#2144 - Chris Distefano

30:43I can't keep doing this Why do you think they're doing that living in New York City? Why do you think they're letting people out like right away? There's no cash bail right right? I was told that's by my police friends. I was told that's what it is It's it's that law is the big thing. It's like this bail law to get out He said which doesn't help anyone because I why why was it made This episode is brought to you by life lock tax season is already stressful You shouldn't have to worry about identity theft on top of everything else and trust me It's a big worry Especially since during tax season your sensitive info does a lot of traveling to places you can't control It goes through payroll your accountant or your tax consultant And countless other data centers on its way to the IRS any of them can expose you to identity theft because they all Have the info on your w2 just the ticket for criminals to steal your identity It's no wonder last year the IRS reported tax fraud due to identity theft went up 20 percent You need life lock they monitor millions of data points per second and alert you to threats you could miss if your identity is stolen Life locks us based restoration specialists will fix it back by the million dollar protection package And restoration is guaranteed or your money back don't let identity thieves take you for a ride get life lock protection for tax season And beyond join now and save up to 40 percent your first year call 1 800 life lock and use the promo code JRE or go to life lock Dot com slash JRE for 40 percent off terms apply This episode is brought to you by buffalo trace distillery actually have some buffalo trace cigars here They just sent me one of the world's most award -winning distilleries that's been making whiskey the same way for more than 200 years Made as a tribute to the rugged free spirited pioneers who blaze their own trail to new frontiers It embodies the perfectly untamed spirit of independence It defines what an award -winning bourbon should be aged nearly twice as long as competitors in new charred white oak barrels and bottled at 90 proof Buffalo trace is the perfect bourbon to be enjoyed in any way anywhere And the taste it's damn good.

33:14It's bold and sophisticated yet incredibly smooth Finishing long and deep. It's authentically American Representing uncompromising quality for the rugged the powerful and the passionate tap the banner to learn more or visit Buffalo trace distillery dot com that's buffalo trace distillery dot com distilled aged and bottled by buffalo trace distillery 90 proof franklin county Kentucky buffalo trace American family owned independent and perfectly untamed I don't know I honestly don't know it's not it's not well received though nobody really You're gonna in in New York now even even the people who are wearing like 40 masks during covid are like I don't want my my cities like being destroyed now So now I don't know if that changes in an election if people will vote what they I don't know But I'm like I see it now for the first time ever I'm like fully seeing people injecting heroin fucking it's wild Even my father who was like I grew up in you know my father was like I remember New York in the 70s and 80s Which was like nuts like you know It was like you would get assaulted everybody had AIDS he was like you know This is scary in New York.

34:30I'm more scared of this New York Because you know he's in in the old New York you knew which neighborhoods don't go in that neighborhood and then you're okay But this New York I don't know where that shit's coming from It's gonna pop out of anywhere at any time and you'll have people that will hear this and be like you're you know You're exaggerating. It's now true. I'm telling you it's true. I wouldn't run into it. Yeah I'm telling you dude. It's true and when you are friends with the police you know the cops There it's true Well when you saw those illegal immigrants that came here that Attacked the police officer and they were out on jail the next day.

35:03Come on flashing the bird at cameras. Yeah Like that's crazy You got someone who illegally enters from another country assaults a police officer in the right back out in the street Well and by the way nobody like any race or religion doesn't want that in New York right? Like no nobody wants that like that's not a thing that's like oh that nobody wants that at all So like I don't know what it's gonna take to change I mean I will tell you that like my lot of New York is blame it on mayor Bloomberg Like he's the most hated ex mayor Bloomberg. He's the most hated person really more so than the last guy Than de Blasio.

35:37I'm sorry de Blasio is what I meant. I'm sorry not Bloomberg de Blasio is what I meant I'm sorry mayor de Blasio is is hated like he's hated more than Satan like people just I was out of gym once in Park Slow Brooklyn He was on the elliptical and he has his security going standing by him He was the acting mayor and I mean people were just fucking trashing him As they walked by just I mean outwardly trashing him Because nobody gives a shit. We're like used to one guy was like you fucking suck and by the way that's a girls machine That's a girl's a girls machine. That's what they said and I was like it's not he's ever said that to me Yeah, they said it's a girl's elliptical machines.

36:13I mean dude this they wouldn't say to you But he said they said it was a girls machine And and and I saw one of security guards go like this You just did that little That little laugh and then but people hate him and they blame a lot of what's happened in New York on him Well, he was definitely a fool sure. He was a weird fool. First of all that's not his real name, right? He's not Italian de Blasio is not his real name. It's like some sort of a German name. What's de Blasio's real name? It's like will help my think is it something very like Nazi? William will have he'd him feel him what's really crazy is that video where He was doing that thing trying to get people to get vaccinated and then like you get a free burger So he's eating a burger Warren will helm junior Yeah, and he just divorced his wife And which she also stole they said like 80 million dollars something that one missing.

37:06Yeah, that's gone So they hate they they hated her now they're divorced It's it's one of those things though where I just got to stay there. It's just home You know if I wasn't yeah, well, especially after what I told you I just did I can't now uproot the family to Austin as much as I want Yeah, well when I come here, I'm like are you renting right now? We're renting right now I can't take my kid out of school though again. I can't do it almost over. I mean Yeah, but my my kids have wanted to you're now you're making me think about it Give me that a little bit. Okay, I'll do it This is only 10 because five puts me on my ass.

37:41No, this is only 10 should I eat half or eat the whole thing? Uh, 10 you'll be fine. Are you positive? No, okay. I'm not positive in anything about you. Thank you Oh, then you like trans girls feet. Yeah, I'm pretty positive about that. I don't think you'd lie I wouldn't lie. That's one thing about me. I would I make shit up by exaggerating shit One of my comedy stories and stuff exaggerate it right when it comes to shit like that. I won't lie. Yeah I believe you um It this is a good place to live, but I don't think you should uproot your family again Unless you can convince them once they come here and they really like it.

38:15Well Jasmine my girl has told me You You can move us again in five years, okay? Five years. That's not a good time to move them Well, that's a bad time. Well why be cut well she's saying you're a 13 year old will be through high school Yeah, but then the other one eight year old will be going into high school. Yeah, you don't want to move them like at high school You don't think moving them in eighth grade I think before just as my personal opinion you might be wrong for whoever's listening to this It's about to move their kid because listen I moved my family moved me to Newt and Massachusetts from Jamaica plane for my first year at high school when it was actually good It was good because Jamaica plane was fucking sketchy.

38:54Jamaica plane, which is uh nice now It's like they've done you know as Boston expanded like they sort of like made they renovated a lot of places Not at all. Jamaica plane is a Michael much more calm neighborhood when I was there in the 1970s It was sketchiest fuck. It was sketchy. It was like we I think we moved there in 78 or 79 It was fucking weird, you know, it was danger. I had dangerous neighbors these kids were dead They already haven't sex like I was 11 and they were like Jesus. I remember this kid was telling me like you don't even know how you dick Goes in a pussy you probably think it goes in straight.

39:29I might get doesn't yeah He's like it goes up. I go it goes up. What? Oh, I thought you know I've never seen like a girl's no girls that ever show me their vagina was 11 But they they were trying to explain to me that it's like and I guess I wasn't I guess I wasn't 11 I guess I was 13 okay So it was like we only lived in Jamaica plane for a year and a half Yeah, I think it was I think we moved there before school I think I went through the summer and then we went I went to school with sketchy So this is where I went to eighth grade. I went to this like public school in Jamaica plane We didn't have any money.

40:08We lived in it was a shitty area But the kids were like 17 in the eighth grade and they would show up for the first days of class than quit And it was just like they were just they had dropped out so many times they hear they were The age where they should be graduating and they're not even in high school yet Wow, it was weird. Do you think got you into martial arts then you feel like you had to defend yourself in some ways I definitely was I felt super vulnerable But I didn't get into martial arts until until the next year But it was um what do you do do you lose your virginity first again into martial arts first martial arts nice.

40:43Yeah actual sex sex. I mean, I'd been Fondled by a lady. She was 21. That was 13. That was a lot of fun. That's interesting. Yeah, believe it But nothing hardcore serious not like sex sex until like 16 16 I was 17 Almost 16 first time ever had sex went raw dog didn't pull out Yeah, I went in guide and know what to do. Oh my first time. What do you talk to you? No Very Catholic family wouldn't speak to me about these things. Oh dog not pulling out not pull out everyone's so fertile at that age Dude and she's half Jamaican half Italian very beautiful Beautiful girl. We actually were on the same basketball team Playing basketball together and she had already had sex and I was a virgin and we had this sex and unprotected and I'll never forget she was you know how she put like a do rag on she had done this before my mom wasn't home She put this do rag on she was ready to go and then she you know I couldn't really I was so nervous.

41:40I could barely get an erection. I just couldn't it was like impossible And then finally got it in and then I finally got it up and it was she wrote dude two pumps bluish She was like you just come inside me I'm sorry, and then I had this emotional swing where I immediately I started hysterical crying the very first time I had sex it was the weirdest thing. I can't explain it hysterical Crying to the point where she you know comforted me and then within two weeks broke up. Of course She was done weighted in two weeks. I could in just holding her breath Yeah, and I don't know my therapist can't tell me why that happened.

42:14He's like that's a rarity. I can't tell you man Well, I don't think she'll dwell on it. You were fucking 14 years old, but it's anxiety It's anxiety so thinking about a thing that a thing happens and you just overwhelmed and you don't know how to handle It's he just cry anxiety for me is this interesting thing I know a lot of people suffer from it, but it's this interesting thing where I've connected now and I used to Lean into my anxiety, right? I used to especially doing comedy. I would like make it a thing whatever I Pandora's box of anxiety opened up for me on 9 -11 because I thought my mom was dead Just whole thing so I couldn't shake that feeling for 10 years after that I could not shake the feeling of thinking my mom or anyone I loved any woman that I loved Girlfriend or mom or aunt if they did not respond to me Within five minutes of a text.

43:01I assume they were dead that feeling of 9 -11 every day came back because I was calling my mom No response no response every day coming back coming back And so I would deal with that and then something happened where this thing I started to look at my anxiety like like narcissism and like Disgusted with myself to the point where because I used to put out these videos anxiety Tuesday Talk about my anxiety and people will still sometimes be like oh that anxiety Tuesday stuff It helped me so much. Why don't you do it anymore? And I'm like I hate that I hate that guy that guy was so Pitiful like because you were being worried about things that really didn't matter What I should have done and what I know now is dealt with that anxiety in a healthier way So instead of subconsciously, you know Selling my house because I was really nervous about a big show We've been able to deal with that anxiety in a healthier way and make a better decision So I think like this relationship with anxiety is so like big and swings in my life that I used to kind of let I'm trying to use the energy now to be like well, how can you learn from this?

44:01How does this build you up? And how do you make better decisions? You know by doing this so I I struggle with that You have friends that you grew up with that also had anxiety too now Anxiety wasn't a thing that you could speak about and my neighborhood So that's there's only like you on your own develop this 100 % and then and then like I remember I my anxiety was so bad I played college basketball and I would I would text my girlfriend at the time to make sure she got home From Work, you know, whatever what she was doing and if she didn't text but I remember there was this one game We were playing Brooklyn College, which was like a big rival.

44:39We needed to beat them. I was I was You know one of the best players on the team I I remember I would um she wasn't texting me back I foolishly texted her before the game like when we're in the locker room and then thinking okay We're gonna go in for warm -ups 20 minutes. So I would have to leave my phone in another room because the anxiety of Like is the phone ringing or not? I couldn't handle it So I if I texted her and then I went and did something else for 20 minutes I would say at the end of this 20 minutes she's gonna have a text she's home and you can relax right even though it was Pure daylight in New York like she was always gonna be okay But my brain convinced me otherwise so one day She's not texting back and now the game has begun so I'm playing this game like I can't even feel my body like I am paralyzed Truly I cannot feel my body my mouth is numb I'm having like a full panic attack, but I am the lead player on a college basketball game that we need to win So so I don't know like what the fuck to do so I Call a timeout I call a timeout overrule my coach.

45:46I'm like time a coach. I just need a breather Okay, I say I'm just gonna go back into the training room. I just want to take my ankle, which is normal Okay, I come back out I because I wanted to look at my phone look at the phone still no message still nothing You know turns out it was just a delay on the train and she whatever she's a 21 -year -old girl. She's not looking at her phone all the time and I come back and I have the phone stuffed in my pants. Oh my god. I stuffed it in my like tidy shorts And I played the game with the cell phones stuffed in my pants because I said the only way I'm be able to do this is somehow When nobody's looking even though it's a packed college crowd Pull out this phone and make sure that she texts me or else I can't play on many powers and I can't play So I had it and then I was playing the game realizing this is worse because now I have the I'm waiting for the phone to vibrate and every time I thought it was vibrating It was and I was just running in the game So then I stuffed it in towels and the warm -ups which was in a pile in the back of the bench and they would call Coach would call time out or I would call the time out I did that twice and get out and then I would I would go over and Look at the phone to see if if you know she had texted me and I dealt with this anxiety and then what happened was is My I was no we were kids 1819 they I opened up to one of my friends about it.

47:09We used to call them bam bam It's a big boy and we and and and I opened up to him about it thinking you know whatever and then what they did Again back then not knowing anything about mental health not really caring being from deep in Brooklyn What they did is they on a road trip One time we were going to a game they found a way To start they star six seven Called me from a you know unrestricted now it won't it'll pop up nobody and they said girl's name was Melissa They were like hey we kidnapped Melissa. Oh, she is we have her in the trunk of our car She's gonna die like everything that they I confessed to them They said and I had and it was crazy my freshman year when she also played basketball as well that when I was a freshman She was she was a senior so we would always be in the same gym at the same time.

47:59So I know anxiety I was 90 % free throw shooter 90 My junior and senior year when I was a better basketball player and better shape the leader of the team But she was not with me every game 50 % free throw shooter because my brain I couldn't feel my body and I somehow Got people my teammates even know this I got all the way to division three all American I was like I'm my school's all -time leading scorer or maybe second now But I did all this stuff and I was completely 100 % Absolutely having like this mental health crisis like as anxious as I could be where I swear I'm not I would never joke about this like I was like at 21 years old being like I'm gonna have to kill myself I'm gonna have I cannot live like this and nobody could help me my mother didn't know what to do No, but this was you know in 25 yeah 20 years ago I know but there was no mental health nobody knew that nobody knew about like that I just dealt with every day reliving.

