455 - Elizabeth Gilbert: Women Only Learn THIS Too Late — The Secret to Money, Success & Purpose

31:00How do I have to make you see me in a particular way so that I can get even like a crumb of it back that you used to give to me so freely? And that's, now we're in hell. That becomes the ninth circle of hell. It's an incredibly dangerous thing for me to go looking for that outside of myself and outside of what I call God. It is where I get sick and it's where I get lost and um i'm a pretty tough case of this like i like as i said like i fully identify as a sex and love addict there are people who can navigate that with much less drama and trauma than i can um but for a multitude of family history cultural history karma contracts from the board room this is my achilles heel yeah like this is where i this is where i hurt myself again and again and again and where I hurt others.

31:56And the need to get that lava from people turns me into a vampire who goes out there and tries to procure that substance that she needs to survive without which I feel like life has no meaning. Not anymore, but without which I have traditionally historically felt like life has no meaning. And what's that chasm been for you? What time are we looking at now between when you feel rooted in... A more free version of Liz than you had known your entire life. It's been six and a half years. Wow. And I saw you at one of my last rock bottoms when I first came to do an interview and showed up. And I was a sobbing wreck.

32:42And we had to postpone the interview because I couldn't function. And you were like, okay, we're going to slap on some earrings? Yes. Yes. Yes. You're like, honey, if I give you these nice big earrings to put on, do you think we could do the interview? And that was my last run. Are you exhausted from working nonstop and still not seeing results? I get it. And look, it's not your fault. Most of us were never taught how to manage our time in this crazy modern world in a way that actually works. That's why I created a brand new free masterclass called Stop These Three Profit-Killing Mistakes Before It's Too Late.

33:22In it, I'm going to walk you through the three hidden mistakes quietly draining your time, your energy, and your joy, and more importantly, how to stop them right now. Go to jointimegenius.com slash free training and watch it today. I mean, I also remember too, because I was thinking back as I was reading these stories when you invited me to the penthouse party and you took me in and I was like, wait a minute where did this apartment come from and you're like I just got it I was like how the hell did you for how did all this happen and you you your face was so close you're like honey we don't have much time yeah and I was like and my heart broke because I was starting to thread all these pieces together yeah having known you for a while yeah it's just like I just want to say though congratulations because it's such a it's so beautiful how like the the generous gift that you're giving all of us by sharing these stories and then where you are now, it's just so hopeful.

34:23Thank you, dear. There's a line, it's in the book and an old timer in 12 steps said it to me and I love it. And they said, addiction is giving up everything for one thing and recovery is giving up one thing for everything. So routinely in my life, I have given up everything for one thing, that thing being, I was about to say that thing being a person, but it isn't really a person, that thing being lava, like who's embodied in that, who whatever put the name and face on whoever it is in any given year, who I've decided is my source. And I've given up routinely my dignity, my money, my creative path, my friendships, my work, where I lived, like just, yeah, throw it on the fire.

35:04I don't need it. Like throw everything on the fire for that. I came into a contract with that God who gave me so much freedom all those years, who gave me enough rope to hang myself and everyone else. Because that God's always like, try it. Really. And not in a sinister way. Just try it. Do you think drugs will make you happier? Try it. Do you think shopping will make you happier? Try it. Whatever. Whatever the thing is, try it. Go ahead and try it. Do you think gaming, gambling, smoking, alcohol, like controlling other people, try it. Sweetheart, try it. Go try it as hard as you can try it. And what I finally heard through all my chaos was this loving infinite voice that said, I've given you 50 years to try everything that's available and everyone that's available to be happy.

35:56Have you had enough? If you haven't, go try more. like go to DMT, go do ayahuasca, go do mushrooms. Like I don't want there to be any part of you that thinks that there might be something you didn't try yet. Try therapy, try this, try it. Really honey, try it. And when you've tried everything and that ancient ache of emptiness is still there, come to me. but I want you to come to me voluntarily. I'm not going to make you come to me. Like come to me when, when you're curious about me and then let me show you what I can give you. But, but come to me empty handed, come to me without any of your addictions, put them, put it all down and just come to me open and empty handed.

