Andrew Schulz and Bill Maher - Megyn Kelly's "Double Feature" of Fascinating Interviews

28:40He's a genius. I'm not telling him to be like overly critical with him. But I'm talking about like an actual you are making dollars and cents business that you can cash out. Like I mean, yeah, I don't think that you can have this like pious constitution and do that. Most of these people cash out and they sell. Like Mark Cuban, he sold the business he came up with. and there's just the one sale because it seems like the first buyer winds up getting screwed like he thinks he's going to build it it's he's bought something meaningful and then when he turns around like everything's collapsed that happens all the time yeah you want to be the one who invents it builds it up into something big on paper and then get out of town get the fuck out of there how about elon now he's in all over the news for the doge stuff yeah he wore a suit the other night wow um mark mike davis who comes on the show a lot he's a lawyer yeah uh trump affiliated, tweeted out something like, two things, Elon has a suit and a babysitter.

29:29He brought something like that. We haven't seen it. He's turning over a new leaf. You know what the thing about Elon is? He's obviously a brilliant guy and you want brilliant people on your side, especially if we're going to World War III. If we are going to go to war with Russia, China, whatever it is, I think you kind of want the rocket guy on your side. He can either protect us or get us to Mars if things go to hell. right like let's just so we want to keep him over here um my concern about the doge thing is this is i don't think there's a single american out there that's like i want waste inefficiency and government corruption right this is a bipartisan supported issue and i feel like because maybe he's he hasn't developed like the the the skill of politics he's kind of like twisting the knife a little bit and it's like too inhumane i don't even know about it inhumane i'm just like it's kind of like gotcha here we go where you could rally support from all of this everybody wants this the left should want this the right should want this this can be a victory for america i think it is i mean like what do we have you guys we have that harry engine thing i asked for you know him over on cnn he's hilarious i know him from the cellar he hangs out at the comedy all the time oh he does yeah yeah he is he's funny himself i love his new york accent here he is talking about the the doge and the public reaction this to me was one of the more shocking figures that I saw made me go, wait a minute, hold on one second.

30:55Whoa. Americans on Trump and Joe's efforts. Musk and Doge should influence government spending and operations. Look at this. 54%. The majority say that he and they should. How about a proof of Trump trying to cut staff at government agencies? Again, you get a majority here. 51%. So yeah, Elon Musk might not be that popular, but these cuts and the idea of spending cuts, at least within the federal government and cutting at government agencies, that actually has majority support. I was truly surprised by this, Kate, but the numbers are the numbers. Democrats want to argue that the type of spending that Musk is cutting is mainly necessary programs, but that comes in at just 36%.

31:31The wasteful spending actually wins the plurality here at 42%, according to a recent Washington Post-Ipsos, Paul. And I think that is the reason why you see that when it comes to Musk and Doge, you see, in fact, the majority believe he should have some influence because they believe, the plurality believe, that he is cutting wasteful spending, not necessary programs that Democrats are arguing. So he is winning the PR war. Yeah, but to me, there shouldn't even need to be PR. Like, it should be 100%. How so? Like, he should be more clear on the Doge website, which is not that user-friendly? Yeah, I don't even know if it's more clear.

32:06I think it's more like the tweets and, like, the antagonism within the tweets. And I think he's developed this very, like, polarizing personality online. and there's a way okay the question right now is is it possible to be less polarizing right like what percentage no matter who you are of course and like now that he's in this position of it's not only like immense power but also influence and he's tackling a topic that is not partisan at all like there is support here so you don't need to antagonize it all it's like buddy everybody's on your side if you hire some people and then sorry if you fire them and then have to hire and back like it's okay to be like hey we made a mistake there we're not perfect we're gonna we're gonna do this right and we're gonna figure this out like it's okay to acknowledge these things and this is where i think like having a little bit more experience in politics can be helpful because it is a different game you're doing dealing with emotions not facts yeah you could show me those lists all you want like people are emotional beings they don't give a fuck like what is it the dweeb says all the time the ben shapiro guy he's like uh facts don't care about your feelings it's like no no no dumbass feelings don't care about facts we feel things like there is a woman in mexico that's going to see the virgin mary in her toast today yeah because she feels the lord and then sees it afterwards we don't look at like usually it's a cinnabon fine keep going just my experience

33:35that's how you know that's how you know megan is locked at the airport christ is king when she's at the cinnabon i try not to let people see me going there i love it i love it there's that great louis ck bit where he's like um i went to cinnabon uh after arriving that's sad no i actually i don't go to cinnabon because i i'm you know in my 50s and i just can't do that anymore but i will tell you not too long ago i was at the airport for a layover yeah and i wanted this so badly and i'm like i'm doing it and i got not just the small bag and not the huge huge bag but like the medium sort of large-ish yeah bag of cheetos yeah i ate every last one there was a woman across me kind of looking at me stealing glance you could tell she was kind of like is she gonna eat that entire bag of cheetos i'm like sister i am america they're just like us it was so good the stars are just like us you deserve a bag of cheetos it's a guilty pleasure yes you earned everything what do you you should be eating cheetos every single night well then then then it starts to come back at you you know like then next thing but then you get the manjaro or the ozempic or whatever like that it's better to keep it off to begin with trust me i've had to i've lost and i've gained over the years this is better if you can keep it off there's no more fat pride huh that really ended with the ozempic i i think if you're a leftist there is you think you have to at least say you are otherwise you know i think ozempic ended that did you see lizzo yes she's beautiful she looks awesome yes i think they've all realized that but it was hard to do because you got to like put in the effort you know yeah i don't know i'm not sure these models are doing it too they're like on the ozempic so there's no more telling us that we were supposed to embrace it and it was healthy oh i got ridiculed yeah for just being like this is absurd like what is going on and not at all and now they're all on ozempic and they're like i'll just be a model model yeah yeah what about swimsuit uh or sports illustrated now bring you back actual hot models for its magazine america's healing yeah right with all due respect to martha stewart i guess that didn't sell a lot of magazines or gail king oh why did martha go in there yeah and so did gail king and i think uh they eventually realized what they really wanted was a baddie back in the day that i ain't gonna watch her special yeah i did it was crazy she is a psycho but here's what i'm saying she has some bodies that this is you don't get to that number yeah without taking some people out if someone told me that like martha had someone killed i wouldn't be like martha oh really well she is a convicted felon yeah like you don't think she's capable of murder i don't herself but like getting someone else to do it no are you capable of murder i could murder what yeah like if somebody did anything to my daughter i could kill them yes okay me too yeah or to protect yeah Yeah, of course.

36:10If somebody is like going to do something to my wife. But what about for like business? Oh, like could I murder somebody to like get ahead or to get a deal? Or out of a vendetta. No. I mean, or I could convince myself that they did something to my daughter. I'd be like, yeah, I definitely have to kill that comedian. But can I tell you something? Like if you're a sociopath. Yes. Because I've talked to some sociopaths. They actually have no qualms about this whatsoever. They will talk to you about like, yes, that is an acceptable menu item. Like killing the person to take care of the problem is right there.

36:43Like they just don't even – and you know, one in four people are sociopaths. Yeah, I've heard this. Like it's kind of a sad way to live though. Well, yeah. Because like there's a competitive advantage about not caring about people, but the human experience is connectivity. So like you go without that. Like I was speaking to this guy. He used to be a CIA dude and he was like borderline sociopath and that's what they liked about him. because you want people that can make those really difficult decisions. And I'm sure the CIA is all there, whatever. Right. Anyway, and he was telling me that like he's aware of what people should feel.

37:21Yeah. Even though he doesn't feel it. No, they study. Yeah. They learn the proper way of reacting. But imagine not being like, imagine your kid, that first time you hear a kid laugh and the way that it like transforms your entire idea of what joy is. Yep. and imagine seeing that and feeling nothing. You're dead inside. What a horrible way to live. Can I tell you something? I can find out whether you are a sociopath. Ooh, tell me. Two minutes or less. Go, go, go. This is good. It's a little riddle. Okay, go. Okay. A man shows up at a funeral. Yeah. He goes to grieve the dead body at the wake. It was the wake.

37:59And he sees a woman near the casket and they exchange a glance. They make eye contact. the man leaves, the funeral wraps up. A week later, that man kills that woman's mother. Why?

38:20Because he's a sociopath. Well, I probably do have the answer, but - What do you think the answer is? Because that woman's mother was the mistress of his father. You're not a sociopath. Oh, wow. What is it? because he wanted to see her again. The woman. Now, let me tell you something. Did you see how I went with women cheating? But can I tell you, everybody's so worried. My biggest fear. So the sociopath gets that like this. Wait, really? They have that answer like this. And let me tell you where I got this test from. Somebody who used to be in my life, that person's father was a psychiatrist in one of the worst prisons in America.

39:04and they would actually do this test on the patients and man by man by man if and by the way to my listening audience if it came to you right away you might be a sociopath yeah turn yourself in but you'll see it has to come like if you're wrestling with it and after like a minute you're like was it this you've given a couple guesses and you get there eventually you're good because the sociopath immediately is like because he wanted to see her again they just think differently i mean it is the it is the easiest path to seeing her again right it guarantees it And there's no moral objection on your list.

39:37Again, you're like, who cares? Isn't that crazy? That feels good that I'm not a sociopath. Yes, you can go tell Emma. Yes, I know. But I knew you were in my head while I was like, should I do the sociopath test on him? I was like, what if he fails? And I've humiliated this poor guy in front of everybody. But then I was thinking about the video you put in your latest comedy thing on Netflix. I'm like, there's no way Andrew's a sociopath. Yeah, the opposite is empath. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it. I'm like, you feel too much. Yeah, I believe that about you. Yeah. You are a softie. Yeah, I'm sensitive.

40:05Yeah, I can see that. And it's like, it's weird. It's like I'm sensitive, but like I can, I'm numb to certain things. Not numb, but like they don't really affect me, like criticism and going through all these like random internet shit that I go through. Yeah. But I am very sensitive to the people I really care about. So like reactivity within like my family or friend group. And then I'm also sensitive to like kind of like cultural trends. I can like feel like frustration pretty early. Like, what do you mean? Do you feel one now? No, not like, like, what do I think for people, for example? Like what I think people really care about.

40:43Like, I think that the Democrats, for example, like they could win the next election if they just make it a class issue. Like it's that simple. And they got to just be, they're not, they're so risk averse and they need to be a little bit more brave. Americans, we have very high risk tolerance or low risk. What's the one I'm talking about? We have high risk. High, like everybody in our family's history, like the craziest people in the world came here. Came here. Yep. Like they lived in another country, left their entire family for maybe it working out and then came over here. Right. So we're built crazy.

41:18So we like people to take risks and we like bravery. And despite your politics, we react to those type of people. And like, I think this is part of the reason why Bernie was so successful. is he's out here like calling out the billionaire class calling out these corporations and even like people who were republicans like working class republicans were like yo who the fuck is that yeah i kind of like this guy like it feels like he's kind of riding for me that's who joe rogan was for four years ago all of us loved him and despite 10 whatever yeah it was a while but i and i feel like that's kind of what the democratic party is missing is just i need a disruptive guy or girl who's willing to come out and say eggs are a dollar like what's your bill the wall yeah right you need eggs or a dollar yep even and then you could sub i don't know subsidize it whatever it is but like you need to smack into people emotionally do you feel like this is the answer because this is the latest messaging from the dems on social media today sought 13 choose your fighter video montage oh god oh yes yeah it's democratic female lawmakers There's AOC in the fighting stance and bouncing.

42:29Oh, she looks like an idiot. Look at this one. Look at her, Jasmine Crockett. Oh, the last one's terrible. I have second in embarrassment. Yeah. Is that what you mean by fearless and risk tolerance? Yeah, exactly. I mean, that to me makes me proud to be an American. I feel safe with those women right there. They can defend me. Yes. Does that inspire you to get to the ballot box? you know it's like i don't even know why aoc is there she's actually you know like her hate her politics like i think she pulled the same as trump in her district she's good on the social media i mean if she knows how to use social media normally i don't think she came up with that campaign no i think she's like getting on board with it but at the same time like her i guess her constituents feel like she's fighting for her yeah where there's a lot of this yeah or sorry for them and where it's like i find a lot of times with the democrats there is this like pretentiousness there's this like ivy league educated like second or third generation kind of trust fund netbook babies that are like telling people how they should live and how they should vote and it's like first of all if you've never had a real job you don't get to talk yep you don't get to talk like i'm almost like if you never had a kid you don't get to talk but like if you never had a real job you don't get to tell people how they should vote like we we just despise that yeah so what i think they have to do is get back in touch with the working class is is very much make this a class issue and you got to call out those people who are giving you money which these billionaires and these corporations that are donating and they won't do it and that's why they'll probably lose but the first person in that party that calls it out you're going to see the bernie effect happen again well i mean the problem they're dealing with right now is they don't know how to handle trump they don't know how to behave properly you know they're way like don't even talk We're debating the spoon.

44:14They're debating whether you should stand when the 13-year-old brain cancer stricken boy gets honored. They didn't do it. There's a meme going on right now. I think Riley Gaines posted it saying they knelt for 8 minutes and 43 seconds for George Floyd. Yeah. But they couldn't stand for Peyton McNabb, the now 19-year-old, formerly 16-year-old, who got slammed in the face with the volleyball. They couldn't stand for DJ Daniel, the little boy, the 13-year-old boy with brain cancer. They couldn't stand for the widow of the cop who got gunned down. They couldn't stand learning that the terrorist who organized the Abbey Gate attack got arrested.

44:53But the problem with this is like they're falling for the trap. And this is why you need a little bit more like boots on the ground with the Dems. Like you got to understand like what people think of you. Like we were saying, people are emotional. It's not like what you believe is real. It's what they feel is real, right? So they've got a couple issues. They've got a masculinity issue. Yeah, they do. I said something on Brilliant Idiots with Charlemagne. I was just joking around. I was like, I don't know a guy like over 5 '9 that identifies as a Democrat. I love that. I played that soundbite on my show.

