146: The Bare Family Testimony

24:22Yeah.

24:22Nick Bare:A little bit. Talked about it last night. We did have a conversation about this. A little moment. We had a conversation. My one and only moment this prep though. It was. Yeah, it was. Last night was the first time this came up. we're a few weeks out but that has been the center of just being very transparent here these fitness preps since 2018 all these fitness preps I've done for the last seven years have been the core of many of our problems in our relationship yeah the first time you jumped into one it was Ironman right I go true and that was shortly after we got married no honeymoon phase for us yeah i mean i kicked off ironman prep in 2019 2020 so engaged when we were engaged yeah um it was right after your mom passed away yeah and that's where it really started yeah because when i when i decide i'm going to do something i go all in it's it's fully committed Yeah.

25:27There is not a one foot in, one foot out, which is exactly why my relationship with

25:36Nick Bare:Christ and my faith was so unsuccessful for so long because I had one foot in, one foot out. I was lukewarm and I don't, I don't do anything in my life lukewarm. I don't do anything in my life, one foot in, one foot out that I actually care about. So when I go into these fitness preps, I dive fully in. I'm all in, which I teeter on the line of all in and all consumed. Yeah, I was just thinking in those two phrases because I don't know why that was that you brought that concept up. Jeff Cunningham introduced that to me. Yeah, yeah. And I would argue that these fitness preps all consume me. At least they have in the past.

26:20Nick Bare:I mean, I've navigated this Ironman prep a little bit differently. Yeah, you have, yeah. something just came up what was it oh when you said you go all in for everything i don't know if we're here talking about this yet but that was one thing when you were going through this transformation like those first couple weeks do you remember when i was like hey you're drinking from firehose yeah like i had this little like knee-jerk reaction like oh no I see him getting all consumed with this, which like if there's anything to be all consumed with, let it be Jesus and the Bible. Like amazing. I couldn't ask for anything more.

26:59But me being your wife and knowing you, I'm like, I don't want this to be like a prep where this ever fizzles out and he gets burnt out. So I was a little like weary. As weird as that sounds, it's like, why would I ever be weary about you being on fire for God? But you were just going so hard at this pace where you were like, I want to know everything. I want to talk to everyone. And then you kind of enter this phase where you're like, no, this is my solo journey. You're kind of like blocking out noise and people that want to interject. But at first I felt that all consumed with this, which was like, I was like, yes, finally.

27:32But I was still a little nervous.

27:33Nick Bare:It's valid. Yeah. Because typically when I dive into something, I burn myself out. Yeah. And I'm like, please, I don't want this to even be a slow burn. But yeah, I feel like you really paced yourself. Thank you. Yeah. so let's let's explore that for a little bit what was it like watching me be saved it was a crazy time like looking back at it give me a lot of like all the details i don't even know i think like the biggest moment that i remember oh because you know the brand and light concert i didn't really like you say that that it sounds like so cheesy like i got saved at a brandon lake concert

28:17Nick Bare:like praise god for brandon lake let me provide some context first but for real yeah so you and me it was you taking the first step you me you me and charlie yes went to a brandon lake which like i still cannot believe the way this all happened because i bought these tickets like probably a year ago. Anyway, I just, yeah. Thank God for Brandon Lake. So you, me, and Charlie went to a Brandon Lake Phil Wickham concert. I've sat in church many Sundays where there's a pastor on stage. It says, if you want to commit your life to Christ right now, put your hand in the air. Yeah. Or come up to the elders afterwards.

29:02You know what I do? I always feel like this.

29:03Nick Bare:you peek yep and i was always like i ain't putting my hand up i'm like i'm not putting my hand up yeah and it was something about i was i think something at that point in the concert for maybe the weeks leading up to like something was brewing inside me and i reached a point this past summer i would say of hopelessness yeah it made sense given everything that was going on. This past summer for me was the pinnacle so far of my professional career in many different ways. And I thought reaching those levels of success and accomplishment would bring joy, peace, rest, hope, all of these things. And it just didn't.

29:51yeah it did the opposite and i had this realization of oh man like if this still can't bring joy and happiness and peace nothing can yeah so it was brewing in the background the good old god-shaped hole yes and then we go to this concert and i can't remember who was on stage i even remember like sitting there and I was like hands up I was loving it and I'm just being like is he uncomfortable right now I can remember feeling those feelings sometimes like I've had that that feeling so many times in life like at that night before the first love one event years ago like listening to Suzanne speak like Suzanne is a force and like she is just like an amazing woman and hearing her talk about the Lord and I remember just being like oh I can tell next is going to be so uncomfortable.

30:50And then even sometimes in church, I'm like, is he feeling like this is just like all BS? And then even at the concert, I felt that a little bit.

