's Career Coach. And let's just say it hits deep. They dive into the fear that so often gets in the way of business success, whether it's fear of failure, fear of what people think, or even fear of being successful. So if you ever felt torn between dreaming big and playing it safe, this conversation is for you. Let's get into it.

1:10I want to go back to some of the lessons about the head and heart. There's a wrestling match for people with the head and the heart. I know this from taking callers every day. And they know they should start something and they really want to do it. And I think they kind of believe, but then there's all these extenuating circumstances. Maybe somebody's opinion. Maybe I don't have a lot of equipment like Jasmine didn't have a lot of equipment. And there's so many things that hold them back from starting. And one of the things that I find, I want you to comment on this, is that people feel like they need to have so much more to start than they actually need.

1:44You just illustrated you had nothing. You had a camera. So talk about this myth of how much we need, how much experience we got to have to actually start. Well, the beautiful response and the not so beautiful response is that that never goes away. Right. Right. Because even when I acquired the lenses and the memory cards and the websites, there was always the next iteration. If you continue to grow, you will sit in a perpetual state of uncertainty and unknowing. So if you don't embrace it to start, you will never advance. And then you understand that every wave, it feels like a tidal wave that every day you will be presented with a problem you've never faced before.

2:20So to say that you have to have certain things to get started, I'm like, oh, you're already behind the curve because you will never have enough. You will never feel like enough. And there will always be people to have an opinion. I've come to learn, especially early in my career, was that people will always have an opinion of you. If you decide to sit on the couch or go on a run, if you decide to start a business or not start a business, if you decide to stand on the corner and preach, or if you decide to stay at home, they are going to have an opinion of you anyway. So if people are going to have an opinion, if they're going to shed doubt or shed fear into your life anyway, regardless of what you choose, then you should choose the thing that gives you life, understanding that not everybody will support you.

2:59But your objective is to stand first and foremost as a testament to your purpose, why you were put on this earth, to share your unique skill, and then show others what is possible as a result. Yeah, so good. So once you get out there and you begin to start and you begin to just put one foot in front of the other, talk about what happens. What happens to the human spirit, the mind and the heart when we actually say, all right, I don't have a lot, but I'm going anyway. I'm not going to sit on the couch anymore. I'm going after what happens over time. Well, first and foremost, you're broken again and again and again and again.

3:37And the people who you see on the front lines, on stages, in the front row, accolades are the people who just decided I'm not going to stop getting up. So if you don't have the stomach to be knocked down and stand up again, then you don't want the thing that you want bad enough. So when you say I am deciding to become a teacher, a photographer, a dog walker, or a jewelry maker, then you must first embrace before anything else is that you're going to get knocked down again and again and again. And that is the process. That is the game. The people who stand at the front or at the top simply refuse to stop getting up.

4:17But what I've learned over time is that you have that internal saboteur, your imposter syndrome. And the thing that I've learned is to, number one, ask myself every time I walk from the warehouse to the White House one day, why not me? That somebody's going to be in there. Why not me? And there's three M's that I've come to identify. And I learned this lesson from a copywriter whose name, it slips my mind right now, but if I have the opportunity to remember it. But it's three M's. Number one, it'll be the message that even if I say the same thing that somebody has said, or a thousand people have said it a thousand times over, that the messenger is different.

4:53That Ken, you could say something and I could say it and somebody needs to hear it differently from each of us. But let's just say, Ken, let's just say that there's listeners right now who are saying, you know, Jasmine and Ken are saying the same thing and I'm hearing it the same way. Well, then it becomes the medium. Ken, you're great on television, on radio, and I might be better perhaps writing, or maybe I might be better at creating an Instagram reel. I don't know, but we have different mediums that can help differentiate us. So even if you think somebody has more, done more, been more, they're more qualified, more educated, they should be there.

5:27Guess what? Somebody needs to hear it from you, and they need to hear it in a specific way, and the medium in which you share it was specifically tailored for them. So continue to get up every single day and stand in your purpose. I love that. There's three. You just mentioned the imposter syndrome, which is the new fancy way of saying doubt. We talk about fear, doubt, and pride a lot on the show. I'm writing about it extensively. I think they're the three just gigantic enemies that never leave us. They never leave us. We can overcome them, but we never get rid of them. I'm just curious from your journey.

5:55Is there a specific fear that may have been bigger for you, a little bit bigger of a monster than other fears? You know, I don't know if you're familiar with the Enneagram. oh sure oh yeah ian cron's a neighbor in the area here i mean we've had him on the show i just had ian on my podcast i'm obsessed with yeah he's brilliant he's brilliant he's brilliant and you know it's like he kind of took and the thing about ian is that the way he speaks and the way he teaches is that he carries a scalpel of truth he's not me he doesn't have a machete no he just slowly cuts away at you and the next thing you're like you're bleeding out totally true so i am an Enneagram three, wing four.

