Landing Your First Senior Role + The Friendship Recession

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1:42I love you so, so, so, so much.

1:50What kind of blood you put on her? You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R. Under 17. I made it without parent. Only theaters May 15th with special engagements in Dolby.

2:05Welcome to Office Hours with Prof G. This is the part of the show where we answer your questions about business, big tech, entrepreneurship, and whatever else is on your mind. A big update. Office Hours is now airing on Mondays and Wednesdays in the Prof G feed. You'll still get double the dog, double the inside. What a thrill. Is that big news? I don't know if that was big news. Maybe that was big-ish news. Anyways, if you'd like to submit a question for next time, you can send a voice recording to officehoursofprofitimedia.com. Again, that's officehoursofprofitimedia.com or post your question on the Scott Galloway subreddit and we just might feature it on our next episode.

2:37Question one. Our first question comes from Jake who emailed us. Hi, Scott. I recently landed my first senior role in a large company. I'm 28 years old and this is a huge increase to the level of responsibility I'm used to. The company has 31 significant businesses and owns and operates. my job will be both to develop the partnerships that make the businesses possible and to drum up new business. What advice do you have for young people who land their first senior role? What is the best approach I can take for the first few months to ensure long-term success in the job? Huh. Well, typically, most people who get a promotion are already sort of doing the job.

3:15I've said, if you want to be promoted, start doing that job. Start behaving as if you are doing that job. So my guess is you're already, you know, my guess is the people who made the promotion are smart. So what advice? Be humble. Meet with the people who are now reporting to you and ask them, you know, check in with them. Ask how you can be helpful to them. Do a really good job. Go overboard in public circles of praising your team and deflecting credit to members of your team. I mean, be seen as like a good person who's empathetic and who wants them to win. Meet with them a lot. I don't, I wouldn't be drunk on your power.

3:58I think the last thing you want to do is be like the young asshole that's like all of a sudden telling everyone what to do. So I think the first thing to do is probably to have a coffee with your entire team. Take them out. Get their impression of what's going on. How can you help them be more successful? And, you know, just bring it. Show up 10 minutes early to everything. leave 10 minutes after everyone else, show you're willing to roll up your sleeves. I'm a big fan. I think there's two management styles, or two leadership styles, I should say. There's the inspiring leader who gets up and gives a speech and tells people what to do, and wow, isn't this person compelling?

4:35And then there's the player coach. I've always been the inspiring leader, and that is I like getting up at all hands and talking about the business, and I'm articulate and trying to motivate people. That only lasts so long because after a while, people start hearing the same stories and get a little bit cynical and get sick of the kind of rah-rah. The second player coach, actually the woman, Catherine Dillon, who runs Prop G Media is a great example of a player coach leader. And that is if she doesn't like the edit you did on one of these podcasts or one of the producers does on one of these podcasts, she'll typically go through the edit with them and show them what to do.

5:11When we, we've worked together about 15 years, when we were in an office space in Greenwich Village, I constantly saw her when she was editing videos or working on a report or doing charts. She was our creative director back then. She would take her chair and pull it next to the person and be next to that person for an hour. She wouldn't come back and say, this is wrong, this is wrong, and this is wrong, fix it. She would sit down and say, this is how I think we can make this better and would teach them a player coach. I actually think that's a much more valuable means of leadership. So try and be a player coach.

5:46And that is where you see opportunities to help the people working with and or reporting to you. Sit down with them and try and upskill them and give them the sense that you're going to make it more likely that they'll win. And I would also just in meetings deflect again, deflect credit, let other people speak, try and listen, just be very thoughtful. And then for three or six months, just show that you, you know, you've come to play and work very hard. Other than that, you know, I don't know, be a player coach. Don't be an asshole. Work hard. I guess that's about it. And don't be afraid to check in with your boss and say, hey, it's been three months, six months.

6:25How am I doing? Where can I improve? Congratulations. That's exciting for you. It's what you call a good problem. Question number two.

7:00out with my friends seems more like a board meeting we have to schedule than it does just a hangout session like it used to be. I have no kids. I'm single and that life makes me happy. I'm a working professional who has multiple graduate degrees and plenty of hobbies that I enjoy. So I'm not some sheltered person vaping in my mom's basement. But I do miss my friends and I miss a life that we had that seems like it's come and gone. I understand that life, career, family is going to make friendships less tangible as we age. And I'm not 21 anymore and I don't live on campus. So the days of just going out and drinking on a random Thursday are far gone, as sad as that is.

7:47But how do I accept the fact and navigate an adult world of just mostly being alone and not seeing my friends anymore. Thanks, Prof G, for all you do. So thanks for the question and the vulnerability. So just some data on what's being referred to as a friendship recession. Americans report having fewer close friendships than they once did, talking to their friends less often and relying less on their friends for personal support. Just 13 % of U.S. adults say they have 10 or more close friends compared with 33 % in 1990. So the number of close friends has been cut by two-thirds, according to the World Economic Forum.

