#2373 - Dave Landau

27:16And then the rest were these Jewish kids whose parents owned a shoe store. Wow. And I mean, eventually they dismantled the Italians took over. But you know, during prohibition they reigned. Wow. Yeah, it's never heard of that before. To really cool story that I've always wanted to see in a movie and nobody's been able to execute it. And I would love to see it. Maybe somebody will now that you just got the story out. I hope people do because it's such a cool story. It sounds crazy. Like the level of Detroit mob too that's been around is just, it's wonderful. I should say wonderful, but I love it.

27:53It's crazy. Yeah, like they were nice to my dad and stuff when he was young and you know, like when he had gotten back from nom and you know, they're just nice people that I knew. Well, nice people that kill people. Yeah, but you know, I kill bad people. Yeah. The thing you said that's so important is that like prohibition all does is prop up organized crime. And the fact that we still do it, it's just for optics. It's just because people say, I don't want legal drugs on the streets and my kids get it hooked on drugs. Drugs are here. They're here. If your kids go to a club, if your kids go to a bar, if your kids are partying, drugs are there.

28:31They're a real thing. You'd be way better off if drugs are legal and then you knew exactly what you were getting because these kids are getting fentanyl because I had this guy Ed called around the other day okay who's a expert in the cartels and he said they started to add in fentanyl because they had grown so many poppies that the soil had been depleted so the heroin was very weak so to make the heroin more potent they started to add in fentanyl is that what it was and the desire for all that stuff was all because of the sacchlear brothers so the sacchlear brothers when when they created this opiate crisis in America which did not exists before where everybody's hooked on these fucking pills.

29:09Then they start cracking down the laws so now you have a demand and you have a supply and then along comes the cartel and starts making pills and they start making pills with fentanyl in them because their heroin's not that strong. Xanax percussed all these things that kids don't know they're taking that's the shit part. And so you're making it look just like the real pill. I know what those are. No yeah you get those pressed asanis that just like a bar and it's just complete fentanyl. And I remember when fentanyl, I shouldn't say first came out, it's been around, but it first started becoming, put it in products you weren't expecting.

29:44And I had like three friends die within a matter of maybe four months. And that's how I started noticing like, well this is gonna get serious. And now there's a site, see it's called every 11 minutes. And that's when, every 11 seconds. And that's how long it takes for someone to OD on Fennel in this country. So every 11 seconds, a new person is overdosing on Fennel. Wow. And all because of our stupid laws. And I'm not saying, I'm not saying legal heroin would be good for everybody. It's not good to do heroin. I think everybody would agree with that. Well, yeah. No, I did it before once. It was good.

30:27Was it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was like, did you shoot or start it? I snorted it, oh no, sorry, I snorted it and then I smoked black tar heroin and one time I shot it, so three. Wow. What was the best one in the shoot, now? Yeah. That's what they do. That was majestic. Was it? Yeah, dude. Was it like the most calming, wonderful, God, this is something I'm promoting it. Also with my voice, like it's the most calming, wonderful sensation you've ever had. You're gonna love it, kids. It felt amazing. Like every problem you've ever had is gone and you feel nothing but euphoria Which is different than like oxy and some other stuff which kind of just makes you feel To me loose and tired Mm -hmm.

31:09I mean this makes you tired you're crashing out But you're also getting a feeling that was really really like warm and exciting Like I only smoked crack once on accident and that was how do you do that on accident? They put it in the joint right? So I'm sitting at my friend's back porch and he gives me first. He's on the joint and I hit it and it had like a weird sezel and I hit it. I'm like, this is the best pod I've ever had in my life. And it's like, yeah, they gave me free crack. And I was like, oh good. So I'm now high on crack. My other friends are pissed. They go and throw the joint in a sewer.

31:41And I'm just sitting there like, and it doesn't last very long. But it felt really fucking good. Like I immediately would have done more crack had there been the option. But it definitely takes you over very quickly. Did you ever see the Hunter Biden thing recently? We did the interview. We was talking about how great crack is. Oh, yeah, you spot on it was the best ad for crack I've ever seen in my life and you only did like one hit right I did once and then I'm done like very rare But they threw it in the sewer did you want to go get it? Yes, I wanted to go I wanted to go back to wayburn where the street where we got it and I was like we should go get more crack guys I don't know if you you didn't feel this but it's I think you're probably though No, you're not the first person I've talked to that shot heroin, but the first person you described it Oh, it was my friend Jay had it and it was in high school.

32:30Yeah, it was a it had to be better to get people to shoot it up. The Zillowek, you know, to give people that kind of commitment, get a needle, find a vein, get a fucking rope tie off your arm. It was awful that part. Yeah. And then then it wasn't. Did you do it with a guy? Yeah. So he'd done it before he should have to do it. Yeah, he died of a heron overdose in his parents' kitchen. Yeah, you wouldn't expect it. What a shocker found his head between like the the Fridge and the stove you got stuck. I think he was either looking for something or collapsed right there. Oh boy. Yeah, it wasn't good Nice guy I do this dude in the 90s his name was water dog.

33:13Okay. He was a professional pool player Like a really high -level professional pool player and he was a heroin addict and he would go into the bathroom I saw him play straight pool, which is this game where you're just running balls. It's called 14 -1. It's what they played in the hustler. So you have, instead of eight balls where the balls in the center, you have a soft break where you're just trying to not scatter the balls very much. The idea is to eventually someone makes a mistake and you leave an open shot and that person runs out. That rack leaves one ball on the table, makes that ball and collides the cue ball into the rack and opens up that rack and then keeps going.

33:56And a really good player can run like two, three hundred balls. Yeah. So this guy was playing for $10 ,000 in the 90s. So it was a lot of money. Yeah. I was broke so I couldn't believe anybody could play pool for $10 ,000. This guy goes into the bathroom, shoots up, comes out and sits on this bar stool like this.

34:20Just sits there for like 20 minutes man, just sat there and then we were all watching him like his arms all curled up like this and then he got off, screwed his cue together and never missed. When I say never missed, I mean it was the craziest display of pool. I think I had ever seen at the time. He played like the greatest pool player that's ever He had no nerves. He couldn't be rattled. The guy he was playing, this guy George Degreek, who's his degenerate gambler, was a really good player too. Who's screaming and yelling at him, this motherfucker, he can't play without the shit. He's got to have that shit to play.

34:59He didn't give a fuck. He was listening to him yell. He had eyeballs. His pupils were like the size of quarters. And he didn't miss. He just was firing balls in with like perfect accuracy. He got perfect position on every ball. It was wild to watch. He was just fully heroined up just running out the table like like he saw it in advance Like he was like he was looking at a math problem that was easy to solve and he's just basically slow Eddie and coming back and just knocking it all in Like that's it but it's never been like a performance enhancing drug But to that guy for nerves. Yeah, this is the thing.

35:34I think it's good point if you're playing for $10 ,000 and you're basically homeless. He was basically homeless. I mean, he would sleep on people's couches. He would still, and so would a guy like that, you'd get a backer, so a bunch of gamblers would come in and then they'd come up with the money and then they'd go in with you and you'd get a cut of it. So if you won, maybe you get 40%, they get 60 % because they put up all the money. So it's a free shot at 40 % of $10 ,000. And for a guy like that, he's got no money. He's staying in flop houses and he always had the same shirt on, like a throw away sweater with a Christmas tree on it.

36:07He always looked like shit. But I watched him play some of the greatest pool I've ever seen played in my life. That's incredible. And this really tight pocketed table too. The table was like a real trick table. Table one that executive billiards and white planes New York. It was a trick table. Yeah. It was like you had to be really good to play on that table. And that's why George wanted to play on that table because it was hard. And he was used to it. That was like his home turf. He played on it all the time. And this motherfucker never missed heroin doubt of his mind. He had no nerves. He is he's George Lee Gial on his face.

36:39He's like this Nothing Didn't feel a thing didn't feel a thing just and never missed. That's what it is There's no problem to you anymore. Yeah, no it takes away every worry you have so I ran it to him years later Okay, there's a pool tournament and so this is when I was probably 23 I was living in New York and then I moved to LA and then I'm like 27 28 now and I'm playing in this tournament at Hard Times Billiards. Hard Times was like the pool hall in the country back then. Like all the world -class professionals, all the Filipinos, the best players in the world. That sounds familiar, actually.

37:15Crazy place. It was an amazing place. I used to love going there on, I'd play in the Sunday tournament. So I get down there and I see water dog. I go, hey man, what are you doing out here? Because he's a Connecticut guy. It's from Connecticut. And he's like, I'm gonna play in the tournament, but I don't have any money. I go, I'll put you in the tournament because like, I remember what it was, like 50 bucks or something for this guy, I'm like, you might win this fucking thing. He goes, but I gotta go get my shit. I go, okay, go get your shit. He goes, I need a ride. I go, where do you need to go?

37:46And he's like, South Central. I'm like, I'm not driving you to South Central LA, so you can score heroin. Yeah, you're fucking mine. It's like, don't worry, it's just, and he was like, dude, you won't get caught. I was like, you can't say that. I go, first of all, if you get caught, you know, they take your car and I had a nice car at the time, I had a Toyota Supra. It's pretty excited about yeah, I was like I'm not driving my brand new Toyota Supra to fucking The the crack house right when you find Harold's This is crazy, but they they arrest people all the time doing that they take their cars those like those like the scam They compound your car and then they auction it right I was like he's like that won't happen.

38:22I'm like what you fucking What yeah, so He I I go look I'll put you in the tournament if you want to play but I'm not taking you I go if you can get a cab there or something, go. Right. So he just did it straight and he couldn't make a ball. He was really, yeah. He lost two matches in a row. He's out. Oh, damn. Yeah. NFL fans, week one just became your place to play free and grow the bag. Draft Kings Pick Six, an official partner of the NFL is here with bag builder, a completely free way to play for a share of one million or more in cash. Think you could stack some cash. Here's how it works. Download the pick six app.

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39:57Gambling problem called 1 -800 -GAMBLER. Help is available for problem gambling call 888 -888 -787777 or visit ccpg .org in Connecticut. Must be 18 and over, age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction. Pick six not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void were prohibited. Must claim token for free entry in bagbuilder contest. only perfect entries earn share of cash prize tokens or single use and expires September 8th at 815 p .m. Eastern terms at Pick6 .DraftKings .com slash promos Did you bad up for him to win? No, no, I gave him like whatever the entry fee was for the tournament.

40:31Oh, I got you okay But you know I wasn't you know you were probably like that and that today I don't think I was just like tired of him telling me to go to South Central get heroin with it Well, yeah, and that's a good way to get card jacked on top of if it's just cops Yes, I mean that was very popular to do that. Two little white boy who's on TV. Yeah, dude, that's how they got powers. Not only that, it's the, I would actually be buying the heroin. Oh, is this doing fear factor? No, this was during news radio. So I would be buying heroin because I would have to pay for it because he didn't have any money, which is why he didn't have any money to get into the tournament.

41:05So I would have to pipe, I would be buying heroin. Yeah. In South Central. Yeah. For the news radio. There's no TMZ back then, so probably wouldn't even made the news if I got arrested. No one cared. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't know. No one would have cared. I was, they just think it was Andy Dick and let it go. Yeah. But even if Dick wasn't getting in trouble back then, not really, it wasn't making the news. Our show isn't popular enough that anybody cared. And I was only one of eight people on the cast. So I was in a star, so I could go anywhere. And every now and then someone would go, yeah, you're the guy from that show.

41:39Hey, what's up? Okay, it was pretty easy to get around back then, which is great if you're on an NBC show I mean good or bad, but you're getting the money and you don't have to deal with all the shit Well, it was it was really good preparation for what I have to deal with today Yeah, because it was like a slow trickle of fame to the point when you get really famous like oh, I know what this is This is a trick right like don't don't get sucked into the trick but back then And, you know, so if I got arrested, it probably would have just been, I would have probably had to do some time or something.

42:11I probably would have to like, plea out or do communities. I probably explained what happened. Maybe they listened to me. I'd be like, please drug test me. I've never done heroin. Yeah, but even though you're still buying heroin, so it's still a felony. Well, it was a time where they were more lax on all those laws too. I mean, not lax, but lax with penalties, I should say. Yeah. Because it wasn't as public. Because I mean, even like Robert Donnie Jr., I do greatly admire actually because I'm in recovery as well, but even with him It's like you had to go into your neighbor's house and fall asleep in a kid's race car bed and people were like, you know Maybe you should do a little time behind bars.

42:46Yeah, well, he was a repeat defender Yeah, you know probably jail was a wake -up call for him. I love that guy I get to and it's become Ironman so to watch that trajectory is absolutely astonished Okay, it's incredible wish I get him off that vegan diet though So he's fucking wasting away. Yeah, that doesn't look good on anybody. It's not real. No. You're trying to be kind. But you're just supporting monocrop agriculture, which kills more animals than anything. Yeah, I don't want my superheroes vegan. Well, he's a nice guy. That's what it is. Nice people want to do kind things. And sometimes you get roped into a shitty decision making you get all your protein from soy.

43:23And they're like, why do I have tits? Why am I lactating? Why am I always crying?

43:32I'm very emotional all the time. And now they're banning lab -grown meat, so like they can't even go to that, which I, I mean, it's good, right? I don't know. I don't know enough about the dangers of lab -grown meat. I don't know. I ain't a beyond burger once because that's not what I just brought me. That's horseshit. It was awful. There's a terrible. Yeah. Those, they, they're in trouble because those people, like their stockholders all fucking and went crazy because they thought they were gonna make money off that. They're like, this is it, we made it, it tastes just like a burger, everyone's gonna love it, cruelty free.

44:06No, it gives rats cancer. Oh good, you've seen this study on these, because essentially it's just, it's the most highly processed shit available. Look, if you wanna be a vegetarian or a vegan or whatever, eat vegetables, eat organic vegetables. That's healthy. But when you want to pretend that something's a hamburger, it's a trans burger You have to it has to go through a lot just like a trans person has to go through you want to get a vagina Guess what you need General anesthesia and you have to have a guy is gonna cut your dick in half and use an apple cord to make you a vagina And then you're gonna have to take a rubber dick and keep it in there So it doesn't close up So you're getting the patty that basically shoots up a school.

44:55It's all just filled with nonsense. It's bad for you. Yeah. It's all bad for you. And it's not even satisfying. It's not good. Like when my friend Duncan, you know, Duncan Truss, he was living in North Carolina and he's got a picture during the pandemic. He's like, look, this is all that's available and all the meat had been gone and there was just beyond burgers. That's all that was left. Everybody had bought all the hamburger, all the steaks, all the chicken, and it was just this fucking bullshit fake meat. Yeah, because at the end of the day, you kind of have to know it's bullshit. Well, I think in the beginning, like, didn't Kevin Hart have a restaurant where he was just selling all vegan food?