30:58Nick Bare:Fair. Yeah. But at the concert, someone was on stage. They said, here's your opportunity. Commit your life to following Christ. Yeah. Right here tonight. And something just spoke to me in that moment. And I said to myself, I'm going to do it. I was looking over at you and Charlie. so I got my family here I'm gonna do it and what's crazy is we were about to leave the concert that night and someone Justin who we met briefly before we met him multiple times throughout the years in passing but we didn't really know each other and we're about to leave the concert and he finds us and walks up to us and just asks if he can pray over us before we leave.

31:52Yeah.

31:52Nick Bare:It was like a 10 minute prayer. It was in the middle of, at the middle, but it wasn't, the concert was not over. Like Brandon and Phil were still up there. And he was praying over us and me and saying things that were just like so personal that no one else would have known and called me out right where I was for what I wanted, I needed to hear. Not what I wanted to hear, about what I needed to hear. And I left after that prayer. I was like, what just happened? How did he know what to say? And how did Charlie stay still through the whole thing? For a 10 minute prayer. Yeah. And I didn't wake up the next morning, this new person, but I would say over the next couple of days, it's like God reached down inside of me and flipped the switch.

32:44Nick Bare:and I could feel the Holy Spirit in me. The Holy Spirit took over my entire body, mind, and soul. I was reborn. I was not the same person. And it lit me up. For the first time in a long, long, long, long time, I had a fire in me again. And I had joy and peace and rest. and it was crazy what I felt. That's what I felt, but what was it like watching that happen? Yeah, I don't think it really hit me. I don't remember much about like a couple days after the concert. I know this was all within a week, but we were going to Napa for your birthday with Joe and Maddie Greer, and I just remember on the plane, you just like you basically what you wrote something on your stories like giving your life to christ yeah some of my instagram story just like uh it was publicly known yes exactly i'm committing my life to follow jesus christ and i remember in that moment being like oh my gosh like something like not something the holy spirit has overcome him like i've never like i i i've had moments like that but i've never i think had like an experience like you're having like god really knew what he was doing with you it's almost like god he obviously he knows you best and he's like i know if i'm gonna make this a lifelong transformation for nick like i think i need to i think god knows he had to come in like hard he's like i know nick i know what he responds to and he's an all-in guy so I can't just plant seeds with him like I need to come in like fast and hard and it's all I wanted to talk about yeah so I do feel like God 100 % knew the way to start this journey for you um and it was so catered to you which is like just so beautiful and sweet but yeah I remember having you put that post up I was like wow this is crazy and And then I was just excited that we got to spend a whole weekend with Joe and Maddie because they're two believers.

35:03And I was just so excited for Joe to have the chance to speak into you. And that was like the perfect couple for us to be around like right when that was happening. Truly. We love them so much. So that was awesome. So many great, like deep, rich conversations that weekend with them. And then from there, yeah, I think it was just a mix of like, wow, I can't believe this is happening. Like you want to talk about out of body. It was the same for me. Like everything was just looking back now because it was months and months ago. Everything like our sleep was different. Like it was consuming our home.

35:42Like it was just like I felt it too. So it was just this incredible, incredible thing that could only be ordained by God. But then again, like I mentioned before, I had those emotions of like our whole life is changing. this is amazing but then I also was like I'm a little nervous like he's drinking from a fire hose like he's going really hard and fast but I think that you were just like now looking back at it I think you were just matching the pace that God kind of set for you so I definitely was like please don't want this you'd be a slow burn I don't want this to burn out this is all I've been praying for I want this to be forever and then over the past couple months I really know that there's so much confidence that it is.

36:27So it was a lot of mixed emotions. And I feel like we were told this a couple of times, but it was like you were on fire. I had definitely moments of like the enemy coming in and attacking me for sure. And I feel like I'm still kind of in that season. Like I've been in a very stressful season for no reason really. But I do feel like that is where the enemy likes to just come in and pray. Like, oh, your husband, see how close he is to God? Well, I'm going to pull you apart. and like I remember do you remember the conversation we had when you were just like at that point when I'd be like up for three minutes or no I would be up in the middle of the night going to pee and that was when you were getting like woken up at 3 a.m every day and you just go read your bible and you'd like come in I'm like peeing clearly going back to bed and you're

37:08Nick Bare:like hey just for a second can I just share with you the scripture yeah and um like that was so good but i remember like telling you like i feel like you were just becoming so fluent and you're just really understanding all this and now i'm for some reason questioning everything and then when you made us watch passion of the christ after nika's birthday party yeah i remember we were like watching on the back porch and it was like 95 degrees and i was sweating and i mean that movie like i don't know if i can recommend that movie to anybody because it is brutal um but what i very highly sensitive but what i love about that movie the passion of christ is it makes you realize the sacrifice that like god gave his son and jesus was crucified in such a brutal way yeah and he was he was sacrificed he died to forgive all of our sins yeah such a brutal death that like we cannot take that in vain yeah no i do think i didn't sleep for three nights after that movie and i do think it was necessary for me to see um again it's super jarring but it definitely like makes you feel the weight of it um but i just remember while you were like up going up this mountain i was like already up there a little bit but then i feel like for a second you like almost passed me and I wasn't jealous but I was like what is going on like why am I feeling less like more distant from God and I know that was the enemy like but it is it's just the it's the reality of it like even when things like even when you get something that you pray for there's still going to be challenges um yeah because this this isn't a race to see who's holier.

