971: Laughter is Life's Lubricant | Feedback Friday

23:05No, but you're right. They might have been too embarrassed to tell her themselves. Their shame might have perpetuated her shame. Yeah, it's kind of fascinating because it's a great example of how shame makes everybody want to hide, avoid the issue. Yes. When all someone had to do really was take her aside and say like, hey, no big deal. There's a little hole in your swimsuit. I just want to know if I were me. Here's a towel or you can wear this pair of shorts and just get them wet and I'll just I'll just dry them when I get home. That would have been sweet. But, you know, when you're young, you don't always have the awareness or the language for moments like that.

23:32You just kind of like look away and pretend it isn't happening because it just feels easier. Right. Maybe it even seemed like the nicer thing to do in that moment. Who knows? Fair point. Could be. Anyway, the real lesson here is how masterfully and courageously you handled this. And at 15 years old, again, that's why I'm kind of harping on this. If you were 30 and this happened, I would be like, that's another day in the life. Don't worry about it. But you should be proud of how you handled that. The other lesson is not to buy swimsuits that cost eight bucks. Splorge on the slightly more expensive ones that won't disintegrate the moment they come into contact with water.

24:00That's right. No more H &M swimsuits after this story. No. All right. What's next? Hey, guys. Years ago, I was arrested for embezzlement. After going through the strip search, the questions, the fingerprinting, all of that, I found myself sitting in a cement room with 12 bunk beds, 16 women, and one toilet right by the door with no privacy, totally naked under my orange jumpsuit because my bra had an underwire and my underwear had too much elastic. It was the darkest moment of my life. Oh man, I bet. Sorry you went through that. Jail is no joke, especially in the United States. After all this trauma, in one day, an officer asked how I was.

24:41I said to him, worst day of my life. Wish I was dead. Within two minutes, I was stripped naked by four officers and put in a turtle suit in front of all of the women in the pod. Ooh, what's a turtle suit? What is that? So I actually had to look this up. It's a thick garment that you can't tear to form a noose or something. It kind of looks like a toga that's made out of like packing blankets. Okay, for a second I thought they, I don't know why, it was like a turtle suit. You thought they made her dress up like a Halloween costume? No, this makes a lot more sense. She goes on. I was then dropped into solitary confinement for three days, naked except for this turtle suit.

25:19It was a horrible experience and so embarrassing. Oh my God, I can imagine. I hear solitary confinement can do a real number on a person. Probably even worse when your hoo-ha is exposed to the elements. Brutal. Not to make light of this, but it's kind of a great PSA for not stealing money from your employer. But now, many years later, funny as hell. Okay, that's a nice turnaround. Once again, I'm glad you can laugh about it. This is one experience I'm not sure I would be able to laugh at because of the shame involved in getting arrested for embezzlement, etc. But hey, that's great. Lesson learned, though.

25:51Be careful speaking your truth. Love the show. Love your lessons. Signed, a woman who walked through fire because of her underwire. Prison is a nightmare that I have often, actually, because I've been through prisons, not as an inmate. But anyway, Gabe, jail and prison really do freak me out. It honestly scares me. Yeah, it's scary. How little these places care for the people inside them. And I don't mean that like every officer is horrible. The guys I meet on the program and stuff, they treat the guys quite well, but they're, this is a special program that I worked with, you know, the hustle 2.0, but especially in America, you just hear absolutely psycho stuff from people coming out of jail.

26:28A guy will go in jail for something like, yeah, like embezzlement and their life is just made a living hell by some sociopathic guard for no reason other than they just decided that they don't like you. Well, also it's embarrassing on two levels, right? I mean, there's the indignity of going through what our friend here went through on that level, but there's also so embarrassing to be caught for a crime. Yeah. And then you end up in prison. You're like, oh my God, how did I end up here? How did I do this? Yes. Yeah. I know in countries like Norway, the prisons are amazing. Oh my God. Have you seen those documentaries where they show them?

26:59Yes. They're nice. They're nicer than most apartments in America, actually. It's so bizarre. You have more space than you have in a New York apartment and you, you know, you can do kind of whatever you, they'll show a guy like playing Xbox with his feet up and he's like, up, got to go to work. And it's like, you're in prison right now. They show the inmates, if you can even call them that in these apartments and they're cooking dinner with knives and stuff. Yeah. What? The guy's like, yeah, when I get out, I'm going to become a chef. I really enjoy cooking. It's like, what are you in for? Yeah.

27:25It was a gang member who like traffic drugs and what? So it's a totally different system. It's a different culture. That's a whole other rant, but it is horrifying to see what goes on in a lot of these facilities. a lot of the corrections officers, and again, not all, of course, but a lot of them don't care at all about the inmates, either because they're cynical and desensitized or they've been treated poorly by crazy-ass inmates over the years. And maybe they kind of have to be that way over time. But I also think some of them really, you know, right in, if you're a corrections officer, do you have a colleague that just likes to treat people like crap?

