660: James Clear (Live at Ohio University!) - The Four Laws of Behavior Change, Systems vs Goals, Building Better Habits, Mastering the Two-Minute Rule, Having a Great Marriage, & The Plateau of Latent Potential

22:38So, yes, endurance is the driver of results and skill development, whatever else we want to call it. But the driver of endurance is a good fit, being well-suited, having fun, finding something that you're curious and interested about. And if you have that deep, fun, excitement and interest, then it's really easy to keep going. I think it's helpful to find a way for the work to be the win, the actual doing of the thing. I try to help people start podcasts from time to time and my first question I always ask are why why are you doing this why do you want to do it and if they want some crazy result like I want to get big expensive speaking gigs or a book deal or whatever that it's a red flag because it means the work isn't the win if it's like I love having deep conversations with people like James Clear and I want to record them that's the work that's the work of preparing that's the work of doing it so it's like figuring out but James for people I met with a number of the students that's a good distinction.

23:36That's like what I was saying earlier. Do you like the lifestyle? Yeah. Right. Everybody wants the book deal. Do you like recording conversations 650 times? Because that's what the days look like. If you would do it for free, which I did for three and a half years, like didn't make a lost money. Right. But I think that's because it was, it's still the coolest thing in the world. Sometimes I think that's the purest that it ever was, was the beginning. Because it couldn't have been about the money because you weren't making any anyway. No, no, you're losing money. So it's like the first three years that I wrote, like I didn't make a dime from it, but it was like, that's, I was doing it because that's what I wanted to do.

24:08Yeah. How, how has it changed now that, you know, 25 million copies later, you don't publish as much on jamesclear.com. I read every article before. That's why we recorded before the book came out. Like, yeah, some of that is just a consequence of time. You know, it's like having three kids and dealing with everything that atomic habits has brought. I just don't have, you know, those articles used to take 20 hours and I would write one every Monday and Thursday. So that's a 40 hour week just with those two. That's insane. But that, you know, that's what it took for them to be good. And that I'm not smart enough to do them in six hours.

24:39Like it took me 20, you know, so that's fine. I feel fine about it. You know, it's just the chapter that it was. It has not changed in the sense that what you need to do for the work to be good is the same still. Like the, there's that line of figure out the costs of success and then don't bargain over the price. Everybody finds out what it takes and they're like, but could I shortcut it? And And you're like, no, just, you know, do the, if you stop looking for shortcuts, the work would be halfway done by now. So it hasn't changed in that sense of what's still required. I think what has changed for me specifically is my profile is higher now.

25:10And so it's a little bit harder to experiment because as soon as you try something, a lot of people are watching. And it's just hard to try something and do it well the first time. So you got to be okay with looking more like a fool when you try stuff or looking like a fool to more people. So that's an interesting muscle to kind of have to develop. Do you miss that, like being able to look like a fool? Yeah, I do. I need that. I didn't appreciate it in the moment because in the beginning, when you don't have a big audience, what you're doing is you're trying to scrap and claw and do everything you can to build it up.

25:43And so you don't take time to pause and think, boy, it sure is nice that I have a chance to look foolish here. So you don't really see it that way in the moment. We're talking about the work being the win. What are you optimizing for? So a number of these students have got these amazing internships at big companies, and they'll probably get multiple offers from big companies when they graduate from here. You and I run our own business. So I've worked within a big company. I understand what it's like. There are good parts. There are, unfortunately, a lot of not so great parts. What about for somebody who's going to work within whatever, PNC or wherever, a big company?

26:19How do you find, what advice do you give to them to find like the joy of excellence, even though you're not running the show, you're working for a bunch of other people. Yeah, man, I'm probably like the worst person to ask. I've like never had a real job. Okay. So I don't know that I have a lot to offer, but I will say this, which is every thought that you have is downstream from what you consume. So we don't usually put this amount of weight on it, but when you choose who to follow on Twitter or Instagram or TikTok, in a sense, you are choosing your future thoughts because that's what's coming into your feed next week or next month.

26:56And almost every thought you have, it's almost there's a debate between neuroscientists on whether this is true or not, but it's almost impossible to have a spontaneous thought. It's always Ryan says something and that makes me think of something or somebody cuts you off in traffic and that makes you feel a certain way or whatever. It comes as a result of this continuous chain of events that you're experiencing throughout your days. And when you choose what to read, what podcasts to listen to, what YouTube shows to watch, like that is part of that chain of events and it's sparking the thoughts that are coming to you.

27:27And so whether you're an entrepreneur or working in a large company, if you want better, more productive, more creative thoughts, then you need better, more productive, more creative inputs. And so we don't think about it with this like amount of weight, but you're kind of building your own little city on TikTok or Twitter or wherever, whenever you choose who to follow. So choose wisely, you know, think carefully about what podcasts you listen to or where you're getting your information from. And that will help shape the things that you want. So I feel like that matters no matter what you end up doing.

27:59Same with people. Like your boss may change who you go to work for. I've had that happen where I went for a specific person and he was the best and he gets fired four months later. That's life. But I think you try to optimize for where's a place I could go and learn, who are people that just seem like high character, high competence, live through their values. Now, again, things change when you work. That's like the only constant is change. But I think those are other things to think about. I think atomic habits can help deal with change, which is one of the only—there's only a few certainties of life.

28:31Change is one of them. That's something you want it to happen this way, and then adversity strikes, and you have to find a way to respond. What have you found to be some of the best tools the best systems that you could put in place to manage? Any type of adversity or any type of unwanted change in your life? well the typical version of mental toughness perseverance something like that is you know I'm gonna grit my teeth and make it happen no matter what you know some kind of that sort of thinking but I actually think There's a different type of mental toughness that is more useful and more widely applicable which is essentially adaptability.

29:11It's when you are not dependent on your circumstances, that is when you are actually mentally tough. So it's thinking things like, I can work with this. I have what I need to figure this out. I can make this happen. Maybe I don't feel fine right now, but I know that I'll be fine eventually. Those feelings, that ability to manage uncertainty and adapt and flex with it, that is really critical. And this ties back into the consistency piece, the endurance piece you mentioned before. A lot of the time, adaptability is consistency. You know, it's when you don't have enough time, do the short version.

29:47When you don't have enough energy, do the easy version. Find some way to show up and not throw up a zero for that day. And so that's kind of my favorite form of mental toughness is this adaptability and flexibility. In a way, the ultimate form of preparation is a mindset that can handle uncertainty. You know, a lot of, you look at a lot of people who are, and this is, I think this is particularly true. I was, I say this because I was a student like this, you know, high school, I got good grades, was a student council president, like did all that stuff. I was probably very uptight when I got to college.

30:18Getting good grades was like a game that I wanted to win. You know, it was important to get A's. That was like the thing that mattered. Whether I learned or not was kind of secondary. And you look at some of those students early on and you say, wow, look at these high achievers, right? They're getting good grades. They're doing so well. But the truth is that mindset where you try to control everything is actually quite brittle Because if things don't go exactly to plan then you fall apart And when you need things to go perfectly you are held hostage by the situation You know you are a victim to the context In fact the most resilient person is the one who doesn't need the situation to be anything And knows that they will be able to adapt to that based on what they face And so I think there's a key element of flexibility and adaptability that needs to be part of any perseverance and toughness, mental toughness.

31:05One of the things that I think has made for a great life and career that I didn't think about when I was in college playing football here, even though people tried to help me and I just didn't listen, was building genuine, mutually beneficial relationships. Relationships literally make the world go round. If you want to be happy, it's building relationships. If you want to get good jobs or work with good people, it's about relationships. And I feel like this is something that you've written about the importance of them. What have you done specifically to build? I don't call this networking on purpose.

31:39I'm talking about building genuine relationships with people. What have you done to build such good relationships with people like Morgan Housel and others out there? Yeah, I never think about networking. I never think of it that way or approach it that way. You're absolutely right. So first of all, a lot of the time people will say, oh, I wish I had better opportunities or I just need to get my lucky break or something like that. But every opportunity comes through a person. It is attached to a person. People are the opportunities. And so anything that you want to achieve, it's by getting to know the right person or developing relationships with them, providing value to them.

32:11I don't think about it as networking. I just do two things. So the first is you share what you are interested in publicly. That could be just telling somebody in conversation. You'd always be surprised when that bubbles up. Usually the people you think are going to be helpful or not, and then the people who you don't expect to be helpful are. But it's by sharing what you're interested in. They'll say, oh, like I actually, my neighbor's into that or my uncle does this or whatever, you know, like comes up. There's a version of doing that at scale, which is what I've done with my career and you've done with your career, which is write a blog or start a podcast or create a YouTube channel.

32:42But when you talk about your thing publicly, then all of a sudden people come out of the woodwork. It's not really about who you know, it's about who knows you. It's about who knows what you're interested in. And then the opportunities come to you, you know, this opportunity today came to me. I didn't go out and try to find it. And it's because Ryan and Cimarron and, you know, some other people at OU knew about my work. And that led to this. So share your work publicly is the first thing. Sharing your work publicly is kind of like a magnet for like-minded people. Like you can put up, put up a article on the internet, put up a blog post about pick any topic.

33:17Like, I don't know, like how to grow heirloom tomatoes in your garden or whatever. People who are interested in that are going to find it. And then you're going to talk to more people who are into that, you know, so it doesn't matter what it is, but it's going to be like a little magnet, a little honeypot for the people who are into that. Second thing is give value before you ask for value. I am always trying, not always succeeding, but always trying to give as much value as I can. Like Morgan is a good example. Okay. So when Morgan was writing and he wasn't thinking about a book, I was DMing him on, you know, social media and talking to him and stuff and saying, I really love this article, or this was really good.

33:53Have you thought about putting this into a book at some point? Like you should do that. And whatever, that's fine. I don't know that's a ton of value. It's just telling somebody you like their work. Then he signs a book deal. And we talk a little bit through that process. I kind of give him a little, you know, some thoughts there. When it came time to come up with the title for Psychology of Money, he had like four or five other things that he was going to title it. And he shared those with me. I have this whole conversation where we basically figured out the title for Psychology of Money. And eventually we got there and then like he had a subtitle that I thought was okay.

34:23And then we tweaked it a little bit. And then like that ended up being the one that he went with. And I don't know if he even remembers that, you know, but it's just trying to be valuable. You know, it's trying to help somebody out. I didn't get paid for it. And I just thought it was fun. You know, it's just like kind of nice to help somebody when they're in the middle of that process. Then it came time to launch the book. And I'm like, okay, what are you doing for book launch? How can I, let's map out what you should do and like when those things should come and so on. More recently, he launched a second book, and it didn't do quite as well as Psychology of Money.

34:51So he's got questions about that. How do I wrestle with all that? And, you know, I don't know. My solution was don't write a second book. But anyway, the point is not that I had any of these, like, really compelling answers. The point is that you just try to show up for people. Yeah. You know, and the more that you're there and try to provide value, the more that that comes back to you in some way. And you cannot predict how it comes back to you, but eventually it does. And you don't go into it with that intention. Your intention was to be useful, was to be helpful, was to be a friend, right? So I like that idea.

35:21And I'm sure you probably had these conversations with Cal Newport, another guy who wrote a book called Be So Good They Can't Ignore You, which is off of a Steve Martin quote when people are coming to Steve Martin. Hey, how do I get famous? How do I become an actor or a comedian? How do I get the right agent? And he's just like, be so good they can't ignore you. I mean, James is a prime example of being so good that he can't be ignored. With Morgan, it's a direct relationship, right? It's like face-to-face. But my career in Atomic Habits is a good example of it where there's kind of this faceless, the readers out there.

35:54It was the same objective though. How do I be as useful as possible? I really liked the word useful. For a long time, that was kind of like my guiding light as a writer, is can I write something that's incredibly useful? That means it has to be practical, it has to be simple enough that you can apply it, it has to be understandable, like it's gotta cross all these thresholds. It needs to be true. So there's just like lots of things that being useful forces you to do that I really like. And eventually, after writing these articles for three years and getting the book deal and then working on the book for three years and the book coming out, Atomic Habits shows up and hits the bestseller list and looks like it's this success.

36:28But really what you are seeing is the release of like six years of potential energy that was built up from trying to be useful every week. And I think a lot of careers probably work. I read your, I read every annual review You wrote them from 2013 to 2019. I think you told me privately, you've got to stop when it gets wildly successful. So you stopped writing them. But 2013, you wrote, next year, I'm going to publish a couple books. A couple? Did I say a couple? You read 2013. A couple books. And then Atomic Habits, what, five years later, it finally comes out. But I think that leads me to this idea of— That's also part of my personality, which is overly optimistic.

37:05That's good. That's good. We want to be around optimists, right? That's a big part. Writing. Writing, to me, I push every single leader I work with to have some sort of writing practice, whether it's publicly or not. If it's publicly, it gives a chance to create a magnetic effect that James is talking about. But I want you to talk about why every single person in this room should create some form of a, or maybe not force people to do it, but why, if they do, how it could be helpful. Well, yeah, it's kind of similar to how I feel about the gym. Not everybody wants to lift weights, and I'm not trying to force everybody to lift weights.

37:38but if you go into the gym and you lift weights, you get stronger. And sometimes people complain and say the weight is really heavy. And you're like, well, that's kind of the point. You know, it's like, that's how you get stronger. And similarly with writing, people will complain and say, writing is hard. And you're like, yeah, that's kind of the point. That's how you think better is by going through the difficulty, right? The fact that you do reps in the gym and it's heavy is how you get stronger. The facts that you work on writing and it's hard is how you think better or more. Think better, not just become a better writer, a better thinker.

38:06My responses to you right now in this hour seem way better. I don't even know if I look smart right now, but whatever level I do look is much higher than I actually am because I have written about all of these things. And so when you write about it, you see something on TV, news story or something, it makes you feel a certain way, happy, mad, whatever. The emotion makes you think you know what you think because you feel a certain way, but you don't really know it unless you can write it down. And as soon as you start to write it down, you realize, I didn't know this as clearly as I thought I did because I can't even form a sentence about it.

38:43And so the act of writing about it forces you to clarify your thoughts or at least to express them in a way that can be translated to another person. So that practice, I think, is why anybody could or benefit from writing. I'm not going to say anybody should write. You do whatever you want, but you could benefit from writing because the act of it will force you to clarify your thinking. Exactly. Whether you share it publicly or not is totally up to you. That's a different scenario where do you want to attract like-minded people? But the act of doing it, even if it's just in a private journal, will force you to clarify your thinking.

39:16Writing is thinking in a sense. I think excellent leaders are usually really clear thinkers. This is a tool to become a much clearer thinker, right? You have these cloudy thoughts in your head and you're thinking about it like, oh, yeah, I know what I think about that. Then you go and say, I'm going to write an essay about that thing. And you realize, oh, I actually don't. I do this. I mean, obviously, I do this for my job. I do this in personal relationships sometimes. If we have somebody in our family who's dealing with something, you know, someone in our extended family is dealing with a really challenging situation right now, I'll just write about it.

39:48Just sit down and write a whole page about it. Don't stop yourself. Just write about it as much as you can. And then compress it down. Once you get done, look at the page or two that you just wrote and just delete everything except the one or two sentences that summarizes the situation best. And it almost always like leads to a much clearer vision of what's actually happening. You're like, oh, this is the root cause. You know, I couldn't figure it out before, but now that I just wrote about it for a page, I can see it clearly. Let's apply some of the systems from Atomic Habits to leadership in general.

40:15There's a ton of future leaders here. I heard the process just to be a part of this room and the things these people have went through is insane. I would have never, never made it in college. You're like, you play football and nothing else, not going to work. So super, super impressive people. Let's apply some of the things. So specifically - How disappointed are you guys right now? I know. Specifically when it comes to leadership and becoming really, really good at inspiring others and building a business, at being a VP of whatever within a company someday, which people in this room will be, what are some things they could take from habits, systems, goal setting that you think would be helpful for them?

40:53Okay, I don't know if I'm gonna follow exactly the systems kind of layup that you just gave me, but I have a couple things that come to mind. So I recently was talking to this Navy SEAL who trained. He was a Navy SEAL who eventually became the trainer for the Navy SEAL sniper team, right? And what he trained them on was mental performance techniques. And there are two things that he mentioned that stuck with me, which are the techniques that he teaches them that now he is a father of three and he teaches to his kids. So the first is positive outlook no matter the situation. So whatever situation you're faced with, you have some kind of positive emphasis.

41:29What you do is you emphasize the ways that this could go well, right? And the second thing, which is tied to it, is a visualization practice. Whenever you go into something, you visualize what it would look like for it to go well. So let me give you an example of how I use this recently. So I have a little three-year-old son. He just went to preschool for the first time. So we took him to preschool. He really had a bad drop off the first day or two. Okay, he's crying. He doesn't really like it. He doesn't want to be away from us. He like just isn't really sure what's going on. So the third day we went down for breakfast.

41:58I take them down in the morning, get them breakfast. And he's looking at me. I said, all right, guys, today's a preschool day. And he was like, I don't want to go to preschool. I said, okay, hold on. I was like, actually, you really like preschool. Remember your teachers, Ms. Caitlin, Ms. Jayla, you like them, don't you? He said, yes. And I said, okay. And what about, did you like playing with glue and crayons yesterday? And he said, yeah, I do. And then I said, all right, what about you get to have snack time and you have lunch, right? Do you like eating your snack? And he said, yeah. And I said, what do you do after preschool gets done?

42:23He said, we go outside and we play on the playground. So what I'm doing is I'm trying to do what this Navy SEAL did with the snipers, which is coach them through the process they're about to do in a way that is positive, has a positive outlook, and they're visualizing the good things that could happen from it, right? And so he's now visualized what his day is going to look like. And that was it. I didn't mention anything else. I think if you go too far, even like kids will see through that BS immediately, You know, be like, don't you really love preschool? And they'll be like, come on, you know.

42:54If you take it too far, it's over the top. But all you're trying to do is just emphasize the parts of this that could go well. And you can see how this practice can follow them all the way through their life, right? When they're in fourth grade and they got to give their first presentation in front of the class, like, let's visualize what this would look like for it to go well. You know, when they're in eighth grade and they're going to go to their first dance, like, let's visualize what a fun night is going to look like. And you can just take it all the way through. You know, they're in high school and their basketball game's coming up.

43:18You can use it everywhere. And so techniques like that can be very powerful for priming you to have a good day and to set things up well. So anyway, that wasn't a direct answer to your question, but I like stuff like that. Yeah, I'm gonna ask you one specific question in a second. I'm gonna just tee you up. We're gonna open it up for everybody to ask questions. I'll give you a second to think. I'll ask James another question and then we'll open up to you guys. We'll have some mic runners to go around. Is that cool? Okay, this is a completely sideways question, but I think it's important, especially given the age of the people we have here.

43:48Miranda and I have got a chance to go out to dinner with you and Christy, your wife. And it seems like not only are you this amazing writer and leader, but also have an incredible wife, family man, right? We heard what Morgan said. So the combination of all the success, all the sales, plus humility, plus great marriage. I'm sure you have challenges like everybody else, but I think it's useful. I would love to hear what you think about marriage and picking a life partner and how you actively work at that. Because I think this is a good time for people to think about that right before they might do it.

44:23At least I hope they choose to do that. Yeah, yeah. No, that's a good point. A lot of you in the room are in a, let's call it, five to ten year window where that decision gets made. It's probably the most important decision that you make in life. It's probably the most important one. You're not going to interface with anybody more frequently. No one else is going to change the arc of your life more, or at least influence the constraints or the choices that are made more. So yeah, it's probably the single most one that is important to get right. Having said that, I think that the decision starts not with them, but with you.

44:53And what I mean is that most of the people who now, I'm getting old enough now, in my late 30s, I'm getting old enough to see people who have started relationships, who've gotten divorced, or who are in tougher spots in their marriage or whatever. And a lot of the ones that don't work out, the person went into that relationship either in a time in their life when they weren't as confident or didn't feel as good about themselves, or they have something else that they haven't worked through. And so the more healthy your relationship is with yourself, the better positioned you are to have a good relationship with someone else.

45:27It's just hard to have a good relationship if you're always kind of feeling like, I wish I could get away from myself. One of my hopes for my kids is that if you like told them, you know, when they're 14 or something or 20, hey, you got to spend the day on your own, that they would think, oh, this is going to be a good day. You know, this is going to be a fun day. But some people are like, oh, if I was going to be on my own, like I was just me and my thoughts the whole time, you know, it's like, that sounds terrifying to them. And so my hope is that they can develop a good internal monologue, you know, a good, a healthy conversation with themselves so that whenever they have time with themselves, they're like, yeah, it sounds great.

46:00Tim Urban told me one time that actually he thinks the rankings for, usually it feels like people generally rank it as like being in a relationship is better than being single. But the way that he feels like it should be ranked is being in a great relationship, being in a good relationship with yourself, being in a poor relationship or an average relationship with someone else, and then being in a bad relationship with yourself. And I think that, yeah, like if you see it that way, then you're like, oh, well, I would not accept a bad relationship because that'd be worse than just me being on my own.

46:28So I think that's just like a primer for all of it, which is the better position you can be as an individual, the better position you are to find a great partner and be in a good position. Very similar to leadership in general and the fact that you will never be good at leading anybody else if you're not good at leading yourself. And the fun part is that that game never ends. That working on yourself never goes away. You never say, I made it. I'm good. Not even, you know, you look at these guys, he's still working on himself. We're all still a work in progress. This never arrived, always becoming mindset is necessary, I think, if you want to keep having this type of trajectory.

47:07So last thing I'll say on that, I don't want to not mention my wife because she really is great. It never felt like work does. And I think that was one of the big things, you know, a lot. She shared a meme with me the other day that was like, oh, it's our anniversary. And like, I hate my husband, but love is the best. and you know it's like all this stuff like that and you know we were just talking about how silly it is and it never felt like that for us it just it was a relationship that we got into and it always felt it's not that every moment is easy but it always felt natural it always felt easy it wasn't it wasn't hard to love each other and i think that that was i i don't know if that's helpful but that's like that's when i knew you know it was like when it when it felt like it was easy to love each other love it let's uh open it up we got mics in the crowd we can okay who wants to go?

47:53It's always the first one's always tough. First off, thank you so much for coming down to campus. As a student leader, I see a lot of, you know, freshmen, sophomores who are trying to develop their values because I think you develop that a lot more in college or in this like kind of stage of life. What advice would you kind of give to them for not only developing their values, but being able to apply their values when they're entering into their careers, their first internships, stuff like that? I mean, to a large degree, it's about having standards. You are not guaranteed to get what you strive for, but you are always guaranteed to get what you accept.

48:28And so if you just don't accept less than your values or less than your standards, you won't end up with that. Now, you may find yourself in tricky positions every now and then where you're kind of in between and you're looking for something still, but a lot of it is about what you choose to accept. And similar to what I said earlier about how a lot of the time good enough is good enough and every now and then you find a project where that's not the case and you need it to be better. It's not always worth it to die on every hill, you know, and so you need to figure out which of these values am I willing to, you know, like really draw a line in the sand for and which things am I maybe okay with flexing on.

49:02But I think that's, you know, that's a very personal conversation that you have to have. Ultimately, none of these things are one-time decisions. So I think probably the most useful thing I can say is to have a practice of reflection and review. You know, every person in this room would say, oh, I'm a person of integrity. So nobody goes out and starts down this path where they expect to make, you know, a decision that doesn't have integrity. But what happens is it's like death by a thousand cuts. You know, you make a couple of choices that lead you in a certain direction. And then all of a sudden, three years later, you find yourself in a position.

49:31You're like, how did I end up here? And so I think what you need is a continual process of reflection review. I do weekly and yearly. You choose whatever you want. I don't think there's anything magical to that cadence. but every Friday I do a weekly review. That's mostly business related. It's looking at metrics for the business. It's looking at where we spend time, you know, stuff like that. And then as Ryan mentioned, each year I do an annual review and that's more values driven. Where did I spend my time this year? I go back and look at my calendar. How many places do I travel to? How many nights did I spend away from home?

50:03You know, what does that look like? What projects did I work on? How many things did I write? How many articles did I publish? And so on. How many workouts did I do? And then after I have everything listed out there from the year, I say, what are my core values? And where did I live by those this year? And where did I say that those are my values, but actually it didn't match up? And so if I didn't do that process, then I think I probably would end up four or five or six years down the line and be like, oh, I'm surprised that I haven't worked out in two years or haven't done something. You know, it's like time creeps up on you.

50:33But because I'm reflecting, it's like a way to pull yourself back to center. It's kind of similar to that line of pilots, when they fly a plane, they'll say 95 % of the time the plane is actually off course from its destination. And the job of the pilot is to continually move the nose of the plane back on course after the wind blows them or whatever. They drift a little bit. And there's just that constant little course correction. And those weekly reviews or monthly reviews or whatever it is help you do that. Your values will also change over time. Like what is important to you today is going to be different than what it is in 10 years or 20 years.

51:06And so it's not a one and done thing. Hi, hope you're doing well. This question is like a little bit of a doozy. So feel free to like stop me at any moment. Can't wait. Yeah, so feel free to share your thoughts. Just for some context, I do want to work in like an international environment. So my question is, so when you're in a foreign environment like another country, you may have to like break your habits to kind of fit or like adapt within the culture. Is that like considered a fail in your eyes? like a breaking of a habit? Or does that kind of go back to your point of like finding a way to adapt to like show up?

51:42Yeah, it's a great question. So forget about the foreign environment for a second. I'll come back to that. In general, I think this is a conversation that we need to have about our habits, no matter where we're building them. I have gradually learned that sometimes when you tell people, okay, you're gonna build this new habit, what they think in their mind without saying it, they may not even say this explicitly, but their kind of assumption is, if I was going to be successful with this habit, what it would mean is that I would just do it for the rest of my life. And in reality, basically no habit is ever going to work like that.

52:13You know, it's the in your life for a season and that's totally fine. That does not mean that it's a failure. You know, so let's take my writing habit, for example. For the first three years, I wrote two articles a week, every Monday and Thursday. Like I said, it took about 20 hours each. And that was my writing. I had a really consistent writing habit of publishing 2000 word articles twice a week for three years. And then I signed the book deal for Atomic Habits, and I don't have the capacity to write a book on top of that, so I had to choose. So I changed the way my newsletter worked, and I wrote the book for the next three years.

52:43Does that mean that my twice-a-week writing habit is a failure now? I don't think so at all. I think what happens is you go through different seasons of life, and your habits need to change shape. And so I think a couple of good questions that anybody could ask are, what season am I in right now? You know, when your seasons change, your habits often need to change. And there can be any number of reasons for a change in seasons. You know, it could be big stuff like we have a kid or we move to a new city or you start college or whatever. It could be small stuff like you're in a job and you take on a new project or, you know, you move in with a new roommate or whatever.

53:17But there's all of these little and big shifts in seasons, these inflection points throughout life. and your habits need to change when those seasons change. I find that I have a hard time, kind of a slow learner, and so I have a hard time doing this. When we had our second child, I kept trying to force fit my old habits into this new lifestyle. And I did that for like 18 months before I finally realized, okay, you're being kind of a dummy about this. Like things need to change. And eventually I shifted and now things are running much more smoothly. So I think that's the first question is what season am I in right now?

53:51The international piece, I think, is just a subset of this overall approach, which is, yeah, like different country, different people, different business. Maybe things need to change shape. And that's totally fine. That doesn't make you a failure. This is what I mentioned earlier when I said I really want my kids to have a good internal monologue, a good discussion with themselves. I don't think anybody should be walking around when something doesn't work out and think I'm a failure. You don't want to live in that space. Instead, you could live with something like, I'm learning, you know, or like I'm figuring out how to make this work.

54:23I'm on the path to figuring out how, you know, something that's going to work for me. But it doesn't, we don't need to label it. Also, whether you call something a failure or a success is highly dependent on that moment in time. So Atomic Habits, for example, if you were, I signed the book deal in November of 2015, and I was supposed to turn it in in November of 2016. I blew that deadline. And so if you had come to me in November of 2017 and said, is this book a success? I would have said, no, it's a failure. It's not written yet. You know, it like hasn't been finished. And then you come to me in March of 2018, still a failure.

54:58It hasn't come out yet. And then suddenly you come to me in like March of 2021. You're like, oh, it's this huge success. You're like, well, what was it? Was it a failure or was it a success? And the answer is it was both. You were just at different points along the line. I think so many things in life are like that. It's just where you happen to be in that moment. So don't feel things too strongly. You know, like just keep moving forward. Hi. Hello. Thank you so much for like sharing all these tips. I kind of want to go back to the concept of reflection and review, especially when it comes to, I guess, goal setting, like short-term goals versus long-term goals.

55:32I know you mentioned like when it comes to building up like that lifestyle, those habits, you want to ask yourself, okay, how do I see myself spending the days? But I think sometimes, at least for me, it's easy for me to get lost in either or. Either the long-term goal, like the vision, or the current day-to-day habits. So could you expand on going about building those stepping stones in our everyday, but also being able to balance of like, but this is the long-term goal? That's a great question. There's a lot going on there. It's just a really good question. In a lot of ways, I think the two timeframes that matter most in life are 10 years and one hour.

56:1510 years is shorthand for like any of the big, really important stuff that you care about. You know, you have to have some long-term vision for where you want to end up in life, whether that's the career that you want or the relationship you want or, you know, what you're hoping to do for your kids or whatever, you know, like that. You need to have some vision of where you're trying to go. And to Ryan's point earlier, that endurance is like an edge in life. It's a competitive advantage. A lot of the time, all that really means is thinking a little bit further out than most people think. So many people, their lives are, and I'm not really trying to blame them.

56:51A lot of this is just they feel like their hand is forced or they're so busy that they can't look out in the distance or whatever it is. But they're focused on like one week to one month, maybe six months or a year out. but like very few people are genuinely thinking carefully about what's happening more than a year from now. And if you can have a little bit of that longer term vision, you make different choices. You know, if you start optimizing today for what you want in 10 years, you choose to do something different today. So 10 years is let me have a clear vision of where I want to go. That's the long term.

57:23One hour is how do I spend the next hour doing something that moves me toward that 10 year vision? You know, sometimes I'll say like, never let a day pass where you don't do something that's going to benefit you in a decade. Okay. So do, do something today that's going to pay off for you in 10 years. And the more that you practice that kind of dual mindset, the more that you can live in kind of both of those places at once, I think the better your outcomes get. The only tricky part of it, and I seem to be built for it. I seem to have a attitude or disposition that kind of likes doing things like this, but I think anybody could do it.

57:56The only tricky part is you have to be okay with this middle ground, which is like one to five years out where it hasn't happened yet. And that's when you start to, you know, like I got done with grad school and all of my peers, all the other students are going to get jobs at Deloitte and Accenture and anywhere else. And they're making 50 ,000 or 75 ,000 or a hundred thousand dollars a year. I don't know what the starting salaries are now, but that seemed like an ungodly amount of money to me at the time. And that year I'm like, whatever, this is what I want to do. I want to start a business. But two years in when I'm still in my parents' basement and they're making money and buying their first car and putting a down payment on a house, I start feeling like an idiot.

58:36And so the tricky part is having enough faith in that two to five year timeline where you keep making choices that get you where you want to go in 10 years. But you have to be willing to do something today that most people are not if you want to get to somewhere where they are not going to be in 10 years. And I don't even like really framing it up that way because that makes it sound competitive and it's not really about that. What it really is about is cultivating the life that you want. But my point is that you don't live in a vacuum and you will need to have some confidence in your choices to trust that it will ultimately work out.

59:09Thank you both for being here. My name is Eric. I'm a senior in the Wandel Leadership Fellows Program. I'm really sitting with what you said, James, about the adult life being like a series of maybe five, 10-year seasons. and I'd be curious to hear what you've learned about transitioning out of one of those seasons. It sounds like you're transitioning out of the writing about habits season into something new. What have you learned from that? And what have you learned from like achieving success after such a long time and then pursuing something new with the same level of excellence? Yeah, great question.

59:45I think about this more than I feel like people probably would think. I guess we could kind of call this like life strategy. So if you have five or six 10-year periods, like there's a very limited number, you know? You don't get many shots. Now, you know, obviously you're not locked into doing anything for 10 years, so you can always change your mind if something doesn't go well after a year or two. And I think that is a big part of it is having this philosophy of like experimentation early on and figuring out, is this actually how I wanna spend, you know, a good chunk of time? And I don't think you even need to go into it thinking this is gonna be exactly 10 years.

1:00:16It's not really about that. It's more just realizing that you only have a certain number of things that you can dedicate your life to. I do think there is some strategy to it. There just are certain things that some decades are better suited for than others. You're probably not gonna go party in Ibiza when you're in your 70s. You know, like that decade's not well suited to that. If you wanna do that, that's great, but like your 20s or 30s is probably the time. And so I don't know that I have, well, I am sure of one thing, which is I have not gotten all this right, but I'll tell you about some of the moves that have kind of worked out so far and how I'm sort of thinking about it.

1:00:49I mentioned that I had never really traveled abroad during my childhood. And so I played baseball through college, you know, whatever. I spent a lot of time playing baseball and going to school. And that was great. I loved that. But I had this itch to get out and see the world. And so my 20s was a decade where I did a lot of that. I tried to find any excuse I could to go abroad. So I mentioned applying to the essay competition for Switzerland. I did that twice. There was another sort of like young leaders sort of thing that happened in Russia. I got to go to Moscow and St. Petersburg. The punchline of all this was I did a bunch of things like that where I ended up going to, I think I've been to 42 countries in like an eight-year span or something.

1:01:26And so that was a chance for me to get out and see the world and do a lot of that with that chapter. And it was before I had kids and mostly before I was married. And so I was able to do that then. And then the next 10 years was this decade of like build a business and write a book and try to be successful entrepreneurially. On the tail end of that, you know, we've had kids the last couple of years and got married. So there's like some family stuff that's happening there. Now I feel like I'm entering this 10 year span where it's way less career focused and way more family focused. You know, we have all these young kids that we're trying to raise.

1:01:56And then also 30s and 40s is kind of an interesting period because a lot of people's careers are really picking up steam. But also you often have young children. And so you're raising them and your parents, if they're still around, are starting to age. and so I look at this like we just last week we just spent the last week in Jackson Hole Wyoming and we took my parents out because I'm like I probably have like three to five more years where if we like I'm not going to take my parents around Europe when they're 78 you know like if we're going to do it we probably need to do it now and so you have this like very limited window where both your kids are at home and young and your parents are young enough that they can still do stuff and so you're like I kind of want to take advantage of that now and you have this tension of my career is taking off, but I have all this family stuff I want to do.

1:02:44And what I've kind of decided is I'm just going to make family the priority and the career stuff is going to have to wait. And that means I haven't written a second book and it means like I write a lot less and it means I do fewer things than I would otherwise, but that's just the season that I'm in right now. And it's fine. The kids will grow up in 10 years and like they probably won't be as interested in hanging out with me when they're in high school or college. And I'll have plenty of time to write another book. So if that's what I want to do. And then I look at some stuff. This is further out, so I'm not as worried about it, but I'm still thinking about a little bit.

1:03:14What would it look like to live a really good decade in your 70s? You know, what would it look like to have a really good decade in your 80s? And you're just the subset of things that you can do is just more limited physically then. And so there's some stuff that maybe it's just better if I wait on that, you know, like it'd be better if I'm lucky enough to live that long. Maybe that's the right time for it. Mentoring, teaching. I always thought it would be kind of cool to be a professor. Maybe that's something I do that, you know, I don't know. know. I don't know if I want to do that or not. But the point is you maybe get five, six, seven big movements throughout life, but you can't just interchange them perfectly.

1:03:49You know, like some things are better when you're younger and some things are better when you're older. And so it's kind of important to think about what that stuff looks like. And I don't think that there's any right answer to it, but I do think that there are always trade-offs. And so what you need to be is comfortable with the trade-offs that you're making. What's not good is to wish you were traveling when you're at home or to wish you were at home when you're traveling or to wish you had a family when you don't or to wish you were single when you're married. You want to make sure that you feel comfortable with the trade-offs that you're making.

1:04:21Hi, I wanted to echo the thanks given today for you guys' time and being down here. My name is Ben. I'm also a senior with the Wandel Fellows as well. And like probably many people in this room, we're going through that job hunt. We're going through getting a lot of feedback back to us. So I was wondering, how do you apply feedback to habits and building those habits? And maybe, you know, you are stretched thin sometimes. Like how do you apply the feedback to maybe create a better habit or adjust a habit a little bit? That's a great question. Feedback is kind of the secret to building habits. So one of the secrets, at least.

1:04:51Your brain is building habits all the time, whether you think about them or not. And I feel like that's one of the important reasons to understand what a habit is and how it works because you go through life and you experience different situations and habits are the solutions to recurring problems that you face. So let's say, for example, that you have a long day at school and you get home and it's like five o 'clock and you're stressed and tired. Well, that is a recurring problem that happens anytime after you have a long day and your brain starts looking for solutions. So one person's solution might be they play video games for two hours.

1:05:29Another person's solution might be they go outside and smoke a cigarette. A third person's solution might be that they go for a run. And, you know, I'm not trying to make any value judgments, but you can see that there's a range of answers to the problem that keeps recurring. And one thing that you start to learn once you get to be about your guy's age is that a lot of the solutions that you have to those recurring problems are inherited or learned, basically, from your family and your friends and the environment that you grew up in. And that's fine. There's no need to judge yourself for whether they're good or bad.

1:06:00But once you get into your 20s, it starts to become your responsibility to come up with better solutions to the recurring problems that you face. And if you just think about it mathematically, what are the odds that for the typical problems that come up again and again, what are the odds that your current solution is the best one? Very out of all the things you could do, it's very unlikely that the way you're doing it right now is the best way to do it. So this is kind of a base position that I have or try to live with, which is assuming that I am wrong and I'm trying to be less wrong. I'm not trying to be right, but I'm trying to be less wrong.

1:06:33And I think that puts you in a position where, one, you're a little bit more humble about it. You don't feel like you have all the answers yet. And two, you don't need to judge yourself or feel bad about not having it all figured out. That's fine. We're all wrong. We're just trying to get a little bit less wrong each day. And the feedback is a way to do that. It's a way to learn about what you're doing and how you're moving forward. So you're going to have many, many habits. You're literally going to have thousands of habits, tying your shoes, brushing your teeth, whatever. Like there's, you don't need to think about most of them.

1:07:00But the question is, what are those big habits that when I look at my days and I say, am I living a good day or a bad day? What are the things that tend to be part of a good day? Like for me, I can pin it down to two or three things. Like I know that if I get my workout in, I tend to have a good day. If I get enough sleep, I tend to have a good day. Usually I really feel good about myself if I, if I finish writing something and ship something. So that could be pressing send on an email or a newsletter. But if I complete a piece of writing, even if it's only a paragraph, I feel really good. And so if I can get those three big things in in a day, that's great.

1:07:33I'm living a good day. And so the way that I would think about feedback or environment design or habits, you know, systems, all the things we've talked about today is how can I organize things to help me hit those big markers? And those are really the ones that I want to have better solutions to. You know, if I have problems that are preventing me from doing those big things, that's where I need to come up with better solutions. The other habits, I won't worry about as much. Hi, my name is Siobhan. I'm with Emerging Leaders here on campus. When you spoke about having that healthy internal monologue, I kind of just wanted to ask what that looked like for you and where you draw the line between setting yourself up for success but not beating yourself up too much.

1:08:17Yeah, I said earlier, like, what are some of the things that you kind of have trouble describing, but that's a strength for you? You're like, you're good at it, but you don't even know how to really explain it. I have learned that this is one of those things for me. I just, I don't know what else you would think, but I just always thought everybody thought this way. So sometimes when I hear people talking themselves out of stuff or like beating themselves up, I'm like, what is going on? Because I didn't realize that people are doing this to themselves inside. I try to never be my own bottleneck.

1:08:49And so one of my little phrases is work backwards from magic. Let me start with what the magical outcome would be. What's the thing I really want to happen? And then work backwards from there to try to figure out different ways to make it happen. And the key is you can't have a single path to success. You need to have multiple paths because you never know which one's going to work out or which one's going to fall apart. But if you don't have a single path to success, then your path is not blocked. You know, it's like there's not always a thousand ways to do everything in life, but there is almost always more than one way.

1:09:23And so you need to be okay with taking a different path. To give you an example from my life, I thought for a long time that I was going to go to medical school. I was a science guy in undergrad. I studied biomechanics, mostly chemistry and physics classes, a little bit of anatomy stuff mixed in. I liked the sciences. And if you were to come up to me when I was 19 or 21 or even 23, when I was in grad school, what I said was I was getting ready to go to medical school. And it actually wasn't that good of a fit. There are some things about being a doctor that I would have really liked and I think would have been good for me.

1:09:54But there were a lot of things that just weren't a good fit for me. And the reason I was giving that answer is because you'll never be criticized for saying that you're going to go to med school. You know, like you go home for Thanksgiving and everybody's like, wow, that sounds awesome. And so it just was an easy, I wouldn't have said this at the time, but looking back, it was just an easy answer to give that you kind of feel like you would be rewarded for. When you're a student, especially if you're focused on getting good grades and playing that game, it's very easy to keep going down that path.

1:10:23You know, the guardrails are set there for you. It's like, okay, you're going to go from 10th grade to 11th grade and 11th to 12th and freshman year to sophomore year. Like it's going to keep, you're going to just keep going that way. And so you're like, well, I already know this game and I'm good at this game. So let me just keep going. I'll go to medical school and then I'll graduate and it's all kind of built there for you. And some of you will probably be doctors, which is great. I'm not trying to talk you out of it. But it ended up much better for me once I stopped trying to play this status game in my head and instead just did what was best for me and best suited for me.

1:10:53And so the internal monologue was a big part of that. It was trusting myself. You know, I think if I could go back, I'd probably tell myself a few things like one is your parents want you to be safe. but you want to grow. And those things are sometimes aligned, but sometimes they're not. You know, I have incredibly supportive parents. They've been like really amazing for me, but they want you to be safe. And so when I said I was going to start my own business, they were kind of like, are you still thinking about med school? And even like a year in, they were like, do you think like maybe you'd want to like intern into medical practice or start something or whatever?

1:11:28You know, and then Atomic Habits came out and they were like, you're not still thinking about med school, are you? But what they want is the safe thing. And what I wanted was to grow and, you know, and evolve. So anyway, I don't, I don't know that that's a perfect answer for you, but that is kind of how I think about it. You know, it's like, how can I not be my own bottleneck? How can I work backwards for magic? How can I practice some of those things I mentioned earlier, like I did with my son, visualize the positive outcome, try to think about, you know, in any scenario, emphasize how this could be good for me.

