#2188 - Adam Ray

21:57I can't remember who posted it on Twitter. But I was like, this is crazy. Watching it is just bananas. Do you think they've seen what's in it? I've done it all. Do you think they've seen like two broad men? For sure. Yes. Yeah, this is it. Watch this. This is bonkers. Go full screen. This is literally bonkers. You know, it's like Mo Go and a television star. But does he really want to add president of the United States to his resume? A lot of people would like him to. Please let's find out. And please welcome my friend Donald Trump. My friend. My friend. Watch this. Just watch this. This is nuts.

22:31We're an alternative universe. OK, because this is not that long, bro. Go standing. Oh, bro, watch this. Just watch how this goes. Watch this. So she's a Republican. That's easy. Yep. But everybody else. Good joy. I can't wait to get a hug again. Yeah, everyone's a hug. Look at this. Look at this. Kisses, hugs, kisses to whoopee. Everybody hugs and kisses. Even Joy Behar. Even Joy Behar hugs and kisses. See? Now watch this. So I'm going to take you at your word that you have not decided yet when you're going to run. But you're thinking about it and you've expressed some of your views, which are controversial.

23:09And in many ways, yeah. But not to hurt. Well, not to hurt. OK, you're a Republican. You're a Republican. Let's say that you do decide in this big, right? And your ideas resonate so much. On the other hand, we saw Newt King Bridge apologizing for his marriages and divorces. You've had three marriages, two sort of uncomfortable divorces. Do you think that the... So that rule. It was very comfortable. Well, we want me to do that. Do you think... Do you think... Getting laughs right away? That would bother anybody. I think the country is doing so badly. They want somebody that's going to help it.

23:49I think the country is never been in a position like it is right now. It's being ripped off by every nation, every intelligent nation in the world, whether it's China, they're taking our jobs, they're making all our product, and then they loan us back the money we pay, I mean, trust. That is crazy. Whether it's OPEC. That's crazy. Look at this. What's this? How about the Arab League? They say, we want you to go in and attack Libya. These are the wealthiest countries in the world. Why are they paying us? So then they changed their minds. So I did answer your question. I really think people... I think maybe 10 years ago it would have mattered.

24:24Five years ago it... The fact is, I think people want somebody now that's going to protect them and protect this country because we're not going to be a great country for long if we keep going the way we're going right now. If you... The Alliance cheers. Yeah. When we have France, France, leading the charge. Okay, France. This is our new leader. By the way, they led for about two hours. You have to that nobody's seen them. I don't know if you know that. You graphically said they should. Just ask a follow -up question to hear. The lead is the point. Let me just ask another follow -up question to that.

24:54Let's say you run. You've given a lot of thought for this. Who would you like as your vice president, possibly Sarah Paylon? Well, I think it's far too early even to discuss that. I'm going to make a decision sometime prior to June. I'm thinking about it very strongly. I think I do a really good job. I think I'd protect this country. Like it's not being protected. No, it's funny. So many of the things I say, now politicians are saying, hey, that's right. Why aren't they paying us? If you look at North Korea, South Korea, we're protecting South Korea. They're making a fortune. Let's call it hundreds of billions of dollars of profit on us.

25:26We have 25 ,000 soldiers over there protecting them. They don't pay us. Why are they paying us? You've been treating this like a business. No, no. A business with heart. Believe me, there's a lot of heart. It's a business, but it's also a business with heart. We will destroy this country. Won't be a war if the economics of this country keep going the way they're going. We're not going to have a country. You're a social liberal, Donald. You're a social liberal. Could you actually get the base to vote for you in the primary? Well, every poll is saying that I'm the one that does the best. They're doing polls.

25:57They actually have you a higher approval rating than Mitt Romney to Pulentese, John Boehner. But out of all the, out of those, Joe, let's just pause and think. Just, it's very poised. He's listening. Just grasp the 180. Yeah. That the media's taken on him since he decided to be president. When you see the machine go after a guy, we've never seen the machine go after someone as bold -faced, the prosecutions, the rush of gate stuff on television every night, all of it. And then to see just a few years ago, they loved him. You know, he was like a, he was a Democrat, I think, until like 2000 and something.

26:38Oh, yeah. 2008, maybe. Yeah. Something crazy like that. And Clinton, I think they were all pals, right? There's pictures of them at David and Buster's and shit. Oh, yeah. He's like, what, I think he said he had to pay them to come to a wedding. Like, they have a price if you pay them. They pay to come to a wedding. They pay to play as a spectator. Guess what? It's like accusation. It's a Trump accusation. So the thing about, it's like apparently he said that he was in helicopter with Billy Brown, but it wasn't Willie Brown. It was Joe Brown. It was a different Brown. And so now Willie Brown is in.

27:11That's not true. Oh, you know, it's just, Donald Trump says it's money drew Hillary Clinton to his wedding. She had no choice because I gave it to a foundation. Yeah. Is that, is that what, what did I just say with it? Is that true? Yeah, the really good brown thing, Joe Brown thing. I think that was like a mistake he made. And then people like, he's old, she's young. Like, if you fucking see in her mistakes, this is crazy to gaslighting his nuts. It's the same gaslighting they did to turn Trump into a monster. Now they're doing that same gaslighting to turn her into our future, our hope. And it's working.

27:53It's crazy to watch. It's crazy to watch. Is it crazy to, like, I mean, I don't know, do you think it's only gonna get 20 years from now? Because the upswing I guess have just all social media and media in general. And then also you're taking the people that are involved. It's the perfect mesh of crazy and crazy, right? So this says former Trump executive disputes his claim that Willie Brown was on board, right? This is a woman said, Barbara Rez, the Trump organizations, former executive vice president of construction development said, former state center Nate Holden was on the plane, not Brown.

28:30Was that the same exact helicopter thing? So is a helicopter crash? Is that what it was? So no Brown was on there, not Willie or Joe.

28:43He's been on tons of helicopters. It's all the, you know what you were saying? He doesn't have an attack strategy. That's, I don't think, you know, this is what I was trying to say when everybody got mad at me when I said, what I liked about JFK Jr. or RFK Jr., excuse me. Robert of Kennedy is a guy who just goes after issues. He goes after, he goes after the action. He talks about things. This, like, Trump has, like, always in the past, like attacked, is like attacked people, attack people. And it's just, in this case, I feel like I don't know if, what they're doing right now, the way they're elevating, I don't know she's ever gonna debate him.

29:28They locked one in, I think, September 10th. What is that gonna be like when she's off screen, off grid, off paper? Oh, I don't know. Off script. Wild. Just completely able to say whatever she wants, whatever she wants to say. If we get one of those. You kind of got to match Trump a little bit with his, you know, fearless, like, you know, nobody has risen to the level of his, you know, I'm just gonna kind of interrupt and combat everything you say. Like, if she's, you have to be, go toe to toe and be in the ring. You can't be there and kind of just, yeah, 100%. But I do have to say that that one speech that she gave, right after they decided that she was gonna be the nominate, that one speech, which she said, if you're gonna say something, I want you to say it to my face.

30:09It was, great timing. It was middle school research. It wasn't just that man, the way that she delivered it was like very clear. It was prepared, right? And so that means like she's coachable, you know, which is very important if you want to be a president. Right. You got to be coachable. Yeah. So yeah. So she figured out how to deliver a banger of a speech, right? Like, play that because it's pretty powerful. Yeah, I think she'll have something to say back to him. Because, no, but this is the thing. That's a speech. But when you go to toe to toe to toe, when you're just talking off the top of your head, that's where she has some issues.

30:46Oh, you, oh yeah. Yeah, I think people lock up when they know that everybody is criticizing every word they're saying. And you're applying for a job as essentially the mom of the world. Oh, wow, wow. Or the dad of the world, you know, if he wins, that's what you are. You're the fucking dad of the free world, right? But if she just does a Biden impression, you're a sucker. You're a sucker. Just throws it right back at him. There's so many people watching you. Your brain just freezes up with anxiety. But listen to this. This is amazing. This is really... This episode is brought to you by policy genius.

31:19Let's be honest, we all procrastinate, especially when it comes to smaller tasks that don't seem all that important, like finding the perfect life insurance policy. Well, no more excuses. This is your wake up call to finally get that life insurance because it actually is very important. 40 % of people with life insurance wish they had gotten it sooner. And luckily, I know exactly where you need to go to find a good policy, policy genius. It'll help you find life insurance fast so that you can get on with the rest of your life, plus with policy genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage.

31:59Some options offer same day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. They let you easily compare quotes from America's top insurers and its license support team is completely unbiased. They're working for you to find the best fit for your needs and budget. Even if you already have a life insurance plan, I still recommend checking it out. There might be a better deal or your current policy might not give you as much coverage as you want. It's always a good idea to double check. Don't put off life insurance, make it easy with policy genius. Head to policygenius .com slash JRE or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.

32:42That's policygenius .com slash JRE. Here's the funny thing about that. Here's the funny thing about that. So he won't debate, but he and his running mate sure seem to have a lot to say about me.

33:00And by the way, don't you find some of their stuff to just be plain weird? Yes.

33:13Yes. Yes. Yes. Well done, old. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So you'll reconsider to meet me on the debate stage. Yes.

33:33Because as the saying goes, if you got something to say, Yes. Say it to my face. Damn. They knew it was coming. Yeah, she nailed that. She nailed that. Do you think that's that alone can get you the president? This is where it is. We're in idiocracy. That alone, like she, that is a couple bigger soundbites, right? You can't say that's not outstanding. Totally. She just crushed it. She crushed it. She had the big moment. Oh, I'm tuning in. This is a paper of you now. She had the big moment and she crushed it. And she did it without any ums or stammer. No fucking missed words. She got a smile. The laugh made sense.

34:14Made sense there. Yeah. For the first time. It was in context. But she laughs. Like sometimes she laughs. She's like, I got a nerve. It seems like just just try to get everybody to feel lighter about the situation. Yeah. But that wasn't that one. That was like a genuine, genuine smile on the laugh. Crushed it. That's a problem. That's a problem. And I don't think they thought she was going to be able to do that. That's the thing. Yeah. You can fucking coach somebody, bro. It ain't hard. I mean, maybe she just practiced. Who are these coaches? There's public speakers and stuff. Oh, yeah. Public speaking coaches.

34:44Yeah. There's political speech analysts. There's people that. Imagine if there's comedians. How do David Lucas gets hired to give her like some one liners? Listen, I mean, there's a crazy world where there's shit like that, where they somebody goes, you need a couple zingers in your back pocket. I don't know. Because if that's not your world and your brain isn't operate like that, Trump's does. Trump is looking at like, you know, to make a little put down or he's just quick in that way. So he is quick in that way. Also, it would be who've him to hire a few great comics to just tour with them and just write one liners about all these different fucking people.

35:17I mean, if he could remember them, I mean, I think I know he likes to go off his own head. Sure. But he could remember a few Hinchcliff bangers. If he hires Hinchcliff to take it one of the road. You know, fucking insane. That would be. Yeah, dude. Hinchcliff writing bangers for Trump to shit on people. Comedy, cures, and it also is like sometimes what kind of just pushes things over the top. The thing you're getting from him is you know no one is coaching him. Right? You know, he's going off the cuff. You know, he's nobody gets to tell him what to do. When he goes out there and he tells him how to think it's like he just off the cuff off the cuff.

35:51And that's why it gets sideways sometimes. You know, it gets a little funmily sometimes. But what I'm saying is that what she did was like a pro. She did that like a pro. That's where it gets dangerous because you don't think that was calculated. You think that was off the cuff like just responding to what was. No, that was a 100 % planned out thing. 100 % and well executed. Like she fucking nailed it. The problem is that's what we're looking for. It's not even necessarily who has the best policies for the country. It's not necessarily who's going to make real reform. Who's really going to change things and make it better for everybody versus who looks like the kind of person who should be president.

36:33Who's talking like a league. Who sound yeah. Who's got the whole out of. Say it to my face. The whole. What if that becomes your catchphrase? That's a like. You're going around to every country. I mean, that's your there's going to be those t -shirts. That's your I. Caramba of your bar Simpson. Well, that's a bit of a problem is that she does repeat the same speeches over and over and over again in these speeches. So they have all these compilations of her saying things in the exact same order. Yeah, you got to mix it up. But this is the thing that they like about Trump is that he does not do that.

37:02When Trump goes up there, he is more than capable talking for an hour and a half. Straight be entertaining. He cracks on things. It says funny things like he was joking around about Biden wandering around not knowing where he is. It was hilarious. It was like he was a comic. He was killing. And I guarantee you, he probably had an idea in his head that he's going to shit on Biden. Probably you know, had an idea how he's going to do it. But that's like just being a free baller. Yeah. You're up there free ball. He's the only one that can do that. People do respond to that too. Yes. Everybody does like you said, want to look at somebody and go, oh, they represent us.

37:37Well, the same way like if you have a agent or manager, right? You want them if they're out in public, you go, oh, do they, are they an extension of me in a certain way? So we, you want to see the best at it? Yeah. Clinton. Clinton when he was running for president the first time. Bro, put on a clinic. Put on a clinic. Let me tell you something, dude, he's the fucking Michael Jordan. Now those motherfuckers, I can't argue with that. Dude, old school titty grabber. From the, if I called tits, bazumbas, you know, he was an animal and play the sax on my city of guys. Some who talked better than, and he was like, that's the president.

38:11Yeah, you hear him talk. You're like, that's our guy. Exactly right. Listen to this one, the fucker talk. Oh, well, let me just get a speech when he was, this is when he's the president. We've never seen that. He's the president. He's playing sax. Well, can be a little bit of that. Let me hear it.

38:39I mean, I'm still this point we'd seen footage of like Nixon playing Go Fish. There was no cool president doing. No, he was the coolest ever. You know people who lost their home. Oh, yes. Well, I've been governor of the whole world. I've been governor of the small state for 12 years. I'll tell you how it's affected me. Every year, Congress and the president sign laws that makes us do more things and gives us less money to do it with. I see people in my state, middle class people, their taxes have gone up and Washington and their services have gone down while the wealthy have gotten tax cuts. I have seen what's happened in this last four years when, in my state, when people lose their jobs, it's a good chance I'll know them by their names.

39:23When the factory closes, I know the people who ran it. When the businesses go bankrupt, I know them. And I've been out here for 13 months meeting in meetings just like this ever since October. With people like you all over America, people that have lost their jobs, lost their livelihood, lost their health insurance. What I want you to understand is the national debt is not the only cause of that. It is because America has not invested in its people. It is because we have not grown. It is because we have had 12 years of trickle down economics. We have gone from first to 12th in the world in wages.

39:57We have had four years where we produce no private sector jobs. Most people are working harder for less money than they were making 10 years ago. It is because we are in the grip of a failed economic theory. And this decision you are about to make, better be about what kind of economic theory you want. Not just people saying I want to go fix it, but what are we going to do? I think we have to do is invest in American jobs, American education, control American health care cost and bringing American people together again. Okay, stop. If that guy runs right now, he wins. That guy runs right now. He fucking blows everybody out of the water.

40:30Easy listening voice. Yes. Come home with like every fucking state. That guy wins. Can you do that? I don't want to. He can't jump back in, right? No, you did it. No, he can't. He's not the same guy anymore. Right. He's not the same guy anymore. He doesn't have the energy anymore. He's got a bunch of scandals. That guy, if you could go back in a time machine and grab that Bill Clinton and run him today, he wins. And it makes sense. Where if there was a younger son, Clinton, that was a spitting image of Bill and Monica Lewinsky was the running mate. Is there ever a world? Or is that two in the simulation?

41:01That's two in the simulation. That would be two strange. Two strange. Yeah. But what if she came out and her policies were great and she had to say to my face, but she goes, and she made jokes about like, and you know, we're going to swallow the competition. And she said, I don't know. She did, you know, well, the problem was she didn't swallow, right? That's all gone in the dress. Oh, that's right. All right. Well, clean up all the mess. Well, maybe just, we'll clean up every dress and mess. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe she just wanted to keep it from you. Yeah, this is just a soft pitch. I didn't say this was a great idea.

41:28No, it's a, I see where you're going with it though. It's not that that's what we used to get for choices. Yeah. Like, they made sense. When you saw Arnold in the mix, because I feel like at least for me, that was because I was in, you know, around obviously for the Reagan stuff, but like, the Arnold was my first taste of like, oh, anybody can do, you know what I'm saying? Like, how was Ronald Reagan when he became president? Right. I mean, it doesn't make sense to us, but if you were someone who grew up during that time and he was a movie star, it's like, you know, Dennis Quaid being the president.

42:00Yeah. Yeah. And he's playing Reagan. Oh, yeah. Sam Gallaudet did his makeup, does my fill stuff. Oh, that's why. She's a go. Jen Aspeno. It's just like, you know, the world has gotten real weird, man. It's real weird when we know what the trick is. Everybody's talking about the trick. I mean, there's all these videos of Kamala off script. It's just in talk nearly as clearly. It's not well, but if you just keep her on that script and focus, everything else, now you're just, you're still running the show. Yeah. You're still running the show just like you were for the last four years. Because like, no one even talks about Biden anymore.

42:35Yeah. Like literally, you don't, you don't even care that he's still the president for quite a few months. Yeah. Yeah, it's August kids September, October, November, December, no president, no president. And also how bad is he deteriorate between now and then? Because clearly that man is at the end of a long road. The presidency took its toll on him, I think. It takes its toll on everybody because he aged quicker than him. Yeah. I mean, everybody jumped just come. He seemed fine. Yeah. He seemed fine. Four years didn't age him at all. Yeah, wild. Wild. The dude's just water off his back. Well, you look at LeBron.

43:13He's fucking for it playing 20 plus yet. Some people just got a little extra juice to. But LeBron spends millions of dollars on his body. He's never been out of shape. He's constantly. Oh, Trump LeBron don't spend this. He's been about money on their bodies. Yeah, okay. You really can't compare the two. Also, it's not like the NBA ages you like that. No, it's the stress of knowing you could start a fucking nuclear war. The economy rides on you. Why would you want that stress? Even running for president seems like the craziest thing to even just the campaigning. You see when people drop out after four, five, six, seven, eight months, I'm like, God, what do you do now?

43:52Like is that withdrawal or even that come down? It's like a shroom come down where you're like, fuck that. You're questioning everything because you're like, you put everything into it. But then is there a weird like fuck? I didn't have enough to even get close like, or do you just go, all right? I gave it a shot and it wasn't my time. Oh, fucking, I mean, it runs entirely on the individual. Yeah. I think it's just people just getting fed up that want to throw their self into that crazy race. But that thing is nuts. You never had any of that, right? Yeah. Like through any part of your once you even like, yeah, that's wild.

44:22That's a different type of, there's a being wanting to be on stage and make people laugh. Because my buddy mindset is to me just about, as we were talking about actors who ever running for president. And he was like, oh, be great. There's a comedian that ran. And I'm like, yeah, but we don't, that's not our, Al Franken probably could have run, but he probably could have run. Yeah. And he probably could have won. Yeah. He's a really interesting option. He just got fucked. Yeah. Was that that picture? Yeah. There was a picture he was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny. Yeah. It's just unfortunately not.

44:52Long -placed, wrong time, wrong hands, wrong drutz. Trying to be a comedian, trying to be funny. Oh, you know. Oh, wait, real quick, I just had a thought. When Dice came out and did his, because I wanted to, that first of all, talking to him about being back in the garden, you're just saying just being funny or whatever. And I'm watching him do his Hickory Dickery joke at the garden again was wild dude. Yeah. And hearing him talk about being back there was so, that's a, there's so many small things in between the entire garden experience that I was like, I want to not ever forget this because seeing him even just be there, I was like, that's crazy.

45:25Well Dice was kind of on the outs with the comedy community. It was, to me it was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen. It was real weird because he did MTV and he got banned for life from MTV for telling jokes. I forget what the jokes were in the polly area or no. Yeah, I was kind of around that time. Maybe a little after, Paulie was off of MTV. But he had these jokes. I forget even what he was joking about. Like, there bonds or something. No! You know, I don't even know what the fuck he was joking about. That was perfect. But it was Andrew Dice Clay. You asked the dirtiest comedian of all time to do a set.

46:11And then you got mad when he does the kind of jokes that Andrew Dice Clay does. Do you even fucking watch his shit? No, I probably watch Dice Rules. They heard he was popular and they just were like, get the guy. I don't know who everyone's watching. No, what the fuck they thought. If they thought he was going to do something different because he was on MTV, I don't know what they thought. But anyway, they banned him for life. And there was a lot of comedians that came out against him. A lot of comedians said that they thought his act was sexist and racist and yeah, it was. But it was a character.

