#100: MTV Jesse: The More Famous I Got, The More Lonely I Became…

42:03And I just remember him being down and something about like doing a month. I was going to just not drink for a month. And then I instantly got to feel all the benefits of that and was hooked and was just just never had a drink again. It was like, well, this is I guess we'll do six months. I guess we'll do a year. And then it just turned into this thing, almost to the point where I did it for so long that it became the it becomes your life, especially when you're public about this stuff, it becomes your like identity and you, then you put drinking and anything else on this like pedestal of like, like, I didn't even remember the first time I had a beer back.

42:43It was like, it was almost like terrifying. It was like, even though I wasn't even, I was like, I'm not a, I'm not going to go like get a bottle of Jack. I'm not like an alcoholic. I never like thought I was. And so, yeah, it was kind of like scary because I put it on such a pedestal, but, Now that I've opened the door, it's been months. It is nice to know that, like, wow, it really wasn't an alcohol problem. It was a lifestyle surroundings problem. It was a this is my job problem. It was, you know, like, so. how did how did your transition go with with being in front of camera when you started not drinking because if the if the videos were all around drinking which they were and then you weren't drinking how did this progression go of going like jesse is less and less in these videos now and we're not including you or you're not including yourself because you're not part of the party yeah I think the prank side of it which was like the meat I would say didn't take a hit I think that I was always still good at being able to turn that on the improv and I still had a love for that so that was there and then it just kind of became you know we built the team out there was more people involved and it was like let them go vlog and Jesse's going to bed because he's going to the gym in the morning it was like I think at sometimes sometimes maybe it caused a a complication of like are you putting in your work but but I never got like pressure to like go drink or because it's your job it was they were all very supportive but supported of it but uh I just think it started separating me it started being like well I'm because then there was even a certain point where like I was shooting my own pranks with my own producers and my own film crew and like it just it did create the divide while i was still in the company which probably wasn't healthy for what we were doing um but uh yeah did you ever struggle being transparent with kyle and with the team because what you were feeling was potentially going to hurt the business and so did you ever feel like it was very hard to be open with and honest with how you're feeling to to Kyle and the team I don't think so I think I was able to speak my mind when I was I think maybe the hard part was figuring it out in my own head so maybe what I'm communicating wasn't very clear or easy to to communicate because I was yeah it was like I said it was a little war in my mind of figuring out what is my purpose here what is you know do I want to keep doing this and where am I useful and that was it was all kind of figured out by just leading into what I did want to do you know and when I started getting into the design stuff and just uh yeah just like realizing that also I think I'm funny on camera.

46:02I don't need to be drunk to be funny and, you know, finding my own lane in that way. But yeah, it was definitely a transition for sure. But I think I was able to talk to everyone about it. Every time you had a conversation, do you feel like it took a bit of a weight off your shoulders? Because maybe there was like this thing brewing on for a long time And then I guess you just tell them one more thing and tell them one more thing. And each time it's like, oh, like God. And then it's kind of, I guess it would have been quite a relieving thing. I mean, there would have been so much pressure because if you're feeling something, you know, these thoughts around like, can I keep doing this?

46:47Do I need to go out? and it must have been quite an intense time mentally in terms of the pressure you felt. Do you feel like it built up a lot of pressure inside of you? Yeah. I think the biggest way to describe it is just where there would be a conflict between say me and Kyle or just me and Nelk in general was just the divide. Like at a certain point, I felt like I was living a life that didn't fit me anymore. Like running a brand and a show that didn't fit me anymore and i was outgrowing it and uh um not in a success way but just in a like like just in a man way i was just like this feels it started just like slowly becoming like making less sense in my brain of like or maybe like certain ideas i wouldn't find funny or like that maybe five years earlier i would have been down for you also gotta remember Like I, I was the one that got like arrested for doing pranks and had to wait for a trial and like went through a eight month anxiety trip on that.

47:56And like I, so I started becoming like scared of anything that could get us arrested or like ballsier pranks and stuff. And, uh, and then that was also connected to the, the party life too. I mean, like blacking out and drinking and traveling the world is like a recipe to fuck up, you know, and I became. I was like that, like scared straight kid that like, you know, went to jail for a night and was like, yeah, I don't belong here. Like, I don't want this, like, especially if by value, freedom and security, I'm like, this sucks. So I think that create even more of a divide, too. I also think that like Steve and Kyle and all those guys, like they still had that hunger and that, like, I don't want to say invincibility, but like this, like they didn't have the same fear I had of, um, crashing the ship or like, um, you know, like I was always a, like, I still have this, but just like, what is the worst thing that can happen?

