431 - Big Waves, Shark Attacks, & Facing Your Fears with Bethany Hamilton

0:28Tired of the nine to five and thinking about launching your own business? If you are someone who has been knocked down by some big waves in this life, I think you're going to love today's show. My guest is here to show us how faith and joy and determination can help make any of us unstoppable. Bethany Hamilton is an inspiration to millions. After losing her arm to a 14-foot tiger shark at the age of 13, she went on to become a professional surfer, winning a national title only two years later. From chasing big waves to chasing her kids, Bethany continues to use her faith, hope, and determination to rewrite the rules of being a modern role model.

1:09Bethany, thank you so much for making time to come on MarieTV and the Marie Forleo podcast. Glad to be here. Thank you for having me. So you are such a force of nature. Most people know your story. Hopefully our audience does because I wrote about you and everything is figureoutable because you are so incredibly inspiring to me. So I want to dive right in. In your book, In Body and Soul, you wrote that two weeks prior to the event. You and your mom actually prayed to God to guide you to be more than just a surfer. I wanted you to tell us about how you found not only peace, but purpose with everything that's happened.

1:51Yeah, it was amazing, really. um my mom and I my mom was an amazing woman or she still is um but growing up she just influenced me in such beautiful ways and I think maybe it was just God working through her to prepare me for what was to come and so yeah we had been praying that I don't know I think it may be hard to understand but I think when we get so focused in on one thing and that it's so like life consuming, it can almost become an unhealthy thing. And I didn't want that to be this case with me and surfing. I mean, I love the ocean. I love pushing myself in my sport, whether I'm professional or not, I'll always be out there doing my thing.

2:39But as a 13 year old, I also recognize the world needed more than just a surfer. And so we'd been praying that. And then when I lost my arm to the shark, I was like, okay, God, this isn't quite what we had in mind. But at the same time, I had a peace that God was in control and that there is more to my life than I could understand in that moment. And as painful and as upside down as it felt, I also knew that there was good to come. And so I kind of, and I also had that mindset of like, I'm just thankful to be alive. So the gratitude and trust in God kind of led me forward in a way that, I don't know, I could have had a really different life if I didn't have those two leading factors.

3:34What a beautiful blessing and a gift that your mom gave you. And, you know, we were just talking about everything is figureoutable. And it just makes me reflect on what an influence my mom has been and continues to be on my life as well. Like how some of that early messaging, especially around possibility and around faith and around trust, really can root us when the world turns upside down and when our world turns upside down. And you just continue to be such a role model for so many. You know, a lot of folks in our audience have experienced traumatic events and for many, multiple traumatic events.

4:15Four weeks after your experience, you were back in the water. Tell us about how you found that mental and emotional and physical strength to get back out on your board so quickly. Yeah, well, it started with a conversation in the hospital. a friend of my older brother's by the name of Mike Coots had come into the hospital to visit and comfort me. And he himself had lost his leg to a shark several years before myself. And he actually learned how to surf with one leg. And he came in and talked with me. And I share this in my documentary, this conversation, where you see my face light up when he says, I went surfing this morning and I tried to pop up with one arm.

5:02And it's fully possible. And you just see like kind of the ticking and like my mind just like alive. And at that point, it was so fresh. I was only in the hospital for five days. So I was, you know, anytime in the hospital was just so fresh. It was hard to like start dreaming or think about life. It was just healing mode. And but then the dreaming started right then and there. and I was like okay I just have to at least try I didn't want to lose this passion and joy and this life that I you know I was in the water every day I didn't want to just let it go and I think I realized too that my love for surfing outweighed my fear of sharks so I wanted to get out there and give it a go and I think when you're that young too there's a really unique sense of resiliency and just a willingness to give it a go.