46:42He was, like, there's a man, his name is Andrew Silverstein. And then there's this character, Andrew Dice Clay. And either the whole idea was like that some stupid people like him. It's stupid people like a lot of things. But smart people like him too. Totally. Because it's jokes. Yes. Because he's being hilarious, saying the most ridiculous shit. And for whatever fucking reason, he was on the out. He wasn't respected by a lot of comedians. It was real weird. It was disrespected. And it was like, I get it if you don't like that kind of comedy. But it's like, who are you to decide what's good? Like I don't think that way.

47:19But I think it's funny when people say things that way. Like I'm not really mad at Billy Joe. I think he's awesome. But when he holds me, he's shitting on Billy Joe. I love doing it enough. It was amazing. It was funny. It was funny. It was funny. Like every, you got to hit him in hug him, dude. Everybody has to be fucked with. I'm sorry. You know, and there's living degrees. Obviously, like, you know, somebody's, I don't know. Again, like jokes, there's, there's, I mean, some of the things that I'm doing, I'm the jokes I've had with friends who have been really bad hospital bedridden and like, that's changed their entire outlook on stuff.

47:51Like, you know, like, you got to be able to joke around. Yeah, dude. It's a real superpower. It's, it's really, I mean, even from some of this Phil's stuff, which is so silly, dude. Somebody's messages like messages I get are wild about people. This kid I met in Jersey during the stress factory. You ever do this stress factory all the time? Vinnie Brand. Yeah, sure. So I'm doing these shows. And this kid comes up and he's like, my mom has cancerous four months to live. We've been watching your Phil's stuff is all that she wants to watch. And it makes her smile. So that's our thing now. And he starts bawling.

48:21And I got all choked up. And it was like just more and more of that happened in the last few years. And not just about stuff, just to comment. It's medicine. It's wild, Joe. It's medicine. It really is. It's medicine for people. Because I think we get so, and I know I'm guilty of this, like, like a lot of us, when you're getting going, you're so, you're thinking, you know, yeah, about the show and making people laugh. And I'm present and I'm afterwards chatting with people and taking it in. But those now that we have this opportunity to receive messages like that or hear it live in the face like that is it's wild.

48:52No, it's amazing. And it makes me so even more lucky to like be a part of it. And you look at something like kiltony. It's like having to be global. There's people in probably Bay root. They're having a shit day that like soft looking haunts Kim. And they're like, dude, I always want to see haunts came in the garden or whatever their dream was. You know, well, yeah, it's it's it really is like kind of medicine. It is for me for sure. If someone makes me laugh, I feel way better. What did you start getting like love like? What I want to say though, before I forgot because I was going. So dice dice is embraced now by this class of the media.

49:25Oh, yeah. To this group of comedians that are coming out dice was one of my heroes. When I was 19 years old, I mean, I was laughing so hard at his. I was in in my car in front of my house with his girls dating. I was 19. We were listening to dice on a cassette. We're just sitting in the front seat of my car just laughing. It was so funny. I couldn't believe how funny it was. And it was just listening to it on a cassette. And then as I became, you know, a comedian, a headliner and traveled to gone on TV. All the sudden, and it became friends with dice. And then I really like some comedians don't like dice.

50:01I was like, this is this doesn't even make sense to me. What are you guys talking about? Like the guy does legitimate performance art on the street. He does for no money. He he plans it out. He strategizes and he makes these videos of him stumbling into people and telling them you want you wanted the picture. You wanted the picture with me. They have no idea who the fuck he is. And it's genius. It's genius performance art. The guy does not get the credit that he deserves. And it's really really great guy. Yeah, just for whatever reason, there's this weird time period where comedians hated him.

50:38And I don't understand that. Doesn't make any sense to me. And he was, I think he got too big too. Because he was the first guy to ever sell out arenas. He was the first guy that was doing those, like he did Masses Quargar multiple nights hold out. Yeah, he does everywhere. He didn't ask all calls him. So it was a classic got so big people just want to kick him off the mountain. I think there's a little bit of that for sure because there's no comedians before him that was doing arenas. And he was doing a different thing because he was doing this thing where everybody knew the jokes and they wanted to say it with him.

51:10What's in the bowl, bitch? Yeah, man. And the fucking thousands of people. Yeah, come on. It's like a rock band. Yeah. You're seeing a band play their favorite song. Yeah. So he had the rhymes, man. The rhymes you could not go wrong with those rhymes. And you know, he's dressed in a fucking giant glittering bike outfit. It's fucking crazy. I did not like a little bit of that. It's fun. It's like there's all kinds of comedy. You can love that and still love Pat and Oswald. I think he's funny too. It's like all kinds of stuff is funny, man. Duncan Trussel's hilarious. Everybody's different. It's okay.

51:44So much. Yeah. But it's just this, this class of comedians gets that. This group of comedians gets, gets just be funny. It's all bullshit unless you're funny. And another fun thing about Kiltoni is that it's like, you know, the, the audience that has cultivated. It's putting, you know, having dice on like that is like, people who may or may not have fully been educated on Andrew will now be like, oh, fuck. And then go back and do a deep dive. And then these kids have no idea he even existed. Yeah. Okay, because they're 20. Yeah. You know, they're 20 years old. Yeah. They don't take dice. Okay.

52:16They were born in 2004, son. That is crazy. Yeah, dude. You already had navigation in your car. And those kids were born. Oh. Yeah. And so they don't know what the fuck is going on. Who's that guy? Why is everybody clapping? Yeah. And you got to become a comedy historian. And you got to go, oh, dice rules. And then listen to the day the laughter died. You want to be a real dice fan? You listen to the day the laughter died. It's two hours long. Oh my God. Okay. Rick Rubin produced it. Oh my God. It's two hours long of him just popping into danger fields with no material and bombing. And what? Oh, yeah, yeah.

52:53On purpose. On purpose. In the height of his stardom. Okay. This guy's selling out arenas. And he decides to do a two disc special of him bombing on purpose. On purpose. I love that. I mean, no material, dude. No material. No, no bomb on purpose or bomb. Bomb on purpose. Look, if he wanted to, he could have done his act and he would have crushed. They would be, oh my God, it's dice. He decides to bomb on purpose. Dude, it's the craziest thing. Yeah. Because the kind of ego you have to have to be able to bomb on purpose. On a CD and then put it out. No internet, by the way. This is all in his crazy head, right?

53:36This is not a thing you do because you know, you want to impress people and read it. Yeah. This is a wild thing he did as an artist. It really is a wild artist move. And this is where I think he doesn't get enough credit because everybody thinks, oh, he's just the dirty guy. He's the guy who tells racist jokes. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, pay attention to what this fucking crazy person is doing. And the thing he does now, he's not trying to get people to like know who he is. He's just making this the most uncomfortable video. And the people who are the fans of his like, he's a fucking maniac.

54:08He's walking up to this crazy Chinese lady. Oh yeah. Do you want it to picture like they don't know what the fuck they do. And he's big. And he's a pose. Yeah, he's crazy sunglasses. And he looks like he might be an insane person. Totally. You're worried about your safety. Yeah, yeah. It's hilarious. He's a fucking, he's a genius. It's inspiring to see somebody like that that has, that doesn't lose their zest for the funny. Like even in the green room at the garden, he was doing videos with everybody and he came up and he goes, Phil, do a video for me where I come up and you go, hey, I'm talking to my fans.

54:40And I go, I go, what? He goes, no, no, but in character, right now you're Adam. Do Phil, so then he comes up and he goes, Hey, I'm talking, I go, Hey, I'm talking to my friends where you fuck off and he goes, Jesus, fucking Christ, this guy. And then he puts it back and he goes, I thought I liked this guy and then he goes over to sound does a little video and yeah, he just was like, he always fuck around. And it was like, and that's what the backstage vibe should be, you know? Dude, he used to do these little sketches at the store and he would do it with a VHS handheld camera. He'd do sketches at the store and I asked him one time, I go, what are you doing these four?

55:12He goes, four. He's like, what am I doing? Oh, like it was green and like, put it together someday. Yeah, yeah. He was just having fun. Yeah, just having fun. Oh, the first time he brought me up in the OR at the store, Jeff Scott was over there on the keys and he goes, Jeff, who we got next? And I met him maybe three times, but didn't expect him whatever, but he goes and Jeff goes, Adam Ray and he goes, Oh, I love this guy and you know, we know each other and he goes, this guy you've seen him here, you've seen him there, keep it going for my friend, Alan Gray. And then I get up and then I get up and he goes, sorry, I had to do it right, I like to be.

55:49And I just laughed it. I was like that. Yeah, just getting a last bite. Yeah. He's, I would love when he would go on stage in the OR and there'd be like 10 people in the crowd. Yeah. And he would just fuck with them. What a treat to get to see that. Look at this fucking guy. Look at this fucking guy with his pants. It looks like he got attacked by a fucking mountain lion. How much did you pay for those pants? You fucking moron. And it's like this. I would call it mean dice. That was my favorite dice to watch in the OR. What did you do mean? Because you just find that they're like, oh, the dice is roasting.

56:21Make it the fuck out of here. They were dying. They were dying. It was funny. Yeah. It sounds mean when I'm saying it, but mean dice was hilarious. Has he, he's been to the mother ship, yeah? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, he loves it. Yeah. I'm just happy. I was always just, would you freak me out to become his friend? Because I, those are the ones for you that's just crazy that as far as like in the business. Yeah, because I was young, man. That was fun. I was friends with him in my 20s. Wow. And I was standing in the back of the con. He's the reason why I started going on the road. Because I was standing in the back of the comedy story.

56:54He's like, you should do the road. And I said, why? I was like, I'm gonna hear it the story. He goes, yeah, I know. But you know what? You don't want to be attached to Hollywood and he's fucking jerk offs. He's like, you can make all the money that you need on the road. Wow. He goes, and you get us, get an audience. He goes, you're a funny guy. She do the road. And I was like, I should do the road. So I start doing the road. For fuck out of you. You just opened you up to the idea. 100 % for years, I was mostly just doing the store. And I would do the laugh factory and I do the improv. And I was just doing Hollywood sets.

57:25And occasionally, I would do something else where it was a long set. But it was a little awkward. Because I was mostly doing 15 -minute sets. And so then I started headlining it again. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, you have to do this. You have to do hours. You have to do like four hours on a weekend. Like two on Friday, two on Saturday. But it's like, the problem was I always had like one foot in and one foot out. Because what one foot in was like, I was always working on television. So that was like most of my day. Most of my day on News Radio was working on the TV show. Like it dampens your enthusiasm for doing the thing that got you to the dance.

58:01But I, I want set a News Radio once. And the producer said, me, why are you still doing stand -up? You're an actor now. And I was like, oh no. Oh shit. I was just like, like this whole cycle of needing people to pick you for something. I was like, yuck, get me out of this. Yeah. Why are you deciding what I should be to people? And it was at that same time where Dice told me, you just do the road. It's the same time. So it was like a fortuitous convergence of this guy that I couldn't believe I was friends with. It was just weird to me. With those News Radio days, be so long that sometimes you wouldn't want to go up and do a spot.

58:34Or what's it pretty conducive? I always did it. I never canceled. I always did it. Even though the size is exhausted. It was your reward, too, right? You were looking forward to it. Like I can get through the day so I can get on stage almost. It was a little bit of that, but it was also, those are my people. You know, the comedians were my people. I had to be around the freaks. I had to be around the weirdo, the Holtzmans. You know, I became friends with Holtzman in 94. Wow. So I had to be around those guys. Like those are my compatriots. It is wild how quickly you find that out that you are in the right spot.

59:00I remember when I first started going around the store in what, 2000. I started standing in 2007. So it was right around there and just going open mics and waiting for four hours. And Tommy telling me I'm going up. And then not going up. And then be like, well, maybe come back tomorrow and then just being around. Even if I didn't go up, I was around for four hours. And I didn't just sit and wait. I like milled around. And that's where I met Tony and all these guys that you're like, oh, cool, you're doing this, too. And that was the connecting over that. Is an immediate bond that's just like, once you kind of lock eyes with someone, you're like, oh, you're trying to do this, too, unspoken respect.

59:32And then, and then also like, oh, cool. Somebody that like, oh, we both didn't go up. Or you got up, oh, cool. Yeah, well, dude, next time I may be doing this and then, oh, where are you going now? You know, it's late. Like, I'm fucking, I'm jazzed from watching four hours of comedy and not going up. And I feel like it's sad if I just go to bed. So, oh, well, let's go fucking play video games and smoke weed and talk. And just talk about our experience of that night. And yeah. There are wild times that you don't appreciate at the moment because you're worried. You don't know if the future is ever going to be real.

1:00:02You don't know if you're ever going to be a real comedian, because you don't, you want to do it. You're obsessed with it. But it's hard to even get on stage. It's hard to even take the first steps towards the dream. So, it's like, even though it's an amazing time, and you're going to look back on it so fondly forever, at the time, it's crazy. At the time, you just don't know. And that not knowing and not being able to control your destiny as a young person is one of the most terrifying and paralyzing feelings because you don't know if it's going to happen. In whatever you're trying to do, you're just, you're a fog of, you know, hope and dreams and I don't know.

1:00:42I don't know. I can't see the future. I don't know if it's ever going to work out. The uncertainty that is a constant cloud over your head. But also the appropriate amount of delusion and enthusiasm for wanting to make it, right? Or make it, I mean, just wanting to be able to work in this world. Well, I was very fortunate that I'm a very determined person because I was terrible when I started. I sat up. Yeah, I mean, occasionally I had some good jokes that I was bad at putting it together. But I didn't know how to write. I didn't know. I just knew like what I liked and I knew that I could make people laugh in inappropriate ways.

1:01:16I just couldn't figure out how to get that. Were you comfy on stage? No. It took a while. Took a while for me to be comfortable on stage. It was just so crazy. I was so nervous about it. But I had fought like a hundred times. It was just so weird that like getting kicked in the head didn't make me as nervous as talking to people. That's so wild to me. It's so crazy. There was a lot of fear that came with the fighting that didn't come with standup, like all throughout the day. Like you had a massive anxiety, all throughout the day when sparring days, you'd have massive anxiety when you're going to a tournament.

1:01:46And that's when I became funny because I would make everybody laugh when we were all freaking out. Because we were like on a bus driving to New York together to go get kicked in the face. And you're not trying to laugh. And I would just make jokes because it's very likely that one of us might get knocked unconscious. And I'd seen a few of my friends get knocked unconscious. And it's a terrifying feeling. When I saw a friend of mine get ax kicked in the face. And he was really never the same guy again after that. He was a really good fighter. And we went up to Canada and he fought this guy named Jersey Long.

1:02:20And Jersey Long was this national champion from Canada who was nasty. He was nasty. And he caught my friend in the head with an ax kick and KOed him. And I didn't think my friend should have been fighting him. I didn't think my friend was good enough at that point and experienced enough. He was good. He was very talented. But he didn't have enough experience on a national level. And this guy was at the peak of his form. Any fucking caught him so hard. And it was so horrible watching him crumple and going conscious. And I was like, God damn. It was one of the worst KOs I'd ever seen live from like a friend getting KOed.

1:02:55And I was like, God damn. That make you really just reevaluate everything. I think a bunch of times made me reevaluate. KOing people made me reevaluate it. Watching people snoring on the ground and knowing that could have easily been you. Easily could have been you. Easily. You know, easily. There was definitely guys that could have knocked me into the shadow realm. It just didn't. I just got lucky. I got lucky and I never really got knocked down until my last kickboxing fight. I get TKO to still conscious. It was I was okay. I got rocked. I got hit with a left hook and dropped my legs just disappeared.

1:03:29My leg just went, weep, go away. What's that like? It's weird. It never happened before. I've been rocked before in the gym, but I'd never been dropped where I was really exhausted. It was my third fight of the night too. Because even that's a crap shoot, right? Like when you're getting kicked in the head and you go down or whatever it is that knocks you out, it's still, right? There's always the, oh, a couple centimeters to the left and that would have actually. This guy caught me perfect on the jaw. And I think I had my mouth open because I think I was tired. Because it was like I said, it was the third fight of the day.

1:03:57And I remember being exhausted because I would get sick a lot of times before fights because I would get nervous. So I get real nervous and then your immune system drops because you're freaking out all the time. Fuck. And also you're cutting weight. I'd be cutting my calories down because I was trying to compete in different weight class. But those nerves don't enter in the comedy. Like before your live special, which I told you a couple days ago, but it was awesome. Thanks. And also I'm just, I love doing a different man. When Harlem Williams did a fucking special outdoors in front of animals, I was like, fuck yeah.

1:04:28You know what I'm saying? Doing something different, but the live thing is so, not guaranteed man, you're prepped, you're ready, you've done live, but like still you're, you're still, it's still a new challenge, right? I mean, I said no to it at first. I was like, I don't wanna do that. Fuck that. We'll put you over the top and what, and what were the nerves like that were? Well, we'll put me over the top as I was like, why are you scared, Busy? Like this is like, what do you like to do? You like to do things to scare you? You can do this thing, you fucking bitch. That's exactly what I thought to myself.

1:04:56Cause I said no. I was on the phone with my manager and she said Netflix wants to do a live special. I was like, fuck that. I go, I don't wanna do that. No, no, no, no, tell them no. Maybe I'll do a special, but at that time, I wasn't even thinking about doing a special. I was just working on comedy. I was just having fun and just doing comedy. And then being at my own club, it was fucking wonderful. And then I was like, why are you being such a bitch? Okay, as I drove, when I said no, and then when I got home, I think, or maybe the next morning I called her up and I said, don't tell no yet. Let me think about it.

1:05:27And then the next day I said, I'm gonna do it. Conversations with other people about it, or you just kind of had a - I didn't tell anybody. A carpeptalk or what? No, no, just my own head. It was like, this way you're supposed to do stupid. Yeah, dude, yeah. Just do something that scares a shit out of you. Cause that scares a shit out of you. But I just realized like, I'm having great shows. I know that I'm the materials tight. It's funny. I'm like, what am I worried about? I'm not gonna be able to do it every night. Just do it like a regular night. And I do everything live. I do the UFC live. I do ways to do YouTube videos.

1:05:59We used to do live. You used to stream the podcast live. I don't so many shows live. Like, what am I worried about? And I'm like, oh, you're worried about fucking up. Okay, well don't think about fucking up. Think about doing it the best way you can do it. And the best way I can do it was like to over -prepare. So I prepared like crazy. I was in a one point time I was doing six hours a week. So I was doing three nights, two shows a night headlining. Got that. And you're ready at that point. After like an hour and 15 minutes of other guys killing an hour and 15 an hour and a half sometimes. One time was an hour and 45 minutes.

1:06:35Because they protect our parks guys. We're all with me. Oh, shit. So we all went out and we were blazed. We were all so drunk. We were so drunk. When we got there, we hopped out of the limo and ran upstairs. And it was ridiculous. One point Norman got so drunk during the podcast that he went backstage through up and then went to sleep. So you know that backstage area? Oh yeah. Like right behind the stage. Yeah, he was sleeping up there. Yeah, out cold. So he goes up and then you know, R .E .S. Hammer. He goes up and Brian Simpson was there. Tony was there. It was a giant crazy show. So but those those shows when you're going up that late, it's like running with weights on.

1:07:18You got to keep that momentum on. You got to keep things tight. So all I did was just over prepare. I just really listened to a lot of recordings. I watched the video from Friday night. Because we recorded Friday night too. Oh great. So I watched that video. I was writing bits out that I knew but I was writing them out word for word on a notebook over and over and again. And when you're over prepared, I'm assuming. I don't know if you rift anything in the moment, but I feel like when you are that in the pocket, you're like, all right, now I feel comfy to shoot from the hip. Yeah, you could just do a show.

1:07:47Like a regular show, like how you would do it. That's how I thought I'll just go, I want to over prepare, but I just want to do it like a regular show. But it's also a regular show in a theater, which was odd because I had only done my club for a year and a half. I hadn't done any other venues for a whole year and a half. Before Friday night, I had not done any other big places. Wow. Yeah, for a long time. I think the last time I did a big place was probably one of the areas that I did. And then I went to the club and then I stayed in the club for a year and a half. So next, I sure you have to be, what black out drones.

1:08:23Just to mix it up. No, I think I'll do a live one again. Yeah, it was fun. It was fucking terrifying, but fun. Like in the moment, it wasn't terrifying at all. Yeah, I was just in the moment and I was doing, was just concentrating on staying in the moment and enjoying myself and having a good time. And doing it the best I can do it. And being, you know, I was so prepared because I knew what my transitions were going to be. I'd done that set in that order for like three weeks. I was like, I was ready. Yeah, we're going to livestream these field theater shows, I think, just taking a page out of the Kill Tony book.

