138: 5 Traits You'll Find in Exceptional Leaders

0:05Nick Bare:Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. Today's episode is titled Five Traits of Exceptional Leaders. So I have five things that I want to discuss, but some notes prior to going into those five things to really set us up for this conversation, this discussion and just some things that I want to share. The book that I'm currently reading, I'm reading a few books right now, but the one that I'm really invested into, or I should say one of the books I'm really invested into right now. And I've shared this on my social media and there's been a great response. I actually came across this book because it was shared by so many people to me.

0:52Nick Bare:And it's by John Tyson. It's called The Intentional Father. It's a shorter read. I'm probably halfway through right now. I think, you know, I have a daughter. I have a three-year-old daughter. I have a one-year-old son. I think the book is applicable to, can be applicable to all parents, all fathers, whether you have a son or a daughter. The book is more focused on raising sons, fathers raising sons. But I think the lessons shared and the foundational principles are broadly applicable to all parents raising children. and one of the reasons I want to speak into the five traits of exceptional leaders and this list could be hundreds of traits long I mean there could be a multi-part series to to this episode and maybe there will in the future but there's just five that I want to share in this episode.

2:06At this point in my life, watching my children grow up and get older,

2:14Nick Bare:where it really feels real. Last week, Charlie started school for the first time. This morning, I dropped Charlie off at school for her second week. that felt real that felt real i i feel like she was just born and it happened so fast they grew up so fast it sounds so cliche and i've heard it from so many people but when you're watching it happen right in front of you i want to slow it down i want to slow down their their aging because these years are so fun. They're very challenging. In all honesty, they're very challenging, but they're so much fun. You know, when I was driving Charlie to school today, the conversation we were having in the truck was just blowing my mind.

3:07Nick Bare:I was sitting there responding and having a conversation with my three-year-old daughter thinking, where did she learn some of this stuff? And in the first couple of years of Charlie, being born and growing up. And now Nico, he just turned one. In the beginning as a father, as a parent, your responsibility and job is to keep them alive. You're providing comfort, making sure they're fed, they drink water, they get sick, you care for them, you put them to sleep at night, you wake them up in the morning. you're just helping them survive in those first couple of years. And now as Charlie is going to school and my kids are getting older, I am feeling this shift as a father, as a parent, and this big responsibility.

4:08Nick Bare:Now it's not just keeping them alive, but it's leading them. And they're still young. And some of these things that I'm learning and hearing in the intentional father, by John Tyson, I won't be able to implement for a few years, maybe even a decade. But it's learning these things early on and having a plan and realizing the responsibility that as parents, as a father, it is my job to lead my family and children. That is a mandatory responsibility. so that's the book I'm currently reading, or one of them, and I highly recommend, The Intentional Father by John Tyson. A few other things I'm reading right now.

4:58Nick Bare:I've been sharing these and been getting a lot of questions and responses. The Bible that I'm reading daily is the John Maxwell Leadership Bible, and I love it. It has a scripture and the doctrine, the biblical doctrine, but it also has added elements within the scripture that applies the scripture and the lessons and the stories to leadership. And I shared this Bible on my Instagram a few nights ago and I got this response from this gentleman, which I believe is valid, but I wanna explain. And the response was, not everything has to be about business and leadership, especially the Bible and scripture.

5:51Nick Bare:And I recognize that and I agree. But I think as we go throughout this conversation about leadership, leadership is not a synonym for business. Leadership is not a synonym for money, leadership is not a synonym for power or authority. I believe we are all called to be leaders in our own way and own capacity. Well beyond the walls and boxes of business and organizational structure and hierarchy. as fathers, as mothers, as husbands, as wives, as spouses, as community leaders within our work, within our entire lives, we are called to be leaders in our own way. And we are called to be leaders in this world.

6:57Nick Bare:I wrote this down here, especially when surrounded in a world of chaos, in darkness. Because what leadership has the ability to do is to bring order to chaos in darkness. Leadership, when done correctly, can be the light within darkness. And leadership is not always about leading and influencing a team or an organization or a group of people. It can be, but I believe that more specifically and more importantly, leadership is about individual people, leading individual people. and the traits that I share throughout this discussion, I would love for you to think of it in that context and lens. When I'm sharing these traits, don't think of it as one person in a leadership role standing in front of dozens, hundreds or thousands leading them and guiding them to where they want and need to go.

