#2066 - Ralph Barbosa

24:11Like I'm not like a few beers in the night. I might, if I have two shows, I might drink a beer or two before the second show. I might drink another couple beers on the stage. But I'm also like, when I'm on like the West Coast from Texas to the West, my audiences are like 100 % Mexican. Like there's no type of mix. And if you drink in front of an all -Mexican crowd, they're just going to keep like, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck. Right. And there's no satisfying them like, I learned my lesson. If you chuck one, you'll have to chuck another. If you chuck the next one, like you'll be in a beer and you're wanting to throw up on stage like more dudes going to bring your beers.

24:46Yeah. I'm going to get them one too. Yeah. So like, so I won't drink on stage. If I do, I'll let them know like, I'm not fucking, you're not doing this to me. Yeah. They can take you down the rabbit hole. But after the show, if I already started drinking after the show, I'll keep it going. Mitzies is a fun place to be after the show. Where? Mitzies, the bar downstairs, the mothership. Oh yeah. Tonight after the show's we're going downstairs. All right. It's great. Whole staff's partying. Mitzies hanging out. Yeah. It's a great vibe. It's a real great sense of community and home. You know, that it's a real like home base.

25:24You know. You need home bases when you're on the road a lot. I do. Yeah, I think you do too. Keep you human. That's what we used to have at the store. It was a home base. All these guys that would tour on the weekends, we'd all meet each other at the bar, at the bar downstairs. It was a comedian's only bar. It was this beautiful bar and the the bar itself was Mitzies. It was from her home and they moved it. When she moved out of her home, they moved it and they put it in this one. So you knew it was like, you're holding on to Mitzies bar. This is hers. You know, this is her bar. Like you feel her bar when you put your hand down and you have a drink.

25:58You set it down on Mitzies bar. It was something about that man. And then we're, you know, Ron White's back there and fucking Dave Sheepells back there. Dave brings his own music sometimes. It's crazy. It's beautiful. Fucking love that. Beautiful. It's just a hang man. So that's what we do at the mothership. Dave has good music. He's always got the best music. I always have Shazam on point when Dave had set up. So I tapped the back of my phone three times. Shazam pops up. I just have it on the little pull down menu or whatever. I don't know what you call it. I want to show you my messages. I got a new case.

26:32It's a little thick. I might have fucked up my tapping. It was like the sweetest thing. I could tap three times. Boom, boom, boom. You're going to have to work out your hands for more. There's a lot of sea Shazam comes up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got to get better finger strength. I got to get better. You're telling me, buddy. I got to work on my piano skills. I had to imagine piano players, man. That kind of dexterity in your fingers. Piano and guitar or anything you could do with your fingers like that. That's some wild dexterity that I love. There's Instagram videos. I got a trick for that. There's no need for dexterity these days.

27:06Oh yeah. If you're going to play like a full on song, then yeah, you need dexterity and actual piano lessons. But if you're the type of guy like me who just every now and then comes across a piano, you want to impress people. There's these Instagram videos that have like four keys tops. And if you play like the keys the way they tell you, it's a simple little pattern, but it sounds like you're doing a bunch. It sounds like you have dexterity. So it's cool. I just like to trick people. I have no real skills. I just. Well, that's a skill. You just have a very small skill. Yeah. You were playing pool earlier with Jake.

27:40You can make a ball, right? That's a skill. You're just not a professional pool player. That's a difference. I know enough to give by. Yeah, you have a skill. I'm like Leo on catch me if you can. I'll give by. I'll get some money, but it won't be a real career here. Well, you know, that's one of the beautiful things about anything. Like you learn and then you realize how much more there is to learn. Like I remember when I first started doing stand up, you know, all you're trying to do is just get a laugh. Just all you're trying to do is like figure out how to not drown up there. And slowly but surely try to find things that you think are funny and that make you, but you're getting better, you know, over time for sure.

28:21Everybody gets better. All of us get better. For sure. And there's something about that that's fucking cool. And it seems to never end, man. That's what I love about stand up. I've always loved to learn. Like I love, I've had various jobs just for the sake of learning that specific little trade. But stand up was the first thing that I was like, man, this is never ending. Like I'm never going to finish learning. I'm never going to finish getting as good as I want to get. So that's the one that I really stuck to. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing too because you get this amazing feedback from all these people and you make them feel better.

28:55Yeah. Like when people leave a great show, they have this fucking smile on their face like, oh, shit, that was great. That was so fun. Yeah. That was so fun. Sometimes girls want to have sex with you after. That's crazy. Yeah. You bring in joy. Yeah. Just bring in joy to all these people. But you're getting better at it too. Dom Arrera said that to me once. And Dom at the time was in his 60s. And he's like, Joe, I don't think I've ever been sharper because like all these sets at the store, he goes, I feel like the stand up was an amazing thing because you could just keep getting better at it. I'm motivated to do more of it, whether I kill or I bomb.

29:28Because if I bomb, I'm like, oh, what I have to fix that. Have you seen Ron White lately? Ron White's sober now. He doesn't drink anymore. Better than ever. Yeah. Better than ever. You see, that's why I want to stay sober. Murderin. Murderin. I mean murderin. Ron White's a fucking assassin. And he's like, never been sharper. New bits always working on new shit. Constantly rolling out new material. It was going on tour again. He's going to have a retirement party. I'm like, bitch, you ain't retiring. I don't think you could retire with stand up. I think I think, I mean, what do I know? He was saying that he was just going to do the club.

30:04I'll just do the mother ship. I'm like, yeah, for a while, you're just going to do the mother ship. But you're going to get to it. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what he's going through anything. But I feel like this is a type of game where you could try to retire. You could try to take breaks. Wait, man, there's no finishing this. Too fun. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Policy Genius. Let's be honest, we all procrastinate, especially when it comes to smaller tasks that don't seem all that important, like finding the perfect life insurance policy. Well, no more excuses. This is your wake up call to finally get that life insurance because it actually is very important.

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32:02They're the most forgiving, understanding, ridiculous people. Talk shit to each other all the time. Everyone's laughing. That green room at the mothership at any given night. It is just like a full on show and we're all howling at each other. You know, Hinch Cliffs cracking on people, Shane Gillis is cracking on people, Ron White Chimes in, Brian Simpson dumps on people. It's wild back there. We're having so much fun. Just all laughing at each other. Just all falling down on the ground, slapping tables. It's beautiful. It's hard to like joke like it's hard to go back from that. Like when you get used to talking shit with comics, my group of friends that I grew up with, we talked heavy amounts of shit to each other.

32:49Like there was no line. And I feel like with comics you can do that too, you know, everybody's shooting the shit. But it's tough sometimes like going home or trying to like, like I've dated people where I meet their family or whatever and you know, you start to get a little comfortable. But you forget that they have their line is way fucking way way way way down. Yeah. And I'm like fuck like past their line. You passed their line the third grade. Yeah, I've said some jokes in front of like the family of girls I've dated or something like that where they're just like holy shit man. I'm like, all right, my bad, my bad.

33:27It's tough to go back. But sometimes I kind of miss that too to be around somebody who's like, not a comic. Like I don't know, Monco has a body shop and sometimes there's just random dudes that are going to hang out, dudes that are getting their cars painted there and do this. And sometimes I like miss those guys because I remember them just talking shit about like just random things. It's regular dudes. Yeah, sometimes they're curious about things and they don't have the knowledge of like the celebrity world. They're like the outside this or that. They're just kind of shooting the shit. Sometimes I do kind of miss those convos, but I don't like them getting mad at Joe Tess.

34:07Yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah, I mean, I got a lot of friends that have regular jobs. One of my best friends, he's worse than maintenance guy at high school. I've known him since I was like 24, 23. Do you ever imagine like shout out to Tommy Jr. What up Tommy Jr. Do you ever imagine like going back to something like that like to like regular life? Yeah, do you ever? Yeah, well, I think everybody that gets real famous is a certain amount of pressure that comes with that that's not comfortable for some people. You know, like you think how it is like reading your comments. Imagine if I read my comments.

34:49I was going to ask you about that too. Do you ever read them? No, no, they're not good for you. They're not. No, I think the bad ones are not good for you and the good ones aren't good for you either. No, they can't be because you got to stay you no matter what. And that's difficult. And a lot of guys lose their mind. And I've lost my mind a few times and got it back, but you can lose your mind. Oh, sure. Lost in, you know, other people's opinions of you, who are you really? You're not, you need at least some amount of time in your day to self reflect, just self reflect. You know if you have asked something or if you did a good job, you know if you prepared for something the way you should have.

35:32You know, you know, you know, if a show went well, you know, if a show sucked, you know, you were off, you didn't have, and it was something, anything, whatever it is. You know, and if you don't spend enough time thinking about that and working on those things, whether it's with your personal life or your stand up or your hobbies or anything that you're doing, if you don't have at least some time where you're not thinking about other people's opinions, but you're just looking at it yourself. Then you got too much noise coming in and too much noise. I'll fuck you. I didn't to fuck you. And then you see people where their whole life is engaged in these meaningless disputes with people, meaningless energy that you could spend on positive things like friendship, like hobby that you enjoy, like your loved ones, like positive things about life.

36:23And I think for some people, they get trapped in this world of other people's opinions, and they don't take enough time to look at them, like think about yourself, think about you, think about what you're doing. I'm learning, yeah, learning that, at least for me, I don't know, I feel like stand up is a lot like a fight or like racing a car. Like everybody could have an opinion on like why you won it, why you lost it, the racer, the thing. But nobody's really in the car with you. Nobody saw you. You actually shifted wrong or correctly, or if it was because you ducked when you should have punched, there's something like, right, only you know.

36:56Only you know. Yeah, learning that. Yeah, but that's, I guess that's the case with everything. And there's nothing wrong with people expressing opinions, but I just don't think it's good for you to get engaged with them. I just don't think that's mentally healthy. Oh, I've engaged. I'm sure. I engaged for like a good two hours. But here's my, here's what I fucked up. Not only engaging is I, I waited to post a clip and I had a feeling that a few people would talk some shit. So I posted, I waited to post it on an afternoon where I'd have some time to engage. Like I knew I was engaged. You're ready?

37:28Yeah, I was like, nah, because I want to see what people say, right? Right. But after a while, I was like, all right, I've engaged enough, like, but yeah, after that, I was like, nah, I'm not doing this again. That was kind of my like, all right, I'm good on engaging point. That was when I realized like I should, I should not check social media anymore or not as often. I posted a clip making fun of Latino Republicans.

37:54I didn't even like say anything harsh, but they got mad. I didn't say, I just, I like to say this, they look weird. That's, that's like the heaviest thing I said was that it's weird to see a dude with an accent. Be like, we got a stope emigrant. You know, you're like, because you're like wondering when they got here. Right. I didn't ask like, I don't know if they're saying they're wrong. I mean, fucking robot doesn't taste weird, but I mean, you need it, right? Like, baby, it's working. I don't know. It's, I'm not saying they're wrong. I just said a little weird. Well, there's a shit load of them in Florida.

38:24Yeah. All the people that came from communist countries. Oh, here it takes us to that nonsense. So, so a lot of the people who came from these little cigars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These little round white specials, round white got me on these little cigars, little baby cigars, you know, have to finish a whole one. A lot of the people who are commenting were like, people who came from communist countries. And I don't know their experience. I don't know the experience of anybody really. I'm just up there talking some shit. But I wasn't trying to change anybody's mind. I wasn't like, you're just talking shit.

38:50Yeah, I was like, you shouldn't be. And people were in the comments. They were like, they're like, well, Ralph doesn't understand politics. Yeah, I don't. This is a joke like, yeah, I'm just talking shit. Also, I just said you look weird. Yeah, nothing wrong with it, you know what I mean? Some Versace shirts look weird. They do look weird. But they're nice. They're nice. You know what I mean? Wasn't that what Shane got for the fights? You got a Versace shirt, a golden Versace shirt that shit looked up. That's a bold move. You know, you got a gold Versace shirt on. Yeah, I'm here to party. Yeah, that's like the ultimate Hawaiian shirt.

39:24Like a Hawaiian shirt is I'm here to party. And if Versace. Oh, yeah, I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you talking about. He posted a picture. Yeah, yeah. Looking up with the president, with the former president. It's a blurry shit. It's a blurry picture. That's a badass picture, by the way. Like I'm not like a Trump supporter, nothing, but that's just a fucking dope picture. It's a fun picture. Have you ever seen Shane's Trump impression? Yeah, it's fucking insane. It's so good. You have like an asterisk? Oh, right there. If I was Trump's friend, I'd try to get him a shave his head. I'd be like, come on, bro.

40:01I want to take more cool pictures like that. Just post them every now and I don't think he put like a caption, right? I don't know what he put up. I don't think he put it, bro, that's fucking genius. That's why this dude's like the next goal, bro. Oh, he's so funny, man. He's so funny. That he has about Navy sales. Oh my God, I watched it a hundred times. I could watch it a hundred times. He's so funny, man. And he's out here too now. It's cool because we got like this real like good vibe going where everybody's just really fucking having fun. It's in it and there's all these young guys coming up because like a big point of the club was development.

40:39Like we want to have two nights of open mic night. Every Sunday, every Monday, open mic night. And then Monday, Killtony. Killtony is the anchor. That's the anchor because it sets the tone of the culture. Like you have one minute. In that minute, you got to be funny. You just got to be, and then people realize, oh, that's what this is all about. Yeah, this is an art form. It's an art form and it's about how to be funny. And everybody's got their own way. You know, Ali Sadik has his great stories. He's got these beautiful long stories. Amazing storyteller. You know, and then you got Joey Diaz who's like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, he hits you with those bang, bang, bang, bang.

41:17I love the upstairs room, the little boy because you got comics going up, but you also have like every employee in the mothership going up. We're all comics. Yeah, they're all comics too. But you're giving them a chance, man. A lot of comics work the club to try to like get in with the club, like across the country, whatever their club is. And sometimes even they don't get really the chance. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, we all came from open mics. Everybody did. Like that's the only way to do it. You have to get on stage. Yeah. So why would a club not have an open mic? And they're like, well, it doesn't, you know, we could fill it up with a headliner.

41:55Yeah, you could, you could, but you're making a short term gain decision where you're making more money. And you're not looking at the long term just for the art form. The art form needs seeds. It needs plants. It needs someone to help. Need someone to tend the garden. Need someone to give people opportunities. And to say like, this is a renewable resource. This beautiful thing that we all enjoy. People talk and shit and us laughing. It's the most beautiful thing. I love it to death. There's the art side and the business side. Yeah, well, that's gotta be a balance. That's where you, yeah, you gotta, you gotta, I don't know, man.

42:39I, no one else, I don't know anybody else who did it this way because we had to do it in a way where, you know, we all got up and moved, right? So it was crazy in the first place. And we all took this chance to come here. And in the beginning, a lot of guys moved long before there was a club. So we were just doing the Vulcan. And they had heard that, oh, they got these wild ass shows. They're doing in Texas indoors. In November of 2020, we were doing shows indoors. And it just started coming. And then one day we did a show with Ron White and Ron White grabbed my shoulders. He got off, so he hadn't done stand up in like eight months.

43:17He grabs my shoulder. Whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this. He goes, when are you gonna get your fucking club open up? I go, let's fucking go, Ron White. Let's do this shit. He's like, let's fucking go. I mean, he had just gotten off stage. Yeah, and then he gave you these cigars. Yeah, he loves these little cigars. I like these. So they're good if you want a little cigar. I never smoked a cigar in time. I want a big one. You want a real cigar? Yeah, let's take a big cigar. Hold on, please. Hold, please.

43:52Can you do some of these foundation cigars? We got our own cigar, bro. You make those cigars? No, foundation cigars do. I've never heard of that company. I'm new to the cigar world. I just got into it like in the summer. I'm learning. Shout out to my man, Nick. Yeah, this dude, I was super skeptical. He goes, we made you some cigars. We don't want to come up, man. It's probably going to be wax cigars with a label on it. But no, this dude is like a real cigar head. Like, you know, he travels to the places where they grow it. And he's involved in the whole process of it. And he makes a bunch of like really dope cigars.

44:30Like Willy Wonka when he traveled to the jungle to find Oompa Loompers and stuff like. Something like that. But any time I hear it, like, you know how to work this? Oh, shit. Any time I meet a dude who's like really into something, like my friend Evan from Black Wifeful Coffee, that dude is like super, super into coffee. And he's got this laboratory at his factory. He took us to the Black Wifeful warehouses where they, you know, do all their work there. And do all the roasting. They have these giant roasting machines. And he's got this laboratory where he's like testing different weights of how much coffee you put in, different temperatures.

