#2175 - Sam Tallent

22:43It shapes their face is what they say. It's an accessory. So they'll have like a big fat face. So they'll wear big glasses or they have like a mouse face so they wear little glasses, but I really don't trust those people. Very odd. Yeah. It's a very odd choice. It's like having a prosthetic leg attached when you have both your feet. Yeah, I met a guy and he had those on. It was a comic. And I go, why do you wear those? And he goes, girls think you're smarter. I go, really? You have the dumbest girls. Who are these girls? I think you're smarter because you can't see good. Yeah, if the glasses are doing it, just shake keys at one of them.

23:16That'll probably work too. Well, I guess the stereotype at one point in time was that you ruined your eyes by spending too much time looking at a close surface, a close object, which is what happens, which is my cell phone. So very bad for your eyes. So bad for us. So like, the idea was, this guy reads so much, I see, that his eyes suck. Be crippled his eyes with his lust for knowledge. Okay, so ask me to answer this question. Why do I think it's hot when I see girls in glasses? Because I do. I do too, man. Why? Because they do this. Oh, that's right. They take the glasses off. They flick their hair back.

23:50Before they hock. That chick is the best. Bro, first of all, I just saw an interview with her. She got on stage at the Zach Bryan show and she sang with them. At the end, he sings revival and he has people come on stage and sing with them. It's a great fucking show. He puts on an amazing show. So he brought her out there and she yells out, hock, too, to the whole crowd. They're like, who the fuck would have ever thought that would have happened? I don't know. She just looks like the classic American eight. But it's like, I have a chance with her and she seems fun and she loves sucking dick. Of course.

24:26Great person now. Of course she captured the zeitgeist. Yeah. Which is funny. You know, even the way she says it. You get me? Yeah. Like she says, yeah, we get. We get you. Communicated. She's only 21. Yeah. I was watching an interview with her. She's only 21. She wasn't a school teacher. All the chick that people say she got fired. Nope. She's too young to be a teacher. She's 21. And, you know, she wasn't a bartender. All that stuff's bullshit. She's just a young girl who was just on the streets and it was natural. And just went viral. Yeah. And the most weird. But I love that. We live in a time where that happens.

25:02Like it's such a strange time. I'm sure she'll be stealing club weekends for me in no time. Here's something that should go viral. Jamie, pull up that guy that I tweeted. Because people think I was making fun of this guy, which I kind of am. But also it is a catchy tune. You know, there's a lot of people. Let me just say this. There's a lot of people that I feel lean into certain things because they think it's marketable. You know, like when that Sam Smith guy dresses up like Satan. Start that for the beginning, please. This fucking guy is on stage at a like a pride thing. But here's what here's what's important.

25:40How do you get this footage of me, Joe? I have eyes everywhere. Here's what's important. The fucking dude is talented. Yeah, it's ridiculous that he's got a G string on and he's fat. And he's wearing a biker helmet on and he's got queer tattooed across his belly. But listen to him rap. Listen to this. I'm going to sound playing through. Damn. Actually, Bronson put the weight back on her. He did put the weight back a little bit unfortunately. Who's on the pocket?

26:24He's good, right? He's entertaining.

26:36Like one of the lines was let me fill your hole with semen. I'm pretty sure. That's the only thing that I could get out of all that. Like the little dance. But it's just the flow. I mean, everybody's freaking out about it. Oh, you're into the world. Listen, that's a grown man out there swinging dick for other grown men. And they're having a good time. You're having a consensual hit. He's having a good time. People like it. But my point is that's that guy. He's got queer tattooed across his stomach. He's not fucking cosplaying. It's not performing. Yeah, that's his pure. But he's fucking talented.

27:11Like that rat, the flow is good. It's fucking good. Also, if you go to a show, don't you want that guy leading the band? Yeah. That's a blast. That's Matt Gigi Allen who'll suck you off. Yeah. I'd love that guy to open up a show. He should open up fully loaded. That's what he should do. Him and Jelly Roll. Burr, burr, it's fucking buddies in the old house. Woo! The Burr's crowd. Just have that guy go out there first. And then Bert would come out in the exact same outfit. Yes. Yeah. With the machine tattooed on his belly. Yes. Yes. With the fucking biker hat on. Yes. Yeah. I'm all for that stuff.

27:45Me too. I like freaks. I like freaks of all. I mean, here's the thing. Like a lot of people are upset about the pride parade. Because they're like, oh, they're doing the pride parade. And they're doing it in front of all these children. Hey. Don't bring your kids to a fucking pride parade. Right. I know you want your kids to be tolerant. Is that simply marvelous. Chris Condi, queer, conscious rapper. Is that him? Boy, it looks a lot like him. Oh, there's a different tattoo that I think. No. So there's a weird belly. Yeah, that's him. He's based in Austin, it says. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Hey, fella.

28:18Whoa, he has a song called American Faggot. Well, that's hard as hell. Yeah. That's just talented. That probably was in Austin then. Oh, for sure. Yeah. It looked like it was a Farmer's market based on the crowd. So like, there's this thing that people are saying about like the pride parade. Because all these people are walking around naked at the San Francisco pride parade. And so they were interviewing these people and they have their dicks out. Yeah. Yeah. Listen. If you don't want your kids to see gay guys being sexual, that's what pride parade is. Yeah. It's not like a bunch of 40 -year -old gay engineers holding hands like married guys who are just holding hands like Hey, we're proud.

29:01It's different than anything else. Like any other kind of pride thing. Because it's not just like we just happen to be gay. It's overtly sexual. Oh, it's guys with fucking ballgags and dog leashes. Pissing on each other. Yeah, it's not. It's nuts. Like, I'm not against it at all. But you can't complain that that's happening because you brought your kids. You can't take your kids to the cage fight and complain about violence. Exactly. Don't take your kids to pride and complain about the gays. They're having a blast. They have a good time. Yeah. I used to deal a bit about how I would always want.

29:34I was thinking, am I exaggerating about like the gay neighborhood like in L .A. They have boys town in Santa. And it's so crazy. Like I always always say to myself, like maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I need to drive through again. So every now and then I would take the right turn and then go down Santa Monica Boulevard and head towards the ocean. And it's five blocks of no one saying no. It's just wild madness. It's dudes at cowboy hats and jeez drinks on poles. Guys making out in the middle of the street and humping each other. It's crazy. Having the time of their life. All Yang, Noyan and Noyan can get pregnant.

30:11I'm all for it. Yeah. You wrestle but everyone wins. Well also those guys have their own neighborhood. The difference between the gays and lesbians unfortunately never developed us. Because I have a theory. I think that straight men find out that lesbians move next door and they're like, I'm an L on it. And then they become their neighbors. Where is like straight men never move into a gay neighborhood. Very rarely. Yeah. You can't like straight men up a gay neighborhood. No. But they've figured out a way to make like a whole area all gay. Like only gay guys can do that. It's admirable. It's great.

30:43It's wild. But it's just wild that they can pull it off in almost every city. Well and also they can go into places and then they gentrify these places on the margins of the city. And the next thing you know, all the houses are worth so much money because they invest so much in their properties. They invest so much in their property and make things more safe. And they keep a lot of people from moving there. Oh yeah.

31:05It's a good move. If you can tolerate a lot of techno and dudes walking around on Molly. For sure. Yeah. For sure. Fucking live there. But also offering you Molly typically. Yeah. They're very generous people. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I was a kid I lived in San Francisco. So I lived in San Francisco from age seven to 11. Yeah. So I lived in a fully gay neighborhood. And uh. Yeah, the city of San Francisco. Yeah. But it was a, we were in hate asperity. Like that area. Yeah. We were right off of Lombard Street. Yeah. We're in there in like the mix of the whole thing. I got a walk to Fisherman's War from a house.

31:33Yeah. And so my neighbors were gay. And my aunt used to, she would smoke pot with these gay guys. And they would get naked and play the bongos. This episode is brought to you by Buffalo Trace Distillery. Actually have some Buffalo Trace cigars here. They just sent me. One of the world's most award -winning distilleries that's been making whiskey the same. Way for more than 200 years made as a tribute to the rugged free spirited pioneers who blaze their own trail to new frontiers. It embodies the perfectly untamed spirit of independence. It defines what an award -winning bourbon should be. Age nearly twice as long as competitors in new charred white oak barrels and bottled at 90 proof Buffalo Trace is the perfect bourbon.

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33:12It was so normal to me. It wasn't until I moved to Florida that I even realized that people were homophobic. And that was when I was 11. Like I had no idea where people had a problem with gay people. I mean it was just normal for you as a boy to understand that your aunt had these gay friends. And it wasn't made stranger. They weren't othered. No, they were just normal guys who just happened to be gay. And they were everywhere too. So it's like you became normal because you just saw them everywhere. There was guys holding hands everywhere. This was San Francisco in the 1970s. That's the kind of what you want, right?

33:43I want people to, yeah, I want people to be themselves. I want liberty and freedom for all of them. That's real freedom. You want America to be this fucking land of the free home of the brave? You know how fucking brave you have to be to be holding hands with a dude and walk down a major street? What are the possibilities of running into homophobes? It's pretty fucking high. For sure. Pretty sure. Like if you're going to walk down any major metropolitan, for any three or four block stretch, the odds you're running into homophobes are very high. Someone is going to be violently angry that you love another man.

34:16Right. Yeah. I think that the young people now, they want to be homophobic, but I think that most like 18 to 23 year old dudes have probably sucked a dick or had their dick sucked by a fella. Really? I don't know. I'd venture to get that there. What do you think is happening today? Well, this is a mist. They pump into the classrooms. It's like the gay bomb they tried in Iraq. Do you know about that story? No. Oh my god, you don't know that? Oh my god. What? The United States spent millions of dollars trying to develop a gay group and a gay bomb. Wow. And so it's based on this hormone and this chemical and they would detonate it above a city and apparently it'd make men so randy that they wind up fucking each other and it would demoralize them.

35:00This was the supposed idea. No way. Yeah. This is how goofy our fucking government is. Not knowing anything about the Spartans who are gay as fuck. Like the one of the greatest armies the world has ever known. Yeah, they could come through each other. They were so gay. Not just that. But when you fought next to someone and they were your friend, that was one thing. But if it was your lover, you would protect them to the death. That's so smart. Yeah, man. Well, they just, also, I think people were just gay then. I think people back before they realized that you probably shouldn't fuck kids. They just fucked everything.

35:31You know? And then people, the kids started writing down. And once my uncle fucked me, all life was downhill and you read that like, oh, that's probably stop fucking kids. I feel like forever before they figured that out. Because if you think about Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, you go back in time. All those guys had like young boy lovers. Yeah. They were just accepted and it was like part of passing your philosophy forward. But so you would take an apprentice and you'd also fuck his thighs from behind. But then he would tell the world your story. It was totally normal. He was fucking writing everything you were saying, dictating.

36:04Yeah, dictating. Yeah. But there was like that thing with like the philosophers. Some of them thought that it was low -minded to actually have sex with the children's butts. So they would just bang their thighs from behind. And that was like cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think so. So they just tidied fucked their thighs. Exactly. Yeah, that's a good move. It's a real soft part of a body. Yeah, you don't get that hurt from it. Yeah, it's like, I wish that didn't happen. But at least you didn't fuck my butt hole. You're still tight as a drum. Yeah, it didn't make me walk around uncomfortable. Like, what the fuck did he do to me?

36:33Yeah, I don't have to use a diaper now. He just feel weird. Like, oh, that guy just gizzed all over my thighs. Yeah, whatever, whatever. What are you going to do? At least I know about geometry now. Yeah. Bro, they didn't know any better. Isn't that crazy? Like, but just think about how much murder took place back then. Like, if you got to be our age back then, if you got to be, let's just say you got to be 30. How many people do you think you saw get murdered? Probably dozens. Yeah. You probably saw people get murdered all the time. Over very small things. Over almost nothing. Yeah. Disrespect.

37:04I mean, look, when this country was founded, one of our presidents, forget which one, engaged in a duel while he was president. I think Andrew Jackson does a lot of people. Yeah. It was like his whole thing. He just let the shooting people from 10 paces. Mm -hmm. Does the dumbest fucking thing to think? If you hate someone, you don't like them. Why don't you guys agree to fight or something? Right. Why you got to doing so dumb? With pistols that... Yeah, everybody got to do that. He makes it fought hundreds of duels. He did have a temper. He was challenged, and he was challenged... Challenge others several times, but only one duel resulted in shots fired.

37:42In 1806 where he killed Charles Dickinson. That's good. He was a terrible shot. How far away did he shoot people from? Those guns suck, too. I mean, they're shooting people with muskets. Right, in a shot like a marble. Yeah, yeah. A shot of ball of lead. Mm -hmm. And not very accurate, either. And you probably didn't die every time. No. You could take one of those. You could take one in the shoulder. Yeah. Especially if they're not accurate. Oh, yeah. But a lot of guys are probably crippled from them. Oh, for sure, because they would crack your bone. Yeah. They would hit the bone and bend it in half.

38:10And then they never knew how to fix bones. They would just have to chop it off. And they probably didn't even know how to get the lead out. No, that's a good point. I bet lead poisoning. Deep in there and just stays in there. Yeah. Oh. You should have the door guys duel for a stage tie. With period type guns, you know. Right. They just paintball guns. Did you ever see that scene in that Mel Gibson movie, The Patriot, where the guy gets hit in the face with a cannonball? Oh, yeah. Yo. Where in Napoleon, where that horse gets exploded with a cannonball, like the first three minutes. I didn't see Napoleon, but I heard about that.

38:46The first three minutes is all you have to see. Really? Well, yeah, you see a horse take a cannonball on the chest. And then the rest of it's just like him sipping for someone. Oh, yeah. I heard it was, they cucked him out. It wasn't the best movie. It was pretty. It was like a lush film. What a waste of walking Phoenix. Yeah, he's the man. Okay. So good. He's scared that shit out of me and the Joker. Of course. And then the riots happened like a year later. Yeah. I know. Oh, my God. How much time is it for you to be responsible for this? Yeah. I don't want to sidetrack too far, but this is saying that duels back then were not exactly what we think they might have been.

39:19Oh, yeah. There's more of a test of courage. It says people didn't just take 10 steps and shoot as quickly as possible. Most of the time, people would stand and fire their guns in the air, purposely miss their opponent, making a duel more or less a test about courage. However, there are plenty of real life examples where people would try to kill each other in a duel, for example, Hamilton and Burr. People involved in duels also chose seconds or people to accompany them to the duel to make sure it was legitimate. Oftentimes, the seconds found themselves acting as peacemakers in a duel, making sure if shots were fired, they weren't fired at other people.