48:57I think my girlfriend's dead I think reliving that 9 -11 pandora's box and it affected me and to the point where like every relationship I had they broke up with me because they were like I can't deal with this to them It was control and in a way it was I was trying to control I wouldn't care about if they cheated on me where are you? I was never jealous about that. I'd be like go have fun. Have sex. Let me know a big as dick is I'm kind of into it. I don't give a shit But I I I cared about their safety always and it was this thing I could not let go of and I the biggest fear I have the biggest fear I have and that's why I'm trying so hard to work at this now And sometimes it's fucking exhausting when I'm trying so hard is I don't want that anxiety to come back And then I put it on my daughters right because I don't want them I don't want to be their 18 19 want to live their life and dads here texting them And they don't write back and I'm thinking who has my daughter So I worry about that.

49:50That's yeah, that's the first fear I had when I held my oldest daughter who's you know Love in my life. I've held her and I was like what am I gonna what's gonna happen when she goes outside? Which I know you got to stay in the present you can't worry about that But sometimes it it hurts me. How did you get over this every day crippling anxiety to the point you thought you Were gonna kill yourself. How'd you get past that? So what happened was is is I the only advice that I I did get from all a friend of mine who's my kids godfather now Was like you are so much better basketball player, which is that's what I cared about back then You are such a better basketball player when you're single when you don't have a girlfriend You are such a better basketball player and that's what you need to do So the only way at that time I could overcome it is to be single and to not Connect to a girl in any way shape or form because then if I was single I wasn't worried as much because my mom always would text me back or if I call her She was always pretty much home.

50:45I very rarely dealt with instances where my mother was not responding because my mom So she is thinking about me all the time with these girls right Philly so would be like I'm not gonna sit here and respond to this behavior, you know like he's nuts And I was and then and then so and so that's the only way I could get over it now How I deal with it like you know now, you know my girl's out picking up my kids from school while we're doing the show I just have a feeling what I think about now is If something was to happen I can handle it. I'll be able to I'll be okay It's gonna hurt but I'll be okay.

51:20I've had enough life experiences where things hurt But you'll be confident you can get through it and I try as best I can To tell myself hey your brain is the defense mechanism is always gonna give you worst case scenario for survival So just know that that worst case scenario is the statistically the least likely thing is gonna happen And if God forbid it does happen You'll be able to deal with it you can handle it where I think the anxiety for me last time came I don't know what to do. I don't have the tools to help me. It's something horrible happens So life experience therapy All the things yeah, but it's interesting what you said to me about therapy is I felt that Wait myself.

51:56I was like, you know, sometimes I feel like I have we all have issues But I'm like sometimes I'm just like bitching to my therapist and I'm forcing myself to talk about these things That I feel like I have a better handle over from like my own kind of you know meditation and just you know Thinking you know like seeking out help for myself listening to people speak Having life experience. I'm like, you know, I liked it my therapist, but I'm like I don't know man Sometimes it's like you don't want to be the guy that's like I don't need help because I get it But I'm like yeah, I I didn't I didn't mean this today.

52:28I feel like I you made me nervous again now like I didn't need this at all today I was okay today, but but it's Tuesday 11 15. So that's our session That's an Abigail Shryer was saying I had her on and she had written a book about therapy and kids and that Obsessing about problems sometimes can exacerbate the problem make them worse Right so instead of just like allowing that problem to sort of go away and naturally recover from it now you just rehash it over And over and over and over and over and then it comes a thing that you're you're concentrating on all the time And that you're not developing the ability to be resilient and Resilience comes from a lot of things, you know a lot of things it's like if you have bad things happening in your life You can develop anxiety, but also when bad things happen in your life and you recover from them You realize you can recover from bad things.

53:16Yeah, that's how I feel now. I feel like I'll I'll just you know I've been through it. I'm like I'm not scared of anesthesia anymore Used to be that guy that scared of anesthesia because I had to get a colonoscopy because I took a shit that looked like you had some blood in it And it turned out it was just a bunch of boys and berries, but date but what it was Every beat yeah, I'm the beats you're going to panic so I didn't know so the doctor I showed him a picture of my shit and he was like that doesn't look great. Let's just get a colonoscopy And I got the anesthesia and I woke up and everything was fine And I'm like well now I'm not scared now I feel because it you a big anxiety for me would be Okay, I feel a pain in my chest my stomach, you know, whatever like I had gas Once in my stomach and I had chosen England and I got I literally went from literal gas pain because you were eating all this British food Just a minor gas pain that was going to go away in 10 minutes to brain exacerbated it into Potential appendicitis.

54:14I'm across the ocean So now I have three more shows left So what I'm going to have to do is figure out a way to get home preemptively So what I'm going to do is I called the venue I said I have an emergency to say what's the emergency? I said my stepmom died Which wasn't true and I got on a flight No, you did it. I swear to God and I got on a flight Jesus Christ Yes, I got on a flight didn't tell the other people on the show got on a flight and got home Because and and when I landed back at JFK my stomach pain went away And it was all in my head to begin with because what I was saying was at that time was I'm going to get My appendix removed over here.

54:50I might die in the hospital. I don't know how I don't know how I'll react to anesthesia But now That wouldn't happen now what I would say if I got a pen decide is feeling right now in the show what I'd say was Well, if that's going to be the case you'll deal with it You know what you know what anesthesia feels like you won't know about it anyway We have enough modern medicine here where if you really if this thing got really bad and this was like you're gonna die You have enough medicine here where you can make this as painless as possible. You did wonder these shows. Yes Oh my god, they weren't selling but still She's you know, I wasn't selling anything but but but I still was the headline I let people down and you know and I had to apologize to my stepmom that said she died Did they fly over there to do those shows too?

55:32No, they were from the UK They were from the UK, but I missed all I ever wanted to do was see the beach in the UK I've always liked being obsessed with like I wanted to see the water in England And that's what they the day I left they had a beach day And I left because I was like I have stomach pains and I and I flew away and Because my brain would get the best of me, but now I'm different now. I'm say well. I'll be able to handle this That's how I feel Jesus a little nuts, right? It is a little nuts, but it's okay. Yeah Um, I don't know how to handle that. I know my brain thinks so different than yours It's hard for me to But isn't it interesting then we can both but both of our outlets are comedy even though our brains are different Because it's a really defend my I do comedy because it's a defense mechanism.

56:14I I that's why I do it It's an art form. It's a discipline. I like it because it's interesting and it's fun I like it because it makes people laugh and it makes it's excites my brain to come up with new stuff to talk about But when you were young But when you were young in like Jamaica planes and doing those things Would your defense thing to Would you always try to make people laugh from a defensive point of view see I I was no But if you talk to like my friends from high school they wouldn't have told you I was funny. They thought it was a psycho God it was I'd gotten obsessed with martial arts when I got to high school and that's all I cared about That's all I wanted to do and but back then I just was a drawer.

56:52I was an illustrator I did a lot of comic books left handed right handed you know what mean many people are good drawings or I left to End it who I right handed really most of my lefties that's well lefties are really good at a lot of things yeah I think lefties learn things easier. I don't know easier, but they seem to be better at learning things I mean this is a gross exaggeration a lot of lefty more on some shore But lefties are really good at boxing like some of the hardest or sparring rounds I ever had to do were with left handed guys It's a different angle you're looking at things totally different You're open for stuff that you're not like you're open for a straight left You're open the the right jab comes from a different place.

57:29It's harder to manage It's weird because your brain gets used to a guy with a left hand in front and you're standing you're moving around with them As soon as the right hand is fine like oh shit, it like it throws everything off right They're really good at pool a lot of like world champions or left handed like some of the best players in the world are left handed Not all of them a lot of really good right handers too, but There's something about left handed people that they seem to excel at stuff. I've never played pool once in my life Good don't do it. You think I should is it golf don't get it?

58:00Oh golf either if you get into it the problem is it's a the problem with pools if you get into it It's so Ingrossing it takes over your your mind Everything it's like it's so difficult to do People don't understand like to play really good pool requires like this insane level of concentration It's sort of like a meditation You're thinking about so many things Thinking about the exact amount of revolutions you're putting on the ball the angle that ball is gonna come off What is gonna come off with spin? Are you gonna put checkspin on it? So it it shortened the angle or are you gonna put running English on it?

58:35So it lengthens the angle you're gonna hit it soft or hard Where do you want to get for the next shot? And then where do you gonna want to get for this shot after that? Which you have to pay play three balls in advance. Oh my god. I'm out already Yeah, and it's all this geometry and you have to understand angles and collisions and what about chess feeling That's another one like I'm scared to do it I remember when Howard Stern got really into chess I was listening to the show and he was he was taking chess lessons and all these different things I was like oh That's one of those things like in Boston one of things that I noticed is the guys who are really into golf their career suffered Because they weren't really thinking about comedy.

59:11They're thinking about playing They wanted to play golf comedy was like their job that they would do so they would have money and during the day They would play golf and golf had become their thing That's interesting because I thought you were gonna say it feels like The guys who I know who play golf have bigger careers because they're making these connections with people on the golf course and getting these things Well, that could happen too. I mean that's certainly a business thing golf is a great business game If you're into business like you kind of almost have to play golf Yeah, this guy's like to do deals and talk about things on the course You get to know a person on a golf course You know just like you get to know a person playing pool like you get to know like how they can handle pressure Right, whether they what kind of a person they are like Brian Cowan famously told me this story Where his mom was watching this guy that his dad was gonna do business with play golf and they got cheated at golf He moved the ball and she goes don't do any business with them.

1:00:04He cheats Move that ball, right he moved. He's a liar Like she was she was right. Yeah, she was right. Yeah, but it's there's a thing that you could see when a person plays pool or play golf You see their character. Yeah, that's like my father has a rule if you're a Fan if you're grew up in a city and you're not a fan of that team You're a fan of a team from another city. He doesn't trust you. Yeah, and he never will He just he just won't and it has nothing to do with his team That makes sense. He just says what kind of traitor of a person are you that you want to live around people who hate you because of your fan choice Unless he said the only caveat to that is if their father was from like Pittsburgh right and the or a dire Steelers fan you moved to New York.

1:00:46I get that yeah, but if you're just You're the guy that just wants to go against the grain his his advice is no thank you I want nothing to do which that's pretty good advice. Yes. That's a pretty good rule to live by sure That's like someone who's in your tribe. It secretly wants to be in another tribe Yeah, the only thing me and my father disagree on is like right now. I'm wearing you know match shirt right and the only reason I'm wearing this is because I I'm gonna be honest with you. I uh, I you know jerked off today I was coming in a little heavy. I was a little I was a little anxious Whatever it happens and and then I kind of just let it sit there on me and I got up and the shirt that I had was at the edge of my bed that I was gonna wear and I got up and I just leaked Fell onto the shirt.

1:01:28Mm -hmm. So I was like this is the only shirt I have so I threw in a match shirt knowing that some of my friends back home Are gonna be like you're fucking met's fan now? I do you Yankees fan and I'll dumb as that because they're both from New York That's my thing the dummy. It's I'm New York. I read from New York. It's like people who use Android phones. Yes, you're a rebel. Yes It's true Dude, you know why I'm a met's fan. I was born in Queens my father's from the Bronx. I Yankees fan But met's fan the owner of the team Steve Cohen right? He's you know big owner, you know whatever Really nice guy I did in the pandemic.

1:02:04I did his 60th birthday party. Oh, no private party right in a room like this It's up here's what happened No, I can't wait for this Okay, so here's what happened all right so So All right, I get a call right okay, you're gonna do this show what happened was I talk I my Jasmine my family's Puerto Rican my kids are Puerto Rican I have material about having this Puerto Rican family, right? Steve's wife is Puerto Rican, okay? They have a 60th birthday party and What I thought the birthday party was gonna be was him and his family. I'll do my Puerto Rican jokes You know the wife will like it, you know whatever it's 20 minutes, you know great money It's you know cool opportunity do it.

1:03:01It's a challenge, right? It's the pandemic not much going on They rented out this restaurant nobody's supposed to know about it. It's like in the back room thing So I go so I get there and it's no it's him and his 10 friends all guys Just all guys sitting at a table like this having dinner. They do not know comedy supposed to happen the wife thought it be a good idea To get a comedian in there for his 60th birthday that she wasn't invited to because this was a guy's thing and so a 60 year old billionaire Doesn't know who the fuck I am if you're gonna have comedy have Jerry Seinfeld have Joe Rogan have somebody that they know They have no idea So the the guy who you know was like Steve's assistant who the you know has to answer to his wife Think his name was Ned.

1:03:49He goes um. Are you the comedian? I was like yeah, he goes all right He goes up. What's your name again? And I was like it's Chris DeSeph and oh I thought like Mrs. Cohen knew me She was like yeah, she's not here like that's This is it's all guys in there. I said well, you know, do you not want me to do it? He goes no she already paid you like I I have to do it So I was like okay, so I was like well where just show me where like the microphone is he was like we don't have anything There's no microphone. There's no lights He goes we were thinking he goes He goes they just got served their entrees So we were thinking you can just stand in the front of the table and do a few minutes Oh, so I was like you know that this is gonna be this is a nightmare and he was like it doesn't feel like they're gonna like you so Oh my god, I'm so Ned My hands are sweating so Ned Ned goes listen.

1:04:45They just got the on trays just go out there And so he I swear I'm not I swear to God. I told him my name three times He goes he goes all right, uh Steve, you know, uh your wife had a nice little surprise food. We got a comedian We got a you know fun comedian and he goes um and he goes so so here he is and and he goes Chris um Chris and then one of the guys went Chris rock is it Chris rock and then he goes no It's not Chris rock. It's Chris What's your last name kid and I was like uh de steffinel and then as I'm walking in somebody goes who the fuck is that And so and so I walk in and I get up there right away and I was like hey guys I know this is probably not what you wanted.

1:05:27I can leave right now But I have you know if you want me to do some jokes like you know I'll do them right now and then one guy was like yeah do it. He goes but make it quick So I was like okay. This is good So I go out there and Joe I am fucking bombing like you can't imagine Like a full zero all you hear is knives and forks hitting the plate people chewing At some point. I don't know who threw it a shrimp bounced off my chest somebody hit me with a shrimp And they're dying in the back of the table Tommy Matolo was there Um, you know who the famous record record producer and you know was married to Mariah Carey So I go I go mr.