45:17And they've got these dudes sitting around sipping them, trying to figure out what's the perfect way to do this shit. Like they're doing it like a lab. Professional cippers. Yeah, man. But that's when you're gonna get that dope coffee. That really good coffee. I've just got into coffee this year. Coffee is a garter. That's 2023 Ralph right there. I had this dude on once. I don't know, he's forgetting his name. Peter Jute. Peter Jute. Yeah, I've had a lot of dudes on there. But I had this dude on who's a real coffee expert. And he, he scold me in all the different kinds of coffee and how they grow them and how they take care of them.

46:00Hey, you had this one guy on here once. I remember watching the clips on YouTube where he was talking about like Christianity, like ancient Christianity. Yeah. And he asked you about, I think it was a clip about psychedelics. Yeah, like Chris. But he, I forgot, I forgot the exact question. He asked you, he was like, can I tell you? He's like, can I tell you about like the way Christianity was or something like that. I forgot exactly the exact question he asked you. And you said, yeah. And he comes like, yeah. And he kind of laughed a little bit. Well, I should've scared the shit out of me. If I were to heard the guy laugh, after he's like, can I tell you about this?

46:41And I'm like, yeah, and then he laughs. Or we're like, never mind, bro. I feel like he laughs. I think he laughs. He's like, what are you gonna tell him? You're gonna say a magic spell. What are you gonna say? He was talking about a, I don't remember all of it. I just remember he was talking about like, that Christianity used to be kind of like a code. And then he was saying something about they went on the ground with it to watch it or something. What was that, Jamie? You know who that is? I was thinking he was talking about Brian Murray. Brian Murray has a problem with somebody else. It might have been Brian.

47:09Brian's amazing. Yeah. I mean, that was a cool episode. I'm not learning a lot of shit about Christianity that I later forgot. But it was just that one, the one way he has the question that scared the shit out of me. And I was watching the clip like at 1 a .m. Just chilling, you know? So I turned that off and I just turned the lights on in my room. I was like, all right, freak me out a little bit. It's what's interesting about Christianity. Everybody wants to know what was the first shit they wrote down? Like everybody knows like the New Testament, right? The New Testament. But then you go, what about the old Testament?

47:41Like, ah, I don't pay attention to that. Yeah, I don't really like that. That they be changing shit, you know? Give me one set of rules. Leave it. Now if you choose to follow them or not, that's not you, but don't change shit. Even if it is the writings of Jesus, even if it is the writings of all that is unadulterated, it's not been altered by human beings. It's still put together by people written down by people. You ever, you ever do that thing? And very different than the Old Testament. They are. I remember they did this like at Barbara College once. Just to like teach us a lesson. I don't know.

48:15But they had this long bench, they sat down all the students and our instructor whispered a secret to the first person on the far right. And then he got to keep, yeah, you got to just keep whispering the secret down the line. And by the end of the line, it's a totally different sentence. That shit made me never want to like check out the Bible anymore. Yeah, the Bible was, they think they, it was an oral tradition for hundreds, if not a thousand years before they ever wrote it down. Wow, damn. That's a, yeah. That's a lot of mix up. Could be. Yeah, for sure people could have added some shit in there.

48:54Do you religious at all? Like you go to church or anything? You follow religious? I'm not religious, but I'm not an atheist. People always say I'm an atheist. I'm not an atheist. I feel like I'm on something like that, you know. I have something going on out there. But I mean, I grew up like somewhat Catholic. Like how most Mexican Catholics are? Like maybe you don't go to church, but you do this thing all the time. Yeah. So like I'm still like, you know, like, but yeah, there is, I don't know, man. I don't know what to believe. I do want to have a religion. I'm not going to lie. But sometimes there's a good one when you get like really locked into like, man, you guys are making sense.

49:28Why just like that? People really like lock into something and I don't know, man, I want to, I want to like defend something. I want to be like, you don't speak that way about our law. Right. It's a nice gang to be a part of. Right. Very aggressive gang. But I also feel like the gang I belong to, whether I like it or not, is like the comedy world. Yeah. Just make fun of everything. Yeah. That's our gang. But I think religion helps a lot of people. And I don't necessarily think it's all, yeah. I think it came from somewhere. And I think there's, there's like real wisdom to these stories that people wrote down thousands of years ago.

50:05But there's a lot of problems in the translations too. Because they're translating shit from, like, here's a good example. The Dead Sea Scrolls is the oldest version of the Bible that they're aware of. And it's from cumrose. These, they have these like, these caves. And they found these big pottery vessels with scrolls in them. And these scrolls, they're all made of animal skins. Like, that's how old they are. That was their paper. They wrote on animal skins. And one of the ways that they figured out, they had to put it all together again. And a lot of it was crumpled and fallen apart. And so they had to do DNA testing so that they could figure out, okay, this sample, these samples are all from this cow.

50:55And so we'll put these here. And it took them fucking years and years and years to do this. And after 14 years of deciphering it, there was this one guy, his name is John Marco Allegro. And he was, he was an ordained minister, but he was also agnostic. Because when he studied theology, the more he started studying it, the more he's like, what the fuck is, how come this is so much different than this? And what's the origins of these words and where does this all come from? So this guy's study is this Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years. And then he writes a book called the Sacred Mushroom and the Cross.

51:31And he said that the whole Christian religion was really about psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals, that these people had hidden all of these stories in these allegories and in these tales. They'd hidden all this information on what to do and when to do it. And that all, it's a very, very controversial book, but that all of the, like even, do you think I had that Barnes and Noble? I think you probably get it now. I know it got, yeah, I got republished. I think it was bought out by the Catholic church for a long time. And then I didn't know the Catholic church was buying out books like they didn't want this one out.

52:10It's a wolf a lostry shit. I don't know if that's true. I need to find out if that's true because I've said it before because someone told it to me. Dude, you say we're in enough confidence, it's true. Yeah, if you say we're in enough confidence, you get people who live bought out games, stop a couple of years ago. They're responsible for battlefield earth. Yeah, yeah. Man, that's crazy that they were writing on like cow skin. Yeah, that's all they had. Fucking cows, man. Cow's was never had it easy on this earth, growth, copy beef. Even when they have a good life, it's only for Colby beef, you know what I mean?

52:37Right, even if you're a good life, it's only like 16 years old. I mean, what is it like in Japan, where they really like massage them? Imagine being in that cow, just being like, damn, I've heard about cows that get slaughtered, but man, I got lucky to be born in this life. And they're like, nope. You got slightly luckier than the other cows, but still a cow. The thing about cows is if you care about like suffering, if you can buy beef from a regenerative farm where that cow dies instantly, lives a great life until it dies. And then you'd say like, no, we should let them free. They should be free.

53:11The way they die when they're free is horrific. Yeah? Horrific. Yeah, because they get eaten enough. Oh yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. They get eaten. Most of them are not gonna make it possible. Most of them. Mound lines, bears, wolves. They bring wolves back. They brought wolves back everywhere now. Wolves are in Colorado now. They're moving them in. Yeah, they're moving them in. Fat ass. I don't know. The wolves are back in town. They're back in town. I think that's the boys. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, what they meant? They're gonna eat your dog. They're gonna kill your kids. Oh, shit. I didn't think about that.

53:47That's the little red riding hood shit, man. That's all the big bad wolf. That's because in Europe, in like the 1400s or whatever the fuck called. We eating people's grandmas and shit. We ate everybody. Wolves ate people. Wait, wait, wait, what year was it? Listen, wolves always eat people. In World War I, there was a ceasefire between the Germans and the Russians. Because wolves were eating so many soldiers that they decided to band together and kill the wolves. Oh shit. So, you know, maybe they're not a problem. The world is a very split right now. Maybe wolves were gonna bring us back together.

54:22Maybe, man. Also, maybe we need to bring backs. I could tell the Christianity. Maybe that's what red riding hood was on. That's why she thought the wolf was her grandmind shit. Probably tripping. Bitch was tripping. Yeah. Imagine how high you have to be. Think a wolf with a dress is your grandma. I'll tell you this though, on the whole Christian and psychedelic trip shit. One time I ate like 9, 10 grams of shrooms and I swear to God, the ceiling, there was a face in it. And I, like for some reason in my mind, I was like, that's God and he was fucking pissed. And then I pissed. Yeah. At you? For what?

54:56I don't know. I think it's just because on the inside I'm always, I've never done mushrooms out in the, like during the day. I know some people are like, yeah, man, do mushrooms. Go to a park. Nah, uh -uh. Cause I do believe there's like God out there, some sort of God. And I don't think he's necessarily like, like the good guy on a TV show. I think he's God, you know what I mean? He ever had like a boss, like I had a place. And maybe he's not exactly fair. Maybe he's not exactly nice, but he's the fucking boss. And when he says go, I feel like maybe that's what God is, you know, for better or worse.

55:30And I feel like if I do mushrooms out in the open, he's gonna be like mad. So I do the man. I usually do them in my hotel rooms. I'll do research on hotels that have like artwork and stuff. Like hotel indigo's great place to trip. Especially the one in Houston. If I go to Houston, I'll stay in at the hotel indigo. But yeah, the ceiling man, I was tripping so hard and the face came out and it looked like a hand and then like an elbow. And then I felt like he was putting his elbow on my neck. And I couldn't breathe. I started trying to breathe real hard. And my buddy was like having a nice trip.

56:05He was just like, that's right man, breathe. I was like, no, dumb head. Like I can't breathe. God's choking you. Yeah, God was like putting the pressure down on my neck. But I feel like that was maybe my mind. Well, it's definitely in your mind. Yeah, you know, like just feeling pressure in general. Right. And wondering if I'm doing the right thing or not. Yeah, well, a lot of changes have happened really quickly with you. You know, Brian Simpson was telling me that you were gonna open for him one weekend. January of 2022, I think. And then you blew up and then he called you and you're like, bro, I'm headlining all these clubs now.

56:37Nah, he's mad. That story is that. That's what he said. The story's a little different. He said you were doing great. I mean, yeah, I do it. He said it was a period of a few months and he got a hold of you and you were headlining it everywhere. I can't man. I shouldn't say how the story went because I'm not even sure how the story went. Maybe that is how I do remember we spoke and I was just telling him like, man, I'm like, like I do want to open for you because he's fucking. Brian Simpson, that's hilarious. But at the same time, I was like, I kind of want to take my chances on some headlining, like headlining my own shows here.

57:07But looking back on it, I mean, there's no regrets. I feel like as long as I'm doing whatever I feel like doing in that moment, there's no regrets, you know? Yeah. But looking back on it, I do wish. Things would have gone maybe a little slower for me. Just because I was still a feature, I wasn't used to headlining shows when I started headlining shows. And I feel like a lot of my shows were me still very much learning and getting comfortable within our own stage. And like I love my Netflix special, don't get me wrong. Like I'm like proud of it. I want people to watch it. But I feel like after the special came out, is when I actually got to like enjoy headlining.

57:48On the road. And I feel like now I'm at a much more comfortable level. And now I, I mean, I'm pretty sure this happens to a lot of comics, but I feel like this material now, like this is where it's at. I don't even want to post it. Like I want to post it. I have certain jokes that I'm like, bro, if I could just post it, people will fuck with it a bit. But there's a lot of it that I'm like, nah, if I don't post it, I can just keep doing it like on the road and keep people ahead of a show. And put it together on your next special. You're on the road. You're on your path now, man. That's fucking awesome.

58:21That's what it's about. How old are you? 27. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. What a good time. Yeah, I like 27, man. 26 was better. But 27 is all right. Listen, I know it all came fast to you, but you just got to accept that gift. This is just, you know, you can't, you got to, you got to gift. It's a beautiful gift of being in the right time with the right tools available and having a great set and having a piece of that get out. I told you how that was. Yeah, I don't inhale this man. Oh, fuck you up. But it's, you know, it's a gift by the universe. And you gotta, you know, you gotta ride that gift.

58:57And it's gonna be, it's weirder that you go from middleing all of a sudden your headlining everywhere. But so what? You're funny, man. I felt like a young Rocky. Like, you know how Rocky won? He's like kind of older already. Right. And then I don't know where he gets his shot, you know? Right. I felt like maybe like a younger inexperienced Rocky. And then I got like a shot. Yeah. Yeah. But that's, but the audience knows though too. That's the cool thing. Like they know that you're kind of new to this, but they love you and they wanna come see you. Yeah, it's been a dope man. People are so supportive.

59:26Do you remember that girl's name? Is it Angela Johnson? The one who has that Vietnamese bit? She held me out a lot by the way. That girl had the same kind of thing happen to her. Yeah, she was doing a comedy like a few months or something like that. And then her bit went viral on my space. Bro, she was middleing and selling out clubs. And then people would leave when the headliner would go up. That's got a fucking piss off the headliner. Oh my God. Could you imagine like the places packed and you're the headliner, but you know they're all there for the middle act? What a drag man. But that was real.

59:58That was what was going on for a while with her. She was telling me about that for a while. She was so nice. She sold out. She was, cause she's like doing theaters or whatever. And isn't she a serious Christian? Yeah. Yeah. She's a serious Christian. She's doing like theaters. What she's doing theaters and she did like a special like 20. What year are we in right now? 23. 23. So like 22 maybe it was. I might be getting this wrong. You want some coffee? I'm okay. I'm okay. I'll go. But she put it out there special and she had been like, you know, doing theaters, but after she did her special, her last special, she booked a lot of club gigs.

1:00:36She told me. And so she went to San Antonio to the LOL to just book back to back gigs to keep running material and shit. And I don't know. I kind of just took like a page from that book. I was opening her for like eight of those shows. And we did LOL and San Antonio. I mean, you know, it's like Mexico City there. So like I have a lot of tickets to sell there, man. So anytime they wanted to add a show, I was like, yes, add it. Yes, add it. Like I'm just going to work out so much here. But then now that I've done it, we did the first weekend, the first weekend was 10 shows. This next up coming up weekend is the next 10 shows.

1:01:12But like six, five shows in, I was like, well, hold up. This might be a lot of productive as I thought it was. Because every audience is just 99 % Latino, Hispanic, Mexican. And I like fuck. I was like, I need to work out material in front of everybody. It can't just be only my audience. It can't just be Hispanics. Like they're going to fucking, they're going to baby me too much. Like I'm not going to grow. So I came down here and I was like, fucking, no offense to my audience, I love them. Like, fucking keep coming out, fuck with them all day. But I also need to get in front of strangers. I also need to get in front of different people, some Asian, some Indians, some white guys.

1:01:49Like I need to get in front of everybody if I truly want to grow. At least that's my opinion. I think that's a good opinion. I think that opinion is shared by a lot of people. I think getting in front of as many different audiences is real important, especially in the early days. You know, that's why the road, I think, is so important. If you live in New York City, you kind of think that everybody thinks like people from New York City and then you go do a gig in Oklahoma and you're like, oh, okay. I love New York too though, because you get a little bit of those diverse strangers. Oh, New York's great.

1:02:18New York's an amazing place to comedy. Like comedy gym, like comedy. You ever watch, where's the Christian Bell's Batman? And he goes up to like an appol to become Batman, to like train. Sometimes, man, when I was frustrated, and especially before I got to tour, when I was still just like a feature and opener, you know, an open micro, go crash on my buddy's couch for like a month or two in New York and just fucking work it out, you know what I mean? Now, New York has always been a great place for talent, you know. I mean, there's always guys like a tell in New York and it's always, always in New York.

1:02:49Or it's a New York's a great place. It's just not for me, man. No. It's too many fucking people. Too many people jammed on top of each other. I'm just too, I don't like that that much. I like some quiet. I like some cheese. I feel that. I live out in the country right now. Oh, do you? Yeah, I live out like an hour south of Dallas. Oh, that's great. My dad lives out there. He bought land when he was like 20 there, like a little trailer home. And he always kept it. He'd move around a lot. He's an unstable guy. He's up and down whatever. But he always kept that land. And once he became more of like a family man, you know, he's married to my stepmom, I have younger siblings.

1:03:30He like, you know, make sure that they live there. He got out of prison like 2019. And he went back to like painting cars, working on cars, started saving money, started doing like contractor jobs, started his own business. Now he does like pretty big business, contract type work, a couple other guys have their own business. And he like built his dream house. Oh, nice. On that land, no more trailer home. He gave the trailer home to my cousin and they moved it like further back on the next piece of land. So you know, now he has to like start his own little journey with it. But he built that, he built that house and it's nice man.

