480 - Introverted? How to Succeed in Business Without Changing Who You Are

0:00Hi Marie, I'm Tamara Walpole and I'm a London girl living in Grand Cayman. And my question to you is, I have this really irritating belief that I just don't have entrepreneurial skills that are built into my DNA. I'm quite shy. I'm not the pushiest of people. I'm quite introverted. And I feel like all of these qualities are not good if I want to be a successful businesswoman. And surely successful business people should be go-getters and should be strong and thick-skinned. And all of those qualities I just don't have yet. And I just wanted to know if people like myself can still make it as a successful business.

0:45Can people like myself change?

0:48Marie Forleo:Tamara, I love this question. And you asked me if I had any examples of other people who were shy like you are and then turned out to be successful entrepreneurs. And the answer is yes. And in fact, I'm bringing one on today. Not only is she an incredible human being, she's also a B-School grad, and she's quite an expert at helping people find and use their own voice. Angela Chi is a media and communication coach, creator of You Amplified, host of the Power of the Only podcast, and an award-winning former TV news anchor and reporter. Angela, thank you so much for taking the time to join me. Oh, I'm so excited to be with you, Marie.

1:26Marie Forleo:Yeah. I mean, Tamara's question, first of all, she is so amazing. And I feel like there are so many other entrepreneurs out there who share that same kind of question, right? Who feel like, my goodness, maybe I wasn't born with the right DNA or personality set in order to kind of take this idea and bring it to life. And before I want to hear about your history and your story and how you got to be as incredible as you are today, I just want everyone to know Angela is so amazing at who she is, at what she does. And she's also one of our guest faculty at B-School. So if you love Angela, which you're going to fall in love with the beginning of this, you get to have even more time with her in B-School.

2:07Marie Forleo:So, Angela, you know, Tamara said, are there any entrepreneurs out there or any examples of people like me who were shy but who are actually successful? What do you have to say to her about that? Well, you know, we looked at the video and we were like, oh, I just want to give her a big hug because so many people think this way. You were talking about, you know, was I ever shy? You know, you wouldn't tell now because I'm extroverted. You know, I've been on TV, all those things. But when I grew up, when I was younger, you know, my parents always taught me to not rock the boat, to play it safe, to play it small.

2:36And so my background was not to stand out. Right. And I was shy when I was younger and I slowly grew out of it by, you know, challenging myself. I think I did things. And when you achieve something, you do that next thing. And if you can keep going, it's not changing your personality. It's just growing, right? Growing and evolving. So, yeah, when I was little, I was taught to really be shy and really be quiet. And there were moments where I was very shy. Obviously, I grew out of it a little bit.

3:02Marie Forleo:Yeah. And I feel like that's kind of a great nuanced topic to just unpack a little bit. You can build skills. And this was another thing that I love that Tamara said. And I don't even know if you know, you said it, woman, it was like a subconscious thing where she said, you know, I don't have those qualities yet. And that's one. It's like, well, that says that you can actually develop strengths or develop skills. All of us can learn how to communicate in a more effective way. And I'll even say this for myself. She was saying, I have so, you know, thin skinned. I don't know if I could take probably what she was thinking as some kind of criticism or people saying no or not liking what she does.

3:42Marie Forleo:And I'll just reveal this. I remember when I first started my business, my goodness, did I have thin skin. And it was so painful to receive, you know, rejections or no's or especially for me, when I started, I was terribly insecure because I was super young, like 23. Who the hell is going to hire a 23-year-old life coach? I even knew it was a little bonkers, right? That didn't make any kind of sense. But over time, I realized, you know what? I have the ability to develop and I have developed a much thicker skin. And would you agree? It's like, that's a useful thing. It doesn't mean that I've changed my soft and big and loving heart.

4:22Marie Forleo:It just means I have this extra capability to be able to contextualize things so that I can be effective in who I am and what I do. And that's what I love about, you know, you're a coach. And when we watch that video, you hear that nuance, right, and people's words and what they say about yet, right, that you know that she has it. And also that she has these stereotypes of what a businesswoman should be, right? That's another thing I want to dive into deeper, too. But to answer your question about I believe and you believe us so that we already have everything we need to succeed. I believe you just need to amplify it.

4:55But first, you got to get really clear and you need to discover it. And so it's getting really deep into who are you? What do you stand for? And how do you want to show up in the world? And not trying to be like other people. All of us fall into that trap. Even when I took B school, right? When I was a B schooler, I was like, oh, I need to do it this way. You want to have a model to follow. And then you need to start to grow and go, yeah, I like that model, but I'm going to do it this way. And so, yes, we're always evolving and we're always growing. But I believe our core stays the same and we need to figure out.