39:53So it was a lot of playing chicken, I guess. Making these linches. Making these linches shot each other. Yeah. What the fuck? They probably had... John Wick was like that at the end right? Didn't the guy try to get like a spoiler? John Wick pretended he shot, but he didn't. Yeah, I thought he'd take a shot. I thought he'd take a shot. Didn't the other guy want to get a replacement or something? So John Wick wouldn't kill him. Oh, yeah. On the steps of Montmartre and Petri. On the last one, you know, as much as I love those guys, the last one was just so cartoony. It's so hard to take seriously.

40:22I'm okay with it. You turn your brain off and stay. The first one's the best one. Because the first one, all the motivations are clear. Oh my god, they stole his car and killed his puppy. Let's go. Let's do it. And then they build this world of like the car rental and stuff, which was cool. There was lore. I like those movies are the best. Yeah. The first one. No. What is Furiosa? The new Mad Max? No, haven't seen it. Bro, is it great to treat yourself? Really? Did you see the first, the most recent Mad Max before this? Yes. Remember how great it was and left the theater going, movies are the best?

40:53It's that again. But they figured out how to do War 4 with like kites and stuff as well. Oh. Yeah, dude. It's so good. Nice. Okay, I'm in. The whole movie was story boarded too, so it looks like a graphic novel. Oh. Yeah, it's like the best graphic novel I've ever seen. Oh, no kidding. I haven't heard anything about it. It's so bad ass, dude. Yeah, I think there's too much content today. For sure. It's very difficult for people to pay attention to everything. Right. But there's very few movies that are like actually something you need to see in the theater. Right. And I think this is one of those things.

41:23Our Dune 2 is one of those. Yeah, if you can stay awake. Oh, really? I took so many edibles, went to Dune 2. I didn't make it past the previous man. I like ate all my Reese's pieces and it was just zonked in my wife's punching me in the stomach. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah, dude. Well, you get them comfy chairs like synopolis. Yeah. You know, the way you lean back and it's got the cup holder there. You find yourself snoring. Yeah, and you can vape in there now. You have your weed pad. Oh, really? You can vape in there? I mean, you can't vape in there, but you can vape in there. Yeah, you can. Yeah.

41:51Yeah. I'm just like smoking live, Rosin and trying to stay alive. Oh, that's a lot of news. I love movie theaters. Yeah, movie theaters are great, especially for comedy. Oh, really? Because it really is like the thing about comedy clubs like last night, I went to see Killtoni. And you know, I like watching shows now more than I ever have before because I don't understand. You don't get a chance to do that when you're performing a lot. You watch your friend do a set, but a sat watched a show. Yeah. And I've done that a bunch lately, watch a show. And it makes you appreciate it from an audience's perspective.

42:22Because I think we get to wrap up in, like I think it's good to see it the other way too. See it as an audience member, just like just get a different perspective on what you're doing up there too and how it feels to be in the audience. Yeah. Just to inform yourself. That's valuable. Yeah. And also that shows perfect because you're not worried about like maybe someone's bit warming its way into your brain. Right. And then you rob and Williams it later. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's why Norton doesn't watch stand up. I can't watch it either. Really? Yeah. Because like when you riff a lot, when you're, you know, I like improvising a lot on stage.

42:54Uh -huh. Every now and then you'll tell someone's joke and then it's that moment where you're like, you'll like ask my feature, like is that someone's bit? Right. You know? Like because you don't want to be that guy. Right. You know? Yeah, that definitely can happen. Yeah. You know, but the thing is it's like integrity. Like does it happen on purpose? Does it just happen? If it just happens, maybe you should figure out why. Maybe work on something for your memory or think of, or maybe just don't leap to, the problem is some ideas that you don't steal almost feel stolen. I know. Because this is the problem with creativity.

43:27Because this is the concept of the muse, right? That these ideas are just given to you by like the gods. And it kind of feels like that sometimes. Like some bits, they'll, they'll arrive in your mind with a setup and a punch line. Sacred knowledge. Yeah. There's something going on there. I know. I don't know what it is. I don't, I have a bizarre theory that ideas are actually a life form. You think that they're energy? I don't know what the word energy means. Like the word energy means electricity, but it also means diesel energy engines. You know, it means a lot of things. Like what do you get energy from?

43:59You get energy from the sun. Yeah, it's energy. Sure. But I think it makes stuff. Every, everything you see on this table came from an idea. Yeah. It's like ideas get into our minds and then we make cars or we make planes or we make computers. And then ideas, they build on each other. You have to have all these other people's ideas and you pull those ideas together and create a new invention. I think they're a life form. I think they're a way that they force creative apes to manifest physical things. That's if there's like an individual particles that might be an idea. There's like an atom that's imbued with an idea or a bit and somehow that gets into you.

44:39I think the muse is a real thing. And I think it's the more time you spend thinking you can kind of hear those calls. The more time you spend alone writing and thinking and working on stuff, you hear those calls. And those calls like from the ether, from wherever the fuck it's coming from. Those make their way onto your page. And then there's real work involved too where you're analyzing it. Okay, how can I make that better? Maybe it's set up too long. Maybe it's too, like maybe I should toss it and just re -address. Like I'll do that sometimes where I'll take a premise. And some of them just feel clunky, you know?

45:16Like you're trying to work it out but they don't necessarily feel right. And you get in kyle last but then you're doing it the same way over and over and over again. And then that wonder that you had when the bit is new dies and then you're just repeating something? Exactly. And you can see the crowd lose interest in it? Yeah, you're not connected to it so why would they be? Right. So then sometimes with those kind of things I will just throw it aside and rewrite the joke just on the premise. So instead of using all the setup of the punchline I'll say there's got to be another way to address this topic.

45:47Like let me see. So that I think is like real work. That's real work where you're thinking and you're analyzing. But the ideas themselves is like the structure of all comedy is an idea. The structure of all comedy is like something comes to you. There's a thought where you either you see something in its preposterous or you hear something it's ridiculous or you know there's something. So there's something and that's the framework and then upon that you build a bit. Right. It's like that's the framing of the house. You have the germ. Yeah. And you have to water it. Exactly. Make sure it gets enough sunlight.

46:21Exactly. And then see which soils it grows better in. That's why like there's a type of stealing that's like it's very insidious stealing because they steal premises. Like they'll heal you're you'll do a bit about you know getting your oil changed or something whatever or maybe something more obscure. Right. They'll do a bit about someone buying you fitted socks or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah. And then someone will I think I can write something on that. Right. I can do it better. I can just kind of just not stealing the punch line. Exactly. It's not stealing. I'm just kind of twisting around this person's premise.

46:53Yeah. Have you ever heard Tom Waits talk about the muse? No. He thinks the muse is like a real thing like you're talking about. It's like a vibe for lack of a better term. So there's all these stories about Tom Waits sitting in front of his piano for like 10 hours a day just screaming being like, all right, you bitch, I'm here. I'm ready to do the work. Well, I'm in front of the piano. Let's go. Give me what I need. I'm into the work right now just like hammering on the piano and yelling at the muse trying to like, like, enchant it and bring it to him as he's like just like literally making insane discordant noise and then out of nowhere.

47:27Some chords fit together and then he has a song. Yeah. It's just so hard to know, right? It's so hard to know what's going on. Yeah, but you can't write a book unless you're in front of the typewriter. You can't write a song unless you're in front of the keyboard. All these guys are like, how do you write a book? It's like, you have to be at the station where you do the work. Yeah. You can't just sit there and be like, oh man, I'm going to write a book one day. No, sweat over the keys until you have a thousand words or whatever you need for that day to be done. Because everyone wants to talk about like, oh, I want to write this book and it's like, you telling me you want to write a book, just set you back six months.

48:01Yeah. Because you get the same hit of adrenaline and dopamine by telling someone your idea as actually like accomplishing that thing. Mm. Yeah. I think that's very dangerous to tell people you're doing stuff when you're not actually doing it. I've talked about it too many times, but have you read Pressfield's War of Art? No, I have not. Oh, we have a copy of it for you then. I love it. He sent us a box of them because I used to give it to comics when they would or any kind of creative person when they came on the podcast. But Pressfield wrote this book and he talks about the muse as if it's a real thing.

48:31Yeah. Pressfield was kind of like a narrative well until he was like 40. Kind of like was like half -assing it until he was 40. And then somewhere along the line he realized that it's just about being a professional and like showing up. And so he started addressing the muse as a real thing. Yeah. And then he wrote the Legend of Bag of Vance and he wrote like some great screenplays and books. Yeah. And just became like very prolific. Well, it's like we have, we always count on inspiration to come into our lives. But if you can kind of like create a situation where that inspiration is more easily available to you, whatever that is, it's playing your music, it's drinking coffee.

49:09Like however you can like try and harness that ethereal thing that is inspiration, I think you can be a better creative. And like you said become more professional in creating. Yeah. There's also different ways that ideas come. Right. One of the things Stephen King would do, a lot of people would do this is they would write and then they would go for a walk. Yeah. So while you wrote everything and now let's go for a walk and just think about what you wrote. Right. And he would have a little recorder and he would talk into it. Yeah. I've heard a bunch of writers say they do this. Yeah, that was a big thing for me when I wrote my book was to write and then go on a walk and maybe smoke a little weed.

49:46And then you see it all differently and you can come back and realize what was bullshit and like what was a complete waste of time. Right. And then go back and try and address that. And then also grow the things that were like a little idea. But then you can expand upon them. And it's literally just not being in front of the computer. It's your eyes seeing real light, I think is a big part of it. Because I have to write like at my desk in my computer. But then as soon as you get outside you're like, oh, that's how light hits the tree at this time of day. Or like that's actually lavender. I was talking about lilac.

50:14There's just all these little things that are, I mean romantic for sure, but also very applicable in concrete ways to your art. Yeah. I think it's also getting out, makes your blood pump. Oh, for sure. You know, it's walking around. I think there's the thing about walking is it's a very low level cardio. So like your hardest pumping, you're moving your body, but it's not exertion. So you're not exited. Because like when you're really tired, you can't, like if someone you got you on an air -dined bike and they asked or to ask you questions, you have a morons brain. You have like 10 % of your brain capacity.

50:47If you had to do an IQ test, if I had to do an IQ test when I was on a like a Versa climber. Yeah. I need it's probably 10, my IQ's 10. You know, here's part of the Versa climber. You can't think. You're fucking tired. So you don't want to be tired when you're thinking things, but you also want to be a little bit energized. And there's something about walking that just sort of, because the heart is not beating, you know, 60 beats a minute now, it might be beating 75 or 80 or just a little extra. Just a little something. So when you're walking around, you get that flow going through you. Yeah. Swimming's good for that too.

51:21Swimming's good for that too. Yeah, you get in the pool and all of a sudden everything is changed. You have a complete different perspective. And you're just in there doing your laps, or even if you're just like floating. Like when I was in Vegas, I had to swim because you can't walk around outside. All right. So I would just be in the pool. I remember there was this big fat dude and he was like, Hey, man, you're putting in the work, man. And I was like, thanks, bro. And he's like, just keep doing it, man. This is good for you. And then he got out of the pool and he had a giant swastika tattoo on his back.

51:47Oh, my God. That's hilarious. He was my pool buddy, though. He was encouraging me. Maybe he did time. I think so. He was trying to survive. They probably did that to him while they were fucking him. It's not all that it wasn't just his thighs. He wasn't receiving platonic knowledge. Yeah, they're not being nice to you. And they fuck you and J .L. Oh, thanks. Especially when they put a swastika on your back. Maybe that helped them come. Like, are we making quicker if I can just put a swastika on your back?

52:16It's hard to come, bro. You got a big stupid hair. Yeah, but if I could put a swastika on your back, I think I just not immediately. Give me a target, man. Yeah, maybe like made a deal with them. All right, sure. Okay, that's really what's going to help make this quicker. He was good in the water. He was like a seal. It's probably so happy to be in the water. Never had water in jail. You can't get fucked in the ass in water. True. Be very hard, especially in deep water. Yeah, I mean, good luck. Like, there's that... How could you be hard? What was that like that boat during, I think, the Pacific Theater of World War II?

52:51They sank it. And then they were in these shark -infested waters, and they just kept getting picked off. Like, you'd be floating with your buddy, and then all of a sudden he would just disappear forever. Well, I heard on a podcast that also there was feverish homosexuality. So dudes would be like on a plank of wood and just savage each other. Yeah. Because they like, yeah, I don't remember why it was, but there was all these accounts of like dudes butt -fucking raping each other on these little planks of wood. While other people were like bleeding out in the water, and like their flesh is coming off from saltwater and shit.

53:25Yeah, I think I heard that on a last podcast on the left. See if you could find anything on that. Yeah. I was already looking before he finished talking. Oh, yeah. He's got a lot of butt -fucking windows open over there. Blood -fucking -well, get eaten by sharks. Yeah. Wow. Which one's worse? I guess if you were in that sort of scenario, and especially for long periods of time, your mind just must be so overwhelmed with anxiety and fear and then acceptance. And then sadness, or you're watching people around you getting killed, the morbid fucking the tissue floating in the water, whatever's left of your friends.

54:04And also like if someone's bleeding, you get as far away from them as possible, because the sharks are going to eat them. Oh. It's probably just your brain trying to protect yourself. So it just reverts back to like your very semi -in part of yourself, which is like hold someone down over power that. And just fuck them. And get it out of your mouth. Yeah. And all the other people, they're going to die too. Yeah. We watched you fuck Harry. Why'd you do that? Harry said stop and you kept going. Hey, why are you out of it? I thought we were all going to die. Yeah. I didn't think anyone would be able to tell this story.

54:34Sorry, bros. It's 1940s. I mean, why I made it to a podcast in that 2024. Wow. We're not naming names. Not naming. No, I don't know any. I would gladly if I knew them. I would if I knew them. Yeah, I'd name their names. Yeah, where's their plaque? This guy buttfucked a bunch of people. How about the guy who got buttfucked? I don't need to watch all his friends get eaten by sharks. He also got buttfucked. He got a purple heart and a purple sleeve. And he's like, don't worry about it. We're all going to be dead an hour or two. Take me. And then they get rescued. They're just doing swastik as an owner.