49:01You know what it was is like the, one of the pranks that, I got arrested for in Idaho. It really hit me that when I'm telling someone about the prank idea I want to do, it sounds hilarious. And then when I was in a courtroom and I hear a judge explain it, in his words, it was like, oh, this sounds way worse. Does that make any sense? What was the prank? I was covered in fake blood with a shovel in a Barnes and Noble asking for where to clean up or how to clean up a dead body like books book section it was it was literally the dumbest idea it was not even like a main video idea it was just like a little side funny video and it didn't even work we tried doing it everyone just kept laughing at me it was so obvious and someone called the cops, I guess, that saw me covered in fake blood.

49:55And then it became an inducing panic is what they called it. But yeah, it was like that. Like you're so it's almost like Logan Paul in Suicide Forest. He's so on that vlog, just like thumbnail title. He doesn't even know what his like reality is a little bit. And then he goes and does something like as stupid as that and as disrespectful as that i like remember seeing that being like i kind of understand this route that content creators or anyone in that world that like goes through where you're like you get kind of so your your life becomes like a video game and you're creating all this content that there was something about like when i went to that courtroom and i heard him explaining the prank, I'm like, oh, yeah, like, I guess it's it's almost like this isn't all just like funny, like, you know, and not that I think like the prank I did was that bad or it hurt anyone or anything, but like.

50:57I definitely just became more like cautious about everything I was doing. Things didn't feel real. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, I used to say that because I used to go back to Canada because we never had visas when we first started. So I'd go back for four months and be with like hometown friends that are not in the business. And then I would go back to LA for six months. And I used to always say that to my friends. I'd be like, dude, it just feels like I'm in a, it literally feels like I'm in a video game when I'm out there. Cause you just, Hollywood also used to be different back then. Like you really would just go to a coffee shop and you'd meet a producer and then you'd like, it just, next thing you know, you're at like Justin Bieber's birthday party.

51:37And then you're like, it just, everything, it felt like a video game didn't feel real so it uh once i kind of got a taste of that i was it's like uncanny and it doesn't feel good because you're just like i don't really want this you know i wonder why kyle and steven that felt invincible whereas you had that fear have you ever thought about where the fear really came from like deep down and why you had it over the other guys i i think it was just the same way you said like those guys all got into fitness and health and shit like later on and now they like you can tell they care about that stuff like i just think it hits different people for different reasons like i think me getting arrested for a prank or maybe you know a really bad night drinking and getting sick or like whatever it was that like were my wake-up calls i think i just got my wake-up calls before them whatever it was that clicked that was like yeah like you can push this stuff too far you know i mean yeah it takes so because as we were saying you're in a tunnel vision you're just in a tunnel yeah and you're so honed in on this video game called life you don't even see it as real and it takes something really real to make you like snap back into place where you go oh okay maybe just maybe being in a courtroom and or being black out in a hospital bed or maybe it takes like something very extreme yeah to then like just snap you out of what's going on right now so then you go oh shit this is real i'm actually not in a simulation here i mean i'm in real life yeah um because i remember one of the first pranks I said no to was a fake pilot, fake drunk pilots at the, at LAX.

53:34And I called my lawyer was like, Hey, is this illegal? He's like, yeah, don't do that. And then so I, I point over to the guys and I'm like, probably shouldn't do this one. And it was, they're just, that's what I mean. Like, and no hate on them. It's like, they still had that fire in them. They went and shot it. And I think I, I dressed up as a pilot and pretended to be drunk for an uber driver that picked me up that was my like i'd always just find a twist that would make me comfortable shooting the prank so i was like i was a pilot heading to the airport that was drunk and i was gonna mess with the uber driver so like but it just that was like the start of like just these guys are still like because i'm not even when i was younger and we were trying to make it i wasn't scared of being arrested i wasn't scared of getting punched in the face i wasn't scared of anything i was like i think when you're younger and you're hungry you kind of have that but like for me it was just once i once i was like yeah i'm not doing anything that i'm not comfortable doing kind of that shift but yeah i think that was part of why we started dividing which led to selling right so so i guess all of those elements was it was it well received when the decision was made that you were going to part ways?

54:50Or was that quite a challenging thing to go through? I think, honestly, I was pretty shocked at how it was received because I made a... I think I made an official video on, like, the shithole channel or something like that, and it, like, did numbers. So a lot of people saw it. And I think what it is is, like, the same reason I felt like I was outgrowing it And at a certain age in my like part of my life where I was I didn't see eye to eye with it. There was probably a lot of fans that. Have been fans for seven years and like maybe they were like not into that kind of content or in a party part of their life or maybe they're sober or maybe they're getting healthier.

