508 - The Secrets to Finding More Happiness, No Matter Your Circumstances

0:00Marie Forleo:Krishnaji and Preethaji are the founders of O &O Academy, a philosophy and meditation school for transforming consciousness. They're entrepreneurs and philosophers who have led thousands of people around the world through their retreats and the Ecom World Peace Festival. Their first book, The Four Sacred Secrets for Love and Prosperity, A Guide to Living in a Beautiful State, is available now. Thank you both so much for being here. It's such an honor to have you here on the show. Thank you very much for having us. So you've had your organization. You've been teaching thousands for 30 years now.

0:34Marie Forleo:Talk to me about what inspired you guys to write this book now, which is brilliant, by the way. For us, living in a transformed state of consciousness is not the be-all of life, nor is fame, wealth, relationship the end-all of life. And for us, what we see is coming together of both of this. and to put it in a word, actually you say that, Buddha. It's about, we want to tell people and teach people and give this gift, Buddha living in events, Buddha driving events. See, we are constantly in this belief that our happiness, our joy, everything is found through external success. We feel if we get more wealthier, we become more happier.

1:19If we look more beautiful, we'll become more happier, more healthier, more happier. better relationships in life more happier but we are constantly seeing that people are actually becoming more unhappier which means we have to learn to master in the world and happiness is something that's enjoyed within here yes so it is very important that we first learn to live in a beautiful state which means learning to live in a state of joy happiness calm peace and from there nurture our life from there build our life from there build our relationships from there build our wealth, from there build our success, from there have a vision for a health, for anything in life, external.

1:58We need to come from a beautiful state. We need to come from this place of inner calm. We need to come from this place of inner fulfillment. Then everything you do has a meaning, has a purpose. And those actions are very beautiful actions because now you're not trying to make yourself trying to make yourself

2:20you're not craving for happiness but instead you are actually happy and doing things from that state so it is very important that we understand that the external world and the inner world has to come together which means you have to have this gift of Buddha driving the bends where Buddha is the inner state and driving the bends is your external success in the world

2:42Marie Forleo:I think one of the most beautiful stories in the book, which illustrates really the contrast between what you guys have framed as a suffering state versus a beautiful state, is the story of the two monks. Do you want to tell that? Sure. Two monks, we just named them Yasme and Nomi. They're returning back to the monastery and on the way they have to cross a river. And just as they're about to cross a river, they hear a woman crying. So Yasme goes up to her and asks her what was troubling her. She actually has to cross the river, but the river is so full, so she's fearing that she'll not be able to get back to her toddler, and she's fearing that he would cry for her all night.

3:22So Esme offers to help her, so he carries her and leaves her on the other side of the bank. And Esme and Nomi continue on the walk towards the monastery. And after half an hour into the walk, Nomi, in a very agitated tone, speaks up, you know, what you have done? And Esme says, this is very calm, yes. He says, no, you carried the woman. Yasme is like, so? Amasa said, never look at a woman. You went and spoke to her. Amasa said, never speak to a woman. You touched her. And Amasa said, never touch a woman. You carried her. You've done something very wrong. For which Yasme very calmly looks at Nomi and says, yes, but I've dropped her half an hour ago.

3:58It is you who's still carrying her.

4:02Marie Forleo:I love that story because it illustrates how much in our minds we carry our past or the worries about the future or the anxieties and so much here, and we're not actually present to our lives, which in this moment, typically, if you're really here for it, is quite beautiful and quite awesome if you're not listening to this thing. Absolutely. And Esme clearly represents that state. Yes. In a beautiful state, he's just going to the woman, sees what is needed, does what is needed, and then continues with life. Yes. But Nomi is very agitated within, continues in the state of agitation, and continues in that state of agitation even after the event is over.

4:41And he's not being present to life.