8:14Nick Bare:But imagine it and picture it as two people sitting across from themselves at a table, having a conversation, one person leading the other to help them get to where they want to go or to be who they want to be and experience what they want to experience, achieve what they want to achieve, have impact, create legacy. Two people at a table having a conversation. Picture that as we walk through these five traits.

8:50Second thing, in terms of John C.

8:55Nick Bare:Maxwell, I am also reading daily. I have it in my hands right now. the Maxwell Daily Reader, 365 days of insight to develop the leader within you and influence those around you. So there are 365 days to pull from and read from. And for example, today that I'm recording this is September 2nd. So in the morning, I open up the book to the page titled September 2nd. I'll do that right now. And this one is called Allowing Problems, September 2nd. It's a page of text and then it ends with a quote. And this one says, learn to view your problems as temporary stumbling blocks. It's page 270.

10:02Nick Bare:I've really been enjoying it. I highly recommend it. John C. Maxwell's The Maxwell Daily Reader. It's a very quick and easy read. But I will be sharing one daily insight and I'll be reading the whole page per five traits that is applicable to that trait throughout this podcast. And the last thing I want to share before we get into all the meat and potatoes of it I was listening to a podcast this past week. It was Grace Hackett's podcast. And it was a conversation between her and her father, Mike Maronick, who is currently battling ALS. And if you know anything about ALS, it's a brutal, unfortunate disease that unfortunately has no cure.

10:59Nick Bare:he's battling ALS and it was a very vulnerable real conversation and he's been in the financial world a wealth manager for I believe over 30 years and he was sharing the story that a mentor shared with him once and it was you know how to foster relationships and the person that you want to be viewed as and perceived as, as you foster and build these relationships personally and professionally. And you see, there's three things that people want to know when they're considering if they want to work with you or not. Work with you, work for you, work alongside of you. Those three things are, and I believe these are very applicable, to being respected as a leader.

11:59Nick Bare:Do you care? Truthfully, do you care? Do you really care about that person, about the mission, about the purpose, about what you are working towards? Do you really care? Are you trusted? And are you competent? I believe those are three traits that if you want to be an exceptional leader, you have to adopt and embody. You have to care. You have to be trusted. You need integrity. And you need to be competent. You need to be able to do what you're being trusted to do. You have to be good at it. If you're not good at it, you have to work to become competent. but I was listening to this conversation with or between Grace and her dad and he brought this up and I stopped mid run as I was listening to this conversation and I wrote down on my phone because I think those are things that we can ask ourselves frequently as we are leaders.

13:14Nick Bare:Again, this could be you leading a team in an organization or this could be you leading your family. Do you care? Are you trusted? Are you competent? Okay, so trait number one, leaders serve others. This is servant leadership. I'm gonna read from page 179 of the Maxwell Daily Reader. This one is from June 11th. This is titled Generosity. Nothing speaks to others more loudly or serves them better than generosity from a leader. True generosity isn't an occasional event. It comes from the heart and permeates every aspect of a leader's life, touching his time, money, talents, and possessions. Effective leaders, the kind that people want to follow, don't gather things just for themselves.

14:17Nick Bare:They do it in order to give to others. Cultivate the quality of generosity in your life. Here's how. Give something away. Find out what kind of hold your possessions have on you. Take something you truly value, think of someone you care about who could benefit from it and give it to him. If you can do it anonymously, even better. Put your money to work. If you know someone with a vision to do something really great, something that will positively impact the lives of others, Provide them resources to accomplish it. Put your money to work for something that will outlive you. Find someone to mentor.

15:00Nick Bare:Once you reach a certain level in your leadership, the most valuable thing you can do is to give yourself. Find someone to pour your life into. Then give him time and resources to become a better leader. All that is not given is lost. What are you currently losing by holding onto it?

