#1990 - Bert Kreischer

24:01Like, it was like the craziest thing. So we go to the next screening. And, uh, Kale, our producer, pulled me aside and he goes, I'm going to ask you to sit in the back. I said, what? And he goes, he kind of affect the way people watch the movie. So what do you mean? He goes, I don't know if they're fucking crying like it's Cape Fear, but gay. He goes, fucking sit in the back. So I'd like to start by sat in the back. But I get emotional watching the movie because I feel like, I feel like I'm watching a highlight reel. Like I remember doing all these things and now they're all cool. And so I was like, I don't know, I guess, I don't know.

24:30I think I watched the movie. I guess I would. But Mark's not going to watch it, secret time. Well, that's not very secret. And I get both perspectives. Like you made it. It seems weird that he would like, he's trying to like enforce that on you. No, no, he was just like, he was like, you're cool with that. Like I've heard a few people like, like, like there are people like, do you listen to your own podcast? No. Okay, I can throw on a whole. But I might, if it's like, if like it's a Huberman podcast or one of those ones where I'm going to try to implement whatever they're talking about. So maybe with those, I would listen to it again just to try to remember.

25:11Yeah. And write, chit down, you know, because he gives you so many different, like, beneficial things. It's like, you have to kind of go back and write him down and try to keep track of him. Like there's certain people who can listen to their own podcast. Like I can throw on an old tube air from during the pandemic. And I will, it will like, it's like a warm blanket. I remember that day. I remember that. Like it's fun. So I'm going to, I'm going to sit and watch myself in the movie theater. I want to hear, I want to see 750 people. Why not? Yeah, right? Here's my story. I'm going to tell you. Dude, it's just weird that people would think that that's weird.

25:46It's like, of course you want to see your movie. Yeah. You want to see people see your movie too. They said to me, when are you getting to the red carpet? And I said, well, the movie starts to set in the red carpet. It was at three. So maybe like, two thirty. And then like, wait, what do you mean? I go, it's my, it's a premiere of my movie. I want to be on the red carpet as long as I can. And then like, no, you need to show up at like six o 'clock. And then you're the last one on. And I wait, wait, I'm going to miss all the people. Like, I thought I'd be like, hey, welcome to the red carpet. You know, like, so can you see it?

26:14Oh, shit, give them hug and see people. And then like, no, you're, you're in a movie now. You need to be like, and I was like, oh, that's not how I'm going to do it. So I changed the red carpet. I changed it. Really? Yeah, fucking just changed it. I was like, that's not how we're doing it. We're doing it like waste management. It's a fucking party. People are drinking beers, fans have access. Let's fucking throw back. And I'm going to be here the whole time. I'm going to fucking host it. I don't give a shit. Like, I'm a fucking party. If Snoop Dogg comes walking down the red carpet, you don't think I'm going to run over to take a picture with him?

26:42Come on. You know me, Joe. I am not. I am not. I'm not, I'm not like a... Play it cool, guys. I'm not a play cool guy. I don't know how to play it cool. I do it the way I do it. I like it. You only get one run at this fucking life. Yeah, also like, fuck playing it cool. Dude, just be whoever you are. Do you know what it was? I was... I've been trying to work this as a bit, a little bit, but I can't. I had a weird morning. I had no shade on anybody. I had a weird morning where I worked out with Arnold Schwarzenegger and I ran into Edward and Norton at breakfast within an hour. Like, in Santa Monica, it was really crazy.

27:19Now, I watched two arguably movie stars, movie stars, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Edward and Norton interact in public. Edward and Norton's cool fuck. He's dude fight club, one of my favorite movies ever. The one where he plays the guy with the two accents. That's fucking... He's an awesome dude. But when I recognized him and I gave him energy, like when I recognized him, you just see him just be like, oh, yeah, okay, cool. Like, just kind of like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Arnold Schwarzenegger. When he gets recognized, he gives you... He matches your energy. He gives you the thing you want.

27:51The moment you want, when he comes up on TV and people go, I met Arnold Schwarzenegger, they go, how was he? Not one part? Well, there's maybe I'm sure there's people that say bad things. But like, everyone I met, when I watched him interact with people, fucking loved him. He was the coolest dude. He was...you know what he was, Joe? He was like a movie star. He was like a...like, he brought the like 1980s. It's good to see you. Hey, Bart, come here. Let me tell you. I'm better accents. But he's like, can I just tell you, I think, with some sensitive people, I think your happy, fun guy energy sometimes throws people off.

28:30You could be there like, you got to get out of here. You know, you...because you're like, oh my god, it's fucking Edward. I went like this, Joe. Oh! Exactly. You like, dude, that guy can't handle that. He's a really nice guy. I had him on the podcast. He's really interesting. For real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, he's a...he's dark. He is. He's my Hulk. He's the best Hulk. He's the best Hulk. He's the best Hulk. Yeah, he's the best Hulk. Dude, that movie where he does the dude with two accents, you know, the middle of the song. But that Marr -Broughlow Hulk is pretty fucking good too. Pretty fucking good.

29:02I will not, yeah. He's a fucking toss up, dude. It's a toss up. And the Avengers... And the Avengers, my guy. When Leanne dumped me, when Leanne dumped me, I watched Fight Club on repeat, over and over and over and over again. When they play the Pixies at the end of the fucking movie, where is my mind? And he's sitting... Dun -dun -dun -dun -dun -dun -dun -dun. And the bow and buildings are crumbling. Yeah. And the head nor is my mother fucker. He's a dude. I love that guy. But you're right. And my energy might have fucking freaked him out. I freaked out Tom Cruise's real bad. He probably freaked people out, man.

29:30He probably freaked people out. You got a lot going on. There's a lot happening. It's all positive, but it's like for some people, there's too much sensory input here. Yeah. I gotta get out of here. Leanne says I cast a large wake. That's a good way of putting it. That's a healthy way of putting it. Yeah. It was really tough doing the movie because everyone was fucking Eastern European. And my sense of humor is not Eastern European. Did they understand? No. No. No. They thought the words, I guess, when you... Look, I'm not an expert. Put the words in the Slavic language or whatever. They speak in Serbia to explain me.

30:11The words they use are unpredictable. Explosive. I think those are the words that you would use that personality. And they're also like... There was a scene in the movie with my co -star that is in order to do it, she had to be put into a cast and she couldn't move. And she wasn't comfortable doing it with me because the words to describe me are... He's unpredictable. You don't know what he's gonna do. I think in English, I just think there's a horrible thing to say, but I think our language is more slangy. So we get things a little easier. I know when I was in Russia, they didn't have a lot of slangs.

30:49That wasn't their thing. In the communist government, you want to make sure your words mean what you say. So that's why it's funny when I said I was the machine. Because it's the craziest thing you'd say to someone, your car. And then you're like, yeah. He's a car. He's a machine. He's the machine. It was just funny that I would say that because they don't slangs aren't their thing. So... This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. Tax season is already stressful. You shouldn't have to worry about identity theft on top of everything else. And trust me, it's a big worry. Especially since during tax season, your sensitive info does a lot of traveling to places you can't control.

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34:01It's incredibly untamed. Oh, isn't that mean car? Yeah, in Russian? Yeah, yeah. La Machina. And I just walked in the drawing center. I'm a car. Isn't that in John Wick, too? Yeah, I think it might be. It calls the dude up, says, you have La Machina. You have my car. Remember, the scene where he's got the fucking 69 Mustang? Dude, let me tell you something. Kiana Reeves? That's the motherfucker. When you have to do an action scene and then you watch John Wick, you're like, uh, that's learning the ballet. Like that guy, those things he does in that movie, they are, I would argue, I would be cool.

34:51Like someone like you who's in the martial arts and knows how to use his body, I'd be interested to see you. That would be a cool thing to see you do one of the John Wick sequences. Like, would you, does that interest you at all? Does that like badass sequences that he does? Like movies? No, no, no, no, no. Just like just for like to fun. Like, you know, we go out and we shoot with Taren. Uh -huh. And like we learn the John Wick guns and stuff. Right. If they had a class where you could just go, hey man, for like this week we're going to teach you a John Wick sequence. Just to see if you could learn it.

35:21Because it's really complex. A very simple fight scene. I punched like three dudes on our movie. Because I don't, I just, I'm not, I get over excited and I just would punch them. And then we're like cage fighters so they're like, I don't give a fuck, just hit me. I'd rather you hit me than it not look good. Right. But what John Wick does, I couldn't do that. I was like, some assaults and sliding your leg underneath, people's legs to leverage them. No, especially in the first movie. Look at this. And John Wick won that scene where it goes through the disco, the Red Circle Club. That fucking scene is insane.

36:01Yeah. I mean, but here's what's weird about it. Look, I love that movie. Yeah. But why? It's the sexy assassin that you've root for. The whole thing is like, have we forgiven his past where he worked for the Russian mob and killed how many fucking people that didn't deserve to be killed? Like he was the guy you sent in the kill people. It's the weirdest sort of hero that's ever existed. So because it's so satisfying because they killed his puppy. Dude, they killed you. That's why we like him. They killed his dog. It's one of the fucking greatest scenes ever in a movie that sets up what the movie is about.

36:49When the Russian guy is talking to his son and he punches his son and he said, what, I stole a fucking car. And he punches his son in the stomach and then he pops open the liquor and he goes, my son, it's not what you did. It's who you did it too. Yeah. And he goes, who that fucking nobody? And he just goes, that fucking nobody is John Wick. It's one of the greatest fucking scenes ever to set up how the movie is going to set up. It's a nice jacket. Thanks.

37:31Like in this, yeah, what the fuck is going on? Yeah. Should I go? No. I didn't just show up, those guys are not up to date. They go, English please, come on. They go, dad. What did I do? They're frenues, I'm a bull. We can put you out. No one's so shit.

37:54I'm not talking about that Atlantic city. What the, you mean the relios, so I stole a fucking car? Oh fuck. Well, right, you're mistaken.

38:27It's not what you did, son. The anglers, missus. It's who you did it too. The fucking nobody. The fucking nobody is John Wick. Dude, what a cool fucking scene. What a fucking cool scene. Look at this. Oh fuck, look at this. My movie's not this good, Joe. It's not this good. The sexy assassin. You just look at his body. You just awoke in the sexy assassin. It isn't a good fucking scene. The scene gets even better, the whole thing is sometimes like when they explained who John Wick is, funeralism. Not fucking movie was so fun, but it's like, why is that fun? Why do you root for him? Why have you moved the food?

39:18For this guy to just kill everybody over his dog? Yeah, it's like just to get to this one guy to get to revenge That guy is the same guy from Game of Thrones Yes, he plays a bad guy. Oh good. Yes, he does the Game of Thrones character. Oh my god I don't I'm I may have a hard time ever seeing him as anything else than the guy that ate his dick on Game of Thrones Spoiler alert Oh Are you Game of Thrones guy loved it dude? Were you house a drag this guy? I love both of me too. Yeah, they're great I love that they're both great. Yeah, oh, they're so fun. They're both really good. I mean since you can't fault it Super solid.

40:01I think it takes a long time to make one of those though, you know Those that is gonna be like Game of Thrones is it must be like one of the most complex shows to ever Cory graph and film the CGI and it's a movie you're making a movie every week. Yeah The man the woman that plays Cersei and that is so beautiful She's just like I mean one is just just a stunning. I've gone I've gone to her like like Google her name I forgot her name, but you have Google her and just looked at pictures over She's got a little space between her teeth. Ma man quit with the fucking fix and what you think is your fault Flaws are so fucking sexy Flaws are sorry Leann fix one of her flaws and I fucking hate it She had a little hole like a dilated poor hole right here on a cheek and I loved it I fucking loved it made her look unique.

40:52I loved it and a little crooked tooth. Oh Whoa, let's talk about my wife Holy shit, she's a hurt. Lena headly. Jesus keep it together hurt Yes beautiful lady. She was in hell. She was in fucking 300 Hmm That's right. She is 300 was this shit Yeah, I'm not one of those Like I'm not I couldn't do like I couldn't do other people's movies. I just I just want to be a movie star I want to do fat astronauts if this movie does well Hey guys if the machine does well this weekend we're getting a green that on fat astronauts Monday Well, I think it's gonna do awesome. I hope it does. I hope it does hope people looks fun Everybody's gonna love it.

41:38It's gonna be a good time. Go out to the movie theaters everybody go to the machine .com movie get your tickets and Go enjoy the movies this weekend How many movie theaters got hit real hard because the pandemic must be most of them right? Yeah, but really sucks are the mom and pop ones like so there's the mom and pop ones usually in like Asian communities that do Asian films, you know like for you know like I know there's one in Korea I just read an article about that It's fighting to stay around because it does it's it's in little Korea or create town and it just does and it's a mom and pop like that The concession stand looks like you're at a you're at a concession stand like in ballpark like at it like a little league ballpark And those I think those are the ones who took the big hits because they do have high rents because they're big spaces But they don't have a company behind them to support them Right that makes sense Kevin Smith just bought the movie theater that he used to go to as a kid.

42:33Oh really? What's that? Ah fuck I don't listen well He said it was in Jersey right this in Jersey it would used to be a two -screen now it's a five -screen. I don't say so we're gonna do a screening of the machine out there I think this coming month Kevin Smith was the one of the first guys to figure out to do he like had a theater to do his podcast 10, right? We just did a two -bearers me and Kevin like he was a guest bear and guest bear and he Yeah he He walked me through it and it's funny to hear him talk about Podcasting and what he was doing Because then I I Imagine if our two timelines were like this, but he was doing it like 10 years before that like doing theaters Doing his podcast doing that and then all the sudden he's like and then and then Corolla got his podcast I'm like wait, wait hold on you were doing theaters and stuff and he was talking about the money They were getting at those times was like he was doing it for free ecologists and didn't know you could get paid to do it No kid.

43:32Yeah Kevin Smith man He said he goes what because you know, he's like complimenting me that I was doing well He goes what's the secret and I go the secret is watch what Kevin Smith did 10 years ago and start doing it today He's a bad ass, dude. It's a very cool guy. He changed him and that group changed cinema Forever I mean they created that whole Independent filmmaking and in like 95 97 or something. They certainly were a big part of it You know independent filmmaking has always been real interesting because every now and then There's a great fucking movie that you just don't hear about yeah because someone made it on a shoestring budget And they piece it together with their uncle's money and Did you ever see the movie run lowly run now Joe?

44:20Joe Joe what's it about Bert? It's about a fucking chick Who just runs just all day? She's got to get from point A to point B to like save her boyfriend or something and She gets a phone call is this hang on this all this is so wait what played from the beginnings we can see what the thing is Okay Every second of every day You make a choice Can change your life Okay Okay, and she has to get from point A to point B and she runs the whole way there But stuff happened in between and it's oh yeah her husband's robbing someone else It's a fucking it's a foreign film that you literally are like on the edge of your seats It's a fucking one of those movies where you're like small budget.

