Pete & Jen Hegseth on Family Values, Job Transition, & Military Readiness | KMP Ep. 17

0:00Katie Miller:What's been the most surprising thing about being Secretary of War that no one warned you about? I think probably the machinations of the budget process. And I'm not saying no one warned me about it, but understanding how much of this building is oriented around how dollars get allocated and how important that is. It's taken up more of my mind space than I thought it would because it is really important, especially because President Trump wants to rebuild the military. I know that's a really boring answer to that question, but probably is the one that I least expected. If you could write one Hegseth family rule on that whiteboard, What is that?

0:31It's just obey God. I do look to him, as we found out this morning, to set the standard, though, and set the rules for the kids and for the family. We always make the bed. Like, military style, make the bed every morning. And I noticed yesterday he didn't make the bed. And then today, again, it's just kind of pulled up. Babe, you never want to make the bed. He said one day is an exception. Two days is a problem. It's a new pattern.

1:06Katie Miller:Hi, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the Katie Miller Podcast. Please don't forget to like, subscribe, share, and follow. We are so excited to be in the Pentagon today, joined by the Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, and his amazing wife, Jen Hegseth. That's right. So, Mr. Secretary, you both have such a big, beautiful family. What's been the transition like from moving from Fox and New York to DC, a military base? How has that gone for you guys? Well, Katie, thanks for having us. I mean, the best part is hanging with the Millers. Right? I mean, it's a total change of worlds. And it was only by God's design and the request of President Trump to serve the nation.

1:55And we went from, you know, a rural school, in Tennessee where we had moved to get away from the New York, New Jersey spot and get to a place that reinforced our values, church and community and school. And then the incredible election occurred and the opportunity was given. And so it was a no brainer. We're doing this, but we didn't know what we were signing up for at every level. And it's been such a blessing to be on a military base and really live in some ways a military lifestyle with those that we serve. And so totally different pace, life turned upside down. But with, I mean, I think we would both say with God as our compass and humbly seeking what he wants, all things are doable.

2:46And so it's It's been a blessing.

2:49Katie Miller:So President Trump wins the election and you come down to Florida for transition. When he won, did you know he wanted to be the Secretary of Defense at the time? And were you, Jen, fully on board when he was like, this is what I want to do? So the first answer is no. We did not know. But once we knew, yes, of course, we were fully on board with serving in any way. and that was important to know before you even went down because that's not something you can be like excuse me sir let me check with my wife no we were we were ready to serve in any capacity but it wasn't something we were expecting well that's exactly right and you know like you guys been a long supporter of president trump true believer in what he's doing with america first and make america great again so it in that sense i thought man if he wins who knows and he had said a couple of times when I was in your chair interviewing him yes uh hey after the interview he might say to me hey Peter when I win I'm taking you with me and you know he says it and you never really know and you've got a great job and we're happy to be in Tennessee uh and so when the call came I wasn't surprised but I didn't precisely know and then before I went down to Mar-a-Lago we had that conversation I said hey we got to be yes or no because once I walk in that office and if he makes an offer, I can't say, sorry, sir, I need to spend some time figuring it out.

4:15It's either in or out. And I think he appreciated that. So yeah, we didn't know what the likelihood was. And of course we said, well, we're yes. We're definitely yes. And that's where ignorance is our ally because if we had known what it would entail and the road to get there, we might've thought twice about it. I think we still would've done it. We would've done it. But yeah, it was from there, we were off to the races.

4:39Katie Miller:What's a normal day in the Hegseth household look like now? No day's the same, but I guess a normal-ish day is you wake up early. Yeah, I wake up. I mean, there is no normal. That's the reality. And I know there can't be in your household either. There just isn't. Kids, variables, life, the administration, it's all. but yeah I wake up and do PT I expect our folks to do it I do it and I'm up and out after that and then you know she's chosen to homeschool our kids so I mean her day is I watched her the night before at the whiteboard in our dining room which is now a converted schoolhouse and she's a racing you know Thursday and writing Friday and here's the tasks we've got for the day and it's really been a blessing to watch her embrace that role of just going all in on making sure that these kids who've been transported here have an incredibly enriching educational opportunity, which they do through her.

