467 - Foster Care to the NFL: How to Beat the Odds — Anthony Trucks

21:43I was like, man, I could be here for less years and I've already been here. And it seems like it's been so fast. And so in my head, I'm like, well, this woman was the reason why I'm not a statistic. And she loved on me. And I remember I'd made two promises prior to her passing, like an hour before I had my private time. And I said, Mom, I'll fix my life because I know that you didn't do what you did to make me, you know, let me be in this kind of fog of life. I said to when I do, I'll find a way to give it back to the world. Like genuinely like all I knew at the time was fitness. I'm like, I'm gonna do it in fitness.

22:13And wouldn't you know it, man, God has weird things happening because 2014 is when I happened across Brandon Burchard, your work. And so I think what ended up happening was God had this happening. He gave me this lesson and that was the water for that seed that had happened so many years earlier. And it opened up this perspective of, well, maybe I can talk about these emotions because not many, you know, it's not many African-American men who played professional sports. It's like we don't emotionally express. And so there's not this example of a strong man who can show his weakness. So I think there was some, something there of a seed.

22:42And I think same time, all the stuff that God had put in my life was now meaningful to the rest of the world. And so I've spent my time, like, first I've had to fix my life, which it didn't happen smooth. I wish it would have happened smooth. Cause it took me getting to a point in 2016 where I finally woke up and looked at myself again and go, I hate this guy. to be honest. I was like, I hate this guy. And that was the biggest internal personal shift. But that one led to me being able to do what I do now. And I think you write about it so candidly in your book. And I know you and your wife went through a divorce and then you actually came full circle around to coming back in each other's lives.

23:26And I thought that was brilliant. I mean, my parents, honestly, I think my parents got divorced like two or three times, to be honest with you, came back around. But I think there's something beautiful in that because even if and when, and all of us humans, we make mistakes, we do things that we are not proud of. We do things that we regret. We do things where we hurt other people and people that we love. And what I loved about you sharing that story was that it's not always final and there is grace and forgiveness. Sometimes things can be mended and become even stronger than they were. Oh yeah.

24:02Initially. A hundred percent. Like we are a shining example of that by all means. We are not perfect. We have our ups and downs. We are a married couple. It's two humans living life together with other humans in our house, you know, but there is something I think that, that whenever I had those moments where I started looking at my life different, my mom passed, it was actually like the catalyst to start doing better in other areas. And so the first focus was business. I'm going to get better business. And I did well, we started building, building up, doing great financially, doing a lot of stuff, but I didn't have my heart-like life done, right?

24:31I had said multiple partners, to be honest, as a man of faith was not in line with my faith. And I woke up one day just like, I would not want my daughter to be with a guy like me. I wouldn't have my boys aspire to be like me. My mom would not approve of my God and let me into heaven like this. And so that was like, something's got to change. And it took a good 10 months of me digging deep and actually making the real, like the first calculated shift of who I was to ask the question again of, well, what does a good husband do? What does a good coach do? What does a good dad do? Like, what does a good follower of Christ do?

25:02Like, what do I, what does he do? Right. And try to lean into those things like I did when I was 15. And that's how my marriage came back together. And the business started blossoming and I started doing TV stuff and I could share the story more often. And it's turned into where I finally made good on promise to our promise one, actually, because promise one was fixed in my life. But I could not have been good on promise two, unless promise one was met. Because I don't think you should be telling people how to run the race if you haven't crossed the finish line yet. Like I got to get here and go, oh, you know what, that left turn, I shouldn't have made that.

25:33Hey, you should take a right. But I had to get through that. And once I did, it's like, now I can come from a place of grace and power and honesty where I don't think I could have prior to it. Absolutely. Can I be honest with you? You are too nice and it's costing you money because every time you say yes to someone's quick question or tiny favor, you're saying no to that one big project that'll get you the income you want. Watch this free 12-minute class, and I'm going to show you how to double your productivity and escape the three toxic lies that keep most nice people stuck. Go to marieforleo.com slash free class or scan the QR code on screen right now.

26:10Let's talk now about this incredible piece of work called Identity Shift. What is step number one? I think you did such an incredible job in the beginning of the book talking about this experience that so many people have, whether they're just at the beginning of their journey and they're looking for that foothold to feel like, okay, I'm finally on that ladder of success, whatever that means to them. Or folks who maybe have achieved a bit and they feel like they're kind of bumping up against a ceiling and they start looking around and feeling like, gosh, everyone else seems to be going faster or they have more capacity and you kind of feel like You're stuck at a certain level.

