#1973 - Joey Diaz

24:38On him. Yeah. On him who he was, what his background was. Yeah. I think he was a Patsy. And a very interesting thing. I started listening. You know when people tell you to watch your show. Yeah. And you know what? I don't want to watch that fucking show. Every day. But people tell you constantly. Watch that show. I've recently put on a show. I didn't know what to expect, Joe Rogan. Unfucking real. What is it? Godfather of Harlem. Ooh. What's that? Not about everything or anything. Not about what you think. It's that dude that played a fast times a Ridgemont high, the brother. That goes after Sean Penn, the big dude, Faris Whitaker.

25:16Okay. Fucking great actor. Uh, Nigel Dodge. You already on season three? Yeah. Pretty cool to American gangster. I think I just. This show. So it's about that guy that dens a Washington play. Yeah. So this show, but it's not what you. I don't want you to think, oh, Joey showed up here with this show. First of all, the first season basically by Muhammad Ali in Harlem. How he hooked up with what's his name? Kay Mal. Malcolm X. And they already told him. Listen. You are your name is Muhammad Ali, but we're not going to change it to you in this championship. The title because you will lose the white sponsors, the white devil and all this shit.

26:01He was already with them. But not only that story, it talks about civil rights. It goes through when they shot Kennedy. What they saw like in Chicago, how they knew for sure was the mob in the CIA that killed Kennedy. They talk about how when Malcolm X was going to meet. I didn't know about this. He was going to do a speech at the United Nations with Che Guevara. Malcolm X. Really? In 1965, they were going fucking nuts. And it all ties in because what they can't explain in the beginning. You have to tie a gangster in with political because then he blows up that power. Something really interesting.

26:40You know, I'm a fucking moron, I can't say. And that's what they try to show you that all these gangsters had something to do with this history. The guy who played that fucking dude that blows his head off in full metal jacket. What's his name? Vincent D 'Anavia. Vincent D 'Anavia. He plays a Vito Geno V's that you fucking had will blow up. Something completely different. I like how he casted. I like the way he casted. He casted outside the box again like Tony soprano was casted. The last Vito, the guy that plays Vito Geno, he's very political in this. And the guy Giancarlo Esposito who's a fucking G, he plays a congressman.

27:25And he's always meeting with presidents, but Bumpy's wife works for him. So it's very interesting. What's it on? It's MGM+. Who will the first two seasons and MGM+. The last season. And the MGM+. It's like Paramount. There's so many of them. There's so many of them. You know, at the end of the week you pay for so many. But it's an interesting show. That's the most interesting show. You learn something. It's not about shooting and just heroin. It's all this little, you know, the Cuban dude. How? Or he wanted. Battle that dude that we talked about with T .J. English. Or he wanted. He was selling coach just to take Cuban back.

28:04Like that guy was, then you imagine you coming to me going, Joey. We're going to do this, this, this. But the fucking final result of this money is me going back to Palermo that take my grandfather's village back. This is what that battle dude was into. He just wanted to go back to Cuba. That's it. I don't have no problems. I just want to kill Fidel and go back to Cuba. So they tried. They get with the CIA and they show how many times they tried to kill operation Mongoose, the fucking wetsuits, the fucking cigar that explodes. All those were failed CIA attempts. How many times they tried to kill Castro?

28:42Watch that documentary 101 times. That's so funny. Remember when that motherfucker walked on the subway in New York? When he came to the US. Yeah. And he walked on, that's what they show in that. He walked on the subway in New York and he goes, you got a bulletproof vest and he lowers it. He goes, I got nothing on. 101 ways to kill Castro. Wasn't that the name of the documentary? I don't know. Forrest Wittaker is a fucking... This episode is brought to you by Life Lock. Tax season is already stressful. You shouldn't have to worry about identity theft on top of everything else. And trust me, it's a big worry.

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31:39Distilled, aged and bottled by Buffalo Trace Distillery, 90 proof, Franklin County, Kentucky, Buffalo Trace, American, family -owned, independent and perfectly untamed. Great actor, isn't he? Frost Whitaker was in the color of money. He played the guy that hustled fast that he fell for. Yes, remember that he had that. Is that your mad? Yes. 638. He hustles a matter, all this money, and then the end he goes, can I ask you a serious question? Do you think I should lose some weight? The guy was completely broke. He shattered him. Fast that he went in there with a big ego, thinking he was this man, this big time pool hustler from the 1960s.

32:26And Frost Whitaker plays this guy that's like super eccentric who hustles a matter, all his money. And then that's his fuck you at the end. Let me ask you a question. I think I should lose some weight. Frost Whitaker's played some fucking good roles too. Oh, yeah. And that fucking... What about the last king of Scotland? I don't know. He's the same guy. Yeah, great. Ghost dog. Ghost dog. And didn't know for real. God damn, that motherfucker. That guy has been around. That guy can access the ass off. The dog he plays a good... And then not like... Oh, no. He seems like a guy would be a nightmare and have a political talk with him.

33:06Yeah. No, he's... Like if you sit in the craft service table and he starts breaking about the Biden administration's new plans for this or that, you'd be like, can I run out here and pee real quick? Yeah, go run out here and pee real quick. Yeah, go run out here and pee real quick. Yeah, go run out here and pee real quick. We'll be right back ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, we'll be right back ladies and gentlemen. No worries. Guys, we'll be here. We'll be here before we rock them both. No, I saw you went to the bathroom. I'm like, I should go, I'll hold it. Fuck you, you're gonna hold it. Those holding days are over with.

33:30I gotta go, John. I gotta bottle in my fucking car. You gotta bottle your piano. Yeah, the one from surgery from my knee surgery three years ago. I just took it home left on the back seat. That New Jersey Turnpike, fuck you. I go to the gym at 10. Yeah. You go to the gym you're drinking and then I go along. Let me go up north for something. A meeting or something. Doug, I gotta pull over like three times. I was just pissing the thing out of light. I got it down to a science. I put the Cuban egg roll on the bottle. I pissing it, I put it in the drink holder. I just drive like a mile. Put it next light.

34:01Put it next light. Oh no, I don't. Yeah, you know what I mean? I pop the door open. I dump the little piss. I put paper towel and I wipe it out. I take it in the back, fill the little water. And that keeps me going. That Turnpike's a motherfucker. Yeah, that traffic is insane. That Turnpike Parkway is a motherfucker. That the traffic in and out of New York City is probably the worst traffic I've ever experienced. No. That shit that we left in LA had his moments too. Yeah, that's bad. When the time goes to the 405 before 30, that was the worst. There's some ways into the city though where it feels like there's only one way.

34:34Whereas if you're going down to like Orange County, there's a few different ways. You can kind of skirt around it up until you get deep in. Once you get near San Diego, you're kind of fucked. You're kind of fucked. Those are the rough days. Driving from LA to remember we do like the La Jolla comedy store. We'd have to leave at like 1 p .m. You would leave at 1. I would leave at 6. And do 9 the on the show that the whole way. Because if you left at 1, it was still 4 hours. So if you had to leave at 6, or you had to leave at like 6 in the morning, or you had to leave at like 6 o 'clock at night, which would give you a 2 hour window.

35:11There. And I was featuring. Oh, God. And I would fucking make it all the time. But the time to go long and you get down there. And then I though, do you remember used to make it back from San Diego? And I think like an hour? That would be more than that. Was it 117 miles, I think? I would make it. I would leave San Diego, La Jolla at 1 .12. And I would make it to my co -dealist house by 1 a .m. What is that? You're going 100 miles an hour, Joey. What is the distance between Los Angeles and San Diego? 101 miles. I think it's more. So I would get on the 510. I would get on the 5. Okay, this is it.

35:53Get on the 5. Do 75. Once you're like 5 miles away from immigration, where they ask you to stop for fruit, I would kick it to 100. 118. I would kick it to 100. And then once I'd pass the fruit, I'd slow down for the speed limit. And from there to Irvine, I'd do 100. And next thing you knew, it said LA 29 miles. Jesus. I used to fucking. I remember I got stopped a few times. Yeah. And the cops pulled me over and I'll fast you with going. But because I wasn't drinking. Fridays and Saturday nights, were you drinking? Not at all, but I'm better than that. Okay, slow down next time. Fuck you. I got a coke.

36:30You had a meatball at one o 'clock. I got shit to do. My coke deal was close at one. Aren't you glad your coke days were before the fentanyl problem? Yeah. Jesus Christ, Joey. This is why I only do anything I get from who I know. Yeah. I'm to a point now where I just deal with laughing gas. That's it. I eat that mushroom. I eat anything from them because I know where I'm getting it from. Yeah. I feel a lot safer. And LA now, you got to be really careful with anything you touch. Even if it's prescription, you got to be fucking careful.

37:08Well, I heard that people were buying testing kits. But cocaine. Yeah. I know. It's crazy, right? You kind of have to do that. You don't have to do anything. Why is not coke? It's not in coke. You know, snorting coke was always a fucking roast Russian roulette, right? Right? But now it's even more Russian roulette. Now you can either die of a fucking heart attack or a fentanyl. Yeah. You know, so now, and that goes for everything. That's heroin. That's prescription pills. That's fucking reefer. They're putting the netables in LA. That's everything. Look, then somebody just die again from fentanyl.

37:45Coolio or something. You know, this doesn't end. So you got to really, if you really got to be careful what you're putting in, you know. Yeah. Thank God I wasn't doing any of that shit now. Thank God. Because yeah, you're going to die. It's very scary. They're putting that shit into this country. I mean, that's all you read about. How much bent the mall is coming in. And how many people died from that shit. So, didn't they say now they're giving you Narcan at home? You can buy that CBS or something like that? I don't know if that's case, but I know a lot of people are buying Narcan and sending it into their kids at college.

38:20It's very scary. It's a scary shit, man, because it's like this is not something that anybody had to deal with before. Like this level of contamination was something that's so deadly. When you get like a, I think it was like 100 ,000 people one year, died of overdoses. Like what the fuck, man? For fentanyl. Tom Petty died from that too. Yep, Prince. Tom Petty? Now what is fentanyl? Fentanyl is synthetic opioids. It's a very potent synthetic opioid. And the amount that can kill you is so small that if you look at a penny, it'd be like a tiny little piece on a penny. Like there's an image that's online, like a famous image of the, of a, see if you find it, Jamie.

39:03This is a amount of fentanyl that can kill you. And it's next to a penny and you look at you a holy fuck. It's the tiniest amount. So it's super, super, super potent. So, you know, in medications, it's used, but they know what the dosage is. When you're getting it from the cartel, someone's mixing it in a bathtub into your wanna. Like look at it. Look at that amount. Next to the penny. How crazy is that? That'll kill you. That means that's nuts, man. It's basically the amount of coke, the amount of fentanyl that's in Lincoln's beard. If you take that amount from Lincoln's beard, if you're looking at a penny, that'll kill you.

39:45That's crazy. That's a, that's a potent fucking drug. And the fact that they mix that into everything. Fucking nuts, man.

39:58I'm outta that. Scary shit, man. And it's scary how they'll just hand out paint pills to people. Nobody just deals with paint. Everybody's gotta just be zonked out. And I gotta say something. I learned a very valuable lesson from those pills with my last surgery. I learned a very valuable lesson. The lesson is I learned that I think those fucking oxycontains promote more paint. I really do. I really fucking do. I could tell you this now after the surgery. Because I had, when I had the right knee surgery, okay, number one, I gotta give it to New Jersey, though. New Jersey, listen, I know a pharmacist and she tells me that she used to work in Staten Island.

40:38When somebody goes in there for paint pills and Staten Island, they get my 100. Jesus. You know how many they give you in Jersey? How much? 19. Hmm. They would give me 19 for the week. If you're gonna take them for pain every six hours, that don't add up. They didn't give you enough from the beginning. New Jersey does not fuck around. So they're worried about you becoming addicted to what you're doing. Yeah, but D .A. wanted to Jersey and you can't get none of it. And you know I know everybody. You can't get shit in Jersey. Shit. Not the way it was in our life. But Staten Island's open. Yeah, because New York State is different prescription things.

41:18So when a doctor prescribes your oxycontin in New York or Staten Island or for the five burrows, they give you like 90 of them. Hmm. You know, in New Jersey, they give you 19. So I thought the pharmacy was robbing me. Like I would get home and go, where do all the pills go? And I would sit there and say, no, I just got them. My wife would give me a lot of fuckingness. They don't give me tea to drive me crazy no more. But I had one prescription and then it took me three days to get another one. I just suffered and then I took another prescription. And by the end of that week, the pain I got worse.