6:29And so we believe that people value us in direct proportion to the value that we provide for others. And so as a result, my greatest fear is that I don't matter if I'm not bringing value. And that, you know, so then all of a sudden you put yourself in a perpetual state of give, give, give, give, give, and then you want to be seen. And if you're not seen, you feel as if you don't matter. So that reoccurring fear of like really separating myself that I myself, by myself, regardless if I'm giving, have some sort of value to give to the world and that I matter and the small things that I'm doing really do matter.

7:04Yeah, I get it. I'm a three wing four. It's absolutely right. And that we've got to know those big fears. You know, it's so important. Okay, let's talk about pride. This is, you know, one of the things that I see, again, I get this, you know, incredible privilege. You get to talk to real men and women every day on the phone. And the big voice of pride is, I don't want to ask for help. We feel like the question, will you help me, is so leachy and gross. But if it's asked the right way, you'd be blown away by how people are willing to help you. So that's a big one. Is there some type of a voice of a pride or maybe a specific doubt?

7:42I just want to let you teach a little bit that you face or you did face and you were able to push through it and learn so much from it. You know, I don't know if it's because I grew up really poor. I don't know if because I'm brown. I can't really identify why. But into adulthood, I mean, I'm talking about rather recently, Ken, is that finally, my blessings have gotten to a place and a space in my life where there's financial freedom in a way I've never experienced in my life. And so for me, it's not an issue of pride as much as it is an issue of belonging. So for instance, my husband and I went on a trip and I walk into a hotel and I got out of the car and I didn't realize, Ken, I kept my head down and my eyes down and I wanted to dart straight through the lobby and I just wanted to get to the room.

8:27And my husband pulled me on my shoulder and he put his fingers under my chin and he lifted my face and he says, when you walk into any room, you must act like you belong because you do. and people will treat you that way. And so I think that that has been such a shift in a professional capacity that every room I walk in, you know, a boardroom or anywhere, I need to hold my head up high because people will give you what you think of yourself. And I think that that's kind of been a thing. And as a result of that, to piggyback, it's I walk with my emotional or even physical head down. And when it comes to asking for help, it's just something that I wouldn't do.

9:03I believe that if I gave and gave and gave to somebody that they would finally say, you know what, Jasmine, what do you need? Mm-mm. No. It never happened that way. No. It never happened that way. Oh, yeah. You have to ask for something you want. I got to tell you one big truth for me. I mean, I was 33 sitting on my back porch in Atlanta, Georgia, two years into the chase of broadcasting. Nothing's happening. And I'm having a pity party and I'm the only person there. And I realized that nobody's sitting around thinking about how they can help Ken Coleman. Like nobody woke up today. That's right.

9:31That Ken Coleman guy, I think he has maybe some potential. Maybe I'm going to call him up and give him a crazy opportunity. Everybody else has got their own journey and they're all thinking about their own deal. And so we got to ask. But I like what you said there about belonging. That's actually a really positive side of pride, to have pride in who you are and your unique makeup. I love your husband's move. Get your chin up. Shine bright. I love that. That's really, really good. Okay, let's shift here. So now we know that you are much more than an artist through a camera. You are really a great coach.

10:07You're more than an influencer. I don't even like that word anymore because now it's taken on this cheap connotation. You are making things happen. You've got an incredible business. You're coaching people, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly on Instagram. What do you love most now about what you do? If you had to single something out, I know that's hard because you love all aspects of your work. But I'm just curious. is what's the thing you enjoy the most about what you do now? Igniting belief. Oh. You can actually see the shift in somebody when they go from, I have a question. And so on the inside of Social Curator, my husband and I are co-founders of Social Curator, and we empower small business owners to build a brand and market on social media.

10:51And so that's where I, by and large, do group coaching. And people come on, and they will ask a question. But our methodology to how we coach is there's always a question that's a frontward-facing veneer of the underlying question. And you could see that when you start tapping at the underlying question, you see a shift or you see a flicker in somebody's belief. And when you ignite belief, game over. The hardest thing is not whether or not your business is going to be successful. It's not whether or not you believe in your capacity to succeed. It's truly, do you believe you can do it? And the minute that you make that belief concrete and gold, game over.

11:26And so to me, when I see somebody shift their belief, I also know it's a vehicle for income. And what I've experienced in my family is that income is a gateway to change legacy and to change families and to give somebody the freedom to make decisions, to grow in ways that they just didn't have the capacity. So in my mind, it's belief leading to prosperity on the back of hard work and understanding that you're here on this earth to do something specific. We hope the episode gave you the clarity and courage to stop letting fear drive the decisions in your business. Remember, fear is normal. It just doesn't get to be the boss.

12:04If you found value in today's episode, send it to a friend who needs a nudge of confidence too. See you next time.