1:04:08I started building a house on that land as well before my cousins house started like outside my cousins house. But it's not done. But my house is purely like, I'm not even looking forward to, I'm not even trying too much right now to like actually build the house and be like, this is how my kitchen and living room, not even worried about it. Where I'm the living compartment is on the upstairs. I'm worried about the downstairs because that's gonna be like my shop. I used to paint cars. I wanna do that in my free time again. What kind of painting? Like I was still very much like artistic painting, you mean?

1:04:39No, like you know, paint the cars. Like paint them blue, paint them red, you know? Or just painting cars. Yeah, and detailing them afterwards, you know? I always wanted to paint candy, but you need a lot of experience. A lot of people don't know when you're painting candy, you can't just do the quarter panel and then move to the door. You gotta do like the whole thing. What do you mean by candy? Like you know, candy paint, like real, real glittery, real pretty, I don't know what it's called. Yeah, yeah. Come on, man, your text is not. You gotta learn about candy paint. I didn't know what it was called.

1:05:07Yeah, you ever go to a car show and maybe one car just fucking pops, has way more flaking it. It's candy paint, but it's tough to paint. You gotta be skilled like experienced painter because you can't just fucking, you know? You always gotta be careful how you adjust your gun, right? You don't want your pattern too wide to narrow. Are you super serious about this shit? Oh yeah, man. I thought that was my thing. Really? Yeah, I get so discouraged that open mics, I'd be like, let me stick to painting. Let me just stick to painting. Wow. But that's fucking, yeah, that's fucking dope, man. And my uncle's like, in my opinion, he's like a grandmaster painter in painting for years.

1:05:41He learned, so my dad had a body shop when I was a kid. Very small. Now back in these days, my dad was involved in less than legal business. So this body shop was a front technically, you know what I mean? But, I mean, they got business and they got good. And my dad hired this painter named Alfred, I mean, Rest in Peace, Alfred fucking badass painter. Crazy old guy. He used to know how to break dance because she was badass. Alfred taught my uncle how to paint. My uncle Jose, my uncle was young. My uncle was kind of like a no go head at one point involved in like, as a teenager, he was involved in like fucking gang shit, some drug deals, whatever.

1:06:21But, my uncle had a kid very young and like snapped out of it quick. Just wanted to be like a respectable man, just do the right thing, you know what I mean? Right. And he's still that guy to this day. My uncle's been working the body shops since he was like, I might be getting the age wrong way, he's like 20. Right now he's in his like late 30s, mid 30s. And he's still, he's still like the guy who goes into the shop at 8 a .m. We'll stay there till fucking midnight if he has to, but he puts food on the table, you know what I'm saying? Right. But he learned from this dude out for it. Fucking badass knowledge on painting.

1:06:55My uncle would teach it to me. And I was a teenager, my dad also had a car wash. And I'd go work in the summer sometimes. And I'd get sold as mad at the car wash. Like, I ate it and I'm like, bro, anybody can just fucking rinse the car off, put the soap like, there was next door like across the street from the body shop. So after work, we would go hang out at the body shop with everybody, I would tell my uncle, because I don't know if my dad was gonna take me serious. I'd be like, can you teach me how to paint? I was like, I don't wanna work over there. I was like, don't even paint me if you don't want.

1:07:22Just teach me how to paint. Have me over here. Like, I wanna send the cars. I wanted fucking do real shit, you know? Yeah. So he teach me every now and then. As I got older, I spent a couple of weekends over there at the body shop with my uncle, whatever. After high school, while my dad was already locked up or whatever, my uncle, I guess to like check on me and make sure I wasn't like getting saddered. So he would just call me, kind of would give me a choice. He'd be like, hey, I need help. Like, come help me out with her. I'd be like, all right. And yeah, I started getting good. I went to paint school for a while to get like certified.

1:07:56Those guys hooked me up with a job, like at a better shop. My uncle, I would also cut hair. So my uncle would always be like, man, just be a barber. You don't wanna be in a fucking shop, sweating your ass off, breaking your back. Like, do something where you're gonna be in the AC. You know what I mean? Like, work smarter and not harder. But I eventually did that, but at the time, I'm like, I wanna fucking learn this, you know? Yeah. Let me do this. So I didn't work that at a body shop. And I worked that one with his painter. Man, I hate not to talk down on other men, but that guy wasn't worth the fuck.

1:08:26And he was a cool painter, but he didn't care. So I was the paint prepper, you know, he started me to didn't care. Like, he wasn't in there to do good work. He was in there to just get his paycheck. And he wasn't even like there a lot of the time, man. You know, like, there's a lot of preparation that goes into painting car. A lot of sanding. So you gotta fucking sand and sand and sand and make sure you sand this. And then you gotta clean it this way and make sure there's no like type of chemicals in the air. Like you can't keep like the like, armor all or anything that you use for detail car.

1:08:58You can't have that in the same room you're painting in. You get a chemical reaction and your paint job will look like shit. Really? Yeah, it's like just in the air. Yeah, there's tons of little details. Mechanic work and paint work cannot be in the same room. Really? Yeah, you just can't, you can't have it, you know what I mean? So armor all just being in the room will fuck up your paint? Yeah, bro, if you like, let's say, let's say you like sprayed some armor on some shit or you wiped the car down and you weren't supposed to, like, which is anything that was like cleaning product, it's you have to be careful what exactly you're using.

1:09:29So you're saying if the armor all contacted the paint physically? Nah, like even if it's just kind of like in the air. Yeah, I mean, at least that's how careful we were like. But do you think what is I doing to you then? What do you mean? Oh, the paint stuff? Oh, it's killing you. Armor. It's gotta be killing you. I mean, the painter's worse than the armor. We're like breathing in like primer. We're breathing in like bondo dust. We're breathing in so much. But a lot of people that have like lung problems that are painters. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Even if you don't like get the lung cancer, right?

1:09:59Let's say you live a full life as a painter. They've done autopsy's on painters. Their lungs are like different colors. Oh, Jesus Christ, really? Yeah, but I mean, I'd rather have in different colors than just, you know, nasty pinker with her. What if you wear one of those Fauci masks? They help. No, like definitely wear your mask, wear your gloves. They help, but the shit is there. You don't know how to get it in even through those crazy masks. Yeah, for sure. You know, there's no way. And then there's different masks for the, there's masks that will help you block the dust from like primer or like from the body filler.

1:10:31But those masks aren't gonna help you when it comes to paint. And like vice versa. Oh, you gotta have to swap masks. Yeah. Or you're sanding versus when you're painting. Yeah. So I started getting pretty good as a painter. Especially when I went to work out a shop where my uncle's not like babysitting me anymore. Now I'm like learning on my own. And when I say on my own, I mean like, the reason I say that one painter wasn't worth the damn was because when you first work out a shop and you're trying to be a painter, you gotta be like a paint, a paint prepper or like a painter's apprentice for like a few years.

1:11:02So it's my job to like prepare the car. Like every step of the way up until it's in the booth taped up ready to get painted. That's when the painter would just show up. I don't know, he's probably just been kicking it at the house of the hill show up, makes the paint, paint it, spray it, clear it and then he'd go home. So I've been prepping these cars for like days on end. I'm staying extra, you know? Every now and then feels a smaller piece like a bumper or just like a small piece of the car. They just leave it up to me. They're like, well you go ahead and knock it out. So I started getting good.

1:11:34There was a guy there, I don't forget his name, Super Cool, that's fucking guy. He was just kind of like a shop hand. Like he didn't really work on cars, but if you needed help, you know, sometimes you need help moving the fucking hood or a door. Like just random shit, he was there and he had a Buick. Like it was his grandpa's Buick like a 99, just regular Buick. He was like, man, I want you to paint it. I want you to paint it. So I painted like half the car, because it only the front then needed it. That was like my only like big paint job. I started getting good, but that's when I really jumped more into comedy.

1:12:12So I just kind of quit and I did whatever I had to do to make sure comedy worked out. And I went back to like, couldn't hair, because it allowed me more time to jump to open Mike's quicker. What was the, how'd you get on stage and what was like the motivation? Like your friends talked you into it. Does it something you always wanted to do? I always wanted to do it. You were always a fan of comedy? Yeah, well like, I wanted to be a comedic actor. Oh, like movies and shit. Movies, sketches, SNL, some shit like that. I loved like, Shapel Show. I loved anything with Adam Sandler. I loved anything with just funny movies.

1:12:43And I was, even though I'm very mellow on stage, I'm writing jokes and I make sure I say them right. Before that, I was like a goofy kid. And I think if I, once I'm comfortable with people, I'm still like the goofy guy. I'm doing impressions, I'm doing fucking voices. I'm allowed to do it once I get super comfortable. But I have to get comfortable, you know what I mean? And so then, where was your first open mic? At Hyenas. Hyenas and Dallas. And Dallas. On the Wednesday night. I signed up at 5 p .m. Went up at 1 .30 a .m. Wow. I got yelled at. There was one comic that was up after me. And he was there, or maybe two comics.

1:13:21There's two guys in there. But I know for sure one of those guys was after me. And I was like second to last, or third to last. And the dude was like, the fuck out of here already. He was like drunk. He's just mad. Oh my god. I had three minutes I did one and a half. Because once he yelled at me, I was like, ah, that's my time. Oh my god. But that's the shit that I was talking about earlier. Is that like, I saw how hard I bombed. Yeah, it was fucking devastating to get yelled at at 1 .30 a .m. And just me in three, four people in the room that aren't even audience, just other open micers. And leaving, walking through the parking lot, I'm like, this isn't for me.

1:13:55This isn't for me. I just stick to my job. Okay, you know. But the next day when I'm fucking sanding a car for three hours straight the whole time in my head, I'm just like thinking of what if I would've said it different, or if I would've said this instead. Well, what if I tried this on stage? Like, my mind was always there, you know. So I'd go back. But then I'd get discouraged again. Older dudes would scare me. I'm a very introverted person. I've been breaking out of my shell more and more. You know, you kind of have to in the comedy world. But I was so introverted. Sometimes I'll tell people that like, no, you're not.

1:14:24And it's like, all right, I'm not, whatever. But I am. Like to talk to people would feel like a tremendous fuck is stress and fear like a freak out. Even till this day if I'm walking through the mall and somebody who might be a fan or something is walking up to me and I see them walking in the whole time in my head, I'm just like, oh shit, oh shit. And then they're like, what's up, man, big fan? I'm like, oh, okay, all right, what's up, bro? Thanks, man. But as soon as it's over, I'm like, fucking thank God. Like, but yeah, man, so I don't know. So that's why I never really stuck to painting. This comedy took over comedy.

1:14:54So when did you start pursuing it full time? How many years in were you? So when I'm like 19, 18, I'm doing it once every few months. But once I was 20, I just every night didn't stop going, you know what I mean, like just fuck it, like full blast. Yeah. Cause I think that's when I finally got like a laugh. Do you remember the joke? Yeah, it wasn't even a joke. It was like just a reaction to the dude in the crowd, man. And that was like my first hard lesson in comedy. I went up at a place called Backdoor Comedy where you have to be clean, which shout out to them. I feel like that's the place that really made me love comedy because you can't even talk about like the restroom.

1:15:38So I feel like that forced me to really write, you know what I mean? Get creative. Right, right. I'm not a clean. Taking the easier way out. Yeah. And I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a clean comic now. I feel like there's no set style I want to have. Like if there's a joke that's dirty or cuss, where it's fucking, you know what I mean? It's funny, it's funny. But that room, also nervous, I was like, I got to be clean. And it took place the mic, the show, the little tiny, it's not even a club, it's just a room that used to be located inside the Hilton double tree. And the audience that would show for this, they'd get a real audience for the mic.

1:16:11But it was kind of like classier, uppity folk, a lot of white people with money, which intimidated the fuck out of me. I was never used to leaving my own little circle. And I was all walking up to the stage. There was this dude. This is like older white guy in a budding down. It is arms crossed. And I got just scared to shit out of me. He, I had a neighbor who every time I walked by his house, if he kept in the sea me or just kids, he'd stare really hard. Like I'm pretty sure he was a little racist, you know? He'd just stare like, making sure we'd take nothing from his yard. He didn't care if you saw him.

1:16:42He had a glass door. He would stand behind the glass door, just like, I'm just staring hard. And he looked like that guy to me. So as I walked up, I just looked at that guy and think about my jokes. I didn't think about nothing. I was like, man, this dude looks like he caught the cops on me already. And the audience laughed. And the first lesson was like, just fucking, you know, say what you're going to say, be vulnerable, be honest. Yeah. And that was like my first little lesson. Like it worked, you know? So then you start feeling it. Yeah. After I got that laugh, it wasn't even like, oh, huge laugh, were they going to clap?

1:17:13But it was a laugh. But you know that first time you get a laugh, it feels like you just destroyed the room. Yeah. And after that, I'd get a little better. I was able to deliver for a minute. And then I was able to deliver for two. They'd give you three minutes at that mic. So then two minutes would go good and then three. And then I'd have like a killer three. Linda Stagner, the owner of that place, started letting me host the weekends, with just three minutes. But there's like, it's like a showcase style room. And there's tons of comics. The show would go on for like two hours. And there's just so many comics.

1:17:44And I just, I take it. I host for three minutes. And then the next fucking two hours, you know, I do my three minutes it. And then the next two hours just host. Remember, people's credits, whatever. But yeah, I loved it, man. I also just love going to different clubs. I feel like Dallas was too small of a scene for people to click up, but they did. They'd be like, nah, it's a hyenas comic. Or that's a Dallas comedy club comic. Really? Yeah, and then, you know, Dallas comedy club was maybe where you'd go if you were a little more like on the woke side. Not necessarily too woke, but you know, you were a little cleaner, a little friendlier.

1:18:17Hyenas was where you'd go if you just wanted to say some shit, get a little more raunchy. Backdoor was definitely like where I feel like a lot of good fucking like comics would go on the weekend. Sometimes people would just pop in because they'd happen to have some extra time on the weekend. But I'd like to go into all of them, man, because all of them, you had shit to learn, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's good to get a variety. It's so silly to think of yourself as an I'm of this club comic. Guess what we kind of used to do that with a comedy store? But, what even then, it's like you still didn't.

1:18:50Even at the comedy store, I've seen, I mean, I've never lived in a lab, but I've been in there tons of times just to watch and shit, you know, even there you get a variety of comics who have different styles. Oh, that's what I fucking love. This is a priceless movie. I remember the movie, but I saved the video, I have like screen recorded on my phone. And sometimes I watch it on the plane, and it says airplane mode, I have a video where he's talking to like, you know, like a grandmaster's type dude, and he's questioning Bruce Lee. And that fucking, that won't quote, I feel like just applies so much to not only comedy, but everything.

1:19:21He has Bruce Lee, he's like, what is the highest technique you hope to achieve? And Bruce Lee's like, to have no technique. I was like, bro, that's fucking it right there. Like that's the thing, you know what I mean? To be like, I get it, a clean comic is a clean comic and they're funny, whatever, right? Some people only want clean comedy, and the dirty comic is funniest, folks, some people only want that. But to be able to do everything, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like to not subject yourself to one style of comedy, like, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah. That's the beauty of having to do like a clean set for television, because you do have to work on it.

1:19:58And sometimes when you're working on stuff like that, it's a good exercise and being locked into a rigid structure, where you can't talk about blow jobs, you can't talk about anything crazy. Yeah, you have like a FCC set of rules or whatever it is. When you do that, it forces you to think of alternative ways for things to be funny, other than going to like a cheap laugh. Yeah. You know, sometimes cheap laughs are the funniest, though, that's the problem. Like Joey Diaz, like, he's got great punch lines, but great timing, but it's also, he will go for it, wherever it is. He doesn't give a, it's just like, what is the funniest fucking thing to say right now?

1:20:41I'm going for that. Yeah. Like there's no thought of like, Joey would never do a clean TV set. Yeah. It would be hell. But you can't do that to Joey. Joey's got to be wild. And like for him to be locked into a TV set, that's not the way for him. But also for him, he's the funny, I've never seen anybody funnier in my life. In all the people I've seen murder, all the, Shepel and Chris Rock and Shane Gillis, and fuck all the murderers. Joey Diaz in the original room at like 11 .30 pm on a fucking Wednesday night or something, has made me laugh harder than anybody. Anybody. I mean, there was like six, seven comics in the back room at one point in time.

1:21:26He was doing this bit about Terry Cruz about so that agent who grabbed Terry Cruz's dead, and Terry Cruz was shaking his big dick and his underwear and those commercials that he did. This guy was going crazy. Bro, we were falling on the ground laughing. We couldn't breathe. He just, he hits RPMs, you know, like a lot of people red line it, like 7 ,000, 8 ,000. It's really funny. It's great. But Joey gets to like nine. And you're like, holy shit man. I've never got to see him live, but I was like, oh my god, oh my god. He still has it. He came to the mother's ship. Oh yeah. And we did one show.