6:05And so I just got out there as soon as I could. What was that first time back in the water like for you? It was beautiful. So I was down at the beach with all my best friends who I spent my childhood enjoying the ocean with. And my parents weren't actually with me, but I called them and said, hey, I'm ready to get back out there, bring my board, let's do this. So my whole family came down and typically I ride a smaller surfboard, but they brought a big longboard, which is perfect for learning. And of course, I knew how to surf, but it was relearning how to do it with one arm. So I had the longboard and paddled out and had my best friends with me and just my whole family cheering me on and the first couple of waves I tried to get I fumbled off the board and couldn't do it and then my dad's like here let me help you and I have always been kind of a more I got it on my own sort of a girl and but he helped me verbally he's like okay you're gonna have to do things differently now so put your hand in the center of the board versus both hands on the side so the next third wave that I caught I put my hand in the center and popped right up and rode it all the way to the beach that was kind of the start of the like future me and even then at that point it was just pure like raw joy of I was crying happiness and it was also the start of like or the continuation of my healing and you know I think a lot of people just maybe are thinking well what about sharks like and I know that's a factor but for me the ocean is my healing place it's my place of rest and peace and place to be me and be free and And so I think I needed that in that time of just the world feeling not like it should be at 13 years old.

8:14What a beautiful story. You shared something else. And I want to talk about this because so many people that I've met throughout the years have this chronic sense of feeling left behind. no matter their age, no matter their circumstance. There's almost like this undercurrent in our society that we're either behind or we're being left behind. And you shared, I couldn't help imagine what I would have accomplished if I hadn't lost my arm. So we're sitting here in the middle of still a global pandemic. And I imagine there's folks listening and watching right now that have lost different things or perhaps even many different things.

8:54Do you have any perspective to share with folks who or someone's wrestling right now with an unexpected loss or change? Yeah, I think just have grace on yourself and the situation and patience. And none of the beautiful things happen overnight. And I think in this world, we're going to have trouble no matter how hard we try to avoid it. It's just inevitable. So to expect that that's not going to happen is almost setting ourselves up for a pain in a way that it was going to happen regardless. So being able to find our gratitude and our reason to push forward and our meaning on a daily basis, you know, I think all of us are feeling it this year.

9:52we're all struggling with different things of how the world is in this moment and yeah I think just for me it definitely helped to get back in the ocean in that time and even to this day I'm like I need the ocean to stay sane but so finding not only that thing that outlet that you can enjoy, but in that place of peace and rest, but also people to talk with. I mean, I've had to have a lot of conversations this year just to stay positive. And, you know, my husband and I are talking every single day about everything, but in a way that's like, how do we want our future to look regardless of how the world looks?

10:42And what do we want for ourselves and our family, we can still step into that motion of like, this is what I want for my future. And even though it feels hard right now, we're going to get past it. And one day we'll be able to heal from the pains that we're feeling today. I want to underscore something you said, because I feel it's so wise and all of us need to hear it multiple times. You know, you were sharing how problems are going to happen no matter how, and this is what I heard, no matter how hard we work or how much we prepare, right? Or how focused we are on being the best at what we do and trying so hard to be world-class at whatever it is.

11:31It could be around raising your family. It can be around your professional career. It can be around your business. And I want to highlight that because I think it really is so important. I know in my own past, especially in my earlier days, I had an illusion that if I worked really, really hard, that I could take care of everyone and everything to such a degree that I could prevent most things from going wrong. And even though the wiser part of me knew that wasn't true, I think that nonetheless, I got lost in that illusion for a little bit and it drove me, I think, in a fairly unhealthy way. So I just wanted to thank you for sharing that bit because I think it's so, so important.

12:22We often talk about it on our team that like, hey, problems are actually to be expected. Like they are guaranteed that stuff is not going to go the way you planned and that's not going to go the way that you expected. So the game is not to, you know, try and eliminate problems. It's actually to be strong enough to handle them. And I think of like, you know, obstacles are constant. So being able to find our way to work through that situation and overcome. And I feel like this year has posed a lot of obstacles my way. So I'm constantly having to adapt and reevaluate which direction I'm going. And then also hone in on the most important things to me and let that be like the leading force through to the problems.

13:15All right. Now you just got to hang on to yourself and do not explode from all this inspiration. We're going to take a quick break with a word from our sponsor. F-O-G-G-Y, you ain't got no alibi because you foggy. What, what, you foggy. Need a personal cheering squad in your ear to achieve your big dreams? I got one for you. It's an audio training I created called How to Get Anything You Want. You'll learn three strategies that'll give you clarity and confidence as you build your dreams on your terms. Best part? This audio training is completely free. Go to mariforleo.com slash subscribe to download your copy.