41:54And I got into the point one day where it was that bone by my ankle. I guess they screwed something in there. I don't fucking know. And I said, you know what? I got the prescription I threw him away. And the pain went away. So I think the pain was promoting. The pill was promoting my pain. Because once I grew the pain pills away. I didn't have no more pain. And what was the decision that throw the pain pills away? I don't like how they make you feel. You know, listen, you want an dentist. I'm happy for two hours. They either give you a viking and a something. I could live off a viking. I go, I go, I go, I go, dodge a game or smoke a joint.

42:31I'm good. If I want to do that, it's when you do those things every day. Like when you get a surgery and they give you those things every day. That's when I think it's a problem. Because when I took the fat ball out of my thing, that was horrible. At the end of that prescription, and I was a full junkie then. I did not feel good, Papa. I did not fucking feel good. It took me a couple of weeks. And you do the probiotics, you do all that shit. Now let's take it back to the Xanx. When I was on the Xanx, it was basically during the pandemic. I had 10 ,000 of those things at the house. 10 ,000? Because he was sending me 90 a month from 2012.

43:12Oh, on automatic monthly. So he just stopped by all of them. They were just going in a closet. They were just going in a fucking... When did you take it? 2012 was when I got up to scribe. When I had my little situation at the comedy store that we goofed about. That was not, that's not, that was not good. There's no way I should be understanding walking 10 count. That's what that was that night when I had to follow Morgan Murphy. A standing walking 10 count? Talk, I asked Paulie Shaw, I told you this story. And we laughed about it. But, Doug, now thinking about it, I should have done something.

43:48I went to the comedy store, I'm in the back, you weren't there. I think you were coming in later. Yes, you were coming in later. Because on Saturdays, I used to do the closed the original room. Talking bullshit with Paulie, everybody's in the back. No refurb, maybe a joint before I got there. You know, Saturday night, just like the girls. I get there, they take Joey, you're up next. I walk to the thing, and as I'm walking, I walk up the steps to the original room and Morgan's on stage and Paulie standing there laughing at it. And I walk up and I'm like, damn, I don't fucking feel good. Like this is not working.

44:25I was starting to get anxiety. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe. But I went to look at that window for years whenever I had anxiety in the original room. I had a window. When I'm on stage, I got a window on the right, remember? Yeah. And we could look out the sunset. Yeah. I was always good. That day, particularly when I went in there, I didn't see a fucking window. So I was waiting for Morgan to get off, and also I got to say anxiety joy. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't fucking breathe. So I walked down the stairs just to look at the door. And I got worse. I got worse. I couldn't breathe.

45:00I thought I was going to fucking have a heart attack. I go, Paulie, I can't get on stage. I'm having a horrible anxiety attack. He goes, I just went up, dude. And I walked up there and I told you. But I didn't explain to you correctly, because I was cracking the joke. I woke up at the 12 minute mark. Hmm. I remember walking past Paulie. And that's it, Joe. That's it. And then I remember waking up on stage and people laughing. And I was probably on automatic pilot. Wow. I had a bit that it was on automatic pilot. That was scary. That was when you got on Xanix. No, it was a couple of weeks after the doctor and he goes, what was that?

45:38I kept having these little panic attacks. I kept having these little panic attacks, little panic attacks. But I was okay. I wasn't going to go to a psychiatrist. We were working our ass as well. We didn't know what the fuck was going on. So I started taking the Xanix. And it would help in a little bit. I would take it on the road. If I went on a plane or something like that. But I got a remodeled. What does it do for you? You got to remember, too. It was, you're a walking contradiction. I'm talking about myself. Because you said it best. I'm eating 2 ,000 milligrams of THC and scaring the fuck out of myself.

46:11Right? You're walking around, fucking scaring. Then the Xanix. I would take the Xanix to calm me down. Or be exactly. Come on, man. That's not going to work. Those edible weed sessions, when you do too many of them. I do think they make people very anxious. I think they just... I think they did too much. Shifters. I think they shift the pole of your brain. You know more. I brought some more. But now I eat them more to sleep. I got them on my big prom. Joe is still to this day asleep. So now, two nights, three nights a week. I drink a bodybuilder sleeping thing. What do you... Do you have a hard time sleeping?

46:50Because you're not tired. Do you have a hard time sleeping? Because you're thinking... I'm tired. Till 9 .30. And I look... Come on, man. It's a comedy timing. I don't want to go to bed at 9 .30. Do you know what I'm saying? I never want to go to bed at 8 o 'clock. That's when you know you're almost done. I want to bed at 8. Fuck you, man. I'm not looking to stay up till 4. But I'm not going to bed at 9 .30. So I'm tired about 9. But I pushed the envelope a little bit. I like to read, maybe listen to music. 11 .30. I'm like you. I like to read shit on the computer. 11 .30. I try to read it, not I turn the TV off.

47:26Once I go up there, bro. I'm thinking about the guy who came to my house who asked me if he could take an orange. But he took 9 instead. He took 9. He took 9 instead. Yeah, and you're like, that was 11 years ago, Joey. I think about the time I bumped in the original room following Domai Rarara. Like, does it matter? I think about the time I ate a bucket of Dicks in North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Does it matter? Does it really matter that you ate a bag of Dicks? You know, I think it's stupid shit. And then I fall asleep eventually. I'll tell you what help. Woop. I got the Woop watch to help me with recovery.

48:03Because I was left out and going to Jiu -Jitsu on my back with her. So I go on, I want to figure out what kind of calories I could do. And I won't go over those. If I could do those five days a week, that's fine. But I can't go in there, burn 800 fucking calories in Jiu -Jitsu and expect the deadlift the next day. I don't have that. So I got the Woop watch. The Woop watch put me on to sleep. It's helped me sleep better. Because I finally realized, oh, you slept four hours last night. No wonder you feel like shit. Right. So now I'm in contest with Woop. So I got it up from four and a half hours of sleep to eight hours pretty much.

48:38Last night I only slept like five because of the flight. But I'm sleeping eight hours now. That's great. Yeah. Now I'm sleeping 1130 to 8. Don't get me wrong. Once every two weeks, I have a little hiccup. I go upstairs. I think there's something. I go back down. I smoke some pot. I read and I go back up and I'm all right. But what I was doing comedy, there was no sleep, Joe. Yeah. Do you want me to tell you why? Why? Eight cups of espresso a day. You know, everybody thought I would leave the store. Because I was going to do something bad. You know, I was leaving the store before midnight. Think.

49:17Why? Because Starbucks is open till midnight in studio city. And God forbid I didn't catch my flat white before midnight. God forbid I didn't catch my gronday flat white before midnight. And then I'll call you tomorrow and tell you how I didn't sleep last night. So you were drinking coffee late into that? We would always have espresso after dinner. Yeah. No. Now I haven't expressed what's five, but I'm not sleeping. That's so weird. I could sleep right after having one. Oh, I loved it because my world it takes you up. Yeah. So you catch it on the way down. I eat a chocolate something. I can't fucking sleep that night now.

49:51Yeah. I really focused on my sleep the last couple of years. You know, especially since I got this whoop about 16, 17 months ago. That's what's really improved in my life is the sleep. And I've been taking naps too. If I go to Jiu -Jitsu, I do the blue bug class. I need a nap check. I need a little nap from five to six. You know, that's what I have. But when I started popping the Xanx, the high point was maybe made during the pandemic. Like I couldn't leave the house without popping the Xanx. And then when I get in the car, I pop another one. And it would stay in your system. Thank God I wasn't drinking.

50:31And what was that doing for you though? What's the feeling like? It's calming me down. I can't take sleeping pills. And I can't take the strong Xanx. So I have to take the little footballs. But I was taking eight to ten of those motherfuckers a day. Jesus. And then when I landed in Jersey, what had happened was, you know, you and Tom had that conversation about my tolerance. Yeah. Okay. That tolerance. Doug, I think as you could tell, I think a lot about this shit. Yeah. You had a conversation with me a couple of years ago about your Romero getting punched in the face and his eye socket. And when he got into the green room into the, when he wanted to dock the saw him after the fight, his eye socket was healed.

51:12It was healing healing. Okay. I think about what you were talking about my tolerance with the edibles and stuff. Now let's get back to early Joe Diaz. When I was a child, the doctor would have to come to my house two days in a row for years. They'd have to shoot me a penicillin on Monday and then come back on Tuesday and shoot me again. Because I would never take the penicillin. You know, I had a lot of problems with my throat as a kid and whatever fucking tonsils and shit. So I was always in the hospital as a kid. I was a sickly kid. I was about eight. All those years, Joe, they would always have to shoot me two or three times with penicillin.

51:50The same penicillin that would give you one shot of that after shooting me. So I don't know what you've always had a high tolerance. Always. Interesting. Except for alcohol. Mmm. And even alcohol. Because I could drink something with Jamie right now and I won't fall over. I don't want to do it. But that's what's always pissed me off about alcohol. And I could drink a few alcohol shots. Feel okay. But then if I push the envelope, that's when I feel shitty. But my tolerance with alcohol and with cocaine and alcohol, shit. I could drink a case of Budweiser, you know, cans. So my friend Johnny, you know, a coke problem.

52:25I was just to have to take him to the corner store, the liquor store to get 40 ounces. He would come himself down with like a big malt liquor. Oh, that's right. So he's always trying to like 20 selfies. 22 Bs. And it would calm you down. So when the Xanax finally, what I realized when I got the jersey that, yeah, I got the jersey August 9th to some on your birthday August something. Two days after I got the jersey, I had something like a weird mild heart attack. My heart didn't stop pounding. And that was because the Xanax turned on me. I didn't realize that's why I went to the knee surgery. And one of the assistants caught it because I couldn't sleep when they tried to give me some of the sleep and the chick goes, you're, you're withdrawing.

53:13Oh, from Benzo. She goes, you're withdrawing naturally. That's why your heart beats going up. That's why you fucked up. It's very dangerous for them. And she told me you have to flip it. So I had to read a journal about this, about transitioning. You just can't quit. You can't go out of the hall and you can't quit Benzo's. Yeah. You know, you could die. So what I had to do was take whatever I was eating, which was eight of those things a day and work myself backwards. How long did it take you? Six months. Wow. Work myself backwards. But Jordan Peterson was fucked up for a year. Dog. It fucks with your central nervous system.

53:58You don't have no idea what life is to your central nervous system is fucked with. Forget cocaine. Forget all that shit that you know I've done it all. How's it fuck with you?

54:12Your heart constantly beats. I'm talking constantly. You could be watching TV and you could see it. Do you know how scary that is? You could fucking see it. So your body is just freaking out that it doesn't have a system. Freaking out. I had to go and come support. I had to fucking change my diet. So even the six months slowly transitioning off, even that was rough? Oh, really? Because I had to break them into two parts, the Xanics. So I would get up in the morning, eat breakfast, work out, and then pop a Xanics. And then go the whole day. I'm tell you why this six months, I would go the whole day without his annex.

54:54And then pop one at night and deal with it. Just help me go to sleep. But that whole time I would go to the pool every day. I would put my feet in the grass and try to, you know, just get me back. Because it was central nervous system shit. A lot of tea. Just felt awful. Oh, you feel awful. Awful. How does it fucking with your comedy? I was in Duan comedy, the pandemic. I was just getting back into it. It was just starting to open up. I went and did a parking lot. I did it like a, it was outdoor comedy. Rich Voss told me to go fucking do a park on that Me, Him, and Jimmy. Oh my God, they were fucking bats, right?

55:32When, when, it was like in a mall outside of Jersey. This little stage, and you can see the bats flapping behind the comics and shit. And I told Rich the next way, Rich, what's with all those bats? He goes, fuck that. I didn't get last week. There was a bear behind this. He goes, I jumped right off the fucking stage. Jesus Christ. He's in those places in Northern Jersey. He's in Jersey. Everybody's doing a lot of outdoor shows. So when I was going through all this, it was, I was, I should just sit on my bed, on my hands and look straight. That's all I could do all day. You couldn't really keep a conversation.

