164: How to Turn Hard Seasons Into Your Biggest Breakthrough | Ken Rideout

18:52Nick Bare:It keeps you grounded. Yeah. So you've obviously accomplished a lot in your lifetime and your book talks a lot about it. family issues growing up, addiction. Obviously you talked about the business side and when things were going great, they collapsed and fell apart. You've achieved, I mean, amazing feats physically. I'm curious though, of all the things you've accomplished, what are you most proud of and why?

19:25Ken Rideout:I grew up in the inner city, just outside of like a city next to Boston and Cambridge called Somerville. It was very much like an inner city, like city environment, but it felt small because I was at times felt like I was in a house of horrors living with my mother's brother, my uncle, who was a lifelong heroin addict and his buddies always hanging around. It was just a complete house of chaos. And for context, I have a brother who's 11 months younger, who's never had a job. He's only been in and out of prison and had like sold drugs and done like illegal activities. And he grew up in the same conditions I grew up in.

20:01Ken Rideout:He just chose a different path. He took the path of least resistance and just went with the people that were like taking the easy way out. And I just never felt connected to any of those people. So I couldn't wait to get out of there. But when I look back -

20:14Nick Bare:Are you still in contact with your family, your brother?

20:17Ken Rideout:I see my dad occasionally because his wife is awesome. And my wife is connected with my dad and his wife and the kids get along really well with them. And I talk to him, but I don't really talk to my mom. And for years, I didn't really talk to my brother. I was just, I've always been angry at him because it was like, you know, as a kid, it was embarrassing. He was always in fights, always getting in trouble. And I was the polar opposite. I was like a good kid in high school. I got along with the principals. I was like, you know, I wasn't a nerd, but I was very much like a teacher's pet type. Like I liked people.

20:54Ken Rideout:and when I was writing the book, I had anger for him, but in the book, if anyone who reads it, you'll see I realized like, man, this kid has like some mental health issues and they were undiagnosed and my parents did nothing to help him and they probably just made things worse. But when I wrote the book, the editors and the fact checkers were like, we can't find evidence or records of your brother being in prison. Are you sure he was in prison before we write this in the description of the book? I'm like, yeah, it was multiple times. So I send him a text and we would talk like once every couple of years on text.

21:31Ken Rideout:And I was like, hey, what years were you in so-and-so prison? And what's your cell number? Because I was just going to call him. He goes, oh, I was in Billerica this year that your cell number was J11. I'm like, no, your effing cell phone number, you dope, not your prison cell number. so anyway I called him and I was like you you you like I'm not imagining this right he's like no no I was in Billerica twice I was in this one one time um two years ago I did a year in this place I'm like you were in prison two years ago I'm like for what he's like oh crazy trumped up kidnapping charges you know I got in a fight with my girlfriend I'm like you were in jail for kidnapping I like to get your shit together but anyway that was um so I'm in touch with them sparingly, but a lot of times now I feel tremendous sympathy, whereas it used to be incredible anger.

22:23Ken Rideout:But when I look at all the things that I've done, what I'm most proud of is probably, number one, getting out of that situation that I have another stepbrother who's eight years younger, who's in a similar situation as my full brother, that he's, I think he has serious mental health issues, but also has addiction problems. But when I think about getting out of there and then getting sober. So it was incredibly painful to then find myself in this hole of addiction, knowing that I had nothing but contempt for these people I grew up around. And then to find myself in the same situation. But it was so desperate that when I got sober, I was like, I'm going to kill myself or get sober because I'm not going to live like this.

23:03Ken Rideout:I don't want to be a loser. And it almost did kill me. I mean, the story in the book, when my wife finds me unconscious and I was like, as I wake up, I'm like contemplating jumping off the balcony. because I was just so disgusted and embarrassed with myself. But I obviously pulled it together. And to me, when I think about some of the running and the physical stuff relative to the real difficulties I've been through, which is all emotional, is pales in comparison. I'd much rather be physically uncomfortable than emotionally uncomfortable. Yeah, it all becomes relative.

23:37Nick Bare:Exactly. At that point. What is it that, and I'm sure it's a bunch of different things, but can you pinpoint to maybe a few things or one thing that allowed you to exit that previous life? Because for so many people, when you're born into it and you're surrounded by it, it's so hard to even see the other side, like the greener pastures. It's like, I'm in this and there's no way to escape. Yeah. What allowed you to have that escape route?

24:12Ken Rideout:Yeah, that's a good question because I felt that as a kid, I'm like, I had, you know, I didn't have rich friends by any means. I know there were towns like near us where we'd play other towns in hockey and we'd drive through their town. I'm like, wow, it's beautiful here. Look at the house. Oh my God. It was crazy to like fantasize about living like that. But I had no mentor. I had no point of reference to think I could do any of that. I always use the analogy that if you told me to go to New York and work on Wall Street, which is what I would eventually do, I would have thought I'd have a better chance of being an astronaut, like, which was crazy because I wasn't a great student and I was never like academically, like thriving academically, but I knew I wanted to go to college and I don't know where it came from, but I just knew I wanted to get out of there.

24:55Ken Rideout:But I thought, oh, when I got, when I graduated high school, I started working at the prison as a correction officer and I'm going to college. I'm like, oh, I'm going to graduate from college and I'm going to be like a a probation officer or a counselor at the prison and just like lock in with like, you know, a hundred grand a year and benefits. And I was like, and that's fine. Like for people that are doing that, I love it. Like everyone is on their own journey. I don't mean to poo poo anyone else's dreams, but I realized quickly, like I need to be in a position where the ceiling is limitless, meaning I'll take all the risk.

