#2557 - Yakov Smirnoff

33:30So she doesn't have to worry about that. In my previous marriage, I didn't understand that. So on stage, I came across like I was this, you know, strong guy who was invited to the White House to perform. I was you know I was commanding a big group of 2 ,000 3 ,000 people and she saw that and then in the relationship I became like now she knows what to do I don't have to do anything so I said I do and I didn't do it I didn't know what it was what my role was so it took me 20 years and all that education to get to that place that who do I want to become to attract a woman that wants to be in that role damn dude you thought about this shit deep I did going through it man I got through it because you're going through that which is always a bummer for people especially with children when you're getting divorced but then on top of that your career goes away because the Soviet Union collapsed yes and then you said fuck it that's very admirable he said fuck it i'm gonna get educated and figure out what's wrong with me exactly what's you know yes yeah and i don't know if you have a picture of my my wife and and the kids and the kid now i'm 75 and i have a one-year-old what yes i am i know when did you get married how long did you seven seven years ago so this so you spent like 20 years single yeah just trying to figure yourself out Yes.

35:03Damn, man. You went on a walk through the wilderness. I went to Tony Robbins. What? Yeah, all of his trainings. I mean, I needed to become, I wasn't that strong person. I was more like my dad, and I needed to become who I wanted to be. I wanted a woman to trust me that I can sustain no matter what. And I have a feeling there's my wife. Did you meet your wife in Missouri? No, she is from Ukraine. That's an interesting... You have a one-year-old? Dude, it's time to get you on some peptides. That's crazy. You're 75. You have a one-year-old? I do. We got to go to work on you. We got to keep you alive.

35:47That's nuts. It's wonderful. You're almost 20 years older than me, and you have a one-year-old. That's crazy. Well, I'm excited. That's crazy. I'm excited because I figured that I figured out something. So the way – so I was – you'll get a kick out of it. So I was married to an American woman. Then I was dating other women. It wasn't happening. So I took my kids, grown kids, to Ukraine. And I wanted them to show – I'm from Odessa, all right? So when they're with them, they were like probably in their 20s. And so and on the way back, I forgot my passport on the plane from Odessa to Kiev. And I had to stay behind for a day to get a temporary passport.

36:44So I went to a park and I was waiting for this. And I see this lunchtime and this gorgeous women are going to lunch and back. And they're like, I feel like I'm in Paris watching a runway show. I mean, it's like beautiful women. And I'm going, I can relate to that. I would like one of those women. Wait a minute. But how old are you at this time? That was 10 years ago, so 65. And how old are these ladies? uh well my wife is 42 so but in in their in their 20s 30s 42 and 75 doesn't seem offensive for whatever reason you know what i mean like 20 and what would be the equivalent well i wasn't looking i i wasn't looking i wasn't a playboy i was looking for a wife i had a i had a but women don't care about that if they find out that a man is like that much older than a woman they kind of get upset well it probably in that culture is a little bit different than american culture um and so what i did i said okay how do i do that so i went to ukraine and i tried to meet women through like agencies that introduced people it wasn't working a couple of times then i decided i'm going to just hire three different agencies at the same time and I'm just going to go for two weeks.

38:18And I had 51 dates. So you went to Ukraine just to meet a woman. I went to look for a wife. It wasn't a woman. Right, but I mean, it has to be a woman, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, so that's what happened. And I would just have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with different ladies. And it didn't take me very long because I had all that training and education. I was new. And I was looking for a woman who has a father that is really good for her. I mean, I knew that if the father, if they're afraid of masculine energy, if they're being with the abusive dad or something is not right, they will not trust my energy.

39:10and that was for the handshake I could tell pretty much if that woman and and all 51 dates were I it didn't work I mean I just knew in a couple of seconds that it wasn't right but then I have to eat you know so I gained weight just because I I had to eat all this time three meals a day and anyway you were going out with three different girls a day to try to find a wife yeah that sounds kind of crazy well it's a little crazy so then so then i go it didn't work right so what do i do so now i i decide i'm going to do a seminar in kiev uh on relationships because i was teaching at missouri state university at that time so a professor from america is going to teach this course on the relationships and laughter, right?

40:07That was my hook. But you did this all just to meet women. Yeah, yeah, I did. Well, I'm not ashamed of it because I was very focused. Listen, it's pragmatic. You have a good strategy. Very focused. It seems like the same strategy that led you to serve breakfast in Branson, you're an industrious guy. And get out of the Soviet Union. You find solutions. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So then so then I I need somebody to promote this and to find the venue and bring women. But the logic was the logic was that the women who will come to a seminar are different kind of women that go to those agencies. Those agencies, they're hunting for somebody from outside the country.

40:59They're looking for somebody. These women just wanted to know more about the relationship. So what do you mean they're hunting for someone outside the country? So they're trying to escape Ukraine? Yeah. That's what they're doing? So they're trying to find a husband that's going to take them out of there? Exactly. Exactly. So they're more in a masculine energy. They're more like, I'm going to get somebody. And I wasn't into that. I wasn't interested. So someone recommended this lady who can do this, promote this. And that was my future wife. It was my Olivia, who I'm now married to. And when I met her and she promoted this, I already knew that I didn't need the seminar.

41:44I just, I met somebody that I really wanted to be with. And it wasn't immediate because we were age difference at first. I was like, what? What are you talking about? And I was just professional and doing this professionally. But little by little, we started learning about each other. And then I invited her to America, proposed to her on her birthday on a Hutter balloon ride. I mean, I was, you know. Very romantic. Yeah, yeah. That way she could not get out that way. I could give her that. Wow. Yeah. That is a creepy place to propose. To propose. Well, like you're already scared. You're prepared.

42:33Are you going to take care of me, please? Oh, get this thing down on the ground. I put a big banner on the ground, will you marry me? Aw. Aw. And she didn't know how to read English. That's hilarious. She did not say yes. And then I opened the ring and then she said yes. Does she speak Russian? Is that what they speak in Ukraine? Yeah. Primarily? Primarily. Is there a Ukrainian language? Yeah, there is. There is. That's the tension between two sides of Ukraine. One is very Western, very Ukrainian. The other one is Russian speaking. And Russian speaking don't mind the other side. The other side does mind.

43:20So, yeah. Got it. Got it. Got it. Well, it's like, what was it like starting out doing standup in the Soviet Union? That's where you started, right? How old were you? I was 15. And what is it like over there when you're 15? Is there like a version of The Tonight Show in Russia? Well, no, it's a lot. But at those days, you know, it was very structured, very Communist Party controlled. So there was only like two comedians in the whole country that were government approved. So they would be on the radio and television and nobody else was really doing comedy. What were the comedians like? More like vaudeville.

44:11What were their names? So Arkady Rykin, you could probably Google him, Arkady Rykin. He was the main guy that I would listen to. And in each apartment, there would be a little speaker that would be on all the time so they could brainwash you. Whoa! You had a speaker in your apartment all the time. Yeah. Wow! Wow. Yeah. So, but then on Sunday mornings. This is what, 66? Yeah. Yeah. 51. So, yeah. Yeah. It's about that time. Yeah. That was the guy. Yeah. Wow. That was the guy. Very famous. The only people from America that we saw were Charlie Chaplin, and that's it. Just Charlie Chaplin? Charlie Chaplin.

45:05So you thought America was just silent movies? Well, they portrayed it. He did a Charlie Chapman impersonation. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He's got wacky wigs and shit. I would listen to his. So every other Sunday or every once a month, he would have a different monologue that was written and approved by the Communist Party. Yeah. So I was really into it. So I would record it and we had the big tape recorder like this and I would record it and I would memorize it. And because there was nothing to be approved because it's already been approved, then I would go to like a club in my school and I would tell jokes, his jokes.

45:59And people knew that it was his jokes, but they would laugh. And that's how I got my understanding that I really wanted to do that. Wow. Yeah. And little by little, then I went to the military and I did that there kind of as an amateur. And then— So you just stand up for the military? Yeah, yeah. But it would be just like holidays, like if it was May Day or— Like an event. Yeah, October Revolution. they would look to me to entertain. So I would do that. And then I went to, came out of the military, went to college for art degree. My parents didn't think that I could do anything. Comedy would not be like, nobody even thought that that's even a possibility.

46:54And so I kept doing it and then start working on the Soviet cruise ships. and they had in the Black Sea Soviet cruise ships. So I went, they asked me to go and perform there on the cruise ship. Yeah, you're like, really? Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How old were you at the time? I was 20, 21. Okay. Yeah. Now I'm getting paid and I'm getting a cabin And now prior to that, I lived in a communal apartment with my parents in the same room until I was 26 years old. Whoa. So, yeah. So no phone, nine families. What if your parents wanted to get frisky? They'd tell you to go for a walk? They would go look out the window.