1:22:03I love people like that too that are funny as fuck on stage and off stage. Oh, well, that was the thing about Joey. It's like when I brought him on the road, I brought him on the road for two reasons. One, because I love him. And two, because he's really funny and it challenges me. Like I was going on after him. But also, he's funny all the time. Like he's funny when you're at dinner, he's funny in the green room. We're just, it's a party. Joey brings the party. So when we would all go on the road together, it was just fun. It was family together, you know, like fucking Vin Diesel would say. That's the thing about me.

1:22:38But it was like that. It was like we're good friends. So we're just having a great time, you know, me and Ari and Duncan and Joey and we're in these different fucking towns, but it's always us. So we're always laughing. You know, we're in the fucking hotel lobby just sitting on the couch, is laughing at two o 'clock in the morning, just cracking jokes and laughing, just hanging out. That's what I like about, I guess, traveling with my buddies from home. I do feel bad sometimes. I'm like, man, I should give somebody else a chance, like a local. I don't sometimes they want to hop on the show. And for the most part, I give guest spots like crazy.

1:23:09If people ask, I go five, six cities in a row, we're like, maybe nobody's really fucking with me in that city. Or nobody's really trying to ask for a guest spot. Or maybe they asked the club. I don't know the close elevator, you know. But if you ask me, like, you're there. Yeah, I don't even have to watch your set, bro. Like if you're a comic who's taking the chance of... You should have never said that. I should have never said that. I'm gonna get bugged like crazy. Oh my god, you didn't even know it by people that shouldn't be on stage. Also just stop, you know, checking social media. So, that's a good luck finding you.

1:23:35But yeah, but for the most part, man, when there's people, they're like, well, it's also the way they ask, man. I don't want, like, some people be like, what's up bro, let me hop on with the foot. I'm like, what the fuck are you? Like, let me talk to me like that. I don't know you, you're in boys like that. But for the most part, like, there'd be comics that are like, hey man, like, any chance I could do some time on your show, be fan, whatever, or like, you know, if you have room, if not, fuck it. I'd be like, yeah, bro, hop on, you know what I mean? I might not be able to give you like, for seven, maybe do a five or something, or it depends who else is with me.

1:24:04But yeah, bro, I'm down. Or even if I run into people that I already have met before, or I feel like they're working at it, they're pretty funny, like, I'll offer them some stage time. Even if the guys who are already with me have to do less time, they're pretty cool about like, fuck it, they're not greedy, you know what I mean? Sometimes, like, the main two guys that have been with me, my buddy, Jesus Castillo and Luis Horace, their comics had a Dallas. When I was early on, they were already kind of on and popping within Texas. So they'd take me to like, open up in San Antonio or Abberley and Houston, you know, if they get a one night here or there.

1:24:35So those are dudes who are on the road with me now. And sometimes they might tell me like, hey bro, like is there any chance I could do a longer set? Like I haven't really got a long set in a while and I want to fucking feel it because maybe they got a headline gig coming up. And they've only been doing 10, 15 for the last month or two. Like, so yeah, sometimes then I'll be like, all right, we'll fuck it, you know, let me close this show out. It's only you two each does 20. If you want to go over, fuck it. This crowd's gonna have fun either way. Right. But yeah, if I can, man, like, I'm down to share the stage, bro.

1:25:08That's great. That's great. Look, it's in best case scenario. It's all, I mean, I met a lot of great friends doing the road where I'd never seen them before. Tom Segura, I did a show with him in Phoenix, never saw him before. And he went up first and he was hilarious. And I said, hey, man, why are you working out of? When we start talking, I said, I want to take you on the road. And he was like, well, he didn't believe it. Then I called him up the next week. I'm like, come on, man, let's go. Let's go have some fun. And we're like best friends now. I love that dude to death. He's out here too. Yeah.

1:25:44He moved out here first. He was one of the first. Hinch Cliff was for, well, Ron White was here before all of us. Ron White had told me about, he had already moved before the pandemic. Oh, shit. So I fucking love Austin. Austin's a shit. He goes, I got travel, do all my gigs. It's middle of the country. Yeah. I don't know if I could live in Austin. That's what I was thinking back then. Like, you know, I'm in LA. Like my podcast is there. The store is there. Jujitsu's there. I don't know if I could leave yet. Then the pandemic hit. And I was like, what? I got to get the fuck out of here. And Ron was already here.

1:26:15And so when we first came down, you know, Ron had told me like where to go. What's the cool spots? And I'd been here a few times before doing stand -up over the years. You know, never really spent like a lot of time here. But then when I decided to move, I was telling everybody, I was like, fuck that place, man. Like, I'm thinking about opening a club. And I first started, I got this place that was run by a cult. The first building I got was this building called the One World Theater. And it's a theater that's such a cult has name. Such a cult has name. But I think they named it that after the cult left.

1:26:54So one of the guys that was in the cult actually still owned it. So what it happened was this dude ran a cult in West Hollywood. And he's this really beautiful handsome yoga guy. And he was a hypnotist and a gay porn star. Yeah, shit. Oh shit. So this dude runs this cult in West Hollywood and then Waco pops off. And the cult awareness network is like, they're like now investigating cults. And there's a bunch of family members that have been complaining about this cult. So this dude in the middle of the night, fucking jets and takes off across the country and moves to Austin. And then has all the, and changes his name.

1:27:31And has all the cult members eventually come out here. And he wants them to build a theater so that he can dance in front of them. Oh, that's the place I bought. Yeah, yeah, bro. And I bought it because Ron what Ron was used by that place on by the cult, it's the shit. I didn't stand up there once. It's fucking beautiful. So, you know, Ron wants the man. So he tells me I should buy that place. That'd probably be the perfect spot. And so we were in the middle of this whole thing but it all fell apart. There was some issues that had to be dealt with. It weren't dealt. I don't even know if I'm allowed to talk about it.

1:28:02I'm sorry, I won't. But the point is that was the original spot and that fell apart and then it was like a long time to try to find another spot. And then Ron, why was like grabbing after I did that set with him at the Vulcan. He's like, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this. I was like, okay, let's go. You ever wonder if like Ron White isn't really just a figment of your imagination? He's your conscience. No, Ron White isn't. That's a real dude. That's a real dude. I love that kind of guy. Yeah, man. He's our like elder statesmen of standup, you know. Everybody loves Ron White. Oh, there's no Ron White haters out there.

1:28:40Ron White is amazing. He's just a beautiful person too. He's just everything. He's just great. Every time I see him I can't wait to hug him. He's great. And he's at the club all day. Probably there tonight if he's in town. He's there all the time. He does weekends here sometimes. He does headlines on weeknight sometimes. You know, and that's what made him decide to go back on the road again, which is exciting. Because I've never seen him better. He's as good as he's ever been. If you could watch straight up killer, if you could watch one last set, like this was your last set before you just disappeared of anybody.

1:29:12Of anybody alive. Like it probably Joey. Joey, I was about to ask you Joey, you're Ron. It was either one boy show with Joey and Ron would be the perfect way to get out this world. You see that? Yeah. That's cool, man. That's a cool thing to know. Well, Joey, I love him so much. You know, it's not just that. I think he's the funniest guy ever. This is how I love that dude so much. I'd probably go out watching an open mic, you know what I mean? Go out the way you came in. Go out, watch this little bomb. I feel like this is horrible. Goodbye. I can't watch open mics bomb. No, I can't. I gotta get out of the room.

1:29:47I feel like it's contagious. Like when I would go on the road and I'd have a terrible opening act, it's always always in Florida. Florida. Well, they would throw people up. They're like, they've been doing stand up for five minutes. They'd never done stand up before. It's like, these people were terrible. So many of these clubs, they were so bad. And I would be in the green room and I'd peek my hat out and watch this dude just eat shit. I'm like, oh my god, I gotta get my own hat. I can't pay attention to that. Because I would try to pay attention to make sure that they're not talking about stuff that I talk about.

1:30:17I want to cover the same ground. So I'd like listen to the opening act to try to figure out, like, oh, he talked about that movie. I can't talk about that movie. Let me adjust my set. But they were so bad I had a hide. I'm like, I just gotta be in this fucking room by myself. I had to listen to music or something. I can't do this, man. I think it's contagious. Like you start thinking nothing's funny. There's nothing funny in the world. Nothing's funny. It's guys not funny. I feel that. But if someone's funny, then you feel like, oh, good. I'm loose now. They're laughing. I'm laughing. Everyone's having a good time.

1:30:50I also try not to listen too much to other comics before I start trying to write in their voice or something like that. You know what I mean? Well, that was a real problem in the come up, right? When people are on their way up, a lot of people in New York sound exactly like David Tell. There was a lot of this. There was a lot of punchlines. Just kinda like Dave. And it's just because his rhythm is so funny. It's so, in fact, he's such a virtuoso that when he's on stage, it's so smooth. And it just, it goes into this. He's got this flow to him that's so contagious. And so you want to be funny too.

1:31:26You're like, maybe I need to talk like that. I need to talk like Dave. There's a lot of guys who get caught up in other people's. I did it for a while. I caught myself on stage once when I was an open micer. I sounded exactly like Richard Jenny. I was a giant Richard Jenny fan. And I sounded like I was doing like his timing. Like his, it was like, oh no. I was like, oh no. But I realized that while I was doing it, I was like, yuck, don't do that. I feel like a lot of the comedians I see in New York will talk very fast. And then I kind of tried to do that. But and I tried to do that when I first started doing stand -up too.

1:32:06I'd be so nervous. I'm just trying to get it out already. Yeah. But I can't talk that fast. And some people will get mad. Those are some of the, like, that's some of the feedback. I've gotten back on stand -up. It's like, oh, it's just too slow for me. But I can't talk that fast because I won't be able to announce you. And I think it's because of my tongue. It's like kind of big. Like I like this white ass tongue. So this guy, I bet you if he sees, he's gonna freak out. He loves like the credit. There's a guy named Bobby Goldsmith in Dallas who would go to the back door open mic a lot. And at one time he told me, he was like, hey, man, you're like, you're funny.

1:32:44You have good material. He's like, but the audience doesn't know it because you're talking too fast. And you don't know Nancy. He's like, slow down. He's like, talk slow. He's like, talk slow. And so I just, let's just fuck it. Like, I'd put the nerves to the side. Yeah. I just said the jokes as if I was reading them off a paper. And I started getting more laughs. And I was just like, man, like, now I'm kind of finding my timing with it. But like, I'll never be able to talk super fast. You won't fucking understand. Some dudes mumble. And then when they get on stage, they mumble. Like, are you still mumble?

1:33:17And it was hard to understand what I go, dude, I don't know what the fuck you're saying on your friend. Like, you gotta clean those words up. Yeah. Make those words real clear. These people don't know you. Yeah. Like you're a professional orator. Stop mumble. I feel like I'm still learning how to hold the mic. Sometimes I'm like 30 minutes into a set and I just angle it up a bit. I'm like, that sounds better. Oh, you've switched hands. I used to only have to hold it in my right hand. Now it seems like I don't want to use my right hand anymore. I want to hold it with my left. And I switch back and forth for like years.

1:33:53I only have to hold it with some time. But yeah, I can't. I have to hold it in my left. That's the other thing about Joey. He's the funniest guy ever that just leaves the mic in the stand. Oh man. Never takes a mic out of that stand. People always hype up the chair. Don't get me wrong. I'll at least say dig. That's one of my all -time favorite comics. I think I do fucking hilarious, right? But people hype up the chair like, oh, so tough to sit in the chair. You got to figure it out. Not just anybody can sit in the chair. You know, it's only Cosby and I leave that could figure that out. But I think, funny, it's funny.

1:34:21When you're listening to a comedy album, you're not like, oh yeah, he's in the chair. I can tell. Brian Simpson sits in that chair all the time. Like murders. Right. But that is one like fucking thing. That I feel like I just can't do is leave the mic in the stand. I've tried that. I fucking bomb. I don't know what it is. I can't leave the mic in the stand. Joey uses both hands. He's got both hands going on, you know? So he likes that fucking mic in the stand, Coxucker. Some people got my buddy Hyman. I grew up with his, like my childhood best friend, goofy is fucking guy ever met. To me, it's just like the funniest dude of life.

1:34:54Just some goofy nerd. Like, nah, not to talk to him, but shit on my buddy Hyman. But just goofy in the face. Right. Just, uh, we took a, I took on women when I did Bobby Lee's podcast and Bobby Lee was just like, who fucks this guy? And just fell in love with him instantly, like started fucking with him and shit. So I, I know that he's always wanted to do stand up. He's a comedy nerd. He's the one that really taught me how to like love comedy. We'd watch movies, shows and he'd be laughing his ass off at shit that most people don't realize that that's an intentional joke, like in a story. We had like a falling out.

1:35:28And when things started popping off from me with comedy, we still weren't talking. But then we, you know, started talking again, whatever. He's a photographer, videographer back home for like night clubs, very much in like the bar scene. So I tell him like, Hey, man, like come on the road with us. Just take pictures, record my sets. I keep getting clips. Like, you know, if you want to, you'd be like, yeah, fuck it. You'd come every now and then and then you started coming just every weekend and I'd be like, you go do five minutes. Like fuck it. Just do three minutes. Do three minutes. What a, like tell a story.

1:35:58You know, tell him what we did last night when we were now in Chicago or something. And it was just fucking go well. I've never, like, I'm not even trying to hype this dude up too much, but I've never seen somebody go up on their first time and get that many laughs. Not saying he had a fucking, like just destroyed the room, but to get heavy, like, have that heavy on their first time, I'm like, bro, you know, there's something there. Like you're a true fucking comedy fan. You're like a comic at heart. Like, just keep fucking trying it. I was like, I'll keep throwing you up on stage. That's beautiful.

1:36:27But you know, I also told him like, is he still doing it? Yeah. He's been doing it a few months now, but I tell him like, you got to hit Mike's the one we're at home. Like I'm not just going to fucking throw you on stage so you can get babyed by mic crowds because you know, I mean, that's kind of, he's got even more of a lucky break than you got. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Cause you're throwing him up in front of packed houses. Yeah. Yeah. But he'll go up there and won't take the mic out of the stand sometimes. And I get so jealous. I like, you're fucking, you're doing good this early on and you're not taking the fucking mic out like, oh man.

1:36:55Absolutely. And he was up there like, he looks so cool. He looked like fuck in North McDonald with his body moves. He's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Well, he's a comedy fan, you know, so if you're a comedy fan, you're watching, like, uh, do you know, Eleanor Kerrigan? No. No. She's hilarious. She opens up for dice clay all the time. Okay. She was a waitress at the comedy store forever, forever. We always knew her as a waitress. And then, uh, she was a pro wrestler for a while. She did like pro wrestling. We all went to see her. Yeah. She was at the forum. She was, uh, easy rider. That was your wrestling name?

1:37:25Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like a motorcycle lady. She would fucking crush a pool ball in her hand and the fucking intro video. It was hilarious. She's really funny. But anyway, and then she started doing stand up. And we were like, oh, you are always a comic. You just never did it. Yeah. And she's great. She had lines now. Fucking bad ass. And it's like, but we knew her for like 10 years as just the cool waitress. She was just our friend. Man. Our friend, the cool waitress. But she was always like a good judge of talent. You know, it's someone come in from out of town. She was like the first person I go to.

1:37:56Yeah, some people know, man. Some people come. How was that? How was that guy? She's a pretty good. He's good. He's real. I don't even think I have that eye like to be able to see somebody early on and be like, I think they got something or maybe later. But if they make you laugh, if they make you laugh, they got something, you know, they have you like, okay, you got something. You got something. Yeah. But sometimes, man, I don't know, you ever do that thing where you're watching a comic. And even though they say something hilarious, sometimes you don't laugh, you're just fucking thinking about what they said, like dissecting it.

1:38:24Oh, yeah. But then there's people who do just make me laugh and I'm like, holy fuck, I couldn't even think about it. Like I didn't even have time to think about it, it just made me laugh. Yeah, there's some guy, like when Hicks came along, you know, Hicks came along and now and all of a sudden everybody wanted to say something. It was so interesting. Because before that, like even Richard Jenny, he said, remember, he was talking about watching Hicks, he goes, everything I want to Hicks with, I keep thinking, God, should probably should be doing more like that. Or something. I should really say something because he would just say shit.

