#2445 - Bert Kreischer

26:32Like almost always when something happens, you get attacked, people start looking at you. Actually, this guy's really funny. And then they become a fan. Yeah. Because you're just getting so many more eyeballs. The people that are looking to hate you, they're going to hate you no matter what. But there's going to be a bunch of people that are all like, well, what's going on? And then they look into it. I mean, that happened to me during COVID. I gained two million followers in like a month. Two million followers on Spotify in a month when they were trying to pull me off of Spotify. When all these music artists were calling me a vaccine denier and removing their podcast, removing their music.

27:09Like when Neil Young and was it Joni Mitchell? Yeah, Joni Mitchell. They publicly removed their music from Spotify because of my podcast. Are they back? Yeah. I don't know if Joni Mitchell is, but yeah, Neil Young is. I don't even think Neil Young actually owned his music, which was funny. I think it was just like a ploy. I mean, it's like, I think he probably believed a lot of things he was saying. He was just misinformed. He just didn't understand that I was actually talking to people that were legitimate scientists that turned out they were right now. Now we know. Yeah. But back then it was like there was this hysteria about it.

27:48And a lot of people that were very skeptical started tuning in. And then the whole fucking CNN thing when they turned me green, like all that shit, that helped. I don't know if I could have. I'm not good. People always go, you know, if they're talking about you, it's good. All press is good press. But anytime anything negative comes out about me, it fucking devastates me. I could not have gone through what you went through. I just don't read it. If you don't read it, you're fine. Because you come up in my news feed all the time. and like I'm such a fucking idiot that if I'm scrolling through Google News and I see my name I go oh what's that and then I'm like god damn it you can't do that last time I did this show greatest experience, Grey Hang lucky streaming number one on Netflix I'm so fucking happy I'm in my bed going things are going good for the big guy hit on Google News and it's like picture of me and you I was like Bert Kreischer Joe Rogan and they're like Bert Kreischer ruins the Joe Rogan podcast I'm like motherfucker And it was an MMA fucking journalist.

28:48And I was like, wait, why? God damn it. I was like, oh. And then you see it and you're like, well, it can't be that bad. I'm going to read it. And they're like, oh, my God. But then my daughter, Georgia, said something very profound to me. She was like, why would you allow that? And I'm sure that guy will write that same article after this episode. She goes, I'm sure he will. I think the guy also has a fucking football feed. He said I ruined the – anytime I do something, there's someone that says, Burk Christ, you ruined it. And I'm the only one that reads it and my daughter Georgia goes Literally looked at me and goes did you have fun with Joe?

29:22I went yeah, I had a blast. I love being around Joe She's like then fuck it. She goes your experience is the one that matters the most she goes what why would you allow someone? To dictate your memory of an event And I was like who the fuck raised you I was like, I don't know well you were on the road. She probably raised herself That's why she's so wise she had a former own opinion read books Yeah, she had to actually form her own opinions and think about things rationally, having a father like you. You can't pay attention because the vast majority of people live miserable lives. That's Thoreau's quote.

29:57Most men live lives of quiet desperation. There's a lot of people out there that are very, very sad, very unhappy and looking to make something negative. They're always looking to be a critic, which is fine. That's their prerogative. But it's not – you don't have to read it. Well, I'm at the place now. Like, I took Google News. I took all Google and everything off my phone because the series premiered, and I didn't want to get good or bad. I was like— Good. Because you can't quantify the good. Like, if you're going to listen to the good, you've got to listen to the bad. And I was like, well, I don't want to hear the bad, so I just want to hear the good.

30:35And then Jamie and I were talking about this outside, but, like, you have a social media team who's posting, like, your claps. They're posting the nice articles. And I'm like, don't even post that. Just stay out of it. If people like it, let them like it. Let people have their own opinions. That's the best move. I don't have anybody that does that. Do you post all your own stuff on Instagram? On Instagram, if I post it, it's from me. Really? Yeah, always. And then there's the Joe Rogan Experience page that the staff does. But that is just a clip from the podcast. They take an interesting clip where someone says something, it's put up with no context.

31:13It just says, you know, episode, blah, blah, blah. That's it. I try to do it as like natural and neutral. You like it, you don't like it. If you don't like it, don't listen to the next one. It's okay. So wait, what is the impetus for you to post something? Like at what point do you decide to share your life? Well, I just feel like if there's something I think someone will think is interesting or something that I would like to see if someone puts it on their feed, I'll put it in there every now and then. But I don't post that much because I don't read that much. I stay off. I don't think it's good for you.

31:48Not only do I not think it's good for you, I think it's genuinely bad for you. And it gets in the way of all the other stuff that I like to do. I'm busy, man. I'm busy. There's a lot of interesting shit to pay attention to in the world. I'm not one of those things. I don't like paying attention to me and reading me. And I don't want to like go online and see too many car crashes and people getting shot and animal attacks. I guess Tommy and I have the worst fucking text message chain. Him and I all day, whenever he finds something like unbelievably horrific, some guy getting run over by a truck, he'll just send it to me.

32:23And then I'll send it to him. And we're always trying to one up each other. So when I find something absolutely horrible, someone says me something absolutely horrible, I send it to him. And then we just that's like my main source of like trauma online is my Tom Segura text message chain But other than that, I pretty much stay off. I don't think it's good for you. And I feel way better I started doing it a few months ago It's like like a force of habit. Like I'm looking at it all the time Let me just not look at it today And then I did it another day and another day. I'm like god. I feel better.

32:56I feel better like I genuinely feel better It's like I'm getting over a cold or something like that. And so I said, all right, well, obviously, like, engage. Definitely don't read anything. Like, definitely don't, like, read when people say things about you. Definitely don't read when you post something. Read the comments. Don't do any of that. You know, people get wrapped up in it, and you realize, like, people are just trying to take you down. There's so – I mean, not all of them. A lot of people are supporting you. But it doesn't matter if there's, like, ten people that love you and one person that hates you.

33:26You're going to think about that one person. You know which is nuts, but it's just human nature. It's crazy how that algorithm works is that It's just like if there's someone in the front row that's not laughing like last night. I had a I don't know it's the bottom of the barrel and I don't know how rape came up, but It always does I was like well, there's no phones in here. Let's let's go I said I'm gonna go for it's in this room, right? And there was a woman that did not like it And she was a little vocal in the crowd, you know the bounce like oh, you know let him you know he's working this out or whatever and then she's like i was told to shut up and then in the rest of the night i'm watching her to the corner of my eye going god damn it and then i just dug holes and holes and holes and and then at one point the whole audience is chanting rape and i'm like oh my god this is bad but but it's but it's it's uh it's funny and then also it's like listen say you're some fucking dude looking for a connection in life and you go to my page and you leave a hundred comments and they're like, you're the best bird, I love you.

34:26When you come to Cincinnati, I'm going to be here. Tampa, I'll be there, man, I'm going to drive. And then the one time he's like, you're a fucking bitch. And then I reply, he's like, oh, I guess that's how I get the cat to come outside, you know? So that's why I don't read, I don't read any comments. Whitney was going into you know, the Whitney thing about Miss Rachel I didn't know who Miss Rachel is, I still don't. I found out who she is today. 1.8 billion views on how to say mom and dad. And I was like, it makes sense, man. Well, she's an educator for neurodivergent kids. Is that what it is?

34:59Yeah. It's the Paradise Podcast. I am your host, Raya Michelle Bathe, with my husband, Sterling. What's up? Join us here on Hulu and Hulu on Disney +, where we'll discuss each episode with the cast and crew of Paradise. I'll be getting all the secrets from Dan Fogelman, James Marsden, Shailene Woodley, Julianne Nicholson, and Sterling Kelby-Brown. Woo! Paradise, the official podcast, is now streaming. And stream Paradise on Kulu and Kulu on Disney+. I watched a couple of videos. Pull up some videos of Miss Rachel. Because after people were drafted, by the way, the worst fucking people were going after her.

35:40People that I know that are comedians that are just unbelievably shitty, dishonest, disingenuous human beings. bad faith communicators people that just like completely distort anything about the person and it's just because she's successful it's a giant part of it and so they see her making some crack about Miss Rachel because she was watching it with her kid she didn't know what the fuck it is so here's Miss Rachel let me hear what this sounds like I don't hear it Jamie two really special guests no no not at all Dinosaur eggs. I don't hear anything in my own microphone. Can you help me count that?

36:20Do you hear it? Thank you. I don't hear you, bird. There we go. One, two, three, four. Four must be the number of the day. The dinosaur eggs are hatching. Wow, how many dinosaurs do we have? One, two, three, four. Okay, pause. Why would you go after this? Like, this is like a little kid show. She must have been bored. There's nothing different from this. Blue's Clues, in my opinion. It's a show for little kids. Yeah. Like, I don't get it. I don't know. Maybe she was just trying to write a joke and thought she'd get some traction, I guess. Maybe she took two instead of one. And then she got a little extra energy.

37:09She took two instead of one. I don't know what she's doing. All of a sudden, she's like, fuck Miss Rachel. But then she started responding to people because she didn't understand what it was, she said. And then she took it down and apologized. But you can't apologize to the mob. They come for you. They come for you. And she learned. And I texted her. I said, listen, I love you to death. You got to stop going back and forth to these people. You can't do that. It's not. They don't. This is not a genuine conversation. They don't care if you're like if you were a person and you were someone's friend and And you start shitting on Miss Rachel and someone said, actually, that's like for kids with learning disorders.

37:46And you'd be like, oh, fuck, I didn't know. And that would be the end of it. And then we'd laugh, you know, but these people are not looking for a real conversation. They're just looking to destroy your life. And then so many people like she lost her career. Career's over. Like, well, you weren't going to see her anyway, you fucking cunt. Like, what are you talking about? You weren't you weren't going to pay to see her anyway. Stop saying her career's over. It's not doing a damn thing to her career. You just want it to be over because you live a miserable fucking life Which is why you're on threads 12 hours so funny you say that I just read something negative about Whitney on threads today I was like what did she do bro threads is the worst and then I saw the miss Rachel shit, and I watched a video I had two kids.

38:31I don't know. I look at that as I go. That's nice Threads is like for people who already been like humiliated on Twitter, and they're trying to find a new crowd Yeah. It's very weird. Very, very, like so much negativity. Not that Twitter isn't. Like Twitter's super negative too. I have a bit on X. I try to look at the news only. I try to look at news and things that people are exposing that's in the news, which is very interesting. Speaking of which, what was that thing that you found? So this is very strange. This is about people being able to communicate in lucid dreaming. Yeah, whether or not it's true, I guess.

39:04We'll find out later. Scientists report first ever communication between two humans during sleep. Oh, I'd love this. Scientists say that science fiction may be coming closer to reality. According to reports, California startup claims it successfully enabled two-way communication between people while they were lucid dreaming. Participants were asleep in separate locations while researchers monitored their sleep and transmitted a coded word designed to be perceived inside a dream without waking them. The system reportedly relied on sensors, wireless communication, and specialized software to detect dream states and relay the message.

39:39The company's founder says that what once sounded like science fiction could soon become a part of daily life. No independent scientific – but they're not saying what happened. No independent scientific replication has confirmed the results yet. Still, the experiment builds on real research showing that interaction between lucid dreams is possible. Yeah, but what is the interaction? The coded word, I guess, was it. Did they relay the coded word to each other? They both got the coded word? That's where I started getting into weird space that I found out. So this was posted on Instagram like yesterday or something.

40:10I Googled it. Press release was from 2024. Breakthrough from REM space. First ever communication between people and dreams. So this is the article about it in Business Wire. Lucid dreams occur. Participants are sleeping in their homes. Brain waves and other polysomnographic data were tracked remotely, specially designed, developed apparatus. When the server detected the first participant entered a lucid dream, it generated a... How do they detect that someone's in a lucid dream? Because a lucid dream is a dream where you're aware that you're dreaming. Yes. It generated a random REMYO word and sent it to him via earbuds.

40:51Earbuds. Participant repeated the word in his dream with his response captured and stored on the server. What? Eight minutes later, the next participant entered a lucid dream. She received the stored message from the first participant and confirmed it upon awakening.

41:13Huh. It sounds like they're saying it in the room and the person's grabbing it. No, it's sending it through earbuds. Yeah, they were both in their own houses, it said. Yeah. So they receive it through earbuds. He says it in the dream, and then she receives it. No. Huh. Well, you got to wonder what is happening in dreams. Dreams are very bizarre. Have you ever lucid dreamed? Yeah. Yeah, not six. I mean, I've done it a couple of times, but I haven't on purpose. And I've always wondered why not. Like, why haven't I read books on lucid dreams? Why haven't I tried to do it? I think it's something that just happens.

41:48No, you could actually do it. There's guys that practice lucid dreaming. I lucid dream pretty extensively. Yeah? Ever since, I remember when you came out with AlphaBrain, one of the first things you said would help with lucid dreaming. Oh, if you take it before bed, it definitely helps with lucid dreaming. Yeah, and I remember saying, I didn't know what lucid dreaming was at the time, and then I found out I was lucid dreaming. And I've lucid dreamed my whole life, but now that once I knew what it was, I could in a dream and decide and I could go back into dreams I could restart a dream that I just had go back to sleep and go I'm going back really yeah yeah it sounds crazy and I know it sounds like horseshit but I never knew what it was I never knew it was until alpha brain there's actual techniques that people practice and apparently they give classes and courses on how to do lucid books written on it because there's there's real techniques on how to lucid dream I just never I I don't know why.

42:45When I'm tired, I just wanna go to sleep. I go hard all day. When I crash, I just crash. I don't wanna be fucking around and experimenting while I'm sleeping. I just wanna go to sleep. But my lucid dreams primarily are either, like I realize I'm dreaming. I go, I'm asleep, I'm dreaming, this isn't real. Oh shit, I'm in control. And then a lot of times it has to do with fucking. I'm like, I don't have to put a condom on, this is great. It's fucking I can't I'm gonna bang all these fucking chicks in this room and then one time I had a lucid dream where I was like I Could I was I knew I was dreaming I was outside I had to go up these steps into like an old cottage It like one of those old Hollywood cottages and I was like I gotta fuck I gotta have sex with anyone I want and in my dream I was like I'll pick your wife.

43:29How cool is that? And then I went to this cottage. I know I fucked my wife I know I could have fucked her in real life And then but a lot of my dreams back in the day when we when I first started lucid dreaming I would always decide to fly. And I remember I had one right after we, the first time I ever tried Alpha Brain, I had one and it was, I was doing a photo shoot on Melrose. And I was like, I don't wanna be here. And then I was like, wait, I'm dreaming. This isn't real. I was like, I'm gonna fly home. And so I just leapt up in the air, started flying over Hollywood and then over the hills.

44:03And then I was like, wait, I have no idea. I have no frame of reference for where I am. I was like, it's getting dark. And I was like, where's the 101? one and then in the dream I was just started kept flying and then I'll wake up shortly thereafter but it's a lot of like a lot of sex and a lot of flying a lot of people breathe underwater in their dreams I never breathed underwater yeah they breathe underwater in their dreams they fly flying's like really common I used to have like crazy fucking dreams like wild I sold a tv show to comedy central about my dreams like I've had dreams where I wake up laughing I've had dreams where I wake up crying.