8:30The percentage of U.S. adults who report having no close friends has quadrupled to 12 % since 1990. I think one in seven men can't name a single friend, and I think one in four men can't name a best friend. It's interesting. It's not as bad for women. Two-thirds of men say their wife is their best friend. One-third of women say that. Women are better at maintaining friendships. In terms of times spent with friends, Americans consistently spent about five or seven hours with friends a week, and now it's plummeted to four hours. It's all going to the fucking phone. The phone ruins everything. It's every day, second by second, 40 % of the S &P has invested interest in sequestering you from your friends, your mentors, and your mates.

9:13The OECD data suggests people now spend 25 less time socializing face-to-face compared with 20 years ago. I'm shocked it's not 50%. So why it's happening, Americans are marrying later than ever and are more geographically mobile than the past. And these trends can increase social isolation. American parents are also spending twice as much time with their children compared to previous generations leaving less time for friends. And this crowds out friendships. And suburban sprawl has physically distanced people from one another. The government has slowed investment in third spaces, community centers, parks, coffee shops, leaving fewer places for organic social interaction.

9:49The rate of volunteering has steeply declined since the early 2000s. So the workplace has now become the most common place for Americans to make friends. 54 % of Americans with close friends say they met at work. Less than half, 47%, report making a close friend at school. About one in three have made a close friend in their neighborhood, and about one in five through a place of worship or club organization. And by the way, remote work, remote school, attendance to religious institutions at all-time lows, fewer third places. There's just fewer venues to make friends. Among seniors, only 41 % say they've made a new friend in the past year, suggesting our willingness or capacity to forge new bonds fades over time.

10:28So back to your situation, you're in a part of life where people are, a lot of your friends are probably busy, you know, having kids and dogs and getting dogs and focused on the relationship and trying to get ahead professionally. So that is an age where, I don't want to say people go dark, but people are just doing their own thing, forming their own families, trying to work a lot, trying to get some economic security. So some of it might be that your friends are less available. Also, I don't think it's, I mean, I had a ton of close friends or friends in college, and I still stay in contact with eight and two or three are I'm still close with.

11:06And I'm better at, I pride myself, I try to be very good at friends. But I would argue if you're kind of doing your own thing and you're happy with it. When I first moved to New York in 2000, I went through a weird stage, and that is, I got divorced. I basically said to my ex, you can have all our friends. I just wanted, I wanted to press the reset button on my life. I was living in San Francisco, starting e-commerce companies. I couldn't stand San Francisco. I couldn't stand venture capitalists. I didn't like, I was also running a strategy firm. I hated the services businesses. I hated playing fucking golf with clients all the time.

11:43Hated managing people in my early thirties. I don't think I was very good at it, constantly raising money. And I just wanted out. And I moved to New York and I joined the faculty of NYU. And quite frankly, I lived a little bit like a caveman, kind of just left for the place to go hunting for food and water. And I didn't stay in contact with friends. And I got to be honest, I kind of liked those few years. I liked being alone. I'm a bit of an introvert. I did decide at some point, though, that I need to make more of an effort to be involved in people's lives to reignite some friendships, to rekindle some friendships, to try and find a romantic relationship.

12:19Because I just determined that it was fine from 30, whatever it was, four to 38. But if I was doing that at 50, I would probably be dead by 55. There's a lot of evidence and data showing that if you want to die, especially as a dude, just go into your apartment or home and don't have any contact with anybody. And I realized, I recognize this is just unhealthy. It's indulgent. And as much as I'm kind of enjoying it, it's unhealthy. But I wouldn't be, you know, where you are at 31, maybe not having a lot of friends right now or not seeing them a lot. If it feels forced, don't do it. And find maybe some passions.

12:58If you're into your hobbies, maybe just engage in those hobbies in places where you can be around other people and maybe meet others. But brother, if you're happy and doing your own thing and your friends aren't quite as available, I wouldn't beat yourself up around it. Just make sure that you feel good about yourself, that you have enough social interaction, maybe err on the side of having more social interaction, accepting more invitations, be open to yes. When you get invited to things, go. I think at your age, like not everyone needs a romantic relationship, but I think you should at least be trying.

13:30I don't, I think that's part of being a mammal. And some people are loners and very happy, but I think most people aren't. I think most people really enjoy friendships and romantic relationships and you learn a lot about the world and yourself. And also when it works, they're just super rewarding. So, boss look, it sounds like you have your shit together. It sounds like you're happy with where you are. Fine. Don't beat yourself up. It's no big crisis. Your friends are busy. You're busy. But maybe air a little bit on the side of saying yes to more things and being open to new friendships. I have consistently shed and renewed my friendship And that is, if I make a friend situationally and we like each other, but when I first moved to New York, I had a bunch of what I call wingmen.

14:12And that is, I didn't know anybody, so I found a bunch of drinking buddies that I go out with and try and have a good time and meet women. And I'm not friends with most of those people now, not because they're not good guys, but now I'm in a different stage of life. Anyways, I think you're doing just fine. Err on the side of yes. Thanks for the question. We'll be right back after a quick break.