39:07Nick Bare:No, not at all. We're all on our own unique journeys and paths and walks with God. Yeah. But what I think it's really important for us to do as a married couple is to make this journey together. Yeah, for sure. I think that's what we're trying to do. Yeah, 100%. I mean, how many times have I put like a devotional on your nightstand or let's read this book together and you just don't well that's the thing is i was so there's so much to cover like in this one conversation but for the last decade i've read every book i've listened to every self-help podcast yeah looking for the answers and they've gotten me to a certain point but they're these like very temporary solutions and fixes.

40:01Yeah.

40:02Nick Bare:So you have to keep reading the next one and the next one and the next one. And they're all tactics. They are all transactional. And I was avoiding the one truth, the one book the entire time, which is right in front of me right now. And that is the Bible. And everything you ever need, all the answers, the way to live is right here in this truth. I was avoiding this one book.

40:34Nick Bare:And I think that one of the reasons that I went in, I've gone in so hard is because they say you are blind, but now you see. Imagine if you were physically blind for the first 34 years of your life. And then when you turn 35, you can finally see for the first time ever. Yeah. I want to go see everything. Yeah. I want to see the mountains. I want to see the ocean. I want to see the wilderness. I want to see the animals. I want to see everything because you now have that ability. That's the only way to describe the way my life feels right now is I've been blind and now I see and I want to see it all.

41:16Nick Bare:I want to see what I've been missing because I know I've been missing. Praise God for that. Praise God. Yeah. So how would you say that we've been experiencing transformation within our marriage, our home, the way we're parenting, just life as a whole. I think the biggest story that can paint a picture of how much has changed is just from our anniversary. So like a big, I wouldn't say conflict, but a pain point in our marriage is, and I'm sure a lot of couples can relate to this, is the difference in which you celebrate, if that makes sense. So for me, I grew up, everything was celebrated, gifts, food, cards, decorations, like everything's so big and so fun.

42:06So that's my normal. For you, not so much, right?

42:10Nick Bare:Well, I think we were raised around different experiences in terms of celebrations. Yeah. Yeah. So something that we just learned early on in marriage was, you know, I would decorate the whole kitchen and spend a whole day getting ready for next birthday. And I think it was naive of me to think like, oh, I'm going to get that back. And when, you know, the birthdays and Valentine's Day and stuff would roll around. And I, in the first few years, you know, cards, flowers, all the things. But there was a little lull in our marriage where you would just not. You would just, I don't even think you'd forget.

42:50You just wouldn't because it just didn't feel important to you, which I totally understand that.

42:53Nick Bare:Yeah. But for me, I mean, I remember like, I remember lots of tears on holidays and occasions just being like, I feel like he forgot about me. And it's not like gifts is my love language, but it was just how I was raised. And it's like how I like to show love a lot, just like effort. And so that was a really big pain point for us. And it's always been this like inside joke in our marriage that I'm a card person and all I need is a card. I don't need gifts. I don't like gifts. I just need words, cards, just the thought. like you thought of me. So our anniversary last week, I just got you a card and I, like I always do, I just wrote a, you know, thoughtful note on the card, put it by your running stuff in the laundry room so you would see it in the morning.

43:40And I didn't think of anything. Didn't even think of like, this is five, this is a bigger one, like whatever. And that morning I woke up and you never come and find me like I always just see you in the kitchen you came into the bathroom and you were like happy anniversary and you gave me a big kiss and a hug and you're like I promise you I got two flowers and a card and I was like I had this moment I don't know if I said it right then and there I don't think I did I think it was like a few minutes later yeah where I was like oh my gosh I don't care I didn't even think about it truly and then I shared that with you a couple minutes moment is that I don't care.

44:21Like, even though you did get me a card, whatever. Which, did you? So I ordered flowers. Yes, you did. They came. They're beautiful.

44:30Nick Bare:A week before, I made sure they were scheduled to be delivered. Yeah. There was a card on the flowers. Yeah, but I mean, even that card, like you wrote more than you've written in your whole life. So I was, it was amazing. I will say though, the night before our anniversary, I was like, I should get another a card so she can wake up to a card, even though there was a card on the flowers that was coming later that day. And I don't understand why, but sometimes when you order flowers, they deliver them. You know, you ask for the day, they deliver it like that night. Yeah, it was that night. It was late.