45:39People do it because they think they're being a good person. That's what it is. Sure. I get it. I get the sentiment behind it, but... Just eat vegetables. If you really want to go that route, just eat vegetables, but guess what, don't go that route. It's not good for you. Well, no, we're not designed to do that. No, and I'm not saying I have the healthiest diet, obviously, but it's like, yeah, I like steaks. I like meat. I just, probably the only thing keeping you alive. Probably the only thing I get, yeah. I ate a lot of dyes. I get a lot of migraines. A lot of dyes, a lot of red, red, 40, that they try to get rid of.

46:13Yeah, that was another hilarious thing. When RFK Jr. was saying that they had to get rid of the red dye 40 and they're like, well, what if we do? What will happen to our business? Meanwhile, the same business is selling this same cereal to Canada without the dye because in Canada it's illegal. Right. Oh, the amount of stuff that I, we looked at like our entire breakfast as a kid was just cancer. That's the only thing they advertised on TV. It just has a big sugary bowl of cancer and some toast with diabetes too, waiting for you. God. Yeah, it's it was not to think the amount because I'm just the microwave generation Like yeah, just throw that in the microwave.

46:53We can just pour a bowl of this shit Yeah, the last 45 years in the cupboard for us to be fine. Yeah, frozen TV dinner You put it in the oven the next thing you know you're eating Salisbury steak Yeah, yum, mm, and those wonderful potatoes. Yeah, those little fluffy potatoes Yeah, in that little tin and occasionally the worst brownie you've ever had it's not a good brownie I used to love those little TV dinners. I used to think there's a treat when we ate TV dinners. Oh, yeah, that's how it was at my house There's no vitamins in that. No, you never felt full You felt gross, but you never felt full Is this you think of it?

47:28Even the food pyramid. I mean how crazy is it that in the 20th century they had it totally wrong? With all the access to books all the information we had about health and nutrition They were so wrong even with the food that the bottom of was all the shit that gives you inflammation What do foundation is this inflammation causing bread? Yeah, like what you need here is mostly wheat you have to make sure you get 18 servings a day of white bread with Brome eat you want to get a lot of that you want to get a lot of folic acid sprayed on it enriched flowers better Yeah, here's sugar. That's in there for some reason two ounces of protein make sure you grab that.

48:08Town and the sugar dog, everything. Everybody had type 2 diabetes when I was a kid. They just didn't know it. Oh yeah, well everybody's getting it now. It's still constant. I know, there's never been a time where poor people are so fat. No, like starving people are obese. That's what's crazy. Like you can't get nutrition in your body, but you also have to sit down to get groceries in the carts. Or go to Disneyland. Yeah, that's the thing. Disneyland is the place you find them all. Yeah, and it's like why? Like you know, they get the cards for you. They have cards set up there for you because it's a lot of distance You got to cover you do yeah a lot of parks.

48:43I just don't see the enjoyment of a ride And he rides well, I mean the run not the ride you get for free to go from ride to ride but the actual ride Oh, I love rides myself But if I weighed 400 pounds, I may not enjoy it or yeah, that would take a lot of love out of it It would wouldn't it wouldn't fit in those seats If you're with your kid and the bar comes down and that one has no protection right the kids fuck yeah pop right off the top because you're so fat exactly right right right there's like this much of a gap you've seen those people were they can and the kids like looking at his mom on nervous yeah like realizing you should be terrified I used to think that when I got ski lifts I'm like this is crazy I know I just let you sit on this thing way way way above the mountain home people would fall off all the time yeah because they think it would be funny to jump or what but it was always bad.

49:36Woof! Like we didn't have mountains in Michigan but we did have big enough hills. Like I went skiing. We did a lot of skiing when we were really young and then I went down, I was like a double black diamond. I think they're cold. Yeah, I was like, I got this and my ski got stuck in a soft mogul and I just went down it on my face. It looked like eight dudes beat the shit out of me. Like I was just like all scarred and bleeding and then I just didn't ski much after that. I got a concussion a few years back and I stopped skiing. I'm like I'm done I got a concussion and I got it. It's called an insufficiency fracture or my shin Some lady did not ski and she slid into the trail like sideways like doing this thing And I had two choices either destroy this lady or wipe out hard and I took the second choice and got a fucking I banged my head off the the ground.

50:24Oh, it was bang I heard this and I had a helmet on but it was still the yeah the bang was loud and I was dizzy for the rest I 100 % got a concussion and I was I didn't feel right for the rest of the day And then I was like I'm done. This is not worth the thrill everybody. I know has a torn ACL from it a concussion my grandpa died Oh, sorry. Oh, no, oh, no, I didn't know it's my year. Yeah, but they do though. They all have stories Well, yeah, they all have this like somebody knows a sunny bone I don't know, I'm just like launched right into a tree of a mighty oak. It's not worth it. No dude, I just never enjoyed it that much.

51:00And when I tried snowboarding, I'm like, I sucked at skateboarding and was a poser at that. Why am I even attempting this? Snowboarding, you're attached to that fucker too. It was the skis, the skis pop off. You can get away. Yeah. The board's coming with you when you fall. I know a lot of people got knocked out snowboarding because the feet go up in the air. You know, like it's something happens, the feet go up in the air and your head first. This episode is brought to you by Visible. I want to let you in on something. Your current wireless carrier does not want you to know about Visible because Visible is the ultimate wireless hack.

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53:00Dude, my son does it and he's 10 and I let him, but he's pretty good at it, but I always get very nervous when he goes to do it. But he's good with, I mean, he's a very good athlete. The good thing is, little kids have less weight and when they're falling, it's not was painful and then they're all flexible and pliable to the broke his arm. It was crazy and he was better and like it was like eight days. It was like Wolverine. It's like how did you how did you do this? Like I tore my was it Maniscus ACL blew off half my kneecap. Oh, oh, yeah. I was making fun of my friend and then he tackled me and we were on a linoleum floor with keg beer.

53:40Oh, no. So instead of going to the hospital when it was in a lot of pain, I'm like, I just wait till the morning and I had my friends carry me around this party. And then the next morning I'm like, yeah, this isn't moving at all. So my friend Jimmy drove me to the hospital and dude, it was like out of a sitcom. Like doctors opened up a door into my leg. He wheeled me into a drinking fountain on accident. Like I broke my leg more just trying to get into the hospital. And then by the time I got to in front of them to do the surgery, they're like, what happened? I couldn't be like, I was drunk at my friends house.

54:14You know, I was like, oh, I slipped on ice. It was winter. I was walking to my car and they're like, this is a lot of damage for just slipping on ice because I just twisted it all night. I shouldn't know. And I mean, my foot was like behind me when I did it. Like my knee just is so I have rods in my right knee. So I just try. Oh really? Yeah. You got rods to keep it together? Three, yeah. Wow. It was that bad. Yeah, you can hear it pops sometimes when I walk it's pretty nice does it hurt? Sometimes but not not as bad as you think it would if I'm like doing a treadmill for a long time Or if I do something where we're just outside like cuz I'll go hiking or whatever It's my wife likes it.

54:52So we'll do that But I like it that'll hurt after maybe a couple miles, but not like a severe pain. Just annoying. Yeah Yeah, and you can like weather messes with it in the sense, but nothing crazy. Do they, is there an option to take those rods out? Because I know a lot of them, they put them in there so that the bones heal correctly, right? Yeah. There might be. I mean, it's been 25 years. I'm sure there's been advancements in it, and I just don't bring it up. How about your bones are just growing around it? Oh, sure. It's destroyed. I'm like, why didn't you come in? I'm like, you didn't bring it up either.

55:26Yeah, I know a guy who broke his arm and the screws from the plate that kept his arm and he had to go down together, popping through his skin. So he had another operation. They opened up his arm again and took the plate out. Because the arm had healed, like the bones had fused, but then the plates and the screws started backing out. That's the skin. They were poking through his skin. That's what happened to my son and his son, because he was like six. And him and his friend were hanging out at his friend's house and they had like a slide that was eight feet in the air and they both decided to jump off of it.

55:57Oh god. And he landed funny and he's a little kid. So I was at my friend's mom's funeral. I like rush back to get it's the worst thing in the world when a ticket It's just the worst But yeah, we made sure like he got the screws out. He got the right like everything went fine But the way that he heals so good. It was honestly like he they cut the cast off like two weeks before they were supposed to because he's like I can go like this I like that's amazing because I remember I would like go to bars still and I was still underage but I was still going to bars with like a cast on. Oh boy. Like a full blown knee brace and I'm wearing like track suits and like I'd change and I can't hear you.

56:34That was that kid. So I just, I'm like just like a rave or stoner. And I'm just walking around with my crutches. That's hilarious. How long did it take before you could walk again? Properly about six months. Now, every now and then, I do walk with a limp because it just kind of goes out. Does your friends still feel embarrassed by this? No, I don't. No, it's one of those guys you've known for so long. It's he didn't care then. And I was saying stuff to him that kind of night is served. So like, I mean, he felt really bad. I shouldn't say that, but no, it's not anything. The girl who on the house went nuts and she was so hot.

57:16And I always had a crush on her. And she's like, your family's going to assume me. I'm like, my family's not going to sue any. They don't sue people, but we're not going to sue you. And like my I think my dad had a pass at that point and she's like so freaking out She would have these wild Christmas parties every year where it happened. Oh boy And that ended the wild Christmas parties and she's like yeah, you never sued him like yeah Why would I sue because I'm stupid like it's it was my fault and then I just went out and said yeah It fell on ice is not a gross thing that people would just sue if they did something stupid in your house They would sue you dude.

57:47I've never never like I can understand points where people have it's just a such a scammer mentality. It's a shit thing to do to anybody. It's like somebody who like slips delivering a package or any of that stuff that's possible. There's a lady that was when my kids were younger, there was this lady that was a single mom and her daughter was playing with my daughter and you know they come over the house and she went to another person's house and you know like they're not play dates like kids do and she wasn't there. So she comes to pick up her daughter and they have a dog And the dog is very friendly dog and the dog, you know, they jumps up to like, you know, dogs do that.

58:29Of course. And scraped her with its claws. Just scraped her with its claws. She sued the family for $50 ,000. And won. And they just settled. They settled because they were informed, listen, legal fees is going to be probably $100 ,000. She wants $50 ,000. So this fucking asshole, a dog did. Dog nails. Just scratched her a little bit. Not even like bleeding, nothing crazy, just normal. Oh, your dog's crazy. Like where you and I would be like, what a cute dog. Right. She was like, ooh, opportunity to sue this family that's wealthy. Especially the fact that that's just what they do. And it's, yeah.

59:06I remember when we were young, there were two pit bulls that were at this house behind a camp we were at. And this one kid was always throwing rocks at them. And we were like, you shouldn't do that. Because we'd like the dogs and the camp had its own golden retriever. And it was fine with the pit bull. they'd run on the fences and stuff. So that's when I first even started getting used to dogs, when I was young, because I've always liked dogs, and I have two, and I've had tons. But I remember that the pit bull, once the kid stuck his finger through the fence, took off these two toppers of his finger.

59:37And like they sued, they put the dog down, and we were like, he's been chucking rocks at those things all summer. Like he's been antagonizing these animals all summer. And I mean, it sucks that it happens, but it's like, sucks your kid's stupid too. Yeah, it sucks that he was told not to do it a bunch of times and then there was a consequence to this shitty action. Also, how did you raise a kid that's throwing rocks at dogs? Like what's kind of a kid would throw rocks at a dog? It's like the first thing you find that has unconditional love for you. It's the first thing that like you trust in a different way than a human.

1:00:11Did he have dogs? There's no way he did. I don't remember that well. I remember the blood and the screaming, but I don't remember much about him, other than that. The weird head shakes afterwards. Yeah, I knew his penmanship wasn't very good after. Old stubs. Yeah, man. Yeah, but he deserves it. The bulls are tricky dogs though. My brothers had ones where, yeah, he's... I've had a bunch of them. He's rescued a couple and I've had friends who have saved them in Detroit from fights where because they would throw them in a back alley, the losers and sometimes my friends would take them and get him sewn up and keep him.

1:00:50But those dogs specifically would kind of only be left to alone for the owner. Like my friend would keep it just for him like locked up. Well they usually find with people. The real issue with pit bulls is dogs and children. They think of children as animals. They don't know that a child is a person. At least it seems like they don't, because they attack kids. Well in children don't know dogs are animals sometimes. And that's kind of how I treat with my kids. It's like you have to understand that, you know, like when you're rough housing or whatever, like there's a, yeah, it'd be real careful because she may not necessarily know what you're doing, you know.

1:01:26And he learned that at a young age and dogs love them. But a lot of times kids can be really, really rough with dogs. Yeah, they can be. Sure. So, especially if they don't grow up with them, they don't know and they're not taught. But the thing is, if you have a sweet dog, like I have a golden retriever, and if my kids thought all dogs were like my dog, and then they went up to another dog and grabbed his face that dog might bite your fucking face off. Yeah, and goldies are the best. They're just designed to be the sweetest animals on the planet. He's the nicest dog of all time. The best pet ever.

1:01:56Yeah. He's just the homie. He come home and he's like, hello! He always has to greet you with a toy. As soon as I come in the house, he grabs one of his toys and runs up to you with a toy. Yeah, it's the nicest feeling in the world. Yeah, they're the sweetest dogs. He cuddles with me when I watch TV. He climbs up like literally like lies in my lap. You know, 75 pounds, he puts his fucking head on my chest. And he just likes to be Pat while I'm watching TV. Yeah, they just want to be with you. Yeah, it's the nicest thing. And I had a rot wiler than people are afraid of those, but she was the sweetest dog.

1:02:28It's a lot of it is how you treat them. Yeah, but it's also the breed. It's also the bloodline. Like if you get a game -bred pit bull and you expect it to be cool with other dogs, you're out of your fucking mind. That dog is designed to fight dogs. Yes, you know, but if you get a good dog and you train them well and teach them and you know It takes a lot of responsibility You know like people that want to get like a German shepherd or a Belgian Malamot and You just literally got like an elite super athlete for a pet You know and you just think you just gonna leave in the yard and occasionally throw the ball to it Fuck out of here.

1:03:06So you never walk it So it's got a bunch of pent up anger and energy. Exactly. Good for you. It's like a high school kid That's been left in a confined space. Yeah. See how it works when he comes out. Yeah into the real world. Bring him to a dog park Yeah Did you see that video of the dog parks some of them? What video? There's one video where a guy His dog is attacking one dog and some dude runs up out of nowhere and just shoves his finger and one dog's ass Oh, that works. Yeah, it did, but it was still the most ridiculous thing. I've like, this guy just runs in like he thinks he's Superman. It's like, I've got it and just starts.