5:23That's what you amplified for me is all about is you amplified, right? It's not changing who you are. Because all my on-camera clients, they say, oh, I want to be like you. I want to be like so-and-so. I want to be like Marie. And I say, no, let's dive deeper into who you are, what you stand for, and how you want to show up. And let's bring that out, you out, not shifting and changing into something else.

5:43Marie Forleo:Yes. Yes. And let's go to where you wanted to go next, Angela, which is about the stereotypes that maybe all of us have in our own minds of what a successful entrepreneur needs to look like. I'll go first. I remember having these ideas when I first started out of like what a successful businesswoman would be. and she had definitely shoulder pads and like a very clear power suit and she definitely existed in like a very um tall office building glass corner office and had like a boardroom and spoke in a particular way and when I tried to embody that Angela when I first started out oh my god did I feel so bad I sounded like an idiot because it wasn't me and I tried to be someone I wasn't.

6:26Marie Forleo:And I completely got blocked. And it wasn't until I got so frustrated and just felt so shitty because I was trying to be someone else that I was like, I give up. Like I give up. I'm from Jersey. I don't use correct language all the time. Sometimes it's a little bit spicy. I have weird kind of analogies that pop into my head and I want to articulate them in very kind of colorful ways. And when I started communicating that way, wouldn't you know it, everything started to work. I love how you said the shoulder pads. You know, we're about the same. We grew up in that same era where I had those shoulder pads.

7:03I wore the Jones, my first job out of college, I was in the Jones, New York black suit that I bought on sale at like Macy's. I had like, you know, low heels. I was so corporate. I couldn't even see my body. I had hose on. We had to wear hose, right? And so I did that and I fit the mold for the first, I mean, I'm 22 years, 21 years old, dress like that. No, no 21, you know, for younger generation, we used to dress like that even in our 20. But going back to those stereotypes, we see what we, we try to become what we see, right? If you don't see it, you, you think that that's the only way. And so that's why when you popped on the screen, when I was doing B-School and you were like dancing around New York City and doing it the way you want, I was like, I want that.

7:44And I think that allows people the freedom to say, you know We're doing it a different way. And so that's why my goal is to help everyone break through those barriers because it helps the next generation, too. It's so powerful to see, you know, you as a role model, different people doing things differently. But I want to go back to those stereotypes that we talk about. One of the parts of being really you amplified and knowing who you are is going back going, where did that come from? Right. Where where do those images come from? Sometimes we know sometimes our parents, sometimes it's our environment, the city we grew up in.

8:14But most of all, it's the media. It's just the society in which we live in. And sometimes they're conscious and sometimes they're unconscious. And so the conscious ones are easy to break. Like, oh, I don't think like that anymore. And even for me right now, as I'm getting to that next level, I'm like, whoa, why is that still coming up? Is that like unconscious? So each level you get to, you can be better and more of you. But it doesn't end. Like I'm still evolving going, wait, do I still think that way? Like, especially in the last two years, how I thought I've always been empowered, go getter.

8:45You know, I was TV news anchor. But even in the last two or three years, I've changed the way what I think is possible. And I think we all can.

8:53Marie Forleo:Can I be honest with you? You are too nice. And it's costing you money. Because every time you say yes to someone's quick question or tiny favor, you're saying no to that one big project that'll get you the income you want. Watch this free 12-minute class, and I'm going to show you how to double your productivity and escape the three toxic lies that keep most nice people stuck. Go to marieforleo.com slash free class or scan the QR code on screen right now. For Tamara, just to stay on answering her question, it's like we have so many B-schoolers, people that I know personally, who identify as massively introverted, identify completely shy, would absolutely like to stay home, don't really like to be on camera or quote unquote, put themselves out there and are thriving in their business.

9:45Marie Forleo:The one thing that came to me when I was watching your question tomorrow was you have to make your business, whatever your business is about more than you. So in any of our lives, I think. And Angela, I'm curious to hear your perspective on this. If we have so much spotlight on ourselves and we're like, am I going to be okay? Am I going to be able to make a difference? What are people going to think of me? Anytime I get caught in that zone, I'm screwed. I am so screwed because I have the attention on myself. But when I take that attention and focus and put it out, how can I help? How can I serve?

10:22Marie Forleo:What am I here to give? Not what am I here to get? all of a sudden I have no attention on me. It's all about being of service. And from that place, the business runs beautifully. You're so right. And that's exactly, you know, even if people don't want to be on camera, that's exactly how you get over your on-camera fear as well. I have so many entrepreneurs that have this message and this mission. They say, it's time for me to do this, but I don't want to shoot the video or I don't want to do this. And I go, you know what? That's okay. But they feel compelled because they're called to something bigger and they want to get that out there and that's just a vehicle.

