403 - 5 Life Lessons I WISH I Knew Sooner

0:03Hey there, I'm Marie Forleo and for the last 20 years I've helped millions of people transform their businesses and lives. If you're ready to make the difference you were born to make, get ready because this is the Marie Forleo podcast.

0:20If you're feeling lost, stuck, or like you're not where you want to be in life, you are not alone. I remember feeling like the biggest loser in my 20s. And frankly, I even felt super behind in my 30s too. So I want to break down five life lessons I wish I knew sooner. First up, quitters do win. Oh my goodness. I quit so many things in my early days. So I quit an engagement. Yep. At one point I was engaged to be married. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but I said no to that. Then I quit at least three dream jobs. There was one on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange and there was two in the world of publishing.

0:58Plus I kind of even quit another job at bulk before I even started. I turned that job down in order to start of my own business. And I remember part of me just felt awful inside about quitting. I worried that I was just this chronic quitter, that I had serious commitment issues. But here's the truth. My soul was simply not willing to settle for a mediocre life where I felt dead inside. And I'm telling you now, I don't care what age you're at, do not settle for anything less than what you're capable of. So in my case, I was capable of building this incredible brand and business, but I want to be honest.

1:35It took me years and years and years to build this. In fact, it was at least probably 10 years after quitting all the things before I started to finally see and feel some real traction. And I will say this, once I started building what I knew was right for me in my heart, I didn't want to quit anymore. Like no quitting. I had finally found the thing that I was meant to do. And even in the tough moments, in the darkest moments, I honestly never wanted to quit. So I think one of the best quotes that speaks to this is the classic quote from Steve Jobs, where he says, for the past 33 years, I've looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do today?

2:19And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. So let's be honest. There's a lot of wisdom in that quote, right? But I think there are two specific phrases that I want to underscore and unpack. So first of all, he says, if your answer is no for too many days in a row. So that really begs the question, well, how the hell do you know how many days in a row is too many days in a row? Here's my take on that. Unless something truly toxic is happening in your workplace, right? I would say to give yourself at least one to three months. Why is that? because that's enough time to be sure that it's not just a regular rough patch that you need to work through.

3:00It's also enough time to account for the very common mood and energy roller coasters that every single human being experiences. So my advice, never quit something when you are super emotionally charged or you're just in a badass mood, right? It's an immature approach to life that can cost you big time in the long run. Now, the second part of that quote that I think is really worth unpacking is this. He said, I know I need to change something. Look, you might not need to quit your entire job or your business or your situation, whatever that may be, but you may need to adjust a certain aspect of it, right?

3:38It might mean getting more support in your job. It might mean changing your schedule, but this is key. Realize that if right now you're working for someone else or you work on a team that no boss, no manager is a mind reader. Do not sulk around complaining in your head. No quiet quitting. That's some weak amateur level bullshit. Don't do it. Instead, be a grownup. Make a proposal that's solutions focused. Have a meeting with your boss and come prepared with a well thought out plan that could work both for you and for the team that you're on. You know, I remember doing this when I worked in management at Crunch Fitness in my early days.

4:15So I was building my coaching business at the same time. And I started to notice that teaching dance and fitness classes at night was burning me out. So I went to my boss with a bunch of possibilities for how I could change my schedule so I could still serve the team, manage and teach without working in the evenings. And guess what? They said yes. So that little shift allowed me to do a bang up job on the management team. And when it was time for me to leave crunch for good, I left on great terms. Lesson number two is bet on yourself and invest in yourself. After I got out of college, I was deep in debt.

4:49I was so lost. I was so miserable and I was struggling to figure out what the heck to do with my life. But here's one thing that I'm so grateful that I did. After college, I never stopped investing in my own education. In fact, I made my own personal and professional development a huge priority. So I invested in my coach training, which was thousands of dollars that I didn't have. I just had to put it on a credit card. I invested in going to Toastmasters so I could learn how to speak in public. I invested in a certification program to become a personal trainer. I invested in a commercial acting class so I could start to get comfortable being on camera.

5:26I invested in countless books and seminars about money and finances so I could get my money-like together because guess what? It was a hot mess. I invested in business conferences and all kinds of things so I could learn about marketing and sales. And I'm telling you this, the education that I pieced together for myself after college turned out to be priceless. I don't remember all the numbers off the top of my head, but even if all my scrappy self-education turned out to be like, I don't know, $10 ,000 to$20 ,000, it made me tens of millions over the years. Why is that? Because I focused on developing high-paying skills.

6:07Write that down. High-paying skills. So speaking in public, being comfortable on camera, marketing and sales. I just kept stacking capabilities and stacking skill sets that would make me more valuable in the marketplace and help me make more money and do the things that I love to do. And for me, I got to be honest, the money was never just about the money. The money for me has always been about freedom. So realize that at every stage of your journey, no matter what your age is right now, find a way to keep investing in yourself. Lesson number three, you can be a mess while building success. So look, the road to mega success, it ain't cute.