36:52And then let's see what we can become. Right. And so the giving up everything was like putting, I finally put down my search for lava outside of myself. I was like, I'm just going to stop doing that. I'm just going to stop doing that. And I'm going to see what fills that void when I stopped doing that. And it wasn't easy. I mean, I went through like a year and a half of pretty severe withdrawal because this, that screaming addict in me was like, are you kidding me? Like you're going to put that, this thing down, the only thing that ever felt good. And I remember an old timer in the room saying one time, you don't think every single one of us in here had to put down the only thing that ever felt good.

37:36Like every single one of us did that. So we did it because the thing that felt good was killing us eventually. What what if you put it down and what if you look for something that doesn't end? Because the problem with all the things that we're doing to try to feel good is that they come to an end. And then you have to have the withdrawal and you have to have the letdown and the collapse. And I don't think I can take another one of those. Like I can't do another come down. I just, my system can't take it anymore. you know so what what do we replace it with the something that doesn't end and what is that like love real love the real the real thing like the real thing the infinite thing so women over giving some of the stats around that anything you want to share there oh don't You know I do, sister.

38:41Oh, do you know anything about this topic? Do you know anything about women over giving? I can't say this enough. Yes. The actual scientific and sociological data is in. This is not my opinion. Tell us, Dilys. The actual facts of the matter are that marriage is an institution that is absolutely terrible for women. It is a garbage deal. A friend of mine said recently, if marriage benefited women, they would have taken it from us already. Right? Because they're taking away everything else that's good for women. But they're like, get married. Yeah. You should get married though. Yeah. Right? Married women do not live as long as single women.

39:25They do not earn as much money as single women. They are not as happy as single women. They are more likely to suffer from addiction than single women. They are more likely to commit suicide than single women. They are more likely to die of homicide than single women. They report themselves in every single way that you can measure sociological data for wellness as being less contented than single women. Interesting. Interesting, given that it's the goal that you are taught is the thing that if you can achieve is going to make you happy. um conversely married men and this is all this research has been done on men and women no research has been done on women and women men and men i'll get to that in a little bit but traditional cisgendered heterosexual marriage married men on the other hand married to women outperform single men by such a measure that it is perhaps the healthiest thing that a man can do is to get a woman to marry him.

40:25Married men live longer. They're healthier. They make more money. They advance more in their careers. They're more creative. They're less likely to commit suicide. They're less likely to die of homicide. They're less likely to die in car accidents in every single possible way. The best thing a man can do is to get married to a woman. The worst thing a woman can do, statistically speaking, is to get married to a man because what happens is those, it's called the marriage benefit imbalance. Those imbalances are exactly equal, meaning the percentage of herself that a woman gives to a man, she loses and he gains.

40:56So she's literally giving her life to him. Literally. Yes. Life force, years of life, prosperity. And like literally it's a literal exchange. So this is what is called the merge benefit and balance, but it is, it is indicative too, of just in general how women are. like it's not just in marriage like companies that have women on the board outperform companies that don't have women on the board by 25 yet corporate life destroys women right so women come in and they're like i'll give so much that this entire company is going to benefit but i'm going to actually go down in this entire thing yes right like rehab facilities that are co-ed the men do better than rehab facilities that are just for men it's great the men get sober the women don't because the women are instantly a woman sees a man and she's like let me help him instantly they're like let me help him let me save him let me rescue him like i'm gonna make it okay for like instantly it's what women do um in co-ed schools for children like send your girls to girls schools send your boys to co-ed schools and let other people's girls like they don't do as well academically but the boys do better it's like every single place where you put women and men together, the men benefit and the women do not.