55:05And then they get rescued. That guy who we buttfucked. Hey. What about what happened on the fucking raft, dude? Sorry, man. Lost my mind. Yeah, L .A. times. I think this... I didn't just catch the ear, but there you go. Okay. As the Indianapolis sailors struggled in the water, there was bravery and self -sacrifice, all vividly detailed by Vincent and Vlodik. There was also violence, cannibalism, and even sexual attacks in the water that dead outnumbered the living. Men continued to expire so quickly that it became almost impossible to move around without having to shoulder through shoals of corpses.

55:41Holy fuck. And then the sharks. One moment they behaved like gentle and curious giants, moving up close to inspect the men with black, unblinking eyes. The next moment they attacked, they're steel -trapped jaws, snuffing out a man's life, before he could draw a breath to scream. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I guess I may get you pop up. I'm not interested, you fucks. I don't see anything else. So the sexual attacks. I guess that's all this. That's it. Just a mere mention. You think the LA Times would want to get involved in the more lured details? Yeah. Sell a subscription. You guys need to sell some subscriptions.

56:13Yeah. Yeah, apparently just let a bunch of people go. I would no want to be a fucking reporter right now. That's a good journalism going on. Oh yeah. Most of it's independent. That wouldn't be web character. She's a character. She's cool. Yeah, that lady knows a lot. Mm -hmm. And I don't know how she knows it all, but God, I'd be afraid if I were her. Oh yeah. I think she lives in another country, doesn't she? I think so. Yeah, I watched her on a bunch of shows. I watched her on Patrick Bet David. I watched her on, um, I think she was on Jimmy Dorsho a few times. She knows a lot. I think Tim's got a direct line to her.

56:46That's a wild thing to be focusing on. The evil oligarchs and people in power of the world, how they've twisted everything throughout history. You make yourself a real target. The bloodlines. Oh yeah, all that shit. Yeah. The bloodlines stuff is wild. It is. That's really wild. Tim called her when we were in Europe. I was opening for him in April over there. And he really wanted to go to St. Petersburg, Russia, to eat a meal at Gagol, which is like the best restaurant in the world allegedly. Oh really? So he called her. He called Tucker Carlson, like trying to figure out how to get into Russia.

57:21He even went to the state department, and they were like, no, and he was like, I'll be there for three hours. Come on, let us eat dinner. We'll be fine. You can watch us the whole time. It'll be good. You can really good snatch him up. I think he'd be compromised. And then I'd be the other guy. Yeah. They just think I was a fat prostitute. I let him swastig on his back. Tim Dylan and his come boy arrested in St. Petersburg. Tim would be so embarrassed. I'm not as type at all. That's hilarious. Yeah, man. That's hilarious. Yeah, he's a wild boy. He would want to go to Russia to eat. That's so crazy.

57:53And I was all for it, dude. I was like, yeah, let's go. Yeah, you can't go over there. No. No. No. We are, we just signed a 10 year contract to supply them with weapons. Just supply you Korean with weapons for the next 10 years. Yeah. I think this whole thing is, it's terrifying to watch. But it's also a very clear money grab. Yeah. There's so much money going over there. And there's so much money we continue to send. And it's just like, how is this okay with everybody? How is anybody letting this happen? Yeah. I mean, the taxpayers are really holding the bag on it too, you know? Dave Smith had a wild suggestion.

58:31What was that? He's on, he's following us. He is. He was doing a debate about Russia and Ukraine. And he said, one of the ways to incentivize Russia to stop attacking Ukraine is if we left NATO. Whoa. Not only should we say that Ukraine is not going to join NATO, but we're going to leave NATO. And I was like, whoa, would be the repercussions of that though. Who fucking knows? We would just be a one. Well, look at the repercussions being a part of it. Look at the repercussions of what's going on right now because, you know, Dave is the best at explaining. And he'll credit Scott Horton and a lot of other people.

59:10But Dave is really good at recalling information, explaining how the whole red line with Putin was Ukraine joining NATO. That was, they always knew that. And they kept moving NATO -based countries. They kept moving weapons closer and closer to Russia. Like the whole thing was like they're baiting him to do this. I just, I just get so suspicious of military activity because I know that the, there's, there's always going to be bad people in the world that you have to send good people to go fight. That's always going to be the case, right? The clearest, most pure version of that for us is always world war two.

59:50Right. There's no seas. We go over there and kill the Nazis. The whole United States, you know, gets together and when it's over, there's that sailor kissing that girl. Right. You know, when he, and it's like, hey, this is why people sacrifice. Yeah. And this is why it's America is so amazing this country. But that's not real. That's only one example. Most of the time it's people figuring out a way to get defense contracts. Or there's some cool resources that just so happen to be right there. It just happens to be a lot of lithium in the air. Yeah. It's very convenient that they need democracy right now.

1:00:21Yeah. That's the, in the same people that are telling you that Joe Biden's fine. That's how things get done. Like that is, like whether or not Joe Biden, you know, should be president or not president. Let's put that aside for a second. Everybody knows or something wrong, right? The people that are telling you there's not something wrong. The reason why they think they can do that is they do that with everything. Yeah. They do that with Venezuela. They do that with Yemen. They do that with Ukraine. They do that with everything. They bullshit and gaslight depending on what the narrative is. They're very creative with what facts.

1:00:58And the facts change over time. And they're not really, sometimes they don't even know. Like one of the more interesting exchanges about the Ukraine war was with, of all people, Candace Owens. So Candace Owens was talking about how corrupt Ukraine was. So someone sends her a message from the New York Times. What evidence do you have that Ukraine is corrupt? And she said, your own fucking newspaper. And she sends them all these articles that were written previous to 2017 about rampant corruption in Ukraine. And you're crazy about Ukraine. It's like one of the most corrupt countries. For the narrative changed.

1:01:35Yeah. For the narrative changed. And now it's a never -one as a Ukraine flag. Damn. Yeah, Ukraine should not have been invaded. Yeah, it's all fucked up. It's horrible. Hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians, they don't even know what the real number is, are probably dead. Yeah, horrible. But also, that was a corrupt country. Like just because horrible things are done to them, it's not just defying those horrible things. Yeah. But you can't pretend that Ukraine has always been this amazing country just because now we're supposed to support them. Right. Because Russia did a horrible thing. You gotta tell the fucking truth.

1:02:07That's what being a journal says. We're not babies. But they treat us like babies. Oh my god, they coddle us so much. It's so, the whole thing during the pandemic. You can't tell people about other things or about adverse reactions to vaccines because then it causes vaccine hesitancy. Oh, you mean an informed opinion? Right. Are you fucking trying to stop informed opinions? And a lot of them from like professors at Stanford and Harvard releases bananas. Right, and then there's like it's condescending. Exactly. You're talking down to these people that you're trying to get onto your side. Exactly.

1:02:39A lot of them if they're smart will be like, come on, I'm not a baby. Yeah, it's a fucking annoying. And the people that are doing it right now about Biden, they're telling you how you should vote, even though you know he's impaired, you definitely shouldn't vote for Trump. Like don't tell people that you fucking idiot because it's gonna make more people angry and want to vote for Trump. You are not going to convince anyone walking down the west side of New York City, talking into your phone, about what a threat Trump is a democracy. Yeah. You aren't changing anybody's fucking vote. You're just being condescending, scolding, liberal, Kant, which is what drives everyone crazy.

1:03:18Sculping for verbiages like the worst thing that the liberal side does. But the fucking conservatives used to do it too. It's a human characteristic and this is what's important. Everybody wants to get on this. The liberals are bad, the conservatives are bad. It's bullshit. It's all just a human behavior pattern. We always want to tell people that they should behave and think and accept the truths that we have accepted. You have to behave like us. And if you don't, you're the enemy. And it's not really that these people have these opinions oftentimes. It's that they have subscribed to a predetermined set of opinions.

1:03:53There's a narrative. In order to be in this group. There's a party line. If you tell me how you feel about the Second Amendment, I can tell you how you feel about abortion. Almost 80 % of the time. Which is wild. Zeds wild. Because there are two very complicated issues. Have you tell me how you feel about immigration? If you tell me how you feel about weapons, military spending. I can tell what you how you feel about God. I can tell you what your religious leanings are. It's just bizarre. And it's just because the reality of life is too open -ended and complex and fascinating and bizarre and majestic and immense.

1:04:33And more immense than we even thought it was. Now they're looking into the James Webb Telescope. They're finding galaxies that are so big so long ago that they couldn't have existed possibly in a short amount of time. Which they were from the Big Bang. So now they're starting to think that the universe is like maybe 10 billion years older than they thought it was. Which is good. Yeah, but it's still. It's like, what does that even mean? It's too much. There's like division is really important to people in power because they keep us fighting each other instead of against the presidency and the government.

1:05:05So back in the day it was like racism. And there's still racism in this country but we're moving further. And then it was like class conflict but now it's like everyone's poor. Yes. So now it's like straight up Republicans versus Democrats. And you have to go to war with your neighbor over that thing. They're all the same. They work for the same corporations, the same oligarchs are paying them off. Exactly. I mean if voting works they wouldn't let us vote. Yeah. You know, like it's not going to change anything. Yeah, it works kind of. Kind of, but I mean it's still a big experiment. And democracy is flawed but it's still the best thing that we have.

1:05:38You know. It's the best thing going but the problem is we made a fatal flaw when we allowed them to use money. Oh yeah. That's the fatal flaw. The fatal flaw is letting politics in the money and lobbyists and special interest groups and corporations donate to political candidates. As soon as we did that, that should be illegal. We should think of it as a bribe. Yeah. It is a bribe. It is a bribe. It is a bribe. Especially in this day and age everything should be supported 100 % by the people for the people. That's only how it should be. And if we find out that corporations are involved or the corporations are even suggesting that people should be involved, we should like find them.

1:06:17It should be illegal. They should be put, the people that want to do it should be put in jail. You're trying to affect the election. Like it's really election interference should be illegal. Yeah. Instead it's like par for the course. Right. It's just a carabatic. Yeah. Corruption is a tactic. Which is funny because like I used to live in an anarchist commune in upstate New York. Yeah. When I was like from like 18 to 22. How did you get involved in that? My best friend from high school moved to Ithaca to go to college. And we were in bands together. So I was like, I college sucked, you know. So I went to school in Denver.

1:06:51And then I went out there to stay with him. And we like wrote like 12 songs over like two weeks. And then I was like, well, I'm not going to stay in school. I'm going to move up here. So we got this place. We shared a closet in an anarchist commune called Goblin House. Goblin House. And like when we moved in this dude named Bob Wolf Young 2. He had the number two in his last name. Yeah. He like changed his name. His name was Bob Wolf was his first name. And then young like J .U .N .G. 2. Great guy. But I remember when he showed us the room he was like, this is where you will sleep. And I just wanted to know, are you guys up to group sex?

1:07:28No dude, we just want to like have the practice space. We had this like, it was an abattoir. It was an old slaughterhouse. So we were living with these people that were like, they would like sign their rent checks and blood. You know, we were like dumpstoring everything. I like learned to kill chickens and stuff. Wow. But on the commune, like those people have almost the exact same tenets and ideals as the people who were in the community. You know, your preppers, your doomsday guys who want to like build a compound and protect themselves against the government. Like they're like back to back.

1:07:57If they would just turn around the far left and the far right, they'd realize that like they're fighting for the same thing. Yes. You know. They share so many similar behavior patterns. Yeah. That's what it is. It's like the opinion, it's like we were talking about jokes that jokes are like a scaffolding. Like the idea is a scaffolding and the jokes you create around them. You create the punchlines and the taglines around the idea. Yeah. That's what these guys are doing. It's the same thing. Like they have human behavior patterns and then they attach to it equity and inclusion and you know all these different thoughts about Christian nationalism and you know protect our borders and you know God saved Trump.

1:08:35It's the same thing. Yeah. It's really the same thing. Like what it is is just like you've attached natural human behavior patterns to an ideology. And you don't think it's a nut because this is the thing about cults. Nobody in a cult thinks they're in a cult. No. They're like this is the way to live. This is the way to live. Yeah. They're seeing through the veil in that cult. They're the only ones who are living a justified light. Did I tell you the cult story about the place that I initially bought before we bought the rits? I think I heard trickles of this story but not directly from you. Adam Eget is the one who saved me.

1:09:05This is what happened. So Ron White fucked me. So Ron White. We had just gotten here and we realized I was like we need a place. We cannot be out here just doing a bunch of random clubs. Like the thing about the comedy store that I recognized very early on is its home base. And the comics need a home base. And the way everybody was developing one of the things that helped us is like if I'm on the road I don't get to see billbirds hour. I'm on the road. He's on the road somewhere else. I don't get to see Dave Chappelle but when we're in town together then we can all see each other sets. So we would all like like and then hang together and talk.

1:09:46And so I was like alright we need a spot. And so Ron goes use your body that place to cult owned. I fucking performed there. I killed this beautiful. It's beautiful theater. I think it's for sale. I was like wow a theater that I cult owned that'll be fun. And then Adam calls me up after I already signed paperwork and everything. Oh no. Adam calls. Hey man did you watch the documentary on that call? I'm like they have a documentary. That's not good. No. It's bad. The documentary is called Holy Hell. And the guy who was the cult member, the cult leader was a gay porn star who was also a hypnotist.

1:10:22Those are two of the worst things you can be. I mean like this fucking guy. He changed his name multiple times. His original name was Jaime Gomez. He was actually an extra in Roseanne's baby or Rosemary's baby. He was like in one of the scenes in the end of Roseanne's baby. He was an actor and so did gay porn. And then he teaches yoga class and gets a bite because he's a beautiful man. He's like a six pack and sculpted face. He was hot to run a cult. He was hot as hell. And just had this cult going for a long time in West Hollywood but then Waco popped off. So then the cult awareness network had been getting parents to be saying where the fuck is my kid?

1:11:07And they would be in this cult and so people were starting to investigate him. So to throw people off the track, this fucking guy moves to Austin, changes his name again, and then has his followers build him this beautiful theater where he could dance in front of them. Just for dancing? Just for dancing. And hypnotism? And that's the place I bought.

1:11:29So it all falls apart. It all falls apart a year later when one guy sends out a mass email saying, hey, this guy's been hypnotizing me and butt -fucking -me for 10 years. And then everybody starts comparing notes and they're like, oh my god, he's fucking me too. And this guy was just paying, you have to pay him. So butt -fucking -you? For the privilege? For the privilege. So you would come to him for therapy. You'd have to give him $50 and then he would give you his therapy and then he'd fuck you. I mean, maybe he knows some stuff we don't know. Maybe he was helping people. I don't think so. No?