56:07And then Ari came down on us. I couldn't wait for him to fucking leave. That's normal though, right? No, that's my brother. That's my brother. I was happy that he brought the dog and the girlfriend. Of course, I took it from Chinese food. It was great, but I couldn't wait. I couldn't keep eye contact. I couldn't fucking do much. And I always noticed that after I took the pill, that feeling would start again. So when I went to the gym in the morning, and did all that shit, I was fine. Once I took that Xanax, I felt like shit. And I cut down what's that called when you cut back? The trim a little.

56:46What was that called? Regression, the rest in doses. I don't know. What would it be called? I forget. You have to cut off, you have to shave. I know what it is. Yeah, it's just like me. I can't, this weed is for a while. You have to shave the pill a little bit. That's what I did. And then I realized one day, tapering. Tapering. I got myself in the middle of the day. I got myself, what's the doctor under the doctor? And nurse? No, the doctor, they call them something. They can give you prescriptions, but they're not really a doctor. I signed up with one of those. And she put me on this plant, like just what to eat and do all that stuff.

57:25And one day I called and I said, listen, man, I got a funny feeling that every time I take these pills, it makes me feel worse. And she goes, why? Because when I go to the gym, I feel great. I go in there, I'm talking with people, I'm feeling great. And she goes, what are you saying? I go, I'm going to stop taking them. Because I take clonidine already for blood pressure. And that stops strokes. So I'm just going to stop doing it. And I stop. And I never took a Xanax again. Wow. That was it. But I'll, dog, I will never eat one of the withdrawal, the withdrawal. The withdrawal was horrible, Joe.

57:58I don't wish that anybody. Well, that's what Jordan was saying. He had no idea how to do that. You have no idea. Listen, if I was buying this shit on the street from some kind of name fucking Pedro or something, then I would have a problem. When your doctor gives it to you, you think it's normal. I did the study and Xanax is only prescribed for two weeks. That's it. It's for short periods of time until they figure out what to give you. Whether to give you whatever the fuck you get for your body gets addicted. I don't know, Joe. I was living throughout. There's so many of these creepy medications out there, Joe, where the people are just taken.

58:37You know, there's some medication that people kill themselves. You know, I don't know. I don't know if it's even real. I don't know if it's true. Well, there's definitely medications to do the side effects. I just didn't want to feel like this ever again. And, you know, I stopped drinking. Like, I never really drank. But when I moved to Jersey, I was drinking sangrias when I went out. And one night I thought I was bad, Joe Rogan. I got an Italian old fashioned. Oh my God, Joe. That set me back. Fucking. That was it. I was dumb without going after that. I'll go as a dangerous one. Really? It's a little poison.

59:14A little poison every time, but it's fun. You know, I'm always feel bad down in the health. I feel horrible that I don't drink. Why? I wish I could be sociable and have a red wine, Joe. I wish I could have dinner with you. Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Oh, no one cares. It doesn't matter. Joe, I grew up in the 70s. I know. Where you walked into somebody's house and people just gave you a drink. Hi, Joe. Do you want a drink? They don't have it. In the 70s, they didn't have it. It took two cubes. How cool were those tables? Yeah. Like Sinatra. Yeah. What's the name? Do you know when you do the tonight show, they would have a cart.

59:52They would pull a fucking bar cart into your green room. Into your dressing room. Would you like a drink? Well, I did the tonight show with Jay Leno. He gets you booze before you go out there. I didn't know that. Yeah, once everybody be laughing. You got a real accident. What's the joint show? What the joint show? Exactly. Do you see what laughing gas? I'm sure Mar probably smokes. Well, he definitely smokes on his podcast. Does he? Jesus Christ, Joe. What do you got there? I'm so terrified of that bag. Bring it to the green room. Bill Mar, OK. I brought it. Keep it in there. Shit. And you got your own bag with the Joe Rogan experience.

1:00:28Thank you. A beautiful leather bag. I got you some fucking. I'm so excited to show you this club. I'm so broke. I've heard fucking. I have people that are non -comers. Non -comers. This is just a lot of noise on the microphones. I'm trying to figure out what you get to smoke next, bro. Let's just... Look at this. I got bags out of the way. Come on, we're good. What the fuck? I keep coming to join them. Here. Here. Oh, no. We got a fucking chocolate mushroom, bro. Laughing gas. Got it all. Papa. They're going to open up in AC. They got to fix the laws in Texas. The basically marijuana is decriminalized in the city of Austin.

1:01:11But the fucking laws dumb. And these people don't realize it's dumb because they've got it connected to leftists. And hippies. It's about freedom. There's a lot of ranchers and farmers that like to smoke weed. It's great. Weeds great. It makes you love your children more. It makes you stare at the stars. It makes food taste better. It makes sex feel better. You fucking idiots that are making it illegal are ruining the world. And they say that it's going to ruin people? Yeah. It's going to ruin people just like cheeseburgers are going to ruin people. And gambling is going to ruin people. And alcohol is going to ruin people.

1:01:46All those things that are legal and should be legal. Because you got to give people the opportunity to fuck up their own life. You should work on counseling. You should give people advice. You should give people some sort of resources where they could get out of any sort of holder in. Whatever addiction they might have. But you got to leave people the fuck alone. That's what this country's founded on. This country's founded on freedom. And if you don't have the freedom to choose what you put in your own body, especially when we're talking about something that is benefit. It's not official medically, psychologically, physically, not physically addictive.

1:02:22Doesn't kill anyone. The only way you die from it. You literally have to do something stupid because you're high. If I haven't died from it, I ain't nobody going to die from marijuana. Okay, not gonna fuck off. The only time you die, this is a fucking brick of marijuana falls out of the sky and hits you in the head. But we're still dealing with a bunch of goofy laws. And I think they keep these laws goofy on purpose. They keep the culture war going because it's an easy distraction from other things. The more things you believe are right. What's up? You don't gamble either, right Jamie? There's some gambling here, right?

1:02:58They're like poker rooms. Yeah, okay, but not like not a casino. Casinos are magnets for sick people. When you go to those casinos and like Connecticut, they're like, Jesus Christ, there's so many people that are just sick. A lot of people having a good time. Just out on a date. Let's go to the casino, play a couple of hands of blackjack. Seems like you're a good time. But there's a lot of just sick fucking gambling junkies in there. Just lost. When you see them, they have their wheelchairs. They've got the oxygen mask and this is still smoking. Casino, you're like, wow. You see a lot of the different strokes with different folks.

1:03:35Hey, you gotta let people do that if that's what they want to do. How about the chick last week that was winning so much money, she just started pissing off the casino. What? Did you see that? Let her just pissed on the fucking floor. She's playing slot machines. She didn't even move. She was on the phone. She didn't dry her monkey either. What a crazy bitch. That's disgusting. That's a crazy bitch. Even me, when I pee in the bottle, I have a little tissue to dry the helmet off. Maybe she was on Xanx. Yeah, this is her. She seems kind of hot too. She looked hot from the side. And just piss it.

1:04:06It's so ridiculous. Ladies, wild. It's crazy though. Imagine that you, it's not uncommon, not that uncommon. Hold on, scroll up. Scroll, scroll. Look at this. Regardless of the video's legitimacy, urinating on Casino floors isn't as uncommon as one might think. 2000, many people probably did it. They had adult diapers. This guy said that any, Arnie Wexler, or recovered problem gambler, who operated a New Jersey -based gambling hotline and counseling service at the time, told the Louisville Courier Journal that many heavy gamblers don't adult diapers to avoid having to leave a slot machine or gaming table.

1:04:48If they don't come prepared, he said they just pee in the seat. Oh my god, you dirty fucks. Imagine walking in a casino, you just smell piss. You just know so many people have been pissing on the floor, you can smell it. Oh. I don't know if I'm ready for diapers. This is a, this is a, I don't know, dog. Well, if you peeing your pants, you got to leave that shit on. What would you rather have diapers or be paralyzed? I'll take diapers. You got to just deal with it. It is what it is. You know, you can only control, you can control. You, you can tell me you're going to shit in the diaper and sit in that for two hours.

1:05:26I don't think the shit thing is this big of an issue. I think mostly it's a pissed thing. Inconance. You might, you might be shit in your pants a little bit too. Depends on your digestive system and your diet. That's a good word. Gas real intestinal problems. It's horrible. That's the worst. There's a lot of problems out there in the world though. Little babies die leukemia. You know, a lot of problems. We're lucky shit. We're, we're alive and kicking in 2023. One of the most interesting times to be alive. And you and I grew up in a time where there was no internet. We got to experience this whole wave of change over the world.

1:06:05The erosion of faith and politicians and, and medias and an all time high. People are just starting to wake up to how fucking insane this world is organized and run. And we're starting to realize that, hey, you know, this is almost over for whoever is listening to this. If you're listening to this and you're in your 40s, you're halfway there, kid. All right. If you're listening in your 20s, if nothing terrible happens to you, you don't accidentally overdose on fentanyl. You got a solid 60 years left if everything goes great. If you're taking care of yourself, maybe you'll make it to 90. Maybe so I'm 55.

1:06:40So how much time do I have left? I'm pretty robust. 20. I work out a lot. 20. 20 years? That's it? Damn. I was hoping for 100. I've got that. What are you going to do 100? You really want to be a 100? I think I think I get even better. I think I get even better at anything. I think if you could stay alive for longer, you'd make less mistakes. You'd understand yourself more. There'd be like a value that you could give to other people if you have energy. Like people can learn things from other people that have already experienced life. That's where we'll have hearing stories and hearing wise people talk about things.

1:07:13The more I experience life, the more I understand me and other people and the more I talk to people, the more I understand people, the better I get at it, the better I get at life. I really, really, really believe that. And I think everybody does. I feel the same. I feel the same. As long as you don't give up, as long as you don't get cynical, as long as you don't get hateful, if you can just stay positive and stay around loving people and be a good person and be someone that people like to be around, you can get better all the time. You keep getting better at being a human. You get better at podcasting, you get better at standup, you get better at everything.

1:07:51You want to tell me something really interesting when you said that your biggest fear was turning old. You didn't want it. You wanted it being good shape when you were younger. And my biggest fear all these years, honest to God, was not dying or anything. It was not being, I hate to say this to you. And you're going to understand what I was saying right off the bat. People at home might not. I didn't want to become one of the comics at the store when we got there. I know what you mean. I'd rather shoot myself. I didn't want to call you when I was 60 and go, talk, I'm taking the screws. I need to come on the podcast to change my life as we both heard from people.

1:08:31Yeah. I did not want to be one of those guys. And that is what I'm proudest of the most. I'm proud that I put a book together. I'm very proud that I found alternatives that I have to keep bothering people at clubs to put me on. And Joe Rogan -Sucks, Mitchy Shaw never gave me the love I needed. I blew off Kennis and I don't want to hear that shit. Yeah, but those guys, they're always going to exist. They're a lesson for you. This is a path that you could go down. You see that path and you know it's negative. Where we got very lucky, Joey, is that we both experienced like you did movies, the longest yard.

1:09:13We did a bunch of stuff. We did a bunch of stuff. But then the internet came along right when we were like fully developed like real comics. We're a real headliner. And then when everybody transitioned into podcasting and everybody transitioned into like YouTube became like the best platform for putting out a comedy special. And we all learned who's the great comics from listening to each other. You know people would talk about it. Have you seen Shane Gillis, Holy Shit, Mark Norman, oh my god that guy's funny. And then everybody here, and then it becomes this organic network. But it all happened.

1:09:48We got so fortunate that we caught that wave every step of the way at the right time. We wrote every wave in every step of the way. Take the mainstream stuff to use it to transition into putting your stuff online. You realize online is the real mainstream. Everybody's addicted to their goddamn phone. Everybody's on social media. Everybody's watching YouTube. Everybody's listening to podcasts. There's just, it's we caught that wave every step of the way. And that's the same thing with his club. Joey, when this, I was not gonna open up a fucking club. What did I always tell you guys? I said, be nice to club owners.

1:10:24You don't want to be one of them. We need those freaks. We need these crazy people that are willing to deal with stand -up comedians every week and hoping that they don't have a fucking overdose after the Friday night show and hoping that they show up for radio at 6 o 'clock in the morning to promote the gig. Those people are crazy. We know them. We are them. We're all crazy. Anybody who wants to do stand -up comedies out of their fucking mind. You don't want to be a club owner. So I was always like, be nice to those people. I want them to be my friends. These are people I work with. I want to look forward to seeing them and hugging them.