45:21They went crazy. And I didn't realize it was going to be so reactive. And then afterwards, I was like, oh, wow. They have this deep insecurity that they're not seen as masculine. So that really tapped that insecurity. Well, do something about it. Well, that's – so you have to find a way to be masculine. you can be masculine and care for people. You like, there's so many ways. Like I'm a fucking kid who grew up in like an arts family in New York city. Like my whole family's Democrats. Like this is like, there's tons of very masculine Democrats. Yeah. Like shit. Bill was maybe too masculine. You know what I mean?

45:57There was a time where like, there was a time where Democrats were getting laid and Republicans were like, Oh, how do you do this outside of the marriage? You've got to wait for, that is completely flipped. Yep. Completely. Did you feel it was masculine to hold up the little sign saying, Musk steals? Oh, God. Did you feel he would have done that had you been a masculine Democrat? I don't even know. I mean, but to your point about this is like they're falling for the trap. The Republicans know, right, that they're going to sit down. So they're putting out circumstances. Yeah. They're like, if they sit for this, they're going to look so bad.

46:30It's a no-lose situation for Trump. But if they sit for it, it's actually a beautiful moment. Yes. Look at this poor little kid. Yes. And it's a great moment where we come together. It's just like Doge. Getting rid of government waste and inefficiency is a great thing for America. We should have bipartisan support for this. What Dems are doing is they're going, you're a bad guy. And that worked when people thought Trump was bad guy. They don't anymore. That's right. They don't. You're making yourselves look like the bad guys. Don't even talk about him. Talk about the people you want to help. People are desperate.

47:04They need help. You need your build a wall. it's eggs or a dollar yep you need your your build a wall it's we're building 10 000 affordable housing units in every city we're seizing this land and then have developers go wait you can't even do that and go i don't give a fuck if you say we can't do it that's what we're doing they don't have that guy put your balls on the ground and like just make it happen even if it doesn't happen it's like trump saying we're gonna take greenland it's kind of fun right right i like that's the energy i like it hell yeah like gulf of america i don't care why was it ever gulf of mexico i know we're so much bigger than they are right matter of fact they could still call it gulf of mexico we don't care do you know what i mean like but that's the energy that we need americans love abundance yeah you need to sell us on abundance aren't you the guy you're the one who said this to me and i've quoted you on it many times on how the moment trump won you over was when he took the guy from Montenegro by the shoulder and was like, to the back.

47:59Wait, which one? When he was over at like the G7 or the G18. Oh, I loved it, I loved it. And he shoved that guy. Why am I in the back? Right. I'm America. Nobody even understands what this country is, this guy in the front. Move out of the way, I will sit here. And then he did it and everybody got in line. It happens. You need that kind of, that is some like psychotic shit. I don't think I would have the balls to do that. That is some ballsy shit. Montenegro's in the back, sir. Bye, see you later. You're all in the back. It doesn't really matter. Right, everyone. If I'm giving you money, you're in the back.

48:26Yes. Are you guys giving me money? So why are you in the front? Right? It's like. That's part of his like weirdly. It's unbelievably charming. Charm and humor. What did you think of? I thought it was very funny, the State of the Union. Did you laugh? Great. This amount for this country. Nobody even knows what the hell it is. Did that make you laugh out loud? Yeah. This is why. Another thing Democrats don't understand. They don't understand like why this like billionaire who was given money from his dad is so relatable. Well, why don't you listen to him talk? Look, I've had conversations with like rich people.

48:57OK, they don't talk like that. Yeah, they are incredibly buttoned up a lot of them and concerned publicly about their image. And they're very deliberate about what they say. He don't give a fuck. No. When the Indian reporter was asking him the question and he was just dibble dabbling and then Trump let him finish and go, I don't understand what the hell that guy's talking about. You know who says that? The guy on the construction site. And he called her Pocahontas at the State of the Union. This is what this is how working class people talk. this is what this is like what we do this is how we communicate with one another so when we see it happen we're like oh wow i relate to that human being again emotional people we're not ben shapiro feelings no facts that's not what we are we are i oh what is it feelings no facts ben says facts don't care about your feelings yeah yeah we're not the facts don't care about your feelings we are feelings are the only thing that matter and when you communicate with me in a way that all my friends communicate i start to feel like oh i can kind of relate to you it doesn't matter how much you try to make that person radioactive because he's communicating and hitting me at my core.

49:58That's so true. It's why his background in construction really made him, despite his advantages in his family and when it came to money, so relatable because he spent his whole life around working class people. Exactly. And I say these things because I think America is at its best if we have two candidates that people really are having a difficult time deciding over. i don't want to assist right like i don't want a system like a lot of times there's this like good versus evil dichotomy and it's like they almost want the democrats to be bad and the democrats want the republic to be bad like i want america to win yeah that's the only thing i'm concerned whatever candidate loves america more that's what i'm all for yeah well that and that was i think pretty clear between the democrats of today and the republican party the best moment of trump that I've seen on this score is the one where he sat for that deposition on behalf of, in the E.

50:51Gene Carroll case against him. And the lawyer asked him, did you say that, that you can grab him by the P word? And they let you get away with it if you're a celebrity. And Trump said, yes. And she said, why did you say that? Well, because that's the way it's been for thousands of years. You know, unfortunately or fortunately.

51:12who would say that in a deposition in a case where you're being accused of sexual assault i did a joke about that and i was like he said yeah he said if you a billionaire can grab you by the p word and there's a lot of women they're like oh my god you can't say that and and i was like yeah but none of you have met a billionaire like why are you talking about this like i was like you're getting fingered by thousands oh my god this is not a relatable circumstance for you So, yeah, it's wild. All right, stand by. Let me try to get this ad in. We'll be right back. He's here all day. Netflix specials called Life.

51:45Picture this. Me, Reese Witherspoon in London, ordering fish and chips so often they might start wrapping me in paper. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo autographed journey card, so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases. Imagine getting rewarded for eating a toad in the hole. Wait, what is a toad in a hole? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autographjourney. Terms apply. I'm Cindy Lauper with fellow Cosentix advocate, Chef Michelle Bernstein. We'll share our experiences with plaque psoriasis, with psoriatic arthritis, and Dr.

52:26Panico will talk about the possible connection. Cosentix Secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis 300 milligram dose and adults with active psoriatic arthritis 150 milligram dose. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentix. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur, like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal, or viral infections. Some are fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough, had a vaccine or planned to, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen.

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53:14I walked in that hospital with so much confidence. They handed me a cup, I'm handing them back a martini. I'm ready. Remember, I went in the room, I jerked off I opened my eyes I looked down I thought I missed There was so little sperm in this cup I could have counted them individually There was a red line on the cup Three quarters of the way up For what fucking reason I do not know to this day Three quarters of the way What zoo animal hippopotamus cups Are you giving out to people why are you even giving me a cup give me a contact lens case i'll turn that shit into a guinness

54:04that was so funny it's part of hello again this is andrew schultz with me today this is the latest netflix special it's out now it's called life and it's so well worth your time you know maybe don't watch it with like your eight-year-old but uh teenager absolutely love it and it's i would say like i watched the whole time where i'm like oh my god i'm dying i'm crying i hope nobody knows what i'm watching i hope they can't hear what i'm laughing there's some adult concert in there for sure but it's all in uh but here you it's a personal story this whole thing is about your journey with emma yeah trying to conceive a baby yeah and i mean no detail is spared yeah but so was very personal it was unusually personal yeah yeah did you did you run it by her first so the thing was is uh yeah at first like you know this is the most like male thing like but it's i assume that the reason why we couldn't is because it was her fault right and i talk about it in the special where i'm like she was really concerned it was her fault and i was really concerned it was her fault like we were all really concerned it's obviously her fault yeah because like men we have this like confidence in our sperm that like there's no real reason why but we just know right like every time i've ever had sex with a girl i was like oh my god this is gonna be like what should we do how do you're calling the next month i know she's pregnant guaranteed uh which i now know is a waste and uh once we found out that her ovaries were perfect and my sperm was horrible um it it actually made it a lot easier for me to talk about really yeah because i think the reason why like anybody who has fertility issues one it's very isolating because you're so protective of the person that you love that you don't a lot of women feel a lot of shame around this yeah true and uh at first i i felt like real shame i was like does god not want me to have a child like i was like i didn't understand it like i think i'm like a pretty good person and i'm kind to people and i'm like why is this happening like what the fuck is going on and um yeah so i get that and a lot of women if they are struggling they're just like it they feel like it's a i don't feel very stigmatized right and um but once she was perfect and i was fucked up i could get on stage and it was really cathartic to talk about it and then once i started talking about it And I literally thought that I was like, this was like a one in like 10 million thing.

56:19Oh, wow. The thing I started talking about, all my friends start telling me that they're doing IVF. Oh, wow. And like all these people in the audience would hit me up afterwards about, oh yeah, same thing happened. And I was like, what the fuck? Is this like the last taboo subject? How did anybody ever get pregnant before IVF? Because everybody's doing it. Dude. It is like, it's unbelievable. It's almost like, I was like, does anybody really get abortion? like i'm like it's so hard to get pregnant why is this an issue like how often do these athletes have unprotected sex if they have 20 kids like like i couldn't believe it it was unfathomable so um but then it became like yeah there as brutal as it was there was these kind of funny moments that being one of them just that that the the humility going into the room with the lady oh we just talked to the audience you know doug came in to say hi to andrew in the commercial break and we were bonding over our shared experience because he and I did IVF with our kids too.

57:15And Doug joked that after he had to donate the sample, first he said he was going to wear like a red crushed velvet smoking jacket on his way in and on the way out, he was just going to be like, that was fantastic. I was amazing. Yeah, I was always thinking about like, do I make noises in there? Like how uncomfortable do I make it for the other guys at the clinic? Like just screaming random things. Yes, yes. Sesame Street, just something crazy. but yeah it's like it was crazy it was like a walk of shame when you're walking by all the other guys there everybody's there oh god i know what you're about to do it's so humbling yes you're just sitting in this room like all of you are in there you're like so why did they make you go in to give the sperm sample i didn't think couldn't they so i did it from home once okay the whole i don't even i haven't even put like a lot of the stuff in it but like the whole journey was brutal so the first one i did from home which was like i'm in the room my wife like hands me the thing like it's like homework and she's like okay i'll give you 30 minutes you go do your thing i'm gonna go outside or i'm gonna do the dishes so like i hear her doing the dishes in the background where i'm like being mandated to masturbate and uh i'm like on our bed like i don't think i've ever masturbated on a bed like i'm just on our bed and the bed is made perfectly like everything is like set up and i remember at one point like i'm just like i don't know this is like so weird and i like looked up and the tv was off so it was just a black screen so it's a perfect mirror of me oh no and i was just like this is the saddest day of my life i'm sitting indian style on my back trying to make a sample we send that sample in it comes back and it's like it's it's not good and they're like not only are they not swimming they're like shaped weird and i was like i was like a little defensive so i was like well could that be from like the speed that they hit the cup like maybe you know it's the blunt force trauma kind of warped them a little it was too strong that's what that's what it is and uh they're like no that's definitely not it and i was like okay and uh they go uh they go well why don't you do this for like a couple months wear baggy underwear ice your balls every single day oh ice them yeah yeah whoa yeah yeah yeah i guess that's a big thing um don't drink anymore don't smoke anymore and take these pills and then we'll try it again in like a month or two.

59:31And I did that and we tried it again and it got worse.

59:38And I was like, why do you think that is? And the doctor was like, we've never seen this before. There's some pride in that. It's gotta be a little bit. I'm setting records. I told a story one time when Dave Rubin was on, but Doug had the funniest experience there where they make you ejaculate like 24 hours before the real sample. That's going to be like your future kid. Yeah. Yeah. They want you to clean the house. Yes. It's like, I can't remember if it's 24 or 48 hours before it. Yeah. Okay. So, but they want it to be 48 and they don't really want it to be 46 or 44 because you need the amount of time to build up the new batch.

1:00:12Yes. So like timing does matter. It just so happened that on one of ours, we were visiting my, my Nana who was literally like 90 at the time and we were playing dominoes. And I was like, Oh, Doug, it's time. He was like, what? I'm Like, you got to go in there right now. My poor husband. And he was like one of these older person's homes where there's five inches between the bottom of the door and the ground. You can hear every piece of conversation. The dominoes like, you're palming the double five. You know, and Doug's in there behind the door. So is he.

1:00:48This is horrible, poor Doug. This is the thing about this. Do what you got to do. The journey is brutal when you're in it. It is the hardest thing that you'll go through in your life. sorry definitely the hardest thing we went through and um but after the fact it is hysterical yes like they're believe what you've been through yeah and like there are so many of these things that are so funny and the beautiful thing about having a child is you get this like amnesia yeah for what you went through to get there i think that's actually kind of like built into our dna so we keep making them i totally agree you know like same women have been saying that for eons because of the pain of labor.