1:03:43Well, if a dog has a lock on another dog, that's one of the only ways to let him go. Is it? Yeah, it works. I hear it works. I've never done it. I've never tried it myself. Hoses work. When the dogs would fight with each other, you could hose them. A lot of times they'll let go. Yeah, they just freak out. You can't hit the face with a jet of water. Yeah, that will do it. But, you know, the really fucked up thing is that people bred dogs for fighting and they like to fight. When they fight they wag their tails. Yeah, they're having fun. That's what's crazy. Yeah. You watch them like literally chewing each of those faces off of their wagon or tails.

1:04:18Well, I got a border collie at the same time as a rot wiler and they were both pretty, you know, they both enjoyed fighting each other. Fun. But I'd always play fighting. Yeah. And you'd always just watch for the tail waggling because they'd be flipping each other over. Right. Like when we first got the rot, we went to a dog park because they were like newer to us in Michigan and this one dog just kept coming up those bigger than my rot, but kept kind of like messing with her. Yeah. And then finally my rot grabbed her by the neck and flipped this dog over and was just like pinning it with her mouth.

1:04:51And then the dog gave up and was showing its belly and I'm like, oh fuck. Like, are we gonna leave the dog park now? You know, like people were like freaking out and screaming. Yeah. But the dog kept like coming up and like nipping my dog until my dog finally just like attacked back real quick. Yeah, which is what dogs do. They have to establish dominance. That's what she did. I was at a dog park once and somebody brought a wolf. Are you serious? Yeah. It was the wildest thing. You got a wolf? All the dogs immediately knew it wasn't a dog. Some guy had one of those seven eighths, timber wolf dogs, you know, because you can get them dogs, whether or not really dogs, it's a wolf.

1:05:29and this thing just walked in and every dog was like that's not a fucking dog. They all scattered. It was wild. Watch it was big too man. It was really big. It was like 100 plus pounds and just big fucking mouth, big long mouth and it just looked like a wolf and every dog knew it wasn't a dog. They saw it back in in the corner. Yeah, it was wolves eat dogs. Oh yeah they do. They knew. Yeah. They fucking there was a thing like the smell the look whatever every no dog was sizing up with it at all Every dog just ran away. It was weird Well, they they have that instinct and that thing is like what dogs like that's like if a caveman walked in right You know what I mean like that's the original OG of what's right right right?

1:06:16This is not a wolf. Oh, yeah, I've seen this video this video's wild. So there's all these dogs are fighting Okay, and check out this one dog walks in and he's the fucking boss and he's this dog Look all the other dogs back the fuck away from us Look they all back away this one dog and he gets on their dog like look what happens? Oh, you'd every one of them just actually. Yeah, it's like John Wick of dogs Look at this dog just lays down and he just gets on top of him I once saw this dog kill one of us with a pen. I have no idea what kind of dog that is I don't know either the the black one. It's got to be the white one the one that's gone right there I mean, oh the black one was cowering that was like the dog Well, why don't you take a photo of that dog run through Google image the dog looks like Benji like they probably just It's crazy.

1:07:05Yeah, like it's probably just new. They knew it had a hard life My friend has a dog like that. That's a small it's a darker like a gray and brown dog And he takes a pig hunting and it's the most savage fucking dog I've ever seen in my life and it looks like that Yes, this dog just chases pigs Which is crazy and pigs are tough. Oh, yeah, but this dog is just nuts man, dude. That's what kind of dogs that Come on check GBT A mixed or breed or a mutt based on appearance shaggy, why we code body strike how crazy is AI A wolf found or terrier mixes, large size and sturdy build might also suggest some central Asian shepherd or cangel ancestry, especially if the dog is used as livestock guardian.

1:07:50However, without a clear look in more context like the dog size, weight or behavior, it's difficult to definitively identify the breed. It's likely a mix of working or guardian breeds, common in rural or semi -rural areas. Yeah, that thing they just knew had it tough. Yeah. Because it just came in and did give fuck. It's like a big dog. That's what's crazy. Like, yo, but that was kind of what it was like when that wolf showed up at the dog park. All the other dogs were just like, what in the holy fuck is this? Was it you? I think you were talking about it. Maybe, I don't know, but it's about like, a guy who trains wolves.

1:08:27And he was saying. I've had people on that work with wolves. You can't really train wolves. Yeah, like, but I think it was like the movie The Grey, you know, like taken with wolves or whatever. And like he said during it that he has to fall down as the stuntman or whatever. So the second he gets home, one of the wolves is going to try to take his spot on top. So you got to like grab the wolf and hold it up in the air and like that's like the main thing to do to get it to stop. But like every night he just has to prepare himself for fighting a wolf when he gets Oh Jesus. Which is crazy. That's so stupid.

1:09:03But I mean, they're all just, they're pack animals. Yeah, that's what you leave. Yeah. They take the dominant spot. Yeah, you have a good day of filming and there's just this wolf looking at you. The whole car ride home saying if he's gonna take your shit once you get home. I knew a dude who had three of those wolf dogs and he was a piece of shit. And they got out of his yard and killed the neighbor sheep and he lied about it. He's like, no, what my dog? What my dog? Killed like eight sheep. Dude, yeah. Yeah, it's your job. Cause they just kill for fun. Yeah. Like, oh, there's just sheep that just commits suicide.

1:09:35What would get mountain mind? What did this? Well, there's coyotes and stuff where I went that though. No, no, no, no. That kind of damage. Coyote would have a hard time taking out sheep. It would take a long time. Yeah. But they grab small dogs like, Oh yeah. But before COVID, we like in Detroit and like the suburbs, we never had coyotes like it seemed like any of that stuff. And then after you see them all the time, Like I would walk out and there just be like a deer in my front lawn. I'm like this is bizarre Yeah, in this part and then yeah Now you have ones that like hop fences and grab small dogs and jump away.

1:10:08Oh, yeah Yeah, they're everywhere now. They're in every 50 there in all 50 states and then they're in every major city Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, they're a wild animal. I mean a really interesting animal I should say obviously they're wild because when I first saw them they'd be crossing the street at night I'd be coming back from a gig and I'm like was that a dog should I stop and then it's clearly just a kayak Yeah, and I'd never seen them up close like that ever during Central Park. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, I still walk by the Old town that looks like what it is. Yeah similar Bosnian broken broken haired hound called baroque.

1:10:44Yeah looks similar fights bears that makes sense. Oh Yeah, that would be it that would make sense while all those dogs like this motherfucker's not playing dude. He takes down Grizzlies He is not playing. He is a centowned. Yeah, that's what my friend's dog looks like. And it's a little dog and it's a girl. And she's fucking ferocious. And just has a dude a pig in a bear. Yeah, pigs are like wild pigs or some of the most ferocious sounding animals. I remember the first time I remember what hunting pigs. We were going down this dirt road until the right of us was heavily wooded. They were in the grass near us and then they started fighting.

1:11:31And it sounded like demons, like orcs. Ah! Ah! They were just going to war, like maybe 10, 15 feet from us and we couldn't see them because of the tall grass. The sound was nuts, like the sound is insane. Where do you hunt them? This was in California. Okay. California, where oddly enough, they think most of the them came from William Randolph -Hers state. Because William Randolph -Hers, the same piece of shit that, you know, Orson Wells covered in the movie Rosebud, the same reason why marijuana became illegal. That guy, William Randolph -Hers had an enormous estate and he had wild boars out there on his estate.

1:12:14And of course they got free. And now Central California, all that area, is like, San Jose, they have a giant problem with them. Really? Yeah, they like show up on people's lawns tear their lawns apart and you wake up at the middle of that just 10 wild pigs on your fucking front lawn. Holy shit. Yeah. They attack animals then. Oh yeah, they kill people. Really? Yeah. So one one old lady got killed by wild pigs. What a way to go. I know. Fucking dirty filthy demons tearing your face off. Now that it's funny, but I mean, you just don't expect it. Kind of funny. Yeah. But yeah, they're all out of grandma You're like, oh, she was torn to death by pigs, wild ones in her supper.

1:12:54With this place that I was at. I was at all the sec. They, you know, they hunt them a lot and that's what we're doing. They taste good. Yeah, I would imagine. I mean, it is pork. Yeah, it's a different kind of pork. It's like a darker meat. Oh, really? Yeah. I've never had it. Yeah, because they're, you know, they're not eating just grain. They're eating whatever the fuck they find and a lot of acorns. As those, a lot of it, they had a lot of fat on it. That's from Acorn. They're delicious. What are you hunting with? that time it was a rifle but I've hounted them. I was wondering if you did, yeah.

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1:16:28You're gonna have to, it'll charge you. Happens all the time. So it's kind of, because bears are like that, aren't they? Like if you shoot them in the heart, it'll go 100 yards. Some bears. Okay. If you shoot them in the heart of doubt, they're gonna go 100 yards, but they might be able to, because they can go 100 yards pretty fast. Just on adrenaline. Yeah. But, yeah, bears are... They're gonna say a dream of chrome. If you hit a bear, like there is a distance between you and them, where it's like a fight or flight distance where they're too close where they think that you'll attack them and so then Then you're in trouble.

1:17:05Yeah, but if they're far enough away where they think oh, it's not guys not gonna chase me and you can scare them off that can happen Bears are tricky. Yeah, I've never Well, we had one bear. I mean what it wasn't hunting us. We were just up in what do you call them the smokies? Uh -huh And it was just a vacation and it says don't throw food off the balcony. So of course the first thing my son does is throw a hamburger and then all we can hear is the woods start moving and we look down and I'm like there's a bear and it's it I didn't know they climb. So the thing starts climbing up the side of the house and eventually we just kind of made enough noise or something that it went back into the woods but I'm like looking around like we have a gun right And it was like, I think we have one.

1:17:51It's good, because there's a bear climbing up the fucking house, dude. It was terrifying. Yeah, if you have food left out, if you have garbage left out, once they've established that that's a place where they get food, they keep coming back. That's what I was, yeah. And the first thing he did was just chuck a hamburger out, just feed the animals. And I'm like, buddy, I told you, he's like four or five at the time. And then like, the government is later bear. Oh, yeah. Do you know the state that has the most bears per capita? in the country? No. New Jersey. Is it really? Yeah. New Jersey is a crazy bear problem.

1:18:24I did not know that at all. So the governor of New Jersey ran on a platform of stopping the bear hunt because people hunt bears in New Jersey. Yeah. People think of New Jersey, well you think of these high density areas like Hoboken, Hackensack, Atlantic City. That's not New Jersey. New Jersey's mostly rural. And then you have those actual like mountains. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a kid got killed out by Rutgers, a bear atom. And Rutgers University student went for a hike. A real one. Got taken out. And bears became such a problem that the same governor who ran on the stopping the bear hunt and did stop the bear hunt when he got in office, the population boomed so badly without hunters that he reinstated the bear hunt.

1:19:10Oh, Daddy? Yeah. He went to. The interactions between humans and bears were going through the roof. I was really hoping that story ended with he got eaten by bears because that would be just the perfect irony. Well, he probably had an encounter. A lot of people that live anywhere near them have encounters. Like there's a video of far rock -away New Jersey. We played it many times on this podcast, but we'll play it again just for you. But there's these fucking bears. They look like four, five hundred pound bears and they're fighting in the middle of a suburb. And they say they're essentially, they're going to war for garbage.

1:19:41So like, you know, they claim either that or maybe one of the females is in heat. But there's just two fucking huge bears and they're falling down stairs and they're out in the street And the people are filming them from their car. These are big bears right are they brown bears black bears? They're all black bears in the United States until you get into the upper Northwest and then you see more the greatest you only get grizzlies in like I so look at these bears holy shit Yeah, bro fucking normal house Supply there's the gun the real estate sign out there the size of these fuckers dude they knocked over the Sign there whatever that was.

1:20:20It was a light. I guess like electrical course. Yeah Pro they it spills out into the street these guys go to war for like 10 fucking minutes. How long is this video? 6 minute video look at this they get out in the show mouth that we're now in the street So people are filming them these fuckers tumble down the side of the hill. They're still duke it out I've seen them come down the street in yeah in the same. Yeah, I'm play the size of these guys man Look at that right by the mailbox look at all the hair. Oh, yeah pulling each other out and that's crazy Well, dude, that's just because they're claws on accident Size of these fuckers imagine that goes across your face.

1:20:59Oh, dude. You're so dead. Those are big bears to them Did that guy so nervous, but it's Volvo? Oh, it's like, come on. Don't go, America. These people are so used to it. These people who live in this area. It's just a body. Yeah, you're right. Dude in a car just was like, all right, we got to wait for it to fall into the shrubs, and then I'm going to gun it. Here those noises they make. It's a little... Imagine your little kids walking home from school. She sees two bears. And see two fucking huge bears. And this is Jersey? Yeah. Yeah, far away. Look, you hear the cars? Yeah. Yeah. Look, cars driving my whole high guys.

1:21:40I'm going to go get a sign on what you know. You know we have bears now. Yeah. Far Rockaway. Holy shit. Yeah. Dude, yeah, that's does not have the most black bears per capita. What did I do? I kept googling it. It's not even popping up in the top five or six. I would imagine for a small population makes its high bear population a significant concern for residents, particularly in the states. Dude, Ted Nuget told me that. I think these people are wrong. The state's forest covered northwestern regions of one of the highest concentrations of black bears in the nation with approximately 3 ,000 bears.

1:22:12Did if Ted Nugin told you that, I think he's right. Yeah. The guy knows the thing or two. High population density, concentration in the northwest, increased sightings. The other problem is they really don't have an accurate number because in heavily wooded areas, when you want to do like a census on animals, you're sending out wildlife biologists and they just have to count them. And there's no way they can really count them correctly, because you're dealing with dense woods and black bears are particularly difficult to find in the woods. Their sense of smell is insane. Their hearing is insane.

1:22:47And when they hear people, they just get the fuck out of there. Yeah, like in Michigan you've seen them, like they come down because you know, we're up by the upper peninsula and they'll come, you know, can it, can it and all that stuff. But you do see them on occasion, but I guess they are becoming more and more, like they're moving more and more south towards the cities now. Of course, because nobody's hunting them. Yeah, which I think we should. Yeah, you have to hunt them. Yeah, I mean, it's why you control the deer population. Yeah, it's like, that's what people have always known. And, you know, somehow or another liberals lost their minds and thought there's a bad idea to control predators.

