Power Hour 4! Ranking All 32 Teams with Bill Simmons

28:33Also, everyone forgets the Bengals are cheap. They just throw$40-50 million of spending every year away. By the way, so are the Patriots. But, um, but that, that's another thing. So they're so beholden on health. You, uh, you worried about the Micah Parsons injury or. I am. And even yet. I also, I, I gotta say, I don't, I rarely have opinion. Obviously I have opinion on every NBA contract. Cause I feel like. Yeah. I rarely have opinion on NFL contracts cause I don't understand them. And it just feels like we'll give you infinity dollars for 15 years. 20 void years. Yeah. And everyone's like, why do the Eagles keep getting away with this?

29:15Right. With that said, the Christian Watson contract was just bizarre. I kind of like him. I kind of like him. Yeah, but what evidence do we have that he can play six games in a row? And yet, you think they're better than the Bengals. Well, I like Matthew Golden. I thought they misused him last year. I watched a lot of Packers. I had him on multiple fantasy teams. I just didn't understand why they used him the way they used him last year. And you like Love, of course. I do like Love. I like love too. All right. I'm going to bring in a team here. This is the earliest I brought them in, but I just did their divisional preview.

29:50And in that process, I found myself really second guessing why I've been so low on them. And that's the Kansas city chiefs. Okay. Like the chiefs with Patrick Mahomes, do we really think is going to finish as a below average team again? Up again, we're putting them up against the bangles as a reminder, the chiefs who reminder went one and nine in one score games, which is like never happened. I have them slightly above the Bengals. Okay, so Chiefs are Bengals. I need to do more research and sort my feelings out better on the Chiefs. They've missed a lot of draft picks. They've had a lot of off-field stuff.

30:31And I thought Andy Reid was just coaching last year with a Ziploc bag around his head. I don't know what he was doing last year. And that team on and off the field was a complete mess. and he took no crap for it. I just don't. And then they bring back the enemy, which I thought was weird. I was there for the end of the Patriots dynasty, and let me tell you a minute, it wasn't fun. It's a little shades of that, where you're grasping at straws, you're bringing in kind of shaky character guys. We haven't gotten any internal dissent stories from the Chiefs. Remember when the Patriots thing was – have you seen Seth Wickersham around Kansas City?

31:09No. Now, where is he, though? That would be a good – I would add him to my Life 360 just to know what he's up to. What team and player and coach is he following? Yeah, I don't know. The Chiefs, they had the worst luck ever last year, and usually that flips. But then you look at the schedule, and it's like, as usual, they have the worst schedule possible, and they're playing every day of the week and night games, and they're out there traveling. They're all over the place. And, you know, by the way – and I know you've talked about this a couple times on NFL Live. Mahomes is coming back from torn ACL surgery.

31:42We're glossing that over. He hurt his knee at the end of the season. Every time he gets injured, he's – I know you're right. He got injured in December. I know, but he comes back and he's always fine. It's weird. He's like Wolverine. I felt like his scrambling was such a big part of why he was great. And you're bringing him back after nine months. Adrian Peterson did it, I guess. All right. The Bengals remain on the board and let's do it. Let's do the Bengals. let's do the evil twin matchup bangles versus cowboys they are the same team to me i have them right next to each other i think they are the afc and nfc version of each other i like the cowboys a little more though really yeah i do i do um a little higher upside a little harder to play um and um a little bit easier of a schedule in my opinion do you feel like the dac prescott wars are over like you remember it used to be every i know we joke about like espn and cowboys but like so many how good is dak prescott is do you remember dak prescott versus carson wentz like commanded 80 of the football conversation for years and now it feels like everybody just admits he's good like he's not that divisive anymore yeah do you really want him to know my thoughts on this?

33:01I have him as a top 10 QB. I literally can't remember a single playoff moment that he's had. He destroyed the Bucs. I was there. How many years ago was this? 2023. Okay. It was after the Bucs win the Super Bowl. I do not trust him in January. Regular season sounds great. Can you throw for 4 ,800 yards for me and 40 touchdowns? Cool. I don't know if I trust him when we get to January. All right. Bengals versus Jags, who I probably should have. I kind of wish I had them higher. They kind of slipped because I was trying to provoke. I had the Jags higher than them. The Jags are a hard one because they're like two teams last year, right?