15:33Nick Bare:Leaders serve others. Servant leadership is not just about giving. I believe servant leadership, part of servant leadership is giving, but it's more about serving as opposed to giving. How are we serving others? if the goal of being in a leadership role or having the responsibilities of a leader is self-serving for power, fame, authority, position, that is the wrong reason to want to be in a leadership role. You know, here at this business, people tell me here at BPN, they want to be on the leadership team someday. And I always ask the question, why? Why do you want to be on the leadership team?

16:35Nick Bare:And many times, not all the times, they don't have a very clear answer of why. But it is the allure of being on the leadership team. maybe it is a pay raise that is accompanied with that promotion maybe it is the access to information maybe it is the ability to make more impactful decisions but i believe the answer should be to serve everyone else. As a leader, the first thing I think of of effective and exceptional leaders is it is not for them. They are in that role. They hold that responsibility. They value that responsibility because they get the opportunity to serve others. Being generous is part of being a servant leader.

17:39Nick Bare:And this doesn't mean you have to offer things or money. I actually think that's probably the last thing you should be generous with as a leader in a role with people. And it's more so being generous with your time, your energy. actually having conversations and being curious and being interested and wanting to know and learn more about the people. Their wants, their desires, their goals, their hardships, their struggles, their weaknesses, their strengths, all of those things. Like I mentioned before I kicked off this first trait, I want us to think of leadership not in terms of leading dozens or hundreds or thousands of people, but one-on-one conversations.

18:38Nick Bare:And that forces you to put yourself in a servant leadership role, selfless service. That was one of the core values when I was in the army, selfless service. And I believe that there are a lot of exceptional leaders in the military who are there because of selfless service. In the military, you're not necessarily working towards a bonus or a pay raise or ridiculous amounts of money ever. But it's mission-focused, it's service-focused, it's people-focused. That's what I believe breeds such exceptional leaders in the United States military. Someone that I've been listening to a lot recently, Pastor Joby Martin, he has a church down in Florida.

19:44Nick Bare:I believe it's the 1122 church. That's what it's called. and he creates a lot of content on masculinity and manhood and what it means to be a man. And one of the things that he said that I thought was absolutely just gold, he said, true men of God surrender themselves before the cross, serve and lead their families, put on the full armor of God and stand guard against the lies that threaten to tear our churches and our culture apart. And I bolded and italicized, serve and lead their families. I was listening to a podcast that he was on a few months ago. And he was talking about the difference between a boy and a man and what makes them different.

20:42And it's not what we oftentimes think of a man as, which is, you know, these are parts or components potentially, but

20:54Nick Bare:not directly. Muscles and guns and loud, deep voices and standing up in front of everyone and yelling, follow me. I'm the way. But no, it is, it's being compassionate. it, it's showing love and it's serving and leading people. It's serving and leading their families. Servant leadership is not a top-down approach to leading an organization or family. It levels the organization with a collaborative and a serving mindset. I was reading this book a few a few months ago and it was talking about different ways to lead an organization. And there's, you know, the concepts are few, the methods are many when it comes to leadership.

21:54And leadership is a forever learning experience. Every year, every month at this point,

22:05Nick Bare:I'm learning more about what it takes to be an exceptional leader. some of it I apply to my business, some of it I apply to my family, some of it I apply to myself, leading myself. And I really attached to this concept I heard in this book, I guess that I was reading or listening to. And it was this concept and method you can apply to your business

22:37Nick Bare:of fostering this environment where people don't think that they work for you. If you are the founder, you're the owner, you're the boss. And if you ask your employees, your team, who do you work for? If they say you, I work for you, boss. Now I work for you. That's one way I don't believe that's the right way. To each their own.

23:11Nick Bare:I think that we should serve one ultimate ruler and that is God. And I want my team to realize they don't work for me. They work with me. We work together. We are on this mission together collaboratively to work and build and to accomplish the goals that we set forth through the vision that we've defined. The team here at BPN, they work with me, not for me. I learned that mindset shifts in that book that I was reading a few months ago. And I can't remember the book off the top of my head where I would share it. But that small mindset shift, as irrelevant as it may seem or sound, is it's big, it's impactful, it's huge.