1:23:24Yeah, well, it's a massive, huge predators. Right, and it's like, you realize that, like, Let's just say the deer's alone. If you don't control it, you're gonna just have people smashing into them with their cars all day. Not only that, they're made out of food. Right. For you to eat. Yeah, you could go eat them. Dears are delicious. And if you've ever been in front of like one with horns, like I was in the Rockies, my friend was all high, he gets out of the cars like 20 years ago, and there's like, I don't know, it wasn't, maybe it was a deer, but like an elk or something. Probably had to be an elk.

1:23:53Yeah. Was it big? Yeah, really big. And he gets out like, he's like, I want to stand by and take a picture. My auntie think you should do that. And even then, like, terrible idea. And the thing just lowers its horns at him, and I'm like, dude, get back to the car. And we're like in a Jeep gunning it away from that thing chasing us. This is a guy that is in his car, he's talking shit to this elk that's in the street in Yellowstone, and it fucking jabs his tires. It takes his tire out. Just doesn't even know it's truck away. It's like, fuck! He hit, shh shh shh. because it punctures his tire. Dude, it just took him out the way it cops would.

1:24:31Like, it's like a lead trip. And then it's got a long, it's just getting ready to take you out. It has stabbed his tire. Ugh. I think you want to step outside now. The scariest ones are moves. If you have, what's that? Is that you have the video of him taking out his car? Yeah, it says. Oh boy, look at the size of that fucker. Woo! Dude, you have a tree growing out of your head. A sharpened tree. Yeah.

1:25:04I don't know if this is the one that cut the tire. The other one was coming from the other side. It was coming from the driver's side and the driver was talking shit to it, but you get the point. The driver was mocking an animal. But the real dangerous ones are moose. Yeah. Because moose will actually stomp you. Oh, they will go after you. There's a lot of videos of people who think they're majestic and they're like eight feet away from them And it's like it's not bullwinkle. It's an animal in the And then the next thing you hear is how they were killed. Yeah, it's not just that. It's an animal.

1:25:34That's like really good at stomping at oh boy Is this this guy get attacked?

1:25:42Dude if I get an arrow you got to you really got to not miss Yeah, well this is rough too because he's coming straight at you and so you don't have really good shot at his vitals. So you have to take the most risky shot which is you're taking a frontal. So what you're essentially you have a very small area you're targeting which is like the end of his beard. Yeah. So his hair comes down like you want to get it right here. So what you're trying to do is shoot this arrow through basically like a softball size hole, maybe a little larger than a softball size hole and it'll go straight through, slice through the heart, the lungs, everything.

1:26:22It's the most deadly shot if you could land it. But you got a 1 ,800 pound animal coming at you. It's fucking shaking. It's you. You're right in front of it. It's 30 yards. You're not sure that you can hit that spot because your arms are shaking. You're filled with adrenaline. And you have to go for a softball size spot on that thing. You really want it to be standing sideways, but it's not standing sideways because it's moving towards you in an offensive way. You should probably just get the fuck out of there. Yeah, I would leave immediately. Or get around a tree. Yeah. You get like where a tree is so you can stand behind the tree.

1:26:57And like at least you can kind of maneuver a little bit. Is there sight poor? Oh, yeah, they don't have a good sight. So that's kind of like the better way. Well, they're kind of dumb. Yeah. Because they're so big, they don't have to be smart. Yeah. You know, and they don't have herds. They're not like, you don't see herds of moose. You see a bull moose that generally buy themselves or maybe with one or two other ones. Okay. Yeah. And then they come in and when they come in they're looking for pussy. Oh, that's a moose fucking you in the ass. Yeah. Stay right at your door. Oh, dude. And with those eyes.

1:27:29And you also you better have a fucking powerful bow. You got to get into that rib cage. Those ribs are thick as shit. So that spot is underneath that like beard and all that stuff that he's got right there. It's right here. But if you hit an animal there, they die so quick. Really? Google frontal shot kill on elk. There's a famous video of these kids bow hunting and this elk comes in and it gives this kid a frontal shot and he takes it at like 20 yards and the elk just stands there and then blood starts spraying out of it and it just tips over. Really? right where it stands. It's nuts. It's the most lethal shot if you land it correctly, but it's I'd never taken it.

1:28:13It's a tricky shot. Like my friend, Cam Haynes, probably best bow hunter in the world. Okay. He's taken frontal shots, but the last time he took one, it was like at 10 yards. Is that guy out here? This isn't it. This is this is not a frontal. These are just bills fighting. Google this is an elk oh insane frontal shot okay all right so here we go this isn't the one nothing came up when I checked the thing you just said so that said he got it right there so see see how it sprays that's perfect shot oh perfect shot he got it right if you watch where the impact is oh that's Cory Jacobson watch where the impact of the arrow is it's right at the bottom of the It's here it is like right at the bottom.

1:28:59Yeah, perfect. It's a perfect shot. So that goes into the body cavity Sever's all the arteries that bulls dead in seconds But this animal seems to kind of like yeah, that's crazy Yeah, this it doesn't seem as aggressive though is that moves no no no no. They're not aggressive They're looking for other elk. Okay. He's looking for love. Yeah, that's what he's looking for looking for love or a fight Okay, yeah, because the moose looks like he just wants to kill the guy in the video or at least attack them. No, they'll kill you. They will kill you. I mean, I'm sure Elk have killed people before, but they don't want to.

1:29:33A moose will chase you. Moose will chase you and stomp you, especially a female moose that has her babies. That's not good. You better stay the fuck away from her. Yeah, no. They will stomp you. My buddy was chased on horseback. He barely got away from a cow moose. Seriously going after him? Yeah, going after him. Because it had a calves with her. And she was protecting her calves. and he was on a horse and she looks at that horse like that's that might be an animal right once it wants to stomp my babies and so she full clip chased after him he's like I barely got away where was this at my Edmonton was it I've been no BC okay yeah yeah that's crazy I don't know I would I'd be terrified if I had to try to make that shot of the moose coming at me that size it's a sketchy shot Capacity.

1:30:22It's a sketchy shot and it depends on what kind of broadhead you have to. Can you do with a gun? Oh, yeah, okay. Oh with a gun. You could shoot him anywhere. Yeah, I guess that's true with a gun You're just you go through the shoulders. I just don't know if it was like maybe arrow length or the reason it sticks in or something No, no, no, no, no, you should you could definitely do that with a gun the thing about an arrow is you only have so much energy Like from a bow So if like you hit one of those big shoulder bones like you're fucked it's not gonna kill the animal You're probably gonna feel it.

1:30:52So you have to be behind the shoulder You have to and then you you know if you don't have enough power if you center punch a rib Probably not gonna get a lot of penetration So you have to have a really powerful bow and a lot of guys stay away from mechanical broad heads They want like a really solid fixed blade broad head It's tricky kind of bow hunting. Yeah, that's cool though You're bow hunting something that can kill you. Yeah, which is, that's game. I mean, that's the exciting thing. That's why people like bear hunting. You know, unless you're the grizzly man guy who just, there's one of my favorite movies ever.

1:31:28I guess that's just. I'm convinced Werner Herzog made that movie as a comedy. Oh, I think he did too. Yeah. I'm surprised. Like, he says the ending is not the real footage. No, there's no, there's no actual audio footage of that guy that's available. If you listen online footage that says it is, it's not real, you can kind of tell they're acting. He told the lady to destroy the actual audio. Because they - That's what I heard, yeah. The lens cover was on the camera, but there is audio. And it's a long audio because bears don't kill you. They just start eating. Right. Yeah, they just hold you down and eat you until you die.

1:32:07Which is apparent to that guy who was going around elementary schools telling people how bears aren't dangerous. Yeah, that fucking guy. And then they're like, it's hibernation season, you should go. And he's like, no, but I got peanut and sprinkles and cocoa and they all love me. You had all these little names for him. It was suicide by bear. Oh, yeah. I mean, you can't just hang out there with it was that whole movie is just, they said, like I love when they're like, we think they think the bear, like the bear just thought he was basically retarded. Yeah, when the, uh, the sheriff said that, he's like, I thought he was retarded.

1:32:41Yeah, I think Like there's just the way the film is made. It's just, there's too many times where someone says something ridiculous and there's a smash cut. I'm like, this guy's doing this on purpose. Like he wants you to laugh. It's funny. It's gotta be, because he's like slapping a bear on the nose and he's like, no skittles. And then just turning around and doing the interview. And you're just waiting for him to die basically. I have to be a warrior. I have to. I have to let them know. I stand my ground. I love you. I love you. I love you bear. But I'm a warrior. I'm just gonna put my tent in here.

1:33:09This is gonna be what you'll consider a plate and I'm just gonna hang out. It's a burrito. There's meat inside

1:33:19Is girlfriend got killed too, which is really something I'm surprised that yes She had a girl one he had one and two she was like she's probably sparse too. Yeah. Oh, yeah Fuck me or is this yeah, like I'm sure he didn't fuck her He didn't seem like that kind of guy. He definitely had her killed. He definitely seemed gay Yeah, it seems like that was part of his dilemma like he wanted to be an actor and that didn't work out for him So he started getting notoriety by being a bear expert, right? But he wasn't really a bear expert. No, he was just an idiot who would go into the forest and got protecting these bears Yeah, really lucky forest service won't protect them.

1:33:52You mother fuckers. I'm protecting these bears You leave them alone But that dude got some amazing footage. I'll tell you that his footage was fucking incredible because he was living with them. So he got footage that nobody else was getting, like high resolution, close up footage of barfights. He became really good friends with a fox. Yeah. Foxes are fucking adorable. They're like dogs, man. They are the closest thing to do. Like playful, they play with you, they stole his hat. Like they would come hang out with him. He could scratch their head. Well, a lot of the people who find baby foxes and then just kind of raise them because they're parents loved them.

1:34:31That's amazing.

1:34:55There's a -

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1:36:07Right now get 10 % off at tokovas .com slash rogan when you sign up for email and text. That's 10 % off at t -e -c -o -v -a -s dot com slash rogan. C site for details tokovas .point your toes west. Instagram page that I follow, Bedou the Fox, check this out. It's like a little tiny fox that this guy's raised. And it's so adorable. It's so adorable. It's such a, this is it. It really is cool. Here he is. This guy brings this fox with him every, look at that cute little fox. He's so cute. Yeah, they're adorable. But he hides under stuff. He's playful. Yeah, but this this guy has this fox as a pet and you know and to see show the the things where he's like cuddling with it Like he's look at it.

1:37:00Yeah, it's just a straight up little buddy. Yeah, they're adorable It's like an adorable little dog The right ones are kind of funny too when it just like learns how to open the fridge He's walking We have to put on leash because the fucker won't come back. No, I'm free. He's like this is where I belong Yeah, he's just trying to run from the guy but he's on a little face all the huge ears incredible that thing probably here's an owl farting a mile away Look at his face So fucking cute, man. Yeah, they really are they're really cool animals and and people have done this where they raise them But yeah, I think it's really big weird face.

1:37:40Yeah, I think it's one of those things where you have to be around them all the time You know, yeah, I think if it's I guess I don't know but if it's abandoned young enough to where it's attached to you, there's something there. Yeah, no, you definitely can raise them. People have raised them. And people have raised coyotes that same way too. Oh yeah. But you have to be around them all the time, because they're wild. Like you're just tricking them into, by constantly giving them food and attention, so they feel like they don't have to do anything else that they really feel instinctual about doing, like going out and killing a cat.

1:38:12Oh yeah. Well, there's a place called Oswald Bear Ranch. Oh, he's got a cat. This cute little fox is like half the size of the cat. He wants to play with the cat. It's adorable. The cat is not like a happy though. You see a cat with its tail like that? That's a really pissed off cat. Well, the cat doesn't want to play with its owner, let alone whatever that thing is. Well, the cat looks like it's on S. It's so strong. It is. Yeah, it's fat as fuck. Yeah, it was actually male cat does not identify that way anymore. I got a school shooter. It's gonna go to the pound, shoot it up. Just gonna take out everybody at the pet store.

1:38:50Just one half of the other. The story of wolves, like how we turn wolves into dogs, it's pretty fucking insane. It is amazing how we do just kind of have these wolves in our house, but we made them cuter by design over centuries. This is my wolf poodle, which is essentially what it is. Yeah. It's incredible. Well, and then you get them down to like I have a King Charles Spaniel. Yeah, those things are yep. He's that big Yeah, he's the bug and cute his thing on earth. Yeah that if you go far enough back. That's a wolf. Oh, yeah I know how did they do that? I have a King Charles's manual poodle.

1:39:29Ah And his name is as if a King Charles Spaniel wasn't gay enough exactly. I had to make sure he wears bow ties You know like a wolf would Boat eyes. Oh my god. That is haircut. They put him in a bow time. That's a door. And I'm just like it's so cute, but it's also the case. Oh, that's adorable. But yeah, his name is Higgins and he's the best dog, but he's small. And I've always had big dogs. And I kind of just like the fact that he's kind of small and just really wants to sit there. Just wasn't chill. He'll go for a walk, but he's not dying to. the breed the furthest removed physically characteristic by wolves is the King Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

1:40:08Yeah, my mind's called the Cavapoo. That's the one I have. Yeah, I have a mix of that and a poodle. The Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, one of the most popular breeds in the UK and US probably because of their lap dog reputation. Yeah, they're adorable dogs. Oh, I love sweet. I love them. And he did. That's the furthest removed physically and characteristically from a wolf. Yeah, it has. I mean he's he's funny like he'll grab his toy He's got this lamb and he'll just like jump in the window at giant dogs and just start shaking it like try to intimidate them That's what I'm like you're gonna fucking little bow tie.

1:40:39He looks okay He's probably trying to play with them because my my dog loves to play with Marshall my golden dude It's very like his best friends. Yeah, he's very playful. Yeah, yeah, cuz we have a wait I'm just gonna announce all the more dogs that I have and feel Worse as this goes a heaven ease. What's that? It's like a little it we don't have the long hair cut on it but you know those long hair like almost show dogs. Okay. And it's just a heaven ease period. Oh, wow. But we have see the like top right corner. She looks like that. So that's the other dog. And she's the best. And she's insane.

1:41:18Like, no. Good dad, no face. Yeah, not the smartest dog you'll ever meet. And that's one of the things I love about her. Well, they don't have to be smart. No, it's like rich kids on trust funds. I don't know if it's a fucking smart either. Yeah, they are the most privileged of the dog community. Yeah, there's no doubt about it. Most likely to be a they them. Yes That's all they them's not poor kids. No, well, we're the ones cutting off their balls and spang them right? Yeah, they're all right. They're all trams. Yeah, they're all a little angry at us My dogs have their balls. Oh, do they really always?