55:34Like I think a lot of people honestly did. Yeah, I was pretty surprised by it. Talk about health and when this emphasis on health came into your life, you have been told that you spend the whole morning at the gym. Yeah. And Josh was like, he's obsessed. You spend the whole morning from 5.30 a.m. till whenever into the gym. That's not good. talk to me about this obsession to being in the gym and and how it got to that point um it's definitely i kind of explained it on my pod it was like And it's like a way to numb anxiety for sure. It's like there's like a hum of anxiety I feel a lot. And I think what it is is if I'm at a gym for five hours, what you're doing is you're like slow, like very little bettering yourself, right?

56:46and I think that maybe that is what relieves anxiety for me and I'll go there and I'll work out or go on the treadmill and bring my iPad and I like get work done while I'm on there um but I it's I gotta like figure it out because like I've been slowly trying to go less like not as long like a more normal amount of time at the gym and uh it's not good what I'm like figuring out as I like journal but I really think it is more connected to like not officially being content with where I am as a human or myself or my health that I need that like constant drip of like growth or bettering myself to feel calm if I feel like I'm not moving forward when it comes to like bettering myself I think it's just the only thing it's painting is that like I'm not comfortable with where I'm at and that's so silly like I'm I'm healthy and I'm happy and I have a beautiful life that like I think what it is is I just had to I had to build so much structure to be able to pull off getting healthy because I always struggled with it my whole life that now i'm like learning how to be a be balanced with it and get out of the thing that i had to kind of become does that make sense yeah it's kind of like this pendulum swing where it swings so far one way to extreme partying and then you go no i'm cutting it out so then you swing so far this way because you probably have this fear of drifting back this way percent yeah and then it's this matter of trying to like get it to yeah kind of just land right there it makes sense you gotta remember too like i've also lost 40 pounds like wow times in my life 10 times dude i've always struggled with weight i'm just one of those guys that like i put on weight so fast um and uh so it's just i've i'm i feel like i'm like very close if not there now this is the longest i've ever like been consistent but i should be able to like be consistent without going to the gym for six hours that's because that's not like fixing the problem what am i gonna do go to the gym for six hours every day till i'm dead like it's like that's not a life you know so yeah it's connected to like eating disorders and like a bunch of stuff that perhaps it's just connected to that anxiety piece yeah for sure you've been touching on it a lot in the conversation around how anxious you've been you've had this like underlying anxious buzz in life and that's i mean that gym thing is that vice of of being able to like probably an element of so many different things but it's kind of like that safe space where you can just be there and know you're bettering yourself so you're not going to fall into this bad trap but have you unpacked like kind of where you think this underlying anxiety comes from no i think the the like couple main things that i've pushed away which would be like anything connected to therapy or medication or any of that's i just always thought of those things as like a weakness kind of and uh even though i don't like believe that deep down i just like that's how i saw it and uh and i do think that like i've i need to not push those things i need to at least be like open to those things to figure out like unpacking the rest i think like i'm such i've always been a like figure it out myself very independent person.

1:00:50But I do think that opening those doors will help me understand it. Like, because you have to understand a problem before you can fix it, in my eyes. So I think that I'll figure it out. I wonder, though, if those two things is another vice. Like, if you think about it, like the surely the med i'm not educated in this um and it's not advice but surely the medication is not going to help you unpack it more yeah because it would just suppress what's actually going on yeah i wonder i wonder what it is because i think i guess i more meant therapy medication i just bring up as a that's like always a no for me yeah and i think that at least being open to hearing like hey jesse you've tried absolutely everything like there could also just be uh just because i have some friends that are like you know whether it's like bipolar depression or add or any of these things you're like like at least opening the door of like finding out if there's also just an underlying like you said it's like it is weird to just have like a hum of anxiety for decades.

1:02:08Like, you should probably feel like, is that like childhood trauma? Is that this? Is it, what is it? Like therapy and stuff, I think. It's a door worth at least experimenting with, but I totally agree. I mean, I think anything that fixes a problem, but then becomes something you have to do every day for it to fix the problem is not fixing the problem. Like you said, it's a vice, but. the gym is probably a form of therapy for you hence why you're there i guess yeah i guess it's one of those things that like it just helps so much just getting the heart rate up getting a bit of a sweat going yeah it solves most people's problems in that in that moment i think uh yeah little things like this is just so powerful like the breath work that we do before recording and just different elements where we can naturally just tap into ourself.