1:38:55This is, you got to realize Hicks is before the internet, okay? This is, Hicks was huge in like 88 to, when did he die? I think he died in like 93. When did Hicks die? And he was actually 95 because I think I'd already made my way, 94. Right. So it already made my way to California when I heard that he died. And you'd be careful with this thing. I feel like I'm, now flip the top, push the top up. This thing. Yeah, push that over. There you go. Now hit that thing. There you go. Technology. It's crafty. Shout out to Calibri. But Hicks was, so this was like, there was no podcast back then. There was no audio books.

1:39:40So when Hicks was talking about shit, he was, he had like a different base of knowledge that he was working from than most comics. He was like really well read. He would quote, gnome chomsky. You know, he would, he, he had material that was like, who's that? gnome chomsky. He's a linguist who is a very famous public intellectual who used to have like debates with people on television. He's like one of the most measured and interesting people from like the 1960s and the 1970s on foreign policy and all kinds of interesting, interesting things. But the point is like Hicks had this, he knew more about more things than other comics did.

1:40:26And when he talked about things, when he talked about like the scams of war and, you know, and what the fuck is going on in society, it was like, wow, it's got like super insightful. And then everybody wanted to be so insightful too. So there was a bunch of Hicks clones. So there was a punch line in Atlanta. There was a green room and a bunch of people signed the walls in the green room and shit, you know, you know, those are, and then this one thing just said quit trying to be Hicks. And I was like, oh, and when Jamie moved the club, he said he was going to save that for him. I don't know where it happened with that.

1:40:59I'm like, that would be a beautiful piece of ancient comedy history. Yeah. You got to be you. Yeah, but that was, there was a lot of Hicksie clones. A lot of guys who wanted everybody to think they were really smart, but Hicks was really smart. He wasn't trying to get people to think he was really smart. He was really smart. And he just like had thoughts that he wanted to get out. And there was no podcast back then. So all his thoughts, he had to like all his ideas and philosophy he had to get out in comedy. So it was like deeper than other comedians. It was, it was very interesting. And you know, some comics think it wasn't as funny as other comics.

1:41:38Like, okay. Yeah, he's not as funny as Kinesen, but he had, he had some fascinating points that made you think and you left the show and you're like, you were more, you were stimulated in different ways. It was interesting and it was funny. It was very interesting though. That's a fucking, that's what we're talking about earlier. That's a dope part about comedy and watching different people style. If you're like, sure, a true comedy fan, but you can appreciate different forms of funny. Yeah, I love all kinds of funny. I love like Jim Gaffigan funny. I love Nate Bargazze. Both of us got a squeaky clean.

1:42:12Brian Regan's hilarious. Squeaky clean. Take your grandma out to see Brian Regan. You never have to worry about nothing. And hilarious and then murder. I would, like I try, I try not to watch too much stand up. I feel like all I, all I'm doing is stand up. I don't want, I love it. I'm like obsessed with it. But sometimes you know, you still need like other shit. Yeah, right? But I could sit down for hours on YouTube, watch the same videos over and over again. Like the two comics that I feel like, even if I never got to see anybody else perform, but if I, just these two comics alone, they should pay a mitch head bird.

1:42:49Oh yeah. Those two are like, that's it. That's it for me. Well, they both move at a slower pace too, which like fits your style. You know, I can see that. And Mitch, Mitch Higberg was, he was so good at non -sequaters. You have one non -sequater into another non -sequater. In my opinion, that's like the purest form of joke telling. Yeah. There's just all jokes. The only information in what he's saying is for the joke. Yes. Like there's no, there's nothing to even learn from it. Nothing. Just jokes. Just fear for the sake of the laugh. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like right now in the setup I'm doing right now on the road, my first 10 minutes are like that.

1:43:30And then the rest is me just kind of, I don't know, still working out the rest. But some of it kid, kid, I could talk, I could talk about some shit that some people take series. But even on the shit that, like if I talk about the issue, it's never like a, let me, like it's never like a smart thing. It, because I, I mean, I'm still learning a lot of shit. So I feel like my comedy is very much just me being like, yo, I don't know what the fuck this is about. But here's what I think. Like I don't know, you know? Right. Like Latino Republicans are weird. Yeah. That's just what I think it is. We get it, man.

1:44:01The fake. Yeah. You're allowed to have those opinions, man. Right. They need to relax. Humans are feisty people though. People messaged me sometimes like you have a platform. Oh, you got to get rid of it. You got to use a platform for good. Oh, no, you don't. My platforms for joking. Yeah, shut up. Don't tell me how to use my platform. Yeah. You get a platform. Go talk to a politician. Exactly. You can't tell someone what they have to use their platform or show your mouth. People are crazy. Yeah. That's not your job. Also, like, I'm not even saying the shit I'm saying is like right or wrong. I could be fucking up.

1:44:34We'll see. You're trying to be funny. Yeah. That's it. And the years to come, we'll see the mistakes I'm making. But I'm letting you know right now. I definitely make some mistakes. Yeah. Fuck, get out of my back. But we're still making mistakes. Every time I have a new bit, I'm making mistakes. Yeah. Every time I'm working on a new bit, it's like, where is this thing going? Got to try a bunch of different ways and some ways you're like, yikes. Yeah. That's fucking terrible. Back up. Don't say it that way. I like you. That's your waiting ring. Yeah. It's silicone. You're one of those dudes. You wear jewelry at our now.

1:45:06Um, I wear, I have a real ring. Anytime I see a dude with like those rings, I'm like, that guy knows how to fight. That guy knows Jiu Jitsu or something, you know? That's, if you ever seen what happens when you get your finger caught in your ring and doing something like Jiu Jitsu. Uh -huh. It's called she -thing. It's a horrible injury. She -thing? She -thing. Well, where it takes the skin off of the meat of the bone. So the meat and the skin pull up and the wedding ring digs right down into the bone and tears everything apart. Oh, shit. Yeah, bro. See that? That's what happens with wedding ring injuries.

1:45:42What is that white? Is that like a string? The ligament? The ligament? Yeah. I thought they tied it up. That shit is gone, son. And there's a bunch. I know a dude who had that happen. It was a wedding ring. He was doing Jiu Jitsu. He has wedding ring on. Shit, and it got married. Shit, it just - Shit, it just - Shit, it just - Shit, it just did Jiu Jitsu. Mine is a silicone. I have a regular one too, but this is like - if I do - I could live with this. Do you wear the regular one when you go out like - Yeah, I'm like good. We're a Rolex. Nice ring. I like - I don't know. About this little chain.

1:46:16I always wanted like a little gold chain. That's a nice sized gold chain. Yeah, I think it's - I think it's good. Flexy enough? Yeah, it's just got a little chain. Yeah, I mean. I'm gonna buy a big one eventually. Like a wrapper, like just fucking - They use that one? Yeah, and I will wear it to like a club one night and just - Whoa. Let the ego come out a bit. I feel like - I feel like I try my best not to - Let the ego come out. Yeah. What's the ego? You know, like the ego, like your ego, like - I don't know. I guess there's not the peace. Yeah, sometimes - Show your feathers. I want to show my feathers.

1:46:48I get it. I'd never been like a nightclub guy like to go out. I used to go with my buddy when we were younger. He started doing the videography and shit. But there was a comedy club down the street from like the club scene in Dallas. So whenever the shows would be done or whatever, I'd walk down the street and just dress like - Just left Walmart or some shit. And I'd just help my buddy carry like camera equipment or just hang out with him, have a beer. And I'd see guys just flexing hard. You know, local dope dealers or guys that work nine or five, but they're in there just trying to show out, you know?

1:47:21Right. And it's crazy. It's crazy that that's the place to like, fucking prove yourself. And everybody wanted to be in there, man. Like that club culture was fucking nuts to me. I stand outside with this guy named Jojo. He's a door guy. He looks like a Buddha. Huge. He's Mexican, but his eyes can't even open anymore. They gave him a hoodie with a Buddha on it and said, Jojo, staff. And there'd be guys just trying to come in like, what's up, bro? Like, can you - I'll give you 100 bucks, you let us in. And they'd be like, all right, well you guys get in. And then sometimes they'd leave a guy behind.

1:47:52I remember there was a guy every, like every hour. There was one guy at least for every hour that they'd be like, well, not you because last week you were in here starting shit. And they'd be like, come on, man. Come on, man. Let me in. And his boys would leave him behind. I'm like, first of all, why do you hang out with these people? They just left you out literally out in the cold. You can see our breath. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? Go to another club. Go find new friends. Like, that's crazy. And then they sit there. Like, come on, man. Come on, man. It's like, crazy that they want to be in there.

1:48:19And then when they're in there, it's all about the guy who has the section, the piece of floor that's elevated six inches higher than the rest of it on the couch. Like bottle service. The bottle service. The guy who has a bottle of guys showing up. People start throwing money in there. And I was in there. I was in there like a nobody just watching. Like, I just want to make what the fuck? What is it? And then one day we started, I started getting to tour like, was my sister there? Yeah, yeah. I was starting getting to tour of October, 2022, right? I didn't go out doing nothing like that. If I would go out, I would go to dive bars.

1:48:54I started going to bars in New York when my buddies out there. It's fucking dive bars. I fell in love with that shit, drinking in some place, some shitty place until 4 a .m. It was fun. But our new years was my first show back home. And my first time settling out back home. And just, I was like, I'm gonna get it out. I'm gonna do that. What I saw them do and how they used to shit on me. I would do that tonight on New Year's night. I'm gonna go to a club with my friends. I'm gonna get a bottle and I'm gonna just go all out. See what it feels like. It was fucking awesome for like an hour. And then people start trying to like test you.

1:49:32And I'm like, no bro. I thought I figured it to shit over this fucking six by six foot piece of real estate that I've never gonna own. How was it testing you? Well, they start trying to stand on your section. So you're standing on the main floor. Right. But if you take one step back, your six inches elevated on the other little platform here. Right. Which is my section that I paid like 300 bucks for for the night. And you gotta like tell them bro, get off my section. Or you just get more strangers on your section. Oh no. You're right. And they're doing it on purpose. Because it's like this ego like I'm the man in here.

1:50:08You know what I mean? Yeah. So it was fun for a minute. But I'm like, nah, I rather not do that. I really not do that. So after that, if I do go to clubs or bars, I'll never buy a section again. I'm not gonna pay extra money for elevated floor just so people can fucking try to like I'm the man. Like if I'm gonna go out there, I'm just gonna get drunk. Might do some shrooms. I'm gonna have a good time no matter where the fuck I'm at. I think you're better off an entire bar with your sensibilities. Yeah. The reason why people do that is because they don't have other things going on. The reason why someone wants to be the guy with the corner or these six inches elevated and where all the gold chains and the big watch and all the jewelry and shit.

1:50:51It's because that's like the way you stand out. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do though. I'm still gonna go back and shit on these people. Don't give me a rock. But I'll tell you how I'm gonna do it. How you gonna do it? I'm gonna buy the 1989 Michael Keaton Batmobile. And when they see me pulling up to that in the club or leaving in that, how can you top that? You did whatever you had to do in the club, you threw your money, you looked good for the night. But your girl's probably gonna want to go home with Batman, you know? I bet that car drives like shit. Probably, but it is true. What does that car look like?

1:51:22Pull up the Michael Keaton Batmobile. I don't even remember what it looked like. Does that what it looks like? Yeah. I'll paint it myself too. That's been one of my dreams is to paint the Batman. Alright, take it back. That looks pretty dope. You see it, right? That thing's amazing. That's amazing. Does someone make that? No. Oh, someone makes that. Is that the Peter Says? God made it. Yeah, but I bet you get someone to make it. That's what it is. Bro, that's what you should do. Don't buy that one. They would never sell that one. It's a 67 -in -pala. Oh, it's based off of it. Bro. Oh, shit. Yeah, I love Impalas.

1:51:52I never knew. No one did. I think it drives like shit. You gotta put up. You gotta do something with that suspension. You gotta send that shit to Roaster Shop. I bet Roaster Shop could make you a Batmobile. Yeah. 100%. I'm down. Or someone like that, like someone who does like custom work. There's some dudes out there. Look at those buttons. Pure vision. I could see Steve Stroke making some. Can you go back to the buttons, the panel? What's that? What's that? It was like my first time going to Las Vegas. And it was also my first like heavy, heavy, emotional trip. I got in the front seat of a taxi cab.

1:52:24Because my friends are big guys like on the heavy side. Right. So I could have fitted in the back with them. I got in the front. And I was just tripping really hard. And the whole front looked like all that tripping hard. A taxi cab. In the taxi cab. Oh, so like the CB radio and all that shit. Yeah, it looked like you were in the Millennium Falcon almost. Yeah, whenever I look at a pilot, like if you get to look, and you get on a plane, do your peak through where the pilots are. See all that shit they got? Yeah. Imagine if the pilot died and you had to figure those things out. Mm -hmm. So he's buttons up here and buttons down there.

1:52:55Fuck. That's too many buttons. Too many buttons. How do they... I always like, every time a pilot lands, you can't see that. I don't know, man. Pilot's landing scared the shit out of me. It should. Flying just scares the shit out of me. I do want to learn to fly though. But I want those little, the little ones that you can land on water. Oh. But I heard those crash a lot. I bet they do. I bet they do. I've ever flown in those before. But have you flown one? No, no, no. I've been a passenger in one of those. Is it scary? Is it bumpy? Yeah, we flew into Alaska and landed on a lake. Oh shit. Yeah, we're camping in Prince Edward's Island.

1:53:32I think that's it is. Yeah. Does there are actual prints on that island? I don't think so. If he is, he's dead. It rains there like every day. Every day of the year. Basically every day of the year. Do you ever... I think it rains like 300 days a year or something. It's like, you ever hate when you're like out and about in its raining? I like rain, but I like it when I'm home. Well, one thing that rain does do for you, if you spend a week or two days, you're like out in the lake in the rain. When you get back home, especially like somewhere like California, where it's like sunny, it's like, oh my god, it feels amazing.

1:54:01It feels amazing. Like you don't know what the sun really feels like until you've been like dumped on in a tent every day for a week. Alright. Because you're so cold, you're gonna need that. I probably never dry out. I think I need that because right now I'm sick of the sun. Fuck the sun. It's because you live in a place that has great weather. Yeah. California, that's the number one thing people get spoiled by is that weather. That weather's perfect. That's why everybody moved there. Additionally, to do films because they could do movies out there and it was never raining. You never had to like, if you had an outdoor scene in your rain, you were fucked.

1:54:33You have a favorite movie? A favorite one? No. We're about a top three. I don't think I do. At least for the week, you know? Well, this week right now it's High Plains Drifter. I watched High Plains Drifter the other day for the first time in years for God. I've never seen that. I got to check it out. Oh. High Plains Drifter. I think it's from the 1970s. It's one of them Clint Eastwood movies. Oh, I love Clint Eastwood movies. Oh, Clint Eastwood is a type of guy that when I first saw him on a movie, like an old movie, I was like, whoa, what if he's racist? But even if he was, I was like, he's fucking badass.

1:55:03He could be racist all he wants. A saw him on those old westerns shooting Mexicans. I was like, fuck it. Bro, do what you got to do. What is it called again? High Plains Drifter. All right then. It's actually like, with the six karma mothers I write. So I could feel like I'm writing like big numbers. It's a ghost story. It's about a dude who gets a spoiler alert. It's a movie from the 70s, right? What year was that movie? 73. It's about a guy who gets whipped to death. He's the sheriff in this town. He gets whipped to death. And he comes back. He comes back and kills everybody. He comes back as Clint Eastwood.

1:55:38Oh, shit. They don't recognize that it's him, because he looks totally different. Kind of like Chuckie. But he appears out of nowhere in the beginning of the movie. It's like this fucking heat. You know those heat waves you see when you look in a highway. It's like it looks like a mirage. So this heat wave just appears out of nowhere in this heat wave. Rides in the town, fucks the whole town up. Kills everybody. And then rides back out the same way and disappears. Goes back to hell or heaven's back to hell. It's a wild movie. But it's also a wild movie because it's a time capsule. Like you have to look at old movies.

1:56:11And imagine you're living in 1973. You can't look at an old movie from 2023. And think from a 2023 perspective. I see 70s movies are some of the best films. And I feel like if it's a good movie, I will just kind of get captured in it. And when I do go out and about again, I was like, Oh, shit. This is some great movies. I like the 70s movies. I don't know. There's like a point to this movie. Or what's this? This is my playing a drifter. This is Clint Eastwood.

1:56:41The citizens of Loggo didn't know him at all.

1:56:48What did you say your name was again? I didn't. He's a man with no name. Fucking love that. It's a great movie. I wish I couldn't even get introduced on stage. I wish I could just walk on stage. He kills everybody, bro. And they don't understand it. It's a wild movie. Look at that guy. He's like, why are you killing us? But it's a wild movie because it's a movie from 1973. That's the whole thing about it. It's like you got to put yourself in 1973 to really enjoy it. This might be me being too picky with movies, but it is kind of tough to watch a western movie these days in such high definition.