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17:09Welcome back, question number three. Hey, Prof G, my name is Matt. I met you and your wife last summer while working as a valet in Nantucket, and your guys' kindness and generosity left a lasting impression on me. I just wanted to start by saying thank you for both that moment and the content you continuously put out. I recently finished Running Down a Dream by Bill Gurley, and I noticed an interesting contrast between his philosophy and yours. And don't worry, I've read all your books as well. He emphasizes finding passion first and letting it develop into a talent, while you often suggest finding talent and letting passion follow.

17:43I'd really value your perspective on my situation. I work in the mortgage industry for a home builder as a loan officer associate, and I'm about to be promoted into a commission-based role in a high-volume division closing about 1 ,200 homes a year. It's a strong opportunity with decent upside, but I don't feel passionate about the work, and I often wonder if there's something more out there for me. Should I lean into this path and simply try to excel, or step back and look for something that leaves me a little bit more fulfilled and better aligns with my interests? Any advice would mean a lot.

18:14Thanks again. So we're genuine when we say this is the first time, like right here and now, you're listening to this for the first time. I'm hearing this for the first time. And my producer uploaded an image, and we should put it on the site, or I don't know, we'll have it maybe in the YouTube video, of a picture of me and this kid. And it's literally just made my fucking day. I remember this kid. He's like a handsome dude. And he came up and said how much he liked my work. And just this lovely young man. And I think we even talked about your job. And I think I parked cars. I parked cars. I waited tables.

18:51I was a box boy. I did all that. I think services work. I encouraged my son, and he did. He worked in a food truck in Nantucket this summer. I think every person, it should be mandatory for young people to have a services job. One, you realize it's easy to just start thinking that they're robots or an unwashed mass that just are here to serve you. No, they're not. They're people like you trying to get through school. It just, it's, it makes you a better, nicer person, more empathetic. And also it's incredible the skills you develop facing the public and trying to navigate that stuff. Anyways, I think it's great.

19:28And I'm absolutely thrilled to hear from you. And this has made my day. Okay. So your question, we just had Bill on our property markets podcast. I would argue there's some overlap. I would argue there's some overlap here that some of it is semantics and how we're using the words. I had a clip go viral saying, find your talent, not your passion. Okay. So I have found that what creates passion is mastery. And that is if you become really good at originating and placing mortgages, you're going to make a lot of money. People are going to respect you. you're going to enjoy being good at it. And the accoutrements of being excellent at anything, camaraderie, relevance, economic benefit, make you passionate about whatever that thing is.

20:14There's very few people who are really good at anything that aren't passionate about it because when they needed to be passionate about it, become good at it. Now, my caveat is that when you tell young people to find their passion, oftentimes they mistake their hobbies for their passion. You know, fashion is fun. Nightclubs are fun. Opening a restaurant, cooking, being an athlete, That would be a lot of fun. Being an actor, I don't even think of his work. I think that would be fun, although it's a very difficult industry. And the problem is the quote-unquote passion or vanity industries are over-invested.

20:43What do I mean by that? 80 to 90 % of SAG-AFTRA members didn't qualify for health insurance last year. These are the most talented actors in the world, didn't get health insurance last year because they made less than$23 ,000 and didn't qualify for health insurance. Why? Because there's about 10 times more actors and actresses than there is demand. So you have to be in the 0.1%. It's like trying to be an NBA player. My suggestion is the following. And that is, it sounds like you're kind of on a glide path in this mortgage job. Do it for a year or two years and think, could I be great at this? And if you could be great at it, it means you're probably not, you know, disliking it less, maybe starting to like it.

21:23And at some point, maybe have your own book, start your own company. I just, look, I think the business of finance is the highest paying industry in the world because there's no friction. When you're manufacturing something, there's friction around the assembly line. In the services business, there's friction around your time. The business of money is the best business in the world because writing a mortgage for$800 ,000 takes as much time as writing a mortgage for$8 million. And as you go up the food chain, you know, you can do more volume. Just the business of money is the best business in the world.

21:53And it sounds like you have it in there. It sounds like you're good at it. It sounds like you have some certification to do it. to do it. So what I would suggest is unless you find it total drudgery, don't fall into the trap of thinking I need to be passionate about something. I never would have known I was going to be passionate about analytics. I built a big analytics business that I got sold for a bunch of money. I didn't think I'd be passionate about e-commerce. I did that. I liked it. I knew I was going to be passionate about teaching, but quite frankly, I didn't start teaching until I had some economic security.

22:21So look, brother, I don't, I hate it when people say follow your passion because they're being generous with your time and they don't have to pay your mortgage or buy you a car. And we live in a capitalist society. And as a young man, you're going to be disproportionately evaluated on your economic viability. And I think your job is to find something you're good at. My advice, don't mistake your hobbies for your passions. Your job in your 20s is to find something you're good at that you could be great at. And in two or three years, if you find you hate it, I hated investment banking. I thought I want to be an investment maker.