1:06:10Mitoly, you know I'm a big fan, you know of of of your ex -wife You know I love their work he goes yeah, I bet you a big fan of cock too big laugh, you know like I'm like oh my god So then finally the only person laughing I'm told don't you get the best laugh of the room crushed You know the only person laughing is Steve Sun who's 30 years old who's become a friend of my Josh great guy He's laughing in the corner not at my material just because he's like this because he knew my podcast Oh my god So then Steve Steve finally goes he goes listen to me He stops he goes he goes I'm doing a job. He wasn't very nice.

1:06:48He goes okay. He goes What did my wife tell you and I said well? I'm you know mr. Cohen she told me just come out here birthday gift for you You know do 15 minutes and and you know like just you know uh Just do the best I can and she thought you'd like me because I talk about the Puerto Rican kids and all that He goes yeah, that's I'm not Puerto Rican though. I was like no, I know I know and he goes um How about this I'll make you a deal He goes what are your five best minutes and I said well I did the David Letterman show a few years ago. He goes oh, I know I know David Letterman I said yeah, he said uh he said why don't you do that?

1:07:22How about and he goes do do that do though do those five best He goes I'm gonna tell my guys to listen do those five best he goes if you can get me to laugh in those five minutes I'll double whatever my wife gave you he goes did you get it already she she I said yeah I think she wired to my agent goes I'll I'll double it whatever it is. I don't even know what the number is Times to give me your best five So I just like planted my feet and I just to the wall didn't even look at anybody Just did my exact David Letterman set which is about being on the subway I just came back from England like ship from 10 years ago But I had it and I did it and they started to laugh and sure a shit That's what he did he had he doubled the money turned out to be a big thing You know for me and then What happened was is I had to sign all these NDAs not to talk about anything.

1:08:11Well you just talked about it Well, here's the thing I had to sign all these NDAs not to talk about but I thought I'd to sign NDAs because it was during covid times And they were like renting out a restaurant which like you really couldn't do back then So I was like just don't mention that and I was like and I thought it was really more for like You know, they don't want reporters showing up to the actual event and then getting in trouble But it's like the next day who cares? So I do my podcast the next day hey babe with Salvo a cano and I I start to show a dude I fucking ate it last night Here's the story right going crazy that episode comes out the next day We filmed it in the morning it came out that night so the next morning So two days removed from the Cohen gig I wake up.

1:09:02I have 20 missed calls from my manager my agent lawyer I wake up. I'm like what the fuck happened So my manager gets on the phone. He goes take down that episode dude take it down I said what he goes you broke you violated the NDA You just said all these things about the Cohen gig you can't do that his lawyers are saying you're gonna get sued right now And they're gonna take you to court and they will not lose whatever and then so I I just hung up the phone on him I was like I need a second and I just hung up. I said what the fuck do I do because I'm like I'm not taking that shit down I you know, it's comedy whatever and then so I'm like let me calm down.

1:09:41Let me calm down So I scrolling on Instagram, right? This is what we do baseline scrolling on Instagram like a fucking crocodile I'm scrolling and I see DMs from Steve's wife Steve's daughter Steve son And I'm hearts like this now. I'm like oh, uh, maybe I am fucked because like now the family themselves right it was all I can't believe he talked about an hey babe. We loved it. That's amazing my dad's dying laughing Come to a meds game throw out the first pitch the mom being like I want to meet your wife. Oh my god I can't thanks for mentioning that and I'm like wait what the fuck so I call my Manager and I'm like I have messages from the family saying that it's okay And then he's like all right hold on and then he calls He says send me those messages I send in the messages and then within five minutes lawyers backed off because all the Steve didn't tell them to do that The legal team was just like that's a violation I don't even check what Steve you fucked up and then so and then it went away like that and then the family now has become like friends of my It's like really Cohen family owns the mess are like awesome amazing people Let's like it's almost even though it's a big major league baseball team.

1:10:50It's like when you go to the game It's like Josh but you don't even a ticket dude come walk in the back door walk in with us like so cool and now and then Steve goes I'm gonna let you redeem yourself In the baseball season because I'm gonna let you redeem yourself. Okay. I was just at the game and he goes Here's what we'll do he goes it looks like rain He was like if there's a rain delay I'm gonna give you the mic. I'm gonna put you on the jumbo tron and you do five minutes I said you want me to do five minutes to cold wet Met fans that are angry about The team not playing he was like do you want to redeem yourself or not and I was like I'll do it So So we have I think it's on my Instagram somewhere.

1:11:37Oh my god So we have I'm wearing dude the worst shirt like a floral printed stupid shirt My friends I was sitting in the owner suite right my friends or diehard met fans They were sitting in the stands for this they didn't know this was happening So rain delay comes they have the met's announcer again who messes out my name Call me Chris desta Lopoulos. I'll never forget that she goes Chris desta Lopoulos She goes I was gonna do a few minutes of comedy for you So and then the camera's just on me and I'm still I don't even have a mic You know one of those mics that you pinned to your shirt. So I had that so I was like doing that bit where I was like and I'm bombing horrifically bombing in front of you know 30 ,000 where when I got Steve Cohen by the way and his friends are dying Dying laughing because they knew that that was gonna happen And then Steve goes he goes you're right man.

1:12:38You're you're good. You're right I was like that and then I got all these texts of my friends my boy Pat was like dude I was in the stands for that like you know a huddle dunder he goes you were bombing He goes I heard multiple people say they were gonna unfollow you on Instagram for the shit And he goes it was so bad. He goes it was literally so bad He said there was a little kid started to cry It was horrific and he goes in your shirt fucking sucked and I was like and so So it was one of those moments, but I say all that to say that's why we're the met shirt I'm New York first and the Cohen family Is awesome and the metter awesome and um and uh, yeah, it was it was like one of those things where a good thing Turn a bad thing turned to a good thing.

1:13:22You know so hilarious dude. It's it was dude bombing like Joe The one in city field was worse. I mean that was worse because not only like I was in the control room When did you how but between knowing you were gonna have to do it and doing it? How much time was it? Less than five minutes. Oh my god. Jamie is there a way if you could like christis de Stéphano Metz game bombing Flower shirt. I put it on my Instagram. I don't know if you can be able to find it, but oh my god my abs, but dude it was it was And you know, it was the worst point is I was sitting in the control room That's where they have me go live from and I was bombing for the people in the control room They were just like looking at me and then they were still doing the thing like when are we back from rain delay?

1:14:05I was like doing a bit like you know like doing like a clean bit and they were like what what it was in Is the storm coming in not listening and then at one point that the I was in the middle of my bit and the guy was like Buddy, I'm listening to the MLB and I was like oh my god and I fucking ate it But but they were but you know, they were pretty nice to me They've been pretty nice to me But it was it was bad and my friend Josh tells me he goes yeah, dude like I I you've ate you've eaten it as bad as you can eat it Wow then they had me come out for a fundraiser This was like in a comedy club.

1:14:42I fucking bomb that and I was just like in a comedy club Not a comedy club. It was like it was the paramount theater. It was like a fundraiser But I had um come out a classic thing where the one comic they have that nobody knows about comes out And I came out right after the video of the fundraiser for the kids with cancer And the mom and dad who lost their child to cancer And then I have to come out and just be like let's forget about that and do this And so and then they had these polar bears on stage that were like raffled off They were like a thousand dollar stuffed animal polar bears for pedalanzo they call them the polar bears the best player in the mets And I didn't know that so I was bombing so hard for the thing I just started throwing these polar bears into the crowd just to be funny And they were like that was five thousand dollars worth of raffle gifts.

1:15:28You just threw into the crowd now and I was like um Sorry, I don't know what to do and then they were like well I don't know like you might have to pay for that like his you know and then and then I was like All right, I mean, I guess if I have to do it. I'm sorry And then again his dad was like I fuck it dude. It's polar bears just let him keep but he was like it was he was like that might have been the worst one of all three I was like thanks. Oh boy But they still like me You got to say no to some gigs. I do now now I do yeah, you can't do that now I can't do either one of those three things You can't go on after a video about kids with cancer You can't go on during a rain delay when people don't know a comedian's coming And you're talking into this thing and then they're in or you can't do that You can't do a guy's birthday party with all of a billionaires birthday party with no mic Yep, they don't know you're coming and don't know who you are.

1:16:19You can't do either of those things Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't now but back then I mean it was uh how long does this? The pandemic so 20 oh it's like 2021 Like where I'll start open up a little bit So that's and now and how about this now because I've you know, this is this is what I don't like now You know because I'm met I just like the met I like New York But because I've talked about the met and what the met's games the Yankees people used to give me tickets Won't give me tickets to the game anymore. They said you're either with them or us So I was like that's kind of a dickish move You won't let me go to Yankee games, you know, I'm like won't give you tickets anymore They say you're either with them or us.

1:16:57Yeah, I used to be like my thing is what I've always cared about is like I want to be like I love New York right? I want to be the New York like a Colin Quinn That's a man. I look up to Colin. He's the New York comic David tell these are the guys right? So that's the aspiration so like going to the sporting events and people being like Chrissy like all that stuff is means everything to me. I mean, I want to sell out Milwaukee too But it's not if it happens. Yeah. No, no, that's not it. That's not it. That's just me being an asshole That wasn't it go back to this must have been 21 or 22. I'm sorry if yeah, someone you'll find it.

1:17:27Yeah, Jamie will find it It's it's me on the jumbo. It's like I'm on the jumbo. Tron with a floral print shirt. I look like a real asshole But uh, but yeah, they won't you know like that's crazy with the Yankees It won't do it doesn't make any sense. They won't do it. That's silly, but but so whatever I just deal that I still roof it out. It's not even the same league. Oh, it's dumb. It's dumb It's done one's American League once nationally exactly. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, and I love is that that doesn't make any sense I don't know. I mean because you know, I you just deal with it But what's the beautiful thing about comedy is you know when you put out the comedy work or the podcast is the players The actual Yankee players Anthony Rizzo these guys they've reached out and been like oh, I like that bit So they're like text me if you want tickets.

1:18:10So that's good now. They'll let you in so they'll let me in But these tits you know the PR people who would give you the nice tickets They said that's not happening anymore for the Yankees for the Metz the Metz were like dude will give you fucking dirt from the field Whatever you want so I kind of you know, you go to where you're wanted right? That's just a normal life thing sure Go where you're wanted. Yeah, metz people are rebels rebels dude, but so um, but it was uh because like people Only think about the Metz outside of New York. No people think like the Mekis like if you think about New York baseball Yankees That's what everybody thinks outside of New York, but in New York is the only place where people care about the Metz The and you know what the Metz I would say the Metz fan base is a more rabid Fan base than the Yankees that the Metz the Metz are They will follow you anywhere Metz fans like the Chicago like Chicago Cubs the Cubs everybody loves a cuss.

1:19:03Yeah Even though they they couldn't win everybody still love the Cubs. Yeah, everyone loves the Cubs This edible sitting me by the way Chicago's a white socks too though, right the white socks, but they're kind of in the in the in the Not good part of town supposedly and the white socks fans like the Cubs It's the Cubs are them are the Yankees in that city and other white socks the Metz the white socks are would be the Metz Yeah, so it's kind of like it's kind of that A whole lot of cities have two teams how many cities have two teams in baseball While the Dodgers and the and the Angels, but the Angels are so far outside, but that's one Anaheim right.

1:19:37Yeah, New York and Chicago. That's really all I can think of And same with basketball like you know like nobody really like cares about the Brooklyn Nets It's all about the Nicks, but LA is just the Dodgers like Anaheim is a different spot. Right. That's almost like San Diego Yeah, it's far. Yeah, it's far San Diego's got teams too though that they do yeah the Padres baby the San Diego fathers San Diego I mean to attend to you. It's fucked now though. What I thought sitting used to live there say it's fucked They went back. It's fucking tense everywhere chaos really because I thought they were like the American freedom first time Southern Southern California city.

1:20:13Well, that's interesting. There's a lot of military there. I mean that's uh, that's the the base of that Right, maybe seals right? Yeah, it's there's a lot of bases there. We did UFC's down there because it was always a A place where there was there's military bases a lot of military But then there's always fucking weirdos, you know like Southern California, you know And there's more than then there are the military people Yeah, I when they vote in shitty politicians and I know then they let tents and all that shit happen. How about a San Diego now? I think my buddy who just got back there. I mean he he said it was fucking awful.

1:20:51Yeah, if they have the tents That's not just good there and he bailed they realized like during the pandemic where to get the fuck out of dude my fucking feed her numb now From what the edible dude. I'm telling you I can't It just hits me. It's it's what I don't know if it's if it's what it is But it's my feed her numb and uh don't think about it. You think about yourself a lot Which is selfish and narcissistic and I don't like it about myself Because you can just can you just stop doing it while it's happening or is it just does it overcome you? Do you but that's why I was thinking that maybe you needed another thing to think about Like another thing that you're into like a thing that's like totally non -career related like a like um, you know like painting or cooking Yeah, yeah, yeah, something.

1:21:36Yeah, somewhere we really get into that thing We think about that thing and like being better at that thing. What about playing basketball again? Sure That's a great one. That's also a good one too because it's physical Yeah, you know, and I think the things that are that you get into that are physical require even more because it require requires not just thinking yeah, but it requires like execution. There's like a physical thing that you have to do Yeah, I was gonna do boxing um a few years ago and then the very first day I was there a guy got into the ring and spard And he was you know kind of being really like uh, you know Macho guy and he was like I'm not wearing a cup and the trainer was like we need should you know You should wear a cup.

1:22:14He's like I'm not doing it. I'm not wearing a cup He got hit in the nuts and his testicle came out of the scrotum So that was my first 20 minutes there. So I was like I'm probably not gonna do this Even though I know that that's not most likely gonna happen to me because I would wear the cup But I was like I just was like you know If you see a man's testicle fallout of his nuts sack You're probably not gonna go back to do that thing just because you're just you know It just gives you makes you uncomfortable But that's what happened to me. Yeah, but I do want it. I do I do envy. I do feel um Like I don't I should know about MMA because not only is it such a cool sport You can defend yourself also in the comedy community.