27:59I bet every single CO listening to this is like, oh yeah, that's that guy who came in and is like itching to beat someone's ass or whatever. Take away their stuff. Well, I also think a lot of them are like, screw these people, right? They're criminals. They don't deserve to be treated perfectly. But it's like, well, first of all, innocent until proven guilty, right? So this person you're forcing to strip down in front of everybody, they could be innocent. So maybe be a decent person. But also it's not like this CO, the one in this letter, worked in a high security prison monitoring violent inmates or death row inmates.

28:32Our friend here stole money from her company, which is obviously wrong. I mean, that doesn't mean she deserves to be humiliated or that she's like super high risk. No, in fact, I'm going to go ahead and guess that after her arrest, she ended up with probation or something, because that's not a crime that we prioritize throwing people in the slammer for for a long period of time. That's what really concerns me about our system, just how cruel and unfeeling it can be. And it's easy to ignore that or discount it, because to your point, most people are like, yeah, they're deadbeats, they're lowlifes, they did terrible things.

29:01Why should I care if they're ashamed? Why should I care if they're uncomfortable? If they even think about this at all. I think most people don't. But if you ever ended up in jail, possibly for a mistake or something you didn't even do, I'm sure the policies in our criminal justice system, they would suddenly become extremely relevant to you. Sorry, I'm not trying to get on my soapbox here at all. It's just something I think about sometimes, especially since I led that prison workshop now going four years back, my 40th birthday. It really opened my eyes to a part of life that most of us, if we are lucky, are just never going to have to see.

29:32This is also an interesting story about using shame as a weapon. I'm not sure if that was intentional on the jail's part or on the CO's part, but on some level, they must know that treating people this way. I mean, this guy thought she would might have been suicidal. So it's like, maybe we should be a little bit compassionate to this person. Right. I don't know. It just kind of makes me sad. He started off compassionate like, hey, you doing OK? No, not really. This is terrible. Oh, you know what can make it worse? Solitary confinement. Put on the suit. Yeah. It's like, and you got a dress in this weird blanket thing that doesn't let you pee, right?

30:03It's very sad, but what's sadder is that that's not even near the top of the list of problems in our country. Anyway, sorry this happened to you. It sounds awful, but you also embezzled money from your company, which I'm sure you know was wrong and probably regret. And unfortunately, these can be the consequences. You didn't deserve most of this. You could have been punished and processed without being humiliated. But again, I'm glad you can laugh about this. If you can laugh about something as disturbing as this, you can probably get through anything. There's real resilience in that. That and not taking money out of the cash register at work anymore.

30:36Embezzlement to me, is that like you pocket money out of a register or is that like you're forging documents so that you can move stuff into your own account? It's both, isn't it? I think it could be any of those. All right. What's next? Hey, y 'all. I live in a big, small town. The population is about 400 ,000, but I still seem to run into someone I know everywhere I go. Sometime back, I was invited to a bridal shower and a wedding for the same couple. By accident, I mixed up the location of the wedding rehearsal with the address for the bridal shower. When I showed up, I was surprised and very embarrassed to find that it was a funeral.

31:13And not just any funeral, but the funeral of my ex's grandma. Oh, wow. What is zany mix-up? This is like a Paul Rudd movie or something. It didn't help that I was in a black dress with a colorful present in my hand. That is a great image. Just rolling up to a funeral, holding a massive gift with a huge bow and a sign that says, congratulations. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's something like Kristen Wiig would do in a movie. Yes. With Paul Rudd. It's the same movie. Yeah, of course. Same movie. I talked with my ex, his mom, and his brother, consoled them for a bit, and then bounced. Luckily, we didn't end on terrible terms, so it wasn't all bad.

31:51Just very awkward. Signed, still living down the sensation of allowing a logistical conflation to lead me to the wrong celebration. This is great. So just to make sure I'm understanding this, Gabe, she accidentally went to the wedding rehearsal venue, but on the wrong day. Because she was supposed to go to the bridal shower venue. And on that day, the wedding rehearsal place was hosting her ex's grandmother's funeral. Yes, that's exactly right. What are the odds of that? That you would go there, there'd be something happening, and it would be somebody you know. Slim, I would imagine. But she did say it was a big small town.

32:23So not totally crazy, but yeah, still unusual for this to happen. I guess the only lesson you can really draw is it pays to be on good terms with your exes. Otherwise, a run-in like this would be so awkward. The other lesson is to be super careful with your Google calendar, I think, so you don't put the wrong address for the event. I'm glad she showed up with a wrapped gift and not like a short dress and a palette of dick-themed cupcakes. That would have been awkward. Oh my God. That's so funny. Yeah. I just really clicked with your grandma. She was a nice lady. You know, we shared a love for phallic confections.

32:56Like how do you cover for that? So I brought you some carrot cake schwances, but I got to go and I got to go to Safeway and replace this gift for the bridal shop. Where am I going to find dick-themed brownies on short notice? What a fun day. I would be thinking about this for a while. And then when you go to the next event, you have a great story to tell. You're not believe where I went before this. Yeah, I just popped off at a funeral. You can reach us Friday at Jordan Harbinger dot com. Please keep your emails concise. Try to use a descriptive subject line that makes our job a lot easier. If you're finding dead squirrels in your mailbox, your future is being hamstrung by one hundred and eighty million dollar judgment against you or your abusive dad is himself being abused in his old age.

