846: Dad's Being Played and the Family's Afraid | Feedback Friday

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25:47You can search for any sponsor using the AI chatbot on the website as well. Please consider supporting those who support the show. Now back to Feedback Friday. All right, what's next? Hey, Jordan and Gabe. I studied abroad in China over 15 years ago as a junior in high school. I arrived without knowing a word of Mandarin and left 10 months later fluent. I've been close with my host family ever since. Starting in 2011, I would make yearly trips back, bringing purses, shoes, and over-the-counter medicine to family and friends, just like a typical Chinese person. My last visit was in the fall of 2018, when I finally managed to get my Chinese driver's license.

26:26After Xi Jinping was elected, I noticed a shift in the political landscape and was careful not to say anything online or in texts that might be seen as anti-Chinese to ensure that I wouldn't have problems. but I've not been as cautious in the last couple of years. I don't post anything online, but I have talked about some of my opinions while my phone is on, and obviously I've listened to your show. I know I might sound paranoid, but my host mother has been messaged to keep an eye on me when I was talking about going to Tibet. Whoa. I'm going to need clarity on that one, but keep going. Who messaged her?

27:01Right. Like, was the phone listening, and then it was like, did the police tell your mother-in-law that, Or was it like a friend said, hey, if she's talking about going to Tibet, then it's a coincidence? I don't know. I think it might be the latter, because I don't know how transparent they are about the surveillance, but it could be either. Either way, it's nerve-wracking. Well, the police will knock on your door and tell your family, hey, your son is being politically active in college in the United States. Tell him to stop. But will they listen to a random exchange student who was theirs, phone conversations overseas, and then message the host family?

27:35That's a stretch. I guess we don't really know what's going on here, but if that happened, that's a whole bag of potatoes. Anyway, continue. Let's see what happens. Unfortunately, my driver's license expires next year, and I'm really considering making the trip to renew it. It was such a hassle to obtain that I wouldn't want to have to take the test again. But since hearing some of your stories from your China experts, I've become a bit concerned about going back to visit. I have no history of stirring up trouble in the country, but having a history of listening to your episodes might be enough to be seen as a threat.

28:07What are your thoughts on the safety of the average Jane going to China with the current political landscape? Signed, fly in and put my time in to get my license or say Zaijin to the spy in and keep surviving? Wow, Zaijin, by the way. But anyway, close enough, close enough. Don't worry, I'm still impressed. This is really amazing. Speaking of being impressed, I love that you went to China at like age 16, which is really cool. Had a connection to the country ever since. I find it incredibly sad that the country has changed so dramatically in the last, what is it, five or 10 years? Y 'all know how I feel about that because of the China episodes of the show, but I love the people.

28:45I love the language. I admire anybody who can go there, come back 10, 12 months later, fluent in Mandarin. That is brilliant. And Mandarin's not easy. It's as hard as you think it is, even if you're immersed in it and you're gifted with languages. So kudos to you there as well. I'm wondering if she can read and write. I bet she can. So you're asking a fair question. Things are obviously dicey in China these days, but yeah, it's unclear how dangerous they really are for somebody like you. Instead of flying by the seat of my pants, I ran it by my buddy Matthew Tai, aka C Milk, aka LauY86, YouTube vlogger, human rights advocate, lived in China for a decade, runs a great channel all about China that we'll link in the show notes.

29:24And LauY's take was he really wouldn't worry too much about going to China for a short stay if you're just a normal person with a small online presence. If you were going for a job, a long-term career, yeah, different story. The people Lao Wai generally discourages from visiting China. It's going to be people who've made public statements or spoken about the Chinese government to a decent-sized audience online. So basically, people like you. Yeah, people like me, exactly. In some CCP party leader's office, there's going to be a bullseye with my face on it. And I think I'm kidding. Probably I'm small potatoes, but I don't know.

