399 - 3 Steps to Create the Life You Want

0:00You do not have to settle for the status quo. That business, that career, that life you've been dreaming of. It's all possible for you and then some. In fact, did you know there's a three-step formula that can help any of us turn our dreams into reality and have a damn good time along the way? Hey there, I'm Marie Forleo, founder of B-School, time genius, and author of the number one New York Times bestseller, Everything is Figureoutable. And in this video, we're going to break down a very simple but very powerful formula to turning our dream lives into our real lives. And I gotta say, anytime I have found myself lost or frustrated or feeling stuck or in just some way not living into my fullest potential, it's because I fell off the damn wagon with one or more of these steps.

0:43And it's important to remember, these steps, they're really a process, right? Turning our dreams into reality, it doesn't happen overnight. Of course it doesn't. It takes work and effort and time, and there's always going to be twists and turns as we go. However, after practicing and tinkering with these tools for the past few decades, and I still am, and after working with hundreds of thousands of people, let me tell you, this framework is the most reliable thing I've found yet. So grab yourself a pen, a notebook, and let's dive in. Step number one in our formula is have the courage to be super, super honest with yourself about what you really want.

1:20So this is especially true if maybe what you want during this season of your life looks a whole lot different than what other people around you want or think you should want. I'm going to give you some examples in a moment. But first, what we're really saying here is that step number one to turning your dream life into your real life is you have to clarify exactly what your unique dream is. You got to name it and claim it. And once it's crystal clear for you, you've got to get unapologetic and playfully ambitious about the fact that you are going to make that dream come true. So let me give you an example from my life, especially if your dream goes against the grain like mine did.

2:01So I remember when I was just getting started in my career, I had lots of different romantic relationships before I met Josh and all the men I dated wanted to eventually get married. They wanted to go live in the suburbs and they wanted to have me pop out a bunch of kids. I was like, nope, nope, and more. Nope. Not one part of me wants any part of that. I never fantasized about a wedding dress or a wedding day. That just wasn't my dream. And I've always known that I never wanted to have biological kids. And so many people probably for like 15 years or so said, oh, Marie, you're going to change your mind or you're going to regret this, or this is just a phrase.

2:39And some people were even like, what is wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with you thinking that you know my dream life better than I do, that is some arrogant shit. And honestly, I've done the same thing with my business. You know, for years I had people saying, hey, your first book was really great, but you need to write another book. Like, where's the next book? Why aren't you writing another book? And I was like, y 'all, I'm on my own divine timeline, not your timeline or society's timeline. When my next book is ready, when it's my dream to bring it to life, you're going to be the first to know.

3:10And when everything is figureoutable was ready to come to life, it debuted at number one. You know, when I work with people, I always say, as your coach, I'm here to help you get virtually anything you want. But first, you got to tell me what that is. And you would be shocked by how many people can't say exactly what their biggest dream is. I mean, right now, if I asked you, what's the single most important project or goal or dream that you're making a reality, could you tell me? If I asked you, what are five goals that you are so frigging excited about getting accomplished over the next six months, could you name them like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, right off the top of your head?

3:48Most people would have a little trouble and that's okay because if you do the following exercises, you're going to start to find that clarity, right? And it's going to feel so good. And here's the best part. None of your answers got to be perfect and they are certainly not permanent. Everybody's goals change and evolve over time. But the point here is we want to get you aimed in the right direction. We want to unearth what you really want in your heart. What is your dream career, your dream business, your dream life actually look like? Not what your family or your friends or society has programmed you to want, but what do you want in your heart and soul?

4:28Sound good? Okay, so here's prompt number one. This is one of my favorites. What would your life be like if it were exactly the way that you want it to be today? What would you change? What would you enhance? What would you give more energy to? What would you do differently? What would you appreciate more? I want you to spend some time just answering those questions right after you watch this video. Now, the reason that I love this prompt so much is because it instantly fires up our imagination and quickly helps us envision our dream life. And from there, you start to tease out, right? Some little very specific and actionable goals to get you closer to that vision.

5:08So this prompt helps you think big, it's broad, it's fun. It's like a blue sky type of experience. And personally, I believe most of us, we just don't do that enough. Now, once you've played around in that zone, there's another prompt that you can experiment with if you want to come at this from a completely different perspective. So here's prompt number two. start thinking about what you don't want in your life. So what are you no longer willing to tolerate or put up with or accept? Now you might be saying to yourself, wait, wait, hold up, Marie. Like you want me to focus on all the negative stuff in my life and list all the things I don't want?

5:45Yes, I do. And here's why. You see, most of us are super clear about the things that make us feel stressed out or frustrated on a consistent basis. And sticking our heads in the sand when it comes to our problems, that doesn't solve them at all. Plus, it's often the inverse of those things that lead us to our dream life. But first, you have to be honest with yourself about what's not working. So for instance, I remember there was this one time when Josh and I were both working from our tiny little home. And even though we love spending time together, we were on top of each other and it was awful.