47:47Go look out the window? Well, I joke about this. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. And then they say, what do you see? What do you see in the window? I might jump out that fucking window. Yeah. And they say, what do you see in the window? I said, our neighbor's being frisky. And they say, how can you tell us? Because their son is looking at me. So that's the joke I tell. But that was my life. And here, all of a sudden, I'm introduced to this. So tourists from other countries would take those cruises around Black Sea. and all of a sudden I'm introduced to this group of people that I was not allowed to talk to, foreigners.

48:33We were not allowed to even communicate. What countries were they from? Germany, Britain, some Americans, some Australians, Yugoslavians, whatever, from Soviet bloc. And who was the president? Brezhnev. Brezhnev was the president at that time. And so I started, so I did one week of performances. And then they said, would you like to stay on board? And I said, can I bring my parents with me? Can we give another cabin for them? And they said, no, you don't get any special privileges. We have hundreds of people like you. Get out. And I was like, okay. So I left. And a couple of hours later, a messenger comes.

49:32We have no phone. So it's like messenger comes and brings two sets of tickets for me and my parents. And I never heard that it's even possible, like that they would go back on their word. So I go on the cruise. And I go to a cruise director. I said, what happened? And he said, well, here's what happened. These ships normally are rented to European companies for like nine months out of the year. And we learned from them that if somebody is valuable, we give them more perks. The captain liked your performance, and he told them, the company, that even if you have to give him my own cabin, I want him on the ship.

50:26And the light bulb went in my head. I said, wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you saying that in capitalistic world, if you're more talented, you get more things? And they go, yeah. That was, it's hard to imagine. It was like, it changed my life. Well, it's hard to imagine for people that didn't grow up in the environment that you grew up with a speaker in your apartment. Yeah. Like, just you saying that to me, my mind is rattled. I was like, oh, my God. Like, they could just broadcast in your apartment anytime they wanted. Yeah. What a great way to brainwash people. And they would jam, like, because we had a big radio, and they would jam Voice of America.

51:12But my dad would wake up, like, in the middle of the night. he was wanting to know what's happening out there and he would sit there and listen to that quietly and i remember as a kid i asked dad what are you listening to in the middle of the night and he goes shh don't let neighbors hear us this is the voice of america we're not allowed to listen to it wow yeah you had to keep it secret yeah but at night time how did he listen to it just quiet It just sat there. But if they jammed it, how did he listen? No, they would jam it during the day. But at nighttime, they didn't think anybody would wake up at 3 o 'clock in the morning and sit there and listen to it.

51:53How do they jam it? It's just, I don't know. How's it going to say that again? Yeah. I don't know. So they had some way to jam that signal. Oh, yeah. Whatever signal was on. Exactly. Wow. Exactly, yeah. It's shortwave, so it goes in and out anyway. What did he get out of listening to Voice of America? Like what was he – did he talk about it? Yeah, yeah. I would then start also waking up and listening. And it would be just standard American thing. Give me your tired, your hungry, your poor, something like that. And they would – that there's a Statue of Liberty waiting to greet you if you come to the United States.

52:38And he would always say, you know, this would be something that I would love you to experience. And my mom, she hated that because she was afraid that we'll get in trouble. And so she didn't want to even talk about this. So if I drew a picture as a kid, I would draw a picture of Statue of Liberty. And she was like, don't do that. Don't let anybody see this. We'll get in trouble. and when after I experienced the cruises and got to know this different environment I came home and I go mom dad I think we should consider try to get out of and mom was like mad at my dad and my dad stood up which was good for him at that time normally he would just be quiet but he said to my mom, Clara, don't you, would you like your son when he is my age, sit there by the radio and listen to Voice of America, hoping, wishing that he would be doing something like that?

53:48Or would you like him to be in America doing this? And my mom kind of went, you know what's going to happen when we apply for a visa, people who consider your friends, they will cross the street, and they will not want to talk to you and be seen with you, and you're going to go for hell. And my dad said, yeah, we will. And she said, well, if you're willing to do it, so am I. And that's all you had to do is apply for a visa? Well, what was happening at that time, Jimmy Carter was the president here, and he wanted to see some human rights in the Soviet Union. And the Soviet leadership was they were starving.

54:43They didn't have food, so they needed food from America. So Jimmy Carter made a deal that we're going to give you grain and you allow people to get out. And that's how we were kind of exchanged for some wheat, you know. That's how we got out. Wow. Holy shit, man. Yeah. Yeah. You sometimes need to be reminded how fortunate you are. You know, Americans in particular, we're very, you know, it's not our fault. People become accustomed to where they live. And they think this is normal, which is one of the reasons why this push towards communism amongst young people is so infuriating to me. It's like I understand that it comes from this desire for empathy and kindness.

55:36I get that. The idea of socialism comes from an idea of empathy and kindness that you want. You think the world would be better if we all shared and that why are there people that are so rich and people that are so poor? And you're right. But the solution is not to make the government decide who gets what because they never decide the right way. They do what people do. What people do when they have power is they enact total control over the population so that they can maintain power. And then they live in luxury and then you wait in line for bread. And that's how it is all over the fucking world.

56:11And if you step out of line, they shoot you. That's where communism goes. So what we need is like a more moral and ethical version of capitalism. So we need capitalism but with empathy. Capitalism but with philanthropy. Like real philanthropy, not like scams where you find out that 90 % of the money is actually going to all the people that work there. And it's a small – we need to figure out a way to be more empathetic as a culture, but recognize that the pursuit of freedom and the ability to have freedom is so huge. And it's such a great gift. We're so lucky that we have this experiment in self-government that is the United States of America.

56:50100%. And that at least I was born here. Yeah. We're lucky as shit. you know and you don't throw that away because it's not good enough right don't throw that away because it's not it's not perfect you're not going to get perfect with human beings but this is the best system is it corrupt a hundred percent yeah that should be fixed the corruption should be fixed and guardrails should be put in place and maybe more regulations in regard to some things should be put in place but the purpose of this whole thing is to allow people to have freedom to do whatever they want. And that's not ubiquitous in the world.

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58:10Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. No, no. And I've been kind of a poster boy child for American Dream in a way. Look at your phone. Look at that phone case. If I had that on, people would call me a fascist. We have an American flag. In Branson, yeah, in Branson, that's not. That flag to me doesn't represent whoever is in. It didn't represent Biden when he was in office. It didn't represent Obama. It didn't represent Trump.

58:57That represents all of us, right and left, independent, black, white, Asian, Russian, fill in the blanks, Filipino, everybody from everywhere. Who cares? It's America. It's America. This is the great melting pot. And that's how we really should be. And that flag shouldn't represent. Some people think the flag represents racism or colonialism. Come on, stop. That flag represents hope. And if you were a kid like Yakov Smirnoff. That's right. Is that your real name? No. What's the real name? Pokis. Say that again? That's why. Pokis, P-O-K-H-I-S, is my real name. But I was a bartender, a bar boy at first when I came here.

59:43And my first job was a bar boy in the Grossinger's Hotel in the Catskills. Oh, wow. Yeah. What year was this? 77. Who did you get to see perform there? Oh, Freddie Roman. Wow. Eddie Fisher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Freddie Roman. Old school, baby. Yeah, old school. I was learning. Red Skelton. Did you see those guys? Uh-huh, I did. Later, later in Atlantic City. But yeah, I was learning English. I was learning about Chappaquiddick or stuff like that. I was like, what is that? So I was definitely learning English there. Have you ever seen the television show on Amazon, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? It's really good, man.

1:00:34Yeah, the first season is incredible. It's about a young woman who's married and decides to become a stand-up comedian. Like she's married with kids, the whole deal. And she decides to do stand-up. And part of what she does, she does some stand-up like in the Catskills. Interesting. And like that is for people that don't know stand-up, there's like stand-up comedy as an art form is a very new art form. Yeah. Very new in terms of human history. Yes. It's only existed like in this form that we call stand-up where you have comedy clubs and stuff like that. It's only existed like that since the 60s.

1:01:11It's true. It's vaudeville pretty much started that, right? Yeah. It's a different form, but that was I was learning from those jokes. But a big part of it was the Catskills. Yes. A big part of it because people from New York and Pennsylvania, they would go into the Poconos and the Catskills, and they would do that on summer vacation. And people would get jobs there. And comedians would go and book themselves at these places. It was a big deal. It was. It was. And I didn't know about that. So you just got a job there just out of fortune. Well, how it happened, I decided I needed to learn English.

1:01:51I didn't speak English, right, to start with. So how do I learn English? And I thought maybe if I can be a bartender, because in the cruise ships, bar was in the same proximity as the stage was. So I figure it's the same people coming to enjoy evening and I can talk to them individually and learn English. That was my clever idea, right? And so I went and got a bartending, it's called degree of mixology. In New York, there was a makeshift school on Fifth Avenue, two weeks,$200, and you get a degree of being a mixologist. And I don't speak English, but I collected that$200, got the degree. And they promised you to get a job, right?