1:03:02Like I think about this all the time. Like the anxious thoughts are not right here, right now. It's about what's to come and the future and, you know, the depression is that aspect of the past that you're thinking about and dwelling on. But never at any point in time are you anxious when you're right here, right now. I agree. It's always a past or future thing. Yeah. Yeah. Laird Hamilton, the legend of the ocean. He's like the goat of surfing. Oh, yeah. I interviewed him at his house in Malibu a couple of weeks ago. And we're talking about the conversation around like, where's your happy place?

1:03:46And I spoke to another surfer and he said that his happy place was on a big wave. And I was like, would you say that you're, he's a big wave surfer. I was like, would you say that your happy place is on a big wave? And he's like, sex isn't bad. And in reflection, what we came to is it's not about the big wave. It's not about the sex. It's about whatever we can do that makes us so present that we're not thinking about anything else. And then that becomes our happy place. When we're in love and we're having sex with someone that we love, we are so present and in that moment that we're not thinking about anything else.

1:04:22when we're on a big wave and we could literally die if we make a wrong move. I don't drive big waves, but all you're thinking about is one meter ahead of you. And if you're in the air, are you taking a breath? So you, cause you're going to be dunked for a while. Like you're so present. And I think that's what makes us feel so much peace. Wherever we can access peace in our life, that's gotta be the goal. This is why I love these things like breath work. And when I'm doing a solo podcast, I sit down there and I do it because it's going to allow me to be here. And I think that's where the best self is going to come.

1:04:59You know, we're not, we're not in that like fight or flight state in this battle with our mind and it can kind of help us, I guess. I'm interested. It's like you're starting to cut off, but like the, I do agree. like at least for me anxiety is comes from uh you could be like overthinking past or building for a future and instead of like yeah just this last like year of my life has been totally about present like it keeping that in mind what gets me there whether it's like like sparring was a fucking great one like you can't think of anything else when someone's punching you in the face or like skateboarding, snowboarding, all the sports I love, but like, I can't put running or working at like my mind is going to be thinking about what I'm going to accomplish at work today and what I have to get done.

1:05:54And like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I think that's a great point is like people get, make you present, like relationships and, um, friendships and family and community and like the more that i put that as a value and like actually put energy toward it when you get lost talking to your dad for two hours on the phone where you're not you weren't even thinking about the track of time or anything you're just like lost in a conversation with a friend it's like that is like a pretty pure form of happiness that doesn't take much but you do have to value it value it to like have it does that make sense like that's gold yeah it is yeah I wonder why we steer away from that in life so often when we know that other things are more valuable in the time.

1:06:44The grass is greener. Yeah. We like we're comparing it to whatever the other form of thing that's giving you drive. I think you're like, like, I remember someone said that to me once where they're like, without projects, without your like projects, you would, you would feel like you're nothing. and this was like years ago and I it was like I needed to hear it I was like yeah fuck yeah like true like without my like if you remove my projects I don't have much like I I like base my existence on that I'm going to create something great and I think that that's it's good gives you drive and you do create cool things but it's no way to like you shouldn't base your values on just that it's dangerous yeah it's probably one of those keys that unlocks the best version of yourself and you can show up in front of everyone else in that way i just think it's not letting it consume you unless though we say that but if you look at any of the greatest people in the world i know they are fucked up in the head they're so obsessed michael jordan is probably not a good friend i'm not going to say that but like no it's a lot harder to be exceptional at one thing if all you want to do is be the best at one other thing and it's accepting this it's like it's easier said like it's like yeah we can talk about how you know like be make sure you're checking in and having good relationships and it's like yeah of course but is this thing that's really fueling us and driving us this, this mission that we're on.

1:08:16Um, you know, like we're not put on this earth to be stagnant. We need that thing to strive towards, you know, I love, I love how, you know, people, uh, like Matthew McConaughey and different big names say that like one of their main things is they need to always have someone to chase, which is like themselves in, in 10 years time or whatever, like pushing a better version of themselves because it keeps them on their toes. It keeps them with something to get out of bed in the morning and if you kind of remove all of that you don't really have this spring in your step and this spark that people are gravitated towards and perhaps all your friendships are not going to be as valuable and as strong without having that thing that lights you up because you become boring yeah and um you know it's like not enough for some people.

1:09:05The idea of just, I have these great relationships. I have this great community, this great little life, but like, I'm not, I'm not creating anything. It is like, like even when you said about like some of the greatest people in the world, like all lost their mind kind of thing. Like there was a point in my life where I like kind of glorified that. I saw that as like, like, yeah, that's who you have to be to like create, to be great. I don't know. That's why I always just go back to balance. I think that's like, I'm going to be sitting in a chair when I'm 50 years old being like, yep, that was the answer.