5:40And then once a week they go to a school too. So she's working all day, I'm working all day. And then one of my favorite parts is whenever that day ends, getting home. We're usually able to share dinner together and talk a little bit about the day. And then I go back to work a little bit and the kids do their thing. But if we can get out and throw a football or whatever we do, but it's a season. And the season is unpredictability, but the rock and the stability of her and our home and our family is what makes it all very doable.

6:13Katie Miller:As a personal question, how did you come up with the homeschool curriculum you ended up choosing? So I went with Classical Conversations because I was familiar with it before, and it also has a lot of structure. And so some more seasoned homeschool moms will think it's too structured because they want to do everything. But I needed that to start. So it just gives you everything you need. Now you still have to do the work and you still have to do the teaching. But other than that, it's outlined for you and it's great and it's flexible. And you do meet once a week, which is helpful because the kids get accountable to someone else, really each other.

6:52And they have to present things they've been working on. and they get the socialization and it's fun. And I become familiar with classical conversations when I wrote the book Battle for the American Mind about classical Christian education. So it's the closest mirror to what we had moved to to make sure the kids have an easy transition and they can continue. And it reinforces faith in the classics and all the things we want to be focusing on.

7:14Katie Miller:How did you prepare your kids for the national spotlight? You mentioned that you guys spoke with each other before you had gone down to Mar-a-Lago, So, but yet no one could have foreseen what is the legacy media firestorm that still encompasses your lives, both of you. How did your, how are your kids handling it? Do they notice any of it? Did you have these conversations with them? So we prepared them probably, prepared is probably the wrong word because we just dealt with it in real time. I think in the beginning we were blessed to have a community and a school who was willing to and a church to shelter them a little bit while we were, you know, in November and December going through the fire.

7:58and they would hear things but they didn't have random people asking them questions or you know bringing things up that we hadn't had a chance to discuss which gave us a moment to then be able to sit down with them and explain the I don't know the anatomy of a news story yeah no banner a banner on a television screen you're right the banners change quickly yeah one day you're this and the next day you're that. You know, I think in some ways they were more prepared than most because they've spent all their childhood watching their dad be on television. But it's almost always been in this warm glow of morning television or the Patriot Awards or whatever it is, or the books.

8:45And so it just took a, I mean, I could ask you the same question, right? I mean, you guys manage the same thing. But I think she's exactly right. We kept them inside their familiar structure with the people that love them, our family supported, our church supported, school supported. She was by my side on Capitol Hill and throughout. And then they got out here as soon as they could. So we kept their lives as steady as possible. And then, yeah, you take a moment and you explain and you pray together as a family and you talk through it. And, you know, we did all through the summer and everyone else do Bible studies together just to stay grounded.

9:23And this is, we're in a new place, but we're the same people. And important to being effective in that new place is staying grounded in those same things, those same values and same beliefs that are immovable. And that's really the core of who we are. It's not the cool people we get to meet or the cool events we get to go to, or none of that matters. It's who are you as a child of God and how are you developing that relationship? That's a pretty steady course for kids as we try to stay on them. And it's also such an important lesson to teach them, you know, what do you hear versus what do you experience?

9:59And so they would hear all these things and go, that's not my family. That's not my parents. And you're like, that's exactly right. It's what do you know for sure versus what someone else, people can say anything. And so I think that's really grown them into being wisely skeptical, not overly skeptical. But now it's, hey, dad, Look what they're saying about you. It's all good. And then they'll say, why? Is it true? Even today, you know, if it's anything related to any actions he's taken, what's really happening there? And it's gotten them to be a little more curious and tuned in, which I think is good.

10:37Yeah. In an unclassified sense.

10:42Katie Miller:When you were going through confirmation, I think one of the most powerful images was that, Jen, And you went to all of these meetings with him when people were, I'm sure, asking questions when you thought they had no place asking them of your marriage and who you guys are as people. What is that like now? You're confirmed, you're the secretary of war and you see people out or you have these same conversations with senators who were asking those, I would call them inappropriate questions at the time. I'll say something. people adore her and respect her a lot for that. It was unusual. I remember the first meeting we went to that she came with.