30:02Maybe. Definitely not going to go back to China until regime changes. Not rolling those dice. Now, Lao Wai did say that this is changing a bit, and actually not for the better. China is now checking phones at borders and entry points for any sort of dissent. But if you haven't done anything, then he wouldn't worry. That said, he does feel the climate for foreigners in general right now is pretty sketch. You seem like you know your way around. You know how to avoid conflict. you speak Mandarin, you don't seem to be looking for trouble. So if slash when you go back, Lao-Wai's advice is, one, stay away from drunk people, getting into altercations with drunk people.

30:40It can lead to the cops showing up. They're gonna side with the local person. Or it can lead to some anti-foreigner violence that could easily escalate, and you just have no recourse. No one's gonna help a woman getting beat up in a street in China. That's just not how it works there at all. There's a lot of videos that show this. and two, bring a burner phone that you don't use for your other social media. Keep all that stuff separate. You know, maybe no podcast subscriptions at all of any show on that phone. Don't log in on Instagram on that phone. Don't log in to Twitter on that phone. Just keep it all separate off that phone, church and state.

31:12That way they can't browse through your phone and get something to stick on you that you said 18 months ago on Twitter in a DM to a friend if they bother to do that. Three, don't get into any political conversation at all. You already know this, but stay away from talking about Tibet, Xinjiang, Hong Kong, even if it's innocuous. You say you were planning to go to Tibet. Cool. Just don't mention that on that burner phone at all. And four, don't make a scene while you're over there. That's pretty straightforward. Same reasons as the drunk people issue we just mentioned. And if you do all that, you're most likely going to be fine.

31:46I think it's awesome you have such a deep connection to your host family in the country. As much as I despise the current government, I do like the place. and the food and the culture. I just wish I could go back. And I think it's really impressive that you basically operate as a local there. I got to say the image of you, an American weaving in and out of rush hour Beijing traffic with a local driver's license. Pretty cool. It's astounding. Yeah, it's really cool.

32:17That was such a flex, dude. Wow. Okay. So what does that mean? Does that mean like watch out for organ harvesters or? Nah, you'll never see them coming. Those guys take you by surprise. I was just wishing her good luck, stay safe. It was a little bit of a weird rhythm there because cadence. Those tones, those tones are tricky, man. I don't know how you do that. I got to say, normally I don't even care. One of the reasons that was a little bit slower here is I was like, I got to get the tones right because so many people are going to hear this. But when I'm talking, I'm just like, screw the tones.

32:45If I know the tone and it comes out right, cool. If you're at the grocery store and you say strawberry, but you say it with the wrong tones, it can mean something like, screw your little sister. Nobody is thinking that that's what you're going to say at the grocery store. They know what you mean. So you're going to get the strawberries. So anyway, big thanks to Lao Wai for his wisdom here. If you want to learn more about his work, I do recommend the Lao Wai 86 channel on YouTube or The China Show. We'll link to those in the show notes. Terrific content there. I would also check out my two-part interview with him on the Chinese social credit score system.

33:19That was episode 643 and 644 is one of my favorite episodes. And the second most popular video on his channel was about the Chinese credit score. And that was my idea for his channel. I should have been a YouTuber. Oh, well. You can reach us Friday at jordanharbinger.com. Keep your emails concise. Try to use a descriptive subject line. That makes our job easier. If you're finding dead squirrels in your mailbox, your stepdad's got your nudes, your neighbors are eavesdropping on your therapy sessions through the wall, or you're just trying to decide whether to tell your uncle slash cousin that he's probably the product of incest, Whatever's got you staying up at night lately.

33:53Hit us up Friday at jordanharbinger.com. We're here to help and we keep every email anonymous. All right, what fresh hell do we have next? Hi, Jordan and Gabe. My tween son wants to put a politically charged and controversial sticker about a political leader on his binder that he takes to public school every day. And the whole idea is making me uneasy. He thinks it would be fun, but when asked what kind of reaction he's hoping for, he says he doesn't know. I worry that it might be inappropriate for school or disrespectful to students, teachers, or other parents with opposing opinions. We live in the D.C.