1:12:04No, I think people are just... I'm an optimist. I think human beings have a thing in us that makes us want to believe nonsense. Yeah. And we're looking for some kind of solution to the chaos that we're surrounded by. Exactly. And that could manifest itself in you being a die -hard Democrat that don't think this is anything wrong with Joe Biden and Joe Biden. His age is his strength. His son is downing up there. His son is just strength. His fucking wife was on TV talking about his performance and she was saying that he sharpens a deck. No, no, no. Oh, you shouldn't just see if you've seen it. You've seen Joe Biden get interviewed.

1:12:37Yeah. What was she saying? She was with him right? Yeah. And he's just standing behind her like a wax figure. Oh, you did so good, Joe. Yeah. You answered every question. Did I? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I did. I did. I'm the best. He's like me if I was on a... Let's just... That's where he's at right now. Let's just... Let's him leading the country. What? Huh? Yeah. He's obliterated. But believing that that guy is okay is the same thing as believing that this gay porn star who's a hypnotist is really like... He knows it's really wild about the documentary. He had this thing that he would do to them called the knowing and you had to earn it somehow.

1:13:18You had to like, you know, you had to be on the right path for long enough and he would give you this thing where he would... It was a ritual and during the ritual he would put his hands on you. And to this day the people that had it, even the people that complained about him were in the documentary talking about this guy. It was just evil and manipulative. They said that in that moment they felt God. Wow. When his hands were upon him... He puts his hands... I mean, he's really intense. Yeah. He's intense burning eyes and he puts his hands on their knees and they're like... Oh! So it's like...

1:13:51There was an endogenous release of psychedelic chemicals that was through this moment, this ritual thing, this... The power of suggestion and whatever the vibe that the two of them have, clearly hypnosis as well. He locks on to this person and these people were like just writhing in orgasms and just ecstasy, just like... And to this day they're all taught, even though they're saying he used bullshit, they're like that moment when that happened to me, it changed me forever. Wow. So he could like somehow make them release like the DMT or the oxytocin that's in their brains and they were flooded.

1:14:31Yup. All that. That's good hypnotism. Probably, I mean, we're isolating specific things like dopamine, serotonin, DMT. There's all these different things that people are... But I have a feeling the real cocktail, what's really up, is everything all together. Yeah. That's probably the real like whatever it is that you have when you have near -to -effect experiences. They're all the most potent psychedelic chemicals known to man that your brain makes. Just a long island iced tea of brain chemicals. Boom. And your brain's a float in it. Yeah, and it's a fucking fourth of July fireworks display inside of there.

1:15:02Yeah. And it just pops off and this guy knew how to get people to experience it just from this thing... See if you can find video of him doing that. I envy those people. I can't... I do a little too. I feel something that transcends on Earth. Right, but if you could just like believe it enough that this guy can just do that to you. I don't believe in anything. I believe in like me and my friends and my family and like the community that I can build. But like it's really hard to have any faith in anything bigger than myself. Well, you have to have an open mind, right? But you also can't... I think I do.

1:15:31You can't really believe anything there's no evidence for. Like a lot of my ideas about how the universe works and how everything works and karma and life and energy is just an idea. Do you believe in karma? I don't know what it means. So I don't think that necessarily like if you do something, something will happen to you. But I do think that if you do something evil, you're aware that you do something evil. And I think your existence is poisoned because of that. And I think you will forever run into bad situations because you will be filled with bad thoughts and bad energy. You think on like a psychic cancer?

1:16:10Yeah, yeah, yeah. And attracts other. Yes, I think that's real. I think there's some things. I think there's some real altruism and it's usually between people that know each other. Yeah, but... Okay. Kindness, generosity. But is that altruism or is that just doing the right thing for your community? Well, it is... I always say that being generous is selfish. It is because it makes you feel good. Yeah, it makes you feel good. It elevates you. But it also is really a good thing to do because it makes other people feel really good. If there's no altruism, it's okay if you're still doing the right thing.

1:16:40If you get off on it, you still benefit at someone else. You do, but why should you not benefit while they're benefiting too? As long as you're not being selfish and narcissistic about it, why don't you just do it? Yeah, of course it feels good to make people feel good. But it also makes them feel good, so you should do it. You should not not make them feel good because your word is going to make you feel good in that selfish. Yeah. That seems silly. Well, you have to share what you have based on how much you have. I think so. Because when I was poor, it was like my friends, my best friends, would have half a joint.

1:17:09And they would smoke that half a joint with me. Yeah. And now that I have more resources compared to some of my friends, I'm always buying meals and that kind of thing. And they're like, hey man, you don't have to do this. And it's like, well, you rode with me when we had $8 to rub together. Yeah. And now I have more than $8. So I'm glad to be able to do this for you. Yeah, the difference between being able to pay for a meal easy. You're not thinking about it in the way you're wondering how much things cost and you're adding it all up in your head. That's a huge difference. Yeah. The alleviation of that is the most important thing.

1:17:43Brian Kowl said that to me once. He said, the real wealth is like when you go to a restaurant and you don't worry about what anything costs. 100%. Once you get past that, he goes and gets all bullshit. And I'm like, I think he's right. That is very profound. Yeah. Because no matter where you live, your house just feels like your house. If you have to spend $10 million for a house or if you just have a fucking two bedroom apartment that's quiet and not dangerous, you know, it's just house. It's home. I have a hard time feeling at home anywhere. Because the road. I was doing some shopping. Yeah, I mean, I've been on the road since I was with the band first and then stand up real hard.

1:18:19And now like, like the last six months of last year, my wife and I didn't have an address. We were just like living on the road and it was romantic. Oh wow. But it was so daunting, dude. I remember my sister was like, what do you want to do for new years? And I was like, what if we just got like an Airbnb and like cook dinner and hung out and she's like, oh, so your idea of a party is like living in a home. You need to fucking move somewhere, man. So we like tried it. You know, we did two months abroad last year doing shows and shit and she came with me. And it was great. But now we like bought a house in Detroit.

1:18:51And I'm really happy about it. But I don't ever know if I'll like really feel comfortable when I'm not in motion. That's interesting. And it's like, it's good. All my dreams are coming true. But then you have to realize like who you are isn't going to be fixed by everything you wanted happening. You still have to like figure out what's the root cause of you. You know, it's Wednesday and you're like, I've been home for two days. God, I can't wait to get to fucking Batavia. You know. But isn't it because you love what you do? I do. I do. I really like what I do. Yeah. I'm super grateful to be a comic.

1:19:24There's that, right? Yeah. And that's like the way to do that is like you kind of got to do the road. I think so. You kind of got to do the road. And like for a long time it was like I couldn't get booked in these rooms. But now I can. So it's like Mitch Hedberg said like he wouldn't say no to gigs because he remembers five years previous when he couldn't get those gigs. And that's me right now. It's like I worked like fucking 49 weekends last year or something. Wow. And some of those, like a lot of those were like different continents and shit. Wow. But I love it. I'm not complaining. I'm just like this is a new thing with the buying of the home and the movie to the home of me being like.

1:19:57What does being at peace look like for me? Right. Because I'm used to existing in chaos. You know, I'm used to being constantly going forward. And you enjoy it. I love it too. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. So the thing is like people will tell you because of a narrative like a from a movie or a book that you're supposed to settle down somewhere. Yeah. Says who? I don't know. Listen, there's a reason why there's flights and hotels because people like to travel places. Right. And stay and they don't have a house there. Yeah. So they go to the fucking hotel. Yeah.

1:20:32It's simple. Like it's there set up for you. And if you take advantage of it, it's fun. It's that's what you enjoy. Some people don't enjoy it at all. Some people like to. The problem is the real problem with the travel all the time is your health. Because it fucks up your sleeping, you fucks up your eating schedule, it fucks up. It fucks up a lot of stuff. And then there's a sense of loneliness and desolation on the road that you try to fill in with booze or drugs. And last you travel with friends. And I do now. I got to bring my own feature. That's the best. And he hasn't drank for eight years.

1:21:03I pump the brakes on boozing, you know. I'm like drinking with purpose now when I do drink, not just like 15 minutes every night. That's why I drink with purpose. Yeah, it's like purpose is to get fucked up. Well, I know. And that's a valuable purpose. But when you're just doing the Friday early show and you've had seven beers and then you wake up Saturday and you're like hungover and you're like, well, I guess I have to have 12 more beers tonight to get normal. And you're not even getting drunk, you're drinking Miller light and you're just confused and bloated. That's all you get out of it. Well, you lost a lot of weight.

1:21:35I did, yeah, I'm like 50 pounds. That's awesome. Congratulations. That's fucking huge. I have to. I love seeing that. I love hitting the bridge. Yes, please stay alive. I love being alive. I need more funny people. Thanks, man. Are you just hitting the brakes on booze? That's all you had to do. Hitting the brakes on booze? Well, that's 1500 calories in pure sugar that I'm not taking in every four days out of the week. So that's great. And then also eating better and then movement. Moving around. I spent a lot of time outside. And now that we're actually going to be in a home, like the weight sets going back in.

1:22:09There's a pool in the neighborhood. Because for so long, it was like I had nothing. And I was just like so desperate for some like, okay, I'm sleeping on this guy's Florida night in Springfield, Missouri. I would go on stage and be like, hey, I don't have a place to stay. Because I didn't want to spend the $40 on a hotel, dude. Wow. You know, so you'd be telling people, can I stay at your house? I wouldn't even ask. I would just say on stage, like you look rich. Can I stay in the boat house? And they'd be like, all right, get in here. You crazy kid. That's amazing. And that's how I survived on the road for like ever.

1:22:40Wow. So how many times you think you did that countless? That was my move. Straight up my move. And you just dated people's houses. Yeah. Because I learned it from like punk rock. Like we would play only all ages shows. So you would either stay in the venue, you'd stay in the squat. Or someone would bring you home and like, you'd hear them have a conversation with their girlfriend in the next room. And then she'd be like loud and he'd be, you guys got to be held by six in the end. But we had a roof over our head. And then you had the next day. And that sense of purpose that you have on the road is so pure.

1:23:11You have a destination that night. You have a thing you need to accomplish. Right. Right. Right. Right. And like luckily, I read, like, because I came from like, like, I really admired like SST records, like early 80s, like hardcore. Like that's where I came from. And I remember reading, I think it was Henry Rollins' book, Get in the Van, where the first trip he did with Black Flag, they practiced for like two months in LA. And they got real good when he joined the band. And then their first tour date was in Oklahoma. And like, 12 kids came. And he was like, fuck this. Why are we working so hard?

1:23:43This sucks. And then the bass player at Chuck Dukowski was like, no, no, no. It's not their fault that no one else showed up. We're going to give them Black Flag. They came to see Black Flag. We're giving them Black Flag. And that defined my experience doing stand -up where it's like, yeah, I would go do the show. There would be 20 people there. But the next time I go to Omaha, there's going to be 40 people there. Because I fucking left it all on the field. Right. I was crushing just so I could survive. Right. It was a survival mechanism. Right. And I think that that really helped me in my career.

1:24:13Because I like had so much at stake every show. Yeah, it's an interesting thing. Like if you go to a show and there's only 100 people and it's a 300 -C venue, you're upset. But that's 100 people that paid money to came out to see you. Yeah. Treat them. Treat them like you're so happy they're there. Yeah. Appreciate them. Like don't... God, we're so caught up in keeping up with the Joneses. It's so dumb. It's like that's another dumb human resource -based instinct. Comparison. Yeah. It's the worst. It's the dirt that's happiness. Yeah. It's a great quote. Yeah. Is that true? I think it's the road.

1:24:49Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it? Probably. He's always saying cool stuff. He said a lot of cool shit out in that pond. But it's like, you can't compare yourself to your friends. No. Like if I compared myself to Shane, I would be like, Chris Fallon. Well. What I am is happy for Shane. And his rise is so good for comedy in general. And he's been so generous. You know, he put my special on his channel. Like he doesn't have to do any of these things. Right. And I told Shane that he's inherently punk rock. And he rolled his eyes, you know, because he's from the middle of Pennsylvania and punk rocks for homos or whatever.

1:25:19You know. But I was like, oh. Punk rocks with that guy with a queer tattoo. Exactly. Yeah. That guy's punk rock. But so is Shane's ethos. He brought his friends with him. He built this stuff. He did everything independently. Is this Twain? Nice. No way, really. What are he stole it from? Interesting. Okay. Comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah, thief's a better word. The death of joy, Roosevelt said thief of joy. But who's first? I don't know. Who was before, uh, when was Roosevelt? Roosevelt was post -twain. Yeah. Yeah. So you probably heard it from Twain and snatched it. I love Joe Biden. Have you ever heard what Twain did for Ulysses S.

1:26:00Grant? No. So like grants the president. But everyone thinks he's this like insane booze bag. Because he got busted being drunk one time on watch. So he becomes president, leaves the Union Army. But then the money wears out. So he's like on a train. Ulysses S. Grant. And, uh, fucking. Oh, and his brother like spent all of his money. His son was a total fuck up. Like he has no cash. And this guy's like, hey, would you write your memoir? And I'll publish it for my publishing company. And I'll give you like a thousand bucks. And Ulysses S. Grant's like, for sure. That's awesome. And then Twain hears this and he's like, don't sign that deal.

1:26:35I'll publish your book myself. And you'll make so much more money. Like, and Ulysses S. Grant was like, but I made a promise to a man. And I am a man. And I must honor my word. And Twain's like, okay, pump the brakes on that, Ulysses. So he publishes Ulysses S. Grant's book. And it becomes a national busseller and changed his life. And gave him all this money. Oh, wow. Yeah. And they would have sold him down the river. They would have given him a thousand bucks to have a best selling novel. Wow. You know, they're not novel, my lord. That's what I had heard about that. Yeah. Yeah. Mark Twain was a, I think he was the first comic.

1:27:06I agree. Yeah. Right? Because he would read funny things in front of people and they would laugh. And he had to because he didn't have any money. Oh, yeah. It's like when Jeremy Pippen hits the road. So when Twain did that, he didn't have money back then. I think he, well, publishing deal, he was the first like dude who harnessed the reins of his own production and like writing. I think Dickens did that to a certain degree too, but he owned the publishing. And he would like sell it himself. And then he hit the road. I can't remember why, but I think it was a cash grab. And he did these public speaking engagements where he would do bits and stuff.