1:02:47So first job, they got me, there was a restaurant in Lincoln Center called Monk's Inn. And it was, you dress as a monk and it's a French restaurant and you don't have to speak. You're a waiter, but you don't have to speak. It was perfect. and then the same school said they're requesting some bar boy in the Catskills at the Grossinger's Hotel and I didn't know anything about it and I on my day off I went upstate New York and went walked into this place and it was gorgeous it was a beautiful bar like an 18 bartenders or whatever it's huge and then 2000 seat theater. And when I saw it in my brain, I said, I don't care what they pay me.

1:03:44I want to work here. And so I took that job. And actually, I was nervous because I didn't know that I can quit the other job because they just gave it to me like a week ago. Right? And so I go back, and I'm so nervous. I go to the manager. I go, I know you gave me a break, but there is an opportunity here. And he said, Yaakov, it's America. You should take the opportunity. And if you ever need the job, you get it here. And I was like Rocky. I was like ta-da-da-da-da. Was he calling you Yaakov? or was he calling you? You'd already used that name? Yakov is my real name. Yakov is my real name. But you said it wasn't your real name.

1:04:40Pokis. Pokis is my last name. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Yakov is my real name. So I took... Yakov Pokis would have made it? Pokis Yakov Pokis. Yeah, I do Smirnoff? And I... And I... People could not pronounce my name. So in the bar, they would... I would see that they can say, I'll have some Smirnoff. And I'm going, hmm maybe that's a good name and i and it stuck in the akob that makes sense that makes sense yeah but when you think about how many different people in show business changed their names back then that was a super common thing like you didn't keep the name that you were if you had a goofy name like arnold schwarzenegger yeah was a groundbreaker because he was like one of the first guys to say regardless of whether or not you could spell my name or even say that's my name I'm going to keep that name.

1:05:28Right. So many people changed their names and made their name sound more appealing. Well, mine kind of worked because Yaks is like jokes, Yaks. And Smirnoff kind of makes people happy. Right. So it kind of worked. Oh, it works great. Yeah. It's a great idea. Yeah. So you're a young kid and you're at these Catskill shows. How long did you work there? uh not very long but eight maybe seven eight months and did you slowly learn english when you were learning english and i was translating jokes and i would try them on the audience or my my customers and i would just tell a joke and if they laughed and i knew that i i i understood and if they didn't laugh or i didn't get a tip then it wasn't working so so So that was my gauge.

1:06:23And you were a busboy when you were doing this? I was a bar boy. So bar boys bringing ice and mixing pina coladas, whatever. And then you became a bartender. And then I would ask the guy, I asked the guy who was the manager of the main room, Barry Wise, his name. and I asked him if I could try my comedy. And he said, no, you can't do it in this room. But in the lobby in afternoons, they have a game with older people, Simon Says. And the guy who Master of Ceremonies there will probably let you do a couple of minutes of stand-up. So I did. I walked on stage, and it's a little stage in the lobby, and I'm telling a couple of jokes.

1:07:28And some woman on the back started. I thought she was laughing. It was like, ha, ha, ha, ha. She had seizures. And I didn't know. and I'm thinking I'm doing well and they're getting her on her knee out of there and people coming over and saying, you were killing, you were killing. I'm going, no, no, I wasn't killing. The whole thing was, but at least I told a couple of jokes and that gave me some confidence. And then I did a couple of shows in Catch a Rising Star, which wasn't very good for me. In New York? In New York, yeah. And then I was working as a shipping manager in a company called Greeting Bells, just to make some money.

1:08:21And the lady said, I know somebody in Hollywood. His name is Ted Bergman. He is the executive producer of Three's Company, which was a huge show at that time. Sure. He said, if you go to Hollywood, I can arrange a meeting. And I said, okay, I'll go. So I had a plan. I bought a ticket for 10 days to go to Hollywood, become a star, and then come back to New York and buy Fifth Avenue apartment for my parents. That was my desire. It was crazy, right? But I go, okay, he's an executive producer of Three's Company. He'll put me in the show. I'll become a star right away. I know, it's crazy, right? But I really was that naive, right?

1:09:18So I go there, and Ted Bergman says, I would like to see you perform. So I need to find a spot. And I go to the comedy store, and I get on the open mic list. and then the message comes that he is not going to make it. But I'm already committed, so I'm doing my five minutes and I'm bummed because now it's day four and I'm not even close to getting a television show. So I'm walking away and I'm on sunset and this girl, Chrissy, her name was Mitzi's secretary at that time. And she runs after me and she goes, Yaakov, Yaakov, congratulations. And I go, why? I mean, the guy didn't show up. And she goes, no, no, no, no, no, Mitzi liked you.

1:10:20And I go, who is Mitzi? No, no, it's silly to see in front of her portrait. and she goes, she owns the comedy store. Go talk to her. So I go sit down next to her in that booth that is next to her original room and I have no idea who I'm talking to and she says, you're very funny. Stay in Los Angeles. There's always place for good and different. and I'm again I'm like okay I said I I'm sorry but I you know I have parents in in LA in in New York and I need to go back because I they rely on me and she goes so what does your dad do and I go he's a building construction engineer and she goes can he be a carpenter and I go I think so and she goes okay why don't you bring him here I'll give him a job I like your Mitzi impression it's pretty close and she goes and where do you live I go, I'm staying with some friends.

1:11:49She goes, I have a house up the hill and you can rent a room for$120 a month if you want to. That was Crest Hill? Crest Hill, yeah. So I still don't know, again, who I'm talking to. And she goes, and come back tomorrow and watch a regular show. So I come back. How old are you at this time? I'm 26, 27 now. Yeah. So I go in next day and I sit in the back. And first person that Harry Speatt, you probably remember. Yeah. Harry Speatt introduces Robin Williams first on stage. And he just hit number one show on. Mork and Mindy? Yeah. Yeah. And after him is Billy Crystal. After him is David Letterman.

1:12:46After him is Richard Pryor. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's lined up like, and I'm sitting back there and I'm going, this is day five. I'm ahead of schedule. If she likes them and she likes me, I'm staying. I don't care. And that's how it started. And she gave me a job. So basically I was helping my dad as a carpenter because she wasn't, I wasn't ready to perform there really. But she believed in you. Yeah. And she gave me a break. And little by little, once in a month she would say, why don't you go up and do what you, you know. And I was practicing. I would do other clubs meantime just to get better and better and better.

1:13:40and then, you know, she had been an amazing supporter, you know, and I continue. I build a lot in the belly room. I build a lot of things in, and she, my main job was to go to her house and Paulie was a young kid who was smoking pot and to prevent Mitzi from walking into on him, he would take off the doorknobs of the door and he would throw them away. And my job was to go and buy new doorknobs and put them in. It was like a full-time job, you know? And so, yeah, she'd been a blessing, a blessing for me. Paul, he's at the club this weekend. Oh, is that right? Oh, cool. Yeah, he's on the 25th. That's cool.

1:14:34That's crazy. And so how good was your English back then? It was getting better. Were you taking courses or reading books? Yeah, I was relentless. I would do whatever it takes to learn. I isolated myself totally from Russian speaking, except my parents. I was speaking to them in Russian, but everybody else I spoke in English. So it was getting better and better. And then little by little, I got, you know, kind of Robin got me a part at Moscow on a Hudson movie. That was the first. This is all in the 70s, right? So this is probably like you got arrived there like what, 78? 78, yeah. And then the movie started in 82, came out in 84.

1:15:30So at that point, I was doing Night Court a lot. I did like seven episodes. I could not get on The Tonight Show. There was a producer, Jim McCauley, who didn't think that Carson is going to like me. right and so i became and he would come every day mitzi was very supportive of this she would have like a showcase once a year of people for uh him to look at and he would come and he would say carson is not gonna like he's not gonna like he's not gonna like and on on year six he came and he said, Yaakov, let's save time for one another. You'll get on that show when the hell freezes over. I swear. So I started watching Weather Channel.

1:16:25Well, I didn't have a shot. And I just kind of moved on. And then I got Miller Lite commercial, which became very popular. I don't know if you can show that, Jamie. You could probably see it. It became really big. All of a sudden, I was, during Super Bowl, shown, and all of a sudden, people kind of got to know me.

1:16:55And then Carson saw this commercial, and he told Macaulay, he said, this guy is funny. How come we don't have him on? And Macaulay said, oh, yeah, we were just about to get him. and so Mitzi calls me. I'm in Raleigh, North Carolina in the club, and she calls me, and I remember on the pay phone, I call her back, and I go, what's going on? She goes, guess who Hall? I go, who? Macaulay. He's such an ass. He now wants you on the show right away, and my gut reaction was like, I want to tell him to go shove it. And then I go, no, no, no. So I did the Tonight Show, and Carson liked me and called me over to the couch, which was kind of a big deal at that time.