1:41:48Yeah, I don't I don't fix my dogs. So we had already had them fixed when we got them I had a really good vet when I first moved to LA and I always thought you have to fix dogs Yeah, because he like Bob Barker. Spaying new to your pets, or Bob Barker would say that after the end of every show. Yep. Turn your pets trans. How about just don't be a irresponsible dog owner and let your dog have puppies that nobody wants. How about you just be a responsible dog owner and let your dog have its natural fucking hormones. Yeah. Because when you cut their balls off, they get tired. They get depressed. They have no energy.

1:42:20Testosterone. Testosterone. What happens to people when their testosterone goes? You get depressed. You get the pressing of no energy. That's the same shit that happens to your dog. Yeah Yeah, yeah, and that's why he's in a bow tie and my vet was he told me that I was like I can't believe he goes Look, nobody wants to hear it. Everybody wants to tell you a span new to your dogs But characteristically like if you look at like how a dog behaves I see a change the moment they cut that now Could you have an overly aggressive dog? That's a different story if you have a dog that like you probably should train That's probably what it is probably is obedience training and probably needs a lot of attention and it probably needs a lot of exercise, but if you cut your dog's balls off, it won't be the same dog.

1:43:00No. And I mean, the next dogs I have, I probably won't, but it's just something that you're used to for so long. And like with Bob Barker, I get control of the pet population. So there's not dogs running all over the streets that have to be euthanized all the time. Yeah, but if it's terrible. If it's your own dog, though. But again, that's just bad dog owners. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's just like people are bad parents and their kids want to join a gang and shoot in people up. It's like, it's a lot of the same kind of shit, man. It's the same, it's literally the same thing. I mean, when you, like years ago they were doing articles, not to bring it back to my hometown, but like in Detroit, where you would see dog gangs roving together.

1:43:38They take over a house and like, you know, they, I remember one house was like filled with pit bulls and stuff, but it was a black lab that was like the king's shed at this house. Really? Yeah, it was crazy. And but probably the smartest one. I think it must have been that because like when, like, Rolling Stone, I think it was showed up and they were like, holy shit, it's a black lab. It's in charge of like all these pit bulls and that was like, oh, they're king. And uh, but to see. But probably they're good hunters. Maybe that's what it is. Well, because you do lab outdoors or hunting dogs. Yeah.

1:44:07Well, that's true. Cause like, you would see just packs of dogs going down the street when it was at its most like empty. God, I heard about a lady that got killed by a pack of dogs in Georgia a few years back. Oh, they'll do it. Yeah, wild dogs who's hiking and feral dogs attacked her. Yeah And that's the rough way to go that's terrible rough way to go Because there's probably a minute where she's like oh dogs. I doubt it. Yeah, I doubt it No, most people do get scared. Yeah, they should yeah Well, so should you run like a mountain if you don't know the dog like you it could be anything Yeah, never go up to a dog the way that people tell you that you should put your hand out.

1:44:46Yep I'm your friend. I look, I'm your body. It's like just stand there. Stand your ground. Yeah. Look at it. Keep an eye on it. And hopefully have a gun. Yeah. Hopefully have a gun. I just shot your doodle. I overreacted. But yeah, that's once you can't. That's a problem too. Yeah. But yeah, when you just stand there and kind of let the dogs smell you, that's what they do. Yeah. That's what they just want to get to know who you are. So let them. And this kind of, yeah, keep an eye. Don't act scared. Well, you shouldn't do as Ron and start screaming. Yeah, no, they like that. Yeah, they, they, they, it's fun.

1:45:20They think it's a play. Yeah, it's time to play. They're gonna kill you and have fun. Yeah. Yeah. Like this is, we got a screamer. Boys. Hoi. As if there's not enough problems in the world. You got to worry about roving packs of wild dogs taking folks out. And bears fighting in your cul -de -sac. Yeah. You don't see that at all. They're trying to bring bears back to certain states now. They're trying to reintroduce grizzly bearies these fucking dorks. Why did they reintroduce animals that went extinct in an area for a reason? That's why they didn't go extinct. They were made extinct. Yeah, right like California.

1:45:56California has a grizzly bear on its flag Right, but there's no grizzlies in California because they killed them all because they were killing all these people right the last guy that got killed In California by grizzly bear they actually named a town after him really? Levec, California is named after those murdered by a grizzly. He was the last man in California to be killed by a grizzly bear before they killed them all. Are they trying to bring them back to California? Yeah, of course they are. Oh, that's smart. Look, they brought wolves back to Detroit. They brought wolves, excuse me, to Detroit, Colorado.

1:46:28They brought wolves to an area of Colorado that's right outside of Aspen and people are losing their fucking minds because they brought these wolves that they had captured. and Oregon because they're killing cattle. And then they reintroduced them to Colorado where they wait for it, kill cattle. They've been killing cattle like crazy. They brought them out to these ranching areas. And they've killed so many cows out there, man. I have a buddy who has a ranch out there. He sends me pictures all the time of these cows that they find just torn apart, like baby cows. Cows just ripped to shreds. Yeah.

1:47:06Well, they did the same. I want to say it was like near Dollywood. Didn't they do that too? Or like wolves had finally gone away in that area? No, it was. Where's Dollywood? It's near, it's in Tennessee, near Los Angeles. There's wolves in Tennessee? I think they tried to reintroduce themselves. Maybe Red Wolves. Yeah, like I took a tour through the forest. Like I had to go, I don't want to go, wasn't my thing, believe it or not. But I went as like a family trip. And you know, it's terrible. And somebody recognized me and that was the worst. I guess. Is that like a fake dog farting show? Oh boy.

1:47:41Are you Dave Landown? I'm like, oh fuck, really now? So, but we went through the forest and they were saying that they were reintroducing animals into that area. And it's like, why would you do that? And I guess they had just taken down like a crispy cream because like bears just destroyed it. Well, that wouldn't be reintroduction. That area of the bears have always been there. Okay. But if they're reintroducing a wolf, it has to be the red wolf. Okay. The red wolf isn't danger and it's a small wolf. It's a wolf that's like, maybe the size of a large coyote. Yeah, there it is. Red wolves are returning to the smoking mountains.

1:48:14There you go, yeah. Yeah, but it's like that photo is a little deceptive. When you see a red wolf, they're pretty small. What is the average size of a red wolf? Google that, Jamie. Yeah, like that picture of the bear walking, we saw that a lot just walking down, like while we were there. Oh, you're gonna see a lot of bears. And they'd be like 50 to 60 pounds. Yeah, they'd be like tumbling like cubs and stuff. We're down this down the road. It's like a red wolf. It's probably you know, it's a 50 pound animal Okay, so they're not they're not a gray wolf. Yeah, it's not a wolf's are fucking scary terrifying.

1:48:46Yeah, yeah, they're big Yeah, I would not want to go I Don't know that's scary animal. I knew time I've seen one. They just don't look friendly and I don't Well, I mean they killed him off for a reason the reason why I mean look little red -briding hood fucking and there's all these stories with kids where they get eaten by wolves. Cause wolves eat kids. Well yeah, it was a way to scare the kids and being aware of what was going on. It was, Bro, do you know the World War I story? No. Okay. World War I, the Germans and the Russians had a ceasefire because so many of them were getting killed by wolves.

1:49:21They made an agreement to have a ceasefire and kill the wolves and then go back to fighting. Seriously? Yeah. Because they were in trench warfare. So they're in Russia and Russia has big wolves. Yeah huge. So what happens with animals with warm blooded animals is the further north the animal goes the larger body size is okay, and they think it's to retain heat So if you look like a deer in like let's say a white tail deer a white tail deer that you see in Texas is a small deer Yeah, like if I see a white tail deer general like I see him all the time on on my way to work The white tail deer might a female might be like 50, 60 pounds.

1:50:01A male might be 100, 120 pounds. And it's the scatch one. You might get a 300 pound white tail. They're way bigger. Yeah. Way bigger. Yeah, to the max. Wolves are the same thing. They're bigger up there. They're bigger animals up there. Bears are bigger. Polar bears are huge. They're big. They're nasty. Yeah, they have to retain heat. Yeah. So like when when you go to like northern kind of climates when you deal with an animal in northern climates That's going to be a bigger version of that animal. So if you see a wolf in like Alberta. Yeah, that's going to be a bigger wolf than a wolf that you'd see in Mexico.

1:50:41Those are smaller wolves Right, because they don't have to survive in the same elements. Exactly. They know yeah It's also there's no benefit just to having a large size of your body to rate maintain heat That's why mooser in the most upper north part of the country, they're the largest of all the deer species. Oh, that would make sense then. Yeah. Yeah. Like elk or like larger than deer, you know, it's like, and then the elk that are the further north, like those like Montana, some giant fucking elk, Wyoming, giant elk, and that's the, you know. Yeah, when you get towards Canada too, a lot of those those places where it's just cold, you get those massive animals.

1:51:20Yep, yep, yep. And what were we talking about that I brought that up? We were talking about wolves. Wolves, the red wolf being brought back to Kentucky. Yeah, so those are small because they're in like a warm climate. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. It just odd to me to think though, when you even hear the word wolf, like we're just going to reintroduce it to this tourist area. It's like it seems bad. Well, it's all these people that are liberals that are like sweet kind people that like this is Jared Polis, the governor of Colorado. It's a nice guy, he's a sweet guy. Yeah. He just posted some really kind tweet the other day.

1:51:57I'm like, oh, it seems like a good guy, but hey, don't bring wolves back to ranching areas. Cause like you could have these idealistic utopia based views of what you think a wolf would be like and back in the wild, but no, they're gonna, they take the easiest path possible, the easiest path possible. Oh, there's a bunch of animals that are stuck in a fenced -in area that I could just hop over. I'll just go kill one and eat it. And that's what they do. And so these farmers now have to hire people 24 -7 to be patrolling around their animals. So it's a, they're already operating at a very low margin, right?

1:52:30If you're a farmer and a rancher, you lose a bunch of cows, you're fucked. So now the state has to compensate them for depredations. So every time a wolf kills a cow, they compensate them. So it costs the state more money. Oh, so they got to pay for the... Yes, they have to pay for it. And then they now they have depredation permits on some of these walls because they're repeat offenders and now they're trying to kill these walls that they've spent millions and millions of dollars reintroduction the Colorado. And it's all silly people it's about it's what's called ballot box biology. Yeah. Wildlife conservationists and hunters and people that are spend time in the woods they hate it.

1:53:05They hate it because it's mostly uninformed people that think they're doing a good thing like let's stop trophy hunting. Yeah, we have to yeah, we have to stop hunters hunters are evil No, bitch bears are evil they will fucking eat you asshole first in front of your kids They don't care. Well, it's like when they put in an insect to just kill an insect that's getting out of control Always works bad. Yeah, so like in Michigan It was like ladybugs, but all of a sudden now there were ladybugs everywhere and this kind could bite you So there was some kind of beetle that was this massive problem all of a sudden and it was the whole control of the fish fly problem or mayflies people might know them as.

1:53:44And they're just, cause you drive down next to the water, dude. And it just, it's like, sounds like rice crispy as you drive, cause you're just hitting so many of these things. But it didn't help that problem. It just created a horrible beetle problem. And then there was something else going on in the lake so they introduced zebra mussels. Oh yeah, they did that out here, too. Dude, they destroyed boats. They cut up people's feet that were swimming. Yeah, everything. It's backfired completely. And it's like, so you're just introducing this, like poison into the air and into the water. You think it's going to benefit this.

1:54:18Yeah. So they have too much vegetation on some of these lakes. So what did they do is they sterilize carp and then introduce these sterilized carp. But sometimes they're not sterile. And sometimes they just start breeding. And then the carp basically eat all the vegetation. And so then your entire lake looks like the bottom of a swimming pool. Right. It's gone. There's no more grass. So the fish don't know where to hide. So it's like not as effective for them. They don't get as big. So all the bass fishermen are mad because there's no like habitat and right. Yeah, it's all fucked up and that's happened Yeah with mishings we do have a lot of fishermen bass fishermen You know they go out there and you can go into pretty small pond areas and lakes because the great lakes and still catch some stuff But once you start messing with the habitat it goes bad for a long time.

1:55:00Oh, yeah, man Well, look at Australia. Australia has done a terrible job of introducing invasional species to combat problem animals Oh, yeah, and now they have feral cats that have essentially wiped out most of their ground nesting birds All sorts of other things Cats are the worst man little cute little house cats. Yeah, they are the worst murderers of all the animal kingdom Well, and they think birds are a nice present for you That's the first thing they're gonna go after is just kill them birds and rats Yeah, and that's why like the crazy cat lady thing is a real thing too because they also contain parasites and that Parasite toxoplasmosis is it affects humans it affects behavior it makes you more impulsive more aggressive Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's it's a crazy parasite that is at one point time half of France had toxoplasmosis Yeah, really?

1:55:56Yeah, because of feral cats. It might have been half a Paris or half a France. I don't remember. But a large, in rural areas, we have a lot of feral cats. Okay, I don't know if it's like rich areas. We are known people that have like outdoor cats. Yeah. They're very irrational. Yes. Mark Marron. Yes. That those people probably have talk so, which is why they're behaving weird. Yeah. Why was that? Yeah. That's what's going on. It's like, I guarantee, if you test it, I might have it. I had a feral cat. I've never had a feral cat, but I've definitely had ones that would stop by the house. I had a feral cat, a friend of mine, and her and her boyfriend rescued a bunch of kittens that were underneath this building, and it was in Santa Monica, and she said, do you want a cat?

1:56:39And he was so cute, and I took him in. And I actually had to stay with this cat for like days in one of the rooms of my house, because like when I picked him up, he would pur, and he'd be sweet. As soon as I put him down, he'd hiss at me, and jump and leap away. He was wild. Like claws and everything. It took forever for me to just calm him down. And then after a while, I could just come up to him and pick him up. Like when he was a full grown cat, he was totally my friend. But no one else, no one else could pet this cat. You come out of my house, he would hiss at you, like he was ready to go to war.

1:57:12He was crazy. But I would go no, dude. He was just wild. He's wild and I'd pick him up and he'd start purring. But he would pur, like no other cat would pur. because when he knew that you just loved him and that you weren't gonna eat him when I'd pick him up he just he was so happy to be held he was so happy to be pet but then as soon as I put him down he would look at me sketchy and run away he was just fucked up man my grandma had that she was crazy though like she like as she got older she had like this old mansion and I don't know how she got it but it was one of those things were like when you're Catholic you just have 87 seven kids so the house was big but now it looks huge to people.

