Use These Science-Backed Strategies to Instantly Reduce Anxiety, Boost Confidence, & Feel Your Best - With Amy Morin

23:53Shawn Stevenson:Amazing. Amazing. Again, you've broken these down into these different categories. So these are anxiety alleviators. You've got some other ones in here. Flip the script, create a reverse worry list and more. But I want to shift gears and go to another category. I want to go to insight igniters. Insight igniters. First of all, can you talk about what those are? And I want to ask you about get psychological distance. What does that mean? So insight igniters are the strategies that help us develop better ideas. Sometimes we're trying to solve a problem and we just can't come up with a solution. And the more we think about it, the more difficult it becomes.

24:33Or we're trying to make a decision. We're deciding between, do I want to take this job or do I want to take that job? And you're struggling. You can't, you feel stuck. And so all of the strategies in this section are just about where do I get that insight that I need, whether it's to solve a problem in my business or to deal with a issue I'm having with a loved one. And where do my ideas come from? We know that people who enjoy better mental health tend to have better problem solving skills, yet most of us weren't taught, how do you solve a problem? What do you do when you're stuck? And we also know that when our emotions are running high, our logic tends to run pretty low.

25:10And we make the best decisions when those two things are in somewhat of a balance. And our emotions can cloud our decision making. when people will say something like, well, this emotion is a positive emotion, like excitement. Well, yes, it feels good to be excited when you're about to go on vacation, but what if I came to you with a get-rich-quick scheme and you get so excited that you forget it's a terrible idea, like it's not always helpful. And any emotion can cloud our judgment. We know that, say, sadness, like you should never negotiate when you're sad because we tend to take a really poor deal in comparison to if we negotiated when we were happy.

25:47and so when our emotions are high one strategy is to get that psychological distance which just says i'm going to step back from the problem so i can see it a little bit more clearly because when we're so close to it our emotions are high and you just really can't see what to do next so it might even be a simple decision but when you're really emotional you think oh i don't know what to do or it's really hard to make this simple decision so a few different things you can do to get psychological distance. One is to just say, what advice would I give to my friend right now? That's like the simplest and easiest one.

26:20If I were trying to decide, should I take this job for more money, even though it's a longer commute, or I take this other job, even though it's less money, but closer to home. If I'm really struggling with that, I'm like, well, what would I tell my friend? What advice would I give that person? Often it just becomes a little bit clearer. Another way to do this is to time travel. This problem in front of me right now often seems huge. Well, in five years from now, what would I had hoped that I had done? So sometimes it's just asking ourselves that question reminds us like, okay, this is going to be uncomfortable, but maybe in five years, I'll be really proud of myself.

26:56I'll be really glad that I did it often makes the whole choice just clearer and easier to make. Another one is to just call yourself by name. So if I'm thinking, ah, I really have to do this, or some people think in terms of you like, oh, you should really not do that. But we know that if you just call yourself by name, it often feels more like you're talking to a friend. So if I say to myself, like, okay, Amy, you need to decide what's good for Amy today. We saw this with LeBron James. He was in this press conference when he was trying to decide between continuing for the Miami Heat or going back to Cleveland.

27:30And he's like, LeBron needs to do what's best for LeBron. And people are thinking like, what's wrong with him? Why is he talking about himself in the third person? But it's really actually a good psychological strategy when you call yourself by your own name in your head and you're thinking, what does Amy need to do? Suddenly I can say, all right, the decision becomes a little bit, a little bit more clearly. And finally, another one is when you just ask yourself, like, what would a hotshot do right now? So maybe I'm like, oh, I don't know. I just got this opportunity, but I'm not sure I can do it.

28:03What would a really confident person do? Well, Well, they'd say yes, right? So just asking yourself that question about what somebody who was really talented or what somebody who was really skilled would do usually makes a decision pretty clear or gives us an idea of what step we might want to take. And then when we have that distance, usually you see the problem from a different perspective and we're like, yep, that's what I need to do. And it becomes easier to take the action.