1:10:55I don't want to think this guy's fucking me out of money. This guy. My bonuses are short. All that. I don't want to be involved in any of that. I just want to give everybody a hug. Say hi to the weights tab. What's up? I want it to be nice. Positive experience. You don't want to be a fucking club owner. Now I'm a club owner. And it came about during the pandemic. It was this wild series of opportunities. First of all, COVID, me looking at all the chaos in LA going. This ain't getting better. We're getting the fuck out. Like what? You can't borrow a gun. Jesus fucking Christ. There's lines around the gun stores.

1:11:31Do you remember the lines at the gun stores? Choy else driving through Berr. I think it was Berr. Berr. Berr was a line. I want both of them on the line. I want Berr to grain for people looking to buy guns. They didn't have enough guns to sell people. So I was like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. And when I got to LA or got to Austin, I was like, shit, I need a club. I have these little clubs here. We were working out the Vulcan, which was nice. But it wasn't set up as a community. It wasn't set up that was like where we get all all be together and hang like we did at the store. I was like, Jesus, that's so important for the culture of stand -up.

1:12:04It's so important for the comics to have a sense of community. And so I was like, all right, I got to open up a fucking club. And at the same time, everybody had been fired from the commy store. The commy store shut down. Everybody was unemployed. So I got all the best people from the store to come here. When I got Curtis and Adam, Eric and Jody and Jesus Christ and Kerry Mitchell to run the bar like holy shit, man. I was like, this is the dream team. And imagine how many people ready to leave. Bro, and Adam, that guy's the fucking man. Everybody was ready to leave. Everybody was ready to leave.

1:12:36Everybody come here and it's so beautiful. And people are so nice. And at all, like every step of the way, it's like I rode this wave perfect. This building that I got, this building didn't even want to sell the building. It was one family's owner for 100 years. They didn't want to sell it. But they decided they offered me a price. I didn't even negotiate it. So I'll take it. And they were just happy that it was going to stay a live entertainment venue. They would worry it was maybe become a hotel or something or a restaurant. They wanted to be a live entertainment venue, like it always was. I'm waiting to go back where you were talking about that way.

1:13:09Where your liberal friends asked me, you have a good topic you brought up. Because I always feel that the beginning of my downfall with the fear just wasn't the pandemic. I'm not scared to fucking die from a fucking cult. It wasn't the pandemic, but the pandemic was fucking with me. The thing that fucked with me the most was what my neighborhood had become. And not from you telling me. You know how people tell you shit? You know what I saw. And once I see something, that's it. I don't give a fuck when anybody tells me. I saw a guy get hit by a four by four. At the bus station in North Hollywood, we drove by a thousand times.

1:13:50I saw a guy hitting people with a four by four. Not a two by four. Who leaves the house with a four by four? Jesus Christ. Okay. I saw a fucking CVS studio city. I saw a white guy, an African American hooker, fighting at CVS at 10 in the morning. And studio city. I've been going to have fucking thing for five years, that CVS. That's why I got all my prescriptions and shit. I saw like three or four things. Then I had the glass door in my house. So I kept feeling that they were going to kick the front door in. So I went right to the Armenian and I'm like, dog, I need a gun. We ain't got time to stand online in Burbank.

1:14:33And he brought me like a fucking 45 with a bazook and shit. And I gave him like two grand. I go, don't come back without a gun. Wow. This motherfucker came back three days later with like a fucking AR -50 in a suitcase with a violin. I'm like, oh my god. So now one thing I don't like. I do not like weapons. How shoot you? I don't want to have a weapon. I can't have a weapon. You don't want to have a weapon. Right? You don't want to feel that you need to have a weapon though. No. You worry that you don't ever want to feel a weapon. Yeah, you don't want to feel a gun. I messed around weapons for years.

1:15:10You know, I got in trouble with a weapon. And I always said that when I put weapons on, I met more people that had weapons on. Do you follow him saying to you, when I was a civilian, hugging people, I never felt a weapon. When I put a weapon on an 86 for three years after I got arrested, most people I dealt with had a weapon. So I considered a magnet. It was for me and my mind felt like a magnet. Yeah. A fucking bad shit. Those two guns I had in the house, and I didn't feel right with me. You weren't going to bust into my house and you know, hurt my daughter or my wife. But, having those two weapons in the house did not feel good.

1:15:49California is very creepy laws when it comes to that too. I didn't give a fuck about the laws. I will get rid of that gun before the cops even get that. Trust me, I had ten neighbors that were cool as shit. Take it like I got an old J. Where old J's shit you go to? You got neighbors. You got neighbors. I killed the bitch. I had the fucking shirt. Whatever. I just didn't like it. I didn't like having that weapon. I didn't like having a 45 in my car. And then on the day I flew back here, I'll never forget that I gave him back the AR. And I had the 9 -45. And the people call me and they're like, you bring a weapon with you on the plane.

1:16:30Because I flew on a private plane during COVID. I had the cats and shit. So I go, yeah, I'm going to bring the gun with me. And that night I said, no. And I gave it the bread. I called the next one to go to the company, up this fucking 45 from me. He still has it. He's holding it for me. I don't want it. That's how I didn't like that fear. When I saw Latin Kings spray paint on my daughter's school, co -facts elementary, same school, Bert sent his kids. That wasn't good. I just thought a lot of shit up there that I would never throw on the valley. You see it in Hollywood, you know, shit like that.

1:17:10So that's good that you brought that up because I forgot how scary it was. It was scary for a few weeks. It got very strange because it got different. It felt like everybody was more on edge. I saw a bunch of looting. It was crazy. Someone broke into this closed store. It smashed the windows and ran into it. And we were, we were by this target. And these people had blocked the door of the target with a dumpster and lit the dumpster on fire. And they were telling everybody to get out of the building, put it, put down whatever you're purchasing, run out of the exit right now. It got real weird with all that antifa stuff.

1:17:45We got very strange. People were emboldened to do things. And after the George Floyd death when it was the riots and they lit the cop cars on fire, there was this real feeling, this real fuck the police, we're going to do whatever the fuck we want and no one's going to stop it. And the police seemed hesitant to do things too. And that got, that was when I was like, check please. I was like, this is not the place. No one here is, you got to recognize when things are changing. And when they're not going to get better because there's no resources in place. There's no leadership in place. No, if you're defunding the police, that is a totally wrong approach to deal with an excess of crime.

1:18:27Like all, you need is better funding and you need better training and better people as police officers and better respect for police officers. You need to have an understanding that they're very, very necessary. And one of the things that people found is that as soon as crime starts fucking scaling up in every city people are calling for the cops, even politicians and San Francisco that were actively like saying we should defund the police. They were tweeting we should defund the police. Then the crime starts kicking up and they're like, we can't even get the cops to come out. Like why do you think that is?

1:18:57That's crazy. Maybe it's because you defunded them. I mean, you're out of your fucking mind. Like do you think that somehow or another having less police equals less crime? Like that's the dumbest scenario. Like how would you think everybody's going to come by on you? No, you're just going to end bold and criminals and you're going to terrify people. And then you're going to, things are going to scale worse and worse. And if you keep doing the same thing to try to fix it, it's never going to get better. And that's what you're seeing in Portland. That's where you're seeing San Francisco. It just keeps getting worse.

1:19:26And it's chaotic. You're going to go to a fucking club like a club and they're playing like disco music. And also in some fat fuck like me, I was put on skittered. And nobody listens like people like, look at that idiot. When I heard the term the bunked police, that's what it felt like. Deep on the police. Deep on the police. Put on skittered. Yeah. Until people started saying, that's a great idea. You're like, what the fuck? And that's what was going on. Too many people yelling put on skittered with different ideas at that point. Yeah. And you're like, what do you mean? Dog, listen, let's get some straight.

1:19:58You're going to hear this from me one fucking time. I was born a nice kid. Somewhere along the line, I lost my fucking way. Somewhere along the line. When you suffer a traumatic experience when you're a young man, you stay stuck for a few years. Or a young woman. And you stay stuck. That's why women become, you know, they have, they become, what is that word, prostitutes? No. Prox, when you're, when you like to fuck the prox acumity, whatever that fucking word is. Nipomaniacs? No, that's not the word. Pramiscuous. Pramiscuous. So, you know, when you suffer a dad or a mom or a grandmother you would type with, you get stalled for a couple years.

1:20:32I'm not making excuses. It's, it's, these are all proven things. You've got to read this shit. You just don't grow. Until the reality comes to you of what happened. You're still in shock when your mom dies or your father dies. And somewhere along the line, I'm off the rails. And I'm sorry for that. I never disrespect the cop, chill. And all the stories I tell you, you never air any disrespect of a police officer. Never. Well, you knew cops. That the fuck that. That's part of it too. You know, raised me when I was a young kid. P .A .L. P .A .L. Belief that's letterfully on 88 Street, Amsterdam.

1:21:11I grew up in that. That's why I learned how to shoot pool. Really? That's why I learned how to shoot guns. They took it to the 25th precinct. And you shot at targets. They took it at a park. I was a big P .A .L. guy. Then I moved to Jersey. Fucking baddest P .A .L. boxing coach, Cuban coach, Mr. Gamio. I'd have a trade with him. He didn't like me. But, I knew his sons and his kids, you know. But, P .A .L. Mr. Marina, I'd do used to drive us everywhere. Again, he didn't like me too much. Why did he like you? Because I was like, you know, something. I don't know. Once I got to Jersey, I got what a rough crew was something at that age that didn't like me in Billy basketball.

1:21:46So I didn't play in Union City. But I always had respect for the P .A .L. And all those years, I always knew they had a job to do. And I was trying to be a criminal. I can't take it out on them. Right. I'm never, you never heard me say bad shit about cops. In fact, in 60 years, the only cop, the only cop I've had a prom with is one of the guys that arrested me in Boulder. In fact, the other dude, I just wished him a happy birthday. James Kohler was his birthday on Wednesday. Or Tuesday on Facebook. I follow a friend on Facebook. Oh, that's hilarious. So that was the only cop. So for a guy like me, it only had prom, one real cop, and all those years, kind of tell you something.

1:22:28So when I heard that, they bumped the fucking cops. The fun. The fun. Go fuck yourself. It's so weird. You're the same motherfuckers that are going to be crying for the same cops that come to your house in five years. 100%. And then they were talking about having people come over to your house and just talking to you, like during, you know, two safety officers. And now they shit that they're doing with bells. It's crazy. It's almost like they want everything to fall apart. This is like something that you hear. Yeah, we're going to have bell reform. And you're like, OK, yeah, I'll put on skin it again.

1:23:01Yeah, bell reform. So what you're telling me is right now they have a huge problem in New Jersey with stolen cars. And these motherfuckers got it down to a science. They're stealing them. And they take them right to the port and knew it. There's no more middlemen. No, now they got the Armenians shopping up cars. No, they just take them right to the port. You could, you could see it on the GPS of your car. They take them right to knew it. They're waiting for the car. They know, they know where you live. They know it's a half hour in Newark. The ship is there. And where do they bring them? They take them to whatever Brazil to start a new currency.

1:23:32I don't know what the fuck they take them. But my point is that when they, those guys get arrested, they're out the next day. Yeah. And half of the shit that's going on, people are out the next day. Again, did you see the thing, the shoplifting statistics about New York? Of all of the shoplifting, it's like 600 people. And they've been arrested thousands of times. Thousands of times. Thousands of times. See if you can find the statistics, because it's so crazy, you can't believe that that's really it. And New York, it takes two cops to arrest you. So here it is. Okay, oh, I'm excuse you. Only 327 people, collectively, they were arrested and re -arrested more than 6 ,000 times.

1:24:16Some engage in shoplifting as a trade while others are driven by addiction or mental illness. The police did not identify the 327 people in the analysis. 327 people. Hey, maybe you should lock those folks up and you'd stop all of the shoplifting. Yeah, the idea that you shouldn't do that is so fucking, do you understand how cities work? Do you understand how law and order works? Do you understand how peace works? You need peace officers. If you don't have peace officers, bad people are going to run a muck and they're not going to listen. This has been the case in all of human history. I mean, we know what the fucking equation is.

1:24:56It's not that all cops are bad. It's that there are some bad cops. And they should be exposed and they should have better training and they should be better funded. And they should be appreciated. And maybe if they're more appreciated, there would be less of this. And maybe we should figure out why the crime is happening in these cities in the first place. Maybe figure out why these disenfranchised communities are the same every fucking year, decade after decade, with no federal funding, why we ship billions of dollars over to Ukraine. And what did we spend in Afghanistan? And what did we spend?