13:53I promise I'll have you doing cartwheels and high kicks around those tired old excuses that have been holding you back. Get this free download now at MarieForleo.com slash subscribe. You got this. Yeah, yeah, you got this. You got this. You got this. Let's talk about the power of owning your story. You know, you've been a public figure for 17 years and you've shared how our culture is so addicted to drama, which I completely agree with, and that people hang tight to the drama points of life. So naturally, folks get very focused on the drama points of your life as well. Tell me about how you have navigated or what you would share with people.

14:41You've said, oh, you know, folks say you're the shark girl or you're that girl that lost her arm. Let's talk about the power of owning your story and your own narrative. Oh, man. Yeah, I would say when it first happened to me, my story was world-renowned. And my personality was not the type to thrive under the spotlight. Like, I really didn't care to be the center of attention. So it felt really hard for me. but I also started to get letters from young kids hearing my story and when they saw me getting back in the ocean it really inspired them in their own journey of overcoming so that's when that kind of that prayer started to come into fruition the prayer that my mom and I had of like I want to be more than just a surfer.

15:37And so I kind of, I would be, to be honest, I was half-heartedly embracing that as a young girl. And I think that's only natural. I wanted to be playing with my friends and rambling in the ocean. I didn't want to be in the spotlight, but I just kind of held, hung on and started to see the beauty more and more and then now I just yeah I'm honored to have been able to share my story in so many ways and you know I think of all the children who are suffering um there's so many kids that are laying in hospitals and fighting for their lives and they're able to watch my film Soul Surfer and that just all the sacrifice that I had to take to do that was beyond worth it for little kids like that and I have really grown to love storytelling and you know I don't necessarily revolve my life around it but I see the beauty in it and it kind of continues to push me in different ways but I think we all can be storytellers in our own way it doesn't have to be on a big scale but we all have something to give and share and I feel like in today's culture it's so so much of our storytelling has become purely online but I found I need in-person conversations and sometimes older women will surprised me with just sharing something out of the blue.

17:18And it's such a blessing in my life. So I think knowing that we can bless others through our storytelling can be really a beautiful gift. Yeah. And owning the story that not only tell yourself and others and being able to write and rewrite that narrative as many times as you wish, as it comes from your heart. And I I also want to share what you're expressing in terms of so many of us tell our stories online and what you enjoy is having those conversations. The fact that you and I can connect. I'm in New York. You're in Hawaii. This is amazing. I've actually been doing a lot of deep dive research into the impact of the internet and digital tools, specifically on our cognition and on our mental and emotional health.

18:07And you're right on. the power of conversation, whether they're through the phone or in a setting like this, where you can see someone's body language and you and I can, you know, our eyes can meet and you can hear the tone of voice. It is so transformative and healing for our souls. And far, far outweighs, you know, a quick text message or, or something that is, you know, just a almost like a dopamine hit like a little piece of dopamine pez that you might get from social media so uh just some more wisdom there i like that reaffirmation of like my kind of instinct because i haven't really done a lot of research i've just felt it like i my love language i've found um is having quality time and so when i haven't seen someone in months or you know a really long time, I start to like feel distant from that person.

19:06And I've kind of been working through that of like knowing like you can't always be with people, but it doesn't mean they don't love you. Yeah. But the really key relationships in my life, I'm like really guarding of that quality time and really try to highlight that and make it really meaningful so that those relationships don't suffer. Yeah. And we had another guest on MarieTV a few years back. His name is Dan Buettner, and he has a whole body of work around blue zones, which is these areas around the earth, right, where people live the longest, healthiest lives. So they're not just over 100 years old and kind of barely hanging on.

19:50They're over 100 years old, and there is vitality and health and movement. And one of the key components is actually relationships. And that's more of that science. So you are so right on track in terms of healthful, joyful, meaningful living. You shared also that even after returning to surfing and traveling, getting married, that you still had some unfulfilled goals when it came to surfing. Can you tell us a little bit about listening to the voice inside of you and what decisions kind of came from that? Yeah, it was competitive sports are such a challenging realm to be in because so much of it is just there's so many variables, especially when it comes to surfing.

20:35And, you know, I always had that like strong confidence that I had the top level surfing ability, but being able to like format that into competitive scene was really challenging. so around the age of 22 I think it was I took a break from competitive surfing and somewhere around that time I was also making Soul Surfer and just kind of getting other opportunities that I was embracing a bit more and then around that time I also met my husband so it was a really beautiful time in my life but there was also that sense of like letting go of something that I had invested so much time and hadn't really had the success I wanted.