33:45They're the pre week nine Jags. And then afterwards they become the 99 Rams. They were awesome in the second half of the season, like legitimately great. I bought in. I bet on them and picked them over and over again down the stretch. And then the playoffs, they just kicked everybody right in the protector cup. It was just awful. I'm so mad. I still can't believe they lost to Buffalo. All they had to do was run the ball. I don't know how they lost to Buffalo. I honestly don't. That was a miracle. HM was getting like seven yards to carry. The thing with that, this is one of the reasons I'm down on Buffalo.

34:21I don't even think they should have gotten out of that Jaguars game. Right? yeah the run defense was really really bad and i don't know how much better it's going to be but they just blew that game that made me so mad but listen lawrence will see it in the playoffs but he at least proved that he can be a regular season guy and uh the the thomas piece will be the kind of swing piece yeah i feel like because they lucked out with washington they traded for myers and if Thomas is good, like they could actually be like kind of terrifying. I don't love that they lost a ETN, but cause I thought he was coming on down the stretch, but we'll see with Tootin.

35:05All right. Last pick of the first half Bengals versus lions. I think the lions are the favorite to win the NFC. We're talking about odds that are totally like the, that's the one where every time I look at it, I'm kind of surprised. I have the lions three levels higher than the Bengals. And in fact, the Lions, I would have introduced them eight teams ago if I were you. So you have, where would you, looking at this list, Chargers, would you have them above the Eagles? I have the Lions in the top eight. Wow. Okay. Tell me why I'm an idiot. Because I'm so nervous about this defense. No, no, no. But you told me schedule doesn't count.

35:42I think for me, I'm counting the schedule. And they have. They have easy schedule. Yeah. They're the one team where the schedule is pretty alarmingly bad. But I also thought, like, I do feel like you can talk yourself into the offensive coordinator thing and really just submarine them last year plus the injuries. Like, there's real reasons they weren't as good as they should have been last year. I think the offense will be good. I just think defense is just so injured. I don't know. I get injured and other stuff. Yeah. Like, having your first-round pick from two years ago, wearing an ankle bracelet right now, not great.

36:19Two guys coming back, maybe not even in time for the first game. So they got to survive the first month. And yet you had them topping. Well, they just have a crazy amount of talent. No, the talent. The offensive talent is unbelievable. When I did my rankings, I had them fifth. In talent, in the blue chip thing. Yeah. Especially from an offense standpoint. Well, Lions fans have been giving it to me for this. so maybe you're right when did laporta go out like week six yeah that was the sneaky big one and yeah the still offense was still good without him the two sneaky ones last year were him and craft because i thought craft was like starting to look like gronk he's right and then he just got taken out with parsons so that's another thing with green bay like yeah factor that in too well craft will be back so yeah yeah all right that's the first half we're ending with the lions Jesus the Bengals not even in the top half of the NFL and you're right so you do like the Bengals you try better than 17 I don't have them top eight or whatever but all right we come back let's see if the Bengals fall stops as you know managing maintenance repair and operations is never easy but for the ones who always rise to the challenge Granger has your back from professional grade products you can count on to fast dependable delivery they're there to help you keep things running smoothly.

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39:01Let's do it. I love that you were like, no, I don't like the Bengals. and then you're just completely flummoxed as I take other teams over them for 20 minutes. Well, I don't have, I mean, it's going to be a top five offense, probably. Top 10 at minimum. Is it?