1:01:24And it's so, you know, devastating. And then you forget all about it. I never had labor because I had three C-sections, but my friends tell me it's extremely painful. Oh, Emma was in there for 24 hours and then she had the C-section because the baby's heart rate dropped. Oh God, that's scary. Yeah, the whole thing is terrible. When you were doing the shots before to prepare for the IVF, like, did you have any fun mood swings or anything? Oh yeah, I was actually fine. I did not have weird mood swings, but it was very funny because doug does not like he his mom got this terrible cut in her leg and it was so brutal and doug was right there he bandaged it up he put the medicine i was like yeah i can't take that kind of injury yeah but you pull out a needle and doug is one of those like oh so he so he can't shots but he had to in the beginning as it turned out he didn't have to but we thought he did yeah because in the beginning they really make it up into a thing like you got mix the compound and it's like kind of back in a hard spot to reach you got to ice the area oh my god like our future family depends on this yeah and doug was in a hot like a cold sweat and the superintendent of our building at the time his name was lance and they're like it's very important that your wife have a partner that helps with and doug is like this is gonna be very hard for lance yeah but he did it good he did it he got it through but honestly by the third child you know he dug was no part of it i was like i need no ice i'm good boom we're done yeah off to the race it is crazy that they make you mix it at home so anybody who's not familiar they give you these two uh i guess hormonal compounds and you have to put them together in the syringe in just the right proportions i'm like why isn't this done at the lab and then we just hit it like you don't have to make the kit kat right like make the bar and then send it to me and i remember like watching my wife do these things making sure it's the right amount you got to push a little out so no air gets in there right right so you don't give yourself an air bubble like life or death literally and she's like did i push too much out will i not get it is this but there yeah there was i mean emma would get like it would really get her going would she get angry or just overly emotional oh angry like but we didn't know that that was the cause so like i remember we got into it at a japanese restaurant you don't realize how quiet those restaurants are until you're having like a loud blow up with like and you know the only thing interrupting the blow up because everybody is already quiet a japanese restaurant and then once you have like a verbal altercation they're really quiet oh i love when somebody has a fight and i'm nearby oh my god doug and i like he'll start talking about be quiet this is too important to me gotta lock in everybody was locked in they're just slurping udon and watching us and the only thing that would interrupt it is like when a new person would walk in and you know the whole restaurant has to go and whatever and then emma would feel like they were interrupting our argument so so so we're fighting emma goes are you kidding me and then back to yelling at me it's just amazing well weren't you so you weren't that guy who was like she's going through a lot these are just her emotions i'm just gonna i'm gonna let everything slide i'm not gonna get mad about anything we didn't know that it was the case so we didn't know until literally that night i go hey did we do the shot we did the shot today right and she goes oh shit we're walking down we were on kenmare street that's when you put it together that she's hormonal and then and then she was also like oh fuck i guess i'm like really reactive to this and then from then on we stopped going to japanese restaurants and then how about after she had the baby did she have like because you're sleep deprived you're very hormonal it's the most insane thing if you're did you breastfeed yeah okay that is the i think that this is i think that is the most difficult part of child rearing is the the if you are breastfeeding full-time like meaning every two hours yeah that is insane yeah it's a lot that is insane every two hours so you're waking up i don't think a lot of people know this you're waking up every two hours in the night you don't get more than an hour of sleep at a time it's truly like a like an astronaut training situation yeah no it's brutal but then then it it lets up a little when it lets up this is beautiful bonding experience that you have with your child and like it's something even now like emma's still breastfeeding and it's just this thing that she's like she doesn't even want to let go of it yeah well then you get to like the six month mark where the baby can start having like smaller like a solid food yeah and they're still having breast milk and you're at the point now where like you're you're producing the more more milk than ever and yet the baby's somewhat getting a little independent yep and the weight comes shredding off that's the best moment where you're like i'm making tons of milk all these calories are coming off for free oh because your body is burning calories but your your baby doesn't need as much milk as from you right as he needed it five months because now he's starting to eat food right but your body doesn't know that so it's still burning like 800 calories a day you're like, oh my God, I have a waist again.

1:06:26There's a normal ass. Thank you, sweet baby. I always say they're selling breastfeeding to moms all wrong. That you would care about the health of our babies, but we know that babies who are formula fat are fine too. You have to sell it to them like Ozempic. You'll be skinny. Yes. It is natural Ozempic. It's natural Ozempic. It's good for you. Let that baby suck the fat out of you. They put it on you. It's the least they can do. That is their gift. Yes. Wow, that is so true. Yeah, Emma really got her shit back. Yeah. It was like. Well, your baby's only like one now, right? One year. Yeah. 13 months.

1:06:55So now is it, is it kicking in now? Like that's usually when you're like, what about number two? Let's, let's go. You're going to fire up the machines again. Literally. She was like, do you want to do it this month? And I was like, can I just get the special out? Can I get, let's get the special out. Let's do like a weekend somewhere. This has been like three years in the making. Yes. Between like making a baby and also, you know, making the special and like, let's just take a, let's just take a little vacation. And you've probably been told this, but you know, like the difference between one and two is large.

1:07:25Wait, tell me, what do you mean? Like your relationship with them? No, no. When you just have one baby, like in the beginning, you're overwhelmed as you know, but like by year one, you kind of get it down. Oh yeah. And things are, you know, you can still have a life. Yeah. You can still take a nap. You and Emma can still steal away for like an hour in the middle of the day while your one baby is asleep or somebody else would easily watch your one baby. Yeah. But when you have two babies, like under the age of three, you're effed. There's no napping ever. There's no downtime. This is where you really start thinking about having live-in help.

1:07:58Like who can come live with us so I can sleep again? I don't even remember three. It's like all a blur. But I felt the difference from one to two was much larger than from two to three. Like you've given up your free time when you have two. Got it. Got it. Like a third, even a fourth, I think would have, I would have had a fourth if I had been younger when Doug and I had met. but um one to two is big okay my my buddy said he goes he he he agreed on one to two he goes but two to three because he just had his third he goes he goes man two to three he goes i don't know i go what do you mean you don't know he goes you're outnumbered bro there's nothing you can do there's nothing you can do they have you like you're with one this one's fucking around doing something you just constantly need help yeah it is uh especially when they're but yeah we want to have another one Yeah.

1:08:46No, I, I remember early on in our tenure of having two, um, Doug went to see his mom one day, his, uh, went to visit his family, but it was just, just a day trip. Yeah. And it was the first time I'd been alone for like 12 hours with both of them, uh, without Doug being there. I'm like, I'm good. I'm fine. Like I had a newborn and a two-year-old and like, honey, I'm trust me. I'm, I'm the mother. I've got this. And so I was pushing. It was late in the day. Things hadn't gone that smoothly. I'm not going to lie. And I took them out for a walk and I was pushing the baby in her stroller. And my two-year-old was like walking next to me.

1:09:23He was on like that little ride-on thing that you can put on your stroller, like on his feet. And he had this thing where he loved to take off. So I'm pushing the baby up a hill and he's on the little ride-on thing standing there. And Doug turns the corner in his car coming home just at that moment, right? So he sees the whole thing. So at this moment, Yates, our oldest, did not see Doug. He was just doing his thing. He takes off running. And there's a massive street straight ahead to which he's running. And I can't just let go of the baby stroller because I'm on an incline. Like if I let go of the baby stroller, she's going to go.

1:09:57But he's running toward traffic the other way. So all this is happening. And there's Doug. And he kind of does the gentle beep and waves. And I was like, oh, oh, hi. Oh. Totally. And then finally I'm like, lock the stroller, try to rescue the toddler. I'm like, I got it all under control. No, he knew it wasn't true. Yeah, you just got to submit. The whole thing is so humbling, isn't it? Yeah, it is. As you add more and as they get older into the toddler years, even more so. It is amazingly humbling. That's the best way to describe it. All of it. Right? You don't know anything. You know nothing.

1:10:32It's crazy to even give you the baby. I remember when they first gave us the baby to leave the hospital, I was like, how is this legal? isn't there someone more qualified we are we are not professionals at all like they just give you like here's how you wrap it all right have a good good luck at home right i mean it's just so do you do are you an involved dad do you change diapers oh yeah yeah i feel like you can't you can't really have an opinion on how it's raised if you're not doing some of the things like obviously i'm at work you know yep so like emma this was actually really hard for her i wonder if if you felt this way at all but like uh you know my wife oh there you are is my little shiloh she's so cute yeah so so i was like uh she's you know very like successful in her own right like she got her mba and then she was working and managing uh ai uh projects for apple and then she was like i don't really want to do this i want to be a mom and i feel a little guilty even saying that but that is the true thing that i want to do with my life like it's always been my dream to be a mom and i I was like, listen, if you want to do it, don't do it because I said it.

1:11:33Because then you'll resent me if you realize that you wish you never should have quit your job. Yeah. But if you want to do it, then go for it. And it was like interesting watching her like grapple with that. And that's something that I hope changes in the very near future. I think it's starting to. Yeah. Like I think that we should reward mothers that stay at home in the same way that we reward mothers that go work. and value and talk about. Yeah. I feel like Republicans are way ahead on that. Democrats, I don't think they're there. Yeah, maybe not. I mean, it's just like when you go to certain countries that like value, I think it's also like a big city thing where there's not a lot of like family built into it.

1:12:16Like I grew up in New York City and it was very rare that there were like families there. And so they're just the idea of it, like a kid crying on the subway can be like bothersome to some people. Whereas like once you have kids, you see a kid crying, You're like, oh, it's adorable. I know. Or you're like, so bad for the parents. But I hope that as the pendulum continues to swing with feminism or masculinity or whatever these things are, I hope that there is this place for moms that stay home. And it is a privilege, but that they don't feel this kind of scrutiny. I think it's like a really beautiful thing if you can afford it to do.

1:12:51Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And also for guys who are sensitive and empathic, but not man bun sand, mandal, merce toting. This is a thing that I don't get about like the masculinity movement right now. It's like a lot of these guys like at the, at the forefront of it, like don't even, aren't even dads. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, okay. You got like, you could deadlift like. Or some are just like, you know. Or deadbeat dads. I was going to say they're producing children, but they're. They're not even looking after them. It's like, why are you, why do you get to decide what masculinity is? Like, I think that's like the least masculine thing you can do.

1:13:25That's like a coward. That's right. I was talking to Rogan about this. He says, listen, there's a lot of bitches out there and even bitches need a leader of the bitches. And I think sometimes we're mistaking them for like being masculine guys. It's like having muscles doesn't make you masculine. Like to me, being involved in your kid's life is masculine. What, I mean, what tough guy ever tells you how tough he is? They don't, they don't talk about that. Exactly. like the greatest of all like michael jordan never said he was the greatest he didn't need to we knew right so like when i see like involved parents like one of the most beautiful things about this whole process even talking about these things is like seeing how much people love their children and like feeling really comfortable sharing that and they'll share these stories about when they first had their kid and like seeing dads i mean this guy who's driving me and when i was in austin recently he was telling me about how he does this like daddy daughter dates he has these two daughters and they each get a different day.

1:14:17And like, that's the shit I would like to see promoted a little bit more in the masculinity movement in America. Like, don't tell me like how much time that you could like jog. Yeah. You know, I don't care how many miles you could run. Or how much money you have in the bank. Yeah, like I don't give a fuck. They don't give, I'll tell you one thing, they don't, your daughter don't care. Well, you do a very funny bit in life about how you, you have, there's so much pressure being a dad to a daughter because one wrong move and she's on only fans you know and it's your fault you missed a volleyball game it's and it's you it's daddy like there's no such thing as mommy issues oh we have that okay let's watch that that's so funny i have a screenshot of the moment i found out that i was going to have a daughter if you want to see stress if you want to see pressure put that shit up that's that's a real picture of knowing no matter what happens to your daughter is dad's fault i miss one volleyball game she starts an only fans it's my fault

1:15:21you're not wrong daddy issues is a thing what's mommy issues no it's not really i mean it can happen but what is it it's not as much of a phrase we don't even know what it is like there's no like if a kid shoots up a school we don't go i have mommy issues you know it's more like he can't leave his mom i that's what i attribute to me that's awesome yeah yeah you're right exactly You did a good job being a mom. Yeah. Wow. Your son loves you and has a deep connection to the most important human being. And like, that's a positive effect. Now you're terrified of making the wrong move. Yeah. Like, I don't know.

1:15:53I don't want like, I want my kids to be incredibly comfortable with their family. Not like waiting to jump at the first person who's going to take them away. You wouldn't find it empowering for your daughter to consider becoming a quote, sex worker? Oh my God. As was praised. Can we just call them whores? Like I hate the fact that we're like making up these terms that make it seem more dignified. Right. It's whore. Right. That's it. Well, what about that girl on OnlyFans? I don't know her name, but she's the one who had sex with like 100 people in a day. And then like – Stop it. And she's now going on a tour of nursing homes.

1:16:27That's cool. I like that. I wondered how you're going to react to that. I like it. I had a crazy thing. We do. Oh, actually, my team is way ahead of me. Here she is and sought 24. Her name is Lily Phillips. I found my oldest fan via Facebook. And when I asked for his address, he actually sent me the address of a care home. So I'm actually here with him and his friends. And I'm going to show them a good time.

1:16:55So these, they actually figured it out. This is heroic. I liked it. No judgment. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They figured it out. Those are sex workers. that's work that is no no no no this is i didn't know that they were doing this when they were doing those like you know 100 girls or 100 dudes or thousand dudes or whatever i'm like this is disgusting but but having sex with old guys in old people homes yeah that is like that is altruism that is when we're talking about that's what you're saying yeah when she's ready that is charity that is beautiful that is fucking beautiful i feel so uncomfortable with it yeah it's uncomfortable yes very but for not for them those guys there oh oh they're so excited what do you think like you know could they could die happy oh they'll die happy they'll also just forget it and then the next day that's the sad part is they won't even remember it happened yeah i that's that's actually one of my favorite jokes i heard a long time ago which was um uh like a 95 year old guy marries a 25 year old gal and goes to the doctor right before the wedding.

1:18:03And he says, is there anything I need to know doc? And the doc says, yeah, you know, you should know that sex at this point could be dangerous, even lethal. And he said, if she dies, she dies. That's great. There's a, my dad is a dementia and which is, you know, obviously very sad. He's my hero. And you know, he's, he introduces me in the special. And, um, but like during this time where Em and I were trying to get pregnant, I would go over every week to see him and, uh, He'd be like, how are things going? And I'm like, it's rough trying to get pregnant. It's just not really going that well. And he would go, well, if you need some help, I can help you.

1:18:37And he would forget that he would say the joke. And every week I would go over and he would offer to have sex with my wife and put a baby in her. So this goes on for like six months. Now, what I will say is that might be like the negative side of dementia. But one of the cool positives is – and life is about perspective, right? You can have good perspective on even the worst things. Like he gets to find out he has a granddaughter every single time I see him. Is that right? Yeah. Now sometimes he'll kind of remember. Sometimes it might not be there. But like that must be a pretty cool feeling. Does he remember you?

1:19:16Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's hard building new long-term memories. Okay. Like the way the memory works is there's like short-term and long-term. and you can create new long-term memories just by continuous efforts. So like repeating the same thing over and over again. Like with the table manners. Exactly. Reinforcement. Reinforcement. But short-term, he doesn't really. How old is he? He's 81. So how long has he been dealing with this? Honestly, it started, I think, when I got out of college. Like even 20 years ago, I started noticing these things. Like very small, but it was like, oh, something's kind of up.