1:09:41I just, it didn't mean I had to stop doing projects. It didn't mean I had to like not call my dad back. It didn't mean it meant like just, you just needed a nice balance. It comes back to balance. The thing we can never find. Like, yeah, maybe it is about balance, but maybe you can actually never find balance. Yeah. Well, someone said that to me once about when people say it's about balance, it doesn't mean it's perfectly balanced. Nothing's perfectly balanced. And I thought that was a good way to look at it too. It's like, understand that you should find a nice balance, but it doesn't mean like you have to like perfect balance.

1:10:25You know what I mean? You're kind of losing the meaning of balance in your life if you're trying to like, Like when I hear like, and I love Rob Dyrdek, but I hear Rob Dyrdek talk about like, I spend 32 minutes with my kids and then I spend from 3.30 to 4.46 with like my dog. And like, then I work on this business from, and he breaks out his day into like 40 things and he's expanding his amount of time. Like, I think that that gets, you got to just like let life happen too. too you know like sometimes i even let go of like any kind of identities and i don't know if you're gonna be able to relate to this but this is like when i decided to stop being like the sober guy and like i can have a beer it's just like i don't want to like hold on to anything that i'm attaching to myself that i'm like i only do these things it's like i i was missing the mystery of just life happening like let life happen a bit you know like yeah i i can't relate to this more the people so structured people say that their structure creates freedom so they say that because i have all this freedom yeah yeah because i have all this structure i don't have to think about my next things so i have so much more freedom in my mind whereas if i don't have the structure then it creates clutter because i am constantly thinking about what my next move is yeah but when you have too much structure you take away the magic of life 100 yeah when you think about the most amazing things that we've ever done in our life they probably came when you were least expecting it yeah too much structure removes magic and it's finding this balance of not being a fruit loop to the point where you just have no idea what you're doing and you miss stuff all the time and you know you want to do things but you're never progressing towards it but also not being so rigid that you are so calculated that you don't encounter for any magic yeah and i think the the magic is the stuff we revisit the stuff we think about the stuff we share our friends, the things that we are jumping up and down about when we're looking back in time about all of the amazing memories that we have.

1:12:45So many of those are all these magic moments. And too much structure removes magic. Not enough structure creates clutter in your mind because you don't know what's happening. And it's a constant assessment of our life going, do we have enough structure to move the needle in the life that we want to live? and it doesn't mean just money, doesn't mean just creativity. It's like, do we have enough structure holistically? But do we also have enough room for magic and play and dance and mistakes? I think that's the power that we need to find. The structure, robotic structure, let's just call it robotic structure.

1:13:25When you're like, you are in bed by 8.30, you're doing everything is like for growth. Like that, I think is also what, once you learn that tool, You're a person that's done that for X amount of time. You don't got to become it. It's not your identity. But I do think it's a great skill to be like, I'm trying to accomplish this. I need to build this structured plan to be able to pull it off. Like the same way that I wanted to figure out, say, health or weight or like some 20 year old out there is like, yo, I'm sick of like being half in. I want to like make my clothing brand fucking work. I want to accomplish this.

1:14:07It's like, I think people being able to lock into that and be like, I'm going to like this next year, this next six months, I'm going to like stay focused, especially for people that have a hard time focusing. But, but yeah, just don't get like, just don't get stuck in it. Perhaps it's chapters. It's chapters. Yeah. Like recognizing, okay, I have a goal. I have things I'm trying to achieve. what is it going to take to achieve that and seeing the whole picture of the sacrifice that's going to take the upside you're going to get all of the aspects of it not just looking at only the shiny objects like kind of assessing your life why you're chasing the goal yeah then deeming okay is this a goal that i want is this a ladder that i want to climb then before maybe locking in and sprinting up that ladder we then go okay i'm gonna have to sprint here so to do this i need some structure yeah like it's a bit of a black and white approach like i need this thing i need to do this like i know i need to look at i look in i i know i need to do these meetings and meet these people and hire this team and but also don't yang yang out of that either where people go i mean you see it all the time they like lose all say let's start with weight it's like they lose all this weight they do this whole thing they accomplish their goal and then they go right back to like the life they were living and gain it all back or think like even just the idea of like a diet is like wild like i'm gonna diet for six months i just think it's like it should be about building a healthy lifestyle but yeah if you do have to get into this like structured robotic you know system for a bit it also doesn't it's like take any skills and things you liked out of that and then find a nice balance when you wean out if i lean off of it you know like that's just what i've been going through the last like six months to a year of like um hitting my goal and then also So I even went like past my goal when it comes to like weight where I got to a point where I was like, looked in the mirror and was like, I don't need to lose another pound.

