Private School Tradeoffs, Father-Son Dynamics, and Should You Raise a Kid in Today’s America?

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1:40Or if you prefer to ask on Reddit, post your question on the Scott Galloway subreddit, and we just might feature on our next episode, what a thrill. First question, I have not seen her read these questions. Hi, Professor Galloway. My question is, is it worth the money to send our elementary school-aged kids to private school? We live in a major city with a noticeably declining quality in the public education system. It is starved for resources, and we find ourselves signing up for tutoring and other extracurricular activities to bolster our kids' learning in math, science, and the arts, with a high price tag and a huge time commitment outside of school hours.

2:25Private school would cost approximately 18 % of our after-tax income, which is a significant investment. In your opinion, is it worth it? Or would it serve our kids better to invest that money on their behalf? Looking forward to your answer. Anonymous, I love this question and I also very much appreciate. I would have asked you a series of questions and you answered one of them. And a lot of this comes down to how much money you have. Private schools, good private schools on average are better than the average public school. They have better funding. They have more engaged parents. Higher income people tend to have more or fewer single parent households so they can be engaged.

3:06They have more resources. I mean, you know, they're better. I went through public school all the way through graduate school and it changed my life. And I think of myself as being very engaged in public school system, and yet I send my kids to private school because when it comes to your own kids, you want to find the best option possible regardless of your social value, so to speak. So the average yearly tuition for a K-12 private school in America costs roughly$13 ,000. There's a lot of evidence that private schools provide a worthwhile education. On average, private school students score higher on the SAT than students at public schools.

3:39Additionally, the student-to-teacher ratio at private schools is 12.5 students per teacher, lower than what is 15 and a half at public schools. By the way, I have 33 kids in my classes at Fairburn, then Emerson, then University of High School. Those studies probably have a little bit of bias if you normalize for, like if you send a higher income kid into a public school, I don't know how they do. Anyways, this is my view on it, and this is a deeply personal decision. A lot of the data I've read is the following, that the best school you can send your kid, especially when they're young too, is the school that is the closest to your home.

4:16And a couple things. One, the teacher is more important than the school. And that is if you have a mediocre teacher at a great school, your kid is going to have worse outcomes than if you have a great teacher at a mediocre school. So trying to figure out, and sometimes you don't have any influence over this, who the best teacher in that grade is and advocate to get your kid into that class is the key. School that is closest to your home. Why? Because that additional time, one of the reasons we're thinking of moving back to Florida or back to the U.S., I want to move back because I'm fucking horrified about what's going on.

4:51And I've been totally inspired by a couple of CEOs I work with who returned to Israel after October the 7th. So I want to go back in the fight. Different talk show, different talk show. So I'm going back or I'm going to be moving back to the U.S. and been thinking about, as is today's world, you know, when my parents moved, it was just like, oh, we're moving tomorrow. And this is the address of the school. And I'd get on my Schwinn bike and go to the school for the first day in the middle of the year. Now, everything is about, you know, the wonder children, right? Our little princes. And so where we live in the U.S.

5:21is a function of simply where we think would be best for my 14-year-old who's about to go into the ninth grade. And we decided that Florida, where I would, if I could choose anywhere, I would live back in Florida because I love the weather there. I love our house there. But the school we would send our 14-year-old to would be a 45-minute-plus commute each way. So that's an additional hour and a half. And the stuff I've read has said that if you take that hour and a half, and there are literally no options where we live, if you took that hour and a half and you invested it in play time, study time, time with your parents, sleep, that the kid, that makes up for a lot of underfunded schooling, so to speak.

5:58So one is have a bias towards sending your kid toward the local school. My snap judgment, and again, I think you want to talk to a bunch of people, but based on what you told me, if this is going to be 18 % of your after-tax income, I probably would not do it. And that is I would probably send your kid to the local school or the public school because that's a real strain on the finances of your family, which leads to strains on your mental well-being, which leads to stress and anxiety that can cause, put pressure on the marriage, and then the kid will absorb that anxiety. So one of my biggest sources of anxiety, I went to not very good schools, but the biggest source of anxiety in my life was my parents not getting along and then my parents getting divorced and my mom not having enough money and her anxiety.

6:46So I think that given the financial situation you're in, sending them to the closest public school is the way to go. And just to give you some sense, and I love the idea, if you were, if you have the discipline to put that$13 ,000 a year, you'd be spending on private school into a low cost ETF from Fangard or Fidelity or Schwab. And you invest that every year for 17 years before they go to college, and then you don't touch it until they're 35. Assume you screwed up. Something that will ease the pain of that kid is that when they're 35, you can cut them a check for approximately one and a quarter million dollars.