1:25:24Come on. It's not like you can't make some real steps to fix this nationwide as a country. But defunding the police is not one of them. Not one of them. That's the most important. The punishment is so fucking important. Yeah. I understand the slap in the wrist. I got a ton of them. And what did that do? Nothing. What did that do? All those slaps on the wrist. That was cool. Right. I got a little rattle rattle. What did you do? No, no. What did they do? What did they do? They let me run a muck. From 1983 to 1988 when I got busted. I wish I would have got arrested, lunch and for all. But all those stupidity things that I was doing, whether it was in San Francisco, I got arrested in all those places.

1:26:15But they were dumb enough to let me out. What did you get arrested for? Doesn't matter. You know, stupid shit. That's over 200 hours. Possession of stolen tools. Possession of this, you know, only one weed possession. That was my first, that was my second arrest. Was weed and I got a six month probation. Which I had a half hour on me. I get it. I pay to find a bucket of quarter or something like that. Did it defrain me? Did it deter me from getting high? No. No. You know, I wish they nail you. And that sentence, that that judge gave me, that's a sentence they got to give people. Zero to four years.

1:27:02Reconsideration after a year. If you really do it, just to show you the bowels of what it is. If after a year I don't reconsider you, pretty much you're going to be in there for the rest of your fucking life. You take somebody, you punish them, have either the first time, and then you see what direction they go. One thing, when I walked out of that prison cell, I knew I was going to still do coke and chill. I knew I was still going to steal. I just knew how to change my ways a little bit. I knew I wasn't going back and there. This goes back to shoplifting. When you shoplift, they have theft over 200, and theft under 200.

1:27:41And in different states, different counties, it's all different. I don't know what it is. When you're in town places, it's like 900, 900. So people are just walking out of stores and they're just stopping them. Exactly. So it used to be that I could go to a place and supermarkets and try to rob a fucking lobster town for $100 and they give me a ticket. A ticket. I'll live with a ticket all day long. I'll take that ticket and shove it up my ass. It's me going out of the station, getting processed, finger printed. That's what deters you. That's the shit that deters you, Joe. And that's what they're not understanding.

1:28:17They don't have enough programs for people. Listen, when you go to prison in this country, or you're doing his warehouse, then put me back out. You warehouse me with guys that are smarter than me, and now gave me new ways to make money. To steal. If I was stealing with a gun before, now they taught me how to steal with a computer. What do you think is going to happen? There's no programs in there. They don't talk to you. They don't give a fuck. It's up to you to give a fuck. There's no Chinese food in prison. There's no fucking tons of things in prison, so I didn't belong there. So I didn't, I know I wasn't going to go back.

1:28:52Knock on wood. I stayed out. But think about the people who weren't as lucky as me. The percentages. The percentages are horrible. The percentages of most men who grow up in crime -ridden neighborhoods are horrible. It's very hard to get out. You've got to find something, whether it's music or entertainment or sports or something. You might have a wild idea for a business that catches on. But Jesus Christ, the odds are stacked against you. The odds are stacked against you. And what happens when you do get convicted with that felony? I can't do nothing. Still, till this day, I can't do anything, Joe.

1:29:32I can't go get a retirement job at Costco. I can't volunteer at Costco. I can't get a volunteer's job at a fucking rec center, maybe helping take an old people out to a movie or something like that just to give back to the community. I can't do that. I can't do that. That liquidated me from anything. I found out the last three years how worthless I really was. That's why I saw a week. The last three years, why so the last three years? Because I was always looking for options. Like, what else can I do in my life that would maybe, you know, whatever, just what can I do? Maybe go back to school with anything?

1:30:09I don't know. I'm always interested in learning more. I fucking don't remember any history. So you're just thinking about doing it just as an interesting thing to do. Like a new adventure. Yeah, like maybe go back to school or something, take online classes, something. I need, I love to fucking learn all this shit I blew away the last 30 years. You know, I didn't read what I used to read as a child. I didn't read geography. I didn't read history. I read, you know, books, you know, fucking stupid books. So I love to take classes again or something like that. But anything, I have no options. I could never do anything with that felony.

1:30:47Is that the, is that the fucking thing you should be sending? Yeah, it doesn't mean, just if someone pays their price and does their time, I feel like that you just, as long as they're not doing anything else, as long as they're not committing more crimes, they should be a regular member of society. Now, let me explain something to you. In my world, for me to get to where I got, when I walked out of that prison cell, I became a regular member of society. But imagine if you're 20 years old and you do something stupid, and you get locked up for it, and then you are no longer a voting member of society.

1:31:18I was 25. Yeah. I was 25. Yeah. 1987, I'm 24. 1988, I'm 25, Joe. Yeah. I got out when I was 27, 20, 27 and a half maybe. And God, thank God I could sell. Thank God I could fucking sell. I used to a fucking Eskimo. You know, thank God you have that skill. At least you could sell cars or insurance or whatever. I can't get registered. I can't work at the stocks. I could always be like, you're a stockbroker. I could always make call calls for you, shit like that. But in my world, I didn't want to go back. What was I going to do? What are you going to do? I can't be an acupuncturist. That probably makes a lot of people go back to crime.

1:32:02Exactly. People give up. When I found out that I didn't do background checks at comedy clubs, how fucking happy was I? And that was still skeptical. And then it was one guy that saved my life. Tim Allen. Tim Allen, I was just going to say that. When I heard that Tim Allen did boom. Yeah. Boom. I'm like, OK. And the middle of the month, I got on Disney. And I'm like, OK. I just want to get to the comedy store. I don't want to get on Disney. I don't want to go on NBC. Let me ask you this. What happened to you where you figured out how to be funny on stage? Because you were always OK on stage. But you would have some rough sets.

1:32:43And then there was one day. It was one day in the OR. You were telling stories backstage. You know, we had to have that little back parking lot area. You were telling stories. And you went on stage just fucking guns blazing. And you murdered harder than I had ever seen you kill before. I was like, this is crazy. It's like a different person. Like you were stiff on stage before. You're like, oh, you didn't like that joke? All right. And you go into another joke. And like, you had a joke and a joke. And then one day, you went on stage just guns blazing. And it was not, I was telling everybody, wasn't like, it was a slow gradual.

1:33:23He got better. It was like, you were here and then boom. Bro, you get punched in the face one too many times. And after one punch, you go, that's it. I'm not doing this. And I just want to tell you something because I talked to Harry about this. If, well, I'm definitely going to do 10 minutes tonight to fuck around with you. I have a plan, Joe. If you know anything about me, you know I always got a plan. I always got a plan. For me to do stand up again, I don't want to travel. I'll come down here, do a residency down here for you. Whatever the fuck you want, story teller, whatever you want. I got no problem with that.

1:34:01I don't want to hang dates all over me. That gives me a lot of anxiety. And I don't want to be doing anything else for the first time. If I go back to common, I told Harry is. I go, Harry. Because Harry says you might not do a podcast no more. And I go, you're done. Harry still says. I go, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. Just focus on stand up for the next five years. He's about to turn 48. I go just to stand up for the next five years. Nothing else. No podcasting, no films, no, you don't have to worry about anything. And he goes, you know, you got a good point because I wrote the new special when I couldn't edit no more.

1:34:36That fucking, this is not happening, you know. You've always spoken about this. Just to stand up. Yeah. Well, I got that lay. I was dead just to do stand up. But then everybody started throwing all these things at me and I got confused. And then I realized I'm at the store. I came here to do stand up. And that's what we are. I think even now, the stand up comic is two. We're all over the place now. We used to just do stand up. We used to just stand up. They got comics doing everything now. It's great. But it takes away from who the fuck we really are. Well, when I was doing Fear Factor, I didn't tour hardly at all.

1:35:18Because I was really working a lot. It was a lot of hours. And I was mostly just doing the store. And I remember hearing about people that were doing the road and I'd get jealous. I was hearing about people who just doing stand up and I would get jealous. But I also knew I was very fortunate. And I also knew like, hey, man, not a lot of people get a hit television show. You got to keep doing this. This is money that you could literally do whatever the fuck you want now. You could literally not ever worry about money. That's a giant thing to have. So I was like, okay. But I remember thinking, man, all these guys are just doing stand up.

1:35:56It looks like so much fun. I would talk dudes after they did Thursday fries, they had Saturdays and Sundays. And they'd come to the store on Tuesday. And I'd be like, where were you? I was like, oh, I was in Columbus. How was it? Oh, it was fucking great. Saturday night, the fucking show was soaking their talent stories. And this and that. And I'm like, oh. And you know, like, all your hour gets so tight. You know, you roll in Thursday with a new joke. By the time Saturday, late show, it's fucking crack. And I'm like, yeah. But if all I was able to do was like do like week nights and weekends occasionally at the store.

1:36:27I really couldn't have the time to travel. Well, at least you did that. I think all the guys that came to LA as good standups got a job in a TV show and say, fuck stand up, fuck stand up. Yeah. And they got caught up in the TV show and they never did stand up again. And that's one thing I always really respected about you. And I told people all the time, I go, in the height of this game, this motherfucker would still do his 1045 on a Friday night. After he just grabbed a huge paycheck all week on some TV show, there was news radio or the other one. You'd never be late for your Friday night spot.

1:37:00And that's character. That built a lot of, that made me, it inspired me. Like this guy doesn't give a fuck because 9 out of 10 comics don't tell you how much they love comedy. Once they got a TV show, it's over. They're not coming down there again. And I get it, I get it. But you didn't really love comedy the whole time. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. You've always, that's what I like about stand up. I don't have to travel, Joe. I could just shoot into the stand three nights a week to 15. And you know how you prove it, it's really the stand up is because like the store wasn't even giving you any money.

1:37:36Like would you go like 25 bucks for a 15? 15 bucks. For a 15 minute set. We weren't doing it for money. No. We were doing it to work on stand up. I enjoyed being broke. It was accepting, I was accepted at the time as being broke. You accept being broke for the fucking honor to come here. Or five nights a week. That's what you switch. You give away that to take that. And when, think about for people watching this right now, how much the stand up mean to you? You don't even care about money. I didn't care what happened to me at that time. I didn't care where I slept. When I would go on the road, we'd think I had a fucking, you know, who shows to an open mic on a Lamborghini?

1:38:18You know what I'm saying? Nobody, right? Nobody's funny. You know, nobody shows up to the land, an open mic on Lamborghini. Nobody. One kid, what I started with, he had a rich, what do you call those rich hop mamas he had? Oh yeah, sugar mamas? Yeah, he had a sugar mamas. This kid was horrible. He didn't impersonation, but it was all one. His resume, you opened it up. His bio was a living 3D resume. Whoa. She had made like a hundred copies of this fucking book that came out. There was him, Tony Montana, and him is like Charlie Chan and all of this. And that was his name. He's probably even not in the business anymore, but his name, it was like, thing, the man of a thousand voices, but in Denver, they said, but you only heard one.

1:39:03And I still remember him going down to the comedy works from the best clubs in the country at that time. This is 94. And him doing an open mic and me doing an open mic and me like doing okay. But he just go and bomb and he would come off the stage. This is this how crazy comedy is. And he would have his tape recorder, the old ones, and he would be pounding it. And I go, what's the matter? And he goes, this fucking tape recorder don't pick up the laughter. I'm not going. Oh my god. The only time this guy would call me up after that. Like I left, I was living in Seattle. And he go, I got to ask you a question.

1:39:39He goes, I just got down to coconut. He booked me as a headliner. And then after the first night, he booked me to a feature. He demoted me. Now I'm the MC and I'm seating people. Should I stay? Because in coconut, you had a seat people if you were the MC. You didn't know that? No. Those chains and flared. I don't even think they still opened. This how far along the goal was. So when you worked in coconuts, if you were the MC, you had a seat people. He got hired as a headliner. When he got there on Tuesday, he was the headliner. He ate such a bag of shit on Tuesday. They made him the fucking feature on Wednesday.

1:40:11He ate such a bag of shit on Wednesday. They made him the MC on. That's how bad this guy was. But he was filthy rich. The chick would get him suits and lights and unbelievable. He had a fucking, he had a guy on stage already. He has an open mic. He already had a sound guy.