34:32area, and many of the other parents work for the government. I asked him if other kids at his school wear or bring politically controversial things to school, and he said no. But it's also possible that very few people will even notice the sticker. I tend to be an anxious person, and I don't like drawing attention to myself. I don't even like wearing brand names on my clothes. I regret the times in the past when I've stood up for what I believe in loud and proud, mainly because I've evolved in some ways and I disagree with my previous beliefs and feel somewhat embarrassed about my old perspectives.

35:06Am I making way too big a deal out of this? Is this a risk to my son's safety or our family's safety? Or is this a safe way to express himself? Should I be supporting his self-expression in this way? Signed, a nervous matriarch wrestling with this question mark. It's an interesting question. It reminds me, my ex-girlfriend way back in the day, one of her many jobs, she worked at a school that it was a Japanese program, and she was a white gal who spoke Japanese. And they sent a girl home one day who was probably like six or seven because her shirt said, how do you like my tits? And her parents just, they're Japanese.

35:45is they had no idea what that meant. They probably never read it, right? They were just like, whatever, it has English on it. Imagine making a shirt for a child that age that says that, by the way. I was about to say, why does that shirt fit that kid? That's what I was wondering, yeah. Yeah, that's really funny, though. There's something else going on there. Yeah, it's just very ridiculous in so many ways. Anyway, your 12-year-old son wants to put, what, like a Sleepy Joe sticker on his binder or an F. Ron DeSantis Mickey Mouse sticker or whatever. I don't know, whatever. It's not sure which way your tween leans politically speaking, but either way, yeah, it's a little dicey given the school's culture.

36:20It's bringing up some stuff for you, which I find quite interesting about your letter. I do love how self-aware you're being about all this. You want to investigate your own biases and values here. I think that's terrific. I think that's a good idea. So right now, it sounds like you feel there are two main options. Shut it down because you don't want your son to piss anyone off or compromise himself or support his self-expression and let him risk rubbing people the wrong way and damaging his reputation. But I think there's a good conversation to be had with your son here, one that'll equip him to make the best decision for himself, and it'll allow you to make the best use of your own concerns.

36:55So basically, and I'm no parenting expert, but what I would do is this. Carve out some time with your son, and I would say, hey, look, bud, I love that you're passionate about your views, that you have confidence to express them. I think that's awesome. And if you want to express yourself in this way, I could get behind it, I think. But before we do that, I just want to talk to you about the sticker and understand how you're thinking about this just a little bit better. And then I would ask him some open-ended questions. You kind of already started, you know, what reaction do you want? Maybe also ask him what he's hoping to accomplish with this sticker.

37:28Do you want people to notice it and talk to you? Do you want people to get a little worked up about it because that might be fun? Have you thought about how your peers and your teachers might react to it? Have you thought about what would happen if somebody gets really angry or offended? Would you get into a fight with them? Would you have a calm discussion? Would you just laugh and let it go? Are you comfortable with the attention this might bring you? Have you thought about how this sticker will go down at your school, given the culture there that so many people's parents work for the government?

37:58These are the kinds of questions I would ask, and I wouldn't ask them in a leading way or an accusatory way or just bombard him with concerns so he freaks out and drops the thing, I would really invite him to respond and listen and be a good partner to him in figuring out how he feels about all this, what upside he's going for, what risks he's willing to take. And then I would be prepared for him to make his own call and I would make peace with whatever decision he lands on. But just to put this in perspective a little bit, we're talking about a friggin' seventh grader putting an edgy sticker on his trapper keeper or whatever they have now.

38:32even if he pisses some kids off it's not going to change the trajectory of his life right the stakes are low worst case scenario it annoys some kids a teacher tells him to take it off whatever it might actually be worth letting him express himself and find out what it's like to stir people up and maybe don't protect him from potential regret on this one since the stakes again are really low my only caveat to all this it depends what the sticker is right if he's putting a fricking Nazi flag on his binder or some heavily charged meme that's like racist or has hateful associations, that's a different story.