39:20All right, Bengals versus Vikings. Well, you finally found a team I can put the Bengals ahead of. All right, Vikings. The Kyler Murray thing, if I had to do what you do and do NFL Live and just go on a show and talk extemporaneously, about the nfl every day by mid-june i would have been like what the guy what are you guys doing with kyler murray what what's happening right now you think everyone's being too like he'll be fine the cardinals paid for him to go away yeah which not everyone was like his contract expired they were like now we'll take the cap it we have to move on from this do you think he could beat up van lathen do i think he could beat up van lathan don't answer does he boxed if he if he hasn't bought van has boxing experience i think van could take a extremely unnecessarily long conversation we had the taping of their watchables was which nfo quarterbacks van lathen could actually beat up he definitely beats up kyler murray i don't think there's any question um but yeah i don't i don't the quarterback thing honestly is ko c is this it for him in minnesota if it doesn't work yeah i mean i he i i saw him he seemed a little defensive i saw him on i don't know if it was eisen or something or dan patrick where he was like well every time i've had average quarterback play it's been like we've won 10 games and it felt like pretty defensive um first of all sam darnel was better than average and then proved it in seattle the next year and they completely screwed that up right second he he touted jj mccarthy to us all last year i know and talked about his zoom calls he did with jj every day and all this stuff and then jj couldn't have been worse but every reporter was like jj was entirely the gm's pick the coaching staff had nothing to do with right yeah they all throw each other over the under the bus kyler will look good for three weeks he'll scheme some different things for him to run around and do stuff and then the teams will figure them out and they'll go one and eight to finish the season.

41:23And we won't hear from them again. I love the Minnesota fans. I feel bad, but that team's not going to be good. All right. Well, will they be better than the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Cause that's your next choice. I think the bucks will be better. Do you have the bucks? I'll top the NFC South before we continue. Oh, you'd like, I would decide anything on the NFC South on July 20th. What are you doing? I need another five weeks. I need to do dark arts. I need to wear garlic and go to a cemetery. The Panthers last year were the ones that were like, if I ever saw, I hated so much when they would make me because they make us pick the games on TV.

42:01And every time they would say the Panthers, I would try to hide from the camera. They didn't want to be an insane team. The Bucs, I feel like could be good. So the coach piece of it where it's the classic, I thought you were going to fire a coach last year. Oh, you didn't? He's back. it feels like that never works in the NFL. And a good example is the Jets with Salah when they were like, we're going to bring him back. It's fine. And then by week five, he's gone. I would have him circled in the first coach fired rankings because I thought he should have been fired after the season. They do have some talent though, right?

42:40They do have some talent. And they're in a bad division. Good offensive line. They're in a division where nobody in the division has better than two to one odds to win the division, which I don't even know how that works. Where's Baker on your tiers? He's in the middle. I didn't love the last eight Baker games. Yeah. Remember when we were doing the MVP? We are all doing it on our pods. Baker, MVP? Yeah. By the end of it, he was just chucking it to the other team. All right. But you have them over the Vikings for obvious reasons, by the way you talked about the Vikings. I'm going to go Vikings.

43:18This is, this is okay. So there's like the bottom 10 or the bottom eight teams are very obvious. This is the like tier where you don't really know, you know, it's just, it's a mess. I'm going to go.

43:34Steelers here. Vikings V Steelers. I had the Vikings over the Steelers. Okay. I think the Steelers I have in my bottom 10. Really? Yeah. yeah you know what we can't do this year is that well it's mike tomlin he always goes nine and eight he always he always makes the playoffs he's not there anymore we can't do that anymore yeah so what are we gonna do tj watt who basically died in the second half of the season high smith's like what how old is he 35 37 somewhere in there aaron rogers is 42 42 that That one I do know. 4-2. It's quite possible the best part of their offense is Kenneth Gainwell. He's gone.

44:20Oh, what team is he on? I actually. I knew this actually. Let me look him up. Where did he go? Tampa? So Jalen Warren. Is Jalen Warren? Yeah, Tampa. I love Kenneth Gainwell. He's my guy. See, I finally effed up. I've been week one. I had the wrong running back. Nobody knows that Kenneth Gainwell plays for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And he surveyed 100 Americans. Now my opinion is invalidated because I forgot he changed teams. um no but yeah i don't i just don't i thought the steelers i didn't understand how they even won as many games as they did last year i didn't understand it as it was happening uh all right then 20 steelers versus commanders oof i had them right next to each other uh i have the steelers okay a whiff ahead of the commanders the commanders feel like i don't like the vibes from the commanders.