26:51So if anyone watching right now is in either one of those situations and going like, I've been trying to do all the things, but nothing seems to be working, I might need an identity shift. Can you explain to us, first of all, what that means to make an identity shift and why it's so important and what would step one be? Yeah. So first to understand what it means to understand what identity is, I guess from a really basic and I explain to people that it's who you are when you are not thinking about who you are. It's just how you're being. And being is, it's good. Like we need to be in that effortless effort space because we got to live our lives.

27:22However, when you're being, you are taking actions. As we all know, the actions build your life. So you're unintentionally building your life through an identity. And if you don't shift the identity, what happens is the things you were doing, how you're being will not become that person who has those things. And it's very straightforward, but people think, well, I got to learn the new stuff and buy this new course and do this. It's like, that's great. All the information is great. But if you aren't the person to wield that tool, you won't build that house. You'll have all the tools, but like you'll fall short.

27:52It's like giving a baby a hammer. Like they're not going to build a house, but give it to a construction worker. Like they might build a house, you know? So the first stage, which most people skip because it's very emotionally difficult, is like the first stage I went through when I was in that year of 2016. I had to really see who I was. There's a statement I love, and it's hard to see the label when you are inside of the jar. and a lot of us were sitting there living our lives going why can't i achieve x do x have x and it's like you're oblivious to it we'll call it blind spots right but there are people who tell us what we need to hear and we go ah they don't support me they don't love me well that's not maybe the truth maybe they love you enough to tell you but if you keep bumping your head up against this thing it's a possibility something you're doing is not the right thing for you doesn't mean it could be wrong or right for anybody else but it might not be the right thing for you.

28:41We are so fast to go to the work that we never check and see, is this my work? So maybe you don't communicate well, maybe you don't reciprocate well, maybe you don't take, you know, feedback, whatever it may be. If that's inevitably happening as you're just being every day and you're unaware of it, that will keep you consistently stuck. Yes. And I think you give such great examples in the book too, of just, again, your storytelling telling in the beginning, genius around this particular person who shows up late everywhere, right? Not keeping his word with himself, rushing out the door. There's just kind of these habitual patterns of almost a form of self-sabotage, but just like a fish in water, if that's how you're always operating and you don't really shine a light on it or be willing to see like, oh, well, what part am I playing in how my life is actually showing up right now?

29:34You know, like what is my part? Am I not, you know, am I hitting snooze on that alarm every single morning? Am I rushing out the door? Am I throwing sugar filled or, you know, kind of fast food in my mouth and expecting my body to perform at a high level? Am I not listening to my spouse? Am I spending all my time on something like this and not actually present with people? And so this notion of seeing, I love how much emphasis you put on that about getting, this is my word, somewhat excited to see your own blind spots, see the areas where you may be bumping your head against a wall and you don't really realize it.

30:04I like how you said that. Cause there is, I think once you get to a certain level of consciousness, you're like aware that these things you find out there are opportunities to improve. So it does become an excitement for it. I think so many people are so deathly afraid of being pointed out. Like the people will say, Oh, I'm not perfect. But the moment you see an imperfection, they fight you on it. It's like, Oh, but you just said you weren't perfect. So what makes you think that when I say this, like that's a problem, but that's the thing is most people do not get excited for feedback. Yeah. And I think, you know, that's an interesting, it's an interesting statement.

30:35And I, I believe probably it may have to do with, I mean, this has been going on for a long time, but some people, the only place that they're looking for feedback per se is not necessarily from a gifted coach like yourself or from someone in their life that they trust and who trusts them and has their heart in a safe place, but they might be looking for it online. We're like, anybody can say anything, you know, at any time of the day and just kind of throw stuff at you, whether or not it's accurate or whether or not you'd even respect that person. They don't even know you. So I think, and again, you talk about this in Identity Shift, it's like having someone in your life who can help you see yourself clearly and can give you that feedback in a way that's honest and that's real, but that's not designed to crush your soul.

31:21Not at all. And the funny thing is, is most of us, if you look at it properly, the reason I get excited about it is now I get to see what's now new possibilities for me. Because if I was stuck here because of this thing I wasn't aware of, if you show it to me and I go, oh, it sucks. I got to figure this out. But if I do, oh, look what I can go do now. Like that's what I think is the beautiful transition people miss. It's like when we're pointing something out, it's not just so you can feel bad. It's so you can fix it and see what's newly possible. I don't know if it was in the book, but I tell a story about my dog.