6:45It is not organized and it is certainly not Instagram worthy. In fact, some of the most successful people on the planet spent years living like a mess when they were building something great. So Ted Turner slept on his couch for the first years of building CNN. Steve Jobs, he slept in the office while he was building Apple. I slept on a blow-up mattress in my friend's tiny-ass living room in New York City because I had no money. And my mom had just kicked me out of the house and my life was totally turned upside down. But here's the thing. I was so determined at that point to build my business and get myself together that I stay focused on what mattered, not on how I look from the outside, which wasn't very good, but what I had going on on the inside.

7:27So I was developing my skills. I was growing my network. I was piecing together five or six random jobs just to keep the whole thing going. And look, I understand this. Not everyone is willing or able to make those sacrifices at every point in their life, right? Most people, though, are so image conscious that it prevents them from even considering taking a few steps back in order to take a big leap forward over time. So my point is this. You do not have to have your shit together in order to build towards mega success. And let's be real. Even when you do start to get some traction, you can still be a hot mess.

8:03It's okay. We're all human. We all have flaws. We all have baggage. We all have ish we're working through. I'm working through my stuff all the time. That's a journey of life, baby. You got to strap yourself in and get ready for the ride because we're all on it. So do not think that you have to have all your ducks in a row or make your life appear a certain way before you start building your mega success. You know, I got to say there were three core things that I focused on during that time and I still focus on them to this day. It's working, learning, and serving. So let me break this down. First up is working.

8:36So actually doing the work, like not thinking about it, not talking about it, not even visualize on it, even though that's really important, but rolling up your sleeves, getting in there and getting it done. And here's the thing. You don't have to get it right. You don't have to get it perfect. You just have to get it going. Now, number two is learning because here's the deal. Learners are earners. I am always approaching my life as much as humanly possible with a beginner's mindset so I can keep getting sharper and better at everything I do. And number two, that's all about serving. It's using my energy, my presence, my knowledge, my experience, everything I got to somehow make a difference to others.

9:16So work, learn, serve. Work, learn, serve. Just wash, rinse, and repeat. It really is simple, and I promise you, it works. Life lesson number four, learn from people who are further along than you are and who have the kind of success you want. So when I was coming up, there was no such thing as social media. There was no YouTube. There was no podcast. None of that existed yet. We're talking about the year 2000. So my three main sources of learning really came from books, seminars, and other humans. And I made it a point to learn from people who had the kind of success that I wanted. So for example, one of my very first marketing mentors is someone I chose very carefully because this person really valued simplicity and freedom.

10:05And I was like, yes, me too. Those are two things that I really value. And his vibe, it was super fun. It was very down to earth. It was very casual. And I was like, yes, that's me too. And then his ethos was all about using marketing as this vehicle to do good in the world, to make a positive difference and to take excellent care of your customers. And I was like, yep, that's me too. So I want to encourage you to choose to learn from people who meet two criteria. First, they're doing the kinds of things in the world that you also want to do, meaning they have the kind of results you're looking for.

10:41So for instance, I think it would be pretty unwise to go to a broke financial planner, right? Of course. Second, I want you to choose people who align with your values, your vision, and your vibe. So just ask yourself, do you feel good around them? When you engage in their content or material, do you wind up feeling more like yourself and getting better results? Is their vision of success in the same general universe as your vision of success? You know, the other night I was actually at a dinner party and one of my friends who just turned 30, she said to me, she said, Marie, I've had your voice in my head so much lately as I'm building my tutoring business.

11:21And I was like, oh my God, that's so sweet. Why? And she said, well, because you are such a boss and your business is hugely successful and you also have this amazingly beautiful life outside of your business. And I want that for myself too. Because here's the truth. Success, it comes in all different shapes and sizes. So you have to be really intentional about who you choose to learn from. Because who you learn from and who you spend time with and who you're in proximity with will influence your thinking, your behavior, and ultimately your results in the kind of life that you live. Speaking of which, if starting and scaling your own business is something that you want help with, we've got another round of our world-class program, B-School, coming up soon.

12:06B-School has now helped over 80 ,000 people start and grow profitable, kick-ass businesses, and I know that we can help you too. If you're interested, go to joinbschool.com, get on the wait list, and I'll tell you more. Last but certainly not least, lesson number five, put yourself in the top 1%. So I'm going to break down exactly what that means. Look, I have never been the sharpest tool in the shed, nor the fastest implementer, nor the most educated. I literally have no advanced degrees. I'm the first in my family to even go to college. However, I thank sweet Jesus every day that I've always had the presence of mind to get the fundamentals right.