1:18:02And I sat down and I said, Johnny, you know, in America, you have things we never had in Russia, like policemen have warning shots. And he almost fell off the chair. And we went to a commercial, and Macaulay comes over, gets between me and Carson, and goes, can you do another shot like this like a couple of months from now? I go, when the hell freezes over, he goes, touche, touche. and I did six, seven, seven episodes of Carson. And people today, young people, especially listening, don't understand what a big deal it was to be on Carson. And I think the only thing that's close today is Kill Tony.

1:18:49Yes. Kill Tony is a place where people's careers are actually really legitimately launched. There's a bunch of people. Cam Patterson's on SNL now. You know, there's guys like when I did a show, a podcast with the Black Keys, they were asking for William Montgomery to perform. Like, can we go see William Montgomery? Like there's people that are stars from that show now. Amazing. Well, I'm here with you because I did that show. And here I saw you and you invited me. So I'm very grateful to Tony that kind of got us. Tony has done that for a lot of people. I mean, he's blown up Adam Ray. He's blown up so many of these guys.

1:19:28Kyle Dunagan. So many of these guys have taken off because of Tony. Yeah. It's a really amazing platform because it's just comedy. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Totally. Totally. Love it. It's like a more important platform for comedians than a regular podcast like this one because this podcast is not always comedy. Like sometimes I'm talking to scientists. Right. Sometimes I talk to a lot of weird different people. Yeah. Absolutely. But that show is just funny. and there was nothing like that back then so the closest thing to it was the tonight show and if you got on the tonight show and you did stand up i mean that was the first time uh i remember watching richard jenny was on the tonight show and uh there's a bunch of other people that i saw on the tonight show too but everybody would stay up late at night and when there was a comedian on the tonight show you get excited yeah like oh i was a comedian yeah let's see if they're funny and um if you were good and you were on the tonight show then you could perform at clubs all over the country.

1:20:26And they would say, as seen on The Tonight Show, oh, The Tonight Show. It was a huge deal. And if you had that credit and people had seen you, also back then, like, what were the numbers? The numbers were crazy. 30 million. Yeah, because there was only four channels, three at the time, not even four. Fox didn't even exist yet. So there was three channels, and a huge percentage of the country was watching this one thing. I was very blessed. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And I million. Yeah. And I one time I offered them he loved to do impressions of Reagan Carson. He was and I I offered them to do a skit of me as an interpreter.

1:21:11He is Reagan and then had a Gorbachev lookalike. And it was a huge hit. It was really very, very well received. So and that's another interesting thing that, you know, like when I met Reagan, I was still fairly unknown. And I was playing a club in Washington, D.C. And it was called Comedy Cafe. And somebody came over to me after the show. and a guy, I didn't know who he was, and he said, I'm having President Reagan and Nancy Reagan as my guests, dinner guests at my home in two weeks. I would like to invite you to be one of the guests. And I'm thinking, this guy's nuts. Who is this? And he was chief editor of Washington Times newspaper.

1:22:12and he the reason I brought this up because so he sent me tickets I come back and then this is like a scene from like a die hard or something we're pulling into his house there's two helicopters are hanging over the neighborhood there's FBI everywhere and I'm going there's going to be a mess You know, they won't let me in. I just didn't think it's possible. So they get him out of the car. They frisk him. They ask for his IDs. And he said, I'm the owner of the place where the president is going to dinner. And they said, we don't care. So they get him. And then they shine the light. I'm sitting in the passenger seat.

1:23:05And they shine the light on me. and the guy goes, Miller Lite commercial, right? Go in. Wow. That's how I met. That's how I met the president. And then it was, the moment we met each other, it's like locked in like the same wavelength. And all of a sudden he was like, have you heard this joke? And he starts telling me Russian jokes. And then it was back and forth. So 18 people in the room and everybody's laughing. And that's how we started that relationship. Wow. That's crazy. Yeah. And then I get a call from his Dana Rohrabacher, who was his head speechwriter. And he calls me a couple of weeks later.

1:23:55He said, Reagan is going to go to Russia to meet with Gorbachev. He is going to do a speech in front of all the Russian politicians in the University of Moscow. he would like you to write some jokes for his speech and this is like insane for me to hear this I'm going if something doesn't go right I don't have any countries to go to this is like where am I going right so I write some jokes they put them in the speech and then Dana goes, do you mind looking over the speech? Because we want to make sure that the tone of the speech is right. I'm going, this is too much. This is too much responsibility.

1:24:45But I was honored. I read it and I said, I personally don't think that the tone is correct. I think you're kind of talking down to them and they're not going to like it. and he goes, he goes, then rewrite the speech. I'm going, okay. So I just changed, I didn't rewrite the speech. I just changed some tone of kind of putting them on the equal level as opposed to being talking down to the Soviet leaders. They didn't appreciate that. Can you explain how he was talking down? Just teaching them that capitalism is so much better than what they got and they should switch to that form of politics as opposed to kind of appreciate what they and their, you know, their empire at that time that is still very big.

1:25:48so I didn't, I just felt that I would be just nicer and they liked it. They changed some of the things and they kept it that way and so I don't know how, Mitzi used to tell me, you and Reagan changed the world. I go, yeah, Mitzi, you're right. I'm just telling jokes. He goes, no, it was his secret weapon that he used to get to Gorbachev. Maybe there's some truth to that. Well, certainly truth in that you kind of understood how they would receive what he was saying, that he was saying something that would, they would become defensive and they would be offended by it. Yeah, yeah, that was my concern.

1:26:40But, you know, again... Well, you know that culture way better than anybody else. And that's what he was asking me. I mean, at some point he goes, how would you deal with Gorbachev? He was literally, it's like, and I'm like going, am I the most qualified person to answer this question? And he goes, you are. Because you lived there 26 years. None of us politicians have. So he was really very receptive to my suggestions, whatever they, you know. Wow. That had to be weird. I mean, you're talking to Ronald Reagan in the 1980s. Yeah. Wow. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall. I didn't write that joke.

1:27:25I did not. No, it wasn't a joke. It wasn't a joke. Yeah. Yeah. But crazy that it actually happened. Changed the world. Yeah. Changed the world. Literally changed the world. Changed my world, for sure. Unfortunately. That's what's crazy. What's crazy is it? But that was the problem with the world back then with only a few channels. They could just decide you were done and you were done. I mean that happened to a lot of like if actors ran afoul of certain people, you got cast out, you got blackballed and that was it. You never worked again. And that happened to a lot of people. Yeah. Well, I'm happy that I found Branson.

1:28:07I'm happy that I was able to adjust, you know. And it's just like when you look at trajectory of my life, I realize that that's one of my strong skills to be able to adjust. Just having the idea that I will be able to do comedy in America was insane for most people. Well, just adjusting from the culture of living in Russia to living in America is insane. You made a lot of adjustments. A lot. And when we came, because we were coming through Italy to come to America, and in Italy they kept us three months to check all the documents and make sure that we are not like Communist Party or don't have a record.

1:28:59We don't spy. Yeah, right, right, right. And we had to survive. That was another interesting moment of our life because we're going and they're they wanted they didn't want people to leave because that looked bad for the Soviet Union. So they they would do all the they would only like change you a hundred dollars per person and you're supposed to survive like three months of living in a foreign country. But they would give you a list of things that you could take with you. So like a photo camera, hat, something you could sell there to live on. And yeah, two suitcases for each person and very strict list of things.

1:29:51What was an interesting kind of loophole, we found out through the grapevine that condoms was a very expensive item in Italy for some reason. In the Soviet Union, you could buy them for a penny, and in Italy, you could sell them for a dollar. and so my quest was like when i've learned and there was no restriction how many you can take with you so i would go to each pharmacy whatever whatever i could get and just i was you know i we got like half of the suitcase of condoms and we put it in my mother's suitcase so that way hopefully nobody's going to ask her what, why, you know, they would be embarrassed or whatever.

1:30:49So they didn't ask. And we got through. And so my job and my parents' job was to go on the open market every Saturday and Sunday and try to sell those condoms so we can pay rent and food and whatever else. So my parents, it was so funny how they transitioned. They were this two very conservative people and they're embarrassed, but then they realized we need money to eat. So they would, mom became pretty smart. She translated from Russian into Italian. if you don't want to have a kid like this and would point at me and would hold that card and said then buy a condom. And people would laugh. They would laugh and they would buy two or three.

1:31:51It was just more of a joke. But we were surviving on that for a long time. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So it was kind of bang for the buck, kind of, you know, it was not expected, but we survived. So a lot of those moments in life when you I look at my life and I go, that was a survival. and coming to America and getting a job and getting to a goddess that helped you and me to become who we are. That's just God's hand on that. That's amazing. Yeah, you adapted, man. You adapted multiple times. That's so crazy. God. Yeah. Trying to survive in Italy. You didn't speak Italian. No. Did you guys speak anything other than Russian?