25:27Ken Rideout:And the downside is I make no money, but the upside is I can make as much as I can make. It's I eat what I kill. And anytime I've been in a job where my compensation is based on my performance, I've always like overachieved. Although going into it, I've always been like, you know, preparing for the worst, hoping for the best. I'm like, okay, if I do this bare minimum, then I can at least get enough that I know I need to survive. But I've always achieved more than that. But that mindset never leaves me. And like to the point where I'd say to my wife, like, oh, I did this deal. Thank God I'm good for the rest of the year.

26:00Ken Rideout:she's like it's January she's like why don't you think you're going to be able to get anything else done I'm like that's just I'm she's like you've done it every single year and every year you've like done the things that you set out but every year you're like oh almost like that's the best I'm never going to be able to do that again like with winning a race I won a race and it's like every time I do well at a race I'm like thank god that's probably the last one I'll do well at and then eventually you get to the point where you're like no no I'm consistently doing this but it's hard to like, I feel like once I start believing that I'm really good at something, the work ethic starts to drop off.

26:37Ken Rideout:So it's almost like subconsciously, I refuse to let my guard down. So as a kid, I was just like, I know that I need to, if I want to be successful, I got to separate myself from this situation and start putting myself around the right people. So I always tried to like be friends with people that I thought had the things, the characteristics and the traits that I wanted. Literally, I just subconsciously, I knew to try to surround myself with winners and stay away from the losers.

27:06Nick Bare:Where do you think that mindset comes from where it's like you accomplish something and then you tell yourself, this is it, like I'm never going to accomplish. I was lucky. Yeah, I was lucky. Yeah. Where do you think this, I guess you can call it almost like lack of confidence comes from?

27:25Ken Rideout:prior to being addicted to drugs i never had like any lack of self-confidence i always believed i could do any like i always had real solid self-belief and self-esteem and i think going through the addiction really did a number on my uh psyche and and caused me to feel a lot of um insecurities and in a weird way even now when i think about it consciously it's almost like a defense mechanism that if I refuse to let myself think that I'm better than I am, I can never get disappointed. Meaning I'm not holding myself in such high regard. I tried to present myself always as humble because I'm insecure.

28:04Ken Rideout:I don't want someone on the internet to be like, this guy thinks he's better than everyone. F him. And that insecurity, I think stems from the addiction journey that I just haven't been able to like get through. That's one thing that I'm definitely like trying to work on is like stop worrying about what other people think every time every time I see Rich Roll he's like when are you going to stop worrying about what other people think about you and I was like Rich I desperately want to not care what anyone thinks and I actually went to um I write about this in the book as well two years ago I went to a place in um outside of Nashville called on-site workshops and it's for if anyone knows like the Hoffman Institute or Bridges it's like uh I've heard such good things about that actually it was life-changing Steph

28:46Nick Bare:and I were looking into it.

28:47Ken Rideout:Dude, life-changing. I think, I've told my wife, I think there are couples there going through it as couples. I think it's, you don't need to be in a bad spot to go there. I think that you can always improve. And I remember seeing the older couples that were there and thinking like, I was there for myself because I needed more than my wife. My wife is like incredibly emotionally healthy. But I remember thinking and talking to these people because you're in a lot of group sessions together. It's like a trauma healing center. So it's like intense, intensive therapy for like five days, no phones, no distractions.

29:17Ken Rideout:So you're, when you're not in these therapeutic sessions, you're just hanging with the people. And I remember saying to one of the older couples, I'm like, I'm so like, I don't know if proud of you is the right description, but I'm like, I'm so happy for you that you guys are like, yo, marriages take work. If you just think you're going to show up and your marriage is going to be awesome and you're never going to have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. uncomfortable egos get in the way lots of things cloud the picture kids you know when you're dating your wife and you don't have children like you're like hanging with your best friend you introduce children into the into the mix and now all of a sudden you're running like a deadly serious business together and it's like all the things that were fun and cool sleep in on the weekends go here go there on a you know let's just shoot let's go to the bahamas this weekend all of a sudden now you're like can you wake up with the kids tonight like i've been up the last three nights all night, one of the kids is sick and it's like, holy cow.

30:10Ken Rideout:If you're not connected with your partner, that can get ugly in a hurry, which is why so many marriages I think end in divorce.

30:18Nick Bare:Yeah.

30:18Ken Rideout:Because your life changes in ways that you can't imagine. I love having kids. It's the greatest thing. But the minute you have the kids, the life that you had is over. It's never coming back because now you have someone for the next five years that can't take a crap, take a bite of food, a sip of milk, or do anything without you. You see every single thing that that kid does for at least five years. And while yes, it's rewarding and it's excellent and it's life changing, it's just the minute those kids arrive, the next chapter of your life starts and there's no going back to the old one for better or worse.

30:53Ken Rideout:And if you're not prepared for that, it can be

30:57Nick Bare:challenging. I was actually thinking about this in my run this morning in preparation for this conversation. Everything you want is on the other side of hard. And right now, Steph and I have two young kids. We have a three and a half year old daughter and a one and a half year old son. And a lot of days are hard, are challenging. But you forget about all the hard times and challenging moments when you're sitting with your kids and everyone's laughing and you're putting them down to sleep at night and you think about the future. and it's like you can't get to the joyful, fruitful moments without the hard.