1:08:56It's like, yeah, why not? It's people, you know, because there's only a handful of theaters we're doing, but it's like there's people, you know, you can reach way bigger audience doing that. And I mean, it's all, the field shows all unscripted. So it's like, there's a little more room for, you know, something, whatever, but I don't know. Well, there's a lot, a lot of room for it, but the most important thing is, you're like, actually, the most important thing is that's what people like. Yes. They like that you're going without a net. Right. They like it. Yeah. That's why they like the live Kill Tony's.

1:09:22That's why they like all this stuff. Yeah, anything could happen. Yeah, look Kill Tony at its base. The whole thing is, there's no net, you know, it's like, you're going to go up, some guy went up in Mass Square Garden the first time you ever went on stage ever, ever, ever. Oh, that's fucking so crazy, man. Ever. That's so crazy. I mean, what a mind fuck that must be. To walk out in front of end of by the way, those people were harsh. Those people are fucking that. I was going to ask you, how do you feel with like a joke in? They're like, so my mom is a, my mom's weird. They're like, fuck you.

1:09:54They're boo. Yeah. I mean, the boo's coming so quick sometimes. Also, they're drunk. Okay. There's people out there. They've been ready for the show all day. They've been day drinking. They probably went to a pub, got fucked up. Oh, in New York, yeah. Yeah, they're walking. And then they walked into this, the most iconic arena. Their favorite show, it's live. There's 16 ,000 people. They're fucked up. Let's go, Tariq. And then some guys on stage, and it's not that good. You're like, baaah. I paid for this, especially in New York. Especially in New York. They're not polite. If it's going south, they're going to let you know.

1:10:29But that's part of the fun. Because when it goes great, they let you know too. They're great laughers. God damn, when they were laughing, they were laughing hard. It was a fun show. It was really fun. But it's that weirdness of like, it could go sideways. It could be awesome. But it's always going to be funny. Yeah. And then you got the regulars. Like William Montgomery is a goddamn national treasure. Probably can't get enough of them. I tried him to death. Me too, man. He's so funny. He's so fucking funny. And he gives it. He's so, I love to when people are just so, he's such a kind guy, but he's so like, he just commits fully dude.

1:11:06And he's just always in the pocket. And he's always, that's a tough thing too, is going on like, I've only been on his long panel or a five, 10 minute bit. And it's like to go on for a minute and then however long the interview part is, he's just always, he always delivers, I guess, which is. He's a, he's a character, right? He's a maniacal character. And you can get away with so much. I was at maniacal character. I met his, he's got two brothers by what met one. And he goes, hi, my name's Vance. And goes from William's brother. And I was like, of course you are. Like he does had all the William like, really just a very intense like, because you know, William hugs you.

1:11:42Oh yeah. He hugs you like, he might be stabbing you. He hugs you like a Trump and shake. Like he pulls you in and then it's really weird. Like he's stabbing you. Actually that's very tense. Like you might want to stab you. What is that? I don't know what it is. I'm trying to relax him on it. For several years now. Yeah. He just hugs you and you're like, am I in trouble? Am I in danger here? What's going on here? Yeah. He's just, are we jumping out of a plane while you're holding on to me so tight? What a writing exercise that show is to have to come over the whole new minute every week. Yeah. That's bananas.

1:12:13It's a bananas experience. I mean, it's such a crazy job. And to do it live in front of a crowd and to have it on YouTube. And if you bomb it's on YouTube forever. It's like, that's the ballsiest shit you can do man. Let me ask you this. Would you ever go on, like now that there have been, you know, I've gone on as a few characters, Shane going on doing, doing Trump. If there was ever a pitch to you from Tony or whoever, because you're good at acting man. And if there ever be a world of somebody who was like, dude, Joe, let's get you up and some to come on and do like that. I had an impression that was really good.

1:12:42It was like a wild person, not even like a long panel thing, but like a, yeah, I would do that. Like a fake part. You don't have to be a person that I could actually do an impression of. Okay. Because I'm not that good. I only have a few. Like I can do dice and I can do Joey. But it's only a few. But what about an original? This is a guy named Earl Strickland. This is my best impression. My best impression is a professional pool player. Let's go. For real. Is voice or is the way he is? No, there's a video of me doing impression to him. I sound exactly like him. Awesome. And I say the crazy, he's a genius.

1:13:16Genius pool, one of the greatest pool players of all time. But like all people that are incredible at what they do, they're nuts. Yeah. Almost all people that are really, really good at things. Sorry. Out of their fucking mind. Oh yeah. And he's out of his fucking mind. And he's famous for things like he puts, like ankle weights on his wrists when he plays and tapes up his fingertips and puts like shooting goggles on. Meanwhile, I was like one of the greatest pool players that's ever left. So he has all these like gadgets and shitty does. But I do this impression to him. Play it for me because you got to hear him talk.

1:13:45For you. Mr. Earl Strickland, ladies and gentlemen. That's my buddy Justin. What are you doing tonight? Pool was a beautiful game played by ugly people. OK. First of all, how are you going to play pool if you're not properly equipped? Where's your BT presented? You don't have no ass weights. I just see you and waiters. What are you doing? You have goggles on? No. Get the fuck off the thing. This is wild good. You got to listen to the guy. Doesn't sound like you. But listen to the guy. That's like if that guy was famous, yeah, I could do like a whole tour as him. Oh my god. That's your next chapter.

1:14:19I could do a tour of pool halls. Oh my god. Meet and greets with that. But that's the only one I could do that good. Well, here's the thing. Even that voice, I'm like dude. That's a kill Tony guy. You see that guy come on. Right. This is him. It's every week. No, it was just the best players in the world playing. Bro, you nailed it. I know how to do it. For us. I buy 10. That was the biggest thing. Oh, Joe's a beautiful game. It's played by a bunch of ugly people. The stash bro. Yeah, he's a wizard. Now, is he is he so famous that like a biopic is in the works if something happened? They could do a biopic role struggling.

1:14:59And I could play role struggling. I can't play as good as a role struggling. And I'm not built like a role struggling. But I could definitely do it. And a role struggling. Oh my god. It's gonna be so mad at me. Have you been, he doesn't. He doesn't matter me. Yeah, I met him. He was happy when I met him. I ran into him and he was like, why are you picking on me? I could do him a giant fan. It's the only way I could do an impression. He was not good. He was a huge fan and we became friends, like friendly. So then I tried to get him on the podcast and he doesn't want to come on. He's mad at me for something.

1:15:28Doing his voice. I keep saying he's mad at me. He did a podcast saying that he turned me down. That he didn't want to do my podcast. Oh god. I'm only a fan. Yeah. I'm only telling, I only joke it around because I think you're awesome. Is pool your, man, how do I ask this question? Not vice. Number one hop. Number one, like if you had the ideal day, like a joint, a show, you know, maybe post show for however long and you're hanging. Obviously I know you're like your dinners and whatnot. But like is pool your true, like you're in your happy place then? Well, it's just to, to me, it's like a game that's also a mind cleanser.

1:16:03So there's certain things. And the social aspect of it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Social aspect. Well, if you're hanging around a pool hall for sure. Yeah. Also, it's like pool players are also obsessed with it, the way you're obsessed with it. So you can talk about stuff. Yeah. You can't talk about with other people, like tip millimeter sizes and carbon fiber shafts and show them, no, no, let's talk about that. But the pool players can't wait to talk. So you're talking about these weird aspects of, very particular aspects of this game. But while you're doing it, when you're just trying to concentrate on running out and just trying to concentrate on putting that cue ball perfect for the next ball, perfect for the next, you think of three balls ahead, you're plotting your lines and you're going, there's no room for anything else.

1:16:43There's no room for, oh, I forgot to call that guy back. Oh, I gotta do this. Oh, I gotta do that. Oh, I didn't do this today. There's no room. While you're shooting, it's a mind cleanser. So all the things should I do this, should I do that, all that goes away. And he just cleans your mind out because it requires all of you to make a heart, especially on tight pockets, a long shot on tight pipe. He requires all of you to stay in line, have your stroking arm follow through smooth, have the proper grip on the cue where you're not gripping it too tight. You gotta, like, you're cradling it, like a little baby bird, like a little baby bird in your hand.

1:17:18And you're just letting that cue weight and the acceleration from your arm push through that ball and you wanna watch that spin as it collides the other ball and moves perfectly to the next ball. That requires all of you. So while you're doing that, it cleans your head out. Dude, Strickland, you're just making me realize is like Bob Ross for pool. The way that you described all that, I was like, dude, that all made sense. You just basically broke down pool in the most beautiful way. And it really is, there's so much finesse, there's so much like strategy, there's so much there's athleticism involved.

1:17:48There's a little bit of body control. I wouldn't call it athleticism, but you have to have execution. You have to be able to execute the shots. And that requires like a finesse that's learned over thousands and thousands and thousands of shots. I thought I was gonna be a pro pool player at one point. My mom was a single mom, four jobs, ran and assisted living homes, you know, activities that was one of the jobs, like the bringing, you know, our school, choirs and then just coming up with games form. And so I'd go there for a lot of times after school and there was a guy that was like, I don't know the fucking janitor.

1:18:22Who knows if this guy even like worked there, but also I'd always be upstairs with him playing pool and my sister. And he just like was so good and would like show us trick shots and I got so into it. There's one of those things you got so into for like three, four years. And then I don't know, girls. You got someone who's good that showed you how to do it right. Yeah, I always think back every now and not always, but think back to like, oh man, what if I like had really made that a thing? Cause I, I mean, who knows where I was, but all I know is I was playing, like anything as a kid, right? I was playing all the time to where I was like, oh man, what if that was like, that would have been crazy.

1:18:58If I knew you from the pool, so the comedy world, that would be crazy. I know, right? Yeah. Then you probably would have had this thing in your head, like I think I could do comedy. Oh yeah, I think I could do it. You know, that thing that you had in your head before you ever started doing it, like that little voice. It's like, maybe you should do comedy. That was me on the bus in person doing ace ventura scenes. Cause those are fat, so as a fat kid. And then I was getting teased all the time. Oh, look at you handsome bastard. Fat kid. Fat kid to a club. I'm sure I did. I'm trying to get the guy in it too.

1:19:31Yeah. Remember the fat kid in it too comes back, buff and handsome and in it too. Well, you don't remember? I watched it the other day in it one, the chubby kid gets cut up by the bully Yeah, remember that? Yeah. Then in it too, now he's a stud. He's got like a six pack, beautiful man. Like something happened. Oh yeah, we're so close up. Yeah, you got to glow up. I appreciate it. Yeah, wait, it was, I was getting teased all the time. So it was fat kid. And then I started making friends laugh. And they were like, oh, you're the funny kid. So now I was like, oh, this is making them laugh, which feels good.

1:20:02And then it's also changing the way they're looking at me, which I felt like a crazy superpower. I mean, it's six grades. And I was just, you know, I just was like, oh, I gotta chase this then. So then it was, you know, but I was doing it naturally. I wasn't going out of my way to do it. It just came like I was, I'd watched Ace Ventura and then I was like, oh, I wanna, you know, do that to a couple of friends on the bus. And now I'm like telling stories. And then I would prank call Seattle Sports Radio stations and record it on like my my first Sony and play it for friends on the bus. And they'd be like, just seeing them laugh was fun.

1:20:32Or prank call, one of the first things I did was there was a girl in our class that everybody had a crush on. And me too, but she was like, yeah, bigger tits than me. Why would I like you? And so I called my buddy who she ended up dating and pretend to be her as I called him with other friends. Kind of diabolical. Jesus. You could do an impression of her. Is that good? In fourth grade, yeah. I remember a voice. I didn't sound like this. That's insane, dude. And so even back then you were doing that? Yeah. Impersonating teachers and whatnot. And then yeah. That's hilarious. But then, but the chasing of it was, which is why I was telling some of this day, Jim Carrey when he came through, when he was scouting for him, I'm dying up here at the comedy store.

1:21:11And I had never met him. And he just walked through and Adam E. gets walking him through. And that movie was so influential. I mean, Jim Carrey in general, but how much I was involving it in making people laugh. He walks, was it a movie or was it a television show? Ace Ventura? No, no, the comedy store thing. Oh, a television show on Showtime. Right. Yeah. So he's coming through the back bar. I think he was going to do roast battle. And I'm saying the back bar or the main bar of the store. And he walks through. And Adam's like, Hey, Adam is Jim Carrey. And I go, and Jim goes, okay, man. And then he keeps walking.

1:21:47I was like, and Rob the bartender was like, dude, you fucking, what was that? And I was like, I couldn't turn it into a mean kit. And then I put it all together and I was like, oh, dude, like, I'm sure subconsciously in that moment, I was like, oh, dude, this guy, whether it was all about it or not, like me just telling you all the stuff about the movie and influencing me and giving me the confidence to like want to try to make people laugh, he was your Jesus. Yeah, I mean, it was just my Jesus. I mean, I think so, man. That's what it was. Put me on the track to try to, and now that's my life, I don't know.

1:22:18Maybe I'm getting too heavy about it, but you're not getting too heavy. No, I appreciate what you're saying. That's exactly what it is. Like he is the guy that started the spark, right? He's the guy that inspired me. I think feeling impressions of him getting laughs is what got you down the road. Yeah. So you meeting him was a freak out. Yeah. He should be used to freak out by now. Like you're fucking Jim Carrey, dude. Yeah. But I bet he gets bugged out by people that don't act normal around him. Sure. You know what I mean? He's probably so tired of it. Yeah, maybe he appreciate that. And then Adam later was like, dude, you fucking frozen front of Jim Carrey, man.

1:22:51That's a great idea. Dude, he was right down. No, it's not coming back. You saw a centine also. I don't know. He's, he'll be paying 30 years. No, he's definitely not coming back. Is you fucking stared at him weird? Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, out of your get. That's a perfect idea. Yeah, I mean, you get. But you know, those guys, I think that being that famous for that long is like radiation poisoning. I think so. You know, I think you have to have a very unique constitution to live near Chernobyl. Oh, yeah. And I think that a guy that's that famous for that long probably goes a little insane. Wild, yeah.

1:23:26And they also like became insane. I think when he was doing Andy Kaufman, he became like Andy Kaufman for like a year. I know. I need to be taking a pay. Like, what if that happens to me with this Phil thing? No. Yeah, I know. I can separate you separate. You're talking to me before you went on stage. Yeah, Phil, you're just you. You're just you imagine. Fuck if I was just like Joe, you excited for tonight's show. I understand. I'd go this. Yeah, Phil, what's up? Talk to Jason. I said, I've done it. Dude, you, that coat you were wearing that night. Where like you were, I mean, it was incredible, dude.

1:24:02And you looked like with your shades and that jacket where I just wanted to be ridiculous because we're at Mass and Square Garden. I love it, dude. Yeah, and you were adding to the show. Yeah, it was just to me felt like this is so big. I should dress for a posture. So I feel preposterous. Can I ask where you get a jacket like that? Nords dreams. Let's go. Shout out to Nords dreams. Yeah, I got a it's a it's not no animals died in the making of that jacket. Come on, come up. It's maybe a few seals probably choked a death on the oil that spill over there. Yeah, I mean, is that even eco friendly when people have like fake fur?

1:24:34I guess they think that it causes less death. But I wonder if overall it does. I wonder if like what is the amount of life lost through the petrochemical production of nylon versus beaver trapping? You know, like what it how many things live lives get lost? Because of the actual production of fake letters and plastics and chemicals. How many how many things go into the ocean? How many how many things die because they get poisoned by the run off? Yeah. How many where are these things made? What's that Siri? Right. Where is this stuff made? Is this stuff made in some third world country that doesn't have any environmental regulations?

1:25:16And they're just dumping this waste into the river, which we know has happened is like, but you feel better because you're wearing a fake fur. Like, I'm not sure. I know. I'm not sure. I think we might be better off just using real fur. Maybe. I bet we are. Yeah, but it's just cruel. The idea of killing an animal just for its skin is just cruel. Pretty wild. Yeah, it's wild. But I mean, we kill them for food. It's weird to be like, there's places that are fur free zones now. Okay. Like states, like places you can't sell fur. I bet you could still wear them with his America. Yeah. But here's the thing.

1:25:52You can't sell fur. I think you can't sell fur in parts of Los Angeles. See if that's true. Sounds about right. I think they put a ban on selling fur. But you can still sell leather. Do you know how fucking insane you are when you have animal skin on almost everything? You have animal skin on the inside of your car. You have animal skin on your shoes. You have animal skin on your belt. Do you have animal skin on your wallet? You have animal skin everywhere. If it's better, it's leather upholstered. Yeah. Look, look at this beautiful leather upholstered. It's better if it has leather. So you have animal skin everywhere, as long as there's no fuzz on it.

1:26:31First sales are illegal in California. 2019 state of California came the first state to ban fur. States governor Gavin Newsom signed in law AB 44, which bans the sales and manufacturing of new clothing and accessories made from fur. I get it, I get people wanting to be kind and not kill an animal for its fur. I totally understand where you're coming from. But it is a little weird that we're okay with leather. It's a little weird and don't ban leather. You mother fuckers. That's not my point. My point is shut the fuck up and let people do whatever they want to do. I don't think you should ban fur.

1:27:14I don't want one. I'd rather have a fake one, you know? What do you think about the tech? Just because I feel bad. Yeah. But I mean, but I get it if I was living in a place where they couldn't, like where did it all come from, right? It came from, that was the only way to stay alive. People wore big ass fur coats because it protects you. They don't wear fur coat, they inuins don't wear fur coats because it looks cool. They want to stay alive. Yeah, it's warm. Yeah, that's all it is. It's the best way to stay alive, especially when you're getting it from these animals that you're killing. Yeah.

1:27:42Like that's literally how you get your clothes and your food. It's from these animals. That's the origin of it all. Now it's like a weird thing because you're wearing it to show everyone your own baller. You're coming in a full length mint coat. What's up, play up? Yeah. Like my ostrich hat. Yeah, you just, you have feathers on your cap from some exotic bird that lost its fucking life so you can look like a pimp. And you just, just to go to the clippers game and style. Wearing gold all over your, your alligator pussy ring. It's a diamond's carved out of the ground by the child labor. You know, and you just glitter in it.

1:28:15Yeah. You have to, you have to walk in like that by the way. Yeah, if you got a fur coat on, you got to walk in like this. Even though the coats do in the talking for you, but my friend Bill had one, I put one on one. So I was like, oh my god, this thing's amazing. We're an aspirin. It's so mean. I go, what is that? What is that code? Let me try that on. I put it on. I was like, oh my god. Wow. This is amazing. Yeah. It insulates you so perfectly. You're just like, pimp's made mint coats popular. Is that I don't know who made mint coats popular, but they're popular with rich ladies. Rich ladies, yeah.

1:28:43It's rich ladies. And then it's like, I think pimp's caught on like, because it wasn't when a lot of Joe Namath didn't, Joe, don't name it like famously wear. Yeah, coat. Yes. Yeah, baller shit. Yeah, it does. It looks, yeah. But back then, people didn't think twice because everybody's just trying to stay alive. We're just trying to not starve to death. Right. You know, they didn't give a fuck about those animals. And once things got soft and sweet, and people started doing way better, you know, and society, you know, it's like, you know, we don't have to worry about starving to death. I was like, hey, why are we killing these little animals for their fur?

1:29:14Let them live. Yeah. What do you think about the taxidermy stuff, like the full on people that have like rooms with just creature on creature? Do that with animals I hunt. Because I like what's called a European mount. And a European mount is the skull with the antlers on it. Just the actual skulls. Yeah. I know what it looked like. I don't want a fake representation of it on my wall. It's basically a doll. First of all, the people that do it are amazing. And the art of it is pretty incredible. Because it is an art form. What you're doing is you're using this mold, right? So you have a mold that's roughly the size of the torso of the animal that you killed.

1:29:51They have a photograph of the animal that you killed. And then they take the skin from the animal that you killed and mold it around this foam and do it so perfectly that it looks just like the animal. They put fake eyes and they do it all up. And it's got the antlers from the actual animal on it. And they've made a fake version of this animal that you killed. I get it. Yeah, I get it, but it's not for me. Right. I don't know. I feel like I would get pretty baked in my own house and have some late night freakouts at some of these things that look super. Well, I buddy mine has a full house of them.

1:30:24He's, he seems Doug. He lives in Jersey. And, but he's into it for the, yeah, the artistic, like he says, it's beautiful. It's got this big. Jamie, you don't have that thing. I was going to show Joe, do you have the little trailer? So, Joe, I made this doc called Doug about my friend who in was a lifeguard when he was 21 and 70s, jumped into a pool in Jersey to save a kid who was faking drowning. And he ended up being a paralyzed from the neck down. And his brother, Brian, who was an accountant, quit doing that to save his brother mentally, physically, who's in the hospital, wanted to die. Was like, leave me even the pool.