28:26Shawn Stevenson:Amazing. You are giving us permission to access our internal wisdom. Wisdom is really, in one way to look at it, is seeing things from multiple perspectives. And I love the practicality because a lot of people feel like they give great advice and maybe they do. They are great at giving advice to other people, but we never stop to ask when we're dealing with something and trying to figure something out, what advice would I give a friend, right? And flipping the script on ourselves. And, you know, again, this is something we have access to instantaneously, but you're giving us the playbook. So we could, let's turn to the play.

29:06Shawn Stevenson:Okay. This is what I'm going to do. Execute on it. And you're probably going to find that you're going to have better results. And if you could, so that's getting psychological distance. One more in this category, I want to ask you about question your question, question your question. Talk about that one. When we're trying to solve a problem, we often come up with what the question is. So for talking about business, somebody might be like, okay, how do I attract new customers? Well, if I ask myself that question, I'm going to be thinking about all the outreach I need to do or how to reach new people.

29:40But what if I change the question? What if the question became more like, how do I get my existing customers to tell their friends? So suddenly by asking a different question, I start coming up with different strategies, or somebody might be saying like, how do I get rid of my anxiety so that I can pursue this goal? Well, that's one question you could answer. But what if you said to yourself, how could I pursue my goal, even though I have anxiety? If you answer that question, you take a different approach. But so often we just go with whatever the question is, whatever first question that popped into our head.

30:12And then we get stuck right there because our entire existence becomes about solving that one problem. So I love to encourage people, no matter what problem you face or no matter what challenge you're dealing with. What if you just step back and you said to yourself, like, what's another question I could ask myself? And you don't necessarily have to go down that road, but it's just a way to say, maybe if I asked a different question, I'd come up with a different solution. And maybe I'd still get to where it is I want to be in the end, but I'd take a different approach to get there.

30:42Shawn Stevenson:This is one of my favorite ones, because I believe that questions are the answer. yeah and the power of the questions that you ask are this is something that we cannot discount and there's a function in the in the human brain it's called instinctive elaboration and it's always seeking to answer the question that you're posing right and a lot of times our questions are automated right and so we might even have a dominant question that we're asking ourselves all the time. That's creating the results we see around us. Why me? Why, why does bad things keep happening to me? Why won't anybody help me?

31:22Shawn Stevenson:I know these were questions that I was asking on automatic. And when I shifted the question just to like, how can I feel better? You know, it just changed literally stuff that was there the whole time I started to be able to see, you know, and it just kind of, it's like a, you know, the reticular activating system in the brain, just like, it's like a GPS in a way. And it's determined by your questions. Oh, I love that too. And just like flipping that question, like, how can I feel better? What could I do today? Sometimes that's all it takes. And when we say that, it inspires us to take some action or take a different approach because you're right.

31:59Our brains take the path of least resistance. So the question I asked myself yesterday, it's probably going to be the question I asked myself today, unless I am proactive about it and say, you know, it's another, question I could ask or what's a different way I could look at this situation? And it works literally with everything, whether it's, oh, I'm going to be a guest on this podcast. So what am I going to ask myself before I get on there? Like, which strategy do I want to use? Or what if I signed in and said, you know, how am I going to do my best versus if I logged in and said something like, how do I not embarrass myself?

32:33Those two questions are probably going to lead to a completely different outcome, but it's all about the way that I frame it.

32:40Shawn Stevenson:So in the book, you break down how to run the play, get clear on your original question, choose a strategy to develop a new question. So you're actually giving us strategies to develop a new question because we might be like, I can't ask a new question. So in this, you say, challenge your assumptions, turn it upside down, zoom out, zoom in. Can you talk a little bit about any of these tactics for us to develop a new question? Yeah, because again, so often our brain is like, nope, that's the thing I need to do. I need to figure out how do I make my life better by doing X, Y, or Z. So I'm a big fan of saying, let's write something down.

33:23When we see it on paper, it gets it out of your head and becomes a lot clearer. So write your question down. Like, what's the problem I'm trying to solve? And sometimes we don't even know what the problem is that we're trying to solve. We're just like, trying to make my life better. So like, what's the question behind all of that? Like, what am I doing today? How am I going to spend my time? What is it I want my life to look like? If you just started asking more specific questions or slightly different ones, it will then lead to different opportunities, different answers. So I would say write it down when you can.