1:19:49And then. So does that make you worry for yourself? Do you ever think about it? Anytime I forget anything, I'm like, I got it. But I don't know if it exactly works like that. Right, I know. I have such a fear of this. My mom doesn't have Alzheimer's and my dad died too young for me to know. He died at 45 of a heart attack. But I worry about it so much because it can happen to anybody. And even if you're using your brain as you do for a living, as I do for a living, you're not immune. It's got Sandra Day O 'Connor who's like, I mean, there's nothing more intellectually straining than being on the U.S.

1:20:24Supreme Court. Yeah. So it's just so indiscriminate and it's terrifying to me. Some say diet. Yep, diet. Diet can really impact. And sleep. Every time I have a sleepless night, I'm like, ah, it's over. Get in my early alleys. Yeah. It's coming on. Yeah. Because you don't remember. When you have a bad night's sleep, you don't remember that as well the next day. I will say it does kind of expose like your true character in a lot of times. and uh one of the cool rewarding things about it is just like seeing what like a good human my dad is i've always thought he's like this angel but like a truly just good kind human like he was my mom had to take his like debit card because he would like give uh the people who sell the fruit in the neighborhood just money and forget he did it and then go back oh and keep giving he was popular yeah these fucking assholes kept letting them give him money oh no that's low yeah that is low yeah that's so i made a call to trump and i was like we got somebody you know i got a couple speaking of having murdered people exactly oh that's i mean that's good you take care of him you have a good perspective on it i always feel like if god for this happens to me i've said this to doug you know please make sure i'm sitting in a room with all my favorite movies just on loop yep and uh you know my favorite audio books just playing on loop like i can just keep enjoying these series over and over and over yeah i'm not sure that's exactly the way it works but that's how I'd like to believe it's going to work.

1:21:44It will. But I don't think that, I don't know, who knows what will happen. I hope it won't happen, but don't stress about it now. I know you shouldn't. Plenty of time to stress about it later. Well, the other thing is, you know, there's, this is one of the things that RFKJ has been talking about. You know, there's been such bullshit going on in the public health world for so long. And we talked about this, about this on our show four, three years ago, where this massive thing came out with, with this guy committed fraud in saying they'd made this major breakthrough in Alzheimer's and that they really zeroed in on the amyloid plaque.

1:22:15And then it turned out he had been faking all the photos to show this and they'd been repeated. And he was like the gold standard researcher in all this. And now it's like it was Alzheimer's research was set back by 15, 20 years. It's one of the other reasons why I just feel so good. We have people in there now who will not treat any of this prior bullshit as, you know, godly and untouchable. You know, Jay Bhattacharya, who just took over at NIH, he's being confirmed right now as his hearings are underway. They were like, so you're not going to go back and look at whether childhood vaccines are linked to autism, right?

1:22:50Those are well-settled studies that there's no link whatsoever. And to his credit, he was like, look, I understand there's been a lot of research on this, but he basically said, I'm not going to say never. Like, I think there's nothing wrong with going back and looking and then revealing the science to everybody. I think that the most important thing that anybody that is representing a government institution can do right now is be transparent about their failures and their successes. So if going back and looking at the research and then presenting studies shows that there is no link, that's awesome.

1:23:24Yeah. Now I trust it coming from you. Yeah. I'm feeling concerned. Like I joke around all the time. Like I believe whatever the last YouTube video I watched is, that is what I believe a hundred percent. I'm easily convinced like i'm locked in so if if you're if you're rfk if you're this guy it's like just be transparent tell us where the fuck-ups were yeah don't gaslight us because we've been gaslight so gaslit so much that i feel like that it's completely dissolved our confidence and confidence in these institutions and in order to have like a proud american public we need something to be proud of we can be proud we fuck up too you can fuck up and we will forgive you give us that opportunity yeah but i cannot forgive you if you continue to lie to me that's right if you are not accountable for anything at all like and i think that's why fauci he'll never be forgiven that's why he probably took the he took the what's it called the science the the pardon yeah it's like why do you even need to take the pardon yeah meanwhile i will say elon's out there like we did screw up we canceled funding for ebola nobody likes ebola but you know that we're resuming that more of that i love that like to me instead of looking at that and hopefully the the opposition, or hopefully Democrats don't use that and be like, see, he's an asshole.

1:24:35You should use that as an example of how you should conduct yourself in public. Hey, we messed up. We're bringing it back. We're bringing those people back. It doesn't sound like Trump to me. Trump refuses to ever do it. He is right 100%. Was your show the first one on which he explained the weave? Yeah. It was, right? Yeah. That was an amazing soundbite. Oh, dude, he was, I think the best moment of that whole thing to me was when he goes, I'm basically an honest person. And I'll never forget that. I think about that once a day because it's actually the most honest thing you can say. Yeah. If you, everybody looked at that like, see, he's admitting he's a liar.

1:25:14And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. A liar would say I'm an honest person. I never lie. Yeah. I mean, well, I don't know if this is true, but they say like the average person lies something like 15 times a day. It's something ridiculous. But no, that was a great interview that you did with him. We actually have a clip of it, right? Let's play it and we'll take a break later. You know, I do a thing called a weave. I don't ramble. If I start a story, what you do is you weave things and you do it. You need an extraordinary memory because you have to come back to where you started. A weave is only good if you come back.

1:25:47They would give you credit for that. That's true. You can go all the way over here and then get back. I can go so far here or there. And I can come back to exactly where I started. Now, someday when you don't come back to where you started, you're Biden.

1:26:04He wasn't wrong. Like it was and he does do the weave and he does manage to land it back. I mean, he's just the way he's like the way he constructs sentences is different than normal people. It's like whatever idea pops in, he grabs onto it and he continues. And I mean, you've been talking in front of a camera to millions of people for decades. you probably know by now like the people that you listen to are the ones you cannot predict the next word they're going to say for better for worse right right you can't predict how he's going to finish the sentence oh god no it could start on ukraine and then he's like i had the best falafel you know the thing about falafel is there's a place in new york mamoons we bought that building it was a great building like it's just yes and i'm i'm locked in yeah you're you're riveted the train is going yeah but he will get back to ukraine at the end he'll get back to Ukraine.

1:26:54To his credit, because that's the place where most of us fall apart. You know, you lost your train of thought, you're off meandering down a tributary, you never get back on the main river. Trump always does. All right, stand by. We're going to take a little tributary now. We'll be back on the main river with Andrew Schultz, whose new special Life is on Netflix right now. Go download it. Do yourself a favor. And we'll be right back with Andrew. The most memorable gifts aren't found, they're made. Zazzle is a custom marketplace where you pick any product, a mug, a card, a tote, a phone case, and make it personal, a photo, a name, an inside joke, the kind of gift that actually fits the person.

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1:28:12I want to hug you. I'm going to hug you. I'm coming in for a hug. When your wife first gets pregnant, you have to go get a baby-specific doctor called an OBGYN, right? Which I didn't know what the fuck that was. I thought it was more gay letters. I was like... My wife's like, we need an OBGYN. I was like, why do we need a fucking gay guy to deliver the baby? What do they know about this? It's not their jurisdiction at all. I want some gay doctor to open my wife's legs like, ew, yucky vagina. Crust.

1:28:49that's amazing i have to say there are a lot of women who do it but i've never had a male ob-gyn yeah and i never want one my wife's dad is an ob-gyn oh okay i'm like who's going to that i don't know some women are totally fine with it yeah he's not looking at you as like not at all individual no but i also as like a man i don't know why you want to see because like aren't you kind of seeing women like when it's at its roughest i i they don't see it that way like i think they're able to distinguish between the moment they're with that personally versus professionally yes of course of course i'm just saying like if you're going to the ob-gyn isn't it like something's burning down here right like don't you see it if it's bumpy or burning and now you're just seeing like vaginas that are messed up you know you got to go for your annual exam there's Checkups.

1:29:40Yeah, they do the full checkup. Pap smear, right? That, yeah. And they can get on up in there. Really? No, yeah. What is a pap smear? It's very unpleasant. They put like this clamp thing in you and then they take like this long Q-tip and they rub the cervix and then put those like cells on a Petri dish and send it out to go see if you have like early cancer. Oh, so it's to see if you have cancer. I mean, among other things, I'm sure. But yeah, that's what I think it's for. Yeah. Yeah, and you guys have to do that every year. Yeah, well, I mean, most of us go once a year. Wow. Now you can potentially go once every three years, depending on like your health and whether you've had this HPV vaccine.

1:30:19That's very controversial. We did a whole show on it. But in any event, yeah, it's not pleasant. It's not pleasant even when you have a female doctor. Yeah. And they check you everywhere. I've never seen a cock doctor in my entire life. What? I don't think we go to that. Well, no, doesn't your normal doctor though handle you and make you cough and check for prostate issues? But how funny is that? Like the vagina has its own doctor. And then I could just go to like a nerd, like anybody with it, but like the stethoscope and get my balls checked. Well, you're a lucky man. Cause I'm sure if you had a problem down there, they would send you to a urologist and then he'd grab you like a ketchup bottle and you'd be uncomfortable.

1:30:54But yeah, I guess my problem was, I guess, internal, but yeah, that's a, yeah. Wow. I know the whole thing with the doctors is like very intimate. They, they get right up in your space and like, there's no way around it. as a woman, you, you know, you have to let them check your lady parts and then you get to the age where I am and you got to go for the mammograms and they grab your boob and they squeeze it down like a pancake. It hurts. Yeah. And it's like, they're squeezing it. And then the woman's running out of the room to x-ray you. And you're like, why am I stuck in here with all the radiation?

1:31:22Yeah. And they're telling you have to do it once a year. I don't know if I believe in it anyway. I mean, you do, don't listen to me. I don't go to your, for your mammograms. I'm just saying like now I've had to start going, I think at 40 or 45 and do it for 10 years. Do you have a breast cancer in your family? I mean, my Nana had it when she was 81, which I don't think technically counts, but it doesn't matter because most of breast cancers come in families where you didn't have a family history anyway. Really? Yeah. So you have to worry about it no matter what. It's just one of those things. You hate the annual physical for this reason.

1:31:52Yeah. Right? You just got to start thinking about all the things you don't want to think about. Yeah. It just makes you face your mortality. Yeah. But you're still young. Do you get an annual physical? I don't even know. Like eventually my wife just, yeah, she'll just say things to me like, it's been two years since you've been to the dentist. And I was like, all right, I'll go to the dentist. Like I don't keep it up with any of these things. It's bad. Well, I mean, good dental health is very important. Yeah. Yeah, they say that. And the longer you wait on that one, the worse it is. And you have your teeth, right?

1:32:19These are your real teeth. It's so refreshing to see real teeth. Thank you. Don't you think? The veneers are blinding. It's too much, the veneers. It's like you kind of almost like you need to go down a shade or like stain them slightly. Do something. Yeah. I'm not good at detecting them. I actually just found out that most people are wearing veneers who have that like those thousand watt smiles. Yeah. I didn't totally know that. Yeah. Now it's become so popular that I think it's actually going to have the reverse effect. Like it's going to be like the Kim Kardashian butt where people start rebelling.

1:32:55And I think we're going to want to see natural teeth. Oh, okay. Here is a transition from you. Oh, good. Tell me. Speaking of the Kim Kardashian butt. Yes. Her ex, Kanye West, has a different wife now. Bianca. They may or may not be getting a divorce. There have been rumors and reports that they are, but unconfirmed. But before Kim, I think, and before Bianca, there was Amber Rose. Yes, Amber. Who wound up speaking at Trump's RNC. Yeah, yeah. And she gave an interview on Club Shay Shay with Shannon Sharp. And she spoke to why Kanye likes apparently having his wives be naked in public. Like a lot.

1:33:35What did she say? Take a look. Kanye's picture of dressing her like that. Yeah, he did the same thing to me and Kim. What is it about that that he wants the world to know? Look at my woman. We can see. He wants other men to want his woman. That's what he's into. He likes that. He likes that men are like drooling over his woman. That's what he's into. Yeah, he wants all his friends to want his girlfriend. He wants everybody that when you walk in a room, that his girlfriend or wife is the most desirable in the room. She's the baddest bee in the room. That's what he likes, yeah. And she said he did it to me, he did it to Kim, and he's doing it to Bianca.

1:34:19what do you make of that like i don't that seems so odd to me to to want to want everybody to admire your woman so much you you want her to go out naked in public yeah it makes me question like if he really likes her or if she's just a tool for his own validation right to get attention yeah yeah he's kanye's a uh i'm just like exhausted by it to be honest like he's so exhausting but he's so good at getting attention yeah like i'll just be so annoyed by him and then And he'll like tweet a couple of things and I'll be like, holy shit. Did you see all the porn he tweeted? No. Super Bowl weekend. Oh my God.

1:34:52So all my, all my friends were texting me like, don't go on Kanye's X feed, which of course you got to do it. You go immediately. What's he doing? Yeah. And I could not believe my eyes. Why he's actually posing porn porn. I don't think it was him. Yeah. It was a black man and a white woman in the videos without the faces in most of them. So I'm not sure. Yeah. But it was very graphic, triple X porn all over his X feed. And I was like, oh my God. Right? So then I logged off of that. And it wasn't until a couple hours later that I remembered to mention it to Doug. I'm like, oh my God. So he went back.

1:35:27It was still up. Yeah. Like it hadn't been taken down. That's not surprising me because like there's a moment like the Super Bowl where he knows that everybody's attention is going to be on somebody else. So he's like, I'm going to make this about me. That's interesting. Yeah. I think it's a constant like thirst and need for attention. I don't even know if he's aware of that. Do you think the Hitler comments are coming from the same place? It's the same thing as MAGA. Like when MAGA was that radioactive, he was like, I'm going to wear the MAGA hat. That's interesting. He takes the most disliked radioactive fucked up thing.

1:35:59And he's like, I'm so cool that I can make this cool. And he's done that like throughout his life with fashion. And, you know, now he does it with like talking points and that kind of stuff. But it's, I think it's just a reflection of like him thinking, I'm so the man, I could make Hitler the man. Or it's coming from this place of, you're not going to tell me what I can or can't like. Yeah. I have total autonomy and freedom in my life. That I respect and like. Yeah. That I like. It's just, there's other ways to prove you're free. Right. Well, there are a lot of people like that in the public, you know, conversation.