45:37Mm -hmm just fucking good like they exist Just probably hard to publicize them probably hard to find but you know Then there's also small budget movies that are terrible that are awesome too Like the one of Franco like really really bad movies are fucking amazing because if they're not trying to be funny But they are funny. Yeah, like something like what was the one the room the room? Yeah, one game's right on stuff. Rogan rebate. Yeah, that's right. I mean how crazy bad is a movie have to be where people make a movie About your movie about how bad it was yeah But that can happen those are great too.

46:17I love me a bad movie. I Really do they're some of them are just so enjoyable. Oh, yeah like a like a I love the I What was the movie I used to love growing up that I was like it's just oh like Clueless how about Roadhouse? Oh dude Roadhouse is one of the best bad movies of all time He grips his throat out of his neck by the river. It's the fucking it's a goofy blade right boot Everything is awesome about it everything pain don't hurt Everything is awesome. He walks around with his own Record transcripts of his of his injuries. Wow you've been cut up. So many fucking injuries. He brings a folder with him She's fucking hot.

47:02She's hot. It's fucked. That's the doctor falls in love with the sexy bouncer. It's fucking amazingly stupid movie Patrick Swain's he's so beautiful. He's so beautiful. Wait, they're remaking it with Conor McGregor. You know that yes, yes and Jake Owen Hall This is fucking stupid movie He's Instead make up Oh Everybody got one fat guy. It was like their tough guy. Yeah, I mean they're all stabbing each other and shit. Oh, it cuts him Oh my god, this is so stupid It's It does everything look kind of corny and fake like compare that to like an action scene in LeVe really good movie Oh, yeah, especially now.

48:17I think people don't tolerate this kind of like Obviously choreographed fake violence. I'm up as just a little too corny Yeah, but back then it didn't seem corny amazing what this good back then like back There's so many movies that when we were kids were like this is a great movie You watch it now you like Jesus Sucks because you think they're so good because the culture has evolved It's moved into like a new direction. Oh, it's done that with comedy too like you like the comedies that we like yeah You watch him now and they're like horrifically racist like so many of them are We were talking about Ace Ventura.

49:00It's crazy Dan Reno throws up cuz he made out with the There is a complete this is where the trans people spend their time getting rid of that fucking movie They see the dick and the back of the pants and they all throw up And it's Sean young who's yeah gorgeous. Yeah, she's beautiful Go look This scene is so crazy, yeah, this is great. This is the city's like he just rips our shirt apart imagine that scene today She's She's interbron panties interbron he's ripping her clothes off in front of everyone. Yeah In a comedy and she's just standing there for some strange reason Look at damn marina She's days like a cartoon character like what you're like frozen into video game, right?

50:17Yeah, she's seeing birds and stuff like Mr. Marino has just brought some new evidence to my attention now History has certainly shown that even the most intuitive Criminal investigating here can be wrong from time to time, but if I am mistaken If the lieutenant is indeed a woman as she claims to be then my friend She is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids. I have ever seen The tuck Mr. Winky The dolphins freaking out This is a crazy scene. Oh, that's how much culture's changed that culture that's That's a life time. Yes, that's in our lifetimes. This is 94. Yeah 94 man 94 I mean We were watching the with the girls one time 16 candles.

51:30Do you remember that movie Molly Ringwald? Yes in it They have the donger long dog You remember the Asian guy yes, and all all sexy Go for it. I mean they he got trouble. I think I think woke culture actually came after him for doing I think what they call yellow face of like acting up the the Asian guy Yeah, and then they go to the party Jake's girlfriend This is my girls are watching this Jake's girlfriend passes out to drunk and he gives her to the nerds You guys take her for the night have fun with her. Here's my dad's car Anthony my call fucks her. He fucks her that night She's drunk. She doesn't remember it.

52:09They don't remember it. They fuck that is that's that's one of the pot lines The section is Jake's a senior high school. She's 16 like There's it's so problematic that my daughters couldn't enjoy it and I go just fucking leko of it like just watch the fucking thing Well, I'm like dad the girls drunk someone should help her they got her hair And you're like, oh, yeah, that isn't look cool. Yeah, it's weird what people used to think was acceptable before it was depicted in the media revenge of the nerds the dude rapes her he puts on her boyfriend's closing and rapes her rapes her I don't remember that Yeah, and she's like at a bounce house at the lights off.

52:49She's in a bounce house. He grabs They do there at the town affair. He grabs the mask his boy her boyfriend's mask the girl He's attracted to puts it on and he put he was he pretends to be Darth Vader pretends to worry her He follows her into the into the crazy with all the mirrors. They land on a bounce house She's like take the mask off and he's like no, I'm gonna leave it on and then he fucks her She doesn't know it's him she fucks her And then they get done and he takes the mask off she goes that was you and he's like yeah She's like it was so good So that that now that's just if so we're talking if we're gonna play by the rules let's play by the rules Okay, that that groomed every child To to see that that if you can sneak you fuck a check, but you did it good If you could rape her, but you did it good then you didn't look You don't remember this no, no, no, no, leave it.

53:38Leave it on Wow That's that's fucked up. What year was that? It's gotta be 84 That was like I mean don't even start with porcus Well, yeah, the same time period. Yeah That was like and that was greenlit by executives. That's a good scene 84 is correct good fucking scene 1984 that's how much the world's changed That's crazy insane and you're and you're just talking about fight scenes But that's we're talking social commentary that's out there Yeah, it's just we're just talking about like the way things are depicted in life Hmm, like you could never do that in a comedy now imagine if someone tried to recreate that we we uh At one point making the movie I said to the I said I said I said to no one's gonna I never get some trouble because I know I know what I do is not a lot what the studios like right when I talk I just talked to honestly, so I don't know the fucking being you're supposed to say I said we fucked up to someone I said we fucked up.

54:52We should have nudity in this movie Like we definitely should have had nudity like that was a fucking because all the great old school comedies Had one gratuitous nude scene, right? You know Back to school Rodney Dangerfield opens the fucking curtain and the girl with the most beautiful body shower and he goes Hey, excuse me and then close them and he goes ah and opens it again. It's a great fucking scene in the movie right right? I go we should we miss we fucked up and I'm like I go can we ask so many chicks to like get naked and they're like that's definitely not I was like well how did it work but you made movies back in the day and they're like we'll deck that and it's different We're not gonna just walk around and go ahead as anyone want to take their top off for this scene And you're like oh, yeah, I guess you can't like you just and it's a weird thing.

55:31It's like It's just weird how much culture is shifted so quickly Yeah, like relatively quickly because I don't think that before mass media social It was mass media first and then social media Pipped till people's the more and more communication about the way people act and behave You used to just have films That depicted all sorts of shit like that and people just accepted it So like was that a part of normal society back then like at what point like we got to think about how Few generations removed we are from barbarians like really like really horrific people But we got three thousand years four thousand year like well how far back you have to go to where life is just hell It's not that many thousands of years.

56:22I got else. I think it's a 1700s. Yeah I mean you think I mean we're talking about lots of freedom of free will you look at World War one World War one was a barbaric fucking trench war. Yeah, that was that was the trench war Yeah, it was a trench warfare and that was like that was like kids And then World War two was a generation of kids that felt like they didn't go to war so they got bummed out They're like I wanted to go to war like my dad not knowing what war was And now we're to place where you're like okay only the savages go like us soft boys I could not I'm not a jaco. I'm not a great.

56:55I know if I agree with that. What do you mean about World War two? World War two no no it's I'm accurate the German generation the German generation feel like feels like That that was what brought about World War two was a whole generation of kids feeling like we need a war We didn't get a war Yeah, if you watched the beginning of all quiet western front Yeah, I did watch it not with the subtitles. That's the beginning of I mean that's still World War one But all those kids are just mad that they're not gonna maybe go the world wars ending and they're like fuck We're not gonna get the fight. We're not gonna get the fight kind of like what jarhead is like even in the Marines Yeah, he's so mad he doesn't get the shoot as gun God how crazy are people we were war two is getting upset that you you don't get a chance to go to war about Okay, yeah, but no we can say that I know but that's but and then that's ingrained in our head How crazy is that my My grandfather was the exact opposite.

57:49Can you imagine if we stayed here? Can you imagine if we didn't go and that was my grandfather? That's just That's just right there and then came back the worst shell shock you could ever fucking imagine Storm the beaches of Normandy The question is and I never I never found this out what day So I think this I think the the real bad one was that first day when they go and then I think they made some advancements And I don't know much about history. I listen to history podcast. I don't really pay attention I just they put me to sleep well that's a good one to think about because Jesus fucking Christ is out a crazy story in human history The idea people just are running at people with guns people with guns running at people with guns like The The idea is it so insane just loss of free will that someone would go go and you couldn't be like no my name's Bert and I don't I haven't fallen love yet, right and I want to I want to live my life right right right I'm gonna stay here.

58:49I don't want to go in there because I have people are dying and I see people dying Right and why are we here? Well, I don't know why I'm he if I'm 18 years old. Do you think I truly grasp why I'm here? Yeah, do you think I truly understand what manipulation has been put into place that allowed Giant groups of men with guns to run and other giant groups of men with guns Like what is the real problem? They they talked about so in World War 2 there was one Christmas where the German soldiers Started singing American Christmas carols on Christmas And silent night, I think and then the Americans started singing with them and then they had this in Obviously, remember I'm Bert.

59:31I'm not a fucking historian. So don't light me up on this But like this is what how I heard it and in that moment they had a ceasefire the just soldiers had a ceasefire And it sent the fucking kernels through the roof because they're like whoa Whoa, we're losing fucking control and they said any person Seen not fighting or seen extending like they had to get letters to from one side to another side for from the From the fucking people that were kept in camps, right? Okay, thank you. Thank you. I'm so sorry. I talk out of my ass. I don't know I'm saying But it is true the truth of 1914 it was World War 1 Wow And then they said all right here's the deal anyone seen trying to fucking have a truth you get killed We kill you Because we need you to kill them What a crazy thing to do and then go back to killing each other Didn't they have truces to to play soccer games?

1:00:23Didn't they do that as well? I think those are some extras still on movie No, I think that really happened. I think there was like there was See see what the fuck that is Well showing up as the same when I type it in I typed in World War 1 soccer truces and shows up as the Christmas truce They maybe they had so maybe during that. Okay. That's what yeah, they did a soccer game during that okay That makes sense imagine you just go right back to killing each other Those wars be funnel me like the idea that That America would and I understand but America would just get involved You know I like well, they're all it's all weird man Because you don't know the full story unless you suit you got to delve into it read all accounts for it by all parties pro and con You got to really sort through it to figure out what's propaganda and what's real?

1:01:15I got really into I got really into World War 2 for a period of time both the Pacific and the European I guess they're called theaters or whatever. I was obsessed with Winston Churchill He's just a he's fast -nating man fucking fascinating man. I gotta be so bad. Don't be let's let's uh. Let's pause this for a brief moment of course Yes, all right. That was World War 2 now Fucking my favorite ceasefire is world war one. They had a ceasefire with Was it the Russians and who was it was it was the I think it was the Russians and the Germans They had a ceasefire and it was because of wolves so many people I've heard you talk about this.

1:01:58Yeah, who what were the two groups? I always fuck this up. I know one group was the Russians Russians in Germans, right? So they had a ceasefire because so many of their soldiers are getting killed by wolves That's uh, and that's so funny. I have a I tried to joke last night about Was wrong with Germans is they don't have any predators? They did back then they did at least when they tried going into Russia But could you imagine you have an enemy that's invading you and you agree We need to bond together and kill this other enemy that is not human I think that's a plod of plan and then we go back to killing each other.

1:02:39It's a plot of predator He is kind of I mean this is such a crazy story Parties of Russians and German scouts met recently and we're hotly engaged in a skirmish when a large Pack of wolves dashed on the scene and attacked the wounded have you ever seen the video of the cop going to give a parking ticket and the fucking 50 wolves run down the street I don't think that's real Oh real yeah, I don't think that's real. Do you know I'm talking about Jamie Russian cop is going to go to your parking lot to get and then he gets in their car in the wolves run by them Jamie will find out if it's real I think someone told me that was CGI Ah Oh, it's me CGI.

1:03:18I don't want to change all of our stuff I don't know if it is CGI though. I really want to find out you a faux thing from last week. Did you see that? Oh the Jeremy Corbell thing. I didn't see Jeremy Corbell posted But I saw a post of like five videos. I'll show in this fucking object in the sky. Yeah. This is over a military base Yeah, yeah, yeah apparently like 50 people film this thing. So this is this is the yeah, this is the Russia wants to watch Oh, that booms me out. The cop is over here. He's talking and then these wolves running by I don't know if that's real man. Looks pretty real. It looks very real.

1:03:50Um the only way So much shadows shadows are perfect But they maybe yet wow If they do a time lapse of yeah, there's just two videos they put over each other like those wolves did run down that street Oh, I know those cars right away. Wait. I see what you're saying. So go back to him getting in the car Are there no other wolves are there? Oh, he's reacting to them. Yeah But that could be an actor I don't know they're not reacting to the cars is the what I'm saying right but the wolves are just running Right If they're not used to beat around cars, but the cars are reacting to them that car pulls over to the to the left to avoid the wolves Yeah, I think that's real man Watch how the car reacts.

1:04:29Here's the other thing I'm looking at this the last uh W hard to fake is the headlights from this car should be giving an extra shadow on these wolves coming this way And it looks like it's only from the street light Hmm Interesting there's no shadow coming this way Interesting Which means that those cars weren't there when the wolves are there Maybe sort of depending on where the beams hit right it would be an interesting I mean, it would be an interesting person that spent their time doing that Yes, forensic person like who's like I went to reddit and did I read it Yeah, I am a yeah, I've never been on reddit.

1:05:06I've never been on reddit reddit fucking reddit's like a fucking rattlesnake to me I don't hate it, but I don't get near it. I respect it. I just don't want to fucking get bit So I hear like like mark Norman lives on reddit Like he'll he'll tell you stuff going on with you that you didn't know he did it last night He's like, hey, you hear the thing? I don't know. I'm like, hey, Ben. You can't talk to me about that stuff Like I don't I don't watch that stuff But I went into reddit and I thought it was gonna be all like QAnon people right it's regular human beings Just regular human beings Beautiful women.

1:05:38Hey, I'm a trap. They're gonna suck you in They're gonna suck you and you're gonna be there every day and then they can I go after you are those things I want one is I'll be addicted immediately. Oh, okay. I'll be addicted immediately unless it will help me quit drinking and then I fucking do it in a heartbeat You know There's a lot of evidence that nicotine is actually good for you. That's what Andrew Hooverman said smoking is the best thing you do for your life No, Andrew Hooverman said you're getting isolated. No kidding. No, no, no, no Have you ever been a fucking blanket? Isn't that that looks like the thing I saw in the video.

