425 - Never Let Fear Stop You Again with Koya Webb

0:00Every big dream comes with fear. Now, if you want to move past it instead of staying stuck, this conversation with Koya Webb will show you how to stop hiding and make fear your ally. Koya, thank you so much for making the time today. It's so great to have you on MarieTV. It is such an honor. I've been a fan of MarieTV for the longest. So it's an honor to be able to just talk with you and share. Well, you're brilliant and your book is brilliant. And the title of your book, Let Your Fears Make You Fierce, you wrote, I know a lot about fear because I've lived in it. I know firsthand how abuse, depression, and suffering can make you afraid to live and crush your dreams.

0:43I'm wondering if you can take us back to sophomore year in college when track was everything to you. And then it all changed. I just got the chills. I don't know why. I think it was how you said it, but I just got chills all over my body because it was such a profound time. And I think something for me that sophomore year, I had worked so hard. I trained so hard. I left home and had this dream of going to the Olympics. And I put all of my blood, my sweat and tears into training and being the best that I could be. so that day when I was walking home for class and I got that sharp pain in my back first of all I thought I got shot I was like oh it was so sudden I wasn't doing anything athletic I was just walking and this shooting pain brought me to my to the ground and I was like what was that and then so it hit and I was literally scared to breathe because I didn't know I didn't feel it after it hit but I was scared I was going to feel it again or pain or something but I was like what was that?

1:55And, and next thing you know, I felt it again. So it was like this intermittent, annoying, like jab in the back. And so I went to the doctor and they told me I had a stress fracture. So anyone has had a back injury, they know what I'm talking about. Cause it's, it's almost unexplainable the amount of immense pain. And then it's annoying because you don't know when it's going to hit, when it's going to come up. So it was, it was just crazy annoying. You don't know when you can move or how you can move or what direction. And that's how we feel like now, what can we do? Like, you feel like, Oh, I don't know what to do because I feel like I don't know what to expect.

2:30And so the coach came out from talking to the doctor and he was like, Koya, I'm sorry to tell you, but you're out for the season. And I'm like, I'm like, this is a bad dream. This is not real, which is how most people feel right now. This is not real. This is a bad dream. This cannot be happening. What in the world? Like, what is like, why? Like I've been doing everything right. I've been doing what I was supposed to do. I'm training like this. I was just in denial for the first, for the first day, at least I'm like, no, I mean, someone wake me up. I must be sleeping for a long time. And the next day I woke up and you know, the pain in my back, They put me on a lot of meds, but I could still feel a dull ache in my back.

3:18And I was just depressed. I was just sad. I would go to classes. I was crying. I was just like, what am I going to do with my life? Like, you know, I'm a Southern girl from Humboldt, Tennessee. You know, we didn't have much growing up. And so track and field was kind of my ticket. It was my ticket to travel. It was my ticket to inspire. It was my ticket to have purpose with my life. And so when all of a sudden that was taken away, I was, I was confused. I was upset. I was hurt. And I just, I just didn't know what I was going to do with my life after that. And so in the middle of class, I would just break out crying.

3:55And my teacher was like, you need to go see the counselor. You're not okay. And so I'm like, all right, I don't have a choice. And the counselor told me to try yoga. And here I am, a Southern girl, Southern Baptist. I'm like Buddha that like worshiping that like guy you know I was like oh I don't know about that and she's like no no it's no it's no Buddhas in the room it's no like idol gods no golden statues anywhere it's just stretching I mean of course there's way more than that but that's what she told me to get me in the room so I went to the room and I was like I don't belong here I mean no one's looking like me.

4:33I can, I'm not flexible. I'm an athlete, but I'm a tight athlete from all the training and the lifting weights. I can't even touch my toes. The only thing that I could do was a back band because of the high jump. So, um, and for those who don't know, I'm, I was a heptathlete. So high jump, long jump, shot put javelin. I did a lot and it was a lot of abuse on my body. And, uh, so I went in there and I just felt intimidated. I feel like I didn't fit. I didn't belong. And they were like, this is going to be blissful and relaxed. I'm like, there is nothing about this that is blissful and relaxed. It is hurting me.