1:30:59I don't want to live like this. He was a college football star. You know, we're going to be a lawyer. Brian not only gets him physically fit and mentally stable, you know, to a place to where he wants to live, gets him so strong that he enters the Paralympics ends up becoming the world champ setting all the world records, gets on a cover of a Wheaties box, travels the world with Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, Bo Jackson speaking to people all over the world, becomes a criminal lawyer, helps get the disability act going. And so I meet Brian, who's now, who's now a physical therapist to the stars in New York.

1:31:28And he goes, he's telling me about his brother. He's like, dude, you let me by brother, you're the guy that's a fucking, he's incredible. Come and do dirty, me by brother. You get here, I'm just, it's as good as your struggling impression. And so I go to Jersey and I see his place. He shows me all his pictures and videos of him with the Pope and Christopher Reeve and, and, and Regent Kathy Lee and I'm like, holy shit. Is this stock out already? Yeah, it's on YouTube. And I just, it's a one of the trailers. Let's hit the trailer. Yeah, let's hit trailer. Thanks for the, so I directed it's the first time.

1:31:54The Doug Air story from the Wheaties cereal box to the electives. It was 1978 when Doug Air, as a lifeguard, Dolvin will pull to save a drowning boy. When I Dolvin, this stand kicked back and my head hit the bottom of the pool. He's not playing, I don't feel my legs. I don't feel anything. I'm screaming to the guys, come on, come on. My life ended and began right at that moment. Where a brother he goes, you're not going to get this corny arm, you know, he would duck him one pound wrist weights to my hand. They told me about wheelchair sports. He goes out in the field, breaks the first world in the second world, I can break the soul, job and shop at Disney, Doug Air.

1:32:37We never thought we'd see that, we never. I got a phone call. Soon, his picture will be pasted on three million boxes of the stock. You see my brother on the face of a wheel? But so cool. Where's it go from there, you know? Hold down, get dirty in the way, and get back up again. And that's the journey. Hey, you can't beat the parking, just remember that. MUSIC Dude, that's bad ass. Crazy story. That's a crazy story. So I went out there and I was like, I only see how they filmed the interviews and their mom just passed with Brian Doug. And because the story of the brother, you know, just being there for Doug is wild and inspiring.

1:33:19And I don't know, you know, having that amount of pictures and video to accompany any doc, I feel like it's pretty imperative. And it was overwhelming. So I was like, I'm going to come out at least interview you guys and then took a couple years to put it all together. But some of my YouTube channel, YouTube .com slash Adam Ray Comney. I tried to pitch it a few places. Didn't really have enough juice. And then I was like, I'm just going to put it up because I want them to, it should be out there. A movie on that story. I mean, it's wild, Joe. I mean, I'll text you a link. It's only 50 minutes.

1:33:45So that you've never did a documentary or anything like this before? First one directed, yeah. That's crazy. So you just got inspired because this guy's story to put this together. 1 ,000%. I was like, I can't believe that your story is not more. I go, I'm like, how the fuck have I not heard about this? And you know, I've talked a few people since. We've been like, oh, I remember seeing someone on the news about this. Yeah, fucking a quick news, a 10 second, whatever. But like, and Brian's such a character. The brother that's who I was doing the voice of. That's a great impression. His voice. It might be better than my restaurant.

1:34:17Do it easy. But Brian now is, that's his life now. So that's also crazy. He dedicated his life to helping his brother. And now he is to the stars in New York and whoever else. I mean, he'll be on a, I flew him the Vegas once when I had a major back thing and three days of aggressive stretching and fucking fix me and on the plane is like, there's a woman next to me. She always fucking to fucked up. I think she's gonna, she was able to do that for fucking 40 years now she can. And he kept telling me about Doug. And I was like, what did he do to her shoulder? The letter, I don't know, just fucking lick that.

1:34:47I don't know. He just, he did a little release. Some guy, he's, you know, he's, there's a name for the type of physical therapist he is. But he says that it's in case people don't understand. But he's a wizard man and he, yeah. So I just got, I was like, I need to do this. Is he like to raw thing? Is it that kind of stuff? What's that? That's that really painful kind of soft tissue manipulation you ever had have done? No. It's brutal, man. Oh, really? I mean, it's, it's, it's a, it's why I say aggressive stretching. It's really, you know, but, but he just, a lot of unlocking things, a lot of, but there's days when I've seen him, I stuck around New York, an extra day to get worked on.

1:35:23And, you know, I get, just from flying and carrying a lot of shit here. My quads get real tight all the time. And so, you know, I'm just not stretching enough, which I know I got to. But, you know, he's like, I could use two more days with you to like really get you, you know. Loose. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I've been doing a lot of stretching lately because I, I had done a lot of like, especially getting ready for the special. I was working out a lot, also to call my mind. Yeah. And I might have overdid a little bit. And then I just was sore, man. My back was sore. It was just dead. You were moving around.

1:35:55And then, and I decided on Saturday. No, not on stage. Just mostly like when I wake up in the morning, I'm going a little too hard here. Right. But I was, what it really was, so I wasn't stretching enough. And everything was just tight because I was doing a lot of like kettlebell shit. And it was just tight. And I spent like two and a half hours on Saturday. Just stretching in my hotel room. Just stretching. That's all I did. I just watched some YouTube videos and stretched. And I felt 100 % better. Yeah, of course. And I was like, oh, you fucking idiot. You should be doing this all the time. I know.

1:36:31You're not putting, I need to do like long stretch sessions like that all the time. That's patience, man. Two and a half hours. Yeah, you just watch YouTube. Just put your phone down and watch some fucking. You have no excuse to not. I know. I tell my sister not to when she's like, I need to find more time to, you know, exercise and I'm like, dude, you watch shows like already after work just like for even 20 minutes, like walk around and just, you know, space out. But it's also if you want to exercise like get on some kind of a cardio machine and watch a movie on an iPad. Yeah, it's a cheat code.

1:37:02Yeah. It's how I watch anything is on the bike. So, you know, the best way to distract yourself from the fact that you're exhausted. Totally. If you watch a good movie with headphones on an iPad on a like a stationary bike. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You can enjoy the movie. Yeah. You actually can enjoy the movie and actually put in some serious cardio. Yeah. And you're you'll be distracted. So you won't be thinking about the fact you're exhausted on the bike. You'll be thinking about, oh my god, don't go in the basement. Yeah. I can't fucking believe this. I'm saying fucking movies and saying. Yeah, yeah.

1:37:36What's especially a good thriller, you know, oh, yeah. It keeps you in gate. Yeah, what's your go to work out movie? Or can you not watch? Are you rewatching? Yes. John Wick. John Wick's the greatest ever workout movie ever. Yeah. Yeah. I have a confession. Haven't seen it. Oh my god. It's like let's watch. I'm saying she hasn't seen. Put it on Jamie. No, it's like a girl saying she hasn't seen Barbie really. Right. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's not. It's insanely violent movie of all time. It's so. It's so kind. Yeah, it's so key on it. It's so ridiculous. And they made 15. They need four of them. Yeah.

1:38:11I think. Four. Right. Yeah. I remember hearing this last one. It was the talk of the town. People were like, it's a fun movie. But it's a really good movie to work out. So because it's just so crazy. Cool. Because like so many people are getting killed. You just like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You get in those extra reps to watch you people engage. You get fired out on combat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's a crazy movie. Mortal Kombat. Remember when that became a game. Remember, I am. When that, well, dude, that I understood why my mom was like, you can't play video games because I remember sitting downstairs.

1:38:41I had my bar mitzvah. She goes, I'm not buying you a video game system, but you can use some of your due money to buy. She didn't say it. She can buy some of your, you can buy. What did she do? She goes, you can use some of your money from gifts to buy. And so I bought a super Nintendo. And then more. And then I got I think a Sega and then Mortal Kombat. Or my buddy had a Sega and we played Mortal Kombat. And I remember just being like, what is happening right now? We went from Street Fighter, which is, you know, throwing, you know, Harukets and whatnot. And then just ripping a guy's cock off.

1:39:10Yeah, you could kill people. Yeah. Yeah. Pull their fucking skull out with their spine attached to it. Pretty cool. And then just go have a fucking crustible right after. And it's very addictive. All those games are very, we've ever a gamer. Yeah. What was your quake? But it's just because they're fun. Yeah. It's like they're not addictive because they suck. They're awesome. Yeah, they're just too awesome. Like playing quake is too awesome. It's crazy fast paced. You're shooting rockets at people. They're electrocuting you to death. Yeah, it's nuts. Yeah. You know, and it's it's such an adrenaline rush that you just don't want to stop.

1:39:45You just want to go to the next game. The next game. Keep playing. Keep playing. Next to you know, you're exhausted. You're dehydrated. You have any food. Oh, yeah. Eight hours. What's wrong with you? And then you have to go to bed. You're lying about it. Why am I still awake? This is crazy. I've only played Halo a handful of times. My younger brother is pretty obsessed. But he's really good. And I played it online and I was real high. So I started to kind of get emotionally invested to where like I see guys getting shot. And I was like, fuck, I can't. It was my heart was beating so fast. It was too much.

1:40:15I probably if I was sober, I would have been less. You lost a comrades. Yeah. I was dead. I was about to have virtual reality ones now. My friend Matt Sarah, he plays these virtual reality. With the guy. What's the one that Matt plays? What is that? The game he plays. That he's population one. Population one. So it's a VR shooter. Yeah. So he's running around with VR goggles on. So he really feels like he's in the game. And he's like, hey, I'm going to get down. They're shooting at each other and shit. It's nuts. Oh my god. He's got goggles on. He's like in his fucking house. He's moving around.

1:40:48He's giving that security footage. He feels like you're in a war. Yeah. Like you're so immersed in it. This video game is now a whole next level experience. Yeah. It's just that in front of the computer is pretty evolving. Yeah. You get the headphones on, especially with these computer games now. Have 3D sounds. You hear sound coming from there. You have the skies over there. You know, you run towards them. You smack your wife. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's another thing about these goddamn games. You could beat the shit out of people. Like there's a lot of like, what is it? Red dead? Red dead redemption, right?

1:41:18Yeah, where you take someone and fucking tie a news to their neck and drag them behind your horse. You could do wild shit. You could drown a prostitute in the river. You could do wild shit. And people are like, hey, maybe you shouldn't be able to do this. I'm fucking a game. This is a little crazy. You're seven year old shouldn't be able to see that that's possible yet. It shouldn't be able to beat a prostitute with a shovel. Yeah. What do you do? Maybe a supersoaker. Just hit her in the face or something. Yeah. Something lighter. Well, it's just the whole game is chaos. I know. You could do chaos to anybody.

1:41:46Just like Grand Theft Auto. You could do chaos to anybody. You know? First time playing that though and driving down sunset and seeing like the comedy store was pretty cool. I think Grand Theft Auto, I think I read this. They were comparing the amount of money that Grand Theft Auto has generated versus like almost any other like movie game. I believe in Paris into how it does to like big Hollywood blockbuster. Like how much money has Grand Theft Auto generated? I mean, that has got to be one of the most popular games of all of us. That maybe it's about stealing cars and $1 .5 billion. Yo, good call, dude.

1:42:29Yo, we'll be right back. That's a fucking holy shit, dude. That's so much money. That's so much money. Joe, that's wild. Thanks for pulling that setup. Now, do you think you deserve that amount of money? What have you done other than show teenagers? It's possible to beat steel and Rob from a hooker. Hold that thought we'll be right back. Do you remember the guy who used to run bump fights? He came on Dr. Phil as Dr. Phil. He shaved his head at the top of his head. Joe, that's what we could do. You want to come on the Dr. Phil last show? Oh, yeah, do your stash on you. That guy, he fucking... Phil goes, what are you doing?

1:43:06And he goes, what? What? He goes, what are you doing? What are you doing? And he's like, I'm doing what you're doing. I'm exploiting people. I don't like it. Get out of here. Yeah. Get out of here. There's Robyn. Dude, just kicked him off his set. But it was weird, right? Like you knew that's what he did. Of course. And you invited him on the show. Yeah. He probably just didn't like that path of the argument. I bet... That path is a legitimate path. Do you think he knew... Maybe he didn't know he was going to get in a full makeup. Because I'm sure Phil's not visiting the guest, right? Listen. This is not a surprise.

1:43:43If you think I exploit people, every time you bring a guest on this show, you exploit them and spread whatever the problems they have to the whole world. You think that's helping them? Yeah, keep telling yourself that. You can go. Applause Rob. You know what? Who do you think you are, huh? Bye. Come on. No, I'm not finished talking to you. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. Yeah, you're done. No, you're. Don't even grab a complimentary Dr. Phil hat. Just go. I hate me right now. I mean, this guy. The thing about that guy, though, is that guy... That bumfights thing was crazy. It was what? That guy paid people to pull their teeth out.

1:44:27Yeah. There's some awful, awful shit. Yeah, you want to talk about using YouTube for the wrong reason? Well, it wasn't YouTube. It wasn't? No, these were cassettes. Those like VHSs. Maybe my first taste of bumfights were. When did... What was bumfights originally released on? I don't believe it was YouTube. I think it was pre -YouTube. I was sold for 22 bucks a piece. So, bumfights... So people were either... Was bumfights for people that couldn't get Girls Gone Wild? Well, because those were both probably popular. But basically what bumfights was was a lot of shit that you see already on the internet.

1:45:00You see, how many bumfights have you actually seen on the internet? I've seen so many guys that are like on heroin fistfight in the streets of Los Angeles. There's a shitload of videos of Bums duke it out. The pants fall down. The guy gets kicked in the head and knocked unconscious. There's a lot of that that you can find. I get sent it all the time by Tom Saguro. Yeah, he sent it to me. Just helpful, but a joke. No, the Instagram... The actual... Oh, yeah. Terrible things that you can see people just doing to each other all over the... So the thing is this guy made a living off of it though. And he was selling these DVDs.

1:45:35And I think we didn't want to admit that people want to see that. Just like we don't want to admit that people want to drown hookers and red dead. But they do. They do know. They do want to see that. If you let people slap each other in the face on television, people will tune in. Oh, yeah. If you let people dress up like fucking medieval knights and sword fight, people will watch. Yeah. That is 100 % of facts. Yeah. And back then we didn't want to believe that. And there was no internet. So we didn't really understand our nature until the internet came along. To think about two girls, one cub.

1:46:07Think about porn. Okay. Think about the amount of porn that gets digested by the average American male versus that of 1950. Oh, God. There's a huge difference. Yeah. Guys were jerking off to underwear ads. Okay. Guys were starving for things to jerk off. Weird. Yeah, they were jerking off to memory. They didn't even, they had no idea. We had a lot of solid imaginations probably. That's all you need. That's all you need. That's a good idea in your head. That's all you had. That's all you had. And then now everyone has a phone. And anyone's phone can connect to a plethora of porn sites. Had a guy in my flight about three months ago, no joke.

1:46:53Porn on the phone, no headphones. Jesus. Yeah, I heard like heard, oh, fuck my butt, fuck my butt. And then was just kind of like, like, and then saw the, you know, people kind of like turning people. No one wanted to citizens arrest this guy. So everyone was kind of like, he probably was doing it to make people uncomfortable. For sure. Yeah. Cause what is the law? And it was wow. I mean, I was too wrong about it. Like, you allowed to do that. Like, what's the law? Like, where are you allowed to do? You go, but right, I'm saying like, yeah, like you shouldn't be looking at his, but if he, if you can hear it, yeah, like, what is the law, right?

1:47:24Cause if like, what if you're playing a podcast, it's offensive. What if you're playing a podcast on your phone that makes me upset and, but you're playing it, I have to let's do it. I'm getting upset. What is the law on that? Right. I feel like you're allowed to do that, right? So if you're allowed to say like, fuck that guy and fuck this, but you can't say, fuck my butt. It gets a little weird. Right. It gets a little weird. Cause like, it's his phone. Why why are you even looking at what's on his phone? You shouldn't be a fucking. You're two rows back. Put your headphones on. How about stop paying attention to his phone?

1:47:53But also, why does he have porn on his phone? And it's loud. Right. Like, I don't think is it a public, is it almost like urinating in public, a public decency thing? Like, you can't. It's just like that according to the law that I'm looking up. You can't pee in public or watch someone talk about peeing. Right. But can you listen? That's what I'm saying. Like, what is the law in like, what's the law? Because are you a peeping Tom? If you're listening, yeah, defendant convicted of watching porn and parking lot fails in constitutional challenge to public obscenity law. Watching pornography in public serves no legitimate purposes unless you want to fucking just like a race force.

1:48:28You're trying to get first class to turn things up and on. Now, doing so with one's window down and at a restaurant's busy parking lot and full view of families recklessly exposed pornography to young children. Oh, this is a little different. This is like a business and he got in there with his window rolled down and he's beaten off. He might be a little bit of a freak. But it depends on like, was he in the corner of the parking lot away from everybody? Yeah. I think, was he by himself? I just got to rub this out. I got to make a decision right now. I'm real confused. You know, it could have been like a mental health.

1:48:58Totally. Yeah. Like, like, I'm losing my mind here. I think it says the public library is can't block porn and it's not illegal to watch. No way. That's crazy. Look at libraries staying cool. That's true. How many people are jerking off in San Francisco in a library right now? Oh, I don't know. A thousand percent of the people attending the library. Hundreds. Yeah. I would certainly recommend against doing this one lawyer says. But he said Missouri. Well, scroll back up. It said under Missouri statutes, depending on the exact circumstances, the prosecutor could file at least two different charges.

1:49:35But this is Missouri. Every state is different with that too. Right. But didn't, wasn't the article about San Francisco or any public library? Yeah. This is just public library. Oh, it's any public library. Oh my god. Anywhere. I almost got arrested for taking photos, moaning a camera when we were like 21 or something. Like, yeah. That's how crazy San Francisco is. I, he didn't even say San Francisco. I assumed. Wow. I just assumed. Good. Right. You, we didn't even bring it. I, in my hand, I'm like the Haspian San Francisco. That's so crazy. That's how crazy San Francisco has gotten where a story comes up and it's almost like the Bernstein Bears.

1:50:11What's that called? Yeah. The Bernstein, when you, the Mandela fact. Yeah. The Bernstein Bear effect. Yeah. Well, it's the Mandela fact. Yeah. Because people thought the Mandela died in jail. Right. Right. And so there's this thing like people have like a whole narrative in their head. It's like a glitch in the matrix. Yeah. I think that might apply to this because it's like instantly I was like, oh, it happened in San Francisco. I would have told the story. I would have, in my head, I would have gone on, did you hear what happened in San Francisco? That's crazy. You can watch pornography in the fucking lap.

1:50:37Meanwhile, it's every library. Wow. Every library. That's, that's, is that one person making that? The guy in the parking lot was a new jersey. Of course he is. You, you saw the thing. Yeah. If you had a guess, what state's going to produce the bulls parking lot, jerkers? Did you, did you do it on the top of the list? Hear that story about the guy. It was maybe a few years ago. They might actually been doing COVID when everyone was doing big wargzums. And the guy thought he turned, workzums. I'm sorry. Yeah. And he stayed on. He didn't turn his computer or sound off. It was one of the things where you log on for the zoom, you know, the boss said, all right, guys, everyone's here.

1:51:11Boba. And then you can just turn your screen off, but he didn't turn his off. Dude, he just started, yeah. One star. He just started, yeah. Fucking hundreds of guys got caught. I have a bit about it. Hundreds of guys got caught doing that. It was, that was that Jeffrey Tuben guy, the CNN guy. Yeah, that's I guess a famous one. But it was like, that's a wrap, right? You're fired. He's back. Wow. The Tuben guys back. But let's say it was like a Jamba Juice conference and you're on zoom and you get like, likely it's a wrap. It's a wrap. But if you're a rapper, no big deal at all. No, no, no, no. I didn't know the camera was on.

1:51:40Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Also, you're welcome for getting to see some beautiful. Yeah. I don't think no one tells you you're welcome if you're getting caught doing that. But it's one of those things where it's so like, it's an article from the UK where it says it's the Baitable Weather, pouring use public policy. It's even illegal. It should be. The best hope for prosecution currently looks to be an offense against public decency. But in our, what in our, what an archaic notion that sounds now. Isn't that weird? When was this written? If the government wants to retrieve any credibility from this debacle, it could order a legal review, can old laws be repurposed or is new legislation required?