33:33Whatever's got you staying up at night lately. Hit us up Friday at Jordan Harbinger dot com. We're here to help and we keep every email anonymous. Okay, what's next? Hey, Jordan and Gabe. I learned to snowboard in Utah with some friends of mine. After a season, I was feeling pretty good about things. My snowboarding skills were decent, but not amazing. All right, I'm excited about this one. I'm learning to snowboard, so it feels relevant to me right now. One sunny day, the snow is perfect, and the ski resort is busy. I'm with my boyfriend zipping down the run, and I see a man on skis a few yards in front of me, obviously for the very first time in his life, and a woman on each side of him teaching him how to ski.

34:12The following events happened in slow motion. I realized that I needed to change lanes on the ski run or otherwise I would crash into him. I was going too fast to slow down and stay a safe distance behind him. I looked to my right. There were way too many skiers and boarders in the way. To my left was the edge of the run and trees. I had lost my window to change lanes. The tip of my board had already entered the space between his skis. If I had tried to stop or slow down, the movement would have tipped him and the two ladies over and then I would have crashed into them. Before I knew it, the man and I were pressed together like two dragonflies mating in a forest.

34:51Great visual. Gravity was pulling me harder though, and I literally crouched down and traveled in between this guy's legs and came out the other side. Wow. That's actually really hard to do. Like, I could never do that kind of thing on purpose. That's very, very difficult. Good ankle mobility. No one was hurt, thankfully. My flexibility saved us. There you go. But I was hugely embarrassed. I mean, why? I'm not sure why, yeah. Yeah, your scalp grazed his undercarriage. This doesn't sound that bad to me. It sounds like you avoided a much more serious accident. And frankly, I can see exactly how this happened, right?

35:24When you're on a snowboard, if you're looking at something, you almost always travel towards it when you're a beginner. so they say like don't look at the kid who wiped out in the middle of the run look to the left or the right of them or to all the way off the run don't look at that because you'll end up just not knowing how to switch lanes and crash so this is almost certainly what happened and then the reason she couldn't stop is because you have to turn your board sideways so if her board is parallel to his skis and she corkscrews it to go perpendicular everybody's gonna wipe out and it could be pretty bad so she somehow i would have just fallen backwards and probably hit the guy with my board But apparently she was flexible enough to stay balanced on the board and go right between his legs, which is actually kind of incredible.

36:03What's worse, on my way out, like a newborn calf in the morning dew, the man said, honey, you have made an old man very happy. O-M-G. I love this woman's descriptions. The dragonflies mating like a newborn calf in the morning dew. Wait, who's like a newborn calf in the morning dew, she or the guy? Yeah, that's unclear. Although I'm getting the sense they were both reborn that day. Probably the most action this guy has seen in years. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, I'm thinking this guy was like, so that was what was pressed up behind me this whole time? Yeah. My boyfriend noticed the whole thing, and instead of laughing his head off, he was embarrassed for me.

36:46Which is how I realized that he wasn't the one. Signed, stumbling into a nope after tumbling down the slopes. Interesting. So that's actually the best part of the story, how your boyfriend's reaction told you all you needed to know about him. That's a deal breaker, isn't it? If you can't laugh about the same stuff with somebody, it's like game over. Yeah. And it's not even just the same stuff. A hundred percent, though, that feeling when you want to laugh about something and the other person doesn't find it funny or they're laughing at something and you don't find it funny. It's just like, that's not good to we're on different wavelengths for sure.

37:17But there's more here. I feel like I'm trying to put my finger on it. It's just like a lonely feeling when you want to laugh about something and the other person can. It's vaguely annoying. The dude sounds lame. He sounds like a fricking square. Yeah. Yeah. He couldn't laugh at this. He was embarrassed for you, which means like he's got this weird shame thing that's going to come out in all sorts of weird ways that would have affected her and other people around him. That's not good. Possibly. I can't quite put my finger at it, but if somebody's like, oh, I'm embarrassed for you, it's like, well, you take yourself way too seriously and that's not going to work for me.

37:45So I think you made the right choice. Ditch the dude, stick with the skiing, slopes before mopes. That's what I say. Do you say that? Is that a thing? Yes, I just made that up. I say that now. Oh, wonderful. Very specific catchphrase. I don't know how often that one's going to come up, but I do like it. I'm going to file that one away for when I see a couple arguing on the ski lift. Slopes before mopes, folks, as I glide past them and shred pow, brah, and then gradually press up against somebody like a dragonfly mating in the springtime. So good. What poetry you have given us today, my friend.