10:55But when they start on focusing on what does the audience need or some people are asking it from them, right? I have a lot of clients who say like, so-and-so keeps asking me to do this or do this video. As soon as they really step into their mission going, why am I doing this? I'm doing it for that person. It's a gift to that person. Then it does. It takes that stress off of you a little bit because at some point people will break and they go, my message and my mission is so much more important than these little things or tearing myself apart or whatever I'm dealing with that it kind of hits a tipping point and they will step up.

11:23But you can also do that earlier, you know, and going, you know what, it's really not about you. And for some reason, you know, we've had a generation of people where it feels like it's all about that person, right? How many views, how many this, but we're going back to, or I think that we should go back to the core, which is the number one thing. And what I teach my clients, what's your audience, right? What's your message in your audience? How are they feeling? What do they want? What do you want to give them? That's how I start every speech. That's how I start every video. That's how I start every interview is who are you talking to and what do they need?

11:52And if you focus on that, just like you said, it really does take a little bit of the stress off.

11:57Marie Forleo:Absolutely. And so again, to underscore for Tamara and for anyone else watching going like, oh, do entrepreneurs only come in one particular personality type? Do you have to be this like super hard hitting type A like, oh, like all the time is like, no. And I think people may not get this about me, especially if they're somewhat new to watching the show. So I am one of the least social people. Like I enjoy doing this. And Angela, you and I have worked together, you know, in B-School and stuff like that. And it's like, I love being with y 'all. But I decline like 99.9 % of like in-person parties.

12:33Marie Forleo:Like I'm a homebody. I am super happy at home. I am super happy just being with Josh. I am super happy just being in nature. So even though I'm able to do this because again, I care so much about the mission and making a difference and I'm a professional. So I show up and do what I'm here to do. But it's not like if you develop the ability to communicate effectively through your business that you all of a sudden change who you are and you have to be on all the time, 24-7, always like selling. No, it doesn't have to be like that. So for anyone who feels like, oh, I'd love to start a business or I'd love to grow my business, but I feel like I have to become someone else to do it.

13:12Marie Forleo:Angela and I are both telling you, no, no. Oh, and if anything, aren't you sick of the videos that all look the same? It's like someone copied someone that's like, yeah, you need to go do this. And then you get the ads, you get the things, and everyone sounds the same. I'm not going to name it. There's a certain type that people thought this is what it takes to be successful with an online business. This is what it takes to do that. And they follow this model. And you almost blink it out because it's like the same person, but they look different or they're selling something different. And so we really, really, yes, need to harness, you know, like I said, like my podcast, the power of the only.

13:49I've always been the only one, the only Asian girl, the only this. And it's really about diving deeper and like what can I bring to the table and what suits you, right? You can be an introvert. You know, I actually, I guess I'm an ambivert, but I didn't even really understand introvert is how you recharge, right? I love being on stage and being on, but only when I'm on stage and when I'm on, right? And I work hard at it. Like I love being on stage when I'm in, I'm in the zone, but I prep, you know, I get in a mental state. Who is my audience? What is my message? What is my purpose? I do voice exercises.

14:21I jump up and down. I get the energy. I go on stage. I love it. And then when I go home, I like want to go in the house. I can talk to people. I'm super happy. And I actually love that moment. And then I want to just eat a bowl of Chinese food and like, you know, watch TV. And my husband would probably, he's an extrovert extrovert. He'd probably go to the bar and chat with like 50 people and come back with like 50 stories. And I'm like, no, I'll capture both. those two hours, but when I'm done, I'm done. That doesn't mean I don't like people. It's just, you have to honor your energy.

14:50Marie Forleo:Yes. And again, we're just wanting to underscore this for you, Tamar, and for anyone else listening. It's like who you are right now is absolutely perfect. Yes. We all have new skills to develop. We all have new things that we can learn, new capabilities that will help us be more effective in the world and to share our gifts and to share our mission. And of course, I'm always working on it. Angela's working on it. Any human being who's on a growth path is always learning new things. So that's not a problem. But who you are intrinsically, you don't need a new personality. You don't need different DNA.

15:26Marie Forleo:You just need to trust that still small voice. And then I would say this also, if you do want to either start or grow your business, do get some education and training around that. Because I know I didn't have any of that when I popped out of college, Even though I had a business, you know, an undergrad degree in business finance, it was like all around analytics and, you know, kind of pushing papers. It wasn't like, how do you actually start and grow a business from scratch, especially if you don't have an MBA? You're not kind of looking for venture capital. You just want to grow something really organically.