42:19It's so fascinating. Everywhere. I feel like this notion, the overgiving notion, and this is why I wanted to talk about this a little bit, because rather than being like, us versus them, it's like, oh, where can I get curious? At least this is my perspective on it. Where can I get curious in my own life, of my own programming? Where am I doing this? Correct. And why am I doing this? Correct. And the marriage thing, people always laugh and Josh and I always, we joke about it because we're not technically married, but some of you like, oh, your husband, Josh. I'm like, I don't care. Like, you know what I mean?

42:50It's not there. And I just have always felt for myself personally. I'm like, I just don't need or want that piece of paper. Like I love, love, I love being in this relationship, but I, the overgiving thing, like I have to watch for it at every part of my life. And also too, I think there's a lot of lore around, especially in like personal development circles and even in like entrepreneurship and creator circles, it's like, okay, you know, this is kind of an interesting, tricky high wire act of like being of service, you know what I mean? And giving your gifts. And like, I've certainly been a champion of that message.

43:29You know what I mean? It's like the world needs that special gift that only you have. Yes, but not at the expense of everything else. Yeah. So it's like, oh, if there's something I could like wave over every woman, over everyone who identifies as a woman and going back to the question of same sex relationships, you know, trans relationships, the fundamental question is who is playing the traditional role of the woman in this relationship? Meaning who is sacrificing of herself so that others will benefit. Right. And that's just a great question to ask because you might not be playing the traditional role of a woman in your relationship, your husband might be, or your wife might be, or your, you know, but like, who's the one who's giving so much that it's hurting them, which is the traditional role of women, which is how you are taught to be a good woman, which is a trap.

44:20A trap. I have a friend and I'm like, we have got to get out of the good women trap. We've got to get out of the good girl trap. We've got to get out of the good mother trap. We've got to get out of the good wife trap. like all of anything with the word good in front of it. Yes. Associated with women. What you were trained is what that means is that you do not have a self. And I have a beloved goddaughter who just graduated from high school and I gave her this ring. I collect vintage rings and I gave her a vintage ring of mine that's called a gypsy ring. And they're from like the Georgian area.

44:54And I think I'm betting, I think this is my personal theory about them, but they're meant to signify that you will never get married. Oh, wow. I need to get you one, Marie. They're meant to signify that you will never get married. And when you see it, it's a particular shaped ring. It's very specific. Like if I see somebody where I'm like, oh, they've got one of those. And I sort of feel like maybe it was code for queer. I haven't seen this in any research, but I feel like what other possible, how else were you going to get away with not getting married as a man even? Yes. Did men wear them to signify?

45:27But anyway, I got one for my goddaughter, who's a big romantic like me, and who I have seen already go through a lot of drama and trauma around romance, even in her young age. I see a lot of myself in her in ways that make me excited and ways that make me scared. Yes, yes, yes. And I wrote her a letter, and I said, I told her what the origin of the ring was, and I said, this ring is from about 1880, and this is what it signifies. But here's what I want you to understand about this. This doesn't mean that you can never get married. Obviously do what you want. Yeah. But my hope for you as your godmother, who's supposed to help you with your spiritual evolution, is that this ring signifies that there will always be something of yourself that you hold in reserve that nobody gets to have.

46:13Right? Wear it on your pinky finger to symbolize that you keep a pinky finger's worth of yourself to yourself. Like something held in reserve. they don't get to have all of you yes your children don't get to have all of you your partner doesn't get to have all of you your work doesn't get to have all of you and this goes very much against everything that you are taught about port like and listen no there's no high greater for me than the high of i want to disappear into you but underneath that high and that desire is a central trauma that in my life expresses as i don't want to be here like i am so deeply uncomfortable in my body in my earth school in my unhealed trauma in my damage i don't want to be here so i want to disappear into somebody so that i don't have to experience myself yeah right seals are really romantic but it's actually really kind of tragic and only now only very recently even now six years into recovery and on this new spiritual journey that I've been on, have I been like, I kind of like being here.