1:36:36Well, I would also go like, are you really free if you need to do that? Right. Because now you're being controlled the opposite way. What if you always have to do the most subversive thing, the most controversial thing? People that are truly free don't need that. They feel the freedom, so they don't need to execute it every second. People who don't feel free need to constantly prove that they're free. It's back to the old, you know, Michael Jordan didn't tell you what a great basketball player he was. He knew he was. He knew he was. I was actually with somebody from another sport, which I won't reveal who it was because it would make it obvious.

1:37:08But they were like, I'm the GOAT. Everyone knows I'm the goat. And I remember thinking, I don't think the goat ever calls himself the goat. No. It's not a thing. No. So you've got this very successful podcast now, in addition to your comedy routines, do you like, what do you do on that show? Is there, are there any limits? Is there anything you do to make it a success? Somebody was just asking me this about my show. And I was like, that's not how I approach it. I just kind of do what I, I just talk about what I want to talk about. Yeah, yeah. I talk about what I want to talk about. And then like, I try very hard to not let the algorithm dictate what we talk about.

1:37:40Yep. And I feel like a lot of times now there's a lot of creators that don't even realize that that algorithm is really dictating to them what they should create. They'll post a video or cover a topic and it will go crazy. And then they go, oh, I should cover that more. And then you see people like lose their own personal creativity and they just become this slave to the algorithm. Yes. The problem is that when you're going to do the stories you want to do, you have to accept that some days the stories are going to go crazy. And some days they're not going to go crazy. And your core fans will really appreciate it.

1:38:12But it's not going to be this pure numbers game. And that's been the thing that like, you know, we accept because authenticity is like the most important thing to me. But it is one of those things that you got to go, okay, well, okay, this isn't going to be as big a story. We get that. How can we be so interesting or so funny about it that maybe more people will find interest in this thing that we're really interested in? I really think that that is fool's gold, right? just to go for the viral clip because it's it's like you might get a lot of subscribers or follows or whatever or even just views or likes of that one clip but they're not real i'm so glad you keep going this is great they're not going to stay like that's why you see people who have a huge number of subscribers on on youtube but very little engagement because their fans are not actually like they just click to watch that one clip but then they're never coming back whereas if you just work on doing good programming every day they're real the relationship between you and the people watching is real they trust you and honor you and vice versa trust you they're here and if you really care about something there are people watching right now that might not care about it at all and the fact that you do they'll give it that little second they'll give it that minute and they'll be like okay maybe i should care about this thing right i yeah i see this i see this all the time it's like um and this is kind of like where you can see the grift a little bit where there there are people that sometimes are popular because there's great social utility right like there's a version where like this special has social utility and i might get popular with some people because they're called life on netflix check it out with andrew schultz i wasn't even trying to plug but like maybe they're going through like ivf or fertility issues and they feel like really seen or represented but so maybe for like a moment i'm very important to them but then when that becomes more normalized less stigmatized they realize they don't really agree with me on other issues so they're like okay i don't need you anymore it's kind of like not to harp on shapiro like kind of what he's gone through it's like he had these great arguments for conservatives at a time where it was really radioactive to be conservative.

1:40:06There are these people that they needed to defend their positions, but they didn't have these beautiful Harvard no fat at all awesome dart arguments, which he's really brilliant at making. And he supplied them, and they were like, oh, this is the guy. Now it's not stigmatized at all to be a conservative. The majority of the country is conservative. So now they're like, all right, well, we don't really agree with you on Israel palestine so we don't really need you anymore you don't have social utility so he didn't build that bond with the audience i mean his show is still huge and very very successful yeah i'm not again again i'm saying like uh i'm not saying that he's not but clearly there's been some issues over there in terms like a fracturing of the audience yeah and the fracture of the audience to me shows that they're not actual fans of him but that there was social utility that he provided and then a quarter of them or 10 20 whatever is now going well i'll no longer need that social utility but it's not just him i'm saying it could be it can happen to anybody and and what you hope is you have this core which he has his core you have your core i hope i have my core that that will continue to expand when you create authentic shit that matters to you yes yeah well here's to doing that a lot more of that and if you want to see andrew do that seriously trust me check out life on netflix for many reasons we want to support him you will laugh your ass off and there is no way we can let Meghan Markle be number one.

1:41:30It has to be Andrew Schultz. So you get on there and you download it over and over, my friends. Watch it. We're coming for Kate Hudson. Great to see you. Great to see you. Thank you for having me. The most memorable gifts aren't found. They're made. Zazzle is a custom marketplace where you pick any product, a mug, a card, a tote, a phone case, and make it personal. A photo, a name, an inside joke. The kind of gift that actually fits the person. That's what 30 million customers have been coming back to Zazzle for over 20 years to find. Right now, save 25 % on your first order at Zazzle.com. That's Zazzle.com.

1:42:10Make it z-amazing. Stitch fix. Stop shopping. Get styled. Not today, sweatpants. Somebody's wearing jeans that fit. Wow! No photos, please. I'm just a regular dad who happens to have a stylist. I really look my best when someone else makes the decisions. Hey, we can all see you two-way mirrors. Just share your size, style, and budget, and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. Stitch Fix. Get started today at stitchfix.com. I want to hug you. I'm going to hug you. I'm coming in for a hug. Joining me now is someone I've been wanting to interview on this program for years. He is one of the sharpest political commentators around, someone who's not afraid to take risks and has been politically incorrect for decades before it was cool.

1:42:58And whether you love him or hate him, you pay attention to him. Joining me today is Bill Maher. He's author of the brand new book that's just out today, What This Comedian Said Will Shock You. He's also host of the long running show Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO. Don't miss a moment. Subscribe to this show on YouTube and follow me on Insta, Facebook, and X. Can your savings weather an economic storm? Think about what you've put away for the future. Inflation can render cash worthless. Real estate can crash like it did in 08. Economies built on a mountain of debt can fall like a house of cards.

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1:44:19Bill, welcome. I'm going to say that book title is a lot funnier when you see it because it's supposed to mock clickbait. Of course, I got it immediately. Okay, I know, but I've had book titles that went right over the heads of all of the audience. This is the tease we used on Fox News for about two decades without the words comedian. What you hear next will shuck you. Right. Exactly. I thought I would bring it to the book world. No, I used to joke that once you start talking in teases, you've been in TV too long. Right. But I had a book, a new rules book out about 15 years ago, and the subtitle was Polite Musings from a Timid Observer, which I thought was hysterically funny, but every disc jockey in America did not get it.

1:44:59They just took it. I was like, okay, now that was understatement and it's supposed to be satire, but nevermind. Stay with me. I'll just do a straight title next time. So my favorite New Rules ever comes from about, I want to say about 15 years ago. And it was from the book. When did that book hit? There was one out in 2005 and I think 2010. Of course, those are, you know, New Rules books. I call them toilet books because you can read them on the toilet. You know, New Rules are very different than this book. This book is from the editorials. Now, I really redid all of them. I mean, I worked like, I could never have done this without the strike.

1:45:34The strike that we had last year gave me the time to do this. but this is much more of a real book. The New Rules books were fun but New Rules are short, they're punchy, they can be about anything, they're not always serious. It's just, they're very random and again, you can pick it up on the toilet and read three or four of them and that's that. This is a real book. Not that the other words weren't real books. What was I lured into in my previous purchases? Jesus. No, they were fun but I feel like this one I'm more proud of than any book I ever did. So speaking of the toilet, my favorite new rule was, new rule, stop giving tickets to blind people for not picking up after their dogs.

1:46:15You see, they would, but they can't see shit. Yeah, right. That was the new rules book. They're funny and punchy, but this one I think people should treat like the Bible. I think they should put it by their nightstand and read passages each night, and I think it'll help you through your life. Well, in part, it's a diagnosis of what's going on with us right now. And in part, to me, it picks up on something you said to me. Shortly before I came on your show, after my own cancellation at NBC, and you said, you seem to me, privately, you said, you seem to me kind of like me right now, which is somebody without a political home.

1:46:54And I felt that way. And I still feel that way. I mean, I've been a registered and impendent forever, but I know exactly what you're saying. Just the world's lost its mind. And I certainly would never put on somebody's team jersey anymore. Right. Without a team. Yeah. Right. And you know what? I like it that way because I don't want to be a part of a team. I mean, I would say I caucus with the Democrats more. I definitely think the right wing is much more dangerous. They don't believe in democracy anymore. And they threw their lot in with a sociopath named Donald Trump. So, you know, no, he's not.

1:47:26No, no. I just like I want to talk about your feelings on Trump. Yeah. Well, there you go. So you and I are very similar. I feel like you're kind of a four and I'm a six on the ideological scale. We have a lot of overlap, but you're definitely still going to vote Democrat and I'm definitely going to vote Republican. But there's enough commonality to make us shake our heads yes when the other one speaks a lot. So you're going to vote for Trump? I am going to vote for Trump, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can't even understand that. And I understand that Biden is deeply flawed, but he does believe in our way of life.

1:47:57And, you know, I mean, I was the one who was saying from the very beginning when everyone was laughing at me that Donald Trump will never give up power. And he didn't. He still hasn't conceded the last election. I don't know what could possibly be more fundamental to you or anyone than you have to concede elections. and he hasn't conceded the last one. He's plainly not going to concede this one. He now has all of his sycophants around him parroting his party line, which is when they ask them, will you abide by the election results? Yes, if it's a free and fair election, which is another way of saying if we win.

1:48:32You really think this is a place this country should be? I'm not going to defend the election denialism. I'm not one of those people who believes that. But what's more important? What kind of country do we have? How about my daughter not going into a locker room and seeing a man's penis. That's important too. It's very. How about young men on college campuses getting due process when they get accused falsely of rape? Well, yeah. I think that's a false equivalency. I think these things are... Bullshit. What do you mean? I think these things are important, but you can handle these things through the normal due process of our system.

1:49:05But if we lose the system itself, come on. But we didn't. We didn't so far. He tried it. It failed. Right. Right. And now he's had four years to put in place people who will make it work again. I don't know if there'll be a John Rafenberger in Georgia, a noble Republican who stood up to him. He thought last time that he could count on someone being just a Republican to do his bidding. And what he found out was that there are a lot of decent people who are Republicans, which is something I'm trying to tell the Democrats all the time. You can't hate Trump. You can't hate everybody who likes him.

1:49:40And you certainly can't hate half the country. And Republicans is not a byword for bad people. And a lot of them stood up. I mean, even ones who I don't like very much. Mitt Romney, McConnell, obviously Liz Cheney, Chris Christie. There were Mike Pence. These are what I call as good as it gets Republicans for the people who don't like Republicans. They full-throatedly said Trump lost that election. No two ways about it. McConnell said it wasn't even a particularly close election. A lot of people said it. A lot of people said it. But look, I agree with you that the majority of the Republican Party doesn't believe that.

1:50:22But I do think there's a difference between it was stolen, you know, the nonsense with Dominion voting machines and all that versus it wasn't fair. What wasn't fair? Oh, my. Don't get me started. What wasn't fair? Okay, well, the election suppression of a Hunter Biden left taxer. It's just just for one. Oh, for fuck's sake. Really? Oh, then then you're then we're not as alike as you think. That's a stupid non story. I mean, yes, who? There are polls that show some 10 to 12 % of the electorate says they would have changed their mind. Had they seen it? Had they known about it? It wasn't right. It wasn't right to suppress it.

1:50:58But nobody gives a fuck about but Hunter Biden's dick. Nobody. You're talking about yourself. I'm telling you there. There are data. to show people did care. They say they would have changed their vote. Nobody who was going to vote for Trump anyway, or Biden anyway. It wasn't about Hunter Biden's man parts. It was about the scandal of his corruption and his dad's corruption. Bill, I used to think that Hunter Biden was a hot mess and Joe Biden was embarrassed by him but had to deal. Now I really think he was doing Joe Biden's bidding. Joe Biden is the bad guy who sent his drug-addled son out there to collect money.

1:51:37That's what the laptop shows. And that's more important than what I was bringing up about not abiding by election results, not respecting what always made this country great, the peaceful transference of power. I don't disagree with you on that. You're not going to get me to say it was a great thing the way Trump behaved. I don't have to get you to agree or disagree. You're obviously someone who looks at an elephant and a mouse and cannot tell which one is bigger. I disagree. I know that's projection by you because I look at Joe Biden. That's how I see you. Well, let's talk about... Why are you telling me this?

1:52:09I mean, this is just typical right-wing talking points, the evil Hunter Biden and the evil Joe Biden. And look, do I like them? I don't particularly like them. I think they're very flawed. Listen, listen. It's not nearly on the scale. You're misstating my argument. You're misstating my argument. Hunter Biden just now on the laptop was brought up as evidence of how the election was not fair. He's not a reason necessarily to not vote for Joe Biden. The reason not to vote for Joe Biden is his policies. You're not woke. He's as woke, or at least his policies are, as they come. The open border bill?

1:52:44How could anybody vote for somebody who keeps this border open with the number of rapes and the number of murders and the numbers of crimes going on with these immigrants? But again, these are the normal sorts of issues we've always had in this country that should be taken care of through the normal process we've had. You're talking about the difference between this and something fundamental, which is our democracy. The fact that you have to respect who wins an election or else you don't have the kind of country we've always had before. I mean, I feel like we keep going around the rose bush about this and we're not going to make any progress.

1:53:24So let's stop talking about it. but you know i just i mean you you keep saying sort of i'm nuts because i don't see the difference between the elephant and the mouse and i'm telling you i identify them differently than you do hillary clinton of course is the original election denier i'm sure you voted for her in 16 well she's not an election denier she absolutely was the og election denier she first of all she came out before the sun had risen to conceive the election to trump and then spent the next four years saying he was illegitimate. He was an illegitimate president. Okay. Well, first of all, she didn't say he was an illegitimate.

1:54:01Tell me exactly what she said. She said those exact words repeatedly. Okay. I mean, she conceded the election. Whether you're interpreting her disappointment at losing it as the same thing as Trump not conceding it, I don't know if that's where you're getting it from. But again, it's a tremendous false equivalency. You could ask Hillary Clinton right now who won that election. She will tell you Donald Trump won. Now she knows she has to because of what Trump has done. She came out that night. She conceded the election suit and conceded the election. Correct. And then spent the next four years trying to convince us it was not legitimate.