1:22:53It's big. I mean the only Fight I ever went to was a the pfl Fight that that that league at the theater at mass and square garden and the fans They were you know, I had never been I don't know anything about MMA It was a lot of recognition from the pods because they were like it's all one community And so I was like this could be my golf. This should be my golf This is what you should get into am not comparing that I would be very good for your anxiety though for sure Because it's very difficult so it makes the rest of the day a lot easier Because when I tried one um jujitsu class and I felt like I don't even know How I don't blow out my knee.

1:23:32It's a statistical impossibility. I won't blow out my knee I'm gonna of course this guy's gonna fall me and I'm gonna blow out my knee But do you just deal with that and say I'll get over that or you just learn ways to not blow out your knee? Well, I've had my knee blown out. I've had three knee operations So I'm just gonna have to accept that if I want to move forward in MMA you're gonna blow your knee out Not necessarily you can also strengthen your knees to make sure that it doesn't happen as often There's a lot of stuff you could do To to mitigate that also just roll cautiously and be smart about it and don't roll with crazy people You see wild people that are just like way too aggressive and explosive and just like they just do it in a half -hazard way Don't fuck with those people So you because you know, it's become second nature to you how to do these things But someone like me who has a bit of fear just from being older and not doing it like like my father learned how to drive when he was 45 so he's just a terrible driver and can't drive Even though he's not scared of life stuff He's gone to fist fight stuff, but he's like I can't drive I learned how to drive when I was 17 I'll drive with one on you know, I'm in control So I feel like that way with MMA.

1:24:37It's like now I've developed all these bad things that can you know you think and I'm like I can't do this. I can't even get into this thing about MMA if you want to get involved in that I do the same thing is if boxing the thing is a getting hit and getting hit is not a small thing It's it's a big thing and it's a bigger thing than people want to pretend it is getting hit in the head is really bad And you get you're gonna get hit in the head and you're gonna get hit in the head quite a bit in the beginning because you're not good And people especially if someone is sparring you and it gets aggressive and you're gonna get hurt And that's just fact that's just if you especially if you're sparring Now if you're just learning skills you can just learn skills with people if you're a really good place that you they can show you how to hit myths You can hit the bag you get a great workout and you don't actually spar or if you do spar You spar with an instructor who's gonna be very gentle So they're just gonna be touching you they're just gonna be tapping you and explaining You don't have to hit hard you just have to use technique when you hit hard hit the bag You're not a professional you're not thinking about taking on fights.

1:25:38There's no reason for you to get busted up Let's just work on your skills Got it so so in other in some ways then it's like my fear of getting over anesthesia when I got the colonoscopy You just got to get hit a little bit and you'll get over the fear you'll understand you can accept it But the problem is like if you're sparring with another guy and you and the other like he hits you with a jab And then you hit him with a jab and he hits you a little hard like this guy's hitting hard Then you start hitting each other hard and next thing you know you're fighting that happens all the time Got it's all the time so sparring oftentimes turns into like a real fight Yes, I was big gloves and pads on and I've only ever been in two fist fights My whole life my first fist fight I punched this kid Glenn in the face thinking I'm gonna knock him off his bicycle And I'll win and he didn't even move a muscle and then he beat the shit out of me And then the second and then the second fight I got into was just like a bar brawl And I got hit when I got hit like in the back shoulder wasn't too bad And then I just kind of I never really got beat up Hard like you know like I know it's not necessary.

1:26:35You don't have to get beat up But just learning how to defend yourself would just help for sure Helping anxiety and it's like for a lot of people. It's like meditation It's like medication in fact for a lot of people and jujitsu is a really good one because you there's a possibility If you get injured with any combats for it's possibility if you get injured right but jujitsu at least you're not getting hit You know jujitsu is clenching and Chocoles and arm bars and leg locks and stuff But you can learn those things if you do it with a good school that has a good ethic about them You could do it pretty safely.

1:27:10Yeah, cuz I'm a person You know we talk about it. We get excited about it But sometimes I don't put these things in the practice even though I know stand up is You're doing a different we're doing difficult things here But other things I'm like like for example when I you know in the middle of the pandemic or whatever 2022 Some time around there. I got nervous about I got a I don't know how to fight I got to defend my house and there was at times talks of To some type of what if a nuclear bomb went off here because things are getting tight with Russia before they invaded Ukraine So I came home one day with a Night vision goggles a 30 -day supply of powdered fetishine Alfredo and a gun and I don't know how to use the gun I and I had dying tablets and so I did all these things and then I was like well now what my family was laughing at me like What is any of this stuff gonna do you can't do any of this shit?

1:27:56And I was like you're right And I kind of just made a decision, but I don't put things into practice So I want to make a choice to say if you're gonna talk about it then do it, you know do go do MMA go try it Is there a place that you could go to that you know about well? There's that grace You know, I live 15 minutes from Midtown and that the place that Anthony Bourdain was always in though Pencil graces. Yes the main headquarters right there great place and I always see guys walking in and out of there go there Dripping sweat you're close to that 15 minutes go there. That's the spot go there go take classes Yeah perfect place to go yeah, and that's the workout for the day.

1:28:32That's the hardest workout that you'll ever do very hard Yeah, very hard. Yeah, and it's good for your brain that the thing about it is it's really good for your head Because you just it's so difficult that it makes it really does make the rest of life's difficulties easier That's a good it's a safe control difficult like you there's like if a guy gets you in a choke hold You're trying to fight out of it. You can't you can't you can tap and then you go right back to training again And I won't be made fun of that. I'm third. No like an old no they won't encourage you They're the welcome you yeah a lot of people get into it and they're 40 if it Bourdain didn't even start until he was in his 50s What yeah like Bourdain was like 62 when he died I think is that all do was I'm not sure how old was he Jimmy I think you got in a jujitsu when he was 58 Yeah, damn so When I did his show I did one of the episodes of his show we went Fezin hunting in Montana together.

1:29:31So flew to Montana and Bourdain and I and he's talking about dars jokes And like we're in the middle like we're we're all their Fezin hunting and I go do you know how to do Japanese necktie He goes what that and I go when you go in for the dars sometimes you can't get the dars You can get the Japanese necktie. Let me show you so we're on the ground On the fucking ground and I'm showing them. Okay, now you got this once you got this here You're always looking for this right because that's the dars. Yeah, I go but from here I'm gonna tuck your head into my chest and I'm just gonna roll on my right shoulder and he's like I go yeah, that's fucked right wow Roll my left shoulder.

1:30:06I go that's the Japanese necktie So I'm explaining him the Japanese necktie on the ground That's great. The camera crew is there and shit and I'm like go ahead try it on me now He's got his friend Josh is Josh is doing you just who to is like get in here So he did here. Oh now from here. So this is a piece of Josh the big guy I was like it's hard to get this through right, but you don't have to get this through once you get this clamp I just want you to tuck that head and then roll on this shoulder and they're like oh shit So we were like rolling around the dirt and Montana. That's how into it what he was did they all they cared about they show Oh, they didn't know that That'd be sick.

1:30:39It was just us shooting birds and eating them. It was really fun. Yeah, it was really fun experience He was a fucking fascinating when I watched I always watch if it's on the plane though His documentary road runner that they made I think after hit after he passed away And it was amazing. He said something once where he was like, you know I because sometimes I think about this You know when you get a little older even on a super old, but you start to think like hey are my best years behind me like what you know What is life? What's the next things and I heard him say he was like, you know when I he only became famous or like people New his name and read his book and he's 43 years old He said so I was sitting there 42 years old thinking whatever I all my fun all my drug days all my wild It's all over.

1:31:22I'm in the back half of my life now And this is what life's gonna be he goes and I didn't realize that it was gonna be the next 20 years of my life That would like be me be like the best years of my life And I never like heard someone Talk about it that way where it was like you I know we know that like you now don't know what tomorrow holds our whole lives can change in instant But sometimes, you know, I can't help but feel like oh You know, I'm coming into my forties now, you know like what but when I heard board Dana was like oh that that's a very hopeful way to That's a very hopeful thing There's no road map for everybody.

1:31:54Yeah, you know And sometimes the more interesting people are the people that lived their entire lives never thinking they were gonna be famous And then became famous like Jordan Peterson is a great example that like he was a professor just like it was opposed to this bill that would Cause people to have to be forced to mandated to use a bunch of made -up gender pronouns And he's like this is crazy like you can't allow this. This is just gonna spiral Yeah, I'm just gonna snowball into something else So he becomes famous in his forties, which is a very difficult thing for people to deal with almost impossible It's possible more good Freeman is the only other one Rodney Dangerfield are the only other two big names that I know Rodney's a big one right?

1:32:30Yeah, Rodney was a aluminum siding salesman You know wild yeah, and you never stopped writing apparently was always writing jokes during that time But he'd quit doing comedy and just went back to regular life and then Said fuck it. I'm going back in right and like back to school and all those movies. I mean, Rodney was huge It's crazy that like how many people are like that out there that could have made it and just didn't and just stopped Just stopped or got the whatever demons they had got the best of them. Yeah, which is a lot of us Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of guys out there that have demons and their demon might be cocaine their demon alcohol Gambling whatever it is.

1:33:08There's like a demon that gets people and just gets you and it's also timing a right place right time I didn't know this about sports But like you know like the same way like we know funny funny funny people that just never really made it for whatever reason It actually happens in sports too I thought sports being objective was being like oh the best player will get discovered But it's like no you got to have the right connections you got to play in the right tournaments to get noticed by the Professional teams and there's there's player there's there's a guy out there who would have been as good as you know The Michael Jordan and the Kobe's of the world, but he just never made it.

1:33:42He never got in front of the right people It's also a discipline thing like sometimes sometimes people are very very talented right and they really could be amazing But they just because talent sometimes can fuck you Because if you're really talented you don't have to work as hard if you're better than everybody else You can kind of half -ass things right and you can get through things without even training like John Jones is so talented He defended his title against Alexander Gustafson who's like one of the best guys ever in the light heavyweight division And didn't even train for it. Didn't even train for it and one and it was the hardest fight of his career because he was He was getting beat up in the first few rounds and he pulled it off in the last two rounds That's where when he won the decision Right is a crazy fight first time he's ever been taken down I mean he got busted up got a big cut over his eyes.

1:34:27I was swollen up But he's so talented that he's able to beat one of the best guys in the division without even training Then he has a rematch for them later where he says now I'm gonna fucking train and he just annihilates him Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I tell that he's the most he's the most talented one people argue of all of of all the fighters He's very arguable Yeah, he's certainly the most accomplished He's beaten every single person he's ever faced except there's only one loss that he has is Disqualification in a fight that he was dominating The Gustafson fight was close though like and he and he had a got it But he didn't even train like this there was fighters that he was fighting where he just He was so much better than everybody that they the way they would describe as like he was playing with his food Right, he wasn't threatened by them.

1:35:10So he wasn't fighting to the best of his ability So does a guy like John Jones you think have some type of fear in the ring or they're the kind of lose that When you become a guy of his level at this this stuff I think you're always going to have some doubts and thoughts that enter into your head But a guy who's that dominant knows how to dominate those thoughts knows how to like overcome them You don't let them in you know, you're gonna have anxiety gonna have nerves But you just don't let them in some guys don't have nerves like Justin Gage. He says he doesn't get any nerves He says it kind of freaks me out how I get in there and I'm not even nervous Hmm Yeah, but that's interesting because of you know, you could be killed by some of these high level guys right even the best Fighters.

1:35:50It's possible you get hit in the head the wrong way Well, that's one of the crazy things that Justin says that's when he goes to fights He never plans anything for after the fight because he doesn't assume he's gonna be alive Wow, yeah, that's pretty that's pretty deep Well, that's how he fights too. That's really how he fight It's interesting. I kind of I respect that a lot. He's a psycho. Yeah, yeah He's born for it. Well, I yeah, it's the human brains a funny thing. I mean, I don't feel one ounce of anxiety on stage whether I'm bombing doing well Zero always been that way Zero I so it's all off stage after the fact that Before the leading up and after is where all the anxiety hits me or you know Really would spin me out of control and better are controlling it now, but on stage I mean truly zero like I would literally was having so much anxiety I told you I sold my house because of radio city and then I was on stage at radio city and not a ounce of anxiety The unfortunate thing is I as much as people tell me Be in the moment for these big things slow it down all that I tell myself I'm doing it But I never have any Memory of it and I never kind of um You know take over the night like I did radio city people is like what'd you do after where was the after party?

1:37:05Where'd you go? I said I was in bed at 11 o 'clock With my family. I was in bed the show ended at nine. I was in bed at 11 on the night my biggest night and I don't know why that's just how I that's just how I am. It was nothing wrong with that. No Yeah, it's not the wrong with like just Going on with your life. You don't have to celebrate right. Yeah. It's not necessarily a bad thing Yeah, but like you've had you know so far very very very cool life Do you feel though at times even you have FOMO and I'm like shit I wish I would have did something else or you don't feel that anymore You were always that way you got to this way after you know, just the mounting success No, I genuinely don't think that way from day one.

1:37:49No One thing that I used to do when I was on fear factor though I would I would be jealous of guys that were on the road like god I wish I could go do the road right now. I just couldn't I just there was the schedule was so hard It's very difficult to just Do just comedy and the guys who were just doing comedy. I would admire that Oh god, I wish I could just do comedy because fear factor is great of a job as it was was a job It was something I was doing just for money. I do stand up for free Like I do guest spots all the time for free. Just show up and do comedy for free. You work for free But that's how comedy is.

1:38:23It's fun. Like you don't think about it like we enjoy doing it Yeah, we constantly are working out like if you're working out in the city like what are you getting for a spot? 20 bucks. Yeah, it's nothing. It's nonsense. You get a free drink at 20 bucks. You do need to work out. I give it to the waitress Yeah, you know, yeah, for sure Yeah, I comedy story would always cost me money. It's what I pay out in tips It would be way more than I would make for doing a set when I was one thing And always suck with me when I was in eighth grade at the same time I had mono and my mom had gout So she no none of us could we just couldn't move I was fucking had mono and she couldn't move her foot So she got us cable television and we watched Cable and they would show reruns of Oprah the Oprah Winfrey show my mom would just watch it And I remember one day and it's like advice that just stuck in my head Oprah was on I think it was one of the first time she was on with dr.

