492 - Should You Keep Going - Or Move On?

0:00It's becoming somewhat of a drain sometimes to go to work and I do a lot of things. Mother, wife, do a nine-to-five. The list goes on. Children's book author. Sometimes I wonder if it's time. How do you keep going when everything seems to be falling apart around you, including the course itself that you thought you were so committed to perhaps a few months prior or a few years before? You felt so committed to it. And sometimes you just want to lie down in bed and just not move. That's the first part. And I suppose the next part, you could do it as a two part, would be when you know it's perhaps time to move on.

0:41And even if you decide to move on, move on to what? How do you know you're not making a grave mistake, for example? Yeah.

0:50Marie Forleo:Yes. I love this question, Kay. And I'm so excited to talk to you about this because I think that, myself included, I'm someone who can talk a lot about the power of consistency and going for it and not giving up on your dreams. And that is appropriate for some stages of life. And there's also another side that we don't get a chance to talk about enough, but I get a chance to talk about it with you today. So a couple of clues that you gave me in your question. When you're starting to feel super exhausted and it's like you just want to stay in bed and you can almost feel everything as like, oh God, not another day.

1:29Marie Forleo:Here's something that I've learned in my life, and I'm curious if this resonates as truth for you. So I had so much conditioning in my own life from society, probably from things that I've read, things that I've absorbed, things that I've witnessed, where it was like, you can't ever stop. You can't ever take a break. And if you stop or take a break, you're weak. You're giving up on your dreams. You're not going for it, right? You're not strong. And that's like the thing that I've always wanted to be was strong and to be that person. And here's something really cool that I learned that has actually made a huge difference for me was that when I'm really, really tired and exhausted, it is a clue that I need to rest and that there is incredible power in a pause, a longer pause than my egoic mind wants to think I need.

2:19Marie Forleo:And sometimes we're at a stage in our life, Kay, where who we've been, who's been amazing, reaching for those dreams, the family, the kids, having the job, doing children's book, all the things, right? Those were genuine expressions of your heart and things that you wanted to bring to life because you did. That's how we know you have them. And then for most of us, there becomes this moment of transition. It's like a different season is arriving. We're not who we were in the past, but we're still not who we know we're becoming. And so there's this gap. And the gap for most of us is frigging terrifying.

3:04right?

3:04Marie Forleo:And we're freaking tired and we don't have the energy that we used to. And some of us are afraid that if we slow down or make a big change right now, like we're going to F everything up and be like, oh my gosh, I blew up. Like what the hell was I thinking? So there's a few things. One, it's very possible. And I want you to think about this and chew on this and sleep on it a little bit. You may be, may be so exhausted from pushing yourself for so long that you're either on the edge of burnout or you've tipped over and you really do need a reset. Like you need to give yourself permission to just stop.

3:37Marie Forleo:Like doing the bare minimum. I'm talking about eating healthy food, getting more sleep probably than you've ever slept in your life because you just frigging need it. Not pushing yourself to do 7 ,000 things other than the basics. Recruiting your family to help out and do a lot more and just say, mama needs a break. Y 'all need to step up a little bit or like, it's just not going to get cleaned and you don't beat yourself up that there's dust bunnies in the corner or this one's crying for this. You go, you're an adult now. You can figure it out. Does that make sense? Makes perfect sense. Yes. So, and for most of us, ambitious, creative, driven beings, again, holding my hand up for this type A, right?

4:16Marie Forleo:This is the hardest thing for us because our egos are like, no, you're going to ruin everything. But if you've noticed, your body is like, I can't do it right now. I can't do it right now. So that's level one. And I want to just invite you to consider how would that feel, not your head. I'm talking about your heart and your soul and your vessel, if you actually gave yourself permission to rest, how would that feel? Okay. Would it be like - It would feel great. Yes. So my first homework is see how much joy comes out. I felt that way too. I was like, is that even allowed? Is someone going to come arrest me?