31:33Nick Bare:You need the hard for the satisfaction to come. It's on the other side though of those hard moments. I was thinking about that on my run this morning. I think so many people think about hard things in terms like I got to stand up for a marathon and I got to go do this race and I got to push myself physically, immensely and emotionally. It's like just going through life is going to be really hard for everyone.

31:56Ken Rideout:I'll tell you this, nothing is harder, and I'm sure you know this, nothing is harder than seeing your children. And recently my wife had breast cancer. Nothing prepares you for seeing your children and your partner sick. Like my youngest son was throwing up for like three straight days overnight. And when you see, you know how it is when you feel like you got food poisoning or something and you literally feel like you're going to die, right? You can't stand up. You're just throwing up. You're like, it's coming out of both ends and you're just like completely helpless. And my wife is like so good at being a caretaker.

32:26Ken Rideout:and my youngest son is so like emotionally intelligent. He's like, as he's throwing up and like crying and he's a mess, he's 10. He's like, thanks mom. Thanks for taking care of me. I love you so much, mom. Cause he's just so helpless and realizes that his mom is like going to do anything to like help him get better. And then seeing my wife get sick, man, that was, again, along the lines of all the difficult things I've done, that was one of the hardest things that's ever happened. And maybe, you know, she had best case scenario, everything's good now but when you find out that she has cancer when when we found out she had cancer man i like when was that september i wanted to die i was like i was almost inconsolable to the point where i was like almost felt bad for her that i was like such a blubbering idiot because i didn't want to scare her but i was like you hear someone has cancer like my first thing is like dooming womb like oh my god it's a death sentence she's gonna die and i have four kids and it was and it's, you know, she had a lump and she's like, I've got this lump.

33:25Ken Rideout:And I'm like, what the hell? Almost angry. I'm like, how do you just notice that you have a lump that big in your breast? But she's never been sick from anything ever. No cancer in her family. So she went to the hospital, got the test. The crazy thing is she's like, I got this lump. They're like, okay, we can get you in a mastectomy in five weeks. I'm like, I called back. I'm like, are you people insane? She has a huge lump in her breast. Like, what do you mean five weeks? So like, oh, maybe we can get you in in four weeks. So we go, they're like, okay, oh, this needs a biopsy. You know, they can't tell from the mastectomy and from the mammogram.

33:56Ken Rideout:And, um, they do the biopsy. And then a couple of days later, she, my wife calls me, she's like, I don't know what to make of this thing. They're like reading the lab results. It doesn't just come out and say you have cancer. It has all these like medical terms. So she calls the thing, calls the doctor and calls me back hysterical. And she's like, I have cancer. And I was like, oh my God, it was, it was horrible. Like the one of the worst that day was one of the worst days of my life because I was like I would rather have terminal cancer than have her have even a curable cancer I was so sad and then thank god everything worked out she had a mastectomy a single mastectomy and um and now everything's good she's cancer free she had like I said best case scenario stage one they cut it out and even when we were going through it there were days like you know we were both a mess for a few days and then at some point I just looked at it and I was like, you know what?

34:46Ken Rideout:F this. We can either roll over here and die and like be victims or we can just get tough, be an example to the kids of how you deal with difficulties, suck it up and let's just, whatever the game plan is, let's just do it. And if you have to get chemo, whatever it is, we're just going to power through it because the alternative is to be weak and just let this consume us and then paint ourselves as victims. And we're not victims. This is a bump in the road and there'll be more. I call them like the hidden taxes of life. You know, like your car breaks down, you get a tax bill you didn't expect, you know.

35:22Ken Rideout:There's just things in life are going to happen no matter how much money you have. You know, the expression, a rich man has a million problems, a sick man has one. And when you, things like that out of your control happen, you're reminded of how lucky you are. And now, I mean, every day we've, one of us will say to the other man, we're so lucky. everyone's healthy the kids are good you know you know how it is everything could be better yeah could i have more of this and more of that sure but like for the most part we have everything that we need which i always say like i have what so many like super rich billionaires don't have and that's enough i have enough like i i'm good and i feel super grateful for everything that we have especially coming through this recent cancer thing yeah i can i can imagine i mean steph and

36:04Nick Bare:I were sitting in the sauna last night. We do that every night, ever put the kids down to bed. And there's a lot of people in our lives right now with young kids who are having health problems. And we were just talking like, man, we got to be so grateful that we have healthy kids. We're healthy ourselves. And just like realizing the gratitude for that. You know, yesterday when we were recording for your podcast, sat down and had a conversation. You mentioned that your wife takes the kids to church every Sunday. Yes. How did your wife's faith plan to her diagnosis and how she handled that spiritually and emotionally?

36:46Ken Rideout:She's pretty tapped into all that stuff. So she spent a lot more time meditating and listening to her religious podcasts. And she has like a little meditation room in the house and she spends a lot of time in there listening to different things, but I'm probably at the place you were before you surrendered to Christ. Yeah, saved. I'm like, I go, I want to go. I so desperately want to feel that calling that you felt. I genuinely do. Even when I saw your Bible, I'm like, oh, there's like, I don't know. I feel this calling to explore this journey that like what you're on because like I just said, I have enough.

37:27Ken Rideout:I have everything I need, but there is definitely, I definitely feel like there is like a spirituality void and I'm being naive and lazy about exploring it. And I'll go with them like a few times a year and I love it. It's weird, man. When I walk into this church, I wish I could remember what the name of it is in Nashville. Sean Johnson and Andrew East go there. If anyone knows them, if they hear this, they'll like be pissed that I can't remember. But a lot of our friends go there. There's a few different branches in Nashville. And when I walk in, like, especially at Christmas, the like pastors out there, all the like church elders, you know, the leaders of the church are out there.