11:23I was like, and then it felt so right and so natural, not because of anything else, just because we've always been ride or die. It's always been, we're doing this together. And, and so when we did that first, I was like, Oh, this is the way it's going to be the whole time. It's gotta be. And so she, we made it happen so that she could be with me. and she was just steady. And so I think a lot of folks saw her that entire process and her poise and her strength and her wisdom for me and related to it and admired it. And so she gets a lot of that and rightfully so. Well, to his point, it was not something we planned.

12:00It was just everything was happening so fast and so quickly. And we just said, okay, we'll go to D.C. together. I don't know what that will mean, but for this first meeting, we'll go. And I wasn't even there. I had been somewhere else on Capitol Hill in the beginning of the day, and you were like, come on over. Let's do this. And kind of from then, it was like once we did it, it wasn't even a discussion. It just was a necessity. There's no political calculation of, oh, you got to have her to shield you from this. That's what everybody sort of assumes. No, no, no, no. We're a team. And when teams go through really difficult grinding moments, You want to be right there with your team.

12:41It's very similar to the military. And so she was right next to me, just like my brother was right next to me that whole time. And you're going minute by minute. You're not sitting there plotting out some big strategy. That's not what's happening. And that's all we knew was stick together. But to your other question about seeing those people now, it was an interesting experience of I was really heartened to see some really genuine people. meet so many faithful people that were willing to have honest conversations and pray with us. And I was so proud for the states that those senators represented because they have really great people there.

13:23And then there are people that it was all a show. We saw some of the best and we saw some of the worst. We got to see it all in real time, but do it together. And I think if we had had to live in separate worlds at that point, it would have just was not the way we operate.

13:38Katie Miller:That's kind of been the theme of how you have been together throughout your time as secretary, right? Your kids travel a lot with him and get to see the world to the point of having these educational experiences on the road and you're frequently together. Do you have you guys planned that or is that just something where it's, which I think is very important as a family, you stick together through these moments because it grows your familial bond. It's not just someone doing it alone? It's a plan in a sense that our kind of guiding light is be together as a family and to each other and then everything else falls from there.

14:13We don't plan necessarily when and where and for this reason. It's just especially and when things are maybe more chaotic are the times that we pull in and we're like we can't control everything but we can be together and And so that helps. And the kids don't always love it. You know, they don't always want to get on another plane. Or we went to the demonstration out in California for Marine 250. And we just thought it would be the most amazing thing. The boys would love it. Which it was, by the way. It was an unbelievable amphibious assault. Yeah. That any American would be privileged to see.

14:48Like, oh, Dad, another airplane. Yeah. Oh, come on, guys. Come on. One day they will remember it and change their minds. but so it's not just like Disney every day but for us it's just shared experiences are important as a family that's right and yeah and I'm in a job it's not most of it's not kid-friendly so you know there's most of the things the kids can't go to and you know there's certain and so we do what we can within it so I do end up traveling alone a lot or the two of us will travel together a little bit here or there but where we can include them we want to all the America 250 stuff, all the parades and cool.

15:26I mean, I just wanted to see that. That affected me a lot when I was a kid. And I just think it'll leave an imprint on their heart also.

15:31Katie Miller:What's been the best thing you've taken the kids on that they've gotten to experience that you were like, oh, my God, I'm so excited. Is that Marine 250? And then they're like, oh, God, just another airplane? Right. I actually think they think that was cool deep down. I mean, like watching these boats and watching. I mean, it was just it was incredible. I think they really loved the, frankly, the Army parade, too. was pretty cool. They were there for us in June, which had mixed results otherwise. Took them to an air show. They love it all. For kids, they become long days and events are long. But overall, I think they're so, they are grateful.

16:09And as young as they are, to be able to express that they're grateful for these opportunities, and they do, it's amazing. What's been the worst

16:16Katie Miller:thing you've taken them to where you're like, you were so excited and it's just been a really tough day with kids. We all know how that goes. And you're like, oh gosh, I'm still the secretary. There are still cameras and people on me. Every time they come to the Pentagon. It's like, get them out. That's true. Get them out. It was the same way at Fox. I had to ban them from Fox for a year one time because they were so ungrateful. This was many years ago. This is not a right. It's a privilege and you're ungrateful and you act like you own the joint and you're banned. They were like eight, nine, and ten or something like that.