5:07I'm not happy. And it's not making me feel any better, you know? And so the teacher saw how frustrated I was. And she was like, Koya, I just want you to breathe with me. And we took this deep inhale and exhale. And I felt those chills that I felt at the beginning of this conversation. I was like, okay, that's good. I can do that. I can do the breath thing. I was like, I can do the breath thing. Me and that breath thing, like we can, we can roll. And so I was like, okay, I like this. And so I did the breath and she's like, don't worry about the poses, do as much as you can, but just promise me you'll just keep breathing and allowing that feeling.

5:40And I remember when I had that feeling the first time and it was when I got baptized. So it was very, it was at a very pivotal point in my life when I was younger. And, um, I remember being in service and I would ask my parents, when am I going to get baptized? Like, how am I going to know when it's time for me to give episodes. They're like, you'll feel it. I was like, but what am I going to feel? They're like, you'll feel it. I was like, and so one time the preacher was preaching and I felt those chills and I was like, that's it. All right. All right. It's time for me. I'm about to get ducked in the water.

6:07It's time for me to get back to us. And so I felt so good. And I know everyone might not believe in them and have different beliefs, but for me, I'm a feeler. I'm an empath. So when I feel those chills that lets me know, like that's for me, spirit moving and the breath is spirit to me. And so when I had that sensation, it was like, you're in the right place at the right time, be there. And so I fully surrendered to yoga for an entire year. I thought I was going to come back in six months. I came back, pain was still there. Wow. And I just had to buckle down. And so I did yoga every day. I did swimming, I did biking and I just prayed and I just practiced way more self care than I'd ever done.

6:45And I realized like you've been training, but you haven't been sleeping. I was also trying to maintain like a 4.0. So you've been sleeping, you've been studying, but you haven't been taking care of yourself. You haven't been getting enough sleep. You haven't been letting your body recover. So I got a chance to do that. And after a year, I came back to win the conference meet and lead my team at Wichita State University to their first women's conference championship title. So that's amazing. Amazing. You know, as I was listening to you, Koya, I was just, I'm thinking to myself like, wow, you're such an underachiever.

7:22Like I can hear like in terms of the, that drive for excellence. Right. And I can recognize that in myself of like where I even remember, um, for me, I danced and cheered in high school and that punishing of the body in terms of working out and lifting and not sleeping. Cause you got the job and you want the 4.0 and all that stuff. And And I was like, yep, yep, yep. And those habits are hard to break. And one of the other, one of the many things I admire about you is how tapped into your intuition you are and listening to your body and listening to your breath and that spirit and how it guided you and you trusted it.

7:59I think that's a huge gift and one of the many that you bring as a teacher. Thank you. I appreciate that. And we all have it. And that's what I like to tell my students is that we all have it. Like some people are more sensitive than others and we get there different ways with different philosophies and practices. But we all have spirit because breath is spirit. So when we enter this human experience, we have the breath, we have the spirit and we can connect with it. And we have it until we leave this place. And so I love just showing people different ways to tap into it so they can get that divine guidance as well.

8:36So yoga really helped you heal, helped you lead on to a championship. But then what, how did things unfold from there? Like, what was the next step for you, you know, taking this transition from, you know, in your book you were talking about, you had Olympic dreams when it came to track and field. And then you made a shift. Tell us about that. So I went back to the track. I won all these like awards. I was like, yes, thank you, yoga. and I left my best friend. It was like, thank you, bye. And so I moved to California. I moved close to the Olympic Training Center and I called this coach. His name is Ron Sheffield.

9:14And I was like, you don't know me, but I want to go to the Olympics and I picked you to be my coach. And he was like, who is this? I'm like, you don't know me, but I can promise you I'll get better every single day. Will you please coach me? I need help. And he was like, I don't know you, but I like you. And I was like, yes, I'll coach you. I'm like, yes, that's all I needed. I just needed one person to believe in me because I'm from the South. And like, people are like, what are you talking about? You're going to move where and do what? Girl, sit down somewhere and get a regular job, make some money.

9:44I'm like, no, no, no, but you don't understand. And it's like every time I try to talk to someone, they would just, they would not like come with me on the vision. So talking to Ryan, that was the first, like I will, but I kept trying. And I think that that is innate in me. Like I'm, I'm, I'm a thriver and I'm going to push hard and I'm ambitious. and I feel like that's helped me a lot in my career. And so I was just like, I got to do this. I got to do, and I didn't look for anyone else. I knew it was him somehow. I intuitively knew it was him. And so he said, yes, I flew out there, gave up everything.