1:57:53So she just said cats? Towards the end she had a few cats and just she would have like those Tom and Jerry Mouse holes in the house like where you would see them coming out or where they and dude she would keep like she keep the spiders because they thought she saw it as part of the ecosystem. Oh great. So you're looking up like I'd have to sleep there and I'm just like staring at a brown recluse like shaking at the age of like eight. Those are fucking leave giant holes in you man. Dude, they will kill it. My brother got bitten by one and his leg turned into a softball and he had to go. Oh, really bad.

1:58:25Yeah, she was nuts, dude. She had to get into a chronic. Yeah, where it eats away the tissue. Dude, and it went like that. Like, he got bitten. And by the time he got to the hospital, it just kept getting big. It went from like a golf ball to a softball to like, and they had to hit him with all this like anti -bondom. It was nuts, dude. My friend Jeremy had a hole in his thigh. We had to stuff gauze in it because it was constantly oozing. Yeah, that's what it is like they start It starts chewing weight your skin. Yeah, it's it necrosis. Yeah, my brothers are good for it, dude Disgusting brown records is are dangerous man, but she was not she like a casino in her basement that she ran

1:59:06That sounds so fun. It really was for me were kids too like we're dealing like blackjack and playing slouch yet a casino in a basement Yeah, it was fun like and then she was in she was recovering Elkie like she had beads everywhere like I didn't know what that was then Oh like 30 day beads. Yeah, and like so then later on Well, I was effect from arti -gral shit all the stuff from my life. Oh, like later in my life. I'm like oh my grandma's a whore so But I didn't realize it until later. There's a cat lady Who are the fucking casino at her base like the hat lady casino whore who thinks spiders are part of the ecosystem system.

1:59:41I mean, she's not wrong. They would eat the mosquitoes. That was her thing. But you'd also have like, you're like, I think it's a black widow in your garage. And it's like, yeah, so don't go near it. And I'm like, you want to protect your spider? Like, she was just nuts, dude. But, uh, yeah, she was in recovery. But then she also had an entire bar where you could just make drinks. So we're like six and like looking through like, like how to make somebody a marty.

2:00:09It's so much fun. So you kept the drinks even though she was clean. Yeah, she was clean, yeah. Wow. I've done that to myself though, because if people come over and like, yeah, whatever you want, man. Yeah, I stopped drinking and I have a full bar at my house. Yeah, I have a wine room. It's like such a wasted room. Yeah. There's a room filled with bottles of wine that now I'll never drink. Yeah, I have probably 10 bottles and it's somebody wants one. Yeah, come on over. I'll judge you. Yeah, like my sit there and drink and I'll judge you. You'll start acting stupid. Well after my like last DUI was when I got it's like 16 years ago and I had just built a bar in my basement and it's really nice and I still really like it But like it was probably days later.

2:00:50I got the DUI so I just like sit there and I'll just look at this bar Like I could have been was that when you stopped drinking? Yeah, it was my it was my 13th arrest. It was my 13th arrest. Yeah, what was number one? The day I got my driver's license. No. Yeah, for real. What did you do? My dad had gotten a Buick regal and it was around November because I was born in June but they wouldn't let me get my driver's license because my grades were so bad and we were having a family reunion. So we had everybody at the house and my dad thought we thought we was doing a little better and we were all going out to eat and I'm like, hey, can I borrow the car and he's like, like, yeah.

2:01:29So we get home and my aunt had blocked the driveway, thinking that I would probably end up taking the car and like her son out, who was from Arizona. And the one side of my house was the house. And then the other side was my neighbor's lawn with a small pine tree and like rose bushes and stuff. He just drove through the... Yeah, I figured if I gingerly did it, it would be all right. Dude, I fucked up her lawn. We go, I killed it, pick up my friends. We go down eight miles to this place called Piccadilly where we'd have this guy named Spider -by, and he was fucking great. He was this like homeless dude who just was like, he always go, I'm spider with a wha.

2:02:06And he'd do that, and then he was total pervert. He'd be like, he would seriously offer to like, he'd be like, I'll jack you off too, and we're like, we just want the beer, but we do appreciate it. Really, but thank you. So like, he'd always be like, somebody's gonna come in with me to pick it, and we'd be fighting if we had to get out of the car to walk with this guy. So we, we just bring the beer in, were driving around, we started giving lawn jobs. We'd first be to leave pile fires because everybody would like rake their leaves into the street. So we started doing those fun, good old fashioned arson, but usually it would stop pretty quickly.

2:02:39Somebody would run out with like a garden hose. It totally was innocent until the one time it wasn't. But we were driving around, we into some parties, smoking weed, all that shit. And finally, when they get up on this one guy's lawn after part, and he's got a beamer five series. And I got my regal, my dad's, which it had a V6 turbo charge, which for a Buick, it wasn't bad for 98. But I got on the studes lawn. I see him sitting in his beamer. And for some reason in my head, I'm just like, this guy's just gonna sit here and take it. So I just start giving him a lawn job. I'm doing donuts. You can hear grass hitting his car.

2:03:18We get in a high speed chase with this dude. Dude, I mean, like French connection style. I hit, I swear, I hit this bump man. Four tires went off the ground, because we just felt like the car popped to the ground. And we get, we're just going all over the city, and my friends are like, let's just pull over and beat this shit out of them. And I'm like, you could have a gun, you know? So I finally go down this street that has a bifurcation, where it just splits immediately, like this, you have to go this way, this way, you know what? I didn't see it. So I start breaking because I'm going at an oak tree.

2:03:52So I'm breaking it and do the next thing I know, the engine dross you're the front of the car. All the airbags come out. I get cracked with an airbag and I'm unconscious. I'm conscious just enough to see the BMW in my rear view drive away. And then as I'm being knocked out, I hear all my friends and my own cousin leave. Now here's the kicker. We were having a family reunion. I didn't realize that there was a bunch of cases of beer and liquor already in the trunk and chips and stuff So when I hit the tree that popped open and it looked like I drove a super bowl party into the fucking tree There was just like beer and pop and chips and shit And finally did I wake up from being unconscious and I got out of the car and there's a cop and my dad there When you wake up when I when I get up like I'd been that I do I got knocked out so hard by that airbag.

2:04:49Oh my god. Because it just like, all I could smell was that like burning telcom powder kind of smell, like that awful like, I wanna say eggy almost, it was just the worst smell, but everybody else was able to run. Set me. So it looked like I just did it. So I get out. And I remember I look at my dad was not violent, he was in now but he was never violent. But I just look at him and I go, Dad, I'm okay and he goes great and he punched me in the face. That's hard. That I hit the ground and was knocked out for the second time that evening. Oh no! Dude, he cracked me harder. He gave you a second concussion?

2:05:23That night. And I wake up. That's not good enough. Dude, and no, he was pissed. I get it. Yeah, but then I wake up. And the cops got a light on me. And I sort of got the cop goes, he's waking up if you want to hit him again. It's the first thing I hear. And I'm like, you guys, I'm really in a lot of pain here. my dad like apologize but he's like look like what the fuck is wrong with you he was just furious and right I had already been getting into dope and stuff and he was getting pretty pissed with me but I got number one dude do you I and I got six months suspended license wow I went in front of a referee is what they called it for juvenile is that Coleman a young uh municipal they gave me six months suspended license did you have to talk your way out of it uh oh out of being arrested I mean like how that no my dad i remember i was going to school one day and he goes i just got the bill for the car it's like he goes it's thirteen thousand nine hundred eighty dollars here and i go what i don't have that money goes just show people so they know how proud i am of you but thanks thanks dad but he was furious i would imagine but he let it i mean he let it go after that because we had alcoholism and i believe that you were doing don't us on this guy's lawn right in front of a boat you we did so much that we shouldn't have done back then.

2:06:42Was it just a crew you're hanging with? Yeah, it was fun. Dude, we all just kind of wanted to be thugs. It was a little sad. Well, it is Detroit. Yeah, you want to be like, you're in the suburbs sort of. Like, my house was in the suburbs, but you're literally three minutes from the most violent part of America at the time. So you're on the border of the East Side of Detroit. So it's like you can't hear gunshots. And you know what I mean? It's like you're you're every drug and every party You're going down to raves and warehouses that are owned by like the Russian mob crazy. Oh fuck yeah Dude yeah, like oh yeah 17 18 16 all that all those years dude like 99 2 ,000 huge rave culture and then when the new mayor came in Kwame Kulpatrick who ended up getting Arrested and put in jail and then Trump pardoned He started the Detroit Electronic Music Festival, so he capitalized on that.

2:07:40Really? Do you remember when Ford put out the Detroit Electronic Music Festival focus? No. Dude, it was basically a car design for people on ecstasy. Like the whole thing was speakers. Really? Yeah, if you can find it. So the Detroit, it was the Detroit Electronic Music Festival focus. And the car was at a crazy sound system. Yeah, yeah, because the car is a piece of shit So the whole thing is just speakers and that way they would do the ads. It was almost like you go into are you on E. This car is a great. It's got huge cup holders for your water. It's got great. You know, that's a layer Like they they were capitalized on it and how they would did a little because that's like when the movie go came out And a lot of these movies that were almost it's with go is the one where they're all trying to get ecstasy in it and it's a like a Katie Holmes and all these other people who are like some are different stars and some are and they all kind of mixed together in this one night and they're all just going to different raves and parties and the whole thing is about e.

2:08:53I'm trying to think of his name you'd know him from the store plays a Bouncer in it Vince Vaughn. No, no, not Vince. Um, it's not really an story. More of a comic he used to work with shimmy or not, I'm not shimmy. Um, God, what is his name? Blond hair, older dude, Jimmy Schubert. Yes. He plays a Bouncer in it. Yeah. Jimmy's the best. Yeah, he's great. I did less comic with him. And he was good. Cool. Yeah. I know Jimmy for 35 years. Yeah, 30, no, 30 years somewhere in the. Yeah, he's a good dude. And he played very good. He played a bouncer in it. So yeah, I'm, was that car? Did you find it? Well, I found, I doesn't show.

2:09:28I wonder how much they've scrubbed it, but if it's like a Detroit music festival, it's just like 2001 article, but it's called a Ford Focus. For the electronic music festival. And the way they, yeah, yeah, they've changed it up a bit with the Ventura, but yeah. Go with speakers, right? Speakers interior. It was great, because you'd be walking to this music festival in heart. Yes, you the JBL speakers that would never be used in a fortbook. Oh, that's what they had. Yeah, they had like this. They had a bad sound system. Right. And it was just this this terrible little hatchback, you know, car that a young person could afford with a killer sound system.

2:10:11In case you wanted to listen to bad boy bill or fat boy slamming. And you, so you got arrested 13 times? Yeah. So what was the number two? Number two, let me think. Two was an MIP. What's that? Minor in possession of alcohol. Oh. And then that one was like a lot of them were in my piece, forward DUIs. And then, yeah. And then I got a rest of it. How do you still have a license? Most of it was as a minor and then by the time I got my one as an adult it like it had spanned enough To where in 2009 when I got arrested my last time and I decided to get sober They couldn't technically put me in prison and I didn't want to go because I don't want to spend my days getting titty Fucked by the Aryan brotherhood.

2:10:58I know how I look so I I got clean but Yeah, that one was the one that I took real seriously So what they did was they put an alcohol tether on my leg that would monitor if I was drinking and a breathalyzer in my car So I would like I'd have to blow start my car everywhere I went, you know, and like my friend Rob had that it would take like three minutes before he could start his car Dude, it sucked and now they take pictures of you and stuff, but that one it would go off as you drive So you're like driving and like I remember one time a truck was jackknifeing and then it's like like, so I'm trying to like dodge this truck from hitting me in the grand rapid snow while blowing my car so it doesn't stop.

2:11:41No way. Sort of got. They're so dangerous. And I'm going around the country. I didn't know they did it while you were driving. That's insane. That's so they prove you're not drinking. So like every 15 minutes it goes off at random, but you can't time it. And you have to blow into it. Yeah, that's why people really can't show up somebody else blow and it's like, well no, because you'd be like, can I drink and drive and you just sit and shot gun and let me. But yeah, you have to blow the whole time you're driving. So that's what sucks about it. So you have this constant thing, and I was double jeopardy, because I was a road comic.

2:12:11So in 2009, yeah, did I'm going into these bars and nightclubs and like, hey, do you have a phone jack I could use for a few minutes? And they're like, yeah, why? And I'm like, I got this ankle monitor and I got to plug it in somewhere to a phone jack so they can download to make sure I'm not drinking. So I'd be in a bar, dude. with my phone jacks with my fucking ankle. Oh my god. Attached to the wall. Oh, they downloaded my alcohol. How long did it take? So it has like a modem? Like a braaaay. Yeah, it would light, you know? So it would let you know when you were done. It would do it through the phone lots.

2:12:48Yeah. At that time. Wow. I'm sure there's something more high -tech now. This was 09. You had to have a phone jack and I'd have to call my probation officer and be like, Like this is the room I'm playing. I'm in a bar. I was allowed to be in a bar, but if anybody spilled anything on me, write the jail. Oh, poor. Cause like if I had any bit of, like I had to use Tom's everything, you know, all natural stuff because anything could have alcohol in it. Oh, wow. So like I couldn't touch anything on a chance that on the off chance that it would set off my monitor. That's cool. You know what's really crazy?

2:13:21If you eat poppy seed bagels, you can get pop for heroin. Yeah, when you take a drug test for your job. Isn't that nuts? Yeah a poppy seed bagel dude Nice delicious bagel and you get pop for heroin. It's amazing. You have nothing else in your system about heroin I'm a tea toddler. Yeah, what's in your tea? Yeah, what are you doing with it? Yeah, they tell you don't eat poppy seeds any Poppy seeds before you go in for a drug test one or long poppy seed bagel stays in your system Oh, dude, I defied a drug test too. That sucks. I never did the heroin one. I didn't do a lot of poppy seeds, but I Did buy a fake dick that they caught me with?

2:14:04You had a urinator a wizzinator is what they call it. It's called a wizzinator. Yeah, yeah, it's absolutely Larias because I thought you would the fake dick. Yeah, how they catch her? It's darker than me. I'm not kidding Oh boy, I bought the one. I thought they'd be behind me They weren't. No, they were right here. And I - Because they know about the fake decks. Yeah. And I'm just like, hmm. It's gonna squeeze these balls from some urine I bought off of a nerdy kid like R Kelly. I got one for you. I know a guy who to pass a steroid test. Yeah. He was clearly on steroids. He was a fighter. Yeah.

2:14:43He injected someone else's urine into his bladder. Oh, God.