1:54:41Just saying, look, it's not the same as Trump. What Trump did was far more severe. I'm not going to deny that. But don't try to tell me that Hillary Clinton wasn't an election denier and Jamie Raskin and a whole host of Democrats who are now in prominent positions on Capitol Hill. Doesn't make it great what Trump did, but they don't have clean hands either. But you bypass the immigration question. I mean, like that a lot of Republicans. I'm not bypassing it. I think it's a disaster. I think I think. How would you put this guy back in there for four more years to leave the doors open? And like it was so much better under Trump?

1:55:11Yes, it was better under Trump. Are you kidding me? It was somewhat better. Oh, Bill, it was somewhat better. Go look up the immigration rates. Yeah, I know. Illegal immigration rates. I agree. For 2020, for 19 to 20. I'm not defending Biden on immigration. I don't understand why it's so difficult in this country to stop people coming through the border. I don't. And I watched that 60 Minutes piece. They did on it a couple of months ago. And they had films of people coming through this hole and the border patrol just watching them and basically waving. I don't understand why. I don't understand why this country can't accomplish something like that.

1:55:47It doesn't seem like it's impossible. But so many things in this country. That's what's so aggravating. We can accomplish it. We can stop what's happening at the southern border. We just won't under Joe Biden. And he keeps pretending like he has no agency on it, but he does have agency. There are a lot of executive orders he could do just like Trump did. He won't. And you know why. It's because of the people who use the word latinx who are trying to lecture him that it's not humane to enforce our borders. Yeah, I would agree with that. The left wing, because they're so afraid always of being called racist, they let that color every issue and very often wind up with terrible policies that wind up not helping people of color.

1:56:30Don't you think that's what's happening to him on the trans issue too, which is my big issue that I mentioned off the front? Well, I think what Joe Biden is is a guy who does not want to fight with the left wing of his party. He sees that as, I don't think he understands a lot of what's going on in the left wing. I mean, I doubt if he heard the word trans before he was president. But that's what he has chosen to do. He does not want to fight with AOC. He thinks that's where the energy in the party is, and he's not completely wrong. So he just kind of goes along with that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's one thing that's not great about him.

1:57:04But again, in this country, maybe gender is not binary, but politics is. You only get two choices. That's right. You get Donald Trump, a criminal election denier who is going to transform this country into an authoritarian place like we've never seen before. Or you get Joe Biden with all his flaws. Also a criminal. Okay. What is his crime again? Special Counsel Robert Hurst said he'd committed felonies, but he wouldn't indict him because he was a well-meaning elderly man with a poor memory. He couldn't get a conviction in front of a jury. And what was that crime? That was the classified documents all over his basement, his garage everywhere.

1:57:45Well, OK, again, a false equivalency. They both had classified documents. Here's the difference. Immediately, Biden, he shouldn't have had them. Immediately, he said, oh, sorry, my bad and gave them back. That's why he didn't get charged with obstruction. But Trump has two classified documents, pieces to his case. One is you had them. And the second is you obstructed justice when we demanded them back. So, OK, against Biden, you don't get charged with obstruction. But number one, where's the where's the classified documents charged against him? He's also a felon. You got your story. You know, I look, if you see it that way, that's that's that's what I have to deal with.

1:58:23You're asking me why I see it differently than you do. The contest between the two of them, and I'm telling you. It's not convincing. It's fair enough. I mean, they both should not have had classified documents, one by the toilet, one by his Corvette. Okay? One? One. Multiple. Many. No, I'm talking about one person. Okay. One of them. Okay, I'll copy, right. One Trump, one Biden. They both did that. The difference is Goofus and Gallant. Goofus said, anything I touch is mine forever. Go fish. and the other one said, oh, yeah, my bad. And I'll immediately return them. That's very funny. You're taking me back to my childhood with that reference.

1:59:02But why can't the difference be one actually had the ability to declassify documents and keep them because he'd been the president and one didn't because he should have been looking at documents only in a skiff while a sitting U.S. senator. And clearly he stole classified documents that he wasn't entitled to and never had the ability to declassify them. Yeah. Maybe you know more about that than I do. I don't remember that part of it, and I always don't trust anything I hear until I vet it from the other side because everybody sort of has their one-sided view of it, and narrative is more important than truth.

1:59:38I know this is the right-wing narrative. I'm not like that, Bill. I care about facts. I practiced law for 10 years. I want to get the cases right more than I want to get clicks, and I have a lot of lefties who watch me. So I'm not like that. All I can tell you is those are the facts. And Joe Biden also has behaved in a grossly, grossly extra constitutional manner. Not only the nonsense of trying to skirt the Supreme Court on the eviction moratoriums and the student loan, quote, debt forgiveness, which he's bragging about skirting them on. But the four indictments, which obviously the White House was behind and promoted and wanted, four indictments of a former sitting president, which we've made it almost 250 years without doing.

2:00:24If that's not extra legal and weirdly non-normy, I don't know what is. What are the four indictments we're talking about now? The two federal indictments against Trump and the one in New York and the one in Georgia. Oh, you're talking about the Trump indictment. Yeah, I'm saying this administration 100 % was behind at least those two federal ones. And there's evidence they were behind the other two, or at least in coordination, though they deny it. They were behind them. It wasn't Trump committing those crimes? Do you really think – you don't think that Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton could have been indicted for what they did when he left office with all the furniture?

2:00:58I don't remember – If somebody kicked the tires of the Clinton initiative, the foundation, you don't think they could find something? I think they did kick those tires a lot. I'm not sure what they found, but I don't think it was much. I don't remember Bill Clinton ever calling up. Hillary Clinton could have been indicted post her run. As I was saying, I don't remember Bill Clinton calling up a secretary of state and saying, I need you to fine me 11 ,000 votes. You don't find that to be a bit of a smoking gun? I don't. Here's why. Because I've listened to the whole phone call. I have too. And what he's saying is I'm only behind by some 100 ,000, whatever the number was.

2:01:34he said so i want a recount and what i i want you to start counting and all i need is this number so basically once you get to that number you can stop counting look i i don't want to have to defend defend trump on his denialism about the election because i'm more on your team on that but i understand why it's not a smoking gun as you just put it okay well you know people see things differently. They do. So this is why you feel like a man without a party, because your team feels like you do on the Trump stuff. They hate Trump, but they're not with you when it comes to your anti-wokeism. So where does that leave you?

2:02:14Who do you go out to dinner with? Lots of people. I mean, I feel like more people than ever are on team me, whatever that is, because they're the normies in the middle who don't want to be ideologically captured by either side. That's who I feel like I speak for, people who are not afraid to call out their own team, if you have a team or a team that you are more on the side of, when they do stuff that's goofy. And I think they appreciate it a lot. I mean, I notice in my stand-up shows, the audience is kind of half and half, and the liberals will laugh at woke nonsense and the conservatives will laugh at Trump jokes.

2:02:59Most people in this country, I think, understand that there are deep defects on both sides. Yeah. And they just want the extremists who seem to have the megaphone on either side to go away or stop being so powerful. Everybody is like, why can't we just be common sense And why can't we just, you know, be the people in the middle? But at the end of the day, no one sort of stands up for that because it's just so easier to pander to the people who are a team. Because those are the people who wind up scaring the other people. I mean, certainly on the left that happens. I've said it many times. The problem with wokeness is nobody ever gets canceled for being too woke.

2:03:41That's how you wind up with men can get pregnant. Yeah. Because you can say the most ridiculous thing, and because no one wants to be the one who's called out on Twitter, they'll be like, oh, sure, men pregnant. I've always said that. I saw a dude who was glowing today. It's just so ridiculous what you can get away with saying and just the intimidation factor. And certainly on the right, that happens too. So you don't seem like someone who's ever felt that. Have you managed to escape ever afraid of blowback from your own side? Well, I mean, come on. I've been on 31 years. It comes with the territory every week.

2:04:27When people say to me on Saturday, how'd the show go last night? I'd say, if I'm not canceled today, it went great. You know? I mean, they're always looking to take you down, and the knives are always out. But, you know, I feel like at this point, after 31 years, if they wind up getting me, okay, I had a pretty good run. That's right. And also, I think there's just a lot of people who have my back. And they appreciate what I do. And they appreciate me having that bond with my audience that I don't pull a punch and I never will. And it's made me, you know, lose some audience. That's true. I say it in the introduction of the book.

2:05:07I say, I have lost some people. and I don't miss them. Those are the more woke people who think I somehow betrayed them, and I didn't. One reason I wrote this book was by going through all the old editorials over the whole span of the show, I wanted to see, have I changed, or has my politics changed? And I really think it's not mostly me. I mean, the left was very different. Now, of course, the right got way worse also. We won't go back into, they don't believe in democracy. We just had that discussion, But that certainly is way worse in my view. But the left, yes, went off the deep end also in their own way.

2:05:46And so what I always tell people who are Democrats and liberals is you don't have to lecture me about Donald Trump. I'm the one who I think who was sounding the alarm bells before anybody. But I also get why people vote for him. I absolutely do. because the stuff that, for example, you just said penises in the swimming pool. The stuff that is threatening to people that comes from the left is so much more in their everyday life. It's not vague. Like to most people, oh, what's Trump and democracy? It's a vague thought. And Ukraine, that's very far away. Was it impeachable? Who knows? But I know about my kid coming home from school and saying, well, they're telling me I can't tell you if I change my sex.

2:06:39Or saying, as we discussed on your show when I was a guest, suggesting to your perfectly normal son that he might be a girl at my all-boys school. They kept asking them over and over, raise your hand. Where are you on the scale of girl to boy, zero through five? I did an editorial only like three weeks ago, and I used the word entrapment. I mean, it was about comparing what goes on in the schools with entrapment. I don't think anybody had ever put it that way. But entrapment in the law, I'm sure you know this better than I do, means suggesting someone into a crime. Yep. Something they wouldn't have thought of to do anyway.

2:07:16I mean, I used the example of after 9-11, there were a number of cases where law enforcement basically entrapped people who were not really going to be terrorists. The one case I mentioned was the Liberty Seven, seven guys in Liberty City, Miami, a poor section of Miami. And they basically went to them and said, you know, wouldn't it be cool if you blew up the Sears Tower in Chicago and taught the man a lesson? And these guys who didn't even have a gun, probably the only guys in the neighborhood who didn't have a gun, said, yeah, that would be pretty cool. That's entrapment. And I was saying, look, when you constantly talk to little kids about sex and gender and constantly put out the idea that maybe the body you're in is not the correct one aligning with what's in your mind, that's entrapment.

2:08:13That to me is the same thing. You're suggesting them into something they wouldn't have thought of anyway. Because I promise you, when I was a kid, it never crossed my mind. I never thought, huh, maybe I am a girl. I mean, I thought a lot of, you know, how could I learn how to talk to a girl? But even at that age, we didn't want to talk to a girl. We had not reached puberty yet. See, this is where it's just so frustrating to me because I looked at that Biden event where he had all the trans people out in front of the White House. and it's like some trans, it's a guy with fake breasts showing his naked breasts on cam, like on the White House lawn.

2:08:54It was like National Trans Day of Visibility, which is every day in America now. And they're on the White House. It's like, would you have some dignity? Could there be some dignity and decorum? And I realize you could make the dignity argument over on the right too. Trust me, I get it with Trump. But that's why I look at Biden. And I'm like, how do we get stuck with this? Right. Like how why didn't the Democrats replace him? And why did the Republicans renominate Trump? I think it's I think I know. I think they thought he was the strongest candidate, the one who could sort of be the strongest leader and take take Biden down.

2:09:29But I look at Biden and I feel like the Democrats really could have made a switcheroo. I know he didn't want to give it up, but they could have made a switcheroo. I mean, my first show back after the strike ended, which was last September, the first editorial I did was called Ruth Bader Biden. I was the one who coined that phrase. I was saying if he continues on, if he doesn't get out of the race, he's going to be Ruth Bader Biden. He's going to be the person who hung around too long, destroyed his legacy and probably the country with it. But he's got to get out now because, you know, too long at the fair.

2:10:04We get it. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a justice the liberals loved. And I'm sure she did some great things and was a pioneer. but her ego would not let her go away. And I mean, the story goes, oh, Biden, oh, Biden, Obama, Obama had her to lunch once, like I think in 2013 and was kind of hinting around, hey, wouldn't it be great if you spent a little more time with the grandkids? What do you think? And she didn't take the hint and thought she'd live forever, which was really crazy because she had been through a lot of really serious medical issues. And then, of course, it happened. And then, of course, Mitch McConnell, who would not even give Merrick Garland a hearing, which was talk about unconstitutional, suddenly, of course, found it in his heart to push through Amy Coney Barrett immediately.

2:10:58So that's what you get for trusting the other side. So I thought he should step down, but apparently that hasn't happened. I would hope the Democrats, some of them would think it's still not too late. You could do it before the convention. I mean, weirder things have happened in American politics, and I don't think anyone would bat an eye that it was out of the ordinary. So what? We don't care. America loves new. I've always suggested that to candidates. I said that about Chris Christie. He should have ran when he was popular in, what was it, 2012? Yeah, yeah. And he said, it's just not my time.

2:11:34He was hugely popular. The longer you stay around, the worse you're going to do because they have more to get you on. Obama, they said the same thing. He's only been a senator a couple of years and he went, good. Right. You don't know that much about me. Great. America likes new. There was before Chris Christie, before Bridgegate, before Beachgate. You know, all those pictures were just devastating to him. And then all the Trump lapdoggery, which really kind of sunk him. And Trump came along. I mean, he could have been the guy. Remember with Trump, he was like, I love him. I hate him. I love him.

2:12:05I hate him. And then, you know, when you're like, it's like, and Romney, too. And that was another start of like his breakup with the Republican Party where, you know, he was like blowing with the wind. But yeah, no, I agree. It's not too late. If I were a Democrat, I'd be begging for them to sub in somebody else. Even Kamala might be better at this point, although I doubt it. I don't know, though. You know, everybody talks about Michelle Obama as the big hope and she doesn't want to do it. No, she doesn't want to do it. And I don't blame her. And they already served. I mean. So what do you think is going to happen?