10:17Even a relationship at the time. I was like, come with me. They wouldn't come. I was like, oh, well, I'll be starting all over by myself, you know? And it was hard because a lot of times we want to hold on to things. and, um, and we, we, you know, I wish, you know, I could bring some family with me. I wish I could bring my partner with me at the time, but I had to realize that this vision was given to you and you have to go with it. And if it's meant for someone else, then maybe they come or if it's not, maybe they won't. And you have to like be okay with that. So here I was, I moved out to California to train with a stranger and it was great.

10:54Training was great, but I went into the same pattern that I did in college, burning myself out. Now I was trying, I saved up a little money in high school being a personal trainer at the YMCA, but I didn't have enough California prices. I mean, come on. I mean, I definitely believe like wherever you go, you'll make the money to figure it out. But coming right out of college, it was hard and it was tight. So I became a personal trainer at 24 hour fitness. And my schedule is like this five to eight training, 10 to two or three on the track and five to 10 PM training again. Sometimes I wouldn't get sleep.

11:33Wasn't anything. So I went back into the same cycle that yoga got me out and yoga was nowhere in the picture. I just have to be honest. I said, thank you. I got healed and I was back on the track and back running myself into the ground. So what happened? I got injured again because your body is like, hold up, wait, like what is wrong with you? Didn't you learn your lesson the first time? And so this time I was like, yoga, like I forgot it. And I had forgotten it because I was so eyes, you know, towards this goal. And I think sometimes that's what happens. We get so focused on a goal. We don't, we forget self-care and we forget that it takes balance and it takes harmony.

12:14So I had forgotten what I learned and I went right back to my conditioning of just overachieving and pushing so hard and not giving myself enough self-care. And so this time I was like, all right, I'm going back to yoga. But like, I want to know why does it work so good? Like, what is this? What is yoga? And so I decided to get a yoga teacher training certification. And I really understood that yoga is so much more than stretching and just healing your body. it's mental and it's spiritual and it's guiding you to um not only my best self physically but also mentally and spiritually and that's why I feel so great so yoga became my best friend then and it's been in my life since then and I was like you know what everybody needs to have this gift of yoga like oh my goodness it's like a huge gift that not many people now it's mainstream but then not many people knew about it.

13:09And so I committed to being a teacher and sharing yoga with as many people as I could. So beautiful. Now the place I want to go next is around you recognizing in your heart for yourself that this dream of going to the Olympics, specifically for track and field, that it was true at one point in your past, but it was no longer true now. The reason I want to dive into that and peel it back a little is I think that especially for people who are ambitious and driven and disciplined, we can become, like you said, so eye on the prize that we almost have this notion that if we change or we evolve, or if we take a goal that we said was so important or this dream that I must make happen, and then discover a new truth that somehow we're a failure or that that's not okay.

14:06Or, you know, we don't have permission to, or there's kind of all of these layers that go on that I've seen in colleagues. I've seen in myself where you start to almost doubt, are you okay? Are we allowed to do that? So tell us about that experience for you. What was happening from the inside out? Well, I truly believe that you can't fail unless you stop trying. You cannot fail unless you stop trying. And for me, during this healing process, my goal, and you have to remember your why, and you have to realize that the catalyst or the vehicle to get you to your why might look differently. So my why, why did I want to go Olympic gold medal?

14:49I wanted it because I wanted to help people live a healthy and active lifestyle. And I thought I needed Olympic gold medal to do that. You know, I'm inspired by the magazines. I'm inspired by the medalists and how they're going to schools and speaking to children. That, the why, was what fueled me. It wasn't the medal. What are you going to do with a medal other than hanging up in the house somewhere, you know, really? And so I remember that. And to have this yoga and holistic health make such an impact in my life, I realized that I can help people right now. I'm good enough right now. I don't need an Olympic gold medal.