39:04Yeah. Then put your foot down because then the conversation needs to be more like, I'm concerned about the spirit of this sticker. I want to talk to you about the ideas this represents. I'm not sure this is how you really feel or how you should feel. But even then I would still try to make it a conversation so he doesn't just feel that mom is censoring him, but that mom is engaging with his ideas and holding him to higher standards. I never put that much thought into this crap as a kid, right? I just wanted to piss people off. Totally agree, Jordan. I think the process they go through is a lot more important than the outcome, especially at his age.

39:35Like you said, he's 12. His views will almost certainly change in his life, but the way she approaches this with him, that's going to set a tone for their whole relationship, and that is way more important than whether he has a Let's Go Brandon sticker on his physical science notebook or whatever. Exactly. My hope is that her son feels comfortable expressing himself, which is important and that he can appreciate how other people will interpret his views and that he can be confident and empathetic. Not to be cheesy, but that's how you create thoughtful human beings and good citizens, which is, you know, important.

40:07Well said. I'm just having one other thought, which is I find it so interesting that she regrets being loud and proud about her positions in the past. And that's actually what's making her really anxious about her son. Yeah. Look, I get what she means. I mean, I cringe when I think about some of the positions that I held when I was young, too. I had no idea what I was talking about. I had a very simplistic view of the world. I was not very sensitive to other people, and I was super vocal about a lot of my opinions back then, which is, you know, a little cringe. Wait, that's kind of hard to picture.

40:38What are we talking about here? I mean, I went through a period in high school, maybe early college too, where I was like very rigid and self-absorbed and honestly pretty dismissive of other people's feelings. Really? You the kid who wrote emo poetry in his notebooks? books. Yeah, I know. It's a real contradiction. I know. But also, maybe this is why the poetry was so bad. Yeah, we're still waiting for you to post some of that to the gram, by the way. You're holding out on us. But this is a real Game of Thrones style character arc, right? It's a true 180. By the way, I remember the other day that I actually won a poetry award in high school, but it wasn't emo nonsense.

41:12It was actually good. It's a deece. I'm gonna need to read that stat. You first, brah. Show me your awful verse and I'll show you mine. You got a deal. Anyway, you see more of the world, you meet different people, you read books, you evolve, just like this woman did. But that's what I'm getting at. Her regret seems to be more than just, you know, I really wish I didn't put a Ross Perot sticker in my locker in 10th grade. She doesn't strike me as a Ross Perot person. No, free market kind of gal, yeah. I get the sense that there is a little bit of shame here. And the shame she feels isn't so much about the ideas themselves.

41:46it might actually be more about having been so loud and proud about them and then later changing her mind and it sounds like that leaves her feeling kind of like silly very exposed maybe kind of compromised for expressing herself so confidently while she was still growing she's worried maybe about what people still think of her now or what they thought of her back then and all of that might be creating some of the anxiety and the fear that she described that is something I would definitely keep an eye on because I wonder if she wants to protect her son, not just from embarrassing himself with a sticker, but from feeling a more generalized embarrassment about believing one thing at one point in time and being very vocal about it and then changing his mind later.

42:28And what does that say about you as a person? The message she might inadvertently be sending her son is don't express yourself when you're passionate about something because you're going to beat yourself up when you change your mind one day. Whereas she could send him the message, look, you might change your mind down the road and that's okay. You know, it's more than okay. That's how it should be. And you might regret the sticker a little bit in a few years. And I just want you to know that. And as long as you're okay with that, I think I can be okay with it too. Yeah, that's a more helpful message, isn't it?

42:58It's a way to encourage him to be thoughtful without creating too much judgment or unnecessary shame that might make him shut down parts of himself because it just feels safer, right? That's how she can use her past and her feelings about all of this to help him without passing along her fear, which to her credit, she's already trying to do, which I love. Yeah, that's exactly the lens that allows a parent to break these old patterns with their kids. And I love that. So go have this chat, the sticker. It's like a footnote at this point. It's really an excuse to have a great moment with your son and teach him how to think, how to treat other people, and most importantly, how to grow.

