How dogs saved my life – Niall Harbison

0:00From GEICO Subconscious News, I'm Tammy Racing Thoughts broadcasting from your brain. You think you live in a pretty safe place, but you just heard about a break in four miles away, which isn't close, but it isn't far either, you know? Art Palpitations is on the scene. I sure am, Tammy, and I don't even know why I drove out here, because as you know, you got customized renter's insurance through GEICO, so your stuff is covered. Oh, well that's great. Any sign of crime there, Art? Just some light littering, Tammy, but like they say, a little litter can lead to a lot. Wise words. It feels good to worry less.

0:28It feels good to GEICO. Coming up on this episode of the Mario Rosenstock podcast. I thought I was dead. I really did. I was like, this is it. And the revelation in that moment was, Jesus, what a miserable life I was thinking. I was like, yeah, you had a couple of businesses, you were a chef. Nobody's going to give a shit in six months. Like he's like, what a meaningless load of shit that was. Like really, that's what I was thinking. Brilliant. It was a good realization. So I just, that's when I decided if I lived, somehow I would change my life completely.

1:12And that was the moment that everything changed for Niall Harbison. And it wasn't a moment too soon because not only was he desperately unhappy with how he was living his life, but his addiction to drink and prescription drugs had brought him to the point of near death. Niall's story is a brilliant one. It's a fascinating one. I adored talking to Niall. He was a very successful entrepreneur, having set up and sold a social media marketing agency and the very popular and sometimes controversial Lovin' Dublin media brand. But a combination of burnout and partying a little too hard, a little too often, led him to cut ties with Ireland and start a new life and a calmer, healthier one in Thailand.

1:48But unfortunately, things got not better, but worse. And he woke up in hospital one day and promised himself that he was going to turn his life around. Today, Niall is one of Thailand's most active stray dog welfare champions, rescuing, feeding and sterilising as many of the millions of dogs as he can find. He's happy, healthy and living a meaningful, impactful life. And I'm delighted that he was my guest on the Mario Rosenstock podcast and turned out to be one of the most, I don't know, interesting conversations I personally feel I've had in quite a while. I would be the only person then for the third day drinking and by the third day I'm scared of the world don't want to go outside so I'll just get 12 cans of Guinness and I'll watch two football games and I'll just drink at home but then by the Sunday you're waking up at 11 and you've got the shakes and you're like ah sure I'll just get straight on the wine because that'll stop the shakes and you know by the end of it you're absolutely drinking on your own miserable, don't want to go outside I said right I keep failing here getting sober so I'm going to go and try and do it in Thailand, I just wanted something different and then the alcoholism and the depression and everything i said i'll just clean break let's start a new life did it work no it got worse i was like okay the goal today is drive down to a little local park and you've got to walk 1k some days i had to put it off i'd be standing at the door being like okay this is it we can do it we can do it and then i'll be like no no back to the sofa we'll we'll we'll tackle that tomorrow like my mom walked out when it was like 12, 13 years old, just vanished overnight and left us for another man.

3:25And when we were, I thought we were a happy family. So I think dogs are really, really loyal and they'll never sort of walk out on you. They're always by your side. They're just so simple, loyal, beautiful, fun-loving creatures. But first, can you take your eyes off Wimbledon? It's that thing, isn't it? When we were kids, we used to put the net on the road, two pieces of wire or whatever, our rope and get our tennis rackets out and do it for two weeks every year. And it's all over the screens again, Wimbledon, the beautiful luscious green grass that, um, the nostalgia that it brings back and, uh, the beautiful, you know, crispy whites that they wear and that distinctive sound of, of ball on racket, um, and the tradition, um, and fascination that Wimbledon holds for many of us.

4:13And it's on again, uh, but it's not on RTE. RTE never seem to carry it anymore. Maybe it's because they have no tennis commentators that could probably do it justice. But what if RTE could carry Wimbledon? Could they? What would it sound like? This is what it would sound like.