2:12:37Well, I know one thing I can guarantee will happen is that Trump will say he won, whether he won or lost. I agree with that. Well, that's not a good thing for America, is it? No, I agree with that too. I think on January 20th, 2025, he'll show up at the White House, whether he's invited or not. And I don't think that's going to be good. You think he's going to bomb in if he lost? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, bomb is a word I wouldn't even throw around lightly. Oh, stop it. He's not going to do that. Right. Like there was never an attack on the Capitol. Oh, I hear you. I hear you. But he's not going to show up at the inauguration.

2:13:14Like they didn't show up at the Capitol and break windows and knock down doors and kill cops and chase. They didn't do that. They didn't break windows. They didn't kill cops. They of course did. No, they didn't. Who did? They died of natural causes that day? Yeah. Nobody died that day. Cops. No, not true. Who? Okay. Who? Oh, I don't remember the names. They didn't. There was Brian Sicknick, who died later after the fact, and the coroner's report did not say it was because of what he had inhaled that day. He said it had possibly accelerated the condition that killed him. Okay. Well, attacked cops.

2:13:51I thought they were the law enforcement people. You know, how did we get to this place? I mean, Trump now says he's going to pardon all those January 6th insurrectionists. Because who wants to live in a country with the people who try to overthrow the government or seen as the bad guys, huh? They weren't insurrectionists, Bill. They weren't? They were a bunch of numbskulls. They chased duly elected representatives out of the building and wanted to hang the vice president for certifying the election. That's not an insurrection? The people who engaged in violent acts or actually made threats along those lines are all being prosecuted appropriately.

2:14:30and I've said repeatedly, I hope they get the book thrown at them, and they've had it. You're so upset about the entrapment that happened of the Muslims after 9-11. How about the entrapment that happened to some of those J6 protesters? Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Let's go back to what I'm upset about with the Muslims. That we talked about after 9-11 and the feds getting involved. Oh, yeah. So entrapment. They weren't Muslims. They were just guys. All right. Well, my point is there are, I'm not going to, again, you're making me defend things that I. Then you shouldn't. That are horrible.

2:15:01They don't defend them. Why defend them? Because it's more nuanced than you're suggesting. They were not insurrectionists. There was never any possibility that they were, I've heard you refer to it as a coup, going to take over the government. It wasn't going to happen. It was a protest. They broke into the Capitol. They broke into the Capitol. They opened the doors and let them walk in. Security was waving the men one after the other. I can show you the footage of them knocking through the gates. I can show you the footage of many of them being welcomed in by cops, Bill. See, that's the difference between the two of us.

2:15:33Once they broke down the doors. I will make a distinction between those who truly behave badly and those who thought they were having a good time in Statuary Hall. Yeah, there were some people who just came to meander and wander around. That's true. I've seen the documentary that Alexander Pelosi did on it. It's interesting because a lot of them were just like, oh, yeah, it's an interesting place to go. And let's see what happens. There's also footage of people, and there were people who absolutely intended to stop that election. Absolutely. So I don't know what you would call that. Maybe you don't like that word insurrectionist because it got too, I know, it's too anti-Republican.

2:16:09But that's what it is. I don't agree with you. The legal definition of insurrection, they don't meet, and that's why it wasn't actually charged. It's a leftist dream to try to make it sound even worse than it was. these leftists who didn't care at all when their people were out on the roads, killing cops, actually killing, hurting cops, killing others in the BLM protests, suddenly found their conscience when it happened on J6. Killing cops is always wrong. Doing it in the service of trying to overthrow the government of the United States is a little bit different. It wouldn't happen because we were lucky it didn't happen.

2:16:45They tried to make it happen. Attempting to commit a crime is bad. Trump tries to commit crimes all the time, like this one. The fact that he doesn't succeed doesn't make it better. It makes it better for the country. Let's see what happens next time. But, you know, we are not exactly like the detective and the serial killer. Oh, we're a lot more alike than you think. We're actually not that alike, I think. I think you're right. Yeah, I agree. We see a very different reality. Yeah. Which is fine. I mean, that's... It is fine. We have to be able to talk and disagree and still be civil. I think we're doing a good job.

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2:18:27Now, let's talk about universities and Hamas and Israel, because I know you've been, I think, very strong on this issue. Yes. We won't have to fight anymore. So how do you—there's always common ground. How do you see, how did we get there, right, where we've got people in the scarves with the Hezbollah and the Hamas flags chanting at Jews that they can't go to class? Again, for people who say to me, you know, you make fun of the left more than you used to. Yes, I do. First of all, I'm a comedian, and you're a lot funnier than you used to be. Not intentionally, but you are. You know, not just pregnant men and identity politics and oversensitivity and victim culture and cancel culture.

2:19:14There's lots of funny stuff. But if I ever needed a reason or a rationale for making the case that the left has changed, it would be this. The fact that they're now marching for the terrorists. Really? Right. The people who see themselves as the most liberal people in the world, the social justice warriors, are standing with some of the most illiberal people in the world. I mean, I'm going to do my next editorial I'm going to do when I get back to work at my day job is about, look, kids, I know you're looking for a cause. And that's admirable that kids want to have a cause. I got one for you. women, women around the world, especially in Muslim majority countries.

2:20:06Hamas. I mean, really you're marching for Hamas. Do you know that there are no equal rights for women as regards almost everything you can imagine? Speech, voting, free movement, divorce, property rights, freedom from sexual harassment, freedom from sexual violence. I mean, every possible thing that is a left-wing cause, they violate. But those are the people we want in charge. Those are the people we want to control from the river to the sea. Even the people, of course, under the rule of Hamas hate them. It's a fascist dictatorship. Yeah. It's a fascist dictatorship. It's worse. It's a fascist dictatorship with a hard right religious bent.

2:20:56It's like the worst of all worlds. And those are your heroes. That's right. And they're out there. I mean, it's gone beyond. Of course, they were praising, as you know, on TikTok, the bin Laden letter and doing the Muslim call to prayer five times a day. These are people who are probably in Catholic mass for most of their formative years or Christian mass. Now they're down on the prayer rug having absolutely no idea. if you move to one of those countries where that's practiced in the Middle East, they're going to mutilate your genitals. Say goodbye to sexual pleasure because that's what the people you're praying to push.

2:21:27Just ask Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who I know you know. Yeah. I saw the funniest meme. It was two panels in the top one. It said, you know, queers for Palestine, you know, because they have that banner. Yeah, no, it's ridiculous. And on the bottom, it's a guy game thrown out the window, Palestine for queers. Right out the window. Well, I pulled this clip because it turned out to be a very famous clip. And Sam Harris is in it. Ben Affleck is in it. You know, the one I'm talking about. Oh, yeah. From 2014, I think, yeah. It went totally viral. And, you know, as usual, on a lot of these issues, you were ahead of the curve in sort of identifying, no, there's actually a problem here that we're not acknowledging.

2:22:06I'm going to play it. Watch it. We have been sold this meme of Islamophobia where every criticism of the doctrine of Islam gets conflated with bigotry toward Muslims as people. Right. That is intellectually ridiculous. So hold on. Are you the person who understands the officially codified doctrine of Islam? You're the interpreter of that? Well, I'm actually well educated on this topic. I'm asking you. You're saying that Islamophobia is not a real thing. That if you're critical of something... Well, it's not a real thing when we do it. Right. It really isn't. I'm not denying that certain people are bigoted against Muslims as people.

2:22:44Right. And that's a problem. That's big of you. But the... But why are you so hostile about this comment? Because it's gross. It's racist. It's not. But it's so nuts. It's like saying those stateless shifty Jews. You're not listening to what we are saying. You guys... Ben, we have to be able to criticize bad ideas. Of course we do. No liberal doesn't want to criticize bad ideas. But Islam at this moment is the motherlode of bad ideas. Jesus. So we have... That was amazing television. Sam Harris was totally right. Yeah, and it is about ideas. And again, this is one of the big problems with the left today, is they see race in everything.

2:23:20So, you know, nothing ever, and again, as the guy who was trying to like be the common sense person in the middle, just speak for the normies, everything, I think, to a lot of people strikes it the way it strikes me, as we start with one thing, this idea over here, And then we're all the way on the other side over here. In this issue, of course, you know, as we were saying over there, there are people who are bigoted and that's wrong. And, of course, it's great that we got more impatient with racism in this country. That is the appropriate response I think we should have toward racism, being impatient with it.

2:23:56And then it goes all the way to, and no one who is a person of color can ever do anything wrong. That's how you get, we don't talk about China. North Korea starves its people. China puts the Uyghurs in concentration camps. The president of Burundi was on the front page of the New York Times a month ago saying we should march the gays into football stadiums and kill them for just being gay. Boko Haram captures entire villages of children, but none of these crimes are coming from white people. So crickets, really kids? Nothing? No marching against any abyss? You raise this point in the book too, and I thought it was a really good one, about how when we do our, you know, look back at history, only the whites get excoriated for their bad behavior 200 years ago.

2:24:56It's like, wait a minute. Yeah, Genghis Khan was pretty rough. You know, talk about colonizers. I think 11 % of certain, was it the whole earth or maybe it's Asia? Yeah, I think it's the earth. Like a descendant? Are descendants from Genghis Khan because he colonized a lot of vaginas. I mean, yeah, I mean, look, it was a different era. I also, there's a couple of really funny editorials, essays in that book about time and the idea that the woke have this crazy idea that, you know, people who lived 500 years ago really should have known better. Yeah. You know, they have this magic moral time machine where they imagine what they would be doing in 1758, and it's always better than what you were.

2:25:41And it wouldn't have been using the term master bedroom. No. That's another thing, yes. Right? And again, that's another point I'm always trying to make is that the difference between old school liberals like me and the woke is things like that. People, I think, have this idea that wokeness is an extension of liberalism. And it very often is something that goes so far, it actually turns around and becomes the opposite. Yes, I agree with that. Yeah. The thing that you just mentioned about master bedroom or, you know, blacklist or these terms. Rule of thumb. JIP, you know, I mean, reservation, I guess we're not supposed to say because it, you know, insulting to the Indians.

2:26:24What are you supposed to say when you go to a restaurant? There's something wrong with picnic, too. We're not allowed to say picnic anymore. I can't remember why. We have a, we're supposed to eat here? It's just, so again, wokeness seems a lot about canceling people, catching people at something, renaming stuff. stuff, liberalism was at least about trying to fix things. It was about trying to lift people up, the people who had been forgotten genuinely, and there are many of them, and downtrodden. These are the people we wanted to lift up. That's different than just pointing fingers and saying, I'm more pure than you are, and I think I can prove it.

2:27:02You never want to get into a who hates racism the most contest with someone on the woke left. It's like, you know what? I hate it too. Okay. Isn't, shouldn't that be enough? Except I also hate anti-white racism. Unlike them. That's the problem. And things have, yeah, things have changed. They also were, there's a essay in there about progressophobia, which was Steven Pinker's great term that he coined that it is a real problem on the left. They don't, they do not want to acknowledge progress, which is crazy because it is the product they're selling because somehow in their mind, if you acknowledge progress, then you're not as pure as the other person who says, no, things are still horrible.

2:27:42Well, lots of things are still horrible and things just objectively are way better. Can we just live in the year we're living in? That's what I'm always saying. Just live in the year we're living in. Did you see that Biden speech at Morehouse College? No. It's a black college. And they gave him an honorary degree. It's where MLK went. This is when? Just this past weekend. So they gave him an honorary degree and he did, you know, gave a speech. And first of all, the fact that they're giving an honorary degree to Joe Biden, who's like, I mean, the list of racist comments that guy has made is as long as Santa's scroll.

2:28:16But OK, fine. They got him to speak there. They made him feel good about himself. And then do we have it, you guys? I think we have a bit of a soundbite of him. Or we're pulling it over. But it was the most pandering, absurd picture of blacks in America and the present day and America's relation to our black population. It was absolutely disgusting. It was like he was trying to stir up racial hatred right there live to the point where a couple of the black students turned their backs on him, which was pretty extraordinary. And he does it all the time. Right. I'll show you the soundbite so you get it cued.

2:28:53But well, Democrats. This is not unusual. Democrats should be asking themselves, why does Trump each election do better, not worse, with minorities and immigrants? Not worse, better. Did better in 2020 than 2016 and seems to be doing better this time. That's a question Democrats really need to look in the mirror and ask themselves. And with the immigrants, I think I know the answer. I'll save them the trouble. immigrants don't like it that the left seems to have this unrelenting negativity toward the country that these immigrants work so hard to get here they really worked hard to get here and when trump says shithole the shithole i think a lot of them are going yeah you're fucking right it's a shithole where i came from why do you think i got on the ocean on a raft or walked a thousand miles because I was living in paradise?

2:29:50There are places that are shitty in this world, and the immigrants know it. And, you know, it's not corny or conservative to say that, to acknowledge that you're lucky if you're living in this country at this moment in history. Yeah. Well, it was a different message at Morehouse. Here it is. Watch. you start a college just as George Floyd was murdered and there was a reckoning on race it's natural to wonder democracy you hear about actually works for you what is democracy if black men are being killed in the street what is democracy you have to be 10 times better than anyone else to get a fair shot.

2:30:38Most of all, what does it mean, as we've heard before, to be a black man who loves his country, even if it doesn't love him back in equal measure? Well, that's my commitment to you, to show you democracy, democracy, democracy is still the way. If black men are being killed in the street, we bear witness. for me that means to call out the poison of white supremacy. Drewed out systemic racism. I stood up with George Floyd's family to help create a country. We don't need to have that talk with your son or grandson as they get pulled over. Oh, joy. That's his vision of life as a black man in America.

2:31:28Yeah, it's anachronistic. Right. See the one guy popping up from the back. It was almost like he was like, what did you just say? And it's not that there isn't still racism in this country, of course. And racist, just as there will always be criminals, there will always be racist. And we should always be mindful of that and do what we can to call it out. But it's a very different country than it was even 10 years ago. And to be telling black students that you have to be 10 times better to get ahead, that's anachronistic. That's not the case. I mean, there are cases also. I mean, certainly they've done studies on this where the same person goes in for a job who's black and white and the white person does get it more often.