1:16:04I don't need to, I don't need to do any, like, I, like, it almost freaked me out. I was like, oh my God, I don't have a goal anymore. Like this is, this is, if I, if I lose more weight, I'm actually going to look worse or feel unhealthy. And that was like scary till I just realized like, oh no, I just, now I need to, I need to slowly transition out of this structured thing I got very used to. And just the more I'm thinking about it right now, I haven't thought this thought out, but the more we're having this discussion, the more I'm steering actually away from this idea of balance. I actually think the more I'm thinking about it has nothing to do with balance.

1:16:44In fact, balance is similar to diet because the term balance and thinking about it is like, it's like we're trying to play this battle and this game and this dance of restriction. Like we're restricting one thing, we're dedicating ourselves to another and we're in this constant dance. Like a diet doesn't work because a diet will get you in the best shape of your life, but it's not going to help you keep it because your lifestyle, your identity is still one of a fat person. You still have the eating habits of a fat person. You still have the knowledge potentially of the diet, of the foods of a fat person where you're not educated on what you're actually putting in your body.

1:17:29It's more mindless. Your identity is with a diet that has no identity to back up that diet. You've basically got the identity of a fat person, but then the structure of a fit person. And that will never last because your identity always wins. because the subconscious doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's fake. And so I think maybe if I'm just thinking about this is fuck balance off for a little second and actually just think about priorities and who we want to be and what we're trying to achieve and do we have an identity that aligns with that? And it's about having this willingness to change based on what our priorities are changing and what we actually want.

1:18:12Like if we want to get fit, people want the six pack, but what they really want is they want to have a six pack all year round because if they just want the six pack and they get it and then they go back to the habits and they lose it, then they want to get the thing again. So what we really want is we want to keep it. And, um, if you have the lifestyle around one person that has a six pack you'll be able to keep the six pack like for me i much prefer much prefer like genuinely enjoy eating plain ground beef over in and out i like genuinely prefer to eat that because you you built that habit or it's always yeah because like i've done it so much it's become my life And so like the fact that I actually enjoy that more, you can imagine, right?

1:19:07It's a lot easier to stick to that because I just enjoy it. And so it's easier said than done for someone that really genuinely just loves In-N-Out. But it's one of those things where I go like, I actually identify with a person that enjoys this because I genuinely do because I've stuck at it for so long and it's become my lifestyle that I can keep a six pack all year round with ease because I actually love the life that gives me a six pack. Yeah. And maybe a time in my life comes where I'm prioritizing something else and I'll need to, and I want something else. I'll need to shift that identity into something else.

1:19:47I don't think health will be something that I'll ever shift because I just see it as a net positive in every way, shape or form. Like if something ever came in where, eating what you wanted to eat was hard because you're always traveling or hitting the gym was hard because this project you're working on takes all your time like do you think something could ever shift you where oh i value this more than my health like oh i'm gaining i gained 20 pounds but i'm trying to accomplish this or this is just who i am now this is what is more important to me like do you think you would ever have that change or or do you think that that's normal to have that change i think it's very normal i also think it's a cop-out and the reason i say that is because what's the point of everything else if you're overweight like when you're extremely fit you realize the value it gives you outside of just the way you look like the mental clarity the focus the confidence yeah you know you have an extra spring in your step it's like an unfair I'd say that's why I'm here, you know, like why I'm healthy.

1:20:57100%. Exactly right. Especially once you have to experience the unenjoyableness of being overweight too. Yeah. So you know the benefits of being fit. You look at someone that's extremely overweight and their excuse is business is busy. Yeah. You go, well, mate, the productivity you'll have being fit would slash half the time you're doing. You'd get more done in half the time. And you don't have an hour, 45 minutes to eat well. Okay, the business - You don't have six hours to go on a treadmill, dude? Yeah, I mean, like, that's what you do, right? That's what I would tell them? Dude, you don't have seven hours to do?