21:20So after we got married, I had connected with a filmmaker and we started working on a project. My husband was on board to just support me through that time because it involved a lot of travel. And the last thing we wanted to do is be a part, but he wouldn't really be able to, from his perspective be able to work and so yeah we just jumped on that journey of creating my film and documentary unstoppable and it kind of just created the space for me to pursue my professional surfing ambitions and it wasn't necessarily all competitive a lot of it had to do with progression and big wave surfing. So I'm not going to get too nerdy on all that, but really just pushing it in the ocean in every realm of the sport.

22:16And I was literally, it was a really challenging time, but so much fun as the type of environment I just thrive in. And I'll be forever thankful to my husband for cheering me on during that time. And And yeah, I just got to go push in my sport and get back to it and rock it. That's so awesome. I love that you did that. And I love that you created that framework for yourself to say, hey, I've got a lot more to do here and I'm going to do it in my own way and in a really fresh way. And even along that journey, I wasn't planning on having my son at that time, but I got pregnant and it was like midway through the project and I just had like a total meltdown because I had been working so hard and it just felt like not the right timing but we just kind of rolled with it and then I kept pushing it and kept kind of finishing off a lot of my like kind of bucket list goals even with motherhood so it kind of added that special kind of hint of like It went from the two of us to the three of us charging it around the world and cheering mama on.

23:34So pretty fun, fun times. So beautiful. So awesome. You've shared you don't need easy, you just need possible. Let's talk about the myth of motivation and why you've chosen to focus on discipline instead. Oh, man. And, you know, I think about my natural kind of approach to life and I tend to be really disciplined. And I didn't really realize that until the later later in my 20s. My husband's like, gosh, how do you stay so motivated? Because I would just be on it with my my cross training and the gym and getting in the ocean all the time and working with coaches. And he just he came from a really athletic background through high school and college.

24:24But when he was around me, he was just stunned, I guess. And he granted, like looks a lot more muscular than I do. Like I'm more of a curvy body, but I'm really strong. And my body does amazing things in the ocean. So I'm like all for myself. But it's amazing to see how much he works out versus me in the past and just the differences. I love it. But yeah, I think I learned a lot of that through surfing, actually. Surfing has taught me almost more than anything else in life. It's just taught me so many life lessons. But the ocean can be so frustrating at times. And it's wanting to beat you down and send you back to the beach and just frustrate the heck out of you.

25:20And but then there's always that like longing desire for that next like amazing wave that just gives you the most incredible high. And it's just such a beautiful feeling. So that kind of propels you to like push past those pain, pain moments, especially when you're paddling and sometimes you're duck diving. I mean, it's just like kind of a translation of like a lot of people who are very athletic. They're mentally strong, too, because they've had to push past those physical pain points. And that carries over into the mental and pushing past those mental pain points. So I think just my sport has taught me to like stay, you know, you never know when your next success is kind of like, Like you can will your success as much as you want, but a lot of times you just have to keep putting along until it happens.

26:19And so now I carry that over into motherhood, into my relationship with my husband, just kind of continually reevaluating the pain points and working on those and healing those and supporting those people in my life the best I can. and then also into my workplace and different areas of my life. But I don't know if that answered your question. I really kind of got lost. I think it was great. No, you did awesome. And I think there's actually just such a great metaphor, right, about waves and the ocean and life. There's always another wave coming. And you really do. You're going to get, I mean, I think most people who've had an experience of swimming or who've, you know, been lucky enough to spend any time at the ocean, Like I grew up on the Jersey shore and I love being in the water.

27:11Similarly to you, although different, I'm not a surfer. The water is so healing for me. I feel like it rearranges me on a cellular level. And, you know, I've gotten knocked on my butt a lot of times by waves. And then you go like, well, okay, am I going to stay down with gulps full of salt water and sand all over? Or am I going to get back up and go again? and sometimes the ocean too it's like you'll have an incredible wave coming at you but it's also kind of scary so there's that moment of like I have to choose to overcome this fear I'm feeling right now and the reward on the other side is like gonna be amazing and so like throughout my life like just learning to deal with those fears that I have and recognizing them and not letting them over consume me, but kind of weighing the pros and cons throughout that fear and then knowing what can be on the other side if I can let it go or push past it.