1:32:48No, no, we just, but there was immigration. There was other Russian people that you could kind of communicate with. And I, I would go even in Italy, I would go to a movie theater and I was so determined. There was a one movie theater in Rome that would, for a dollar, you can sit and watch English speaking movies and you can sit there all day for a dollar. And so I would go, it was like my, I was learning English, listening to listening. And then one time I remember a couple, I needed to practice. And there was a couple, I asked them, speak English? And they said yes. And the guy, the girl was from Belgium.

1:33:39The guy was from Washington, D.C. And they said, we'll help you. and we'll just come every week, like on Monday or some, whatever it was, and we'll just go to a coffee shop and we'll talk to you so you can practice English. And I remember they asked me, like, what did you do in Russia? I said I was a comedian. Somehow through dictionary, whatever I could to make that. And they said, what do you want to accomplish when you're in America? And again, I don't know anything about America. And I have this, I asked them, I said, where is the most successful people, comedians perform? And they said, Las Vegas.

1:34:37and I said in five years somehow I delivered I'll be in Las Vegas and it's exactly what happened. Five years later I was at the Tropicana Hotel with Murray Lanston the unknown comic doing a show in Las Vegas. I remember that guy with the paper bag over his head. Yeah. From the gong show. Yeah. Which is a great show. It was a crazy show. Yeah, it was kind of an early version of Kill Tony. In a lot of ways. Yeah, in a lot of ways. Because some of the people were just like unbelievably untalented. And then you would hit the gong. Exactly. That show was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't they try to bring that back?

1:35:22Didn't they try to bring the gong show back at one point in time with someone else? I think they did. Who did they bring it back with? Do you remember, Jamie? But do you remember? You don't remember. I don't, yeah. Off the top of my head, no. It was someone that you're like, huh. I wonder why they chose that person. Actually, yeah, 2000. Oh, David Tell. Oh, that's right. Who was it? It was David Tell. Oh. That's right. It was 2012? Well, it says briefly in 2008 and then again in 2017, and I don't think he was involved in that one. Oh. 2008? Is that what you said? Yeah. Wow. Wow. Yeah, he's perfect for that.

1:36:07The problem is once a show's been done, you try to redo it. Right. It's like it's always going to be meh. Yeah. There's been the three different versions of Fear Factor now. You know, it's like now they're doing it with Johnny Knoxville. It's kind of crazy, like, the amount of different things that have happened in your life, you know, and then now to find yourself with another revival because it killed Tony. Yes. Yes. Yes, and going back on tour, I have a poster. I don't know if people on the radio can't see it, but I have a poster of my tour. Well, we'll send it to the website so you don't have to look at a picture.

1:36:42Yeah, so I am excited. And where are you going? Comedy clubs? Yeah. All over the place? Yeah, Atlanta is the next one. No one can read that. Oh, okay. Yeah, put that down. They'll go to the website. Jamie will pull up the website. Yeah. You got brought a fucking back. And it's on Yaakov.com. Yeah, go run a song. that's hilarious man so what was the Kill Tony experience like it was great I mean I am obviously my show is kind of a G rated and so Kill Tony is not and so but yet it doesn't matter he was so respectful of this Tony and set me up you know i mean i i felt like my head was this big and um he was seeing me as a super legend and and i am i'm very grateful it's hard for me sometimes to accept that that people see me because i've been doing this for 60 years 60 years comedy that's crazy yeah well i remember the first time we met we met at the comedy store uh-huh i want to say was that like 15 years ago or something probably yeah dropped in and i had never seen and i was like oh like what is he doing in town yeah and you just decided you wanted to come by the store and see what was going on with the young guys and do some stand-up and we hung out for a little bit in the in the green room i'm like and i remember telling everybody yakov smirnov's really funny man he's fucking cool thank you thank you it was fun it was fun to hang out with you you know it was like it was fun to see you hanging out with all these weirdo young pot smoking fucking animals coming from branson right yeah you were coming from branson you're hanging out with joey diaz and we were laughing though we had a good time man it was a really good time it was fun it's fun and i go back uh the clubs and i my goal was really to uh last year i would go to small clubs and develop an hour material that is totally current.

1:38:52I talk about relationships. I talk about having a one-year-old in my life. I talk, and it's interesting. I was doing it at your club, and it's great to watch the reaction of the audience, how they have a lot of respect, but they're also laughing, and they're seeing it's fun because I talk about relationships. So they might come in disconnected, but then all of a sudden you see how they put their hands next to each other. But I like it. You're a uniter. You're bringing couples closer together with your comedy. That's really my goal. I like that you like that. I enjoy seeing families. Like Nate Bergetzi is really the one who kind of got me out of Branson because he shown that there is a need for that humor.

1:39:56Yes. And families come. And when you go to his show, it's like looking around. Yep. Grandma and grandchildren and parents. But everyone's laughing. The thing about Nate that's so unique is Nate is hilarious to me. Yes. Nate is hilarious to a 20-year-old kid in college. Nate is hilarious to their grandmother. Right. Nate is hilarious to your children. You could bring your 10-year-old kids to see Nate. Nate is a genius. And that is who he is all the time. I agree. He's like a really funny, very smart guy. Yes. Who's got a perfect style. It's like, I mean, didn't he make like the most money ever or something like that last year doing stand-up?

1:40:39Sold the most tickets ever? Like a million dollars. Or something crazy. But it's like he's doing this, like selling out stadiums two times in a night. Exactly. Yeah. And he does like 3 p.m. shows. It's nuts. Right. It's incredible. But it shows that there's a need for that. Well, it shows that it doesn't matter. It's just funny. Like Brian Regan's another great example. Brian Regan, squeaky clean, un-fucking-believably funny. So talented. So funny. Yeah. And it's just funny. It doesn't have to be clean or dirty. And we have that at the club, too. I mean, this is like the club gets labeled as some kind of extreme anti-woke thing.

1:41:18It's nonsense. I performed there at their club a couple of weeks ago. They totally loved it. Nobody expected anything. And they just enjoyed. They laughed all the way through. I love doing that. So to me, I see young people who don't know me. And they're totally relating. and I'm relating to them, which is great. That's what I want to do. We're human beings telling jokes. That's it. Right. That's all it is. And if comedy done correctly is done from your perspective. Yes. Whether your perspective is Nate Bargatze or your perspective is fucking, you know, fill in the blank, David Tal, whoever it is.

1:41:55Right. Joey Diaz, Brian Holtzman, like whatever it is, it doesn't matter. It's like what's funny is funny. And it might not be your thing. Like that's the thing too. One of the problems with comedy is that there's only one – there's like one label. And you might go see like Brian Holtzman is like death metal comedy. Or you might see Nate Bragazzi who's like – I don't know what's the equivalent. Well, Leanne Morgan is another one that was kind of out of nowhere became very successful because she has that clean southern humor. humor and Netflix embraced her and all of a sudden she is touring and doing concerts.

1:42:40Yeah, all you have to do is be funny. It's like funny from whatever perspective you're coming from and again, it's not going to be for everybody. That's just how it is. There's a lot of people that aren't going to like A or B. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But the thing about comedy is when you go to a comedy club you don't know what you're going to get. You might get Run DMC or you might get ACDC. You have no idea. Right, right. It's all just comedy. But I think that's one of the cool things about it. Right. And I totally agree with you. And I want to be able to do that one hour straight comedy.

1:43:17There was an interesting thing that happened about a year ago or so. You know, a young comedian, he said, you know, I was writing some jokes. And he was helping me. And he said, Yaakov, you know that you're not a stand-up comedian. You're a one-man show. And I go, at first I was like kind of, what? What are you talking about? and because I tell in Branson, it's like more storytelling and not just punchline, punchline, punchline. And he was correct. So at first I got kind of like, what do you mean? Who are you to tell me I'm not a standup comedian? And then I go, Chad GPT, is Yaakov a standup comedian or is he one man show?

1:44:17and Chad GPT said, Yakov Smyrnov used to be a stand-up comedian and now he's a one-man show. And now coming from Chad GPT, I'm going, dang, that's now official? Wait a minute. So it took me a whole year to rewrite everything that I needed to rewrite to say it's punchline, punchline, it's just straight comedy. So I became a stand-up comedian again. Well, there's nothing wrong with one-man show stand-up comedy either. Because some people do their comedy like a one-man show. Some of the best comics, like Colin Quinn. Colin Quinn does a series of one-man shows. But if you ask ChatGPT, who is Colin Quinn, it'll say he's a stand-up comedian.

1:45:07Right. But ChatGPT got me wrong, whatever it was. It doesn't know. It's not even a person. Right. Fuck ChatGPT. But it's actually helped me to tune in my comedy because I was maybe a little bit more relaxed being in my own theater with old people coming to see me. So it's not like you're in a club and you're like with other comedians when you have to be really, really sharp. And that's what I think it did for me. So I spent a year doing that. But now I have that hour and I'm ready to go. And that's why I went on the tour. That's awesome. Yeah. I love when comics are still interested in it and still writing and still love it after all these years.