44:38I have such insane fucking dreams. No one ever wants to hear you. I would have joke dreams, like real joke dreams. I had a dream, this is a real dream I had where I was on stage and I was in a dance position like this. I know this sounds horseshit, it's a real dream. And the curtain's drawn and I look around and I see I'm standing on stage with four or five dudes that are all in Klan outfits. And I'm like, oh, fuck. And I look down and I realize I'm in a Klan outfit. And I'm like, motherfucker. And I'm like, I gotta get off stage and the curtains draw back. And it's an all black people. And I hear the voice of God go, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the click clack Klan.

45:26And we started tap dancing. And we were so good that the black people got to their feet and they started cheering. And we're like, oh my God. And so, yeah. And that was a real dream. I woke up and I wrote it down. I used to write down all my dreams, voice text them. I used to voice text them all. I'd have dreams about you and Stanhope and Joey Diaz. It was like my whole world. I used to think to myself, like I dream about Shaq the other day. I was like, I wonder if Shaq ever dreams about me. I bet he doesn't. I bet he doesn't.

45:57Who's someone you've had a dream about recently? I don't really have dreams, too many dreams about people. Not people that I know. What are your dreams about? My dreams are weird, man. Like, let's dig into this. I had a dream that I came on the podcast I had to talk about because it was the absolute strangest, most realistic dream of my life. And it was a dream where I encountered these beings that were not human. And it was insanely realistic. They were very human-like. I think there was four of them. They were tall and thin, and they didn't look human. Their heads were too big. Their eyes were too big.

46:37And I can't remember. I think they had teeth. I don't remember. But I remember they were joking with me. Like, they scared me? And they went, ah, just fucking around. Like trying to get me comfortable with who they are. And they were communicating with me somehow or another through thoughts. And I was really freaked out because they seemed very, very real. It didn't seem like any other dream that I had. So much so that I woke up at like 3.30 in the morning and I just lay in bed for an hour trying to go back to sleep. And I couldn't go back to sleep. I was almost like, I'm not asleep. I'm wide awake.

47:13And so I went to the gym and I just worked out at four in the morning. And I worked out for like two hours. And after it was over, I got in the sauna, did the whole thing. And then I came to work. I was like, I have to talk about this right away because it was so strange. It was one of the only dreams that I've ever had that did not feel at all like a dream It felt like I was encountering someone or something that was trying to get me comfortable with the idea of encountering them It wasn't it wasn't like a dream it was I was in the corridor of something that seemed Like it was it was not like it was from here it was like from somewhere else but it was almost like it was very oddly lit like the walls were lit in a very strange way but it was almost like it was it was this corridor but it had a feeling almost like it was organic like it was alive like it was a living thing it was very fucking strange what if what if that was but what if that is something that you did in fact an experience that was taken out of your memory and then it's stuck in your memory and you're dreaming about it?

48:24I don't know. I mean, you could maybe all day long, right? And so my feeling was that I had, and this is, again, it clearly was, I was dreaming, right? So it clearly could have been just a dream. But what it felt like was that it was an actual encounter with intelligence that wasn't human. That's what it felt like. And it felt like these things were not, they were not us and maybe they were what a human will be someday because they were human-like but they were very slender they're very thin and they were wearing these suits that were like almost like rash guards like what surfers wear but but but a strange fabric like it looked weird and it was the color of their skin but it was clear that they were wearing something it didn't appear that they had any genitals they had no muscle tone at all they were just thin and they were communicating with me and looking at me and they were they were close like where you are right now and i think like i said i think it was at least three of them i think there was four of them but i remember there was one that was going like like joking and then like ah joking around with me like trying to scare me yeah and then like like and it felt to me after they did it like relax like this is okay Like, don't be freaked out.

49:46Whatever this is, don't be freaked out. And then I woke up. And then there was also this weird reptilian element of it. There was like a barrier. They had a barrier, and they were feeding, like with – they were like pouring food to these things that almost like was letting me know the protection between you and this horrific danger that's out there in the world, in the universe, in life. It's very thin. There's very thin protection. There's not much protection. It was just like a barrier, like a simple barrier, like a fucking blockade they put to keep a crowd from passing through an area to let you know you're not supposed to go here.

50:28It's crazy how long ago did you have this dream? A few months ago. But isn't it so wild that something that didn't happen can be locked in your memory and then you're like, God, it affects you almost like it did? Well, now it's like a memory of my recollection of the memory, which is odd, which is memories in general, which is why people distort memories and change them and make, you know, make the past something that's not real. You know, you've talked to people that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we all do it. I do it on podcasts. Yeah, everybody does it. But this was different. This whatever this dream was.

51:05I mean, look, there's a lot of confusion about what happens during sleep. You know, we don't exactly know why you have dreams and what it's all what's the function of it. What's the purpose of it? But this one was different. It was much more realistic than any dream I had ever experienced before. Like the the interaction between me and these these creatures, these beings was very different than anything I'd ever experienced in a dream. to the point like I felt it physically. And I woke up. I can sleep on a bag of rocks. I can just go to sleep, dude. It drives my wife crazy because she struggles to sleep.

51:48And if we got on a plane, I just cock out because I'm always going. So, like, when it's downtime, I don't have a problem sleeping, dog. I can go to sleep. I'll sleep on a roof. I can sleep. I couldn't go back to sleep, which is really weird for me. I mean, I was wide awake at four in the morning, you know, and I'm like, okay, I'm going to the gym. Because I laid in bed for a whole hour trying to go back to sleep. And it's just a dream to go to sleep. I'm like, dude, just get up. You're not going to sleep. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm up. I'll just go work out. Like, maybe that'll help me go to sleep.

52:23Nope. I was wide awake, wide awake. I wasn't even, most of the time when I'm working out, I'm either watching music or watching fights on TV. I didn't even do that. I was just by myself in silence trying to make sense of it. Just doing chin-ups and dips and trying to make sense of whatever the fuck that was. Because it just didn't seem like a dream. It felt so real. It felt so real. And when I've talked to my UFO friends, like Jesse Michaels, who's really into UFOs, he's like, I think you had a real encounter. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what it was. But it certainly felt like a real encounter, whatever it was.

53:00Do you listen to anything while you sleep or are you sleeping in the silence? No. Oh, I listen to podcasts, so I'll have dreams. While you're sleeping? Always. That's so ridiculous. I listen to a podcast about Rasputin last night. You ever see his dick? They have his dick pickled in a jar. Are you serious? Yeah. Dude, he was the... You know, he was just fingering chicks. Are you sure? I don't know. I think he was fucking... It's not in the... With a giant hog like that? I think he's putting it to use. Find Rasputin's hog. But he was... That's what he did. I am. Of course you are. I would love to see his dick.

53:29You'll see it. That's his dick. Oh, my God. Look at the size of that hog. By the way, that's limp and dead. Imagine what that thing looked like when it was hard. Look at that look in that guy's face. Look at the size of this cock. Look at this cock. Big old fucking pickled. That's a big dick. I mean, again, this is like a dead man's dick. So there's no blood in it at all. Imagine what that thing was like hard. Big old Russian dick. Big old axe handle. Thank God that wasn't my dream. So he was, you know, he was like, what does it say? Rasputin's alleged genitals were sold in 2000 for$8 ,000, still surrounded by mystery with some experts believing it might actually belong to a bull.

54:12Shut up. They had a hard time killing him. Yeah, they tried to poison him, right? And they'd shoot him at the end and then throw him in the fucking river. Well, Russians are different white people. Ah, that's the joke I missed last night. What? In the bottom of the barrel, they were like, Trump versus Putin. And I was like and I was thinking about Rasputin, but I was thinking but I was like Russians are hard to kill And then I just went on to What it what was this thing he was like a spiritual advisor Joe that's great something. I'll tell you everything. Yeah, it was a self-described holy man He was from from 1869 to 1966.

54:48He's from Siberia So he gained significant influence with Czar Nicholas II after 1905 rapidly earning the trust of both Nicholas himself and his wife Alexandra, he became a healer in quotes for their hemophiliac son, Alexei. What was happening was Alexei was getting given aspirin by the doctors and Rasputin came in and was like, yo, get the doctors away from him. And he was a hemophiliac, he had internal bleeding. And when they removed the aspirin, which is a blood thinner, the kid started to heal. And so the Tsarina said he's magic. Even like at one point the kid was going to die and he wrote a letter and he said, leave, tell the, your kid's going to be fine.

55:26I had a dream about it, but get the doctors out of there and the doctors were always giving him aspirin and that was what was injuring the kid They're all all the royalty at that time were hemophiliacs. What yeah, because of the inbreeding That's why they didn't have chins. They had long noses and they were all hemophiliacs And so but what's crazy is the Russian so she loved Rasputin and would write letters to Rasputin that kind of sounded a little sketchy, but then all of Russia started thinking, this healer has an end to the czar and the czarina, so all of a sudden, this healer's running the country.

56:01What they didn't know, they couldn't tell anyone, no, our kid's a fucking hemophiliac. They couldn't tell anyone that, because then they looked weak. And so in a weird way, Rasputin got kind of thrown to the wolves because they couldn't tell him why they needed him, that she wasn't fucking him, that their marriage was intact. How do you know she wasn't fucking with that big old giant dick that probably the guy was laying pipe? He might have been he probably she wrote a letter says I kiss your like she wrote a letter and Translation was like kiss your cheek gently. Oh, yeah some shit. Yeah, he fucked her.

56:32It was Catherine the Great that fucked a horse. I heard about that. Yeah, didn't she die fucking a horse? I think so I went to that bar sees and right when I was in Russia We went to that barn if you you inbreed, you know Multiple generations in a row and then give them ultimate power. They're gonna start fucking horses I mean what kind of life is that? What kind of weird world is that? You're born royal? It's insane. You know what I'm watching again? What? Game of Thrones. Started it all from the beginning. Are you serious? Fucking amazing. We're on season two now. You wait, your family? Yeah, me and my wife.

57:05It's so good, dude. We did it with the girls on vacation. Bro, whoever that dude is that played Joffrey, that guy should get all the awards. Yeah. He's so good. His transition from being like a shitty kid to an evil king is fucking amazing. The way he plays Joffrey is fucking incredible. Yeah. I forgot how good that show is. It's one of the greatest shows of all time. It's so good. You'll never see him as anything other than Joffrey. It's a problem. Yeah, that's a problem for a lot of people that have like significant, like Kramer. Like, you know, like. Two things. A couple things. This is the other thing.

57:44Do you know he wrote a book and didn't mention that in the book? Really? Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, somebody read the book. One of the comics read the book. He's like, I'm waiting for that to come up because he never fucking brings it up. What's the title? A tell-all book except for one thing. Except for the fucking biggest thing that's ever happened. The biggest thing that ever happened in my life. Not only that, it was the first cancellation, the first public cancellation. Was that really the first cancellation? Oh, yeah, through viral video. The first public cancellation through viral video.

58:12because I remember that night because I think I was at the improv and then I came over to the store. Oh, I do remember that night. And Brett Ernst was at the store. He had just come over from the laugh factory. He goes, bro. He goes, I was just a laugh actor. He goes, Kramer was off the rails. He goes, he went nuts. He got heckled. He started yelling the N word at these fucking people in the audience. I go, no. He goes, dude, it was fucking crazy. He goes, he was bombing and they were heckling him. and then he starts dropping n-bombs. I'm like, no way. He goes, yeah, I don't know what the fuck he was on.

58:46But he did a set at the store. He seemed a little speedy, a little elevated, and then left the store, bombed at the store, and went over to the Laugh Factory, and that was that night. He was at the Improv the weekend before, and I was there. And he was doing stand-up, but he was doing a version of Kramer, a version of like crazy and he fell on a glass and broke the glass and cut himself. But everyone laughed and I think everyone's like, I think he's bleeding. But it was like really off. Well, he was doing really off stuff from the jump. Like he came to the store. I think he just decided to start doing standup because Seinfeld had been canceled for a long time, want to start doing something again.

59:29And he started doing standup, but he didn't have any material. He would just kind of fall down. It was weird. He would like pretend that something went wrong and like try to do the mic stand and slip and fall. It was very odd, which is also my theory that I've been telling everybody about Chevy Chase. Ooh, I'd love to hear this. So everybody is talking about what a terrible person Chevy Chase is. And, you know, there's all these videos that come out of him screaming at people and being mean. I saw one with Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, and him where it's like right when they're promoting Caddyshack.

1:00:02Yeah, he yells at some other guy, right? Some other guy that's on the set. And this is my take on it. I want you to pull up the, like a compilation of Chevy Chase's Pratt Falls. Okay. Chevy Chase has to be in constant pain. Has to be. He has to be in constant pain and almost 100 % has CTE. Chevy Chase used to throw himself down flights of stairs. He used to throw himself off the stage into chairs and tables. He used to, like, slip, go flying through the air, land on his head. The most ridiculous pratfalls. The most aggressive, violent pratfalls you've ever seen. And he did this for years. For years.

1:00:53Like he was in a car crash multiple times a week for years. Wow. Yeah. I mean, maybe he had a shitty personality already. Well, I think he was also that first generation of what fame is. Like he was the most famous person to ever come off SNL ever. Like his walking off SNL was like, get ready for a movie star. And I don't think I don't think we'll ever I won't ever understand the level of fame he had. at the time like like his fame was like and this is also i mean like look i love burt reynolds but steve martin was super famous too and he's not a cunt no you know what i mean it's like i don't think that's it i want to i want you to see these videos i don't know why i can't find a compilation i can find a bunch of videos of it just even i know there's a compilation because i've seen it i just typed it in and the video that pops up only has it's a four minute video of him on johnny Carson.

1:01:43No. I'm just... I know. There's a bunch. There's a bunch. Gerald Ford. That was Gerald Ford fell, right? So he would, yeah, because Gerald Ford was kind of like Biden. He would fall all the time. So here it is. Dude. Look at that. You know how hard he falls there? Go back and watch that again. Watch how hard he falls when he does this. This is him doing this Christmas... Whatever. the Christmas thing that you just showed. I'm telling you, I just accidentally disappeared. Hmm. Joe. You could find it. Okay, watch this. Watch this. Watch him fall. Boom. Head first. With the tree. Falls down. Barely stops his fall.

1:02:35Chevy Chase. Worst wrestling moments from Saturday Night Live. Like, this is just... This is him just stumbling around. This is nothing. But there's videos of him... Therapy session? Fall... Okay, obviously that chair is going to break.

1:02:55No, this is not what I'm looking for. See if you can find it. Find it and get back to us. But I know there's videos of him literally flying off stage, landing on his back, slipping legs up in the air, landing on his head. Just that ladder? Yeah. I had to fall off a ladder for a TV show one time. They're like, we need you to fall. And they had a crash pad. You get four steps up a ladder, you're high as fuck. Well, even if you have a crash pad, your head is wobbling around, right? So your brain is sloshing around from the impact. This is one of the things that people don't realize. Like football players get brain damage from getting hit in the chest.

1:03:32So CTE you can get from riding a jet ski, from bouncing on the waves. It's your brain walking, fucking bouncing around off the walls of your skull. From roller coasters. You can get it from everything. You can get it from a lot of things. repeated subconcussive trauma. But he fell and landed on his fucking head. Yeah. And if you find the video that's a compilation, there's a compilation of people like the worst falls of Chevy Chase. And it's crazy. Really? And he did this for years. That was his thing. Slip and fall, slip and fall, slip and fall. And tons of coke. All those things. So slip and fall, allegedly tons of coke.