7:25So that should ease their pain. In sum, if you're actually disciplined enough to take that money and invest it on behalf of your child in low-cost index funds and then not touch it until they're 35, I would argue that you're going to be able to probably close any deficiency gap. Best of luck to yours, and I am jealous. I wish I had a four - or a five-year-old at home. Our second question comes from smallbox6226 on Reddit. They say, You often speak on the meaning you draw from the relationship with your son. I am curious, what role do you think a woman has on shaping and ultimately strengthening that type of father-son relationship?

8:02That's a really thoughtful question. God, I love that question because I really hadn't thought about it. So I think a lot about the way I strengthen the relationship my sons are going to have with their wives and other women is to be as kind and as generous and quite frankly as loving as I can with my partner. I want them to physically see how much I like her and I'm rooting for her and how much I respect her. I just think that, I think they will, a lot of my shortcomings as a man, especially when I was a younger man with relationships, romantic relationships, and I was never mean or I was never hostile towards women, but I saw relationships with friends, with business partners, and my romantic relationships as a transaction.

8:53And I constantly assessed, am I getting more out of this than I'm giving? And if I'm not, I want out, I want to break up, or I want a divorce. and that is the wrong way to approach relationships with anybody much less your quote-unquote partner your romantic partner and as i've gotten old and i've gotten older i realized that some of that is just basic lack of character on my part i can't i can't blame that on anyone and i'd like to think i've mostly tried to address that but i think a lot of it was i was modeling my father who was not good to my mother i mean just not good to her always basically saw my mom as a vessel for making his life better.

9:30And that's it. There was no generosity. There was no doing more than he needed to do. And moments when he could have been made my mom and my life much easier, he did not. He chose to not because it would have cost him some money or some time or some energy. So I'm constantly thinking about how do I improve their future relationships by trying to be better to their mom. Even in divorce, I think it's really important to show a lot of respect and kindness and even if you can, gentleness to your ex. I think your kids pick up on that. Anyway, it's not what you asked. I'll go back to my dad's third wife, Linda.

10:08It would be easy to demonize the woman that my dad left my mom for, but she's a really good woman. And she used to force my dad to spend more time with me. She used to kind of behind the scenes say my dad would be like, well, I'm going golfing today. I see about selfish asshole. But she would say, all right, you're taking him with you. And he would put up a fight and she'd be like, no, you're taking him with him. Keep in mind, I was not her biological son, but she just had certain values around parenting. So not that your husband doesn't maybe have the inclination to do that, maybe he does. But I generally find that women have much stronger organizational capabilities, have a better grasp and understanding of the calendar.

10:52And what my partner does is she will say, I love spending, I love doing vacations alone with each of my boys. I find the dynamics entirely different when they're not together and we're not with a whole family. So I absolutely, something I try and do at least once a year, and I try and do it twice a year, is I take vacations with each of my sons individually. So make that a rule if you can, and then help your husband organize those trips and plan ahead and put dates on the calendar because there is a lot of logistics and organization. I think it helps just in general to be very loving and affectionate around your kids to your partner and encourage also something that I don't think sometimes we haven't been very good at is sometimes we undermine each other's parenting and we get into arguments in front of our kids around how each of us parenting.

11:43I think you have to have a united front. And I don't think, I also think it's okay to occasionally bring in dad for certain aspects of discipline or parenting, but really try and show a united front and support for one another in front of the kids. Attempt to support, foment, and encourage guy time between the dad and the kid where the father and his sons individually get to spend a lot of time together. And I'm sure there's other better things, but I can't think of them. But just the fact you're even thinking that way, means that you're raising your sons in really loving, thoughtful households.

12:23And I'm jealous. I'd like to go back. I didn't realize how fast it was going to go. Where does the time go? We'll be right back after a quick break.

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14:24Welcome back. Our final question also comes from Reddit user residenttraffic333. And residenttraffic333 asks, Hi, Professor G. Simple question, but not easy to answer. Thinking about the second and third order effects of everything Trump is doing to America's institutions, brand, debt, and innovation, would you have a child in America right now? Not only do I fear American values are far from what they should be, the decade-plus ramifications of what's happening now have me questioning our place in the world for the next generations. Matt in Brooklyn. Oh, hi, Madam Brooklyn. Should you have kids?