1:45:59Absolutely. You know who I draw some inspiration from as well is Argus Hamilton. Yeah. Argus is still killing it. Yes. Still killing it in L.A. Keeps going. And every time there's something new in the news, he's got a great fucking line about it. He's a funny dude. He is. And he's still getting after it. He still loves it. And, you know, Argus used to famously be into the substances. And now all he does is run. And I remember one time we were at the comedy store and we were in the parking lot. And it was after the show. And Argus showed up with fucking running shoes on and just ran in. And I'm like, what are you doing, man?

1:46:34And he's like, I have to run every day. And do a set. Because to him, that's his motivation. Yeah. I think he runs like 10 miles a day. Yeah. He's in his 70s. And interesting that, you know, when I was so naive because Argus was very friendly with Mitzi. And I would go to their house and I would see Argus there in the morning. And I was like, why is, you know, and I couldn't connect those two things. I mean, I could not. I mean, honestly, it was, I'll tell you how naive I was. And so Mitzi gives me that work, right, up, and I live in that house. And Andrew Dice Clay moves into that house, right?

1:47:22And Andrew teaches me English, okay? Can you imagine that? Rob-a-dub-dub. So, but that was a party house. I mean, this was a house where— Was Kennison living there then? Kennison would just hang out there all the time. and they would scream at each other, Andrew and Kennison. And that was just kind of a joke between those two. And they go, ah, ah. And I would have to go to bed because I got to get up early in the morning to go work. And those guys are screaming at each other just for fun. And I go downstairs and I go, hey, guys, you're friends, stop. So we're playing this joke and they're screaming.

1:48:14And I go, you know what? Why don't you, you're close to the comedy store. Why don't you go downstairs and scream there? And they look at each other and go, okay, let's go. So it's midnight and we're all going, whoever lived there, going to the comedy store. And Sam gets on stage and starts screaming. This is the first time that he ever got on stage. And he went to the—and very few people in the audience. And he went into their face. Ah, you— No way. Yeah. That's where it came from? That's where it came from. And then after that, it just became like his thing. And the rest is history. That's crazy.

1:49:03Yeah. That was happening there. A lot of stuff was happening there. They would come and do drugs, you know, like Robin and Richard Pryor. They would do, and I, it tells you this is silly, but I would wake up in the morning and I would see a mirror on the table, right? Okay, so bear with me. So, and there's like white powder on the table. So you'd clean it up. I was thinking they're eating donuts off the mirror. So I would clean whatever it was, hang it up. And next morning I go, Argus, why don't you guys use plates? You have a dishwasher. And they would laugh at me and they wouldn't tell me what's going on.

1:49:54But weren't they mad that you threw away their coke? No, no, there was not much. Residue. I mean, it was just, yeah, there was residue. I had no idea. I wasn't testing it. That's how much Coke they had, that they left some of it on the mirror. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. It was, but I didn't know. So I kind of lived in that wholesome kind of a world. So you were there while Kinison was developing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he arrive at the store around the same time that you did? A little bit later. A little later? Yeah, a little later. Well, like what year did he arrive? probably 79 I would say and he really hit around like what 85 86 I think 85 he did Letterman and then 86 he had that HBO special that blew him up probably you know how I found out about Kinnison it's a funny story I've told it before I apologize if the audience has heard it I was working at a health club at a gym called the Boston Athletic Club in South Boston and I was a trainer I'll teach people how to lift weights and there was this girl Who was a volleyball player?

1:51:08She was hilarious. She was this big girl big athletic girl. She was very funny. She was just like boisterous like a really loud funny lady and she was like my age and She told me about Kinison and then she told me about his bit. She's like, oh my god I saw this guy on HBO. She had a like heavy Boston accent this guy on HBO. He was so fucking hilarious And he did this bit about people having sex with corpses. So she does this bit. She laid down in the parking lot of the Boston Athletic Club and did that bit. So Kinison had a very famous bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who were paying money to spend moments alone with the freshest male corpses.

1:51:51So she is lying down on the parking lot, on the ground in the parking lot. And she's like, oh, I'm going to lighten up. She did the whole thing. I'm going to be with Jesus, and now I'm dead. Oh, what is this? Feels like someone's fucking me in the ass. You mean life keeps fucking you in the ass even after you're dead? It never ends. So she was doing his bit, and I was laughing at her doing his bit. I'm like, I got to see this guy. This is crazy. So that was my introduction to Sam Kinison, my friend, lying on her stomach, doing an impression. I'll never forget that, man. I was 19 years old. I remember that.

1:52:28And I remember thinking, so it was 86. So I remember thinking, this is crazy. Unbelievable. That's... I had no desire to do comedy back then. I wasn't even thinking about it. It wasn't even on my radar. It was never even a thought. I loved comedy. I loved watching it, but I never thought about doing it. So what made you, what was the transition when you started? Well, I was heavily invested in martial arts. That's all I wanted to do. All I wanted was my my goal was to compete. And that's all I was doing. That's the reason why I got the job at the gym so that I could have a place that I could work out.

1:53:04And also I could make money there. And my friends that I used to train with, they're the ones who told me to do comedy. But I was like, listen, you laugh at me because you're also psychos. Like, the things I'm saying are fucking crazy. Like, we're all fighters. We're all traveling around the country fighting. Like this is not a normal activity. This is not normal humor. But my good friend Steve Graham, who I'm still friends with to this day, he's the one who talked me into doing it. And then I went to an open mic night and I realized, oh, everybody sucks in the beginning. Like it's just like martial arts.

1:53:38You start off and you suck and then you get better at it. But my introduction to comedy was that lady. Really, my introduction to Kinnison, the idea. Because when I saw Kinnison, I was like, oh, comedy is a lot of different things. It's different. There's a lot of different forms to it. Yeah, because I always saw guys like Jerry Seinfeld who were very funny and tell these jokes. But I never thought that was me. I couldn't do that. But I saw Kinison. I was like, oh, this is a bunch of different kinds of comedy. This is very interesting. And then when I started out in 88, boy, the guys in Boston used to talk about the comedy store like it was Mecca.

1:54:16Like you had to go there. You had to go to the store. The store was where Richard Pryor started and Sam Kinison and all these comics and David Letterman. They all came out of the store. Bill Hicks. He was a doorman at the store. And everybody talked about the store. It was one of those things where it was like, you know, you had to go there. And then when I first got on a television show, I flew out to L.A. to do a pilot. And that was the first time I ever went to the store. And I remember being so weirded out, just being in the building like, wow, I can't believe I'm at the comedy store. When did you meet Mitzi?

1:54:53I met Mitzi in 94. So I did the pilot. The pilot wound up getting picked up. And then I came out and I was on a TV show. It only lasted like six episodes. It was called Hardball. It was a sitcom about a baseball team. And I played the star player. I played this crazy dude who's always crashing his Lamborghini and is that kind of shit, you know and so I Would spend my nights every night at the store. I didn't have any friends and I didn't know anybody there So I just would just go To the set and then after the set I'd go hang out the store and then I eventually Mitzi Showcase me I got Became a non paid regular so I got to go on right after the comedians performed so the way it worked at the comedy store they'd have a show that was scheduled from like 8 p.m.

1:55:42to like 1 a.m. or close to it and then after it was probably like really midnight but it always was like 1 a.m. by the time I got up and then I would go on after everybody else and I did that for a few months and then she passed me and I remember thinking like when when she passed me like I was like oh no I think I can be a comedian now like this is I actually can make a living doing this because before then I wasn't sure Right even though I was getting paid and I would do comedy. I'd get paid to do comedy. It was still like very iffy I'd bomb a lot. It was like it wasn't right also was like in the middle of the sitcom So I was it was working all day.

1:56:19I didn't want to do that anymore I mean I liked it because it paid a lot of money, but it wasn't really my thing. I wasn't into acting that much. It was to me It was like Comedy was more exciting. It was live live audiences the sitcom thing was fun because you got to use like your skills and telling jokes as a comedian but it wasn't the same thing and then I got news radio which was a much more uh much better show and then then I was like well this is different this is there's other levels to this and that's how I met Hartman and all those other people but it was to me the most important thing was getting passed at the store I was like wow that was more important to me than getting a sitcom or anything I was like, I can't believe it.

1:57:01I got past that. My name's on the wall of the fucking comedy store. Wow. It was so exciting. In lights, too, now, right? Do you have it? Is it neon inside? Yeah. I'm on the wall inside. Yeah. It's just like this lady, Mitzi Shore, like people don't understand. She was the most important figure outside of all the comedians, the most important figure in comedy. Yeah. By far. There was no one like her. Right. And she was a mentor. Yes. She was a curator of a mental health asylum. And she would joke around about it. She was like, the inmates are running the asylum. And that was originally when we came to Texas.