4:54Marie Forleo:That's what I'm saying. I was like, is the ambition police going to come and take me away? Because I'm like, she gave up or something. So that's my first piece of homework for you is just to really take a look hardcore at the things that you have set up that you can unset up. The things that you can either delegate, you can let go of that you can stop working on just for a little bit. Even if it's like two months or three months, you're like, this is just on pause. I'm not giving it up forever. Yes, you got to have your nine to five. All of us, we make that living. That's great. But it's like, you don't have to do that right now.

5:26Marie Forleo:And the reason I'm saying I want you to do this and take this rest first is because here's another big lesson I learned. Never, ever, if you can help it, make huge life decisions when you are exhausted, burned out, or upset and lost, just don't do it. Just don't do it. Because we're not grounded, right? Most of us don't. We can't see clearly. It's almost like we're in a fog or we've been through a storm and there's mud on our windshield. There's just so much crud and we're not seeing clearly. But if you just give yourself a little bit of time and space to rest, it's all going to come back to you and you're going to know exactly whether it's like, oh, wait, this nine-to-five job, wait, there's actually things that I can do to make this thing a beautiful expression, or I'm complete here and I feel absolutely certain about that.

6:13Marie Forleo:You're not going to be afraid that you're making the biggest mistake of your life or something else is going to come along because you had the wisdom to listen to your soul and your higher self, not your ego. Does that make sense? Makes sense. Perfect sense. So that was part one. That was the thing that I really wanted to say to you because your next chapter is coming, but it's not here yet. And I always like to use this analogy because it's a beautiful analogy and it's very, very true. So it's like when you've had a big burst, which you've had for the past couple of years, it's like, do you know how when flowers, especially here in spring in New York City, like my tulips, like they're like, they had their moment, the daffodils had their moment and now they're like, okay, we're done.

6:51Marie Forleo:And so they fall to the ground and then they have this moment, these months where they have to then be still because they're not going to rise again. They're not going to have another bloom for a bit. But for us as humans, that be still and that refertilization and that kind of going back in so that we can create something new for people like us, this is the hardest. But your question and your energy tells me that's where you are right now. So I just need you to honor that and not fight it because it'll make it take longer and it'll be more painful. And then the second thing I wanted to say to you, just as a human, that one of the things I had to discover, rediscover during when this started happening for me, I had to take a closer look at my health.

7:33Marie Forleo:So I don't know if you've done this recently or if you have access to this, but getting any type of like blood work done or even just in all honesty, being real simple with yourself. Like what's the nutrition I'm putting in my body? Is it working for me? Am I moving this physical body enough? Do you know what I mean? Am I doing things that really will help this vessel give birth to my next chapter in a way that is really clear and powerful for me. Because at least in my case, I didn't realize that there were things that were cool for me in my like, you know, childhood teens and early twenties that then it's like, oh, hit the forties.

8:07Marie Forleo:It's like, nope, no good for you anymore, mama. Case, am I right? But it's like, we're habitual creatures by nature. So we want to keep doing the same shit that we've done for the other decades. And it's like, no, no, no, girl, you need a whole new game plan for this one, for what's coming up next. So if any of that resonates for you, that's another great area to look at in this period of rest where you're like, what does my body crave now? What's going to be really nutritious and powerful and nourishing for me now? What's going to set me up to win and to have all of my incredible energy and clarity in my mind and my body and my soul for who I am now.

8:48Marie Forleo:Does that resonate? It makes perfect sense. I was forced four years ago to look at my health, not because I said, oh, let's go look at the health. I was hospitalized, so I had to look at my health. And a lot of what you've said, it really does resonate because that's what I've been doing, but I just felt like I was doing the wrong thing. I'm supposed to be up. I'm supposed to be about. I'm supposed to be doing this. I'm supposed to be doing that. I'm not supposed to trying to get no rest. So I'm very glad you've said it because I feel better and I feel like I'm just not letting the days go by.