38:17What a funny story. Way to chuckle through an awkward situation and part ways with a guy who's more concerned about appearances than being able to laugh about a funny moment with a stranger. Deal breaker for sooth. You know what else is like a newborn calf in the morning do, Gabriel? The fresh deals on the products and services that support this show. We'll be right back. If you liked this episode of Feedback Friday and you found our advice valuable, I invite you to do what other smart and considerate listeners do, which is take a moment and support our sponsors. All the deals, discount codes, and ways to support the show are all searchable and clickable at jordanharbinger.com slash deals.

38:50Or you can email me, jordan at jordanharbinger.com. If you're lazy, you can't remember the name of a sponsor, I will happily surface that code for you. It is that important to support those who support the show. Now, back to Feedback Friday. Okay, what's next? Hey guys, I'm 38 years old and from the ages of 19 to 23, I worked in a hardware store. We had a station outside to fill propane tanks, and we had to go fill tanks in all sorts of weather. One early spring day, it was pouring rain. Torrential. A guy shows up with four tanks he needs filled. He offered to hold an umbrella over me, but customers weren't allowed inside the caged propane fill area, so I ended up soaked.

39:32Afterward, we went back into the store so he could settle up, and he kept thanking me over and over for going out in such bad weather to help him. I wanted to say, no problem, I'm a champ. or no problem, I'm a trooper. But what came out of my mouth was no problem, I'm a tramp. Crickets. He looked at me, I looked at him, he turned around and left. I think about this often and wonder how many people this guy told about the tramp at the hardware store. Signed, still stung and wide-eyed at that time I got tongue-tied. This is kind of funny. Something similar happened to me recently. I was at Trader Joe's a few months ago and I remember that day.

40:10I was really tired and I was kind of out of it. And I was just like trying to get in and out. And this woman bumped into me by the produce and she turned around. She's like, oh, I'm sorry. And I was about to say no problem. But then in the middle of the sentence, I decided to say, nah, you're good. But it came out as nah, you're a problem. It's kind of scary, actually. It freaked her out. And this woman looked at me so confused and kind of offended. And it took me a few seconds to realized what I had just said. And before I could explain or correct myself, she walked away. So I was just like, Oh, no, you don't know.

40:45I'm not trying to be an asshole. But that's what she thought I said. That's great. I've definitely done stuff like this. Like I found the tramp thing. I'm like, the guy never he probably just thought he misheard. That's the end of it. Right. But probably it's weird how we all remember that stuff from ourselves. Like, it's like when the waitress goes, All right, enjoy your meal. And you go you too. And you're like, Oh, God, she thinks I'm an idiot. No, she has. She's heard that like 50 times today. She's not even listening to you. It's just a formality. What is the word for that? We talked about this before.

41:11Oh, the spotlight effect. Spotlight effect. Yeah. You think like everybody's paying attention to you, but really everyone's worried about themselves. Right. Yeah. It's true, though. It has been months and I still think about this woman. Like, does she think she really is a problem? No. Did she go home and tell her husband about this? And she was like, and then this rude man in Lululemon shorts and a Que Bonito hat told me that I was a problem. Yeah. I think you might be overthinking this one, but those empathy muscles might be a little overactive. Fair enough. You're right. Also, maybe she is a problem.

41:38Maybe she needed to hear that from somebody, you know, like, how does he know? I appreciate that support. No problem. I'm a tramp. That's a good one. Well, that's one way to explain great customer service. I'm such a tramp for going above. I'm a slut for good customer service. And you and I are tramps for taking everybody's stories week after week. That's right. I love that she's 38 years old and she's still thinking about this. I mean, it's been over 15 years. I love that the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you, Gabe, is I misspoke once at a grocery store to a stranger that I'm never going to see again.

42:10Actually, that is not the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me. And I have been saving a story for this episode. Thank God. So you do have one. Let's hear it. OK, so this one's from a while back. So when I was in college, it was my junior year. I found out about this industry called management consulting. and it sounded, I remember meeting this guy in a class and he was studying for the interviews. And I was like, what is that? And he's like, it's management selling. It's this industry where, you know, you're like a doctor for companies. And I was like, that sounds so cool. I've never heard of this.

42:38And I went home and I Googled it 10, 15 minutes later, I was like, this is what I want to do when I graduate. But I was not qualified for this job whatsoever. I was a philosophy major. At the time I was planning on going to law school after college. I had never taken a math class in my life. Well, not since high school. I knew very little about the business world. I dude, I didn't even own a suit. I mean, like I had a lot of catching up to do. So I did a hard pivot and I started positioning myself for the, you know, a summer internship at one of these consulting firms. So just imagine, you know, cue Rocky style montage of Gabe trying to reinvent himself.

43:15Right. I started taking like I took a stats class. I started practicing for these consulting interviews, which are famously difficult. And they usually involve case studies and brain teasers and all that horrible medieval torture stuff. And I went to all these events on campus and I ended up really clicking with the people who worked at this one firm. It was this very prestigious firm that kind of had the reputation of being like the cool prestigious firm. And I ended up getting an interview there and I cannot describe to you how badly I wanted to work at this place. So I cram for these interviews.