47:23You know what I mean? Yes. I like, I'm glad I'm here. Yes. I'm not trying to escape my day. I'm just having like a Friday morning and I'm happy to be here. Yes. And that is a miracle. Like any day when somebody with a mind like mine is happy where they are is a miracle. Oh, well that makes me thrilled. because I'm so happy that you're here. Me too. That the alignment's there. So telling the truth and keeping secrets, it's such a big theme throughout the entire book. I'm curious if there were any parts, and you alluded to this a little bit before, you're like, okay, I think this is gonna be a poem book.

48:03You know what I mean? I think this is just gonna be this version. Was there any point in the journey where you're like, I don't know if I can share that? Well, initially, absolutely. Like in the immediate aftermath of Ray's death, I was like I'm not writing a book about Rhea ever like I'm never ever going to do this I don't want to I actually just need to move on from what was just the most traumatic thing I've ever been through and I don't want to kick up any of this I also don't want to kick up anybody's opinions about any of this I also don't want to deal with any of the players who were involved like I just I want to get as far away from this as I can And God's like, okay, try to get as far away from it as you can.

48:51I mean, again, that God who loves freedom was like, oh, you want to go to India? So I went to India. You know, I fell in love with someone else. I'm like, I'm going to go fall in love with someone else. God's like, great. Why don't you go do that? Like, why don't you do a lot of ayahuasca, go to India and fall in love with someone else? Fortunately, all of those things collapsed really quickly, you know. And then this story just kept pulsing. Yes. You know, like I wanted to get away from it, but it didn't get away from me. And so that's when I was like, well, I'll write this as a novel. I'm a novelist.

49:24Yes. Like I'll write this as like a ghost story. And it'll be like a short little brief novella, very spare. I'll write this in a very spare way. And I did that. And the book is not, I like that book. But I sent it to my agent when I was done with it and said, I just wrote a book, but don't show it to anybody because I don't think this is it. And then I wrote City of Girls. Yes. And then I wrote another novel, The Snow Forest, that didn't get published for other reasons, but it will be someday. And then the story still is like - So it was hanging out. It was like - It's like, you can go write two other books.

50:01Right. Am I next? Oh, not right now. Am I next? But I'm just going to be as patient as infinity. Yes. And I'm just going to sit here not going away. and then I wrote it and then I was like I'll write it as poetry and then I wrote it as poetry and actually sold that book um and was going to publish that book and then when it came time to edit it I looked at it and I'm like this is such a dodge like you're writing about the feelings but not about what happened like this is all about how it felt and nothing about what occurred I had like a two-page introduction to the book of poetry that was like um so this is about like Like me and my partner and I loved her, but also some weird shit went down.

50:39I don't really want to talk about it, but here's the poems. Thank you. You know, and I was like, you can't write about the person who was the most honest person you ever met in the entire world who constantly said, fearlessly go straight to the white hot radioactive center of the truth. And that's where your liberation will be found, which was Ray's whole thing. Yeah. And then not go to the white hot radiative radioactive center of the truth. You just can't. You got to do it or don't do it. But I actually, at one point was like, I can't not do this. And then once I started writing with that sort of spirit, which is we're leaving nothing out.

51:18Yes. There were a couple of moments in the book where I'm like, are we doing, are we really doing this? I'm like, yeah, we're really doing this. Yes. And I just thought it was such a beautiful, I felt the immediacy and the honesty in every page of places where you're like, hey, here's a portion. We're not going here because there's certain people involved that like, it's not my story to tell, or it's not the details that, you know, they're not in any moment. The only thing I won't talk about is other people's lives. Absolutely. Yeah. But I'll talk about mine and I'll talk about Rea's. Yes. And I think that the chapter, like what day is today?