1:21:41You'd be like, no, I don't, dude. You'd be like, yeah, I mean, like, I spent seven hours on a treadmill. I still don't understand that. I wonder if there's this element in your mind of like, yeah, fuck you. I do have seven hours to walk on a treadmill because I have the freedom of doing that. There's a little bit of that for sure. You reckon? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's just like, I have to kill that soon though. If I want a relationship or anything, it's like that. This isn't just, at a certain point you do get sick of just like building this world for you. I understand people have start of build a family and all this stuff where they're like these yeah like these people are more important than me and I'm building our life or our community's life or like all these other things like I know my life needs that and then I want that um but I also I'm not gonna like beat myself up like I need to figure that out in a day like it's a slowly transition to that chapter but so building a family excites you yeah yeah for sure no like rush but uh

1:22:59um i think the hardest thing will be just yeah the freedom like right now i am in this i can do absolutely anything i want i can work on anything i want um i have the connections and the funds and the like I'm in this like sweet spot that I'm enjoying too but yeah I'm excited to it's just like getting a dog or something you know I mean it's like to add a responsibility of a family I've always seen it as like like how we said before I do see my life as like chapters for sure I've always thought that way and I see like when I'm ready to be like a dad and do that whole thing is I feel like the same way I go zero to a hundred, like I'm going to enjoy that process so much that I won't need fulfillment from projects and everything else that maybe I get fulfillment now because I will just fully, truly enjoy being a dad and growing a family and all that.

1:24:02Like I'm excited for that chapter and then to find balance hopefully in it all and get divorced and then make a clothing brand and find more fulfillment and then get married again and then start a youtube channel when i'm 56 and interview divorced dads that's the goal can't wait

1:24:28i wonder that's a good podcast idea divorced dads and they just interview divorced dads. I wonder why you thought of that just then. I know there's a jokingness nature of it, but I'm genuinely curious as to why you thought about getting divorced, then starting a YouTube channel. I think because I started painting a fairy like at one point I'm going to turn on the happy family switch and I kind of my brain called bullshit on like the it's funny that that can it doesn't work that way like everything's messy like it'd be great if it happens that way but you've mentioned your dad a few times in the conversation and he used to do a lot of pranks with you and you'd have a two-hour chat with him every now and then is there an element of that relationship that makes you want to be a father like is there aspects of your dad that you you want to carry on and kind of like be able to do what he's done with your kids?

1:25:31Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I think I mean, dude, the whole idea of being a father and everything about it is interesting to me. But I do think that finding the right partner and giving that enough time matters more than it would be just wanting to be a father right now. I want to be a father when it's right, but as much as I just joked about it if I could do one thing right like I would love to just not have to be the picking up my kid from my ex-wife and that I see on weekends and like that was my childhood and like I hope I can do that right that's like the one thing that would it would mean a lot to me and I think uh I guess you find a way to make your life beautiful anyway but it'd be cool to figure that out just like a good family I just didn't see a lot of that growing up so it'd be cool to create it like I don't know if you can relate to that but even just like friends or anyone like it's very rare you just hear like yeah parents are together and everything was fine and it was perfect and I don't know I agree I agree do you feel like you're ready yeah yeah i mean i think like i said my life is way too much about me so like step one is expanding that start with friendship start with family start like like if i can't if i can't keep um a solid relationship with all those people i don't think that i would be able to get married and have kids and all that so um it's all been a learning curve like my last relationship i was in was kind of eye-opening to that um where it didn't work because yeah just didn't manage or or prior to prioritize um the relationship as much and was busy with work and life and going to the gym for seven hours you know i mean that's not gonna make a girl happy you know i mean so i i that was a big learning curve too and a wake-up call that like yeah if you value these people you want in your life you gotta you gotta make time for them you gotta put them in front of you and uh i just think it was like life teaching me that one last like lesson kind of thing so yeah obviously there's elements of your life you've achieved that so many people would dream of having and a lot of the time people will kind of put people on pedestals and they will idolize people that they see online.

1:28:26I'm fascinated to know, after all the success, all of the fame, all of the goals that you've achieved, what would be one thing that you think is one of the biggest challenges in your life right now that would give people perspective on more of the story, not just the highlight reel?

1:28:51like as in something i'm currently like say dealing with or fixing or working on yeah like just a challenge that you feel like is something that you're going through that that could just give people more perspective to make you more human and more real i would think it's this the main thing i've kind of been saying a lot of it really is

1:29:19expanding like what I value and making it like not just saying I'm gonna have a better relationship with my dad I'm gonna have a better you know I mean like everyone can say that and then you you call them you talk to them but like it's really like you got to put that work in you got to build that like that muscle memory of it's been three days I should give this person a call I should go hang out with them. I should go, you know, grab a beer with this person. I should, like, I just saying yes. And until that becomes a muscle memory and just like an actual part of my life, I think is my biggest thing that I didn't even think it was something you like a person would have to work on.