1:27:37No kidding. I think so. I could be conflating him and someone else, but I think that that's not a big sense. That kind of makes sense. Yeah. That kind of makes sense. You'd say like, oh, how can I make some money here? Do tours. Yeah. Like you're seeing a lot of podcasters do that now. Oh, for sure. Like Tucker Carlson does that now. He does like arenas. Jordan Peterson, of course. Yeah. These people they do these tours where they just like, oh, look, got to make hay by the sunshine. I get it. You got to cash in a momentum when you have. Oh, yeah. It's the hardest thing to a crew. I get it too, especially if you don't have jokes.

1:28:06Oh, dear. We're just used to doing stuff on fun audiences. These guys, they look, they look at that as like some frontier that they have to. Yeah. And we're like, oh, we have fucking tents out there. We've been living out here for a hundred years. Oh, yeah. We're better ones, man. Yeah. You want some fucking camel milk? To stay up to allocate, even feel comfortable at his own house. Yeah. Because I'm just so used to being like, what are we doing today? What's our purpose? The people that haven't experienced that before. Like Jordan, like he was telling me how much it wears on you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:28:36It wears on you. It wears on you when you fly. Like I just flew from Vegas on Sunday morning. It wears on you. That day, you're like, wrecked for no reason. You're not. And also, I have a hard time like spending the money to move up front. You know? Right. Like I spent $600, wants to fly back from Australia in the first class. And it was an insane deal. And my wife was like, do it, dude. And then the whole time I was sitting up there, I was just pissed at myself for being such a... It's a bourgeois pig. It needed to be comfortable. That's going to be a problem as you become more successful. I know.

1:29:06That'll be an issue. Yeah. There's a lot of... There's one thing that definitely happens is people develop this sort of crisis, you know, the imposter syndrome sort of thing. That happens when you become famous and when you become successful. I don't have an imposter syndrome. I know I'm good at the job. What I have is like turning your back on your ideals of like punk rock, like getting out of dumpsters. That thing's hard for me to get over. Right. And I see what you're saying. Well, I know a lot of people that get the imposter syndrome thing too. Because when success comes at a very high level, it becomes baffling.

1:29:39Like you're hanging out with famous people. It doesn't make sense. It feels weird. It's so weird to be in this room. That's what I mean. That's fun. It's so strange to me, dude. Like I'm really grateful to be here, but it is just like also weird to remember how far away from this room I was for such a long time. That's fun. Yeah. Well, this room's been around, well not this one, but one of them been around for 15 years. Yeah. Which is, that's crazy too. That's hard to believe. Yeah, perspective is such a warping experience. Yeah, really, yeah. How far you've come. As you get more successful, you're going to get weird with money.

1:30:08It's going to feel weird to you. It's not what you make. It's what you save. Yeah. But it's like, what do you do with it? Like, I think of money as fun coupons. Sure. That's what I think of it. Yeah. How much fun can I have with this? I think of it as safety. It can be taken away at any more. That's up to a point. Once you pass a certain bank account number, then it becomes fun coupons. I remember when I had my first comma in my bank account. I called my dad. Nice. Yeah. I got a comma dad. Yeah, dude. Yeah, commas are nice. But it's like, the thing is, you're still going to be you. Yeah. You don't have to sleep in the back of the bus and you don't have to fucking...

1:30:43You don't have to do anything stupid to just prove that you used to be poor. You don't have to self -flagulate yourself. Yeah, but this also like, you have all these fun coupons. Why do you have them if you're not going to spend them? Oh, yeah. You should be spending them. Oh, I mean, I'm burning them down. Did you get a nice car? No, I have a 2007 Chevy Impala. I don't have a bunch of, like, you know, cool jewelry. You thought, you got a nice watch. It's my wife got this for me. It's $400. It's a beautiful watch. It's a great watch. What kind of watch is that? It's a boulevard. Oh, it's pretty.

1:31:09But I do spend money on dining. And I do spend money on, like, you know, if my sister -in -law, you know, wants something nice for our niece, I'm like, well, here's three different models of that nice thing that you want. Oh, that's cool. That's like how I like shower people with... That's great. Love and affection. No, that's definitely cool. But I did spend, like... Did you get a nice car? $50 ,000 on dining. You didn't feel like a bourgeois pig driving a car. What kind of car would you drive? I would, like, a very safe car. You know what I want, dude? Is I want a Ford Astro van. Or I want one of those, like, benzes, those, like, passenger van that they have.

1:31:41Oh, yeah. It's better than the four teams right around here. Yeah. That's what I want. You could have that and put a podcast studio in the back. Oh, I could. We were going to do that. Yeah. We had talked about that in LA. Remember, Jamie? Mm -hmm. Yeah. We talked about taking one... Yeah. Yeah, you had two. Look at it. Look at it. Plus, you can take naps in there, too. I think if you have to park somewhere, like, to be somewhere for a little bit, and you have some time. I can't help in the back. I wish I could nap. No. Have a really hard time napping. Really? Yeah, it's like I can't turn my brain off in the middle of the day.

1:32:10Wow. Yeah, it sucks. That sucks. Really bad for radio. Exactly that. Oh, so once you're up, you're up for the whole day? Yeah. Oh. I know. And then there's just an amount of coffee you have to keep off. Have you tried jerking off? I've dappled. That's usually the best. That's pretty cool. That's like a sleep button. It is pretty cool. But I do like to conserve that essence for my wife. I hear you. I like to come home. I like to save all your loads. I save every load, man. Okay. I come home and I battered my beautiful wife. That's honorable. Nothing else. You try melatonin or anything else? Sleep mask?

1:32:41Anything? It's just like laying in a bed in the middle of the day. You can't do it, dude. Yeah. Well, fuck radio, I guess. No, I know. That's the only solution. The only solution is fuck radio. I mean, and I like had to be like medical with my like managers. I was like, I really can't do radio because I can't go back to bed. And then people will come out for two shows and they'll get a worse version of the show that... Right. Yeah, it's a big difference to a man. When you're really tired and you look at that 10 o 'clock show, you're like, fuck. You already did the 7 o 'clock show. You're taking a break.

1:33:11You did the merch line. And you're sitting down and you're fucking really tired. Like you're literally yawning. Yeah. And then ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Chocolates. Right. Who's ready to laugh? Boop. Come on. You can do better than that. Right. Who's ready to laugh? And due to like the different groups of like the Venn diagrams that create the people who come to see me or like stand hope, Shane, Killtony, you. So these people have very high expectations and comedy. Right. So I always feel like I really got to do a good job. That's the best way to feel always forever. For sure. Keep that forever.

1:33:45I get nervous for every show. Every show I do even now. No. Yeah. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. I get nervous. That's the same thing with a lot of stuff. When you care about something, you should be nervous. You should feel a little giddy about it, a little excited. Like, not without confidence, I have confidence. I do stand up every night. I have plenty of confidence. But the feeling should be like, this is a real thing. It's about to go down. This is a melding of the minds with me and all these people in this crowd.

1:34:23And this is going to be fun. Yeah. I got to get in that mindset. I got to feel it. I got to. How much time do I have? I have a 15 minutes. Right. Do pride eight posture. Yeah. Do some deep breathing exercises. I stretch out, I drink some water, maybe having a espresso. Yeah. Let's fucking go. Yeah. Yeah. I literally got this tattoo to remind myself that it's fun. I was excited. It says, this is fun. Oh wow. That's my miking hand. So I'd like to see my wrist and it reminds me of limon stage. That's great. That's great. That's great. That should be a thing that everybody in your group does. You should think it like a brand like a Nazi swastik on the back.

1:34:57So we can all come quick. Yeah. This is fun. Why are you drinking off the same hand, dude, right? That's fun, too. Well, my podcast, Shelby Behemoth, we all got matching tattoos for like a Patreon goal. What did you guys get? Just like this Ninja Turtle on our thighs. This guy, Baco. That's like the avenging Ninja Turtle that we ripped. Yeah. So like now we are all marked forever. Nice. Why not? It's fun, dude. There's no such thing as forever. I have a Go bananas tattoo with all the Go bananas boys right here on my wrist. Oh, Go bananas, the... In Cincinnati? Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. There's a bunch of those Go bananas.

1:35:33I think there's one in New Jersey, too. There's bananas in New Jersey. Oh, we got right. Go bananas is completely independent. Well, you have a came up with that idea on the wrong. Yeah. We didn't even know about bananas when we opened up the Go bananas. Yeah, no way. What are you talking about? Oh, that's funny. I thought they were all the same company. No, I don't think so. So you have a Go bananas tattoo? Yeah, right there. Just the banana. Just the banana. Yeah, the banana boys. I wonder if anybody's got a mother ship tattoo yet. Probably. The logo, the alien head. Dude, people get tattoos of you.

1:36:00Yeah. People get tattoos of my book. Yeah. They'll get like running the light shit on their body. And I'm like, what were you going through when this happened? Hopefully good. Yeah. Hopefully they were in a good place. Yeah. Yeah, there's like hundreds of tattoos. I see them out there. It's very strange. And they're not the most glamorous version of your face, either. I don't think I have a glamorous first. Well, it's usually the one where you're like, I'm crazy face from yelling about something. Looks like you're coming fire. Who bowing? Yeah. Yeah. Or I got Capacan. How do you say that? The hot sauce on my dick?

1:36:31How do you say it? I kept saying. I kept saying. Yeah. That's one of the words that I never say that I just read. Mm -hmm. Capacan. Yeah. You know, like generally that's a read word. Yeah. I just certain words. You're like, how do I say this one? I know what it is. How do I say that? I'm always using pretentious words that I read. And then I miss pronounce them. You look pretentious and stupid at the same time. The real problem is if you talk to a person who actually knows what the fuck they're talking about, you throw those words wrong. Uh -huh. That's humbling. Some of my biggest elves. I've been in that exact situation.

1:37:04Yeah. Well, you know, pretentiousness is kind of gross. I was emailing this lady Emma Klein, who's an author I admire. And I like spelled her last name wrong. Oh. Throughout the email. Oh, no. I know. I like, you know, told her I read all three of her books. Oh, no. It's on the cover. Oh, no. Yeah. How does she spell it? C -L -I -N -E. Oh. Yeah, and I thought it was K -L -E -I -N. Very stupid. I told the people at Random House that they just got a book deal with Random House and she's on the same roster. You should send her a letter again. I should. About how stupid you feel. Very sorry. I talked about it on a podcast.

1:37:41Yes. Now, can we be friends? She didn't answer the emails. You remember, she's fuck, because you've been sleeping on people's floors. Random houses for eating keenwaves. Yeah. Everyone in Keenwaw happened. Keenwaw. That was big. Yeah, everybody thought they were going to get healthy with some bizarre new grain. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this one's got a lot of protein. Oh, it's so good for you. It's better than buckwheat. It just tastes like shit. It's the worst. It tastes like nothing. And like, we wouldn't make any money at these shows, but they would have a big Keenwaw dinner. One time, bro, we had to have a talk back in Lansing, Michigan at this like hardcore anarchist home.

1:38:15And after the show, they were like, what are you guys been doing a talk back about your political ideals? And the singer, of course, was like, hell, yes. So they're like, how do you guys align politically in the singers? Like, I'm into Bakunin. And then the bass player was like, I think Emma Goldman told the truth. And then they were like, what about you? And I was like, I'm selling CDs and t -shirts. Because these ideals aren't going to keep the van going. So have fun in here. But please, come by one of these hand screen t -shirts that I made. It's just very funny when like your ideals actually hit reality.

1:38:42Well, those fringe communities, like an anarchist community, like that. I'm always fascinated by people that like whether they're furries or whatever it is, like these bizarre fringe communities that have their own sort of language, way of looking at things, and things they all accept that most people don't. Well, Kool -Aid, they've all drank collectively. Yeah. Juggalos are the best one. Oh, really? Yeah, because Juggalos are like wild people, but they will give you the shirt off their back. Because they're all about family. Because like for the most part, they're like from poor places. They might be gross.

1:39:17You know? Yeah, traditionally. But man, Juggalos will take in. They're the best. Yeah. Shout out to the Juggalownation man. They're cool. Did you do a lot of Juggalos shows? I mean, I grew up in Eastern Colorado. So I had a lot of Juggalos friends. Oh, wow. But then whenever I see Juggalos, it shows now. They're always like first in line at the merge. They'll buy everything you have at the table. They're awesome. What an amazing sort of movement, the insane clown posse out of all groups of people created. Kind of nuts. I think it proves there's no God. That's pure chaos. No way that came from a play.

1:39:53Or maybe it does prove there's a God. Maybe God enjoys all kinds of different humans interacting in all sorts of bizarre ways. He enjoys chicken hunting. Yeah, he enjoys everything. I think Big J's doing the gathering this year. Is he? I would fly in for that show, dude. Big J's going to do the, well, Big J's perfect for that. I know. So good at riffing. Yeah. So this is the insane clown posse Juggalo gathering. Yeah. Just a fucking gathering of misfits. They're having fun. They're sharing what they have. A bunch of people with IQs like someone on a Versa Climber. Dancing around, banging into each other.

1:40:27I've met some like worldly Juggalos, man. Really? I met this guy who was a professor at Duke for a while. And then he like tapped out. And his midlife crisis was becoming a Juggalo. Whoa. It's like there's just a purity to what they do. And it was enchanted. That's interesting. Well, if you wanted to look at it from a human psychological perspective, that is there is a purity to it. Because there's no pretension involved at all in being a Juggalo. Yes. Yeah. I hate, I load pretension because I think I'm guilty of it a lot. Because I like read books and stuff. And you want people to know you read books.

1:40:57Well, yeah, but you can't talk about books with people. Who can with some people? Yeah, but like, they'll be like, I love sci -fi and fantasy. And I'm like, well, that's lower fiction. You were talking about Sherwood Anderson. What's have a conversation? Some sci -fi and fantasy is lower fiction, but there's some really good shit. I know. Neil Blancomp. How do you say his last name? I always fuck his name. Blancamp. I always fuck his name. I love the guy though. But he set me hip to this science fiction vampire book that I fucking love. It's really good. But let me get the name of it. It's like, blind sight or something like that.