1:06:14So just so we're clear Well, you're talking about the thing that one was in the the plane video Jamie No, which video there's like this is one of them I think Well, let me tell you something that thing oh that thing. Yeah, this was in like a post -isol today I showed this in five different videos. They said it was last week in Roswell It's just sitting there. It doesn't move. Mm -hmm Yeah, that totally could be a balloon But do they just keep going higher and higher? Don't they just keep going higher and higher? Why would it be? Well, or maybe they don't have enough helium to the only reason a certain threshold Yeah, like when you're in my alarm one you're at the end of a mylar balloon.

1:06:56It just hangs out like it's a person in your room This video that make posted says this is supposed to be to monitor pollution But it also probably to make a giant silver thing it looks like a UFO to monitor pollution How about make it look like a pollution monitoring device? Have you ever seen I'm sure you have but have you ever seen Elon's rockets re -enter the atmosphere? Yes, I have so I had never this is one this a while ago. This is back like I was one. We were in our old house and by remember I was talking to Tom on the phone and Isle is outside and she's like dad dad dad and I go out and it is so different than anything you've ever seen Then I go Tommy Tommy look at the fucking sky look at the fucking sky.

1:07:39It's like what I go go outside He goes outside and he's like what the fuck is going on? I mean we thought we were getting invaded by aliens for a second Two -growing men thought we were getting invaded by aliens. It looks so fucking bizarre Like it does like a mushroom cloud and then a streak have you ever seen it? No, oh Type in Elon's rockets re -entering the atmosphere. Well, I've seen it on video, but I haven't seen it in real life In real life I saw it in real life. It was in the sky over LA like come must be coming the long beach or something and it it looked So it's this what it looks like this crazy fucking atmospheric change and it looks like you're getting invaded by aliens I did see one time in LA.

1:08:20I was dry that joke. That's what we saw like I'm gonna Tommy go outside He goes outside. He's like what the fuck is going on? And I'm like I was like, are we getting invaded by aliens? It looks fucking crazy, which what year was this? Yeah It happened one time. I feel like I saw but it was before that There was uh, I was in it was in Hollywood. I saw this thing streaking across the sky. I was like what the fuck is that? Yeah, but this was like I think it was pre -social media days Oh, no, this was Instagram days Instagram stories because as I was talking to Tommy I put on Instagram stories and I recorded it It didn't record our audio which I thought would be a viral fucking clip because both time and I thought we're getting invaded by aliens And I'm watching it, but it is Joe.

1:09:09It is like It's pretty freaky see some freakish shit Imagine if you did see something like that and it was aliens Do you know how wild that day would be? You know the wild the day of like three football football field size ships Just penetrate into the Los Angeles atmosphere and start hovering over the city Just alerting us to their presence and just saying that enough is enough Let's fucking What's the first thing? Fuck heads Like money politics Money on a politics Take it all out. Yeah, oh yeah, there's no. Yeah, there's no. Yeah, no one you donate you can't just need leaders You need leaders now you need leaders that's like what how do things shake down you need leaders?

1:10:03What else goes away? Like bars stay open bar stay open bars free open you gotta give people freedom because if you keep taking away freedom Eventually, it's gonna come for the things that you hold dear That's just a thing that happens and everybody wants less You gotta control people more and do this month. It's not good. We're always going to have problems There's never gonna be a like a perfect state where hundreds of millions of human beings get along And like completely harmonious unless we all do mushrooms You are you I'm just saying your new hour is selling mushrooms pretty fucking good You could you come out with your own mushroom?

1:10:42I don't think that's legal. It is and I don't know what you're talking about No, I take the lion's main For Christchurch That's been good. Oh yeah, I've taken lions being but that's like a regular listen a lot of there's a lot of benefit to mushrooms quarter -sips mushrooms or fantastic Those are really good. That's a bit that's a big part of that shroom tech supplement that on it makes There's a lion's main is great for you. It's great like there's a bunch of like really neuro protective aspects of like Certain mushrooms and nutrients like there's a lot of good stuff you can take and mushrooms are in that group Including psilocybin.

1:11:18What's is mushrooms are legal in Colorado? I think everything is legal in Portland or in in Oregon. Oregon is the first state that decriminalized everything They decolonized like literally cocaine heroin organ everything and I think they did it in Vancouver too But listen to this is one dude opened up a store. Oh, you can sell coke in Vancouver Well, this guy he opened up a store called the drugs store and It just tells you when it was tested like this is this is tested like April 23rd and it's You just buy cocaine you go by cocaine. I someone just told me about that like what the fuck This mobile Vancouver store mobile good move bro Just started Illegally selling cocaine heroin and math math Bro imagine selling math Mean that's like Like you know that's bad for you, right?

1:12:18I could the fuck wants people to be doing math if you're selling math You're profiting off a terrible decision -making right agreed. I've heard a couple people have good some good math stories I have Stories when the stories oh when the night is over. I had we have a friend. I will I won't say his name here none and I'll never say it okay We were all we were all about to hang out and he was guess can I guess yeah, okay? Yeah, and if you guess it right I'll okay, I'll tell you okay We're all hanging out. We're all about to go hang out again and he was telling me enjoy okay It's not your ideas you tell me enjoy ideas a story about this chick and he's like Can't even okay, let's not you're gonna get somebody in trouble.

1:13:01Yeah, but nothing's a long time I understand he was like I did math I always like what the fuck you know I was trying to fuck this chicken Like pull that math as you and he was like he's like I know Wow That's right. I remember that story. You know who it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Oh my god, I forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah, that's a that's a wild decision to make A girl alone with a person you just met who wants to do math with you How how all in on this life experience are you Joey goes did you fuck her and he goes we didn't math Joey we definitely Oh my god But don't they say that Adiroll is like very similar chemically It's very simple.

1:13:51Oh, it's very dude. It's like it's a type of an feme me Right, so if you went bonkers with Adiroll if you had some dude who could just give you all the Adiroll you need like some Homey that works at the Adiroll factory Tell you a barrel of these fucking things if you just chewed them all day long like you would just be like a person doing math Right, well, I if I'm not mistaken and I apologize of this comes out weird, but I think that's what Mulaney said in a special Was that Adiroll was one of his problems too? Yeah, I think Adiroll yeah Adiroll is I'm done both I've done Adiroll I've done Ridlin and I've done Coke Coke is way more fun than the other two, but the way the other two I actually enjoy more like it's like you if you take an Adiroll You just you're your diet.

1:14:31You don't want to eat you feel fog you could you have the focus to to skin a grape I mean you could fucking focus Dude making sound exciting Adirolls the shit you I remember taking I remember taking an Adiroll and just sitting down and writing a script back and like boom back in the day All the top pool players would take emphetamines darts same saying bro you darts same thing same darts is like a big fucking speed Please I shouldn't say all the top pool players, but all honesty a lot of them and I shouldn't say darts Because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about this was a long -ass time ago like in the 70s and shit There's there's some great books that were written about those days But these guys would play for 24 hours 48 hours to stay up for days just taking pills and gambling until one went One one guy goes broke or one guy quits Did him want people quitting on anybody?

1:15:25So the thing is like if you're up ahead So like if you and I were gambling and you're ahead of me and you're you have all of my money and you And I want to keep gambling until I'm completely broke You're like obliged to drain the person you're obliged to like carried out to the bitter end Because maybe that guy might claws way back and then 18 hours later now you're breaking even like oh my god, but he wants to keep playing So you got to go in the bathroom and take pills and you come out oh fucking jacked up with huge pupils And you're gambling for days like that. There was a lot of those guys.

1:16:04I I uh wild fellas Wild human beings man. They deliver man those pills and coke they deliver I bet they do They give you what it's like you know what coke's like coke's like the first time you had unprotected sex and you're like whoa Fuck Coax like that I believe you No one's disputing it either no one I know one It's just no one to fuck away from it some people will tell you yeah I don't like drinking it makes me tired like dice. Yeah, he's like ah What do you have? And I said buffalo trace. He goes man. I have one of those. I'm asleep No one's ever liked that on coke That's what I hear Same with the fucking sins everyone's that if I have money I'd invest in that fucking company It's uh according to superman it's a good way to get nicotine and nicotine does have like neuro protective benefits So if the punch is a bunch of cool shit about nicotine the problem is cigarettes the problem is tobacco when you smoke it and it gets in your lungs dip is the best I've just dipped like dip I loved it.

1:17:11I got good cigar. I really do enjoy it. Oh, I love cigars. I want one right now. I want one right now right now I'm right. Let's have one right fucking now. Oh please Look at that humidor Oh fuck yeah Oh Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, go Rogan very brief cigar break Joe Rogan. Yeah, this is a good fucking cigar. This is a good Who's this the same guys that we're doing foundation. Yeah, foundation's a garus. They're the shit Mm -hmm. Yeah, this is a special one that he made just for us. It's really good I really and Bobby Kelly liked it, which is like hey, that guy likes it Bobby actually knows the guards He's one of those guys that right can't get tell you like fat.

1:18:17I can't tell you from shit about cigars It's pretty simple. There's only like a couple wraps Right and there's a and the sizes are what make it a tablet complicated. I'm a big ring gauge fan Yeah, I grew up in Florida. So like a fat boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, those are nice. There's I like a big ring gauge The draw I think the draw is a little easier But these are these are beautiful fucking cigars. This is a Maduro Rapper I think if I'm not mistaken and it's I like a nice heavy cigar. Yeah, it's perfect for being. I love it It's really good. Yes, cool Hey, that's cool that man. I like it. I can't believe you're my fucking friend.

1:18:56I can't believe you're my friend No, but I'm way like here We're all fucking lucky man. We're all lucky 100 % It's all symbiotic. Yeah, you know, yeah, you enjoy all of it more when you have friends that are also doing it It's a big part of what's going on. I call Joey Diaz the other day Joey Diaz and talk to him in a while Joey Diaz lit the place on fire when he was in town. I bet it was so fun to watch It was really exciting just to have him around again And you should see him light up when he saw the sign In the green room says get it together bitch. Yeah I go that's your quote Joey My daughter's just said to us my daughters are working on fully loaded again this year And they go his uncle Joey coming because they they only really know him as an uncle for real right right I go now.

1:19:48I don't think so and Georgia goes Hold on I we got to see him one more time tag like island needs same life island needs same life because Georgia toward them Georgia toward them Georgia will Georgia knows him as an uncle and he would you know Joey He would say the wildest fucking share fuck cancel culture. You can't trust that dot dot dot with a whistle And George is like and George is blown away and George is super woke right And she goes you got it she goes can you get him to come to force Hills? That's where we're opening fully loaded in New York at force Hills at the Tennis Arena And it's a fucking thick list She goes can you get Uncle Joey to go that that Please you've got a watch uncle Joey So okay, I call him to the night to talk about it and then we end up change you know Joey's quick What's up Tarzan?

1:20:35All right, yeah, keep killing it. I'm proud of you crocks. I got and then he hangs up Me like fuck I forgot to ask him what I was gonna ask him But yeah, we're gonna try to get Joey to come out to that it was just always great to get Joey around people love him too You know, I mean it's just He needs he needs that comic energy. Yeah, he does he needs that comic You know, there's a part of it. I mean everybody loves him everywhere though That's the thing about like the way he set up like when when we saw him in New Jersey like He's never move it out of here. He's the king in New Jersey. He loves it man He fuck that's it's fucking love towns are built for certain people or certain people are built for talents.

1:21:11Yeah, well He's got a great place and Joey's but Joey was never built for LA. No, no, no He was built for Jersey. He knows the guy that makes sandwiches down the street He can he goes in you know Joey that it's interesting a little high because Joey's weeds pretty fucking Aggressive it's aggressive right it is fucking is you know, it's the most sought after weed in all about like it'll convince you that something's happening to your body You know That's the kind of weed no, I'm not saying my thoughts But it's got one of those like what's going on my foot? It's weird my toe number is why I do hurt like that That's feels weird.

1:21:49I spoke to Joey's weed Oh come home and I'm like I'm comfortable. I had I'm sitting there and I'm sitting in my my man cave or my My gym is my man came down my gym and I'm on the computer and I've just I just saw a little like saliva in my cheek right here like right there and I go oh it's crazy like I noticed it like I'm crazy And then it shows back up I go am I having a stroke? Oh Jesus my god is this side of my face and now I'm sitting high as fuck in a mirror Smiling to myself to make sure I'm not a stroke Joey's we will fucking to throw you sideways. Here's the thing I was gonna say Joe And before comedy was around guys like Joey Diaz Joey Could walk away from comedy and find the hit what he does on stage in society You know, that's the way Joey operates and I think that's why he loves Jersey He goes in sees his guy this deli guy and and they chop it up for like 20 minutes And then Joey did like a type five right like that personality is authentically in New York New York, Jersey personality Right, but what Joey can do on stage is so unique And when when he gets rolling it's so unique that I feel like No matter what else he does at this stage of his life like it's so Hard to get to be that funny.

1:23:12Yeah, why would you stop doing that his new book tremendous is out there? He's too good. He's too good. He's too fun. It's too fun to be around dude. He would be He was fun with his entail just hanging out in the green room He's so fun the part I miss about Joey the most is went just hanging with him Yeah, and he said when he wasn't trying to be funny and he was fucking hilarious. Yeah, the heart one of the hardest he's ever made me laugh Is we're sitting there. I made him say it again on a podcast that made me laugh so hard. We're sending Maria C We're having uh Having I was doing a cleanse where I was having green tea And he was having coffee and he was smoking cigarettes back then he was smoking them on the dl.

1:23:54No one knew don't tell nobody And I go Joey what was present like and he just very tries to go dog If you think black guys allowed in a movie theater That's such a Joey Diaz line, but he wasn't trying to be funny It was just being a Joey and I was I go Joey is that a bit and he's like no, I'm telling you dog up all night Ray Ray Ray Joey's just the fucking purist the I I sometimes repeat stories. I've ever heard a story about our polar plunge Christmas Eve with with his daughter mercy. I believe so It's the best that's that that's that bloodline. Yeah, that's that bloodline. He's beautiful person I love him the death He's one of the best guys ever and you know, just if I could just get him to come around every now and again I'm good.

1:24:47So That's what we're gonna try to do. He just wants I just told him anytime. Just you tell me I'll I'll take care everything Have somebody pick you up. I've someone to drop you off. I've someone drive you around. I'll Fly out take care of you. Come on out anytime you want just you tell me and then we'll put the machine emotion Not the machine, but a machine put the machine emotion. I'll come down to you To extend the actual machine to ask your you to the mother ship I said that to him when we did follow that so whatever you need I got you He's the best you do that sometimes like when that's the problem with these businesses and managers and agents is like it's like you know You go they misspeak for you and you're like like even like back in the day trying to get Uh Joey on full loaded and just was not happening.