4:31Well, you're very welcome back to Wimbledon and I have to say the place is a sea of strawberries and cream here today. This is a huge match between this Spanish fella, Carlos Alcaraz I think they call him he's only about 5 foot 11 and 12 stone he's a tiny little fella anyway he's up against the Croatian Marin Cilic now this fella he's an absolute monster he's 6 foot 7 if he's an inch taller anyway he's the serves he's serving they're coming down at about 140 miles an hour can you imagine this that kind of speed going through the Jack Lynch tunnel coming at you anyway let's go over to court 2 and join Marty Morrissey Thank you, Donald Lennon.

5:15From Kazakhstan to Miami, from Chile to Perth, Australia, they have come to SW19 in London for this historic occasion. Tennis, hurling with fluffy balls. And here are the favourites for the doubles match. Oh, the Americans, they get the ball, they throw it. It looks good. It's over. Oh, no. It's in the net. It's in the net. It's in the net. That must be three points. Or is it? No, it's not. The referee says the umpire says that's a bad thing. I'm not quite sure what's going on here. Let's go over to Centre Court and join RTE horse racing commentator Des Scal. Des. Thanks, Marty. And you join us with three and a half hours to go in this Wimbledon handicap hurdle.

5:58It's Novak Djokovic, the three and a half to one favourite against Yannick Sinner, the Italian. Sinner. Djokovic. Sinner. Djokovic. Djokovic. Sinner. Sinner coming up on the outside Here's Djokovic now Sinner and Djokovic And Djokovic Djokovic here Sinner Sinner Djokovic Djokovic Sinner Sinner makes it Sinner makes it Sinner Sinner takes that one And we're going to start all over again And do it again And I think that's the way it goes anyway Back to you I'd love to see RT trying to do Wimbledon An exclusive comedy every week On the Mario Rosenstock podcast Please contact me if you'd like mariorosenstock at gmail.com I take them all I read them all constructive criticism overt compliments I love them all tell me who your ideas for guests would be ideas for sketches ideas for new characters that I haven't done give us a blast mariorosenstock at gmail.com and of course I would like to thank my great sponsor Deluxe Bathrooms Ireland's premium bathroom and tile retailer if you're dreaming of a bathroom that combines luxury functionality and style they've got you covered and at great prices too Deluxe Bathrooms get yourself down there Dundalk Retail Park Little Island in Cork or online at deluxebathrooms.ie they are a superb outfit indeed and thank you so much to Martin and all the gang at Deluxe for getting involved in the Mario Rosenstock podcast and getting yourself involved in podcasts as well they are a brilliant outfit and they do sales so often and their sales are fantastic you can save up to 70 % store wide on Europe's biggest brands furniture bathware tiles accessories and everything else you need to create the bathroom you've been dreaming about.

7:40Okay, time to meet Niall Harbison, an interview I genuinely enjoyed so much. I really enjoyed Niall's warmth and honesty and his ability to answer a question really fully and then stop. I really enjoyed that. And then it would lead very nicely on to the next question. As I mentioned earlier, before Niall moved to Thailand, he was a successful digital and social media entrepreneur. But before that, he was a very successful chef. Here we go. Yeah, I actually, I used to work in Dublin in a place called, you might remember, a guy called Conrad Gallagher. Oh my God, I did Peacock, Peacock. Yeah. Peacock.

8:17On South William Street there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a mad place. That's where I started chefing and it was, Jesus, it was a, it was like a baptism of fire is the only way I could describe it. It was a mad place, but really exciting. Yeah. I remember, I went to that restaurant once and I remembered, you know who was there at the same time? Jerry Ryan was there that day. and I think he was being wined and dined by a load of marketing executives. And I remember Jerry taking the piss and just ordering the most expensive red wine on the menu just to take the piss out of the fact that he was being brought out to lunch, you know, that kind of thing.

8:49So it was really, it was the epitome of Celtic Tiger, wasn't it? Oh, it was 100%. It was like pure Celtic Tiger. Like, yeah, I think Anglo bankers would have been on one table, Jerry Ryan on the other, Ronan Keaton on another. You know, it was real. It was actually kind of funny, you know, to see it. It was the height of, everybody was having a good time I think. But we were all getting notions as well. We were so notion filled. Big time. I remember it was, I think it was the MTV Music Award or something I remember was in Dublin and they were all, the after sort of party was in there that night and it was, yeah it was real high flying.