38:04Ken Rideout:Everyone's pretty young there. Dude, it's like, they're a magnetized to me. I walk in and they all beeline to me, shake my hand that I'm with the kids and my wife and they're saying hello to the kids. And even my daughter, who's now 15, she's like, dad, did you notice that every single one of them like felt like, like drawn to you like a magnet? They're like, oh, there's the guy. there's the one we need to get and i was like yeah did you notice that she's like yeah it was almost like they were like couldn't focus on anyone except you as soon as they saw you they were all like including like lead pastor was like a celebrity there you know it's like one of those kind of churches yeah it was uh it was hard to deny i was like man it's almost like they're like oh we see we know what you're thinking come on the water's warm well i can um i can relate to

38:50Nick Bare:a lot of what you talk about in terms of the lack of confidence and the insecurity and a lot of the striving and the performance is to try to fill this void. And I chased that pursuit for so long. And the best way I heard it described myself, because I now can see the other side of it, is like there's this shaped hole in our hearts. And there's only one way to fill that hole, that void. And that's by following Christ. And we are weak. Yesterday on the podcast, we were talking about how, or I was talking about how we are weak individuals. And there's only one person stronger than us. So I have two pieces of scripture to share with you because as we were talking about, I think we can find all these answers we're looking for in the Bible and scripture.

39:53Nick Bare:It's all there. It's the truth. Second Corinthians 12, nine, my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. It's like we are weak people. It means that God's strength is enough to handle any situation regardless of our own personal limitations. and God's power is most clearly displayed and fully realized when humans recognize our own limitations and we rely on him. And scripture talks a lot about suffering. This is Romans 5, 3. This is one of my favorite lines of scripture. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope.

40:44So I think to your family and your wife

40:48Nick Bare:going through this cancer diagnosis, and that is suffering. That is physical, that is emotional, that is like mental suffering, not just for your wife, but for a whole family. But if we glory in our own suffering and put all that suffering into Christ, into the Lord, it produces perseverance. perseverance, character, and character, hope. And I would encourage you to explore that journey that's maybe calling you to fill that void that you're feeling.

41:21Ken Rideout:How did you learn all this? Even when I think about the Bible, I'm like, where do you even start? I open the Bible, I'm looking at it, I'm like, it might as well be written in Chinese. I'm like, I don't even know where to start.

41:32Nick Bare:Dude, I was the same way. I had Chad write on the podcast a few months ago. recently after I gave my life to Christ. And Chad Wright, he knows theology. He knows scripture. And I was like, how much time do you spend in your Bible? He said, three hours a day, every day for the last 10 years. I was like, oh my gosh, Chad. Stud. Now for me, I don't spend that much time in it. Like Steph and I right now, we're doing like this Bible recap, which has us read a few chapters of scripture every day together. And then we can like talk about what we're learning and what it means to us, which is a great experience.

42:18Nick Bare:It's through the Bible app. But there's, you know, when I first wanted to explore and I was curious and I wanted to learn more, I just started in the New Testament and just started reading the gospels. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. There's a few resources I can share with you if you're interested. I'm definitely interested. Like the book of James is one of my favorites. The book of Ecclesiastes is one of my favorites. When you say the book of James, is it a literal book? No, it's a chapter, like a book in the Bible. So right now I just opened to Isaiah is a book in the Bible. Psalm is a book in the Bible.

42:55Nick Bare:Acts. but like the new testament starts after jesus christ yep was was born and uh the way that he he taught and healed and and i think there's certain books in the bible that would really speak to you like ecclesiastes for example talks about how all this toiling we do in the world all this work we're trying to do that actually gets us nowhere you know the one place we're trying to get to heaven the kingdom yeah all the stuff we're doing the money we're making the houses we're living in none of it really matters yeah so it really makes you feel small which in a way produces like this confidence yeah knowing that you're not alone and you can be

43:39Ken Rideout:weak because someone's stronger than us since you started leaning into the faith though have you felt less compelled to do some of these like i don't want to say performative and put words in your mouth but for me sometimes the challenges that i take on i don't enter them thinking that they're performative but when i look back at it objectively or subjectively i can be like uh was i doing that for me or was i just doing that to say watch what i can do yeah you know i how do you feel now versus previous to being saved like with those with regards to those kind of challenges

44:15Nick Bare:It's provided me a new lens to look at these challenges through. Before, I felt like I had to do one after the other. Because these performances, these races, these preps were how I measured my worth. If people are praising me and they're saying you're doing a good job, that makes me feel good. My identity is rooted in that. I need that to live and survive. but now I feel that I can pursue these challenges if I really want to, but it's not to please other people. I think one of, I worked with a mentor and one of the things he was talking to me recently about was I am driven by like this performance heart, but also a pleasing heart.