43:49I'm literally teaching myself how to do arithmetic in my head for the first time. I'm learning a lot. I'm getting better, but I am far from ready for these interviews. Like I am way out of my depth. Oh, and I still don't own a suit. Okay. The only suit that I owned at the time, this is so embarrassing, was this chocolate brown wool suit I wore to my sister's bat mitzvah three years earlier. And also the only dress shirt that I owned that went with it was this like vermilion silk dress shirt. Okay. I was down with chocolate brown suit. I was like, that's not that bad. But what is vermilion? What the hell is that?

44:26It's like a slightly brighter version of burgundy. It's like a deep red. Not helping. Yeah. Okay. Of course. So of course you owned a vermilion silk shirt. I know. It's like you want people to roast you. It's so, it's too easy. I had a feeling you would like that detail. Actually, I'm also I'm also remembering that the buttons on this shirt were on the opposite side from the usual side for no reason. I don't know why. Just to be quirky and different, I guess. I feel like you're going to prom in the 60s with this thing. Yeah. And you're also roasting yourself at this point. I don't even have to do anything.

44:58I'm going to tell you in a moment why I remember the buttons thing. So anyway, in my head, I was like, I'm not dressed like the people on this on the website of this company, like they're in grays and blues and stuff. But then I was like, maybe this will play, you know, Like maybe I'll stand out in the interviews and maybe they'll find it charming or something. Hashtag personal branding. Yeah. Like, oh, I stood out all right at the interview. So dumb. Like not the time to be debuting an edgy ensemble, right? Like I'm 20 years old with zero experience gunning for one of the most prestigious internships in the world.

45:28But sure. Yeah, Gabe, let's swing for the fences with this chocolate brown and silk vermilion number. So I show up to this interview. I look like I'm opening during happy hour at the Magic Castle. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Dude, I am nervous. Like, I remember sitting in the lobby with all of these super impressive type A kids from UCLA and they're in their Navy suits. And I'm like, yeah, want to see a card trick? You like close up magic kids? The smoke is coming from my fingertips. I've never been more unequal to a task in my life. There are two interviews back to back. So the first guy calls me in and we're just like oil and water from the beginning.

46:10Like he's this real simple, dull corporate kind of dude. And I, I don't know. I'm dressed like an extra from the Devil Wears Prada. Okay. Yeah. And he hits me with one of these classic consulting questions. And the question was, and I remember it because it scarred me, this question. How many fuel trucks do you think there are in the United States? So like a classic kind of like math brain teasery question. You're supposed to figure this out just using your head. You're not supposed to Google anything, obviously. You're supposed to just make estimates. That's the whole exercise. Wow. And in my head, I'm like, sir, I just found out about this industry three weeks ago.

46:49I have no freaking idea how to answer that question. But OK, if I did, here's how I would do it. And look, it's not a total disaster, my answer, but it's not it's not going well. Right. At one point, I look down on my notebook where I'm doing my math and the zeros keep adding up and I just cannot keep track of the zeros. I was like, I don't know if I'm talking about millions of gallons of fuel or tens of millions or hundreds of, I'm just completely lost in the catacombs of my own increasingly ridiculous calculations. And my handwriting starts to go swimmy and the room suddenly feels really small and my heart is pounding and I can feel sweat starting to pour off my forehead.

47:30And suddenly, dude, I am hot, like really hot. Like it feels like my whole body is a furnace and now I am deeply regretting the wool suit and silk shirt decision. And I'm trying really hard. I'm trying really hard to hold it together and just get through this case study. And I kind of do, but it's basically a disaster. And I just know that this guy is sitting across from me thinking like, yeah, dude, there's no way I'm putting you in front of an executive at Boeing or whatever. Not in that vermilion shirt. Not a chance. So then I go right into my second interview and the second guy is actually super cool and we get along really well and I do way better in that one.

48:06But honestly, it probably wasn't that great. So I go back in the lobby. I get my ticket validated at the front desk. The receptionist is like, oh, cool suit. And I'm like, thanks. You know, like I found it in an 18th century bordello or something. And I go down to the garage. I get into my car and I'm like, oh thank god that's over oh my god but i still feel really weird so i look at myself in the rearview mirror and jordan my face is bright red vermilion if you will i have never seen my face this color before or since this day i mean i look like when you go skiing and you forget to put on sunscreen oh yeah yeah that's what it's like swollen from the uv damage.

48:53I'm like sweating still. So I pull off my jacket. My shirt is soaked through. I'm a hot mess, dude. Literally. Yeah. Literally. Wow. So I take off the shirt also and I drive home naked from the waist up. And that's why I remember that the buttons on the shirt were on the wrong side. That's why I remember that detail. What a bizarre detail. This is like etched in your mind because it's already hard to undo stuff with one hand while you're driving. Now you have to switch hands and you're shaking and your eyes are swollen shut from from the stress or whatever i look like i didn't know i had a shellfish allergy or something yeah okay so that night i was supposed to go chaperone this overnight camping thing with my old high school so okay i drive out to the mountains like an hour outside of la i'm still kind of reeling from the interview and i go to this this campground place and i sleep over in a cabin and during the night i start getting really itchy on the right side of my body, like on my torso and the itching gets worse and worse and worse.