9:22Nobody was watching the pennies back then anyway. So you were sort of a chef and you were working in sort of high end areas restaurants, were you working on ships as well? Tell me a little bit about that. Yeah, the thing about Kitchens is, if anybody's worked in the hospitality industry, it's so hard. And I worked in kitchens in Dublin for about six, seven years, and I just had to get out of it. I was burnt out, and I went to work as a private chef. So I worked for really rich people, and you just have to cook for one or two people, and you get to fly around the world with them. So it was a career change that was badly needed.

9:58So I got to travel around. That ended up not being as glamorous as it sounds either, but it was a much better but much better way to live life. Give me an example what are you doing? You're talking about rich people so what are you you're not living with them are you? You are yeah in some cases I used to mostly be on their yachts which are down in the south of France or the Caribbean but then sometimes you'd live for them like I worked for one businessman I just was in his house in the like staff quarters for want of a better word and they're like if you think how like these are like people who are worth 20, 30 billion so you know having a chef is not a big luxury for them.

10:34So, you know, you travel around with them. And the chef, funnily enough, along with maybe their personal assistant, the chef is pretty important because it's what they eat every day. So you're quite close to, you know, their decision making and stuff like that. I mean, only about food. But yeah, it was quite an interesting world to see. What was your experience of rubbing shoulders with very, very, very super rich people? I think the one thing would be that mostly they're okay they're just normal you know they're normal enough as much as can be expected but it's the hangers on that are the problem the sort of management and the you know their assistants and then the guests who get notions you know like they'll invite on a bunch of guests movie stars whatever and they'll sort of take the piss for want of a better word out of the hospitality and the staff and stuff like that but yeah they're the rich people I mean, I don't think people really understand the scale of wealth is the thing.

11:30You know, when you open up and you see Jeff Bezos' wedding or whatever, like you think, you know, wealth, but you don't. Like they're just money is just no object, no object. Like, you know, they'll fly. I remember in the Caribbean and the guests would want, they'd want mozzarella, but they wouldn't want, you know, you couldn't just get it from Miami or wherever. They'd send the private jet and fly the mozzarella over directly from Italy. You know, stuff like that is not out of the order. I mean, it's peanuts for them. It really, like when you're worth that much, it's just, it's just, I don't think people understand how much money they have.

12:07It's ridiculous. And like, presumably, because you're in the hospitality end of it, you're sort of witness to like all the sort of partying and all that sort of stuff. Is partying kind of, apart from the fact that it's money and that there's a lot of, the pillows are more gold or the cushions are more gold. Is that it? I mean, do they all go, oh Jesus Tony it's three o 'clock I think I'll turn in or do rich people party in a different way as well I think there's a good one from an Irish context the yachts would always be at the Cannes Film Festival which was like recently you know they'd go there every year and I remember one time clearly I worked for a guy called Paul Allen he's dead now I founded Microsoft and he he had the biggest yacht even now we know his name yeah huge big yacht and he was a he was actually a sort of a good billionaire for want of a better word he kind of just had fun with it and he he would he was big into music and he would get like U2 recorded one of the parts of one of their albums on there so afterwards he would have all the band up in his studio in the yacht I'd have like he'd be up there jamming with them so I think there's a different level like he's into music he just gets U2 in there and he starts jamming on the drums and you know playing along so you can do whatever you want basically when you're that wealthy So you were working for Paul Allen yeah and does that mean like sorry forgive my ignorance does that mean like somebody like Bill Gates would have come onto the boat or you would have seen Bill Gates or Steve what is it Steve Ballmer or those guys yeah yeah I actually cooked all of their 50th birthdays because they're they must have been around the same you know I don't know if they went to college or something together but I remember the 50th birthdays all came in a row and it was Bill Gates' 50th Steve Ballmer's 50th and yeah but like I mean I'm making it sound like I'm rubbing shoulders with them.