31:51And like, when I go to like the park, he's on a leash. He sees what's nearby. No excitement. The moment I take his leash off and his eyes pop up to see what's possible, he's gone. Right. So it's that thing where we live with a leash that's behind our head, holding us unaware of it. But the moment it gets off and we're aware that it's off, there's a ton of new possibilities. I love it. So, okay. Step number one is seeing. Yes. That's the spot that most people don't want to go, but it's the most important one. If we want to have an identity shift, what's step number two? So step two is shift, which is it's unfortunately it's where everybody goes first.

32:25Because what happens is you end up doing stuff and you get burned out because like I'm doing the things, I'm doing the things, I'm doing the things. And why don't I have the thing? And it's like, well, because you were doing the wrong things you didn't see. But if you have seen the next stage, it's kind of twofold. One is I must craft what I call the ideal identity. Like who is the individual who has what you want and how are they showing up? Because if you can understand what that is, we can build a plan into it through actions. But most people don't do that. They go, well, what does that person do?

32:52And what do they have? And I want that. And I want to do that. I'm going to do all these little things. And it's like, yeah, but at the end of the day, like you have to look deeper than just what you see and see how they're showing up as a human because there's integrity behind that. There's honesty behind this hard work behind that. And when you can do that, it shows up to where you can go, okay, if I see that as what an aspiration is, my shift work, my personalized shift plan is I need to do this specific thing because here's, here's where people don't grasp. There's a transition we're trying to kind of cross.

33:19We call it a gap. I'm going to close this identity gap. The gap is where you go from this thing I have to do. It's dreary and it sucks and I hate it to where I go from. I don't want to do it to where it is incredibly difficult not to do it. There's this weird chasm. If you can jump that, like, for example, some people go, oh, I got to work out. At some point you work out and you go, I feel weird if I don't work out today. So who's going to work out and get in shape easier, right? It's the person who crosses that. And you first have to be able to set out the identity you're trying to go to and then chart the path to get there.

33:52Now, this isn't always where we start the work and actually do it. That's the last phase of it because that's where it's really the magic happens. But the shift phase is what's the ideal identity I want to shift into and actually look at it? And then what are the things that I must uniquely do that if I did them long enough, I could shift into that identity? That's great. Right. And I love how you articulated this notion of it's not like doing it, like pushing yourself or forcing yourself, which is such a drain on the energy. And it feels like to your point, that's not necessarily an identity shift.

34:22It's almost like you're crawling on the top of a surface and you're trying to just grab the easy things to hope to get the outcome versus becoming the human who does this kind of thing naturally, mostly enthusiastically as a authentic expression of your soul. And those are two very, very vastly different things. And it's I think it's because everybody falls in love with the destination and not the day. like everybody i want this thing and every day i'm presently aware of how far i am from that thing and that's the measuring stick and so i'm emotionally like oh i feel it every day but if i fall in love with the day and the thing we're supposed to do because there's things that i don't inherently love to do but i find joy around doing them like my wife she has businesses and i'm her handyman i don't always like to go do it however i'm like you know there's some new albums i want to listen to so i'm gonna put in my ear while i'm working i'm like i get to listen to cool music or my wife and I drive out.

35:18I get to spend an hour in a car with my wife having a catch-up conversation or whatever we haven't had to chat about. I find a way to fall in love with my day. And so the day it gets done, things get met and all of a sudden I arrive at destinations. I'm like, oh, super cool. But I want to get back to my day. So in fact, the destination is the journey. The destination isn't the destination. Yes. It's something we talk about in our world. And I always often talk about this with my team. It's like, we bring the party, right? Like if there is something that needs to happen, it must happen. I'm the responsible human to do it.

35:53I've one of two ways to go about it. I'm either going to begrudgingly do it and complain my way with it and resist it and wish I was doing something else or embrace it. Like it was my idea in the first place. And I'm going to have a damn good time while it's happening. And that second version, right. is where not only all the magic happens, but the gorgeousness of life begins to get strung together because all of those moments equal your life. I love this. Okay. Tell me about step number three. So we've got C, we've got shift. And where do we go next? Sustain. It's the last phase. It's where the shift actually takes place.

36:27And I achen it to kind of like going to a coffee shop to do work. I go to the coffee shop. I know I got to get some work done and I'm on my phone scrolling. I'm on social, right? Or I'm just trying to talk to people like, Oh, I finally noticed I got to work on this. So I put these things down and I try to focus, try to focus. Right. And I get in the first five, 10 minutes I'm doing my thing. But then at some point in time, all of a sudden it drowns out and like three hours goes by and I go, Oh, I got the emails done. Like this is all moving smooth. Like I'm going to do this. I feel good. Right.

