377 - The #1 Reason You Don't Have What You Want — YET

0:02How many times have you had a goal or a dream or an aspiration and you went for it but it didn't work out. You got rejected or you weren't picked or you got turned down or the project just crashed and burned and your grand plan was more like a grand embarrassing flop. Anybody? Yeah, me too. You know, if you're like most of us, that experience left you feeling like a failure or like you're not good enough or maybe it made you doubt yourself. And maybe you started to tell yourself a story which started to turn into a belief that you don't have what it takes to reach your dreams. You know what I say to that?

0:42Uh-uh, honey, that story is not gonna stand, not on my watch, because guess what? Today, you and I, we're gonna dig into the number one reason most of us don't reach our dreams, and I'm gonna show you how to turn that beat around pronto. In fact, I'm gonna give you a three simple step system that you can start using today to wipe that slate clean, get yourself fired back up and on track so you can start achieving more of what really matters to you more consistently than you ever thought possible. Hey, I'm Marie Forleo and welcome to another episode of the Marie Forleo podcast, the place to be really to create a business and a life that you genuinely love.

1:25And by the way, you do not have to be an entrepreneur to get benefit here. So whether you're a student or you're an artist or an employee or a freelancer, if you want to thrive in today's world and be happy, you got to be the boss of your livelihood and your life. Because guess what? Ain't nobody else going to do it for you. Now, if you're a new listener, I am so glad you're here. Did you know we've got the most beautiful folks from 195 countries who just like you and me are smart and hardworking and creative? And of course, who want to learn how to live into their highest and best potential and use their gifts to make a difference in the world.

2:00and have a damn good time along the way. So if that sounds like you, you're in the right place. So today I'm going to share the number one reason that most people do not reach their goals and what you can do right now to fix it. I live in the West Village, right? In New York City. And I frigging love my neighborhood. A few weeks ago, Josh and I, so we were getting ready to go on this road trip and we didn't have time to cook. So I said, hey babe, let's go to the dig on Bleecker Street. They've got great veggies. They really care about their sourcing. It's super cute in there. I want to go. So we head on over and as usual, their food was really fantastic.

2:36But I got to tell you, the roasted cauliflower was like, oh my God, out of this damn world. I'm not kidding. It was like some of the best roasted cauliflower I have ever had in my life. And I've had a lot of cauliflower. It was like life-changing roasted cauliflower. So on the way out from dinner, I go up to the kitchen. I walk up to the counter. I was like, y 'all, who is responsible for this magic frigging cauliflower? Like the whole meal was fabulous as usual, but the cauliflower, like what's going on back there? What's the magic? And I watched as all the kitchen staff started smiling and laughing and they were pointing over to one guy and they said, it's him.

3:11And so I looked over to this guy and I started talking to him and I learned that his name is Chef Brandon. And so we told him like how much we appreciate the food. We can see how much heart and care goes into everything that they're cooking, what a great job they're doing. Thank you. We'll be back for more. So a few weeks later, I get another dig craving, right? And so we're there again. And Chef Brandon's there and he comes by while we're eating and he says, hey, I just want to thank you guys for being so enthusiastic about the cauliflower and actually telling our team. He said, y 'all have no idea how much that means to us.

3:44Nobody ever gives us that kind of energy and feedback and we really appreciate it. And I was like, of course, dude. Like you guys are working so hard. You deserve all the praise and all the good energy in the world. And then so I asked him, I said, Hey chef, what's your story? Like, how long have you worked here? Have you always dreamed of being a chef? Cause I curious about these things. And he said, yes, I love cooking. This is my dream. He said, actually, I wanted to work here for a very long time. But when I first came in for an interview for a job a few years back, they turned me down. They said, no, they rejected me.

4:18And you want to know why? And I was like, yeah, tell me why. He said, the truth is, if I'm being really honest, at that point in my life, I was just looking for a paycheck. I wanted someplace that I could show up, put in my hours, make money, and leave. I didn't actually have the heart, right, or the passion that's a requirement at this company. And that rejection, that was a big wake-up call. It was a real turning point in my life. And I was like, wow, that's amazing. So like, what did you do next? How did you turn this around? And so chef said, you know, I realized that I needed to do some work on myself I needed to find a way to ignite that passion inside me So I went out and I just got jobs at a bunch of different kitchens all around the city Anywhere that would take me and I started learning new tools and new techniques And I started just getting better and better and I started showing up differently And then eventually after a few years, it was like boom all of this passion just ignited inside of me And once I felt that I actually came back to dig and I interviewed again But this time I was a completely different man.

5:20They could see it They could feel it and they hired me and like now i'm in charge of this whole location I'm in charge of this team. I have a say in how things go Honestly, it's a dream come true and it feels amazing. So in just a minute I'm going to give you the three-step framework to reach your dreams that was actually hidden inside chef brandon's story But first, let me ask you this. How many times have you had a goal or a dream that you went for, but it didn't work out, and then you just gave up? How many times have you taken that rejection, right, or that failure and let it poison your heart and become this disempowering story that's limiting maybe who you are right now and who you can be?

6:06If that's ever happened, we're going to take care of that together right now. I want you to go get your pen, go get your journal, and you're going to take notes because this three-step framework will help you. Ray, look, nothing in life is that complicated. You can do whatever you set your mind to. If you roll up your sleeves, you get in there and you do it. Everything is figureoutable. I was still a little girl when my mom said those three words to me. I had no idea how much they changed my life. Eventually, that simple phrase helped me end a physically abusive relationship, get out of piles of debt, and land every job I've ever had.