15:26I don't need like all these accolades. I can start. And I realized being a personal trainer as well, that I'm, I'm helping people right now. Like I don't have to go anywhere. And I feel like a lot of times we feel like we need to reach so far outside of ourselves to make a difference and to make a difference in the life, but we are good enough today, right now, every single person. And yes, it's great to have things and have accomplishments. But I feel like sometimes we can get so focused on those accomplishments and we can get so focused on achieving that we forget that we are good enough right now and that we're making impact right now.

16:06That's right. So I'm curious, like inside, Koya, did you have in your own mind or in your own heart, like that little tug of war that I was describing where you're like, gosh, am I making the right move? Am I giving up a big goal? or did it feel so clear to you? Or maybe it was actually a progression. Maybe at first it felt like a little tug of war. And then you're like, no, I am crystal clear. I am ready to move forward in this new direction. I am still not crystal clear. I adore you. I love you. When did you give up the dream? Like who said I gave up the dream? I might be 50 and go to Olympics.

16:39I don't know. Like I honestly, to be honest, I cannot sit here and say I've given up my dream for the Olympics because I have not. But every now and then when I go past the track, I still get that little energy in my body. And I've always, even when I was running, I knew it was going to be something that I did for a long time. And yes, I had goals of making these like when I'm 35, I'll do this. But I always plan for it to be in my life. And even though I'm not training, I still run a mile a day. I still stay in good shape. And I still have somewhere in my existence that I might just go to the Olympics still.

17:13So to be honest, maybe you can relate. Like, I feel like everyone has those things. Like I might not be doing them now, but you know, you don't know when I'll come back. So yeah. Can we dive in there for a minute? Because that was, uh, that was me a lot with dance when I had this entire portion of my career, when I was a Nike elite athlete and I was teaching hip hop and different styles of dance all around the world, but in a fitness environment, which was perfect for me. And then I let that kind of have a rest so I could focus on our online business and the education business. And I was like, okay, this is kind of my next chapter.

17:48And then last year when I launched my book, everything is figured out, but I'm like coming out with the dance again, we are going to have a concert with 15 dancers and there will absolutely be choreography. Do you know what I mean? So you, when you were saying that, I was like, I'm with you. You and I, we share so much of the same DNA. It's like, oh, and that might happen again. And it might happen again. Right. Right. And I love that. I love that. I love your book. Everything is Figureoutable. I love that philosophy. And I love that you brought the dance back because when something's in your DNA, you really can't just like be like, oh, it's done.

18:22No, it's there. If it's real, it's there. And you might do it in a different way. You might teach your child to do it. You might be a coach for it, but it doesn't really leave. If it's DNA deep, it doesn't just go away. Real quick, do you know the number one mistake even smart entrepreneurs make? Find out in my new free guide, 12 Entrepreneurial Mistakes You Cannot Afford to Make in 2025. Grab it now. It's totally free at the link in the description. You know, the lesson too is I think the, again, so many things I admire about you, but I love how you also, I believe as part of that shared DNA is being a multi-passionate entrepreneur.

19:01You know, it's not like, you know, Koya is only a yoga teacher. No, she's a holistic health coach and an author and a speaker and an activist. And like, they're just, I mean, the list goes on and on and it's all authentic to you. Like when I read your book, as I've been getting to know you more, you know, as I follow you on Instagram and everything, I'm like, this is such a beautiful example of a multi-passionate soul where from my outside perspective, and please correct me if I'm wrong, you embrace the fullness of who you are and you share it with an open heart and an open mind. And I'm like, yes, because I've always done that.

19:44And people are like, well, wait, what do you do? And I'm like, I do all those things. Like Tuesday, I might be here. Thursday, I might be there. Saturday is going to look a little different. And in two years, it might all change. I love that. And yes, you're absolutely right. And I love. I think that's what attracted me to you in the, in the first place is because she's multi-passionate and you're not ashamed of it. And I think a lot of times the world wants us to fit into a box like this beautifully curated box. And like, when I would go to agencies, people like, Ooh, like you're so complex. I don't even know what to do with you.

20:13I was like, what do you mean? This should be good. Just pick something, you know? And so, you know, I'm just like, why is it so hard for people to deal with multi-passionate people? And it's not like I'm trying to do everything. No, I literally love everything that I'm doing. And, you know, and I know people have that thing, a jack of all trades. I was like, I'm not really a jack of all trades. I really love, I really love mastering things that I'm passionate about. And I feel the more that we normalize mastering things that we're passionate about, it gives people an opportunity to fully express who they truly are.