45:10I do like that they lower their average age from like 35 to 27, though. That's a good move. The Sonny Styles thing is going to be fun. Yeah, he's good. Maybe we'll get a healthy Jaden Daniels. Terry McLaurin won't have come back from a holdout and just immediately gotten hurt, which seems... Who's going to be the guy this year who does the Terry McLaurin? The holdout guy who comes back and just gets hurt immediately. Kobe Brissett? Is he holding out? Did you not know this? This is my favorite story in the NFL. I did not know this. Jacoby Brissett was like, I'm the starter. Pay me like a starter.

45:46And on one half, everyone was like, what are you doing? But on the other hand, people were like, there really is no one else there. They, I feel like there's no sentence that better captures the state of the Arizona Cardinals right now better than Jacoby Brissett is holding out. So great. I had no idea. So what? So in NFL Live? It might be over. we haven't talked about nfl live but uh i think he might he might it might be over but he's disgruntled i was gonna say an nfl live is that like a friday of july 4th weekend no we have rankings to react to okay all right we have lamar jackson being ranked 69th on the nfl player list Is that true?

46:27Yeah. Below Bo Nix. Jesus. Okay. The commander. So you took the commanders over, wait, where we were? Steelers. No, I took Steelers over the commanders. Okay. So commanders are still an option. Let's throw them up against the team that I am, I kind of like in the NFC South. You're only saints. I know you like them. We were texting about this a little bit. I have the saints above the Steelers and the commanders. Okay. where we have on tyler shuck are you a shuck boy been a fan the whole year uh mcshay was on him from day one kudos to him uh he really won me over i don't know why i watched as much saints on league pass i i don't really have an explanation for it but um he took big hits yeah he he was an end of the game like would actually feel like he got better i didn't love His weapons kept getting hurt, and it just didn't matter.

47:26I really like him. I think he's good. I like him, too. I like him. They were sneaky competent as the season went along. No question. They screwed up a bunch of parlays, and they were a dangerous team to go against. I'll tell you another thing. This is how deep my prep went, Mina Kimes. I think their offensive line is going to be pretty good. Yeah, I do, too. Yeah. They might actually be able to block. They got David Edwards from the Bills. Yeah. The tackles look kind of nice. They got Achan. Travis Achan is now a saint. Also, they kept Alvin Kamara, so there's no bad, angry vibes. So they paid him a little bit to wind things down.

48:05And they have – I didn't love the Tyson pick because I don't like injury histories in college. I just feel like that's going to keep happening. And then they have Olave who everyone wrote off because of the concussions, but then he played the whole year last year. I really like Vele. He got hurt halfway through, but I had him on my fantasy team. When he got hurt, it was kind of devastating. They threw to him all the time for like a month. I have Olave on mine, and last year was amazing. The one I'm in with Danny Kelly. Yeah, I'm in a league with Danny Kelly and all his high school friends. Chris Olave was big for Meany Times team.

48:44He's great. It's a classic zag fantasy guy where everybody gave up on him, and you just kind of swoop in and grab him. I think the Saints could win that division, and Vegas does too. They're like plus 230. Wow, really? Yeah. Oh, it's NFC South through the Pelanos. All right, commies versus a team that I keep saying I don't know what to do with the Colts. I have the Colts way above them. Really? How much above them? Two levels. Wow. Yeah. Okay, so where are you at on the Daniel Jones injury threat level? Because that's why I don't know what to do with them. I don't know. I don't know. I just know the Colts were really good last year and they made the big sauce Gardner trade who immediately got hurt right after Daniel Jones got hurt and then they just fell apart completely.

49:34But that team was pretty good last year for eight weeks. Now, I know they lost Pittman, but Taylor's in a contract year, right? I don't know if he is, but he's on the team. Yeah, that's a little concerning. but I think they'll be fine. I could see them sneaking in as a seven seed. All right. Well, there's going to be a bad nine and eight playoff team and everybody thinks it's going to be the Bengals, but I think it could be like three other teams. Okay. Commies are falling. Yeah. Commanders versus let's, let's just wrap up the NFC. Well, no, we got two more NFC South teams. Let's do the Panthers here.

50:14Commanders versus Panthers. I had the Panthers way above them. Wow. Okay, so what this is telling me is that you're very low on the Commanders. I'm low on the Commanders, but I actually, the Panthers, I think, are my favorite NFC South team. I need to do more research on it. Well, the defense should be good, right? I mean, they added, like, legit stars. Here's the thing. I value playoffs and NBA and NFL. Playoff performance. Did you show up? They played awesome against the Rams. Like, that matters. It wasn't like they snuck into the playoffs, and then they actually, like, showed up for that game.