45:06Nick Bare:But I thought, you know, I should have a card for her for when she wakes up. So I Instacarted three cards, three anniversary cards, just in the event that one was sold round i ordered three and then i didn't have enough in my cart for uh to add random delivery so i added two packs of uh taco seasoning siete taco seasoning mix so we get the kids down you're like getting ready for bed i go out to the front porch where it was delivered all that was in the bag was the taco seasoning there's no card it's okay it's okay because i just had this moment where I was like, I didn't even think about it. And I didn't like, just zero emotion.

45:51And like a year ago, I would have just been, I think it was last year. I like was getting weepy about it. I'm like, how do you not know? Year four, year seven being together that I just want some words and like thought of, but it just made me really stop and pause. And number one, like, thank God, because like how sweet that he knew, like he knew all along, he's like, I will give you what you need eventually. And you do not need worldly things. You don't need cards. You don't need flowers. You don't need gifts and things. Like I'll give you what you need. And this year he did. And I just feel like that showcases how much our marriage has changed.

46:31And it made me think like, okay, well, why did cards matter to me so much in the past? And I think it was because I've never been insecure in our marriage. but I think I might've been a little bit insecure in like, how much does he really think of me with all that he has going on? And that's just not the case anymore. And that's what putting God first and aligning your priorities with what the Bible says, that's how much it can change your marriage. It is absolutely wild. Yeah, it goes back to priority alignment. Yeah.

47:08Nick Bare:and correct me if I'm wrong but you probably felt like you were competing with the business like competing in terms of my time for many years and I'm very sorry and apologetic about that thank God for God's grace I know but I haven't been the most gracious human ever we've had our moments for sure and I'm sure there's couples right now listening to this that are better in it. And I'll tell you, if you're not aligned with God's plan for you in your marriage, it ain't gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. Have you seen any differences in this Ironman prep the men right now?

48:01Nick Bare:And in terms of the way that I'm showing up for you and the family compared to others in the past?

48:09if you're looking at tangible physical things no because you've always you've never I think like what people like are thinking or that maybe they want me to say is like oh yeah like you're getting up in the middle of the night with Nico and you never used to do that in other preps like no you've actually always done that like you've always you've never done less when it came to parenting or household things or yes we do less socially when you're in preps but you've never like showed up less physically and tangibly like you've always shown up for us but as far as like emotionally like I've never seen you in a prep and I've never been fully like okay if that makes sense and this time until last night I have been just had a moment you know but um that's the biggest difference for me like it's nothing physical like you're still getting up with nico you're still feeding the dogs you're cooking dinner like you're doing bath time like none of that's changed but it's just it's like the lightness around you and the joy that's been the biggest difference not so much the physical stuff because you've always been very reliable it's just like now you're like emotionally reliable in a prep well i've learned a lot in this prep yeah uh and i've learned that this is this is my last prep for a hot minute that that that a hot minute and a lot of what i've learned i mean i've learned a lot these last couple months by prioritizing god and committing my life to

49:52Nick Bare:following Christ. I've learned a lot in terms of who I am in my identity. One of the things I wanted to talk about was this identity crisis that I've had for most of my professional career, especially post-military, where my identity, who Nick Bear was, he's the founder and CEO of BPN. He's an entrepreneur. He's an athlete. He does these races. Nick Bear signs up for these preps and documents it. And if he's not performing or striving or competing or training, he doesn't have any value or worth. And my entire identity was rooted in being this performer for everyone but myself and my family. and I no longer feel that.

50:52My identity is rooted in following Christ

50:57Nick Bare:and our family and our marriage and then the other things that I do. And just learning and realizing that has shifted my whole perspective around what's going to happen you know the morning after I wake up after Ironman Arizona November 17th yeah and how our life is going to look different moving forward yeah I'm excited like I've told you one of the biggest things I just didn't see coming that was kind of like a side effect of all this or just a result is I feel like I've done a pretty good job like I have my vices too when it comes to striving and performance and busyness for sure but i feel like i've always been open to okay god what do you have for me like i'm open to whatever i've done so many different things um and i i'm grateful that i've been that way but you haven't been like you've been like white knuckled your own life controlling every single little thing because i thought i had to For sure.

52:11And my brain has gone there before. I'm like, oh my gosh, Nick is holding on so tight that he won't even hear God if God puts something just so wild and crazy on his heart. That makes me sad because I've had those moments. and um it's just life is going to be so much more adventurous for us and i'm just i'm so excited to see how it unfolds because we are now both living palms up and it's like what do you have for me oh that okay we're gonna be obedient we're gonna do what you say like who knows who knows and it makes me sad people that don't live like that because you're only living within your own limitations and chances are God has something so much bigger and people don't even know it and um it's just the most like overwhelmingly just filled with gratitude feeling like knowing that you feel that way too because now it's like us and God against this crazy broken world and it's just really cool it's gonna be cool to see how he uses us um with our children with our community i just feel like life's a lot more exciting now yeah i was previously living life

53:27Nick Bare:based off of nick's will yeah and now i and we live life based off of god's will yeah and it's wild to see what happens when you fully surrender your life to christ yeah and he just paves a path for you yeah it is insane like lamp to our feet opening up doors and creating opportunities for where we were trying to get to but white neckling yeah trying to get there and there was so much resistance along the way and then we finally just like you said palms up surrender yeah the path became so clear so fast yeah it's a beautiful thing i'm just so excited we have that for our children too You know, like one thing I think the biggest thing for me, just being around godly people and just like making what the Bible says.