51:53OMG. I don't want to give it away because I don't want to give away the punchline, but I will just, I want to plant that little seed for y 'all. You, when you get to the chapter that what day is today, I was like, again, cinematic. I saw it on the big screen and I laughed my ass off so hard at that. So thank you for that. And I'm going to move right on. You're welcome. Yes. Um, to the notion also of running out of road, like we're running out of road. And, and that was something that I think it's like, you, I don't know if you said that phrase to me the night of the party at the apartment, but it was, it was in that vein that you said, Marie, we don't have much time.

52:30I had to do this fast. And we're all running out of road, right? And then feeding crackers to lions. I just want to thank you for that gift as well. And if we want to talk about that or anything, it was just like your ability to be so real and transparent and detailed about the actual things that happened when she passed was it was a real gift and it felt it brought me who I didn't know her nearly it's like I only met her once or twice but it it made me get her on such a visceral and it just I was cheering for her to be quite honest oh thanks Marie you know people this oncologist that I worked with said people die the way they live.

53:21And I'm also thinking about the great Indian sage Ramana, Ramana Maharishi, who said, um, that you should meditate on your death every day. Um, it's a big practice, memento mori, the idea of like looking at a skull, you should, you should be thinking about death all the time and, and you should be preparing to die all the time because we are of the nature to die, say the Buddhists. We are of the nature to live in a body that will decay. We're going to die. And that's something that you should meditate on. But where I think, I don't want to say where I was off that night that I met you at the penthouse, when I said, we don't have a lot of time, we're running out of road.

54:01I suspect that you felt energetic urgency. Yes, totally. And urgency, I have now learned, is very symptomatic of an addict mind. It's always an emergency with an addict. It's always urgent. There's always a desperate quality. And I have lived my life with a sense, until very recently, of tremendous urgency where there was an awareness that we don't have a lot of time and there's this idea that I've got to fill that time with as much as I can possibly do because, oh my God, we're all going to die. which is not I think what Maharashi meant when he said meditate on your death. I don't think he meant get urgent.

54:45It's also why I have sort of an issue with bucket lists because they feel panicked to me. Right? And like live every day like it's your last like that fills me with panic. Yes, me too. Although if it was my last day and I was I can honestly say if I knew if someone said this is your last day I'd be like let's just keep talking Marie until the clock runs out. Yeah. You know, and now there's a sense of when you tap into the eternal, the urgency drops, right? Like the only way for me to drop that urgency is to pull back and just be like, yeah, this human life has an expiration date. I don't know what that date is.

55:33Um, um, But there's something that doesn't end. Even if this planet ends, there's something that doesn't end. And there's no hurry for anything. You got all the time in the universe. Like when I first met what I call my higher power, that was the message I kept being told. Like, shorty, chill. You got so much time. Your soul is infinite and eternal. Don't worry about it. You don't have to get it all in one, right? You don't have to get it all in this lifetime. You don't have to get it all done in this week. Like, it's good, you know? So my hope is, like, as I continue to relax into non-urgency, into, like, I may or may not see the seven wonders of the world.

56:25Like, I may or may not have another great love story. Actually, when I hear that, I'm like, please God, let me not have another great love story. I don't know if I can survive another great love story, right? But like I may or may not have a bucket list where everything gets done. Yeah. You know, but can I in this moment not feel urgency thrumming through my body? Because that is an uncomfortable feeling. That is another word for that is anxiety. And I don't want to live my life thrumming with anxiety anymore. Yes. I love that. But Rhea died the way she lived. She died violently. She lived violently.

57:02she was a like homeless drug addict for a lot of her life like she died independently stubbornly like an Aries yes like not cooperatively like you know she didn't make it she didn't wake up every day and be like how can I make life easier for my caregivers yeah yeah she just was like nope I'm going out in flames the way I lived yeah and that was her and it was very authentic and I feel like she got to do that. You get to live authentically and you get to die authentically. The moment of peace and joy at the end, the reflection of the expression that came over her face that brought me to tears when I read that because in other accounts, things that I've been privy to conversations, witnessings, there is a little bit of a thread there around some type of momentary shift that is observable to people.