43:34I think it's awesome, and good luck. Speaking of loud and proud, how about I shamelessly shill on behalf of the products and services that support this show? We'll be right back. This episode is sponsored in part by The Gist Podcast. If you're looking for a news podcast that is smart, unfiltered, and doesn't just echo whatever side you already agree with, check out The Gist with my friend Mike Peska. Mike's been doing this longer than just about anyone. It's actually the longest-running daily news podcast. It's episode's around 30 minutes, so it's perfect for your commute or while you're making breakfast.

44:04It's always packed with sharp, thought-provoking takes. What I love about the gist is that it's not stuck in a partisan box. Mike, he's a really smart dude. He digs into real questions, the kind that most shows avoid because they don't fit neatly into a political lane. He'll challenge the right. He keeps the left honest. He dives into stuff like the New York City mayoral race, that whole cluster, and the chaos of sports betting, or even whether talking to your plants actually does anything. He's an award-winning journalist. He's not some schmo like me who's totally unqualified. You've probably seen his work in the Atlantic, the Free Press, the Washington Post.

44:32He's got that rare mix of wit, skepticism, and depth that makes even heavy topics fun to listen to. And he's a great dinner guest, just saying. So if you want your daily news with more brains and less noise, check out The Gist with Mike Peska every weekday on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. If you liked this episode of Feedback Friday and you found our advice valuable, I invite you to do what other smart and considerate listeners do, which is take a moment and check out slash support our amazing sponsors. All of the deals, discount codes, and ways to support the show are at jordanharbinger.com slash deals.

45:03You can also always search for a sponsor using the AI chatbot on the website as well. Thank you so much for supporting those who support the show. Now, back to Feedback Friday. Okay, next up. Hey, Jordan and Gabe. I'm a 31-year-old high school teacher, and last summer I got dumped and pretty much moped around and smoked pot. I was in a bad place. But I ended up joining a gym and have been going to 5am workouts for almost an entire year. I've lost 50 pounds and gotten off of my antidepressants. I didn't really have a goal there other than to just show up and become a gym goer like James Clear says to do in his book Atomic Habits.

45:43I'm now off for the summer without a lot of responsibilities and I want to set more fitness and personal development goals for myself, but my lack of organization or clear vision has me concerned. I've never been one to write personal to-do lists or write out goals for myself. I just do them or I don't do them with varying degrees of success. I'm looking into fitness and productivity apps, but I'm getting frustrated because there are so many features. I also find that I spend more time formatting things and managing the app than working on my actual tasks and goals. How do you guys design your personal and professional objectives?

46:20How can I organize myself with a productivity app as efficiently as possible? Signed, an overcomer clearing the mental clutter after a bummer of a last summer. And shout out to the listener Rodan for coming up with that one. Nicely done, my dude. Wow, it's a great story. I'm sorry you went through the breakup, but man, the way you responded, joining a gym, sticking with the early workouts for a long time, losing 50 pounds, dramatically improving your mental health. I I mean, that's all remarkable to say the least. So look, you turned your life around, the whole thing. You should be super proud.

46:52So I really appreciate this question because obviously you know, look, I'm into the productivity and the self-improvement and the goals and all that stuff. And hey, if setting goals and using apps like this helps you, awesome, I'm all for it. But yeah, you're absolutely right. Oftentimes, managing these systems and tools we put in place to improve our lives, that can overshadow the actual, you know, improving our lives part. and I think once you're caught up in the infrastructure over the process, I think that's a sign that something just isn't working. I can't remember where I read this, but it was basically, you know you're in it a little bit too much for the apps when you're adding things to your to-do list that you already did and then checking them off.

47:32And we've all kind of done that, right? You're like, oh, but I just did a workout. I should add workout and then click the little thing so I get the firework icon next to it. The gamification is now taking over the actual result. So my advice here, keep the systems you create for yourself simple, practical, and minimal. And don't feel like you need to over-engineer things to get better. It's really easy to start getting into the engineering instead of the actual development. Everyone has their own style. If writing out your goals on a piece of paper every morning and looking at them every night works, great.

