#98: Patrick Murtagh: The Dark Side of the NFL Nobody Sees

0:00Since we last spoke, there's probably been a fair bit of change in your life, would you say? Yeah. Like, I guess when we were speaking, you had just had the hip surgery, I believe? Yeah. No, I just finished hip surgery and I was on my way back over to the States. Yeah. It's crazy because you look at the journey and you just like, we're in the States right now. We're in Jacksonville recording this, which is just crazy to think. But when we look at the journey of of the last, say, 18 months or however long it was since we last recorded, there's been so many things that you just can't make up. Like the journey has just been such an interesting one, would you say?

0:39Yeah, 100%. And I wouldn't change it for the world. Things happen for a reason. I mean, I'm not going to sit around and complain about things if I can't control it. Just control what you can control and just give everything your all, really. What has been some of the things that have happened to you that, you know, have been challenging that you just realize that you can't control and it's and it's been just yeah keep moving forward well it's funny when when i left after that podcast went back over to the states and went into training camp and i think two two or three weeks in it was a week before the pre-season game against the chiefs snapped my leg completely in half my leg broke my ankle broke as well just located completely and ruled me out for the rest of the season and uh this is one of those things that you just look at it was a freak accident.

1:24How I did it, it happens almost every rep in every team, every day. It was just the right angle, the right speed. It was a freak accident. And I can't sit around and mope about it and be sad about it because at the end of the day, I can't do anything about it. I had no control over that injury. You know what I mean? Was there a level of frustration? Yeah, 100%. I mean, being out for a whole year, coming back in and then doing this after you did a whole year of rehab, you've sacrificed your whole life to move overseas, live in a country where you know no one by yourself and then go and do it again.

2:00It does, it eats you up. It is tough, but I mean, again, couldn't control it. Do you ever feel like, why me? Like, have you ever had those thoughts when that's happened? And I think it's normal for people to initially think, like, why me? But at the end of the day, it's not really helping you mentally dreading on it and thinking about it. I was just really grateful I got to be there still. Like, I still got to go in the facility. After the first few weeks, I got to go in the facility every day. Got to see the boys. I still got to be around the whole environment and everything. It wasn't the same as playing, but I was still grateful I could still do all that sort of stuff.

2:35I could be at home, you know, seeing the boys out there playing, doing this on my own. but I had a good support around me and I mean it happens to everyone. Where do you think your optimistic outlook come from? Like is there anyone that taught you that or is there anything that you just kind of onboarded throughout your upbringing to kind of onboard that trait? Because I'm noticing you are very positive and you kind of, I don't know, you think about the goods instead of all of the bads a lot of the time and I've been noticing that but do you think you've got that from somewhere specifically? Yeah, 100%.

3:07My parents, like, they've done a great job bringing me up. Mum, Dad, both bringing great attributes to the party. From Mum's background, from Papua New Guinea, seeing where she's come from and where her family lives and how they live obviously gives you a sense of a gratefulness to be where you are. And then Dad's just always been there and stored it for me. He's saying, like, there's always going to be – there's always good out there. And I think at the end of the day, yeah, like, shit does get tough. but you're in the NFL I mean there could be worse things going on in your life you know what I mean and again it was a freak it was a freak accident and but when you do it I was lucky enough to work with a psychologist over there um and she helped me out so much of it all and she also really helped me with looking at the bright side and setting little goals as we go along so not thinking about all right what's the long-term goal get back get playing it was more like what's the goal for the week like all right well I can't leave bed my room was a mess maybe if I can fold a few clothes and put them away because I didn't open the blinds I didn't open the windows I didn't leave the bed for I think three weeks two three weeks so I was just bedridden it was eating me up so if I started by cleaning around cleaning the environment around me that's a little goal all right happy you know go for I could do that that's progress all right sweet what's the next goal for next week all right let's let's get let's get a haircut let's look let's feel a bit better you know, I'm out of the house and I was like, you know what, I'm going to buy a PS5.

4:32So I took myself to Target and the broken leg and everything and hopped in a little motorized shopping trolley. I was wheeling around. I thought that was pretty cool. You know, I'm still out here doing life and got back home and I texted her straight away saying, look, I went out and bought a PS5. I'll get out of the house and there's another little achievement. So there's little things that you can be grateful for in everyday places. Yeah. I feel like it can be easier said than done though, because, you know, once you experience a high, your normal becomes a little bit different. Yeah. And like being completely debilitated and you can't walk, surely it'd be hard from a mental standpoint to go, oh, I'm on a wheelchair in Target getting a PS5 so I can play games instead of train with the boys and play football.

5:19Like surely that was actually a challenge. Like I understand when you're explaining it, but like, do you, will you genuinely be able, were you able to go through that with quite a positive outlook or do you think it was a challenge? It was kind of like your constant battle with your mind. No, there was, it was a massive, a massive battle with my mind, but I always thought, and I've always thought as well, I don't want to bring my problems onto someone else because someone else might be having a great day. And if I'm moping around upset, then I might bring their good day down. So if I'm going to have my moments, I'll have it in my own time.

5:49So as soon as I left the hotel I was staying at or my house, I'm happy and I'm good. Let's make someone's day or someone can make my day. And it's good. All the boys were so helpful and positive, and that helped me out so much as well. But don't get me wrong, as soon as I left that, that was a three-hour little high. Then I get home. I'm by myself. And then it's just tough. It's just you. You've watched every movie, TV show on Netflix. There's nothing else you can really do. You're losing weight. You're not eating. You do go through some battles out there and it does get really tough. But again, I just look at the bright side and it is tough.

6:29Yeah, no, there is ways around it. There is ways around it. Do you, like, I guess what you're explaining there a little bit is you don't want to bring someone else down. So you kind of keep those battles to yourself internally. And I guess the underlying thing here is you're on the other side of the world, away from your family. your partner's not even here uh she's on the other side of the world you've got obviously your mom and your sister on the other side of the world so like would you say that the isolation is a challenge because you're spending so much time alone yeah 100 even now right now all the boys are trained doing pre-season and just eat you up a bit all that down time it gives you more time to to think about these things rather than when you're training it's just go go go and then when you're done, you go to bed.

7:18So you're not, you don't have time to think about all these things. And so it does get tough. And I was, I was really lucky enough that mum, my sister, my partner flew over, um, throughout this journey, which did make it really easy. Um, but yeah, no, it does, does play a factor. That's for sure. Especially now as well. Well, let's talk about the comparison, uh, piece. You mentioned earlier that your mum's family is from Papua New Guinea and they live there, do they? Yeah, the whole family. So how do they live and what's that life like? Because I think that can be quite a powerful comparison to when you are struggling with your so-called privileged life.

7:58Yeah, her mum's family, so she's in a small village back home in Gabba Gabba. Houses are on stilts, so just timber stilts out there. If you go to the toilet or have a shower, it's just a hole in the floor and everything goes in the water and just washes out. But, yeah, but again, like those, you look at those little things there, the whole village is on stilts in the water and there's nothing much going on there. Stilts in the water. Stilts in the water. Yeah. It's pretty impressive how they build it all. Have you been there? Yeah, I've been there before. It's unreal. I'll show you some photos afterwards.

8:29And I think you look at that and you look how happy they are. Like they're so happy because they've got each other. It makes you think, well, if they can be happy in that sort of environment, why can't, why can't I be happy in what I've got? So I just, I am truly grateful. I get to see that side and have mum from that side. That's fascinating. Seeing them smile and be happy on stilts when people in our world would be like freaking out. It's quite a cool comparison point, right? Because you're going like, hang on, like if they can be happy, what? And I'm driving my Mercedes here right now. Like surely I can be happy.

9:07A hundred percent. Yeah. That's the thing. And obviously there's going to be moments there where you have the right to feel sad. Yeah. You have to let it out because otherwise it's going to build up, build up, build up, and then it's going to come out. And whether it comes out in a good way, a bad way, it could affect others around you and it could have a massive effect. So it's really important that you do also get it out. And this is your mom's side. Your dad, I remember speaking, and unfortunately your dad passed away, but I remember speaking to you on the last podcast and you're explaining how a lot of the mannerisms that you've onboarded is from your dad.

9:43You're explaining that like a lot of the kind nature that you have and different things that you do throughout your day, you learned from your dad. What are some of the key things that you kind of onboarded from your father growing up? There's so many things he's just done and led by example. And some of the things he's done without even like telling me as well just the actions he does just the little things um but one of the biggest things he always said to me is never give up so no matter what you just never give up in life or whatever you're doing and that's where giving my all comes in because I want to give my all and never give up and if it gets to the point where physically can't do anything or for some reason I can't then then I move on to something else um but he's just he's a person that gives a lot he'll give every last bit that he has he'll run his account dry he'll give you his house he'll sleep on the floor so you can sit on his bed like those sort of things he'll make sure that you're you're okay first before he is and I think it's uh it played that's really rubbed off into me and now that's come on to me looking after my mom my sister my partner like I want to give them the life they deserve I mean it's been a pretty rough upbringing for the family for the past few years So I want to make sure I can give mom the life that she deserves.