58:11And I just felt everything in my body felt like a sense of peace when you wrote that part too. And I was like, again, cheering. Yeah. thanks Marie yeah thank you I think to be with somebody when they die is such a sacred privilege and it was such a mystical moment and it was not how I planned it lol yeah um I had I planned like a real yogi's death sorry is she making noise oh no I'm also it's great she's yeah do you want to come up here and be quiet I advertised you as quiet what's all this camping about this is pepita's just like wants to be listen when i when kuma's around and there's a conversation kuma's like but why aren't you talking to me and like why why am i not so pita you're welcome why am i not the center of attention it's exactly right right you should be um and when you said there's a shift that happened so so yeah i've i had some sort of gauzy idea, like a gauzy, soft lit Vaseline lensed idea of like a beautiful death.

59:26Yeah. That I was, I mean, it makes, I was going to orchestrate and that is not what we got, what we got. Yeah. Because I couldn't orchestrate anything about Rhea. Nobody could. Nobody could control Rhea. Cancer couldn't even control Rhea. They told her she was going to die in six months and she got 18 months the entire time smoking, doing drugs, drinking and being an asshole. you know what I mean like can't like can't like not from juicing did she get that extra year yeah yeah yeah you know she got that she got that extra year from cocaine you know yes and and she but that was Raya yes you know like that was Raya's life and that was Raya's death and it was beautiful and it was perfect and it was a nightmare and it was glorious yeah and it was a ride and I wouldn't have missed it for anything and I can't wait to never do anything like that.

1:00:17So speaking of never doing anything like, so when we were texting and then you're like, Hey, I just did this retreat in darkness. I was like, wait, what list? Like, wait, what's, what's going on? Um, I know this is a little bit of a left turn, but I thought that that was really fascinating. And I wondered if you could just speak a little bit about what you did, like what prompted you to say yes to doing a retreat in darkness and, and what that was like for you. you know this feeling and i know this feeling and i bet others do too called a full body yes yeah oh absolutely so a friend of mine a couple years ago said oh i just did this like three day retreat where i went into total darkness in a cave in solitude and isolation and i was like oh yeah i'm doing i'll be doing that i'll be doing that now you're like may i please have those details like right away where how sign me up and i think you know with something like that you either hear about that and you're like god no or where do i sign up where do i sign up yeah and i my body was a where do i sign up let's do this um i actually did a i did it for five days because i'm because that's you because you're liz gilbert come on i still do love chasing intensity um and so what i did what it was it's this place in oregon called sky cave retreats and And they basically, my friend's daughter was like, all year, she's like, when are they throwing you in the hole again?

1:01:49I'm texting you like, how did you poop? Where'd you go to the bathroom? Like, I was like, I want the details. What's going on? It's quite, I mean, it's a very nice hole. It's like, you know, there's a bed and there's a toilet and there's a bathtub. And then once a day, they bring you food through this black box in the wall and check on you to make sure you're not having a psychotic break. But otherwise you're in complete and absolute darkness. Like you can't see your hand in front of your face and silence because it's underground. Wow. Um, so there's no way to track time and there's no way to track space.

1:02:18And I was told by, by my higher power to do it. And I was scared to do it. And I was told there's treasures for you in here and there's treasures. I can't get to you any other way. I'm going to need your full undivided attention for five days. We're just going to talk. It's a lot that I want to tell you. And there's a lot that I need you to see. And I need you to, I need there to be nothing that can distract you. Like I couldn't, for me to go somewhere without a notebook and not be able to write is, I mean, put me in a room with a notebook. I'm happy forever. That's where I live, you know, but not even that, you know, like not even that.