1:57:27I don't know. It's a little weird, man. I love movies from the 70s. I really like Dog Day afternoon. Oh, yeah. I like that movie Saturday night fever. Oh, man. That's a great movie. It's a little too intense when like John Travolta's character is just like, what is her name that grow that ends up getting like kind of raped by those dudes? Not kind of. She got raped. And he's all like, you see? Is that what you wanted? Oh, shit, bro. She just got raped. Like, comfort her or something. And then his friend falls off the bridge and all the attention goes to that. I'll like, hey, you just raped that chick.

1:58:01So that part of the movie is a little like off to me, but I don't know. I don't know what. It's a depressing movie. Yeah. But the beginning is dope as fuck. Yeah. Well, it's dope as fuck because you're also realizing that those people are doing the exact same thing that people are trying to do at the club sitting on that platform. They're trying to show out and they're trying to show up by dancing. I'm just intrigued by club culture in general, man. Maybe that's why I like that movie so much. Because that guy's whole thing. It's like just showing up and dancing better than anybody. Yeah. Being the man at the club.

1:58:30Yeah. When you saw him dance, like, oh my god, look at him go. Yeah. And you know what though? When the part that really made me feel like, look at him go, it's the beginning of that movie. He's just like walking. Yeah. And then he gets two pizzas and falls them together. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to put that shirt on there. I'm going to come back for it. I'll be like, hey, yeah, that's life right there. Give me some volume.

1:58:57Give me some volume. This is the life, Joe Rogan. It's Walker, cigar. Look at him. Watch it. 70s movies. Look how good he looks. When he walks, he's dancing. I mean, that dude is dancing when he walks. Look at him. He's like, hey, hey girl. Ah, never mind. Hey, yeah, that's life, you know? Stand. What a great song too. Oh yeah. Because that song is really, that song is what the movie is all about. I mean, they're just trying to look at how antsy he was by the day. God damn, Joe. Two pizzas. Two slices of the same time. Got the little gold chain. That's what inspired me to get the gold chain of John Traumoto, you know?

1:59:39A little fizzaz, a little flash.

1:59:44This is a great movie. But it also gave me a lot of anxiety. What year was that movie? I don't know. I'm a good guy. I feel like this. Oh, you're guessing. I'm guessing. I'm guessing. You ever get a story? Oh, sorry. What are you guessing? No, I was 10 years old when that movie came out. And I remember getting an anxiety about being an adult. Yeah? Yeah, because I remember. They didn't know what the fuck they were doing with their life. Oh, yeah. Just dancing, everybody's falling apart and people are dying. I feel like all life is just people just going with it. Yeah. Nobody really knows, you know?

2:00:16But I also didn't have any fucking avenues. Like, where do you go? What do you do? I heard Honduras. Honduras, there's no like addresses. I could be wrong. Maybe they haven't by now, but they don't have addresses. They don't have like, they don't get mail. So the mail man just knows where you live. You think I'm making this up? Like, I... Is that like one town in Honduras or the whole country? I think it's a lot of towns. I could be wrong. I could. But here's like from the stories I've heard. So my son, I have a four year old son, right? His mom has had Honduras. His mom though has never met her biological father.

2:00:53But my son's grandma, you know, obviously knows who this guy is. She would tell me the stories. It was a cool lady man. She was telling me how like when she was... I think she was pregnant or when her... When my son's mom was a baby. She went to Honduras because her baby daddy had gotten deported. Whoa. Yeah. And she didn't have the address. Guys Republican now, not kidding. He's Republican. Yeah, I don't know. But she went to Honduras. It's like, I guess be with the guy or at least look for the guy I don't know. And she says it's like crazy dangerous. It's like the majority of the people walking around with sheddies.

2:01:26Whoa. And I could be getting... I could be mixing it up. Because I've also heard stories about Salvadorians. I've got a story that confirms sort of what you just said. Yeah. Really? Was this so? Someone on the trip advisor just says I'm trying to find help from my husband. When they get his US visa, it needs his mom's street address in Choluteca. And then someone responds and says very few streets have formal names. It's common to see addresses such as X neighborhood, Red House behind the church. Whoa. Across from the Venezuela. Whoa. If you know the name or look, someone can help me. You got to be a skilled fucking mailman.

2:02:01Right. When do you think they first, like when they first started making towns? What was the first dude to say this is Mike's lane? It had to be a fucking fed up mailman. It had to be a mailman who was like, I got to get in charge of this town to fucking figure out these problems. Right. What would they do before mailman? Before there was the mail. Memory. No, they had to get letters to each other somehow. I mean, I know they used Ravens. Oh, that's pretty cool. Send the Ravens, Game of Thrones. Life has got way too comfortable these days, man. We need to go back to like where you had to learn to communicate with Ravens.

2:02:37Wolves in the street. Wolves in the street. Mushrooms in the religion. Mushrooms in the church. Wolves in the street. That's my next fucking special right there. It's not a bad thought, but a lot of people are going to die. I think we peaked somewhere in the 90s. I think that was enough technology. Technology -wise? Yeah. Like I was enough comfort. Things were easy enough, you know? We could cop people, you know. Face time? Yeah, but the internet is the most important thing. It's ever happened to people. Ancient Egypt started mail system. Oh, wow. Ancient Egypt. Wow. 2 ,400 BCE. When Pharaohs used couriers to send out decrees throughout the territory of the state.

2:03:19The earlier surviving piece of mail is also Egyptian, which dates back to 255 BCE, recovered from the boy, trying to say in that word. I bet when they did invest in an award. Try to say in that word. Oxerine. Oxerine. Hines. Hines. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. What do you think, Jamie? I think the second one he said was probably the best. If you click on it, does it tell you how to say it? Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. Oxerine. It might be some weird way of saying it, you know? Is it like a Google for the word? Okay, let's see if you can see how to say it.

2:04:02How do you say it? Does it tell you? Oxerinkus. Oxerinkus. Oxerinkus. It's Greek. Interesting. Oxerinkus. Yeah, taxes though, I think it's that. Wow. You think you could impress like a scholar type girl with that word? Nope. Hey, baby, Oxerinkus. You don't want to impress anybody who's impressed by big words. You don't want to impress them. They're so stupid. They're impressed by big words. I've heard too that like the most intelligent people, the most polite way of communication, the most intelligent way of communication is just making sure they understand what you're saying. So if you say it in the simplest words, that's technically the more intelligent route, the more polite route.

2:04:45Right. Because you know sometimes people are fucking with you with the use of words you know are not common words. Yeah. And you have to go, I always ask, what does that mean? Yeah. You got to ask what that means. I'm sure. No, it means because some people pretend, oh yeah, I don't know. It's like the club shit. They're showing off the Rolex, but they're, they're having a Rolex, they're showing off the big word. You ever see Dennis Miller's act? Dennis Miller was a killer back in the day. In Dennis Miller, like his part of his comedy that was very different from anybody else's comedy is really obscure references to like, you know, ancient literature and fucking early rulers and like obscure, like people were laughing.

2:05:24They didn't even know what the fuck they were laughing at. Like it was like weird references. Like like you had to be very fucking smart and well read to know. I don't even know if he knew him. But that was part of the style. I like that. Like he was a smooth intelligent guy that was talking down to you. That's pretty, I mean, but it was funny. It was funny material. Yeah. You could shit. If you got him, you got to flex sometimes, you know? I guess, but it becomes a thing, right? That's what you're doing. And then that takes people out of like, that it's never really you. You're doing this thing.

2:06:00Yeah. Yeah. I think I know. Which is okay too. Like it's all okay. Like, caratops great. Pull out props. Is it funny? Yeah. Great. It's great, but it's very different. Yeah. Very different than Mitch Hedberg. It's very different than Richard Pryor. Like, it's all great. So it's all, but it's everybody's got their own way that they want to do it. And that's one of the cool things about comedy. It's like, you can't tell, you can kind of give your friends advice. You can say, hey, man, like maybe you should slow your words down. Some people can understand you, but everybody does it different. Everybody does it.

2:06:34Everybody does it. You got to find out how you do it. It's got to somehow or another match your personality for real. It's got to be the most, the best way you can do it. And for some people, it's a character. Some people they create a character in the go on stage with it. That's great too. It's like what is what they call it? Finding your voice. Yeah. Well, dice, dice became dice. Dice was Andrew Silverstein and his standup in the early days. He used to do a Travolta impression. It was amazing. He had an amazing Travolta impression. He's an incredible like impersonator. He does amazing impressions, but he just never does them.

2:07:11And then he would do this character called the Dice Man. And his character was the funniest part of his act. It was so funny. And that's when he'd do all his rhymes and shit. And this guy would be this fucking wild dude from Brooklyn. And then he just became Dice. I saw him perform live at Hyenas. Oh, nice. That was fucking awesome. Yeah. Dice is awesome. I was a fan of Dice when I was 19 years old. So for me to be friends with him now just trips me out all the time. Whenever I'm around him, it trips me out. I was 19 years old. I was parked in a car in front of my house with this girl I was dating.

2:07:45And we were just listening to, I had a cassette player in my car and we were listening to Dice. And we're both howling laughing. Just howling laughing. Back then, like a lot of the comedy that I would listen to, I'd listen to girls with girls I was dating. It was a fun thing to do. Like, hey, you want to listen to some comedy and we'd sit down there and back then there was no internet man. You had to put a fucking record on. And you'd listen to an old Richard Pryor album. And me listening to Dice with this girl, like just how I never even thought about doing comedy at that point. That was just fun.

2:08:19To me, it was just like, this is hilarious. And so now I'm friends with him. It's so weird. It's a badass feeling though. It's crazy. I get a text message from Dice every now and again. I'm like, Jesus Christ. That's Dice Clay. Hell yeah. It's wild. I feel that. Especially when you're young, like if you're 19 years old, you're a fan of someone and then as a grown man, you're the other friend. It's odd. I'm a big Mark Norman fan. I love Mark Norman. I always watch his clips. It's a huge fan. And then I got to open for a meet him. He was super cool as fuck. He just hung out whatever. We got to do a birds tour.

2:08:55He helped me write a bit. The show was unreal. I was like, holy shit. He was watching this dude. Right. Right. Now your friends with him. Yeah. Hey, it's cool. Right now I just remembered watching that John Travolta stuff and he said he did an impression. I don't know. I got heard this story. I don't know if it's true or not, but I heard that when John Travolta was like blowing up, right? Right after like Saturday night fever. Right. I heard that Freddie Prince like ran into his apartment with like a crossbow or something. You hear that? Freddie Prince pulled a gun somebody. Or maybe it was a gun.

2:09:34Maybe I just imagined it was a crossbow. Actor Freddie Prince says actor Jimmy Walker says Freddie Prince once tried to kill John Travolta. Oh Jesus Christ. That's all you got to do. It was a crossbow. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. You got to pull the crossbow on people. So he talked about it during the comedy show of the comedy store documentary series. Walker claims that Prince called him one day and announced we got to kill John Travolta. He says I'm going to kill this guy. I'm the biggest star on TV. The good times star 73 were called. I said, well, a lot of people are on TV.

2:10:10I'm on TV. Walker said Prince shot back. You're not bigger than me, man. I'm the biggest guy. I'm the best guy. Everybody knows me. I'm the funniest guy. Oh my God. He was crazy. Man, when I started going up in Hainan, some of the people that would work there would be like, you're about to be a Freddie Prince. So he fired three arrows into John Travolta's door. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's hilarious. That's what John Travolta said when it was happened. He said, oh my God. Oh my God. That's crazy. He shot himself when he was 22 years old, man. Freddie Prince? Yeah. Oh shit. I didn't know that. I knew it.

2:10:46I was a kid back then, but my grandfather used to love that show Chico and the man. He was on there. Yeah. That was his show. That was the show that blew him up. Bro, he blew up on television. He was like 20 years old. I love his clothes. I was 20 years old. You can find his clips on YouTube. I love watching his. He's good comic. What was his, how old was he when he did Chico and the man? My grandfather loved Sanford and sons. Chico and the man and all the family. Freddie Prince didn't look 22. He looked older. I feel like back then people just looked older quicker. He died in 2002. That was his third season.

2:11:27So he would have started at 19. Holy shit, bro. Wow. People used to age faster for sure. Oh yeah, you ever seen that thing when they show pictures of Archie Bunker and Edith Bunker and you find out how old they really were? Yeah, he does not look like 22. That looks like a 35 year old man. Yeah. Right? Now I feel like Anne Hathaway, I don't know how old she is, but she looks 19. Yeah, some of those ladies are keeping it together now. Yeah. Even the guys. And there's all those conspiracies. They're like the children's blood, Illuminati. I put checkerboard flooring on the floor of my special and people keep thinking like Freemason.

2:12:04Oh my god. I just like checkerboard flooring. Bro, I went to a satanic wedding with Duncan Trussell. Duncan Trussell, he has this character called Little Hobo. And Little Hobo is a puppet and he brings little hobo out and he tells everybody that his grandfather just died. He left behind his puppet and he's fucking. This is a satanic puppet. It's one of the funniest bits I've ever seen in my life. It's an amazing bit. So he does this guy who is like Anton Le Vais grandson, I think. They're satanists. And so they hired Duncan to do this routine at a satanic wedding. I go to the satanic wedding and I take a picture with this dude.

2:12:47And to this day, people think I'm a satanist. Because I was like, fuck you. This is so ridiculous. They're just silly people. I don't know if they're doing real satanic shit when we're not around. But I was like, I expected it to be like, I wanted to just experience it. So we went, we got barbecued. We were off the rails. We were in another dimension. We were looking at life through a water -covered shower door. Everything was very strange. And so to me watching Duncan do this little hobo routine in front of all these fucking things. And satanists, it was just wild. But it was hilarious. It was a fun time.

2:13:25But they were just like, I don't know what their thing is. Duncan says they're just hedonists. They don't follow any rules. And that's what they think of as satanism. But you know, maybe they do some creepy shit. I bet you're even in the religion of worshiping satan. There's like different forms of it. I bet you're even there. You're not doing it. Right. This is how you do it. Right. There's probably like hardcore satanists who really are out there murdering homeless folks. And then there's other people that are like, you know, just like dressing up like devils. Yeah. I remember seeing some shit like on TV one time where they're like, there's rules to it.

2:13:59Like to a certain, like, if you're satanists, satanists, there's like their own 10 commandments. Like you're not supposed to kill animals unless it's like necessary for food. Oh really? Yeah, like never harm like children or women or some shit. Like they have like rules that even the devil is like, all right bro, this is even too far. I don't know. We'll find out when we get to hell. What was who was the guy that stumbled upon that satanist place in the middle of the woods? Remember, there's that one dude that we had on. And there was a there's this guy who used to work for NASA who was a real satanist.

2:14:41Like in the church of satan and this abandoned place with this guy to do his research at, someone went to visit it. Who was it? But this guy like, was it Python cowboy? Yeah. But like what time frame is this that he works at NASA? Like did he help get to the moon? My 1960s. 1950s or 1960s. I think the 50s. So it was in the 1990s. Let's go back and find out. I think it's crazy. If this is one of the guys that helped us get to the moon like this guy used to wear like the outfits and everything. Yeah. With his photos of him like at a real satanist church and like some nerdy glasses. He was like an open satanist.

2:15:20Like you could kind of be an open satanist and still be a rocket scientist in the 1960s. They hadn't figured out that that was kind of fucked up yet. There was a lot of shit that they hadn't figured out by then. Well, you know the rocket scientist that we got, most of them came from Nazi Germany. Oh, shit. I didn't know that. There's a thing called Operation Paperclip. In an Operation Paperclip, the United States acquired all of Germany's rocket scientists, including Werner von Braun. So who's this cat? Jack Parsons. Jack Parsons. Says his father John Parsons. So go on that photo there. That's him dressed up in all the satanist shit.

2:15:59It looks like. Look at that. He looks like Iron Man's dad in the movies and the Avengers movies. This guy used to fucking dress up. Click on that link because that's the story. This is what I'm. This fucking outfit. This guy. Imagine this guy is a rocket repainter. That's crazy. And rocket you pioneer to deviant occultist. Jack Parsons was the ultimate mad scientist. So this motherfucker was like a real rocket scientist. And also a satanist. That's nuts, man. Crazy. How do you have all this knowledge? Scroll back down again. Such an intelligent smart person. Good memory. And then you dress so goofy.