33:53And that can help you to zoom out a bit. And then you might even think, like, what would so-and-so ask? What would Sean ask if he were in this situation? Sometimes that gets us into somebody else's head again to say, well, maybe. or you look around at like what other people are doing and you're like, I wonder what problem they were solving or how did they get there? And just doing that too can help us to really get the creative ideas flowing so that we don't feel like there's only one solution. Because any challenge we face, I guarantee there's tons of different ways to solve it. We're often looking for that one solution and then we feel stuck.

34:27But he said, no, like what's a different way that I might be able to solve this problem or how else could I get to my end goal? without doing X, Y, or Z. You'll come up with different ideas if you start working on it. But I think writing it down, putting things on paper, the more you start to write, often the more the ideas start to flow. And that can give you a different list of questions or maybe just that one question that says, if I took it from this approach, how would I do things differently?

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36:26Shawn Stevenson:I think this is why we love stories so much and examples to see how other people approach things, to see their solutions, the questions they might have been asking, because then we take pieces of that ourselves. And you have so many incredible stories in the book from the people that you've worked with over the years and just your own life experience, which has been bonkers to say the least. and I think this is a good spot if you could to to talk about what got you into this field at this level and this perspective and the passion in which you're doing this work with because you've done all these extraordinary things that you might not have done if you didn't have the conditions that you had to deal with early on in your career so can you talk a little bit about that yeah I was a therapist by trade went to college thought well I'm going to teach people all this stuff I learned in my textbooks and about a year into my work my mom passed away suddenly she had a brain aneurysm that ruptured and I was really close to my mom and the thought of not having her there I was 23 at the time but the thought of not having her for so many of the events in my life like all the things I had imagined and and to see my dad and what that was like for him.

37:53They had been married since they were 18 and 19. So to see my dad be widowed and it was just one of those moments. And I thought so many of the skills I'm teaching people really don't feel like they're helpful in this moment. And I was kind of horrified because I thought, yeah, but the textbook said this helps or it says that this will get you through the tough times. And I didn't feel like it did. And so that was the moment that studying mental strength just became much more personal. And I knew that grief is the process by which we heal. Our tendency is to try to go around the pain, but you can't avoid it.

38:28You got to go through it. And this whole idea that if you just wait, like time will heal. It doesn't. It's what you do with your time. Yet a lot of the things I thought, what do you do with your time? How do you get through it? So I started studying it. And one of the things I had really learned, because again, I was a therapist. So it's like I had this revolving door of case studies, people coming in and I was really studying. Like, how did some of these people get through their tough times and what kept other people stuck? One of the things that really stuck out to me was it was often about what people didn't do.

38:59People who didn't feel sorry for themselves were able to say, okay, I'm going to go through the pain rather than stay stuck here or go around it. And I'm so glad that I started studying that from a personal standpoint because on the three-year anniversary of the day that my mom died my husband died of a heart attack and to lose the two people that I was closest to in such sudden and unexpected ways I mean my husband and I were talking about like what a difficult day it was because it's the three anniversary of the day my mom died like how are we going to spend the day and after seeing my dad lose my mom like I just remember looking at him and thinking, my gosh, to lose a spouse.

39:39How horrible would that be? And it just felt like a nightmare. And to even describe what that period of my life was like, I couldn't even come up with the words. And I'm like, I'm a therapist. I'm supposed to know. And all I could say was, it hurts to breathe. And there was this period of my life where everything was flipped upside down. I didn't know which way was up and which way was down. And I just kept reminding myself, like, okay, like how did, how did mentally strong people get, get through things? And it wasn't just about pretending I was okay or powering through it. But there was also a piece of me that like, I had to do that to an extent.