1:02:57So just, you can't reach for anything. And what I saw was we are so not alone. like you can't be alone if you tried because I tried go go put yourself in a dark hole like the number of entities that came to visit me my dead grandmother came to visit me Richard from Texas from Eat Pray Love who died in 2010 came to visit me and coach me through some of the really difficult moments God was with me the entire time like ancestors angels presences there was not a single, and it was difficult and it was arduous and sometimes it was boring. It wasn't that boring though. The guy who orchestrated it said in his experience, people who are capable of feeling do not get bored.

1:03:44Good rule of life in general, if you are capable of feeling. But I had a lot of feelings that were really uncomfortable, a lot of grief, anxiety, fear, anger, you know, like all the big hot feelings came up and there was nothing that came up that wasn't met with love. There was nothing that came up that wasn't instantly, there wasn't something there that was like, we love you. We've got you. We see that you're in this difficult point and we have guidance for you, you know, and we're with you. So it was an amazing thing to learn. I feel coming out of it more grounded than I've ever felt in my life, like more calm and more just like, oh, it's all good.

1:04:28You know, whatever's going on here, you are so loved to quote my sticker that I always give to everybody. You are so loved. You are not, you are so supported. You are so supported by so many unimaginable souls. so and I don't ever want to do it again and I don't need to do it again and I don't need to do it again but to go as a curiosity for me like if you took everything away what's left is what I wanted to see and what was left was love and support that's all there is it's the only thing going on here they didn't send you here to this earth school that is a very challenging earth school with no support and no guidance and no love.

1:05:20Like they, it, the cosmos knew that what you were about, it is so brave to be born. There's not a single person you're ever going to meet, I don't care how much privilege somebody holds, who will get to the end of their life and be like, that was easy. That's so easy. Hmm. I don't know why it makes it be a big deal. Yeah. Whatever. I found that to be very straightforward. I found this to just go kind of how I was expecting it to go. no surprises there nope and you know what i was good at everything i was just really good at everything and everything came very naturally to me i didn't see really just all fun no i didn't experience any particular challenges everything was like just no like straight days all the way whatever hashtag overachiever yeah nailed it in one no one said no one ever ever to quote you know like no one no one and they they didn't send you here without support.

1:06:18Yeah. Because they were like, you sure you want to do this? Yes. You know, because this is really brave. There's a Hindu tradition that says that I studied when I was at the ashram in India that says that right like somewhere around like a few months into gestation, because what happens when you gestate, this is their theory and I think it's adorable and I love it. Like at the moment that you take form into that cluster of cells to decide to be born, you forget why you decided to do this. Right. It's like this whole, like that, like you have the whole thing planned. And then, and then it's like, and then you're just like, I'm just floating around in the void.

1:06:58And I don't know, like I'm not a nothing. I'm a nothing. And then right, like somewhere along the way, essentially, and this is an ancient idea long before there was film, but they show you everything that's going to happen in your life. And then there's the, and then the panic starts and there's the panic starts. and that's the first kick that a baby gives is like no i don't want to do it oh my god what did i get myself oh my god no you know and then they that's funny the saying there is that they give you and that's why babies are born crying yeah like i'm like can i take this back like too late like you signed up for the ride you can't get off can't get off the ride like you're in you went down that chute and you're going you know but they they also say that there's this there's this one mantra there's this one meditation that all humans are given which is the sound of breath which is hamsa so it's like inhale out hail and hamsa in sanskrit means i am that so all you have to do is take a breath in and a breath out and remember that you are the infinite you are the eternal like this is a story that you're in, but like your true soul is, is that of the everything.

1:08:16And that's all you're going to need that first breath. And that second inhale and the exhale, and you'll be all right. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. And it's so fun. I love it. And I love you. And I want to, I want to thank you. I have like two little quick lightning round questions, but I just to put a button on this, y 'all, you got to get your paws on all the way to the river, get it for you and your friends. It is just so gorgeous. I'm so grateful for you on this planet. And then we get to do this little version of earth school circling around and for Pepita, the sleeping princess right there, who is, she's fabulous.