1:52:17That's interesting because like when all these laws are put in place, they probably never anticipated porn on the internet. No. Especially the way it is now. Great point. You know, we talk about businesses that never got bailed out. Oh, that's, this is what imagine if I told you there was a business and this business is going to eat up about 30 plus percent of all the internet traffic. And this business is used by some ungodly percentage of men way more than it takes to elect a president, right? It was a take to elect a president. You know, you're 51 percent. Yeah. Way more than 51 percent guys have used pornography.

1:52:55But yet when that business stopped making money, because DVD sales went away, nobody talked about a bail out of a porn. It's shut the fuck up. Yeah. bail out banks, a bail out. This business, not business and you know, too big to fail, but not the porn business. Everybody's like, I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't, is it still real? I don't even know they were making porn anymore. I mean, I don't even watch it. Did you see the Ashley Madison duck? What is that? Ashley Madison was a... I was at the dating site? Yeah, the affair of the site for where people could have affairs. Oh, that's right.

1:53:26Joe, it is a wild. It's a... Oh, they got docks, right? Didn't something happen? Yeah, they got hacked. And so they basically, it was enough. Yeah, people signed up to have a, it was a wild folk. Just a whole web show full of wild folk. Oh man, it's a bunch of risk takers. Yeah, just a bunch of people, just a lot of people doubling down and running away from the H .M. on 20s. Yeah. Two o 'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, fuck on the wall. Meet me at the subway, yeah, next to the KFC. Wait, it's good, wild. Where's that mic? Pants mask. Maybe that guy was in the parking lot again, ready for one of that.

1:53:58It was wild, dude. Warming up. Yeah. And then they interviewed a couple of couples that were all about... That were doing it together. That were just like... Swingers? Yeah. Swingers are weird. They have a missing fuse. It's like something in them. It's like... It's different. I met a few swingers through Brad Williams, of course. Because swingers and little people know each other. Oh, really? There's a directs, yeah. Interesting. Yeah, they have the same agents. Yeah. They just... I met my first through Brad, porn stars, swingers, and other little people through Brad and comedians. But these swingers were wild, dude.

1:54:35I mean, I'm coming from small town, North Seattle, and like... I just didn't even know... It's not something I just... It's in my zik. I never met. And so just talking to them so normally was just wild. You know what I'm saying? I did these gigs and... I can't remember what state it was. Somewhere in the South might have been natural. So I did this gig with Ari. And we had this guy drive us from the club. He picks us up at the hotel or at the airport. He takes us to the hotel. And then he's driving us to the gig. And everything's normal. And then eventually at the end of the weekend he's driving us to the airport.

1:55:12And when the guy drives to the airport he opens up about his swing or life. Like out of nowhere. He's like, you guys ever swing? We have a swinging club in town. And we're like, swing? Like what do you mean? He's like, you know, like we... Wife Swap and the like... He's like, I've been doing it for a while. I go, you like swinging? And he goes, well, yeah, I love it. Yeah, we swing. You know, my wife, fucks other... I get to decide though. You know, like if he's too good looking or he's too buff, I get to decide that I don't like that guy. He can't fuck that guy. And they make like decisions like that.

1:55:47Oh my God. And this guy just opened up to us. At a nowhere by the way. What preceded that conversation? Nothing. Like fucking zero. It's hot today, huh? It's all hot. You guys like swinging? Like what? I don't know where this dude just chatting it up about the guy he lets his wife fuck. It was crazy. That's wild. But he was one of them dudes that like had a ponytail, but it was also bald. Like the whole thing was a mess. Of course. He was a chaos. He was a human just example. If you bring up swinging, unprovoked, you have a ponytail. He was a bizarre character. But it was just, I've only met a few groups of people that are like really into that.

1:56:23And one of them was in, I was doing the improv in Tampa. And this one's... To that one. Fun gig. Yeah. Fun gig. Big room. Big room. This... For some of people were like, we're swingers. You should come, we have a swinger convention like yet the fuck out of you. They look like people that would be swingers. You know? Just like, just a mess. Just a mess. Tampa is the swinger capital of the US. That's it. No joke I had a guy come up to me in proposition. That's crazy. Me and Kansas City to... This is one I was featuring for Harland, the Kansas City improv. And he goes, you guys, man, I was playing.

1:57:00He's like, you know, being alive, you guys doing it, you ain't fucked my life. And I was like, what? Had it ever been proposed like that. Then she comes over, what are you guys talking about? I go, oh, he's trying to say, wants to do something and he whatever. She goes, what the fuck had no clue that that was even... I was like, oh, he said, and then it was just super weird. She's like, what the fuck? Why would you like, I'm crazy, but what the fuck would never do that? And he's like, oh, this guy must just be going around doing that. Oh, that's his thrill. Yeah. He wants someone to fuck us. Or maybe he wanted me to say, yeah, and then like beat you up.

1:57:31Yeah. Could be a trap. It was fucking wild. Because I could be sent in a trap. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows? But it's just, that's a weird culture. But, you know, whatever, not hurting anybody. Do it exactly. Go fuck each other. Yeah, and you can do it. They have clubs where they go and they're like, they'll go. Oh, that's why it's shutclubs, right? They're like, fuck each other. Oh, yeah. Fuck each other. One of my friends, maybe it was Callin'. Told me he got... To a little bang -bang party. It was like in the 90s or something like that. Of course it was. Told me that he went to one of those. And he walked in and people were fucking all over the place.

1:58:04Those are things where you like drop your keys in the bowl or you put your foot right there. No, that's like a party that they would like throw all their keys in the bowl. And then the guy would reach in and pull out one of the women's keys. The woman would reach in and pull out one of the guys' keys. And you figured out who you're going home with. Wow. Yeah. And they'd just swap. Swap wives. Dude. I mean, then that became a show. Yeah. It was their wife's swap. It was a show. Yeah. Of course it was. I wonder if it's real though. You know, those shows, they fuck around a lot with those shows. They manipulate reality.

1:58:31I remember it and found this recently. It's a commercial from Ohio where I'm from. Sun bubble hot tub. A hot tub place. Oh bro, we had red private room. Jamie, I love you for pulling this up. We had one in Seattle called Tubbs. Look at you, it's a bring your kids. Well, yeah. I mean, kids are swimming in fucking fake jizz. It's a drop soup in there. 20 bucks an hour or something wild. Oh, that's crazy. But that's like couples. That's a very different way. Bro, we had a place like this. We had Tubbs in a near comedy club near Giggles. You've played Giggles in Seattle? That was the four -way. No, I never did Giggles in Seattle.

1:59:03I did Giggles in Sarguss, Massachusetts. Okay, cool. It was the one comedy club in the 90s that was thriving near the University of Washington. And they had a place called Tubbs there. But we also have a place called Tubbs Subs, a sandwich place. So that's all I know about. I'm a little fat kid thinking about sandwiches. And my friends that were leaving soccer practice at Squirtle My Own Team, that was, he called me a fucking idiot. That was a wrap for me in soccer. And so we're driving by and he's like, and I see Tubbs. I'm like, oh, Tubbs. I'm like, we should stop and get some food, you know.

1:59:32We just lost a Squirtle My Own Team. Some sandwiches sounds good. And he's like, oh, that's not, they don't do sandwiches there. It was just the same name. And I was like, oh, what up is there? It's like, people rent hot tubs and they go in there and just kind of hang out. I was like, I had no clothes. What do you mean hang out? I said, will they go in there? You meet somebody, you bring them in. You have some fun. No clue. They're just a fuck, like you said, in a hot tub. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably better than a hotel room. It's probably better than a hotel room. For sure. And it's a hot tub. What does it love a hot tub?

2:00:00Yeah, people just want to go and bang it out. Or maybe on a date and you get a wild hair. You want to go to a hot tub room? How do you, dude? Let's go. How do you feel about hotel hot tubs? When you're on the road. Yeah, thank you. What are the odds, bro? That's clean. That's dangerous. I know, dude. That's literally. You know, a guy got Legionears disease from a hot tub in LA. What is that disease? Oh, it's like a disease that's like archaic. It's like one of those old world diseases that's not supposed to be around anymore. And this guy got it from a fucking hot tub. Oh, god. See if you can find that article.

2:00:32I'm pretty sure it was California that it happened. Yeah, they never cleaned this. I remember this little foggy I'm where it was. I feel like it's, but maybe I'm thinking everything, crazy, and California is today. You know, I assume that other story was from San Francisco. Yeah. But this guy, he got in a stank -ass hot tub and he got Legionears disease and fucking died. You can die for me. No, he died. Yeah, he died. Do you have it? Because if you're not, I saved the article. Yeah. Man. I definitely saved it on my phone because I was like, this is the craziest fucking story. She's going to relax.

2:01:03So, is it in 2023? California Spots, please be the source of an outbreak of Legionears disease. Oh, god. It caused the illness of multiple people in the deaths of two. Contra Costa Health announced Monday. It has been investigating Zen Day Spa and Contra Costa California since August. How about you step in? I mean, fucking. How about don't investigate? Just fucking test the water. That's so crazy. My one dead 11 second Legionears disease outbreak in Napa. Oh, my God. It's a hot tub disease. Yeah. That's got to be a record. Man who died of Legionears disease from Bay Area Spa was celebrating his birth to...

2:01:41Oh, god. Dude, a hot tub birthday gone wrong. It's your birthday. I want to take you to the hot tub. He had a group on. Oh, my God. So do all the people that jizzed in that pond. That's what's so disgusting. It's probably just a combination of jizz meat shit. And this has become this monster virus that kills people that are trying to celebrate their birthday. What the fuck? Yeah, bring your kids. Bring your kids to the spa. Catch Legionears disease. What is that? I don't have a health permit. Oh, why should they? It's the only spa where you're naked. It's wild that type of water. Why would they have a health permit?

2:02:16Why would they even check? Yeah, a hot tub is a wild and then... I mean, even a public hot tub is just such a wild idea. Like, what are you doing? Water that gets hot like that is so perfect for bacteria. Yeah. It's so wonderful. If you don't have the right amount of poison in there, which is what it is, when you pour in chlorine in there, you're just feeling everything that's alive. Severe pneumonia. Oh, wow. It's a severe form of pneumonia, lung inflammation, usually caused by infection. It's caused by a bacterium known as Legionears. Why did they name it Legionears disease? Let's Google that.

2:02:47Because it sounds like some shit that happened in the old world. It does. There's a bunch of diseases that are starting to emerge in the homeless community in Los Angeles that are ancient diseases. No shit. I think they got typhus just from being disgusting. The American Legion state convention in Philadelphia. What? Okay, it's commonly known as Legionnellosis, which is a generic term for respiratory infection caused by the Legionella bacteria. This disease is named after a deadly outbreak of pneumonia in 1976 that occurred during people attending the American Legion's state convention in Philadelphia.

2:03:29Legionella sounds like Coachella for people that have swallowed a lot of hot tub come. So that's why they named it Legionears disease because it happened during that, that was the outbreak. Oh, man. Wow. Wow. Yeah, no thanks. What is the American Legion? What's that? What's the convention of the American Legion? Do you know what that is? Led to the name of the Legionears disease. No clue. But what is the American Legion? Confedrens Association. War time veterans. Oh, my God. So they're war time veterans and they die from a fucking disease that and then they name it after the Legion. Wow. Which is like really bad for business.

2:04:11Really bad for business. It shouldn't have done that to them. Don't call it Legionears disease. Don't name it after us. You fucking assholes. Call it some fucking weird Latin name and come up with some spooky monkey pox type definition. Don't call it, don't name it after us. Imagine somebody caught pneumonia and they called it mother shipitis. And they got mother people dying from mother shipitis. Like, hey, you fucking ass. Don't do that. It just happened to be there. It's not the Legionears. It's not the Legion center that was the problem. They didn't do anything wrong. No. But they probably had some dudes that were coming back from Thailand.

2:04:44You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Where does Herbie's name go? Old dudes that come back from Thailand. Oh yeah. With everything. They go over there for like four months of the year. Come back looking like who knows? Who knows? Who knows? You look at around real quick. Yeah. Yeah. There was a meme that I saw today of this older man like they're using his sixties. And he's holding hands with two hot Asian girls. And it was saying something about like when I catch my VHEC and I disappear. Don't worry about me. Cool. Because I'll be in some strange country. Oh yeah. Where there's rampant sex trafficking.

2:05:27Oh my god. I know right. I thought you were going to bring up the 91 year old who just died and who was married to a 42 year old. What are you talking about? 91 year old billionaire I just saw today that died. Well it's true love. That's what's important. She's probably on his fuck. She's probably super, super hot as fuck. She was way into him. Let's see what he and she looked like. He had a great personality. That gives me hope for the future. If everything goes sideways. You should be, men should be happy because that's even possible that you can trick. There you go. Look at that. Totally looks like they would love each other in a real life.

2:05:59Looks like Mr. Bean's dead. Yeah. She looks like she should be married to a farmer. Some big old buff farmer. How does she even meet this? Well I mean I guess yeah. Probably some billionaire dating. Yeah. He gained fame through high profile dates. Just weeks after marrying his six wife she got a pill over that dude. You always think. Yeah. But if you're a woman and you know you're 40 and this guy is nice and he's worth fucking $30 billion you want to marry. Sure. Let's go. Let's go. I know. I can deal with you. Maybe she likes him. Maybe she even likes him. Maybe she also likes being super fucking rich.

2:06:37Totally. Why not? She might like that a little bit more. Yeah like people were always about member Anna Nicole Smith. Yeah. Yeah. J Howard Marshall. Yeah. And people like they knew what it was. But best guess what he knew what it was too. Totally. He was having a good time. It was caused by a tough bike workout. Oh wow. He was rushed to the hospital with crippling back pain. And with a ruptured heart valve. Wow. Blue is hard out. Probably thinking about talking there. 1000%. Yeah he's still like. Oh yeah. 49 year age difference. So what? Let it go. Oh look at that one right there. Is that her?

2:07:14Previous. Oh the previous one. Damn. Let me see that one. That one's even more preposterous. No scroll up so I can see. Oh this guy's been doing it forever. That's the most preposterous. Yeah. That's perfect. That's what I like to see. It does give me hope. I see that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah because you can be disgusting. Also it gives me hope that it like I don't know how old he was 80, 90 but like. Bam. That's what I'm talking about. What about the two? Even like Betty White before she passed was saying how like she was like I think at 99 maybe that like there was some article red and she was just like talking about like still banging it out.

2:07:45Wow. Yeah dude. Wild. Old ladies don't give a fuck. Oh no. They're not worried about your approval anymore. Oh. Dude that's, she'll tell you who she fucked. She'll tell you who she fucked. Was that guy who owns the Raiders? She's got like a really hot 24 year old girlfriend. Oh yeah. He's got that crazy Mo haircut. Yeah dude. That's dude. What a wild guy's character. He looks like a, he truly looks like a Nickelodeon cartoon character. Do you need, is he having a baby? Is that what's going on? Well the, and Bill Belichick's got a young girl. I mean, Pacino's got, I mean, fuck dude. Pacino's a dad at 92 or whatever.

2:08:20Sounds normal. Sounds totally normal. Seems like it's going to work out. What the fuck? It's so, yeah. It's so, I think Pacino wanted to take a paternity test too to make sure it was his. He's like what? I'm shooting live rounds. Yeah. It fucking 90 years old. It's wild. How is that possible? Yeah. I can't be, but it is. Yep. That's the crazy thing about men. Men can keep having babies when they're geriatrics, but women, like nature says that's a rap. They get to a certain age. They go through menopause and that's a rap. But the dudes can just keep in pregnating gowns. Yeah, there is. Bam son.

2:08:53What's up? He looks like he, I mean this guy. Yeah. Bam. Yeah. Wow. Mystery woman. Oh, she's a mystery woman. She's a mystery. She's hot. That's not a mystery. Congratulations, sir. For him, yeah, you did it. Yeah, there's a fun thing about that. You know, when people lottery. But when you see it, the other way you get creeped out. Yeah. Like if you saw Betty White with like Thor, you'd be like, what the fuck? What's going on there? Yeah. That's kind of gross. Yeah. Why are you doing that to that old lady? Yeah, you'd be worried about Betty White. Yeah. Yeah, you were taking it next to her the way you would have sex with a young lady.

2:09:25That's disturbing. Yeah, that's tough. What are you doing to her? Can she even take that kind of abuse? Maybe she good. Jesus. Maybe she wanted it. I mean, I'm not an old school lady. I'm an immigrant lady. She's a strong bone. Oh, god. Just a stiff spine. I want to go. Harlan used to do a joke. When I went open for Harlan, he would do a joke where he'd go. He'd take somebody's tortilla chip out of the front row. And you go, here's my impression of a 75 -year -old woman having sex. And then he would just crinkle the chip in the mic. And it sounded exactly like everything breaking. And yeah. Yeah, it sounds wrong, right?

2:09:59But like an old guy having sex with a hot young lady, like go pops. Kind of a cool way to go out, too. Yeah, sure. I guess. Yeah. Actually, yeah, maybe not. Then I guess everyone's looking at you like, oh, you couldn't keep it together enough. Yeah, this is the one. She's not. They're not. This is like a weird one. Oh, it's wildly untrue. Yeah. Well, of course it is. Because people love saying silly shit. It's not true. Hopkins is pictured sitting next to Davis in December, 2020. And I do fueling rumors that tuberum romantically involve, but they're not. But we're hoping. We're hoping that he can get a gal like that.

2:10:35That's what it is, right? We're hoping. You're not going, oh my God. Because he's so old that he's passed the creepy into the novelty. Yep. Right? So there's a creepy verb. Yep. The creepy version is like, you know, a guy who's in his 60s is dating a girl who's 20. Right. That seems creepy. But if a guy's in his 70s, he's dating a girl who's 20s, like, okay. Yeah. It's so ridiculous. It is. Yeah. A little more acceptable. It is what it is. I know. You know, it is what it is. You know what it is. I know what it is. Everyone knows what it is. Stop acting like you don't know what it is. He probably knows what it is.

2:11:10He knows exactly what it is. He lies to himself. That's fine. We all know what it is. That's his deal. So when it's 60 and 20 or 50 and 20, we feel like that person is probably taking advantage of that 20 -year -old. Potentially. Potentially. Yeah. Maybe not. Maybe she's a real mature 20. Sure. That could be. Possibly. Sure. Okay. I can deal with that. But there's a weirdness if it's like a 60 -year -old guy in a 20, that makes me creeped out. Oh my god. That's too old. Oh yeah. But if it's a 70 -year -old guy in a 20 -year -old, you're like, eh, it's okay. Through my buddy who went to school and there was a 45 -year -old dating a 20 -year -old in their, in college, that felt very weird.

2:11:50But it wouldn't be weird if it was a 20 -year -old guy. This is a problem at all. Like a 20 -year -old, let's assume that men and women are equal, right? A 20 -year -old man and a 45 -year -old lady is great. Like no problem. Like she look at her, she got a hot young guy. Like no one cares at all. Yeah. At all. It would be weird, but not weird where you would think, oh, that lady's a creep. No. Right? No. But like a 49 -year -old guy, a 20 -year -old girl, you're like, hmm, maybe. But I'm not one to tell people what to do. No. But if it was the other way around, like share, like share is what?

2:12:27How old is she now? Don't escalate your age. I don't know. How old is she? I was 77. Wow, I was going to say. He's 37. Wow. Okay. But listen, that doesn't bother me at all. Right? That is what it is, too. Yeah. Right? It is what it is. You know what it is. You know what it is. I know what it is. I know what it is. I know what it is. She knows what it is. Everyone knows what it is. We all know what it is. We all know what it is. We're fine with it. But it's just... You can still go about your day and need pizza. Let them live their life. So I'd like a 49 -year -old lady and a 91 -year -old guy like, fine.

2:12:56Let me ask you this. When you heard about Mary Kay Litterno, that happened in Seattle where I'm from. And that was the first teacher that like was fucking around the kid. That age gap was like, I think, 35 and 12. But also... She, listen, she's the first teacher to get caught. There it is. Yeah. There's freaks all over this fucking planet. Wow. Freaks. There's women that are just as crazy as... Did you see this kid? He was charming. Some men are crazy and some women are crazy. And some women are crazy and they have great features. And they're just nuts. And they want to blow the whole football team.

2:13:27And they don't go fuck who tells who, who cares. They get into teaching for that reason. Well, who knows why they got into teaching. But they're crazy people. And then some people just have no impulse control and they want to get teenagers drunk. And maybe they want to relive their high school and freak these young boys out and suck their cocks. Wow. Yeah, suck their cocks in front of their friends. Ooh. Can't believe this happened. Can you imagine seeing that? The teachers got her tits out and she's blowing you. You're like, what am I seeing? How is this even real? I don't know what I would do.