36:57And I explained to people that if you can create a discipline system, it's set up of boundaries and structure and it could be block time. There's way like ways to create a, like a cocoon, right? Or a group of people around you that keep you dialed. What happens is where the first day, week, two weeks, it feels like that, like, oh, I got to focus. But after a while, all of a sudden you pop up three months later, it's like, wow, my life is better. My marriage is better. I'm in better shape. My business runs smoother. Like all these things happen, but the idea is I'm, I'm doing that while falling in love with the day.

37:30Like when we do our work, I just, I'm like, I don't, I, what's the things we got to do to get there? Okay, great. Let's come back to the start. What's step one look like? What's step two look like? And only look at this. And so the discipline system is how can I get you to create a structure of discipline so you can love your day doing the things that you know will lead you to this end destination. Now, yes, they're going to feel awkward, out of character, but they don't consume your day. It might be a 15 minute thing like that, but the rest of it is all moving in that direction. And then all of a sudden you wake up and you go, wow, I've made more money.

38:02I've, I've, my relationship is generally closer and connected. I feel better in my body. Like those are the things that I want you to do. And people go, well, how do you know you made the shift? And I go, all of us can attest to this. There's a space and time in our past where I can go back and realize I was unsuccessful and go, what was it like to be that? Cause I can't put myself back in that headspace. When you can notice you can't go back to that headspace. It's apparent you've made that shift. Yes. A hundred percent. And I love also just your reiteration of you have to fall in love with process.

38:35There's actually research around that, around happiness and fulfillment. And people that stay so focused on the final destination or the mile marker or the goal are less likely to actually keep doing the work to get there versus people that I think it was a study about folks showing up in the gym and whether people were like, okay, focused on this outcome, or I'm really going to just pay attention to process. Like, how do I feel on that treadmill and being there for every breath or doing those chest presses or whatever it is. And the folks who focus on process are happier, more fulfilled, and more likely to actually stick with whatever that discipline is.

39:12So it's right on the money. It's because eventually it becomes who you are. Because we all know the person with like a Facebook that like, you know, a year ago was like a weird, like, you know, dream catcher and her cat, you know, on the face of her Facebook. and all of a sudden she starts going to the gym and you see a water bottle picture and you see a picture of the gym, none of her yet. And then one day, three months and you see a picture of her in the mirror because she feels better about herself and her friends go get it, Karen. And like, Karen's like, yeah, I feel good about myself. And the next thing you know, like she's showing videos of her working out and she's got her friends coming.

39:42And if you look a year, you're like, it's a different person, a genuine. And so where, again, it was difficult. It is now incredibly difficult for her not to do the things she is doing. That's the big thing that people aren't getting to it. Like they see individuals like us at a high level, how do you do it? It looks so easy. I'm like, well, first it's not. Secondly, it's a different level of how I approach the work. I call it effortless effort. It takes effort, a hundred percent does, but it almost feels smooth and effortless because it's me staying in alignment with who I see myself to be identity wise.

40:17And when you've crafted it and shifted into it, I want to stay here. Therefore, I do this work with joy to stay here. Let's talk about what you did, which was brilliant at the beginning of your journey of getting into coaching and speaking and being able to feel that effortless effort with your ability to present. Cause I think it's awesome. You did a nightly 90 video every night for right. 3.65 years. Tell us about that because I come across and you know this as a B-Schooler, so many folks who want to share something, have an idea that's going to make a difference to others, but they'll say, I'm not good on camera.

40:53And I'm like, I didn't, I wasn't born this way. We built this. So tell us about that experience. Yeah. Well, I think what it was is I realized when I go talk and speak, I did the ums and ahs and uh, right. I was like, I don't want to do it anymore. I also want to figure out how can I create content and ideas from anything, anytime. And I wanted to have it be something where I could create an exercise in consistency to create trust with people who were following me. So I was like, well, what's the tension span of people at the time was like 90 seconds. I'm like, well, for 90 seconds a night, I'll just pull my camera out and talk.

41:24And I was like, I'll do it for a month. And then a month turned to two. And here's the crazy thing. No one really paid attention to them for like the first year of me doing it. Just so you know, there wasn't this immediate feedback. People loved it. I'd have like 15, 20 views and like a day 370 or something. All of a sudden I got like 300 views on the video. I'm like, Oh, what did I say? Oh, it's so great about what it was is it crossed that gap. It kind of, you know, it tripped over where people like this guy is, he's real. Um, he's consistent. I can, I can trust he's going to be there. There's faith, but here's the thing.