48:03If you want to use an app like Todoist that breaks the goals into 12 sub-goals and rewards you for checking them off your list, wonderful. If having a ritual or a commitment is all you need, like hitting the gym at five o 'clock in the morning every day, brilliant. The only thing that matters is if this stuff keeps you in a consistent relationship with your activity, your goals, and with yourself. These productivity apps, they might be super useful. And again, I use some, and if they work for you, go for it, but I just don't know if you need all the features. I definitely would not beat yourself up for spending more time on the formatting and all that.

48:37To me, that's probably a waste of time. Honestly, my bias is always towards routines and rituals over goals and gamification. Look at you at the workouts. You wanted to get in shape. You started going to the gym every day at 5 a.m. You decided to be the kind of person who goes to the gym at 5 a.m. And then you became that person, which is a lot of what James Clear talks about. He's been on the show talking about it many times. I fully endorse that stuff. You don't need an app punishing you or rewarding you. You created a ritual, you created a rhythm, and the rhythm worked. To me, that's the point of goal setting, to be engaged with your own life.

49:12So when you say that you've never been the sort of person to write out to-do lists or goals, you just do them or you don't do them, I don't think that's entirely a bad thing. That said, if you're struggling to accomplish new goals, maybe then it's worth being a little more formal at first. But once you're in the swing of things, you don't need an app to tell you that you need to stay 15 extra minutes at the gym to get your cardio up or whatever. You're just going to be doing it. And the rewards are going to be your results, not smashing the complete button on an app that sends you 14 fricking push notifications a day to get your gains up, bruh.

49:47And hey, one last thought here. If you feel like it's hard to accomplish certain things, then it might be worth checking in with yourself about why those goals are meaningful to you in the first place. Maybe you're chasing results without knowing exactly why. It's easy to get carried away with this stuff, whether it's fitness or money. Maybe you're just struggling with some inertia because these goals are new. Maybe you're looking for a vision to motivate you when the real motivation could just be the joy of the process itself. Either way, I would take a moment to consider what you hope these new goals will do for you.

50:22And at the same time, take some pressure off yourself to have too many concepts in your mind about why you're doing what you're doing and make sure you're staying present and enjoying what you're doing every moment that you can. The more you can be in a relationship with that and the more you can find the gratification of doing rather than thinking too much about the doing, all the better. Everything else is just scaffolding. At some point, the scaffolding comes down and the building stands up on its own, which it's already doing pretty brilliantly. You know, 50 pounds is a big deal. Keep up the great work.

50:55Try to put as few layers between you and your life as you can. And if you do that, I know you're gonna find the results that you're looking for. So good luck. And you don't even need luck. You're already on the train, moving along. All right, next up. Hey guys, I'm 17 years old and I never really had a family. I was adopted by my former teacher, Gabby, after spending my childhood in foster homes. Gabby has been an incredible mom to me and I truly appreciate her love and kindness. But I've been struggling with the fact that I still refer to her by her first name instead of mom. I really want to start calling her mom, but I'm not sure how to bring it up or make the transition without feeling awkward.

51:39Can you offer any advice or suggestions on how I can approach the situation? Signed, having some qualms about dropping this bomb and finally calling her mom. Oof. All right. Okay, Jordan, let's see if we can answer this question without bursting into tears. You start. Seriously. Somebody cutting onions in here. I know. I am not an easy cry, and I am like just barely holding it together. Yeah. Same. Better than most Pixar movies these days. Let me round up here. First of all, what an amazing story. Of course, I'm sorry that you had the childhood that you did, and that you feel like you never really had a family, and that's horrible.

52:17I can only imagine how difficult that must be for any child. Being a kid is hard with a supportive family, so to grow up without that, it's just such a massive challenge. But what an incredible thing to have happen, to go to school, meet a teacher like this, and she ends up adopting you. Wow, it's really extraordinary. Gabby, man, what a blessing. She sounds like a really special woman, and I'm very touched by the relationship that you two have. It's just, it's beyond words. It is, yeah. But you know what? She's not the only one who's special here. I'm getting the sense that you are too, and I'm sure Gabby formed a bond with you for a reason.