50:54And I saw the Holy Cross grad, Jalen Coker. I saw him at the Bob Cousy thing. We sat next to him. But they honored Bob Cousy and was talking about it. And not to talk out of school, but he was just like, yeah, we almost beat the Rams. Like, we were right there. We should have beaten them. Like, I'm still mad about it. and i felt the same way like they could have beaten them the thing about the this is why i was saying like i hate picking panthers games because there'd be one week where they would look like the worst team in the nfl and lose to you know the falcon or some other team like and then the next team they would go toe-to-toe or like they they played the ramps they beat the rams right in the regular season am i misremembering so it was just such a weird ride especially with brice it was brice young related and that's going to be the issue as always but oh so i think to me mcmillan's like at least a red chipper and might even be close to a blue chipper the way he was playing at the end of the year their o-line is going to be pretty good they have a bunch of good guys on defense i had four guys that got points for them and then their special teams are good yeah right and then are they the team that got gannon they were right uh i know the packers oh the packers Yeah.

52:10Carolina got somebody good too, though. Their defensive coach is really good. I actually almost had them as a top 10 defense, which is crazy. But yes. Okay. I kind of like them. Commanders keep falling. The NFC South. The commanders keep falling. Will the Atlanta Falcons stop their fall? No. I had the Falcons above them and I don't feel good about it. new coach so there's going to be a new coach bump team it happens every year could it be the falcons um and the answer is probably not because of their quarterback situation but they do you know they're going to be able to block they have some weapons good weapons they've spent and drafted real capital on their defense whether you could say it paid off who knows but um i just think they have more talent yeah i don't trust daniels to stay healthy at all i just don't like you've stood next to him right he's he's just i have stood next to him he feels like he weighs like 175 pounds he had okay here's a trivia question football trivia question for you because i just looked this up so he had a 16 scramble rate last year which was the highest in the nfl that is the second highest in modern nfl history meaning scrambling who do you think was the first nfl history please don't tell me drake may no but drake bay was the top 25 yeah who is number one vic 2003.

53:45wow but other than that so lamar's never come close to that right other than that vic only topped it once and it was when he played five games like so anyway my point is like he gotta stop scrambling so much because he is gonna get looney tunes did you watch in the you know in the world cup the red card when the um the art the spanish i can't remember which player it was did like a full 360. oh yeah yeah yeah i was thinking about jane daniels watching that when it happened because it reminded me of like a hit jane daniels would have taken in college i do not love that well this is the patriots tried to do this with may they didn't want him scrambling five times his eyes i know but yeah he kept getting head hits yeah and uh and so last Last year, you could see when he scrambled, he was really nervous about it.

54:29Interesting. Because they were so in his head about just go down, don't take hits. And I actually think that led to him being a little careless with the football sometimes because he wasn't just like the way Josh Allen is or Josh Allen's like, I am scrambling. Josh Allen's built like a linebacker. I know. Even Drake May is big. Josh Allen is not a normal size man. Drake May is way bigger than Jaden Daniels, though, is the salient point. Yes. Yes. If you've shopped online, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify. You know that purple ShopPay button you see at checkout? The one that makes buying so incredibly easy?

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57:10Trustpilot rating as of June 1st, 2025. I like things my way. My coffee, my schedule, and my treatment. So I talked to my doctor about self-injecting with the Vivgard Hytrulo Pre-Filled Syringe, which contains F-Gartigamide Alpha and Hyaluronidase QVFC. It's injected under your skin subcutaneously. It means I can inject in my space on my time. It's my treatment, my way. Visit VivgardMyWay.com. That's V-Y-V-G-A-R-T MyWay.com. And talk to your doctor about Vivgard Hattrulo. Brought to you by Argenics. All right. We are down. Commanders versus... I already got the Colts. Panthers came off the board.

57:49Let's go. Giants? I have them right next to each other. Coin flip. I'll say the Commanders just so we can stop saying their name.