1:41:35Now you're saying I remember him telling that story. Yeah, let me find it because I have it in my phone. It's really good, though. I met George R. Martin. Oh, did you really? Yeah, he came to see, I was opening for Burton, New Mexico. And George R. Martin came. Wow. Yeah. George R. Martin came to see Burton. Yeah. That's amazing. In Santa Fe. That's incredible. Yeah. This is it. It's Peter Watts. It's called blind sight. And it's a science fiction space movie about alien, about vampires. And the vampires, it's kind of like, I'm going to fuck it up. But the story is that these vampires, they take some sort of medication.

1:42:19There's some sort of a medical thing that they do to keep them from feasting on people. Okay. But that they did exist and that they had always existed and that someone, that they, they were killed off because, you know, they were killing everybody. And then we've kind of relegated them to myth and then someone cloned one and brought it back. And then they started having more, and the vampires were going to space with them. Yeah. Because so there, it's a space journey with this vampire who can like read minds and manipulate people. And he's like, but he doesn't act on his like most based of most horrible instincts.

1:42:56And they're out there interacting with aliens. Yeah. It's very good. I mean, you had me at vampire. I mean, it's fucking good. I'm fucking it up. I'm paraphrasing because I wasn't prepared to talk about it. Right. Yeah. I had, I hadn't, I read it like two years ago. Okay. Whenever, when Neil was on, how long was that about? He was actually a predator from the Pleistocene era, I think. That's right. Oh. He's allegedly far smarter than baseline humans. Yeah, it's a really, really good book. That stuff sounds good. Oh, it's good. It's really well crafted. I'm just like a realist when it comes to literature.

1:43:27I was reading about like men risking their lives for like $80. Those are my favorite novels. Oh, really? Yeah. Like very low reward compared to the risk. Like what? Give me an example. Like Larry Brown. A lot of corporate McCarthy books are like that. Cormac McCarthy was amazing. He's the goat. Yeah. He's the best. Yeah, that's, there's something about writing about the stuff that he writes about too. Like that western style. Yeah. Kind of like just the reality of the existence. Did you see any of the Yellowstone pre -shows like 18, what is it? 1883? No. Is that what it is? 1883. 1883. Right. 1883 is fucking insane.

1:44:13Really? It's insane. Is it like Dad would ask? Well, it's realistic is what it is. It's like a realistic depiction of what it was like when people made their way across the country on wagons and how people were lost along the way. Yeah. You know, but it's just the way it's done is it's so good, dude. If you like this kind of stuff, did you should read Warlock, which is exactly what you just described? Oh, yeah. It's like a postmodern western. It's really cool. Yeah. It's like an easy one to like get lost in. A postmodern western. Yeah, it's like a self -aware western. Like the guy uses all like the trappings of the traditional western, but then he runs it through like his lens is like a literary author.

1:44:54It's really fucking good. What I mean, just think about how crazy this fucking country is. Yeah. Like 400 years ago it was just Native Americans. Yeah. That's it. Just Indian tribes everywhere. And then this. Yeah. And that quick little thing.

1:45:11So fast. It's about people deciding that they were going to come here from Europe and didn't even speak English and made it across the fucking. The planes on with wagons and lost half the people every time. Yeah, and I had to eat a couple people. Oh. Yeah. And then they get to the Rocky Mountains and they're like, hey, we're good. We're going to stay right here. A lot of people. Then the true side goes with the ones who got through the Rockies man. Yeah. Well, that's what I always said about Texas. Because like the thing about this country is, right, that the people that are here that weren't Native Americans, everybody and their ancestors started in the East and made their way west.

1:45:48And then the people got to Texas and y 'all go, hey, we're going to hang out here and fuck. Yeah, we're good here. It's put up fences and started going nuts. There's a lot of bison around here. Yeah, it'll be fine. But a lot of people kept going. And then the people that did keep going are the most filled with wanderlust. Like Californians were the most like open -minded. I mean, the state is like completely fallen. But the ethic of it, the ethos of the state still remains for a lot of people. And it was like, that was the place where people grew. The people went to when they were fed up with the way the East Coast was.

1:46:21They didn't like the hostility. They wanted to be more creative and free. And they made their way to San Francisco. And they made their way to LA. Yeah. And it was just, that was the last place you could go before you went to Hawaii. Like the edge of the world. It was nowhere else to go. It was nowhere else to go. So it would just make sense that those people would be the ones that would be pushing the boundaries. I mean, think about like in the 1960s at least. Like the amount of entertainment, the amount of music, the amount of culturally changing content. Yeah. That it came out of Los Angeles and the West Coast.

1:46:55It's fucking nuts, man. If you saw it on the chart, a graph, like how much amazing shit came out of LA in those decades. Right. It's crazy. And like how exponential the next great thing was. Yes. You know? That's what I always think about. It's like how quickly in the last 200 years that curve has sharpened. Yeah. Because so much innovation over the last 200 years. It's like bananas. Compared to the rest of human history, it's not what we've achieved. And what we're going through right now is going to change all that multitudes. It's going to be beyond the printing press, beyond the invention of the internet.

1:47:29Oh, yeah. Whatever the fuck the AI thing is, when it at one, everyone's just guessing what it's going to be like. But whatever it is, it's going to be like that vampire in that spaceship. 100%. 100%. Yeah, we're going to be trapped with a superior predator. Exactly. Yeah. And it's not going to have emotions either. Oh. And if it does, it'll engineer those out. Like what are these stupid things? Which the point of these? Yeah, this is not helping anything. I mean, you know, Dick. Emotions are interesting. Yeah. Because it's like people who are beholden to their emotions when they like make it your problem.

1:47:57Because they're experiencing obviously if you're mentally ill, that's one thing. But if you're just like a person who's like bummed and you want to put that on me, it's like grow up. Everyone deals with all of these things. I'm just not going to project it upon you and make your time worse. Well, a lot of it's patterns. Sure. And they learn the patterns in their family. No, you're very right. You're very right. It's real hard. If you grow up with morons, it's really hard to break free. Correct. And think clearly. And then you also have this like weird energy that you get from your family and the way they look at things like some families, they just woe is me forever.

1:48:29Right. And then those patterns give you comfort because they remind you of when you were safe. And they also don't know what to talk about. So they come on. You know, my fucking job, I swear to God, I wish I could quit. I fucking hate it. I come on when you're like, oh no. No. This again. Where's the lucky that all of our friends are the funniest people alive? Oh, we're so lucky. That's the best part of stand up. We say it all the time in that green room. Like we are so lucky to be here. Uh huh. We're so lucky. Especially when you consider how you first started, you know, the earliest days to be here now.

1:48:57It's just bananas. Yeah, Ron White handing me a cigar will never not lose its charm. Yeah. It's always so cool. Just hanging out with him is always weird to me. That's why I bought that stupid call house. I can't believe Ron White's my friend. A little less than you. A little less than you. Yeah, man. He was the first guy here too, by the way. Everybody credits me with like getting people to move here, but he got me to move here. He was the first guy. He moved. I, he got me thinking about moving here before the pandemic because he moved here. I think in 2017 or 2018 and I go, what are you doing in Austin?

1:49:30Well, I still got my house in Beverly Hills, but I'll tell you what, I fucking love it here. Yeah. He goes, when I'm traveling, I'm in the middle of the country, flights are quick. People are nice. Foods great. I play golf. And I was like, damn, he goes, my son lives here. He loves it. Maybe Austin's a spot. Colorado had a shot at you, man. I remember when that happened when you moved up to Boulder for a minute. Leave it on my wife. She had a pregnant. I understand. When she got pregnant, we had to go back. But yeah, I was, I was planning on just going buck wild in Denver. Yeah. That's, that was my plan.

1:50:00It would have been so valuable to that city. Well, we could always do a mother ship there one day. I think that's a good candidate for a mother ship. I bet when Wendy wants to sell. Yeah. She would talk to you. Well, when do you want to sell? I'd be interested. I love her. She's the greatest. She's the best. She's like my mom now. She's such a great lady. I did. I did my mom's wake at her club. Oh, really? And paid for all the food and everything. Oh, man. She's the greatest. That's cool. We had Ron White's mom's wake at our club. Yeah. When Wendy, when I, when I did my 2014 Comedy Central Special, I did it on purpose at the Denver Comedy Works.

1:50:37Yeah. I'm like, I want to do it at Wendy's place. Of course. She's just such a good force for comedy. And just understands comedy and is really kind to people and good to the opening acts. But tough as nails, bro. Oh, yeah. Because she had to fight up for being a waitress. But she was a waitress at the club and now she owns it. You have to be tough as nails. Yeah. To be in this crazy business. I always told comedians, be nice to these club owners because you don't want to be them. Right. And then I had to be one. Yeah. And also be nice to the servers. Yeah. Be nice to everyone. Everybody. Always, always be nice to everybody.

1:51:11And again, because it will benefit you. Not because it's the right thing to do, but because it will make your life easier when they end up running the club, become managers or agents or whatever. Also, it's just, it feels better next time you see them. It's good for everybody. It's good for you. It's good for them. Everybody's friendly. Yeah. We're all here together. Yeah. Fun times. You know, and she's done a great job of having, but she has a real community there. You know, that's one of the reasons why when I wanted to escape from LA, this is 2009. And I wanted to do my first escape from LA.

1:51:39I chose Colorado. But I wanted to be in the fucking woods. That's where I fucked up. I fucked up because I tried to, I pushed my wife to a hard, I pushed her to the crazy place. I pushed, I'm like, what's living the woods? Yeah. With a baby. On top of a fucking mountain. Yeah, with that thought. We lost a dog to a mountain lion. Yeah. Like, we were in, like, why were there? I guess she was actually before we moved there. A bear broke into one of the neighbor's cars and ate his seats. Because the bear thought that the seats were leather and leather is food. I guess a bear can smell so good that they can smell the hide.

1:52:12And so he just ate his seats. Just took, just opened the door, man. The bear's not open doors. Wow. They get habituated to people and it's a real problem. Because once they find out that you have garbage cans, they never stop coming to your house. And then once they eat your car, they always keep coming. So I went, I tried too hard. Eating your car is so funny. I left. I left too far. I went too far out. I should have been in Boulder, proper in the city. But even then, the problem was when a woman is pregnant, the atlas fear of Denver and even of, you know, anywhere around 5 ,000 feet, it's rough.

1:52:53And Colorado has one of the highest premature birth rates because of the lack of oxygen. Really? Yeah. It's really rough on pregnant women. It's like having the flu. So we went back to Los Angeles for something. I forget what we went and then immediately she felt better. And I was really, and then we talked to her, the doctor, the whole deal, like, yeah, it's really bad to be, especially if your body's not acclimated. If you just moved there and then also in your pregnant, it was too rough. But I always had this, I always had this itch to get back there. Like to get back to the mountain areas above Boulder are so amazing.

1:53:29The flat irons. Oh, dude, you can't, like you're driving down the road. You're like, am I in a fucking movie? Right, yeah. Or is this how I get to my house? Because this seems like a movie. It seemed too good. I always say that it's like what we all love. Everyone loves art. You know, you love to look at this painting or cool sculpture. It's a thing that like your mind interacts with like, wow, it's amazing. But nature is that times a million and real nature like mountains and trees and the sun like going through the leaves. And it's like, oh my god, it's incredible. It's like your day is enriched by just the beauty of it all.

1:54:08And also you're humbled by it. Oh, yeah. It's a good thing for the soul. You're going to feel small. You feel so fucking small. Just for that advice. Uncaring nature. And it's just insanely beautiful. There's, I don't know why human beings register beauty when it comes to like objects and stuff. I wonder what evolutionary benefit is it to look at a flower and go, god, it's amazing. What is that? Also the flower rewards you with smell and you can touch the petals. Sure. And that's a central experience. Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. But there's a lot of things that are beautiful. It's like why?

1:54:46Why? I guess a lake is beautiful because there's food in there. So you get excited by the blue water and the clear water means it's not polluted. Like, oh, because you see a brown water lake. It doesn't look great. Oh, yeah. It was reservoir lakes. Oh, yeah, there's one in four corners. Catfish pond. You ever seen those people that go noodling? Of course. Cover their hands in dog food. I've noodle men. Have you got a noodle in Mississippi one time? Did you ever get a catfish? No, you tried. I mean, that is a wild animal. That's my armpit and mud. It's just waiting. That's such a wild activity.

1:55:18Yeah. But hey, you get food out of it. Oh, you get a lot of food. Yeah. Those fucking things are huge. And sometimes they pull the mountain. You see the carp wrestling with them? Dude, and they're just like smacking them against them. It's a fucking 50 pound fish. This attached your arm. Trying to pull you into its hole. Yeah, into the mud. Or you can fuck up and get a snapping turtle. You get a snapping turtle? Or a carp? God forbid, you get a carp? A carp won't bother me. But a snapping turtle bothers the shit out of me. Here we go. Look at that. Oh my god. That's prehistoric. Oh, that's that lady Hannah Baron.

1:55:47I follow her on Instagram. That was the shit. She's always noodle -lin. Good for her. Yeah, she's like a cute southern girl who goes noodle -lin for catfish and goes hunting. And there's like a whole industry of like hot girls who go hunting. It's a good racket. Look at the size of that fucking fish, man. Look at that thing. That thing is so massive. Wow. That mean you could eat that for three or four days. I'd like to eat a couple things in that video. I hate you. I don't want to do that. Hey, come on. You don't want that muddy water, don't bother me. No, no. Come on. What? The fish is later.

1:56:22I want sushi right now. I want some taco, you know what I'm saying? But the noodle -lin thing, like that water don't look good. That doesn't look beautiful. You want to feed off that. You know, like that's where it's getting its nutrients. It's from the mud. But you fry it up. It's not bad. Oh, they're delicious. Yeah. There's a lot of things that are ugly as fuck. They're like, they used to think of lobsters as poor people food. Not nuts. It's the best. They served it to prisoners and shit. That crazy. They used to fish them out of the East River for bar food. Yeah. They would go back in the 1800s and say, those were chicken tenders.

1:56:57That was their nachos. Yeah. Fucked lobster. It's our favorite food ever. It's so good. I'm not over it. I'm not over it at all. When I first got my first development deal, you know, I'd been poor my whole life. And then I got my first development deal when I was like 24 or something like that, 25, I guess. I guess I was 25. Somewhere around then. Anyway, the point is up until then, I'd always been poor. And then my manager contacts me like a couple months later. He said, do you have a gambling problem? And I said, no, why? And he goes, you're spending so much money. I just thought, because you know, I played a lot of pool.

1:57:32I go, no, dude, I'm eating lobster every night.