40:14I had to go back to work fairly soon after I was widowed because I'm now down to one salary and I didn't want to lose my house. So I thought, okay, you're going to go back to work and you're going to try to figure out how to teach other people, how to deal with their problems while secretly your own life is in complete shambles. and but then on the other hand I also then had to take plenty of time for myself to say outside of the office when I'm not just white knuckling it how do you get through it how do you manage the pain and it took years really to feel like I was going to work through it and decide which way was up and which way was down and was fortunate I found love again people would be like you'll get remarried someday I'm like yeah right like I thought you know no I found love I was happy kind of thought it was impossible but I did and I thought how fortunate am I not to just find love once but to do it twice but like almost as soon as I got remarried my father-in-law gets diagnosed with terminal cancer and I had lost my mom and my husband so suddenly and this time it was like I knew what was coming and I was like you know I've spent all of these years grieving and the thought of losing one more person it didn't feel fair and in my head I'm like imagining like all of these other people who haven't lost somebody why do i have to lose three people and on one of my worst days as we were facing my father-in-law's uh terminal diagnosis the doctors had told us he had um maybe a couple of months left at the very most but i sat down and i wrote a list of what mentally strong people don't do and i had just meant it for for myself really um but i decided to put it on the internet because i found it helpful i was reading it every day when I woke up and I thought, eh, if it helps me, maybe it will help somebody else.

41:58So I expected like five people to read it, but 50 million people read it and I got a book deal from it. And that's why I still get to speak about mental strength now. So that was 13 years ago that the article came out. And since then I've written seven books. And as long as people keep asking me questions about mental strength, I'm happy to keep talking about it. But I'm thrilled that it resonated with so many people. And I think it speaks volumes about the fact that people do want mental strength and we all want to become mentally stronger, but for so long, we just weren't taught how to do it.

42:32And we didn't know what made us stronger. And we were doing some of those things that we talked about earlier when it comes to acting tough. And then it just felt like it wasn't working and people didn't know what to do. And that's how I ended up being where I am today. So I can keep talking about mental strength. Yep.

42:50Shawn Stevenson:Wow. To say that so many people go through loss and grief and to have somebody who truly understands, like at a level that is beyond imagination, is so valuable because you help people to feel like they're not alone. Like you really do understand. That's one of the things that we have as a need, as a psychological need, to feel that connection. And so thank you for continuing to move forward because again, I can't imagine just again, just not feeling like it's hard to breathe was the best description of that time and still continuing to try to take a breath. Thank you for that. and what you've been able to provide the world is remarkable at this point and you just got me thinking about this whole human story you know like this stuff is crazy you know it's like messy and beautiful and and joyful and heartbreaking and it's all of it but we're sold this disney idea But Disney is killing, they're killing off people immediately.

44:11Shawn Stevenson:Kill the dad, kill them. They're doing this stuff, but then it's just like this happy ending. And in reality, again, life is just constantly changing and evolving and becoming, you know, more different expressions of what's possible. And so having more awareness around these things. And most importantly, as I've learned from you and reiterated, our ultimate agency is within us. Like stuff is going to happen. What we have control over is us. And so you're giving, literally giving us a playbook on how to do this stuff. So thank you for that. And, you know, just to, this reminds me of something too, just the fact that, you know, That blog post went crazy viral.

45:01Shawn Stevenson:And then the books that have come, one of the things that you stepped into that you did not expect to be part of your career was speaking. And you've got one of the biggest TED Talks ever, but you shared in the book, and this is a great opportunity to talk about another category in the playbook, confidence catalysts. In the book, you talk about you getting invited to speak for the first time. and how terrifying that was. And it was so funny. I think I laughed out loud when I read that you were going to say that you were sick or not feeling well or something after seeing the other speakers. And it was like some big time people.

45:41Shawn Stevenson:And one of the confidence catalysts is act as if. So this is a great opportunity to talk about that one. For most of my life, I was incredibly shy. The thought of talking in front of five people was terrifying. And every year on my report card, the teachers would always write like, Amy is painfully shy. We've never heard Amy's voice. So public speaking was never on my radar, not something I was interested in doing, not something I ever imagined I would do, and certainly not something I thought I could do. And I was a social worker in rural Maine. Probably the most people I'd ever spoken to were a handful of people in a room at the same time.

46:18And I did. When my article went viral, I got invited to speak on a big stage. And I accepted it without really thinking because I was excited. So I thought, yes, this will be cool. Yeah. And I get there. There's Gary Vaynerchuk and all of these other household names on the stage. And I thought, oh, yeah, I can't do this. But I'm like, OK, maybe you can. And how do you do it? One of my favorite strategies is act as if like act as if you feel confident. And a lot of people think it's about like fake it till you make it. But those aren't the same thing. I wasn't going to get up there and be fake.