58:03I think the Giants fans in my life are badly overrating John Harbaugh, who was going to get fired the year before Lamar showed up and even the year that before he started playing him and um i don't know i think they have a great front office harbaugh's fine i don't think he's going to be a miracle worker they think he they think he they have a great front office no the ravens do oh i'm so sorry you're talking yeah yeah no the giants well the giants might but i thought he dined off a lot of good raven stuff Yeah, the Malik Nabors thing is just freaking me out too much. Which part? That they're like, he's not coming back until he's 100 % perfect?

58:47The people are scrutinizing celebrity dodgeball games and noticing he's walking with a slight limp in them. I just never do not like that. Okay. I wish there was a better version of that draft that I just wish they had done. Where they took Reese and then got Downs. and just said screw it we're going all in we're gonna have a sick defense we're just gonna have the sickest defense i heard what you said about carter and i completely agree oh he's so good i think carter's i had him in my player rankings i put him higher than he's probably supposed to be because no that'll that'll age well i think yeah because part of the problem with that team was they you know that a lot of the times they didn't have the lead yeah so you never you never I never got to see the giants with the lead.

59:34I was like good pass rushes when you're up 10, it's completely different when you know you're throwing. So. Imagine seeing Miles Garrett with a lead though. Seriously. It's so horrible. And Aaron Donald. Okay. Giants versus Raiders. Oh, Giants. The Raiders are in my bottom five. Well, we're in the bottom five now. So. Are we? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, this is the, yeah, one, two, three, four, bottom six. All right, Raiders versus, let's do Raiders versus Titans.

1:00:13Yeah, it's appropriate sound. I don't understand the Raiders thing where they're pretending Mendoza's not going to be the quarterback to like week 13. Everybody does this. They always do this. But we know we're going to see him in like October 5th. When did Drake may actually start? Now I'm forgetting. We, it was like fifth or sixth game. Right. They were like, he won't play. He's not, he's never, he should never touch a football. He shouldn't even look at a football. And then we just like, yeah. And then cousins too. Although they'll be able to block. I think. Okay. I think their line's going to be okay.

1:00:44Certainly better than last year when Gentry was just getting tackled behind the line every play, but I feel like we'll see him sooner. So I would say Raiders just because I think when Mendoza plays, they'll probably get bumped a little bit. I mean, the bigger question to me is as Tom Brady starts to act, More and more bizarre. Is that going to start affecting their team? He is like a part owner of the team. Doing WWE promos during... Is it hurting you emotionally, personally? Honestly, it's not. It's more... So many people ask me about it, and I'm just like, look, man, these guys all fly too close to the sun, and they don't know how to replace it once they don't have it anymore.

1:01:26And it's over and over again, the best athletes ever. They just don't know how to replace it. You end up doing WWE segments with one of the Paul brothers. I feel like this is the greatest quarterback ever. Like, you know, just like we never saw Steve Young doing, I don't even know. I guess it must be more of a generation. No, the best is Montana for this. Yeah. Montana was effing cool as soon as he was done. He just levitated above the sport. Yeah. I don't know what he's doing. Listen, if he's happy, I'm happy. He brought us six Super Bowls. He seems relatively happy. Okay. Setting aside that digression.

1:02:13So the Raiders, you took the Raiders over the Titans, right? Yeah. Okay. So Titans versus Jets. There's one. Oh, Titans. Am I leaving anyone out, obvious? No. You think there's a team that I should be, that I should have hired? There's a team I'm higher on, then you might be surprised. I'm going to be surprised because I'm looking at this bottom five and they've been the bottom five every time. The Titans over the Jets. Titans over Jets. Okay.

1:02:46If you're a Jets fan, are you worried at all that Gino is just marginally competent? tint i'm not you know i've taken my lumps there and that you play yourself out of the arch manning sweepstakes because they've because gino's in a situation now significantly better right than what he was last year with the jets one would think after watching gino play last year i don't think that's you're not worried you're feeling i'm definitely not worried about the jets it is funny though to hear the pain in your voice every time gino comes up probably the single biggest l live Dagan. Yeah, but we all have them.