49:55And I'm like, man, I must've gotten bitten by something. Cause it was pretty rustic. And I keep scratching at my torso through my sweatshirt, which just makes it worse. And by the time I drive home the next day, I am in agony. Like I have never felt like this before. So I get home and I look in the mirror and on my side is the worst rash I have ever seen in my life. Like this thing is huge and it's bright red and it's it's so gross it's like raised and it's like it's so disgusting is it from the suit and i'm like oh my god what is this i wasn't even thinking about the clothing i thought i had gotten bitten by a spider or something dude it looked like one of those flesh-eating diseases paul rosalie talked about on your episode about the amazon that's how bad oh right yeah i remember that so this is bad so you basically you got like leishmaniasis in a skyscraper in LA.

50:45I'm not sure that really tracks. You kind of need to go to the jungle of Panama to get that kind of thing. Exactly. So I book an appointment with a dermatologist, but I can't get in until the following week. So for four or five days, I am in probably the worst pain I've ever been in in my life. And in that time, the HR lady from the consulting firm calls me and she's like, I'm sorry, but we can't offer you a second round. And I'm like, oh no, I know. I was like, Like, that is 100 % the right call, ma 'am. Good job on that decision. Yeah, they really didn't have to go through that formality, did they?

51:17It's like, he knows, right? He knows he can't come back in this building. I think when the sweat pours off your forehead, they're just like, we don't have to call that guy. He understands. When you turn into a Maine lobster, everybody knows. A swollen Maine lobster. So finally, I get in to see this doctor and I show him my torso and I'm like, hey, this happened. What's the deal? Like, am I dying? How long do I have? And he takes one look at my torso and he furrows his brow like he's kind of surprised. And he scribbles something on his prescription pad and he hands it to me. And on the pad, it says herpes zoster.

51:52Herpes? You got herpes from Never Wear Vermillion shirts. That's the lesson from this show. They got herpes. I'm like, what is herpes zoster? And he's like, you have shingles. Oh, I thought old people got that. Yeah, that's what I said. I thought I'm like, I thought only old people get shingles. And he's like, yeah, but young people can get it too. And I'm like, how? How does this happen? And he goes, have you been under any stress lately? Like, did you have like a specific moment of acute stress? Like, was there an event recently? And you're just like, I don't know. Maybe it was when I was calculating that there are 546 ,000 approximately fuel trucks in the United States.

52:28Yeah, exactly. I flash back to my fuel truck meltdown and I'm like, yes, yes, I did. And I was not wearing the right outfit for it either. And he's like, well, there you go. That's what it is. And he gives me a prescription for some cream and I go home and it really hurt. But after a couple of weeks, it went away. But yeah, it was brutal. So that's the story of how I tanked an interview so badly. I gave myself shingles at 20 years old. Wow, that is that's funny, but also kind of gross. I mean, it's hard for me to picture you melting down like this because it's so different from how you are normally, except for the except for the outfit choice.

53:03That 100 percent is on brand and tracks completely. The ensemble fits. That has not changed. The outfit is classic Gaby. But yeah, the anxiety spiral was definitely new for me. And it hasn't happened since, but it was very humbling. But hang on, you did work in management consulting after college. So what happened there? I kept going. I didn't. I see. I mean, for a minute there, I was like, I don't think this is for me. I don't know if I can do this. But then I was like, if I really want this career, I got to I got to figure this out. I have to try. So, yeah, I spent the next six months or so studying even more.

53:37And I did an internship and I started a company with some friends to get more experience. I mean, I did whatever I could. And then in the fall, I tried again. So I take it you didn't show up in the same suit because they would remember you. So some other firm with much lower standards finally caved and gave you a gig. That's exactly right. Actually, this is what I love about this story. Besides the fact that at one point you looked like an heirloom tomato. Thank you. But that you went through this, and I mean, let's be honest, kind of, it's traumatizing in some small way experience. A little bit.

54:06A lot of people in that position would have been like, okay, I think this is a sign that I am not cut out for this career, but you picked yourself back up and you kept going. And then you ended up getting a job in that world when a few months earlier you were hopeless in that industry, potentially. That's kind of awesome. I appreciate that. Well, thank you. I mean, yeah, I did have a lot. I was embarrassed after that interview. And I was like, man, I am not nearly as smart or as confident as I thought I was. And also these interviews are no joke. Like, what if this happens again one day, you know?

54:35But then I thought, OK, well, first of all, if this ever happens again, going back all the way to question one, we're either going to laugh about it right then and there with the interviewer. Like, I'm just going to call it out and be like, I am completely botching this, aren't I? You know, like have a laugh about it at a minimum. Or I'm going to stop and take some deep breaths and ask for help or something. We're not going to just pretend that everything is fine and fake our way through it while I melt down in front of this person. So that helped. And then I also realized that I had been through probably the worst possible outcome in these interviews.