16:00Marie Forleo:So obviously, I'm biased. Tamara and anyone else, I think you should get your button B school because I've been running it for 12 years and I've seen over 66 ,000 people go through it and it really works. But even if you don't resonate with me or you don't think Angela and I are the best, which I think we are, but do get yourself some education because you also get to plug in and you get to connect with other people who have been where you are, who are where you are, and who can be a really beautiful mirror for your possibility. People who can believe in you and who can continue to support you as you grow.

16:33Marie Forleo:What do you say to that, Angela? Yes. Yeah. Well, I think that's a lot of part where confidence comes from, right? First of all, we talked about, you know, remain to your core, but know what your core is, right? Your strengths, your weaknesses. The other part, if you know you have part that's a gap, like there's some things that I'm like, I know I can do that, but I'm not ready yet because I'm going to put into the work to learn that, right? So I have a core belief that I can really do anything I want, but I don't think I can do it tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to be the best at it tomorrow.

17:01It's not this overconfidence cockiness thing. It's just more like I have this intrinsic belief because I've done it before. I've done the work. I do the research. I show up. And then I grow. Right? So I know that, you know, I'm going to write a book soon and I'm going to do this. But I'm like, oh, I don't have time. It's going to I want to do it the right way. And I'm going to invest the time and then the whole the whole ramp up to it. So I'm like, maybe not this second. Right? Not this second. But you have to know that what your weaknesses are and your strengths and be self-aware. And then you fill the gap.

17:31Doesn't mean you can't achieve it. It's just like you said, get the right tools, get the right mentors, and then do the work. And then that confidence will come, right? The innate confidence to try it, and then even more confidence and more growth will just come. And then you'll just be part of who you are. It'll just add you, and you'll forget that moment. I remember I was a stage when I was in B school, and I was copying a lot of people, and I was doing my, oh, that person did their website that way. I'm going to do their website that way. Oh, they made this video. I better go do that. And I even forgot that I fell into that trap as well.

18:02and I've just grown like you, right? I've just grown. And when you embody it, you forget. And you're like, oh yeah, yeah. Who am I talking about? I was like that too. So you're not alone. You just, it's different phases of the journey.

18:14Marie Forleo:Yeah, yeah. So Tamara, we believe in you. Hopefully you have enjoyed this perspective and you know for sure, A, you do not have to change your personality or who you are. You are beautiful and perfect as you are. If you want to start or grow your own business, you are completely capable of that. And yes, of course, you're going to have to develop some new skills and some new capabilities, but that doesn't have to be at war with your soul. You can have you be as beautiful and unique and quiet and potentially even shy if that's what feels natural to you. And you can also build these incredible skills to communicate effectively, to deliver on your mission, and to, yes, be successful exactly as you are.

18:57Marie Forleo:Angela, thank you so much for contributing and helping me answer this question. This is so much fun. I love doing things together like this because, you know, people can hear stuff from me all day. But oftentimes it takes different voices and different perspectives and really to underscore these messages. And some people go, you know what? I think I can do it. And it's so important right now. We're at this really important, pivotal time. I mean, women entrepreneurs, we've always been important. But it's really building. And now more than ever, you need to be that only one, that different voice.

19:29And you've been doing it for years. But even that next level, growing that next generation for, we're setting that platform for the future, right? Generations forward for my daughter to see something different and to know that you believe in yourself, that you can do things differently and they can still work out. So we are the ones to create the new models for the future. So it's not just about right now. It's about the future. And I'm super excited. So thank you so much, Marie.

19:52Marie Forleo:Tamara, that was my A to your Q. I really do hope it helps. And now I want to hear from you. So what was the biggest insight or aha that you are taking away from today's conversation? And most importantly, how can you turn that insight into action starting right now? Because that's where all the magic happens. And by the way, if you want to just turn the magic up, like supercharge the magic in terms of making more money, making more impact and having more freedom than you could ever imagine, and you're a business owner or wannabe, you need to get your butt into B-School. Seriously. You might have been thinking about it or hearing about it for years and like, I've never done this thing.

20:30Marie Forleo:Now is the time to do it. We're doing our first ever summer session. It's going to be lit. I'm going to be with you every single week. And I'm telling you, your business, your sales, your customers, your profit, your impact, skyrocket. Seriously, go to joinbschool.com to check out more details. Now, back to this conversation. I want to hear what you're learning and what you're doing. So if you haven't already, go over to the magical land of MarieForleo.com and leave a comment there. And while you're there, if you're not yet subscribed to the email list, I don't know what you're thinking. I really don't.