45:03Nick Bare:So like I find my worth and my identity in performance, but also pleasing other people. Yeah. it's a dangerous place to be. Yes. And that's one of the things that I'm trying to work through right now is how do I live outside of the performance heart and the pleasing heart? And it never necessarily gets easy, might get easier. But this whole journey, there's no finish line. Yeah. And I think that's what's reassuring. But at the same time, I think we do these preps and then we pursue these races because there is a finish line you can do it and you can breathe like all right I get a little break for a little bit

45:46Ken Rideout:yeah until you go into the next one yeah well the one thing I respect about the my peers like yourself is like being able to self-reflect and be honest with how you're feeling there's so few um there's like a whole there's like a whole group of like um I hesitate to say motivational guys but you know these like people on social media they're always screaming about like discipline and if you want to sell you got to be super aggressive i feel like there's like almost a a group of those kind of social media influencers that have no self-reflection they don't have any ability to accept accountability and be honest and vulnerable and in open with their emotions it's all like hard charging and like kill kill kill and i'm always like those are the people i think that are like the most scared they're so scared that they're afraid to acknowledge any like real feelings like most those like super aggressive men almost are afraid to talk about real feelings

46:43Nick Bare:i think that's performative in itself yes and it's lying to themselves of like they're trying to justify to themselves the most by justifying other people this is the way we need to live it's drive drive drive drive and neglect all your other responsibilities in life exactly i've tried that and it doesn't work really well no and listen you can be a great like i i don't

47:07Ken Rideout:think anyone would say that I'm not aggressive. You can be aggressive in the right ways, but still be honest about who you are and understanding where that aggressiveness comes from. Actually, two people that I recently, well, one person I recently interviewed as a guest on my show, and one person who's just a friend here in town that you would absolutely love. They remind me a lot of you is Mike Posner, the singer. He lives here. He's super, he's really getting into his faith and um walker hayes he's the country singer dude that guy is a beautiful human being he is such a nice guy 36 years old he was alcoholic working at home depot on the night shift writing songs had six children seven child died at childbirth wow got sober wrote fancy like and now is like living i mean he's living his best life he's got a giant house with a trampoline in the living room.

47:59Ken Rideout:He's like a big kid. Everything is for his kids, but we had a similar conversation and he's just in completely open and honest with his feelings. And it's just like refreshing to see guys that, and he's into hunting. He's like a guy's guy, but he's also like honest with how he feels. And it's like, I think when people are honest about their feelings and talk about the things that we're talking about, it's refreshing to other men who might not feel the confidence to be able to talk about how they really feel and the struggles that they're going through.

48:27Nick Bare:Yeah. What is something on a daily basis that just is like a thorn in your side that you're trying to navigate in this next chapter of life?

48:40Ken Rideout:Oh my God. If I go through my day and all the things that I want to do better at, I want to get more sleep. I want to get my diet right, focus more on nutrition. But in terms of thorns in my side, even when I think I have a thorn in my side, I'm like, man, the anchor that I had tied around my ankle for 10 years with drug addiction will never leave me. And there's not a day that goes by when I'm sober that I'm not like, I can't believe I did it. I'm so happy I don't have to carry that like anchor anymore. So in a lot of ways, when I feel like something is a thorn in my side, I try to address it.

49:15Ken Rideout:So there's nothing that I would say is a consistent thorn in my side other than my own internal dialogue where I sometimes would wake up and not feel positive. And then I try to reflect on all the things that you hear from like the people like Andrew Huberman, like get the morning sunlight, focus on positivity. Don't look at social media too early, like all these little things that can change your perspective for the day and like set you off. Like I have a terrible habit of watching like the news channels like CNN, Fox. I go back and forth and see what each side is saying. Not that I agree with both sides, but they're so crazy and they're so polarizing.

49:53Ken Rideout:And my wife would be like, why are you watching that? It's just like getting you upset. And I'm like, you're right, but I feel like I need to pay attention to what's going on. And the truth is, I don't need to pay attention to what's going on. It's almost like watching a sport. It's like entertainment, like see which side is crazier. and so that's probably something that I would say has been a thorn is I want to look at less social media and pay less attention to the noise around me because I get distracted easily with noise the noise is dangerous very I it's so polarizing and it's all negative yeah it's a

50:25Nick Bare:it's a dark noisy world and that's one of the responsibilities I feel with my platform and even more specifically leading the team here at BPN in my family. It's like, how do we mute or silence the noise that's happening out there? A lot of it's just chatter. How do we focus on the real mission of what we really want to accomplish? And if we allow ourselves to be distracted by the noise and the darkness, it is distracting. It takes us off course. You'll never get to where you're trying to get to. And I really try to enforce that and amplify that within my audience, but also with the team here at BPN.

51:11Nick Bare:For sure.

51:12Ken Rideout:I mean, it's crazy. It could be. The other thing that's frustrating is it almost all feels manufactured to get that reaction from you. And then the real frustrating thing is as soon as I stop paying too close attention, then I get mad at myself and into like a shame storm of like, why am I getting tied up in this? And they'll always say like, people that get too passionate about politics in particular, it's almost like shows like a lack of intelligence that you can't see that like it's all a distraction like yeah you know it's just noise like if this guy wins it well that guy wins and you realize like 99 of the things that affect you aren't going to change no matter who these people are it's all the same people when your wife was was diagnosed with cancer did you find that

51:55Nick Bare:that gave you more tunnel vision and all the noise around you kind of dissipated oh definitely it was

52:00Ken Rideout:the only thing I could think about and focus on. And the one thing that was a little frustrating is my wife's not like on the same kind of like healthy mission that I'm on. And like, she's like, oh, everything in moderation. And I'm like, we can't buy any of these processed foods. And she's like, eh, you know, her attitude is like, kind of like her parents like, oh, we've been eating this stuff for years. It's not, I go, yeah, but it's not the same as it was a year ago. Look at that as years ago, look at the difference from 2000 to 2026. If you just look at any ingredients in the cabinet, the ingredients have changed dramatically.

52:32Ken Rideout:Like I saw a thing like Reese's peanut butter cups. Like let's say it used to have 10 ingredients. Now it's got like 50 and I, the numbers are probably wrong, but like as an example, they've added so many food additives in my wife just can't be bothered. And it's like, it's definitely a source of frustration because I'm like, don't buy this stuff anymore. Anything that lives in the shelf for more than a week, I don't want it in here.