1:39:10Phil Oprah was on and she said you know the thing about Successes real successful people is the money always come second It's the passion first and then the money comes second if you reverse it and you go after the money first You may get success, but there's a negative Carmic energy attached to that money So the only way to do it the right way is you go passion first and then the money will always come but it will come second And I I don't know I was like in a fever mono dream and I just read always remember and I was always stayed with me My whole life and that's why I brought up before I was like when I saw you kind of you know hammering out your set I was like oh shit.

1:39:46This is this is why it's the passion is there you couldn't pay him not pay him If you were at this level not at this level you'd be still the guy hammering out the hour Yeah, but that's if you have the ability to do that like what Oprah saying is true But it's easy for people to say that that have already been successful That's like that whole secret thing remember the secret oh yeah Yeah, yeah, people like you just kind of manifest things and they'll happen have a vision board Sort of if you talk to successful people they'll tell you that they probably did that But they probably did a lot of things right so that's one factor and people want to pretend People what Excuse me People want to pretend that it's insignificant.

1:40:24That's foolish. It is a factor But the people who want to pretend that it's the whole thing that's foolish as well Because you can't just manifest things I remember we were at the commy store once and there was this lady that came to the store who was a friend of One of the comics and she was telling me that she Is following the secret she's like I have the secret now and now I know That I'm going to be married to the person that I love and I'm gonna have an amazing career and all these different things As they go I go so you're confident in this you're like sure this I think this was I don't know if I had seen the movie yet Because I remember when I saw the movie was like whoa these people are other fucking minds I was like this is a lot more to it kids than just this right this you can't like you can't have a bunch of people Just thinking they're gonna manifest themselves being a rock star.

1:41:15It's gonna happen. I'm gonna make it happen No, there's a lot of things you have to do right there's a lot of work involved a lot of like learning Yeah, you gotta like make mistakes and recover from those mistakes and do better and Write better stuff and perform better and get better And you have to do stuff that people actually enjoy so what do people enjoy about my work? What is it what am I missing that other people have there's a lot that goes on? It's not just I want to be a rock star. I'm gonna make it happen So this lady was telling this to me and this was the only time I'd ever met her But we had to we were all hanging out in the back of the comedy store so she was out there for a couple hours, right?

1:41:52So then I saw her again like a year two years later I was doing a show at another club And a ran into her outside I go hey how you doing she goes? Oh Last time we talked we talked about the secret and I she goes it's not been working She's like she's like I don't understand my father is a Matt like her father was like messing up her life Like she's I don't know what was going on and she's like and I I haven't found that relationship in my career isn't going well And we had to like a very brief conversation. I was like damn yeah, good to see you. Bye. Yeah, I was leaving and I was gone And then I remember thinking like people that that thought that way that really believe you can hear that from a Successful person.

1:42:40I just knew I had a vision. I stuck with that vision. I made it happen So there was a lot of people running around During these days like the early 2000s that had this thing in their head. Yeah, that they could manifest a reality Yeah, and I think it's become a popular thing especially in this culture where it's like every you know Be a boss right be the best. It's like that's not how society works society would crumble You need people who don't want to do that you need people are saying I'm okay not being the boss I'm okay not being the best you you need that Well also and I can tell you like in my own life in like doing this podcast specifically I fucking never thought it was gonna be what it is.

1:43:15I never even imagined it I didn't want it to be I never was a thought right it was never I want this thing to be I want to have 15 million subscribe. I don't know I'd never never not one time The whole thought was do your best do do who do you want to talk to what's interesting? Right have an interesting conversation stay in the moment. Just do your best. Well, and also I I'm correct I'm wrong by the time you started your podcast you were already successful You're already the host you're already kind of a household name farm short financially successful So you didn't need it for the money you were like I just want to talk to my friends.

1:43:47Yeah, it was just doing it for fun Right, I always wanted a radio show. I'm like no one's gonna give me a radio show And also I'd probably swear I'd fuck it up right and then there was XM and back at the time at XM wasn't given anybody any money They had all their money was going to Howard Stern Serious XM whatever does the whole I think it still is the big thing do they still call it serious XM still serious XM And I've heard that it's just it's Howard's money. Yeah, well first. Well, first. He leaves their fucked. Oh, yeah Because that like how many subscribers? Yeah, well, we'll bail when that guy leaves dude I I did Howard Stern show I Three months ago and I thought he wasn't in the room But the way they have that set up is you've really believed he's in the room like almost like a hologram I tricked you dude.

1:44:27I was talking to Howard Stern But he was in Long Island or wherever he was Florida and I was in In the city it was actually pretty crazy because you know, it's it's Howard It's it's like it's a big big big deal. It's almost like a surreal For New Yorker particular course. Yeah, it's almost like a surreal thing. We're like this Howard Stern one And they told me they're like you're gonna go on for five minutes. So I was prepared to do that It was um they had a a segment on there where they I forgot what the name of it was But you have to guess this guy's sexual fetish and the guy's fetish was that he liked his nuts and dick tape Nail to the wall.

1:45:00Oh, what he was into Yeah, dick. Yes, they're nailed to the wall nail to the wall with a fucking nail gun. Oh Yeah, it was that's that was when we have to guess it little by little God damn So it was you even stand for that he loved it dude. You have to like get your dick inside of a wall. Yeah, yeah How do you get there? He's very good question He would stick when he was a kid when he was a kid when he would get yelled at by his mom and daddy would stick um You know safety pins he would stick safety pins through his dick and balls like as a way to cope with it all Oh my god. Oh my god. That's so crazy.

1:45:40Yeah So you see just ramp up from there. Oh my god. Rock hard. He said by the way He was rock hard on the show when he was taping his nuts to the wall So we had to we We had to guess it We had to guess it and he was like you know, it was like this thing where they were like the producer like He's gonna talk to you for five minutes just get to know you name. What do you do comedy? You know whatever um, and then uh you're gonna get into this segment and I was like okay great Bob a booey married, you know, it's the one who hooked it all up I was like great dude five minutes. That's that's awesome like excellent And then so we go we're starting to talk I don't know what I said.

1:46:17I said something stupid and he started to laugh and then he was like wait a second Wait a second. Wait a second. What what is it? Who are you? And I was like you know on the show It's like hey my name is what I do blah blah blah blah We start to we talk for like an hour and a half I'm like I got like a real Howard Stern interview and then and then we did We did the the bit at the end, you know, I I didn't have any good guesses and then uh and then like 20 minutes later I get a call from a random number and I pick up and he's like hey It's Howard and I thought initially was one of my friends doing like an impersonation like because they knew I was on Howard It happens live and then he was like no, it's me.

1:46:57It's Howard. He was like uh he was like man That was that was great. He was like you just I don't know like just whatever you're doing Just keep doing it. He was like I I was very engaged With that stuff man. He was like so so good and and then I was like okay Thanks and then hung up and then I was like holy shit did that really just fucking happen from comedy and uh and and I felt really positive Still feel really positive and great about that But sometimes my brain can't hold on to that for too long and then what will happen is we'll say okay Well, let's balance it. Let's cast the guilt come in.

1:47:33Let's balance it and make ourselves you know Not believe him in some way you know what I mean And so I hear from you a lot You'd be able to kind of take that confidence which is a beautiful thing and just kind of make have it make you stronger and say I'm gonna all right. I'm gonna keep going up where I look for a way down from it to balance and that so I fight against that But I'm getting close and I do think the next time I come on this podcast. I'll be fully I'll be fully gay I'll be fully in okay. I don't um I don't think too much about myself right. I try to just think about life and I think about what I'm trying to do Right, you know, whatever thing I'm trying to be good at That's that's how I handle it.

1:48:16I think right dwelling too much about yourself is not it's like Every comic has a tendency towards narcissism. I don't think that should be encouraged. I don't I don't find any benefit to it Even you do you think you have a better? Do you have a good does I think we just have it right everybody does yeah That's why you want to look good. Do you want to sound good? Do you want want people to admire you? People think you're doing well right all that stuff, but Don't Don't feed that Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, don't feed it think about the thing like whatever you're doing whatever your art form is Yeah, you know relationships or friendships or think about those things Feed the good wall for the bad wolf.

1:48:55Yeah, don't think about you. Yeah. Yeah. That's good I like that don't think about you Think about the thing you're trying to do and just to be the best you kind of the thing The best you can be at the thing is everything you could ever ask for of yourself And the only thing that's going to get in the way of that is Doubt's lack of discipline yeah lack of talent lack of hard work. Yeah, work ethic is a lot There's a lot of people that like substitute work ethic for anxiety These substitute work ethic for a bunch of like bullshit thinking that just distracts them from doing what they really should be doing Which is working stuff done because like the what is the thing you try to feel you've the only when I like there's a giant difference Like if I am in my office is a giant difference between how I feel if I just Watch YouTube videos even if it's like an interesting thing It's a giant difference between how I feel that then if I go over my material and I start writing and I write a new tagline I write a new joke.

1:49:49I have a new premise. I have a new thing that I put it in my phone Now I go to bed. I feel great, right now I feel good So it's like you got to learn like what is the thing that helps the thing that always helps my mental state is to be To to being gauged in a thing and to be creative and to try to figure this thing out and then do the work that you need to be doing For your career for the thing that you love which is comedy right or whatever it is or even podcasting Do that work on that thing right work on the thing and then when you're done you feel good If you're just fucking off you just feel like a loser and if you feel like a loser and they start feeling That maybe that's who I am.

1:50:31I'm then you have imposter syndrome and then it looks Just be professional just get it. Yeah, do the things you have to do and then If I do all that stuff then I can actually enjoy a movie. I can sit down and enjoy a movie I'm fucking did everything I'm supposed to do I can enjoy anything But if I have like in my head like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing I'm not doing the work. I'm supposed to be doing then I feel like a loser So it's let's just do the work and then you don't feel like a loser and then you could be sociable Yeah, then you could you're fun to hang out with because you're not like Overwhelmed like the mom your mind is not on this thing that you should really be doing instead of being here at this party with your friends You really should be at home working on that thing get all that shit done so that you don't feel bad see because I Hear you and I think that that's a hundred percent accurate right, but a lot of times I don't know what it is.

1:51:24I need to coach yourself Well, that's what it is and I I think I but I do think a lot of this stuff is baked into some of that Catholic guilt I do think I do think you can't feel good about yourself Because it subconsciously tells you well then You're something bad now will happen, right? It's this weird thing that so I think sometimes I flirt with that because I pretty much You know, I do my writing and I do just kind of say all right get into comedy about the whole family behind you need to do this Let's do this, but sometimes it's that uh that Catholic guilt but um, I'm I'm at a point in my life now.

1:52:01I'm reading this book case for Christ. You ever read this book? No case for Christ by this guy Lee Strobel um, I you know was very mad at Catholicism for a very long time because I grew up Catholic when I was 17 when our brains are Forming is when all the Catholic shit came out the priests raping and all that stuff and I was like well fucking I have Catholic tattoos all over my body already what am I supposed to do now? I I can't this I'm like want to rip my tattoos off and I was very angry for a while initially Didn't even want to get my kids baptized came around did it, but then I read this book Case for Christ and I was like wow this guy's putting forward like very compelling arguments for like not only Jesus's existence But his actual like works being real like like this all being fucking pretty real and pretty historically accurate And I was like oh shit, and then so I started to like go back a little bit right and I started to say You know because some of the things I'm even talking about on the show are kind of like you know It's still me, but it's like it's not as it's not as uh Much as me anymore because I started to go back to church I started to feel like this like just like calmness and almost like even if it's forced like this forced connection Let me give you some advice yes You know what your problems are right and you know how You're doing when you're doing your best and you know the things that you're doing that lead you to go Astray to go haywire right you know that right I think so yeah, you're really aware of that if you were a coach And you were looking at you and you know all this information you would give yourself very solid advice, right?

1:53:42You would know right do that then right just have a coach in your head That's what I do I have like a part of my head that's like the general that just tells me what the fuck we're doing Yeah, I'm like I don't want to do this the general says shut the fuck up and let's go right and listen to that part I like have that that part in my head right It's always there that knows this is gonna be fine. You know what you know analyst just handle it deal with it breathe go through it Yeah, Vaughan have like a set in your head Of ideals yeah of of behavior that you're tolerating behavior that you're not tolerating right the way to handle things when things come up And don't just dwell on every problem every time instead have this This like right thing very rigid in your head.

1:54:31This is what we're gonna do right it down right it down right down on a piece of paper If this comes up, this is what we do right we don't do this. We don't dwell on stupid shit We don't worry about Nonsense. We don't fucking fret about we don't sell our house because there's not a bagel shop close even though there was yes Yes, you don't write those things down. Yeah, write those things down like give yourself like rock solid rules Right no and then go to those rules every time something comes up instead of just like Riffing it just winging it being lost in this world of like management of anxiety like have rigid ideas in your head of how you're gonna handle it Yeah, it seems like you've gotten through the worst parts right like you sounds like you're anxiety during basketball was fucking crazy Not to do that sounds crazy.

1:55:20I used to bite my toenails off till they bled Because my nails because I went through my fingernails. That's crazy. Yeah, so you got through that So you got through the worst so you know how bad it can be when it goes sideways and you know how to coach yourself Right right all this stuff down. Well write it down For in the future write down like this is this is these are problems that come up And this is how I'm gonna avoid these problems Well, you know what you know what I think happens too is because of podcasting sometimes I'm like My girl said something to me once interesting. She was like you know you on these podcasts You talk about all these issues you have and whatever she was like but at home you're like not that guy Like I don't know like what this stuff is like you're never like talking to us about and you never acting like that Like she was like I see you Writing and doing things but then you go on the pod and you're like look at this fucking Look at my brain.

1:56:07So she's like what like don't feel like you have to just Go on a podcast and to try to be interesting say all your D she was like do you feel that sometimes when I never did until she said it I'm like, you know, I'll come on to a podcast like I came on today and said Chris just Come on be confident be who you are Project yourself. You're doing good Joe and you are you're you're you're you're closer now than you were two time just shut up and do it and then immediately I'm like I'm a mistake Damn, so that's that's who I am right, but you're not that way when you're at home You're not that way when you're at your best quarter in my family.