1:25:37I go hold on. I called you. I go. Hey man. Whatever you want Whatever the fuck you want. You know, I love you. Whatever you want right and he's like Overreel and I'm like yeah, don't listen to anyone talking about my team Just trust me. I got you Because got like I know I get like that like certain things will spook me You know, and I go I don't want to fucking do that now and then and then managers and agents love having something a little fulcrum to To leverage you against something else and then And we were talking about that last night. It's just little fulcrums to like The eye and then can I get this guy in there too?

1:26:08Okay, then then you can also have this guy You're like what the fuck out of that happened. Mm -hmm. It's like I told uh, I told two people to their face I told shepelle Sheep um, I'm bad with secrets. So I'm just met Dave. So I'm like I'm standing to secrets like I'm bad with secrets I don't even know that I tell people secrets. Is that a part of drinking? No, it's part of me wanting to please you Yeah, I'm in therapy now. We're going deep. I have I have a lot of problems And one of this is I want everyone to be happy I want to over share And I over and I guess it's good. It's fun. It's fun. It makes good comedy Yes, it does my wife was in the back of a little boy last night being like yo Definitely can't talk about Ila like that.

1:26:49Right. I was like for real. She's like no Tell us story about Ila in nevermind. Yeah Yeah, don't do it. And so like it's so like uh but um yeah over a share But it's like I don't know what that's interesting. It's like Do you feel like you have to? Yeah, I feel like I'm not good enough Uh, no It's is why I'm I love Tommy so much and why I look up to him in so many ways is that Tommy knows he's good enough Mm -hmm Tommy knows his worth What's the difference you knew in Tommy? Why do you think that he knows his worth and you Don't seem to know your worth even though there's so much evidence There's someone that's so much evidence that you're loved.

1:27:37Yeah, so what how would that not be enough? I don't think you think about that way or is that not it? No, no, no, no, I think I think I think it's are we have very different dads Mm -hmm, and I think taught For whatever reason I think we're both really close with our dads. We were both we're both really he was we're really close with his dad I think his dad just raised him a different way and I think my dad raised me a different way And I think whatever my dad did left me with a little bit of a hole and it not no slight to my dad But it left me with the little behold that turned me into a performer To make want to make sure like like my dad would be like If if like the Iraq war started and I said uh, I said this is fucking stupid my dad goes good you fucking room You're fucking idiot.

1:28:24You don't know what you're talking about And so you can stay up there until you figure out what's wrong with you And then I'm sitting up there going like I gotta get out of my room. I'm like I'm 16 at the time I'm like I gotta get out of my room. How am I fucking idiot? Why am I fucking idiot? I don't and then I was like okay I was forced to sit with it and I was like I don't know anything about why we're going to war with Iraq. I don't know anything. I don't know anything about war I know I've never been to war My dad Okay, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna talk to my dad about it. My dad's like this is why you're an idiot Tell me why you think I get on anything about this war He's got son who's saying his gassing his own people because they're a different religion Divin ethnicity and he goes and so we came to protect half of that fucking country Here's the other thing that's cool.

1:29:01This is the first war we're getting to watch start on TV We're watching a war start like a fucking Super Bowl So sit down with me and let's watch the fucking war and I was like we're we're watching a war He's like yeah, it's on CNN watch this and you remember you remember the fucking Iraq war with like the furt when we were kids You're probably like 18 and then they just like B2B and you watch a fucking Tomahawk missile head in and you're watching People walk into the fucking capital in in night vision. I'm like, oh, this is fucking crazy. Yeah, that was my dad And I and I don't I can't speak for Tommy by note Tommy was really close with his dad and I think his dad For lack of better words.

1:29:44I hope this comes off respectful to my dad was a little bit more of a man His dad oh, no, no, no, no, my dad ran track my dad's a man trust me my dad's a man But Tom's dad fought in Vietnam Tom's dad did a fucking couple tours. Tom's dad was a champion Powerlifter like I think we had different dads my dad ran track. He didn't go to the works. He had allergies You know like like he wouldn't let him in the Vietnam war and so like a man. Yeah, he didn't pass the physical Wow, yeah, he had allergies Jesus and like they're like we can't send you in there and I'll send you shut down because you have hay fever All right, like then you're just like In the middle of a fucking do that wars the scariest war to me because the most the most nonsensical It was started off of a false flag No one felt strongly about going over there die.

1:30:38No, no one felt strongly about the cause It seemed insane to everybody that went on for years I remember when it ended because I was a kid. Yeah, I was living in San Francisco And I remember thinking naively that this is great because now there's never gonna be war again. I really remember that thought I guess I was like 10 or something like that 10 or 11 It was just weird. It was it was a weird thing to just imagine That they forced people and to go fighting some more that nobody understood And that might have been connected to heroin Might have been connected to heroin. Have you been to Vietnam?

1:31:18No, I have not People love it over there. But Bourdain is like he was his favorite place. It'll change your cultural DNA like the way you see the world's never the same I'd say the same about Japan though Japan's pretty fucking dope pretty dope is Japan's like Japan's like it shouldn't be legal like you just weird shit like robot fuck shows and and then all the sudden You go to the subway and no one speaking. They're all holding hands. I Passed out on the Japanese dude in a subway. I was drunk I passed all on this poor guy and he didn't do anything. He just let me sleep on him I woke up. Here's this like Hi, yeah, they have a very respectful culture Like the way people walked on the street.

1:32:01Yeah, people give people plenty of space They seem to navigate it much more easily But then like you see in some cultures They just kind of there's so many people they just kind of bump into each other Like apparently in China. That's the thing. Oh, and Vietnam. It's I made the uh The analogy in in Japan. It's like no one touches each other in Vietnam. They got their fingers in your mouth. Oh, geez I'm not really but like figuratively like Like it's really aggressive. I drove a motorcycle through traffic in Vietnam and it was Thrilling and terrifying really it well. Yeah, you're because it's almost like New York But New York on fucking steroids because you got like you don't pay attention to who's behind you Just pay attention who's in front of you and you're almost racing everyone.

1:32:44It was fucking crazy I drove all Russian euro through the streets of Vietnam Say motorbike I had when I think I'm saying motorcycle we have out of the farm say when you call me Yeah, right What a great call what a great fucking call I'm gonna write a book I'm gonna write a book out of out of like top 10 things Joe Rogan said to me But every now and then I get one like look at this. This is Vietnam. I know I've seen this. This is insanity Imagine being a motorcycle with a kid on your back a kid trying to do they got their whole family on the back of that thing Look at there's everyone's got two people some people have three and four people.

1:33:22Yeah, it's so looks there's three people right there That's two people so insane Two people We don't think people just kind of get used to that though Like I think people get accustomed to almost anything Like we're accustomed to driving cars now that shit has only been around for a hundred years It's so weird so weird driving around a fucking car everywhere It's only been around for a short amount of time and we're just so accustomed to it It's it's just normal when you think about when you think about like taking horses across the country right Do you have your heavy written horse lately? No, fuck horses.

1:33:59You know gangster those people not fuck horses I don't love horses. Let me be quick Fuck you. I should I want to rephrase. I say bad things sometimes. I don't mean to Fuck me riding a horse. Oh, I thought you meant fuck horses Fuck horses like fuck horses. I'm not getting on horses not fuck them I think they're beautiful amazing creatures. You know what I'm really kind of sad about honestly But that there's a lot of wild horses in this country and they're they're trying to figure out what to do with them And they might wind up killing them. No, yeah, they they might want I mean I think There's there's people that are proposing Like getting rid of a certain amount of them.

1:34:38I don't know what they do with them now Like what like how do they handle wild horses now? But there was this Argument like that they just can't let them get to a point where they oh like where there's no predators for wild horses And they just start Overwhelming the population in some of these areas and like there's cattle that graze in these areas and the horse and the cattle compete for food and Dude what did but there's a lot of wild horses in this country. I was I was saying it's kind of a sad animal to be wild It's like wild dogs. No, it's beautiful. I was in Crow Territory up in He's a South Dakota, Montana and we were driving motorcycles for travel channel And we took a helicopter 100 a buffalo with the with the crow nation Shot the buffalo processed it then they take us back and they put us on our motorcycles and I'm like hey We're gonna meet up at the bottom everyone's having a drink and I'm on my motorcycle I did not have a drink in me and I in the sun setting and we're driving through the hills like the you know The the fucking hills and as I'm listening to will go in my heads In my with my helmet on on a fucking Indian judge.

1:35:45I think it was a right of it was a judge whatever the fucking judge was a Fucking pack of wild horses starts running next to me and I'm I and no one's around no cameras no film Just me will go and fucking seven horses at a full fucking sprint keeping up with me on the motorcycle The sun setting and I'm just thinking Mother fucker. No one's gonna believe this. No one's gonna ever see this It's just your moment you have a life wild horses are fucking beautiful Beautiful. No, I should rephrase what I'm saying. I don't think Here's here's my thought on it like What I don't want them to be killed like other animal.

1:36:27I don't want them to be it's weird I don't want people to hunt wild horses. Oh, no, no, so you can't The best way to control populations is either you send someone out to kill them or you let people hunt And for all the other animals like the deer species and Elk and stuff they let people hunt them and that's how they keep populations to check But with this one. It's like you can't I don't You know like who wants to go out and shoot dogs nobody No, but no, no, I guess they probably do with wild wild dogs are a problem Yeah, so I think an elderly man got killed recently by wild dogs and like Georgia's or something Oh, dude that down south is really scary down south you can still get attacked by dogs Yeah, I'll offer a jogging Alabama my wife's family lives I'll offer a jogging Alabama Georgia Alabama and A dog chased me like I you just forget people don't have fences everywhere there Right, they're dog heard me jogging on the street from their porch and started running at me and I just thought at some point It'll stop right I jumped up onto a Baptist church You know like they have like the foundation with the cross in the name praise Jesus I jumped up and I had to standing up there as this dog just so they're embarked at me And I sat I was I'm in running shorts headsets And I'm just sitting there waiting for the dog to get done and it we sat there for 30 fucking minutes The dog like sat for a second and then I'm like oh my god Like is anyone gonna fucking help me?

1:37:52Oh Jesus and you sit there. I think people forget Just how fragile we are as animals because like we are versus other animals some people would just dopey and irresponsible and just let their dog run around That's a that's a common thing too, but the thing about this wild dogs is like once you've got a population of wild dogs breeding in the woods You basically got something that it's kind of like a wolf very much. It's kind of like as a small shitty looking Oh my god fuck off He fought for his life against three large dogs Oh my god, this guy got torn apart Jesus fucking they were all the same team he said he kept it they kept attacking me for like 15 minutes roll that down It doesn't matter it doesn't matter it's about it was actually it Oh my god three dogs um Two of them were pit bulls the third one was a German shepherd one with a German shepherd one of them attacked me when it did Triggered the other two and they joined in they were attacking me from all sides I was trying to keep them away for the inside of my legs with the femoral arteries are and away from my neck I had nothing with me to fend them off.

1:39:02I was desperately grabbing sticks to hit them But the sticks were decayed and kept falling apart they kept attacking me for what seemed like 15 minutes I was physically and mentally exhausted. I was trying to figure out what to do I considered falling on the ground a rolling up in a ball and playing dead like you're supposed to do with bears I considered screaming for help But I do know and put a hear me my four -wheeler and my cell phone were 150 yards away And I knew I would never make it there I finally remembered that there's a tree stand nearby the adjoining property I found a good stick and I was able to keep the dogs at a distance until I could get to that stand and climb up on it In the stand Scott was able to catch his breath get his heart rate down I keep the first good look at his wounds.

1:39:44He was in bad shape. He had punctures and lacerations of both arms and hit both hands And from his waist down to his ankles. He needs medical attention immediately I sat in the stand for about 30 minutes after the dogs left He said when I got down they heard me rustling I heard they heard the rustling of the leaves under my boots. They came running back in So Scott rushed back into the tree stand and waited another 30 minutes after the dogs left This time he purposely made a lot of noise to see if the dogs who returned they did not He decided ahead in the opposite direction away from his four -wheeler and where the dogs had come from I found a good stick and I quietly tipped to a fence line That was about 60 yards away I climbed over the fence and then hiked about a half a mile through a cow pasture out to the highway I stood I didn't know the story was going to be so long I'm apologizing I'm apologizing I feel like I'm so fucking This guy got fucked up by dogs the end So he 298 puncture wounds and lacerations yeah a lot of stitches to fix him up So I guess he got out a couple guys alone in a pickup truck drove around me Yeah, okay There it is So he got help no rabies.

1:40:54That's why okay, let's go let's let's work this into this bit This is why Germans are weak because Germans don't have predators right? This one's trying to say if you grew up with predators right? Predators like I think like I grew up getting attacked by dogs like that in Florida you think that helped you No, you can get me excited It's it does what you're a kid when I was a kid like if you saw a dog on the street It could always be touching go like you never know you always moved away from a dog that you just saw one How are your daughters around a strange dog they know yeah, they're like uh, yeah Because I've seen bad dogs good dogs.

1:41:26They've seen dogs and some dogs You know, you just can't trust them. You don't know them. No, you know, you've really you have no idea What's going on with that dog and most dogs are great? You know big found dogs, but those dogs until they're not The it's and people they get like really violent dogs dogs are like You know, you got a trainer. You got a trainer. You got you get like a wild monster that lives you know Do you ever get you ever about to say something and then someone talks over you and you go that was a good call man I was about to say the most horrible. Thank you. I was about to say the most horrible thing and then I was like I was like we cut you back the um you know man In Florida we had gators.

1:42:08We had lightning. We had Sharks we had a lot of poisonous snakes poison spiders. Mm -hmm. We had molesters. I was really big when I was a kid They killed that kid out of mosh Autumn wash in Miami, right? And so that was the that was my Tornado's hurricanes like we had a lot of things that could kill you I remember we were in Hawaii. I was with we were doing a hike with this Hawaiian dude And Isla was terrified like the isla has a fear of bees. She has a fear of like spiders and stuff and She was talking to him about snakes and then and the guy said oh we don't have snakes in Hawaii And then then we go we get down the hike we ended up at like a restaurant or whatever having a drink wherever we went to with the guy And he's very low key and I said uh something about like this is island living and she and she said to me It was an inside of it, you know the the from a babes mouth to whatever she goes uh Deadly on a snakes.