20:51We are multi-dimensional human beings, point blank, period. And I think we are suppressed when we try to put ourself in a box. And I'm saying, I'm not saying everyone's meant to do eight things, maybe two or three. I mean, when you really start feeling into your gifts and talents, I do believe we're given more than one. And that might look like your career and your family and a hobby. It could be that simple. And for us, it might be seven different things. So, right. There's levels to it. I do believe that we are meant to thrive in different ways. And the more we have a time and opportunity to nurture those things and not suppress them, because, you know, and focus is very important where you focus your energy and your time.

21:32So I don't want anyone to get me wrong. Like focusing your energy and time is very important. And I had to, I did have to learn that lesson as a multi-passionate person is that, okay, now of all those things you like, what do you want to focus on? What do you want to prioritize? Because where your attention goes, energy flows. And if you want it to be successful, you need to put enough energy into it to make it successful. So as a multi-passionate person, I had to realize like, okay, what am I making a priority? Is track and field a priority right now? No. Is the yoga priority right? Yes. and then I, after I got my yoga certification, I was talking to a client and they were like, I don't want to work out today.

22:11I just want to talk to you. And I was like, thank you. I like, I want to talk. And I realized that I had a passion for listening to people and asking them the questions to help them get to that greatest version of their self. So I got a life coaching certification. And I was just like, and I love just listening to people and say, well, what do you think about this? What do you think about that? And then they would like, oh my God, that helped me so much. And again, it still goes back to my saying why of helping people live a healthy and active life. But it expanded when I got to yoga because it was mental, spiritual, and physical instead of just physical.

22:44And that's the part that, you know, being a empathic person and being a very spiritual person that made me feel more fulfilled. Yes. Okay. I'm going to shift gears a little bit. In chapter three, again, love the book. Chapter three, you wrote this as a title, and it's one of my favorites. You are not a victim. You are a creator. You shared that you've been sexually assaulted three times and you write, I want you to know that I don't take healing from trauma lightly. Can you tell us about the power of living from this creator mindset and what that means. And just to give some context for everyone, you know, um, Koi and I were talking just, and all of us, right.

23:26Have been talking about this year being so incredibly difficult in so many ways, and it continues to be difficult. And I think, um, one of the words that has been highlighted so many times for me personally, and for other people this year is that word trauma. And that's why I wanted to have this discussion with you because it's so important. And I know as a kid, it wasn't really a word that I was exposed to that much. And I think it's so important to have conversations to normalize and to open up that dialogue so that people feel less shape and less alone? Well, thank you. Thank you for going there because I think it's so important for us to talk about it and talk about trauma and talk about the things that we've been through.

24:07So other people going through the same things know that they're not alone. And for me, experiencing that trauma, It's like, it's disgusting. It's terrible. And the first, my first step in the steps that I take my client through is just acknowledging that it happened and acknowledging that it does not define you. This event that happened in your life, it does not define you. And acknowledging that it happened does not make it define you. Whereas I think a lot of people and myself included, I didn't want to acknowledge. I wanted to pretend like it didn't happen. I just want to forget about it. I just want to like put it in my past and get on to the first thing.

24:46Every single time I reacted in the same way that didn't happen, whatever. It's in my past. That was ridiculous. And I'm moving on because that ambitious part of me wanted to just move forward. But yeah, I was moving forward with my life. But trauma, it's in yourselves. It's in yourself and ignoring it, it leaves it there. And I wasn't able to get it out until a long time. And so here I was, I was teaching others. I was still living in my purpose, but I had this hidden trauma in myself that was affecting my relationships. It was affecting my ability to trust. It was even attracting more negativity in my life because I'd be like, oh, well, I can't trust this person because this is this.

25:29And even if I didn't say it or I didn't believe it, it was still there. until I brought it out. So I feel like the title, as you mentioned, I'm not a victim, I'm a creator, just speaks to the fact is that when something happens, we have to acknowledge it and it's terrible, but we don't have to stay in that victim mindset. We can realize, okay, if I acknowledge what happened, I can decide what do I want to do with the lessons that I learned from this experience. And for me, what I learned is that when things happen and when challenges happen in our life, it gives us the opportunity to become stronger.