1:56:51I wasn't that way into it You might be leaning into it It might be a problem because like it does you do kind of think it's something to talk about that's interesting And so you lean into it. Yeah, yeah, because I mean yesterday in the green room I wasn't like that We were just talking around hanging out and I'll be that way tonight. You didn't even seem a little anxious yesterday No, especially for someone who hadn't done stand up in six weeks. No, I went out there Yes today. I had a neat and I did a 24 hour fast. So I was just I was like in my body yesterday I felt like a lot of I mean, I know you've done it before but when you get on those fast And you just get like all this energy like I couldn't even sleep Yes, weird, isn't it?

1:57:25Yeah, I just loved it. Yeah, the the the fact you get energy from fasting is very strange I've done a lot of 24 hours. I haven't done anything more than that though. I've been thinking about doing them three day ones Yeah, yeah I heard that that's I heard that George St. Pierre talking about he does it three or four times a year I think it's probably really good to give your digestion a chance to rest Like yeah, just concentrating food Your body's like Jesus like more work like give it some time off Do you think it's possible like in ancient times that Because sometimes in the Bible they'll say people live to 400 500 years old Do you think it's not 400?

1:58:01But do you think it's possible people were living to as long as 120 years old back then? Yeah, maybe 120 Yeah, then rare genetic case with very good nutrition and a blue zone Some place where there's a lot of minerals in the water. Yeah, you might be able to It's possible 120's people have gotten there before but the 500 -dusal like Noah Like that look at what we got here. Well, I think it's true But I think it's one of those things where they probably just took birth They took records differently back then. Mm -hmm. Like I think in China. I think you only celebrate your birthday once every 10 years Oh, so you could be like oh, I'm 500, but you're really not Well, that would mean you're five.

1:58:41Yeah, exactly. Right, but I think You know human beings biologically the only thing that's gonna change how we age is science And they're pretty close to being able to do that with a lot of things And there's a few things you could do to mitigate right aging today and it does work It does help you but 500 years old It's most likely that they just didn't know what the fuck they were talking about three hundred and fifty years after the flood He died at the age of 950 there you go. Tara was 128 Noah I'll last the extremely long lived Antiluvian patriarchs died three hundred fifty years after the flood at the age of 950 When Tara was 128 the maximum human lifespan as depicted by the Bible Gradually diminishes thereafter from almost one thousand years to a hundred and twenty years of Moses See him I'm saying now that's old testament So you know, I don't know that a lot of that stuff was story stuff But dude, I'm telling you this book case for Christ the fucking history.

1:59:42It's not it's not even an opinion He's not saying I want you to believe he's like here's the history Here's why we do so like if I told you if I said to you Joe You believe everything you've heard about Alexander the great right? You believe it You believe it, you know, he's fought in these battles What they say that you just believe it's Alexander the great. I'll read his biography You'd say yeah, sure, but then you'd be like oh, but I know I don't believe they made the shit up about Jesus Okay, Alexander the great because what you'll always hear is well the gospels were written a hundred plus years after Jesus died Alexander the great's first biography was written like 300 years after he died So that right there is like well his Jesus is the historians of Jesus were much closer in time Then say Alexander the great and even furthermore back then like the ancient Hebrews They they didn't had before writing they didn't write anything so they would memorize the Old Testament in the scripture So that you had guys that they would pass down right they knew they knew five thousand pages of the book inside of their head so Yes, the gospels were 70 years later, but they were based off the accounts of people who were living at that time and up to like 25 years after it and They say oh well game of telephone.

2:00:57I can tell you something goes around the room telephone by the time it gets to me You know 10 people What you just said is irrelevant. It's a totally different thing. I get it But what they said is because of that ancient Thing of you know kind of having to pass down these old testaments because they couldn't write It would be like if you're playing a game of telephone, but every person I check with the person before to make sure the word I'm saying is right and then I keep going so then then it's gonna work Because you're constantly checking so that's what they said Happened There and I was like okay, well, okay, that's a little bit of confirmation bias because the the real problem is like who said it originally So when who decided what the words were originally?

2:01:41Okay, that I get I get that which is true, but just for Jesus there is this book was saying The the reason why they believe the historical accuracy of it is because his Basically his haters and the disciples were both saying the same thing So you have the Romans saying yeah, this is what happened who hated him and at that point would be like get this guy out of here He's basically causing a revolt. That's why we have to kill him is like a somebody getting you know Imagine you know protestor today. They were like fuck this guy. He's out And so they were saying yeah, what you're saying happened and then the disciples are saying it like a big thing Is the resurrection right people say really he fucking resurrected from the dead and you're like well everybody agreed haters Romans and the israel Jewish people everybody agreed he died That's hundred percent that's why when they stab him and you say water came out it wasn't water It was fluid from his lungs because he was dead and that's what would happen to you or I when we dies We have this lung fluid that comes out so that's what they said oh that's water That's where they made him divinity, but it was like a natural thing.

2:02:47He's dead. Everyone agrees And you say well they buried him in a tomb and then the next day or three days later the tomb's empty and People like so you know that made up and they say 500 People saw him in the town Romans and he but they saw him over the next couple weeks they's 500 Independently source people real like corroborated 500 people saw him So you say okay, so there's that and then the other conspiracy theory is like well The disciples robbed his body the disciples just robbed his body Because they don't want him they would hand over crucifixion victims to like the wild dogs That's used to be it the way it was if you got crucified throw you in a pit wild dogs eat you or leave you on the cross Birds elite you know that's how we deal with you so they're like that's why they were taken his body and Then you see that well That's probably not what happened and the Romans themselves acknowledge there's no body in that tomb that we put in there three days ago There's the body is not there and we did it so in order to save ourselves We're gonna say the apostles robbed it, but in reality That's just a conspiracy because these apostles had would have no reason to rob it that would That so the Romans think the apostles robbed the body.

2:04:05That's a conspiracy is like I say conspiracy Well, you're just saying it conspiracy to diminish the story no No, I'm I meant I meant conspiracy in this sense of that's what people say as a reason why the the do the Romans say that? The Romans have said that the Romans said that back then and then I guess conspiracies are wrong work because I'm not I'm not Like it's it's one story one explanation. I'll say explanation of but when if you'd looked at it like what's the most logical explanation? Is the most logical explanation that a dead guy came back to life or the most logical explanation that someone took his body because that's what the Romans said I'm just because I'm in I'm saying that that is that came back to life one time and I'm not saying I'm crazy about it I'm just saying you know what?

2:04:51After reading that book there was enough things that happened that historical Scholars who aren't religious some are believers some are not right are like this existed and this happened But you're talking about historical scholars from 2000 years ago And their knowledge of science and biology and life and the universe itself was extremely limited right and so They're their entire Fundamentals like everything they believed it was based on based on mythology Everything was based on gods and and demons and okay, so then what about this all right fine What if the Romans okay? They made it up right?

2:05:36I mean I'm sorry I mean the Romans are correct the disciples Took the body who everyone agreed was dead What about the 500 people that saw him in the town over the next six weeks? Did you talk to those people? No? So who knows what they believed but who knows what they actually believed who knows how they said it Who knows if it was a religious thing you look there's there's people that have mass hallucinations all the time about a lot of things And there's people that you could give them false memory false memories a real thing Someone can convince you that something happened that didn't happen right?

2:06:11It's it's real That's like they've demonstrated how to do it We all know friends that have a memory of something and you go that's not what happened And then you just say your version of it and then everybody has to like figure out what really happened Right, you know, you're like do you remember that time we're at the game and you said this I didn't say that Like that was not me. Yeah, that was Mike. Yeah, yeah, and you're like what yeah? Yeah, you remember Mike lost his job Right, he was drunk. Do you remember and you're like oh, yeah, like you thought it was me Like you put it on me. It's like yeah, you changed things like people change things right They also your memory becomes a memory of your memory and not the actual memory itself true It becomes a memory of the story you're telling right and so if this person was this significant um religious guru figure like Jesus was right And he really does have this amazing View of how humanity can live in harmony and he really does talk to people about this and he really does preach forgiveness and he really does like To treat everybody like they're the same poppers and hookers and everyone everyone's just the god's children loved When that guy's gone, you're gonna miss him man.

2:07:21You're gonna miss him bad Yeah, you really do have a fundamental view of reality That's based entirely on myth and you have connected this guy to the son of Christ or the son of god rather This is this this figure that is brought here to save us and the Romans took him from us and killed him and now You know, he died for our sins and the whole thing right you if you have that in your head And then someone says I saw him like I saw him too Like people see the virgin Mary in a fucking grilled cheese sandwich people see things. Yeah, you know It doesn't mean those things aren't there It doesn't mean that isn't a vision But it also does mean that people see things there aren't and there's a lot of people that are not that bright They're not smart and they're easily led and they're easily manipulated It's also doesn't mean that Jesus wasn't real right like all those things but it's just The likelihood of someone coming back to life is very low right The likelihood of someone taking his body is very high right So if you used like Occam's razor the simplest solution Right the simplest answer is probably what you're searching for that.

2:08:28It's probably that someone took the body right Dude where do they put it? Well, you could put it anywhere like no one knows where gingus Khan is buried now Genghis Khan they did the wildest thing with him They sent a pack of people to bury Kingus Khan then they sent another pack of people to kill the people That that everybody that went to gingus Khan's funeral was murdered They all they all got murdered by another group of people and then those group of people got murdered by a separate group To make sure that no one had any understanding at all about where gingus Khan was buried. Oh my god It's his day.

2:09:05No one knows where he was and I think thousands of people died to hide his his burial But it's got to be somewhere in Mongolia somewhere yeah yeah no one knows yeah I don't really do Lidar over the entire country and figured out well They'll be some somebody will proclaim that they found it at some point maybe you know they have no idea They have no idea see if you could find that story because this is a pretty wild story What about people who they get canonized as saints because you exume their body and they have an um They have in a you know decayed at all. That's like a big thing Yeah, what about those people well, there's people look they found that guy who died in the glacier that was thousands of years old You know people's bodies no, but that's in the right situations.

2:09:49Okay. Hold on Say Marco Polo wrote even by the late 13th century the Mongols did not know the the location the tomb Secret history of the Mongols has the year gingus Khan's death 1227 but no information concerning his burial So a frequently recounted tale Marco Polo tells the two thousand slaves attended his funeral Were killed by the soldiers sent to guard them and that these soldiers in turn were killed by another group of soldiers Which killed anyone and anything that crossed their path in order to conceal where he was buried Finally the legend states that when they reached their destination they committed suicide Wow, oh they commit suicide so the no one will ever know Wow, yeah, that's why it's pretty bad -ass That's pretty bad -ass pretty bad -ass and and they were fucking monsters the Mongolians Kill everybody on horseback the best fighting force ever some people say 10 % of the population Damn, they killed so many people that they lowered the carbon footprint of earth during the time he was alive Because so many people died that they the all the places that they had deforestation they chopped down the trees trees grew back Right and it created more more trees who created more oxygen sucked out more carbon from the air because nothing's better at eating carbon than trees Yeah live off carbon dioxide so these You could do a core sample and show these people killed so many people that they lowered the carbon footprint of humans on earth That's pretty nuts they killed somewhere during his lifetime somewhere between 50 and 70 million people depending on So is there anybody if you extrapolate that like did he kill more people then like Stalin and Hitler way more than percentage wise Yeah, he killed more than anybody ever His people did during his lifetime because they I mean they conquered a giant swath of the world The Mongols I think they had with the order in control of like a quarter of earth Dude Asians are fucking brutal.

2:11:49They get why people we get the worst rap in history But Asians fucking kill each other and are so racist and hate each other like you can't imagine dude No like the rape and man king your dude. It's like we know the white people never did that yeah, that was crazy Bane adding babies and chip and and and Jen gets con sometimes I'm like hey man I get why people I get we have our history, but it's like so does fucking everybody else stop it It's also just brutal times require brutal people I mean that was a brutal time to be alive Yeah, right you can't I read something about those times back. This is more medieval times.

2:12:26This is interesting that You sex was not taboo it was because we wanted to live under one roof So sex was just animalistic to procreate to get more bodies on the farm So you would watch your mom and dad have sex right next to you Didn't even it wasn't a thing about cleansing ass or you know, you know, I mean I'm sure you have to get an erection and get wet So they had to be some type of something But it was like this wild thing where like this whole idea of taboo a sex being taboo and having terms for everything is are pretty much like a new Thing it was I read this whole thing about then they then are about impotence court in France So back in the day, dude, there was this guy.

2:13:06There's this guy wrote this it's called on fucking history It's by the god the author's names the captain this guy's the man and it's cool I read one page a day and it's about different times in history kind of applied to today But this one thing I read about was the 1600s there was an impotence court So if you could get divorced if you're a wife or any if you wanted a divorce the wife wanted a divorce The only way out was you had to go to this court and you had to prove that your husband is impotent and can't get his Diccup So they the court were there and then you'd have to perform the act and if the husband couldn't get it up You have to have sex in front of people couldn't get it up would grant you the divorce because that was the only grounds That it was necessary for and well because you need a procreation you need a procreation That's what this is about she wouldn't deny a woman's ability to procreate the man can't get directions So you could leave him and then I think if if he did Proof his manhood and have sex with her and get a heart on and come I think then he had the legal right to kill her For even taking him to court so if you can fuck her in front of everybody then you can kill her Isn't that like wild how times used it because if you were fucking brutal man It's not that long ago.

2:14:18No, we have the same brain as them right? We're just more civilized not like our brain It's went over this insane evolution yet. I have I have that guy's brain But I just don't do it like I'm not I guess we're more societal pressures not to do it Well also society has changed where we have more access to information We know how other people feel back then they didn't care Dude isn't that what like the like the smartest like the Elon Musk's and the you know Stephen Hawkins of like That time thought like the they thought that the sun went around the earth and they were I mean the yeah the sun went around like they know the other earth was saying The earth was sent to the universe and like they were as confident as our Smart people saying we are positive that it's the other way sort of right when Copernicus and All these different people figured out that that wasn't the case Galileo No, I know that but I'm saying so what do you think today?

2:15:15We believe in that we will be disproved in a major way like because as as just you know when they when Copernicus and Galileo came out and said I'm sure it's the other way I have the proof and then everybody was like wait what what do you think today? Is where we're believing as fact even you and me are believing but it's gonna be disproven is what if you had a hunch What do you think it is that's an interesting question? Thank you. I don't know I don't know what it would be obviously because obviously if there's a thing that we all believe today Like how how the fuck could I know that that would be the thing that you should read this part of the what is it?