54:24I mean, it's just, it's very black and white. Like what is right, what is wrong is very easy to understand when you actually spend time in the Bible. And we've had so many discussions about like how we want to raise Charlie and just like the life. I know I can only control so much. We can plant as many seeds as we possibly can. but I just look back at my I don't want to say childhood because my parents gave me the most beautiful amazing blessed life but you know in that pivotal time that a lot of us go through when your parents kind of let let you go when you go to college like that's where I wish I could just redo everything like high school and college I was not a bad kid at all I was a good kid I was if anything a goody two shoes but I could there was just like so much more like if I would have just been around people that knew God and could point me to the Bible, I'm just like, dang, like, I did so much stuff that was just such a waste.

55:20And now it's such a clear path for me, like how I want to, like, I'm grateful that I was on the path that I was just with, like, drinking in college and partying. And it just, it was all just so empty. And like, I see, it's cool now to see this, you know, generation coming up. Like so many people are like in college going to Bible studies in small groups and like that lights me up. That's why I've gotten involved with our student ministry at church because I'm like, I'm jealous of these kids that they're making this decision at this age. Like I know we're all going to fall off and on and have our moments and stuff.

55:54But the fact that like I sit at the wave nights and I look out into this crowd and I see sixth grade to high schoolers with their hands up, crying on their knees, fully like surrendered and understanding and i'm like this is the best thing ever and this is what i want for our children and it just makes the path so clear of what you say yes to the people you surround yourself with the people that you let around your kids the things they watch the things they listen to like everything like is at the forefront of my mind now and i'm glad that i I had the journey and path that I did because now I can use that to sit down and talk to Charlie.

56:35Like, thank God I have a daughter. And I can be like, hey, this is what I did when I went away to a Big Ten school. I do not want you to do this. Like, I know, now I know, like, what is right. And I know the path that God has for you. And we're going to do everything we can to make sure that you stay on that path. It's just so clear. Like, nothing, nothing lights me up more than seeing young people. just be fully surrendered. Like it's the most beautiful thing.

57:03Nick Bare:Well, we used to always have the conversation of how do you raise good kids? Yeah. And I was like, well, here's this. Yeah, we never talked about that. And here's this tactic. And now, how do we raise good kids? Just teach them to love the Lord and follow Jesus. Yeah. If they follow Jesus and love the Lord and they go to their secret place to pray and they're in their Bible reading the word. Yeah. They're set up for success. I spent a lot of time recently in the book of Ecclesiastes, a very humbling book in the Bible. I absolutely love it. But Ecclesiastes chapter two, 13, wisdom is better than foolishness just as light is better than darkness for the wise can see where they are going but fools walk in the dark the way that you gain wisdom the way that you gain light is in this book that i'm holding right here it is the scripture it is it is the bible it is the truth the word so it's teaching our kids like what does light look like and how do you you gain knowledge and turn that knowledge into wisdom and live by that wisdom and the hope is that they make the right decisions based off of following him yeah yeah there's only so much you can do and that is a scary part about like I think the hardest thing that parents can do is hand over your children to God and be like, okay, you got them right.

58:53That's really tough. That's going to be really, really tough. We haven't even entered those years. But all we can really do is plant seeds. And I feel like now that we're both planting seeds, her odds are going to be a lot better. you know yeah um whereas before you know i would i've been playing with charlie since she's been born but now that we both are it's like she's hearing 50 more you know it adds up truly and it's just been so cool like she's really entering an age of soaking things in and understanding and remembering questioning things and um she talks about god more now and she wasn't when it when it was just me on this journey you know and so remember that like how much of an impact you've already had on her um and it just feels really good to just be on the same page with everything like yeah it's just it's made all the difference truly and in parenting and i'm just very excited I feel like we've been given the golden guidebook of how to parent by us, just both being in the word and just being like, this is the truth.

1:00:05This is the way. This is the only way.

1:00:07Nick Bare:It's planting seeds. Yeah. We can't expect our three-year-old daughter to understand. Oh, yeah. She's like, who's God? Holy Spirit is not within me. Yeah. You can't expect her to truly understand and be able to rationalize with her, but it's planting seeds, which kind of brings me to like this book that I wanted to talk about that you read first and then you introduced to me and I listened to the audio book this past week. I finished it on my morning runs by Justin Early. It's called Habits of the Household. Practicing the story of God in everyday family rhythms. So good. So why do you love it?

