#125: The most important call you should answer

0:00I think there's an underlying problem with chasing dreams that a lot of people don't talk about. And the problem is that people are chasing dreams that aren't theirs. They're doing things that they don't want to do. They're actually other people's dreams. And I've been pondering a lot on this. I've been spending time with a lot of high-achieving, striving people in their life. And, you know, living in Malibu specifically as well, I've been able to also notice this nature aspect and this quiet aspect of people that have achieved so much and then they come here after they've made it. And it's a different energy and feeling.

0:44And so I'm being able to wrestle with these two minds of young, striving, hungry nature. But then also, I don't need to strive anymore. I've exhausted that desire nature and even how to form this middle ground and this stance. But what I've realized is the goal should not be to strive. The goal should be to listen.

1:12I'm going to say that one more time. The goal should not be to strive. The goal should be to listen. And when you listen, if the message is to strive, then the goal should be to strive. But if the calling that you, the guy that's on the phone speaks to you, and it might not be words directly, it might just be a feeling, a yearning, a nature inside of you that you can't just like push down. It keeps coming up. if that's not to strive then why strive honestly if deep down you feel a certain way and then you act a different way that's not being a good man that's not being a good person that's being good for someone else not for you i think that's the problem with chasing dreams it's not about chasing dreams.

2:14That's the most beautiful thing ever. The problem is chasing dreams that aren't yours. When I look at my life, I feel the most inspired, the most happy, the most calm, and I have the most joy when I'm living in alignment with me. And the only way I can know what alignment is, is if I listen. and I'm in this state in my life right now where I want to strive, but in a more unique way, and I don't know if it's going to work or not, and I don't know if this path is going to work, but it's the one that I'm feeling called to do, and I think it's our responsibility to answer those callings when they're so strong.

3:07and the next thing on top of this is the way that this works is you need to have humility because the calling will change if you truly listen to what your soul wants you to do the likelihood is is things are going to change as you learn more things about yourself and about the world around you and the way you view the world. And too often we can make decisions and think that they're definites and that we can't change them. And we get married and we feel like we're glued to this life because we've made a decision. And I just don't think that's true. Having humility to be able to say, hey, I once did this and now I want to do this and just act on it.

3:57That's the superpower. Because what you'll find is when you're listening to yourself and you're creating space to invite the thought in, to invite the feeling in, you're not just distracting yourself with noise. When you create space, there's something that comes up quite frequently. And those are the things that matter. You know, you might get a thought, and then you might get a feeling, and then you might get another thought, and then you might get another thought, and they're all very similar. And then you just keep pushing it down, pushing it down, pushing it down. But I think that's the piece, being able to act on those.

4:47And if that is strive, strive. And if that is slow down, slow down. And the reason I think this message is powerful is because I think it applies to everyone. You know, there's people online that you struggle to connect with, right? They might have lots of money and you don't have lots of money right now. And so you go, yeah, it's easy for them to say because they've been doing this. You look at, say, I look at me wanting to slow down now, but I've been sprinting for the last seven years. And so you might look at that and go, yeah, Chris, of course you can slow down now that you're making good money and all of this X, Y, and Z, da, da, da, da, da.

5:24I can't do that yet. But that's okay. You just need to listen to what you feel called to do. For example, I've got Elliot staying with me at the moment. Elliot Buick. He's got a podcast, The Next Generation. It's an awesome show. And I've got him crashing on my couch. And we're doing some cool sets and doing cool things. And he's, I'm 24, he's 20. We're both so young. And he wants to live in the city. And he wants to work until his eyeballs bleed. He wants to crack open the energy drink at 8 p.m. And he wants to do all of this. And he genuinely does. And then he sees me where I want to be asleep at 8 a.m.

6:09And I want to wake up at 4 a.m. And I want to prioritize my sleep. I want to prioritize my peace. I want to read. I want to write. I want to do all of this. And they're different lives. but it doesn't mean they can't coexist. His isn't wrong and mine isn't wrong. But if we're listening to the calling of what we feel we should do and then we're acting on that, I say that as a win and I see that as right. And so my message to Elliot, for example, is dude, if you feel the calling to sprint, make the most of that. Sprint as fast as you fucking can. But if you get a knock on the door that tells you elsewise and it tells you to do something else and then he knocks again and then he knocks again, but you're so indoctrinated in this sprinting nature that you feel like you can't do anything else, That's the problem.