1:30:03Cause I've always had lots of friends and lots of just things growing when I was younger and uh um yeah it is I think that's like my biggest thing especially when people probably like look at my life and they think it's like great and shit and it's like dude it's fucking lonely it's like I don't have a lot of people in my life it's gotten a lot better because I am working on it but um yeah it's like I sometimes like I used to say that on my podcast for some people that might look at my life as like, it's great. And then they're sitting there with their four best friends, their parents that they hang out with and have dinner on Sundays and their girlfriend or their boyfriend or whatever it is.

1:30:47It's like, I almost feel like being like, dude, you have no idea how much everything you have. Like that, now that I value that so much in my mind, it's like where it goes back to what we were first thing you asked me is just like why do you like cut your grass why do you it's like all these very simple things that are not connected to fame or money or success or anything is like what i think truly a happy life comes from and everyone has access to it if they like understand it and like like understand that they value it but i also guess like is it okay if someone just doesn't value those things if they just like are independent they don't value other people they don't value relationships they don't value like that they take care of themselves and do all these things or being fit or like like is that okay too if they just don't value those things and these other things they value bring them happiness Like, is there a right and wrong answer?

1:31:51There's just no comparison. Like, you would value something if you had a comparison point that's lower. Like, if you were fat, you're going to probably value being fit. Yeah. It's hard when things become normal, right? Yeah. But is there a fat guy that just values, like, that doesn't even want to be fit?

1:32:16i would say that there's no fat guy that doesn't want confidence yeah there's no fat guy that doesn't want to smile when they look in the mirror like deep down if they could deep down yeah the problem is is there's a there's a gap and what that gap is is a massive journey to become someone that they're proud of when they look in the mirror and it's very confronting and it's very hard and it's very isolating and lonely and it's a journey that they are scared to embark on but i struggle to believe truly and i've never been obese but i struggle to believe that someone that's obese wouldn't want to be fit i agree and if we just remove that from just obesity and apply that to every area of your life there's not someone that's lonely that doesn't want connection i'd have an easier time believing that one more than the weight thing why so maybe because i've kind of been there i don't know i think some people are alone and the thought of like having people really like doesn't sound good like doesn't sound nice like they are so used to and like they built that muscle of just like happiness that every decision everything they do is based on thumb I'm not saying it's the right way to live at all it's not but I wonder I think some people are happy there you did say earlier though you said that connection is the thing that brings you peace mm-hmm Yeah, like maybe they don't even understand themselves.

1:34:04Like, yeah, I guess like they're delusionally thinking they're happy there. Yeah. You said that it's lonely now. What's more lonely though? Because loneliness isn't the absence of people, it's the absence of connection. what's more lonely being in a mansion with tens of people that you aren't connecting with because you want to do something completely different to what they're doing or doing what you're doing now where maybe you have less people but they're at least there's some people that are on a similar mission that are aligned with what you're doing like yeah like you mentioned much lonelier than Yeah, for sure.

1:34:48Even two years ago when I haven't figured out building relationships back, but I wasn't in NELC or any of that. Like, yeah, I think that's a, it's a big people that are also just surrounded by like people or a place that they don't necessarily feel like they fit in or want are probably just as alone as like the kid who plays video games by himself every night. like it's a good point it's like who who you're around and what you're doing and how it makes you feel unless it's just something else maybe that's not like lonely it's just like unhappy but connection is the key i appreciate you coming on the show man yeah thank you um is there anything you want to say before we close out did i do okay fucking crushed it dude i feel like there's like a There's like an element of, I wanted to take this conversation somewhere that you've never been.

1:35:47And the other reason for being is in preparation for this, I listened to so many of your different shows and they all asked the exact same questions about the same things. Even sounded like they hadn't even understood because they asked the exact same question, like word for word as other people. And I just thought there's a side of you that's been untold. And I feel like today we uncovered a fair bit of that. and that's the goal as we spoke about earlier it's it's not about the topic it's actually just about human connection and i i feel like what you covered today and the openness you had today is something that'll make people real close to you and i commend you and i appreciate you for for sharing no do you do an amazing job at that for sure like that's every topic because like because i've been doing my own like podcasting now like where i talk about exactly what's going on what makes sense to talk about.

1:36:37I feel like you asked and touched on pretty much everything that is a talking point right now, not just like, what's the craziest prank? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I know what you mean. But no, man, it's a good conversation. Thank you. I'll leave all your deets in the show notes in the description below. Leave us a five-star review on Spotify and hit the subscribe if you're watching this on YouTube. But we're going to sign out for this episode. Thanks, Jesse. Appreciate you, bro. and see you later. Bye-bye. Thanks, buddy. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for$15 a month is back.

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