1:04:11Allegedly. Allegedly. I mean, I don't know. I mean. I read some books. Yeah, but the book on – do you know what happened when Bill Murray was here? Wired? Are you talking about – I love that book. So when he read Wired, he read – so the guy who wrote Wired was Bob Woodward. Bob Woodward was the guy that was involved in Watergate. He was the naval intelligence officer who became a journalist, and his first ever assignment was to take down the president, which is very suspicious. Like Tucker Carlson told me the whole story behind it. I was like, what? the people that were break that broke in were all FBI the whole thing was a setup it was to set Nixon up and they already gotten rid of Spear Agnew who was his VP they got him on I think corruption charges I forget what it was didn't Kennedy put the the bug system in there wasn't that it was the president before that put the put the wire the wiring in the inside the room right what room in Watergate didn't was didn't no no no no no listen it was a setup Nixon was not involved in the setup but they told him about what happened and then he was involved in the cover-up.

1:05:19That's how they got him. That's how they got him and that's how he got removed from office. And the recordings were from his office right? The recordings were from the Democratic Party so he was recording the Democratic Party. He was secretly recording the opposition party but he didn't do it so the FBI did it and then they brought it to him knowing that he would cover it up and that's where he committed the crime. Like instead of coming out and saying, hey, some people have recorded these people. Even if he did that, they would have said he was involved. But the whole thing was to get him out of office.

1:05:53The reason why they wanted to get him out of office is because he was publicly and privately stating, at least amongst other people that were in the White House, that he knew who killed JFK and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Because look, JFK had just been killed. He ran against JFK in 1960. 60 or 62? 62? What year was it? either way I think it was 60 he ran against JFK and then JFK gets assassinated and now he's the president and when he's the president he was publicly stating or privately stating to different people like he was going to get to the bottom of it and he knew who killed JFK he was like investigating it he was interested in it obviously because he was worried they were going to kill him and so then they set him up and they removed him from office and they put Gerald Ford in as his VP.

1:06:39Gerald Ford was also on the Warren Commission. Like the whole thing was a giant setup to get rid of the most popular president in the history of the country. You know, and everybody's like, oh, Nixon's a crook. Nixon's a crook. I'm not a crook. That was all like his gigantic propaganda PR campaign to remove Nixon from office. It was all a deep state operation. Wow. Nixon won the presidency like the widest margin of anybody in history. He was the most popular president in history. And in today's days, we think of Nixon as being a crook and a scumbag, but he didn't even do it. He was just involved in the cover-up when they brought it to him.

1:07:16Was like, what is he going to do? He's running for president again to re-election. And they're saying, you know, hey, these guys, they busted these guys recording things like, cover it up, cover it up, cover it up. And so that's how they got him. And what was his post-presidency like? So what do you mean? Let me finish. Oh, sorry. So before I go any further. So Bill Murray is here and he said he read the first couple pages of Wired and he goes, he put it down. He goes, oh, my God, they framed Nixon. That was the first thing that he said. He said, because the version that Bob Woodward told of John Belushi, his very good friend, was so wildly off.

1:07:55He goes, that time where John did that speedball and died was probably the only time where he ever did that. He goes, he was a total lightweight. He would have a couple of drinks and he'd be drunk. He wasn't a guy who did drugs all the time. He goes, it was all bullshit. Are you serious? Yes. Do you realize guys like Chris Farley literally idolized John Belushi because of books like Wired? Exactly. Exactly. And, well, the difference is Chris Farley really was doing drugs. Myself, I idolized John Belushi. Right. I read Wired when I was in college and was like, dude, this is, I mean, there's so many aspects of my personality that I draw from a book like that of like the way he was comfortable in an agent's office and P-12 shots I get because of John Belushi.

1:08:38Well, I'm sure he did all those things and I'm sure he partied. But like the version, this exaggerated version of just being completely out of control on drugs was fake. And this is according to Bill Murray, who is best friends with him. He's like, it's not true. It's like if somebody tried to write something about you, and I read it, and I was like, this is not Byrd at all. So his initial thought was, oh, my God, they framed Nixon. Jesus Christ. And they did. They did frame Nixon. See if you can find the video of Tucker Carlson explaining to me how they framed Nixon. I have a copy of Wired in my tour bus.

1:09:17Yeah, don't read it. I'm going to get rid of it. Bob Woodward was an intelligence agent, 100%. He was naval intelligence, and then he left from that, which he never really leaves, and then he became a reporter for the Washington Post. And his first job was Watergate. Which is nonsense. It's fucking insane. There's no way. A senior reporter would be covering the most important story. You wouldn't give it to a rookie whose first assignment. What about Bernstein? What about him? I don't know. Because didn't they write it together? Yeah, they did. I mean, I don't know anything about Bernstein. And Deep Throat was there.

1:09:49Did we ever find out who Deep Throat was? Yeah. Listen to this, though. This is seven minutes long. Taco Bell is rolling out the new Chicken Bacon Ranch Street Chalupas. And here's the thing. You literally can't just get one. They come in twos. And thank goodness they do. Because these toasted cheddar street chalupas, filled with slow-roasted chicken, crispy bacon, and avocado ranch, are stacked with bold flavor that keeps you going back for more. Chicken Bacon Ranch Street Chalupas. Only at Taco Bell. Get yours today. at participating U.S. Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last.

1:10:23Let's listen to some of it because it's interesting. That's what it is. It's their tool, and they're perfectly aware of that. I mean, I used to write for the New York Times as a freelancer. I mean, I've been around the New York Times a lot, and there are a lot of really smart people there for sure. Even now, I would say less so now, but there's still, I think, smart people there. There are. I know some. And they know, but they think that it's worth it because they're bringing information or I don't know what they think actually. But no, they're tools of power. And that's like the one thing that you're not allowed to be.

1:10:57Even if you think the power is good, like maybe they all support the agenda of the U.S. government, destabilizing the world and impoverishing their own population. Maybe they're on board with that. Even if they are, they shouldn't do it because the job of the media, the press, is to keep power in check. you are kind of like the seat belt right you know you make sure that things don't go too far so um and they're not doing that they're acting as a willing handmaiden when do you think that switched well i think it's been the case for a long time i mean if you look at what happened to richard nixon which i of course did not understand at all um richard nixon was taken out by the fbi and CIA, and with the help of Bob Woodward, who was a Washington Post reporter who had been a naval intelligence officer working in the White House, working in the Nixon White House.

1:11:53And then he shows up like a year later, and he's this brand new reporter. He'd never been a journalist at all. He's a naval intel officer, the famous Bob Woodward we all revere. and he's at the Washington Post and somehow he gets the biggest story in the history of the Washington Post. He's the lead guy in that story. Well, I worked at a newspaper. I've been in the news business my whole life. That is not how it works. You don't take a kid like his first day from a totally unrelated business and put him on the biggest story. But he was. He was that guy. And who is his main source for Watergate?

1:12:28Oh, the number two guy at the FBI. Oh, so you have the Naval Intelligence Officer working with the FBI official to destroy the president. Okay, so that's a deep state coup. What else – how would you describe that? If that happened in Guatemala, what would you say? And yet the way it was framed and the way that I accepted for decades was, oh, this intrepid reporter fought power. No, no, no. This intrepid reporter, Bob Woodward, was a tool of power, secret power, which is the most threatening kind, to bounce the single most popular president in American history, Richard Nixon, from office before the end of his term and replace him with who?

1:13:09Oh, Gerald Ford, who sat on the Warren Commission. Now, how did Gerald Ford get to be Richard Nixon's vice president? Well, because Carl Albert, the Democrat Speaker of the House, told him you must choose him. We will only confirm him when they sent the actual elected vice president away for tax evasion, Spiro Agnew of Maryland. So you have a complete setup like an absolute. Gerald Ford, the only unelected president in American history, actually sat on the Warren Commission. Something else that I accepted at face value until I looked at it, I was like, that's completely insane. You didn't want to interview Jack Ruby in your investigation of the assassination?

1:13:46OK, you're fake. Yeah, he was on the Warren Commission. And so – sorry for the long story, but the point is – like that happened in front of all of us, but the way it was framed cloaked the obvious reality of it. The people who broke into the Watergate office building from which the name is taken, Watergate, I think it was six of them or seven of them, all but one was a CIA employee. That's real. It's like look it up on Google. So the whole thing, Richard Nixon was elected by more votes than any president in American history in the 1972 election. He was the most popular by votes, which is the only way we can really measure popularity, the most popular president in his reelection campaign.

1:14:30And two years later, he's gone, undone by a naval intel officer, the number two guy at the FBI and a bunch of CIA employees. You tell me what that is. Those are the facts. Those are not disputed facts. That's not crackpot shit. That's just look it up. So why did they want to get rid of Nixon?

1:14:51You know, there are a lot of theories on that. I mean, we don't. First of all, we don't need to know motive to know what happened. They meaning unelected federal employees got rid of Richard Nixon, which is the most anti-democratic way to make a leadership change that there is. okay i should just say that i actually kind of believe in democracy obviously it's not working well obviously it's ending globally there will never be another liberal democracy unfortunately but i'm attached to it because i was born here i really believe in it and it's better than any other system so that's why i'm pissed what was their motive there are a lot of theories on this there's an amazing conversation it's on tape um between richard nixon when he was still president I think it was in 1973.

1:15:35And I think it was Richard Helms, the head of the CIA, though I may have fucked that up. But it was the head of the CIA. I think it was Helms. And Nixon says, I know why they killed Jack Kennedy. So Nixon was a student of history, obviously a flawed and complicated person, but a very, very smart person. And he was really interested in why this guy who'd been president, just one president before him, was murdered. and he didn't think it was a lone gunman who was mysteriously assassinated two days later by another lone gunman like it's so obviously bullshit and he knew that and he said to say a director who and you can listen to the tape it's on the internet is totally silent on this question so i think there was the impression i don't think i know that nixon understood that the bureaucracy was really in control of the country it wasn't elected officials and that's a massive threat because it's true.

1:16:32That's good. Dude. Yeah. That's all media. Yeah. All media takes their slant and their angle and decides they're going to dictate it their way as opposed to, I don't even know, I don't even know of a journalist that, I mean, no one, there's no one that sits objectively and watches anything anymore. No, not in mainstream media. No, absolutely not. You saw what they did with the photo of that kid who got shot, that pretty guy who got shot in Minneapolis. MSNBC doctored his photo and made him better looking, fixed his teeth, squared his jaw, gave him a tan. You haven't seen it? No. Please pull that up.

1:17:12We showed it yesterday, but we'll show it again today, the before and after. It's in the text that I sent you. It's fucking crazy. Look at the difference. What? Yeah. It's him on the left. He looks like Ari's brother. On the right, he looks like some fucking handsome crossfitter. Like, look at the difference. Look at the teeth. Look at the nose. They shrunk his nose. They widened his jaw. They shrunk his chin. It's crazy. They decided he was too ugly to be sympathetic towards. So then, man, this kind of bums me out. I mean, I always kind of had hopes up that if I turned on the news, I'd hear some objective rant or some objectiveness of anything.

1:17:58But there's none. Yeah, you got to go independent. You got to go to Glenn Greenwald and Michael Schellenberger and people like that, Matt Taibbi. You got to go to independent journalists. Those are the only ones that are going to give you the real deal. People that are connected to giant corporations, their jobs to distribute the news, they're not going to give you. They're going to give you a narrative that's approved. Who was Deep Throat? Because Deep Throat was exposed. They did eventually expose Deep Throat. And it's even more shocking when you find out who Deep Throat was. I saw the movie.

1:18:28That's a different movie. That's about sucking cock. That was a good one. Well, the name Deep Throat was because it gnawed to the movie. Oh, for real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the movie came out first. Deep Throat was W. Mark Felt, the number two official at the FBI during Watergate, who secretly provided key information to Washington Post reporter Bob Woodburn. So the FBI was involved in the break-in. The number two official at the FBI was the guy who was providing information under the name Deep Throat. So the FBI did it. They did the whole thing. Is that your phone? Yeah, I'm an old man, Joe.

1:19:07I'm an old man. The FBI. It's the FBI. You said FBI too many times. Who's calling you when it's on Do Not Disturb? It might be the FBI. Spam risk? Should I answer? No. Why is it? I don't understand. You put it on Do Not Disturb. I put it on Do Not Disturb. I have no idea, Joe. I'm old. They're hacking it. They probably do. That's a weird ring, though. It's an old man ring. Because my wife doesn't answer her fucking phone, so I turned her ring to that, so she changed my ring to that. We're two old fucking people. So then what's the fix? How do I trust anyone? You have to trust independent news.

1:19:36Independent media that's not connected to any corporation. Because as soon as you're connected to a corporation, you're connected to advertisers. As soon as you're connected to advertisers, a giant percentage of advertisers on television is pharmaceutical drug companies, major corporations. So you have things that you're not allowed to touch. That's why you never hear anything in all the news about vaccine injuries. You never. never hear about all these people that are having strokes all these people that the rise in heart attacks the rise in myocarditis particularly amongst young people blood clots that's what we were talking about I got vaxxed like four times like boosters from W.W.

1:20:15Johnson Johnson Johnson and that's the first thing they say when they start looking at blood clots they're like did you get vaccinated and I was like yeah four times even doctors like fuck you didn't need to do it four times yeah well I don't know why you did that because you had to get into a goddamn concert Yeah, but you didn't have to have four of them to get in a concert. I had a TV. The first one was real early. Like, I got it when you had gotten canceled for getting it. They're like, just Mexican people. And I just went in with a mask on, like, hola. And got a fucking shot in East LA because I had to go shoot a movie.

1:20:44Oh, wow. They're like, do not show your fucking face. And I was like, I won't, I won't. Why not show your face? Because it was back when it was just, not needy workers. What is it called? Remember the first round of - Support workers? It was like people you need in the country, you know. Right. Essential workers. Yeah. And then I was shooting a movie, so they got me a pass to get it. Oh, so you got it when you weren't supposed to get it. Yeah, way early. Way early. Interesting. And then I got it. I had to get it again in Serbia. For a movie? Yeah, and that's when. They made you get it again? Again.

1:21:19Yeah. And then I got it when I came home, and then I got it one more time. Mo Amer told me he had to get boosted before they let him do his Netflix series. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Doesn't he make sense? Like, why? Meanwhile, he'd had COVID. He'd recovered. He had COVID when we were all doing those concerts, when me and Chappelle and him and a bunch of other guys were doing those pandemic concerts. He got COVID. So there was no reason for him to get boosted. I got boosted four times. I got COVID 11 times. God. I mean, it's like fucking. It's so crazy. It's crazy. I had COVID when I was shooting Free Burt.

1:21:54Jeez. I gave it to a bunch of people They were like you got a cough and I was like ah it's fine. Do you want to get tested? I was like no I'm not getting tested My wife has to be wearing a condom. I was like we're good guys and And then I gave it to one of the dudes I think And the dude was wearing a mask. He was the only one that got it shout out to My buddy well he probably had gotten boosted a bunch of times. I should tell everyone to watch free bird on Netflix I that's I should say that but keep going. I can't tell you something I'm obsessed with and I've been dying to talk to you about. So, like, I've been watching a lot of UFC lately, and I want your perspective because I'm thinking of this globally.