46:48But I was going to say, if I got out there and I was the most confident version of myself, what would that look like? And for me, it was like, okay, you're going to walk across the stage like you own it. You're going to look people in the eye while you deliver this speech. And sure, maybe you feel incredibly nervous on the inside, but let's just see if you can act as confident as possible on the outside. And this is so important. And this is something I had taught therapy clients for years, but of course, it's easier to tell other people to do it than it is to apply to our own lives, but we know from the research, our brain really wants to make sense of what we're doing.

47:24So when you change your behavior first, often the feelings follow and the thoughts start to shift. So if I act like I'm confident, I walk into a room like I own it, my brain's like, oh, I'm not really feeling it. So it tries to make up that difference. And one of the ways it will do that is it starts to shift how you see yourself. So if you act confident after a while, your brain's like, okay, we've got this. And it can shift it so that you feel better. And this can be for lots of things. When somebody's out to make a phone call or you're nervous about going back to college after years of not being in school, or you're going to walk into a job interview, you just ask yourself, like, what would I look like if I walked in the room feeling completely confident?

48:04Would I be standing up straighter? Would I make more eye contact? And then you just do those things. But it's all about taking that moment when you're nervous and filled with self-doubt. And just right before you do it, you just ask yourself, what would that look like? Try to name a couple of things. And then you go in there and you act as if you feel that way.

48:22Shawn Stevenson:This sounds like you're kind of changing the volume on your identity. You know, like we all, we're not going to do anything outside of who we believe ourselves to be. Right. But we do have a confident version of our most confident version of ourselves. And just being able to tune in, turn up the volume on that and act as if like you are that version of yourself. I love that so much versus like, you know, you're stepping on stage. You kind of gave that example to maybe this is a, you know, you've finessed your way into a conference on building a successful business. but you don't even have a business or your business is trying to build a successful business and teaching people how to build a successful business even though you don't have one.

49:05Shawn Stevenson:And the fake it till you make it paradigm where this is really again, acting as if we are that version of ourselves. And this is tuning into the power of our identity and being able to, and this is another thing throughout the book really, is being able to be aware of these character traits and these perceptions and our tendencies, because a lot of our lives are just happening, you know, and we're not really paying attention to the power that we have to instantly change how we're doing things, how we're seeing things and our results. And so that's really powerful. And another one of these confidence catalysts, this is another one of my favorites, is to visit your victory vault.

49:52Shawn Stevenson:Talk about that. So we know that when I get rejected for something or when I'm embarrassed or I make this huge mistake, suddenly I feel bad, right? And in that part of my brain where I feel bad is a whole file folder of all the other times I felt that emotion, whether we're talking about feeling rejected and it stings or I feel like I'm not good enough because maybe I got turned down for something. So suddenly you start then remembering all these other things like, oh, you know, I got cut from the team in the eighth grade or when I went to that job interview and I didn't land it six weeks ago.

50:27Suddenly you just remember all the times when things didn't work out. And the more you start thinking about that, the easier it is to then start to believe, oh, I'm a loser. I can't ever do anything right. Not the kind of person who succeeds. That's why it's important to visit your victory vault. This is going to be a list of the things that you've done in life that are your victories. And I don't necessarily even mean these huge achievements. It might be something like, I took my mom to a doctor's appointment and advocated for her, got her on the medication she needs. And like, what's the lesson you learned from that?

51:00Maybe you learned I could speak up when it needs to, or I'm the kind of person who can really go out on a limb for a loved one. And we all have those things in life, but we brush them aside or we forget about them after a while. So that's why I encourage people to create one. And it might be a list on your phone, maybe take out a piece of paper and create a list, but to have something physical that you can read. And maybe have 10 things on there, maybe you have 50, but just kind of look back over your life. Like, what are some of my biggest victories? Maybe they're professional, maybe they're personal.

51:31But then the trick is to just add the lesson that you learned about yourself along the way. Like, maybe you learned, I'm stronger than I thought I was. or I learned not to take other people's opinions to heart. And then when you have one of those days, when you feel like, oh, I'm not good enough, you take out that list and you read it. And when you see that list and it's written in your own words of your own personal victories, it reminds you like, no, actually I've done some pretty incredible things before. And then when we start activating that part of our brain, we're remembering the positive stuff, reminds us of other cool stuff.