4:43Marie Forleo:Yes. A beautiful state is a state where you are being present, a state in which there is no inner conflict. It is not an emotional high, but it is a state where you're feeling so connected to life, connected to people, to life. And what takes away this beautiful state is the suffering state. And how would you define that as a suffering state for anyone? A suffering state is any state in which you're experiencing an inner disturbance. It could start off as irritation, as frustration, as loneliness, as sadness, as anxiety, as fear, as insecurity. And what is it that an individual is nurturing or fueling at any point of time?

5:26Because there are only two states. Krishnaji always is. Yeah. There are only two states that we experience life from. There's no third state. Whether we are a Christian, Muslim, Hindu, whether we're a Chinese, Indian, Japanese, or American, whether we're a three-year-old child or a hundred-year-old person, man, woman, anyone on this planet. We are only experiencing life from these two states, either a suffering state or a beautiful state. You are either relating to your child from a space of love or from a space of confusion and conflict, not knowing how to take care of your child. You are either going to work from a space of connection, connected to the vision that you're doing, or you're just conflicted, not knowing what you're going to do with your life.

6:05How is this day going to be? You're constantly in a state of worry, not knowing how the day is going to unfold. So these are the only two states that you're constantly living from. So the most important question in life is what state do I want to live my life from? What state do I want to be a parent from? What state do I want to be a husband or a wife from? What state do I want to go to my work from? What state do I want to be a leader from? That's the most important question and if we can find the answer which is a beautiful state then life becomes beautiful. Because behind And everything that we're seeing in life, whether we're deciding to be together or to separate or to take up this job, another job, anything that you're seeing behind war or peace that you're seeing in the world, the division that we're experiencing is one of these two seats.

6:52And unfortunately, we're not given sufficient attention to our state because our life is revolved about what we can show off to others and how much we can achieve. Nothing wrong with it, but if it can come from a beautiful state, it will be nurturing to yourself and you can also be nurturing to others.

7:10Marie Forleo:Yes. So one of the things I think is so interesting for folks listening now, I know they're like, yes, yes, and yes. Now please tell me, how can I begin to cultivate a more beautiful state when my dog is throwing up and the baby's crying and I just learned that my transmission's broke? and you know, like the absolutely really normal everyday things for all of us show up, what would you say to them who are like, this sounds really good, but how do I even begin to start? Let us make a clear distinction between challenges that we face in life and suffering. Challenges or the pressure. Pressure is experienced by any species, the plant species, the animal species, human species.

7:55We all experience challenges in our life. Pressure is always there. But suffering is something very different from the challenges. We differentiate our suffering from the challenges that we face. Suffering is the inner dialogue that we carry within ourselves. This continuation of the external challenge internally is very limited only to the human species. And this inner dialogue, this continuation of the challenge internally, that we call a suffering. And this suffering unfortunately separates us. It disconnects us from people. It disconnects us from life. It disconnects us from everything around, everything that's beautiful around you.

8:34And this is suffering. Do we need to suffer in order to find solution to the challenge that we're currently facing? No. No. We're just habituated to it. Yes. We are used to it. And more so often we are like, it becomes a home after a point of time. Yes.

8:49Marie Forleo:Very comfortable and familiar. Yes. People are used to living in states of anger. People are used to living in states of anxiety. Now, even when there is no need, you wake up with this anxiety in your stomach. You're not able to get to bed or sleep properly because there's so much of anxiety that you're filled with because you are used to it and you're constantly fueling these states, which has become your home. Yes. So what can we start to do to pull that string? I mean, obviously awareness, I believe, is one of the beginnings. It is extremely important that we bring attention to our inner state.

9:19Yes. And what we teach the participants, our students, is we teach them wisdom. We give them the right wisdom that is needed to see what is the state in which they are coming from. And also bring attention to the emotions that they are feeling and see how they are obsessed about a past event or a future event. And see how disconnected and engrossed they are with themselves. Which I think you need to add. Yes, if you look at suffering and if you bring attention to a thought process, you will understand that while you're suffering, you're constantly obsessed about yourself.