12:44And let me tell you, it has made all the difference in the world. So here's what I've been noticing the past two years. So many people across all age groups, they are super distracted. They're unfocused. They come across as lazy and entitled. It blows my damn mind. People say they want this big success, but they behave like it's frigging amateur hour. Oh, I can't work today. I have a hangnail. People don't have grit or stamina. They don't have discipline or follow through. None of the basics of being a top performer. And look, I travel around a lot. I talk to a lot of people from a lot of different backgrounds, and I'm not the only one who's been noticing this.

13:23And here is why this is so important. In this ever-growing sea of mediocrity, this fact is a huge advantage for you because it has literally never been easier to stand out and get ahead. If you just do a handful of simple things consistently, I am telling you, people are going to think you're a superhero. They're going to think you're the best thing since sliced bread. And everything I'm about to share with you right now, it costs zero money, hardly any time. And when you make these tiny habits a part of your DNA, you will rise to the top. Now, here's the truth. When I was thinking about talking about this, I was like, man, I could write a whole book on this topic.

14:04But here are three quick habits to start adopting right now. Number one, show up early and show up eager to do whatever it takes to make the team or the event or the project a success. And know what I said early, not on time early. Why did I say that? Because that means you're going to show up unstressed and present and prepared and ready to go. Plus, planning to show up early gives you this buffer for the unexpected that always seems to go down, like traffic or public transport or cars not showing up or technology fails or whatever. You know, when I was bartending, I would go early to all of my shifts.

14:46I get all my little prep work done, and then I would look around and help everyone else out. So to my other bartender, I'd say, hey, you want some help cutting your lines? Or to the manager, I'd say, hey, you need some help organizing the menus. And I did it because it was the right thing to do. Plus, it was way more fun to just be connected with the people I worked with. But you want to know something cool? Because I always showed up early and I always was like looking to help other people. The management and the top folks knew that I could be dependent on. So guess what? I always got the best ships.

15:16I always got the best private parties, which meant I always made the most money. Now, habit number two, here's what I want to encourage you to do. Stay a little bit later and often be the last one to go. Now, no matter where you work or even if this is at a social get-together, help out. Stay later. Clean up and do it all with a smile on your face. You know, when I was learning to be a fitness instructor, I often shadowed other teachers because that's what you did. And I would always stick around. I'd hang out after class and I'd help like reset the wheats, get the equipment organized, just like get the room back in shape.

15:50Why? Because I wanted to learn everything I could about being the best damn instructor on the planet. And staying later meant I got more face time with those top instructors and they were eager to take me under their wing. And naturally, when they needed a sub for their class at the last minute, who do you think got the call? I did. Habit number three, appreciate the people around you verbally in writing and through your actions. So you got to remember this. Every human being, I don't care who they are, how at the beginning of their journey or how mega successful, every human being craves appreciation, acknowledgement, and connection.

16:31And when you show up in a space with a big open heart and good energy and appreciate people, man, that turns you into an instant superstar. Again, none of these things. Showing up early, staying a few minutes later, and acknowledging and appreciating people. Yo, these are simple ass actions. But trust me, if you do them day in and day out, they will make you stand out and you'll find yourself in the top 1%. Now, just for funsies, I've got one more bonus lesson. And honestly, in my heart, this one may be the most important yet. So I want you to write this down. The world gives to the givers. And look, I know right now you might be focused more on how you can get more of what you want out of life.

17:13You might feel a little bit of pressure to become someone impressive or to do things that will make other people respect and admire you. That's natural. We all want to make something out of ourselves in this life. But here's something really important that I want you to hold close to your heart. Whether it's in your job or your business or any relationship, if your primary focus is on what you can get out of it, at some point, you're going to hit a wall. You'll either burn out or you'll totally lose your passion and focus and wonder like, why the hell am I even doing this in the first place? Now on the flip side, when you focus on how you can genuinely serve, how you can use your gifts and your energy and your attention to solve problems and bring a sense of joy and fun and love to others, you will always, always win.

18:03Everything in this life is energy. And it's been my experience that when you focus your attention on serving and sharing and giving, not as a manipulation, not as a tactic, but because it's a form of expressing love, it always comes back to you tenfold. Life really does give to the giver. Now, it maybe won't show up in the exact way that you expect or anticipate, but trust me, it will come back to you. And I'm telling you, you'll never lose in business or life when you focus on service, on sharing, and on love. Now, if you like this video, go ahead and hit that subscribe button because it really does help us reach more people just like you and book awesome guests that I can bring to help you change your life.

18:48Until next time, stay on your game and keep going for your big dreams because the world really does need that very special gift that only you have.

19:00Hey, one more thing. If you're looking to start or grow your business, whether you're a total beginner or a seasoned pro, I've got some free business training workshops coming up that I promise will help you gain more customers and fans with less stress and overwhelm. Now, I only release these trainings once a year and now is the time. So don't miss out. Go to joinbschool.com. That's joinbschool.com. Pop in your name and email and you'll get the free trainings the moment they're released.

19:32Thank you.