1:43:03That's all you need to know about this guy Like what you mean she goes that's why he's so chill. He's never had to deal with snakes I go why she goes every time I go in the yard I'm looking for snakes like anytime I walk outside I'm looking for snakes like that's the way when rattlesnakes are a thing in your community like you grew where where you lived Yeah back in L .A. That was rattlesnakes central. Oh for sure You never walked into your backyard not thinking there might be a rattlesnake right? My dog's got bit multiple times and and when that's your reality it changes the way You look at life fucking Australians got everything that could kill them Yeah everything everything I mean they got those saltwater crops dude you can't you know you can't go on the beach at night In northern Australia you can't go on the beach at night because crops are just laying on the beach And you'll think it's a log and sit on them.

1:43:50Oh my Jesus Shut the fuck up. They told us that when we went we went to go do the great pair of reef They're like do not go on the beach at night. Do you know what a horrific death that would be if you're a little tipsy And you sit down on what you think is a log I didn't show you this video yesterday. No. What do you have for me? It was it went around yesterday as a like well happened in Florida 23 year old dude went out for a piss in the back behind a bar and a royal area Yeah lost his arm It's all not the attack isn't on video, but Him thrashing in the water afterwards is and then they pull them out and the arm missing and the full and a turn And I can on with the guy with the cigarette hanging out over him.

1:44:33That's where I fucking grew up If you wonder you it's that's why don't don't show me that anyone that ever says like hey bird Why would you ever fuck around with Xanax? I grew up like that We got on a lake on a lake living in the lake. We was swimming the lake Knowing at any moment a gator could take you away from your family and take him back to his desk And sit with you in his mouth for a fucking four days until your body rotted and then they do the death roll on the bottom I mean dude And then you think about like You think about like that so that creates a person right Australia that creates a person Those are realities in their life that creates that person right all those well trauma.

1:45:09It's not trauma But like they're kind of similar in a way. What's that? Oh, yeah, but then you look at Germans. They got nothing They got nothing, but I was thinking that Australians. I mean Australians and Florida people There's a lot of common fucking cousins Yeah, maybe that's what it is Maybe it's like a certain breed of people that has to deal with dangerous environments like Australians have to deal with sharks Saltwater Crocs as jellyfish. They have nine of fish can kill them box the box jellyfish. They kill people people swim in pajamas Cheese they swim in blue pajamas. I'm not fucking around you swim in blue We went to the Great Bear reef.

1:45:49Like a jox box jellyfish season get on blue pajamas And so we put on blue pajamas to go snorkeling your whole body's covered you have gel on your face Your every parts of you's covered. Oh my god, dude, fuck that. I was like why would I snorke cuz I go before that? I do that Why would you do that get the fuck out of that water? It is the great bear It's pretty it's pretty cool. I'm sure it's cool But like at put point in time. Do you not want to get killed by a jellyfish most of the time right? So how do you avoid getting killed by a jaw don't I'm fucking jellyfish are Jesus. They've got nine of the 10 how many like how many deadly snakes There's Australia have because I think they got nine of the 10 deadliest snakes They're we went canyoning canyoning.

1:46:33I think it's called where you just you like repel and climb a brox But you're going down a canyon through waterfalls and stuff and the guys like Keep away like anytime you saw debris on the side keep away from it You know we got the the two steps spider or whatever their spiders there are fucking next level. Oh, there's spiders Two steps I don't know what the fuck it's called that's a good day for a spider two steps because you get big True essence we get bitten you get two steps and then you fall. Oh boy That but that's that creates a person. I think about Kelly Slater a lot and like Because I love the podcast you do with them you talked about sharks.

1:47:10Mm -hmm The brain They can just shut that off. Do you see the bull shark attack the kayak recently? Yeah, why it was that a bull shark? Yeah, I thought the bull No, I'm sorry tiger shark tiger shark the bull shark was the one that bit the tail off the other bull shark You see that one. Oh, I didn't see that one But let's show the kayak one first the tiger shark. This is in Hawaii and I think that's That's a high percentage of people they get bit in Hawaii get bit by these fuckers look at that thing Bro that is so wild. Yeah, I said again. That is so crazy. I Mean dude that thing just Where was his feet was his feet in the water?

1:47:51Oh, most his feet know his feet are in the water right now Look watch where his left foot comes from watch his foot's behind the shark right now. Oh shit. He almost got his leg bit off Oh my god. Oh My god Look at this. That's his Oh, my god, do that shark almost bit his femoral artery look how insane that is Look at that thing just imagine the feeling of that thing shopping on your kayak and what if it flips it get easily flip it. Oh your fucked I mean, it's just kind of luck that it didn't flip it look at that. That's insanity. That's a fucking big tiger shark Oh my god, that's so scary That's the guy yeah, fuck dude that guy's got to be so happy he's alive It's gonna be exhilarated.

1:48:36I'd be like With this fucking wonder thing Fuck you It's weird like people who changed their opinion on sharks used to be that everybody hated sharks after jaws Be like fuck you know it's called shark fishing. No, you're a fucking manly shark fisherman and now it's like The sharks alone like people they need to protect sharks now like but it's it's I understand Absolutely the right you need to protect sharks. Yeah, but it's just a weird like shift There's like a dangerous predator that eats human beings on a regular basis We're like we got to make sure there's more of those. It's weird. I'm not I'm I understand it I agree with it.

1:49:17Yeah, I'm but I'm saying it is weird that like there was no sharks No people would get eaten by sharks. It's called late. No, I'm in lakes and Florida. You get eaten by a gator Like Michigan lakes you ever seen people in Michigan. There was swimming or Was caught was constantly. It's got to all Minnesota. Mm -hmm. Got all the fucking lakes right and then just swimming lakes and just swim out and worry about shit My wife's like that my wife we have in that big lake house in Alabama and she'll swim out to the middle of the fucking lake You know, that's a really good benefit to really cold climates no reptiles Because when you got an abundance of dangerous reptiles and terrain where they can hide You got a real problem.

1:49:55Can't I think it well I got a real problem. We go back to the thing. I think it raises a different person. Oh for sure I think it creates a person who maybe anticipates the danger anticipates the like Do you ever? Do you ever anticipate Then the the the the tragedy in life like think because I know you're kind of guy that I remember you say one time Anytime I see a guy with a tie on I go he doesn't even know what I could do with that tie I was always joking around I know but but but I always felt like if I had a tie on someone could grab my tie and call a joke Yeah, so I was like why would you like give someone a handle to put around your neck But I wonder if I wonder if when you grow up with these dangerous test with jiu jitsu back then though Bucking is obsessed with you jitsu.

1:50:40It's really fun man. I wish everybody get obsessed with it Shot out to everybody Shout out to Eddie Bravo shout out to Jean -Jacques Munchato shout out to all the fucking people teaching that because it's I think it's one of the most beneficial things that anyone could ever do for their their health for their brain The peace of mind but once you starting something that's actually Effective you started fighting early right? Well, I started martial arts when I was 15. That's what I really got into it I took it a little when I was 14, but it was hard to get to the place Um, I started out this karate place in Newton and then I started in taekwondo when I was 15 Well, you what was uh, what was your like you you don't have to obviously whatever, but um, you talked about I started a question with you don't have to obviously whatever.

1:51:27Why no, I don't know Sometimes I love you know, I love you, but sometimes I don't know you told me this in secret and I'm just telling it I'm asking you a question that you told me in secret. Okay. Go ahead tell me Um, what was you got bullied you got that's why you got the martial arts. You got bullied right? Oh, yeah for sure I mean I was always small and I was always new where I moved into these places What did you weigh it like when you got into martial arts? What did you weigh well? I wrestled at 134 When I was 15 or else 14 15 was 15 Yeah, so yeah, once And I don't believe I cut weight for that Um, but I did cut weight when I started fighting when I was 1617 I was cutting down to 140 and I was weighing 140 for a while but it was a real struggle And I only did the states at 140 once and that was when I was 17 So what was your like as I was bullied?

1:52:22I was an almost Catholic high school But it definitely formed a little bit of me that it maybe I didn't wish it did yeah, it's this You're bullying like I can you tell me a bullying story? It wasn't horrible You know, it was just a bunch of dudes being dicks and I didn't like the feelings Of not being able to defend myself Like was it physical? Oh, yeah, one dude was one dude grabbed me at a headlock This is why I started wrestling one dude grabbed me in a headlock Just like out of nowhere. We were just staring at each other. We didn't even exchange words and he Through me to the ground and he raised his fist like he was gunna punch me And then he decided not to and he just let me go like it was so easy to do that to me that he didn't have to just beat me up Catching the lease catch release catch release and first of all thank that dude for dude The first well, I don't know why he grabbed me.

1:53:15I didn't touch him But at least he didn't really hurt me, but it made me realize like oh, I don't know what to do If somebody grabs me and tries to wrestle me So I started taking wrestling I joined the wrestling team and I started doing talk one day with the exact same time So I was doing both of them at the exact same time and I couldn't do two of them And I had to pick one or the other and I really enjoyed kicking people it was exciting. It was there's something about that. It was just so It was such a great and that's when you when I loved movies like Chuck Norris movies and you know John Cawd Van Dam movies.

1:53:50It's like wild kicks is what you want to see people do you want your Bruce Lee movie? You want to watch I want to be able to do that. Yeah, and so that was what I got obsessed with that that seemed to me to be Something fun to do. So what do you think it says like I'm not to get back to the What makes you the man you are and what makes me the man I am where I go I want everyone to be pleased when I got bullied and my bully my bullying was Pretty physical because there's all boys Catholic high school and everyone's like boys will be boys. Yeah I got beat up a couple times like just beat up um my defense was I Don't know if it was because maybe I was a little bit bigger and I was the size of the people You know like I got bullied by dudes were bigger than me, but I was also not like I was I was a hundred probably 180 pounds Right, and so like even still, but I was just a softer dude, you know, and so I wonder if the My bullying regressed my aggression I think and it turned me into more of a smart ass more of a like I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna outweat you.

1:55:00I've always had I've always had a respect I've always had a big respect for Due to confite and not fucking what the dudes who can fight like I I've you know, obviously I said I'd fight Israel, you know, and I said I think I might have said accidentally And I'd like to apologize for this publicly might have said Tom and I are gonna jump in ideas I might have said I might have said I was I didn't care if it's counter McGregor slap me now meeting Connor meeting is the I know that this wild talking I'm a comedian everyone should know I'm a comedian, but that energy Is where my sense of humor leaned when I got bullied?

1:55:36I just was like well, I'm gonna I'm gonna challenge you I'm gonna challenge you in comedy and if you don't get it then you're the fucking idiot but if you get it Then does that make sense dope, okay? I remember I remember I remember one time I got beat up pretty good. Yeah, I got a couple of times a couple of times I got beat up pretty good both were off of jokes And what's interesting about both those times both those men and I've dealt their listen I guarantee you they're listening and they may know who they are but both those men's got publicly Shamed and kind of shunned by our friend groups.

1:56:15They're like you don't get jokes both those guys didn't get comedy And they lost a lot of friends and they lost a lot of like because it was like there were jokes But I will tell you those two men Talked me a very valuable lesson. They're a man to fuck with and they're men not to fuck with Yes, I'm dudes don't want you to play games with them. They don't and it's and it's a real challenge of like Like you're the baddest motherfucker. I know per well one of the baddest motherfuckers. I know personally I make funny you a lot And I've never won and I've said wild things about you I said I called you gay on fucking Logan Paul's podcast But let's I want I would love to hear more about this Jamie.

1:56:52I got that thing is happening to the headphone again I don't hear myself anymore. It it Complete we're gonna pause for a second folks Shout out to Sebastian. He just can't send me a very sweet text. Sorry folks. We had technical issue the headphone jack issue Sebastian what happened to me? He's a Sebastian got a movie also this weekend. It's called my father I think it's called my father and with Robert De Niro. We both have movies opening this weekend This is my thing. I'll say right now. Just bring back comedy bring back comedy support either of our movies Go out and watch comedies bring back comedies go to the fucking movie theaters Go to the fucking movie theaters text your friends if you like the movie See my see mine on fucking Friday Sebastian on Saturday.

1:57:35Mine on Saturday. It's a bastion on Friday Whatever it is support fucking comedy sent me a really sweet text. It's a weird sort of Time for for movies because people are like very scared to take chances like they took and These classic like tropic thunder like you could never you could never shout out you could never the writer for that astronauts Oh my god perfect. Hey if the machine does well theaters We got a green light on monday and this grip is you want to see come in space? You're gonna see a lot of it It's about yeah, it's it's a weird time. I told you this I'll say it again, but like I was in Serbia before the first day of shooting I had some wine at dinner and I was laying in bed and I listened to you on a podcast and you said here's the problem with comedies They don't go fucking hard anymore and I sat up in bed and I went my first scene isn't hard My first scene isn't hard it's soft and it's stupid and he's right and I fucking rewrote it I woke up my cousin.

1:58:33I rewrote it. I said What do you think you think it's better and he goes? It's I don't know if they're gonna let you do it And I said I know but I just I'm listening to Joe and and like if you're if you're a little bit of a lighthouse for for us comics We're you know you've always given me great advice and I'm hearing you say it third hand do a podcast We rewrote it. I went in. I gave it to Peter Tensio. I said this I want this is can we shoot this also Shoot this one also do the one you want for safety Peter Tensio read it and laughed sentence to the directory run it or the producer kale loved it And he was like let's shoot this one instead Beautiful, and so we fucking come out hard That's great and also sounds like a group of people get you Sometimes you know when a guy says first big movie You know they'll tell you what to do and give you advice that might not mess necessarily Work with your personality.

1:59:23Well people want to be safe and they want and they don't want you fired man Everyone's got to be mw and they got to pay the payment bro imagine being the lady That decided to do that bud light campaign with Dylan Mulvaney Imagine like never thinking that a mistake that you make in a company Could could go that bad And so people when they see something like that in the news they get so fucking scared Of being the person that gets involved in another thing like that for the left or for the right It's like it's companies that are learning that attaching yourself to these like Sociopolitical things like yeah, there's consequences people get mad.

2:00:04Oh, I was really mad the day that commercial came out I'm in fucking yeah, please The day that commercial comes out. I mean, I mean some fucking arena I only say arena so that you know so that we know the conversation that you don't try out a lot of new material in arena You know what arenas show is pretty fucking dialed in yeah, pretty dialed in so I bring out a bud light I mean drinking on stage lately. I bring out a bud light And his dude booze he goes And I'm like what he's like don't drink that shit that's trans shit And I'm like huh and this woman goes he's talking about the commercial I was like wait.