9:21Like time is of the essence. Like that's pretty much like, as you said, it is burnout. It is absolute burnout. That is exactly what it is.

9:31Marie Forleo:Yes. And you have so much more creativity in you and so much more life in you and so many more things that are coming. It's like, think about these little seeds that are in your soul right now, right? And they want to be nourished. And for them, the form of sunlight and the form of water is probably coming in the form of some rest and some peace. Whereas again, I'm speaking for myself too, when I'm the stress ball looking for like, well, what do I got to create next? And I have to do at the pace I was doing. It's like, that's a shitty environment for any seed to grow, right? It's like, I'm destroying that seed.

10:02Marie Forleo:It's not going to grow there. So same thing. It's like, oh, what does that need? And it could be about asking and getting quiet and getting still or in meditation or in prayer, asking like, oh, what do I really need right now? I'm not listening to this thing, but listening to this thing. Yeah. Because that's the strongest part of UK. Can I ask, how do you keep still? Like I've been still for a day. Like, okay, it's been a day. Do I need to keep still for a day more? No, no, you don't. So it's not even about stillness per se, but I think, let me ask you this question. Do you know the difference between when you're doing like something restful and enjoying versus when you're stressing yourself out, trying to push yourself to a limit?

10:37Yeah, my body literally shuts itself down when I'm doing something stressful and pushing myself to the limit. It literally stops working.

10:43Marie Forleo:Correct. And what do you do? What's interesting to you right now that's really fun and that you could do joyfully? Spend time with, unfortunately, my family. Not unfortunately, I was going to say. Sometimes it can be a large part of the stress, but spending time with my family, moving, dancing, just even just creating sometimes, sometimes even writing. Great. So there's a long list I have, but sometimes, I don't know, sometimes I'm like, okay, literally. Yeah. Okay. Pay attention to that, track that, let yourself do the things that are really joyful for you and fun. So if it's being with your family, great.

11:20Marie Forleo:If you need a break from them, great. We all do every once in a while, please. The dancing, all that stuff and the writing and creating, not for any purpose. And then I think it would be helpful too for you in all honesty, take this or leave it, but just tracking what's happening when you feel those times of like, oh my God, I'm exhausted. You know, what did you eat the last couple of days? What were you doing? Who are you interacting with? Because I've found that sometimes for me, tracking some of those things really gives me some insight. Like, oh, I was doing, this is not good for me anymore, but I didn't realize it.

11:48Marie Forleo:So, and we don't know the time limit. I know part of it's like, well, how long do I need to, it's not necessarily about being still. It's giving yourself permission to just be a lot easier on you than you have been before. Getting in top healthful shape, what that means for you now. And then praying and working on, okay, what's my next chapter? You're not going to be able to push this. It's not going to happen in a week, girl. You're going to have to give it a little bit more. But trust me when I say when you honor the calling of your soul, even when it needs to be quiet and still a little bit, what's going to come forth from that is going to be way better than what your ego mind is trying to push forth right now.

12:22Marie Forleo:Because that's old. That's an old you. Yeah. You don't need that anymore. Cool. Thank you so much, Marie. Oh, keep me posted. I'm with you. There are many of us with you, by the way. And this is a beautiful period. I was saying to Greg, who's my hair magic guy, I was like, you know, change is awesome in life and transitions suck. They're really uncomfortable. They can be really, do you know what I mean? They're like frightening. They're panic stricken. When we're in between chapters, it's really, really hard. but some of the most beautiful things come out of it and being gentle with yourself during that transition time.

12:55Marie Forleo:It's key. Thank you. Yeah. It's a transition time. And I think that that's, that's, I like how you say it. It's a transition time and I just need to be patient with the process and know that it's a transition time and just ride, ride the course, ride the course, baby. Can't rush clarity, but it'll come to you. I promise when you're gentle with you. Thank you so much, Kay. You're fantastic. I appreciate your questions so much. Thank you, Marie.

13:49Marie Forleo:and you can download this audio training for free right now. Enjoy it.