55:05And I did survive. It wasn't completely devastating. I just needed to put in more work so that I could build some real confidence and actually get excited about these interviews and not just skate by on bravado and blind faith that it would be OK. Right, which is kind of the only real answer to feeling like an imposter. Yeah. And also, to your point, I did finally buy a pair of slacks and a blue cotton dress shirt. So that really helped. There you go. I have to imagine those brain teasers do get a lot easier when you're not dressed like Victorian era Barbie's boyfriend. Kind of shuttlecock O'Shaughnessy the third.

55:38Oh, what a great shuttlecock callback. That was that was from with a badminton. Yeah, that was the badminton. Badminton ho. Definitely. I mean, pro tip for anyone getting ready for a job interview. Maybe don't dress like an Italian vampire investment banker. in the dead of winter. But I love what you just said, how you embraced that embarrassment and channeled it instead of being paralyzed by it or running away from it. That's not easy to do. Yeah, it can be pretty scary because I mean, look, it's vulnerable. Right, because you're in touch with your limitations in a very uncomfortable way. Your weakness has been exposed, much like the butt cheek from the girl in I think Q2.

56:11And now you're going, okay, I'm going to go back into the lion's den and just find out if I can actually do this. And is this really what I'm meant for? And that takes some cojones. And the second time is even more because if you fail because you rolled in unprepared, you can be like, wow, I rolled in unprepared. Wow. But if you prepare and then you fail, then it's like, I just can't do this. I don't have the ability. I'm not smart enough. I don't have the talent. That's way scarier to face something like that. Yeah, you're right. And there have been moments in my life where I've backed down from precisely that scenario because, you know, there's so much on the line.

56:43But it also it comes down to, am I going to let this guy, this kind of annoying, boring, straightforward corporate dude I didn't get along with, and also my own ignorance, am I going to allow all of this to tell me what I can and can't do? Am I going to just settle for this super raw version of myself I was at the time? Or am I going to give it another shot and find out? If I get rejected, yes, that will hurt. But I think I can live with that. I can work through that. But I don't know if I can work through the regret of not trying. I mean, that's basically what it came down to. And yeah, that fall, I got a few offers.

57:13I took the best one. And I have to say, working and consulting, even though I was not cut out for that world at all, and it really was not my calling, it was the greatest first job out of college I could have asked for, especially considering that I was essentially cosplaying as a business person because I thought it was interesting. Yeah. When you were actually a wannabe emo screenwriter all along. Exactly. Who had a weird taste for strange fashion. Indeed. But that's a good story. I've had a few moments like that in my career, too, where I just totally botched an opportunity, said the wrong thing at the wrong time or whatever.

57:45And you always feel worse in the moment than it actually was, or it was that bad, but it wasn't like, it's rare to not get another chance at these things in some form. But usually you got to go off and lick your wounds, put in the work, come back later. And then when you see how far you've come, it's just, it's a great feeling. Oh, it's the best feeling. It's very gratifying. That's what makes it worth it. So I'm actually glad we got to end on that note, because the reason we wanted to do this embarrassing stories episode was to dig into this very uncomfortable, very painful, but also totally universal feeling of shame and see if we could learn a thing or two from it.

58:17Besides how funny these moments can be in retrospect, of course, I'm going to be thinking about dog condoms, swimsuit holes, and silk vermilion shirts all weekend here. But to me, what's valuable about shame is that, and I'm not trying to go all Brene Brown here, but it reveals our humanness, right? Our vulnerability, our imperfections, our wounds. And when we're in that state, the natural impulse, certainly my natural impulse, is to hide, right? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, you want to protect yourself. You want to keep it a secret. You want to keep up appearances, exactly. But sending this stuff underground, that is what keeps us stuck in the shame.

58:50And it allows the shame to hold us back, either from processing it or pushing onward and trying again or appreciating it or figuring out what feels so shameful in the first place, which is, well, it's a real shame. Sorry, it's a weird choice of words. it's really unfortunate because it seems to me that these shame moments are actually an amazing opportunity to get more in touch with who we are, to get clearer about where we need to grow. So when we sweep them under the rug or we slap a Band-Aid on them, we're usually doing ourselves a huge disservice in depriving other people of some truly hilarious stories, which is more important here.

59:22And that's what I've loved about the stories we heard today. I gotta say I'm impressed and weirdly touched by how many of them end with people laughing at themselves. That's great. That's kind of a superpower. And it's very humanizing. It's very bonding. So thank you all for sharing this with us, guys. I know this is probably going to spark a lot more because we got some, I think people were a little afraid to share embarrassing stuff. They were like, oh, because I got a lot of stuff and I was like, that's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you. I don't believe you. Like, this is a very tame.

59:48Surely there's been worse, but they didn't want to maybe go there. But if you guys are feeling a little daring, go ahead and send them in. And thank you, Gabe, for giving us the image of you literally liquefying in a conference room. We'll be feasting on that one for years. Oh, my pleasure. Thank you for telling me that your whole family heard you watching porn in the bathroom. I just I got to ask your mom about that the next time I see her, you know, just resurrect the horror. Do it while the entire family is around as well. Just let me have my I was on a phone call excuse. It's very sort of Seinfeld.