16:49Yeah, they were little. But they just thought the whole place was their playground. So it's just, you know, hey, you're 14, you're 13, you're 15. You need to represent yourself. You're meant to be seen and not heard. You're not the center of attention all the time. Like, let's sit. But I'll say this. Tons of events and everything else. It's the day-to-day interaction that they get to have with soldiers and members of, you know, whether it's our detail or other members. That's going to, I think, leave the biggest impression on them. They're just such impressive individuals. they get to spend time with.

17:20It's pretty cool. Yeah, our 10-year-old boys started dressing up like the detail in one of the pens. It's pretty cool, yeah.

17:28Katie Miller:The earpiece? Yep. If you could write one Hegseth family rule on that whiteboard, what is that? Oh, let's just obey God. Yeah, I was going to say honor God. Try to honor God with your conduct each day. And if you're trying to honor God, you're shooting at the ideal. and which means your treatment of other people is going to be affected by that. And you know, we've got, what is it? A family creed? A family creed that we signed many years ago, which sort of represents, hey, you know, as Hegg says, we are Christians. This is what we believe and we try to live that through everything we do. Even the sermon we heard yesterday, a pastor happened to be in town for a sermon, just talked about the responsibilities of fathers and kids and just, Just live what you say you're going to do, and that's what they're watching the most.

18:21And so we try to, and we're not perfect, but try to live out the way we would model the kind of relationship we would want them to have in the future.

18:30Katie Miller:Who's the strict parent and who's the fun one?

18:37Katie Miller:Go ahead. No, no, no, you go. I have my thoughts. I think it goes back and forth. there's different zones in which either of us are strict or fun. I would say overall, he's the strict one. But there are times when he's not. I'm like, what's happening here? The world is upside down. That's very, it vacillates. Overall, I am the establish the rules, discipline, listen to your mother, execute. And she's always wanting to have fun and create exceptions. and it's wonderful that way. But in the middle of the school day or the middle of the, you know, she's got them locked in and then I'll show up and want to play football.

19:19And so I think we, it's a good balance. I do look to him, as we found out this morning, to set the standard though and set the rules for the kids and for the family. And so, can I tell what happened this morning? Sure. We always make the bed. Like military style, make the bed every morning. And I noticed yesterday he didn't make the bed. He just kind of pulled it up and it wasn't, it wasn't done well. I'm always the one saying we got to make the bed. So that's the key context. I mean, before I'm, before my feet hit the floor, it's like, okay, make the bed. I'm like, can I get out first? But so it's not really made yesterday.

19:57And then today again, it's just kind of pulled up. And I was like, what is happening here? And I said, babe, you never want to make the bed. I was always, she, and she goes, well, you can't go two days in a row without it. And I'm like, well, I said one day is an exception. Two days is a problem. It's a new pattern. She craves the structure of it. And when it's not there, she gets. So it's just an interesting demonstration. She may joke about it, but ultimately kind of loves the fact that, hey, that gets made. And kids' rooms are clean. And we've got a system for the laundry. And everybody has chores.

20:31And you take care of this. And if you go a day without doing it, you're going to hear about it from dad. Because you have a responsibility in this family to do your part. Yeah. Yeah, he's so good at being that immovable object, whereas I can be convinced and swayed to break the rules. And so I need him to stay there for all of us.

20:47Katie Miller:Who wins more arguments? 100%. What's been the most surprising thing about being Secretary of War that no one warned you about? The most surprising thing about being Secretary of War that no one warned me about? I think probably the machinations of the budget process and I'm not saying no one warned me about it but understanding how much of this building is oriented around how dollars get allocated and how important that is and thank goodness I've got a deputy and Steve Feinberg who's just incredible and does that, leads that, but also it's taken up more of my mind space than I thought it would because it is really important especially because President Trump wants to rebuild the military and and so we've got to deliver for them.

21:32I know that's a really boring answer to that question, but probably is the one I at least expect.