2:14:52Oh, yeah. So he got some broscience doctor in the fucking men's room shoving a large needle of piss into his bladder and then he pissed out somebody else's piss. Oh, God. Did it work? Yeah. Yeah. That's all. I mean, that's dedication. Basketball player came back pregnant when he took his drug down. He's a brainy girlfriend's urine. So what are they testing him for that he's worried about other than weed? Is it weed? I'm guessing weed because if it was 2020 in Ohio, it was still illegal. Plus, I don't think you're allowed to use it if you're on the team, but it was illegal then. So they were probably still, which has never been, I mean, for most people, I just said suspension.

2:15:41Yeah, international drug test. In your platform. I didn't want Bosnia. Oh, as a naturalized player. Well, he was wondering what they were testing him for. I wonder what drugs they were actually testing him for. What are they worried about finding? Yeah, because I bought what was it called? You're in luck. That didn't work. steroids and stuff, you know, I guess, but Jesus Christ, if I'm running a professional basketball organization, I want people on steroids. Oh, I'm not testing anyone for any I want them recovering. I want them playing better. Yeah. The whole steroid thing is so weird. You know, it's because it's just science They figured out how way to make humans perform better like so are we supposed to use some science like you can use Creatine which at one point in time these treat creatine like it was steroids Well, yeah, they did what 1990s?

2:16:32It was like you're taking creatine you basically taking steroids. Well, it was because of the Mark McGuire Jose Konseko thing. Right, I think that was a little later, wasn't it? I remember it was part of it, because they were like, they're on Criatine and everybody's like, are you sure? No, they were on Anderstine Dio, and it's what he's trying to say. But it wasn't. Yeah, it was steroids. He was on hardcore, she was. He got big. Maguire went from like a farm boy to looking like one of the looney tunes characters from Space Jam, like the dude was just fucking stacks. Just a home run after a whole.

2:17:05of McGuire hitting a home run. And as the bat is contacting the ball, you see the bend to the bat because he's so strong. He's whipping the bat so hard that it's bending in the air as it contacts the ball. And it's even find that photo. Yeah, it's ash. It's like a very dense wood. And he's whipping it so hard that it has a bend like a bow, like a bow and arrow. And It's connecting the ball like perfectly on the sweet spot. Look at that. Look at the fucking amount of bend in that bat. That makes no sense. That was on the Giants, but... Well, that's somebody else, but look at the one above it. Oh, the one right there though.

2:17:44That's the McGuire one. I'm talking about the straights right there. That's a bend bat. That's it. No, right there, Jay. It looks like he's doing this spoon trick. Okay, whoever it is, but look at it. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, you're right. It's the one. So when a guy is swinging at full clip, that's what happens to the bat, which is crazy. That is completely roids. That's him. Oh my god, that's nuts. Look at that. It's looks like it's made out of rubber. That's so great. Imagine the fucking force your body has to generate to do that to one of those bats and meanwhile Pete Rose never gets inducted.

2:18:16I know Dude I met him. I liked him. I know that didn't make any sense. He's just gambling. It's didn't didn't hinder his play. No, I mean I mean, was there was some concern that maybe he'd bet against his team? That's what it was, yeah. Yeah, he probably did. Yeah, he says he didn't, but... You could have been a allowement or he's gonna be eligible, I believe. Yeah, I figured it out. Possumously though. Yeah, I figured, yeah, that's what they were gonna do. Yeah, but that's not cool. Like, he's dead, he should've done it while he's alive. No, and he's been around sitting in the MGM in Vegas signing shit for a long time.

2:18:50And you know... Great player. Yes, he was, he's amazing. I mean just because a guy does something like that doesn't mean he didn't do amazing things playing and that's what it's supposed to be all about The guy was an all star who's one of the greatest of all time He took it away from him because he likes to gamble. Yeah, guess what? That's also probably why he was so fucking good because he was wild. Yes, it's a wild boy. It's true. Yes Jordan oh dude a Did you know it gambler yeah the greatest basketball player who ever walked the face of the fucking earth yes and did you like Pete rose his dad wasn't taken comes from the same place man comes from the same place yeah same deal well yeah because there's a part of you that wants to do risky things Yes, you're willing to go that far.

2:19:34Yeah, you have to have that element Yeah, so you kind of want to go like yeah, he threw a few games with the confidence that the team would still be fine That's kind of amazing If he did. That's a guy chasing money. He's probably, well, the thing they said about Jordan was that he wouldn't pay. Yeah, that's, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of shady shit that happened with him. Well, that was that golf hustler that beat him out of hundreds of thousands of dollars and then wrote a story about it because Jordan wouldn't pay him. Then it kind of started getting out. And then Jordan's dad got murdered.

2:20:07And that's why he was a lot there. Yeah, the connection with the people may have taken out his dad over to Hamlin Dad's, which is rarely talking about. You know, here's another connection that I never considered. Talked to him. Until recently. You remember when Cosby's kid got murdered? Ah, yeah. I have a sense. And everybody was like, oh, it's just a random crime. Maybe not, right? I don't think it was now. Well, now, now, you know what Cosby did. Imagine if he did that to someone's daughter and they said, oh, well, guess what? Because he wasn't robbed. Right. They didn't take anything. Right.

2:20:37He was just changing a tire. Yeah. And who knows if he even was? as they could have flagged it down. Exactly. Who knows if he even was? Yeah. Or who knows if they maybe flatten his tire? Exactly. So they catch him. Yeah. They know he's going to drive flatten his tire. Let him drive off a little bit. And he's eventually going to have to stop and pull over. It seems so random to just kill someone for fun. It's weird. Yeah. Very rare. And when you know what Cosby did, it makes you go, oh, maybe there's something there. And now the stuff that has come out is so, dude, it's so dark. I heard this lady say that he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history.

2:21:17No doubt it. Do you imagine how insane that is? The guy who is the, you know, Mr. Hustle -Bull? Dude. Dr. Hustle -Bull, head of the fucking family and the most wholesome sitcom. Everybody loved it. Across the race barrier, made everybody think of like this black family is like incredibly respectful and well put together and how great is this? Dude, fresh, clean, and so that doesn't exist without him. Right, yeah. Right, right, right. And he had a gynecology office in his basement, which he just slid past everybody on the show. He had a gynecology office? Yeah, Dr. Huxble was a gynecologist. And he was a doctor, and in his basement, is where he saw the women, and no one thought anything about it.

2:21:59Well, how about the one episode that he did about Spanish fly? Dude, and he would talk about it in his act. He has a old records of Spanish fly. Where he's just talking about it, like the whole audience is like, yeah, the rape drug, that's hilarious. Oh, Bill. He had a whole episode of the show about his special barbecue sauce. Yes. Oh, and everybody started making out with each other. Yes. And they're helping each other. How crazy is that? Well, did you ever see the Cosby Mysteries intro? No. It's a pill going into a martini. And then it just says Cosby Mysteries. What? Yeah. I think he was more deviant than we actually realized and was leaving these like little like taunting bread crumbs I had heard that he was doing that kind of stuff in the 90s when I was on news radio I'd heard from people that knew him or people that knew of him yeah like that he drugs girls I was like what Bill Cosmine.

2:22:52I was like this is crazy. This is crazier than Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone Right what are you talking about? Yeah, I heard he was like a I heard he had sex with a lot of women and I was like, well, okay, it's a different thing. Like, that's, you know, I'm like, whatever. So he's not spotless, I would assume. I heard about it in Hollywood. That was, like, people knew it was like an inside secret. But then, like, when I started becoming a comic and I was doing small stuff, like an, like, not the HBO Vegas Fest, is it? Yeah. Look at the mysteries. Oh, that's right there. Okay, but this is like...

2:23:26His reflection is in it. But this is a mystery like someone's drugging someone. This was a show about, this was like a cop show, right? Yeah, he came back out. He came back out and did a cop show? Yeah. How weird. It's just crazy that the first thing in it though is a drink being drugged. How weird. When was that Cosby mysteries? Oh, I think it was. It was in 1994. 90 was in 1998, mid 90s. How long did that last? I think the season or two. Yeah, in 1994. Yeah, it didn't last very long. Wow. Yeah, people wanted to see him in comedies. Like, why would you have the most loved comedy sitcom star ever?

2:24:05And his, his career wasn't great. It was like ghost dad and, you know, he did it. Yeah. It was all very, fat Albert, there was a story. And I can't remember if it was fat Albert, but, uh, what's his name? Keenan Thompson was talking about one of the first times he met Bill Cosby and he was like, you know, like, you're gonna, You're gonna need two dicks for all to pussy. You're gonna get and he was like, what the fuck? Like he just couldn't believe it was like one of the first things Cosby had said to him. Whoa. So it's like he, cause you just meet that guy and you kind of wouldn't expect it to switch so hard.

2:24:38Especially a guy who's been telling people not, especially after any Murphy stories and all that stuff. Eddie Murphy from raw. Yeah, doing, he's like tell Mr. Cosby the richer priors that have a focus in his smile and shut the fuck up. Yeah, do the people laugh? Do you get paid? Be ready because when this movie comes out, you're gonna need two dicks because the one we're gonna be all over you is sketch college called. Wow. Yeah, so it was that. Wow. And imagine saying that to somebody over fat Albert. He's like, are you sure with that one? I think when he was young, that drugging people was normal.

2:25:16That's what I think. I think that whole Spanish fly era, where people were just giving people Mickey's, They're putting things in people's drinks. I think people did that all the fucking time. I think it was super normal. And then I think society eventually evolved. And people realized how fucking horrible that is. And then he kept me on. Oh, that was his move. Yeah, absolutely. Especially when he got old and ladies didn't want to fuck him, they wanted a career. And they thought maybe Bill Cosby said, he's gonna help me with my acting. You know, you wake up and your panties are off. He was like, well, what happened?

2:25:52And a lot of them too, when you see the roles they were getting on the Cosby show now, you have like supermodel looking women playing a cop. And it's like he would have private dinners with them, like in his green room, just little like super shady shit. Boy. Yeah, so yeah, like he, I guarantee you, maybe him and was a Jordan, I met him, I bet for, you probably met him too. The Wolf of Wolf's first week guy. Yeah, I'm thinking like Cosby and him may have been the last people on earth to ever have quailudes Like one of them What was quailudes like I never did quailudes it would they were I think they were Joe idea a big fan see he's older older to remember that yeah, yeah, cuz I've heard him talk about it Yeah, but I've never done quailudes I think they were like I think the last one was like 90's look at that shield do things She's never done before it increases sexual duh.

2:26:44I don't even think it's real. It's an ad for rape But the stuff. Yeah, it says it comes from parts of a beetle. That's what they used to say. So it really works? Whether it works or not, I would say what it was like. But that's what I'm saying. I mean, I'm sure it's real as like a product, but I don't think there's a thing that actually makes you horny. It's like a pre -viagra. Yeah, but that doesn't get you horny. Viagra just increases blood flow. Someone had it when I was maybe, I don't know, in middle school somebody had. Spanish fly? Yeah, like a bottle of something that said Spanish fly. Okay, Google this, it does Spanish fly work.

2:27:23That's where I was getting, I ended up in marketing, so I'd, look at all the ads you found. This, I love, look at this, love with no strings attached. It's a flight attendant ad. I think that's just why. Flight attendants were fucking hot back then. They would hire, they would hire only hot flight attendants. They would fire you if you weren't. Spanish fly movie. So just Google this for me does Spanish fly actually make you aroused Dude if there's a movie it was popular does it work?

2:27:55Oh Spanish fly is not an aphrodisiac it's a toxic substance called Carthor Can can Thoridan can Thoridan derived from blister beetles that can cause severe harm including pain, burning, and internal damage. There's no evidence that increases sexual desire. And gesting canthorodin can be fatal while it causes burning sensation in the urinary tract that can provoke an erection. It is a dangerous side effect, not an aphrodisiac effect. So it gives you a boner while you're dying. Yeah. What would it do to women, then, if you're... Right. I guess knock you out, and that's why they're like, she's horny, bro.

2:28:40Okay, so just Google this is there a drug that makes you horny just Google that You put it in a Jack real put it in a chat GPT. I mean perplexity or something MDMA I would you know that it makes you loving right it makes you like Kind and want to hug people. I don't think it makes you sexual But if you were rolling I mean and like a girl just like touched your knee in a way, right? I'm like come you know It was pretty crazy. It was soft dick. Yeah. That's what sucked is it didn't help your libido. No universally proven aphrodisiac drug exists that reliably increases sexual desire across all individuals.

2:29:21The concept of an aphrodisiac, a substance that enhances libido or sexual performance has been around for centuries, but scientific evidence is limited and often inconclusive. So some substances are marketed as that, historical, cultural substances, foods like oysters, okay, chocolate. Okay, no, that's not for sure. Medications, Viagra, but again, they treat erectile dysfunction by improving blood flow, not by increasing desire. I have this example of... Yeah, no, no, no, I get it. Hormonal treatments, testosterone therapy, boost libido, yeah, but it doesn't just make you horny out of nowhere.

2:29:59Yeah, I don't think there's anything... Like, what does horny goat weed at a gas station? That's just like poison, right? Horny, basalt. Remember Batsaults? Batsaults, they used to sell at the gas station, and it was basically like some kind of like horrible drug that they snuck in by saying it was not for human consumption. Yeah. But it was a bath salt, so you throw it in the bath. And then, well, you would consume a human because you remember when a guy ate the dudes' face? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy in Florida. But I always feel like I got to put that through the Florida lens and only happen in Florida.

2:30:31That's true. If it is Florida, you're like, there could have been other elements. A lot of other elements in Florida. There's a whole lifestyle that could allow you to do this. A lot of choices. But Florida, that was the place where the pill mills really started popping off because the way Florida had it set up, they had these pain management centers and then attached the pain management centers that have a doctor that would prescribe it for you. So the whole thing was just to prescribe pain pills. So you'd go to the pain management center, all my back hurts. Great. You need this. Go right next door and right next door all they prescribed was pain pills and they didn't have a database So you would go there and then you go down the street.

2:31:13Oh my back hurts. Oh great Here you go and then next door and you could just keep doing this over and over again and then this documentary the oxycontin express Showed how people were loading up the trunks of their cars with these pain pills and driving up north and Indicentucky into Ohio and that's where all these people started dying of overdoses and all people got a There was also one enrichment, I want to say, right outside of Richmond, a pharmaceutical company that was also largely responsible for it. Because I remember even being working at a pharmacy and going, like my mom was in RN, so I'd go in there.

2:31:48I remember the doctors, not the doctors, but like, I remember companies taking out the doctors to eat or like, you see like oxy cotton wraps or you'd sign with a pen that had a painkiller's name on it. Yep. All that stuff, I remember. My wife's mom's a nurse and she would tell stories about how the the pharmaceutical drug companies would take them out to nice Take dinners and treat them really nice and just the whole thing was like make sure you push our ship It was yeah give our product to the people coming and tell people how great it is how great is our product Did you they used to give a lot like I was getting my when I got my knee messed up.