6:49From bartending, to trading on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, to publishing at Condé Nast, to becoming one of the world's first Nike elite dance athletes, to starting a business at 23 and building it into a multi-million dollar socially conscious education and media company from the ground up. Now look, I don't know what your dreams are, but I do know this. They are 100 % figureoutable. If you want help on your journey, get yourself a copy of my number one New York Times bestselling book, Everything is Figureoutable. Now one big thing, do not just read the book. I need you to do the book, because if you do, it will change your life.

7:31Learn more at everythingisfigureoutable.com or head to your favorite place to buy books or audio books now. All right, so here we go. Step number one is you got to tell the truth. What does that mean? Ask yourself, do you still want to achieve this dream or this goal or this aspiration? Now look, there's no right or wrong answer here, right? There's no judgment. If that answer is no, that's actually a good thing to know. You should celebrate that. And it's perfectly normal. It's natural. It's healthy to drop goals and dreams that you're either over or you've just outgrown. But you got to be honest with yourself about this.

8:09You know, Chef Brandon, he knew his dream was still viable even after he got rejected and turned down. So I want you to ask yourself, is this goal, is this dream truly still important in your heart? Does it deserve your time, your attention, your life energy. And if you don't know how to answer that, get quiet. Look inside. I promise you, if you listen, the answer is in there. What I want to make sure that you hear is this. Do not let the hurt, do not let the disappointment, do not let the ego bruises from your past hold you back from the bigger future you deserve. Now, let's say you do still want this dream, right?

8:46Let's say it's a yes. If it's a yes, then we move on to step two. So step two is I want you to make a list of what? I want you to make a list of any area you already know that you can improve. So right now, where do you know you're missing the mark? Tell the truth about it. Where are you doing the least, but you're expecting the most? Where are you inconsistent? Where are you just phoning it in? What aspects of your behavior honestly need an upgrade? What capabilities do you need to develop, right? For all of us. I got to say, there's always a gap, for me too, between our ambitions, our goals and dreams, and our abilities, meaning the current things that we're capable of.

9:29And we need to get honest about that gap. And being honest about that, it doesn't make us bad. It doesn't make us weak. It doesn't mean that we're beating ourselves up. Identifying that gap and closing it, that's actually how we grow. Now, look, I want to be real with you about something. In any area of my life right now where I'm not reaching certain goals yet, keyword yet, I know exactly why. It's not rocket science. It's not a mystery to me, right? There are particular places in my life where I'm not devoting the time or the energy or the work necessary to grow that specific thing. I'm super sober to that fact.

10:05I also don't beat myself up about it because I know that everything can be a priority all at the same time. So I pick and choose the main projects that I work on. And then all my other ideas, all my other projects, all my other goals, they can hang out in the side burner just for a little bit. And then eventually it'll be their time in the sun. So here's what I need you to do. I need you to get honest with yourself, right? Where specifically do you know you need to grow? What aspects of your behavior or your performance honestly need to improve in order for you to reach your goal? I want you to just write down the first things that come to mind.

10:37And let me make this clear. Do not beat yourself up, but don't let yourself off the hook either because you have so much, so much untapped greatness within you. And the only one who can ever close that gap between your ambition and your ability is you. And then finally, step number three, something super scientific, it's called JDI. Have you heard of it? It stands for just do it. Like you're going to Nike your way to that damn dream and you're going to get there. I promise you. I want you to know when a dream is so important to your heart, it's so important to your soul, you will do whatever it takes.

11:15You'll do whatever it takes to get there. And it doesn't have to be perfect action. It doesn't have to have the perfect plan to back it up. You just got to get your buns moving, man. Remember what Chef Brandon did. He didn't know what the hell was going on, but he just went out there and he started getting jobs in all these different kitchens so he could learn new skills, get around new people. And he did whatever it took to develop that passion that he knew he was lacking. He took action. He made it happen. Just like I know you can make it happen if you truly and genuinely want that dream in your heart.

11:46And look, there's always going to be goals and dreams that you set for yourself that you're not going to hit the first time out of the gate, right? Maybe not even the second or the third or the fourth. That's true for everybody. That's true for me. That's true for you. That's true for everyone on planet earth. So it really begs the question, we got to ask ourselves, now what? If disappointments and flops and failures are guaranteed literally for all of us, then what do we want to do now? And that is the beauty of these strategies. So step one, you got to tell the truth. You got to be honest. Do you still want this dream?

12:21Do you want to go for it? If that answer is yes, you move on to step two. And step two is you want to make a list of all the areas you already know in your heart that you can improve, right? So where do you need better skills? Where do you need to turn up your passion? Where can you up your game? And then step number three, JDI is just do it. You want to get moving and don't stop until that dream becomes your reality because guess what? You deserve it.

12:54And by the way, if you find yourself in my amazing city in my amazing neighborhood of the West Village, you need to go get a great meal over at Dig. This is not an ad. There's no sponsorship. I just love my neighborhood so much and I love seeing good businesses and good people thrive. So make sure you try the cauliflower. Let me know if you love it as much as I do. You're welcome. Until next time, stay on your game and keep going for your big dreams because guess what? The world really does need that very special gift that only you have. I believe in you. I love you. And I'll catch you next time.

13:37Oh my goodness. I adore you because you're still listening. Now look, you are clearly someone who goes all the way in life and that's why you should become an MF Insider. It's a weekly inspiration explosion in your inbox in the best way possible, of course. Seriously though, you're about to get so much love, so much motivation, it might just be illegal. Head over to marieforleo.com forward slash subscribe. Your inbox will thank you for it.