1:08:52She's like, now I can rest. Now I can rest. I don't have to defend anybody from the elevator sounds anymore. No, we're all good, New York City. So best life upgrade you made in the past year? Like it could be something you discovered, something you stopped doing, a small purchase, a big purchase, something you kept doing. Is there any good life upgrade? I always love asking people this because sometimes folks have discoveries. I'm like, how did you hear about that? They're like, I don't know. And then it becomes. That's a good question. I would say I stopped buying meat. You stopped buying meat.

1:09:23I haven't stopped eating meat because I always want to be a good guest. Yeah. And if a person makes a meal and puts it in front of me, I will eat it. Okay. Because I think it's an act of love to eat whatever you're served. Okay. And I learned that in India too. It's like food is sacred. Somebody offering the food of their culture. Yes. I am never going to say no to whatever. Like I've eaten practically raw frogs in Laos, like whatever. Yes, yes, yes. So, but I will not, I will not purchase meat anymore. Okay. Because I don't want to feed into the algorithm of the meat industry. Amazing. With my money.

1:09:58So there's no meat in my house. I don't order meat at a restaurant, but last night I was at Margaret's house and her almost 90 year old Italian mother made meatballs and there's no way I'm not eating those. And it's also Margaret's, come on. It's Margaret's mother. And it's like, I've eaten at her table since I was a college student. And so I will receive that as a gift of love. Yeah. So please tell her. But that's the upgrade is no more buying meat. Okay, good. And tell Margaret I said, hi, I'm going to send her text and send her love. I will. Oh, she loves you. And you met Palma. Yes. You met her mom.

1:10:25Yes. Yeah. Amazing. Imagine going to Palma's house and not eating what she puts in front of you. I was just going to say, I'm like, I don't eat that. No, no, that would get a slap. Like, you know what I mean? It's going to get a slap. Um, anything that you are super looking forward to, enthusiastic about over like the next six months? Well, actually I'm taking, it's actually at the end of the next six months, I'm taking a six month sabbatical, which I have never done. and I will be not writing, not teaching. I'll still do my sub stack and that's it. And I'm going to go to Costa Rica for several months.

1:11:00Sweet. And I'm going to go with Pepita and we're both going to learn some Spanish. Great. And I'm not going to be Liz Gilbert for six months. That version of Liz, like the - Let me put it this way. I'm not going to be Elizabeth Gilbert for six months. There we go. I'll be Liz Gilbert always, but I'm not going to be Elizabeth Gilbert. This is so, it's actually really, really cool because I've been investigating for myself and I've been having some really wonderful conversations like just around like, and this is going to sound so maybe, who knows what it sounds, I don't care. Like Marie Forleo, just because that's been the brand.

1:11:34And I'm like, well, it's the one thing about me that's probably never going to change. You know what I mean? It's like, instead of naming it a company is a decision I made way back. and I've just been poking around like, oh, what portion of me is like, you know, your version of Elizabeth Gilbert versus like this other piece, like the nine-year-old version of me I was talking to you about off camera that me and my best friend Chris, and we're just like, oh my God, we're like preteen girls, you know, running around dancing and playing and, you know, watercoloring and cooking and stuff like that.

1:12:07So it's, I love that you are giving yourself that that is awesome thank you that is super super excited about it i'm like this for you i'm like super excited about it yeah yeah it'll be really cool great anything else that you want to leave us with today i love you guys and you know what you really are loved like whatever like you really are loved and you really are possessed of infinite power another thing that i really saw when i was that cave was that what I call God kept saying to me, if you had any idea how much power everybody contains, how incredible people are, how powerful people's souls are, how creative, how resourceful, you would never worry about anybody again.

1:12:50You would never worry about anyone because to worry about people is so degrading to them and to you. And I want you to start seeing how incredible people are and and how much they can handle the incarnation that they showed up for they really can you don't have to worry about it they got it and so do you it's freedom right there a lot of freedom i love you so i love it marie i love you list thank you thank you papita and thank you for being here with us we love you