52:52She saw something valuable and lovable and deserving in you, and she changed the course of both your lives by adopting you. So I am not surprised that you want to call her mom. And what a thing. At 17 years old, you found a woman who truly feels like your mom. Who is your mom? Wow. Very touching to say the least. So honestly, I'd say just go for it. Don't second guess yourself here for a single minute. If you feel the impulse to call Gabby mom after all the love she's given you, I promise you she thinks of you as her son. I have a strong feeling that this is just going to be a huge moment in your relationship.

53:28and it's going to be really special for both of you. So just do it. Even if it feels awkward, even if it feels risky, lean into that. Say it anyway. Say it awkwardly if you have to. It just doesn't matter. It's going to be wonderful. Oh, man, after you say it once, it's going to get easier and easier. And in a week, you're going to be yelling like, Mom, bring me a snack from your bedroom eight times a day. And it's going to make both of your hearts grow three sizes. And damn it, I'm tearing up again. And man, Gabe, I'm just picturing this woman's face when he says it for the first time. Like, can I believe my ears?

54:02Is that what just happened? I've dreamed of this moment. Was it ever going to happen? Oh, my gosh. It's going to be amazing. Just know that you're probably going to make her cry. I mean, you're making two grown ass men on a podcast who didn't adopt you cry. Yeah. So, yeah, just be ready for that. Yeah, it's going to be waterworks. Don't do it at a freaking Nordstrom rack or like Panera Bread, right? For the first time. You don't like crying in Panera, Jordan? It's such a great place to burst into tears when you're just chowing down on a BLT. Oh, gosh. Maybe you do it one Saturday morning over breakfast at home so she doesn't have to worry about all the people staring at her at both of you and she has time to process it all.

54:39I just think, yeah, oh, gosh. Sound advice. Let her cry into the Cap 'n Crunch for a little while before you take the mom thing out in public. It's probably a good idea. I don't know about Gabby eating Cap 'n Crunch. I'm getting strong Kashi vibes from this woman. You're probably right. She's loving. She's responsible. Yeah, that sounds like a Kashi lady. That's a Kashi gal right there. Yeah, I'm just wrapping my head around the fact that she adopted her student. It's something out of a movie or one of those shows like This Is Us, except the story actually made me cry and doesn't make me feel like I'm just supposed to cry because everyone's overacting and the music is swelling.

55:14Isn't this the plot of Matilda? I think so. It's also sort of the plot of Leon the Professional where a sniper hitman adopts a little girl. That's true. That movie's more my speed, honestly. Interestingly, our friend here is Matilda, either Matilda from the movie Matilda or Matilda Natalie Portman's character from Leon, who coincidentally also named Matilda with an H. Wow. And Gabby is, what's her name? Miss Honey. Do you remember that? No. Miss Honey, who saves her from Danny DeVito. Ah, shit, I'm getting emotional. Nothing like a Danny DeVito reference to get you to cry, I guess, over there.

55:48That movie is so good, though. Whatever, that's a tangent. We don't need to go down with Danny DeVito. Let's wrap this up before it gets too embarrassing. Got to preserve my dignity here a little bit. Fair enough. Listen, I'm so happy that you and Gabby found each other. My faith in humanity restored just one tiny little bit, especially after that whole Tina story today. And I am so pumped for this amazing moment you guys are going to have soon. Trust your gut. Hit her with the mom. Give her a huge hug. I promise you, you guys are going to carry this moment for the rest of your lives. And I'm so happy for you.

56:18Shout out to Gabby Gabs and shout out to you for sending everyone into the weekend with their makeup just ruined now. Hope y 'all enjoyed that. I want to thank everybody who wrote in this week and everybody who listened. Thank you so much. Go back and check out Robert Kerbeck if you haven't yet. The best things that have happened to me in my life and business have come through my network and I'm teaching you how to do the same thing for yourself in our six minute networking course. It's 100 % free. It's not gross. I don't need your credit card. It's not schmoozy. You can find it on the Thinkific platform at jordanharbinger.com slash course.