2:16:34Me? No, him. This guy. Well, he dresses normal unless he's doing the satanist thing. That's what I'm saying though. Like you know how to fucking. You know rock, you're a little rocket scientist. You know about rockets. And then in your free time, you're like, let me put out this goofy ass ghetto. Yeah. So the 1930s, when the suicide squad began conducting their explosive experiments, rocket science belonged largely to the realm of science fiction. Oh, wow. So this guy. So they were thinking it was all horseshit. It was mostly science fiction. And this guy was like a legit rocket scientist who's also a satanist.

2:17:13So this guy's place. This Python cowboy dude went to this guy's place. And he said there's like blood splatter on the walls. There was like a chair that had like this red puddle underneath it. He was like, it creeped him the fuck out and he ran out of there. This is it. That guy went to his place. Yeah. He was a rocket facility and people were, he said there was all sorts of stuff on the walls. Yeah, I said there's like, look, they got these people spray painted upside down crosses on the rocks and shit. I know he had video footage up, but he said it's really creepy. So this is him when he, like he's stumbling upon like they got Latin written on the walls and it's weird.

2:17:52So a lot of these places, I guess, these satanists had come in and they're doing like their little rituals in this place. Little psychos. Earlier when I said that we like went to follow technology, I'm starting to take it back. Take it back. Now I feel like, hey man, kill some time on Netflix or Instagram. Like don't go spray paint upside down crosses and stuff. Yeah. Don't be sacrificing people in the woods. Don't get Disney plus or something. Yeah, get Paramount plus. Yeah. Go watch the new South Park one, the Panda verse. Hell yeah. You don't have to. But you know, there's always been people that are like doing secret things on the fringe.

2:18:26You know, there's always been people like that that are doing like forbidden secret things in society. Yeah. Little penis people. Well, that has to be what it is. You know, you got to find something to like obsess about. You got to like distract people from your real issue sometimes. I think there's also like people that are in these like elite circles of like world leaders and shit like that. And I think they probably like to do the creepiest most deranged shit secretly. You know, like they have these little secrets societies together for sure. I think I think it's always been the case. There's got to be some weird shit going on too much time and money on your hands can lead to some like, how do I achieve the next level of being elite?

2:19:11You know what I mean? There was this guy. And so like when I used to go work at my desk body shop, we stopped at this gas station sometimes. And that area was a lot of like it's like a hood area that would neighbor like the mansion area. So there's like a lot of rich folk around there too. And sometimes man, there'd be people doing weird shit. There was a guy. His little memory still goes through my head. Not like a leeward shit, but just weird like there's a guy who would hold like his paintings like from his house. It's like really nice paintings in the park. He had like an old school. I don't remember what he drove.

2:19:46So this fucking expense. I just remember this guy's like rich. I mean just hold like these fucking paintings and just stand on the street like a homeless man. And it's just fucking... Just want everybody to see his painting. Yeah, it's just nuts. He's just fucking rich crazy guy with way too much time on his hands. And when I saw that, I was like bro, once you reach a level of money, you probably just do crazy shit just for the fuck out. Just because you can, you know what I mean? Especially if all you do is make money. Like that's what those dominatrix ladies always say. Their clients are always these guys who are like these CEOs of mega corporations and they just want to get pissed on it.

2:20:24Yeah, that slap. Fucking nuts. Yeah, they want to get tied up and thrown in the corner. Shut the fuck up and they come on and kick them in the balls. Because then they want that. Bro, did you hear seeing that movie? I mean, they made the movie about the movie the room. Yeah. That was Akatami who was the lure. What's in the album? I was messing up. But there's that scene in the movie that made fun of the movie. Like Joel Rogan's character, like the director, goes to the bank and he's like, I want to catch this check. And they're like, oh yeah. And he's like holy shit, it worked. And the bank teller's telling him he's just like, this guy's bank account.

2:20:59It's like a bottomless pit. That amount of money has to be kind of scary though. Because you either go make shitty movies with your money that you don't know what the fuck you're doing. Like that guy, which is funny. Or you probably also do scary shit. Like that's the scary amount of money to have. So I know people who like struggle financially are probably like, oh man, if I could just have this money, if I could just have that money. Like yeah, life would be easier. But if there's no challenge, there's no maze to run through. What are you really going to do with that much free time? I tell you what you're going to do, you're going to get in a homemade submarine, dying the ocean.

2:21:29You see what I'm saying? Yeah, those dudes. That's exactly what that was. Like that was $250 ,000 a ticket to getting that submarine and die. Why? In the submarine had no windows, right? What had like little small windows? You don't really see things through a screen. They call me old school, but I feel like if I spend $250 ,000 on the ticket, I want like a luxurious experience. I want to see the fucking ocean pass through a tiny little screen. I want communication with the outside world. I don't know. I do want to get rich. I feel like pretty soon. What are you going to buy? What kind of car are you going to get?

2:22:06I mean, I'm not too worried about all that. I really want to say money like painting. Don't you want to go to the moon? Oh, you want one of those dudes. Elon Musk is probably going to offer ride soon, you know, $250 ,000 a ticket. I think you could already get into space for that amount of time. Yeah. Yeah, I think you can get into space for like $250 ,000. I want to go to space. Like the blue origin, don't they supply people in the space? Bro, you want to wait a few years. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely want them to get the kinks out. Yeah, it makes out. Work out the glitches. You don't want to die in a fiery ball of hell.

2:22:36Yeah. Crash into the ocean, burning alive. Nah, yeah. Blue origin. For suborbital flights, blue origin typically charges around $200 ,000 to $300 ,000 per person. The cost includes a one hour flight and a three hour preparation program. For those looking to go into orbit, blue orbit origins, orbital launch services range from 50 million to 100 million per person. Yo. That's a big difference. That is a giant difference. All right. A suborbital is that good? You go up for, I think they send you up for about a minute or two and then you just float back down. How far do you go? What's the height with suborbital?

2:23:16Suborbital means you're not going out technically of the range where you need to go. You're going very, very high. That's the where they sent Schwamm Shatter to it. Is that where they send the guy? Remember the guy who Skydove from the outer later? Wow, motherfucker. For Red Bull or whatever? Yeah, that's my friend. Yeah. That's Andy Stump. Man. Yeah. He's a psychopath. Was it Andy that did that? No, no, no, no. That's a different guy. Andy did, but Andy did something similar. He was on a fucking plane. So they're suborbital right here. Okay. This is suborbital. So they're still floating. So they're above Earth, they get to look down.

2:23:47They're weightless. Like a William Shatter. He's like, I'm too old for this shit. But you don't get way up there where you're looking down on the ball. I don't even think that's fun right there because are you even, like, I feel like the Earth is so bright, you can't even see the stars in shit. You're definitely probably won't see the stars. No, you don't see the stars. That's not worth it. I'm not doing that. But I think to see the stars, you got to go. I don't, yeah, I don't look very, very much in the spaceship. You got to go way the fuck up there. I want to go into like the abyss. You probably do when you're on the dark side, don't you think, Jamie?

2:24:17Yeah, but how many of them have been there for a long time? Right, but you go over there for a whiz, right? Like, it's real fast. You're going like 17 ,000 miles an hour, right? Isn't that the space station? Yeah, I honest, I mean, I mean, I could look, we have to look into this. I think the only star you could probably see is the sun. Huh. If it's going to happen to you on the other side, this is changing my financial plan. I don't know. Get a hundred billion bucks, bro. You got to go way up. I wonder how much it costs for them to send me to like a warm whore or a black hole. Well, you don't want to do that.

2:24:49No, no, no. If I'm like, imagine it come, you come back anywhere in the Mongol days. You're like, motherfucker. What is the Mongol days? Like when Ginghis Khan ruled the earth and killed 10 % of the population. That was, it sucked. I don't know. I hope not even to come back though. I just go somewhere else. Maybe there's like another planet, another universe. Another dimension. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe. Remember when Bradley Cooper went through it and then he came back and earth was like saved, but they're like living in these like cylinder fourth dimension things or something like that.

2:25:17Is the interstellar you see interstellar? Oh, that wasn't Bradley Cooper. That was Matthew McConaughey, right? Matthew McConaughey. I was getting this business. I was confused. Bradley Cooper gave his chance too, but yeah, Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. That was a great movie. Bro, even he got back in the ship. It was like, nah, I'm out. So yeah. Okay. During spacewalks in earth shadow astronauts can see stars once their eyes adjust to the darkness. Holy shit. Your eyes have to adjust to the darkness of space. But that's spacewalks in earth shadow. I don't think that's the same. They don't go behind the moon.

2:25:50Space station, habitable artificial satellite in low earth orbit that serves space environment. That ship that trip I've told you about a few times that Steve Eoki supposed to go on to supposed to be like one of the first man trips back around the moon since Steve Eoki don't die in the moon. Bro, I said this to him before. Let me say it again. Don't do it, buddy. That guy is fucking badass. He's badass. He's cool dude, dude. First of all, I'm cool. He's very cool. I don't. Uncrew for first mission to moon. Steve. You want to be on the 100th mission. By the way, I think they did 100 of those submarine dives before that one exploded.

2:26:26Oh shit. I think they did a bunch of them. Damn. It wasn't like they were the first people. They probably go, you got the kinks worked out. I'll try this bitch out. I'm going to go rock. I'm going to go rock. I'm going to go rock. Fucked up. Even car accidents happen every day. Well, if you send the same thing down there a hundred times, you also go to the thing where how many times can it go before it caves in. Have you guys pressured tested that motherfucker at 30 ,000 feet below the earth? That's just another. Whoever deep you're going. Such a scary thing about the sea is the fucking pressure.

2:26:57If you come up too fast, you could like get sick, right? You got to be like, you get the badans. Are they gonna get fucked up? Are there other things like that submarine trip available that we just don't know about? I'm sure there are. I'm sure that's not the only one, right? I bet the Russians will take you down. Remember that movie with the Russian, the Odessa files? Is that what it's called? Is that what it's called? The documentary? The Odessa. What was that called? But there was a documentary where this dude, they offered to sell him a fucking submarine. This drug dealer. Operation Odessa.

2:27:29This guy goes, do you want nukes too? He's like, what? What the fuck? The offer to sell them nukes. They offer to sell them nukes. They offer to sell them a submarine. That's true freedom, I guess. Well, I think if you got that drug dealer money. That's okay. Yeah, Operation Odessa. Click on that. Who made that documentary? I should have sold drugs. Teller Russell, that's right. Teller Russell, who is a guest on the podcast and told us all about this. This is a wild dude, who's a real guy. A Russian mobster in Miami sold a Soviet submarine to Colombian coax mugglers. Nice. Seven years ago, filmmaker, Teller Russell was preparing to meet the former Russian mobster at the center of Miami's craziest true crime, true crime, caper of the 90s.

2:28:13And he was hoping, or more like praying, a guard at the prison deep in a Panamanian jungle wouldn't screw him over. Yeah, it's an amazing story. The documentary is incredible, but it's all true. Like, they really, back then, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, they're like, what do you want? Do you want them buying nuclear bumps? We sell you nuclear bumps. Oh, I got it right there, Dan. I got it, fucking check it out. Yeah, Russian guy. It's a great documentary. Submarine. He did an amazing job with that film, too. It's like the way it puts it together, you're like, what? But it's all real stories.

2:28:44I think back then, like, you could buy shit. You need a tank? The Victor. Victor can get you think. That's what I like about it. You want big think? That's what I like about it. Just being here in Texas, I feel like, most shit you could buy. Most shit, you could buy tigers out here. Yeah, one of my uncles had a tiger, but he said he got really expensive to feed it. Oh, I would imagine. He was down in South Texas, also doing some less than legal business. And he said he feed it like a lot of chickens. Yeah, these chickens hold. Yeah. But that's like a snack for a tiger. He was like, after a while, he's like, I got too fucking expensive to keep it.

2:29:19How many chickens you got to feed a tiger in a day? I would imagine like five or six chickens. Five or six chickens. Maybe at least. I was huge. How much room do you give the tiger to like live? You know, like, that's gotta be fucked up. I'm not like a huge. I'm not like a Peter guy or nothing. But yeah, come on, man, let the tiger like breathe. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't have a tiger in a fence. But also a tiger in the wild is way more dangerous. I thought it's a dangerous thing. So just let them lose out there. You remember those people who raise it from like, when they're kittens, and then they just have it in their living room?

2:29:55I'd never trust it. I know this is like old school, old school, if they can. Don't get me wrong. Like, I have a dog, I love my dog, I treat him right or whatever. But like, it's just a little old school. But animals are fucking animal. It's a fucking animal. I don't care how much you're like, no, I'm so friendly. And we're raising. I'm like bro, animals are fucking animal. Sick freedom boy. Yeah, yeah. They had that tiger forever. Yeah. And the one day the tiger's like, I think I want to bite your neck. There's like instinct. I feel like biting your neck. Yeah. I'm tired of just getting fed scraps.

2:30:28Yeah bro, yeah. I want to bite your fucking neck. I barely, if I barely even trust my dog, I mean, I trust my dog not in every situation. Every now and then I look at him like, hey, what kind of dog you are? So I have two. One is actually my dad's. I think it's like those like fucking pit bull bullies are ordered. Very good dog, very, very nice, very gentle, right? But then I also have a rock -wilder that I live back at my grandma's. I couldn't bring him. He's sketchy. And he's a good dog. I did so much to train him, right? Like, I read up, I asked people like, I can leave him. In my room all day, he won't bite a thing, he won't piss.

2:31:05Like, he'll let me know. I could walk him without a leash. Like, he'll stay by my side. If he does get a little jumpy runs after some of it, he'll come back, you know? But even him, one day, because, and I know maybe you might be like, oh, well, rock -wilders tend to have like bipolar to them or whatever. Really? They can be bipolar. Yeah, rock -wilders. The bipolar? They can be. Yeah. They can be bipolar. How do they find out? I don't know. I'm not a... I didn't look that deep into it. You know what I'm saying? Who's the rock -wilder psychologist? As they sit down with Rusty. But even he tried to attack one of my sisters once.

2:31:41Out of nowhere. And he's around my sister every day. He's like a year old around this point. He's around my sister every day. And my dog doesn't bark. I've heard him bark twice. But he didn't bark. He grouts for two seconds and then jump. And luckily I was already holding him. He scratched her. He didn't get to her bider or nothing. Jesus Christ. Yeah. But even the... He kept him? Yeah. But we just stopped that and I'm around like people. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. But I kept him. That's a dangerous dog. There is. You know, Biden's dog. 11 people. Joe Biden's dog. 11 people. Joe Biden's dog. It's a bit 11 people.

2:32:23Secret service, guys. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'd be like, pull out this job. This fucking dog's biting people. And this is like the second dog that he's had that bites people. Joe Biden's dog bites me. Yeah. I'm turning Republican. Biden's dog, Commander, involved in more White House biting incidents than previously reported. This fucking dog. Secret services acknowledged 11 reported biting incidents involving its personnel. Sources spoke with CNN said the real number is higher and includes executive resident staff and other White House workers. Those bites have ranged in severity from one known bite requiring hospital treatment to some requiring attention from the White House medical unit to some going unreported and untreated.

2:33:09While the first family works for solutions to the ongoing issue, CNN has learned Commander is not on the White House campus. Yeah. There's a real fucking solution. He's not even holding them right on the leash. It's called bullets. You developed a dangerous animal that wants a bite people. That's a fucked up dog. Take that dog out. That's a fucked up dog. Somebody did something bad to that dog or the dog was ignored or not trained or something went really wrong. Man, so that's a working dog. When my dog scratched my sister, he was able to get a little clung. After that shit, man, I did start to like try to research like, why the fuck do dogs just flip or what?

2:33:46You know, could there be another reason? Apparently, like dogs will remember a traumatizing moment for the rest of their lives. Have you sister do something to the dog? So now I'm wondering, right? Like if her or maybe another kid, maybe on accident, heard it one day when trying to paint like trying to pet her something, they'll remember that shit. Oh, really? So if like, if a cat scratched it once, they'll hate cats forever or if like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think the dogs are fucking scary, man. But I have a golden retriever. He ain't biting nobody. He's the worst dog for like guard dog duty.

2:34:22He loves everybody. He's just a bundle of love. That's a dog. You don't have to worry about him around anything except squirrels. He's a demon to squirrels. I fuck with cats sometimes. I know a lot of people hate cats, but I'm not like a super attentive, loving person all the time. And I feel like dogs kind of need that or they can get that. They don't need to. Yeah, and I don't have a cat. But if you're gonna go on the road, having a dog is rough. Like, you know, you're on the road all the time. That dog's gonna get ignored on the weekends. Also, I don't like to be that guy who like carries around a little dog.