1:57:45I was going to call it the asylum. Really? Yeah, because I thought, as a nod to Mitzi. Yeah, yeah, it turned out better. Much further. But as a nod to Mitzi, the idea was that, because she was always saying, the inmates are running the asylum she would say that all the time when we were there like she encouraged it she liked when comedians were out of their fucking minds she she loved it she loved that environment and so as a nod to her we were going to call it the asylum but then i was like one of the things that someone said because you know ron white was the first guy to move here he was really like patient zero in the austin comedy experience and the new version of the Austin comedy experience and he was like it's the center of the country I love it because I could fly to New York I go to Florida I go everywhere it's in the middle you know it's not like the flats aren't it's long people are nice I love it here and I was like oh well it's like the mothership and then all the other places like Lynch launch out yeah and also I'm obsessed with UFOs obviously I can see yeah obviously a bit of a UFO problem yeah so that's why we called it the mothership but i mean the bar's named mitzies yes yes and it was i you know losing her that early i still think she went too early you know in well for me it was like she suffered for so long yeah it was really hard to see her uh you know she had a neurological condition yes later in her life it was very hard to see her yeah come around the store yeah but you know she nurtured so many comedians and helped us all.

1:59:23Not always. Sometimes she had terrible advice. She would change your whole act, make you have a fake name. She tried to turn Joey Diaz into Fat Baby. That was his nickname or his name. So on the lineup, instead of Joey Diaz, it would say Fat Baby. She did that for a couple years. I didn't know that. Yeah, you can find some of the old lineups. Jamie's found them before online. It'll still like a lineup from like 2001 or something like that. It says Fat Baby. That's what she was calling them. Yeah. She was a special person, such a special person. And just that lady loved having that place. She knew that there was something going on there, and there had been something going on there that was very unique in the world of comedy.

2:00:14and it was necessary, you know, to have a place like that where the comics all felt at home. Yeah. Like we would perform in other places. Like we would do sets at the Improv. We would do sets at the, I remember one time I did New Year's at the Improv and I came back to the club and Harris Pete says, I love it. You go over there, you do your shows, but you come back home. I was like, yeah, we're all, this is our home. This is our weird fucking home. Yeah. You know, the home for lost children. Like Mitzi would call it the island of broken toys. Yeah. Just a bunch of weirdos. Yeah. But all like feeding off of each other.

2:00:53But to be able to see somebody who barely speaks English and does five minutes and spot him somehow. Well, she loves developing comics. Yes. She loved developing comics. She loved finding a comic and getting them, which is one of the problems. It's really interesting. Jerry Seinfeld went, and she didn't pass him because he was already developed. Right. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. She didn't like that. He's done. He's done. She liked taking people when they were really raw. That's true. And shaping them. Roseanne was her big project, for sure. Yeah. She had a lot of big projects. Yeah, and so has Jim Carrey and many, many others.

2:01:45She also had very specific techniques she would use to test you. She would always take comics and put them on, especially the young new ones, after all the really good comics, like she did with you. When you're talking about doing that set, Richard Pryor's going up, Robin Williams, and that's what she would do. She would take young comics that she thought had potential and she would shove them after the biggest names, people that were killing. She was such a unique person and such an important person in comedy. And Peter, that was a big moment of my life. I went to her funeral and Peter, her son, asked me to be one of the pole bearers in her funeral.

2:02:29And I felt like. She's full circle. She gave me my life in a totally different way. If I didn't meet her, God knows what I would be doing. No, I mean, she helped all of us. And I think it's one of the reasons why we talk about her so much. And it's the reason why we named the bar after her. And the spirit of what she was trying to do at the store, we try to do at the mothership. So all the weirdos. Welcome, weirdos. Welcome, weirdos. Let's have fun. I'm in. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. How many times have you performed at the club now? Twice. Just two regular sets. Twice. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like the original room, the little room, the little boy's room.

2:03:15Well, you know what I say? It's like the little room is like if the original room and the belly room had a baby. And then the big room is like the original room and the main room had a baby. Right. Right. It's true. It's true. It's true, but you've done a great job. It feels like home when you walk in there. Well, I basically copied everything that I learned from her and added more stuff that the comedians requested. And it's interesting that I was helping to build that belly room and then Kill Tony started in the belly room. Yeah. You might have been the last person to work on that belly room, too, because that fucking room scares the shit out of me.

2:03:58I've been in the bottom, like in the bar area, ordering a drink and like roast battle be on stage. And you see the ceiling move. You're like, Jesus, Yakov, get back up there with a fucking hammer. Add some support. I'm not taking the responsibility. I was just doing booths. Oh, okay. You didn't do any structure. So I wasn't doing structure. Okay, that's good. Somebody was. Yeah. I just think sometimes, especially in roast battle, when you have roast battle up there, they would get so wild and rowdy, and it would be packed. It would be packed, and it's only supposed to seat, like, what, 70 people or 80 people?

2:04:41Right, right. It would be a lot more than that. That fucking ceiling would move a little. When you were in the bar, you're like, bro, I hope this doesn't cave in. That would suck. Yeah, yep, yep, yep. A place is a magic place. And it's also a magic place because it was like a magnet for crazy people. You'd have the weirdest, nuttiest people that would just come there. Like that one guy. There's one guy that used to come there. He was a really nice guy. And he would always dress as Jesus. Yes. I remember that. Do you remember his name, Jamie? Heavenly Light. That's right. And he wound up dying and everybody was so sad.

2:05:18They were really sad because this guy was, it seems like a gimmick, but we got used to it and he was really nice and he was just like this nice guy that dressed like jesus all the time there he is but it was part of the fucking cool crazy weirdness of the comedy store is that we had a guy that dressed as jesus that was there all the time yeah you know and And, like, I don't know if he ever did stand-up. Did he ever do stand-up? I never saw him on stage, but he would be in the room sometimes, and he definitely had timing to, you know, to give a joke. But, like, I don't remember ever seeing him with a mic in his hand.

2:06:00Isn't that crazy, though? Like, he was just always there hanging out, and he was like— but that was the part of how nutty that place was. Right. The place was just strange. Yeah. We ran into so many completely schizophrenic people in the parking lot. They would just wander their way back there and start talking to us and explain to us about the voices in their head. He's on Brody's show with Zach. Oh, wow. Ah! Wow. Yeah, Brody had him on his show. That's how weird that place was. It was just such a fucking unusual spot. Yeah. And so we've done our best to make our own version of that here. And that Crest Hill house was also a crazy place, you know.

2:06:50Yeah, I'm not doing that. I think that was a terrible idea. I'm not going to buy a house and have a bunch of comedians live in it. That sounds like a recipe for a fucking disaster. I just can't manage all that. You know, I almost bought Crest Hill at one point in time. Oh, really? Yeah, they were selling it, and I was really thinking about buying it. But I had a dog at the time. His name was Frank Sinatra. And Frank Sinatra was an escape artist. That was not a big enough. I'm a firm believer that if you have a dog, you really have to have a big yard. I think otherwise it's cruel. I think dogs need exercise.

2:07:26They need something. If you don't have a big yard, you've got to be able to take that dog out every day and exercise and bring him around. Otherwise, it's rude. And Crest Hill had that little tiny backyard, remember? And it was on the hill. I'm like, he's getting over this fence. He was a pit bull. I'm like, he's getting over that fence like that. That dog could get out of anything. I was like, that poor guy. I'm not doing that to him. So I never bought it because of my dog. Like, literally, I was thinking about buying that house, and she was selling it. But I went to look at it. I went to look at it to see if I could buy it.

2:07:58I think some comics might have been even living there at the time. So this was like— They sold it several times since then. I was just there not too long ago, and it's all kind of destroyed because the guy is kind of wacky and he's remodeling it. But it was a big part of my life. It was a museum. I was living there in a little room. Andrew Dice Clay downstairs, and he's teaching me how to date women. I know. I know. it's crazy but I was so naive and he was clean at that time you know his act was very clean he would tell you know he would do impressions of uh Elvis and John Travolta and Sylvester Stallone so he's and um and and he would be very funny we were pretty good friends he would just but he would play with me he would say uh he would play that you know i would have a girlfriend come and he would say so now you want me to go downstairs can you imagine andrew being this you know crazy guy said now i gotta go downstairs and i'll be all by myself and you're gonna be with this girl and you're my best friend and how is that gonna i go get the hell out of here she's gonna be here and then she would come and he would do it in front of her well you guys are gonna have fun now and i'm gonna have to go downstairs there's nothing there and he would just play and And then Tom Wilson was living there too.

2:09:47Tom is the guy who did Biff in Back to the Future. He was the bad guy, right? And so Tom was kind of a clean cut guy and Andrew was not. So one time I was supposed to break up with this girl. I wanted to break up with her. And Andrew goes, I have an idea for you. We're going to go to a jewelry store. We're going to get a gift for her so it will be easy to break up. So we go. We buy a ring. And I'll bring it. I brought it back. and I go, Tom, Andrew told me to buy this ring to give it to this girl so it would be an easy breakup. And he looks and he goes, it's an engagement ring. You know that, right?