13:54I understand. You know, I'm not. I'm standing behind it. You're not actually making it sound like that at all. No, no, no. But you are a reasonably close witness. And come here, can you confirm that Bill Gates isn't a lizard? Do you know what? I had one experience with him and it was, I think it was those 50th birthdays. It was like, I was at a sushi station up on the deck making fresh sushi. And I think we were in Tahiti. And I talked to him for about, I'd say, seven seconds. And he heard my accent. he was like oh you're from Ireland are you and I was like yeah yeah and that was it and then six months later we're on a different boat back in in the med in the Mediterranean and he came on again talked to him for three seconds but he was like oh hi Irish yeah and I just thought that was like wow like how is that guy who's meeting a thousand people a day remembered that uh so that was the only interaction I had with him but no he seemed he seemed normal I was I was kind of listening in on his conversation because I wasn't far away and he was talking about his kids going horse riding.

14:52It was the most boring conversation. You know, nothing exciting at all. No, but it's fascinating just to hear fly on the wall stuff like this, especially from that kind of level of wealth. And did like movie stars or like pop stars and stuff come onto these yachts or whatever? Yeah, there was, on that one, there was everybody like because it was Cannes and just the after party. So everybody would be there. I remember the one, I wasn't really starstruck, but the one that I was really starstruck at the time if you remember Ali G was he was huge it was like I don't know what it was doing the movies or whatever and he came on yeah Sash and Barrett-Cohen came on and he was actually a big dar sort of guy he wasn't you know like the character at all but he came on and I was a bit starstruck because it was so big at the time he's a really serious sort of dude he's one of those comedians who's actually in his private life really like he doesn't you know really serious sort of the side of it, yeah.

15:48Like maybe even manic-depressant or something. You know the way a lot of comedians are. I don't know if that's true or not. But yeah, he was so dour and serious that I was like, Jesus, it really is. You're a great actor. And your exposure to this world, did it have any effect on you at all, Niall? Were you able to see sort of, that's them and this is me and I don't necessarily want to aspire to that? Or do I? I mean, did it change your views about something like, I mean, you're young, as we'll soon find out you clearly were ambitious did it change your view of people in that milieu at all and how maybe you may have seen your path?

16:26Do you know what? It did and actually in a bad way at that stage of my life because I would have been 26 or 27 it did change me towards being like jeez I wouldn't mind a bit of this you know like I should have my own yacht was the thinking and I was like this would be great lifestyle And like now I'd be horrified by that. But back then I was like, yeah, this is fantastic. I mean, money, you know, celebrities, movie stars, you're at Monaco Grand Prix, you're fly, you know, you do whatever you want. So it really did open my eyes to, yeah, the possibilities of, I remember thinking like, God, this is all being paid for by Microsoft, like little computer things, you know, like little software.

17:09I was like, you can make a lot of money for it. So that sort of connected in my head a little bit, yeah. And then your world changed a little. So you got out of the chefing game and between the jigs and the reels anyway, you eventually became a sort of a social media entrepreneur. Isn't that right? Tell me about that transformation. Yeah, I got off the boat first and it was a spectacular failure, the first business. I set up with my friend and we raised money. I had savings from the boats and we started a business and we went a belly up. within about two, three years. It was called iFoods. It was like, the idea was, sounded good, like all business ideas.

17:46It was like, we're going to make videos how to teach you how to cook. And this is 2008, you know, like barely. You were well ahead of Instagram. Yeah, we were too far. I know this is a silly excuse. We were too far ahead. Like the internet, the broadband wouldn't work. The, you know, the phones weren't good enough. So we were, we made all these videos and then nobody watched them. Your idea was too good. That's right. Your idea was too good. No, no, I mean, and that's not to be, that's not even to compliment you too much some people's ideas don't come at the right time that's exactly it my next one did come at the right time because I saw that and that was a disaster but then I saw everybody using social media and nobody was using it you know in Ireland there was a few people on Twitter you probably remember back you know the early days there was a bit of Twitter and you had a Facebook page or a B but whatever it was you had but I was really in that world and I could see that nobody had a clue, but I could, just from the previous thing, I could see that it was coming.