2:00:41I don't follow the news at all. I go what's the fuck's going on Right and then some people start talking they go bud light did a commercial with the translating Kid rocks shut up the beer no one's drinking bud light And then I said I go now with my you weren't herena. I'm rolling the dice pretty hard I go. I don't think they went hard enough I go if I was a bud light. There's a commercial I'd make Do's on the corner of his bed. He's got a bud light in his hand his chicks behind him She's like are we gonna do this or what he's like no no no we're doing it And he kills the bud light and then he gets in the bed and he sucks his girlfriend's cock That's the fucking trans commercial.

2:01:17I want to see. I like that. Yeah, that's representative All you see is his head going up and down and she's like and then her voice lowers like yeah Play with the balls play with the balls. Oh, and then he fucking swallows and then he Follows it with another bud. Oh, it's a chaser make that that's inclusive. Hmm. It is It's better. Yeah. Yeah, just go hard. Just go so far the other I got wonder how much further If do people forgive? Because if these people look the right wingers right wingers generally tend to be Christian Do you think they forgive bud light said is there forgiveness in that or is there it?

2:01:54No forgiveness in a large corporation that attaches Is it a lesson like to for the other corporations if you want to attach yourself To like polarizing viewpoints and things that are hot buttons social topics There's consequences I hope it's not like why are corporations getting involved in social stuff anyway There's only one reason because they think that it's gonna benefit their bottom line up until now No, it's the same now it's different now They're doing things they're getting involved in social issues because they think they have to And they have the company has to be representative and they have to they have to go out there and get involved in these Silence as a definite.

2:02:35Yeah, oh yeah when the black squares came out do you remember the black squares force They force you into compliance and anytime someone's asking you forcing you into compliance that is not Never good. It's never good because they can do it with that then it keeps moving further and further down the line And then you've got some weird new quasi -freedom. Well, you know what it is. It here's the slippery slope though So you're getting ready to do a Hollywood premiere right right and they're at the front They're like hey, do we stand with all women and Some dude I'm gonna say names, but some dude who's an actor is like like part of him's like hey man.

2:03:12I got dirt I got dirt So I don't want to put the thing on to look like I'm being disingenuous, but maybe I'll skate by Oh, do you believe they give you a pin they give you a pin. Oh come on. You can't force someone to wear a pin That's crazy. It's how I won't say anyone's name so I want to drag a bowl stuff, but how what couple dudes got caught They who they wore a pin on the carpet and then activists like hold on you guys shit in your closet Get the fuck out and so a lot of people just it's like Even it's for the best cause in the world if someone's getting you to join But join us join us now you're part of social structures.

2:03:47Yeah, you're part of these weird things that people do when they they join groups you know, it's like if you had pins On and you came with them maybe but I like to try to get out dude you do you do you agree with us about anything? You're gonna go as an American flag that would free people out What do do this for America put this on for America people start going hey You're gonna make me put something on the black square me if I don't put the flag on the black square was that I woke up this more I woke up that morning. I think it was pandemic times right June 2020. Yeah, yeah I woke up in bad and I opened it and I saw black square and it's and I thought it was cool I thought it was cool.

2:04:28I was like that's cool man Yeah, stand up for black lives matters and and and post the squares and that's that's I was like that's pretty cool And then I saw people not posting and like posting compared to their mom or something and everyone's like lighting up Well, so you hate black people and then I was like oh, this looks a little toxic. I go you know, I'm gonna stay with you today I like that it's happening. I support that it's happening But I may not be the right guy to post up a black square right In the special they just aired I had a joke about Me and a black dude that maybe you could have been on the fence right?

2:04:58So I was like I may be the not to be the the spokesman They want and this back when I looked at my DMs and then my DMs are No black square no black square. So this is who you are This is who you are, but and I'm talking like a few You've made money. You just did your last special and you made a joke about a black guy stand with him How dare you make the money off black and I'm sitting there going Fuck man, then I don't really assess in who I am as a person and I'm like well, I do I do And then you're laying in bed. This is all happening bed. You're like I'm him. I do support. I have my favorite some of my favorite human beings are black My bus driver who I love to death wrong.

2:05:35I was like well. Is he thinking this about me? And then you post a black square and then it's the other side Oh, so you're one of those cut cowards and then you and then you eliminate the comments and god fucking damn And then you're like and then you're like I guess I'm throwing my phone into the river Yeah, man. It's a it's a tribal thing that happens with human beings especially with polarizing ideas You know Whether it's a woman's right to choose or whether it's pro choice or whether it's You know do you support black lives matter? Do you do the real problem becomes in when people enforce Compliance and they want you to comply whether it's like they're doing it socially or the threatening your livelihood Like you can force people to think a certain way if it if their livelihood depends on it And we know that that happens man.

2:06:30It's sketchy shit. It happened it happened um You know When when you they tried to cancel you And people started like I wasn't aware that it was going on and and and I wake up my DMs are lit up How dare you not to support Joe and I'm like what's with I don't even know what's fucking happened and then I I And then you sit there for a moment you sit at your desk and you find out what's going on And you write something and you go I know this is gonna like I know some of these LA parents that I lit friends with or some of my You know aren't gonna like my stance right now good, but this is my friend.

2:07:08I don't remember what I wrote I don't remember why I wrote by posted a picture of me and you I said something I'm very happy. I'm very privileged to have Joe as my my friend. I love him I stand by him whatever whatever whatever But dude you know you want to fucking talk about fucking throwing a fucking and and then I got a text from my dad My dad is a best fuck is a phone call my dad goes buddy You know I know I'm not I'm not always a sweet guy I don't really stand for what you know whatever's going on with him right now But I'm so proud to have raised a man that stands by his friends and you're like oh yeah, that's the fucking That's the real world that's the road Jorid Diaz lives in that real interaction you have another human being where you go I did the right thing I'm gonna start my day, you know like fuck the internet Fuck the comments.

2:07:56I'm not gonna fucking sit there in the comments and start fighting with people I got into fucking Indigenous mascots last night randomly on a fucking son of supposed and I'm reading all these comments and I'm getting worked up I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I like the old school mascot for four to save fucking. I don't give a fuck Which which thing was this the N word video was yeah Boy if I Can see why people would be so upset obviously We used to say the word in a way like if you were like using it in a sentence like talk about a richer prior routine if you're it just It didn't seem as offensive then as it does now now it seems like impossibly offensive Yeah, that's what's interesting is that There's no words that are really that way where it's positive if certain people use it And negative if other people use it like you could say it as like an affirmation you could say it as like Uh -uh punchline sometimes sometimes so many standards there posting shout out to him I can't on the last time I think it was 25 And he did 10 minutes.

2:09:10I mean it's It's but if you're a stand -up. I mean it is it it is a very valuable word But we know it's crazy is I watched Derek last night fucking hilarious and he uses the word a lot And I started counting a couple times. I was like I was like this is because I just seen you You know just seen you and you have a I won't not spoil alert But yeah great fucking thing and I watched Derek and I walk kind of counted and I thought what's amazing? Is they are not even hearing the word really? They're not hearing the word as if I say That they'd hear it. They're right. It's just skating by right when he says it It's that it doesn't cause any tension.

2:09:47It's amazing. It's amazing But that's what's so weird about that word is that it's the only word Where the amount of melanin in your skin predicate whether or not you could That dictates whether or not you can say it where you're from that dictates where you can say it It's like a it's a word that is privileged to a certain group. I mean not privilege. Obviously. It's a Terrible slur pointed at people. Yeah, but when they're using it the way they want to use it whether it's in hip hop lyrics or whether it's in stand -up comedy when they're using it the way they want to use it It's a beautiful like social tool.

2:10:23It's melodic. Oh my god for stand -up comedy it I think it gives an extra layer of flavor Oh Like if like should Pell use it. She's got a joke about and it where the I won't even fucking route But about him and his dude in the car and it couples up next to him and his dude and his white guy and he's like I think we should race him and she'll go and use the word but it's the word is the thing and it it's it gives it such a like Where you're like it's just sparkles. Well Chris rock is one of the greatest bits ever on that word I mean, it's a fucking amazing bit and when it's just It's just a very very strange word in terms of like All the other words exist.

2:11:06That's the the only one Like there's no positive like slurs against Jews Right there's no there's no like there's no slurs against Jews that if Someone was Jewish they could say in a positive way. Well hang on with the flip is Jewish people Comfortable Jewish people will mock their Jewish Judaism in front of you. Yes, like one that well I can't I can't throw a baseball you know typical Jew Right, but if you said it to them they'd be like what the fuck are you trying to say right and you're like and here's the thing I was trying to think of last night So we were I wanted to talk to you about that thing you're doing because I was like it's really brilliant and and one of the things I was thinking is like It's possible that we don't have white people don't have a word that is as Explosive or volatile to us that means so much and so like maybe we can't we can't understand no way We can't understand but that it's crazy just as a word that the flip side of it is They can use it and it just sounds fine.

2:12:16Yeah, it doesn't offend anybody. We're all just sitting there everyone's laughing It makes times better. It's really it's a weird word. Snoop said it Snoop said it to me when I walked or we were at this event I'm I told you and I so I want to go hang out with snoop and then it's like Can't you hang up snoop? I go to my friend like like if we can't hang out then we're not friends So I went over I said to the guy as I tell Tell Papa Birds here and he was like what you know, no, and I was like just tell Papa birds here He's like who's Papa? I go just yell Papa birds here. He was Papa birds here. And he's like yeah dog wants to see him and then I just walked through I went back first words at a snoop's mouth my and yeah, and I felt so much love I felt so much fucking love right I felt so much love and that crazy that crazy that word is so it's just as a word It's so fascinating and if I and now the exact opposite if I had said that to him Oh, yeah, we would have ruined the night.

2:13:16Oh, yeah, yeah, and I and and we're aware of that social interaction But at the same time There's like there is there there was this time Where were people thought like I remember reading the word in high school during reading huck fan reading it allowed and huck fan reading it allowed Is that still in it or did they change the words? I don't know because I think I think some Let's find out what what's going on with that because I feel like I read that That there was some call to remove that word from huckleberry fan Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like Well, remember the Chevy Chase routine with Richard prior.

2:14:03Yeah, yeah Fuck yeah on snl. I mean it's It was interesting to there's a period of time where Quentin Tarantino had white people saying in his movies Yeah, well he said a bunch of times in pulp fiction Alabama publisher says expurgation is that the right word? Expurgation Hi, I'm expecting of more than 200 hurtful epithets Will counter preemptive censorship that has seen mark Twain's yeah, okay, it sensors the n word what are they used in replace of that word They just call them Jim You're reading the words read all the words. They say oh my god. They replace it with the word slave Wow, and the new edition the word will be replaced in each instance by slave The word engine will also be replaced in the text I wonder what uh, that's the interesting works.

2:15:02I never really heard that word growing up engine Yeah, and we grew up in Florida where the seminal tribe was like really big well They were the only uncomcrunched on conquered tribe seminal tribe. Yeah We did I did the Civic Center in Tallahassee and right before the show they gave me the spear Uh, have I told you the story? No, I just don't like repeating myself and I do it a lot. It's okay. I forget stories good I enjoy him in the moment, but there's too many of them my database is so overwhelmed I'm like a shitty old old computer that says way too many fucking So so when I movies on it growing up in Tampa.

2:15:44I had no civic pride like we kids in Boston you had civic pride You wore the red socks hat. We just had the box and they sock right when I got went to Florida state when I started going to Florida state my dad said You're gonna have so much fun. You're gonna really experience the community those football games I understand what he's saying my dad grew up in New York Yankees fan like my dad understood that and knew I didn't have as a kid and I went to Florida state in my first game I didn't really understand we're all wearing the same colors. We're doing the the time -hawk chant and that first game Chief Oceola comes out on renegade and he has on the horse have you ever seen this?

2:16:19Yeah, he has a burning spear And he comes out. Jamie got to pull it up so beautiful on bear back on a horse Dude dressed native American dressed native American truck like a seminal with a burning spear And he goes out to the center of the fucking thing and he rears renegade back up on his two legs And he holds it there and the whole crowd's going oh And then he spikes the burning spear in the center the place explodes look at this look at this Now a kid from Ford. I'm seeing this This is me look at how it's fucking 18 years old. This is so crazy. He's meant to hate crime What is the hand forward supposed to represent throwing the spear?

2:17:03Oh really? Yeah This is so psycho dude. This is me at 18 with no idea I'm I'm drunk. I don't know what's going on my dad told me to get ready for this and I'm a part of this in the moment right Don't Campbell Stadium One of the coolest college experiences you could ever have in a million fucking years Fuck the Irish football. Fuxing Gillis. Fuxing Gillis. Yeah fat fuck. Fuck your team. Yeah shut him. Yeah, shut the fuck up and stay there Yeah, and then watch this. This is Florida state. Hey man football is war with a condom on Wait did they show cheap ocola throwing the spear yet? This is a representation of war look at everyone's chanting for their their warriors for these warriors spill it onto the field Yeah, but wait, what you got to see you got to see ocola Okay, but you know, real else have crazy this looks look at this these are us have yeah, fuck yeah Let's get after them boys.

2:18:01Oh, you get a territorial fuck. Yeah, this is me. This is my fuck. That's not you bird You live on just watch it. Watch it. This is who I was. This is my grooming Joe. This is the snakes. I grew up with These are the gators I grew up with okay, and then you're so excited about it This is what people you don't know But these are my colors. Oh, I get it now No, you got to see see the go to chief ocola. It's not showing up on this video. They're not doing it That's one of the things that I like about combat sports. This is none of this So then so then he's those aspiring the place pops place pops 80 ,000 people pops.

2:18:37I start crying. Oh like I'm a little human I guess are crying so like I'm like I'm like I'm a part of something like something bigger than me I'm a part of the first time in my life So I come back to play the arena and uh, oh hold on hit it pause. I go back to play the arena and they have everything I mean everything It's no they welcome back birdie boy Like it's like it's like they have a red carpet lined up And they say to me they say and I take a walk through campus and kids are sticking their heads out the window welcome home birdie boy It's so so emotional about this and they said me they go at the end they go um They said hey, there's a present we want to give you before you go on stage.

2:19:19I'm such a fucking idiot I thought I was getting a doctorate I thought they're gonna give me like the cap and gown your doctorate partying or some shit Yeah, and they give me the spear they give me the fucking spear and they're like hey and then this is Me this is one of the greatest moments my fucking life You taking your job. No, take a look at this tell me how fucking beautiful. Oh, yeah, I saw this I saw this in your Instagram. This is amazing Look at all they're doing the tomahawk with their fucking hands Everyone's doing it with their phones. This is boy. It'd be so easy to start a cult there Fuck oh, yeah, you can just send me back You're ready to send me back brother.