1:00:50I love it because I've read so many habit books and I've even read like a hunt gather parent, which until I read this book, I really liked hunt gather parent, but hunt gather parent had nothing biblical on it. So looking back now, I'm like, whatever, scrap that.

1:01:07Nick Bare:Sounds like an evolutionary. It was, it was. And there are some great points in it for sure. But this to me just feels like a very simple foundation to lay if you want your kids to grow up knowing Jesus. And also too, it gave me so many tangible things like for me in frustrating parenting moments. It was just very like the author, it's cool because Justin, he writes this book and he's fully in it right now. He's not this like 65 year old guy that's an empty nester. Like I'm pretty sure he's like in his early 40s and he's got four little boys. So he's like, the beginning was just amazing and this is what hooked me.

1:01:49He's like, I don't expect you to read this book sitting by a lake or by a bonfire or by yourself with a glass of wine. As I'm writing this book, my kid is scribbling on the page and one page just got ripped out. Like my life is chaos right now. And I'm like, we're gonna, we're gonna click. Our life is chaos right now. That is exactly what we're through. So that level of trust, I feel like, and this book was there right off the bat and just little things like, yes, it goes through, like you can see on the cover, like it has all these different subjects, like bedtime, mealtimes, discipline, conversation, play, work.

1:02:21And it goes through all these topics of how to incorporate God and what the Bible says into all of those lanes of parenthood. And it does it so beautifully and just it's so simple.

1:02:33Nick Bare:Yeah, the habits of the household are waking, mealtimes, discipline, screen time, family devotions, marriage, work, play, conversation, bedtime. Yeah, and it was all so realistic. Like he's not like no screens and kids must read their devotional. Like he is, it's the most real book. And it just, it really taught me a lot about myself too as a parent. And also too, like that, yes, we are parents, but first we are children of God and we are still being parented by God. and to like have that childlike posture as a parent, to see it through that lens, like really, really changed it for me. And just, yeah, I just can't recommend it enough.

1:03:22It was so awesome. We've already implemented a lot of the little rituals and things that he talked about. Just a great, great book that I recommend for all parents. It's crazy because like, as I post about it, everyone's like, yeah, I read this book like years ago and it's changed our family's life.

1:03:39Nick Bare:I've actually got a lot of responses to me posting about it too. Yeah. Share the story about, are you making bread? Oh, yeah. Because it's very applicable to you. It is, yeah. I always read like first thing in the morning and I always come out and most of the time I have something to tell you. And I've just been going through a season of life, a challenging one, like just more anxiety and stress for some reason. And I just really don't know why, but it happens. and there was this part in the book, it was in the subject of, or in the chapter of play and he was correlating this to playing with your children, like getting on the floor and playing with your children.

1:04:18But he, just in the author, was like, I have this friend who, you know, we do like monthly check-ins. We just catch up and whenever we catch up, this friend always asks me, are you making bread right now? And he asks me that question because he knows if I say yes, my life is balanced. It is peaceful. It is calm. I have the time to spend making bread, which is not a short process. And it's something that you have to do. Like you can't rush through it. You can't skip steps. Like it's a very intentional, thought up process. So if he is making bread, his friend's like, great. I'm glad to hear you're doing well.

1:04:49But if the answer is no, his friend's like, all right, so what's up? Like, why are you unbalanced? Why are things chaotic? How can we fix things? And I came out to you and I'm like, I haven't made bread in so long.

1:05:02Nick Bare:Like months. Yeah. And I feed my starter and I keep her alive, but I haven't made the bread, partially because you've been favoriting the farmer's market bread. But your loaf this week was really good. I know. And that was just a beautiful metaphor into like how I'm trying to just like be missed, do less and just slow down again. But I thought that was just so beautiful. And he correlated it to playing with your children. Like we should also, yes, that is if you make sourdough that's a great metaphor but also like are you playing with your children like are you sitting on the ground about your phone carving out time to play with your children and if you're not that means your life is out of balance you're distracted and I feel like we always play with our kids but like there's a difference between like sure I'll have a piece of pizza thanks Charlie oh yeah let's play doctor and you're just like laying there like a deadbeat.

1:05:55And then there's a difference of like actually engaging and like being a part of the magic and like making her feel things and like making her feel like you want to play with her. And I feel like we haven't been doing that lately. We've been tired.

1:06:05Nick Bare:Well, that's one of the reasons I feel guilty about being an Ironman prep. And why my,

1:06:14Nick Bare:just like, my appeal to doing these fitness preps has changed a lot. is I don't want fitness to be this thing where it's where I spend all of my mental and physical energy. And that's what Ironman prep is. Unfortunately, I'm in it right now. There's 23 days left of this prep. It is what it is. Finish strong. We're going to finish strong. We're going to finish well. But when I'm training three and a half, four hours a day and I come home and the kids want to play, I play. You do, yeah. But like, am I fully physically and mentally there? You want to play. Exactly. Yeah. And the answer is no. And that's very disappointing in myself.