9:53Marie Forleo:Yes. You have moved away from challenges, you're moved away from problems, but you're just obsessing about yourself. For example, you got fired. The problem is you need to solve, you need to find another job. But instead you suffer, you suffer because now you think what's going to happen to my mortgage payment? What am I going to go back home and tell my parents or tell my wife? What are my friends going to think about me? Or someone who was less efficient than me got promoted, there was politics, I was sabotaged. So all these thoughts are about you, you have completely moved away from the problem to yourself and when that happens you are in suffering.

10:25So if we can bring attention to the thought process then you will free yourself from suffering and you will start to connect to the problem and there'll be intelligence that flows. Today science clearly says that the more you suffer the brain actually shrinks in size and the more you feel connected the brain actually expands in size which means you're becoming either less intelligent and less connected, or you're becoming more intelligent and more connected.

10:50Marie Forleo:So if I'm hearing you correctly, and I'm just going to track for everyone listening, one of the first things we can do is just simply bring awareness to our thoughts, bring awareness to that thought process, and to be able to be aware that if we're suffering, there's a really high likelihood that our thoughts are self-obsessed, eye-based. Yes. There is this data today which shows that we think around 12 ,000 to 60 ,000 thoughts a day. out of which 85 % of them are negative thoughts. 85 % of them are repetitive thoughts and out of which 80 % of them are negative thoughts. That negativity bias in our mind, right?

11:28Marie Forleo:Which is built in ancient circuitry that was designed to help us survive, but in modern times, not so wonderful for a beautiful state. Yes. If there is suffering, and it's an insight from Krishnaji, if there is suffering, that That means you are engrossed with yourself. If you're not engrossed with yourself, if you are connected, then there is no suffering. So simple yet so profound. Yes. Yes. So incredibly profound. So okay, someone's listening right now. They're like, all right, I'm going to start paying attention to my thoughts. I'm going to start bringing awareness to notice. Right now, am I in a beautiful state or a suffering state, paying attention, noticing if I'm self-obsessed, there's going to be suffering.

12:12Marie Forleo:This is a really good start. I want to talk more deeply about how we can move into, let's say that, okay, we did lose our job and we do recognize, wow, I am being really self-obsessed right now. How can we take this awareness of perhaps moving into a beautiful state and then moving into taking the next right spiritual action? Can you guys speak into that? See, when you bring awareness or attention to the thoughts that you are being self-obsessed, you automatically move into a beautiful state. There is no search for you. You're not searching to get into a beautiful state but beautiful state automatically happens because now you saw the inner truth.

12:51The inner truth that you are obsessing about yourself and when you see the truth automatically beautiful state comes in and in that beautiful state you see problem very crystal clear and then when you're able to see the problem very crystal clear there is a tremendous amount of intelligence that flows into you. There is strength, there is courage, you get back your vision and you go back trying to solve that problem and you find a solution. It falls off like a house of cards. If you're able to see suffering and see that it is an engrossment with yourself, it is just an engagement with yourself, then it falls apart.

13:30And then you dissolve the suffering. And once suffering dissolves, what happens within you is a place of calm, a joy, a connection, and then you act from that place. A spiritual right action, as it is in the book, is an action that emerges after you've dissolved your suffering state. It could be anxiety, it could be fear, it could be hurt, it could be loneliness. But when you act from these states, you do not have the right intelligence that you need to solve that particular problem or the challenge that you're facing. So it is important to dissolve these states of suffering in order to acquire the intelligence to solve the problem.

14:10And then a spiritual right action is an action that emerges after taking into consideration your well-being as well as the well-being of the other, because it emerges from a place of connection.

14:20Marie Forleo:Yes. And a spiritual right action is not an ideal driven action. I loved this distinction in the book. I definitely want to go deeper on this because I think in our world there's so many kind of formulas and people are looking for a particular set way to do something that's going to produce a positive result every time, and that's just not realistic. And the thing that I loved about the distinction I read in your book was it's not ideal based. It actually is present to the moment so you can be appropriate to what's here. Absolutely, because ideals are old, ideals are mechanical, ideals are repetitive and habitual.