1:22:37Like, Jordan, they compare Jordan and LeBron James, right? Right. And they compare Tom Brady to Joe Montana. And the big argument they always say is, well, you know, Tom Brady couldn't play in the league Joe Montana played in because the rules were different. They got fucked up left and right, right? And like they were concussions and there was no roughing the passer. You could hit the quarterback late all that shit, right? Well, what about UFC because like how would say and I don't mean slanderous? I just curious someone like tank tank Abbott or Dan Severinsen or hoist Gracie. How would they fare against say the fighters that are fighting today?

1:23:16Well, it really all depends on whether or not there I think tank Abbott would do really well. I think Tank Abbott would do really well because the heavyweight division is the most shallow division. Like, would he do really well against the guys like Cyril Ghosn or Tom Aspinall? Probably not. But he didn't do really well against guys like Maury Smith, you know, the real elite strikers of the day. But Tank Abbott was a fucking huge man. I mean, he was an enormous, powerful guy who had ridiculous knockout power, and he would brawl. And anybody who brawl—like, look at Derrick Lewis. Derrick Lewis has the most knockouts in the history of the UFC.

1:23:54And he's not like the most highly skilled guy in the sport. He's just a really big, powerful guy who has unbelievable knockout power. And he's still relatively successful even today. I mean, he has the most knockouts in the history of the heavyweight division. But Tank Abbott would still fuck a lot of people up in the lower ranks of the heavyweight division. Dan Severin would still take a lot of people down and beat their asses because he was an elite wrestler. Like those kind of skills, Mark Coleman would take a lot of people down and beat their asses. Those skills that they have, like the elite wrestlers and the really powerful punchers, they would always do well.

1:24:27Hoyce Gracie, first of all, if he was fighting in the UFC, he would be fighting without a gi. So that would be different, right? So he relied on the gi a lot because he would get a hold of guys and they would grab the gi, like instinctively. And he'd be like, great. Like that's what he wanted. And then once it went to the ground, I mean, it was like a man and a child. Like his jiu-jitsu was so good. And for the time, no one even knew jiu-jitsu. So he was a black belt against white belts, and he was just tapping out everybody. Nobody had a chance. In this day and age, that's just not the case anymore.

1:25:05Hoist Gracie still, if he was alive today, or not if he was alive today, of course he's alive today. If he was competing today. If he was a young man competing today, he would still give hell to a lot of people in an appropriate weight class if it went to the ground because his jiu-jitsu is so good. His striking was always a means to an end. His striking, he would go at a distance. He would kick at your legs. But his whole thing was about closing the distance, getting you to the ground, strangling you, getting you in an arm bar, tapping you out in a triangle. Jiu-jitsu. So he was a pure jiu-jitsu fighter.

1:25:38And if it went to the ground today, he would still give real problems to a lot of fighters because he was that good. He was that good on the ground. And today with the difference in training partners, he'd be even better. Yeah. I'm reading this book by Wright Thompson. You know that dude? He wrote Pappy Land. No. But he's talking about Jordan in this book and how at 50, Jordan had a hard time like going to the next phase of his life. He still was like, what if I put him on? What if I put, I want to go, you know? Of course, he's a champion. It happens with fighters, too. Oh, yeah. I mean, you go back to Shannon Sharpe, and he's doing better now financially than he ever did, but I bet he traded all just to be.

1:26:21Yeah, it's the glory of sport. It's like there's nothing else like those highs. Yeah. Those highs, especially for a fighter, when you're still like Justin Gaethje this weekend who beat Paddy Pimblin. Oh, my God. Crazy fight. That guy, when it was over, the happiness that he had, the smile on his face, he was just in high like nothing else in life. It's hard for those guys to put that away. It's hard for those guys to let that go. And their identity is completely wrapped around the fact that they're an elite fighter. How did you not have your identity about your career? Because I know you pretty well, and you never really – like it's tough to disconnect your identity to your career or your dreams or your hopes.

1:27:01which I think fighters, it's easy to understand. Athletes, it's easy to understand. But I think it happens with comedians and actors and even podcasters to say, how did you not do that? Well, I don't know. I recognize the pitfalls in it. But I also recognize that at the end of the day, you're just a human being. And I think, man, I've said this a million times, and I'm sorry I have to repeat it, but I think brutal workouts are what center me. It's the one thing that centers me more than anything in life. because I do to myself, I humble myself all the time. Like I break myself. I break myself down all the time.

1:27:38So that like when life comes or like all that other stuff seems like something I do. It's fun. It's great. But I'm just me. I'm just a human being. I'm me in the 10th round when I want to quit. And the bell goes off and I know I have to hit the bag for three more minutes. You know, like I know who I am. Like I don't need my career to tell me who I am. And I have enough fuck you money that I could just sail off into the sunset. Bye-bye. Do you think you will? No. No? No. Wow, I like this. Yeah. It's fun. I thought about it. I've thought about a bunch of things, doing different things. If I had multiple lives, I would live a bunch of different lives.

1:28:14Oh, tell me about one. I'd be a professional pool player. That's what I would like to do. Yeah. I'd like to go on a tour, play professional pool. If I just had like a year to really practice, I think I could do it. It's just, there's no way. There's no money. There's no time. So I just have to keep that one in my head as a hobby and make sure I don't get too addicted to it. My problem is I get addicted to things, and then I just obsess on them. And then the weird part of my brain that focuses obsessively on things, it would just overcome all the rest of my life, and it would just be this one thing that I think of.

1:28:51I allow that in bursts. I allow that when I was getting ready for my comedy special, my live special. That was my whole life. I didn't think about anything else other than doing that set. Like when I go hunting, I don't think about anything else other than getting in shape, shooting perfect arrows, getting ready to hunt. I allow myself these brief moments of obsession. But I have to be careful. I have to be careful with my brain. Your brain's fascinating. I wish I listened to you more. Like when we were younger, you said stuff that I just was like, that's not right. Like what? It might not be right for you.

1:29:26No, no, no. That's the thing. I wish I had. I remember one time you're like, you're working too hard. Your focus should be be less famous. And I was like, what are you talking about? And now I'm there. I'm like, oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. That's why I took the Spotify deal. I was hoping I would be like 10 % less famous. That was my idea. I was like, good. Less people watch Spotify. Less people listen. How many people are going to go over there? Like Jamie kind of freaked out at the beginning because we lost half of our audience like right away. He's like, we lost half the crowd.

1:29:55Like, so what? Who cares? Good. I'll be less famous. I don't want to be. I wanted to be famous so bad. Well, it's because you weren't. Yeah. And so I already was. So I kind of had a perspective like this isn't what everybody thinks it is. It's just weird. You know, like the glory of it, it's all fake. Like the people that love you, they don't even know you. Like it's kind of crazy. Like the people that love you should be the people that know you. You know, that's a good thing. If the people that know you hate you, but the rest of the world loves you, then you're in an Ellen position, right? You're in this weird position where you're a fake person, where everybody thinks you're one thing, but you're actually another thing.

1:30:32So the people around you don't like you. And then when the water breaks and everybody starts talking, all the staff start talking shit about you, and you realize, oh, she was a monster. So I think I had the benefit of having some fame to realize, oh, this is not. Also, I think about things a lot. I don't just accept things for what they are. Something's happening. I'm like, okay, but what is this really? What is this really? You did listen a little because I remember the one time I called you when you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. And I was like, bro, you got to quit that job. And you're like, what?

1:31:05And I was like, you got to hear a funny comic, man. You're a funny dude. You're great on podcasts. You don't need to do this. Like the world's changed. This is holding you back. Thank God. Thank God. You know, it's like I always say, like, thank God I had the right people in my life at the right times. Because there's so much about like, like, I'll tell you, like, you know, with the blood clot thing, they said, you know, I never. Every time I got sober, it was always to just prove I could get sober for a month. And just be like, I'll take a break, get healthy, get good blood work, I'm back at it.

1:31:33This is the first time I've ever looked at it like I never looked at how often I was disrespectful to my health. Like how often I was getting to the airport and be drinking at 6 in the morning like, fuck it. And now that I'm forced to fly sober, I get in the airport and I go, I'll have egg whites. Egg whites? You need the yolk. No, you can't have too much iron when you're on blood thinners. Oh, God. This whole fucking thing's a nightmare. But they said sober for six months. And then I had a really interesting conversation with my trainer and with Leanne over this conversation. And they were like, you know what's so funny is they don't see my lifestyle is partying and everything is disrespectful to my health because I work out, because I get blood work, because I'm sober for every now and then.

1:32:17And they were saying it's disrespectful to people that don't, that just stay online and scroll and don't live their life. That's what's disrespectful. How so? Like if you're just like, you come home and you lock into video games and you don't go out and you don't really connect with people. And then you wake up and you scroll for three hours and then you light a cigarette and you go to work and you come home and you play video games. You're not living your life. And they're like, Leanne was saying the other day, she was like, you know, don't, don't look like get excited to start drinking again, but make sure that you can measure that, you know?

1:32:52Get excited to start drinking again is a wild thing to say. Oh, I mean, I'm looking forward. But how is it disrespectful to people that are watching you? No, no, no, no, no. I meant, I meant, you know, people that aren't living, like people that are leaving comments and like shitting on girls, skateboarding, going, you should wear a bra, whore. Like guys that aren't living their life and not spending their time out with family and living their life. So what's disrespectful to them? I'm lost. You said it's disrespectful to them? No, no. They're disrespecting their own life by not living. Okay. By not getting in the gym.

1:33:22Not going out. Not going and having dinner with your wife. So how is your life, you disrespecting your health, doing anything to them? No, no. I think I was just two parallels. Like I was looking at health thinking in hindsight like how many times I just, you know, burn the candle at both ends. didn't think like how all how fragile life actually is oh yeah well you're very durable unfortunately burnout paradise is hailed as the wildest night out in new york city by time out new york now off broadway at the astor place theater it's a live show you'll never forget as the people on stage make a desperate attempt to complete a series of escalating tasks all while running on treadmills and if they don't complete their to-do list in one hour's time you can get Get your money back.

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1:34:15That's part of the problem is you were able to do that and show no bad health markers. Like you were drinking all the time. You got your blood work done. Your liver's fine. You're like, look at this. That's great. Like you were, I remember you were super nervous. Like when you first started getting blood work, but then you're like, it turns out it's fine. Yeah. Yeah. You, you have great genetics, you know? But you think, I think now I go, man, I'm like, my grandfather died at 53. And I'm 53. And then you start seeing people die. And you're like, shit, man. Like this blood clot scared the fuck out of me because people die from this.

1:34:47They die from it. It's no joke. And then you're like, well, fuck, that was just me flying? Did they make you do a D-dimer test? No, I don't know what that is. So a D-dimer test is when they test your body for clots, for microclots. so apparently a lot of people that have got a ton of boosters yeah got they they have microclots and this is one of the things there was a canadian doctor that one was one of the first guys to get canceled for saying that the vaccine was causing clots because he was one of the first guys that was doing a d-dimer test on all of his patients and he found out that this vaccinated patients the vast majority of them were having these microclots all throughout their system and it was being caused, in his opinion, by the vaccine.

1:35:31And boy, eventually his business wound up getting burnt to the ground. He lost his medical license. He lost his practice. It was a crazy story. And he was right. He was right. And now it's pretty mainstream, like that discussion of it. And even doctors who used to prescribe boosters don't prescribe them anymore, which is kind of crazy. At what point in time, like the people that are, that used to say you need to get your booster. Well, how come you're not getting boosters anymore? COVID's still around. Those people aren't getting boosters. No one's getting boosters anymore. None of those people are.

1:36:05Are they saying that we have a higher antibody rate now? Is it like, why is COVID not as dangerous today as it was then? Well, the thing that happens with viruses is they become less potent, but more transmissible. And that becoming more transmissible allows the virus to spread And being less potent means it doesn't kill the host. So it's actually better for the virus to be more transmissible but less potent. And that generally happens in time when people develop antibodies and people develop, you know, like a resistance to it. So what happens is the virus just becomes easier to transmit but less potent.

1:36:41Wow. Yeah. That's why the variants over time got less and less. Like the Delta variant was actually pretty strong, but after that they started dropping off. and then Omicron, which is pretty nothing. And then they stopped naming them because it really wasn't just a couple variants. There's hundreds of them. They don't even know how many. And a lot of it is because they vaccinated during a pandemic. And one of the things that virologists throughout history were always saying is you never vaccinate during a pandemic because when you vaccinate during a pandemic, you actually encourage variants because the vaccine realizes, especially when you have a leaky vaccine like COVID.

1:37:22So what a leaky vaccine is, a vaccine that doesn't stop transmission and doesn't stop infection. What it does is it gives you some protection through antibodies. But that allows you to get the cold, and then the cold realizes, oh, this guy's got these antibodies. We'll just work around that. And then people who had antibodies to the original wild virus, once they got vaccinated, this variant would see that they were or wouldn't see, but it would have a different pathway because their original immunity was to the wild virus. The original antibodies were to the first virus that doesn't even exist anymore.

1:38:04So your body didn't recognize these new variants. So people get COVID even more easily. I know I butchered that if you're a virologist. But there's a guy named Geert Vanderbosch, and he is a vaccine specialist. He's a virologist. And he specializes in vaccines. And he was one of the early people saying this is madness. This goes against conventional thinking. You do not vaccinate during a pandemic. Jesus. I'll tell you what. I've had COVID a bunch. Nothing was like the swine flu. Yeah, you told me that. Remember in 2009, right? Dude. You got it bad. I thought I was going to die. I've never been that sick in my life.

1:38:46Shallow breathing. I mean, it was, and I had to fly to Mexico because I was doing a gig. And I was like, I got on the plane. I always drank on planes, had two drinks. And I was like, I'm a death's door. And I fucking, to this day, I've never been that sick in my life. and I don't know how it didn't kill me. You never drink when you're sick. Oh, no shit. It is the worst. It's so bad for your immune system to drink when you're sick because you just give your immune system this new thing to fight while it's already involved in a fight. I got on the plane with Leanne. We were flying to Mexico and I was like, I'm not that bad.

1:39:20I remember being cold. I remember it hit me like a ton of bricks that night. I was like, I'm getting fucking sick immediately. Like it was like, bam. Back then you weren't even taking vitamins. No, I wasn't doing anything. Yeah, that's the problem. And this is the other thing that the big problem that I had during the COVID thing is like I knew people were getting over COVID. It wasn't killing everybody. And they were making out like everybody was going to get it was going to die. Everybody unvaccinated was going to die. But I knew people that got it and weren't the healthiest people and they were fine.

1:39:51So I'm like, well, what the hell's going on? Like, what is it? And how come nobody's talking about vitamins? Nobody's talking about the impact that vitamins have on your immune system, which is well documented. documented. And then if you brought it up, you're a conspiracy theorist. You're a crazy person. But everyone listened. Because you brought up, I'll never forget the day you brought up vitamin D. Yeah. And I went to Rite Aid that day to get vitamin D and it was gone. I mean, the fuck, it was like it had been looted. There was no vitamin D to be found. And it was like, I think it was like D3 or something.