1:00:17I was on a phone call. I can't be doing anything to fair. Anyway, if you took nothing away from this episode, let's all remember. Laughter is life's lubricant. Shout out to the listener from question one's dad for that gem. Happy to lube y 'all up today to lube and to be lubed. Hope you all enjoy that. I want to thank everybody who wrote in and everybody who listened. Thank you so much. Don't forget to check out our Skeptical Sunday on bottled water, Scott Walker on persuasion and hostage negotiation, and Annie Jacobson on nuclear war and how we will all die agonizing painful deaths in the event of a nuclear conflagration.

1:00:48The best things that have happened in my life and business have come through my network, the circle of people I know, like, and trust, and I'm teaching you how to do the same thing for yourself in our six-minute networking course. It's 100 % free. It's not gross. It's not schmoozy. You can find it on the Thinkific platform at sixminutenetworking.com. The drills take just a few minutes a day. I wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago. Dig the well before you get thirsty. Build relationships before you need them. Don't wear vermilion shirts to interviews. sixminutenetworking.com. Our newsletter, of course, over at jordanharbinger.com slash news.

1:01:18Lots of good stuff going on in there. Giveaways, wisdom from the show that you might have missed. Show notes and transcripts are over on the website as well. Advertisers, deals, discounts, and ways to support the show. all at jordanharbinger.com slash deals. I'm at jordanharbinger on Twitter and Instagram. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn. Gabe's over on Instagram at Gabriel Mizrahi or on Twitter at Gabe Mizrahi. This show is created in association with Podcast One. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jace Sanderson, Robert Fogarty, Ian Baird, Millie Ocampo, and of course, Gabriel Mizrahi. Our advice and opinions are our own, and I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer.

1:01:51Do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love. If you found the episode useful, please share it with somebody else who could use the advice we gave here today. In the meantime, I hope you apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you learn. And we'll see you next time.

1:02:10You're about to hear a preview of the Jordan Harbinger Show with geopolitics analyst Peter Zion. We're kind of in this soft moment in history where everyone's holding their breath and wondering if the next time there's an incident, the U.S. is going to intervene or not. And I would argue we are not. safety on the waves is what allows us to have the East Asian manufacturing model. Less than 1 % of that shipping happens on land. And that is a recipe for 1910s and 1930s style conflict and competition. Countries are increasingly finding in their best interest to kind of hoard what consumption they do have and not allow trade access to it, and then producing more locally.

1:02:49We were moving this way before the Ukraine war, before the Chinese started to break down and before the German industrial model started to implode. This has just sped everything up. So we'll probably see significant drops in agricultural output next year, especially in the second half of next year, which should suggest that we're going to have significant problems with food supply on a global scale in the months that follow. I mean, the food issue is the issue that gives me nightmares because I don't see a way to fix it. The biggest loser by far is China. Everything about China's functionality is dependent on a globalization and a demographic moment that has passed.

1:03:24I think we're in the final decade of the European Union, because without that Russian energy, there is no German manufacturing model. And without the German manufacturing model, you don't have the money that is used to keep the EU in existence. The pace of the disintegration here is really difficult to wrap your mind around. We've had a really good run the last 75 years. It was never going to last. It's going to be a rough ride. So anyone who thinks this is going to be easy is wrong in every possible way. For more about how globalization and our way of life will change dramatically in the coming decade, check out episode 781 of The Jordan Harbinger Show.

1:04:01This episode is sponsored in part by Vital Proteins. You've probably heard of Vital Proteins. They're the number one brand of collagen peptides in the U.S., and for good reason. A lot of people, myself included, take it pretty much daily to support things like healthy hair, skin, nails, bones, joints, all the good stuff, that starts to matter more the longer you've been walking around on this planet. But now Vital Proteins is shaking things up, literally, you can tell a dad wrote this copy, with a brand new collagen and protein shake. And this isn't your average protein shake that tastes like chalk and sadness.

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1:05:02Get 20 % off by going to vitalproteins.com and entering promo code Jordan at checkout. This episode is sponsored in part by Conspirituality Podcast. You know how I'm always talking about critical thinking and spotting manipulation? Well, there's a podcast that's all about dismantling New Age cults, wellness grifters, and conspiracy mad yogis, basically the wild overlap of spirituality and misinformation. It's called the Conspirituality Podcast. The hosts, a journalist, cult researcher, and a philosophical skeptic, dive deep into how this stuff spreads, from Project 2025 and the Heritage Foundation's dystopian vision of the future to how former leftists get pulled into far-right conspiracies.

1:05:38An interesting episode to check out is called Speaking Truth to Goop, where Jen Gunter breaks down the pseudoscience behind the wellness industry in a way that is super entertaining and eye-opening. It's sharp, funny, and makes you a lot harder to fool, which, if you listen to this show, you know I'm all about that. From exploring cults to analyzing our cultural and political landscape, the Conspirituality Podcast will help you stay informed against misinformation and resist fear tactics. Find Conspirituality on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts.