#82: Tom Baulch: Why Most Men Stay Stuck

27:15And for me, that has been such a big thing. Being surrounded by that good environment, that drives me every day because I'm so competitive. I absolutely love competing. I love competing against myself and I love competing against other people. And I never want to be the smartest in the room. I love being challenged. I love chatting with you. I've loved spending the last four days in Austin with you because we challenge each other all the time with our ideas, with our perspectives. And that drives me to think about things in a different way. I struggle with people that always agree with me because it's like, you're always right.

27:49I don't want to always be right. I want to be wrong a lot of the time. And that's why I love spending time with my family as well, because they always challenge me as well. You mentioned before that at the start of the year, you said you're at a low and you think people listening are going to be surprised because they probably thought I was really happy. Why do you feel like your perception is not how you actually are? Because other people's perspective of happiness might be what they regard as happiness. So when I say that, they would see being outgoing, which was what I was doing. I was going out a lot.

28:26I was very vibrant and happy and social. And I'd go out and I'd see heaps of people and I'd meet heaps of people and I'd be very, hey, mate, how you doing? You know, blah, blah, blah. Chat with them on a night out. But that was all kind of fake because I wake up the next day and I was like, I feel like shit today. And then I'd stay in my room for like two or three days and then might go out again and get that social feeling, get that environment, meet a few more people, people that I'd probably never speak to again. I might follow them on Instagram and then it would just be the stupidest conversations, like just a waste of my time and it was just it just got worse and worse and worse and worse and it's kind of good because I just like grind like was just grinding myself into a rock bottom and then I was like all right let's um when you hit rock bottom you know and that was that was the time and everybody would have been looking at me from an outsider's perspective being like Like that guy's so happy.

29:36He's going out all the time. He's social. He's having fun. But for me, I was broken. It's that they're comparing basically their reality to your highlight reel. And so they judge how you are going based on a highlight reel because it's all they can see. When they see you in person, you're showing up. You're trying to give them the energy that you are going well, that all the thing. when you're online, you're not really posting the vulnerability. It's only just the highs. So they're manufacturing this story and forming this story about you, but it's actually only one little aspect of you. And this is how pedestalling can be birthed in someone's mind.

30:17You can look up to someone and it's a really bad thing to do to pedestal someone because you're not seeing their whole life. Like we shouldn't be looking up pedestalling anyone. Like everyone should be on the same level because with every good, there's a bad and the pendulum swings both ways. And we can get caught in this trap of, I'm looking at my whole life and assessing it in its entirety, which includes all of the extreme highs, all of their extreme lows, all of the lack of clarity, all of the middle things that are just meh. And then I'm looking at a highlight reel of someone else and I'm going, fuck, they're doing really well.

30:57Yeah. And then you start pedestalling that, not realising all of the low that is attached to the high that we're seeing. Do you find yourself being challenged, I guess, with comparison? And has that been a challenge for you? Social media is the number one tool that we use to compare at all times. Because like you said, it is the highlight reel. and for me I was sharing everything that was highlight highlight highlight and now nowadays what I try to do a little bit more with my content is show a little bit more vulnerability I want to show to people that I know I'm not perfect I know I'm working through things we all are and there are still things that I struggle with and I post that and of course it doesn't get the same amount of views or reach because no one wants to see you failing they want to see you succeeding and when you post you succeeding on social media it gets 10 times more likes than what it does when you post when you're failing i would argue that the failure i would argue that a transformation performs better so once you're out the other side they like to see that but no one likes to see you when you're just no one likes to see you if you just say i'm drinking yeah i've fucking fallen down a hole here but then you don't say but then i made it out if there's no like i made it out then they're just like fuck you loser exactly right so like all of my some of my best posts recently have been a lot about transformation so a lot about the changes i've made in the last six months not drinking not going out having a smaller circle all those types of things but if i was posting that six months ago saying i'm drinking too much i'm struggling mentally like it's not going to get any and and i don't want sympathy as well i don't want people being like oh poor you oh are you okay do you want to like that's for me to internalize and i like i i want that pressure on myself i want to be like all right let's alchemize this let's change this i want to be the person to come out on top i don't want sympathy from people i don't want people to to say poor you i want to say like let's let's turn this around yourself um and i think that I've had enough examples previously that I can do that.

33:13And it gives me confidence that I can do that again and again and again. And anytime that a setback comes now in life, I literally smile and I'm like, shit, yeah, like another time for me to respond. Yeah. There's this paradigm where deep down in men, we feel like it's only acceptable sharing a negative emotion once we're on the other side of the hard time, not while we're in it. I remember making this video and it was kind of like saying what's going on in a man's mind. I was basically saying like, you'd be surprised at how many times a man sits alone in his bathroom, in his bedroom, in his car, at the edge of his bed, just like holding in tears or stress because he's like hurt or he feels lost or he doesn't really know what to do.

34:03But then when he shows his face again in public, everything's perfectly fine, unbothered. It's just like nothing has happened. And then I know what the girls are thinking. They're thinking, why do men have to be like this? Why can't they just show their pain? And I just go, what you don't understand is that us men, we're wired in a way that makes us feel like sharing a negative emotion is only accepted once we're on the other side of the hard time, not while we're in it. And as much as it can get hard at times, we just like to keep things to ourself. And I think the reminder here is it's the reason for that is because we're playing a game against ourself and no one else.

34:42It's like, we need to go through that hard time because then when we achieve the goals and we achieve the life that we want to live, we can like get to that point, be there and be like, I fucking deserve this. Like I've been through all the shit and I fucking deserve this. And no one is going to understand that while you're in it. Yeah, it's really difficult. And so I like this element. Do you think that if we look at that though, do you feel like you beat yourself up and you're quite hard on yourself? Do you want me to read you a journal entry? Because I think I look at these times where we're not vocalizing the challenge, but where we're going through it and what i've noticed with with you spending the last few days together which has been awesome and it's awesome to see the growth is you're a lot like you have a lot more like depth now than a year ago i think you've you've had a lot more time to be introspective to think um but does that come with challenge of being fucking your own enemy at times Absolutely.

35:55I would say always I've held myself to an incredibly high standard and probably a higher standard than anyone else has ever held me to. And I really enjoy the challenge of being 1 % better every day. I've got like a 1 % growth every day poster on my wall and I look at that every day and I just think, how can I be 1 % better every day? And some days I'm not 1 % better. Some days I'm 1 % worse. Some days I'm 50 % worse. And there are times where this year, especially I've felt bad habits, just creep back in a little bit and laziness or my mindset start to change a little bit. And I don't want to go back to being that person because I know how unhappy I was when I was that person that I need to make sure that I stay on top of the things that I'm doing and the things that I promised myself.

36:53So I'm going to read you out a journal entry this year when I just felt there was probably a few weeks, like to put in perspective, everything started going really well with business. Everything started, was going really well with my fitness. And I got an injury that came up when I was doing squats in the gym and things started to unravel. Like I started ordering like Uber Eats and because I couldn't get out of bed, my back, like I did my back really badly. I missed like three games of footy and I was really unhappy with how life was going. And I needed something that was going to switch me up.

37:30So I'll read you out of Jedward. Oh, here we go. Ready for this? Here we go. And you guys are going to be shocked by this. You're allowed to swear on this, aren't you? I'm trying to. That week, this is 28th of April this year. That weak fucking loser is back again. the one that negotiates with himself who can't fucking say what he's going to do and actually follow through with it i thought we said we're going to be different and we're going to be consistent this year i thought we said we're going to lock in this month you've been nothing but a lazy sack of shit you've been weak what the fuck is wrong with you this goes on for two pages pretty much let's go take accountability it is your fault everything's your fault everything you've done lately.

38:15You've negotiated with yourself. You think you can coach people when you don't even live that life. You're a fucking fraud, a coward. Grow the fuck up right now. Stop being a little bitch. Fuck you. I'm not going to continue. I skipped a little bit through, but there is a time in our lives and I call it negative self-talk, but what it really is, is honest self-talk. There are times in your life where you have to be fucking raw and honest with yourself and tell yourself you are not reaching the level that you need to and no one talks to people no one talks to themselves like this anymore for some reason i don't know why sometimes you need to give yourself a little bit of a serve because everyone around you is being so nice saying oh it's okay you're fine you're fine but you're unhappy so fucking go out there and be honest with yourself and start to change some things about it because they were the honest conversations that I had to have with myself at the start of the year and it's conversations that I have to have with myself throughout the year being like, bro, fucking harden up.

39:17No one is coming to save you. It is time for you to turn things around and you're the only person that's going to fucking do it.

39:27Mic drop. I think it's an interesting balance between being so brutal on yourself and having harsh truths. And the reason I say this is because when you are saying that, I think it's only appropriate saying that when you're falling down a hole, not when you've just not done a little bit of your million to-do list that you had to do. There are times for positive self-talk. Absolutely. There's times to pat yourself on the back and that is equaled out by months of positive self-talk. But there are times when if you're not happy with how things are going and everybody around you is telling you, no, it's okay.

40:13You're fine. No one in this day and age is honest enough with people saying like, you are fucking being lazy. Time to harden up. You're the only person really that knows if you're, because you live with yourself 24 seven. You know if you're taking the easy way out. You know if you're taking shortcuts. You know if you're not responding to emails when you should. You're not posting the content when you should or you're going out and doing these things that you shouldn't be doing. You're the only fucking person that knows. So if the only person that can actually tell you that it's time to harden up is you.

40:48Yeah. And you're the only one that knows the full piece of your life because it's easy for someone to say, no, you're doing fine. but they're comparing you to some average Joe in their life. It's like, well, yeah, but you're so far from your potential. And I think the hard conversations are appropriate when you're slacking. And what I mean by this is like, if you're regressing further away from where you truly want to be and you're not where you want to be, like you need to be that person that decides, okay, I am going to change. No one gives a fuck if you change or not. Let's be real. No one cares.

41:30They're not thinking about you. If you think you're that special that people are thinking about you, you've got it wrong. No one gives a fuck about you. And I think the sooner we realize that, the sooner we go that the only way we're going to change is by if I decide that I'm going to change. It's appropriate if you're in a low or if you're regressing. Do you ever talk to yourself like that? No. I would say that sometimes I talk to myself in a little bit of more of a mild manner, negatively. I would say that we get in our heads so much all the time. And I think I would say that I have a really high standard and I do.

42:09I definitely don't say it like this, but what I also would say is I probably don't resonate as much with the all or nothing mentality. Whereas I can tell that you probably really do. It's like I'm in this or not. And so when you probably slip, you might slip a bit further than me. But when you're on, you're probably way more on than I am. And so I think it's appropriate to do these things when you are slacking. And I just think it's important that when we're doing really well, we don't get caught in this comparison loop and still think that we're not doing well. And so we're not satisfied with anything we've fucking done.

42:49and then we say messages like that to ourself, even when we're winning, even when we're getting steps closer to our goals, even when we set goals at the start of the year and we've achieved most of them already halfway through the year and we're beating ourself up again. I just think it's a slippery slope because like we already have enough people that are against us. We already have like fucking people online that - You've got to say names. Yeah, yeah. We already have people that are trying to tear you down. Don't tear yourself down if you're doing well. And I think that's the conversation you have to have with yourself.

43:24You have to decide whether you're doing well or not. But I think truly that there can be a moment where we step over the line, where we actually become our own enemy in the times when we really need us to be our own hero. Like we really need us to pat ourselves on the back at times because when we're achieving so much and we truly are, but we're still beating ourselves up. It's like, fuck, yeah, maybe we're not at our potential, but potential is all made up. There's no like, this is your potential. There's no line. You've made that up. And so the fact that you've made that up, you're setting an expectation on what your potential is and it's a slippery slope.

44:06Potential is the most interesting thing, isn't it? Because potential is your potential or your perspective of what your potential is versus everybody else's idea of what your potential is versus your mom and dad's idea of what your potential is. It's all completely subjective. No one has any, potential is a made up word. It's just, it's a made up thing. It doesn't really exist. But the only thing that really matters is how high do you think your potential is and what are you going to do to reach that? Last conversation we had 18 months ago, you said one of the things that you, one of the traps you got caught in was showing up basically as like a lie.

44:51you would say that like I was I would post I did three workouts today and I didn't even do a single one and like this was um a thing where you just said yeah like I just felt like a fraud and an imposter like in that thing you you said I feel like a fraud um I feel fake is this a constant challenge for you to feel the need to show up in a certain way or do you feel like you're in a better spot now. Yeah, not at all anymore. I think that for me, I wrote that down because for me as a coach, as an online coach and teaching people and coaching people to be at the top of their ability. And if I'm on a one-on-one coaching call or a check-in call with one of my clients and I'm saying, hey, you need to lose weight or you need to stop ordering Uber Eats, yet I'm doing it, then that makes me feel like an absolute fraud.

45:48But I would never be like drinking and going out or doing anything like that and telling. For me, I want to be able to be the best coach. I want to be the best fitness and lifestyle coach in Australia. I want to help as many people as I can. And to do that, I have to show up every single day for myself. And I have to show up every single day for my clients as well. I think that one of the most motivating things for me is getting up every day and showing up not just for myself, but for my clients as well. So then when I do jump on those check-in calls, I can say, hey, mate, this is what you've got to do.

46:24And I feel not like an imposter. I don't feel like a fraud because I've done those workouts today. I've done what I've set for myself today. And I can tell other people then to do those things. And especially that's what I've found from getting rid of the drinking and getting rid of all that type of stuff is now I've experienced what it's like to go through that hardship, to go through losing some of those friends that were actually kind of pulling you back down a little bit and you didn't really even know. And then when you've stopped kind of going out, you've stopped drinking, you've stopped spending so much time with those people.

46:56You've changed your environment. And now you're with a complete, it's like going from TV, it's like watching TV in gray and now you've like watched, you've got the TV in clear. It's literally like a completely different world that I live in now and changing your environment going through all those things. So I understand what people are going through when they come to me and go, I'm three weeks of drinking and all my friends are trying to pull me back down. They're trying to pull me back into the drinking. They're trying to pull me back into the going out or they want me to go out for dinner four or five times a week.

47:25Or my girlfriend wants to go out for four date nights a week and I can't do that. And it's like, you just have to say no. It's only going to be 12 weeks or six months. It's not that long of a period of time. Do it for then. And then for the rest of your life, you know, you've got the discipline, you know, you can say no, and you can go back to kind of a bit more of a maintenance phase where you live like a normal person, if that's what you want to be. But if you don't want to be normal and you want to be extraordinary and you want to do something else, you're going to have to continue to sacrifice things potentially for the rest of your life.

47:54And sacrifice is this thing where it's like, I'm giving away something that I really want. But for me, drinking and some of these other things that I'm giving away, I don't really want to do them. Well, it's choosing your sacrifice because if you sacrifice going out, you have more clarity, which means you don't have to sacrifice your mental focus. It's like, if you drink, you're not sacrificing going and drinking, but you're sacrificing having a clear mind the next day, choosing it, choosing your heart. It's hard to say no to the thing that you want to do, which is that party, that event, but it's also hard being hung over.

48:38So it's just choosing what you want. And I think the crazy thing about this is it compounds and it actually gets easier the longer you go through the path. You set out on a 12-week journey, right? I'm going to get fit. I'm going to go through a 12-week program. The first two weeks is fucking hard because you want the burger, you want the beer. Fourth week, you're seeing a little bit of results. You look in the mirror and you slashed a few kgs off. All of a sudden, that beer and that burger isn't as attractive. Still have these slight urges. You get 10 weeks in and you're a whole completely different person.

49:17And not only do you not want the beer, but you can't fathom the beer. And so then all of a sudden, you're not even sacrificing because you don't even want it. You don't want it anymore. And the sacrifice of, you can replace the sacrifice with something else, right? So the sacrifice of going out and drinking and having the beer, you feel like you're sacrificing your social life, right? But over those 10 weeks, you might find a new way of meeting people. It might be through run clubs. You might go up to people in the gym a little bit more. You might be going to fitness classes and you're shaking people's hands and they're taking photos of you and then you go out to dinner with them.

49:53There are other ways to meet people and to socialize, especially these days, that aren't just drinking, going out until 4am, 5am, 6am until the sunrise comes up. So you can find other avenues of meeting people that are maybe people that you want to be surrounded by a little bit more. And once you get to the end of those 12 weeks, the amount of people that say to me, oh my God, I want to do this forever. How can I do another three months? How can I do another six months? And the amount of people that now have the tools and resources to do that for the rest of their life with me or without me. That's exactly what I want.

50:30I don't want them to ever have to buy a trainer or a coach or a program or anything ever again because they have the tools and resources to do what they need to do for the rest of their life. And they might have those urges every now and then. And it's okay to have a burger every now and then or a pizza every now and then or whatever you want because now you're at the weight, you're at the look, you're happy with the person that you are and you've got a little bit more balance. Yeah. My best friend quit alcohol at the start of the year as well. and um i remember him writing he said i'm sure he's fine with me sharing this but he just said like i have all of these things i want to achieve and alcohol will be the only thing that makes me not achieve them because it's the gateway right it opens up all the rest of the things and then starts all all of the stuff but one of the hesitations was okay dating women now i'm have to do it sober.

51:27And for me, it's so normal in my life now, dating women sober, because I just don't drink. But I remember that concern of like the little bit of liquid confidence you get by having a glass of wine on the date. And it's so much easier to do it. And I remember that being a concern for him. And he was explaining to me, and it's this weird thing where you get over that little hurdle and the first one is a little bit challenging. It's a little bit awkward. You go on this date without drinking and like you're here to dinner and you're not ordering any alcohol, which is just mind-blowing to me that that is the, it's like you need that to show up for a woman.

52:08But then you have the date, it goes, well, it's fine. And then you have another one and it's fine again. And then all of a sudden it's just normal. And I think the lesson here isn't about going on a date. But the lesson here is that it's not going to be easy straight away. It is going to be a little bit uncomfortable, but then it becomes normal and then you can't comprehend it. And so as much as it can be hard in the moment, it gets easier. It genuinely does. And it's the same with everything in life. Everything in life. How do you expect to start something new and be good at it? Treat it the same.

52:46I have not been sober. It's not going to be easy. I'm new at this thing, right? And so it's just like, don't expect it to be easy. Because guess what? It may not be initially. And it's easy for someone like me to say, yeah, just fucking don't drink, man. I don't drink. I've had a drink a handful of times the last couple of years. I just don't. That's okay. I don't care if you do. If you love your life and you drink, fuck yeah. One of my mentors, he goes on bougie lunches like four times a week. He's a millionaire and he just chills and he doesn't really have desire to make a hundred million, but he loves his life.

53:24And he's like, and you see him excited all the time. His wife looks at him in awe and he's got a kid and he can have wine every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday if he wants. And he's not hung over because he doesn't have a worry. And so I think there's exceptions to the rule, but I just think applying this to everything in life, it's like you want to start Brazilian jujitsu. Do you think you're going to be good at it? in your first session. No, when you stop alcohol, you're not going to be good at that thing either. And so coming to terms with that is really powerful. Yeah. And you're so right. Anything that you start, like don't compare yourself to anyone else like BJJ or boxing.

54:04I remember I started boxing like three years ago and I walked into the gym and I was scared shitless. And I've always been under the perspective of like, I'm not good at that thing. So why would I go and try it? Like before, like three years ago, I was like, I like footy or I like whatever it is. Like, I'm just going to keep doing that because I'm good at it. But the older that I've gotten, the more I've realized, oh, you have to start from zero a lot of times in your life. And that is such a beautiful thing because you also get newbie gains where you start off and you actually get pretty good pretty quickly.

54:41And you kind of get motivated a little bit. And you see it a lot with people, like when they're losing weight or when they, you know, when they do start to stop drinking, a lot of things can change. But like you said, if you're going out and you, I think a lot of people get a judgment as well from the girls. So if you go out and you say, oh, I don't really drink or anything like that. I haven't gone on any dates in the last seven months. So I've got no idea. I have not a clue. I've got no idea about relationships. I'm 25. I'm single. So any relationship advice from me, take it with a grain of salt.

55:13I have no idea. But I would be scared of judgment probably from the girl if I did go on a date. And I think that if you are scared of judgment or if they do judge you, probably not your person. Maybe like probably not going to work. Yeah, for sure. But again, I don't know anything about dating. I don't know anything about relationships. I have zero clue, zero idea. I'm single. So what about, what about like backlash and hate and, and, um, this is, this is an interesting topic, right? We have people like Laura that came at you, right? Recently came at both, both of us, but like someone's unplugged that person.

55:58I genuinely believe, but anyway, like, I think like the, the, the, the plug was in the wall and then at some point they just like, like someone tripped over the cord and like pulled out. And so like she does, it's not operating properly, but, um, but anyway, people like this, right. Um, people like this, like, I feel like we can talk about how you felt during the whole thing. Um, you obviously doubled down. What would be fascinating is I wonder if this happened when you were at that low, when there, when you weren't as confident in yourself, when you weren't making all the progress towards the life you wanted to live, if you were drinking, having mindless sex, doing all of the thing, I wonder if she tried to attack you at that point, how you would have responded.

56:48Because for me, I look at it and I go, all of that went down with me and my whoop scores were higher than they'd ever been. I didn't give a fuck. I'd made more money than I've ever made in my whole life. I could fucking chill. I was good. You could take everything away from me and me and my family were still good. I was jacked and ripped of a good looking young white male. I'm very privileged. I'm moving over to America to build the biggest podcast in the world. I'm crystal clear on what I'm doing. You have some person that's just been unplugged to try and attack me. Like I'm fine. And I actually felt calm.

57:24There was a couple of moments of increased level of pressure and stress, but for the most part, I was good. But if you got me at a low, who knows? Maybe I say sorry. Maybe I back down. Maybe I say you're right in the hopes of pleasing people. Do you think that it came at a good time and you feel a lot more secure in yourself so it was a bit easier to handle that? Absolutely. And again, your perspective of the world changes so much. My perspective of the world right now from especially all the people that I've spoken to over the last six or seven months. To put it in perspective for you, I would go around and travel around to local football clubs, right?

58:07And I would go to those local football clubs and I would play a football game and I'd go to training on the Thursday. I'd meet a heap of the lads and then I'd play on the Saturday. And I would make pretty good connections with most of the people inside the football club, 150 to 200 people inside each of those 12 football clubs that I did across 12 weeks of the start of the football season. Now, in those 12 weeks, every single club that I went to, I would meet maybe the person who was most jovial, who might appear the happiest person from the outside. The person that walked around with his chest puffed out and was happy about how everything's going and you're like, wow, that guy's got it all figured out.

58:56At every single football club, that person would jump on a call with me and would tell me how much he is unhappy with his life. Just about every football club. There were also other people at the club that weren't just happy. So it's not just the incredibly happy person. There are other people inside that football club that you have no idea about, that no one has any idea about, that are incredibly struggling with their mental, their physical, spiritual, whatever it might be. And a lot of them simply just wanted to get themselves in good shape or they wanted to stop drinking every weekend. They want to stop going out.

59:37They want to stop getting on the bags every weekend because I was spending too much on that. And I would help and try and help every single one of those people get in good shape. I would be brutally honest with them and I would take them through kind of what I did in my experience. So bringing it back to your question, I think that with Laura's stuff, how she was attacking me about all of these types of things, those people, to put it in perspective for everyone, Laura was attacking me for saying that I would prefer my fitness coach or fitness professional to have had experience, to be in good shape.

1:00:13and also if I'm selling something that is to get you off alcohol, to get you off drugs, all that type of thing, I would want a coach that has gone through that experience as well. So for me, those people came to me. Definitely not doing the thing. Definitely not doing the thing. So those people came to me because I've got that experience, because I've also got fitness qualifications as well, but because I've got that experience and they see me as someone that can help them get them through that. So every single one of those people I have helped in whatever way I can And I've seen the visible change of their energy, of their happiness, of their proud of their body.

1:00:51They're strong. They're fit. They rock up to work on time. They're getting promotions at work. And it's literally just from having them lock in and having them change things. So when Laura comes at me saying all these type of things, I wouldn't have been able to be that level of coach to those people unless I've had that experience and unless I've had those qualifications. So I think, and my perspective is that any coach that I've ever wanted and going through that experience of having her kind of attack me, I'm like, I'm helping so many people do so many great things. and whatever you say to me does not affect me because I've got 500, 600, 700 clients that are the happiest, the strongest, the best that they've ever been, the best they've ever felt.

1:01:37They've got the abs for the first time that they've ever had since 16 and they're like, their wife finally loves them again and is turned on by them. It's like, dude, these guys are fucking changing their lives. Get up and about. I also think what's important to note here is the thing that she attacked you on is based on how you're saying like they've got to look the part and people and she, her health ridiculous thing was, uh, health comes in different sizes, whatever the fuck that means. Health comes in different. So what does he say? Anyway, what the fuck does that mean? But the thing that I'm, the thing that I'm quite passionate about is they, they lean on these like things like, um, like, uh, fitness, like what degrees do you have?

1:02:18What certifications that you have? And I actually don't even know how much that matters because here's the deal. When you're out of shape, it's not the program that gets you in shape. It's doing it that does. You need someone that can motivate you to do the thing. Because you can go on ChatGBT and find a program, but you need to be attached to someone that you're inspired by that will help you do the work. And the money that you transact is the thing that you are saying, I commit to this. That's why you're paying the money. That's why you're using that person. It's not the fucking program. As much as there'll be nuance and people will help, it's you like that person.

1:03:01You're inspired by that person. You want to make that person proud and you want to make yourself proud. And by transacting, you're going to do the work. Exactly right. And I think, yeah, you go. And so with this, like take Alfie, for example. He doesn't even have a fitness certification. certification. He's making millions of dollars, changing lives, and he's doing a very good deed. I don't care what anyone says, doing a very good deed, helping so many people change their lives. Now, people are inspired by him. They're transacting, which means they're committing. They're doing the work. They're changing their life.

1:03:37So then they love their life more. In what world is that a bad thing? And we're surrounded by overweight people, obese people, depressed people, people that are unhappy with their lives. Now, let's just be very clear. If I wanted a coach, I would want someone that looks fit and healthy and also has the qualifications in a perfect world. But if I had the choice between someone that is unfit and has qualifications versus someone that is very fit and doesn't have the qualifications, I would take the person who is very fit and doesn't have the qualifications because at least they have the lived experience, which for me personally is more important than someone that has qualifications and not lived experience.

1:04:16That is just my priority. Yeah. And I think it's pretty simple. But also, here's the thing, is are you allowed to have an opinion? If you're 25 years old and a white male, apparently. Like, is the Pope Catholic? Yeah. But that's a fact. That's different to an opinion. It's not a fact. Is it? Oh, I don't know. No, but it's just like, okay, the Pope, he could be Catholic, but what is Catholic? And it's like, there's not many facts in this world. The sun doesn't rise, we spin. There's a few facts, but there's very little facts. I think everything's perception. And I truly think that we're allowed to have our opinion.

1:04:58It's like, I love women. But I understand where they're coming from because it could be dangerous and it could make people feel insecure or inadequate as a trainer if they are not in great shape. And I do understand that that is harsh. And unfortunately, and going back to the point that I was actually making at the time, which was if you want to be an online fitness coach, you have to be in shape. That is what I was saying. In a visual world of being online and being seen online, if you want to be successful, I don't know personally, I don't know any or many successful fitness coaches that aren't in shape online.

1:05:42You will be a hundred percent more successful in a saturated market of online fitness coaches if you are fit and healthy. I think that that is just a very blatant fact that you can't disagree with. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's just, it's just simple. It's like, you like, you do like preach the practice and preach the thing that you're, you're doing. And it's like, you're not going to take discipline advice from your drunk uncle. and and again i understand where they're coming from and i have i like i do have i like i like i like the fact that you are covering your bases and you're saying you understand where they come from but i think i do because the reason i do is because i have male and i do have female clients and the way that i 60 percent of this people listening right now are women and i coach my female clients differently to how i coach my male clients now a lot of the people that i speak like the males that I speak to, it's a lot more direct.