28:16I've got a little bit of something new here. So some of the kiddos of our Team Forleo parents were really, really excited about us having you on the show. And so they actually have a few questions for you if that's okay. One of the kiddos says, how can someone get over the fear of big waves? Okay. So my advice, if you do want to go and get out there in the big surf, it starts with just being confident with your swimming. When I was young, I did swim team. And so that helped me a lot when it came to being in the ocean and being around bigger waves. And And I realized that I'm such a strong swimmer.

29:01If anything happened, I can swim myself out of this situation and everything will be okay. But also it took time to, you know, I worked my way up. I didn't just go from little itty bitty waves to the huge ones. I slowly got more and more confident in the bigger and bigger surf. And over time, I just became normal. So sometimes I'll go out and start and surf and my heart's not pumping at all because the waves don't feel scary to me. But then I'll go and really extra big surf and I'm like, my heart is pounding. I am, you know, all senses are fired and my guard's up, but I'm also like ready to tackle it at the same time.

29:50Bethany, what's like one of the biggest waves that you've surfed? Um, it's hard to say, but definitely as big as houses. Um, there's one that may be measured around 40 or 50 feet. Um, it's a wave called, it's a wave called jaws. And so it's a type of surfing called toe surfing where you have a jet ski, like pull you into the wave. And it was incredible. Is that something that at this point where you're at in your journey that you still crave? Like, are you still going like, I need some really big waves? There's definitely that kind of love-hate. And I think it's like the mother intuition kicking in because like, I have deep respect for the ocean and I have that kind of lurking fear and like, just knowledge that it's powerful.

30:44So part of me wants to be there and then part of me doesn't just for the sake of the worst case scenario happening. but when I do surf that sort of wave I usually go fully prepared I'm usually wearing a helmet a life preserving jacket there's a safety team so just kind of depends but I definitely have craving for solid waves so this is another question from the kiddos on team for Leo they said you've done so many cool things what's something you haven't done but you really want to do oh my goodness I know. They're great. I have such good questions. Yeah.

31:27Well, I guess a lot of my dreams now have to do with my kids. I really just, I haven't taken my kids to the snow yet. So I really want to take them to the snow and take them skiing or snowboarding. Trying to think there's somewhere in the world I wanted to visit.

31:48I don't know just probably involving more travel maybe go to Alaska as a family that's where my husband and I went for our honeymoon so we want to go there again and just kind of adventure the world and surf different ways and I'm pretty easy to please I don't need a whole lot to be happy as long as I'm near the ocean, it's usually all good. I can agree with that 100%. Is there anything else that you want to share before we wrap up? Anything now or next or just a message that you want to leave our audience with today? Oh, gosh. I think, you know, I think the year of 2020 has been a really big challenge for us all.

32:32And I'm feeling it along with I know a lot of you are too. So I think I just urge you guys to focus on the positives. Look for the good. I think our country specifically needs people to cheer it on and celebrate each other and love on each other. Even if we have differences and we have difference of opinions, different beliefs. but I think we're in a really special time where we need to kind of cling together and cheer each other on and fight for the good and beautiful things in this world and yeah know that this time will pass and there's more beautiful things to experience moving forward. Thank you so much for who you are.

33:24You're such an incredible soul and your commitment to sharing the power of joy and resilience and determination and love is a huge inspiration and continues to be. So thank you, Bethany. And thanks for making time today. Thank you, Marie. Isn't Bethany amazing? That woman is such an inspiration. I'm curious, what is the biggest insight that you're taking away from this conversation? And most important, How can you put that insight into action starting right now? As always, the greatest conversations happen over at the magical land of MarieForleo.com. So head on over there and leave a comment now.

34:04While you're there, if you're not already, make sure you subscribe to our email list and become an MF Insider. We send joyful, inspiring, motivating emails once a week, and I don't want you to miss out. Until next time, stay on your game and keep going for your dreams. because the world really does need that very special gift that only you have. I'll see you next time on MarieTV and the Marie Forleo podcast. Oh my goodness, you're incredible. You're still listening. Now look, if you enjoyed this podcast, I think you're going to really love my free audio training called How to Get Anything You Want.

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