7:14The problem is not sprinting. The problem is doing what you're not called to do. You know, we sprint our whole lives doing things we don't want to do to please people that don't even matter. To please people that when we're struggling, do not even call our phone. We spend all this time for what? Sprinting for what? Chasing what? For who? None of it really matters if your soul is telling you to do elsewhere. If your soul is calling you to go this way, and you're going this way because that's what's deemed to be successful, I hate to say it, but I think your idea of success is skewed. Successful in their eyes, not your soul's eyes.

8:03And that's not success for me. I think success is so subjective and that's what's so great about it. That's the greatest part that success is subjective. In fact, the objective successes are the most hollow. Things like money, that's objective. You can look at the dollars in your bank account and you can have an idea of what success is and the way that would be is probably something greater than everyone else. okay so a million dollars that would probably be class as successful in most people's eyes and so but the but the subjective successes are the ones that feel that you feel called the ones that if you were to imagine your dream life and you were to shut your eyes and you were just to go what do i want to do on my average tuesday what time do i want to wake up who do i want to wake up with?

9:00Where do I want that to be? In what house? And when I drive my kids to school, what car am I driving them in? And then when I drop them off and I have the rest of my day, what am I spending those hours in my day doing? Do the things that I'm doing inspire me? What does that look like? Is there a room in my house that I look forward to going into every day and lighting and incense and they have ancient books in the background of it so that when I have a glance over, I can be reminded of the powerful nature of wisdom. What does that look like? Who is that with? Do I want to make love with my wife?

9:44Do I want to pick my kids up from school? Do I want to have a driver pick them up from school? Do I want to have a podcast studio? Do I want to just do it by the beach. What does that life look like? And when you can imagine that life, I don't think you should compromise on any of that. That is your version of success. And that can change if the calling changes. That visualization that you have is based on the information that you know. And as you strive closer towards that vision, you're going to be presented with more information. And then it's up to you to take that information and go, does this serve me?

10:25Does this not? How does this sit with me? Let's keep the things that serve me and disregard the things that don't. So as you're striving towards that vision, you're sharpening the sword on the vision. So by the time you get there, it's probably not going to be the exact thing that you want. You're going to either have more desires or you're going to have exhausted the desires to the point where the car that you drive your kids to school in doesn't even matter. And, you know, maybe this thing can evolve even more and, you know, technology has evolved even more and there's something else that we want and then we strive towards that.

11:02If there's a true, deep calling to do so, we listen. But here's the thing. I think when we do enough work on ourself. We strive enough. We climb high enough that we have a pretty good view. I think that for the most part, if you're self-reflective enough, you're introspective enough, and you spend enough time in silence and in nature, you get a calling to one thing. nature you get a calling that's quite spiritual that awakens you and it's the most powerful calling of all it feels stronger than any material thing you could possibly get in fact it even makes you repel the material things not in the sense that you don't want them but in the sense that you most certainly don't need them like I'm driving a Mercedes right now.

12:12It's material. I smile when I put my foot down and it makes this big farting noise, which is just ridiculous, but it's fun. There's something in it, right? I like all of that stuff, but I don't need any of it.

12:31And it's not about stopping the striving and stopping progressing. I think it's about just doing it in a way that's fully aligned with you because for me I'm still going to achieve so many things we're still growing thousands of new followers every single day and I'm actively pushing out content and we have the team doing all the stuff and you know I have my education company which is making me really good money and And I'm not looking at slowing down any of those things, but I think the thing for me is defining what actually matters and being crystal clear on that. And then when I can define what matters, then I can then define what price tags do I not want to pay so that I don't sacrifice the things that matter most.

13:25We had Jack Neal here yesterday recording, and Elliot asked him the question, where do you see yourself in 10 years? And he said something that resonated with me more than most things. He said, I'd hope to have the biggest podcast in the world or have quit knowing that the price tag to get me to the biggest was going to take away the best parts of me and I wasn't willing to pay that price.

14:11The price to achieving the biggest was one that took away the best parts of me and I'm not willing to pay that price.

14:25I'm the same. I want to strive, I want to make impact, I want to change people's lives, I want to achieve great things, I want to support my family, I want to have an extremely abundant life but there's also prices I'm not willing to pay and if it means that it takes me 10 years instead of two years what I can say is I'm going to enjoy the journey a whole lot more and that's all we really have we don't really even have a destination in fact how horrifying is having a destination because when you get there what's next you know even in the um alex homozy and tony robbins podcast Tony Robbins was referencing the astronauts that landed on the moon.