1:07:03But at the same time though, I don't want to play sometimes too. And that is like, I get what you're saying, but like this book also said this, which is amazing. Like you cannot play with your children all day, right? Like no parent wants to play Barbies all day. so it's okay to not want to play all the time, but to have those like at least a few moments every day where it's like magical, like stepping into the little magic, like Charlie is living in a magical world right now.

1:07:36So I think the important thing is though that you do play.

1:07:38Nick Bare:I do play. Yeah. But I want to be able to play better. Yeah, and me too. And I am not training for an Ironman. So a lot of the times I'm like, what's my excuse? but for me it's like and we've had so many talks lately like I have to make some changes in my life for sure but I every all my stress and craziness in life is self-imposed like I am very blessed I am very very lucky I don't need to work I like to work and I like to have projects and passions but I have had this realization that I'm making myself tired and exhausted for no reason really and it's been impacting my health. It's been impacting everything.

1:08:20So for me to slow down is really important because I'm not training for an Ironman and I feel those things too. No parent is like perfect and it's like playing dress up every day, all day and fully loving it. But I am excited for us to get to the point where we genuinely can just be present in those moments. Because I think we've said the last few weeks, we're like the rhythm's off, we're distracted. there's going to be seasons like this but i think the most important thing is that we're aware of it and um we know what to lean on to get out of it i mean that's one of the reasons i love the book of ecclesiastes so much it's all about like toiling toiling under the sun yeah

1:09:05Nick Bare:and chapter three verse 12 says i know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil. This is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever. Nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so people will fear him. Yeah. You know, I actually just got a DM, see how you would respond to this. I shared that post that you shared by Dom Bavere this morning. I thought it was great. Which was amazing. So good. but this i don't know who it was and i haven't responded yet because i really want to think about it but this person responded and was like but why why is the word fear used like why can't it be honor or respect like this makes it feel like you're bowing down to this authority we are bowing down i know and i'm just trying i know they're like it just feels so submissive and i'm It is.

1:10:03Well, but I do think people get confused with that word. For sure.

1:10:07Nick Bare:There's a difference between this, and like I struggled with this initially too. Yeah. The All of God by John Brevere. We'll clear it all up for you, by the way. The All of God by John Brevere is like such a great book. Yeah. There's a difference between being afraid of God and having the fear of God. Being afraid of God, being afraid of the Lord is being afraid of what he's going to ask you to do. if you fully commit your life to following Christ and God says, I want you to move to Africa and do ministry work, I don't want to fully commit because I'm afraid that he's going to ask me to do that.

1:10:45Yeah. The fear of God is I don't want to lose that fire. Yeah. I don't want to lose his presence. Yep.

1:10:53Nick Bare:I want to be, I bow down to him. He is the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. yes he is the authority yeah i also think too like people can think about it like oh well this is the wrong way to interpret it but the fear of god is in like if i sin i'm gonna be punished like i'm gonna like get cancer if i sin or someone that i love is gonna die if i sin like i'm scared like and it's like that's a weird one but i've heard that a lot from people like that isn't it at all you're right it's it's just being like wow look at all these beautiful things that he created. Look at everything he's given me. The least I can do for what he sent his son and what his son did for us is abide and be obedient to what he calls us to do.

1:11:44Because for me, the fear of God is, I don't want to miss one thing that he's going to do in our life. So why wouldn't I do everything he asks us to and live by the Bible? Because that's the only way you're going to see the fruit of that.

1:11:56Nick Bare:I fear not having him. I've seen the other side of not having him. Yeah. I fear going back to that. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I think from habits of the household, like one of my favorite parts that was an eye-opener, kind of all centered around community. I think community is so important. And he broke down the difference between entertaining and hospitality. Yeah. one of the things that i think we both want to do more of is hosting again when i'm in these fitness preps we don't do much hosting because i prioritize my sleep and my diet and training and honestly i just don't have the energy yeah to do it which i hate about that but when you entertain, it's like you're putting on.

1:12:55Nick Bare:But having hospitality and hosting, it's like come into our home and spend time with us. And that's what we want to do. In the past, I think what we've done is someone will text us and say, hey, I'm going to swing by real quick. It's all hands on deck. Hide the kids' toys, light a candle, vacuum. Can you think of a recent experience we had with someone who was hospital? it's when we were in Nashville yeah yeah and we stopped at the Rad's house yep toys everywhere kids everywhere they didn't like we told them we were stopping by they didn't clean up nope they didn't move things around come on in just come on in and like I I saw that and I was like wow yeah this is where we need to get to yep yeah so the way the way he breaks it down in the book entertaining guests is when you clean everything make up nights nice plates of food and batches of drinks and maybe get a sitter for the kids at best entertaining is where we honor our guests by offering an experience of comfort and beauty at worst entertaining is where we honor ourselves by showing off what we can pull off in any case hospitality is different hospitality is simply opening the door.