2:10:45And I go, but Andrew told me to buy it. I'm going, he goes, Tom goes, Andrew is not a representative of a human race. so don't listen to what he's saying so that's how it was kind of a fun relationship but it was interesting because i was very enterprising and i'm working for mitzi you know she's paying me whatever minimum wage and but i'm saving money and we live with those guys and we have a two-car garage with no cars in it. So a friend of mine says to me, why don't we go to Germany together? We'll borrow some money, we'll buy two Mercedeses and we'll sell one and we'll get one for free. It was kind of an interesting idea.

2:11:43So we went with some complications. I was able to bring two cars and sold. So here's, these guys are sleeping till like noon and they don't have a car and they don't, they're just bombing around. And I have two Mercedes in the garage. I sell one and then I go to Europe. They hired me to do a Bob Monkhouse show, which was a kind of a Johnny Carson show for England. And I fly there and they give me a bag of money, 10 ,000 euros, not euros, pounds, in a bag to do this show. So I buy a Rolls Royce and ship it to America. So now I have a Mercedes 450 SL and a Rolls Royce, but I live in a room for$120 a month.

2:12:43month, right? And so this is how weird it is. And I want to buy a house, but I don't have enough money. So this realtor passes by one day and I'm polishing a Rolls Royce. And she goes, can I borrow like a hammer to put the sign in? I go, you know what, you're a realtor, maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a house. And I liked when Mitzi had that big house, 5 ,000 square feet overlooking LA. I'm like, I want something like that. And I said, I tell her, I want a 5 ,000 square foot house with an acre of land. And I wanted to buy it for, with the view of LA and I want to buy it for$150 ,000. And I'm thinking she's going to hit me with a hammer.

2:13:45She goes, I may have something for you. And I go, really? And she goes, yeah. And there was a house literally like a block away from where Mitzi's was, similar structure, only it was destroyed. It was a house that Lenny Bruce used to live in years ago. It was Seymour Cassell, who is a character actor. I don't know if he's still around. Maybe Jamie can find it of him. He was a character actor and he got into drugs and lost that house to his attorney. And so I go look at the house. It's totally destroyed. But my parents needed a project. They were, and I needed them to have a project. So I said, how much would he, and he said, he'll take$150 ,000 because it's totally destroyed.

2:14:52There's stuff, swimming, but there is stuff in the basement, like flooded. the windows are broken, destroyed. So I buy that house, but I want to buy it. But I have to get all the paperwork, and I go, I need this. There is some kind of discrepancy that a sliver of the land belongs to a neighbor or something like that. So I need to sign that guy, Seymour Cassell, supposed to sign something off. And I go, where am I going to find him? I go, the attorney goes, I know where he is. He's in jail. So I go to jail and I figure I'm going to offer him money to sign this paper. And I go in, I have like$500 in my pocket.

2:15:51And I go, I need you to sign this paper. and he goes, I said, how much? And he goes, 50. I go, 50 ,000? He said, no,$50. I go, why$50? He said, they won't allow us more than$50 in jail. So now I'm in jail with a$100 bill trying to get change, which is not a good place to do it. I got it. and now I own that beautiful home. You still have it? No, I sold it and moved to Pacific Palisades that time and when my daughter was born and then had to sell that house and lose a lot of money to move to Branson. And are you in Branson still? I do, yeah. You live in Branson? Yeah, I owned a theater there. So how did you start coming out here?

2:16:56It was a desire to kind of do what I felt compelled that I can still offer something valuable to the audience out there. Watching Nate Bergazzi doing that. And he had me actually, I was in Florida, and I wanted to go see his show. And he's in this Hertz Arena, 12 ,000-something people. And I asked if I could just go come see the show. And he said, why don't you go on stage and do a set? and that was like I walked out there and I felt like I was back in the 80s. You know, the audience just, the moment they said my name, they knew who I was. That audience knows who I am. So they just went crazy and I felt like Rocky standing there bowing and then I did like eight minutes and so he's very respectful and very he feels like I one of the people that kind of paved the way for comedy to be what it is today that's awesome so I've been very blessed that you know and so how did you wind up in Austin I came here for the festival that was that moon tower moon tower and then I had Adam, Adam got me a spot and that's when I met Tony and Tony said, why don't you be a guest judge on my show?

2:18:54And I was going with my family to Europe because my family's from Ukraine, so my wife's family from Ukraine, so they moved to Europe and so we went there for two months And I said, Tony, I can't do it right now, but end of August, I would love to do it. And that's how it all kind of came together. Wow. Yeah. That's awesome. Small world. What are you doing tonight? I don't have any plans. I was just hoping to get through this. Because you never know. I'm hoping that, you know, I'll be happy to do whatever is out there, you know. You were hoping to get through the show? Well, you have to know. I mean, your show, I don't think you can phantom how big your show.

2:19:47I mean, I know you know the numbers and you know. But to have the conversation for three hours and not really knowing where it's going to go, what's going to happen, how it's going to be. you get nervous you know and i feel like i was uh going to uh nashville and that was nashville comedy festival a year and a half ago and i went there and um i walked into ryman's auditorium and brian dorfman you probably know he's a promoter he remembered me from the years in the past and there was a show that all the Nate Bergazzi's protégés were doing. And I walked in. I didn't know what was going on. And he said, you want to go up?

2:20:51And I go, okay, I'll go up. And I went in in the middle of the show, and I did 15 minutes, and the crowd gave me a standing ovation in the middle of the show. And I know it's, I get emotional because I feel like an ugly duckling that goes in and doesn't know if these young people are going to accept you or not. And can you still do it? I was, I'm in Branson for 33 years, I'm very comfortable in that environment. But going into with the young comedians, it's like a boxer who hasn't been out there. And there is respect, but also respect only lasts 30 seconds after they introduce you. But then you have to prove that you got what it takes.

2:21:51and that's what I feel like I want to continue to do this because I believe I can still offer something valuable to the audience, that family audience that could learn something from me, could laugh with me, whatever it is. That's very wholesome, Yakov. You're a wholesome guy. Well, thank you. I mean that with all sincerity. Well, I'll tell you, it's interesting. When I graduated from Pepperdine, and I came to Comedy and Magic Club in my— Mermosa Beach. I love that place. Yeah, me too. Shout out to Mike Lacey. Yes, yes. He's the best. And I showed up in my cap and gown, kind of proud. And Jay Leno is there all the time, every Sunday.

2:22:46and Jay goes so what's up what's up what's up with that what's up with that and I go well I decide to get a doctorate degree because I really think that there is a research on laughter that you could really help people understand it better and he goes Yakov you're a comedian you write a joke you tell a joke you pick up a check and you go and that's it and I go but what about like humanity and no no he goes no no you don't get it you write a joke you tell a joke and you pick up a check and that's it I feel like there is more that I can do well you know that's jay's perspective right my perspective is much more aligned with yours i think there's a lot more going on and i think comedy is very valuable to people including me if i don't feel good then i go watch people tell great jokes and laugh i feel better i like it i like it people like it people keep coming to see it there's a reason why people come it's it's medicine it really is i know that's like very cliche no no laughter is medicine but it is There's something to it.

2:24:06It's a lubricant. It's like engine without, if you don't have oil in the engine, it will not go. And I think laughter in the relationship is that lubricant. And with friends. It's just a fun thing to do. That's one of the reasons why I like going there. Yes. Because we get to hang out together and laugh. Yes. Speaking of which, do you want to do a set tonight? Sure. All right. You know anybody who can get me? Yeah, I know a guy. It'd be my show. I'd love it. So you'll do this out on my show tonight. Yeah. Okay. I'd love it. All right. Oh, my goodness. Wow. We'll have some fun. What a gift. Thank you.

2:24:44And if people want to see you, other than that, you're on tour. What is the website? Is it yakov.com? Yakov.com. Yeah. My next show is in Atlanta this weekend. Well, people can go to it. It's up on the screen. There it is. Yeah. Stand-up podcast host legend. You have your own podcast? I did for about a year. What happened? a baby was born. Oh, you're doing a lot of good spots. You're doing the Punchline. You're doing the Punchline in Sacramento. You're doing Cobbs in San Francisco. Comedy Works in Greenville. Greenwood, rather. That's the other Comedy Works. There's two Comedy Works. Nice. Side splitters.

2:25:24Great spots. Beautiful. Yeah. People will come see you, man. I hope so. And you're very funny. Thank you. So it's good. It's good to see you out there. Thanks for having me. My pleasure. I really appreciate it. I really enjoyed talking to you in the green run. I'm glad we did this because that's a crazy ass story. Thank you. Thank you. My pleasure. You're a good dude, Yakov. I love you. Thank you. All right. I love you too. Bye, everybody.