52:05You know what? That one time the odds were against me and I rose to the occasion. or that comeback I had that one time, like that was pretty cool. And then it empowers you to then feel like, okay, even though I'm having a bad day and maybe these things didn't work out, like not all hope is lost. I still have done some pretty incredible things in my life.

52:25Shawn Stevenson:So good. I love this. I think a lot of our struggles is due to forgetting. You know, we forget how capable we are. we forget how mentally strong we actually are. And the greats are really good at remembering is one of my, you know, beliefs. And so giving ourselves the opportunity, creating this victory vault, as you mentioned, and there's so many ways you could do this. This could be, as you mentioned, like a written list. This could be a journal. This could be a shoe box of things, you know, there's whatever that is for you. But this one really spoke to me because something in a kind of parallel happened just yesterday with my youngest son who's 14.

53:13Shawn Stevenson:So he, the day before yesterday, I got up in the morning and I was doing my stuff and then I left. I think I went for a walk and I came back and he was watching old AAU basketball highlights of one of his favorite players. And he's been in the NBA now for, I think, maybe three years. And he's on the Chicago Bulls, this particular player. He just got traded to them last season. And so he's watching his old AAU clips from when he was in high school because he really likes his style of play and just analyzing certain things. The next day, he had an appointment to get his hair cut that the appointment was, it ran late, all right?

54:02Shawn Stevenson:So the barber didn't start on him till late and he's probably hungry and he's bothered or whatever. But that 20 minutes or 30 minutes allowed him to go to the store with his mom and to bump into this player he was just studying the day before, all right? And I got back and I saw, and he showed me a picture. They took a picture together. And he shared with him that he was just watching his AAU and he said the specific team and the guy was blown away like, no way, that's crazy. And I encouraged him to write this moment down, write this down in a journal, these magical moments, these synchronicities that happen in our lives all the time that prove and remind you that the things you focus on tend to show up in your life some way or another.

54:49Shawn Stevenson:Sometimes it's extreme magical moments like that. Sometimes it's little subtle things, you know so maybe a friend texts you a video of his like yo i was just watching him right and so it's just to remind you to live in that because that's always an option as well we could turn into that channel as well or we can turn into the channel of you know none of this works it's it's so difficult and so i love this one so much i have a journal and i don't use it enough i've probably got i don't know maybe 15 entries into it of these little magical moments right And so when I go back and start reading it, it's just like, what the?

55:27Shawn Stevenson:That is incredible. How could I forget how powerful this universe is and how powerful I am in conjunction with it all? So I love this one so much. Thank you for sharing it. Absolutely. I like this one too. And I think to look at it as not just a document that you do once, keep adding to it. And other things will pop into your head or somebody is going to remind you, hey, remember that time? Keep adding to it. and could never have too many things, I think, on your victory vault list to just remind you on the days that are difficult and they're going to be there. You're going to have difficult days.

56:00But when you read that list, you think, gosh, yeah, some pretty cool things have happened. And look at the lessons I've learned along the way. And there's no way you can do that and not feel empowered when you're done reading that list.

56:11Shawn Stevenson:Yep. There's so many incredible plays in this playbook. But I want to ask you about one more before I let you go. I want to ask you about this category of dread diffusers. All right, dread diffusers. And one of them, one of the plays is to go on a curiosity quest. And this was another one of my favorites. Let's talk about that one. So dread is one of those emotions that, you know, you can waste so much time dreading something if you have a meeting coming up or you're going to a party and frankly, you don't like a couple of the people that are going to be there. Suddenly you start thinking, oh, this is going to be horrible.

56:47It's going to be awful. And you're living it out in your mind as if it's going to be intolerable, which makes right now a lot worse than it needs to be. So suddenly a 60 minute meeting, maybe you spend six hours dreading it. You've just been given that person or that thing that much more of your time and your energy. And so it's so important when we have dread to get a hold of it and think about, well, how's it affecting my decision-making? We know that to get rid of dread will often make some poor decisions. They'll ask people, would you rather submit yourself to like a minor electric shock tomorrow or a major one today?