52:53Nick Bare:What's also crazy is the, the U S versions of these foods compared to other international countries.

52:59Ken Rideout:It's a perfect example of how I get frustrated about things that I can't control where I'm like, this is all bullshit. How can we have these like red, not that I'm a big, like I don't know enough about science, but like red dyes. Why is it okay for the US? But in Canada, you can't get that. In Europe, you can't get that.

53:14Nick Bare:And then my wife would be like, oh, you're being a conspiracy theorist.

53:16Ken Rideout:She's just not into it. It just drives me crazy. But I try to pick my battles.

53:23Nick Bare:It's a concern for sure. Definitely. so what's the goal for for ken ride out like where are you trying to get to in the next

53:30Ken Rideout:five ten years good question um i am probably in the best place emotionally i've been in possibly in my whole life coming through the thing the held scare with my wife and and now getting through to the other side this book has been the this on march 10th will be the culmination of a lot of like work anticipation and just getting that out into the world will be like crossing the finish line of like one of the biggest endurance events I've ever taken on. It's been such like a labor of love. So I'm looking forward to getting that out. I would love to do some more speaking in the coming year and years to follow.

54:11Ken Rideout:Like I really enjoy sharing my story and using examples of the things that I've been, some of the characteristics and behaviors I've been to employ in my own life to kind of get through some of the challenges that I've faced. And that's what I would say the book is really, it's less about someone telling you what to do like a self-help book. And it's more an example of like, hey, if you're thinking about making a career change, getting sober, taking on some physical challenges, starting a family, adopting a child, I tell you how I did all these things in the book. And it might not be the right way for you, but there's examples in here of how a very average person can do extraordinary things.

54:51Ken Rideout:And I've never been like an elite athlete by any means. I played division three football and hockey in college. I was no threat to get a division one scholarship in any sport. But when I got sober, I just made a conscious decision that I was not gonna be mediocre at life anymore. And it just being mediocre and being average sucked. And even if the only thing you weren't mediocre at was effort, which is what I tell my kids all the time. When they go to their own sports events, football, lacrosse, they play a little bit of everything. The little one wrestles and does jujitsu. And I'm like, the only thing, because they definitely feel pressure and I'm not a crazy sports dad, but they certainly feel pressure to perform in front of me because of the things that I've done, which kind of bums me out.

55:36Ken Rideout:But I'm like, I say to my wife, I'm like, what can I do? I stand as far away as I can. I try not to do anything except encourage. but I always tell them there is going to be one person in this game that everyone can see is trying harder than everyone else and he could be the worst person you could have two left feet but if you're the one out there trying the hardest we all know who it is and there's nothing to stop you from being that person and everyone appreciates having that guy on his team like you can be that person today and that's what we always talk about and that's what I try to emphasize.

56:08Ken Rideout:So going forward, I just, I would love to just continue to be on the journey I'm on, do the things I love doing, spend time with my family, enjoy the fact that we're all healthy. And I think a lot of times people get caught up in these like big monumental goals of like, I want to go to the, and all of those things are noble, but it's like, in terms of the physical challenges, like I've done the things that I feel like I needed and wanted to do. And now I just have some question marks about what's the next, what's this next chapter of my life look like. But in a lot of ways, I'm still defining what those success metrics look like, but I'm excited to just like be alive, be healthy.

56:50Ken Rideout:I'm probably going to start my like spiritual journey. Much to my wife's happiness. And my kids are into it too. Like my daughter loves going to church. Like she loves it. She's very social, but she just likes going there. She'll write scripture on her pinup board in her room and stuff. And it's all so strange to me because I didn't grow up like that. So seeing your kids do those kinds of things, you'll see you're in for a treat every time you think that, oh, once the kids get out of diapers, once they get to this, it's going to get easier, this is going to get easier. And then you just realize, nope, you're onto the next set of challenges.

57:25Ken Rideout:Then they're like, oh, they're having disputes with their friends and you live and die with their emotions. You're only as happy as the saddest kid. and now my daughter is going to start driving in July. And then when I say she's a bad driver, that would be an understatement. She drives the golf cart and I'm like, how is this kid going to drive a car? I told my wife, I go, I have to buy a Tesla with full self driving. I go, I cannot let her drive a car.

57:47Nick Bare:It's a scary thought.

57:48Ken Rideout:Oh, dude. But it's just the whole thing is crazy because one day she's a baby, the next day she's like, dad, can you take me out to drive? I got to get some practice. And I'm like, oh my God, this is going too fast. It goes super slow when they're babies and then it just accelerates and it just gets faster every year.

58:03Nick Bare:One of my good friends is Pastor Lyle Phillips out in East Nashville at Legacy Church. Yeah. I would love to connect you with him. Please do. I think you guys would really get along. And I mean, he gets after it in the gym and runs and I've had him on the podcast. Just a really good guy. No, I'd love to. Please connect me. I think you'd enjoy connecting with him. Love it. I was recently listening to a podcast and your book and story reminds me of this concept. It's the difference between creating the life you want and managing the life that you have. Like you so easily could have just managed the life that you had growing up.

58:47Nick Bare:And it's like, here's my upper limit, my lower limit, my left, my right limits. I'm just going to stay in this box. That's right. Not right here. I'm just going to manage what I've been given. Perfect description. And then there's people who go and create the life they want. And you have to take these massive risks. And sometimes it's going to feel like you're losing everything. And you might lose everything in the process. But you can either manage the life you have or create the life that you want. And I think you're a great example of doing that. And you know what's funny?