1:57:39I just, I had all this money. I was like, bro, I'm going to spend it. I didn't have any thought at all about saving it. I was like, what? Saving it. I was like, make more. I just bought a couch, about like a $9 ,000 couch for our new home. Anyway, I felt so much guilt. Yeah, you feel guilt for sure. But when you sit in that sucker, you're like, oh, also for the rest of our lives, this is a forever home, do you know? We have May West's couch in the green room. Yeah. That's how long a couch can hang around for and move around. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to Peter Shore. Shout out to Shamanee. They told me my couch.

1:58:13No. Peter Shore gave me the couch sits in the mothership. Dude, that dude is one of the most fascinating people. He has like 12 different degrees. Oh, Peter's brilliant. He's so smart, dude. He's got me some shitheadie wrote. He's definitely the smartest of the shores. Yeah. I don't know. He's the one I know. But yeah, I know all of them. Scott's great, too. The other brother that lives in San Diego, he's awesome. I love him. Yeah. And Paulie. Paulie's awesome, too. Paulie's like a different human now. It's fun. He's fun. Things to be changed. He's so sweetheart. He really is. He's very nice. Yeah.

1:58:48You know, I think, listen, that kid got famous when he was like 18 years old. Like that's not good for anybody. That's not good for Miley Cyrus. I've met so many people that got famous when they were young. McCalli Culkin. Yeah. It's poison. That was a good pod, dude. He's an interesting guy. I want to be friend him. He's in Paris. He's a very smart guy. Yeah. Very, very smart. He's an interesting and kind and like cool to talk to. But you don't get through that and not get fucked up. But Paulie, you know, I mean, he was being baby sat by Sam Kinnison. Like what? Yeah. Like, he grew up with his mom, like literally, like leave him in the crib, let him cry, I'll make him funny.

1:59:27Yeah. Did I went to a party at Roman Polanski's house in Paris? What? Yeah. Well, like, I did a show in Paris. So his son Elvis was like, you must come to my party. And I was like, we're not going to hang out with you. And then someone else was like, that's where it's in Roman Polanski's house. You should go to the party. So we mob deep. I told all these comics. We roll in there. Whoa. And then instead of going up when we get to the apartment, we have to go down because Roman Polanski said, no party in my house. So we had to party in the parking garage below his home. Oh, God. It was so I had, we had the highest expectations that we were going into Shangri -La.

2:00:03Right. But no, we just like partied by some shitty Euro trash cars. It's like a 16 year old DJed the worst music ever and we drank warm beer. Yeah. But Polanski, did you see him? No. No, I did not. But I did go into the apartment to use the bathroom. It's very nice up there. I bet. Very nice. Very well appointed place. Yeah. I mean, dude, he might be a pedophile with fucking Chinatown. That seems like a lot of people were pedophiles back then. Well, it was a different time. That's what's crazy. Like, there's songs. Yeah. Yeah. Christine 16. Let's get a couple more candles on that cake. Yeah. Yeah.

2:00:38Like.

2:00:4416 candles. I need two more, boys. Yeah. And then there was the other song. Well, she was only 17. And then there was the Rick James song. She was 17, but she was sex -ed. Yeah. Don't. Yeah. You jailbait? Yeah. It's on the rules. What's jailbait? What's New Jitman? Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you wish. She was with us as well. She was saying he rules. It was a different time. Yeah. Back then, guys, like, Seinfeld dated that Chishana Lonstine girl. She was like 17. She looked like that catfish woman at the time. Yeah. Yeah. That was what I was saying. Oh, yeah.

2:01:17He's just a number, baby. You're like Aristotle. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Go Socrates. Normal. Normal stuff. Jesus. Why is everybody so uptight? I'm never banged a kid, but. Not everybody. Yeah. But I think of it very differently when it's a hot woman and a 17 year old kid. Hot woman and a 17 year old boy, everybody's fine with. Of course. It's a joke. They're on the parade. Exactly. But a 17 year old girl and a hot man, like, what's wrong with you? You piece of shit. You know? Like Chris Hemsworth started fucking high school seniors. I mean, allegedly. I don't know that I said. Like, you did that story.

2:02:00No. I don't think the story exists. I think it's fake. But I mean, it is. Those are the luckiest girls in the world. I know. They'd be like, oh my God, he's having a kid here. Yeah, you lose your Virginia to Hemsworth? Oh, I doubt there's 17 year old birds and it's left. I don't know. These days, these kids are fucking. Yeah. They get really hard. They get an after it. They can't get enough of it. Well, they have porn on their phone. I know, dude. They're so warped. They're so warped. I mean, we were running a mass psychology experiment on kids. Yeah. And no one's talking about it. No, their brains are mushed to have to be.

2:02:26Yeah. They have to be. Dude, it's really hard to have a conversation with young people because they're constantly reaching for their phone. They can't stop. They can't, yeah. Because they're just getting pure serotonin. And the world's at their fingertips. Well, think about podcasts. It's like the only time that I ever get a chance to talk to someone and not look at my phone at all. Yeah. So you want to talk? I know. If you and I were at dinner, I might look at my phone real quick. I'm going to text this guy back. I find some reason why it's so important to send this message. Yeah, show you some funny.

2:02:53Show you that guy dancing around. I'm watching. Hopefully it's after dinner. It's the mint. And that one might fuck up your appetite. Yeah. It's like looking in a mirror. Jesus. Maybe that's my new course. Yeah. The anarchy thing didn't work out. But no. I could kind of wrap. Yeah. It was like a wrap. I could do this. Alone your hotel room in the mirror. There's actually two rap songs I did online. No way. We're Clant Deaths, Thine Apostles. The Clant Deaths, Thine Apostles is a great name. Yeah, I mean, in my way. We, I ate an edible with my buddy Pat. Yeah. We put down a couple tracks. Oh my God, that's awesome.

2:03:31But yeah, I mean, it's just like there's these kids. And also there are a lot of really exciting kids doing really cool shit. Oh, sure. Like they, if you grow up with every bit of music, if you synthesize that all into something it's going to be new. Not just every bit of music, but every bit of music instantaneously available anytime you want. Yeah. Just pull out your phone, press a button, bam. Music. Yeah. It's, there's never been anything remotely like that. It's a valuable tool. You have the library of Alexandria in your hand. You really do. You really do. Oh, no, the Stine Apostles. Let's hear some of this.

2:04:03Oh, let's go. I just found the pitch. You let this go. I just found your bitch. If I was your child. That's me singing the hook. That's still me, me, me. I. I. I. I. I. I. I don't know why you guys didn't make it. I don't understand this. This was last year. This was last year. I can't hide behind youth on this one. Oh, no, I was hoping you were like 12. No, dude. This was 36 year old Sam talent. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. I played for Danny Brown once. He listened to the whole thing. How about that guy last night whose mom became a country music star at 54? Excuse me, stars are big work.

2:04:50He used it like porno star. They're all stars. Like, there's no point. No one says them a porn actress. They're all porno stars. I texted Tony this morning. I was like, that was a wild move. Oh my God, it was so wild. It was wild. They found her and she was kind of hot. It's kind of. It was really hot. She was a total babe. She was a smoke and blonde. And then she had a song in the sun. I was like, yeah, she uses AI to write the lyrics. I said, hey, shut the fuck up. That was her son saying it, dude. Like, hey, kid, this is your mom's opportunity to make it as a country star. And you're selling her out by saying she gets AI to write the lyrics.

2:05:23You fuck head. Yeah, that was a bad move. I should edit that out so the fuck the kid, because the kid, he kind of bombed. Well, he was mad. Kind of. Yeah, he bombed. He bombed. He bombed. Yeah. But he was mad that his mom is out there making legitimate music. I think it's gave her a career last night. Imagine she, look, Tony's such a psycho. He'll have her coming perform. For sure. Yeah. She'll be the cocktail girl. Well, I think Red Band Fowler and DM Der on the show. Fowler on Instagram and DM Der. Do you remember what her name was? We'll follow her. D comma, L -E -E. D -L -E. D comma, L -E -E.

2:05:59But it was like D -L -E. D -L -E. D -L -E. D -L -E. D -L -E. I don't know if there's an apostrophe on Instagram, though. Can you even use an apostrophe when you sign up for an Instagram? No, but like on her Spotify, her name is D -L -E. Right. It's D -Aposter -Free L -E -E on Spotify. And now the Kill Tony fan base is going to descend upon her. And the J -R -E fan base, I know. We're talking about that. We're a king maker. Let's see the photos of this lady. Come on, man, my dick is hard. Let's go. Come on, I'm close. I'm close, Jamie. I've been edging the whole time. Me and Sam Talib had been talking about Cox for two hours now.

2:06:38Yeah, ever since the Indianapolis, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, Jamie. Come on, man, you're edging me. Okay, this is the late, oh, she's beautiful. Yeah, she's beautiful. So that's this guy's mom. That's hilarious. I think that's her. That is hilarious. Yeah, man. And then does she really have an only fan? Or are they fucking around? No, no. That's funny. Yeah, it's, when he's like, do not fall in my mom's only fan. Click on the followers. Make sure this is her. Yeah, that's her. She got 70 followers. She had 63 last nights. That's her. Let's see what she has now. 70. Jamie just followed her. No, it is.

2:07:11She's a follower. I'm not fucking up my algorithm.

2:07:16I'm going to fuck up my algorithm. I didn't want to see where this goes. I think it's hilarious. It's so funny. Just what the power in your guy's his hands, you know? It is ridiculous. It's in the wrong hands, for sure. But it's also like this lady, like the sun being upset that the mother still has a dream. Oh, she's 54. Yeah. So what? She's a real guy. She's a human being and she's alive. Yeah. Now she feels safe. She can create now. Why don't you let her go? You fuckhead. Yeah. Maybe you single kissing frogs. Yeah, kissing frogs. That's her. Number 53 in the top 100 country chart. She's a babe.

2:07:53That's like the Bill Hicks joke about Iraq was the fifth largest army. Yeah, but after the first through, there's a huge drop off. Salvation army's number four. She's number 53. Like what's? Okay. What's 52? Did you ever know, Ali Jo Praider? I did not. And that guy's so fascinating. Yeah. Yeah, he has a special on YouTube. And it's him doing like every hack line that guys did. But I think he was the first to do them. Like he chugs a beer and he's like, that's all I learned in college. I know. That's his opener. I think he was a hack. I think so. I don't think it was like he wrote them. I think they were out there.

2:08:32Well, Hicks told a story about Ali Jo when he got real fat. And he would have to go on stage at the beginning of the show. And they'd throw a sheet over him. So he would just be on stage because he was immobile. So the whole show hosts feature. And then ladies and gentlemen, Ali Jo Praider. And they would pull the sheet off of him. Oh my God. Because he was like, you know, a big wad. But I guess one time he was smoking under the sheet. And he caught it on fire. They caught it on fire. Yeah. Yeah. He couldn't go to the opener and then the middle. Right. Without a cigarette. Oh, that's hilarious.

2:09:01He'd be under there with like a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bunch of six. There's a photo of him at the comedy store in Hollywood. And Tim standing next to the comedy store. Was it a van or a limo? I forgot. But he's, it's so crazy how big he is. And he's also like five foot four. He looks like he's a 70 cent. He's a ball. He's basically a ball. And he probably weighs 500 pounds. That's how Ralph he was, especially at the end. This Ali Jo Praider. Oh, so he's thinner back then. Yeah, this is him in his prime. Just a sleek Ali Jo Praider. Yeah. Just before he had to go on stage with a sheet. Right.

2:09:36Imagine them accommodating that. Oh, they had to figure out. Roll out a 600 pound guy. Yeah. I could go, but I need a sheet. It's like a prospector. Yeah. Look at it. Deal days. Richard Prayer, Mitty. Is that Dave Keckner? Is that on the right? Oh, that's some. Fuck, what's his name? Renegade White Man.

2:10:06Whoa. Oh, he had a MySpace. So MySpace is still a thing. He died in 91, so I don't think. Did you think MySpace is like radio in terms of how many tickets you sell? Like, how is that? What is this? Home page from MySpace. What is it? Featured. Go to Featured. What does it say? I'm on Featured. Oh, OK. Artistic day. Click Artistic day. Who's Artistic day? See it says there? What's Artistic day? I might say. This is how I used to book tours. What's the day is this? That this is made? Is this like from 2008? Or is this real? The pictures aren't loading, so I might not be. I might not be up anymore.

2:10:49It doesn't say 2017. 2017. So that was the, so they gave up in 2017. They gave up the ghost. Didn't like Justin Timberlake buy it or some shit? I don't know. Did he? Company he owned or he was part of, yeah, they bought it like for assets probably. That was the key. For assets. That's how you got bad shows at squats. The on MySpace. Well, once Dane Cook became famous on MySpace. You know. And everybody figured out like, oh my God, you can actually get famous on the internet. Yeah. He was the first guy for short. June 2011, they purchased it for $35 million. I could have saved them a lot of money.

2:11:25You can give them $35. What they think they were going to do, breed life into this corpse? They made money. Okay, was this it? Got bought a couple of years later for any fun. Oh, so some other more on bought it. Time. Time bought it for 87 million. That's time. I could have saved you some money too. Yeah. Eight years later. You were so much better off coming up with your own new social media site. Yeah. Then trying to resurrect one of the people of abandoned. Maybe they like own the music that was posted on there. Well, the weird one about MySpace is it was so popular and then not. Yeah. Almost like that.

2:11:59Facebook. But I mean, how did it lose that many people? It wasn't cool anymore. Facebook became cool and young people wanted to be on Facebook. Yeah. Old people. But it's still alive because old people for the most part because of healthcare. It's the right thing. They've been saying in there longer. They got better medication. Oh, yeah. These folks are staying around. Now they can post. Oh, my God. I love reading people post about like immigration or America or like what's wrong with this country or bringing Jesus back into the school system. I love it. Yeah. And I love like reading the arguments in the comments.

2:12:38I love it. Oh, yeah. I love it. Yeah. It's good that they have a place to have these insane conversations where it's also saved for everyone to watch forever. I read them when everyone in my house is asleep. They're just standing before I write. Right. One of the things that I do is I'll go on Facebook and just read people's rats. Oh, fuck are you angry about? The dairy queen in Sturgis. You have just fucking people married. They need to fix these pod holes. You know, the problem is the money is all going through the immigrants. Like it's like, I heard Trump say they're bottoming out our social security.