1:40:24D3 and K2. And they were gone. With magnesium is the move. D3, K2, and magnesium all together. Do you know what's so funny? I have rosacea on my cheeks. I just got it. You get it when you're older sometimes. And the cure is ivermectin. That's hilarious. They were like, you should get on ivermectin. I said, you mean horse tranquilizer? Horse paste. Horse paste? Horse dewormer. What CNN called it. It was the first thing. Have you ever heard of ivermectin? I was like, I'm friends with Joe Rogan. Are you kidding me? Don't put me on CNN. They'll make me purple. Yeah. Well, the crazy thing about that CNN thing is I mentioned a bunch of other things that I took.

1:41:05All of them were very effective. It wasn't one thing that I mentioned. I mentioned IV vitamins. And I took IV NAD, IV vitamins, and then the big one was monoclonal antibodies. and monoclonal antibodies they made it really hard for people to get after that because people were just saying oh i just need to get monoclonal antibodies and i'm better bro i shipped monoclonal there was we were using a telemedicine um nurse and there was a part of a um like a nationwide service that you could send people a nurse and they would go deliver monoclonal antibodies and IV vitamins. And the monoclonal, the IV vitamins thing, it always existed, but the monoclonal antibodies, they added to it once COVID came.

1:41:49And I can't tell you how many people that I sent nurses to, people that I didn't even know, people that were friends of friends, my mom's friend, and I would say, give me the address, tell me who they are, and I'll send it to them. And I paid for all of it. And I did it to like at least a hundred people. No bullshit. At least a hundred people. Yeah actors who are like like super liberal I didn't out any of them they would send me a dm hey man I got covid what should I do and I said where are you tell me where you where you live I'm gonna have someone sent to you and I just send someone to them and then they'd come back and thank me very few of them ever thanked me publicly but a lot of them got the service and a lot of people that weren't famous people just like my friend's mom or my mom or my uncle or my cousin someone got covid they're doing really bad I'm like tell me what you're doing.

1:42:37where they are. And I did it, I'm not lying, I did it to like 100 people. I spent a lot of money doing it. How much would something like that cost? Thousands of dollars. For real? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I did it for people I didn't know. I did it for people I had never met. I did it for people that were famous that I never met. I just said it was easier to me for just to send them to them. Leanne was the first person to get COVID in our house. And I used to have a joke about it. She had COVID and she gave me a handjob and I didn't get it. I was like, that's how intimate our handjobs are. That's hilarious.

1:43:11And she got it and I remember doing, I remember I called you and you were like get her the NAD, you gave me the whole fucking list and we got it. She got over it right away. We ended up right away and we're like, cool, we can go skiing. No, no, no. And then we all got it. We're all not ready yet. Georgia gave it to me and she goes, I remember we were at the Georgia gave it to me and I remember we were sitting at the dinner table that night at our ski place and she was like, started crying. I go, baby, don't cry. It's fine. Listen, it's totally fine. She was like, you're high risk. You got to think of it as like it's over.

1:43:47The bad part's over. But now your body's in recovery. So you can't go skiing or do anything crazy. I went skiing. I went skiing that first day with COVID thinking, you know, it's just me. The mountain was empty. I was like, it's just me. I don't really have it. I'm fine. I tested negative. I remember I tested negative. I was like, I'm just hungover from last night. And when I got down, I tested again, and I tested positive. And I already had my tour bus come and grab Georgia and Leanne and drive them back to L.A. So it's me and Isla. And Isla was like. I only got it because I stayed up late one night drinking and playing pool until like 5 o 'clock in the morning with my friend John Shulman.

1:44:23I remember you telling me that. You said you were more run down. That's why you got it. I was exhausted because my friend John Shulman, shout out to John, he makes pool cues, like awesome pool cues. and he lives in Florida. And I talked to him back and forth online, but I never hung out with him. And then I made an appointment to meet him at a pool hall. And we met at this pool hall, and we played pool until like 5 o 'clock in the morning, laughing, having a good time. And then I got back to the hotel. I was like really tired. I was like, boy, I fucked up. I went so hard. And I had a bunch of margaritas.

1:44:56And it was late. It was late at night. And then in the morning, I just felt like shit. I took a hot bath. I felt like shit. I had a gig that night. I did a gig that night I did an arena with uh Tony Hinchcliffe and Laura Bites we did an arena in Florida and then I flew back home and on the way home I was cold I was like god why am I so cold is this airplane cold and then I when I got home I told my wife I'm like I'm not feeling good I go I might have COVID maybe you should sleep in another room because she had gotten COVID and gotten over it which by the way when she had it I fucked her I didn't I didn't even think about I was like I'm trying to get it I never got it my whole family got it but like I'm always been the one who's like always cold plunging, always sauna, always vitamins, always working out.

1:45:38She works out too, but it's like she got it, you know, and my kids got it. And I was home, I hugged them like, daddy, you're going to get it. I'm like, I'm kidding, shit. I never got it. I had two days when I worked out where I didn't feel that good. So when I worked out, I just took it light. I just went through the routine like nice and easy, not pushing myself. And then the next day, still don't feel that good. Nice and easy. And then the third day, I'm like, I feel pretty fucking good and i went pretty hard and like feel great and it was done i never got covid and then that one time i got it and then i didn't get it that bad the one day i felt like shit i got all the the meds and then you know a couple days later i made that video and i put that video up but that was honest i was like i got covid i got all this medicine i feel better now they didn't like the idea that this healthy person was saying you you could get over this and also a healthy person that's in their 50s was saying you can get over this and you don't need this radical experimental medicine that they're trying to push on people and so that's just another example of the mainstream media that's not there for the news because if they really were there to inform people they would say well what did he do what what's different about him because they're fucking compromised they're all compromised by the people that pay their advertising budget the amount of money that pharmaceutical drug companies spend on mainstream media is fucking preposterous and they don't do it because they're trying to convince people to sell drugs they do it specifically because they don't want those media organizations to criticize any vaccines or any pharmaceutical drugs you never hear them talking about there's no mainstream big media stories about side effects of some sort of new medication and if there is it's because that company is probably about to go under and a new company is asking them to talk about it It makes me, I mean, I've always said, and people think I'm a fucking idiot, but I don't trust sleep apnea machines.

1:47:32Well, sleep apnea machines work. I know, but I think they over-diagnose sleep apnea machines because there's a kickback. There's got to be a kickback. Well, there probably is. There's a, you know, look, sleep apnea is a real thing, and it's really fucking dangerous. But is it as, I mean - People die. Everyone's got it. Well, not everyone has it. A lot of people snore, but there's ways around. There's mouthpieces you can use to keep your tongue from closing your windpipe. You know what I do? I put a mouthpiece in, and then I use mouth tape. I've been using mouth tape. You know, hostage tape? Yeah.

1:48:04I use that stuff. I put it over my mouth, and I sleep, and I breathe through my nose. And I feel so much better when I wake up. I mean, significantly better with less sleep. Like, if I have five-hour sleep with hostage tape, I feel better than if I have eight-hour sleep without it. Really? 100%. You feel different. I don't know why. I'm sure. Okay, let's find out. What is the science behind breathing through your nose while you sleep? Why is it better? Like, what is the science behind it? I don't know what the science is, but I know that a bunch of health experts, they recommended it to me. I was like, take my mouth shut?

1:48:40That sounds so stupid. Yeah. I did it, and then the first night I did it, I woke up and I'm like, whoa, I feel great. Like, I feel significantly better. And now I do it every night. So I put a mouthpiece in and then I put the hostage tape over my mouth. So the mouthpiece just holds your tongue in place? Exactly. Because I have a big tongue. I have a big tongue and I have a big neck. The problem is when you have big neck muscles, like football players, a lot of them, most of them have sleep apnea. Because all those muscles constrict the walls of your throat. So there's all this tissue. It didn't exist before.

1:49:16And then you have this fat tongue. So I can't sleep on my back. If I sleep on my back, it's like. That's me. Yeah. Okay. Breathing through the nose during sleep offers key health advantages over mouth breathing. It filters and conditions air for better lung efficiency and promotes deeper rest. Nasal passages filter dust, allergens, and pollutants while warming and humidifying air, protecting the airwaves from irritation. This reduces dryness in the mouth and throat common with mouth breathing. I got that. I wake up, my mouth's so dry, my tongue's like a finger. Reduce snoring and sleep apnea risk.

1:49:49Nose breathing keeps the tongue positioned correctly against the palate and jaw forward, maintaining an open airway to minimize snoring and sleep apnea episodes. Mouth breathing allows the tongue to fall back, obstructing airflow, which definitely happens to me. Improved oxygenation and relaxation. It boosts nitric oxide production for better oxygen uptake and blood flow, supporting deeper sleep cycles and parasympathetic nervous system activation for relaxation. This leads to fewer awakenings and higher sleep quality look for me. I know for a fact it helps for a fact For my personal feeling when I wake up in the morning and I take my mouth shut I feel way better Really?

1:50:33Yeah, like way better. I snore like crazy, but I don't notice it The only problem is you have a beard so the tape like will slip off with a beard You know, maybe I'll just get denture cream and put it on my lips. You ever do that? We used to do that people when they were sleeping. Squeeze your lips together? How do you open them then? Oh, you can't. Oh, Jesus Christ. When people would pass out in our Trinity house, we'd put denture cream on their lips. Oh, boy. And then they'd wake up like, mm, mm, mm. That's fucking terrifying. That's terrible. That's terrible. Don't do that. I'm still kind of stuck.

1:51:02I'm still stuck on this concept that with corporate money, we lose not as much freedom of speech, a freedom of opinion. Well, you lose objective reality from people that are supposed to be giving you information, right? So they're not giving you reality. What they're giving you is a filtered narrative that has been promoted by major corporations that have a vested interest in profiting off of this narrative being pushed forward. Like, if you don't get the vaccine, you're going to die, right? That was a big one. And that was why they attacked me. Why they attacked me was because I showed that there's something different.

1:51:40Like, oh, look at this healthy guy who's in his 50s that's really obsessed with health, works out every day. And look how quick he got over COVID. This isn't this thing that we're pretending it is. We're pretending it's a plague. It's not. It's like a bad flu. And again, for me, it was like, and look, I've done this, like I said, I did it for a lot of people, but just IV vitamins. I've sent people to people. I did it for Bill Burr. Bill Burr was here, and he was sick, and he was coughing. And this is like long after the pandemic. It's like 2024. And he was doing a show, and I came to visit him.

1:52:12He's like, I can't get over this cold. I go, listen to me. I go, I'm going to give you this number. I'm going to give you these people. You're going to get a hold of them and schedule an IV mega-dose vitamin trip. You want high doses of vitamin B. You want high doses of D. You want high doses of C and zinc. You want all those things together, and I guarantee you, you're going to be fine. So he was sick for weeks. He couldn't get over this fucking cough. He calls me like a day later. He goes, dude, I can't fucking believe how good I feel. He goes, Dr. Joe Rogan, I'm calling you every time I have a problem with this again.

1:52:46And look, I did the same thing for Dana White. when Dana White had COVID, he threw some eucalyptus on the rocks in his sauna and he couldn't smell it. And he goes, oh my God, I got COVID. He goes, the first thing I did is call Joe Rogan. He called me up and I said, I'll set you up. We're going to get you monoclonal antibodies. We're going to get you this. We're going to get you that. Boom. One day later, he's better. That's the reality. It's like your body needs tools to let your immune system function at its at its optimum. And one of the best tools is nutrients. Vitamin D is amazing for your immune system.

1:53:20And it's not just a vitamin, it's a hormone. And it's a hormone that we don't get because we're not in the sun enough. The best way to get vitamin D is sunlight. The second best way is supplementation. And it's really easy. You just take vitamin D supplements, take it with K2, Which makes it absorb better and I take it also again with magnesium and do that and I also took zinc with

1:53:48It's an ionophore Quercetin so I take zinc with course and course and aids in the zinc absorption in your body I take all these different things, but I also I'm on the ball I know what I'm doing, but they didn't say that They said he's taking horse dewormer because they were trying to shame me and they were trying to make it look like I was a fool And they were trying to turn all these people that were terrified about dying from this plague against me. Is that what's happening? I mean, I'm a little obsessed lately, you know at like The the money behind podcasting and podcasting kind of changing You know like podcasting has gotten a little more corporate where the where I feel I don't know if you see it in what way Well, it's like, I mean, I looked at the Golden Globes and who was nominated.

1:54:34And those were all, I mean, I think they're all, you know, corporate podcasts. Yeah, let me help with that. So here's the thing. A lot of people say, why wasn't Joe Rogan nominated for the Golden Globes? And like, why did, you know, Amy Poehler went, I didn't submit.

1:54:51So they asked me to submit to be nominated for the Golden Globes. And you had to pay$500. And the$500 is like for paperwork or whatever. I said, no. I go, I don't care. I already won. Like, you can't tell me I didn't win. I've been number one for six years in a row. All of a sudden, you're going to have a contest in front of all these people wearing tuxedos, and you're going to say, now I'm not number one? Like, fuck off. You can't. Like, I don't care that I'm number one, but I am, in fact, number one. So if all of a sudden you have a contest to decide who's really number one amongst us, like, that's amongst you.

1:55:25You're allowed to have your opinion. You like Amy Poehler better than me? That's great. Oh, that's so fucking funny, Joe. Do you know how many people have been like ride or die for you? Like the fact that Joe Rogan didn't win. The fact that, and I've heard that so much. It's so funny you just didn't submit. Yeah, they asked me to. Yeah, I was like one of like six candidates. They took the top people. They basically just took the top people to charts. But which, you know, it's fine. First of all, Amy Poehler's podcast is pretty good. I haven't seen it. It's pretty good. I'm sure it's good it won yeah I'm sure someone must love it it's really sucked they would give it to someone else right?

1:56:03Dax is really good like there's there's some great podcasts out there. I don't know who was even nominated I don't even know who was in I just know that Amy Poehler won and a lot of people are upset She's had a podcast for six months and she won great you gave it to a famous person which you know in that world That's what they do they give it to a person that like is gonna Look you give it to Amy Poehler amongst their circles. It's not gonna have any criticism there's a lot of really good fucking podcasts I don't know if amongst her group if I listened to all of them I would decide that hers is number one but I just know that I didn't submit I don't want to be a part of that I don't care you're just a group of people that just decide all of a sudden that you're going to give an award out you got a trophy fuck off dude So this, okay.

1:56:50So when we did the show and everyone's like, are you looking for a season two? And obviously that would be great. But you know what I said to Leanne the day after it came out? I said, I think I already won. I think I got everything I wanted. I did something I'm proud of. And people responding to it, people like, the texts I get are people that will never promote it on their social media. Ron White loves it. Ron. Loved it. When Ron came in last night and the first thing he said to me was, I watched your show. I watched every fucking episode. Yeah, he binged it. He binged it with his girlfriend.

1:57:22I was like, Joe, you know how I feel about Ron. I'll get emotional. He's like my guy. And Ron's not a bullshit artist. He's not. If Ron loved it, he loved it. And he came in and he was ranting and raving about it. That's all you need. Just do your best. Yeah. All these awards and all this shit. Awards for art are crazy. It's insane because it's not, it shouldn't be a competition. Well, it's also so subjective. There is music that like my daughter loves it is her favorite music, but she's a 15 year old girl I Can't say it sucks because it doesn't suck. It's just not for me. Yeah, you know what I mean?