2:32:16They prove that. So that still exists. It's also true that there are places in this country where it's an advantage to be a person of color at this time or gay or anything other than white and male and straight. I mean, I'm over 60, white, male, and straight. I better be good at my job. Yeah, that's right. Because they're always true. You had a good run. This is not somebody that they're trying to hire. It's ridiculous to say that you love the country more than the country loves you back. That's just not true. What kind of a dark message is that? That certainly has been true. Right, but we're not living in the 1940s anymore.

2:32:52Exactly. I'm saying, can we just live in the year we're living in? Because that doesn't really reflect it. And when they do studies of young, under 30, polling, black versus white, the black folks are more optimistic. Yeah. It's the white liberals who— Don't you think this is the wrong message? Yes, factually wrong, but politically. How do you sell yourself to a group of young black college graduates? Is it by appealing to grievance, making them feel disempowered and like the country hates them? Or is it something that would be empowering and uplifting and something great about them and America?

2:33:27It's also not, I mean, they know better than anybody the country they're actually living in. I mean, to pretend that, as I think he was saying there, the talk, you know, which refers to being pulled over in cops. I mean, are there racist cops? Of course. There will always be racist somebodies somewhere. I mean, if you do polling, I think they've done it. people are not accurate in their assessment of how many people get killed by the cops or shot by the cops. I think about a thousand people, no, it's either shot or killed. I think it's just shot. I think about a thousand people get shot by the cops a year in this country.

2:34:09Now, in a country of 340 million people, a lot of whom are nuts and a lot of whom have guns. Is that a lot? I don't It was when that whole thing went down in 2019, I think it was, it was 19 or 18, but I think it was 19, right before George Floyd. I think it was 10 million arrests. And of all of those in the country, between 12 and 15 involved the shooting of unarmed black men. Not 12 and 1500, 12 to 15, depending on how you interpret unarmed. Some of the people who got shot by the cops had commandeered a car and tried to run down the police, and they'd be counted as unarmed. But that's out of 10 million arrests, 12 to 15 in the year preceding George Floyd.

2:34:56But the way he's talking, right? And by the way, the talk, didn't your parents have the talk with you? Everyone, especially a young man, is told, comply. Come on, it's different if you're black. And it has been historically very different if you're black. You can't really, really not contending that that's an equivalent. When we were kids, the talk— I think it's absurd to say that not everybody has the talk. We're all afraid when we get pulled over by cops. I'm not worried that I'm going to get shot in the way that I know some black men worry about. But it's absurd to suggest that anybody who resisted arrest, especially a man with a cop who knows the stakes are high when he pulls them over, isn't going to be in danger.

2:35:33Okay, but, I mean, if I got the talk—how old were you when you got the talk? I was 14 in 1970. It's preposterous to contend that in 1970, a white kid needed the talk as much as a black kid in this country. I think that's fair. Okay, great. But also, here's something that he would never say at a place like this or anywhere. But there is a very big problem with young black men being shot and killed, but not by the cops. Right. They are the number of young black men compared to young white men who were killed. It's something like 20 times. Not allowed to talk about it. They're not being killed by white supremacists.

2:36:16They're being killed by each other. And we've completely written it off as a society. Well, to me, that's the most racist thing of all. Yep. And I've always said, where are the leaders of the community to talk about this? I mean, I feel like there's so many people in the black community who are looked up to for good reason. They're exemplars. And I mean, a lot of the most famous celebrities and most admired are African-American. I mean, if they if they made a concerted effort to try to implore the end of this kind of behavior, would it would it have no effect at all? Because a lot of these shootings, I mean, some of it is the drug war.

2:36:58If we would, my thing about racism is always, could we just be practical? I mean, John McWhorter writes about it better than anybody. You know, schools, families, and the drug war. I mean, that's it. So much of this is performative that we see on the left. That's the stuff that I don't. McWhorter, Glenn Lowry. Yes. Of course, Thomas Sowell, none of whom has a statue of them. They're not heralded. They're not held up as examples. And they're not invited on MSNBC. Never. And they should be. They're kicked off. Or Coleman Hughes. Coleman Hughes, another one. Yes, exactly. And again, if you just ended the drug war, some of the shooting is that.

2:37:39And some of it is just about really just nonsensical feuds and beefs. And you insulted me on social media. And then, obviously, there's too many guns floating around. But it just seems like so tragic and unnecessary that this amount of killing is going on. And that we just seem to, again, ignore it and not talk about it and pretend it's all the cops. And pretend we're doing something because we're over here saying, you know, this is the way we want you to refer up. Capitalize the word B. Now I feel better. I find that racist.

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2:39:22I want to ask you a couple things. First of all, I want to ask you about Stormy Daniels. You had her on your show a few years ago when she was first out with her story. And then to your credit, you pointed out on your show that her testimony in this trial changed dramatically from then to now. Do you think she's trying to paint herself as a fake Me Too victim now? That's what it looked like. I don't know if I would use the word dramatically, but it did shift. I mean, she definitely, she said in the trial, she said it again, kind of the same thing that she said on the show. But she also talked about the incident in ways that she certainly hadn't back when I was interviewing her.

2:40:02That we used all the buzzwords of the Me Too movement, of the power imbalance. And I was afraid to leave. And he blocked the door. And I was afraid. And then the thing that was so preposterous, I thought, was, you know, I blacked out. She lost feeling in her fingers and toes, Bill. Well, I mean, as I said at the time, you know, this is someone who's not unused to having sex with strange people. Not strange that they're people, just that they're strangers to you because she's a porn star. So when you're a porn star, it's like, hi, meet Bob. He's going to fuck you in two minutes. Okay, great. Are we ready for wood?

2:40:36Come on, people. We're losing the light. That, you know, so the idea that she would black out because this was such a traumatic experience was, to me, straining credulity. But, you know, I didn't think they should have gone ahead with this trial to begin with. I mean, first of all, it should have been an election interference trial brought by Merrick Garland. I tore him a new asshole a couple of weeks ago because all these trials are probably not going to come to anything. And they had four years to do it. But it wound up being a trial about falsifying business records in state court. And, you know, I don't know.

2:41:10Do you think he's going to win it? I don't think Trump is going to win it. Really? Yeah, because I think it was lost on jury selection. It's New York. It went 87 % for Joe Biden. You think 12 jurors are going to? I mean, it's because if I had to put my 12, all 12 jurors, here's my thought. They should not vote to convict because he definitely he's put on a great case. The defense has put on a great case. Just they really haven't put on much of a case at all. But they've done enough to poke holes in Michael Cohen's testimony to win this case. But I think they lost it on jury selection in the same way O.J.

2:41:42was lost on jury selection. Let me ask you this, counselor. Michael Cohen did serve prison time for doing this. No, not for doing this. That's the problem. He served prison time for lying about taxes and his taxi medallion scheme. And then at the last minute, they added on this election interference or campaign finance violation. And he said, sure, I did that too. But that was never the bulk of the charges that was about to send him into prison with the raids on his house and all that. That was an add-on at the end. uh that was not my interpretation of it i thought he went to jail because he was the fixer in this case they're trying to lead you to believe that bill but you trust andy mccarthy of national review for example a very straight shooter he hates trump like you do um he's been pointing this out so there's many other legal anyway i'll relook at it but in your defense that's sort of how they're setting it up in this trial and that is what the jury has heard too what you just said so that's one of the reasons why i believe they probably will conclude he did it They're going to say, Cohen, he pleaded guilty to it.

2:42:43Weisselberg, he's in jail. Why is he in jail? And they've been led with a trail of breadcrumbs, I think, to probably the wrong conclusion. But I do think it will be reversed on appeal. And how will it affect the election, if at all? I don't think it will. I don't think it will either. Don't you think it's all been baked in at this point? I do, absolutely. I mean, look, to most people, it's just a sex case. I did an editorial about this. It's in the book also. I saw this movie when it was called Kill Bill, when they did it with Bill Clinton. and people just do not like it when they go after presidents for their sex lives.

2:43:14And the idea that Trump would be fucking a porn star at a golf charity event while his wife was home nursing their newborn is something we just assumed he would be doing because, again, you're the party of family values. So it is, as you say, baked into the cake. The only thing surprising was that it was— For the record, Trump denies it. but you you don't really believe you can't tell me here's my honest reaction you can't tell me you think he didn't fuck stormy daniel let me tell you what i what i think that's gonna really leading up to the trial i said many times he did it let's face it we he denies it for the record and the legal purposes he denies it but when i heard her do her you know dramatic reenactment of it all now it's me too no thing no feeling in the fingers i blacked out i felt threatened because he was sitting on the bed when I came out of the bathroom and I couldn't get to the door.

2:44:10He was sitting on the bed. That's called leaving the hotel room. We've all done that. Like you just walk around the bed and you walk out the door. I started to doubt her story. I started to wonder whether this whole thing was some sort of a shakedown. If I had to put money on it, I'd say they had sex, but I don't believe anything past that. Well, that's silly. I mean, there's no good people. You're so pejorative. What do you mean? It's just silly. I've been watching this trial very carefully and I've been dismissive of your lack of knowledge. This is my opinion based on what I saw and 10 years of cross-examining people.

2:44:39She's a liar. That doesn't mean he didn't fuck her. Okay, yes, both things are true. I mean, it's like saying, you know, O.J. Simpson, were the police corrupt or did he kill his wife? Both. Both. I used to say, you know, the cops are so inept they could not frame a guilty man. The cops did a bad job and he killed his wife. And Stormy Daniels is a horrible witness and so is Michael Cohen. There's no good people in this trial. And he fucked her at that golf tournament. That's just who he was. I mean, come on. Last but not least, Cohen and you have had some past interactions, right? Did he threaten you?

2:45:15I think when you and Trump had your... No, no, no. When Trump sued me for calling... This is just so stupid. This is back in the birthergate controversy. Maureen Dowd wrote about it yesterday in the Times. In 2013, Trump sued me because, what was it? Because he offered$5 million for Obama's birth certificate. No, no. And then you offered$5 million to see proof that he wasn't the child of an orangutan. Yes. But actually, what he offered, that was one detail I think they got wrong. The$5 million he had offered was for Obama to produce his college records. Because, you know, a black guy in college, that's kind of fishy, huh?

2:45:58Oh, boy. So, yes, Donald Trump offered$5 million. So I thought I would offer him$5 million if he could prove. When we showed the picture, he does look exactly like that orangutan. The color of the hair was exactly the same. If you saw the picture, you know what I'm talking about. And so I offered him$5 million. And then they came to court and produced the birth certificate to prove that he was actually not the son of an orangutan. Not that that's even possible. I mean, we are of different species. The definition of a species is you can't have sex with the feminine. Well, sex. No, no. I mean, that's why.

2:46:34You can't reproduce. You can't reproduce. But they're not interested in it. I mean, jaguars and tigers, they look kind of alike, but they don't fuck each other. But he did fuck Stormy Daniels. Oh, God. All right, Bill Maher, I got to let you go. Thank you. Any last thoughts on what the solutions are to that? How do we come back together? Are we going to land the plane? The country stays together? We find a way past the harsh partisan bullshit? I mean, I don't know. I mean, like I say, I think the rubber hits the road next January because if he wins, he wins. He's never going to give up power. You can't really believe that.

2:47:08I definitely believe he will give up power. But he didn't last time. You think he's going to you think in 2028 he's going to say, well, two terms. That's the that's what the Constitution says. I'm gone. Of course not. He's going to stay on as long as he can. He'll make up some excuse. He doesn't care. He's never read the Constitution. He doesn't care what's in it. It's only about power and who wins. And he will never leave. He's already said many times, I think we deserve a third term because, you know, we were cheated out of the one that he's not serving right now. So he will never give up power.

2:47:41So there's the end of America as we know it. And if Biden wins again, he will. I mean, this country will fall apart because his his rabble won't accept it and he won't accept it. I mean, there's no solution except cholesterol. all. And watching real time and buying this book. It's actually the funniest book ever, I think. And lots of people have said the same thing. So I know it sounds like, because we're tussling that it's all serious, but it's actually very funny. It is very funny. And I hope people enjoy it. And look, I appreciate you going toe to toe because I think that's what people have to do.

2:48:19and it sometimes does get to a point where you get exasperated with each other. But, you know, as I say at the end, America is a family and the definition of a family is understanding that, you know, you're with people who you may not like, but it doesn't come to violence. Yeah. Well, I have to say, Bill, you've always been very gracious to me. You've had me on your show a couple of times. I'm a fan. I mean, you're super smart. You know, what we all have to get over is talking with someone who you can be like, oh, I'm so in agreement on this and this and this and this. And on this one, I think they're insane.

2:48:57But we got four out of five. Yes, honestly. It's like, why? There shouldn't be a limits test. Like, I love him, except he hates Trump, so I have to hate him. It's like, so you disagree with him on that. Okay, that's fine. That's how the world goes forward, just accepting. I would hope when Trump doesn't relinquish power and this country - I'm going to play this clip. And when this country does not resemble the one that we've grown up in, I would hope that you would be able to acknowledge that. And if he does relinquish power or doesn't try to— Then I'm going to play this clip, too. Then I will absolutely on my show say I was wrong and she was right.

2:49:35Either way, I'll have you back and you can take a victory lap. Or you have me back and I'll take a victory lap. Either way, we'll make it happen. Thank you. Good luck with the book and everything. I appreciate it. All the best, Bill. Don't forget, it's called What This Comedian Said. Good Father's Day present. We'll shock you. Yes, plenty of time. Father's Day coming up. Available now. See you tomorrow.

2:49:56Hey, it's Dan Cummins. If you're into the weird, the wild, and the downright bizarre, check out my podcast, Time Suck. Each week, I dive into shocking stories like the rise of the NXIVM cult, the origins of conspiracies like QAnon, and the San Francisco witch killer murders. With deep dives and dark humor, Time Suck brings you the stories that'll fascinate you, make you laugh, and fill your head with lots of strange facts. New episodes drop every Monday. Join the cult of the curious. Follow Time Suck wherever you get your podcasts. Sleep is so critical, especially that deep, comforting sleep. But oftentimes, it's hard to find the right mattress for that deep sleep without trying it in person.

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