57:24People are like, I'll take the major one today. Like I'd rather have more pain today than dread having a little bit of pain tomorrow. So then you think, how does that affect our decision making? For a lot of people, the avoidance of dread or the escape of it leads to really poor decisions. So it's important to have some plays up your sleeve when you're dreading something. And the curiosity quest is a fun one because dread and curiosity can't coexist. It's impossible for the two to go hand in hand. So instead of thinking, gosh, I really am dreading this, or this is going to be horrible and awful, you just ask yourself, like, what could I learn from it?

58:03And the example as a therapist, if we're being honest, a lot of us will have a client or two that we kind of dread seeing. And it's often nothing to do with them. It might be more about me. I'm thinking, gosh, this person isn't getting better. Maybe I'm not giving them what they need. And I see that they're on my schedule for 4 p.m. And I'm already like, oh gosh, you know, they're going to come in and tell me that thing I taught them last week didn't work. And then what? And before I know it, I might be dreading the appointment. well a better thing to do is to think like what could i learn from seeing this person today what could i learn from myself and how i cope with this feeling while i'm while i'm waiting for it what could i learn from my actual meeting with the person and when we start to think about it that way like suddenly i kind of look forward to stuff because i want to grow as a human being so i know all right it's an uncomfortable feeling but the discomfort is an opportunity like what can i learn about myself when I'm, when I'm bored?

58:59How can I learn about myself when, when I'm anxious? What is it I do to manage my emotions? It's just a wonderful opportunity. And if you get really curious about the dread that you feel, you can increase your self-awareness so much and so fast just by getting curious about yourself.

59:17Shawn Stevenson:This is like, I can't believe there's so much knowledge and so much potential awesomeness that we have access to with this, we all have situations that we dread, that we dread in our lives, that feel heavier than usual. And simply utilizing this internal wisdom, we can immediately change things. You got me thinking about, we got a situation that maybe we're dreading or maybe a work task, a project, and asking yourself, okay, how can I make this fun? Right? How can I make this awesome? Or I love the question. And this is from my friend, Pat Flynn, who's created all this incredible stuff. But he asked with difficult things and he just does this all the time anyways.

1:00:10Shawn Stevenson:It's one of his dominant questions. If this were easy, what would it look like? Yeah. Right? And it's just change, go on a curiosity quest, right? Just make these simple changes in your perspective and investigate through that lens instead of the lens of dread, which you get both. You can pick if you want the dread. If you wanna do the Judge Dredd thing, go ahead. All right? But chances are you're gonna wanna utilize some of these powerful plays. the mental strength playbook is available everywhere books are sold. Can you let everybody know the best place to get a copy if you have like a preferred place and also just how can people connect with you overall?

1:00:58Sure. So obviously the book is pretty much anywhere books are sold, but Amazon's the one a lot of people like to go to. But my website is amymorin, LCSW is in licensedclinicalsocialworker.com. And on there, I have information about all of my books, a link to my TEDx talk and information about my podcast, which is called Mentally Stronger with therapist Amy Morin.

1:01:22Shawn Stevenson:Awesome. We'll have everything linked up in the show notes, of course, for everyone. And this is a book that I, and I don't say this very often, this is a book that I know is going to be on my list of recommendations for friends and family and colleagues. And it's just so valuable, literally, to be able to look at what I'm dealing with, to turn to a play and just do the play. So thank you for this genius idea of putting it together. And even through the lens of this kind of sport framework that's so pervasive in our culture as well, it's super sticky and relatable. And I just appreciate you so much.

1:02:02Shawn Stevenson:Thank you for putting this together for all of us. Well, thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure to talk to you. The pleasure is all mine. Everybody, the one and only Amy Morin. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode today. I truly hope that you got a lot of value out of this. If you did, you know what to do. Share it with somebody that you care about. Sharing is caring. Keep this conversation going. You could send this directly from the podcast app that you're listening on right now directly to somebody's phone. You know that they got it on them. Or of course, you could share this out with your community on social media.

1:02:39Shawn Stevenson:If you're in the X universe, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, wherever you like to hang out, you could take a screenshot of this episode or share a little tidbit, a little clip from the episode if you like, and get this empowerment into more people's hands and hearts. Let's change this thing. We've got some epic masterclasses and world-class guests coming your way very, very soon. So make sure to stay tuned. Take care. Have an amazing day. And I'll talk with you soon.