24:05Nick Bare:The team doesn't work for me, they work with me. we work together. Trait number two, leaders hold themselves and others accountable. This comes from page 380, December 14th of the Maxwell Daily Reader. This one's titled competency. The word competent sometimes is used to mean barely adequate. When I talk about the quality of competence that is desirable in teammates, I mean it in the sense of its most basic definition, which means to be well qualified and fit. Highly competent people have some things in common. They are committed to excellence. John Johnson in Christian Excellence writes, success bases our worth on a comparison with others.

25:05Nick Bare:Excellence gauges our value by measuring us against our own potential. Success grants its rewards to the few, but is the dream of the multitudes. Excellence is available to all living beings, but is accepted by the few. They never settle for average. The word mediocre literally means halfway up a stony mountain. To be mediocre is to do a job halfway, to leave yourself far short of the summit. Competent people never settle for average. They pay attention to detail. Dale Carnegie said, don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one, it makes you that much stronger.

25:51Nick Bare:If you do little jobs well, the big ones tend to take care of themselves. They perform with consistency. Highly competent people perform with great consistency. They give their best all the time. And that's important. If 99.9 % were good enough, then 22 ,000 checks would be deducted from the wrong bank account in the next 60 minutes. And 12 babies would be given to the wrong parents today alone. perform with the highest level of competence and demand the same of all your teammates and team members i was sharing earlier that through that conversation that i listened to grace and her father mike have there are three questions do you care are you trusted are you competent it.

26:50Nick Bare:Competency. Competency is consistently committed to excellence. Leaders hold themselves and others accountable to a standard. There's been a few things that I've said over these last years that have really resonated and stuck with people. And one of those things, I guess a few of those things is the way you do one thing is the way you do everything I by no means came up with that quote, but it's it's been referenced For years and years and years and I love it. The way you do one thing Is the way you do everything And that we have to choose the hard right Over the easy wrong I've seen those two things really connect with people.

27:47Nick Bare:The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And choosing the hard right over the easy wrong. Those two things contribute to achieving excellence. And if we want to be competent, if we want to be good at something, we have to be consistently committed to excellence.

28:10Nick Bare:In order to lead others, we must be able and willing to first lead ourselves

28:21Nick Bare:you know it's do as i do which is not do as i say i want to follow someone i want to be led by someone who's doing the thing who has the ability and is willing who who sets the standard and holds the standard time and time again consistently. When I follow someone, I want to know that I can trust them. I watch them perform. I watch the way they speak to other people. I watch the way they respond in pure chaos. I watch the way they take care of their bodies. I listen to the words they say and which words they decide to choose to use.

29:13Nick Bare:I want to know that I'm following someone when I do and being led by someone that's doing the thing that I can truly trust. One of the things that I shared in my book, Go On More,

29:30Nick Bare:that's relatable and relevant to this. You know, you get on an airplane, you're traveling and the stewardess always go through the briefings and the safety checks. And half the people on the flight are tuned in and half are tuned down or are already asleep. But one of the things they always say when you get on this plane, in the case of an emergency, any oxygen masks come from the ceiling down in front of you. Before you take that oxygen mask and put it on your children or your friends and your family, the people next to you, put on your own oxygen mask. Put your oxygen mask on first and then help somebody else.

30:22Nick Bare:Why? Because if you can't take care of yourself, you're not going to be able to take care of anyone else. If you can't lead yourself, you can't lead others. If you can't hold yourself accountable, you can't hold others accountable. True leaders that care, that are trusted, that are competent, they do the right thing. They're doing the thing. Every single day, consistently, they show up and they get it done. They care about the small stuff because the small stuff matters. They care about excellence because excellence matters. That's why they are trusted as leaders. Leaders are recognized and praised in public for what they have practiced in private for years and years and years.

31:15Nick Bare:I heard this a long time ago and I loved it. Leaders are praised in public, praised and respected in public for what they have practiced in private. This is how you gain and build trust as a leader. As I've shared, I personally can't trust a leader who doesn't take care of themselves or honors their own commitments.