15:05Oh, yeah. America has survived much worse than this. America was not that long ago rounding up people because they were of Japanese descent and putting them in camps. I mean, America went to war with the South. There's been protectionism, nativism, nationalism. We've absolutely had, you know, as bad or worse moments than this. And I don't think the question is thinking about the future of America or anything like that. I think the question is, are you ready to have kids? I'm not sure I said, right? I'm not sure you're ever quote unquote ready. But do you have a certain level of economic security?

15:43I think that's important. Otherwise, you're going to be just so stressed out. And do you have a competent partner? And if you don't have a competent partner and you've decided to have kids anyways, do you have a support network? Because it really does take a village and it takes a lot of time. But, oh, for God's sakes, yeah, I have kids. One, kids are really important for the future of the species for obvious reasons. But also, there's this myth that the population growth is putting too big attacks on our national resources. I think that's bullshit. I think there was a kind of population bomb narrative fomented in the 70s that we were going to—the Earth was going to collapse on itself because of a strain on national resources.

16:22And if you look at climate change, the two big puffs of carbon into the air have been the industrialization of China and the automobilization of America, if you will. So those were energy and lifestyle choices. And actually, the nations with the biggest population growth have the lowest carbon footprint. In addition, world hunger and poverty have been inversely correlated to population growth because generally speaking, what we need is more brains. Now, is there a limit? Sure, there is. we could fit the entire world's population into New York State. And if you fly over the United States, you see that 98 % of the flight, there's no sign of life anywhere.

17:01So I've just never thought about this population narrative. You have 10 babies, eight are good citizens, one is a fuck up and one is a genius. And the one genius solves more problems than the fuck up creates. So I think population growth is accretive to the world. And if you look at economies, Basically, their GDP growth is dependent upon how many young people they have to support old people. Is there a limit? Yes, we're a long way for that. In addition to selfishly, if you're blessed with some level of economic security, you don't have to be a baller. You just have to be someone who says, okay, if we have a kid, do we have jobs that aren't too fucking stressful such that we can have a home and send our kid to a good public school or a private school, take a vacation once a year, absorb medical costs?

17:44And by the way, that's a lot of money now. But if you're blessed and you and your partner have that and you have a competent partner, just selfishly have kids. I didn't want kids. I really – I was done. I'm like, that's it. You know, my swimmers are going to, you know, have to find other places to swim or – I don't know what the right analogy was. But I did not want to have children. And I fell very much in love with someone. And she basically said, oh, we're having kids. And I said, well, I'm not having kids. And she said, oh, well, then I'm leaving. I'm like, well, we're having kids. so anyway and i didn't enjoy it the first two or three years men will pretend to enjoy it uh or maybe some men do i did not all i could think about was just keeping these things away from a body of water and how much like making up excuses so i didn't have to be around them but what i found there's a message or there's a line in that show where fraser says you fall in love with your kids and that is you don't immediately love them i didn't when the came out, I'm like, what is this alien covered in blood and crap all over it?

18:42And I didn't feel any sort of sense. I felt actually fear and shame because at the time I was financially strained. But I do think there's something to the fact that, or at least with men, or what I found is that you fall in love with this kid. And what I have found is I'm older and I'm starting to sense my own mortality and reflect on my life and what I will accomplish. Literally for the first time in my life, I have purpose. I mean, literally, I've never felt a sense of purpose before. My The closest thing I had to purpose was how do I get more money so I can have nicer shit, better experiences, and date hotter women.

19:13That was my purpose. And also take care of my mom. I wasn't concerned with being a good person. And that was kind of an empty existence. Now, as far as empty existences go, it was pretty good living in New York with a little bit of money. But where I have moved to now, and it wasn't a decision. It just sort of happened. I know my purpose. My purpose is to raise loving, patriotic men. And it gives me just a sense of pride. I enjoy it. I think I'm good at it. And I know that as I get towards the end, that will have given me a sense of like, I've checked a really important box. And I've never gotten anything like that from anywhere else.

19:49So if, again, if you are blessed with some economic security or trajectory, a support system and or a competent partner, oh, my God, there is nothing. What a blessing.

20:04That's all for this episode. If you'd like to submit a question, please email a voice recording to officehours at prop2media.com. Again, that's officehours at prop2media.com. Or if you prefer to ask on Reddit, just post your question on the Scott Galloway subreddit, and we just might feature it in an upcoming episode.

20:27This episode was produced by Jennifer Sanchez. Our intern is Dan Chalon. Drew Burrows is our technical director. Thank you for listening to the Prop G pod from the Vox Media Podcast Network. We will catch you on Saturday for No Mercy, No Malice, as read by George Hahn. And please follow our Prop G Markets pod wherever you get your pods for new episodes every Monday and Thursday.

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