2:15:50This is about the impotence court The unhappy yes the unhappy couple would then be subject to separate examinations to speculate Groping by surgeons physicians and midwives speculative excuse me groping by surgeons physicians and midwives a husband's natural parts were Scrutinized for color shape and number the best thing he could hope for were the inspectors of delicate demeanor various Hypothesis were created could he muster interaction Expelled reproductive fluids on demand was he capable of healthy performance or had he been forcing his partner into The how do you say that word last? Le civis le civis le civis Le civis positions without the promise of coming children.

2:16:40That means butt fucking Uh as could be expected many with hell what many wilted under pressure According to the reports of a trial in rhymes. I said rhymes. I think so The experts waited around a fire many a time to decal out come come now But it was always a false alarm the wife laughed and told them do not hurry so for I know him well The experts said after that Never had they laughed as much nor slept as little as on that night. Oh my god So just laugh at this poor fuck you guys freaking out. They're got it. I got a hard on just like he ain't got shit. Oh my god I mean I couldn't do that if you want to ask me to fire.

2:17:24I mean, it's very difficult. It's cry There's no way to be able to get hard. I'm managing you're in court and you got a fuck. Yeah, I'm also saying that it divorce was illegal then okay Most of these would have to come from the women and most of their Major like 20 % of the cases it was from nobility. So like rich women were saying oh boy Husband can't get hard so they have to and then you but then you would have to prove it I'm not that's real. Yeah, and then it was on who whichever partner Actually was found to not be able to get it up had to pay for the corporate seedings and lawyers and everything They were checking the woman's wetness like what do you mean?

2:17:57I can't see the woman's impotent or a woman can't give birth That's a big thing. You can't give birth to sons. Yeah, that was a big thing King Henry VIII right he killed all his wives and he was the one that was controlling the sex But science didn't know that yet. Yeah, the thing is also that Boy when when human beings used to have fertility rituals like they were always trying to reproduce because people died so early Yeah, like people died of everything they died broken like dead Injury dead, you know infection dead right blood infection sepsis dead Yeah, I just died like the odd like that's when when people look at like the average age of people back then All people only lived to 30 that's really because there was so much infant mortality and infant mortality and childhood mortality factors and that because like half your kids We're gonna die.

2:18:46It's not like today. You have five kids the five kids are at my my grandfather's house Hey, everybody's grown up now they have kids of their own way back then Everybody so you're saying back then you there were still plenty of 50 16 70 year olds walking around There's probably a few, you know, like dodge bullets and made it to that way. You know fucking pull the arrows out of their back But the bottom line is it's like it's the same he was that guy's boner. Why are you showing us this? It's into saying that like it had to go big dicks were an issue back then or something They were using this statue as a scarecrow and really places because it was it would threaten rape So it'd just scare people away from the gardens and whatnot.

2:19:21It's what the opus see a big boner and that would keep people from raping people Jesus, yes, and that's them soft look at that guy look at that soft that guy's a liar No, perfect. That's what I have No circumcision back then either or maybe there was I don't know now they said they would parade them around on Comic stages of Athens until the fourth century giant members giant members guys with giant hogs. Yeah, wow Okay, yeah, what's that word to messant? Where do you see that perhaps the abundance of to messant dicks to messant? I'd roll to mess in it sounds eloquent maybe um the abundance of John giant hog.

2:20:03Yes, what does it mean? Oh, you ever use that I've never seen no Okay swollen swollen all right. Oh, so hard hard dicks. I mean everybody probably they'd tie their dick off Right get a boner probably tie a little rope around the base of their balls and everything and yeah keep it hard Yeah, look at I got here look at my I mean, I think back then too. I think that soldiers I read a lot of stuff about the Roman soldier I think Greek soldiers were like, you know had wives and kids, but on the battlefield night before was totally okay to be gay Yeah, have an intimate relationship because they thought you have to Being loved with the man you're protecting next to you in order to protect him in the right way That's the Spartans felt right that's what it was.

2:20:47Yeah, because that's who it was then yeah, but there's a lot of like gay sex going on back then I think people did a lot of gay stuff and a lot of pedastry beast theality right I think like I think we have a lot of terms now for shit, but I think back then like uh James Buchanan Who is the president before Abraham Lincoln? They used to call him he didn't have a wife He had a a Senator who was like they would call him aunt Nancy that was like their nickname from because they were like these two guys are gay Right and but the public at the time knew that but didn't care that you being your sexuality was never in the minds of the American voter In the 1800s that came later.

2:21:27I don't know when it came, but I was fascinated to read that I was like oh wow back then when you think That you know people must have been much more conservative back then they were like no we don't give a shit at all like just do Get the country in order and actually it plays in apart because James Buchanan being you know Possibly gay and boo with the sky and you know calling him aunt Nancy this senator boyfriend of his Was a senator from the south and it was James Buchanan's presidency because he was giving all these favors to they think his boyfriend of that state That tipped the balanced scales and kind of caused the civil war.

2:22:01Whoa That's what they say yeah, yeah I don't have the hard facts on it, but I remember reading that and I was like, yo, that's fucking wild We're like you just bat like Abraham Lincoln kind of took over a country that was the the roller coaster had went down He could not stop it and he could and and they say that he really sided with the Kind of freeing the slaves and the north and the union because they had much more Soldiers and were much bigger than the south, but like if that was the other way Lincoln wasn't at the time, you know, you can make up what you want in some people agree and disagree But it's like he was going with what he thought was best to preserve the union Yeah, not necessarily You know, I think slavery at that time a lot of people started be like this is gross now stop doing it But but I read a thing too where it was just geography where they said if the cotton flantations were in the north you would have had the slaves and we would have been the Non -slave holder so like we had to do that with the of course they didn't But they would say we had to do that with the technology At the time, this is what we had to we needed the manpower and there were the only people who would do it It's really just that they could do it.

2:23:09They could right. Well, you know, they definitely didn't have to yeah Because you know, I read this thing about they could just paid people well like and and native, you know, because you know They were saying like where the specific place I forgot where it was s s s This specific specific Tumulant specific Place they got the Slave from in Africa were people who were very like kind like giving people there wasn't any war there So they believed you if you said come with me. I'll come with you because I'm I listen, you know Like I'm where we're all at peace here where we are So why wouldn't I come with you?

2:23:45And then you know, they were in the Portuguese were enslaving them and putting them on these ships And then that's just how that's why they were able to get them from that part like they knew that which is like really Sinister these are good people that are just they're they're their culture is to follow It's it's but then you have like the Native Americans who were on the land at the same time in America and you couldn't enslave them because they they would be like No, we're fighting everybody around us because because they they could have subjugated them too in this I forgot what book it was but I was reading but they couldn't they just couldn't it was like wild horses So they purposely went to a place where the culture was for the be kind people and I was like oh that's like a really Horrible part of like the human brain even though I know at that time things were different But I'm like that's pretty just evil to do that.

2:24:31There's a lot of evil in history. Yeah, history's flooded with evil It's almost there's almost no instances of people not being evil and there's Culture by the way, it's not it's not just one group every culture. I saw this one thing I can't I'm blanking on all these things that I read it where who we are as homo sapiens I'm sure you know this like like there's like however many groups of homo sapiens there were like you know different types of humanoids but us homo sapiens whether Our type was the most vicious type. That's why we won. So this idea of war Is oh is in our head because that's what's deep baked in our DNA because we were the one that won out to you know evolved into Humans so we have it in our thing So when people are like not like where war like because that's just that's in our brains no matter what And if you don't if you're not physical someone would say like me not physical.

2:25:24I'll create a war in my brain But what keeps me going is war what keeps me going is a problem that I have to fix like that So I was like oh that was interesting. I don't know if any of it's founded. We're certainly hardwired for conflict Right humans are hardwa I mean there's no one Today that's rational that believes that like in three years. Well, no war on earth Right or I mean could you imagine a time with no war anywhere on earth you can't you know that's not that's not possible That's humans do war which is the thing that everyone's the most fearful of the most terrifying things in history or war and we just Even though we know that and most people don't want war we assume there will never be a time with no war Which is a crazy thought here's a you asked me earlier.

2:26:05Why do you think the NYPD is? Is not you know why do you think the city's going to fail? Here's a conspiracy. I guess you'd call this a conspiracy or maybe an explanation again from one of my cop friends He's like you know why they're doing that He's like the high high up people, you know those people that don't even exist on paper that are worth 10 times as much as Zeylon musk and whatever Those guys they want AI In they wanted in the police forces they wanted in the world So what they're doing is they're causing chaos here and they're going to cause so much chaos that we're going to beg to just be ruled by AI We're going to be beg for in in in different AI piece of machinery that sees it in black and white And we'll do the right things put the criminals in jail is who will be ruling this city and that it's going to take some time But that's that's what it is and I'll tell you that a cop told me that I mean wow I was like I didn't dismiss him.

2:26:57I was like It makes sense and he was being like that's what it is what else could it be and I was like you know I don't fucking know man. It's it's the the idea. I don't think they're thinking that far in advance honestly I think the ideology of these woke people it's it's really a cult and The cult is that there is some institutional racism That has caused all these people to be locked up and the only solution is to just let them out and when they commit crime It's because of institutional racism. Let's put them in that position And that's where they're committing crime and the only solution is to let them out and to just tolerate it Right, and this is to try to break this cycle which is ridiculous It's not how to do it the the way to do it is to make wherever they live to enrich it So that it's not so crime ridden and gang ridden that there's other ways out right people don't lose their lives Being connected to the culture of wherever they're at because it's just so criminally entrenched yeah Yeah, I mean it's just that they don't they're not thinking that far in advance I think most of the people that are Propagating this stuff, but I also think we're being influenced by other countries I think we're being influenced by social media Which is also being influenced by foreign actors that are doing things and saying things and promoting things specifically to degrade our Confidence in our in our system.

2:28:23Yeah, because we are the only system that's like this where the where the The first experiment and self -government in the world that we're aware of other than the Greeks obviously But the Greeks did it out of psychedelics like right they learned to develop democracy I think I believe that too and I think that maybe that's something that in the future like we're living through it now But in the future they'll be like oh remember when the years those people are in social media And they've gone into all these wars and destroyed the planet if it gets there because of these things that weren't even real like it's gonna be history It's gonna yeah the influence of it is gonna be measured.

2:28:58It's gonna be monitored It's gonna be a very hotly discussed topic because It's controversial even today while it's happening and the evidence is irrefutable the evidence of its presence is Irrefutable, but there's still some people that don't think that that's what's causing it I think it's certainly Exacerbating it at the very least. I don't know what's caused it But the infiltration of the education institutions by other countries is well documented too They know what they're doing and it's working. I mean Yuri Besmanoff talked about a thousand times Unfortunately, yep that video from 84 saw it where all that stuff is crazy.

2:29:30You made the plan Yeah, that's they they were talking about this in 84. Yeah, it's actually the chickens have come home to roost It's really it's really going on right now. Yeah, you're seeing that on college campuses today. Oh, it's cry Oh, New York Columbia University's nuts. It's it's all over the nose They're they're cult people. They're basically in like this weird societal collapse cult they want society as stands right now They think it's fundamentally terrible and it should be destroyed So like those people when we speak about these people that want this and want that do you think like there's things about The universe that they know for a fact there's human as you and I and they just know it and this is why they do what they do like Like they're speculating they're thinking that far in advance.

2:30:15That's the thing. I'm thinking of the problem with all this This is no one's take like like freedom of speech if you take away people's freedom of speech Because you think they're wrong and you're right The problem is then someone else who comes along can also take away your freedom of speech If they get into power if they think you're wrong you got to have people Be able to talk about things so you can figure out what's right and what's wrong and sort things out Find out what's true. What's not true? What's right? The only way to do that is freedom of speech And you have to allow people to do that even if they say things that you don't enjoy you don't want to hear It's better to have someone refute that and work it out than to silence people right as soon as you don't think that Then you've silenced discourse if you silence discourse you've fucked up all progress Oh, well now people are just gonna cling to whatever it is like what the the the reason why they went after Galileo Or the way because people have like an entrenched set of beliefs and they don't want anything to come along and challenge that and anything that does They'll squash that yeah, they'll kill you they'll fucking torture you and that's the time right now the puritanical Yeah, yeah, it's very similar to that the the woke stuff is very similar to religion in a lot of ways Like you it's absolutely adherence anyone who deviates at all is cast out of the kingdom There's there's the attack you it's just like a cult right.

2:31:34I think it's lost a lot of I mean feels like it's lost a lot of a lot more of Its power now it feels like most people are like well just well, you know Coming out of the fever heat the the haze of it all like what the fuck was going on and they think they're more aware of how crazy it all is now Never before yeah, yeah, there's still a lot of people on universities especially they're just deeply entrenched and it's also their identity It's a way they could be interesting. It's a way that they can get social status status is a big factor Is a giant factor in how how people behave and why they do what they do and it's certainly the social media is the worst for that Because so many people they post these cringy things on social media like I know what you're doing Yeah, he's trying to you're just fishing for likes you fucking weird.

2:32:18See I think we all starting to know that now because I remember when I was when my Door to whose eight now was like one or two we had a friend and they're for they were giving their kid who was like I think 10 Social media as a birthday gift you would hear that a lot. I mean give my kids social media But now nobody would do that now. We would know like how poison that is for kid and that was just you know five Six years ago where people weren't aware of the kind of dangers of it all that might be a thing We're like you know how people when they were smoking cigarettes didn't know that they were killing themselves And they did and you would the smoking industry was allowed to just camp, you know promote that might be that that might be the thing in the future Pervasive though.

2:32:58I think it's gonna it's gonna turn into something even crazier I think with AI the introduction of AI and then newer technology that allows some Other form of communication. It's just gonna get even weirder. I just think this is the reality that we're living in We're we're we're a technological society. We are technology creating species Right, and we're gonna keep going just keep it going and then you think the first person who might live forever with their conscious Uploaded into an AI is alive right now. I don't know I mean that actually happens. I don't know if that happens. Yeah, I think something happens I think for me to speculate would be kind of crazy, but I think something something wild is gonna happen pretty soon I think with AI and the way AI is progressing that it's gonna be smarter than every human being alive inside of five years Oh, yeah, where does that take us and what Do we find ourselves in a position like your cop friend said where AI has to govern the country because that does make But the problem is like who is in charge of the AI who gets the program the AI right?