1:57:57It's like that's why Awards for art are crazy like this is the best like to who to a group of fucking people that we deem the gatekeepers of all that's appropriate. So when did you come, because, you know, I'm always fascinated by you. Did you care about ratings when you were on news radio? Oh, no. Well, the news radio thing was hilarious. Because that's one that I can say, for people that haven't watched it, I would say, binge that show. It was such an amazing piece of art, we would say. But always, and respectfully, always in the losing category. Like never, always in the losing category. My friend Lou, he was one of the writers on news radio, and he would show up for the table read with a T-shirt that had the number of our rating on it.

1:58:45And one day he showed up and the number was 88. And I was like, 88? He's like, I'm like, fuck. I was like, God. Because we got moved nine times over the course of five years. like I remember like one of the things that just like social media poisons people back then it was Variety and the Hollywood Reporter so all of the cast would be sitting around reading Variety about how good Sex and the City was doing and the single guy and you know because they would they would sandwich them in between Friends and Seinfeld and you know Paul Sims the producer of News Radio would call it a shit sandwich because you would have these two really good shows in between these shows that were not that good.

1:59:25They would call it Caroline and the shitty and like everybody was upset. And so they would read these these things in variety. They'd look at the ratings and they'd get all upset and start getting pissed off. And that show sucks. Why is that show doing so well? Why aren't we on Thursday night? And I remember saying, oh, last time I checked, I'm on TV. I go, do you know we're on a TV show? Do you know how few people get to be on a sitcom? I go, yeah, we're not number one. Well, good. Then no one knows who we are, and we get to be on TV, and we get to have fun, and some people enjoy it. We're making so much money.

1:59:58Like, how can you be upset? We could not be on TV. Like, yeah, we're not number one. Yeah, we have a really good show that's not being recognized. It eventually was recognized when it went to syndication. So news radio really only got popular in syndication. Oh, when it was on A &E, buddy, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a TV show. out of every TV show I've ever watched. And I was late to Friends. Look, it was no Game of Thrones, or even Queen of Dragons, or whatever the fuck, the other one, House of Dragons. Yeah. That's a pretty good show too. But when I discovered news radio, I was like, you guys had every character.

2:00:34Like, it was not just one character. It was five different... Are we back? Yeah. We're back. We've been having this problem where we crash like a couple hours into a podcast. But it was such, it was five personalities, six personalities, all working in union at different speeds. It was really good writing. It was such a fucking great show. Paul Sims came from the Larry Sanders show, so he was really good. And he was just a brilliant guy. And the writers were amazing, and the cast was amazing. But it was the perfect scenario. So we went through it without everyone getting famous. We put together a great show, and then we fucking sailed off into the sunset.

2:01:16It was perfect for me because I never wanted to do it again once it was over. For real? Yeah. I mean, I took a few development deals afterwards just because I wanted the money. And I thought maybe I'll make my own show and it'll be good. But working with these writers and some of these writing teams was really interesting. Writing teams are generally one brilliant guy and then the other guy who writes things down. And then they both get deals. And then I would wind up with the guy who wrote things down. So I got one of these writers who was a writing team on Seinfeld and the team broke up and then I got this guy And he wrote this fucking script that was so bad.

2:01:52It was so bad. I couldn't believe how bad it was I was like and then they were trying to pretend they're excited about I go. Did you read it? I go this is fucking terrible because the problem was I had come from news radio, which was a really good show and Most of these shows are terrible and most of the guys that I knew that were doing terrible sitcoms were living in hell because they were doing these corny-ass things, and all they wanted to do is figure out a way to make themselves feel better. So they spend money or they party, and that's what they were doing. They were all just partying and spending money and not enjoying their work.

2:02:23Their work was terrible. It was hell. So I kind of realized early on that this trap of chasing the number one ratings and all that shit, it was just stupid. It was just nonsense. And then Fear Factor was number one for a while, I think. I think it was. It was hugely popular, whatever it was. And that was weird, too. It was like, well, that's that's also strange. Now people want to talk about it. Everybody. It was just like this thing that was everywhere. It was very strange. This is how you can tell how big a show is. Tell me if I'm wrong. I can remember what night it aired on Monday nights. Fear Factor.

2:02:59Was it Monday nights? I don't remember. I think it was Monday. I don't remember. I remember the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was Monday nights. I remember Seinfeld was Thursdays right? that's the thing about TV now which is so bizarre is like when I pitched this show, have you seen Slow Horses? yes, I love it when I went to Netflix they were like we want to do a show with you and I was like great and they're like what's the show? I said it's my family I'm Bert Kreischer, Georgia and Isla, Leanne I'm a comedian, I'm me everything's the same nothing changes I don't have a job I'm this guy and they're like okay I go but it's meet Slow Horses and they're like what the fuck are you talking about I said all I can tell you is I don't want to do episodic I want Slow Horses I said when I watch Slow Horses and this is why Ron's compliment was so kind because I created the show so that me Jared and Andy I should include them explain Slow Horses.

2:03:56Slow Horses is Gary Oldman it is a spy thriller they're a group of like low Billgrade spies that all kind of got put into an office off to the side, but they don't realize how important their office still is. They're still very ingrained in all the shit that the big office is doing, but they're the B team. And so the big office is constantly fucking with the little office. So how is your show like Slow Horses? The day I watched Slow Horses, I watched Slow Horses the week before I went in for this meeting. And I watched the first episode of Slow Horses. And at the very end of that first episode, I hit pause.

2:04:29I looked at Leanne. I said, we're watching every fucking episode until it's over. Right now. We're not moving. We're going to watch all of them. And I did that with that and Black Doves. And I said to Netflix, I said, I want to make this where that first episode, it's not episodic. The Chrysler's got a horse. The Chrysler's got a dog. It all goes together. I go the first episode at that last line I say, the very last line of that first episode, I want you to look at the person you're with and go, I'm watching all fucking six. And so it's an arc. It's a six story arc. It's basically a two hour and 30 minute movie that you can stop at any point.

2:05:02And the compliment I've been getting is the one Ron gave me. It's like I binged it. I watched all of it. That's great. That's a smart move for a comedy to do it like that. Like it's one big story. That last. Black Doves is great too. Black Doves. Great. Black Doves. Black Doves. When we did the premiere in L.A., Netflix came up to me. Shout out to Netflix. and they were like, you know, when you pitched this, we had no idea what you were fucking selling us. Like when you said black doves and slow horses, like those were your comps. And then they were like, we watched that first episode and they're like, you fucking did it.

2:05:36Like you made a show where at that very end of that first episode, at that moment, and the very beginning of the second episode, I have a joke about you, but I thought I'd throw one in. You gave me a little love in your special. I'd give you a little love back. And so at the very end of that first episode, I wanted it so that you go, oh this guy's fucked I gotta see how he gets out of this and uh and that's the compliment I've been getting from people is that they watched all of them they binged it and that's like cause you know you try to do something a little different and uh and that's why when you said that you didn't submit I fucking connected so hard cause I was like I didn't I don't need it to be it's not gonna be the number one show on Netflix it's never gonna be the greatest show they ever made there's too many good shows But the fact that people have liked it, I go, I think I won.

2:06:26I think I got the thing I wanted. Yeah. It was just like. That's it. I got a text. I'm going to share this. And I apologize, Luke, if this sounds weird. Luke Combs texted me last night. Now, he's not like a, he's not a social media guy. He just texted me. He's like, dude, I just watched your entire show. Luke Combs. And I'm like. He's cool as fuck. He's cool. I've hung out with that dude a few times. As fuck. And he's understated. He's the guy. He's fascinating to me because he's the guy. we just did a podcast he's the guy that he goes into the room and he's not going to talk to anyone because he doesn't want to bother you he's one of the biggest stars in country music he's one of the most talented guys and he's very humble and he's like I did the CMAs and I saw him and he just he stays to himself he doesn't and I was like wow what a slick dude and he's like no I'm not trying to be slick I just don't want to bother anybody and so when Luke Combs texted me last night I fucking I texted Leanne I was like can you believe like that's not the guy you think.

2:07:20Right. It's a real compliment. Yeah. Not from like a cheesy ass kisser. A real dude. He really, you know he's not lying. Right, right. He really liked it. The first person to text was Chris DiStefano. And that's a real one. He's like, dude, you're a good actor. This is a great series. That was the very first text I got. And I was like, comics don't have to text. They don't. We don't. Like, I texted Shane when I saw Tires because it was a game changer. I was like, this is fucking incredible, whatever. But when When a comic text you're like, that's okay. Like, I didn't expect you to watch it. But Luke Combs fucking floored me.

2:07:57Luke Combs and Bradley Cooper was another one. We all have that dream trip we've been wishing we could go on. But too often, life, or usually price, gets in the way. That's why Priceline is here to help you turn your dream trip into reality. With up to 60 % off hotels and up to 50 % off flights, you can book everything you need for your next adventure. Don't just dream about that next trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com and book your next trip today. Go to your happy price. Priceline. This episode is brought to you by White Claw Surge. Nice choice hitting up this podcast.

2:08:35No surprises. You're all about diving into tastes everyone in the room can enjoy. Just like White Claw Surge. It's for celebrating those moments when connections have been made and the night's just begun. With bold flavors and 8 % alcohol by volume, unleash the night. Unleash White Claw Surge. Please drink responsibly. Hard Seltzer with flavors. 8 % alcohol by volume. White Claw Seltzer Works. Chicago, Illinois. That's awesome. Just do something that you enjoy and do your best at it. This idea of awards. Yeah. Like, fuck off. Fuck off with your awards. Like, there's so many moments in history have been defined by these, like, goofy-ass awards.

2:09:14Yeah. Like what? What is that? The only thing that's good is if something wins an Academy Award for best movie, I go, ooh, maybe I'll see it. Like occasionally. But you know what's better than that? One of my friends sang. It's great. Dude. Or someone posting it on social media. Like, oh, this fucking. Someone that I respect on social media posting it and saying, hey, you need to watch this. This is amazing. Great. Do you ever see the movie American Movie? What is that? It's about the two guys in Wisconsin trying to make a horror film called Coven. God, I think I did. Is it a long time ago? Long time ago.

2:09:47Documentary, and one guy's done way too much acid. And it's just, it's like one of those movies where someone says to you, you have to see this. And it's never going to win an award. Probably made no money. But it is the most fascinating. Okay, Jamie, can you pull the trailer up for that? If you see this, you'll go, I saw it. Okay. It's the American movie. Mike, oh, what was the other guy's? Oh, this is so good, Joe. Imagine a world where passion and perseverance outweigh polish and dreams are both the driving force and the destination. What if I told you this world exists, not in some far-flung fantasy, but here in the heartland of America?

2:10:27This world is seen through the lens of an unsung documentary where we meet Mark Beauchart. This is the trailer. A young filmmaker from Wisconsin. That's okay. Have you seen it? No, I didn't see it. Joe, this movie is so good. But it's one of those things that it's like when you find something that you just fall in love with. Yeah. Like that you can't explain to someone like Vernon, Florida. Have you ever seen Vernon, Florida? No. It's a documentary by Werner Herzog about him and another guy. Another guy did it. He was trying to do a documentary called Nub City, right? It was about this place in Florida where a lot of people had lost limbs and were collecting insurance money.

2:11:08and he went in to do a documentary about that and he got his life threatened but he had all this footage so i think verner herzog came in and dumped a little money in it and he just made the bizarrest documentary about a guy talking about turkey hunting and another guy talking about like it's like four different personalities joe it's on youtube you can find it verner herzog does some amazing amazing shit this thing joe is like something you start watching and you go like I can't turn it off. I mean he did Grizzly Man. He did fucking what is that other one? The one about the cave paintings in France.

2:11:48He did It was made by Errol Morris. Errol Morris. Oh it wasn't Werner Herzog? No no. I was trying to highlight on there. It says it's an Errol Morris film. Oh so it's not Werner Herzog. No Werner Herzog backed it. He was the one that paid for it. Oh I see. He produced it. Werner Herzog was a part of that movie Happy People. You ever see that? No, it's not. Oh, my God. It's about these people that live in Siberia. These guys that live in a small village in Siberia, and they're just fishermen and trappers and hunters. And they basically just live off the land, and they're so happy. There's, like, no mental illness.

2:12:23Everybody works really hard. It's freezing cold at night. They're always drinking. And everyone's happy. And it's called Happy People, Life in the Taiga. It's a great documentary. Because it just shows you that, like, without struggle, you will create struggle. And when you have struggle all the time, like physical struggle, people seem to be satisfied and happy, especially when they're living off the land, living like a subsistence lifestyle. They're out in the forest. They're catching fish. And it's a great documentary. It's really interesting. Did you feel it? Because I remember we went to a birthday party at your house and your wife introduced my girls and Leanne to chickens.

2:12:58And Leanne and the girls immediately got chickens. Chickens are awesome. The happiest my family was, out of all the times we've been happy, was when they had a garden and they were raising chickens. Yeah, that's good for you, man. And then that extra, like, did you guys clean out the chicken coop? You need to clean, like that little. Yeah, work. Yeah. Work's good for you. Yeah, especially work that pays off. Like, you actually get eggs and you have to eat those eggs. Those eggs. And that's like the most karma-free food that you'll ever get because they're your pets. Like, you treat them well. You feed them.

2:13:30You're like, hey, girls. I see them. I talk to them. They're like, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. I lift rocks for them so they go under the rocks and pick out bugs and worms and shit. And they come near you. They, like, waddle over to you. And you, like, get, you ready? You ready? And pick up the rock. And they immediately go in there and try to get the worms and bugs and shit. And then you get these delicious, healthy eggs. Best eggs I've ever had in my entire life. Yeah. Yellow. Yellow. Double. I remember getting. Orange. Do you remember double yolks? Mm-hmm. You get double yolks. Oh, fuck off.

2:13:58But you know exactly how they're raised. There's no cruelty involved. You know how they're fed. They lay an egg every day. That egg is never going to become a chicken. You never, like, that's what I tell to all my friends that are like vegetarians that are doing it for, like, they're just kind people. They don't want an animal to die. I'm like, you don't have to kill an animal. Just eat eggs. Eggs have all the nutrients you need. Eat the yolk. Eat the whole thing. And you'll be super healthy. Like, you can get all the animal protein you need from eggs, and you don't ever have to worry about an animal dying.

2:14:29So, wait, do you think then when you talk about, what was that, Happy City is it called? Happy people. Happy people. Do you think your connection then to crushing it in the gym and killing it in the gym is directly connected to that struggle? Because the happiest I ever am is the second my workout's done and I lay back and I just sweat. You did it. Yeah, you did it. Your body needs – I think in order for your body to survive like when we were hunter-gatherers, you had to do a bunch of work. So I think there's human reward systems that are built in us that if you don't meet those requirements, your body gets anxious.

2:15:06And the most anxiety ridden, fucked up, mentally ill people I know are these lazy slobs that are online all day complaining about people, especially comics. I know so many comics that they spend a giant chunk of their day shitting on other comics and they're all fat and lazy. And what is that? Well, it's because they're not healthy. They're not mentally healthy, physically healthy. And so they're completely obsessed with other things external things You know when we did that sober October challenge Tommy said it best because he was like dude when you work out When we're all competing against each other to see who get the the highest fitness scores Tommy said it best like when you work out all day it kills all that internal chatter But you don't worry about things all that what about this?