2:13:54Bro, and they're always in Florida. How many of them, like if I hear a story like that, like I think of another story, it's their Francisco. Probably if it's a teacher. You're exactly right. Fucking her students, like, oh, I probably Florida. So hot blonde with big tits. Tampa teacher took the pickleball team. Oh, Jacksonville? No, Tampa, yeah. The Swinger State. The Swinger State. It's something in the water out there. It is. It's probably alligator parts. They're fearless. Turn everybody confused. Yeah. It's a methane in the air from alligator's fart and it's got everybody high. They are fearless down there.

2:14:23Yeah. Hurricane warnings, they don't give a fuck. Well, they do give a fuck, but there's not much you can do. Well, those people who choose to live down there, like that is the fucking gamble you play. But don't you ever see those stories when they're like a thousand mile an hour winds coming through and then some guys just like, I ain't going anywhere. I built this house. Yeah, he's ready to die. Some people are ready to check her out. That's what it is. And if God's going to take them out, like flatten their house. Sucking you out of your house. Don't like I'm not leaving on. I don't want to go anywhere.

2:14:46I'm kind of respected. Yeah, maybe the car doesn't have any gas. You don't have any money for gas. You know, if you're going to drive away from a hurricane, you are going to have bumper to bumper traffic for a day. You ever been that? You ever seen it? Oh, yeah. Did you ever get stuck in one of those? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like just a big pile up for hours and. No, like a hurricane. Oh, a hurricane. Oh, shit. No. It's a unique pile up because the whole state is trying to leave. Like the highways are not set up where everybody can leave. The highways are set up for normal stuff. So you're better.

2:15:17Normal stuff is you're going there, but I'm going there. We're not all going there. So if everyone's going there. Wow, dude, we're going to just park that back up. You gotta think about that. Normal traffic is we're all going all over the place. Yeah. I gotta go to the east. You gotta go to the west. That's fine. We can have multiple cars going there. Rarely is for everybody. All going that way. Oh, yeah. That's fucked. That is so fucked. Look at this dude. This is what it's like. 56 hours on the road to escape from Hurricane Irma. 56 hours. That's what that looks like. That's why you don't live there.

2:15:49You don't live there unless you have a fucking private jet or a helicopter. Yeah, to get the fuck out. You can get you the fuck out of there because if you get stuck in that shit. You're arguably less safe, right? Or I don't know. It depends on when you leave. Yeah. Okay. Because the thing about the modern storm, the way they're the meteorologists and the way they're able to predict the paths of these things, they're pretty good. They're pretty fucking accurate. And they see them coming pretty far away. So you get a couple of days. But that's 56 hours. Yeah. 56 fucking hours. Look, that's what it looks like.

2:16:20So nothing is set up for that, dude. Nothing is set up where... See, they have both lanes on both sides going this way. No one's going the other way. You notice that? So they change the lanes. So instead of on the right lane, people going forward and this one, they're going back. Nope. Everyone's going the same fucking way. That's wild. Yeah. And no amount of podcasts can get you through that drive or road hit. Nothing. But you might not have the money for the gas. Right. Okay. You're going to run out of gas. This is what's keeping you stationed. You're going to have pull over and get gas. You better hope they have gas.

2:16:51Because a lot of times they run out of gas. Yeah. And a lot of places they run out of gas and there's hurricanes. So you have to have a full tank. You have to make sure your car's not a gas guzzler. Yeah. You're going to have to shut it off maybe because you're stuck in the middle of this fucking road and it's not going anywhere. Because there's 10 million people on the same road. That's a mindset. That people don't take into consideration when they think about living in places like that. You have to take into consideration the fact that everyone has to go in one direction. Not good. And for it is shaped like a dick, right?

2:17:20So it's a narrow ass bullshit state and everybody's going towards the north. That's what's scary about LA too even with these last few earthquakes happening. I'm like, oh man dude, like it's, we're just not set up in a, a leaf town with ease. No, LA is not set up like that at all. For example, Texas 146 was traveling to Liberty County, dumped 600 ,000 people into a county with only 70 ,000 residents. Oh, that makes sense. Dude, you know how insane that is? 600 ,000 people in a place that only has 70 ,000 residents. That's crazy. Thousands of people ran out of gas. Their cars overheated from all the inching along, causing many to stop and sleep along the highway.

2:17:57The even reports of price gouging by convenience store owners inundated with customers. Crazy. The death of 24 Bel Air nursing home residents who died when their chartered bus caught fire and exploded at about 6 .45 AM. Oh my God. In a traffic clogger. So the car overheat and caught fire. Yeah, so that's happening just with the influx of people, right? There's just cars popping off and dude, when you're, when you got to get the fuck away from a hurricane, that is, have you been in one or any sort of tornado? Not like that. No, nothing like that. Any a desire to. I can't say that it made it all the way to like Gloria, made it all the way to Boston when I was a kid.

2:18:37That was a, that was a, but it wasn't. Do you want a shelter and all that? No, it wasn't that scary. It wasn't, by the time it got all the way up to Boston, it wasn't, it wasn't nothing like the tropical ones. The ones where you're catching them were hot off the ocean. Yeah. And you're, you're getting those fucking Florida keys, those fucking Miami ones. Oh yeah. Throw those are bananas. Take you down. How was in the rain storm once in Miami where the whole highway had to stop? Whole highway stopped. You couldn't say anything. You couldn't see a goddamn thing. The whole highway stopped. That's how people were driving.

2:19:08Still too, with you when you just can't see this. No, no one was driving. Okay, this one. It was so bad, no one was driving. I was doing a gig in Miami. Eddie Brava was doing a jiu jitsu seminar in Miami. I was doing a gig in West Palm. That's what it was. And I had to go down and travel to Miami with them. We had to stop on the highway. Stop dead. The whole highway. Oh my god. It was white. You couldn't see anything. That's like a apocalypse shit. It's just how long? That wasn't that long because they just dumps and then it goes away in a few minutes and it becomes passable where it's just raining now.

2:19:37It's not so insane that no one can see. Right. But you've never seen that before. If you've never been in like a tropical place. Yeah. That was a normal rain storm. That wasn't like a hurricane warning. Right. They just get so bananas, you can't fucking see a car in front of you. Yeah. You can't see anything. That's so fucking nuts. Yeah, dude. I had to go in a shelter once, tornado my grandparents and mom from Oklahoma and when they were living there, we went into the shelter. Tornado people, like we were down there with people that were just like, we might have to live down here. This could be the new, no, this, like it was my grandparents, few their friends and people that were just like went to the shelter.

2:20:12And I'm fucking 10 surrounded by true doomsday guys that were just like, this is where we live now. Like you might need to, and you look like you're the fatdest kid here, young Adam. So we might need to be chomping on those beef jerky titties. It was wild, but just to, even just the idea that like, oh, we're running away from this was, was wild. Because Seattle, we didn't have any of that growing up. We just had, you know, torrential rain or whatnot. One time when we were at the Nashville airport, we had to go into the tornado shelter. There was tornadoes in Nashville, but nothing happened. Right.

2:20:41We got lucky. That's the craziest one. The craziest one is tornadoes because you can't even predict those. Oh, yeah, dude. Those just show up. You see, Twister? No, I didn't. I didn't see the new, I saw the old one. I didn't see the new one. I heard the new one's good. It's wild. Is it good? It's awesome. Yeah. The effects are wild, dude. You think it can do now, is it compared to the old Twister? Oh my God. Dude, yeah, hell, you believed hell and hunt was in danger. Right. We were very concerned for hell and hunt. And now you're, I mean, it's, I thought about going to one of those theaters. I wanted to know how you feel about this.

2:21:11The ones that like shake the seeds. Fuck that. Yeah. No thanks. Fuck that will always people freaking out around me. That's a good idea. Fuck it a hard way. When are we in the sheets? The seat is shaking. Oh, yeah. People start screaming. No thanks. It's too real. Too much of a mind fuck. Yeah. Maybe in some movies it'd be cool, you know? Well, when I worked at Universal Studios, they had a Shrek 4D. And so like when Shrek, or when Donkeywood Sneeze, you get, you know, blown with snuff. Right, right, right, right. People like that. But that's a theme park. You know, I hosted the Fear Factor live show at Universal.

2:21:41No way. That's hilarious. And it was not anything close to your show. But it was like, you know, but I'd have to make people think like, you know, the first stunt was like, these guys are going to be hanging on to these, you know, bike handle bars 30 feet in the air. And there's a platform below them. And when the platform drops out, you hear the sound effect, they got to hang on and, but they're attached to a bungee cord. So there's no real danger of all of them. And then it was the only real thing that was kind of close to the show was the eating of stuff. It was like, we have this picture of like sour milk and, you know, beaver clits and just all this.

2:22:12It was just crazy shit. And one guy projected Al Vaman on me. And I said, what the fuck into the mic in front of 1500 kids? And I got suspended for a week because I cursed in front of kids. But I was threw up in your mouth. Yeah, dude. What do you want? Perfection. Fear Factor show. Dude, ridiculous. That's hilarious though that you hosted that. It was nuts, dude. I mean, it was very, I mean, dude, the show was so mean. You mean, dude, the Chris. Yeah. You did a smog up there. Very fuck kill. That is that. Did you ever go to Universal when you were there with the kids there? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I probably saw you.

2:22:43I was Wolverine there for three years. I did. You know what I least love at Universal? The, um, the zombie place. Oh my God. It was awesome. What am I thinking? Walking dead. The maze. The maze that they would have. Yeah. That's fun. That's fun. Yeah. That's pretty scary. We had during Halloween hornites before they put a clamp down it. But I can dress up as Scarface zombie. So it's Pacino zombie. So I'm going to go, whoah. I'm just chasing people around. Scarrow. And, uh, oh shit. Good. Cool. That's made it for up for four years. That's hilarious. Yeah. The, um, back of the shit out of people.

2:23:15Universal has a great water world thing too. Like water world. The movie. It was not that good. No. But water world, like show shows. It's a best part. It's fucking great. Oh, yeah, it's better than the actual water. Right? It's like crazy. The cost is like, can I be in this movie that turned out to be a tremendous flop. That's insane. And they put together a theme show. Yeah. For a movie that was a tremendous flop. Yeah. But the theme show is so good that people still come to see. Oh, yeah. About a movie that no one cares about. Bro, it's wild. They spent so much money on water. Millions of dollars.

2:23:48Maybe billions. One of those things where it just, um, it sounded like, yeah, to stay and work out. It didn't work. The pitch sound must have been like, so just, it's like, last of the mohicans on water. Oh, my God. And the guy from field of dreams and tin cup. I like it jet skis. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, there were days when you'd see people, dude, some of my universal days where I'd see a guy dressed as SpongeBob. I mean, I was a 1940s cop. Was the best job I had there because I wasn't from anything. I had to improvise as Wolverine and make, and do bits. And my boss was like, Wolverine's not funny.

2:24:20Stop doing fucking stand up because I'm doing open mics at this time. So my 1940s cop walking around can make fun of people do whatever. And at one point, I picked up a squirt gun. Uh, there was on a kiosk. It was like a hundred and twenty out. And I'm just shooting people with it and doing all these bits and Japanese tourists to walk by and I'd shoot this one guy in the back. And then all these people were watching me and I'd be like, I didn't know what was happening. And my boss was, Wolverine, she goes, what are you doing? This is 1940s New York. This part of the park. There's a New York people out of the window.

2:24:46There's a cabbie. You're supposed to be making people think this is 1940s New York. And I go, um, Jenna, with all due respect, a trolley just drove by with five old, curious George and SpongeBob square pants blasting the song, u -e -u -uh, Ching -chang, wall -a -wall of Bing -Bang. And I was like, I'm not a history buff, but I'm pretty sure that song wasn't also a part of the 40s. It's your job to make people think that this is 1940s New York and I was like, fuck, I gotta get out of here. Jesus. Yeah, I was watching. You're job to make people retarded. What does that mean? And I was like, people are walking out thinking that they know how to make them think that this is, then they shouldn't be in the park in the first place.

2:25:20That's ridiculous. Wow. That's funny. That's like people that go to those, um, fairs, those, uh, legal fairs. Renaissance fairs. Renaissance fairs. And then some people like break character and then the other people try to talk to them in character. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I broke character all the time. Dude, John Dave Matthews came in one time with his family. I'm in full 1940s. I guess you can get a beer and I was like, yeah, come with me. Come here. There's one Irish pub down here. I'll take it to it. And I just seen him the night before I go, dude, you guys fucking crushed it last night.

2:25:46And he goes, oh, shit. He goes, can you break character? I go, dude, I don't want to be here. Fuck yeah. And then I went, he offered to get me a shot of this bar and I was like, dude, you ruined the experience for him. You ruined it for Dave Matthews. He was like, he's breaking character. This is bullshit. I don't want any kids to cop thing. I paid for the cop thing. I paid for the cop thing. This is bullshit. Yeah, dude. Dave Matthews, that's funny. Cool as fuck. That whole universal rides thing is the best thing is the Harry Potter thing. A thousand percent. That fucking roller coaster with the Simuragans.

2:26:17Oh, yeah, dude. Oh my god. It's incredible. You don't get sick of those. No. No, I'm lucky. I don't have the motion sickness. Yeah. The motion sickness thing is a weird one. You can't read in a car. You can't, you know, it's what a fucking thing. Yeah, just try to, drama mean as you're fucking cocaine. You can throw up from reading in a car. Oh, yeah. Which is real weird. Your brain gets so confused. Like, why am I looking at something that's stationary when I know my body's in motion? I know. Doesn't make sense. Your body does not like it. Yeah. At all. And your body's like, you must be sick.

2:26:46You have to tell it. I'm not sick, bitch. I'm looking at my phone. I know. Yeah. I tried to read a book once in a car and I was fighting off the nausea. I was like, don't be a pussy. And then I was like, oh my god, you can't fight anymore. It was like, just happened. Yeah. No, I held it in. Oh, you did. But I was like, you know where it comes up in your throat and you have to swallow it back down. And it burns your throat. You know those feelings? That was right there. I had a kid have to do that in science class. He had two eighth grade and the teacher found him. Mr. Moore cut Joe in Tone's H -R -I -P.

2:27:19And he had a big thing of chew in his mouth. And Mr. Moore goes, Mr. Anton Titch. He's a little, he looked like David the gnome. Huge beard. You couldn't see his eyes barely. His beard came up to here. Big fucking, you know, a fro. And he goes, Mr. Anton Titch, I see that chewing him out. And he was like, I don't know what you're talking about. He goes, swallow. Made him swallow it, dude. Puked right after. That's crazy. Wish that story was better. I would be mad at that teacher. You can't make my kid swallow chew. You fucking is. He's in fucking 1995, dude. Bad for you. Really bad for you. Mr.

2:27:47Moore give a fuck. Poison, Mr. Morgan, you piece of shit. How about you shave your stupid fucking face, dude? Cock sucker. You could tell this guy. I mean, he was a tiny little like science guy that you could tell like, I don't know. He didn't give a fuck. He was gonna. Well, they don't like kids fucking around. Yeah. I get it, but kids are gonna fuck around. Yeah, so I'm gonna be a little bit more even keeled. Yeah. Can make kids swallow tobacco. You fucking idiot. It's pretty wild another I'm saying it out loud. It's crazy. Well, when I was in school, these two paddle you. When I lived in Florida, they fuck out of you.

2:28:17Yeah, yeah, you getting a fight. They paddle you. They whack you in the ass with a piece of wood. In front of the people? No, it was just the principal. The principal would paddle you. Jesus, that was like a weird fetish. It was just like this. No, it's punishment. You did something wrong. You got whacked. I got whacked. Did you get whacked? No, I'm not really as a kid. Yeah, not much. Yeah, nothing like where I got hurt. Yeah, you know, just like little test put. Yeah, of course. Nothing serious. A little spoon to the back. Nothing, cringles slap. My sister threw a high heel shoe at my back once during a fight.

2:28:46Oh my god. Yeah, that fucking hit me right in the back. I went down. It's a piece of wood. It's got down to the end of the weapon. Yeah, then she locked me in the garage. Then I got out locked her in the garage. Jesus. And then she made fun of me for being a fat kid and having bigger tits than her mom. Oh my god. And she was adopted. So I go, you mean my mom and fucking dude. My drop, but also, yeah, that one. That one. Yeah, that was fucking. I said, Natalie, I'm so sorry, even to this day. Yeah, that was wild. That's to the bone. Yeah, she's crushing it now. It's not deep as a fucking 10 years old.

2:29:16Well, kids are fucking mean because they don't understand what it's going to do to someone. That's why bullies in school are so dangerous because you could ruin someone's life for no fucking reason other than you can. Yeah, you see kids ganging up on kids. It's fun for no reason other than you can. You're going to ruin that kid's experience for the rest of their life. Yeah, some kids they get bullied in high school and they never recover. 1000. They become like recluses. They hide. They always associate people with pain. Yeah, it becomes a real problem. Oh, yeah. Because of real fucking problem.

2:29:47Yeah, the kids that would tease me for weight stuff. Like I tried, you know, as I got a little older, I tried to give benefit to the doubt. I'd be like, oh, they didn't know any better. They're just fucking kids. But like, and thank God I found a way to maybe, you know, get around it. But like kids can't be so mean. They can be mean. They don't even know. They don't even know. They're just doing it because they're their experience. Louis C .K. had a whole bit about it. I forget how it went. But it was essentially about his dead on right. It's like they know that they can do this thing. Yeah. So they do it.

2:30:15And it's just like a, it's like throwing a rock in a window. They can. So they do it. And young kids don't think about consequences. No. They're little animals. They're not fully developed. Yeah, I know. And so they're mean. But the problem is when they're mean to like, if you're mean to a 14 year old is just coming in in ninth grade, you might fuck them up forever. Yeah, dude. Forever. Especially if you're like 16 or 17, you're a big older bully and you're picking on some 14 year old kid like, whoa. Yeah. I know so many people that just got destroyed from their experience in high school. Just destroy their confidence.

2:30:46All recover. Well, it alters the course of your life. Oh, wow. You're always thinking you're a loser. So it kills your confidence to try anything. Yeah. Kills your confidence to meet people. Yeah. You know, you're afraid of interactions. You're always hard getting bad to that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's why parents, you know, old school parents will tell you and some boy bullies you. You go back to school and you punch that kid right in the fucking face. Like, and I just send your kid to school and tell him that. Like, go punch that bully in the face. Like, what the fuck? I know my mom used to tell me, she's like, tell me or go tell the teacher or call me and I'll call the parents.

2:31:17And like, that's the fucking last thing I want to do. At least I'm like savvy enough to like not. You're not going to be there all the time. Yeah. So I'm going to have to go to school and I'm going to have to deal with this guy. This is don't, you don't enter. If you intervene, you're not going to intervene every day. Yeah. So what's going to happen? Is this going to remember that you intervene? Yeah. You know, he's going to put me in a locker. You know, it's going to be a real problem. I ran for a vice president in the fourth, fifth grade and my mom helped me write my speech. She was writing me this and I go big kid again.

2:31:44And I was running them down the platform of, if you vote for me, I'll have ice cream every day. My mom helped me write this and I was like, I think I'm okay. And then she was like, put this and she goes, say, if you vote for me, you'll have ice cream every, I promise you'll have ice cream at LFP every day. Not. Joy did that in front of the whole school. Oh, no. Crickets. One teacher in the back. Oh, shit. Your mom told you to. Oh, mom. Terrible idea. Is that fucking, what's your friend's name? I was going to go, don't listen to your mom. Also come on, kind of plot the confidence to fucking, I mean, you know, open mic night in front of the school.

2:32:18Yeah, basically. But dude, it's also when not we're still kind of in. So you think that was like the first joke you ever cracked publicly? I might have been. Probably asked to be. It probably has to be. Right? I mean, when did you ever address a group of people? Oh, never. Never. So first time ever. From the whole school. It's bad joke. Crickets. Right out of the bat. Maybe a couple kids who were like, dude, this guy's fucking on just something, you know? Well, some kids just like it when there's a little bit of chaos. Like, yeah. Say something stupid. Yeah. You know, do me something to think about other than my miserable existence.

2:32:50Yeah. Yeah, which is a lot of people. That's a lot of online activity. Like people just looking for someone to fail so they could like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't read the comments right now. I'm trying not to. Right now. Yeah, I'm just start doing that. Maybe a couple of years ago. Oh, good for you. I was reading both. And then it was just like, I love to live in like the present. Yeah. I know how I think it felt good in the moment. Why would I want to take away anything from that? I don't know. It's an unnatural way of human beings interacting with each other. It's not good for you. Sometimes I look at stuff just to go like, oh, did they?