59:17Ken Rideout:If you had told me when I started this journey of working for myself and doing things I wanted to do, I was scared shitless. Just like anyone listening to this. who would like a lot of time Wall Street, a lot of times Wall Street guys will reach home like, how'd you make the shift? Because that type of job is like handcuffs because like, and listen, life isn't all about money, but just to put this in perspective, like I could easily work on a trading desk right now, make$2 million a year and just cover clients and come in and do this. But I'm going to be on that desk for eight to 10 hours a day.

59:49Ken Rideout:I'm going to get a few weeks off a year. But like, if you think about it in those terms, you're a prisoner. You're going to get this amount of money in exchange for your giving up your time and your focus. Or I can chase the dreams that I have for myself. I'm running this management agency. I'm doing speaking stuff. I'm doing some brand deals. I'm just trying to like figure out my way. And I could make a lot less money. I mean, if things go wrong, I could make no money. But I have come to the conclusion that I want to control my own destiny. And if it means making less money, I can, and I have friends that are like, I had a friend who was a CEO at Deutsche Bank.

1:00:27Ken Rideout:He was probably making$10 million a year. And he's been, he had been contemplating leaving and starting something in the health and wellness space, which he did. He's bought a complex up in the Berkshires and hosts events and everything. And at one point I said to him, I go, dude, I promise you, you have 10 to a hundred times more money than I do. Do you think you're happier than me? because he's always been like, like admired the things that I've done. And it's like, he's into endurance sports. And he's like, no, you seem like you're much happier than I was. I said, you're killing yourself so you can take your family to the four seasons in the Caribbean, you have the young kids.

1:01:00Ken Rideout:And I go, okay, I'm driving. Instead of going to the four seasons in Turks and Caicos, I'm driving to Santa Rosa Beach down in the day. And I go, I promise you, my kids and your kids had the same quality of time. My kids see the beautiful water in the Gulf. They're like staying in a nice house with a pool. I've spent like 10 grand. You spent a hundred grand. My kids don't know the difference and neither do I. It's a state of mind. You think you need to be living this life and keeping up with the Joneses. And I go, as soon as you let go of what other people think of how you're living and do the things that you want to do.

1:01:36Ken Rideout:And he quit his job and bought this facility and he's doing that now. And that's what I say to people is if you're waiting for the stars to align and the time to be right to make a move, you're going to wait till hell freezes over. You have to make the time right and you have to not be afraid to lose. It's just like these challenges that you and I have both undertaken. Like you could easily go to the Ironman, get a flat tire, throw up on the run and realize like, I can't finish. And then you're like, oh my God, how am I going to tell people I shit the bed at this race? Like I did the high rocks in Boston and just humiliated myself.

1:02:08Ken Rideout:When I was thinking, I'm going to smash everyone and break the world record. And I was so embarrassed. but I think and you're probably like this too I was like I can either like wallow in this and cry like a baby or I can just like turn on the camera and to the people that were watching be like okay I got completely smashed and humiliated here's what happened not an excuse just a fact just a rundown of the facts and what you realize is that the people that like you and care about you are much more not impressed but they're much more like in your corner when they realize you're just like everyone else.

1:02:39Ken Rideout:You can't win all the time. And you learn much more about yourself when you lose. And you learn a lot about people when they're faced with difficulties and embarrassment. And that's what life is. If you couldn't lose, why would you go and do it? And that's kind of like the theme of the book is like, if you're afraid to do these things, then you probably shouldn't do them. There has to be a little bit of fear, but if that's going to control your actions, then maybe you're better off keeping that job that you have and letting someone else control your destiny and realize you're either working on making your own dreams come true or someone else's

1:03:12Nick Bare:i was listening to this uh tony robbins podcast this past week actually and he was talking about two of the things there are multiple things that we need in our life to to be fulfilled and happy and successful and two of the things are contrasting we need certainty yeah but we also need uncertainty yes like when we go after a big goal it's like i'm certain like i can put in the work but I'm uncertain that I can really achieve this huge ambitious goal. And that's what makes it so fun and fulfilling. It's like the chase for, can I actually get here? So now I put in all the work to set myself up for success for this massive risk.

1:03:54Nick Bare:So I'm not going to take it by chance. Yeah.

1:03:56Ken Rideout:And I can promise you that if you take the chance and believe in yourself and start your own venture of some kind, the rewards and the fulfillment that you feel when you succeeded chasing your own dreams versus working for someone else is like night and day. If you're working in that Wall Street job and you get a$2 million bonus, awesome, great. But you still know that they essentially own you. You wanted that money train to continue, you're going to stay there. But when you take the leap and you make X whatever amount you like working for yourself, there's nothing more rewarding than that to think I created this, but you don't get that feeling without the risk of thinking, oh my God, if this doesn't work, I am in a bad spot.

1:04:38Ken Rideout:And I use that example a lot, especially with my youngest who does wrestling, who wrestles. I say to him, dude, if you are afraid to get out there and lose and get embarrassed and get pinned, you're never going to get to be the champ because the only way to get better is to wrestle people that are better. And when you wrestle people that are better, you're going to get pinned and it's going to be embarrassing, but it happens to every the best wrestler in the world went through this you don't just show up at a wrestling gym or a jiu-jitsu gym and kick the shit out of everyone you get humbled and humiliated and feeling downtrodden but the people that like as they say in jiu-jitsu or any martial arts the difference between a white belt and a black belt is the black belt never stopped coming back and that's the truth of life is like if you're afraid to get beat then don't even get in the ring because people get beat.