18:43So my next one, I was very lucky with the timing. That was a social media agency. So we just, we're like a marketing agency, but we just helped the likes of the big banks and, you know, Bank of Ireland and Vodafone and all those people. We just, all we did was set up Facebook pages for them, do little campaigns, do little, but they didn't know what, you know, a Facebook was back then, you know? It's very similar now. I mean, it's very similar like Patrick, the producer of this show. I mean, he does podcasts for big, you know, companies, you know, and they're very similar. Like they want to know, hey, how do we get in on this podcasting thing?

19:22Do you just press a button and speak or what? You know, and then he takes them through the whole. And you sort of think like, you know, you would think, oh, podcast, easy enough, just, you know, set it up. but when you're a big brand like that like they're paying you for yourself or Patrick's expertise like you know it's what's easy to you is not easy for them as a big brand so that's where we fit in back then and what was that business called? Simply Zesty so we were based in Dublin and we grew very quickly and we were bought by UTV they were at the time and that was yeah it was all media and I sort of then once we got bought it was all I mean you work in the media world all the suits sort of arrived you know I was fun and having you know doing creative stuff and all the sort of media suits arrived and I was like Jesus out of here three or four months later I was like I can't go I didn't even I don't think I lasted four months after they arrived I was just like this is way too corporate for me Yeah yeah so the success of Simply Zesty then that gave you some money then presumably and were you enjoying the money were you was your mind kind of going back to the guys on the boat going oh I'm on my way here maybe you know get a nice car get a nice house yeah I did that it was stupid with it like I so um I think it got we sold it for like a million and a half which sounds like so much money but like I only owned I think 30 % of the company then you have to pay taxes then you have to um uh what else you give your mom and your dad you know a holiday and you do a load of stuff I went the first day I got the money I went and bought a car in Dublin and uh stupid not stupid stuff but it's just I wasted it I didn't I didn't know what I was doing so um yeah I burned through that pretty quickly because I was also drinking and you know being not responsible so so you were fast living you were drinking hard partying hard working hard yeah exactly that yeah exactly and it was um yeah it's easy it's uh yeah it was just I didn't enjoy it no looking back on it you know I didn't you should because a lot of it if you set up a business and then you sell it like it's something you've been building for a few years or you know you've put your heart and soul into it and then suddenly you sell it it's not yours so there's like a sort of a grief period which sounds really weird but you don't have your baby anymore your thing that you were so focused on some other guys in suits own it so it was yeah it was not what I you know like when you dream of stuff it wasn't what I thought it was how it was cracked up to be if that makes sense no it's interesting that you can make that analogy that it's like it's like a little death in the family and that in a way there's a grieving period afterwards interesting but you didn't stop there you went into another business and this was Love in Dublin wasn't it?

22:10Yeah I just started that as a blog Love in Dublin just myself I was bored sitting at home and I just started writing some restaurant reviews and it just grew yeah it was it's like a city guide sometimes controversial I kind of wrote the reviews from my heart because I got into my head somehow that I had to be just honest with the with the reviews which was fine for restaurants but then I started writing about other stuff and that wasn't opinion pieces I just yeah and I was trying to be like clever or cutting edge and I just I think in media you have to really if you own a successful business you have to sort of be a lot more disciplined and stuff like that and I was a bit I might even be drunk writing some of the stuff like genuinely so it wasn't it was successful but it wasn't yeah no it was successful but it was I was just trying to I didn't love it either I guess that's what I'm saying but at the time it was successful yeah and so you got out of that as well yeah I did yeah yeah I there was some investors and then I sold my share to them and yeah I left in about 2017 I think wow okay and then And so let's just summarize it all.