1:14:16Nick Bare:Hospitality is welcoming someone into the unvarnished mess. It is inviting someone into the chaos because that's where real family happens. We could take a page out of that book and be better at hosting and hospitality as opposed to entertaining. Well, I think of, I just thought of both of our moms and this isn't to dog either mom because I've learned like I do. I love entertaining. I do. And I think there is a time for entertaining, right? Like I just hosted a baby shower and I pulled out all the stops for that. Like that is a time to put all the effort in, make sure everything is beautiful and whatever.

1:14:53Nick Bare:But you were honoring Allison. Yeah. In that intention of entertaining. Yes. Which is good. Yeah, right. But I just, when you were saying all that, I was thinking about like how I grew up and like my mom, my grandma, everyone was like, you know, if you've seen like the Instagram video, It was like, make your bed. You haven't made it yet. Just throw out the bed. We don't have time. Like, that's how my mom was. Like, that's okay. And that's kind of how I am. Yeah. And even just like being at Didi's house, like you just mentioned, like, they're like the warmest hug of people ever. And yeah, I was like, wow, I do need to like care less for sure.

1:15:31And I'm not saying like the way my mom was isn't the way I want to be because like I have learned so much from her. and every experience she curated for our family and friends was such a gift. But I want to be a good mix of both, right? Like I also want to be, I want Charlie to see me like sweaty from a workout and like neighbors run over and be like, come on in, yeah, come on, just come on in. Who cares? You know what the thing is too? Like, I don't even want to have to say like, excuse the mess, maybe, whatever. But like, I shouldn't have to. But then I think about your mom and while I really only got to see your mom host once or twice, I feel like your mom was more of like a come on in type of woman.

1:16:10Nick Bare:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't really clean up when people were coming over. Yeah. Like I, I envy that. That's awesome. There is a difference between being careless and caring less. Yes. I love that. And you mentioned care less. And I think caring less can be important in that context. Yeah. But it doesn't have to mean careless. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. that's yeah that's a big difference so the future where we're heading it's actually biblical it's called sanctification yeah and i'm gonna read this off what sanctification is the process of being made holy or set apart for god's purposes it involves being separated from sin and being transformed to become more like Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit.

1:17:06Nick Bare:The process is considered to begin at the moment of salvation and is a lifelong journey. So we're on a lifelong journey now of being set apart for God's purposes, and that will guide everything we do into the future, which is super exciting because we don't know where it's going to take us, what God has planned for us, but we know it's going to be absolutely amazing because we are following his will. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I said, it's about to get a whole lot more adventurous and fun for us and everyone around us. And that's just how I want to live my life. Yeah, exactly. Well, we've experienced absolute transformation.

1:17:51Yeah. Ooh, can I say one more thing?

1:17:53Nick Bare:Yes. So if I was thinking about this in my way here too, if and this isn't like a if your spouse isn't a believer send this to them because chances are like you heard from Nick earlier in this podcast it's probably not going to work but what I do want to speak into and who I want to encourage is if you are a husband or a wife and you're listening to this and you're like that you know how Nick and Steph were that sounds a lot like where I am right now I just want to encourage you to stay the path and not even just stay the path but like bunker down and make it your mission to get as close as you can to God and just don't stop praying about it because I'm not going to say like I never thought Nick could get here because I never had that thought but if you feel that way like I promise you like I hope this whole conversation just encourages you like it is going to happen in the timing you may not be able to control, but all you can do is plant seeds, stay in the word, don't make your love for God in the way you praise him and don't make it smaller, like make it bigger and just be so confident and proud in it.

1:19:11And it will happen because I feel like I did do that. I did kind of minimize a little bit. Like I stayed in a little box and it's cool to see you being with me now on this journey, us together, like there is no box anymore, which is really cool. So I've just, I've gotten so many DMs from people being like, my husband isn't there yet or my wife's not there yet. And I feel for those people like so much. And it's, it's a hard thing to go through, especially if like you have a spouse who isn't willing to go to church, if they're totally closed off to God. But my only advice for people is to just don't stay in the box and just like pray.

1:19:54Don't stop praying. Tell people close to you to pray about it. There's so much power in that and just don't go backwards.

1:20:04Nick Bare:Just keep being bold. Yeah. Romans 12.2. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will. And I share that because since being more bold and public with my faith, there's been a lot of people who have said, hey, I follow you for fitness information. You're a fitness platform. Stick to what I follow you for. Yeah, it's been, yep. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. My mind has been renewed. I am a new person.

1:20:50Nick Bare:I've been reborn. God is priority then marriage family then everything else so when it comes to what I'm going to share this can be in that list of priorities yeah God marriage family then everything else well that was a great conversation it was good yeah I hope it helps people yeah thanks for coming on thanks for having me well until next time we'll see you guys see you next time