1:03:25Yeah. You didn't know he was just going to suddenly turn into the worst quarterback of all time out of nowhere. He was really horrible last year. Yeah. I can't believe he's starting for anyone. You're not worried. No, I actually - I'm going to try my flag. I think he's going to be better than at least a couple of the quarterbacks remaining on this list. I really do. But we are at the bottom of the NFL. Um, okay. Hmm. 29 jets versus Browns. Uh, I have the Browns and I actually have the Browns in that Steelers giants commanders. That's the one you were talking about. Interesting. Yeah. I think the Browns are interesting.

1:04:15Every year, there's a terrible team that makes the playoffs. And if you really try to rack your brain and try to figure out who, it's never a team that makes sense. And I haven't decided who I'm picking for that category yet, but I keep looking at the Browns for some reason. Is it just the defense? Because the defense should be good-ish, at least above average. The Browns have good players. They have good players on defense. They, I think, have a couple good offensive players. I thought Judkins was a monster down the stretch last year. Fannin Jr. might be like a top six tight end. He drafted two wide receivers in the 30s in the draft just now.

1:04:57Counterpoint, the last time we saw Deshaun Watson play football, he was 44th in the eight-paper drop back. And then he scores Achilles. And then Scherner Sanders last year was like 42nd. I get it. I get it. But to me, it's like, why are they going to be worse than the Falcons? The Falcons have the same terrible quarterback situation. They're not as bad. Who's more likely to have the number one overall pick next year, the Jets or the Browns? Jets. I think the Browns have too much talent. All right. All right. Cool. All right. Well, the Jets remain an option. Let's go Jets versus Cardinals. Cardinals.

1:05:33Cardinals are another one where they do have a couple guys. I just feel like the Jets, we know where the season's going. and Aaron Glenn, whether you have to fire him during this season. Yeah, it's a pre-firing. The quarterback situation is abysmal. I honestly didn't love their draft. I know people got excited about it, but everyone's like, they got three first-runners. Well, they got three first-runners because they traded the best players in their team to get two of the first-rounders. Right. I don't know. I mean, the Cardinals in this division or in this exercise, you have to take out the division, right?

1:06:09Because they get so punished by the fact that they're in the NFC West. But if they weren't in the NFC West, I don't think maybe they would be viewed as bad or abysmally. All right. I mean, listen, Cardinals, Dolphins, Jets are all going to be terrible. I don't. Jets versus Dolphins then for 31. Yeah. I have. When you did your blue chipper thing with the Dolphins. HM. I'll read it to you. Okay. I had the Jets last. I had the Dolphins slightly ahead of them. And A-chan, Seeler, and Brooks, plus the kicker. The Jets, I gave a minus two for quarterback.

1:06:59I don't mind Willis. I like Willis. I just wish Willis was all right. And there's a chance their offensive line's not going to be terrible. And the McDaniel thing was really weird last year. Imagine if Willis was Brown. Where would you have him? Like, that'd be so fun. Well, can we talk the Browns thing out for a second? Because you think it's going to be Sanders or Watson? Those are the only two choices I'm going to have. Yeah. Nobody else? What about Tiny Dylan Gabriel? I can't. It's over. It's over? Everything I've read out of Cleveland suggests it's going to be Sanders versus Watson. Sanders was pretty bad last year.

1:07:38but nobody's going to be worse than two on the Falcons. Like if we're going to start dinging quarterbacks to and Gino, we're as bad as Sanders. Sanders at least did a couple of things. I don't, there's bad quarterbacks everywhere. All right. I just think dolphins are Cardinals or jets. I'm going to put the dolphins last because they clearly don't want to be good this year and neither do the jets, but I think the dolphins have an easier path to not being good. And they have a coach that signed up for the program. Yeah. whereas the jets don't jets might try to win a couple of games first week first month.

1:08:14Yeah. Right. It does feel like everyone in Miami knows what the score is except for Mike Willis who signed there. I had, I had five Browns on defense that I gave points to. I like the Browns defense. I just, yeah, no, I mean, it's absolutely defensible for the Browns to be the top. They couldn't do it. They couldn't do a Judkins, 1600 rushing yards. defense, a lot of 13 and 10 games, or just because Jim Schwartz isn't there anymore. I think the defense is good, but you took out the best defensive player of a generation. There's going to be a little bit of an impact there. Or Ewing theory. They never win anything with them.