2:34:54I mean, respect to the people that do, but I'm not gonna be a good boy. So I'm bringing a little dog with you on the road, like a little Chihuahua. Like no offense to the comics that do, but it's kind of girly. Yeah, but if you know, the dog likes it. Like Peter Shore, the brother of Paulie Shore, he was always bringing his little dog. I don't like the comic store. Dogs adorable. But I don't know. I'm not gonna do it. But then when I do see not every comic, I don't love everybody's dog. You know what I mean? I like dogs. I don't like everybody's dog. But there are some comics that I see their dog.

2:35:26I'm like, all right, that's a cool dog. And then the other comics where they have their dog, and I'm like, that's gay. Ron White had a really cool French bulldog named mustard. Mustard dog got taken by a coyote. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's fucked up. That's a cool ass name too, mustard. Yeah, coyotes are, that's a weird little animal that lives alongside people. Because it's really a little wolf. It's a little wolf that lives alongside people and eats your pets. Fucking coyotes. They're creepers. I hope the wolves got that coyote. Well, that's why coyotes are so dangerous. Not dangerous, but one of the interesting things about coyotes is coyotes evolved around wolves.

2:36:06But they evolved around gray wolves, kill coyotes. They don't breed with them. The Eastern wolves, like red wolves, they breed with coyotes and you get the coy wolf. It's like a hybrid wolf coyote, not in the West. So the Western wolves, they just killed coyotes. So when coyotes would lose one of the members, the female coyotes would have more babies. So when they would call out, one of them was missing, it would send some sort of a biological process into the female coyotes and they would have more pups. What the fuck? And then they would spread out into the jungle. Where are you going? Are you raised by wolves?

2:36:39I had a man on the podcast, I mean Dan Flores, he wrote an amazing book called Coyote America that I read. And it's all about the history of the coyote in North America. It's in every city. Coyotes are in every city and every state. And they didn't used to be. They used to be confined mostly to the West and the Southwest. But because of human beings, like moving in and killing coyotes and trying to force them out and then agriculture and all these different things, they just kept spreading out. And now they're everywhere. Damn. Every city, New York City has coyotes in it. For real? For real. Oh shit.

2:37:11Yeah, you show you some photos. I was just trying to do these in Central Park, man. I was watching that movie, Collateral with Tom Cruise. Great fucking man. There's like a coyote that goes in the room? Yeah. I remember when I saw that I was like, I bet that would happen in Cally because they got like hills and shit. But man, now I'm like, that could happen anywhere. Well, the first time I ever saw a coyote was in 94 when I first moved to LA and I was staying at this place in Burbank called the Oakwood Gardens. It was a place where when you moved to a new place, they rented out pre -furnished apartments.

2:37:41So it already had a couch, it already had a bed. You just, you bringing your clothes, you're good. It's like a hotel, but you live in it. It's an apartment. And I was pulling up to the place in my rental car and I saw three little dogs. I was like, what the fuck is that? What are those things? And I was like, I got closer and I'm like, oh shit, those are coyotes. In the middle of Burbank. God damn. Just hanging out in the street. Yeah, that's one on the roof in New York City. Look at that. Oh the fuck doesn't even get there. I don't know. You ever see those videos of like bears? Look at that thing swimming up on the shore in Florida.

2:38:14Oh yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, a lot of bears. I'm already, like you're already trying to watch out for sharks. I ain't got to watch out for bears too. There's too much. Didn't some lady get killed recently by a bear in Florida? I think some woman got killed by a black bear in Florida. There are a lot of bears in Florida. That's just, there's too much. I know, it's crazy. Florida's got everything, man. They got alligators, pythons, iguanas, bears. That's like getting killed by a bear at the model of America. Like it wasn't supposed to happen there. You know what I mean? Like how did the fuck they did end up there?

2:38:46Imagine a bear getting in the mall of America and just running through people. Yeah, that's a big mall. But that's mini -opolis, right? Yeah. Someone's gonna have a gun. Someone's gonna shoot. How many bullets do you think it's, it take those to take down a millimeter? Depends on what kind of bear. If it's a grizzly bear, you're fucked. You need something heavy. You need a 45 or a 10. You can't, in nine millimeters on enough stopping power. You really want like a 300 windman. You want a rifle. Yeah. You got a bear. You want a large caliber weapon to take that fucking thing out. You do not want a bear wounded.

2:39:20That's still running at you. And your bullets are going in a couple of inches. And it's just ready to fuck you up. You walk around with a gun? You don't have to answer that. I wouldn't answer that.

2:39:33But if I was around. Tells me everything I need to know. A lot of grizzly bears. I would definitely have a gun. Yeah. Yeah. I know people that go in grizzly country, they don't bring a gun. I'm like, what are you doing? Do you want to die by the way of being eaten by a giant wild dog? I think it's crazy that people like go to hikes and places where there's bears. I mean, I get it, you know what I mean? You want to experience. I think if you live in a place like Montana or something like that, it's just a part of the world. The world has grizzly bears in it. They just, they coexist with them. You hope you don't run upon a mama and her cubs.

2:40:07That's the scariest thing. Scary thing is accidentally stumbling upon a mama grizzly bear with her cubs. You ever gone hunting? Yeah, sure. Did I get? I love hunting, yeah. I've never gone hunting. But one time we were walking through this fucking trail. It wasn't even like a trail. We were trying to get to a river to go fishing. And they were saying that there's wild hogs out there that come at you. I kind of like that. I don't know if I'd want to hunt, wait for the animal spotted or whatever. I don't know how it goes. But I kind of like the idea of why it has to fucking kill it if it came at me.

2:40:42Then you have to eat it too. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know how to camp fire. I die. If I try to fucking eat an animal that I kill, I'm fucking up somewhere. Because isn't there a certain amount of time you have? Like you got to skin it and make sure this is clean and no possible. I can't even cook at home, bro. It's not for everybody. But the wild pig thing is a crazy way to get into hunting because you kind of have to kill those. Yeah, they breed so often. They breed three times a year. I would start breeding when they're six months old. What the fuck? Six months old. They start pumping out little piglets.

2:41:16I'm not one to judge. I know a lot of teenage parents. Yeah, pigs are a scourge. It's a crazy animal. They're everywhere too. In Texas? Shit. There's so many of them here. They hunt them by helicopter. There's like fucking, they're not coyotes, but there's a lot of dogs. Man, out there where I live out in the country and I had to get used to that when I first moved out there. Wild dogs? Yeah. Or even like... Just strays running around. They're strays and the people that own dogs just kind of let them be out. Yeah. And I had to get used to that because I was just living like in a regular fucking neighborhood.

2:41:50And if I wanted to go jog, sometimes there's some shit. Sometimes I just go out and run. One night, I just started running. And I started getting chased by dogs. Oh shit. There was a fucking dog just coming at me from... Everybody out there has like a pretty big piece of land. It's like trailer homes and shit. And I just saw it leave the porch and started coming at me. But I was pretty far where I'm like, bro, if I just chop, if I just run a festival, I can't. I don't think he's gonna come that far, you know? And then another dog started coming. I was like, what the fuck? So I just took off. I took off.

2:42:21And I finally got away like far, far. And I had to call my sister to come pick me up. I'm like, I can't even jog back. Like I can't run back, man. The dog's probably waiting for you. Like that dude's gonna come back. He's tired. Yeah. I think they were waiting. Fucking country as dogs. Well, that's what happens to people with mountain lines, too. The mountain lines see them running. And they're just like, what are you going, bitch? Yeah. So they're instincts. They're instincts. Yeah. Even I see people running on it and chasing some signs. I'm here to carry DNA of wolf declared extinct. Oh shit.

2:42:51So Texas is dog right there. Oh. There were, I didn't see the way you're, but there were previously red wolves and gray wolves in Texas that are supposedly extinct. Oh, wow. And so there might be still wolves in Texas? Yeah, when I was this other, is that what they think? It said that they're what kind of dogs are in Texas. There's coyotes, impacts of neglect that domestic dogs run around. Oh. But they're all so. I like how they say neglected. Like I know they mean like nobody's taking care of them, but also just feels like maybe the dog wanted attention. They've just been neglected. However, Texas was once home to two wolf species, the gray wolf and the red wolf.

2:43:26But sadly, they were hunted to extinction in the Lone Star State. Sadly, if you're not a rancher, your ranchers are good. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I have a friend who lives in BC, like northern BC, British Columbia. And they'll occasionally, a wolf will just like, they'll have like a pack of wolves that like takes out a calf. And they'll hear it in the middle of the night, just horrible sounds of like wolves that are like ripping apart a cow. And then you know, other people find out about it, they have to deal with them. And I ran into a dude once at the airport. And I think I had like a camouflage jacket on or something like that.

2:44:03And he goes, are you a hunter? I go, I didn't know what to say because he's like a regular dude. I was like, I hope this isn't an argument. I was like, yeah, I was up here moose hunting. And he goes, he goes, we like the wolf hunt up here. He goes, yeah, we got a real problem with wolves. He just starts telling me about wolves. And I go, what do you do? He goes, well, we take like a, like a garbage pale. And we throw scraps of meat in there, and then we freeze it. And then we take it and we'll put that in the middle of a field. And then we hide. And if the wolves get desperate enough, they'll smell it.

2:44:34And they'll come to that frozen meat. And then you just take them out. I'm like, Jesus. Damn. I go, how many do you kill? He goes, you can't even put a dent in the population. Bro, imagine that's your life. Imagine you have to make time during the week to go try to put a dent in this population. Yeah, so you can't even put a dent in the population. And he goes, the smart ones never fall for it. Because they've like been got before. They saw one of their packet killed before that way. The fucking smart ones don't fall for it. So wolves are smartening up to this year too. Oh, they're waiting. They'll wait.

2:45:04And then they'll have the young ones are stupid. And the young stupid ones are going there and get shot. The wolves are only going to get smarter. They're only going to get smarter. And eventually these wolves are going to figure out how to fuck with your Instagram algorithm and give you bad wolf killing techniques for not taking the killed by wolves. Yeah, they're going to do Russian disinformation. Wolves are going to give up. Yeah. They're smart, man. They're smart. It's a creepy animal to bring back. Because for the longest time, they were like a really terrified thing that we had to deal with.

2:45:36People in Europe, they had to deal with wolves, man. I'm afraid of sharks. I've never seen a shark. Just the... I don't even want to like... I don't know. Maybe I'd go in that little cage where you can be around the shark. Oh, that dude. They go right through that cage. They do? Yeah, Jamie just sent me something. Just... Jamie just sent me one. Pull it up, man. I got me intrigued by them, but I'm also scared as fuck. Because you can't swim that fast. You want to watch that from a boat with a shotgun in your hand. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you monster. Fuck you fucking swimming. I'll have a bowl's unit of all the wildlife stories about sharks and alligators.

2:46:11I'll have nightmares where you've ever been in like where the water is kind of like up to your knee. And you can't necessarily run too fast. It's like that uncomfortable. And that fucking gator's just chasing me and I'm running through like the water. I don't know what those three who mean. They mean stay the fuck away from out here. Look at this. Watch this. Go full screen, Jamie. Watch this shit. This motherfucker just goes right through the cage. So the shark swims into the cage and busts through the side of the cage and then comes out the top. Watch this shit. Is there a dude in that cage?

2:46:44That's the part of why I thought I was going to the end. Be a part of the end. Look at that. Listen to the people.

2:46:54Was there anybody in there? Was there anyone in there? Oh my god. There was. So is the guy dead? No. The guy got out. Yeah, I can't tell if he's bleeding on his side though. I tried to check. Oh my god. He seems fine. Because they're not all reacting extra crazy and you don't see blood. Oh my god. Oh my god. And there's the dude. He's still in there. Holy shit. That dude's staying calm too. I feel like if I'm that guy and I saw my opening to get out, I would have flown out faster than the shark. Just like a fucking fish out of water. Holy shit. That guy's just calmly climbing out. And he's dressed like a seal.

2:47:31There's the shark. It goes right in the side. God, that's a big ass shark. Boom, it just goes right through the cage. I'm not going to flip the top. Thankfully for them. Oh my god. Look at him. Yeah, it's on his toes. Oh my god. That's so scary. And the shark does not want to be in there. Oh my god, dude. Fuck that, Ralph. Fuck that, right? I still want to kind of go in one, but I just want to make sure I go around like some pussy ass sharks, like some little ones. I don't think they have any idea. Though kind of power those things have. It went right through that bullshit cave. That's like someone building a fence made out of popsicle sticks and telling you to stay out.

2:48:12Did you see that guy that was swimming near it? Look at the size of that thing. How big is that one? That's the largest, oh my god. Well, I think that's a girl. Yeah, it is. She got a little booty on her. Oh, she's Ramsey. She's a famous shark diver. Oh shit. On the Instagram. This doesn't say how big it is. It's just as big enough. Jesus Christ. That's the largest of it. With record breaking, largest, great white shark. Look how small she is compared to that fucking shark. That's so crazy. That's crazy that she's just like holding the fin. God, what are you doing? I guess she knows what she's doing.

2:48:47She's still alive. Jesus Christ. Look at the shark badge. I'm sure you have the badge. Look, get it close up. Look at that thing. Look at that. Some people have like a communist man. They can go around it. Or they can go around crazy animals. And they don't make the animal nervous. I don't have that. I tried to write a horse once when I was a kid. Fucking a horse started going crazy. Everybody thought I was like devil possessed. Why is this a horse? Because you're probably nervous, right? The horse probably felt it. Not all this. Well, the fuckers on me, he's freaked me out. I'm that guy that if you bring your fucking dog around me, dog's going to bark or something.

2:49:23So, no. I'm not. Yeah. Trust me, not my dog. My dog will run right up to you. Hello. That's friend. That's a golden retriever. I've never been around a golden retriever. Oh my God. They have bundles of love. He loves everybody. Everybody's just love. He'll drop on his back. I'll grab my belly. He doesn't even know you. He loves everybody. No. I'll hang around people. He'll change your opinion of dogs. I hope so. Yeah. Because it's not like a raw wilder. So, the total opposite of a raw. Everybody I hang around with just has like tough guy dogs. Those dogs will be sketchy. And then they'll be like, nice.

2:49:57Fine. Yeah, until he's not. Yeah, fuck. And until he bites your sister, right? Yeah. Because you don't see him. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Fucking animals. Yeah, fucking animals, right? There's anything we could say. This is podcast. I love animals. Just some of them you have to know what they are. You know? Yeah. I can't pretend. It's a fucking teddy bear. Yeah. I love animals. I'm just not that person that's going to be like, fucking taking pictures with the snake at the fair. You know what I mean? Not me, bro. Fuck that. Not me. One time the fair had this like a large alligator though. I'll pay money to see that shit.

2:50:34I was in Thailand once and they let you take photos with sheep. With tigers. But it's sad because there's one way they treat you when you with the baby tigers. So if you're with the baby, like you can get in this like pen where these little baby tigers are and they're little tiny tigers. But everybody's like they're watching. People are watching everything. Making sure nothing gets crazy. You guys have sticks and shit. And then you get to like a little older tigers. And they're a little more sketched out. Then they're like the people will block. You can't take a picture sitting right next to the little tigers.

2:51:04You know the ones that are like 50, 60 pounds. You can't do that. And then they get older. You can take pictures with them because they're drugged up. So yeah, this tiger is on heroin. Just sitting there like this. And the people are taking selfies with this tiger. But if you watch that tiger, the tiger is doped up. 100 % doped up. That's why you can go in there and take pictures with them. And I was like, oh, this is fucked up. Like this is sad. That is pretty sad. Yeah, it's not like that's a pet tiger that you can trust. No, the tiger is like, uh. I was sitting there just totally drugged up.

2:51:34Those tigers are going to get smart just like the wolves did one day. One day they're going to fake the high. Or imagine if you cut the tiger off and they get, they start jones and... Start having fucking withdraws. Withdrawals. Stuck in really crazy. Tiger starts sucking dick for drugs. Whoa. Imagine a tiger sucking your dick. Like, please be careful. Please. Please don't get a flashback. Oh, that's funny. All right, Ralph. Let's wrap this bitch up. We're going to do a show tonight. Have a good time with the mother ship. I'm excited. You want the bottom of the barrel, too? Yeah, I'll do whatever, man.

2:52:06I'm down. Yeah, do bottom of the barrel, too. It's fun. Bottom of the barrel is a Brian Simpson show. So you have a whiskey barrel and the audience will write suggestions for material topics. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. It's great. It's real fun. Ralph, it was a pleasure. Thank you, man. Thank you for having me. Appreciate you being here, man. Congratulations on everything. It's awesome to see you. Thank you. All right. Barbell.