1:06:31It's a lot more, I'm trying to hit them a lot more kind of from an emotional standpoint, like you really need to figure your fucking shit out, bro. Because if you don't, no one's coming to save you. With my female clients, I'm a little bit less direct with things. So I understand from a female perspective of like the way that you have to speak to them, it is different. It is nuanced. And you have to be careful with how direct you are because it can incite a little bit more emotion than what you're willing to get out of them. So I do understand that. And I think the thing is, yeah, we obviously get that.

1:07:11But I'm 95 % men. Yeah. And that's the whole thing. It's like you weren't talking to women in that post. You're talking to young men that don't love their life and that they want change. and I think that's what they need to hear at times. But, dude, I feel like just like I just want to commend you for like the growth, the change. It's just cool to have you in my life and I don't know, it's just an exciting time of life. I think there's so much happening. It's exciting. There's unknown. There's clarity. There's everything. Kind of like feeling it all and it's been cool to have you in town. I feel like you're, as I said earlier, like you're, I don't know, you definitely have been thinking of being introspective a lot more and being open.

1:08:01And I don't know, you've been thinking deeper recently as well, which is quite cool. Yeah, it's been great. And again, I don't have it figured out. I'm 25. I got to like, to think about the growth that I've had just in the last six months, I couldn't imagine where I'm at when I'm, hopefully, if I continue to grow when I'm at 26, 27, 30, 35, 40. And everything that I am doing now is to try and set my life up for when I get to 30 or 40. And I want to work incredibly hard now. I want to focus really hard on these kind of next five years or two or three years, really focus on my business and really try and grow that to the level that needs to be.

1:08:38So I can give my family, give my kids, give everyone a comfortable life and hopefully a healthy and happy life as well. and I'm much happier now. I'm more than much happier. I'm the happiest I've probably ever been. I'm the most fulfilled that I've ever been. And I can't wait to keep watching you grow as well because it's been funny the last 18 months. I feel like we've almost exponentially as well seen your growth with everything, with the way that you've taken things in your stride. It's super motivating for me. So I'm so lucky to kind of call you a really, really, really close friend as well.

1:09:15Appreciate you, brother. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. And I'm just pumped. Pumped to watch it all unfold. Pumped to be there by your side. Pumped to support you wherever I can and keep on growing together, bro. You too, bro. I'll see you in Dubai. Let's do it. Yeah, Tommy's moving to Dubai. I don't know if I'll go see him. We'll see how we go. Why don't you want to come see me in Dubai? I'm going to give you a place. Yeah, I'll come see you. But if you guys made it to the end, I'm going to leave all of Tom's details in the show notes in the description below. Go and check him out. If you want to get fit and healthy, go to this guy.

1:09:45He's fit and healthy as well, so he's practicing what he preaches. I live it. He left today and did a hectic interval running. He was like, I'm going out. I'll be back soon. He ended up just destroying himself. He came back dripping sweat. All over your floor. I apologize. Go and check out Tom and inquire about him if you want to do some coaching. This episode will be out on Monday, which means that this week, the podcast course is launching, Community of the Podcast Jungle, which I'm pretty pumped with. They've actually never promoted it on here, but in the link below this is an application form.

1:10:20Fill that out if you're interested in starting, growing, scaling, monetizing your personal brand or your podcast. I'm the go-to guy for that and we've been crushing it. We've been diving deep with people, getting some awesome results for them over the past three months and now we're bringing it to life with a community format and I'm really, really pumped about it. So if you wanted to take that to the next level and you made it to this end, this far into the convo, then fucking go and check that out. Get it. Support Tom, support me, and leave a five-star review on Spotify because it will help the show grow and it helps us keep getting awesome people like Tom back on the show we're going to sign out for this week.

1:10:51But I'll see you guys very, very soon. Bye-bye. Love you, bro. Love you, bro. I don't think I can be your friend, Isabella said. Rebecca's stomach flipped. This is the love story of real hinge couple Isabella and Rebecca, written and read by me, Temi Denton-Hurst. Listen to the free audiobook now.