1:40:32But people you fucking meet and this struggle, my friend. I know. It's interesting when you stay with them the whole time. One of the interesting things about being good friends with Greg, fits Simmons, is that we literally started out a week apart from each other. So we were there for all these crazy shots. We were there in a car once and we were driving in this gig and we were with this guy. And we're just talking about different stuff. And this guy was this little feeble guy with glasses. And we're talking about one guy was complaining about his girlfriend. She does this. He goes, well, my woman insists that I put a dildo in my ass.

1:41:10We're like, what? You put a dildo in your ass? It's like, yep, yep. She wants me to do it. And it's not bad. We're just in the car driving. And to this day, Greg and I will talk about that and just fucking cry laughing. We're like, what the fuck are you saying? She does what to you? Like those people, they're insane people. You mean like literal insane people. The open mic world is a fucking fantastic world. And it's funny as shit too. It would be a great sitcom. Yeah, so the single camera, like a, you know, like a Louis style. Come on. Let's just talk about the Sunday nights at the store we were at.

1:41:51When I used to host the 7 o 'clock, the 9th, the open mic. Yeah. And I quit because it's too much walking up and down the stairs. Three fucking minutes. I'm up and down at 8 ,000 calories. So as you gave me 10 to 12, but that helps you a lot too because you got loose, like fucking around in between the acts and, you know, making fun of things. Well, right there, I was working really close with Mitzi. And Mitzi was a confidence built. You know that. Yeah. She didn't have to give you a note. If you went up a her and killed, you got better. Yeah. Because the first couple of times in front of Mitzi, you were always like, kind of gulky.

1:42:26Yeah. So the more you go up in front of Mitzi on the Sunday, the more confidence you get. And I still remember going somewhere like 2002, like in the end, no to day. In Indiana, they used to have a comedy club there, a funny bone. And I was dating that crazy chick from Miss Shaw Walker from Michigan. And I'll never forget like 2000, maybe like 2000. And I'll never forget that I went there for a fucking showcase. And I'm not the type of guy that would open his mouth like that. He told me, come on Sunday and do 10. And if you're funny, I'll bring you back. I'm like, okay, and I went down. And after I did great, I did great.

1:43:08But after what he was like, well, I don't like him. I stopped him. I go, stop. I don't mean any disrespect. I perform in front of Mitzi, sure. Fucking three times a week. Shut the fuck up. You ain't gonna give me no fucking no, Tarzan. You're a no to day. You don't know dick about dick. I really did. He was a great guy. We both laughed about it. But in my mind, I had that confidence in my heart. Right. Save a bitch. I'm a front of Mitzi. Yeah. Save. Go fuck yourself. She was the ultimate mentor. She was. And that she gave me that. That was the other thing. Like she just, you know, when you're in front of her a lot, and she don't have to say nothing to you.

1:43:47Just you killing in front of her. That's it. I'm wearing my dick on my fucking shirt. I don't give a fuck. She also was the very best at taking comics and putting them in dangerous spots, taking people and putting them after people that they really probably shouldn't be following. Me? Yeah. Well all of us. She would put me after I rarer or that fucking dude. I've told you a thousand times. I still have nightmares about that dude. What's that? The brother with the dreads. God damn it. I just, Doug. I still have nightmares. Is it driving me nuts? He killing me. I can't remember his name. Me neither.

1:44:19Great kid. We'll figure it out. I can't even figure out what to tell Jamie to find him. Yeah. God damn it. It's just weed. It's a real problem. Don't point 20 shows. Bro, don't blend on the weed. I can pull his name out if I didn't have the word. Yeah, me. Not dad. I just threw out for brains. I'll fucking pull his name out. I just saw a TK Kirkland. Oh shit. On a podcast with, uh, I was dying a laughter with that motherfucker. God free. God free and TK Kirkland. I remember TK Kirkland from the store early days. Early days. He was always talking about him. He was always talking about him. Yeah, I like him a lot.

1:44:54I like him. Have you seen Eddie Griffin? What was the last time you saw Eddie? I see him online. I haven't seen him in forever. I want to see him. I send him messages. He won't return like messages. I liked. If he was in funny, he'd give you a big hug. Doug. I always loved that. Listen. I think that you and Eddie, and regardless of what you might say, it could be a good podcast with him. I would talk to Eddie Griffin for three hours. I think. Come on. Doug, how about the night we were behind the economy? Still tell these motherfuckers what he said to you. How much that Bruce Lee for a thousand guys.

1:45:25I was there with you. So I can't. I can. You can't. You can repeat this because I was there with you. I remember we walked the pink dot. We walked the pink dot and you're like, I don't know. I don't know about it. Remember, he just loved telling stories. And it didn't even matter if the story was true. I don't know. Did Bruce Lee fight a thousand guys? I don't know. I don't know what the fuck it was. It was so good. But you heard it too. Yeah. Okay. He made me the whole thing has happened. And while I'm working for the ultimate fighting championship, he's telling me about how Bruce Lee fought a thousand people.

1:45:54And my point of thought was talking about that. He was an actor. Bruce Lee is an innovator in martial arts. He's a hero. He's an amazing guy. But no, he didn't fight a thousand people. He was one guy and he hit him with a punch. I said, I still remember that speech. It was three in the morning. I was a little fucked up. But I would listen to that speech all day long, man. Eddie Griffin would describe to you in detail how they built the pyramids. Let me tell you about it. Eddie Griffin was there. I introduced myself to Eddie Griffin the first night I walked into the original. The first night I ever walked into the store was a Monday.

1:46:25And Eddie was there with Tupac. Not Tupac. Tupac. The kid who was... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, last dragon. Okay. The show's gonna hollum. He was in there with him. There was eight people in the audience. Bruce Lee Roy. Tom Barris was hosting. Wheels was there. And I was in on a Monday night. And I want Tom Barris put me up out of a favorite to nobody to himself. And Eddie saw me. Didn't say nothing to me. But then I got a showcase. And Eddie was there. And he told me that. And I'm gonna sit next to him. He's a good dude. He sat next to me when I was on stage. So no motherfuckers would talk to her.

1:47:07Yeah. And you did. They would laugh. The Todd did that for me. People would tell you to do that too. Like if guys, you knew that we're gonna showcase, you sit next to me and laugh. He was good to me. And then I bumped him, told him to play him one time. This is before 9 -11 when you could do whatever fuck you wanted to play. And I moved up to first class with him. He goes, just sit here. Stay here with me. And that was how I met Eddie. And I gave him a picture of Bruce Lee's grave. I had taken. Wow. And ever since that, we just hit it off. And he would always throw me little bones. And he would bump me for fucking six hours.

1:47:43But I never really get mad at him for that. His set on Def Jam to this day was one of the, at the time, I remember thinking, God, damn, this guy's talented. Remember he had shorts on? Do you remember that? Alexander Graham Bell invented the, what was the jump on? Tell him why because he was doing coke. Yeah. Right. Yeah. How did it go like, how high you got to be to be like, I want to talk to someone who's not even here. That was it. I want to talk to somebody who's not here. That was a great joke. Bro, he had some great bits, man. And he was so physical. He was real lean back then. Real real.

1:48:23Real physical on stage yet all this energy. I remember watching. I think I was living in New York at the time. I think I watched it on HBO. And I was like, holy fuck, this guy's good. You know, I still hear a lot. I was a fan of him when I first got to comedy. And I'm a fan of him still to this day. I just saw he's doing his show. The Brothers from St. Louis. The Wains Brothers? No. The other brothers. Your friends with the young, oh, the Tories. The Tories. Guy and Joe. Oh my God. The great. Joe was the warm up for Def Jam. Yeah. Yeah. Joe was the only guy that I ever saw kill and be yoked at the same time.

1:49:02This motherfucker would go on stage with like a vest on, built like Mike Tyson. Just jacked. And he would kill. I don't know how he did it. I gotta know, you're not even remotely self conscious. Jamar neighbors can do it too. Jamar neighbors goes on stage shirtless and he's fucking shredded. And it's funny. It works. I miss Jamar neighbors. I love Jamar neighbors. Where is he? He's back in Illinois. Oh, I thought he was down here with you guys. No, he came out. He spent some time here. He did the podcast. Like, what, like a year and a half ago? He's, I love that dude. All right. He's a legit boxer.

1:49:36You know, Jamar neighbors can box. I didn't know that. Show me video of him fighting. He's not amateur fights. Jamar neighbors can crack. No bullshit. No bullshit. He can box. That's crazy. Yeah, that's where that body's from. He does all these crazy calisthenics. If you go on his like Instagram, I think he's got all his crazy workouts he does. That's his serious shape. He looks strong as Bob. He's shredding. You see him on his Instagram. He's got like a video put up of him doing stand -up with a Mohawk. He glues a Mohawk to say. And he's just fucking ripped. Like, this is him boxing. That's Jamar.

1:50:12Dude, he's good man. He's like a good amateur boxer. He's very fast, too. I mean, how old is Jamar? He's got to be in his late 30s, right? No, I thought he was a little younger than that, right? How old is he? I don't know. I've known him forever. I don't know. He's got to be 35, right? 37. 37. Yeah, so he goes a little younger, 33. He's a good boxer, though. So it's very rare that some... But the guy toy was the first guy that I ever saw that went on stage with like a vest on. I was like, what? Look at him. He's Jamar. He's red. He's wearing white slavery. He's wearing Nazi hat. Look how shredded Jamar is.

1:50:55Oh, that's ridiculous. I'm telling you, he goes on stage looking like that and he kills. Malachi. I like that name. He's just a fun dude to be around. But find Guy Torrey. Dog, I still remember one of his bits. Or Joe Torrey. Joe Torrey. Joe Torrey's just bit when he warmed up him. Fucking Martin Moritz. How was that hell of a lineup, dude? That was my worst bombings of all time when I had to fall Martin Moritz at the store. Over and over and over again. And I'm gonna tell you who the best performance ever on fucking Def Jam. D .O. Hugley as a host. When he got a standing ovation, I never saw anything like that in my life.

1:51:38Yeah, how about as a host got a standing? Oh, I mean, ripped the fucking room apart. I will never forget that. Joe Torrey, ready for Joe Torrey? Yeah. I got a brother who's one old saved the whale, motherfucker. But I'm thinking about getting a gun. I'm dying to shoot a motherfucker, man. I could see me with a gun hanging outside. A ATM machine with a Tuxedo on. Come out of the bushes. I'm gonna shoot you. Something about a fucking buying a gun. And he wanted to shoot somebody. So he would hang out at an ATM with a Tuxedo on every night. I fucking loved that joke. And one of the guys said to him, and he's like, man, I haven't heard that in years.

1:52:19That's great. You just reminded me. He was brother with good dudes. You ever think about dudes who didn't make it where you can't understand how? Like, we are like, god damn, that guy was good. Like, what the fuck? I always use Regimen Fadden. Regimen Fadden is my favorite part. I do not know. I think you got into real estate or something. But Regimen Fadden in like 1992, when I was living in New York. My friend John, John Tobin, was opening up for Reggie at the Champaign Comedy Club. The Champaign Comedy Club was this dude. It was hilarious. It's old school black dude who owned it. He was like, no motherfuckers.

1:52:58He had rules. He goes, you don't say the bitch had a big ass. You say the woman had a wide behind. And he would like, tell guys how to talk comedy. But it didn't matter with Reggie. Reggie's act was clean. And I'm telling you this motherfucker murdered. I was in this room watching him. John had gone up. He brought him up. We sat and watched Reggie. And he murdered. I mean to the point where I was like, I'm looking at the next Eddie Murphy. I'm looking at the next superstar. This is a can't go wrong talent. He had this joke about meeting a pretty girl and she got an ugly friend that you can't shake.

1:53:38And he was the ugly, he has a girl smashed through his window. And he's physically like, he burst through the window on stage. And where are you? And it was just like, he was so funny man. He was so talented. And I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. People changed. People see things that I don't want to do. Cory Miller was one of those guys. What happened with him? Zoo. Little Zoo, remember? Yeah, but what happened with him? He just went back to raise his kid. And Atlanta. He still does comedy. Still does comedy. Atlanta. I know somebody's slow in the college and he said to say hello to me.