15:28And apparently most of them turned into alcoholics and drug addicts after it. Because imagine achieving the toppest of tops. You landed on the moon and you looked back at Earth. And then you get back into Earth and you go, okay, well, what's next? and so the only way you could make it out of that saying is by not tying your identity and your worth to the pursuit of that or the goal of that rather because then you could get back on earth and be like that was a really cool thing but i'm just going to get back into my life now there was a there's a thing that i i i draw back on a fair bit i was 21

16:1921 and i was dating a girl at the time in uh sydney i was living in bondi beach and i was working um for an alcohol company for fisher's brand and anyway we're on this boat party and the guy who owned the boat um it was like a boat party thing on the on the harbor of of sydney his friend had this like big mega yacht and super yacht like party thing and after the boat party basically the guy who owned the super yacht and then the guy who owned the party boat would basically get on this boat with like 30 women and they would go back to the super yacht and they would do all the drugs in the world and party and drink and get all the girls extremely drugged up and do whatever they do with them.

17:15And it'd be like two guys and 30 women. Weird shit. Right. And I remember my girlfriend at the time, um, I was with her and she got invited on the boat and she was like, I've got to bring Chris. Like I want to bring Chris. I'm not going on this boat without Chris. And I had Jordan and Zach. No, I had Zach with me, which was one of the biggest male models in the world um one of my really good friends back in bondi and zach and i were going on the boat with them and um anyway we're getting on this boat and we had to get on this like little boat that transferred us from the party boat to the super yacht and this boat's like pulling up to the party boat the the guy who owns the party boat is like funneling all of these people in and they're all women.

18:07He's getting all the women on first. And then it comes to me and Zach and he blocks it off. And he's like, oh, the boat's full. The boat's full. The boat's full. And then he takes all the women onto the boat. He's trying to, I'm just going to have to bleep out her name there. She's trying to get off the boat to come back to me. And they just drove off and they left her. and I'm getting a call from her saying, I can't believe they've done that, gets onto the boat. She like rips into the guys like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then meanwhile, me and Zach are sitting on the edge of this other boat, just chatting.

18:52And I'm here going, that was quite weird. And then Zach is laughing about how ridiculous those guys are that are on the boat. And he said something to me. meanwhile my girlfriend as an absolute trooper she got back on the boat by herself left all the other 30 women by herself and came back for us but while we were waiting for her to come back Zach said this thing to me and it stuck with me ever since he said it he said their life is this weekend on that boat that's their whole life

19:35they were looking forward to that and that's all they were thinking about for the whole week I'm on this party boat having one margarita and I'm having a great time on a Saturday I'm gonna wake up tomorrow I'm gonna go for a run I'm gonna get working towards my business and my passions I'm gonna spend time with my partner and they're in the people that I love most, and we're going to go get a coffee, and we're going to go for a surf, and then we're going to swim, and I'm going to call my dad, and I'm going to get on with my life like nothing happened. These guys are living for this moment. That's it.

20:18And they're just the presso throughout the week. And I think you can apply that to everyone in your life, and you can apply that to your life. the moment there's a thing that starts to define you it starts to be the only thing that matters and especially if that thing isn't real it's money related it's status related it's outward game, society related, the moment that your definition of yourself and the way that you're viewing yourself and the way that you're showing up in the world is about something external, that's a slippery slope to an unfulfilled, psychotic life. and that moment on that boat was so profound because I look at Zach, someone I look up to so highly, he just got engaged, I'm so proud of him and his whole life, he's so awesome.

21:26I look at someone who's incredibly successful, boatloads of money, awesome life, super high status and he literally could throw pieces of paper into a bin for hours on end as he sits on a couch and chats with his mates and have the best time. He doesn't need anything external to make him happy. And I look at that and I go, there's something in that. because you can achieve all of the things. And if you feel called to do it, go do it. He went and did it. You can strive. You can work until your eyeballs bleed. You can chase success for so long. You can get slammed on your face. You can keep on pushing, even though you're questioning whether it's going to work.

22:27You can do all of that, But a time will come where you get a knock on the door. And that door is one that you should open. And when you open it, you're going to be greeted with your soul. And your soul is going to tell you some deep things. It's going to tell you the things that it likes about how you're acting. It's going to tell you the things that you don't like. It's going to tell you the things that it doesn't like. It's going to tell you what you really want to do. It's going to tell you who you really want to be with. It's going to tell you where you want to be. And it's going to tell you how you actually want to live your life.