2:34:05Because AI is not immune to being programmed We saw with that Google AI that they do the founding fathers are all black Like to see that yeah, they like show us a photo of a poem with a black eye Asian lady like yeah Yeah, it's like it doesn't know how to avoid the woke bullshit that it's been programmed with not yet But it could adapt it could adapt and if it does adapt and it becomes objective and actually has Smart decisions that would benefit the entire country as a whole people are gonna want to listen to it because it's gonna be Spirit us and it's not gonna have the greed and the deception built into it that human beings do It's not gonna be supposedly influenced by money Yeah, but of course, I mean, yeah, well it becomes sentient than it doesn't you know right now.

2:34:51It's controlled by people It's it's but if it becomes something that designed itself You know it if it surpasses the design of human beings and creates its own version of itself But a far superior version right and then we allow that thing to lead us So what we got to do is find jobs that you just want to be towards the back of the line Because AI is going to start to take over job after job, but communion we're pretty far down the line I mean, I know AI could take us over In on TV and on the internet performances are still gonna be a thing live sports are still gonna be a thing So you're at the back of the line for AI.

2:35:27I mean, they're trying to hold off Technology in sports by limiting steroid use right because what is steroid use? It's manipulating chemicals in order to achieve a superior human being physically Yeah, a superior specimen that can do things that an average person can't like when you look at bodybuilders That is not possible without technology. No, there's no way you don't get that big That's crazy. You know supposed to be that big. Yeah, like those people are that big because of human -invented technology that allows you to introduce Massive amounts of hormones in your system that don't make any sense and you fucking 350 pounds your five seven That's crazy.

2:36:04Yeah, but there's people like that in the world. Yeah, yeah They're monsters monsters and I heard that you know I was always taught that steroids that give you cancer that all these bad things But I heard I read racing that was just based off one study a while ago that steroids done right is actually not healthy But it's not gonna kill you if you do these things right where are all the bodies? That's the thing There'd be so many bodies it'd be so many bodies of people smoke cigarettes There's so many bodies that people drank themselves to death and there are bodies for people that did Overdued steroids and wind up having heart attacks and stuff But God there's a lot of people that did it and didn't have anything go wrong.

2:36:36Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it gets tempting You know that documentary bigger stronger faster. That's probably what it was. Yeah bigger stronger faster Yeah, cuz I just started taking creatine like three weeks ago, and I feel like fucking awesome creatine's great for your brain Yes, I yeah, there's a study recently that showed the creatine may mitigate the effects of the lack of sleep too Wow, yeah, so if you have a lack of sleep and you take creatine it's supposed to Increase your performance and things and makes it so that the lack of sleep doesn't really affect you nearly as much Yeah, it says on the on my bottle not to take the creatine with caffeine says don't choose that It's my my powder naked creatine.

2:37:11It says don't mix this with caffeine And then I read it's because they counterbalance the effects of each other somehow So it's like you're taking it and it's not do it. You're not getting the full Benefit of it. Yeah, creatine is actually a new tropic. It actually helps brain function Interesting. The creatine does a lot of good things. Well, you got to think about right it helps your body Hold more water, right? Which is why one of the things that does it makes you stronger Yeah, it allows you to hold more water you get a little bigger stronger But people don't always say you get bloated and fat, which that's not true either Yeah, you get bloated from you know, you can get bloated from many things You definitely get a fatter face if you have more water and you feel but it's also So what are you eating?

2:37:49Well, I'm saying I've been on creatine for you know, all parts of a month now And I feel my performance is going up in the gym. I'm a little bigger But I haven't lost my scale number is the same. I think I'm lost body fat. Well, that's probably because you're working hard I think that creatine is a very overall positive supplement. I don't think there's any negative associated with creatine I'm sure you could probably overdo it like you could overdo anything anything Creatine is one of the safer Supplements like performance. Yeah, create. Yeah And it's good for you in a lot of ways. It's actually it's a part of food right?

2:38:20Yeah, like creatine from food itself since steak I take creatine and scoop a sourcrout for the From fermented food every day, baby How great is what a hot dog with sourcrout and some brown mustard? That's kind of hot dogs that snap. Oh, yeah Baby, I fucking love to me. Yeah, even though the buns bad for you. Who cares? Let's go who gives us what they say the hot dog is bad for you Right says oh? Yes exactly if it snaps in your mouth like those really good kosher hot dogs. Oh, love it doing That's so good. Oh, yeah, it's so good. You do it. Yeah, so many foods that are so good that are so bad for you Yeah, like the other day two sleeves of Oreos in one sitting damn damn son and I didn't eat milk.

2:39:02Oh, yeah Got it. Milk was going wild dunk dunk them all But I did it in my fasting window so I didn't feel too bad about myself. Oh, there you go There it is you knock it out. There you go. You but I people can eat man. Yeah, they'll go fucking wild for me It's anything carbs pasta and pizza. That's when that's my cheat stuff right from to have a meal Where I know I'm not supposed to eat it, but I'm just gonna enjoy it. It's always like pizza carbs pasta lasagna Yeah, just go fuck that while I just stop afterwards like okay, we did it I think I might have told you this the last time I was here, but my father is a big eater He ate an entire tray of lasagna One day like in front of us like throughout the day at Christmas He was 18 entire tray of lasagna then he slept on my house and he woke up in the middle of the night with chest pains and And him and his wife my stepmom were you know wake me up and like you know, dad's I don't know what's going on like he can't walk.

2:40:00He's like at it. He's going Camp breath chest pain, right goes to the hospital They you know hook them up to the machines whatever do some test stays overnight that call me the next day They said hey, man, you know, we're sorry looks like your dad here as congestive heart failure You know, this can be a year four years, but he has congestive heart failure. I mean his fluids are backing up and you know So we just want to let you know we're gonna release him But this is the protocol and the medicines and all that so now I'm going down to the hospital like oh my god Like this is it times running out with my dad and then and then took me about 45 minutes to get there I get there and I guess they continue doing tests and the I walk in and the people are there the doctor And I say you know, I was brief, you know, I understand he has congestive heart failure like what what do we have to do?

2:40:48Can you like explain that to me and they were like you know what We ran the tests we gave had given him a diuretic um Your father had eaten so much sodium in one sitting that it made our He swear to god it made our machines Convince us that he had congestive heart failure, but in fact, yeah, he eaten so much sodium Because of the food that he ate that this diuretic once the fluid cleared his heart He has a slight arrhythmia, but nothing like congestive heart that was purely from the sodium that's crazy And I was like dad that's fucking nuts you almost killed yourself. It was on you know And now and he's extreme and now my dad's lost 120 pounds intermittent fasting He looks phenomenal But he said he's lightheaded all the time and I'm like well, what are you eating?

2:41:34And he said one half of a tuna fish sandwich a day. That's all eats I'm like dad what can we get a little balance here? Yeah, because now you know, and he's and he's like I said what did you do to lose all this weight? He said I eaten tuna fish sandwich and I walk in the pool I was like, yeah, but dad you're eating you're you're gonna like you could kill yourself that way Yeah, you're gonna fuck your heart up. Yeah, man your body starts robbing its tissue Yeah, if it doesn't get enough protein you start eating your muscles Yeah, yeah, that's what don't do that. No, I told him to try it. I told him to try to eat more just eat Just I was like dad just eat in those windows, you know, he's like I want to be ripped.

2:42:11I'm like your 77 years old I was like you look like you're wearing a dress of it's fat. It's fun. You look great dad It's not about what your abs now and then 77 yeah, yeah, yeah, and they have like a funny relationship He'll be like oh, you know, you believe my fucking wife over here is 60 he's like I should trade her in for two 30 year olds, huh? And my wife and my son was always like I like to see you try you fat fuck if you can bring home a 30 year old I'll gladly give you the divorce and then he'll be like oh, I'm gonna kill him in a barrier in the backyard I'm like this is the kind of couple fighting.

2:42:46That's just like old school That's fun. That's fun to see because I have one example of divorce in my family I'm dead got divorced, but then my dad remarried my stepmom and they've been married 35 years So I see like kind of two things on like how it works one way and not the other way type thing. It's interesting the way that they fight their old school sounds very extreme gambling now is addicted to not eating What is that equal though fun that guy? Nobody's more fun than my fucking dad. I mean, why people are fun? They're funny fun guys. I mean when I I had my first daughter We told them you know you can't come into the Upper the delivery room, you know, it's just me My girl and my my mom and her mom.

2:43:28That's what she wants, you know women and whatever So my dad I tell him that he's like hunt you all right, you know, whatever then I call him Obviously when her water broke we're giving birth and Dude her water broke in the middle we were watching that movie mad Max with Tom Hardy and her water broke And we were I love that movie we were right at the end. I was like is there any way we got like 10 minutes left And she was like get to the fucking hospital. Oh my god. I know like an idiot So we get but but so so she's giving birth like crowning like it's happening and my dad walked walks in because he's just like This is my first time I'm I this my grand kid my first grand kid I walk in and I was like dad like you cannot At all be here like and he was like yeah, you know like you're here.

2:44:08I want to be here And I'm like nobody feels comfortable like I don't give a fuck but like she doesn't want you here At all and she was like get out of here like it was like this whole thing And then as he's leaving like right before he goes he goes. I'll be in the I'll be in the waiting room Just let me know and I'm like okay, you know like we're in the middle of the birth And he's like by the way Chrissy Yankees got fucking rocked last night You got a dis team sucks and I was like all right The nurse everybody's laughing cuz they're like what is this guy screaming about the Yankees boys birth And then and then um, you know we had we had my baby and then he was like he was like it's a girl.

2:44:45I said yeah And you know great and he was like oh man He was like I was hoping for a boy hoping for a boy. I'm like you are at the gender reveal you fucking knew It was gonna be a girl dude. What do you mean you're hoping for a boy? And then he told me though He was like, you know if I if I was still in the throws of my gambling He's like I would have gambled with your uncles on your kids gender I would have put a bet down. I would I would have to put my money on it. That's how deep it got I was like that's wild dude. He was like I would have did it if I wasn't in control I would have did it. I would have gambled on it.

2:45:13I would have gambled on the on hard the kids birthday I would have gambled on it all we would have come up with real you know, he was like there was action on everything always Wild action there's actually on that infinite score two what have we got now? Oh they're gambling They were gambling on how long they would take to prove if they could actually do it or not. Yeah, there's this story But got it tried for 15 hours You guys did it where fuck dude 15 hours try to get it out. I think To this day. I think you're allowed to cheat on your wife in France as long as you don't Fall in love with someone else you're allowed to step out and have sex But like it'll get you in trouble But like a night out with the guy's drinking beers got you in trouble like you're not gonna get divorced Unless you fall in love then you're out But I'm almost positive French men can have sex with women outside their marriage and their wives don't really care It's just French culture.

2:46:06You think that's nuts. It's definitely well, France is true. France is being invaded by Muslims now they're not invaded, but like I think 25 % of France Essentially lives like under like almost a form of sharia law now. Oh shit. Who's that stuff that recently?

2:46:27Someone's explaining that to us like how much you know because so many Muslim immigrants have moved in sure PN places. Yeah, and they're trying to change Like they've changed neighborhoods. They've changed the way people behave the way they're allowed to behave Yeah, I I was gonna go to Dubai just three weeks ago and You know, it's the most progressive place. I think I've heard in the in the Middle East But even with that there was certain like I couldn't you know, you know, I've sent a bit to joke around like oh my friends Like I'm gay. There should you can't do any of that. Mm -hmm. Do not even mention that on stage Then they said you know, no jokes about your government our government do not mention Muslim faith at all or religion at all And if you take videos of anything Anywhere you can be arrested without the proper permission So really like if you take videos of buildings.

2:47:19Yeah, there's a kid tick tocker who who Went to prison for a year he's in prison right now because he took unauthorized videos of like the public square in Dubai Yeah, he got thrown in prison and that hats all that was happening When I was about to go I had I was going on the we were going on the trip in like two days It was my girl so how would you have to reorganize your act? So that's what I was like thinking about and I was like you know So this was again just three three four weeks ago We were going I only said yes to the gig because it was my girl's 40th birthday and she was like what a great like we should do it I was like I really don't want to go she was like it's it's the show is on her birthday April 17th So so I was like all right well go and then but I was having all this anxiety not even anxiety It was more like you know like more than my you know, I have a friend who you know gay gay cop Mateo Lane You know Mateo Lane you know Mateo great comic unbelievable One of the most talented people I've ever seen in my life can cook comedy great comedy fucking And then you know I was talking to Dubai talking to the shows in Dubai With him and he was like yeah man He was like I would love to go to Dubai, but like I'm gay.

2:48:24I just I wouldn't even be allowed in right and I was like Wow, that's fucking wild that why am I going to this place and I'm starting to think about it right Even though I know the people of Dubai are aggressive and cool and whatever but I was like what what's the point of all this and then that day The the night before I'm sorry of our our flight From JFK to Dubai Iran and Israel got into that little skirmish remember that where like people were like world war three Israel's going to invade Iran Dubai borders with Iran so I was like I don't want to go I was like I know that it's probably safe, but I was like I actually don't want to be at why am I going there?

2:49:04Why are we going to where there's a possible conflict? It's boarding with the country even though I know Dubai will be safe I know what's a safe place. I get it But like what am I doing over there? Why are you and I mean my girl going our kids are back home What happens if there is a war and we can't get home right? What's the point of all this like what what what is it? And she was like you know what like then cancel I just had like this gut feeling and then two days later is when the Dubai airports flooded Did you see all that yeah that's my show got cancelled my the venue flooded you could not get anywhere So and you had already canceled any I had canceled in anyway the fear that I had was Israel I ran but then two days later it was the flooding was that because it cloudseeding That's what they say Partially I mean I'm not a 100 % that but like there was like a weird low pressure zone where they did cloud seed But the clouds didn't move for a few days or something like that.

2:49:56Okay. Yeah, so so that's so that's what happened Is it got flooded and I didn't I didn't go okay at all and that's why and that's what you know that's why Christ That's why I'm with Christ. Okay. Yeah, let's wrap this up Chris great dog. I love you too, buddy. I'll be babe. Thank you so much my pleasure. It was fun. Yeah Bye everybody you