2:19:59It is it's it's it's played out of my funeral It's not interesting how fucking territorial people are and how much they love like this an area that they're from yeah It's quote what it's also like we you're talking about like survive here Yeah, there is are you talking about surviving alligators and living in the swamps wild folks. That's how we get down That's how you get down. Yeah, go to fucking go to go to Australia and do a show and they're going Show me I got a throat infection from drinking out of people's shoes drinking. I drink out of so many shoes Joe I had to stop I was like a throat infection So even the all the alcohol that we're throwing down wasn't enough to counteract the funk of someone's fucking dirty feet They was my shoes.

2:20:44I sort of buy new shoes like a do or shoes that's so gross your own shoe You drink in your own funk now. Well, it's what's worse your yeah, dear funk would be way better than so I was by a brand new shoes just a drink out of Oh, right very suddenly in America why wake up going what's sure I'm gonna drink out of today And that was every fucking day in Australia. Yeah, you gotta give up on that idea These people stop You can if you google bird show you'll see them all over the place good for your gut biome Here's so Joe Rogan Yeah I wonder you are the weirdest dude. I know One of these gonna be your gut biome yeah Would you imagine like get on that dresses you a little like puts like like people in some countries They drink their water and they don't have a problem But if American went over there and drank their water they would get deathly sick.

2:21:37Mexico. Yeah You can't brush your teeth with that shit monosumas revenge gives you ass over fucking jet spray Bad diarrhea hangover Yeah, it's bail real bad right we did it to the Native Americans we wrote over here and just fucking infected them Yeah, we're like little fucks was a small box. Oh, yeah, they killed literally killed 90 % of the population 90 % I mean it was a we think of the genocide as being like Us killing or not us Traileteers and shit my family came over here in the 20th century But we think of it as yeah, maskers, but it wasn't it was that for sure. There was a lot of maskers There it was it's a lot of atrocities.

2:22:23Yeah, but also the majority of people were killed by diseases They had no immunity for and that's probably what happened with the Mayans too When they think about like where this civilization they created these incredible structures like how this happened And you go back to Cabeza de vaca when there's a great book Called the land so strange and it's all about these guys from Spain Landing in Florida and and making their way and running into the Mayans and like what the floor is going on Oh, dude. What's it in with this book? It's called a land so strange a land so strange. Yeah There's What what these guys encountered when they're talking about what when people those early settlers encountered these incredible cities Where people had all these gold ornaments and it's incredible sophistication and then when people went back later It was gone Ever old was dead Because those people that went there first and then came and told everybody about it.

2:23:28They killed them all They just Ha Breathe on them with that European funk the stuff that they had lived with so they had immunity to it So when they came over here, they just killed everybody Jesus yeah That's what happened to 90 % they think of the Native Americans and and happen probably The Mayans the Micronesia probably when James Cook probably all over the place Well, that's also one of the reasons why north sentinel island that island where the That missionary went and got murdered by the natives Like they they think that the reason why they're hostile to people is that at one point time There was this guy who was a famous explorer slash pervert who used to travel around and take photographs of people like dressed up in Roman costumes and shit And a lot of these people like they went to a bunch of these sort of uncontacted islands And they got up they kidnapped some people and got a bunch of people sick and a few people died from whatever They got sick from yeah, and so I think they've always Connected people that visit them with like sickness and death like that.

2:24:38I fucked it up for everybody I had that feeling towards women for a while To get the cop once and you're like I don't trust any fucking woman It's venereal diseases are pretty wild because it's like Diseases are so crafty. They figure out a way like how can I get in there? I know I gotta get on that guy's dick Have you ever had a beauty? I never had anything that was worth talking about on a podcast So crap nothing deadly nothing deadly crap. What's terrifying to me is that That's how people died in the 1400s alcapone that yeah alcapone Fucking simplest yeah, you watch those those old photographs and video of what I guess not photographs But do they have video of anybody was syphilis?

2:25:32Oh, their nose goes away everything big holes in their faces and Scary shit, man because like That that fucking tissue rotting like what does that do to your insides? You've got holes in your face and holes in the top of your head and it's from sex Dude I've told this a million times, but you know that's where the term big wigs comes from right? No, you don't know this there was these French royal guys and they had syphilis and so the hair was falling out and they put on these wigs and When they were very popular was socially and everyone started wearing wigs and the more money you had the bigger your wig was Really that's what big wig is yeah It's from comes from syphilis that should be an app.

2:26:22I love those those kind when they go They get you know where cat in the bag came yeah, yeah, yeah, there's some good ones like that like a like long in the tooth Mm -hmm is cuz you look you know horses mouth open right see how long the tooth was and that's about how old they were And then you start looking at old people's teeth, especially their bottom teeth and they're really fucking long You're like, oh wow holy shit. Yeah, your gums start falling apart. Mm -hmm. I like that shit. Yeah It's interesting those phrases like where they come from put that one's particularly weird I wonder if we've started any as comics.

2:26:51It's commonly so big right now. Mm -hmm like give him the light Yeah, give him the light maybe It's probably a few Is it fun time for comedy dude? It's fun time can I tell you I was thinking about this in bed today. I was like I wonder like I'll put it in USC terms like so Oleg uh tart tart Tech tariff. Tartaroff is in our movie I love that dude. He loves you and he is a fun fucking hang. He's a fun dude He's you remember the when we face time to you? Mm -hmm Yeah, he we were watching the World Cup soccer and I went to this hotel because the whole cast is over there He's a big dude. He's a big dude and he's still strong as fuck.

2:27:30He's tight like he's a he's a strong man Oleg Tartaroff was one of the first guys that I ever saw in MMA Pull -off leg locks against like really high level competition And then I found out about pancreas afterwards. I felt like but Oleg was like one of the first guys I think I ever saw that pulled off leg locks. I was like wow. Yeah He he so I was thinking about this so he's in the movies and big actress big actor now But when we I ran into him we were both drinking beers and I didn't realize who it was And he just walks up to me in that Russian accent. He's like you know Joe and I was like Rogan who's yet call him I go I go that's not how Joe works You don't just like FaceTime Joe and he goes FaceTime Joe and I FaceTime you when you picked up and he grabbed the phone He goes Joe and you're like holy shit.

2:28:18What are you doing? He's I'm doing a movie them But like I think about this when I think about comedy So like you look at Oleg and the career he had he was a fucking legend, right? Yeah, you look at hoist Gracie You look at uh, danish or Shamrock Ken Shamrock uh Tito Ortiz right for all these fucking The guy with the big the fucking strong you're who'd usually against people Randy go to and the fucking Yeah, and then the other guy who always seemed like you guys sliced on his eye where I glove during a fight And he had to tap out because he got sliced by glove The he used to fight against Randy all the time That was Randy too, buddy.

2:28:57No, no, no, Randy got his eye Was it Randy? Yeah, it was against V Tor Belford Chuck Chuck Chuck Lidell. Oh Yeah, Chuck didn't have that issue Yeah, no, that was uh, that was Randy against V Tor Belford It was just a very unusual injury and it sliced the eyelid open and they had to stop the fight like the actual Island separate. Yeah, I remember that. Well, I remember it kind of couldn't let him fight You think about all those guys, right? Those are like the guys that started the guys that were the one that Peeked our interest they they ran UFC Ran UFC, and then you look at like issy and fucking Conor and you see how much money someone like Connor makes and I always wonder if those guys look at Connor and go like Shipman you're welcome for the path I carved the road because you would have never gotten there last time I'm hanging out with dice thinking dice is the first guy that ever did Stadia like arenas mm -hmm for an argy I mean Steve Martin did but he was the only motherfucker that did arenas Yeah, he was the first for sure the first guy to do and he did what was the number?

2:30:02He said said something's same number Do you remember the number he said he did and uh, yeah, it's like 700 or some shit like that. Oh, something's same number of awareness. Oh, I'm sorry I don't remember what the number was but it was like holy shit and we're talking about we're talking about Carlin and and and fucking all like all the legends that were in the 80s They never got to do stadiums and arenas fucking Andrew Schultz did the fucking Houston stadium the other day. Mm -hmm. He did the stadium. I mean Tommy did two shows at the united center I I always talk a while time for comedy, but I wonder if those comics look at us the same way Oleg and those guys look at Conor like he's just lucky timing We just showed up at a time when these people laid the foundation for what what could become You know, listen, you're gonna waste time and energy thinking about that Fucking who cares what they think like you look at the old like it is what it is Mike Schmidt Yes, for the for the fucking fillies, and then you see him know negotiate a contract for $350 ,000 and then then you look at the guys negotiating for like $750 ,000 right?

2:31:15It's just a crazy that like I was trying to like break it down in my head. I see what you're saying. Yeah, I know I see what you're saying But for sure like but that's gonna be the case with the next generation that comes up after us They'll probably have some insane advantage as well. Yeah, wait. I mean there's just social media and podcasts just changed everything Change everything you I'm gonna do two seconds But you gave a lot to us you gave a lot to me no no I meant to the community to our community Yeah, but you didn't you didn't you didn't have like your three openers that you only put on You didn't you didn't you weren't you wasn't just you and your couple boys You opened it up to all of us and you're like hey Tom.

2:31:56Who's your buddy Bert And then he's like oh, you should meet Bert. I want to meet him and then you'd put people over Hey, Bert. Who's that guy? I'm saying this and I'd be like I Tim on my podcast very early And then all of a sudden like you're like hey introduce me to Chris the Stefano and all these guys that are like you never had any Jealousy about you you always were generous with your platform and with your fans and and and maybe not enough people know that and maybe not The people appreciate Just the feeling that we as a community have for you because you gave us things you and not not money not anything But just opportunities.

2:32:30I said this to big boy on a podcast the other day You you never cared about one -uping anyone. I do that sometimes in podcasts. I'm gonna tell the story. I tell the story that I think I do what I do it but like you didn't you were like that's a great story and then you go Hey, Jever you ever wonder how to build the pyramids and you just talk about like you just were like curious and fun and like and and and I'm I'm telling you man it You I said to something of the day you you got like 10 friends who do arenas pretty crazy oh That never happened. That's pretty wild you you have 10 of your best friends that do arenas.

2:33:15Yeah, there's not a lot I don't I don't I haven't put over people like that There's not a lot of comics out there that have done that for comedy and you and you never said like yo can I get a cut of that or anything? It's very nice me to say but in my defense I there's no one else had the opportunity that I had I had a very unique situation So it was for me it was like it makes sense. It's mutually beneficial. It's great for everybody It's great for the art form. It's fun And I'd like when people do well. I like it. That's not that's unique. You know that right. It shouldn't be it's a it's a mindset I could have fallen into the same jealous mindset that most people have.

2:33:54I'm not a special person I just figured it out early on that it's actually a weakness I see I assessed I analyzed it like when I would feel bad about someone doing well I'm like what is that about? And I sat around and I thought about it for quite a bit This is when I was like 21 because I remember um, I had a I definitely had a lot of jealousy when I was fighting But then when I got into comedy, I sort of carried that over and one time I was thinking about it And it really bothered me because I'm like that seems like that's taking up a lot of my energy That I'm jealous of someone who's doing better than me like why why would I do that?

2:34:33Why when I instead could have the exact same experience but be inspired I'm like, it's just a mindset switch and it also makes it so much easier to hang out with people and talk to people It makes you you have better bonds with people If you can just fucking Enjoy Watching people do well and then do your best do your best and enjoy watching people do well And I think that doing well is contagious And I think doing well if you're around people to do well and you help them and they help you I think it's contagious and I think that shit spreads you gave us success pause Yeah, who's you were the settler that came into a bunch of bunch of indigenous people and gave us the sex box because There's I mean, you know, it's it's like Well, we have to take credit to the store too because it all really came to fruition at the store It's like the camaraderie that we all had at the store And that you know, we Was like the first group that actually benefited from each other rather than you know If you and I were both up for the same role in a sitcom we see each other friends But we see each other auditioning and it's like and some guys will get shitty with you Just try to fuck with your head, you know, I've experienced that before in auditions.

2:35:50I was like wow god people Insult you just try to fuck with your head or try to make you feel bad before you go into the room like But we don't we didn't have that because we came We we sort of like made it in a time where the internet was coming alive And as our careers advanced the internet did too and what happened was We all became a benefit to each other instead of a liability Like to have really funny friends that you could do podcasts was was great We would do each other shows and we would all have fun together and then we would go to the ice house and do shows there and do this and do that It everyone became A great asset instead of a liability.

2:36:35Yeah, yeah, so instead of like a competition like oh he might get the part It became oh and then we also realized that when you do a bunch of shows like we're doing at the ice house with a bunch of killers You get better. Oh, yeah, yeah, you get better Mark Norman watch me last night. I told a joke that I it's not a joke. It was just something that happened He wants in life and it's a story, but it's just a weird story And you need guys like Adam Egan or Mark Norman Norman came up to me goes that's a fucking bit. Mm -hmm. I was like for real He's like dude. It's fucking hilarious and then sometimes right you just like someone needs to tell you and then you're like oh I know I can say it.

2:37:13I know how to okay dude and you gotta work on it I said the one of the best jokes I had on a secret time was not I'm gonna go to Film secret time and the week before I spent every night at the store and I said I want to find I want to make sure where these holes are Because that that's a pretty honest audience And I randomly told a story about Get my pajamas for Christmas just in the OR when you're bombing. Yeah, and then you're like I gotta pivot right and I just like This this will work. This is a good story. It wasn't in my hour and Adam Egan pulled me aside He goes that's the best joke you have.

2:37:46Oh, that's hilarious and I went for I saw a joke And he goes it was better being a secret time and I go no, it's not and I moved it up I took it that weekend that week. I worked it out at the OR Put it in secret time in the first like 14 minutes where I want I work specials differently I think Put in the first 14 minutes. It's like the most like the biggest joke I had and I go think I'm around fucking smart motherfuckers. Yeah, thank God It's it's nice to have a lot a lot of people to bounce things off of too. That's been nice about being here I liked what I told Adam last night. So I work with the young lady who's fucking the gangster.

2:38:25She's a gangster. She's awesome And and Adam said how did you get how well how did that happen? And I go I watch your joke with you He was what and I go Joe wanted you. He's like you Joe's like I'm starting a club. I want that guy Yeah, and he said I'm paraphrasing tell me what you want cool. Let's do it I said the same thing to Victoria. I said tell me what you want cool. Let's do it You surround yourself by the motherfuckers and you are and you are golden and are you walking? Leanne said last night Leanne had a beautiful experience with comedy mothership She said it means morning. I feel like Austin hasn't been I have any of mine because I'm you always go there by yourself And it's so cool She goes, you know every club I go to with you they know who I am and I just didn't think anyone would know me at the comedy mother ship And then we stayed until three in the fucking morning.