1:08:52Who's more likely to benefit from the Ewing theory, the Eagles or the Browns defense? Browns defense. Yeah. The Eagles don't qualify because they already won the title. That's fair. Has your life been different since you won the title? Do you feel like just happier and nicer and more pleasant? I feel similarly to the last time they won that this next season is kind of a gimme. People always ask me did Super Bowl 49 break your soul? And I always say no because they had just won. Don't get me wrong it sucked and I didn't talk to anyone for like three days. But if the Seattle hadn't won the year before, I don't know if I could have kept watching football after that.

1:09:36But they just won. You know, that's how I fought with the Celtics. Cause I was joking about England, how, what a terrible loss that was. And people were like, you know, how was it different when the Celtics choked against the next? I was like, well, we won the year before I got over that pretty fast. Totally. It gives you, um, like emotional bandwidth for a few years. So, so whatever happens this year happens, like all the Ram stuff. It's like, eh, okay. You know, they'll probably win. Right. Well, there's an interesting, I don't know. I think you have real back-to-back potential, which puts you in another stratosphere.

1:10:07That's a much shorter list of NFL teams. Very hard to do. I also add your coach as the best coach, or the coaching staff, just in general. I love him. I think he's so good. Yeah. Because you really could have won every game. You could have gone 19-0. He's awesome. All right, here's the final rankings. I want you to tell me which team is going to be the maddest, even though I think it's pretty obvious. Seahawks, Rams, Broncos, Patriots, Texans, Niners, Ravens, Chargers, Eagles, Bills are your top 10. Bears, Packers, Chiefs, Cowboys, Jags, Lions, Bengals, Bucks, Vikings, Steelers, 20. Saints, Colts, Panthers, Falcons, Commanders, Giants, Raiders, Titans, Browns, Cardinals, Jets, Dolphins.

1:10:51What's funny is that's not even, I like how you did this because now I still feel like I can do my rankings because the way you did it. I had an appearance. Like I have the Lions at 16 there. I think they're going to be better. Team that will be the maddest is probably, I would say the Jaguars. Yeah. Because if I'm the Jaguars, I'm like, we were really good last year. Yeah, I know. We blew that Bills game and we easily could have made the AFC title. I think I'm higher on the Jaguars in this list. I think the Bengals fans. Bengals fans are thinking Super Bowl. So you're a lot lower on them than they are on themselves.

1:11:26What freaking world did they live in? Why are they thinking Super Bowl? Well, if that happens, this podcast will be clipped off approximately 100 times. So we'll see. Listen, I don't know what camera to look at. Bring it on. Bengals are not making the Super Bowl. Please aggregate this out of all my orifices. There's no chance. Bengals will not make the Super Bowl, period. It's not happening. all right uh i have no comment on that bill thank you so much this is a great rankings dare say the best rankings yet oh thanks vena check out the hitch rewatchables uh yeah out by the time this comes out or a crazy stupid love rewatchables that was a great one that was a banger people like that one yeah it's a great movie so we learned a lot about mina kimes on that rewatchable stuff a little too much um all right this uh just to the afc west by the time this comes out or which means I believe the NFC South, woof, is going to be the next division to hit your ears.

1:12:29Good luck with that one. Can anyone win nine games? Oh, I'm also joining the Ringer Fantasy Show. I think this week, maybe the same day this comes out or the next day to talk about their final hot quarterbacks rankings. Have you been following this? I have. They're very excited about it. It was a great idea. I'm glad you were able to help them with some guidance. Some bad rankings on that list. Listen, I gave up on this like 12 years ago when I did a whole mailbag thing and somebody talked about how handsome Eli Manning was. And I was just like, I just, I don't. I don't see it. And it was like, yeah.

1:13:00And Katie Baker was like, oh, all women think Eli Manning's handsome. I'm like, what? I just had, I have no radar for this at all. So I would have been a bad asset. On behalf of the Omaha Productions producers who make this show, Eli is very handsome and very talented. All right, bye guys. See you later.

1:13:28Turn it up. Storm has zero sugar and 200 milligrams of caffeine. So you can turn that workout up a notch. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life.