1:54:13People just changed their priorities man. It happens all the fucking time. You know, you think about the two dudes who were in Guns and Roses. The one guy is he that just left. What does he feel like today? You know, didn't you have a guy out from Sound Guard in here? Jason Everman. Yeah. Jason Everman. Was he an original guy or? He was in Nirvana. Okay. And then he got kicked out of Nirvana and he was in Sound Guard and then he got kicked out of Sound Guard. How do you think he feels today? He was not very happy. Oh. Well, now he's happy. Now he's fine. I mean, he really is very much at peace guy.

1:54:46Well, you make peace. But he's also had like a very fascinating life. He means a special forces guy. He went to, did tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, multiple tours in Afghanistan. Went to Columbia. Got a degree at Columbia. He's a brilliant guy. So, like, I think he's a very thoughtful person and his path was a great path for him. But at the time, he felt like total dark shit. They just honored the guy from the original bass player from Sound Guard. And he was like on the first two hours. I was always wondered what happened to that fucking dude and how they feel now that they were in an opportunity of being this monster of a band, you know.

1:55:28Isn't that the craziest thing about artists, guys like Chris Cornell? You know, who's so fucking talented and so like universally loved and still takes his own life. That's just shows you like how fragile mental health is and people's states of mind. You know, you know, you could just not see the thing. I mean, that motherfucker was beloved. Like his voice was fucking insane. It was, it had so much power. He's a really fucking spoon man. Come on. Are you kidding me? And the shit you do with this? I remember when I was listening to spoon man. Remember I had that suburban with all the big speakers in it and shit.

1:56:11Yes. We were sitting in, it was a Denali. It was a Yukon Denali. And we were sitting in the Denali in the comedy store parking lot. Just jammed a spoon man. Spoon man. And you would, you would, like, you were screaming. If you don't like this song, you're not real. You're not real talk soccer. You don't like spoon man. You out of your fucking mind. You were just so into this song. And I still remember the night you came up to me out of cold and you go, how can somebody listen to the Beatles after they listened to Blow Up the Outside World by Sound Guard? And I said to you, I go, you know what's crazy that you could tell Chris was a Beatles fan when you hear that jam.

1:56:52But I get what you were saying that day. Like, it was such. I changed my assumptions on that. I don't, I became much bigger Beatles fan later on. Me too. But back then, but Blow Up the Outside World is a masterpiece. That song's a masterpiece. His voice is great on it. It's a masterpiece of sound, everything about it. It's like a spiritual experience that song. That song is a fuck. And if you're high, if you're like sitting in your living room and you smoke a joint, you put the headphones on, you listen to that. Oh my God. That song's incredible. It's crazy how I had views. I hated the Beatles.

1:57:30Yeah. Just give me some of that.

1:57:50A speciality. If you're high and you listen to this, Joey.

1:57:58There's some music that's just accentuated by weed.

1:58:56Oh. What a song. I like it towards the end when they do the drum thing and he says that he holds that one note. Yeah. Oh my God. Keep it going, Jamie. Keep it going.

1:59:12I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one.

1:59:57I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one.

2:01:10I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. I'm going to have a good one. And the last one. somebody put an extra John Lennon the day after he got shot because we didn't want to hear that argument No, everybody got sick of that fucking argument, all right, and I love John I don't want people you know I love all those albums fucking shave fish and all that stuff while my guitar gently weeks Oh, I love all that shit. Oh my god. I love the Beatles from Rev. Rev. on one state did the ass and the start of smoking dope I like all that shit. That's really good stuff Before that she loves you.

2:02:02Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. I get it, but no It was a different time yeah different time of the world when they went to India and smoke with that Maharishi and started playing all that shit and opened up their horizons They were good man. Isn't interesting that the kids that grew up that were into like AC DC Led Zeppin those were not necessarily kids that were into the Beatles My my crew was all like Jim Morrison was the doors Van Halen Led Zeppelin Van Halen was current that was like the current band That everybody was into but it was all bands. It was always played stairway to heaven or Somebody wanted to get crazy you play free bird When that guitar solo goes on at free bird when you're 16 years old and you listen to that song you're like holy shit To this day that that is in my opinion.

2:02:55That's the greatest guitar solo of all time That guitar solo is fucking insane. There's so much good music so much good music It's so like you get caught up with one thing with during the pandemic. I got back into music And I put on I bought vinyl. I got into vinyl again. I love it, you know, and it's so weird how An album will take you back like I got an album now. It'll take me back for a week Like I'll play the album when I'm writing when I'm doing shit. Yeah, take you back to those days I just but you also hear things. That's why I don't like doing music reviews and shit Because I learned more about the music the more I listen to it Like every time I put on like I don't put on Led Zeppelin normal But you're in your car you had it back you crank it up.

2:03:42You always hear something you're having to hear it Her wow, I used to always crank hold out of love when I was on my way to the store all those all that shit But that was the song that was a song that I wanted to hear when I was on my way to the store That fucking jam. Oh my god, and then there's like a minute and a half of fuck sounds in that song a minute and a half like Little little symbols in the background Zeppelin to his very interesting because it's dirty It's dirty. Yeah, here we go. Give me some of this. It's dirty This is the get wrapped up to go to the comedy store song And this sounds sucks.

2:04:42You got to listen to this and like real speakers Something about the way it's coming through my ears sounds like dog shit. Maybe I need new headphones Some songs on YouTube for some reason Don't sound great when we run it through here. Maybe it's because they don't want you to be able to do that Maybe they wanted to distort so you can't like just I think I take the music down the cable Sometimes something something fine. Maybe we should get a better cable I just I don't know why something's some perfect and other things don't should we replace the cable? It might not fix it. Oh, there's also the thing.

2:05:17Okay, so it could be that but it would be nice if we could hear it like really good That seems like it should be possible It also could be like I have to find a good source You know right so some of these might not be the best they're probably compressed to right. Yeah Keep it going though me here It's better that's better I had a 2002 Toyota Supra Turbo that I got the craziest sound system Ever put into this fucking thing. I just this is like when I was on fear factor and I was like What do you have like what can you do and they said we can engineer a sound system just for your car? And I'm like oh my god, let's do it and they put like there was a subwoofer under the front or under the back seat Like they couldn't push the back seat back and these crazy speakers in the dash and put speakers here and speakers there and It would have that you put a microphone in your seat so they can like Tune to your seat.

2:06:24I don't know how they did it but when I would play this in that car The music would dance around the car like you could hear the guitar from over here You know what I would really hear it in was seal when you kiss by a rose There's sound coming from all over the place in that song Well, what's that taping call that style of recording because that's on that out Because even when you listen to a new word kid and you had two sets of speakers. Oh, oh Yeah, that's what I was just saying. Yeah, but I was saying is my car. Do you remember that super that To Toyota 911 turbo. That's what it was. That was a super turbo 911 turbo that had a 2002 911 turbo I had that crazy sound system in it.

2:07:08Yes, and that sound system the sound would bounce around with that song So that was like my warm -up song when I was listening to that song and I was driving down sunset Don't don't don't don't don't don't it was like coming and all that with the humping sounds like It's all written around the car. Give me some of that. So when you do acid or something like that That's what you dance dance. You start hearing that fucking those little speakers. I've always thought that they recorded Like thinking that you were gonna do acid like pink Floyd. I know recorded Thinking that you were gonna be tripping.

2:07:41Oh for sure. They fuck with you like that, you know, you got it I was looking for a stereo mix to see if I could find one that was gonna do it better What was the name of the kids speaking of with? When you got to LA you bought a nice car and then you didn't want it no more. Who did you sell that super to? Oh the medium yeah, he disappeared. No, which it wasn't that was a Volkswagen I had a Volkswagen Corrado And he only had a certain amount of money and I said okay What was his name? I can forget his name. Did he date Kelly Kirsten? I don't believe so, did he? But he was a nice kid nice kid. I was just starting to make some money So he was funny.

2:08:19Yeah, what happened to him man? Some of them just the pressure the overwhelming pressure of constantly performing it just it gives them anxiety and they'd never survive it They just he cracked some here it is So this is me coming down Laurel Canyon. I would always time it I knew like when to start playing it. I would start playing it when you hit that store You know the little country store when I hit that that's when I'd start the song Come by the time I'm snaking all the way down Laurel and I get to the bottom and I take that turn You're playing two different things Fuck it actually Let's try to show you Laurel Canyon.

2:09:06Oh, oh I see it This was the way I would come over from the valley But I didn't take the 405 I'd go this way. Fuck this line. Yeah, the traffic This was just like the perfect let's fucking go song This song made me smoke pop It's not over I think it's winding down You hear that I was gonna bring this up you can you hear in the background you can hear his voice that goes here Yeah, that's a part of what happened with the tape. It's like a accident. Oh No way tape is tied stored too tightly kind of me. Well, it's perfect. Yeah, sounds perfect Oh Here we go cock suckers She's from me God damn it And they'll never ever be anything like this Every cat well, it was so unique for the time to this is the second out this is the second fucking out I'm hooked on the fifth out now.

2:11:14I've been listening to presence lately. Mmm kill these last time The ocean for your life That's pop out of the holy that was the second out that will be over the top that a to Z Dancing days. Oh my god. Oh my god. No court. Listen. I was such a fucking Half a little fact when I was a kid that when I first got led Zeppelin to I would play dancing days Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you don't have to go then it's supposed to be No quarter and then the ocean I would skip over no quarter Scary as fucking song they had I only listen to it when I got a little old. I was like, okay I'm ready for this I love the immigrant song immigrant song I'm three Listen and that's what really shows you Every album they kind of changed it up.

2:12:03They got a hillbilly song Called fucking gallows pole It's a hillbilly song or a country song. Can you gallows? Polic can you as Jamie put on let's the beginning of this chat. Yeah, and it just picks up I used the equalues to this me and Stevie we used the equalues with ball of poop off and what's this off poop off? Fuck POP over that fucking liquid And we would fucking go over and over in fact I still got a busted. I think a vein from the quailer in this Little gold That's that does have a country kind of influence beat up a little Jamie get broken and here we go mmm I'm burning a little baby and say, give me the gallows, go.

2:14:05Yes, I've brought you, give me the gallows, go. Hey man, hey man, should you hear me? I think I see my sister coming, running with me. Here we go, full boat, Joe Rogan. Here we go.

2:14:39Please take him, send him to the rubble this man man. Hey man, hey man, upon your face a storm, tell me that I'm free to run. Well, forget it all, run.

2:15:00Oh yes, he got a fine sister, she won't mind, could the gold.

2:15:28You're my good boy little heart, give me the gallows, go. Whoo! Little son of different, beautiful. I used to get fucked and this Alms got immigrant song, this and the best leds up in the song after all those songs. Jimmy Page's best work since I've been loving you. Oh yeah, shit. I'm telling you, they came up with something different every fucking out. I love music today, I can't also believe I just saw that picture for the first time with James Brown's mug shot. Is that from the arrest in 91? Yeah, that was 91. He hit her and then they chased him in the truck and shit. My favorite thing is when he got in trouble then he was on some talk show, like right afterwards with sunglasses on.

2:16:19That's right, he was fucked up. He was fucked up. Yeah, that's his mug shot. Oh, yeah. What was, so the other one was a different time he got arrested, it was a cart, there's something else I think. Was that something else? Oh, that's a different one. See if you could find the interview with him. There's a hilarious James Brown interview where he's like clearly high as kite and he's saying in and having a good time. It's very, very funny. That's it, CNN, Janice Brown. I'm brother, you ignored next week? Yes. Oh, you are coming. Yeah, it's like, give me some volume of this. This is amazing. He's got these incredible sunglasses on.

2:17:01The judges that Brown denies, he was released yesterday on $15 ,000. Look at him. And he joins us for, from Atlanta to discuss the charges and we welcome you James Brown. And I just settled again. Living in America.

2:17:18Nothing wrong at all. You're not in any difficulty, but you're out on bond. No, I'm not. Have all the charges been dropped? Yeah, I'm out of love. Well, are you out on love or out of love? Which is it? I don't love. All those from night to night, you find me. Now, this isn't the first time you and your wife have had a problem. Are the two of you going to be able to work this out? I talked about some music. You want to talk about music and you don't want to talk about what happened? No, it's all over. Well, let's talk about your tour. What are you leaving? We're leaving tomorrow. And where are you going?