2:15:52What about that that what about this? What about that shit is your mind thinking there's threats out there in the world because there used to be. Because you're programmed to think about, like, what's out there? What's coming for me? Is there a neighboring tribe that's coming over the top of the hill? Where am I going to get my food? All that stuff's built in as a human reward system. If you don't meet that human reward system, you're just doom-scrolling on TikTok and Twitter all day and shitting on people going, fuck Whitney Cummings and Miss Rachel. They're just mentally ill slobs, all of them, and their opinion should be dismissed.

2:16:30That's why the idea of awards is so ridiculous. Who are these people that are giving you awards? They're all unhealthy people for the most part. They're all weirdos that are caught up in this fucking bizarre, strange industry that rewards groupthink. Like, fuck off. Yeah. That's probably the happiest my mind was. The year we had the straps. Remember we had that? Oh, yeah, yeah. And we were a member of that Kansas City workout club or something. Yeah, we had to be kind of, yeah, the MyZone. The MyZone fitness straps, yeah. And I remember, I mean, you know, like you have memories in your head where you, like you drive by a place and you go, I remember that.

2:17:12And it was one night I said I was going to run a marathon. And you're like, I'll match it. I remember we were all texting. And I remember getting up at like, it was like, put the girls to bed, it's 9 o 'clock at night. And I go, I'm going to run until midnight. And I had just this one fucking mile loop, and I ran eight miles that night. And I just kept running. And I cannot run down fucking Colfax. I can't drive down Colfax without thinking of me just going, one more lap. Just one more lap. Those were fucking. Wearing yourself out is good for your brain, man. It is really good for your brain. I don't think we should do that again because the problem with that is that lit up that weird part of my brain, that obsessive part of my brain.

2:17:54And my wife asked me never to do that again. Because I was, like, super serious. I got, like, really into it. And it just became an obsession. Yeah. It's a dangerous part of my own brain that I can't entertain too much. Because I think that's the part of my brain that was formulated in my competition days, where it was, like, my thought was, you know, like, I would go to the—because I had keys to the school. So I'd go and train at 2 o 'clock in the morning because I knew nobody else was. I knew everybody else was asleep. So I'd go there I drive there by myself and Unlock the doors and start training at two o 'clock in the morning because I knew everybody was asleep Yeah, that that made me feel better like bitch while you're sleeping.

2:18:36I'm in here You know where did you put that competitiveness because I I shelved my competitiveness. I don't have it in comedy I have a competitiveness with the industry that I felt ignored me at times like I have I want to prove things Like I did fully loaded because I never got on oddball and so I created that festival I remember I was with we were at the Forest Hills Arena or whatever the outdoor stadium someone's like wow this is crazy can you believe you did this and I went yeah and they're like what made you want to do this I go because no one would ever invite me and then they were like wow that was more of an answer than we expected but like and so there's a competitiveness with me internally but I was very competitive as an athlete like unhealthy and it was gross How was it gross?

2:19:25Like, what sports? Anything I did. Anything I did. Well, I think that's Michael Jordan, right? When you're talking about Michael Jordan, he was the most healthy. Michael Jordan and Kelly Slater, the two ones, Tiger Woods, that I hear about and I identify with the way their brain works where I go, oh, I have that grossness where I create scenarios in my head to go, that's it. I'm going to fucking, I'd build up a rivalry with, I have a guy that I think about to this day who played baseball at Tampa Catholic. His name was Israel. and I had a competitiveness. The guy didn't even know who the fuck I am.

2:19:55He never knew me. He was a pitcher. And I apologize, Israel, if you're hearing this right now. We were 16 and I had a competitiveness in my head and my goal was to hit him, to hit a line drive right back in. He was a pitcher and he threw inside and I crushed one off his kneecap and they pulled him out of the game and I stood on first base and I was like, that's how it goes. Israel is 53 years old right now. That was your drive? It was my fucking drive. I was so competitive. And when I got into stand-up, maybe because I just saw that so many people were so far beyond me that I was like, well, I'm not playing their game, I guess.

2:20:37So I never had a competitiveness in stand-up. Well, you can't. Listen, there's a good place for competitiveness. I mean, I'm competitive, no doubt. But I don't think about it in terms of, like, art. I think my competition with either stand-up or with podcasting is to be the best I can be, to do the best job I can. Like if I have a guy on and he wants to talk about some science stuff or something esoteric, I have to read his book or listen to the audio book. I have to read articles. I have to do my best. This guy is going to fly in here from Europe or whatever it is. I have to be ready and I have to be intrigued.

2:21:19And the only reason why I have them on the podcast in the first place is because I'm interested in it. So my thing is just do the best that I can. And the way that I can do it the best I can is only talk to people that I want to talk to. Only reach out to people that I'm actually interested in. Only accept invitations to someone that ignites my curiosity. And just only do it that way. Never say, oh, this person would be great because they're famous. Like that's one of the things you see about some of these podcasts that are doing well. All of their guests are famous, right? which is like a built-in cheat code like let's see what this guy and i have famous people on all the time if i think they're interesting if i want to talk to them but i pass on a lot of famous people because i'm not interested in them or because they were like really heavily pushing the vaccine during the pandemic i'm like fuck you forever fuck you yeah there's a few people that have tried to get on i'm like no i would have before the pandemic i would have been happy to have you on but now i'm like fuck you forever you who knows how many people you caused to have heart attacks.

2:22:19Who knows how many people you tricked into getting that and they had a stroke? Who knows? Who knows? And they didn't need it, especially the people that already got COVID. You didn't know what you were talking about. And you just bootlicked. You bootlicked for the fucking, for the man. Like, fuck you. Like, that's it. But other than that, everybody else, it's like, who is it? What do they want to talk about? So I just do my best. You know, I'm competitive when it comes to playing pool, but really the pool, you're playing against yourself. You're playing another person and the other person is but when you're playing nobody can block you Nobody gets in front of you.

2:22:54You're just trying to do your best So it's all against you all the competition is against you, which is why I like to work out by myself I'm I'm playing against me. You know, it's me. It's like it's whatever my inside little inner bitches I'm trying to squash that motherfucker down beat his ass again and then he's back again tomorrow. Every time I lift the fucking lid on that cold plunge, my inner bitch is like, don't do it. You don't have to do this. You could not do it and we'll be fine. Like the other day it was 22 degrees outside and I had to break the ice off of the top of the thing because it was like covered in ice.

2:23:29I had to break the ice off because I got, I could barely lift the lid off the fucking thing. So I had to knock off all the ice and then pick it up and climb on in. I'm like, fuck you. And this is like, it's fuck you to the inner bitch. Dude, it's like when you said, like I remember doing an interview with a guy. I got a Netflix special coming out. I'm going to go out on the road for the next couple weeks. And I was like, couple weeks. Couple weeks. Couple weeks. I'm gone. I'm not home for one month. One month out, I'm in my bus every night doing stand-up. But 18 months out, I'm like obsessive.

2:24:03Yeah. I'm not shooting my next one until 2027. And I'm obsessive today. Last night I was like, I tried all my new shit. I was like, I gotta find out if real people laughed at this. You know, like, I mean, my fans, my fans, I think my fans are willing to give me an inch, you know? Well, they also know you. They know your story. Yeah. They know all the references. Yeah. But what's crazy to me is, like, we were, me and you, not, I can't speak for the younger comics, but we were in a time at stand-up when competitiveness was the norm. It was because of TV, though, dude. That was what it was. It was like everybody thought they were competing for a very small amount of slots And then what happened was the internet came along and we realized that no In fact, we're actually an asset to each other because we do each other's podcast We hang out with each other which makes each other better when we're all on a show together and you're killing and Tom's killing And Ari's killing the more people are killing the more we're gonna do better because we're gonna get excited about it Yeah, and we'll be inspired and so we became valuable to each other instead of competitive against each other And if there was any competition that you were having with your friends, it was actually healthy competition because it just made you try harder.

2:25:17Like if you saw, if Ari went up and did like when Ari did his Jew special, which was fucking incredible, that special was so good. It made so many people get inspired to work on a theme and write and like really try to develop something. Like look at what he did. He just put together this fucking incredible special. Like it was really fucking good. And that kind of competition is healthy competition. It's inspirational instead of like saying I hope that guy gets hit by a bus fuck him all these Slobs that are on Twitter and they're talking shit about comedians and are angry about comedians. They have one thing in common They're almost all Failures they're either failures or they're extremely mediocre They're in the middle of like mediocrity that no one's no one's got them as their favorite comedian and no one's got them as their favorite podcaster.

2:26:06No one's got them as anything. They just don't do that well. So what do they do? They're attacking people. So their competitiveness is a very unhealthy competitiveness. If their competitiveness was healthy, they would say, well, what is it about this person where she's getting all these comedy specials and she's in front of all these roasts? Why is Nikki Glaser doing so well and I'm not? Instead of hating on Nikki Glaser. But that's not what a narcissist does. Well, what about me? How come I'm not getting that? And she doesn't talk about sucking cock, that fucking bitch. And then they get all fucking angry and they start talking shit about her.

2:26:38Meanwhile, she still kills it. She's still on the road. She's still selling out. She's still getting out there. Everybody screams and cheers. Why? Because she put in the work. And if you put in the work and if you looked at yourself and you objectively analyzed what you're doing and said, why is this going well? Why is this not going well? And worked harder, you would be where she is. But you're not. So what are you doing? You're on Twitter every day for 12 hours like a fucking mental patient just shitting on people and getting in arguments and saying mean things. Like you're going to just – it's crabs in a bucket.

2:27:09You're just trying to pull people down that are doing better than you. Where are you going? Get back down here. That's all it is. Yeah. It's unhealthy. That's why you can't read that stuff because you absorb the atmosphere of the people that you surround yourself with. And like it or not when you're interacting with people on social media you are surrounding yourself with their thoughts Yeah, you know and they're unhealthy people that you would never hang out with in real life And if you did if you said well, why do you think that way and then they would say something like that doesn't make any sense This is why that's that doesn't make any sense And then they would run away and go talk shit about you on social media because they're cowards Yeah, so you can't live in a world of cowards and mental ill people you can't it's not good for you it's uh when i started hanging out with the group i'm around now right i want to say it was you you're saying surround yourself with good people and i remember i remember reading a quote that week and i i've butchered it but i said if enough you hang out with enough great white sharks people think you're a great white shark like i just like like all they see is the fin right and it's like if i hang out with the best fucking comics in the world if I surround myself with the best comics in the world, I'm going to have to get better.

2:28:23Yes. Like, I'm going to get better. And I remember, I can tell you, like, the first time I saw your Caitlyn Jenner joke of the gargoyles. The demon. Yeah, and you're on the stool, and you've got the stool and the gargoyle. I remember watching that, crying, laughing, going, I'm not using the stage at all. Like, I'm not using the stage. Like, God damn it. Or I remember Burr doing an act out, and I never expected Burr to do an act out. he was talking to an immigrant kid he hired that lived in the bushes or that he adopted. He goes, someone says he's not going to live in the house. We're going to keep in the bushes.

2:28:55He said, come on, man. There's a reason you have bushes. But he was doing an act out. And I remember going like, God damn it, man. I don't ever do act outs. Like, I think I always surrounded myself around better comics to like see what the meal was being made and go like, well, shit. I'm just making French fries. You can turn that into a baked potato. Well, we don't exist in a vacuum. This is one of the things that I always say about comics. You never find the best comic in the country or one of the best comics in the country by themselves in Birmingham, Alabama. No. It doesn't exist. They're always in either New York, L.A., Austin.

2:29:28There's a few other places where you find out about someone really good, and they're always around other people that are really good. Because comedy is one of those things where you really only experience it live. Like when you see someone doing a special, specials are great. But a special is like 60 % of the real show. If you're there in the audience, you get 100 % of the real show. You get hypnotized by the show. You get caught up in it. If the guys got it together, it's like really well pieced and timed and edited. It's so much fun. But you got to be there. And when you're at a club and you see Gillis and Ron White and like we had the mothership, you have all these great comics.

2:30:10It's like, man, the atmosphere is just uplifting. Everybody's inspired and exciting. And for people that are listening, like, yeah, that's great for you guys. Be fucking famous comedians. You could do this with your friends. Whatever you're doing. I don't care what you're doing. Whatever you're doing. If you guys are all pickleball players, just work hard to be the best fucking pickleball player. Hang out with other pickleball players. Talk about pickleball. Get involved in it. Push each other. Tell each other what you're doing that's making you better. Tell each other what are the different things you're doing that's enhancing your recovery or whatever the fuck you're into.

2:30:44Find other people that are also into it. Surround yourself with people that have a similar thing, and you all lift each other up. And you need the other voices. Because I think sometimes the best jokes you tell are like you don't realize you're telling a joke. You don't realize it's a bit, and then someone goes, yo, man. Like I remember we were doing a new material night one night, and I got off stage, and you walked up to me and you go, did you really not know that Helen Keller and Anne Frank weren't the same person? And I was like, yeah, you should think they're the same person. Bro, did you, you know what I've been reading?

2:31:15That Helen Keller was a fraud? Okay, hold on, let's start here, okay? So, okay. I heard Stevie Wonder could see. Okay. And there's footage of him doing seeing guy shit. Like what? Pull it up. There's all sorts of stuff and some very interesting stories people have told too. Shut the fuck up. Boy, that's a great secret. To keep that secret for so long while you're still alive. Helen Keller's dead. And it just leaked out in 2026. Dude, Helen Keller. Her doctors were saying that she responded to stimuli, to sound, to visual. And then her writing was apparently all the same grammatical errors and spelling errors that her handler had.

2:31:58This goes back to Kabushay, Joe. It's just like he says to me, you lost it all. You lost everything. And you built it back. And I just Stevie wondered him. I'm like, yeah, I can't see, man. Me and Eddie Bravo were crying laughing because I was on the toilet when he called me. And I'm taking a shit. And he's like, did Bert Krasher lose everything? I'm like, what? That was the first thing you said to me last night. He goes, he was on Shannon Sharp. I go, he didn't lose everything. And I go, I bet Shannon Sharp just said that. And I could see Bert totally just going with it. And we were crying laughing.

2:32:33Eddie and I were crying. Like why would you go with that? Why wouldn't you just tell him? I'll tell you Burt wouldn't. He wouldn't even. I don't know Shannon. I just put myself back up and I just hit rock bottom. He never hit rock bottom. He was never even in the middle. He was always doing great. That's what happened to Stevie Wonder. They were just like hey man I heard you're blind. He's like what? And someone's like just go. Come on. This can't be real. I swear to God. There's video of someone. Ray Charles is blind. Don't kill all my dreams. Ray Charles is really blind. But okay got a lot of pussy to Stevie Wonder why cuz he didn't care what it looked like He just kept what it felt like did you smell good?