23:24You've had a period of high intensity chefing, which perhaps could lead to burnout as well. You've had partying hard, working hard in an emerging social media scene in Dublin in which you did very well and bought your parents a holiday and got a car and, you know, blah, blah, blah, sad grieving. And then another business starting up and did well out of that as well. And then you decide you want out of this. You're feeling a bit burnt out. Yeah. well I was always an alcoholic functioning alcoholic very bad alcoholic had depression had suffered from anxiety all those three things I was sort of self-medicating through depression and anxiety even when I was you know I'd be going into client pitches and stuff like that like absolutely dying maybe having a Valium before the pitch to calm myself down I was always like functioning alcoholic so that went on for a good 20 years really like I'd have dry spots where I'd be sober for three months or six months or whatever but it was really quite a bad like you know two three bottles of wine a day type alcohol I remember like that's why I don't spend much time in Dublin anymore because I just find it too tempting to walk past the pub and just duck in the door for a nice pint of gas you know I just I remember all those places in Dublin that I could duck into like um like I remember vividly like you know where your guys' office is there on the, I don't know if you're there anymore, in the digs, or that little lane?

24:52That's right, Marconi House, digs lane. Yeah, yeah, is it more, yeah. I remember going to meetings around those streets and I'd sort of duck into the hairy lemon for a, you know, a gin and tonic to calm myself on the way to Peter's Top. Yeah, the Drury buildings. I've been in all those places for, or I'd take my laptop and pretend I'm working for the afternoon and just have a few pints around there. So yeah, very, very functional alcoholic, but very miserable at the same time. And did you know at the time you were a functional alcoholic, Niall, or is it only in retrospect that you can look back and say you were a functional alcoholic?

25:24no I definitely knew like I'd done therapy and found myself in very dark places sometimes um binges and um like mental really mentally tough situations so no I definitely knew but I'd sort of I'd just when you're an alcoholic like that I'd sort of come back and make new you feel great after three months so then I'd make a rule like oh I'm only gonna drink shandies or I'll only go out on Friday nights or you know whatever you have a million rules and then it would all fall apart again from there. So I was very up and down. Or I'd always give up booze at Christmas after that. And then, you know, you'd get through January.

26:04I always remember in Ireland, I'd get through. And then the Six Nations starts, you know, around like February. Early February. And then I'd get through the first weekend. And then by the second weekend, you know, like everybody's going to the pub. There's a huge Ireland match on. And I'd just find it impossible. I'd just crack, you know. I'd be like. So there'd always be. I just found Ireland especially a really hard place, that's the way I moved to Thailand you know, dark cold in the winter, not so much to do maybe culturally and stuff like that sometimes if you know a lot of the cultures it's hopefully changing but a lot of the culture was you know booze pubs and even work big time Niall, is it yeah I can imagine, even statistics now about alcohol consumption is like 30 % down on 33 % down a third down on maybe 20 years ago 25 years ago Yeah no that's that's I mean when we were growing up the only thing was you know the pub you'd go where would you go on a Friday night like you're not going to go to a Pilates class or you know like you would you'd go to the pub and that was it and if you didn't go to the pub Unless you could drink during Pilates which would be interesting Yeah yeah yeah you could have gin and tonic Pilates that's a good business yeah Pints and Pilates And then you'd be called it's much better yeah Great name for business don't give me I don't want to give you any ideas now.

27:21You're very good at these ideas. No, I'm out of business, definitely. But somebody should take that and run with it, points and pilates. Like a dating site. I'm interested in a little bit of a, if you don't mind indulging me slightly, just for a moment, the slightly more maudlin side of this. When you said binges, what kind of

27:44form did the binges take in terms of were they solo efforts or would you go out into town and see who you'd meet or would you stay in your flat and go, I'm just going to drink myself into oblivion or both? Yeah, so for alcoholics, probably people have a sense that it might be glamorous, that you're out at a party every night and you're maybe doing cocaine or, you know, dance parties or stuff like that. It's not like that. I would start, let's say like I was on a dry patch and there might be like an award ceremony on a Thursday night or there might be a, you know, an event or something. So I'd start off and it would be very social and very fun and we'd stay out.

28:25And then I'd have a bit of a hangover Friday and then I'd have a few pints with the work crew or whoever. But, you know, I would be the only person then for the third day drinking. And by the third day, I'm sort of, I'm scared of the world, don't want to go outside. So I'll just get 12 cans of Guinness and I'll watch, you know, two United games or two football games and a rugby match and I'll just drink at home but then by the Sunday you're waking up at 11 and you've got the shakes and you're like I'll just get straight on the wine because that'll stop the shakes and you know by the end of it you're absolutely drinking on your own miserable don't want to go outside you'd go to the spa the first time and get a big bag of booze and then you're back there at 6 o 'clock you know embarrassed that you're seeing the same person again and you're buying another two bottles of wine.