56:50They take a few minutes a day, the drills. It's stuff I wish I knew two decades ago. Dig the well before you get thirsty, folks. You can find it all at jordanharbinger.com slash course. Transcripts in the show notes. The show notes are at jordanharbinger.com. Advertisers, deals, discount codes, ways to support the show, all at jordanharbinger.com slash deals. Go try the chat bot at jordanharbinger.com slash AI if you want to root something out of Feedback Friday or anything else on the show. I'm at jordanharbinger on both Twitter and Instagram. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn in and you can find Gabe on Instagram at Gabriel Mizrahi or on Twitter at Gabe Mizrahi.

57:27This show is created in association with Podcast One. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson, Robert Fogarty, Ian Baird, Millie Ocampo, and of course, Gabriel Mizrahi. Our advice and opinions are our own and I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer. Do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. Ditto Laowai86. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love and if you found the episode useful, please share it with somebody else who can use the advice we gave here today. In the meantime, I hope you apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you learn, and we'll see you next time.

57:59You're about to hear a preview of The Jordan Harbinger Show with Ishmael Beah, who at the age of 13 was forced to become a child soldier. I started when I was 13. The first day that we went to war, I think it was the most terrifying thing that ever happened to me, just on the way there, knowing what we were going to do, but it hasn't yet happened. Having this feeling that I was descending into some kind of darkness, into some place that was going to chip away from who I had been, that I would no longer get back truly. And then there was an ambush and then we started exchanging fire and people who looked like us were shooting at us.

58:35And there was a kid that when we were training had looked up to me, he was next to me and there was an explosion and his body flew and he was scared there was blood all over my face and everything and I just lost it. I realized at that moment that listen if I don't shoot I'm gonna end up like everybody else who's been killed next to me and I started shooting. Shooting to kill and whatever could get you as high as possible so you feel like you're kind of in a long nightmare you took it. That becomes a new reason to fight. You didn't want to come down from the high but there's also because you're on the high you also get addicted to the violence itself.

59:10So you constantly keep yourself moving, being high, engaging in more violence until you're removed from it. Which is why sometimes people are shocked when soldiers come back from fighting and they're traumatized. Sometimes they shoot themselves, they become violent. When you go and take out another life and dehumanize it, in reverse, you dehumanize yourself, your own spirit, your own being. And it takes a lot of undoing. I was once a kid who loved hip-hop, run DMC, LL Cool J, learned Shakespeare, wanted to be an economist. And then I became a soldier, and I started doing things that I didn't think I would ever be able to be in a position to do, but I did them.

59:48To hear about life in a war zone where he fought for three years before being rescued by UNICEF, check out episode 622 of The Jordan Harbinger Show.

1:00:02This episode is sponsored in part by Everything Everywhere Daily. You've heard the phrase, learn something new every day. Sounds nice, but do you actively do it? That's where Everything Everywhere Daily comes in. This podcast makes it effortless. Just 10 minutes a day, you'll walk away with a fascinating fact, a slice of history, a science gem. It's no wonder the show has climbed up to the top as the number one history podcast. It covers history, science, technology, geography, and stories of remarkable people, always in a way that keeps you hooked. Not sure where to jump in? Start with these favorites.

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1:01:03It's called the Conspirituality Podcast. The hosts, a journalist, cult researcher, and a philosophical skeptic, dive deep into how this stuff spreads, from Project 2025 and the Heritage Foundation's dystopian vision of the future to how former leftists get pulled into far-right conspiracies. An interesting episode to check out is called Speaking Truth to Goop, where Jen Gunter breaks down the pseudoscience behind the wellness industry in a way that is super entertaining and eye-opening. It's sharp, funny, and makes you a lot harder to fool, which, if you listen to this show, you know I'm all about that.

1:01:32From exploring cults to analyzing our cultural and political lens, The Conspirituality Podcast will help you stay informed against misinformation and resist fear tactics. Find Conspirituality on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts.