How to Rehearse Without Sounding Rehearsed

0:03Tom Henschel: Welcome to The Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to rehearse without sounding rehearsed. Kirsten and I had been in a coaching relationship for years. She first engaged me when she became an executive at a privately held manufacturing firm. Later, she leapt into leadership at a multinational corporation, and we talked often. Seeing Kirsten on my calendar always made me smile. She was snarky about the world and the people in it, including herself.

0:47Tom Henschel: Her vulnerabilities were front and center in her mind, and she embraced them with acceptance and humor. Kirsten wanted to improve herself. One topic we revisited many times was presenting. When we first met, she suffered badly from nervousness. But over the years, she'd gained tools to quiet most of her nerves most of the time. Now, when we talked about presenting, her interest was often on the fine points. This presentation is a big opportunity for me, she told me during a recent conversation. Everyone knows I want the chief experience officer role. I think they're looking at this presentation like an early audition.

1:28Tom Henschel: If I do well, my value is going to go up. Fantastic, I said, delighted for her. So here's where I want your help, she said. I think I'm okay with my nerves. I'll let you know if I'm not. And I think I'm okay putting the deck together. If there's time, I'd love for you to review it. Sure, I said. But I realized I'm not really sure how to go from building the deck to speaking the speech. I've never planned how to rehearse. What should I be thinking about? Well, you're already doing one thing that's helping you, I said. You're acknowledging that rehearsal makes a difference. A lot of people think they can finish their slides, push their chairs back, walk down the hall and start talking.

2:07Tom Henschel: They don't think about rehearsal at all. Oh, but let's be honest, Tom. A lot of the time, that's me. You know, I'm lucky if I finish the deck the night before, at which point there's not a lot of time for rehearsal. But this time, I've got prep time. And I want to be smart about using it. So what should I do? Well, let me start with a question, I said, being very coach-like. How much time do you want to give it? You know, if you think about rehearsal as one task in a multi-step project called presenting, how much time would you give it? An hour? Twenty hours? What sounds right? She asked back, what sounds right to you when you're putting a speech together?

2:50Tom Henschel: I said, I usually figure about three to one You know, if the speech is 90 minutes, I'm going to rehearse at least three times that So, four and a half hours for a 90-minute presentation, she said, mulling Does that sound like a lot or a little, I asked I don't know, seems reasonable, I guess By the way, I added, if I'm doing new material, it could be more like five or six to one Oh, well now we're at nine hours. That sounds like a lot. What are you doing all that time? Well, first off, I said, it's not one nine-hour block all at once. I rehearse in little chunks, especially at the beginning. I'll rehearse one little piece that'll get plugged in somewhere later, a chart on a slide, a story, a metaphor.

3:36I'll take ten minutes here and there and rehearse just that part for ten minutes.

3:40Tom Henschel: Walking the dog, doing the dishes, quick rehearsal. and those 10 minutes add up. I do a lot of them. How do you remember everything, she asked. Oh, Lord, I don't. I don't want to memorize anything. In fact, when I rehearse those little chunks, I challenge myself. Find new ways to say that idea or a different way to tell that story every time I do it. And sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not, but they're all good enough. And they all build confidence. She shook her head. That does not sound like fun to me. I shrugged. I treat rehearsal like play. I'm just exploring that chunk. I'm sorry, she said, but if I rehearse, I want to learn what I'm supposed to say.

4:25Tom Henschel: I don't want to be in front of people and have to search for words. I told you about that time when I froze. I didn't even know my name. But that wasn't about forgetting your words, was it, I asked? No, it was about seeing my boss, she said. Right, I said. no matter what triggered it, I'm sorry it happened. I know it's an awful experience. So you say you want to rehearse to learn what you have to say. Is that right? Right, she agreed. Can I share a worry about that? Please, she said. I think memorization and recitation are hard. For most people, the effort to memorize and the effort to recite chews up their mental capacity.

5:09Tom Henschel: I think all that pressure makes people more likely to forget what they're supposed to say Well, I always have notes, she said I don't like to look at them, but I know they're there if I need them Fair enough, I said I'm not sure, but I think at the moment You and I think pretty differently about why we rehearse We do? How? Well, you rehearse to learn your words I rehearse to play, that's pretty different But we both think rehearsal improves performance, right? We agree on that, don't we? I think we do, I said. But I have two ideas that challenge the idea of memorizing and reciting. Can I share them with you?

5:47Of course, she said. Okay, so the first idea is a benefit. The second idea is an analogy. First, the benefits. In addition to improving performance and learning your words, what are some other benefits to rehearsing? She responded easily.

6:03Tom Henschel: You get familiar with the content. Build expertise. Get confident. Fabulous, I said. Excellent benefits. I agree. Here's one more. Brain capacity. We were just talking about it. That is the benefit. Brain capacity. So you know the feeling when you're presenting and there are all these thoughts and feelings whipping around in your head? She deflated at the thought. I go deaf sometimes. Exactly, I said. You run out of capacity. You're in this heightened experience And your brain just can't process it all Well, rehearsal creates mastery And mastery gives your brain more capacity So even with all those thoughts and feelings whipping around Rehearsal gives you the capacity to stay present Because you rehearsed, you have the capacity to see people and read the room You have the capacity to listen when people ask questions And the capacity to think clearly and access the answers No going deaf, huh?

7:05Tom Henschel: Right, no going deaf, I said. So that's the first idea, that one benefit of rehearsal is expanding your mental capacity. She was nodding. What you just described sounds great. I would love extra capacity like that on game day, so go team. Now I have an analogy. You ready, I said? Sure. Okay. So, imagine yourself as a presenter Now imagine that being a presenter Is like being a ski guide Who's going to lead an entire class Down a long run on a mountain And while you're guiding them down You're going to take them certain places You'll stop, you'll talk And then you'll lead them to the next place And you'll keep guiding them down the mountain Until everyone gets to the bottom at pretty much the same time having pretty much seen the same parts of the mountain.

8:01That's success as a presenter. She smiled. I get it. I like it. Good, I said. Here's the rehearsal part. In order to be the best ski guide possible before anyone ever arrives, you're going to go out and you're going to learn that mountain. And how do you do that? Do you go ski in your exact same tracks over and over every time? No. In fact, it's really exactly the opposite.

8:27Tom Henschel: You go out and you learn as many ways down the mountain as you can. When you find a place where you're going to stop with the group, you put up a big, huge banner that everyone's going to ski under. And on that banner, you're going to put the name of the place in blazing letters. And by the way, this is where all those 10-minute rehearsal chunks get plugged in, right? So the banners name the chunks. And then on game day, all you have to remember are the banners. It's all really manageable. And because you own that mountain, it's not going to freak you out when the group veers off a little further to the left than you'd planned, or if they end up missing that little clump of trees on the right.

9:08Tom Henschel: Wherever they go with you, it's going to be good because it's your mountain, and no one knows the mountain like you. She grinned, saying, those banners sound kind of like sorting and labeling. She was referencing a communication tool she had come to love. Funny, she said, I think I have a story that proves your point. This just happened. I was with a bunch of friends of a friend of mine this past weekend. I kind of, sort of know these people. At one point, I told this story, and I have told this story a lot. It's a story about my son and a hockey game and another mom, and trust me, it is a whole thing.

9:46Well, on Sunday with these people, I told it for laughs. I've done it that way before, and it works. People laugh. It's funny. But driving home, I thought about how many different ways I have told that story. For example, I've told that very same story with a real sense of outrage as a mom. Not funny at all. And I was thinking how easy it is for me to flip between the different versions kind of without effort. I think it's mastery, like you said.

10:12Tom Henschel: I smiled. What comes to mind for me is the adage that every time you tell a story, You're rehearsing for the next time you tell that story Even during the presentation itself Every time you do it, it's just rehearsal for the next time Kirsten rehearsed and envisioned her brain capacity expanding She put up banners on the mountain too And she felt the luxury of having a whole mountain to explore She went into her presentation feeling confident that she owned that mountain Afterwards, she felt she had given a good display of the look and sound of leadership.

10:54Tom Henschel: I come from a discipline where we were paid to rehearse. When professionals come together to rehearse a play, that is their work for four weeks, maybe six weeks, maybe eight weeks. One thing that everyone on the team knows is where the finish line is. and nobody wants to waste their rehearsal time because opening night comes for everyone. If you are a presenter, opening night is coming for you too. So whether you have a month to rehearse or whether when the sun comes up tomorrow, you're going on, I want your rehearsal time to be great. In this part of the show, I want to give you tools that are going to help lots of different parts of your rehearsals.

11:34Then I'm going to close with a story about a lesson that I learned that just has changed how I rehearse forever. And there will be gratitude. So, tools. I have six of them. It's like a little list sickle. Never done one of these, but here we go. Number one. The title of this episode is How to Rehearse Without Sounding Rehearsed. It is pretty clear that sounding rehearsed

11:59Tom Henschel: is something to avoid, right? Sounding rehearsed, we all know, it sounds kind of lifeless and robotic because you've been saying it over and over, right? The first tool changes how you think about what sounding rehearsed sounds like. And as my first exhibit, I would like to submit to you, Kirsten telling her story. Kirsten had told that story over and over and over. She'd told it so many times, she could tell it for laughs or she could tell it for shocks. She did all that repetition and it never made her sound lifeless or robotic. All that repetition made her sound natural and genuine And by the way, I am guessing you do this in your life I'm guessing you have a story that you've told for years A family story, a wedding story, the birth of a kid's story Something you've told over and over Do you sound lifeless and robotic?

12:48Tom Henschel: No, you sound natural and genuine By this new definition, you sound rehearsed And you got there through repetition But not through recitation That's tool number one Here's number two This tool is what I mentioned to Kristen Kind of in passing That I do when I'm rehearsing little chunks Say them differently every time So that chart on that slide I'm going to say it differently I'm going to repeat it But I am not going to recite it And if you approach it that way You will not sound lifeless and robotic I promise And by the way, you're going to really learn your ideas. So say it a different way every time.

13:38Tool number three is about time. Rehearsal is a choice. Decide how much time are you going to give yourself. Treat your time like you would treat your money. It is precious and you cannot get it back.

13:54Tom Henschel: So make a contract with yourself about your time. How much time are you going to commit? An hour? Four hours? Five minutes? Just be specific. Allocate the time, put it on your calendar, block it out. And like I said to Christian, you can rehearse while you're walking the dog. You can rehearse while you're doing the dishes. You can rehearse in little chunks, but you have to choose to do it. You have to make it happen. Carve out the time. Tool number four is about credibility. When you rehearse, measure time I assume that you know how long you have to present, right? You were told what your time limit is And it's like a contract You've been informed of the expectations Now do your part So rehearse for credibility Use a stopwatch How long does it take to explain that slide?

14:51How long does it take for that slide? And when you add all your slides together, how long is it? Measure time. Keep your part of the agreement.

15:04The next tool is such a lifesaver in so many ways. I'm going to give it to you to start as a slogan. If you only have five minutes to rehearse, rehearse your opening five times. The message is, drill your opening until you can do it without thinking One way that this is a lifesaver is because I hear so many people say to me You know, when I really get nervous, it's right at the start I hear that all the time And once they get into their presentation, they're fine But getting started is hard It's true, it is Drill your opening until you can do it without thinking and it will stop you from saying things you don't want to say, like apologizing.

15:50Drill your opening until you can do it without thinking and you will start down the hill with strong, clear statements. Drill your opening until you can do it without thinking. It is a lifesaver and it doesn't take long to do. Tool number six. Last one before the story. this tool strengthens your thinking. This tool pressure tests your ideas. Use your rehearsal time to ask yourself to explain yourself. Why is this idea important? Why are you telling it to us? Really, why does it matter? Why is it even in your presentation? And then listen to your explanations because a lot of the time you're going to answer the question in a way that's going to clarify an idea.

16:40and it will make the presentation better. Use your rehearsal to explain yourself. Strengthen your thinking. Those were the tools. I hope they're helpful. The list is in the show notes. I want to close by sharing a lesson that I have learned, and I have never forgotten it. I will tell you right after this month's gratitude. Gratitude this month to a long-term client of mine. This is a guy that I've worked with since he was a junior executive, and he is now a chief officer at one of the Silicon Valley giants. I'm so grateful for our long relationship, and I'm enormously grateful for the way he involves me in his personal growth and the growth of his team.

17:22Right now, we happen to be in the middle of a project that is just so fun and interesting. It's a change of pace for me. I'm so grateful for every part of it, but especially the long relationship. Thank you so much. I'm grateful to long-time listeners Who get to a place in their lives or their careers Where they think about coaching And they reach out to me and we talk And I have heard so many wonderful stories And I have heard challenges And I am grateful to hear all of them Thank you As always Thank you to the folks over the years Who have posted reviews on all the various platforms You know, I'm never sure how people find the podcast but I really think people are more likely to give a new show a listen when there are lots of good reviews and ratings.

18:10So please bring in the next group of listeners, add your voice, put up a review. Thanks so much.

18:19This story that I'm about to tell ends in a lesson and it is a rule that I have followed as a way of life ever since. This is a story that takes place probably 30 years ago. I was still filming a little bit of television as an actor, but mostly I was committed to being a presentation skills trainer. There was a guy in my town who ran his own training company.

18:41Tom Henschel: He had big corporate clients like Honda and Bank of America, and I knew that that was attractive to me. I wanted to be like him. Well, he and I got introduced, and we had explored the possibility of working together. He was really nice, but he was really clear. He only hired trainers who had advanced degrees, which I did not. I had a lot of years in theater and television, but I did not have an advanced degree, so life goes on. One day he calls me. Could I, he asks, could I possibly deliver his two-day presentation skills course at a big corporation down by the airport next week? He really needed someone to deliver that class next week, and would I do it?

19:25Tom Henschel: And I said, sure. because I knew how to rehearse. And I knew that suddenly I was going to have to learn a two-day curriculum in a week. I have a memory of standing over the workbook with my finger on the page, and I'm speed-mumbling to myself. I'm kind of saying, okay, so then it goes to here, and that's going to lead to that. Okay, okay. I remember taking the workbook in the car with me and having it open on the passenger seat next to me. I remember sitting at a stoplight, tapping the wheel, and doing that same speed mumble. Okay, then it's this, and then next up is that. I crammed my way through that workbook, and it went pretty well.

20:06Tom Henschel: And then the day came. And suddenly, for the very first time, I had to actually say all those ideas out loud. I had to put words to them, and it was not the same at all. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't what I wanted. It certainly was not the look and sound of leadership. And that was when I learned the lesson. Rehearsal only counts when it's out loud. And since then, I've learned there's an actual physiological reason why it's true. So when we rehearse to ourselves, just thinking the ideas like that speed mumbling thing, a particular part of your brain lights up with activity, and that's good.

20:50Tom Henschel: But when you add spoken words on top of those ideas, an additional part of your brain lights up. Well, the very first time you add spoken words, your brain has to carve a path to that new portion in order to bring it online. The next time you say it, it's easier. And every time after that, your brain gets faster and faster. But it has to be said out loud.

21:17If you're ready to elevate yourself as a presenter, there's two PDFs in our tools bin that I really want to point you towards. One is called Before You Write Your Presentation. It's a list of questions to ask that are going to help you write a great presentation. And then there's sorting and labeling. You heard Kirsten mention it. The links to both the PDFs are in the show notes. And the six tools are also in the show notes. And so are three related categories in the podcast library that you can scroll through. Communication skills, executive presence, presentation skills. And five specific episodes that you might listen to.

21:55Executive presenting, how to command a room, how to talk so people understand you, and that is sorting and labeling. How to Turn Data into Stories and Prepping Like a TED Talker. All the links are in the show notes. Please help yourself. Okay, that's it for me. Until next time, I'm Tom Henschel. Thanks so much for listening.