2:33:27Like when she and I did the Trump Biden thing, I was like, I want to see if people are digging it. You read a few nice things. And then it's like, you just have to have self -discipline to go. But, you know, but listen, you know, it's good. You know, that's good. It killed you guys when it was you guys doing Biden and Trump and going back and forth with each other. It was magic. It was hilarious. Get it? Like, you know what it is. What a wild thing to have as far as like SNL does these political things. They're like, what eight to 12 minutes? Like two hours of it. Like that's a wild even come close.

2:33:57They can't even come close. First of all, it's not possible for them to come close. They can't come close in the subject matter and they don't have Shane. Shane is the greatest Trump that's ever existed. Hey, we'll put my, the idea. Shane to be writing four Trump. I'll be writing four Trump. Like if Trump was smart, he would hire Shane and Tony Hinchcliffe to write the thing on the road. Because Shane could show him how to do it. This is how, this is how you say the joke. He would say. When he came out and was doing the dance and the low clapping, I don't know if you saw this too, the way he was drinking his Bud lights.

2:34:24Yeah. Totally in character. Fully in character? Yeah. I mean, for real, he could show Trump how to deliver the lawns. Dude, when we were the first time we did it, because Shane and I only maybe see each other and chatted around 10 times at clubs prior to that first time. So this is really, it's another thing I love about comedy. It's like we got to really kick it like this past week and a lot and chum it up and like, just get to know each other more because we were thrust into this thing, counted together, you know? And during the first time of the mothership, I lean over in character and I go, I go, hey Shane, you realize this is the most, most we've ever talked to each other and in character goes, Joe, shut the fuck up.

2:35:02And I start fucking bite my left. So funny, dude. Yeah, it's a fun time for comedy and a fun time for politics if you're a comedian. Yeah. For the rest of the world, it's like, I said that when Joe Biden was operating the country, it felt to me like how I feel when my Tesla is on autopilot. Like, yikes. Does this really work? Oh, yeah. You know, it's like Jesus. Oh, yeah. What's happening there? And now it's seeing you as Joe Biden, you're way more coherent than the actual Joe Biden. Which is so nice. Some zingers, yeah. You have some zingers, you can actually. What's the balance you have to find?

2:35:37Like I can't just be, people were like, dude, just mumble and stumble and you'll be fine. I'm like, I'm still there to be funny. Yeah. Like I have to, you know. But you figured out how to do it in character too, which is fun because you have that thing where you can do the bumbling and it's actually funny. Like you, on purpose, bumbling, you know? Like, sometimes he just bails. Yeah. He's bails on what he's saying. Totally. And just, yeah, we got to, we beat Medicaid. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I said on the first, like, we beat Medicaid, Megatron. We took down the Transformers. Yeah. Anyone I got there with a tell, I go, we got David Tell, Dave Chappelle.

2:36:11We got a Dell up here. Come on. Uh, how long did you do the character before you did it on Killtony? Did you fuck around with it? Well, no. Just I'd done a couple like voices in my act, talking about the debate, maybe, you know, some, so that's the first time doing it. That's easy. Jeremiah Walkins and I did a bunch of during COVID like lost fill episodes and that's kind of how we started to find whatever my version of was that, but this was just the first, have you met him? Who? Dr. Phil. No, that's hilarious. But I think he's gonna come on my show with the store in. How are you gonna feel when you meet him?

2:36:43I'm gonna start joking about that. You gonna handle it better than you handle Jim Carey? Oh, fuck. I think so. I hope so. Yeah. I hope so for your sake. Oh, it'll be awesome. What if it happens? Yeah, what if he's, what if he just is that? Honestly, when they were playing the charge of what you're allowed to say, that you might be saying things, you know, he might get to. I thought he was gonna come out at Madison Square Garden when they played that video montage when they put me in the Killtony Hall of Fame. I thought he was gonna come out behind me and I don't know fucking like stab me in the back and go.

2:37:14We won't be right back. That would have been funny. Just take me down. Yeah, he's a, I think I think he'll be, I want him to come out on my show at the comedy store and when they announce Dr. Phil, he comes out instead. And then everybody goes nuts and then I come out we shake hands and chaffer about 2030. Well, Killtony's so big now I could see him coming out, especially now because he's got that network. He's got a network. Yeah, he's got some stuff to sell. Dude, I plug his book on every episode of the show. People buy books now, Joe, and bring him to my club dates and have me sign and do a thing.

2:37:44Tiffany Addis was on one of the shows and I go, Tiff, this guy's got a question for you and he's like, Tiff, I'm a, I can't stop, I stopped drinking, I can't stop jerking off and she goes, you got stopped jerking off, she goes, you can go blind. You jerk off too much, you can go blind. I go, I actually talk about that in my book, we've got issues. I go chapter 25, if you come to my, you're gonna lose your ability to see the world. So I'm like finding ways to like plug the book. And now I'm sure that'll definitely sell. I think that's kind of a bad move right now. It's a very good move. Solid move, good move on your part.

2:38:12And it's a fun bit and it's like people now, like, I don't know. No, it's definitely fun. But what would happen if he said stop doing it? Stop doing it and it was fun, it was a fun run. I don't know, I'll keep throwing it. Okay, you had it here first. I don't think right now I was like, yeah, I'm gonna court for everyone. I don't mean, bro, let it go. It's, I mean, there's no, I mean, it's parody and it's all this, so I don't think there's a real, it would have to, I mean, there's, it'd be a cease and desist of some sort, right? Well, parody is an interesting thing, right? Because people are really worried about parody now with AI.

2:38:42Because there's a lot of parody now with AI. Oh yeah. And people are thinking, like, there was this one common Harris thing that was going around where it wasn't, she never said any of these things. There's the original speech that she gives and this is like ridiculous version of like the worst thing that a person, like the dumbest that, oh God. And it, yeah, and it's AI and it's like, yeah, that's one of the weird ones. That's a weird one. Because if you could do that, then you could have people saying all kinds of things. Like if that's okay to take like a famous person who's like the vice president of the United States and have her say a bunch of shit that she didn't really say because it's parody.

2:39:20Like you can kind of get a little slippery with that. Like you can get like subtle parody. Yeah. Or it's like you barely know that she's not saying those things. Oh yeah. And then it becomes like people believe it's real. It's pretty obvious though, right? The videos of these. Not always, man, they're getting good. They're getting really good. They're getting really good. They're getting close enough that they could trick a lot of people. And I think the best version of it now is pretty fucking tight, man. The Volko stuff is pretty wild. It's all wild. They can take your voice and have you say almost anything.

2:39:50And if they do a good job with it and manipulate it and tweak it like the intonations, the God, they get it. It's like so goddamn close. Oh yeah, dude. Scary. There's still a little part of you that listens to it and goes this seems a little fake. Yeah. But I always wonder if like if I didn't know that it definitely wasn't real, I wonder if I would, it would feel fake to me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I don't know. I feel like, yeah. I don't know. They said we're gonna have flying cars about now and it's not happening. So maybe AI won't be as scary as... They do have flying cars. Yeah, but like a part of society and...

2:40:21Yeah, they're not common, but they would help in the hurricane place. Yeah. As long as you don't catch them wins. I remember when Dallas had Uber helicopters for about two months. Bro, could you imagine if Florida had flying cars in hurricanes? In the middle of the hurricanes, you know there'd be a bunch... Those same kind of dudes that shoot out their window with people in road rage. They would be flying in wins. They shouldn't be flying in and crashing into the whole highway in a burst of flames and killing everybody and it would be on YouTube Reels the next day. Florida is the guinea pig of states for all the stuff that's...

2:40:52Well, it's a state that was essentially founded. Okay, there's two findings, right? There's original, the Spaniards landed in Florida first. The first city was in Florida in this country, right? So you have like the colonizers, the first original colonizer was in Atlanta, Florida. Then, you know, all the fucking prisoners that Castro releases, he gets them out and puts them on fucking boats and sends them to Miami. And then you have the crazy cocaine days in the 1980s. And then you have an economy that has... There was more, at least at one point in time. Find out if this is true still. There's more banks per capita in Miami.

2:41:31Yeah. Like for a city than anywhere else in the country. Because it was all money laundering. People were just like, they were moving money around with cocaine. And people were making millions of dollars and putting in trash bags and digging holes in their backyard. You ever see cocaine cowboys? No. Fucking incredible. Fucking incredible documentary. And it's all... Cocaine in Miami. About everything you're talking about? Yes, it's all about cocaine in Miami. At one point in time, one graduating class, the Miami Police Academy, every single one of them either went to jail for corruption or was murdered.

2:42:02Oh my God. The entire class. It was just cocaine. Everyone was out of their fucking minds. Everybody was on it. They're all on it and they're all committing crimes on it. Oh my God. And they're all making millions of dollars and they're all going to nightclubs at Scarface. It's Scarface was based on that. Oh my God. Brian DiPomo Scarface written by... Was all over stone, right? Didn't all over stone write it? It sounds right. It is, right? Try to believe so. How long was this time, a couple of years or what? A decade. Oh, maybe more, maybe more than a decade. Maybe 20 years. My head a buddy who was an ophthalmologist who did his residency at a university in Miami during the cocaine day.

2:42:41Oh, is it dude? It was nuts. It was nuts. Gunshot wounds, stab wounds. People with things up their asses. Like, they, so many people got brought into the emergency room with things they stuffed up their ass while they were coped up. What the fuck? I didn't know that was a side effect. Army soldiers. I thought it was like stories with the one thing. No, no, no. Like light bulbs, the ones that are shaped like pine cones, stuffed light bulbs up their asses. Like people were doing all kinds of wild shit and being brought into the emergency room. I thought Coke was just supposed to be like, you take the party up a notch and you know, there's more fun.

2:43:12And it depends on where you're starting from. Yeah. You know, came in in some places. Something to rob up the ass was how, yeah. Like those fucking swingers in Tampa are already on the 29th floor. It's not much of an elevated to get tempted to the roof. Yeah. Is fucking people are out of their minds. And the whole town was like founded by cocaine. Wow. And it still has that feel, this party feel to that city still. Yeah, I don't sure. cocaine is still an issue there. But I mean, it's not the whole thing now. But it's like, that's a frivolous area. I always say if you want to starve to death, open a bookstore in Miami.

2:43:50Oh, no, no one's got it. No, you're reading there. You're reading. Yeah. To fuck up, we're out here. Stunt and pot doesn't, pot hasn't had a similar type. I don't know. Effects on the town. Yeah. Not really. Maybe pot and LSD was San Francisco. Right. 70s, 60s. But like, well, not really, you know, the people were putting stuff up their butts and whatever. No, well, that's a refer madness stuff. That's the opposite of what you would do if you're a hire. You would not take, you take that to choice older and you go, if I put this in my house, what do we get stuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You start freaking out.

2:44:23What do I have to go to the hospital? Let's talk about it. I'm not doing it. We were going, cogey, like, get up there soldier. Do your fucking two days away. There's a whale, there's a whale. Do the surgery. What did you sign up for to protect your pizza shed? Here it comes up out of your mind. I didn't want to Joey Diaz's death stars the last time at his pod when he was in LA. Yeah, he would do that, dude. That might be the highest I've ever been. Incomfortable, very dangerous, bad for people psyche. I was good for about 20 minutes and then don't remember what happened after that. Yeah, he takes people, he throws them into the darkest pits of their soul.

2:44:59Thank God he just talked, like, I was so, I got quite a member, looked over at Leah at one point and I was just like, I don't know if I can say anything else. Least probably asleep. Yeah, he was. Least probably asleep standing up. Joey finished the story and go, and then, and we got here and then, let me tell you something, this is one time where I'm walking. And I was like, when he got real locked, then I was like, okay, I think this, I got another 10 minutes to be quiet, because there's another story. And then it was, and catch your brain. Catched, wow, dude, what a great way to put it. Yeah.

2:45:23Where is it? Where's my fucking brain? And over here, you know how to think. Yeah. He was down. I never been so paranoid. Breathe, just breathe. The amount of times I told myself to breathe was terrifying. The old days of the church of what's happening now is all just Joey doing edibles. Yeah. Insane amounts of edibles. Yeah. And just being obliterated with Lisa, like, this is someone else in the episode where his eyes are closed and he's just rocking back and forth. He's hallucinating, he's watching, like, he's hallucinating. He was neon cartoons fuck behind his eyelids. I remember he gave him another death star when he was like, he was like, you didn't know the way, he's like, I don't know, I was like, he'd woke up to eat it and then he, I mean, it was, yeah, I was wild.

2:46:04But it was like, you know, I wanted to be, I wanted to participate. Oh, yeah, you have. How do you not? You have to. Yeah. If you're doing Joey show, you have to be on the same wavelength, although as it be rude. But I was in it totally. Imagine being a sober person. What's into that conversation? I'm like, what are you saying? Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, yeah, dude, he said another dementia right now. Oh, God, that was. He's literally in another dimension. Oh, he's gone. He's gone. Eyes in the back, you're messed over. Always smiling. So he was all in some sort of a journey with this one.

2:46:34He's on the church, what's happening now? What Joey Diaz having a great time, I know. Which is when you want to be like, that fucked up unedible. So around nice people having a wonderful time. By the way, another stamp in the comedy, zeitgeist or the history books of like, I'm, I feel very fortunate to have been in a time where I got to be around that. And then beyond, you know what I'm saying? Like, be, I mean, obviously, you guys have been homies forever, but like, yeah, that's like, you know, that was a staple in time. Well, also it doesn't exist anymore. Like, people forgot, I keep trying to tell him to bring back the church.

2:47:04And I'm trying to get him and lead together again to do, you know, I think they're talking about it and Lee was out here when he was out here. And God damn, those two together were so fun. Yeah. It's just Joey Diaz like that was so funny. Yeah. It's just so Joey Diaz. And if you know him, you love him. Like the one on the July 4th one, when he was like screaming, you're a fucking American. He's like the back of his dad. Oh yeah, dad. Is the Joey Diaz, the state of the union. It's incredible. Those are also some of the wildest nights at the store that I will never forget in the OR of seeing a lineup that's just, you know, Tom, Bill, you, Joey.

2:47:44Like you bring up Joey or Joey or bring it up you is a half hour that I don't think I'll ever forget, dude. That's so wild. And I know you get that now with the mothership of what you guys are doing here and what you've created. But man, like seeing it for the first time of it, of me seeing it is what I'm, I guess, getting. Yeah. Of being and getting to a point to where it was like open mics at the store, then I did phones for a few years and then being a radio, then just being around and being around enough to be comfortable to stick around and sit in a bucket seat and watch that transition happen.

2:48:15Was wild, dude. The fucking the pops and the roars. And then you sitting down and watching him was so fucking cool, you know? I don't know. That's other stuff that is not, you have to just be around to see that. It was a different time, too. It was like you could do that then and you could hang out in the back and you didn't get bothered. And you could, you know, the store was, that was an interesting time of the store because it was like it was so heavy. There were so many killers. There was so many people there. It was just, it was such a magnet for crazy people, too. So there's this energy in that place.

2:48:50It was so different. You know, that's also because it's like Seeros nightclub and people were killed there, you know. Oh, really? Bugsie Seagull. You know, on the whole of the store? Oh my God. Bugsie Seagull owned it. I just know it was a nightclub. That's about as far as my - A mob run nightclub. Holy shit. Of course it was. I'm sure you've talked to people that have seen ghosts there, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. How many other places are people have seen ghosts? I know. That's like the most ghostiest of ghost places in LA. When you talk to like those fucking ghost freaks. Oh, right. They're really into that.

2:49:18Yeah, man. There's a bunch of stories about the comedy story being haunted. Yeah, like I know. Multiple people that have seen ghosts there. Carla Bowie's to have a crazy story about sleeping on the stage and like something grabbed his leg and dragged him to the end of the stage. What? And then he heard a bunch of chairs clink in the door slammed and there was no one in the room. He was asleep on the stage. You got kicked out of his apartment. He's had a fight with his girlfriend. Fuck you. I'm gonna make it. You know that kind of shit. He's young. And he was working as a door man for the store.

2:49:48So he had a key. He goes and he said, I'm gonna sleep on the stage because I'm gonna fucking make it in comedy. And then he's on stage and he hears a noise. Like a chairs clinking. He's like, hello? Hey, it's me, Carl. I'm here. I kicked out of my place. So I'm just sleeping on the stage. Hey, who's there? And he hears like a sound again. He doesn't see anything. And then all of a sudden a hand grabs his leg and drags him like six feet and then let's go. Oh, fuck. Dude, that's fucking terrifying. Yeah, I mean, maybe he lied. Yeah. But it's an amazing story. The way he would tell, I wanna believe.

2:50:23I wanna believe. I wanna believe too. I've never heard anybody get touched by a ghost though. It might have been one of his friends. He might have been blackout drunk. One of his friends, I don't know how to call sleep on the stage. Let's fuck with him. And they probably never told him. They probably forgot they did it because they did it acid and fucking a pile of coats. That sounds more believable. Cause he was a part of Kinesens crew. So Mark Marren said that when he party with Kinesens so hard that he had voices in his head for a year. A year after he got back. I feel it. He left, went to Boston after he was hanging out in Los Angeles and he had voices in his head for like a year.

2:50:56Saying what? I don't know. Not good things. I'm sure they're never good voices. Start a podcast and you're garage. That took years to get to happen. This is like the 90s. You know, this is like not even this is the 80s. That's fucking wild. This is like when I met him it was 88. So this is like. So these are leftover residual voices from. They did so many drugs. They did so much coke that he like had voices in his head. Where's that? I guess I just the coke. Like what? It's like a probably a breakdown of the natural neurochemistry that you're bringing. You fucking with your brain so much. Yeah.

2:51:30100%. Yeah. You're robbing your brain if it's ability to produce dopamine. Like you destroy all your serotonin levels. You fuck with everything. When you go that hard with coke and then you have to get off like those guys get wrecked. I've met people that are getting off coke and they are wrecked. Like just it's just empty and they're so drained. Oh fuck. It's just like it just fucking put on together. And it makes you want to do more coke. Get back on the horse. Here the dog. And we're back. And we're back. Yeah, I'd see it in like, oh my god. That's a demon. That's a demon -in -powdered form.

2:52:08It's not around as much anymore in a club. I don't think so. Yeah, it's around all over the place. The problem is now it's got fentanyl in it. Now I can kill you. Fuck that. People are still doing it. That's how nutty coke is. They're gonna roll the dice. It's crazy. I know. It's not from the cartel. That's fucking wild. I don't even take, people are bringing me weed now all the time, which I appreciate. But I mean, well they found weed with fentanyl. Yeah, I don't know. And it's also like, did one kid get a bag, it was a comedy castle in Royal Oak. And I walk in the bathroom and he pulls out this little bag and he goes, bro, brought you something.

2:52:38And it's just all bag of shake. And I go, I go, oh man, thanks bro. I'm just trying to be polite. I go, thanks man. He goes, there's more of that came from. I go, can I be honest, this looks like it just fell out of your pocket. He's like, yeah, but I brought you the bag. And I was like, the gesture sweep, but like I just feel like this is not the move. Like maybe if it was a nice joint, maybe in a tube and stuff, he's like, okay, your Hollywood guy, huh? I'm like, no, that's nothing to do with this. It's a bag that was stuffed in your cargo pants. Of shake. Yeah, of shake. Yeah. Or joints that are.

2:53:04Yeah, you can't roll the dice on that. Yeah, you can't today. You know, there's places that are trying to outlaw fentanyl tests, which is insane. Who's doing that? Where is that happening? Is that a Texas thing? Where's that happening where they're outlawing the fentanyl tests? And I think the concern is that it would encourage people to do drugs or sell drugs. And that maybe the thing's gonna discourage them is the fact that people are dying from it, which is an insane way of thinking. Let's just prevent people from dying. Yeah, first. I guess the fear is that it would make people feel like it's safe to do coke again.

2:53:41Center for Disease Control Prevention and most public health agencies endorse distributing fentanyl test trips to people who use drugs. The practice is illegal in 42 states and the district of Columbia. Wow. Oh my God, that feels like way too many places. That's insane. I thought it was like a state. I thought it was like a Florida thing. Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, North Dakota and Texas. They're now allowed in every state except Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, North Dakota and Texas. That's nuts. And it's like this. An easy way to save lives. Jesus Christ. That's insane. Lama. Why does Texas have it illegal?

2:54:19Why are fentanyl strips illegal in Texas? Texas, one of the few states where fentanyl strips are still illegal and considered drug partner phenylia. One argument that has been made against the test strips and other harm reduction practices is that they may encourage people to do drugs or continue doing drugs. So let's just kill them. Let's just kill them. Let's let your kids die because they made a mistake because they're 16 and someone gave them some coke and they wanted to be a cool kid. That's insane. That's insane. Yeah, we don't want encouraged kids to do drugs. Correct. And you know the way to do that is to have positive role models who aren't doing coke.