14:56And what is needed from you as a wonderful person is that you feel so connected to people. You feel so connected to life and act from that place. If it is driven by an ideal, you're performing that action not from a place of connection, but because you want to feel right, or you want to feel great, you want to feel that you're an honest person, you are the wonderful person. It is, again, obsessing about yourself.

15:18Marie Forleo:Yes. Do we want to go into the Confucius example? Because I think that that might help explain, because I can hear people going like, What are you guys talking about when you talk about ideals? What exactly does that mean? So there is this story in the time of Confucius, and the horse gets stolen. And so there's this young boy who comes to the court where Confucius is there and says, I know who stole the horse. And Confucius asks who it was. And then he says, my father. So immediately the father was brought to the court, and he was jailed. But Confucius does not let go of the boy. He continues to inquire to find out what was the problem.

15:54And he says, do you know why your father stole the horse? He says, yes, I know. My father stole the horse because his family has been starving. My mom, my sister, my brother, and myself, we have been starving for so many days. And in order to feed us, he stole the horse. On listening to this, Confucius jailed the boy and released the father. And I always share this with the field of abundance, a 4-day retreat that I do across the world. and people get very confused. Because the boy has done the right thing. Why is the boy being jailed? Because you're so used to feeling being honest is right. I would say probably Confucius felt different.

16:34Confucius felt that having a person who's heartless in the society was more dangerous than having a person who could speak lie. And this boy, if you go into it, if you go into the story, as how we interpret, is obsessed with being right, is obsessed with being an honest person. And this obsession is actually disconnecting him from his family, disconnecting him from his life. So a spiritual right action is not born out of an obsession. What the world needs now, what the world needs today is a state of connection, where you feel connected. And the action that emerges from a state of connection would never be a wrong action.

17:16Marie Forleo:It also feels like when people get so married to a sense of righteousness or what they believe must always be, there is also a loss of a sense of larger context with both how they're relating... And it's very... It is old. I mean, it is like a very old software playing the same programming or a very old song playing the same song, not taking into consideration what the environment needs. Yes. It's not dynamic. It's not flexible. and there's no spontaneity of heart or universal connection. And if you look back at your life, the times when you actually performed or hurt somebody else or you regret having performed that action, it comes from a state of suffering.

17:57Marie Forleo:Yes. Yes, yes, yes. When you are suffering, you perform those actions that can cause greater division, greater discord, greater suffering, more pain to others. If you look back at life and you say, I'm feeling so connected, I'm feeling so happy and joyful, And the actions that could have come from that state is a beautiful action. And so for folks listening now who perhaps are like, this is really making sense. This sounds amazing. I would like to cultivate my beautiful state even more. Obviously, we want them to read the book because there's beautiful practices in there. What else can you recommend to someone either listening on the podcast right now or watching this episode that they could start doing even as soon as today?

18:41You want to do the practice?

18:43Marie Forleo:Sure. Whatever you want. We're open. We can do whatever you'd like. Yeah. We can do the serene mind practice. Yeah. Is that one of your favorites? It kind of every time you feel disturbed. Yes. Any time you feel that there is an inner conflict or you are disturbed, you feel something is not fine here, it's important to bring attention to your thinking. And this practice is very simple, but can be tricky because we are not used to looking at our inner state. Yes. We're used to focusing so much on the outer world, we've lost on this. So it gives attention, but the more you practice it, it's easier.

19:19So you get more clear. So should we do the practice right? Let's do it. I'm down for it. Please close your eyes.

19:36Bring your attention to your breath.

19:48Identify the exact emotion that is arising within you right now.

20:04Is it hurt, loneliness, anxiety, irritation? Or is it calm, joy, love and connection?