1:11:56I'll give you one more little exercise. You can take a piece of paper or whatever, Word doc, whatever you want. You got two pages, right? On the one page, you're going to write down the story of your last year, okay? And the rule for this game is that nothing that you write can be false. It has to be true, right? Each sentence has to be true. But the first version, you're going to write down the most positive version of your last year, okay? So you're going to focus on all your wins, all the things that have gone well, all the things you're excited about. The second page, you're going to write down the worst version of your last year, okay?

1:12:27All the things that didn't go well, the bad moments, whatever. And you get done and you look at these two pages and what you realize is that there are no lies. Both of these stories are true. And you tell that story to yourself each day. So I think the question is, what page are you emphasizing? There's no reason to ignore the reality of life. I'm not trying to get you to hide from the facts. But you choose which facts you emphasize each day. And you might as well tell yourself the version of your life that is the most empowering, that is the most useful, that helps you move forward and make better choices.

1:12:59But a lot of people spend a lot of time on that second page. They live there day in and day out. I said earlier in this talk, you will get better at whatever you practice. Look at what a lot of people are practicing each day. They're practicing the art of getting mad on social media. They're practicing the art of terrifying themselves by what they read about or what they focus on or what they emphasize. They're practicing the craft of berating themselves. So what are you getting better at each day? What are you emphasizing? Try to spend more time on that first page. Hi, my name is Chloe Limegruber, and I'm a sophomore with the Wanda Leadership Fellows.

1:13:31And when creating our own habits and making decisions in our lives, a lot of that is driven by our own wants and needs. I feel like a lot of it is also influenced by the people we surround ourselves with and the influence of others. So my question to you is, to what extent do you think we should allow others to influence our own habit making and decisions? Well, I don't know that you're going to need to choose to allow it. It's just going to happen naturally. You know, like you are going to soak up some of the people that you're around. So I think that's the first thing is realizing that life is a two-way street, you know, and you're going to be getting some of that influence.

1:14:09So I think the better question or maybe the next question is how do I shape the people that I'm around? You know, how do I choose what groups and pockets I'm getting into? I always tell the story. So I played baseball for a long time, but I also swam when I grew up. And the swimmers, you know, you go to college and the top GPAs for all the sports teams, it's always like the swimmers and the cross-country runners. And the baseball players are always like down at the bottom. And I'm not saying that if you want your kids to be smart, you should put them in swimming. But what you see is that when you're surrounded by that, you know, like when you grew up with that, so I grew up with that.

1:14:43And it's like, well, what are my friends doing? They're going to go study for the test. Well, I want to hang out with my friends. You know, it's like I'm going to go over there too. and there starts to be this like, you know, subtle competition of what grade did you get or whatever, but it's just all, it's part of what's happening in that group and other groups doing different things. And so I think the question is, what do you want your groups to be doing? You know, where are the people that are already doing what you want to do and how can you hang out with them? Sometimes those groups are ready made.

1:15:09Like if you want to get into yoga, great. There are yoga studios. You can go there for an hour and be around people where your habit is the normal behavior and you can learn there. But other times those groups are not pre-built and you have to be the one to help facilitate them. And that takes a little bit of courage. So like good example for me, when I started my career, I started hosting these retreats where I would get six or eight authors together. Morgan actually has been to one. And I would just say, hey, we're just going to rent out an Airbnb for like two days. Everybody split the costs.

1:15:39Let's all come together, talk about how to write books, launch books, build an audience, do all that stuff, you know, writing some stuff like this before too. And I didn't have any entrepreneurs in my family or any authors in my family. And so those, I would do this twice a year. And those two weeks were like two weekends were like the best weekends of my year. Cause I would have like six months worth of stuff to go execute on. And it was a time, I think this is the punchline where my desired behavior was the normal behavior, right? Like you get out of that group and you're like, not a lot of books sell a hundred thousand copies, but now I know six people who've just done it.

1:16:12So it doesn't seem that crazy. You know, Like, why don't I just do what they did? And so every time I would send out the invites to that weekend, I was terrified because you don't want to look like an idiot and send out, you know, these and everybody says, no thanks. But everybody always said yes. And it's because everybody wants the same thing, which is for somebody to create the space for like-minded people to get together. And so if you have something that you're excited about, maybe you can find a place where you can go get that. But if you can't, maybe you need to be the one to, you know, bring people together for a day or an evening.

1:16:40You know, it could even just be a dinner. But the more that you can surround yourself with people where your desired behavior is your normal behavior, the more that you can rise together and soak up some of that stuff. So great question. All right. This is awesome, man. Thanks again. And thanks again for having us. This is so much fun. Everybody give it up for James Clear.

1:17:02It is the end of the podcast club. Thank you for being a member of the end of the podcast club. If you are, send me a note, Ryan, at learningleader.com. Let me know what you learned from this great conversation with James Clear. A few takeaways from my notes. I just loved the Morgan Housel moment at the beginning. It was so cool to see James' reaction to it. You can actually watch it on youtube.com slash Ryan Hawk if you want. Morgan said, quote, I have absolutely not a single cell of envy for James because he is the nicest guy you will ever meet. You will not meet a nicer human than James Clear.

1:17:37You will not meet someone as successful as he is and as humble as he is. He is a saint in my life. And because of that, I adore every bit of this guy. So I cannot envy him. I am just inspired by his success full stop. That is so cool. We should all strive to be that for the people in our lives. And then which it leads to my next point. Every opportunity in life comes through a person. Relationships are usually the most important thing. If you want to achieve more, there is a relationship that can unlock better results. If you want to make a meaningful contribution, helping others is a great way to do it.

1:18:18And then willpower. People with tremendous self-control aren't that different from those who struggle. They are simply better at structuring their lives in a way that doesn't require heroic willpower. It's not about determination. it's about environmental design. I think that's pretty liberating. Once again, I would say thank you so much for continuing to spread the message and telling a friend or two, hey, you should listen to this episode of The Learning Leader Show with James Clear. I think he'll help you become a more effective leader because you continue to do that and you also go to Spotify and Apple Podcasts and you subscribe to the show and you rate it hopefully five stars and you write a thoughtful review by doing all of that.

1:18:56You are continually giving me the opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis. And for that, I will forever be grateful. Thank you so, so much. Talk to you soon. Can't wait.