2:32:23I got hooked on oxy on Vikiden. And I had taken lots of Vikiden before, but I took a prescribed amount that was just way too many for several months in a row. And then when I came down, it was one of the sickest times I've ever had to deal with. I'm like shaking, you know, I'm throwing up every few minutes. And this was the allotted amount I was supposed to take. How long did you for a day for two months? And then... And how long was the like the before you became normal again? Oh God. I felt real bad for about four to five days. Like for me, even when I quit smoking, like I used to smoke three packs a day for almost 12 years.

2:33:04And, but I did a lot of acid and shrooms and shit. And it was fun. I was like, I won after the other one did. It was, it felt good, you know? So like, yeah, I would do that, but even that, I locked myself in a room when I was living in LA. And I just didn't leave, I didn't leave the room for a week. I just, like, dude, I just let my body deal with the pain. and then I left. So it usually takes me about that long, you know, to really detox my system if it's something that isn't killer. Alcohol was hard. Alcohol was really hard because I had started shaking when I wouldn't drink when I was 16. Ooh, boy.

2:33:41So yeah. So you got addicted to it early. Do it very early. So it's like a genetic thing with your family. Big time, and I didn't know about that until later. You know, and like my dad had talked to me about before he died and like, you know, He died when I was 18, but he finally talked to me about what was going on with the family and stuff I hadn't known. And my uncle, who I figured had died of a heroin overdose, but my mom's like, he just had a big heart. And you're like, diddy, can I just know the truth? And it turned out it was lines of years of addiction. Like my dad's dad was Irish guy, left him the day he was born, walked in, so my dad was a twin, had twin sister, string goes, I'm not raising two and walked out.

2:34:22Oh, poor. So then he was the opposite dad. He was loving, coach, all that stuff. You know, he turned it, but. Fucked by the government. Oh yeah. And then fucked by the government. He became a very, yeah. And then. It's crazy how that kind of addiction, addiction and mental illness is just fucking hard core genetic. And when you have a family that has a long history of mental illness, it's very rare that you're like, I'm fine. Oh yeah, it's very rare that you're an anomaly. Yeah, I'm fine. I guess you really said. Maybe you're not good. Yeah, I just know so many people that are alcoholics, that their family's an alcoholics.

2:35:00Like guys, I had a buddy that he would drink and his eyes would glaze over and it wouldn't be him anymore. He'd be like, oh, he's gone. We just got to wait until he comes back because right now it's whatever the fuck happens to him when he drinks. Just crazy. Off the rails. Like didn't remember anything. Full blackout. Oh yeah. You have to tell them you don't remember being on the table with your dick out. You don't remember. Yeah. You didn't remember anything. I was the guy on that side of the phone. Girls. See, I think they were like you need to apologize to this person. Did you black out all the time?

2:35:29All the time. So you didn't remember anything? I wouldn't remember most. Sometimes I brown out. So I'd kind of remember what we did. There was times where I actually, I was at a party, right? And then I wake up and I'm handcuffed to a bed in a hospital getting charcoal dump dump. Oh, you know, my stomach pumps. Oh my God. Oh, something happened. It's like I, but I went from like being at a party to just being woken up with a charcoal stomach pump. And I'm like, this isn't good. Do you talk about any of this stuff on stage? I do, yeah. Oh, I'll imagine you have to. Like what a, so ripe for material.

2:36:07Yeah, I put out a book, it's called Party One of Fuzzy Memoir a little while ago. And it's all stories of my youth because I was trying to get it all out. And then I had to ask people, and I didn't put it out for years because I wanted to be like, hey, is it cool if I try to talk about? And everybody was, but in a couple of my friends were my really good friends. I had to fuck with them. Like, don't worry, I changed your name from Brian to Ryan. So no one knows the name. It was shit like that. But yeah, I talk about a lot of this on stage because dude, I got institutionalized. I got like, wow, it was all like crazy.

2:36:41How do you get institutionalized? The story I was talking about in the book is what happened the night before, not the book, but on stage because I have to kind of sum it up. I actually did it on this is not happening, R .E. Show. What happened was, I used to like, ball, pints and fifths for like a party trick, and I could carry around a case of beer and you know, drink that in the night and I'm mind you, I'm five, six, but then I'm in high school. I probably weighed 140 pounds, dude. Like I was, and if I wasn't on LSD and I wasn't on mushrooms and I wasn't on K, I was drunk. So I would switch it all up and the night before I had bonged a fifth at a party.

2:37:23Like what do you mean by bong? You know the beer bongs that you use that have like the funnel and go through. So my friend Anthony pulled out this beer bong and my friend Nick poured an entire fifth of Absolute Vodka and Nick's like, dude, don't do this. He just drank the whole thing? Well, they put in a cap full of sprites and I drank the whole thing. And, dude, I guess I say this in the story because this is what I was told happened. I was tab dancing. I told my girlfriend to I love that she had orangutang titties. And then I fell through a table, a glass table. Oh, no. And then, yeah, I ended up getting taken home by the cops.

2:38:02I don't know exactly what happened, but my mom ended up calling the police, which is, you know, like she didn't know what to do I was doing something. Right. And they arrested me and I was institutionalized for two weeks and I stayed with a kid who thought it was a werewolf. So you had to go to a mental health institution. I went to a mental health institution because they weren't they didn't realize it was an addiction. They just arrested me because my behavior was so erratic. Oh, and I remember getting there and I met my and I'm not kidding. I met my roommate who was a he was aware of that's what he believed and i'm like i don't want to i want to stay with him and they're like we's not really aware of what i'm like yeah i know he's what happens in the moon turns full what he attacked me oh boy yeah so and they hit what they do is they grab a tank a train it's called booty juice and they hit you in the butt with it and like the guards will fight you off but after two weeks they're like he's not it's not so much that he's got mental illness which he does but he's an alcoholic, he's a severe alcoholic.

2:39:02But you roommate the werewolf. Yeah. He attacked you in the moon turn white. Yeah, one night he just started howling. And I don't even think wolf's howl. And he was waving at me. You don't think wolf's howl? Or not the wolf. Or not the wolf. They do. Yeah, American werewolf and London. Oh, Bart, but he was barking too. And this patient says, sedative known as booty juice, injected against their will. Yeah. Growing number of children and teenagers admitted voluntarily to North. Texas for profits like at your hospitals told WFA they've been injected with powerful sedative drugs without their parents knowledge.

2:39:38Noody juice. Yeah, which I that kid deserved it. They shouldn't have call the parents and go, hey, your wolf boys, it fucking naked trying to eat a guy. Was he naked when he attacked you? Yeah, he was close off because he thought it was a werewolf dude. So tell me what that was. It's like well, he's jumping on top of me and I grabbed a lamp to hit him with it, but it was fucking glued down because it's a mental hospital. So that just kind of made me open my arms to him and he's on top trying to bite me And I'm like holding him back and that's when they came in and they run at him They hit him with the syringe they pulled him off me and I'm just sitting there like I want to be here like I'll never drink again, you know like basically crying like a bitch like and you know I'll never drink again was like my catchphrase

2:40:23So they pull him out of there and then you know And then eventually they sent me off to a rehab where I spent, I think I spent 45 days there. And I heard it's not there anymore, which is a shame, because a lot of kids do need that now, and I heard they took it down like it's no longer there. And I went there and the second I got out, I didn't drink. I didn't drink for like a month, but the second I got my friends car, I hit a joint. And I'm not saying that that's bad, but it's like, dude, the second I was, they're like, you can't drink, right? And I'm like, yeah, like, you can smoke weed. I'm like yeah, so I immediately had a joint.

2:41:01Oh my God, Dave. Yeah, Jesus Christ. And that's what my kind of amazing that you're here Dude, yeah, I got a lot of shit like you look great though. Thank you for a guy who's gone through as much shit as you yeah Like three packs a day alcohol acid to so much acid do you guys? Falls through the table look at you fine. You know what you know it is interesting though all the drugs now I told you I was really like kind of depressed kid and all the drugs that I did to treat depression are now used to treat depression mushrooms, ketamine, all that shit dude. Right. Like I spent five years in high school when it turns out I was completely accurate with my studies of how these drugs would help me.

2:41:44You were self -medicating. And I was accurate with it. Yeah. I would do K and I just be sitting there in a K hole in class. Just think the desk is moving Jesus dude and acid was the most fun to do in class because your teacher's face is melting and you're just sitting there Like it's so much fun. Wow, but I was a I was a mess But at the same time so many of my friends were too. It wasn't like just me. Right. So it felt normal Yeah, like I mean I was the worst of them and technically slowest because I was arrested more than anybody He was the most fun. What did you think you were going to do for a living back then?

2:42:20The only thing I ever loved was acting in comedy. Oh, okay. My dad would wake me up when I was a kid to watch SNL. And he wasn't something that my him and my brother, they'd watch baseball and stuff. But we'd watch SNL together, we would watch old movies with John Candy, Steve Martin, like all those people, and then he introduced me to stand up. And my dad bought me, he bought me Kinnison, Carlon. He bought me Carlin Classic Gold on tape when I was nine. Which had seven dirty words and all that. He bought me Dangerfield, buttoned down mine to Bob Newhart, Eddie Murphy. He showed me Delirious when I was like eight.

2:42:59And I still left so hard because the whole bitty does about the hamburger was so relevant then. I got McDonald's at home and he's like, you can't have none, you on the welfare. I knew what that meant then and I was for frying laughing because I loved Eddie Murphy. you know. So he introduced me to comedy and the only thing I had any interest in was that. And one day, Second City opened up and Detroit. And I was pissing this teacher off someone. She stopped me after class. And she goes, do you know what Second City is? And I go, yeah, my dad's told me about it. It's like where all these SNL people came from.

2:43:38And she's like, yeah, you're actually really funny. But you're a fucking pain in the ass in my class. And I was like, okay, that's a cool teacher. It really was. And she goes, she goes, you should consider taking classes there. And I said, wow. Okay. So after my fifth year, the first thing I did was I listened to her and my dad. And I signed up for Second City and do years later. I'm doing improv on stage with this group motor city improv. And like, it's more bar -prov, you're just fucking around, you know? Right. But my, one of the guys in the group was, hey, my wife's gonna come too. And it was my teacher.

2:44:12And I got to do improv with her years later. And it was really cool, man, because like she, it was the first time somebody didn't scold me, they stopped me to go like, you genuinely have something, and you're not just this waste. Right. And no one had ever, besides my parents, but nobody else had ever said that before. Well, that's so cool that she was already in that world so she understood. Yeah. Yeah, we were actually just having a conversation about that last night in the green room, not last night, night before. And we were talking about times in your life that someone could have just told you this is Behavior like a stand -up comedian like that's a real job Yeah, you know how you know you like fixing cars and you could be a mechanic You know you like talking shit you're funny everybody laughs.

2:44:55This is a job Like just but everybody just tells you you're a fucking loser and you're never gonna mount anything and get out of my class And that's and yeah, I was very lucky like my parents my dad had had I was just about to pass when I told him, I think I'm gonna do Second City and then take this film class up in Lansing, Michigan, which is what I did. I did film and I did that and I would go back and forth. And he was like, you should. Like, that's what you've always wanted to do. Like I had a hammer in my hands since I was a kid. Like, my parents never wanted me to have a backup plan. They were like, find something you love.

2:45:29Like that's great. And we were really only torn apart as a family because of what we experienced, you know, from my dad just being screwed. So we were, if I think if I had even a more direct line, I may have gotten there sooner, you know, but I was angry and depressed and pissed off. Sure. You know, my whole attitude was fuck you, fuck the system. Yeah. So when I finally found that outlet, it was wonderful, dude, especially when you're writing sketches and watching them come to life and you're ripping on the people that are fucked over and like there's such a good feeling about that. And a lot of people that I met have gone on to do great things like I was in a troop with Sam Richardson who went on to do Detroiters and you know I there's Tim Robinson who I didn't know him well or anything but we did improv a couple times and it's cool to see him like Skyrocket where I think you should leave and all these other stuff and Keegan Michael Key was somebody that was out of the Detroit chapter so there's like some really cool people that ended up coming out of there.

2:46:29What was the stand -up scene like? What was the big club? The big club was Mark Ridley's comedy cast. Okay, I heard that. I was. I suppose it was a great spot. Dude, it's unbelievable. He was the guy who you wanted to do stand -up in front of because he was there every night tearing tickets. He was a part of it from the late 70s until he had a heart attack, maybe around 2010. His son Ryan Ridley was the had writer of Rick and Morty. Oh, why? So dude, he's a great dude. And you just had my cast on. Yes. Mike was in my group when I started. Oh, no kidding. He was one of the people that I started with.

2:47:04And a guy named Matt McClowery, who's actually featuring for me this weekend, who's unbelievably funny, dude. The mother show? Yeah. Oh, nice. He's got ass burgers, Adam knows on. Oh, great. And dude, he's funny. Yeah, yeah. If any luck, you'll think he's a lady. Well, he's just, he's a werewolf. But yeah, he's a beast and we had a pretty cool group when we started where we weren't kissing each other's ass. We were all just trying to figure it out. Oh, that's great. So we would like criticize each other and we've all done pretty well considering where people have gone off to, at least in the sense of making money and making people laugh.

2:47:40That's awesome. We were lucky because there was like 10 different clubs in Detroit where you could go like, I'll go do Ridley's in the suburbs, but then I can go do a super urban room, in the city and I can get used to that audience. Then I can go to Ann Arbor, and I can be in front of Liberals at the showcase or at the Heidelberg project. And then I can go, so you could go all over and you could experience every kind of audience you could ever be in front of at 10 different places. And a way. That's awesome. It was really cool. That's awesome. Well listen to this was a lot of fun. Thank you, I really like talking to you, man.

2:48:15Glad you're alive It's kind of a miracle that you made it this far, but you're good dude and it's always fun to have you at the club It's been a lot of fun. Thank you. I'm excited to see you this weekend. I appreciate it Joe Thank you very much brother. I tell everybody how they can find you all your stuff on model Oh, you can go to Daveland .com. I have everything on there You can check out tour dates and everything and also yeah, I guess I wrote up my book party of one of fuzzy memoir it did really well on Amazon. Nice. And yeah, it's a lot of people have enjoyed it. And a lot of the stories will be much funnier to you than they were for me to live.

2:48:50So I hope you enjoyed it. All right, beautiful. All right, thanks brother. Thank you. Bye everybody.