2:33:13Do you smell good? Can we fuck I bought a blind guy on stage one time at Hartford, Connecticut? I was like he was with a fucking smoking hot chick. He probably didn't even know and I know I said I go dude It's what a waste and he was like what I go You got a beautiful chick, but you could just I mean wouldn't a fat one feel better Because you're all touch right and he goes no man. I can feel her face and I went what she's gorgeous She was oh you could feel her face. This is when I was young and there are no rules in comedy and no one had phones So I say hey man come up on stage I want you to feel people in the audience and rate them on a scale of one to ten.

2:33:43Oh no Fucking the confidence of these chicks I'll do it. Oh boy feels her face. He's like oh four and the crowd was like this guy's good He could have worked at a fair Joe. I mean he was so fucking good He was so good you have to have footage of Stevie Wonder shaking dudes hands. Come on There's one where I saw where he comes up on stage and Stevie sticks his hand out to the side and the guy's like, hey, what's up, Stevie? Yeah, but I mean, he would hear people and know that they were to the side of him. I don't know. That's what I heard. But then I think that's what happened with Helen Keller is, right?

2:34:17The story gets bigger. Well, Helen Keller, it seems like it was fraud. It seems like she probably was visually impaired. Okay, when someone attempted to shake hands with Stevie Wonder. I pray this. oh that's a joke making fun of it okay so not that oh but i did find so there's a bunch of compilations of people like this is from drink champs these stevie wonder stories keep getting wilder every time shut up you ever had drink champs on no let's let me let me hear some of this stevie's not blind stories stevie wanted me facetiming on everything i love stevie wonder does facetime me come on man i can't make this shit up come on i was in there chilling with my i was getting my hair done with my hair and my phone and my hairstyle is like did i say stevie wonder i said yep i went and he was like i've been looking for you you know snoop dole stevie won the face times him yes we got all kinds of oh my god oh my god do you think stevie to see sometimes

2:35:29Shack said he rode in the elevator with Stevie, and Stevie pressed the button.

2:35:35We lived in the same building on Wilshire. All right, I just need to describe this story. You can park in front, or you can park in the bottom. I'm already in the elevator. So you say Stevie got off his car, a dolo? No, I haven't seen him. But he got on the elevator, a dolo. Okay. And I'm standing in the corner. I see him, I don't want to say anything. He's like, what up, Diesel? and he got the floor and I'm like Shaq said he rode in the elevator with him. He didn't say that he was in there. He just seen Stevie. Like they lived in the same building and they both walked in and Shaq, because he didn't want to say that and Stevie said when Shaq walked out.

2:36:15Alright, later Diesel. That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy. Well, what a great move that would be if he really did it. I think he's blind. No, here's the pitch. But what up diesel first of all the sound that he would make when he walks like the shack is huge he's an enormous person so you'd probably realize there's an enormous man next to you you'd have to feel it right i'll probably maybe he wears the same deodorant or cologne because dudes who can't see have amazing sense of smell like they people smell differently yeah you know like certain people smell different. I guess. I don't notice it because I can see them.

2:36:55Shaq does have his own deodorant. Yeah, there you go. No, he has his own deodorant. He's got Shaq's head on it, I think. He probably smelled Shaq's deodorant. I don't know. I'm just trying to be charitable. This is how I think it happened, right? Stevie Wonder goes on what? The Ed Sullivan Show of Five? And he's probably hard. He probably can't see. He probably doesn't have 20-20 vision. He's probably legally blind, right? Legally blind. Legally blind. Like he can see shit, but it's not great vision. and they're like you know this is little Stevie and he's like what's wrong with his eyes we can't fucking put his eyes out like that give him sunglasses and they just and then the story got bigger than it was I will say this I will say this okay I got video of this this just proves that he might be blind okay Leanne was at a concert the other night this guy Corey Henry's Stevie's favorite pianist Leanne loves Corey Henry she goes to the concert she's sitting next to Stevie Wonder and Stevie Wonder didn't stand the whole place was standing and Leanne was like I go, why isn't he standing?

2:37:51I go, because you only stand to see. If you're blind, you're going to sit through the whole show. It's no different to you. Right. So I was like, and then I have video of Stevie Wonder sitting. But it's also convenient because who the fuck wants to stand for a show? Helen Keller. The Helen Keller one's different. The Helen Keller one's. Because there's doctors that have said, like there was medical records at the time where people said she was responding to light. That's not true. The Helen Keller thing? Um, medical board archives from 1902 to 1924 do not contain examination reports showing Helen Keller had functional vision and hearing throughout a disabled life.

2:38:31And the conspiracy that Keller was a cash cow for Sullivan is debunked by the fact that Keller's full life continued with another companion, Polly Thompson, who also interpreted for her. That doesn't mean anything. That means that other person could be in on it as well. Yeah. That doesn't mean anything. Also, this is a time in 1919. I mean, come on. How easy was a lie in 1912 to 1924? I mean, you could get away with so much. So she supposedly flew a fucking plane? I told you she flew a fucking... Hold on. Yeah, this says it was from like a movie and there's no... Oh, the movie? She flew a plane in a movie?

2:39:06A silent film. She played herself. She played herself flying a plane. They just thought people were retarded back then. They're like, show her flying a plane. She's the best. She started the university. Nothing can hold her back. Why is it holding you back? She can't hear. She can't see. and she could talk and write books. Like, wait, what? Okay, that is this one article. But I've read things that said that the people that were examining her said that she responded to sound and that she responded to light. Just because this one thing says it's not true doesn't mean that it's not true. Well, then here's the question.

2:39:41It's also we don't know. This is 100 years ago. We really don't know. How blind and deaf do you need to be before you say you're not blind and deaf? Right. Well, the thing is, like, can you not hear anything? Can you not see anything? That's blind and that's deaf. Anything else is like I have poor hearing and poor sight. Yeah, but that doesn't sell a fucking book. Right. But that's the problem. Like, maybe she could see a little. Maybe she said bad vision and maybe she could talk a little. Because otherwise, how? I mean, so less impressive. Explain to me how you're going to write books. Explain to me how you're going to grasp concepts and language and communication and interaction.

2:40:18Explain to me. I don't get it. I've never met anybody since then that's been able to do it. Do any blind deaf people today write books and fly planes? I don't know if she flew a plane. She's just in the plane. That's what it said. Oh, yeah. She's in the front of the plane and they usually flew from the back. I saw a blind guy in a plane once. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think he flew. I almost got into a fight with a blind guy at the Austin airport. For what? Right after I did the show last time I was here. I was a little high. I went to the airport. A little drunk. He was fighting with his wife, and he grabbed her by the back of the arm to leave.

2:40:48And I thought he was just grabbing by the back of the arm like a dick. And I was like, hey. And then he turned around, he had sunglasses on and a cane. And I realized that's the only way he could get to the gate. Look at Bert being a fucking white knight. I know. Stepping in, fighting blind guys. I fucked that guy up. It was the easiest fight I've ever been in. The look on the black guy's face at TSA, when I couldn't see that he was blind already. And he grabbed his wife's arm, and I went, hey. And the black eye went, oh, shit. Like not knowing that. You're talking shit to a blind guy. You were drunk.

2:41:18I was. I was wasted. So are there any people, are there any good articles that say Helen Keller could see? No, I asked perplexity. It said she was blind and deaf caused by meningitis when she was 19 months old. Again, I wonder. I wonder if she could see a little. See a little and hear a little makes a lot more sense that you could write books. I just stumbled across something that's, I don't know how true it is. It just says that somewhere along the way, Stevie Wonder got some sort of corrective something or other to help. Oh, so he could see a little bit? Perception issues or. What? That means you could see.

2:41:56Stop lying to me, damn it. That's crazy. But he also, another thing says he's got detached retinas. Wait, did you ever see that? Oh, interesting. So he has damaged vision then. That sounds like damaged vision. Shortly after birth due to retinopathy of prematurity from being born prematurely, he's addressed his rumors persistently about being able to see. It's a blessing to allow him to see people's spirits, not their appearance. So this is the Instagram thing that I saw initially on Helen Keller. I'll send this to you. Yeah, you don't believe that, but you believe that bullshit article that you just pulled up.

2:42:33No, I'm just saying starting with social media isn't the best place to pull it. It's the best place for information. That's where I get all my information. Everything's accurate. You can start there. It's all real. It's all real. Have you ever told someone, yeah, I read a book about it. It was just an Instagram post. And they're like, a book? I think I saw the same post. Yeah. Helen Keller was a fraud. Doctors proved she could see and hear. That's her? Her teacher made millions from the lie. It said, medical board archives from 1902 to 1924 allegedly contained examination reports suggesting Helen Keller retained partial vision and hearing throughout her life.

2:43:07According to those claims, multiple physicians noted she reacted to sounds when Ann Sullivan was not present, tracked movement with her eyes, and physically flinched at loud noises. One sealed report is said to conclude that her response is pointed to coordinated deception rather than true disability. Sullivan reportedly refused independent testing. Aha! The theory argues that the situation became highly profitable. Sullivan allegedly discovered Keller at age 7, promoted a miraculous teaching breakthrough, and toured the country, charging the modern equivalent of thousands per appearance. Supporters of the claim say Keller's autobiography noticeably changed tone when Sullivan became ill, suggesting Sullivan authored both voices.

2:43:53Financial records are said to show Sullivan controlled all income, keeping Keller financially dependent for life. Linguistic analytics cited by conspiracy supporters claimed Keller's writings mirrored Sullivan's private letters exactly matching vocabulary, sentence structure, and even spelling mistakes. They argue that when Keller wrote without Sullivan present, the work appeared elementary, concluding that her eloquent public words came from Sullivan, not Keller. According to the theory, disability organizations later built massive institutions around Keller's story when evidence questioning her condition surfaced, which allegedly suppressed due to to rather protect a lucrative charity, an inspiration based industry that relied on a powerful symbolic figure.

2:44:41Lance Armstrong. What do you mean? This is like this is the this is the whole like the you build the whole thing and people start coming at you. Right. It's like this is the time when the elephant man was big. Yeah, but Lance Armstrong won those races. And the thing about the Lance Armstrong thing is, you know, you could say Lance Armstrong cheated and he'll tell you he cheated. But the reality is everyone cheated. If you wanted to go back into the archives when he won Tour de France and figure out, like, who didn't test positive, you had to go to 18th place. Yeah. So they took away all his jerseys.

2:45:17By the way, fuck you, he says, because he still has all those jerseys on the wall. Bitch, you can't take them from me. You can say I didn't win, but everybody knows I won. And everybody knows he won when all those other guys were doping too. But I was saying they were trying to protect a lucrative profit. And that's what didn't happen with Lance. They just threw him under the bus. Well, he was also suing people who were saying that he took stuff because they were whistleblowers. because they went after them first and said, listen, if you blow the whistle on Lance, we'll get you off the hook. And so then he would sue them.

2:45:50It would be a better story if Helen was more like Lance. And they're like, we got a tennis partner who says you play tennis with Helen. She's like, I'm going to sue you. And they're like, you're talking pretty good. She's like, I'm going to sue you. But this is around the time when the elephant man was big. So you'd grab onto something, right? You'd grab onto something like a sideshow. And you'd parade it around the country and make money. Especially that woman who's her handler. If that lady was responsible for all of her finances and had access to all that money. Ann Sullivan. That makes sense.

2:46:16That's how I mixed up Ann Frank and Ann Sullivan. That's how it came about. There's no link here. Shut up, Jamie. I just want to say. Stop ruining everything. You're right. There's no link there. There's not a single link to say. And people even ask, like, where are the links? And when you Google some of this stuff. I like that one, though. I knew it. I knew it. I'm with that guy. Christian Harvey. I'm with that guy. I knew it. I'm with that guy. I've been saying this for years. It just doesn't make sense that she'd be able to write so eloquently. Did you ever see Kevin Hart and Dr. Dre talking about Stevie Wonder?

2:46:46No. Pull this up. Kevin Hart, Dr. Dre. Because Dr. Dre is not, he never tries to be funny. Right. He is so fucking funny on accident on this clip. Talking about Stevie Wonder? Just Stevie Wonder, Dr. Dre, Kevin Hart. Album with Marsha Ambrosia, right? and we did some music, a song using Stevie Wonder's music and he had to clear it and he called me up like, hey, okay. For some reason, Stevie Wonder calls you like super early in the morning, like six, seven in the morning or some shit. I'm like, that's because you can't see the time.

2:47:22The fuck? Like, so, true story. Look at Kevin. I don't like the lyrics. I don't like the lyrics, Kevin. Look at Kevin. Okay, we went in and changed the lyrics. He's like, what if we, uh... It was like Jessica. Stevie is 3 a.m.

2:47:44What the fuck is the difference? Like 5 a.m. or 5 p.m. is Stevie.

2:47:51That's true. What's the difference? That's true. Blind people have a really hard time sleeping. I imagine because it's dark all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Their circadian rhythm is all fucked up, right? Yeah. They feel sunlight in their face, though. If they go outside. They have to. I do. They have to. Yeah, it probably feels really good. Get that sun on your face. You're blind. Like, oh. You just don't feel the light. Just feel the warmth. I bet you see it when you open your eyes a little bit. I bet you see something. Depends on your level of blindness, right? Some people could just see light, like a little bit of light.

2:48:22I would love that they made, like, blind glasses. Like, this is how blind you have to be to be considered blind. And you could just put them on and be like, okay, that's blind. Oh, like legally blind glasses? Yeah, yeah, like legally blind glasses. that we could all put on. And then they're like, that'd be cool if they made versions. Like, this is how blind Helen Keller was. And you put them on, and you're like, oh, I can fucking see. Yeah, we don't know. I guess there's no way to find out. I like to believe that it was a fraud. I think that's fun. I like to believe that people pulled, but it's like Watergate.

2:48:48I like finding out. I gotta get rid of that book now. Yeah. That fucking bums me out. That was my hair. Listen, you watched the episode that I did with Bill Murray. He fucking hated that book. He said, yeah, after five pages, he was like, I knew it was bullshit. God. Yeah. Bert I love you to death. Joe I love you. Tell everybody about your show. It's on Netflix right now Free Bert streaming on Netflix right now. Check it out. If you like it. Just enjoy it. Tell a friend boom boom 275 pounds in this Damn You look like you lost a lot of weight. How much you down to now? 40 pounds 35 pounds That's awesome.

2:49:21I'm 230. And you haven't drank in how long? Just 17 days That's good. Yeah, I got another I have a timer set five months and 18 days So at six months, you're going to have a drink? Yeah, well, I got a second opinion. You know that, Joe. Okay, I'll see you in six months. I'll see you before. Are you coming tonight? Are you going to be around tonight? I'm trying to go spend time with Tom's kids. Oh, beautiful. I'm going to take him to dinner. Okay, beautiful. Good luck getting Tommy on the phone these days. He's a busy boy. Yeah, busy boy. Yeah, real busy, Tom. That dude's busy, though. No. He's kind of crazy busy.

2:49:52Yeah, I own a vodka company with him. Yeah, he opened up a restaurant. We have a 5K. You couldn't run our 5K, Joe? No. L.A.? No. I don't go to LA. When was the last time you were there? I guess it was like I went there for the UFC seven months ago or something like that. Okay. Yeah. I don't go there anymore. LA to me is like just a bad relationship. Like you run into a girl that used to be cool and now she's just a mess and you're like, oh. You don't miss anything about it? Nope. I'm good at moving on. thanks for having me on Joe my pleasure brother I love you to death alright bye everybody

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