2:17:55Rio de Janeiro and São Paulo. Brazil. Your fans will have read all about this, James. Aren't you concerned about that? No, that's the catamuchia. No. Daga Shia. I'm concerned because there's nothing wrong. And what are you going to say to your fans when they ask for some questions? I'm going to say I feel good. I'm going to say I feel good. I'm going to say I feel good. I'm going to say I feel good. I'm going to say I feel good. Second time we've heard that in two days. That's very soon. Now, don't leave us, James. You stay right there. I'm going to leave what we have to talk about. Well, tell us a little bit about what you're going to be doing.

2:18:30I know we're going to have to tour. What's that? What are you going to be doing on this tour? I'm going to be doing... Papa's got a brand new bag, a living in America. Sex machine. Get up off of that thing. I feel good. Jam. Now, I don't want to stay in there. You have already... James, I have to ask you one serious question here. I want to understand you already have started a divorce proceedings. Does that mean that you're now eligible? Yes, I'm out. I'm singing. I want a mango. You want a mango? He's got blood on his head out there. Why do you think that is? What did you say? The women love you when you get out there.

2:19:05Why is that, ladies? Well, I'm asking you. Huh? Because I love good. I don't think that is. I don't smell good. I feel good. And you sing good. And make love good. Oh. Well, there we are. We don't have to ask anybody else. We got that from the source. There you are. Now, you're involved in publishing a gospel magazine. The second coming.

2:19:32It's out of Augusta, Georgia, it's ankle. Joseph P. Young is an editor. And James is behind one of his biases. And we're doing a fantastic job. The second coming. It features on this week. I think we have the Pope. And I believe the Williams brothers. And next week we're going to have a Revan out of shop. And I think on the cover. And we'll be doing a lot of good things. And hopefully we'll get brother Ted Turner on the cover. Ted, wait. James, we want to thank you for having for being with us today. And getting it to the opposite. Oh, is there something more you want to say that we can cover?

2:20:11Yeah, I've just got out of things. Okay, go ahead. I love America. I love everybody. Well, it's good. It sounds to me that you're not troubled by any of this at all. This is a man's world. Thanks for reminding us of that. Every once in a while we forget. We remember it again. Thanks for watching the tour. Thanks for being with us. I guess we're going to hear lots more. Absolutely wiggle.

2:20:38There's a guy that didn't give too much. He's coked up to the guilt. God knows what else isn't his fucking sister. Look at him. He was just good as a guy. What was the concert in Zaire? Yeah, the Muhammad Ali. Yes. Jamie played that. That was incredible. See if you can find that. Because that concert was insane. What year was that? 74. Wow. Look at him. He's fucking drenched. Oh my god. Yeah. That's the one with the cape. Yeah. This man will make your bladder splatter. This man will freeze your knee. If you will, let's all welcome the world's Godfather of Seoul. Soul Brother Number One. Jamie Brown.

2:21:37Jamie Brown. Jamie Brown. Jamie Brown.

2:21:54Goddamn.

2:22:00You are like the Goddamn.

2:22:18You know Joe this guy was the real deal. He was a real deal. What did he do up in Boston? He has history of boy. He did something. He saved. He stopped the riot. He was like, oh, he performed. After a cop shot a black kid and the city was on the riot and they told him not to perform. He was on perform and something. He did something. The night James Brown saved Boughton. Yes. Very interesting. Oh, there's a movie about it. Wow. Two days after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s assassination, singer James Brown performs at the Boston Garden. Oh, wow. Two days. That's insane. Oh my God. Yeah, he did something.

2:23:04Wow. Okay. I'll check that out. These guys were different era, different world pioneers, real pioneers. You know, they were running against a different. I watched that fucking thing again a couple of weeks ago. The Green Mile, whatever the Green Book. You know, that dude's in the South. He fucked and wanted to go sing in the South. They wouldn't let him fucking. They wouldn't put him in a green room. They wouldn't let him perform and eat in a dining room with other people. That was a different fucking world, man. And these guys had so much courage. Jackie Robinson, the face that I was fault. How about I'll be changing his name in the middle of it and then not going into the Vietnam war.

2:23:44They won't let him fight for three years and during the middle of his prime. Fucking crazy. It's crazy. So you really got to nod to these guys because man, they came up in a tough time. Then I always see those pictures like him, Jim Brown and Muhammad Ali and they all got together. You know, it's pretty impressive, man. Different type of savages. It's a different world. It's imagine being a kid in like the 1960s when you see Hendrix for the first time. There was, and you're, if you were 15 years old, five years before Hendrix, there was nothing like that. Nobody prepared anybody for anything like that.

2:24:29I saw a lot of shit when I came from, I learned a lot, man. And that shit has always stuck with me. The stuff I saw, you know, hence tremendous. When's it available, may? May second. You could order it now and Amazon, like pre -order it. When can you get the audiobook? May second. Oh, everything may second. Nice. Fucking tough to write, man. I'm sure. You know how it is with these fucking things. You got to dig deep and ask why it's so easy. Yeah, book is a lot of soul searching too, I'd imagine. Yeah, no. While I was doing it, I was fucked up as hell. That's why I figured I'd do it then. You did it while you were getting off the benzos?

2:25:11Yeah. Well, I just moved. I did the knee surgery. It was like a thousand things. I didn't even know I was withdrawing. Like I said, until I went to, I did the knee surgery and some of that with my heart. I wanted to dock this cave in and we started talking and he kept looking at me weird. He was a Spanish dude and I fucking, he gave me his card and I called him when I got out and he goes, come see me. Something wasn't right that night. He did a physical and I went back to see him blood, that type of shit and he goes, everything was right. You know, everything was okay. I don't know what, he put me on a heart monitor and he goes, you're all right, it's fine.

2:25:50I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And his assistant said, are you still taking the Xanics? And I go, yeah, and she goes, that's what's going on with you. Look at the charts, Doc. He's been on them since 2012 and I go, no, I just been using them since the past. And then the pandemic started and that's when she goes, no, you got to stop withdrawn. I didn't even know. I just had a horrible fucking feeling. How long do you think it takes when you're on those things before you're addicted? Two weeks maybe. Really? Well, I didn't see how it would take him and then forget about him. I would put him in my top pocket and then go to the store and not take him and then I would just wash him.

2:26:30There was a lot of times I would take him, I would bring it with me. In case I got like a little fucking, you know, but Joe, the funny thing about this, if I tell you this goes back to when I was a kid, in the simplest way, you ready for this? I was a little fucking fruitcake when I came from Cuba. You know, I stuck the pacifier, I thought I was six. So after like I was three, they took him away from you, but I'd hide him in strategic places. And whenever shit got danger, I'd go over, suck it, put it down. And I'd fucking go back to what was going on here. So when I lived in the 88th Street in New York City, my mom had a jukebox at the bar.

2:27:11So every week the guy comes in and he gives you the old 45s. Is that what they call 45s? So I don't know what they were. They were all different types. Spanish music, you know, black music, rock music. My mother had a great taste in the jukebox. So I would have fucking boxes of singles. I lived on the third floor. And if you go to 205, 205 West, even today, you pull up to it. You see where I live, where I grew up right down the third floor, but you see that there's a parking garage there. They never really, it's like an old building. Now it's redone again. They did something. When we were kids, we played back there.

2:27:49So whenever I had anxiety, I would go upstairs to suck on the pacifier. I didn't, I wasn't cool enough to put them on the street yet. I would later in time, I would put them on the street and I would suck on them when I was playing basketball or something. If things that they call the follow me and I would panic, I would go upstairs and I had a window that they couldn't see from below because it was the back of the building. So it was like an indentation and all our windows. You can't see that from there. So I would take those 45s and I would whip them. They're like fucking boomerangs. I would just sit there for 10 minutes and just whip them, whip them, whip them and I'd hear people downstairs, what the fuck?

2:28:30Stop it, you fucking scumbag. What's going on? And then I run downstairs and all these kids would be holding onto their heads and shit. They're like, where'd you go? And I go, I want upstairs to go to the bathroom. You missed it. The crazy guys throwing records at us. Do you know how long I did that for? I did that for about a year. I threw records at those motherfuckers. I caught them. I did so many things to those kids. They never knew. It was me but back to it. That's how I started going upstairs to suck on the pacifier. So I always had something. You know what I'm saying? Like I always had my little one.

2:29:01It's something to like help you out. I always had something to smoothen the hums and the mumps. I didn't know that should exist. I ate those when you did coke. When you do coke, that's when people give you those things. Oh, you didn't have a hard on take to it ease and you'll get a hard on your fall sleep. I never knew they were treated for anxiety or whatever. Give us a fuck when you're on the street doing drugs. What they treated for. There's a lot of people with anxiety. That's a problem. Getting off of that seems like it's one of the worst things you get off. Imagin' them all. No, man. Because now I deal with it so far.

2:29:33No, I'm talking about withdrawal. The shit you went through. Although withdrawal is horrible. But it's funny now when I do shit. I always remember like I had to do something in the city a couple of weeks ago. I didn't go for an audition. As I was putting on my suit, I go. Insert Xanix now. This is when I would be putting Xanix. I would, my anxiety would start creeping up on me. I lose my breath. Like my breath would go away from me. And once I'd start panicking, forget. I even had to take Xanix to go to Jiu -Jitsu for a while. Jesus. Because of my anxiety and Jiu -Jitsu. Now I have no anxiety and Jiu -Jitsu.

2:30:09Now I gotta Jiu -Jitsu, I just get beat up. That's it. It's great. I go in there and I breathe. It's fantastic. So you have to work at anxiety. You have to really breathe. I did a lot of breath work. I slept a lot. I went back to my Boulder Roots and I'd meditate a little bit, which helps. I don't get on the computer in the morning anymore. That helps a lot. I fucking get a cup of coffee and I sit on my balcony and look at the mountains. 20, 30 minutes. We're in no rush. We got nowhere to be. I do a little grateful shit, but I'm grateful for. I pray for you. I pray for my friends. I don't pray, but I don't pray for my friends.

2:30:49All right. You know, I'm Cuban. I got my little thoughts, but I'm still like that. Boulder Buddhist shit has always. I can't cop to being a Buddhist, but sometimes I think about it. So before I do anything, I make sure I'm good in the mornings. I'm grounded. I used to get up and go around the fucking computer. So I do a bunk. That ain't gonna do nothing. Come on, man. Come on, man. You can't do that shit. You can't do it. And this is what you were saying before. As you get older, you start learning. You learn more about what works and you try to share it with people. You know, you're like, listen, man, don't get up anymore and put that TV on.

2:31:26And don't get up no, but that's what I can compute it. Save yourself. I realize something else. For the last year, I've been eating a fruit bowl for breakfast. Every morning, raspberries, bananas, pears, cherries, whatever. Whatever I could get on. Guess what, man? I don't need sugar at night. I set the weirdest thing. Even when I get, I can smoke 15 joints. I don't need sugar at night no more. Because I got rid of that sugar cream in the morning, I think. I don't know. Well, it's definitely the healthiest way to get sugar. I don't know. I don't think anybody says fruit's bad for you. They do.

2:32:00So for who? Yeah, fruit's great. Listen, if you would take 22 aspirins a day, you're gonna die. You want to ask for it ain't gonna fucking kill you. Yeah. Two apples ain't gonna fucking kill you, you know? And Joey got a wrap. What's up? We're gonna get out of here. We got a dinner. We just got it. No, it's already 4 .30. It's 4 .30? Yeah, that's it. I'm gonna see you. Oh, do you want me to see me in a couple hours? Okay. Who's coming tonight? I was doing a show with us. Russell's here. Russell's here. Cause Tony, Brian Simpson, a son, a son of mod. Okay. You and me. Ron White. Ron Mike come down.

2:32:38Now, Ron was sick. He's been sick for a couple days. Hopefully he's feeling better. I'll call him up. He looks good, man. Duncan. Call Duncan up. Yeah, I'd like to see him. Yeah, for sure. I want to thank laughing gas. They send you a bag. Oh, Christine's coming down tonight too. Christine is coming down. Good to see you. What do you call him? Christine to pee. Okay. I'll call Christine. Okay. I know it's one of those that she gets pissed off at. I don't know what he's saying. Yeah, she don't like one. Okay. I love you. I love you. Thank you very much. Thank you. And everybody, tremendous. The book is out May 5th.

2:33:08May 2nd. May 2nd. Pre -order Amazon, Barnes & Noble. Thrift .com. And you saved no delivery charge. Ron, brickbook .com. All right. Bye. I love you. I love you. Appreciate you. Appreciate you. Appreciate you being a stable part. We have fun, man. Bye everybody.