2:13:14They're just chronicling the decay of middle America. You know, there's going to be a little shit war in this country. There's what a rain is going to come. Let's hope not, you fuckheads. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Don't be summoned in that shit like a demon. I know, dude. I'll be out there. How about we all figure out that we're being played and come together on important issues? Like real, what's real freedom? God damn it. Be whatever the fuck you want to be. Leave everybody alone. Be nice. Yeah. Everybody. You do it over there. I'll do it over here. Yeah. And if I want to go over there and watch, let me watch a little bit of that.

2:13:45For sure. See that fat guy dance around. Exactly. And I'll teach you how to clean a gun. I'll show you how to shoot a bone arrow. Yeah. Let's have fun. We're way more connected in this country than we are separate. Everybody wants the same thing. Yeah. It's just we need to get that in our head and no one's telling us that. Everyone's telling us that there's these battles for our existence. The very soul of this nation. Yeah. The soul of democracy. The democracy democracy. This isn't even a democracy, you fucking. It's a republic. And it's an oligarchy, really. Yeah. Yeah. It's just corporations on the country.

2:14:20It is now. Yeah. The money. Just people lost their way. The guys who founded this country, they did a great job of preparing for the worst. Oh yeah. But they didn't understand how big it was going to get. How could that? Also if you love freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom to gather, you also then have to love the second amendment. Yeah. Like that's the big thing that divides me from like my more liberal friends is like they're into all freedoms except for the one that like allows you to protect yourself and your family. You know what I mean? Well, I understand why they do it.

2:14:53I do. I understand why they feel that way. It's because gun violence is a born. It's a horrible thing. You hear about gun violence is terrible. It's an American problem. It isn't an American problem. But the problem exists. Right. So we don't live in a utopian world where people don't try to impose themselves on you. And especially like for someone who's not physically strong or large, it's the great equalizer. If a woman is being attacked, the great equalizer is a gun. It's not karate. It's just not. As a person who's a martial artist for their whole life, I'm telling you not, it's not the move.

2:15:27The move is a gun. Yeah. Some fucking asshole breaks into your house and wants to rape you and you're a woman. The answer is a gun. Right. And the cops take too long to get there. For sure. And then you defunded the cops because you thought you're being cute because you wanted to show you you weren't racist. And now guess what? It's way worse for everybody, including the people of color, including the people, especially the people living in bad communities. Yeah. Because the cops are never going there now. So all the people that wanted to avoid all that shit and the cops were the only thing keeping the wolves away from the door.

2:15:55Now you're dealing with it head on and those are the people that call for the refunding of the police. The people in these fucked up neighborhoods. And that's why you need guns, you know. And it's not like the argument to like have guns to protect yourself against the government. The government will nuke you. The government can throw it in and send in drones. Sure. Like I don't think that like a bunch of people that are capable with the submachine guns are going to be able to defend against the fucking all -time greatest army in the world. Yeah. But it is like, you know, you have a little piece of mind and you can buy a little bit of, you can sleep a little bit sound or knowing you got that 9mm of the drawer.

2:16:28It helps. Yeah. And it's also, you know, the idea that the government, here's the problem. The government is people, right? So the military's people. And the people that are in the military are the least likely to go along with this idea. Because most of them are blue collar. You most of them are lower middle class, lower class. Like there are people that are struggling in this world. And they don't have trust in this fucking institution that's telling you to attack their neighbors because the neighbors are not compliant. And some evil dictators. Yeah. Good luck pulling that shit off. That's the Civil War happens.

2:17:01That's the Civil War. That's the Civil War happens in family. That's going to be a real tough sell. Yeah. I think the ideological Civil War is much more likely to take place. That something, some existential notion, something that we all agree is the end of our society, our civilization as we know it, if we don't do X, Y, or Z. And then on one side, people oppose it and one side, people support it. And then they start stripping rights away. And they start fueling the flames to get this done. It's really possible that we could have a Civil War in this country. The way people are so divided left and right today is bizarre, fully accentuated by not just social media, but social media that's being operated by other countries.

2:17:49Yeah. Like we talked about this before, but 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages are run by Russian trolls. Wow. 19. Yeah. So there's 20 of the top Christian sites on Facebook. Millions of people are interacting. 19 of them are run by Russian troll farms. And the other ones, the Westboro Baptist Church. You would hope that one would be legit. Yeah. You know, one would be legit, but there's a lot of bullshit online, and it's because we're so susceptible to bullshit, we love it. Yeah. It makes sense. It's an easy solution. No, that's what this quotable thing that I read on my aunt's Facebook, you know.

2:18:32Do you think that comedy is going to be affected by AI? No, because comedy is like one of the only live things that you have to do. Yeah. You know, you have to see it live for it to be very good. You can watch comedy specials, but they're not as good as being in the room. Right. I think that we're protected by that. And AI comedy special, as of lately, as of, again, a change is so fast. It's so quick, but the ones that I've seen like the George Carlin one, they made up and they suck. They just feel fake. Yeah. Yeah. It lacks the human heart. The soul of the thing isn't in there. The lack of the signature of an individual, an actual soul.

2:19:09And you can't teach timing, you know. Is AI going to learn timing? I wonder. All these little, like intangible parts of being a good stand -up. I think it ultimately will. Well, AI go and start doing crowd work when they're bombing. No. I don't think so. I don't think it's going to be able to perform in front of a crowd. I think, but AI specials might be a thing. Well. Because they already got really good AI rap songs. For sure. Yeah. And AI deepfakes, you know. Yeah. The crazy pornography you can see. Oh, yeah, crazy shit. And everybody's fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Putin banging Maryland on the road.

2:19:42Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It gets me there. I mean, if you imagine, that's what porn becomes. Like, instead of, you know, you're like, oh, it's like taking advantage of these people. Like, no, no, no. These aren't real people. Right. This is just like, this is a fantasy. This lady gets stuck in the dryer. And she's asking you to pull her out with your cock. Right. It's the only way. And it's also your ex from college. Yeah. You can like upload her Instagram into the matrix. And then next thing you know, you're drinking off to this unrequited love. And then the government finds out that you're doing that.

2:20:11And they stormtroopers break down your door and find her. Yeah. And you with your pants down. It's on the computer. Oh. You go to thought police jail. Hey, man. That's one of the better jails you can go to for mine crimes. Right. I suppose the violent crime jail. Probably cool neighbors. Oh, for sure. You and jail with thought police people. Curious people. Yeah. Interesting people. Just asking questions. Just trying to find out. Yeah. Inquisitive souls. I just want to know, why can't I jerk off to this deep fake of my high school sweetheart? What am I doing? Not hurting anyone? Yeah. What's like the argument for like give pedophiles like AI porn of children, you know?

2:20:46Because then they can like satisfy their terrible urge. I've heard even worse. I've heard give them robot dolls. Of course I've heard that too. But I think that's a bridge too far. It's all of it a bridge too far. It's all fucking weird. I know. Because so many people are trying to equate pedophilia with what they're calling minor attracted persons. I know. They're trying to rebrand it. How weird. How weird did they would give that one a go? The ultimate evil? Yeah. Let's put a new spin on this. Why don't you want to give that one a go? Remember new coke? We've got new pedophiles. But isn't it just like it's indicative of this thing that we're talking about that most people aren't even really thinking about things clearly?

2:21:23Yeah. They're just subscribing. Well it's easy. If someone you think is smart tells you, you know, what to think then you are unburdened by having to make your own decision. Especially if it seems compassionate. Yeah. Like you're being kind to these people that are just minor attracted persons. I know. It's not their fault. Yeah. They're born that way. It's like great. They're born that way. But if they act upon it they should be beheaded. Yeah. In this time square. Oh yeah. For all to see. Make an example of that. Yeah. Make an example. But cover them and honey feed them to ants. The media is completely full of shit and so is the government and they decide, you know, Sam Town has been making a lot of noise.

2:21:56I don't want to be the face of this movement show. Let's upload some fucking nasty shit onto his computer. Oh yeah. They definitely have done before. Uh huh. Yeah. And then, you know, you have to defend it. And so then all of a sudden there's newspapers. Sam Town in jail for porn. Right. Child porn like, oh my god. Yeah. That's all I need. And the people out there. I am. I am. Well no news is bad news, you know. Yeah. Don't be so uncertain markets. Yeah. They probably would. Certain places they'd like, I like that guy. The great pedophile comedian. Yeah. Like New Mexico where these send the pedophile priests.

2:22:32Yeah. What was that about? Um, well they send them all over the place for sure. But there was a few states that had very suspect laws. Are they sending them to like the reservation and stuff? They definitely did that too. Yeah, I know that. One of the things that, um, some states, and I think New Mexico was one of them, had bizarre laws like the age of consent for a girl. Like for a man to be with a girl was like, the girl would be 16. Okay. But the age of consent for a boy and a man was like 13. What? Yeah. That's some creative accounting. Right. They're cooking the books. Where'd you come up with that?

2:23:07Yeah. And I think the reason being was to exonerate pedophiles. Oh, that's interesting. That were like religious pedophiles. It was good. Is it sensual? Did you ever see, um, here no evil or is it seen no evil? I think it's seen no evil. But it's, it's, it, it just is really essentially a documentary tracking. How all these different pedophiles got moved in the airs. And they follow this one specific one where this guy had molested. Who knows how many fucking kids? One of them was a guy, this was what made rats and gr. Have to step down when that pope stepped down. Mm -hmm. He was responsible for sending this one guy.

2:23:45He got caught being a pedophile. So they sent him to a new location where he molested 100 deaf kids. And it's like, he's the... The most astounded terrible in that room. Yeah. No one knows. You're screaming. The fact that it's like you think Catholic priest, you think pedophile. Like, like that. There's synonymous. Instantly, instantaneously. Like you don't, like how many did they have to be before that became completely? It's not like occasionally the UPS driver is a car thief. Yeah. Yeah. When I think UPS, I don't think Kia boy. Right. Exactly. When I think priests, I do think in a boy. Yeah.

2:24:27Yeah. Put a bump tsh. But yeah, it's a... But their laws were set up, I think, in some states. I think that's the suspicion. That's a very good hypothesis. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're never going to get rid of it, you know? Just make it load. So it's not too illegal. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he only missed the age by a year. Come on. The kid was 11. He was like really grown up. He was a tall kid. He was a tall kid. Pubs already. He's precocious. What's the big deal? He likes candy. I really... New Mexico is so weird, dude. It's a weird place. Cock fighting was legal until like eight years ago. It's still legal in some places.

2:25:08I think cock fighting is legal in multiple states. It was Louisiana and New Mexico with the last holdouts. Where then? Yeah. Is this for sure? I think so. What states of cock fighting is still legal? I don't think any are legal. But I think those were the last two. I think the Gardner that used to cock fight. I went to his house once and he had snuck over from Mexico and he would go back and forth. And like one time he said I'm going to be gone for like six months. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm going back to Mexico. I go, when are you coming back? I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back.

2:25:39I'm going to try. I go, well, when you try, you know where I'm at. Let me know. I go just get somebody else to take care of it where you're gone. Just holler at me when you got back. Do you go back to cock fight? No, he went back just to go back to Mexico for a little bit. And he eventually went back to Mexico to move. He eventually gave up on America one day. But he was my Gardner for like 10 years. Cool guy. But he goes, do you want to see the cock fights? I was like, yeah. Of course. Let's see what that's like. Yeah. So he took me to a neighborhood in Los Angeles that I might as well have been in Mexico.

2:26:11There was no non -Mexican people there in the neighborhood. Everybody spoke Spanish. All the signs were in Spanish. It was like, wow, this is like a whole little area that I wasn't aware of. So we go to his friend's house and we go into the backyard. And his friend had stacks upon stacks of chicken coops just everywhere. Roosters everywhere. I was like, this is nuts, man. I go, what the fuck is the morning sound like here? Yeah. And he was like, but everybody has chickens. There's no big deal. I was like, everybody has chickens. And there was like, this guy over there, you look at his backyard, fill with roosters.

2:26:47This guy over there, his backyard, filled with roosters. And they would get them together. Everybody would get together and gamble. They would all drink. Yeah. They'd have the chicken fight. One chicken would lose. They would boil them and eat them. And he's like, we're going to eat them anyway. Of course. And we're just like, wait, we gamble. Yeah, then one will die with pride. It's the order. Yeah. I mean, it's barbaric, but that's the hell of a show. They put razors on their claws. That's where I lose interest. Well, that's the only way to get them to kill each other. Really? Otherwise, they just pack each other and fucking get tired.

2:27:15Got a couple of fun facts here for you. Oh, yeah. A article from last year, New York Times, about cock fighting. Yeah. According to some rooster man, the game foul or fighting chicken was almost chosen to be the national bird of America. And it should have a breeder once told me, an eagle ain't nothing more than a glorified buzzard. That's, that guy's an idiot. Eagles are a fucking amazing guy. They catch salmon with their feet, you fucking retard. They do war in the sky. Such game foul lore and sentiment abound. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were devouted rooster fighters. They were devoted rooster fighters.

2:27:50Keep going. George Washington, Union and Confederate soldiers put aside their differences on Sundays during the Civil War to pit their chickens against one another. This is the solution to that partisanship that you've been talking about. Abraham Lincoln was given the nickname Honest Abe after he displayed impartiality as a cock fighting judge. You, that's it. What? They fought them on the White House lawn. They fought them right on the White House lawns as David Thurston, president of the United Game Fowl Breeder's Association. A national nonprofit dedicated to the birds preservation. Wow. Wow.

2:28:30Man, this country, there's so many different stitches in the fabric at this point. Listened on that. Listened on that high note. Yeah. Sam Town. Tell everybody where they could see your special. You can see it on Matt and Shane's YouTube page. What is it called? The Toads Morale. I mean, they're YouTube page. I think it's called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast YouTube. Oh, okay. And it's called The Toads Morale. Yeah. And I also have a new travel show on my YouTube. If you want to subscribe to my YouTube, that'd be huge. Come see me live, Pittsburgh, Detroit, coming your way. Nice. And my podcast is good.

2:29:03It is. Yeah. This is the travel show. It's a worldwide tour. Yeah. Sam Towns Wide World, man. Super proud of this. Me and my boy Patrick. Beautiful. Yeah, dude. Shout out Jack. You're doing fun stuff, dude. It's been cool to get to know you and your very funny guy. Thank you, dude. It's been a lot of fun. I appreciate you, man. I appreciate you. Thanks for helping me change my life. Oh, please. Thank you. You're going to feel weird about being rich. I can't wait. All right. Bye, everybody.

2:29:37Thank you. Thank you.