2:54:51Yeah, that's the best way to do it. Yeah. The best way is you know your favorite country music singer doesn't do coke. You know like maybe that. Maybe your favorite athlete doesn't do coke. He tells you listen, I don't do coke. You shouldn't do coke. It's fucking scary. It's fucking dude. Yeah. What the fuck? That is insane. Crazy that you would have a test trip and make it illegal. You could save lives. That's the only way you should look at that. You're gonna save lives. They're already doing something illegal. You know you're not encouraging or discouraging if it was not killing people, probably the same exact amount of people would be doing coke.

2:55:27I can't believe that we got rid of always a Jamie Sun bubble, always the place that you put up the hot tub, the cum tub place. We got rid of those, but we can't get fentanyl strips approved. Crazy. Well also the real elephant in the room is why is it a prop? Why are these drugs tainted? And it's because they're illegal. That's the problem. And the problem is we don't want to make them legal because we don't want to encourage drug use. I get that too, but the thing is, we're gonna find the only way you're gonna make it safer for human beings to do these stupid things and live is if you make it legal.

2:56:01It shouldn't be legal in terms of like, I mean it should be, it's certainly, it should be legal, but it shouldn't be something that someone can profit off of. It shouldn't be something that someone can sell to people. Maybe the best way to do it would be to make drugs free and legal. Like if you want it, like if you, I catch you selling coke, your death penalty. But if you want to give away coke, if you want to make coke and give it away, it's totally legal. If you want to make your own cocaine or a pharmaceutical drug company makes cocaine, they can sell that cocaine for exactly what it crossed to make it nothing more.

2:56:37Okay. So no one's gonna make it. Yeah, but then the drug, well then, then you will have a supply problem and then you'll have, man, my idea is that. Yeah. I bailed on it. It was a door wanna watch you go through it. Because it was like, no, because then people just, they'll make it and they'll sell it and they get the penalty problem. All back over there. You've got to allow pharmaceutical drug companies to profit otherwise they have no incentive to make it. Then they're gonna tell you, they're gonna have fucking ads like CNN brought to you by cocaine. That's gonna be the Anderson Cooper show brought to you by crack.

2:57:06The cocaine news network. Yeah, that's what it would be. It'll be, they'll be calm. Like pharmacy to go drug companies sponsor those shows now. Right? It'll be cocaine sponsors. I would watch a full news network that was just everyone's fucked up. Responsible use of cocaine. Yeah. A little before you talk about the weather. Wow. I'm gonna talk about the weather. If you're gonna have any segment of the news. Fucking rain. What? Yeah. You better got two coats on today, baby. You better get that fucking car gassed up because you're gonna be in 56 hours of traffic. Let's go. It's gonna be hot. Let's go.

2:57:37I'm not even going anywhere. I'm gonna ride just a month of fucker out in the basement. Meanwhile, your basement gets flooded. You're like, whoa. Oh my gosh. Some of those places get flooded. I was watching the last hurricane. This whole community is underwater. Did you see any of that, Jamie? There's a community in Florida. And it was not even in the flood zone. And they're all underwater. Their houses are underwater. Everything's underwater. No thanks. Yeah, not good, dude. Not good at all. You're living in a place where the sky becomes an angry monster and could snuff out life. Have you scuba dived?

2:58:09No. Fuck off. No thanks, I know. There's sharks out there. My wife is like, we don't know, I think 73 % of the ocean, she's just like what? I think it's 90. Yeah, it's gotta be. I think it's 90. Every day there's a new fish, dolphin or whale and you're like, do I just saw this video? I think it was a swordfish coming out and like flying across the boat. Whatever it did, popped out of the water. I was like, I didn't know they could fucking jump like that. Yeah. No thanks, dude. This kid was on my podcast recently. Bob Gimlin is his YouTube channel. He had a very interesting point. He said he thinks that, and this is coming from someone else who observed this, he thinks that sharks are attacking people not even to eat them.

2:58:48They're attacking people because they don't want them there because they're getting in the way of the seals and all the things they eat. That's why they're killing people. They don't want you in your, their water. And I was like, oh my god, that makes sense. Ooh. A thousand percent. I mean, you remember thought of that. What are we doing there? I want to think of them as like these fucking thoughtless killing machines. There's biting everything. Imagine just walking into a stranger's house, opening the door, just opening their fridge. You guys might want to make some tater tots. That's what we're doing in the ocean.

2:59:12There's a video of a kid in Hawaii who's on a small paddle board, like fishing off a paddle board and a fucking tiger shark bites the paddle board. Have you ever seen that video? No. It's terrifying. But it is, I mean, if you wanted to think about it, look, the kid's out there fishing. So he's stealing fish from the sharks. Sorry. Like the shark knows that that's not a fish. Oh god, as he says. Watch this dude, you watch this. This is crazy. So he's out here fish. Look at this. Bro. The sharks. Tiger shark ran me. No, no, bit you bro. Rammed me. Yeah. They think bid him. Watch this. Oh, look at that.

2:59:56It bit the boat man. It bit the boat. Yeah, you're taking food out of its mouth and its family's mouth. Again, you walk into a stranger's house, you take the meatloaf sandwich out of your kid's mouth, your dad's gonna punch you in the face. You know, it's for sure that's not a fish. Shark attack seems like maybe the worst way to, I mean, die for sure, but like, it's a horrible way to die. Oh man, you can't get away and they move real fast and you can't move at all. You're like, whoa, whoa. It's not even like a bear on the ground. You feel like you maybe can run, maybe, or you want up a tree, maybe.

3:00:26I just saw this video with an alligator attack where it's like if it bites your leg, you're supposed to roll with it and then play dead. And then you like, playing dead thing always to me and like, you're not that good of an actor. Kid lock keeping it together where the thing is clamped on. Dude, I don't even think Pacino could fake dead in front of a gator. I think they're gonna be like, dude. It's gonna keep you under water until it knows for sure. So you have to not move. Yeah, you're not like that. Are you that zen to reduce your panic around a gator attack? Nobody is. Nobody is. Nobody is.

3:00:54Yeah, but a shark dude, that just feels, and they say punch them. They say punch them. Who's got enough wear with all or just, you know, in the moment? Who survived this punch to shark rose wrapped around their torso? I don't know. Who survived? Maybe Tom Bergeron. They're just gonna rip you in half. Yeah, and the bite force is insane. It's got filled with knives. Go to your happy place. You know, imagine the last one of your life. You're looking down at your entrails and no legs. And that's it. That's the end. Wow. How long do you think you get to look at that before? Two seconds. You get a few seconds.

3:01:28What is that thing biting? Eating a camera. I just thought it was a cool. Oh my God. I have a shark's mouth. Oh my God. It's just a killing machine. But it does make sense, what he's, and now that I see that video. That's a great perspective of the shark biting the boat that totally makes sense. Taking his snacks. Yeah, because I used to think that it was, oh, just they'll bite anything. No, they're mad that you're there. Get out of here, bitch. They're pretty smart, right? Or things. No, okay. I don't think so. They're, well, they're ancient. Most of these really ancient things that haven't changed at all since the dawn of time.

3:01:59They're not that smart, because they're just about killing. Like, if you think about how old sharks are, I think sharks are older than trees. Yeah, I think sharks predate trees on earth. See if that's true. 99 % sure it's true. I talk about that in my book. We've got issues. Sharks are older than trees. 450 million years old. Wow. Tree is 350 million years old. So there was sharks for 100 million years before they were ever trees. That's fucking wild, dude. Why? Just kidding. And they're out there in the water. And you want a scuba dive? Adam, right? No, I'm getting this. I'll get a sun bubble with you, bro.

3:02:35I'll go to Sun Bubble, would you? They're gonna see you down there with your stupid gear. And I'm like, you fucking cocksucker. You're ruining my fishing. Yeah. Yeah. No, thank you, sir. Oh, God, non -interested. Okay. Not even. Glad we're in the same place with that. What's that? What's that? That's sharks. Oh, my God. What kind of shark is that? Oh, bandsaw in its mouth. That the early sharks? Helio Coprion. That's what its mouth looks like. Like 240 million year old fish. Jesus Christ. You ever see the movie The Meg? Oh, yeah. One of the dumbest movies has ever been made. Yeah. It's so dumb.

3:03:10Why are you watching? What have you done to make, dude? And even Satan was just like, we're gonna see what's down there. No, you don't, Jason. Go back to fucking the Italian job too. Or things of biting the window. Yeah. Crashing through the window. Giant 50 foot shark. Oh, yeah. What about open water? Was that the name of that one? Where it was just all shot found footage? Yeah, that was a good one, though. That was good. Because it was realistic. Yeah. The Meg 2 is even dumber. It's even dumber than the Meg 1. Yeah. But they're fun. It's fun dumb, you know? Those are good popcorn movies from time to time.

3:03:43Enjoyable. You know, that's not really happening. Imagine, it's like a Megalodon down there. But there could be. That's what everybody thinks. Maybe that's what took the rich guys in the submarine that went down there. Do you think something big got them? No. Yeah, incompetence. Human folly, I think that gets more people in the sharks, you know? That's a big one. I do like the idea that the further down, like all the way down there, there's something, like where the Titanic really, where at the fucking very bottom is something that's living down there, that's just, you can't even comprehend. That's never even trying to come up.

3:04:14But if you go all the way down there like they did, or you make it down for whatever, I saw Will Smith in some video where he went down, right, with some people, for some discovery show, like really down there to where it was like, they shouldn't be down there. They're doing that. Get the fuck out of there. Even these astronauts are going to space that are stuck. They're stuck. They're stuck. Joe, why, why is this a ghost? They can get them in February. Why are we still going to, like what are we, is down here not good enough? Yeah, but it's also if they can get them in February. Are you fucking serious?

3:04:41Yeah, what if that doesn't work? What if something goes wrong with that? Something went wrong, which is why they can't get them. Guess what? Things go wrong. You might not have rockets available that can do it. You might not have a shuttle available to get them. You might not be able to fucking, you might have some sort of problems in your software. Who fucking knows, man? Dude, that's so scary. Yeah, we're fine. And they have to either be saved by another, I guess, SpaceX or... Make friends with the Russians. Have the Russians bring them home. There you go. I bet they can get them. Wouldn't that be fun?

3:05:10That's the only slap in the face. Yeah, dude. They're putting them. I'll do you a favor. Nice pudding. I'll go get your friends. Okay? Just put them nice, and you'll be nice with me. I'll be nice with you. Wow. We'll give you Brittany Granger. We'll bring back your astronaut's. Yeah. Or give us back, Gritty. There was a sound that was recorded once by underwater microphones that was a biological sound that was louder than anything that any animal had ever made before, and they don't know what it is. Do you see if you can find that? I mean, it might not be this, but do you remember we did the hump way up?

3:05:46So humpback ones? Oh, yeah, they made crazy sounds, but I don't think they think they took that into account, and this is different. This, they don't know what it is, and they never found it again. But whatever this thing is, it sounded biological. Oh, God. Like it was a biological sound. It wasn't a geological sound. It wasn't like a sound the Earth makes, or, you know, a little underwater earthquake. There's something about the sound that they determined it to be biological, which is like what? Yeah, what are you talking about? Is there a fucking Godzilla there, don't you? She's not finding out about this.

3:06:16Something called the Bloop. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Doesn't sound very scary. What is it? 1997. We'll put up the details of it so I can read it. Is there any other article on it? It's making sure it was right. Yeah, so whatever this sound was, they don't know what the fuck it was, and 1997 National Oceanic, Oceanic, and Atmospheric Administration recorded a mysterious underwater sound that lasted for one minute and was detected by hydrophones five thousand miles apart. The sound was named the Bloop and came from a location off the coast of Chile. The Bloop captured people's imagination, led to theories about what it could be, such as the call of a dinosaur, an undiscovered sea creature, or a giant squid in 2005.

3:06:55And a scientist discovered that sound was actually caused by an iceberg breaking away from the Atlantic glacier. Oh, shit. What the fuck, dude? I didn't even know. So they solved it. I was hoping it was a fucking monster. That was the only one. It wasn't one. So that's what it was. So it was probably one of those things where they had talked about it for so long that it stuck in my head that it was a biological thing. I still have hope. I just found an article in 2017 talking about it where they said they don't know what it was. Oh, okay. So this is someone trying to cover up for Godzilla. That's what that is.

3:07:27That's some state sponsored CNN type bullshit. They're trying to cover up for the fact there's a goddamn a Bloop. You were reading the AI overviews, and maybe it made up the answer. Oh, AI, you piece of shit. You fucking lied. That's probably what it is. AI lies. What? You had to think called hallucinations. If AI does not have an answer to something, it will come up with an answer. And then that could be searched from the web, right? So it could be some blog somewhere where some guy made up something about it was an iceberg that caused that sound. And AI will spit that back out. Yeah. It's a thing that AI does when it doesn't know the answer to something.

3:07:59Apparently they call it hallucinations. This is coming from AI scientists told me this. I don't want AI to have hallucinations. They don't even know how it works, dude. They don't even know exactly why it's doing what it's doing. They don't know how it's being creative. What? What's it, once you see those things too about like some of these robots, like what was that thing? It was like, I don't know. It had feet. Having them have feelings or any sort of they're not going to have feelings. That's even scary. They're going to be able to think really clearly without any emotions, no remorse, no morals, no ethics, no worrying if people like them, no reading the comments.

3:08:35They don't give a fuck. Diship a new body. They're fucking robots, man. Oh, God. That's my fear about aliens. My fear is that that's what aliens are. That they've already bypassed the human body and all of our primate systems. Oh, yeah. They've bypassed all that. They're all gone. That's all gone. Do they listen to our podcast? Yes, 100%. They're listening right now. They love it. What up, guys? It's fun for them because they don't get to think stupid anymore. Yeah. You know, because everything's clear. Right. It's like, you know, it's like you want a little bit of chaos and they don't have any chaos left.

3:09:07I think that's why they visit us. That's why, like in my special, I said that I think aliens look at us the same way we look at waffle house fights. Yeah. That's right, dude. It's just like, what the fuck is going on over here? What if the aliens love Danny DeVita? Like, what if their favorite actor is like, they love despicable me. They like grew. Yeah, they love them. We love grew. Yeah, maybe that's it. I mean, who fucking knows? But if these line AI cock suckers, do we find out about that 2007? Yeah, I found another thing in 2024. It's at San Diego, Dice Bird. Okay. So it might be real. Might have just been an article if they were putting it in the headlines.

3:09:40People would watch their video. Oh, right, probably. And what year was it? What they recorded that sound? It was recorded 97. Yeah, see anything back in those days, that's, you know, like you didn't even have barely had the internet in 97. Yeah, I don't know. It facts together. How do you know what you're talking about? I've just got anything pre -internet. I don't believe you. Because be a biological sound. Could be a dude who just ends to dinosaur. Sure. You know, but there's probably some shit down there we haven't discovered. I think so. They always find new fish. Like there was a bunch that washed ashore during a tsunami.

3:10:13They were like, what the fuck is this? Was that in Thailand? Where there was like a gang of them that washed ashore in a tsunami? These undiscovered deep sea creatures. Cool. Crazy like blind thing to live in the place where there's absolutely no light. They can pop up and show up here. I don't think we need to go down and try to find them. Yeah, wait for our storm. Yeah, wait for the storm to come through. I don't go down there. They'll wash up. A turban. Yeah, dude. That was an Oregon. Look at that fucking thing. Oh yeah, I'm going out of my way to find that. Fuck off. Well that's some kind of an anger fish.

3:10:42Oh my God. Which is one of the craziest inventions in nature. The nature invented a fish that has a fishing rod off of its nose. Yeah, yeah. Like how does that even happen? Look at that fucking thing. Is that real? Come on, that can't be real. Oh my God. Is that real? Oh, I know this one above it is not, but I don't know what the fuck that is. They're thinking it's with AI, man. You could think something's real and they just fuck with you. And this isn't the New York Post. They might have got that. 2017. Jesus. We'll go pre -AI. But wait a minute. They probably did a sample of that thing. What is it?

3:11:14Let's find out what it is. I bet they figured it out. Look at it. Fank tooth snake use. Could be a fank tooth snake eel or garden or conjure eel. All three species occur off Texas and have large fang life teeth. Look at that thing. Imagine if we lived in the ocean, show me the picture of that again. Imagine we lived in the ocean. You got to deal with that. There's a more, I'm surprised Pixar, they did finding Nemo, but like they should do something that's like highlighting all these lost creatures. Like there's got to be an underwater lost city where you can see the... Yeah, Mermaids versus Monsters.

3:11:46Yeah, they should. Why don't they do that? Fank tooth snake Jesus. Look at that fucking thing. Mermaids aren't real, right? I hope so. I hope so real. I know, me too. It's one of those things where I'm like, I don't fuck like, who the fuck knows dude? It isn't like the only trap. Probably not. A beautiful girl and says no vagina. Yeah. She's just fish. She's a fish. Like fish don't have sex. What are you supposed to do there? The part where you have sex with doesn't exist. It's all just fish. So how are you already going to the ocean? You ever see how fish breed? The fish, the female lays their eggs and the guys just jizzle over it.

3:12:18Like we used to catch rainbow trout when I lived in Boston. And we'd go to this lake and catch rainbows. And they would be jizzin when you pull them out of the lake. Like because it would be the time where they're spawning and they're making bait. And you're allowed to fish for them. Wow. At least back then you were. And you're pulling them out as they're jizzin. Like they're, as you're holding their like, there's nothing all over the place. Trying to get their last loads out before you filet them. Wouldn't you? If the bear's about to eat you, wouldn't you just try to fucking empty the tank? I guess no one's probably ever touched them before.

3:12:49It's probably really exciting. There you go. It's the first time I go around. Oh my god. Like imagine you just like blue balled all day long. You're so blue balled that you just jizz in the ocean. Yeah. On the floor. Yeah. I bet all they have to do is run a finger by you. You're like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Because the blade. You know. Like you ever seen where your dog is humping a leg. Oh yeah. And dogs just like they start humping the air. Yeah dude. They're committed. A fish. Yeah. You grab them right when they're in that, that peak spot. In the perfect spot. Peak rut. Just squirt all over the place.

3:13:20Have you ever seen a fish do that? No. Yeah. With rainbow trout they would do it all the time. We'd catch them and they'd be jizzing. Good for them. What a life. It's a bad death though. You know, because you're ill. Coming and die. You failed. Yeah. You failed. Yeah. You just dove over the inside of a boat. The opposite of what you're supposed to do. Oh good. Not good. Not good. But yeah. So if that is a mermaid, like what the hell? What are you saying? Well it's why the little mermaid. I mean she only, Eric was only endure because she came out of the water and had some human features. Exactly.

3:13:49And lost her voice. Like what the fuck? I mean that's why he was endure. He was like dude I've been dating all these you son of a bitch. These girls that just talk too much and they's like wow I met a girl that just doesn't even want to. Super hot. Can't talk. But if she does talk you can't have sex works she doesn't have a giant anymore. Yeah. Take your pick. Honey you're going to use a sign language. Wow. Alright Adam Ray, let's wrap this up. John, I appreciate you. John, I appreciate you. I appreciate you too. One more time the name of the documentary. Name of the documentary is called Doug.

3:14:17It's on my YouTube channel where you get all the Dr. Phil live specials. Dr. Phil live tour. It's all Adam Ray, commie .com. We got October 25th and Philly October 26th and DC the Beacon theater. Go ahead. In November 15th. Celebrity theater, December 6th. San Diego Civic Theater, December 7th. All that at Adam Ray, commie .com. My special is like and subscribe. It's on YouTube on my YouTube channel .com slash Adam Ray, commie. And then all my tour dates at Adam Ray, commie .com got Columbus, funny bone coming up. The Buckhead Theater in Atlanta, Pittsburgh, improv. This weekend if this is out in time, hilarities in Cleveland, all of it at Adam Ray, commie.

3:14:53Adam Ray, commie .com. Okay. And one more time Dr. Phil's book. Dr. Phil, we've got issues. Because Joe, we've got issues. We've all got issues, but we've all got solutions. You could fuck a mermaid with your eyes closed. But does that mean you're going to make it in time for breakfast? This is what Dr. Phil's going to use to say you can't be him anymore. Because they say that's not. You finally decided. I would never say that. What did you do to my reputation, son of a bitch? All right. Thanks a lot. Appreciate it. I appreciate you. All right. Bye, buddy.