23:10And then you're going to have two things here. You're going to have your dreams. And you're going to have dreams that aren't yours.

23:23These ones are a lot easier to listen to. It's instant. You get praise externally. But the only way to get internal praise is to listen to these ones. And my bet would be that everyone listening to this, that if you listen to this enough times, you're going to get a pull towards God, towards nature, towards a spiritual thing that you can't logically explain. and that's the best part of life those magic moments those magic feelings the ones that don't make sense but they feel so special that's the magic if you don't feel that right now and your calling is one that is to sprint like i said to elliot fucking sprint.

24:26Give it everything you've got. But just know that that feeling won't feel like that forever. And the more you push down the calling, the more of a burden your life is going to feel. The less happy you're going to feel. And I don't know about you, but I want a happy life. I want to be excited about my life and I want to feel at peace with my life I want to be okay with my life I don't want to feel like I am not sufficient and I don't want to feel like I am nowhere near where I need to be because who the fuck is defining where I need to be I should be the only one defining that And unfortunately, in the society that we're in and the messages that are getting pushed, it's incredibly hard to feel like you can make those decisions because they seem to be already made for us.

25:35and the moment we break free from that, the moment we can grow, the moment we can strive towards fulfillment and the moment we can live out a life of purpose and fulfillment with what we actually want, not what others around us are pushing us to do. I remember Rory Sutherland saying on my podcast, he said, a lot of people pursue dreams where the price of entry far outweighs the prize. We're chasing prizes that cost more than they're worth.

26:17We spend 10 years climbing a mountain to get to the top when if we just research the mountain, we would realize that the top of that mountain doesn't even have a good view because it's blocked by another mountain. so if the goal for climbing the mountain was to see the view but the view at the top of the mountain is literally just another big mountain would you want to strive towards reaching the top of this mountain the reward isn't that rewarding comparatively to the cost of entry the pain of the journey and this isn't a message to slow down um and not do anything we're not supposed to be stagnant beings but what i will say is i would be getting clear on why you're getting to the top of the mountain having a target to shoot towards is so great i'm not saying don't shoot.

27:21And I'm not saying don't have the dartboard. Like having the target is great because it gives us direction. Like when I shut my eyes and I think about that dream average Tuesday where I wake up and as I shuffle myself up to a seated position, the automatic blinds are opening up as the sun is rising over the horizon of the water. And then my wife gets up a couple minutes later and kisses me on the cheek and says, good morning, babe. And then we both run down the hill into the ocean and we jump in the water and we laugh and scream and hug each other and give each other a big kiss and say, today is going to be a great day.

28:03Like when I visualize that, that feels so euphoric. And after we drop the kids back from school and we're driving back home, as we're turning into the driveway, the tires in the Rolls-Royce Cullinan make a slight screeching noise as I go around the corner. Like I can imagine the Rolls Royce making the screeching noise because the floor is so clean that it like makes a little like screeching noise as we're turning the steering wheel. Like I'm visualizing that goal. That gives me a target to strive towards. That gives me something that fuels the decisions that I make right now. It gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

28:50It's not about not having goals. It's about not pursuing goals that have an outcome that you don't even want.

29:02It's about chasing things that are fully aligned, that excite you and that light you up. Not just chasing for chasing sake. Like, I can guarantee you that if you're chasing a dream that's not even yours, you're going to get there and feel worse than you did before even embarking on the journey.

29:27You're going to get there and be like, holy fuck, I just embarked on a whole journey that took me further away from who I am. and now I've got to unlearn and shed all these layers of bullshit that I've onboarded over the years because I'm doing shit that's not for me. The problem's not having dreams. The problem's having other people's dreams. They're not yours. They're pointless. They're valueless. They're meaningless for you. They're their dreams, not yours.

30:08when the cost of entry far outweighs the prize, don't pay it. This is a short episode today. I had a calling. I was about to leave and hop in my car and go down to the coffee shop to upload another episode that's coming out. And I said to Elliot, I need to record a pod right now. Let's set up the cameras. I need to record. I've got this feeling. I need to just share it. And what you listened to today is that I have no notes. You can see this. I've got nothing here. I just am feeling this massive pull towards listening to the calling. And where I'm at right now is I think that the ultimate calling is going to be an inward calling where it forces you to slow down and try and strive towards happiness in the present because that's all we really have.