29:14So it's not, it might, the first night might be glamorous but by the end of it it's really lonely, miserable, sad, depressing. I think a lot of Irish people can relate to some of what you're saying, you know, the idea of having a desperate, desperate hangover and then having a few drinks to take the edge off and then that feeling the day after you take the edge off of you're a bit flat which is, it's that flatness, you're kind of, your fingers are numb, your hands are numb, your hair is a bit, your hair is dry and wiry, and you're sort of a bit flat, and you're unresponsive in conversations. And you're anxious as well.

29:53Oh, very anxious, the fear of Christ. Yeah. And, you know, but I suppose, whereas a lot of people might go, I feel like that on a Saturday after the Friday, and I level out on Saturday, and then I recover on Sunday, you maybe took it into the third and fourth days. yeah see my problem was always that I knew that no matter how bad you felt like you just described I knew that two margaritas in a Mexican restaurant and you're back flying or you know six cans of Guinness watching a bit of Formula One whatever you're you're you're back I just in my head I was like why why would I suffer through that when I can just get you know absolutely I'll definitely be suffering for the first yeah first hour is not going to be good but it's never failed once to get your bike on the highway, you know?

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31:27With brands like Laura Geller, Philosophy, Ninja, and so many more. Shop now at QVC.com. And what kind of a drunk were you, Niall? Were you a talkative drunk, happy drunk, angry drunk? I would say maybe talkative, yeah, yeah. You probably thought I was hilarious in my own mind, you know, as we all do. But no, I'd say like maybe a lonely drunk as well. Like I said, the first, I just like to just get blackout drunk. Because when you have businesses, you have a lot of people asking you questions all day, a lot of decisions to make, a lot of, and I've got stuff from my childhood as well with my mom and different things.

32:06So just, I really like more of a, it's not, it's very hard to explain being an alcoholic. It's not enjoyable, you know, like you're doing it just to escape your own head. You're not doing it to get tipsy or to make friends or to be funny. You're doing it to delete stuff. Yeah, exactly. You're doing it. And then you've got that four or five hours. I just used to love being drunk because I wouldn't even think about anything. I'd be watching YouTube videos of concerts and stuff. I could just forget, you know, about life and just escape it. Yeah. And an interesting word you used there, escape it, because you found another way of escaping it, I suppose.

32:44You said, listen, fuck this for a game of soldiers. I'm going to change things around here. I'm going to go to Thailand. Yeah. I remember I was in, yeah, I was in, the weather used to get me, you know, in November, December in Ireland, England, and it's dark at four o 'clock when you're coming out of the office. and I was just like I used to go to Thailand I found it in about 2014 for three weeks in December to just the sunshine really break the winter up and it's it's got a stereotype Thailand you know partying and all that stuff the place where I came and where I live now is actually like health yoga places gyms beach smoothies it's sort of a health area so I said right I keep failing here getting sober so I'm going to go and try and do it in Thailand and I just took that I was lucky I had a bit of savings and I could do that you know I was I didn't have to work for a couple of years so I just I just so frustrated about being constantly on this treadmill yeah treadmill and also then hamster wheel and also I think a lot of people feel that you know not just me but I just wanted something different and then the alcoholism and the depression and everything I said I'll just clean break let's start a new life was my thinking.

34:02Did it work? No, it got worse. It was like, I gave the toilet and it worked for a certain amount of time, but then there was a terrible combination of things. It was like, I came with a girlfriend at the time, Sarah, so we broke up. Just a normal breakup, but you know, breakups never nice. Then it was COVID, so it was like a free pass to drink. You know, everybody in COVID was having drinks at two o 'clock and whatever, you know. In a sense, everybody in the world was an alcoholic or a functioning alcoholic. Yeah, so I could really double down then because there was nobody to tell you to stop.