2:39:15She goes that's the coolest place She goes he did he hire everyone that's good and I went everyone He got everyone and that's the fucking model Fucking surround yourself by the motherfuckers Yeah, do it the right way too. Yeah, if you're gonna do it and don't do it until you can do it the right way You know behind your time Take chances Take chances self less lights. Yeah, I have some fun out in this wild world Berkrasher you're probably on episode like fucking three or something like that What episode was Berkrasher on? Oh No, the number story was number 95 The machine was number 95. Wait, what year was that can you tell me?

2:40:00People in that's 2010 The machine story I never I never what it's all about a wild thing That'll all the things that have emerged from the podcast. This is gotta be the most preposterous 73 might have been your first one 73 is is when I told the Tracy Morgan story. That was January 23 C. I'm so sorry 2013. Oh, oh on this. This is no Either way it was a long ass time ago if you would have told me You're telling that story on the podcast would not just become like a part of your act You have to tell every time would also become a fucking moving that's about to come out I always said what yeah, it's gonna be like the number one movie in the country.

2:40:50What are you talking about That story on this fucking show we did in a bedroom in my house. How is this possible? How is it possible? That one was April 5th 2011 2011 dude. That's when you told it April's my fucking month. Wow. April's my fucking month What a crazy fucking story the Rolling Stone magazine came out April 1st For someone to try to like take that story and say do you support them off? Yeah Are you a part of robbing if your friends are giving you like what is he trying to play gotcha journalism How many dorks did you have to talk to when you did this uh This video. Yeah, look at young bird.

2:41:29Look at you look at your dog with a beard black beard. Hmm Back in the day son This is about the last time you were here There's a fucking story about the Russian mom. It's a tease these bitches We let these people right now on Twitter. They have been going crazy all day do not let bird christian get out of there without the Russian mom story That's it go find that online ladies and gentlemen because it's fucking amazing That story that story changed my life Joe that story changed my life. Hey, we all changed each other's lives Yeah, like legitimately we were really dead. We got a great thing going on.

2:42:04There's a lot of us. It's a lot of fun These shows have been amazing. There's there's such it's such a good time Everyone's podcasts is thriving. It's beautiful. Here's what I'll say keep the good time rolling I'll tell you secret time More secret time if if if comedies do well in the theater They're next summer your lineup is got shangilis is in the movie theater shangilis Tim Dylan Your fit mark Norman fucking Tom's are gonna a bird cry next. Yeah, like like support you if you go out and you spend your money Support live comedy like we know our fans do yeah support it in the theaters give our get us our get our backs in the theaters To prove to the studios that our sense of humor is real and it translates.

2:42:49Yeah, and And if you enjoy comedies like I do this there's only one way like this is the role that dies This is it they're taking a chance now taking a chance and if this scores then the party keeps rolling But it's and but you gotta go to the movie theaters man You gotta prove it in the movie theaters and I know that's a selfish ask why is it more important in the movie theaters than the amount of streams Because of buying on Apple so the way a deal works once again I know I'll get in trouble for this the way a deal works. Don't say it if you're gonna get in trouble I don't care. I want my movie to do well So the way a movie works is you get X amount of dollars 20 million dollars to make a movie He's I think we spent 20 million dollars 30 million dollars on the machine.

2:43:30Okay, so if it goes in the movie theaters Everyone gets to recoup their money when you go to a streamer. They basically go. What did you pay? Cool will get break you even and we'll give it a little extra But you're not you don't get the big bucks. That's coming to us And so if this movie does well everyone's got points on the back end So every extra dollar you make everyone that makes it starts making money all these people that go You know, hey, we should put this in this and do this comedy and make it soft. They start realizing shit my money will make Fuck in murdering a dude and blood all over the place like make fucking crazy comedies That'll make me money and then they'll start leaning into it and then there'll be if there's a bunch of people that go Let's go harder.

2:44:10Hey The Kurt Mansker. What's your idea? And that's and so like the in the movie theaters. There's just more money to be made because it's it's a Like Bruce Willis when he did six cents. He just took points. He didn't take any money So he made like hundreds of millions of dollars on the books So when these movies it wants you to break your budget once you break 30 million All of a sudden all that money starts flowing into the studios and the networks are the studios and and the product companies and they're like Fuck let's do that again and then we'll sell to the streamer and we'll make our money back And then we'll make it then some and we're making more money and the streamers are there I was with party with your boy the other night.

2:44:49He was like it let's Brayden do great in the movie theaters then come to us and do even better because people watching repeat But it's got to do good in the movie theaters. You got movies are dying people aren't going out to movies They're only going out for the Avengers. That's it right now the and so we really are a Bill Hicks joke. We really are a Bill Hicks joke We really we've turned into Bill Hicks Now it seems like it that would be it sounds like a Bill Hicks joke the only movie people go see is the Avengers It's the truth It does and and and and and that's not like a Hicks joke and and these fucking Movies if they do well in the theaters and all of sudden these dudes were running these studios and have the the access to the big pockets That go i'm telling you right now the machine does well.

2:45:33I can I can guarantee you two things Mark my fucking words machine does well fat astronauts get screen lit on Monday and Tim Dylan's project get screen lit on Tuesday I can promise you that Tim Dylan is the hottest fucking commodity in Hollywood right now If everyone loves being honest with this be it insider trading it should be Tim Dylan is the hottest commodity in Hollywood everyone fucking loves that guy and they're afraid to say it out loud Um because it's a problematic he's a right -winger who knows what he's gonna do who's not you know crazy gay right -winger Everyone loves Tom Tim Dylan Shane Gillis I was sitting in a tent in Serbia with legendary watching fucking Gilean Keaves We're crying laughing.

2:46:14That's your next fucking that's your next movie star Shane Gillis is the best actor out of all of us Out of all of us the best comedic actor around you don't need to Put him in an action comedy you go Shane Gillis. What do you want to do his movie will be the biggest summer blockbuster of the fucking year Mark my goddamn fucking words But they've got it they've got a trust that they can make their money back and it's got to be made in the theaters I really know how to business talk but I hear what you're saying. Yeah It's like It's I get their point to I just keep it here on movies is the easiest Yeah, right they always win I mean when we started podcasting we were like yeah keep it small let's make our money back And then guys like you started going I see the guys like people like Spotify like I see the I see the profit margin in this Let's roll a dice now granted You're the same as me a little bit Chancey say some fucked up shit every now and then who knows where we're going You get a coming like Spotify or comedy like Netflix who stands behind what you stand say And they and they go we we supports free speech You just gotta let them know that the month because they do that because the money's coming in right The studios haven't seen the money come in yet The studios need to be convinced the same way Netflix and Spotify have been convinced that free speech and comics talking wild and doing Wild shit is profitable and that our fans right here Will go out to the movie theaters and then all of a sudden I'm telling you it's a game changer.

2:47:39I bet it can happen You know really can and in that sense a lot of times if people like it But the critics hated if certain critics hated it it actually is better because it makes people distrust distrust critics even more especially oh critics want hate Stuff I haven't read one thing about the machine at all. I won't mean there's critics at love certain films and but They hated his Ventura they hated raw the Seed the hated one of the Cisco Nebel Ebert they didn't hate it for the right reasons They hated a Ventura they trashed it they trashed it. Why man wasn't the best movie in the world It was pretty fun watching it's pretty best.

2:48:17It was pretty fucking great. It's okay. I mean, I don't know It's hard watching old comedies like you try to watch porkeys. Yeah, it's a big old rape But yeah, but then then you look at stepbrother stepbrother is it is there if I shot it leave that in their porcus is with no I mean I've watched I have a VHS tape of it airing on like public normal TV like MBC at late at night and they have all the bad shit when close edited out. Oh my god It's just the nudity's edited out so that's it holy shit Yeah, I was from the 90s. It just got all that was a crazy movie right? What happened in a dick in a hole to the girls locker and I'm like someone jack me off Jesus and the teacher comes and grabs it.

2:49:00Oh my god The teacher grabbed it bro. Wait. Why was that okay then? Like why were these movies okay? Oh no, but I think I'm like We should make a movie and I bet it's gonna be like You give me 30 million dollars that movie's gonna be fucking insane Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it as the truth man? We proved it in podcast We did yeah, we proved it on the internet. I mean look at looking how many guys look at what you know what gillian cues did offline like Like when he released it when they released it to the fanbase said hey here pay this right did fucking bananas numbers bananas I'm sure people shankiless is a gangster people forget how that he's a fucking businessman too He is a gangster.

2:49:45Oh, we'll get into the weeds about this all day long. Probably probably probably let's talk about like They did great money and And then and then they're like oh cool. We get to make a cool thing and our fans love it That's all people got to know in this in Hollywood Hollywood. He's doing yeah Perfect example exactly. Yeah selling all of it on his website putting all his movies there his television show Bobby Kelly special did fantastic Joe list movie did fantastic. Yeah, he's putting money out. He's Joey Louis is Sony or legendary He's just doing it all in house and going like I know all I hire all the people like an online producer Let's just make it we'll sell a direct consumer and it can just continue to grow There's no ceiling on the potential for more people to find out about what he's doing online.

2:50:34Louis. Yeah. Oh He's I mean he's very interesting. He's he's like you you know, he's been good for comedy. Yeah, he's been good for comedy Kiss you know, he helped me a lot with the design of the place. No, yeah, yeah I took a couple pieces of advice from him. It's very good advice in the smaller room the stage was too large He's like why is the stage so big? I'm like, why is this why is this stage so big? Because I think the stage should be about four feet shorter on each side I was like I can we could do that okay, and he's like in the ceiling. Can you make it lower? And I'm like yeah, we can make it lower It was it was already low but in a great fucking room.

2:51:10How low is that ceiling? I mean it's pretty fucking low. It feels good Doesn't have you you're you like intimate it's boxed in with those folks They're reminds you the old school New York days where you can put your hand on the ceiling. Yeah, those kind of clubs So he had that That was his suggestion there to make the stage smaller in the little room and make the ceiling even lower So we did that and then in the next room The ceiling we lowered the ceiling That was his other suggestion too, and then he had some good suggestions about sound proofing Because I think a lot of comedians I'd like the sound of the echo because it makes loud laughs louder But it also makes it more difficult to people to understand What you're saying?

2:51:51It's harder because it's like echoey like in the Vulcan It was a little echoey. It was great when you were killing right because the laughs are so loud But some parts of the room when you're looking at getting like sound bouncing off of a bunch of shit You won't you miss subtle things you miss certain things Yes, so he was like, you know, you got to make sure that everything's like soft and the sound is like Everything soundproofed We did that when this last tour we were doing arenas and I upgraded my package to have like a Like a legit lighting package and legit sound brought in mm -hmm and it changed those arenas.

2:52:26It's game changer like This I remember saying that the first person that did I go you're gonna fall in love with the sound of this It's not just you're set up in arena and it's whatever sound they have It's like it's like they do this whole presentation before to dial in the exact sound points And it is it sounds like you're in a comedy club So is this worth it to you to do when because you're doing so many shows so it's easy just they come with you They travel with you. Yeah pay One point seven. No, I like this. I like this. I like the inside the baseball. Yeah, okay pay one point seven for a lighting package in a team And so it comes with like a it's an all over budget and You bring your own stage with you I I told Shayna Mark we did Whatever the arena in In Tempe for the superbo we did four shows and I said I and I paid extra to bring the sound package out I wanted them to experience it Shane Gillis was a person.

2:53:18I told him I said you're gonna because he was nervous about doing arenas because he had done arenas and they sound echoey I said wait you hear my sound package wait. You see my pack like my lighting package all of it You're gonna really love it because I paid extra for it I want this show to feel I want you to if you're paying to see me in arena I want you to know that I am appreciative of that dollar and I'm gonna put money back into the show I'm not just do some cash grab and Cut to birds doing show by candlelight Luis at that And so you know dope that would be candlelight show That would be trust the audience of candles Joe I Said weird like that anybody could just buy a lighter.

2:54:00It's kind of crazy how few fires really are It's people are so stupid. I think about that all the time. I think about that How many how few car accidents there are like people are so goofy. It's kind of amazing that most days You know it's like package wow dude. That's pretty amazing. Oh, you should see me walk out on stage man Look at you. I paid extra money so that my entrance has a little bit of sparkle a little bit of razzle dazzle to it a little bit of a razzle dazzle and And uh and I think it pays off I think there's an audience member you appreciate it for sure and I think but you're right when the sound is so important sounds everything So for this club that does like we made sure we just everything my only note please If you're gonna have joy dears as weed around You gotta take that clock off the little boy.

2:54:51I was on stage last night I got high with you right before I went on stage on the late show and never get high before I got on stage I have but I don't usually because I'm afraid of of like rightly so and I was riffing and fucking rolling and I was like nice And I looked up and the clock was at four minutes and I went I've only done four minutes How long did you think you were on for I thought I was on for 30 minutes Oh my god, and I was like oh we need to move that clock and then I said it I would kept messing around and I looked and it was four minutes and 40 seconds And I was like oh god someone needs to close the clock and and then they start freaking out thinking about it Because I was like because you know how sometimes you get high time goes a little slower And I was like oh my god.

2:55:35I'm in my head And then I just I knew Liam was in the room I knew I could like fuck with her if I needed to like and I could get myself out of anything Right and I was like just enjoy this enjoy this let your brain think weird Let your brain think weird and talk weird and and and and I saw The chick in the front row had a weird purse that the same person next to him had And I went oh their phones were locked up I can say whatever the fuck I want oh you didn't know I didn't know And I fucking started going like and I and I had last night my second show Was one of the best shows I've had Will definitely in 2023 without a doubt and I would argue other than when I did the other room Which was a fucking really a magic show that was a fucking magic show That might been but the best time I've ever had on stage last night.

2:56:27I fixed two jokes. I've always wanted to tell Always want to tell watching to do get struck by lightning and beating any Asian and foot race I did both those jokes and they worked and I walked out And I was like god damn it that room special. I'm back Monday To do Tommy we're doing two bears Monday and Tuesday and I was in the shower I was like I want to do little boy again if they're open Monday. I want to do little boy that was a fun fucking room It's a fun fucking room Monday is an open mic. Yeah You know we can figure out anything But it's it's a there's a weird Vibe of the place that place has a vibe Because there's so many like -minded people that are that are in there that are just sort of really just trying to get better at comedy and There's so many of them that just like the plate.

2:57:14It's like there's a vibe in the building You know and it the audience is so appreciative. They're real comedy fans. Oh, dude the guy last night. It's incredible I said I'm back Monday and Just goes Texas loves you Bert in your life. Oh Man, that's what you want to hear and love Well, you want to hear that why wouldn't you want to hear that yeah Texas loves you Bert? Let's wrap this bitch up I love you, but I love you too Congratulations. I know it's gonna be the number one movie in America or we're all communists From your mouth to go literally okay Anything else Bert Bert dot com where's the bird christian dot com burper Bert dot com by tickets go see the machine this weekend Go lie on my heart go go see it bye everybody