1:05:23Ken Rideout:Mike Tyson, if you read any of the stuff on him, like he in, in training, when he, the first day he went to customados, Jimmy got in there with the guy. Um, I forget his name, the guard who brought him from the prison and he was sparring and Mike started going hard. And then the kids started light, the guy started lighting them up. And the point is he could have been like, Oh my God, this is a dangerous sport. I'm getting the crap beat out of me and my nose is bleeding. Or you could be like, damn it. How did he do that? I want to learn how to do that to someone else and you lean into that and figure out a way to learn those skills yourself but you know very quickly a lot about someone when they face those kind of like when you're completely overmatched either in a combat sport a running race when you're like with someone who's head and shoulders better than you and you're like how is a person that much superior to me at this activity you either then want that or you're like i'm never gonna to get there and you give up.

1:06:15Nick Bare:Yeah. That's why one of my favorite quotes is pride is your greatest enemy. Humility is your greatest friend. Yep. Because as soon as you believe you're on top and you're staying on top, you'll get humbled and pushed to the bottom. That's right. And it's

1:06:29Ken Rideout:happened to me many times and I'm sure you know that feeling too. I was telling Truett Haynes, he was like, I feel great going into this race and he didn't have the race he wanted. And I didn't want to tell him this before, but my wife will say to me, how are you feeling for this race or that race and she goes anytime you feel like you're gonna kill i'm so confident i've done everything she's like i get so nervous but when you're like i've done everything i don't know i don't know if i've done enough i'm nervous she's like i know you come through in those events anytime you're overconfident i get nervous and it's dude it's almost like clockwork it's happened every time it's a great observation before berlin in like 23 i was like i am gonna effing smash everyone.

1:07:08Ken Rideout:I'm inside. And I was, I was in the best shape because after I almost died at that race, two weeks later, I ran a 229 in Chicago with only 14 days of recovery. And I was like in the medical tent, like practically ready, like to die. Went out super hard with the second group of pro women. You know, I started standing on this. I mean, I started like three people behind Elliot Kipchoge. So they take off, you know, the first mile always goes out hard. And then there's the second group of the one group of pro women, then a second group. And I'm like right on the back and they're going through every mile like a metronome, 530, 530, 530, which is about nine seconds faster than the fastest I've ever run per mile.

1:07:46Ken Rideout:And I feel unbelievable because I'm in shape, but it's also scorching hot. And I'm like, you know, with that feeling when you're like, I'm completely saturated with sweat. There's one thing when you're sweating, there's another thing when you're like, your shoes are soaked. And I'm like, wow, I'm like moving. I got to 17 miles, dude. I was seeing cross-eyed. My vision was blurred. I was going backwards. People were smashing into my back running past me. I got in a Shelton match with some guy because he almost ran me over as he passed me. I crossed the finish line at 235. And I mean, I thought I was going to die.

1:08:15Ken Rideout:I literally, I couldn't see. I crossed the finish line, kind of fainted. I was like medic. But the point is I was in such good shape. I just made stupid mistakes early. And then two weeks later, I run 229 in Chicago with basically no real recovery. But that's an example is I was so confident going into it. I was like, I'm killing everyone.

1:08:35Nick Bare:Overly confident. Overly

1:08:36Ken Rideout:confident. And after that, I never got that overly confident ever again. But I had done that a few times in Ironmans as well. You learn from it. Oh, you learn quickly. Like you said, you get humbled very quickly. And man, I was almost inconsolable. I was telling Truett Haynes this the other day after that race in Berlin, I called my wife and I'm like, dude, I was a blubbering idiot. She's like, are you crying? I'm like, I'm so humiliated. And she's like, in front of who? I'm like myself I knew that I could do this and I didn't I made stupid mistakes and I'm like so regretful I can't undo what I just did and it's going to take me a year to come back and do this race which I haven't done yet but I would like to at some point um but I tell that story only to say like that's how deeply like I care about the things that are important to me and those things are important to me so if you think that you want to take on some of these challenges and you're just going to show up willy nilly and like kick ass.

1:09:29It's like, no, like my whole being is poured

1:09:33Ken Rideout:into like these things, like on a relative basis. I mean, I do what I take care of all my responsibilities, but on that day, that was my responsibility. That was my goal. That was my focus for like 12 weeks of training, you know, and obviously not every day is focused on just training, but for an hour and a half to two hours a day, I focused on what I wanted to do here and It didn't work out. Man, that was a painful feeling. Well, Ken, I love what you're doing, man.

1:09:58Nick Bare:And super proud of you for putting this book together.

1:10:01Ken Rideout:Thank you, brother. I appreciate you.

1:10:03Nick Bare:Meaningful lessons from a lot of hard over the course of a lifetime. And I'm excited for you to get us out of the world and share it.

1:10:13Ken Rideout:Well, thank you, brother. And I appreciate all your motivation regarding the spiritual journey. And I look forward to connecting with your friends in Nashville. Phil. And again, thanks for having me on the, for the third time. Honestly, I think you played a, a, a, a, in a significant role in helping get this book, um, out into the world because doing shows like yours, um, really put me kind of on the map in terms of social media and letting people know about my story and my journey and that, you know, helped bring this book to fruition. So thanks again.

1:10:45Nick Bare:Absolutely. Until next time.

1:10:47Ken Rideout:Yeah, man. Awesome. Thank you, brother. Thanks, man. help ces features To to to to to to to to to to