41:55Every one of those videos of me being horrible and stumbling and building up to it, it got to the point where I now developed this skill that you say people think you're born with. Now I was developed. And then after that, I just want to see, can I hang on and keep doing it. Now, 1333 is where I stopped. It's a magic mental number for me, 333. But at the end of the day, the thing was, I just wanted to find a way to develop a skill, to develop trust, and to be able to see if that was something that could turn to something more. And it did. It's been allowing me to speak in different capacities like this.

42:27I can talk and podcast and not stumble over words. You could give me any item in your house right now and I'll give you a 90-second video on it. That could be a marketing, but it taught me these skills that are honestly what people pay me for now. It wasn't just something I figured out or learned from a book. It was the actions to where now I identify like I just did as like, I'm the guy you can say, Hey, give me 90 seconds on this shoe. And I got it, but I identify as it because I did that work. That's incredible. And just technically, did you post them on YouTube? Was it on Instagram or where did you post?

42:59I had a 10 minute process. I could record it, edit it and load it to seven platforms in under 10 minutes. what had a really quick truck i still got a video somewhere of it on my vimeo right actually like i showed people like episode 200 or something i was like here's how i do it and i just i filmed myself and like you literally are watching screen record of me doing it in real time let's record the video and i had this process it was on my website it was on both my facebook my youtube twitter i think went to linkedin as like seven different places and the editing was quick it was in some called in shot i think was the app i would use and that was it bang bang bang got it out and up and so didn't take a lot of time.

43:34It was just the consistency to do it. I think consistency is such a superpower. And people will often ask me because I've been doing this for like 20 years. And they're like, what's your secret? I'm like, I am consistent as all get out. Like if it's, if you don't hear from me on a Tuesday and it's not like our kind of stated company downtime, you know what I mean? Like where we're like, we take two weeks off in the summer. We take two weeks off in the winter. I'm like, girlfriend's dead. She's, she got, She went to the next adventure. You know what I mean? Because you're hitting it every Tuesday.

44:03I'm going to be showing up. But it is, it is, it becomes a part of your identity. And for me, sharing consistency, sharing consistently has become part of my identity where it's like, come hell or high water, something coming out. Even if I'm just waving high, even if I'm, you know, whatever. And I think people underestimate the power of that. It's huge. Momentum, right? Yeah. Yeah, well, two nights ago, I was so I do a night, a daily podcast weekdays called the Shift Starter Daily. And I don't know what it was. I was actually out in Florida about to speak for Russell Brunson's event just yesterday.

44:37And it was I don't know what it was. I woke up at three in the morning and in my head, my head goes, you didn't record the podcast episode. So half asleep, I pull my phone out on anchor, go record. It's three in the morning. I record it, get the little quick edit. It's up. It's out. Took like 10 minutes. I'm back to sleep. And that's an example of like, I identify as the guy who does a weekly daily podcast. Like, so because of that, I'm going to stay in alignment. Most people like, I'm going back to sleep. I'll do it tomorrow. No, no, no. I'm not going to, I'm not going to sleep. I'm going to lose sleep if I don't do it.

45:10So it's because of who I am as a consistent human that it's got to get done come hell or high water. Yes. I love that. I love this. So as we wrap up today, is there one message or one challenge or one change in thought in terms of someone's identity that you want to leave people with? Yeah. The first and only thing that really stands out, that's the, man, it's the one gateway that if you can navigate, they should be golden. And I call this everyone's greatest obstacle, E-G-O, ego. It's the, it's the area that so many people that will not push it away. So they never give themselves permission to improve.

45:45When I came out of the NFL, I had this ego that was like, I'm the best, I'm the greatest. Right. But reality was, I didn't know business. I didn't no relationship. I didn't know I was still a kid with kids, you know, and that ego was a hindrance on me. And for a lot of people, it is now it has a good place, which is the ego for us is like, I'm consistent. I will protect that with my actions. But there are parts of my identity that don't need a protection. They need to be killed and then reborn. Right. So everybody listening, the first step for you is not going to be going to see something right.

46:13It's going to say, can I let my ego take a break for a minute and hear what needs to be told to me? And so I can give myself permission to improve in that and then go and shift and sustain. But if you don't drop the ego, you can't start the process properly. Anthony, you are such a gift. Thank you so much for this beautiful book. Thank you so much for who you are as a human being and for making the time to be on the show today. It was really a joy. Hey, if you are overthinking, procrastinating, or just feeling off today, I have got your fix. It's called One Minute Motivators, a science-backed audio tool to help you shake off resistance, get focused, and take action now.

46:52Look, if you want me in your pocket motivating you when you need it most, grab the full audio collection at marieforleo.com slash motivators, or if you're watching this episode, just scan the QR code now.