10:59And that's the main focus on why I'm doing these things and trying to get these, trying to get on the roster and keep doing my job. Like that's my big why is giving back and that would all come back from dad. Yeah. I remember we were chatting about how obviously the last time we spoke, you'd just get out of the surgery and you got re-picked up again. And so it was this cycle of like, went over to the NFL. well, they sent you back on a plane like the same week that you got there. Then you did the whole preseason like recovery, rehabilitation, and then you got picked up again and then you went over there and then that was the point that we were at in the last story, right?

11:39And then you get over there and not too long after the same thing happens again. Same thing, yeah. It's sport, man. Injury's inevitable, man. You can't really. Can you talk to me about the mindset piece of this? And more specifically, I remember clear as day, you sharing how you were feeling. And it was more about like feeling like, like you just, you're working so hard to look after your mom and your family. And then it kind of gets slammed in and you're like, oh my God, I've got to call them up again and tell them. And I remember that was like such a emotional thing for you. did you have those similar thoughts running through your brain again when it happened again um yeah it was it was interesting because when i was on the ground and i got got hurt it sounded like a chopstick snapped and i was i was sitting there and i was thinking in my head someone's broken their leg and everyone's just hopped off hopped off and then all of a sudden looked down like i don't have an ankle where's my ankle my shin's a bit bruised and i realized it was me and i was laying on the ground and it wasn't I think the pain was, it was bad, but the fact of, I don't know how to describe it really.

12:56It was just knowing that I've just done an injury and I'm out for the year. The shock of just seeing it, just going, I'm really out for another year. That's what took all the pain away and everything. And just disbelief, really. I was just sitting there on the ground, looking at it. But end of the day, there's photos of me as well. I hop off I get stretched off into the back of the buggy I'm smiling I'm waving to the crowd and everything because at the end of the day yeah I got hurt it's traumatizing but it's also traumatizing for all these other boys all the 90 odd boys that are there training like they got to keep practicing and you don't really want to practice when you just see someone's leg and snap them in half so the least I could do was get up there smile like dad the boys up when I'm heading off and show that I'm okay so but then such a selfless approach I mean we're we're one team we got one goal don't we We all want to win the Super Bowl.

13:47And so I think that's just as simple as it is. I mean, it does suck. Don't get me wrong. I hurt like a bitch. Suck getting carted off. Suck calling my mum. It was 12.30, 1.30 in the morning. I'm in the back of the ambulance. Sirens are going. And yeah, she just hears all the sirens. She goes, what's going on? I said, don't worry. I'm okay. I've broken my leg, but I'm on the way to hospital. I think we'll be fine. I'll give you some updates in a couple of minutes. You can go just relax. Everything's okay. You can hear my tone, my voice. I'm fine. Obviously, mom instincts. She's panicking, running around and whatnot.

14:22I call the partner. I call her up and tell her the same thing, and she's doing the same thing. It's pretty traumatizing. You wake up to a phone call that your boyfriend or your son has just stabbed his leg. And that gives them kind of, they kind of feel pretty helpless being on the other side of the world. But I try to reassure them and say that I was okay. I was fine. I'm in good hands. but I think that phone call was a bit easier than the first one because the first one was like we gave up everything. We could have kept playing AFL but we took that away. We took a risk in a sport that mum's pretty much never heard of, knows nothing about.

14:57I've never lived out of home so to move across the country for the first time ever, like all these big risks and to see it all finally work out to be stripped away in a week, that hurt more than calling her this time and saying I'm out of here. Do you also think that if we think about this, right, like when the first one happened, you hadn't experienced that before. And so you didn't, it was so much more unknown. Whereas because you, that happened, then you overcame it. It kind of basically reminds you that you can overcome these things. So then when you're presented with them again, you can go, oh, okay, it's a hurdle, but I've fucking done this before.

15:36I can do it again. A hundred percent. It's like, I think of it like a 400 meter hurdle race. You're running around, you're going to hit a hurdle, get back up. There'll be a hurdle somewhere down the track, but you just don't know where. But you just know it's a long, it's a hell of a race. But no matter what, there'll always be another hurdle. You just got to keep getting up, keep going. It's a marathon hurdle race, man. It's a marathon hurdle race, exactly. But I think the great thing is, is probably the further we go down that marathon hurdle race, the less we make the mistakes. A hundred percent.

16:04Because we are sharpening the sword and getting better. And it's like, we've done so many jumps over these hurdles. that we can jump over hurdles easier. And I feel like it's a reminder for when you're going through these things where you get presented with a thing where your whole ankle snapped in half. And I don't want to see a photo of that, so don't show me a photo, please. Thank you. But like when your whole ankle snapped in half, all of a sudden it's like, fuck, but now when I get over that, I'm going to be able to like, if I break my finger or something, I'm going to be fine. 100%. Yeah.

16:39it's like it's all comparisons exactly and you look at it as well if someone like this injury it's not the first in the history like other people have gone through it other people made recoveries and so if they can do it why can't i you know it's proven that if they can get up get going and get back to where they were i can do it as well and i can and i know i can do it as well because i've just come off one as well i mean it's it does hurt that you have to do it again but there's that reassurance knowing that you've done it once you can do it again and if god forbid it happens one more time you know you can get through it again because you're just getting stronger it's character building you're building resilience you're getting stronger you learn learning tips and tricks on how to cope with these little challenges that come up along the way and i guess that's why i'm become so optimistic and so positive about things because i've overcome a lot of things and i've just it's just built me up all this character building as i said before and it's just made me who I am today.

17:33I want to talk more on this, on this like happy energy and just bubbly nature that you, that you have, because I think, I think more people need this and I don't know how it's obtained a lot of the time, but like, it's kind of like a childlike nature, like coming in and going, oh, where are the pigs? Oh, where are the pigs? Yeah. Oh, there's And the farmer's like, oh, they're in the freezer. They're like, I can show you where the pigs are. They're in the freezer. And you're like, oh, do you have any animals that are alive? I have six feet under the ground. It's such a like childlike nature. And I think it's such a positive trait.

18:18Like it's, dude, insanely positive trait of being able to just amuse yourself in a sense. Like when we were kids, we, we didn't have all, we weren't weathered with all this shit that made us feel like we can't do these things. Like when we go to your house, you've built all this Lego you made, instead of getting normal flowers behind your couch, you made Lego flowers and then put them in these vases. And then you did the whole thing. And I'm like, like, you just don't do that, but you do. And I think it's actually quite a positive thing to be able to just have this childlike nature. Where does that come from?

18:59Do you know? Like how?

19:03Life's too short, man. You never know when it could get taken away from you. So just enjoy every day like it's your last. Take in the little moments. Take those photos. Have those conversations. Make someone's day. I've had this mindset as well. or you drive out of the facility on a game day. Kids, fans all line up on the outside. You can drive past it easily. Windows, you probably had a bad game or whatever. Windows are up, tinted, just drive past. But I just think, like, what's 10 minutes out of my day? I'm making this person's day, making this person's day, making this person's day. They may not know who I am, but all they know is that a Jags person signed their stuff.

19:39And I'm just sitting there, seeing them being happy makes me happy, knowing that I've made someone's day. And then I can head off afterward pretty fulfilled. and it's just these little things as well. And I think after we spoke about earlier, after losing dad, seeing how quickly life can be taken away from you. I mean, I just enjoy the little things. I really embrace the little things. I enjoy the little things. I'm not afraid to go have conversations with people and I love networking. And as you said, we walked in here, we saw the pigs. I'm like, oh my God, sick. Pigs, when am I going to see a pig again?

20:11We didn't see the pigs, man. They were in the freezer. We ate them. I mean, even like a horse as well. I've never ridden a horse and he had some saddles there. I wouldn't mind riding a horse. I might kill it because I'm heavy, but if you've got a big horse, I'll do it. But it's just these little things, you know, and it just brings a life to someone, brings a life to me. It's just, I love it. It's infectious. It's really infectious. A smile is so powerful, more powerful than you think. Yeah. I wonder about this feeling of like, you said life can be taken away from you, obviously, experiencing your dad pass away.

20:46I wonder if that does make you kind of try and enjoy the minutes more in life just because you kind of go, fuck, like, I don't know. I've never experienced it, thank God, just at the moment. But like experiencing someone that you love so much just leave and you can't see them or speak to them ever again is, it must be a big perspective switch for you in life. It sucks the soul out of you. Why? It's just, when you see that person who's just been there for you 24-7, ups and downs and give you all your life advice. And then sometimes you're grateful and sometimes you regret because you didn't give enough and just makes you think, what more could I have done or I wanted to cherish just a little bit more.

21:36It just sucks the life out of you. And seeing how it affects yourself and everyone around you, I don't wish on anyone. It's a killer. It's a pain I never want to go through again. And I do see it affect me as well in times where I do feel no emotion towards some things. And I think that's because I've lost out. And sometimes I get scared to put my heart and soul into some things because I'm afraid that it could be taken away. So it's just kind of, and my partner knows that as well. I give her everything. I give her my all and whatnot. But she knows it as well. She goes, I can see it. I can see it.

22:19But at the end of the day, there's only little glimpses of that. But again, you should enjoy every moment because it's freak accidents or prolonged injuries or whatever it is. You never know what's going to happen. You never know. I might not even get back in the league ever again. Who knows? That's why you've got to rock up with a smile every day. You see your name on the wall, 88 Murtaugh, all your Jags hitting there. Best feeling ever. I'll never forget it. I took a photo of it almost every day walking in there going, this is so sick. And you're just walking around seeing the boys playing their music and seeing everything like that.

22:50I'm a guy from the Gold Coast in Australia. No such thing as NFL pretty much back there. Like, Big props to Jordan Millard for putting all of us in the map and really pushing the international pathway through and giving all of us hope. And to be my second year now, you've got to take these little things in and really enjoy it. And I love it. It's just little things, man. Let's talk about the NFL a bit more and the part that people don't see. I think there's, like, you're in one of the biggest sports in the world and, you know, there's a lot of eyeballs. There's a lot of like social status that comes with it.

23:29There's a lot of, you know, you're in the NFL and it's quite like a big title. Do you think there's a pressure that you feel to uphold that at all? I mean, pressure is a privilege. I mean, I love it. It means that you're doing something right. And I mean, at the end of the day, it means you care as well. If you're not feeling these jitters and all that sort of stuff, do you really care? and like all you hear the top athletes say like pressure is a privilege like embrace it love it because when are you going to get that pressure feeling again you know we're running out in front of 50 to 100 000 people like they're all relying on you to do your role your team's relying to do your role like the boys back home everyone watching in Australia relying on you like I love that yeah how cool it is like to think that people are relying on me to make that one catch that one move like it is awesome yeah it is no i i love it but also at the same time like do you think it builds up in if you were to think about like the the amount of hours you spend training to then try and perform on on on game day people seem to think that like they know you train they obviously get that you're athletic but they probably don't understand the actual depth of training that when you're in a camp and you're in a club, like the amount you have to do, the homework you have to do, the hours you're spending every single day doing it.

24:57Like, do you think that there's like, do you think there's this pressure on game day to go, fuck, I've put in all this work. Like I need to show up today. Or is it, is there something and do they teach it in the NFL where it's like to try and remove that emotional part of it in the game? I think it's, you do the work, the results will show. So if you're going out there thinking, oh, I'm a bit nervous about what I'm going to do and whatnot, you've studied relentless hours. You've spent so many sleepless nights, all this sort of stuff. So that way when you get in the big stage, it's just natural instincts.

25:30You're going, you're flowing. And there's, in the NFL, you can't double think, you can't hesitate. Because if you do, you've lost. As simple as that. So you get out there and you know that you've just gone through a training camp where for me I had to get there hours beforehand, like two hours beforehand or however many hours it was I think it was two hours before we even had our first meeting. I had to get stuff right for my hip and injury beforehand. I had to study as well beforehand. We finished training I'd stay there for an extra two hours recover, make sure my hip, my body's good for the session tomorrow because some boys are different.

26:05Some boys don't even have to warm up and they're good to go. But for me I know my body, I need a big warm up, I need a big warm down, I need to look after it And then when I'm finished with that, I leave, let's say, two hours later, three hours later, go back home. Then you get the payable. You get the in-store for tomorrow. You got to learn all these new plays, 10, 20, 30, 40, however many plays it is. You may not, you probably get three, four, five reps, but still know it. Because you never know when your time will come up when someone goes down and you go, hey, you're in. And so then you're studying for another hour, two hours, three hours, however long it may be.

26:36And for an international person like myself who's never played the sport, I need to learn everything. I need to make sure I know it like the back of my hand. And then you go to bed, it's 12 o 'clock at night, you wake up at 5 o 'clock, you go again, and you're doing that for the whole training camp. So by the time you get to that first game, I've never ran out on the field and played a game, just never made it there for my injuries, but I just know that you'll get out there, even just from training, you put the work in, you just play off interesting things, you play off your skill, and then you just show off why you're there.

27:10and I think it really showed when I went to a camp, like a mini camp and none of the same. I put in so many hours of just studying this playbook. I had less than 24 hours to learn it. Learned it, went out there, bored out. I was so happy with how I did it. I just played with instinct. I just knew what I was doing. I knew what route it was. I didn't think about anything else. I didn't feel any pressure. Like, oh, am I going to get selected? I was an athlete. I just went out there, did what I do best. It worked. Do you gain inspiration from the other players? Like, is there, you would have got here and been like, clearly the underdog in terms of you're rocking in, there's people making so much money.