6:19There was no privacy. We couldn't think straight. It was just not good all around. And then we figured, hey, well, what if we kept our cute little house, but we build out these two separate workspaces on the property so everybody gets the peace and the quiet that they need? Now, of course, this didn't happen instantly. But by being honest about that frustration point, it helped us create our dream solution. And we are so much happier these days. So I think it's useful. Take a few minutes after this video and just make that list. What are the things that you deal with that leave you frustrated or stressed or embarrassed or unhappy on a regular basis?

6:56And nobody's got to see this list but you. But you have to have the courage to be honest with yourself about what's not working in your life. And then what's the inverse of those things? Here's what's cool. There's a good chance you're going to uncover some very worthy goals that'll help you start living your dream life faster than you can imagine. Now, of course, we could go on and on and on with all different kinds of prompts to help you tap into your heart and unearth what you really want. But I think you get the idea here. So let's move on to step number two in our formula of turning our dreams into reality, which is this.

7:29Write down your top goals daily. Now, I'm going to explain that daily piece in a sec. But first, did you know that people who write down their goals are 42 % more likely to achieve them than those who don't? 42 freaking percent! That's a whole lot of percent. And this is all based on solid research done by Dr. Gail Matthews at the Dominican University in California. Now, look, I know this sounds really basic and you've probably heard this before, but let's take this one step further, okay? Because even for people who do write down their goals, from what I've seen, the vast majority do not look at them enough.

8:04For instance, most people will sit down and they'll do a big goal setting session in January, right? They write everything down, but then they stick it in the journal and they put it in a drawer and they don't look at it again until December, at which point they're like, wait a minute, how'd everything get so off track? That my friends is why I write my goals down every single day. I know my top 10 goals by heart and I write them down every morning. It takes me less than two minutes and it helps me keep this wild brain super focused and on track. And actually I do something else I created called the Mid-Year Reset.

8:41And I do it around June, where I go through this very full and detailed process to reevaluate and realign my goals and my dreams so that I am current and on track as I head into the second half of the year. In fact, this year, I'm going to take a special group of people through my Mid-Year Reset process personally. So if you're interested in that, I'll tell you more about it in just a few minutes. But first, let's keep going on to our last and final step of the formula, which is to get at least one person on your dream team. Look, there is not one meaningful thing in my business or my life that I've created or accomplished solely on my own.

9:17I mean, sure, the inspiration, the vision, the energy, the drive, the work ethic, I bring all that to the table every day. But every step of the way, besides believing in myself, which is key, there's always been at least one other person who not only believed in me, but encouraged me, or taught me something I didn't know, or introduced me to a book, or an idea, or another person, or a possibility that helped me keep going. And let's be honest, for those of us who are wildly ambitious and creative, it can get lonely sometimes, can it? We need other people to connect with, and to brainstorm with, and to talk with.

9:55We need other people that really get us and get the unique challenges that we face. And we need people to turn to when things go sideways or we start doubting ourselves or we just hit a big roadblock. So how does connecting with others relate to turning our dreams into reality? The science actually backs this up big time. In that same study by Dr. Gail Matthews, she found that if you share your written goals with a supportive friend and check in on each other's progress, your chances for success skyrocket. In fact, 76 % of the group that did all those things, they wrote down their goals, they shared it with a supportive friend, and they shared their progress, either totally reached their goals or were well on their way.

10:38And here's the best part. Not one part of this formula is rocket science, right? It's all super doable. It's simple. It's science-backed and it works. So I want you to think about this in your own world for a minute. it. Do you have at least one person that can be on your dream team? Is there someone who believes in you and who you can connect with and share your progress with on a regular basis? And if we just broaden out a little bit, do you have trusted people that you can talk to when you need to make a smart decision in your business or your life? Or people that you can call upon when you hit a health crisis or a family crisis or a relationship crisis?

11:18Because we all hit those points. If not, now is the time for you to go find those people. And look, if you want me to be a part of your dream team and you want to connect with my team and my most trusted friends and colleagues, this is your chance. I am launching one of my personal dreams. It's actually been something that I've been journaling about and talking about and noodling on for years. It's called Dream Club. And it is this extraordinary six-month live coaching and community experience where you get access to me, to my team, and to my nearest and dearest friends and collaborators like never before.

11:56And you get to connect with other Dream Clubbers all around the world. So there's gonna be goal setting and live workshops and coworking sessions and beauty throwdowns and dance sessions, all designed to help you set and reach your most important goals and have a damn good time along the way. Now, Dream Club is invite only. If I personally sent you an email with a link to this video today, then your Dream Club invitation is already on the way to your inbox. Now, if you're not subscribed to my emails, but you're interested in Dream Club, because it's going to be bananas, go to secretdreamclub.com now and request an invitation.

12:31That's secretdreamclub.com and request that invite. Then keep an eye on your inbox because official invites start rolling out this week. I got to say, Dream Club is something that I have wanted to create for years, and it's something I am so beyond excited about. If it's the right fit for you, I really hope I get to see you in the club. But no matter what, make yourself a promise right now to use this simple three-step formula to bring your most important goals and dreams to life. Because guess what? You would not have those dreams in your heart unless you already had the goods to make them happen.

13:07Thank you so much for watching. And until next time, stay on your game and keep going for your big dreams. because the world really does need that very special gift that only you have.